Understanding adolescence
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Transcript of Understanding adolescence
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Understanding AdolescenceFrom a parent’s point of view
By: MPs. Iván Jirón Beirutewww.ivanjiron.com
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Adolescence is…
• Not a biological process, but a cultural one.
• Different for every family.• Different for every person.• A Process in life where the
children get ready for becoming adults
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How does it works?
• Starting with childhood, the children gets a world view from the standpoint of their parents, and other meaningful characters.
• They process their world through their bodies (using their senses)
• With Puberty, their bodies start having changes, thus adjustments need to be made.
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How does it works?
• Adjustments include:– They way they see the
world.– The way they see
themselves.– The way they see
themselves facing this new world
• They also have to deal with expectations (both personal, and social).www.ivanjiron.com
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How does it works?
• By changing the way they relate to the world, anxiety is born.
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What About Teenage Anxiety?• As our children grow they
get in touch with several social scenarios, everyone of them with different rules and points of view.
• Parental Point of view become the base to which they need to contrast everything they learn “outside”.
• Anxiety is an uncomfortable feeling we get for no apparent or obvious reason.
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What About Teenage Anxiety?• Therefore Parental Stand point is
of no use when trying to figure out a way to walk in the world… it is the scheme they are trying to overcome.
• New points of reference are needed:– Peers– Other Adults– Social Icons and Role models– Social Networks and groups– Subculture movements – Boyfriends / girlfriendswww.ivanjiron.com
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Consequences (how does it affect my child)
• During this whole period your child will:– Look for new perspectives (the other perspective
will always be the right one and you never understand).
– Press on comparison to establish viability and validity of a position/idea/principle/value. (the other parents are always better, and more comprehensive).
– Joggle between privacy and self awareness, and sociability and dependence of other people (“this party is THE MOST important event ever”… “I’d rather be dead than miss this event”)www.ivanjiron.com
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Consequences (how does it affect my child)
– Push limits. (but mom tell me why – with no possible explanation they will accept)
– Constantly slapping our inconsistencies at our faces. (how come you and dad can and I don’t)
– Aiming to find breaches in our arguments. – Lack of clarity between what’s desirable and what
is good. – Extreme concern about being accepted by the
group (which is basically a way to be different along with similar people)
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Hot Topic # 1: Discipline
• Consistency.• Clear Expectations.• Never establish a
consequence with a hot head.
• Never leave an announced consequence without effect.
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Hot Topic # 1: Discipline
• Never establish a consequence will not have the heart to do.
• Never disregard a consequence put by your partner/spouse/significant other, either negotiate or respect it.
• Base Discipline on values as opposed to specific rules.
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Hot Topic # 2: Sexuality
• Do not overrate the topic.• Try to handle as natural
as possible.• Base the conversation on
the information your kid already has.
• NEVER underestimate your child’s knowledge.
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Hot Topic # 2: Sexuality
• Listen, don’t judge.• When expressing your
opinion do it in terms of “silly questions/statements”.
• Talk about sexuality in first person.
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Hot Topic # 3: Friends
• Whenever possible, try not to judge your child’s friends (remember you never understand them).
• Express your concerns in terms of silly questions or statements.
• Get them close to you, but remember they are NOT your friends.
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Hot Topic # 3: Friends
• As for “actual privacy” it is only necessary for the moments your child is alone, prefer to have them in the public areas of your house.
• When establishing limits to your child’s relationships do so according to your family values.
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