Understanding Relational Violence Enacted by Men

UNDERSTANDING RELATIONAL VIOLENCE ENACTED BY MEN

BILL WARTERS PJSA 2015 PRESENTATION


SESSION AGENDA▸ Check-ins

▸ My Background and Perspective (Pro-feminist, Anti-sexist, Symbolic Interactionist)

▸ Working with Men on Violence - Why? How?

▸ Exploring the Perceptions of Men Who Batter

▸ Core Beliefs, the Utility of Abuse, Rhetorics of Resistance ▸ Perceptual Shifts described by “reforming” batterers

▸ Some sample resources and activities

WHO’S HEREAVP NAME ACTIVITY


ABOUT BILL’S PERSPECTIVE

▸Pro-feminist

▸Anti-Sexist

▸ Symbolic Interactionist

▸ Steeped in Conflict Studies

TEXT

CAMP CAUCUS

IT IS IMPORTANT TO WORK WITH MEN BECAUSE…


THE MEN’S “MALE PERSPECTIVE”▸ a belief in the use of violence as a key means to

solve problems,

▸ a belief that men are better than and more valuable than women,

▸ a belief that one's status and authority and position in a hierarchy is crucial to one's well being,

▸ a belief in a strong anti-femininity norm that is maintained by other men,

▸ a focus on a male-oriented generalized other,

▸ the maintenance of relative isolation from the world of women and "women's ways."

ALTERNATIVES FOR MEN WHO BATTER RAVEN: ST. LOUIS, MO


THE UTILITY OF ABUSE

▸ 1) Reward Utility; it gets men tangible rewards

▸ 2) Social Control Utility; it "teaches women a lesson" and in the process may control their future actions

▸ 3) Masculine Self-Maintenance Utility; it helps a man maintain a particular self-image as a man

▸ 4) Interactional Utility; it serves as a less threatening, complicated, and energy intensive alternative to role-taking and the legitimation of women's experience

TEXT

“UNBECOMING” A BATTERER

SOCIALIZATION INTO MANHOOD

PROBLEMS WITH USE OF VIOLENCE/CONTROL

CHALLENGE AND STRUCTURED REFLECTION

ENACTMENT OF NEW MODELS OF MANHOOD/

OR NOT…


MEN’S PEER GROUP EXPERIENCES▸ 1) the creation of in-group and out-group memberships based on who can "bust

your balls" and who can not;

▸ 2) a "male language" that is used in all-male settings that sexualizes and degrades women and anything feminine;

▸ 3) a social norm that prohibits both disclosure of personal or emotional concerns and the questioning of others in these areas (i.e., don't get into anybody's shit);

▸ 4) a focus on "rule bound" activities that structure interaction around agreed upon (although not always spoken) group rules rather than around personal relationships,

▸ 5) a set of "emotion rules" that define aggression as acceptable "as long as you keep your cool" and use a "just joking" frame of reference,

▸ 6) a focus on the importance of independence and freedom from the constraints created by relationships with women

▸ 7) a veiled but ongoing struggle for dominance within groups as to who will be the "opinion leader" or the person who has scored the most "ball busting" points in the "insults all in good fun" game;

▸ 8) ongoing reinforcement of the belief in male superiority.


RHETORICS OF RESISTANCE TO ACCOUNTABILITY

▸ "Speed limit" negotiators

▸ "I don't fit the stereotype”

▸ "I was just with the wrong woman"

▸ "My feelings were hurt”

▸ "It was her fault”

▸ "Other people encouraged me"

▸ "Compared to other guys, I'm not so bad"


PERCEPTUAL SHIFTS IN MEN WHO BATTER

Based on research by Bill Warters in his 1993 dissertation entitled: Challenged to change:

Perspectives of abusive men involved in wife abuse prevention programs

Available via ProQuest Dissertations and Thesis collection


POWER AND PERCEPTION▸ Kipnis - "metamorphic effects of power" leads

powerholders to distance themselves and devalue those with less power

▸ Goode - "sociology of superordinants" - resistance to equality is based on the influences on men’s perspective brought on by the greater societal level benefits afforded to men as a group.

▸ Thomas et. al. - documented men's poor role-taking ability when compared to their wives and children.

▸ AVATAR - “I see you”


POWER INFLUENCES PERCEPTION▸ David Franks in his 1985 article “Role-taking, Social Power and

Imperceptiveness: An Analysis of Rape” provides some valuable insights into the relationship between power and interpersonal violence.

▸ He argues that inequalities in power structures deprive certain members of society with the ability to generate “symbolically constructed resistances.” This ability to resist, having status as a social “facticity” is needed if women are to be perceived as non-abusable, inviolable objects.

▸ Without having access to symbolic tools of resistance, in the words of novelist Joyce Carol Oates, “Her inner self is invisible.”

“…THERE'S SO MANY THINGS UNDER THERE THAT CAN LEAD UP TO THE HITTING. AND ALL OF THAT, TO KILLING. IF YOU KILL, YOU'RE BEATING UP NONOBJECTS. SOONER OR LATER, YOU GONNA LOOK AT YOUR WIFE AND THINK SHE'S A NONOBJECT, SHE'S NOT REAL. AND BEAT HER UP, AND BREAK HER ARM LIKE YOU BREAK THE TABLE.”

Group Participant



POWER AND ROLE-TAKING ABILITY

▸ Having more power, and especially authority, lessens the need to role-take with accuracy

▸ People in positions of less power, such as children, women and minority groups, have to learn accurate role-taking skills in order to predict the responses of powerful others they must engage with

▸ Social structural power matters more than “personal power” and assertiveness

Guide to ElementsShading of Outer Ring

indicates awareness of behavior - darker means greater

awareness

Shading of Interior indicates awareness of inner feelings, hopes,

interests - darker means greater awareness

Sight Lines show primary focus

Vertical position of circle shows perception of power balance between

man and partner

I. Dominant/Controlling Stage

Man’s Goal

Man’s Reference

Group

Man (His perception) Woman

“A LOT OF IT (THE ABUSE) WAS BECAUSE OF SELFISHNESS. I WANTED THE GAME PLAYED MY WAY, NO OTHER DISTRACTIONS, NO OTHER RULES AND REGULATIONS. IT WAS GOING TO BE PLAYED BY MY BALLGAME, MY RULES. THAT'S WHERE I WAS AT.“

Group Participant


II. Struggle/Contest Stage


“SHE WOULD WAKE ME UP AND BE BITCHING AND NAGGING AND IT'S LIKE - NO, I COULDN'T DEAL WITH THAT. THEN SHE COULDN'T DEAL WITH MY HOSTILITY AFTERWARDS. ONE TIME I EVEN REACHED OVER AND PUNCHED A HOLE IN THE WALL NEXT TO THE BED TO GET HER TO SHUT UP.”

Group Participant


“IF SHE JUST WANTS TO SIT OFF ON THE SIDE AND BE THE LITTLE FEMALE, THAT'S HOPE FOR HER. BUT IF THEY'RE GOING TO ACT LIKE A MALE, KNOCK THEM ON THEIR ASS LIKE ONE. IF THE FEMALE WANTS TO STEP UP AND PUT HER FISTS UP, LIKE A MALE WOULD, SHE DESERVES TO GET KNOCKED ON HER ASS.”

Group Participant


III. Reactive/Resentful Stage


Woman’s Supporters

ARLIE HOCHSCHILD’S "STATUS SHIELD” - STRUCTURALLY GIVEN RESOURCES THAT PERSONS CAN APPEAL TO IN CLAIMING PROTECTION, RIGHTS, AND EMOTIONAL

LEGITIMACY

“I'M SENT TO A GROUP THAT'S TELLING ME THAT I'M ABUSIVE AND IT'S MY FAULT FOR THE ABUSE AND HERE SHE'S GOING TO A GROUP AND THEY'RE TELLING HER WHAT I FELT WAS - THAT HE'S THE ABUSER AND YOU DO NOTHING WRONG- WHEN SHE TOOK ME TO COURT SHE BROUGHT...A GIRL FROM HER CLASS, A LEADER IN HER CLASS AND THAT OUTRAGED ME. I DIDN'T THINK THAT WAS FAIR AT ALL. I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS ANY OF HER BUSINESS TO BE THERE WITH HER. I DON'T THINK I WAS THAT ABUSIVE, IT WASN'T LIKE I WAS TRYING TO KILL HER OR…"

Group Participant


IV. Reflective/Self-Conscious Stage


“I FEEL LIKE I'VE GOTTEN TO THE POINT NOW WHERE I CAN'T YELL AT THE KIDS EVEN, BECAUSE SHE'LL TELL ME RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM THAT I'M BEING ABUSIVE. SO I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO DISCIPLINE MY KIDS RIGHT NOW, THAT'S BECOME A PROBLEM.”

Group Participant


“IT'S SO EASY TO BE ABUSIVE. I MEAN IT'S A DREAM TO BE ABUSIVE. IT'S SO EASY, BUT TO BE NONABUSIVE, NONVIOLENT, YOU HAVE TO, I MEAN IT'S LIKE YOU GOT TO BE BORN ALL OVER AGAIN. AND THIS TIME, YOU HAVE TO BE, YOU HAVE TO TEACH YOURSELF. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE GROWING UP IN YOUR HOUSE, LIKE YOU GOT PARENTS, IT'S LIKE, YOU'RE ALL ALONE IN THIS.”

Group Participant


V. Reflexive/Empathetic Stage


THROUGH THE MEN'S PROGRAM I LEARNED THAT I HAD WHAT THEY CALL "TUNNEL VISION." I LEARNED TO ASK, TO PUT MYSELF IN HER SHOES. "HOW WOULD I FEEL IF THAT HAPPENED TO ME..." YOU KNOW, EACH SITUATION THAT YOU FACE EVERY DAY HAS A DIFFERENT ATTITUDE TOWARDS IT WHICH HAS DIFFERENT ANSWERS TO IT. INSTEAD OF BEING NARROW MINDED, OPINIONATED ON THE SUBJECT, I'M MORE OPEN-MINDED NOW AND I'VE LEARNED HOW TO CONTROL MY ANGER.

Group Participant


WELL, ONE THING IS, I ALWAYS TRY TO TELL MYSELF THAT, I HAVE TO MAKE SURE THAT I'M NOT JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS.…TRY TO REMEMBER THE PERSON WHO PAM REALLY IS, NOT SOMETHING I'M MAKING HER TO BE IN MY MIND. AND THAT USUALLY WORKS.

Group Participant



SOME RESOURCES

▸ http://toolkit.endabuse.org (archive.org version)

▸ MAN-to-MAN training example

▸ Men’s Anti-rape activities

▸ Working with Men article

Men’s Action to Stop Violence Against Women INDIA

Men’s Action to Stop Violence Against Women INDIA

Shoots and Ladders Game on Gender Equality

Cycle Rallies

ROZAN - Pakistan

Working with Police

Advocacy with Young Men

Philippines

Trade Union Congress of the Philippines

Focuses Primarily on Reproductive Health Issues

FIJI Male Advocacy Project

New Zealand

White Ribbon Campaign

A response to the killing of 14 women by a man in Montreal in 1990

White Ribbon CampaignThe White Ribbon Campaign (WRC) is the largest effort in the world of men working to end violence against women (VAW). In over fifty-five countries, campaigns are led by both men and women, even though the focus is on educating men and boys. In some countries it is a general public education effort focused on ending violence against women.

How did the WRC get started? In 1991, a handful of men in Canada decided they had a responsibility to urge men to speak out about violence against women. Wearing a white ribbon would be a symbol of men's opposition to violence against women. With only six weeks of preparation, 100,000 men across Canada wore a white ribbon, while many others were drawn into discussion and debate.

MenEngage Global Alliance


WHERE TO FROM HERE?

BILL [email protected]

@BWARTERS http://campus-adr.net

Understanding Relational Violence Enacted by Men

Education

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