Unconscious Comedians by honore de balzac

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UNCONSCIOUS COMEDIANS

Leon de Lora, our celebrated landscape painter, belongs to one of the noblest families ofthe Roussillon (Spanish originally) which, although distinguished for the antiquity of its

race, has been doomed for a century to the proverbial poverty of hidalgos. Coming, lightfooted, to !aris from the department of the "astern !yrenees, with the sum of eleven

francs in his poc#et for all viaticum, he had in some degree forgotten the miseries and privations of his childhood and his family amid the other privations and miseries which

are never lac#ing to $rapins,$ whose whole fortune consists of intrepid vocation. Later,

the cares of fame and those of success were other causes of forgetfulness.

%f you have followed the capricious and meandering course of these studies, perhaps you

will remember &istigris, Schinner's pupil, one of the heroes of $ Start in Life$ (Scenes

from !rivate Life), and his brief apparitions in other Scenes. %n *+, this landscape

painter, emulator of the -obbemas, Ruysdaels, and Lorraines, resembles no more the

shabby, fris#y rapin whom we then #new. ow an illustrious man, he owns a charminghouse in the rue de /erlin, not far from the hotel de /rambourg, where his friend /rideau

lives, and quite close to the house of Schinner, his early master. -e is a member of the%nstitute and an officer of the Legion of honor0 he is thirtysi1 years old, has an income of

twenty thousand francs from the 2unds, his pictures sell for their weight in gold, and

(what seems to him more e1traordinary than the invitations he receives occasionally tocourt balls) his name and fame, mentioned so often for the last si1teen years by the press

of "urope, has at last penetrated to the valley of the "astern !yrenees, where vegetate

three veritable Loras3 his father, his eldest brother, and an old paternal aunt,

&ademoiselle 4rraca y Lora.

%n the maternal line the painter has no relation left e1cept a cousin, the nephew of hismother, residing in a small manufacturing town in the department. 5his cousin was the

first to bethin# himself of Leon. /ut it was not until *+6 that Leon de Lora received aletter from &onsieur Sylvestre !alafo1Castal7a8onal (called simply 7a8onal) to which

he replied that he was assuredly himself,9that is to say, the son of the late Leonie

7a8onal, wife of Comte 2ernand :idas y Lora.

:uring the summer of *+ cousin Sylvestre 7a8onal went to inform the illustriousun#nown family of Lora that their little Leon had not gone to the Rio de la !lata, as they

supposed, but was now one of the greatest geniuses of the 2rench school of painting0 a

fact the family did not believe. 5he eldest son, :on ;uan de Lora assured his cousin

7a8onal that he was certainly the dupe of some !arisian wag.

ow the said 7a8onal was intending to go to !aris to prosecute a lawsuit which the

prefect of the "astern !yrenees had arbitrarily removed from the usual <urisdiction,

transferring it to that of the Council of State. 5he worthy provincial determined toinvestigate this act, and to as# his !arisian cousin the reason of such highhanded

measures. %t thus happened that &onsieur 7a8onal came to !aris, too# shabby lodgings in

the rue Croi1des!etitsChamps, and was ama8ed to see the palace of his cousin in the



rue de /erlin. /eing told that the painter was then travelling in %taly, he renounced, for

the time being, the intention of as#ing his advice, and doubted if he should ever find his

maternal relationship ac#nowledged by so great a man.

:uring the years *+= and *++ 7a8onal attended to his lawsuit. 5his suit concerned a

question as to the current and level of a stream of water and the necessity of removing adam, in which dispute the administration, instigated by the abutters on the river ban#s,

had meddled. 5he removal of the dam threatened the e1istence of 7a8onal's manufactory.%n *+, 7a8onal considered his cause as wholly lost0 the secretary of the &aster of

!etitions, charged with the duty of drawing up the report, had confided to him that the

said report would assuredly be against him, and his own lawyer confirmed the statement.7a8onal, though commander of the ational 7uard in his own town and one of the most

capable manufacturers of the department, found himself of so little account in !aris, and

he was, moreover, so frightened by the costs of living and the dearness of even the mosttrifling things, that he #ept himself, all this time, secluded in his shabby lodgings. 5he

Southerner, deprived of his sun, e1ecrated !aris, which he called a manufactory of

rheumatism. s he added up the costs of his suit and his living, he vowed within himselfto poison the prefect on his return, or to minotauri8e him. %n his moments of deepest

sadness he #illed the prefect outright0 in gayer mood he contented himself with

minotauri8ing him.

>ne morning as he ate his brea#fast and cursed his fate, he pic#ed up a newspapersavagely. 5he following lines, ending an article, struc# 7a8onal as if the mysterious voice

which spea#s to gamblers before they win had sounded in his ear3 $>ur celebrated

landscape painter, Leon de Lora, lately returned from %taly, will e1hibit several pictures at

the Salon0 thus the e1hibition promises, as we see, to be most brilliant.$ ?ith thesuddenness of action that distinguishes the sons of the sunny South, 7a8onal sprang from

his lodgings to the street, from the street to a streetcab, and drove to the rue de /erlin tofind his cousin.

Leon de Lora sent word by a servant to his cousin 7a8onal that he invited him to

brea#fast the ne1t day at the Cafe de !aris, but he was now engaged in a matter which did

not allow him to receive his cousin at the present moment. 7a8onal, li#e a true

Southerner, recounted all his troubles to the valet.

5he ne1t day at ten o'cloc#, 7a8onal, much too welldressed for the occasion (he had put

on his bottleblue coat with brass buttons, a frilled shirt, a white waistcoat and yellow

gloves), awaited his amphitryon a full hour, stamping his feet on the boulevard, after

hearing from the master of the cafe that $these gentlemen$ brea#fasted habitually between eleven and twelve o'cloc#.

$/etween eleven and halfpast,$ he said when he related his adventures to his cronies in

the provinces, $two !arisians dressed in simple froc#coats, loo#ing li#e nothing at all ,called out when they saw me on the boulevard, '5here's our 7a8onal@'$



5he spea#er was /i1iou, with whom Leon de Lora had armed himself to $bring out$ his

provincial cousin, in other words, to ma#e him pose.

$':on't be ve1ed, cousin, %'m at your service@' cried out that little Leon, ta#ing me in hisarms,$ related 7a8onal on his return home. $5he brea#fast was splendid. % thought % was

going blind when % saw the number of bits of gold it too# to pay that bill. 5hose fellowsmust earn their weight in gold, for % saw my cousin give the waiter thirty sous 9the price

of a whole day's wor#@$

:uring this monstrous brea#fast9advisedly so called in view of si1 do8en >sten oysters,

si1 cutlets a la Soubise, a chic#en a la &arengo, lobster mayonnaise, green peas, a

mushroom pasty, washed down with three bottles of /ordeau1, three bottles ofChampagne, plus coffee and liqueurs, to say nothing of relishes97a8onal was

magnificent in his diatribes against !aris. 5he worthy manufacturer complained of the

length of the fourpound breadloaves, the height of the houses, the indifference of the

passengers in the streets to one another, the cold, the rain, the cost of hac#neycoaches,

all of which and much else he bemoaned in so witty a manner that the two artists too# amighty fancy to cousin 7a8onal, and made him relate his lawsuit from beginning to end.

$&y lawsuit,$ he said in his Southern accent and rolling his r's, $is a very simple thing0

they want my manufactory. %'ve employed here in !aris a dolt of a lawyer, to whom % givetwenty francs every time he opens an eye, and he is always asleep. -e's a slug, who

drives in his coach, while % go afoot and he splashes me. % see now % ought to have had a

carriage@ >n the other hand, that Council of State are a pac# of donothings, who leavetheir duties to little scamps every one of whom is bought up by our prefect. 5hat's my

lawsuit@ 5hey want my manufactory@ ?ell, they'll get it@ and they must manage the best

they can with my wor#men, a hundred of 'em, who'll ma#e them sing another tune before

they've done with them.$

$5wo years. -a@ that meddling prefect@ he shall pay dear for this0 %'ll have his life if %

have to give mine on the scaffold9$

$?hich state councillor presides over your sectionA$

$ former newspaper man,9doesn't pay ten sous in ta1es,9his name is &assol.$

5he two !arisians e1changed glances.

$?ho is the commissioner who is ma#ing the reportA$

$-a@ that's still more queer0 he's &aster of !etitions, professor of something or other at

the Sorbonne,9a fellow who writes things in reviews, and for whom % have the

profoundest contempt.$

$Claude Bignon,$ said /i1iou.



$es, that's his name,$ replied 7a8onal. $&assol and Bignon9there you have Social

Reason, in which there's no reason at all.$

$5here must be some way out of it,$ said Leon de Lora. $ou see, cousin, all things are possible in !aris for good as well as for evil, for the <ust as well as the un<ust. 5here's

nothing that can't be done, undone, and redone.$

$5he devil ta#e me if % stay ten days more in this hole of a place, the dullest in all

2rance@$

5he two cousins and /i1iou were at this moment wal#ing from one end to the other ofthat sheet of asphalt on which, between the hours of one and three, it is difficult to avoid

seeing some of the personages in honor of whom 2ame puts one or the other of her

trumpets to her lips. 2ormerly that locality was the !lace Royale0 ne1t it was the !ont euf0 in these days this privilege had been acquired by the /oulevard des %taliens.

$!aris,$ said the painter to his cousin, $is an instrument on which we must #now how to play0 if we stand here ten minutes %'ll give you your first lesson. 5here, loo#@$ he said,

raising his cane and pointing to a couple who were <ust then coming out from the !assagede l'>pera.

$7oodness@ who's thatA$ as#ed 7a8onal.

That was an old woman, in a bonnet which had spent si1 months in a showcase, a very

pretentious gown and a faded tartan shawl, whose face had been buried twenty years ofher life in a damp lodge, and whose swollen handbag beto#ened no better social position

than that of an e1portress. ?ith her was a slim little girl, whose eyes, fringed with blac#

lashes, had lost their innocence and showed great weariness0 her face, of a pretty shape,was fresh and her hair abundant, her forehead charming but audacious, her bust thin,9inother words, an unripe fruit.

$5hat,$ replied /i1iou, $is a rat tied to its mother.$

$ rat@9what's thatA$

$5hat particular rat,$ said Leon, with a friendly nod to &ademoiselle inette, $may

perhaps win your suit for you.$

7a8onal bounded0 but /i1iou had held him by the arm ever since they left the cafe,thin#ing perhaps that the flush on his face was rather vivid.

$5hat rat, who is <ust leaving a rehearsal at the >perahouse, is going home to eat a

miserable dinner, and will return about three o'cloc# to dress, if she dances in the balletthis evening9as she will, today being &onday. 5his rat is already an old rat for she is

thirteen years of age. 5wo years from now that creature may be worth si1ty thousand

francs0 she will be all or nothing, a great danseuse or a marcheuse, a celebrated person or



a vulgar courtesan. She has wor#ed hard since she was eight years old. Such as you see

her, she is worn out with fatigue0 she e1hausted her body this morning in the dancing

class, she is <ust leaving a rehearsal where the evolutions are as complicated as a Chinese pu88le0 and she'll go through them again tonight. 5he rat is one of the primary elements

of the >pera0 she is to the leading danseuse what a <unior cler# is to a notary. 5he rat is9

hope.$

$?ho produces the ratA$ as#ed 7a8onal.

$!orters, paupers, actors, dancers,$ replied /i1iou. $>nly the lowest depths of poverty

could force a child to sub<ect her feet and <oints to positive torture, to #eep herself

virtuous out of mere speculation until she is eighteen years of age, and to live with somehorrible old crone li#e a beautiful plant in a dressing of manure. ou shall see now a

procession defiling before you, one after the other, of men of talent, little and great, artists

in seed or flower, who are raising to the glory of 2rance that everyday monument called

the >pera, an assemblage of forces, wills, and forms of genius, nowhere collected as in

!aris.

$% have already seen the >pera,$ said 7a8onal, with a selfsufficient air.

$es, from a threefrancssi1tysous seat among the gods,$ replied the landscape painter0

$<ust as you have seen !aris in the rue Croi1des!etitsChamps, without #nowinganything about it. ?hat did they give at the >pera when you were thereA$

$7uillaume 5ell.$

$?ell,$ said Leon, $&atilde's grand :4> must have delighted you. ?hat do you suppose

that charming singer did when she left the stageA$

$She9well, whatA$

$She ate two bloody muttonchops which her servant had ready for her.$

$!ooh@ nonsense@$

$&alibran #ept up on brandy9but it #illed her in the end. nother thing@ ou have seen

the ballet, and you'll now see it defiling past you in its everyday clothes, without

#nowing that the face of your lawsuit depends on a pair of those legs.$

$&y lawsuit@$

$See, cousin, here comes what is called a marcheuse.$

Leon pointed to one of those handsome creatures who at twentyfive years of age have

lived si1ty, and whose beauty is so real and so sure of being cultivated that they ma#e no



display of it. She was tall, and wal#ed well, with the arrogant loo# of a dandy0 her toilet

was remar#able for its ruinous simplicity.

$5hat is Carabine,$ said /i1iou, who gave her, as did Leon, a slight nod to which sheresponded by a smile.

$5here's another who may possibly get your prefect turned out.$

$ marcheuse@9but what is thatA$

$ marcheuse is a rat of great beauty whom her mother, real or fictitious, has sold as soon

as it was clear she would become neither first, second, nor third danseuse, but who prefers the occupation of coryphee to any other, for the main reason that having spent her

youth in that employment she is unfitted for any other. She has been re<ected at the minor

theatres where they want danseuses0 she has not succeeded in the three towns where

ballets are given0 she has not had the money, or perhaps the desire to go to foreign

countries9for perhaps you don't #now that the great school of dancing in !aris suppliesthe whole world with male and female dancers. 5hus a rat who becomes a marcheuse,9

that is to say, an ordinary figurante in a ballet,9must have some solid attachment which#eeps her in !aris3 either a rich man she does not love or a poor man she loves too well.

5he one you have <ust seen pass will probably dress and redress three times this evening,

9as a princess, a peasantgirl, a 5yrolese0 by which she will earn about two hundredfrancs a month.$

$She is better dressed than my prefect's wife.$

$%f you should go to her house,$ said /i1iou, $you would find there a chambermaid, a

coo#, and a manservant. She occupies a fine apartment in the rue Saint7eorges0 inshort, she is, in proportion to 2rench fortunes of the present day compared with those offormer times, a relic of the eighteenth century 'operagirl.' Carabine is a power0 at this

moment she governs du 5illet, a ban#er who is very influential in the Chamber of

:eputies.$

$nd above these two rounds in the ballet ladder what comes ne1tA$ as#ed 7a8onal.

$Loo#@$ said his cousin, pointing to an elegant caleche which was turning at that moment

from the boulevard into the rue 7range/ateliere, $there's one of the leading danseuses

whose name on the posters attracts all !aris. 5hat woman earns si1ty thousand francs a

year and lives li#e a princess0 the price of your manufactory all told wouldn't suffice to buy you the privilege of bidding her goodmorning a do8en times.$

$:o you see,$ said /i1iou, $that young man who is sitting on the front seat of her

carriageA ?ell, he's a viscount who bears a fine old name0 he's her first gentleman of the bedchamber0 does all her business with the newspapers0 carries messages of peace or

war in the morning to the director of the >pera0 and ta#es charge of the applause which

salutes her as she enters or leaves the stage.$



$?ell, well, my good friends, that's the finishing touch@ % see now that % #new nothing of

the ways of !aris.$

$t any rate, you are learning what you can see in ten minutes in the !assage de l'>pera,$said /i1iou. $Loo# there.$

5wo persons, a man and a woman, came out of the !assage at that moment. 5he woman

was neither plain nor pretty0 but her dress had that distinction of style and cut and color

which reveals an artist0 the man had the air of a singer.

$5here,$ said /i1iou, $is a baritone and a second danseuse. 5he baritone is a man ofimmense talent, but a baritone voice being only an accessory to the other parts he

scarcely earns what the second danseuse earns. 5he danseuse, who was celebrated before

5aglioni and "llsler appeared, has preserved to our day some of the old traditions of thecharacter dance and pantomime. %f the two others had not revealed in the art of dancing a

poetry hitherto unperceived, she would have been the leading talent0 as it is, she is

reduced to the second line. /ut for all that, she fingers her thirty thousand francs a year,and her faithful friend is a peer of 2rance, very influential in the Chamber. nd see@

there's a danseuse of the third order, who, as a dancer, e1ists only through the

omnipotence of a newspaper. %f her engagement were not renewed the ministry would

have one more <ournalistic enemy on its bac#. 5he corps de ballet is a great power0consequently it is considered better form in the upper ran#s of dandyism and politics to

have relations with dance than with song. %n the stalls, where the habitues of the >pera

congregate, the saying '&onsieur is all for singing' is a form of ridicule.$

short man with a common face, quite simply dressed, passed them at this moment.

$5here's the other half of the >pera receipts9that man who <ust went by0 the tenor. 5hereis no longer any play, poem, music, or representation of any #ind possible unless some

celebrated tenor can reach a certain note. 5he tenor is love, he is the Boice that touchesthe heart, that vibrates in the soul, and his value is rec#oned at a much higher salary than

that of a minister. >ne hundred thousand francs for a throat, one hundred thousand francs

for a couple of an#lebones,9those are the two financial scourges of the >pera.$

$% am ama8ed,$ said 7a8onal, $at the hundreds of thousands of francs wal#ing abouthere.$

$?e'll ama8e you a good deal more, my dear cousin,$ said Leon de Lora. $?e'll ta#e

!aris as an artist ta#es his violoncello, and show you how it is played,9in short, how people amuse themselves in !aris.$

$%t is a #aleidoscope with a circumference of twenty miles,$ cried 7a8onal.

$/efore piloting monsieur about, % have to see 7aillard,$ said /i1iou.

$/ut we can use 7aillard for the cousin,$ replied Leon.



$?hat sort of machine is thatA$ as#ed 7a8onal.

$-e isn't a machine, he is a machinist. 7aillard is a friend of ours who has ended a

miscellaneous career by becoming the editor of a newspaper, and whose character andfinances are governed by movements comparable to those of the tides. 7aillard can

contribute to ma#e you win your lawsuit9$

$%t is lost.$

$5hat's the very moment to win it,$ replied /i1iou.

?hen they reached 5heodore 7aillard's abode, which was now in the rue de &enars, thevalet ushered the three friends into a boudoir and as#ed them to wait, as monsieur was in

secret conference.

$?ith whomA$ as#ed /i1iou.

$?ith a man who is selling him the incarceration of an unseizable debtor,$ replied a

handsome woman who now appeared in a charming morning toilet.

$%n that case, my dear Su8anne,$ said /i1iou, $% am certain we may go in.$

$>h@ what a beautiful creature@$ said 7a8onal.

$5hat is &adame 7aillard,$ replied Leon de Lora, spea#ing low into his cousin's ear.

$She is the most humbleminded woman in !aris, for she had the public and has

contented herself with a husband.$

$?hat is your will, messeigneursA$ said the facetious editor, seeing his two friends and

imitating 2rederic Lemaitre.

5heodore 7aillard, formerly a wit, had ended by becoming a stupid man in consequence

of remaining constantly in one centre,9a moral phenomenon frequently to be observedin !aris. -is principal method of conversation consisted in sowing his speeches with

sayings ta#en from plays then in vogue and pronounced in imitation of well#nown

actors.

$?e have come to blague,$ said Leon.

$'gain, young men'$ (>dry in the Saltimbauques).

$?ell, this time, we've got him, sure,$ said 7aillard's other visitor, apparently by way of

conclusion.

$ Are you sure of it, pere 2romenteauA$ as#ed 7aillard. $5his it the eleventh time you've

caught him at night and missed him in the morning.$



$-ow could % help itA % never saw such a debtor@ he's a locomotive0 goes to sleep in !aris

and wa#es up in the Seineet>ise. safety loc# % call him.$ Seeing a smile on 7aillard's

face he added3 $5hat's a saying in our business. !inch a man, means arrest him, loc# himup. 5he criminal police have another term. Bidoeq said to his man, 'ou are served'0 that's

funnier, for it means the guillotine.$

nudge from /i1iou made 7a8onal all eyes and ears.

$:oes monsieur grease my pawsA$ as#ed 2romenteau of 7aillard, in a threatening butcool tone.

$' question that of fifty centimes'$ (Les Saltimbauques), replied the editor, ta#ing out

five francs and offering them to 2romenteau.

$nd the rapscallionsA$ said the man.

$?hat rapscallionsA$ as#ed 7aillard.

$5hose % employ,$ replied 2romenteau calmly.

$%s there a lower depth stillA$ as#ed /i1iou.

$es, monsieur,$ said the spy. $Some people give us information without #nowing they

do so, and without getting paid for it. % put fools and ninnies below rapscallions.$

$5hey are often original, and witty, your rapscallions@$ said Leon.

$:o you belong to the policeA$ as#ed 7a8onal, eying with uneasy curiosity the hard,impassible little man, who was dressed li#e the third cler# in a sheriff's office.

$?hich police do you meanA$ as#ed 2romenteau.

$5here are severalA$

$s many as five,$ replied the man. $Criminal, the head of which was Bidoeq0 secret

police, which #eeps an eye on the other police, the head of it being always un#nown0 political police,9that's 2ouche's. 5hen there's the police of 2oreign ffairs, and finally,

the palace police (of the "mperor, Louis DB%%%., etc.), always squabbling with that of the

quai &alaquais. %t came to an end under &onsieur :eca8es. % belonged to the police ofLouis DB%%%.0 %'d been in it since EF=, with that poor Contenson.$

5he four gentlemen loo#ed at each other with one thought3 $-ow many heads he must

have brought to the scaffold@$



$owadays, they are trying to get on without us. 2olly@$ continued the little man, who

began to seem terrible. $Since *=6 they want honest men at the prefecture@ % resigned,

and %'ve made myself a small vocation by arresting for debt.$

$-e is the right arm of the commercial police,$ said 7aillard in /i1iou's ear, $but you can

never find out who pays him most, the debtor or the creditor.$

$5he more rascally a business is, the more honor it needs. %'m for him who pays me best,$

continued 2romenteau addressing 7aillard. $ou want to recover fifty thousand francsand you tal# farthings to your means of action. 7ive me five hundred francs and your

man is pinched tonight, for we spotted him yesterday@$

$2ive hundred francs for you alone@$ cried 5heodore 7aillard.

$Li8ette wants a shawl,$ said the spy, not a muscle of his face moving. $% call her Li8ette

because of /eranger.$

$ou have a Li8ette, and you stay in such a business@$ cried the virtuous 7a8onal.

$%t is amusing@ !eople may cry up the pleasures of hunting and fishing as much as they

li#e but to stal# a man in !aris is far better fun.$

$Certainly,$ said 7a8onal, reflectively, spea#ing to himself, $they must have great talent.$

$%f % were to enumerate the qualities which ma#e a man remar#able in our vocation,$ said2romenteau, whose rapid glance had enabled him to fathom 7a8onal completely, $you'd

thin# % was tal#ing of a man of genius. 2irst, we must have the eyes of a lyn10 ne1t,

audacity (to tear into houses li#e bombs, accost the servants as if we #new them, and propose treachery9always agreed to)0 ne1t, memory, sagacity, invention (to ma#e

schemes, conceived rapidly, never the same9for spying must be guided by the characters

and habits of the persons spied upon0 it is a gift of heaven)0 and, finally, agility, vigor. ll

these facilities and qualities, monsieur, are depicted on the door of the 7ymnasemorosas Birtue. ?ell, we must have them all, under pain of losing the salaries given us by the

State, the rue de ;erusalem, or the minister of Commerce.$

$ou certainly seem to me a remar#able man,$ said 7a8onal.

2romenteau loo#ed at the provincial without replying, without betraying the smallest sign

of feeling, and departed, bowing to no one,9a trait of real genius.

$?ell, cousin, you have now seen the police incarnate,$ said Leon to 7a8onal.

$%t has something the effect of a dinnerpill,$ said the worthy provincial, while 7aillard

and /i1iou were tal#ing together in a low voice.



$%'ll give you an answer tonight at Carabine's,$ said 7aillard aloud, reseating himself at

his des# without seeing or bowing to 7a8onal.

$-e is a rude fellow@$ cried the Southerner as they left the room.

$-is paper has twentytwo thousand subscribers,$ said Leon de Lora. $-e is one of thefive great powers of the day, and he hasn't, in the morning, the time to be polite. ow,$

continued Leon, spea#ing to /i1iou, $if we are going to the Chamber to help him with his

lawsuit let us ta#e the longest way round.$

$?ords said by great men are li#e silvergilt spoons with the gilt washed off0 by dint ofrepetition they lose their brilliancy,$ said /i1iou. $?here shall we goA$

$-ere, close by, to our hatterA$ replied Leon.

$/ravo@$ cried /i1iou. $%f we #eep on in this way, we shall have an amusing day of it.$

$7a8onal,$ said Leon, $% shall ma#e the man pose for you0 but mind that you #eep a

serious face, li#e the #ing on a fivefranc piece, for you are going to see a choice original,a man whose importance has turned his head. %n these days, my dear fellow, under our

new political dispensation, every human being tries to cover himself with glory, and most

of them cover themselves with ridicule0 hence a lot of living caricatures quite new to theworld.$

$%f everybody gets glory, who can be famousA$ said 7a8onal.

$2ame@ none but fools want that,$ replied /i1iou. $our cousin wears the cross, but %'m

the better dressed of the two, and it is % whom people are loo#ing at.$

fter this remar#, which may e1plain why orators and other great statesmen no longer put the ribbon in their buttonholes when in !aris, Leon showed 7a8onal a sign, bearing,

in golden letters, the illustrious name of $Bital, successor to 2inot, manufacturer of hats$

(no longer $hatter$ as formerly), whose advertisements brought in more money to thenewspapers than those of any halfdo8en vendors of pills or sugarplums,9the author,

moreover, of an essay on hats.

$&y dear fellow,$ said /i1iou to 7a8onal, pointing to the splendors of the showwindow,

$Bital has forty thousand francs a year from invested property.$

$nd he stays a hatter@$ cried the Southerner, with a bound that almost bro#e the armwhich /i1iou had lin#ed in his.

$ou shall see the man,$ said Leon. $ou need a hat and you shall have one gratis.$

$%s &onsieur Bital absentA$ as#ed /i1iou, seeing no one behind the des#.



$&onsieur is correcting proof in his study,$ replied the head cler#.

$-ein@ what style@$ said Leon to his cousin0 then he added, addressing the cler#3 $Could

we spea# to him without in<ury to his inspirationA$

$Let those gentlemen enter,$ said a voice.

%t was a bourgeois voice, the voice of one eligible to the Chamber, a powerful voice, a

wealthy voice.

Bital deigned to show himself, dressed entirely in blac# cloth, with a splendid frilled shirt

adorned with one diamond. 5he three friends observed a young and pretty woman sittingnear the des#, wor#ing at some embroidery.

Bital is a man between thirty and forty years of age, with a natural <oviality now

repressed by ambitious ideas. -e is blessed with that medium height which is the

privilege of sound organi8ations. -e is rather plump, and ta#es great pains with his person. -is forehead is getting bald, but he uses that circumstance to give himself the air

of a man consumed by thought. %t is easy to see by the way his wife loo#s at him and

listens to him that she believes in the genius and glory of her husband. Bital loves artists,not that he has any taste for art, but from fellowship0 for he feels himself an artist, and

ma#es this felt by disclaiming that title of nobility, and placing himself with constant

premeditation at so great a distance from the arts that persons may be forced to say to

him3 $ou have raised the construction of hats to the height of a science.$

$-ave you at last discovered a hat to suit meA$ as#ed Leon de Lora.

$?hy, monsieur@ in fifteen daysA$ replied Bital, $and for you@ 5wo months would hardlysuffice to invent a shape in #eeping with your countenance. See, here is your lithographic

portrait3 % have studied it most carefully. % would not give myself that trouble for a prince0 but you are more0 you are an artist, and you understand me.$

$5his is one of our greatest inventors,$ said /i1iou presenting 7a8onal. $-e might be as

great as ;acquart if he would only let himself die. >ur friend, a manufacturer of cloth, has

discovered a method of replacing the indigo in old blue coats, and he wants to see you asanother great phenomenon, because he has heard of your saying, '5he hat is the man.'

5hat speech of yours enraptured him. h@ Bital, you have faith0 you believe in something0

you have enthusiasm for your wor#.$

Bital scarcely listened0 he grew pale with pleasure.

$Rise, my wife@ &onsieur is a man of science.$

&adame Bital rose at her husband's gesture. 7a8onal bowed to her.

$Shall % have the honor to cover your headA$ said Bital, with <oyful obsequiousness.



$t the same price as mine,$ interposed /i1iou.

$>f course, of course0 % as# no other fee than to be quoted by you, messieurs9&onsieur

needs a picturesque hat, something in the style of &onsieur Lousteau's,$ he continued,loo#ing at 7a8onal with the eye of a master. $% will consider it.$

$ou give yourself a great deal of trouble,$ said 7a8onal.

$>h@ for a few persons only0 for those who #now how to appreciate the value of the pains

% bestow upon them. ow, ta#e the aristocracy9there is but one man there who has truly

comprehended the -at0 and that is the !rince de /ethune. -ow is it that men do notconsider, as women do, that the hat is the first thing that stri#es the eyeA nd why have

they never thought of changing the present system, which is, let us say it fran#ly,

ignobleA es, ignoble0 and yet a 2renchman is, of all nationalities, the one most persistentin this folly@ % #now the difficulties of a change, messieurs. % don't spea# of my own

writings on the matter, which, as % thin#, approach it philosophically, but simply as a

hatter. % have myself studied means to accentuate the infamous headcovering to which2rance is now enslaved until % succeed in overthrowing it.$

So saying he pointed to the hideous hat in vogue at the present day.

$/ehold the enemy, messieurs,$ he continued. $-ow is it that the wittiest and most

satirical people on earth will consent to wear upon their heads a bit of stovepipeA9as

one of our great writers has called it. -ere are some of the infections % have been able togive to those atrocious lines,$ he added, pointing to a number of his creations. $/ut,

although % am able to conform them to the character of each wearer9for, as you see,

there are the hats of a doctor, a grocer, a dandy, an artist, a fat man, a thin man, and so

forth9the style itself remains horrible. Sei8e, % beg of you, my whole thought9$

-e too# up a hat, lowcrowned and widebrimmed.

$5his,$ he continued, $is the old hat of Claude Bignon, a great critic, in the days when he

was a free man and a freeliver. -e has lately come round to the ministry0 they've madehim a professor, a librarian0 he writes now for the :ebats only0 they've appointed him

&aster of !etitions with a salary of si1teen thousand francs0 he earns four thousand more

out of his paper, and he is decorated. ?ell, now see his new hat.$

nd Bital showed them a hat of a form and design which was truly e1pressive of the

<ustemilieu.

$ou ought to have made him a !unch and ;udy hat@$ cried 7a8onal.

$ou are a man of genius, &onsieur Bital,$ said Leon.

Bital bowed.



$?ould you #indly tell me why the shops of your trade in !aris remain open late at night,

9later than the cafes and the wineshopsA 5hat fact pu88les me very much,$ said 7a8onal.

$%n the first place, our shops are much finer when lighted up than they are in the daytime0ne1t, where we sell ten hats in the daytime we sell fifty at night.$

$"verything is queer in !aris,$ said Leon.

$5han#s to my efforts and my successes,$ said Bital, returning to the course of his self

laudation, $we are coming to hats with round headpieces. %t is to that % tend@$

$?hat obstacle is thereA$ as#ed 7a8onal.

$Cheapness, monsieur. %n the first place, very handsome sil# hats can be built for fifteenfrancs, which #ills our business0 for in !aris no one ever has fifteen francs in his poc#et to

spend on a hat. %f a beaver hat costs thirty, it is still the same thing9?hen % say beaver, %

ought to state that there are not ten pounds of beaver s#ins left in 2rance. 5hat article isworth three hundred and fifty francs a pound, and it ta#es an ounce for a hat. /esides, a

beaver hat isn't really worth anything0 the s#in ta#es a wretched dye0 gets rusty in ten

minutes under the sun, and heat puts it out of shape as well. ?hat we call 'beaver' in thetrade is neither more nor less than hare'ss#in. 5he best qualities are made from the bac#

of the animal, the second from the sides, the third from the belly. % confide to you these

trade secrets because you are men of honor. /ut whether a man has hare'ss#in or sil# on

his head, fifteen or thirty francs in short, the problem is always insoluble. -ats must be paid for in cash, and that is why the hat remains what it is. 5he honor of vestural 2rance

will be saved on the day that gray hats with round crowns can be made to cost a hundred

francs. ?e could then, li#e the tailors, give credit. 5o reach that result men must resolve

to wear buc#les, gold lace, plumes, and the brims lined with satin, as in the days of LouisD%%%. and Louis D%B. >ur business, which would then enter the domain of fancy, would

increase tenfold. 5he mar#ets of the world should belong to 2rance0 !aris will forevergive the tone to women's fashions, and yet the hats which all 2renchmen wear today are

made in every country on earth@ 5here are ten millions of foreign money to be gained

annually for 2rance in that question9$

$ revolution@$ cried /i1iou, pretending enthusiasm.

$es, and a radical one0 for the form must be changed.$

$ou are happy after the manner of Luther in dreaming of reform,$ said Leon.

$es, monsieur. h@ if a do8en or fifteen artists, capitalists, or dandies who set the tone

would only have courage for twentyfour hours 2rance would gain a splendid commercial

battle@ 5o succeed in this reform % would give my whole fortune@ es, my sole ambition isto regenerate the hat and disappear.$



$5he man is colossal,$ said 7a8onal, as they left the shop0 $but % assure you that all your

originals so far have a touch of the Southerner about them.$

$Let us go this way,$ said /i1iou pointing to the rue Saint&arc.

$:o you want to show me something elseA$

$es0 you shall see the usuress of rats, marcheuses and great ladies,9a woman who

possesses more terrible secrets than there are gowns hanging in her window,$ said /i1iou.

nd he showed 7a8onal one of those untidy shops which made an ugly stain in the midst

of the da88ling showwindows of modern retail commerce. 5his shop had a front paintedin *G6, which some ban#rupt had doubtless left in a dilapidated condition. 5he color had

disappeared beneath a double coating of dirt, the result of usage, and a thic# layer of dust0

the windowpanes were filthy, the door#nob turned of itself, as door#nobs do in all

places where people go out more quic#ly than they enter.

$?hat do you say of that A 2irst cousin to :eath, isn't sheA$ said Leon in 7a8onal's ear,

showing him, at the des#, a terrible individual. $?ell, she calls herself &adame

ourrisson.$

$&adame, how much is this guipureA$ as#ed the manufacturer, intending to compete inliveliness with the two artists.

$5o you, monsieur, who come from the country, it will be only three hundred francs,$ she

replied. 5hen, remar#ing in his manner a sort of eagerness peculiar to Southerners, she

added, in a grieved tone, $%t formerly belonged to that poor !rincess de Lamballe.$

$?hat@ do you dare e1hibit it so near the palaceA$ cried /i1iou.

$&onsieur, they don't believe in it,$ she replied.

$&adame, we have not come to ma#e purchases,$ said /i1iou, with a show of fran#ness.

$So % see, monsieur,$ returned &adame ourrisson.

$?e have several things to sell,$ said the illustrious caricaturist. $% live close by, rue de

Richelieu, G, si1th floor. %f you will come round there for a moment, you may perhaps

ma#e some good bargains.$

5en minutes later &adame ourrisson did in fact present herself at /i1iou's lodgings,

where by that time he had ta#en Leon and 7a8onal. &adame ourrisson found them all

three as serious as authors whose collaboration does not meet with the success itdeserves.



$&adame,$ said the intrepid hoa1er, showing her a pair of women's slippers, $these

belonged formerly to the "mpress ;osephine.$

-e felt it incumbent on him to return change for the !rince de Lamballe.

$5hose@$ she e1claimed0 $they were made this year0 loo# at the mar#.$

$:on't you perceive that the slippers are only by way of prefaceA$ said Leon0 $though, to

be sure, they are usually the conclusion of a tale.$

$&y friend here,$ said /i1iou, motioning to 7a8onal, $has an immense family interest in

ascertaining whether a young lady of a good and wealthy house, whom he wishes tomarry, has ever gone wrong.$

$-ow much will monsieur give for the information,$ she as#ed, loo#ing at 7a8onal, who

was no longer surprised by anything.

$>ne hundred francs,$ he said.

$o, than# you@$ she said with a grimace of refusal worthy of a macaw.

$5hen say how much you want, my little &adame ourrisson,$ cried /i1iou catching her round the waist.

$%n the first place, my dear gentlemen, % have never, since %'ve been in the business, found

man or woman to haggle over happiness. /esides,$ she said, letting a cold smile flic#er

on her lips, and enforcing it by an icy glance full of catli#e distrust, $if it doesn't concern

your happiness, it concerns your fortune0 and at the height where % find you lodging noman haggles over a 'dot'9Come,$ she said, $out with it@ ?hat is it you want to #now, my

lambsA$

$bout the /eunier family,$ replied /i1iou, very glad to find out something in this

indirect manner about persons in whom he was interested.

$>h@ as for that,$ she said, $one louis is quite enough.$

$?hyA$

$/ecause % hold all the mother's <ewels and she's on tenterhoo#s every three months, %can tell you@ %t is hard wor# for her to pay the interest on what %'ve lent her. :o you want

to marry there, simpletonA$ she added, addressing 7a8onal0 $then pay me forty francs and

%'ll tal# four hundred worth.$

7a8onal produced a fortyfranc goldpiece, and &adame ourrisson gave him startlingdetails as to the secret penury of certain socalled fashionable women. 5his dealer in cast

off clothes, getting lively as she tal#ed, pictured herself unconsciously while telling of



others. ?ithout betraying a single name or any secret, she made the three men shudder by

proving to them how little socalled happiness e1isted in !aris that did not rest on the

vacillating foundation of borrowed money. She possessed, laid away in her drawers, thesecrets of departed grandmothers, living children, deceased husbands, dead

granddaughters,9memories set in gold and diamonds. She learned appalling stories by

ma#ing her clients tal# of one another0 tearing their secrets from them in moments of passion, of quarrels, of anger, and during those cooler negotiations which need a loan to

settle difficulties.

$?hy were you ever induced to ta#e up such a businessA$ as#ed 7a8onal.

$2or my son's sa#e,$ she said naively.

Such women almost invariably <ustify their trade by alleging noble motives. &adame ourrisson posed as having lost several opportunities for marriage, also three daughters

who had gone to the bad, and all her illusions. She showed the pawntic#ets of the &ont

de!iete to prove the ris#s her business ran0 declared that she did not #now how to meetthe $end of the month$0 she was robbed, she said,9 robbed .

5he two artists loo#ed at each other on hearing that e1pression, which seemed

e1aggerated.

$Loo# here, my sons, %'ll show you how we are done. %t is not about myself, but about my

opposite neighbour, &adame &ahuchet, a ladies' shoema#er. % had loaned money to acountess, a woman who has too many passions for her means,9lives in a fine apartment

filled with splendid furniture, and ma#es, as we say, a devil of a show with her high and

mighty airs. She owed three hundred francs to her shoema#er, and was giving a dinner no

later than yesterday. 5he shoema#er, who heard of the dinner from the coo#, came to seeme0 we got e1cited, and she wanted to ma#e a row0 but % said3 '&y dear &adame

&ahuchet, what good will that doA you'll only get yourself hated. %t is much better toobtain some security0 and you save your bile.' She wouldn't listen, but go she would, and

as#ed me to support her0 so % went. '&adame is not at home.'9'4p to that@ we'll wait,'

said &adame &ahuchet, 'if we have to stay all night,'9and down we camped in the

antechamber. !resently the doors began to open and shut, and feet and voices came along.% felt badly. 5he guests were arriving for dinner. ou can see the appearance it had. 5he

countess sent her maid to coa1 &adame &ahuchet3 '!ay you tomorrow@' in short, all the

snares@ othing too#. 5he countess, dressed to the nines, went to the diningroom.&ahuchet heard her and opened the door. 7racious@ when she saw that table spar#ling

with silver, the covers to the dishes and the chandeliers all glittering li#e a <ewelcase,

didn't she go off li#e sodawater and fire her shot3 '?hen people spend the money ofothers they should be sober and not give dinnerparties. 5hin# of your being a countess

and owing three hundred francs to a poor shoema#er with seven children@' ou can guess

how she railed, for the &ahuchet hasn't any education. ?hen the countess tried to ma#ean e1cuse ('no money') &ahuchet screamed out3 'Loo# at all your fine silver, madame0

pawn it and pay me@'9'5a#e some yourself,' said the countess quic#ly, gathering up a

quantity of for#s and spoons and putting them into her hands. :ownstairs we rattled@9



heavens@ li#e success itself. o, before we got to the street &ahuchet began to cry9she's

a #ind woman@ She turned bac# and restored the silver0 for she now understood that

countess' poverty9it was plated ware@$

$nd she for#ed it over,$ said Leon, in whom the former &istigris occasionally

reappeared.

$h@ my dear monsieur,$ said &adame ourrisson, enlightened by the slang, $you are an

artist, you write plays, you live in the rue du -elder and are friends with &adamenatolia0 you have habits that % #now all about. Come, do you want some rarity in the

grand style,9Carabine or &ousqueton, &alaga or ;enny CadineA$

$&alaga, Carabine@ nonsense@$ cried Leon de Lora. $%t was we who invented them.$

$% assure you, my good &adame ourrisson,$ said /i1iou, $that we only wanted the

pleasure of ma#ing your acquaintance, and we should li#e very much to be informed as to

how you ever came to slip into this business.$

$% was confidential maid in the family of a marshal of 2rance, !rince d'sembourg,$ she

said, assuming the airs of a :orine. $>ne morning, one of the most beplumed countessesof the %mperial court came to the house and wanted to spea# to the marshal privately. %

put myself in the way of hearing what she said. She burst into tears and confided to that

booby of a marshal9yes, the Conde of the Republic is a booby@9that her husband, who

served under him in Spain, had left her without means, and if she didn't get a thousandfrancs, or two thousand, that day her children must go without food0 she hadn't any for

the morrow. 5he marshal, who was always ready to give in those days, too# two notes of

a thousand francs each out of his des#, and gave them to her. % saw that fine countess

going down the staircase where she couldn't see me. She was laughing with a satisfactionthat certainly wasn't motherly, so % slipped after her to the peristyle where % heard her say

to the coachman, '5o Leroy's.' % ran round quic#ly to Leroy's, and there, sure enough, wasthe poor mother. % got there in time to see her order and pay for a fifteenhundredfranc

dress0 you understand that in those days people were made to pay when they bought. 5he

ne1t day but one she appeared at an ambassador's ball, dressed to please all the world and

some one in particular. 5hat day % said to myself3 '%'ve got a career@ ?hen %'m no longeryoung %'ll lend money to great ladies on their finery0 for passion never calculates, it pays

blindly.' %f you want sub<ects for a vaudeville % can sell you plenty.$

She departed after delivering this tirade, in which all the phases of her past life were

outlined, leaving 7a8onal as much horrified by her revelations as by the five yellow teethshe showed when she tried to smile.

$?hat shall we do nowA$ he as#ed presently.

$&a#e notes,$ replied /i1iou, whistling for his porter0 $for % want some money, and %'ll

show you the use of porters. ou thin# they only pull the gatecord0 whereas they really



pull poor devils li#e me and artists whom they ta#e under their protection out of

difficulties. &ine will get the &ontyon pri8e one of these days.$

7a8onal opened his eyes to their utmost roundness.

man between two ages, partly a graybeard, partly an officeboy, but more oily withinand without, hair greasy, stomach puffy, s#in dull and moist, li#e that of the prior of a

convent, always wearing list shoes, a blue coat, and grayish trousers, made his

appearance.

$?hat is it, monsieurA$ he said with an air which combined that of a protector and asubordinate.

$Ravenouillet9-is name is Ravenouillet,$ said /i1iou turning to 7a8onal. $-ave you

our noteboo# of bills due with youA$

Ravenouillet pulled out of his poc#et the greasiest and stic#iest boo# that 7a8onal's eyeshad ever beheld.

$?rite down at three months' sight two notes of five hundred francs each, which you will

proceed to sign.$

nd /i1iou handed over two notes already drawn to his order by Ravenouillet, which

Ravenouillet immediately signed and inscribed on the greasy boo#, in which his wife also#ept account of the debts of the other lodgers.

$5han#s, Ravenouillet,$ said /i1iou. $nd here's a bo1 at the Baudeville for you.$

$>h@ my daughter will en<oy that,$ said Ravenouillet, departing.

$5here are seventyone tenants in this house,$ said /i1iou, $and the average of what theyowe Ravenouillet is si1 thousand francs a month, eighteen thousand quarterly for money

advanced, postage, etc., not counting the rents due. -e is !rovidence9at thirty per cent,

which we all pay him, though he never as#s for anything.$

$>h, !aris@ !aris@$ cried 7a8onal.

$%'m going to ta#e you now, cousin 7a8onal,$ said /i1iou, after indorsing the notes, $to

see another comedian, who will play you a charming scene gratis.$

$?ho is itA$ said 7a8onal.

$ usurer. s we go along %'ll tell you the debut of friend Ravenouillet in !aris.$

!assing in front of the porter's lodge, 7a8onal saw &ademoiselle Lucienne Ravenouillet

holding in her hand a music score (she was a pupil of the Conservatoire), her father



reading a newspaper, and &adame Ravenouillet with a pac#age of letters to be carried up

to the lodgers.

$5han#s, &onsieur /i1iou@$ said the girl.

$She's not a rat,$ e1plained Leon to his cousin0 $she is the larva of the grasshopper.$

$-ere's the history of Ravenouillet,$ continued /i1iou, when the three friends reached the

boulevard. $%n *= &assol, the councillor of state who is dealing with your case, was a

lawyer<ournalist who at that time never thought of being more than Heeper of the Seals,

and deigned to have Hing Louis!hilippe on his throne. 2orgive his ambition, he's fromCarcassonne. >ne morning there entered to him a young rustic of his parts, who said3

'ou #now me very well, &ossoo &assol0 %'m your neighbour the grocer's little boy0 %'ve

come from down there, for they tell me a fellow is certain to get a place if he comes to!aris.' -earing these words, &assol shuddered, and said to himself that if he were wea#

enough to help this compatriot (to him utterly un#nown) he should have the whole

department prone upon him, his bellrope would brea#, his valet leave him, he shouldhave difficulties with his landlord about the stairway, and the other lodgers would

assuredly complain of the smell of garlic pervading the house. Consequently, he loo#ed at

his visitor as a butcher loo#s at a sheep whose throat he intends to cut. /ut whether the

rustic comprehended the stab of that glance or not, he went on to say (so &assol told me),'%'ve as much ambition as other men. % will never go bac# to my native place, if % ever do

go bac#, unless % am a rich man. !aris is the antechamber of !aradise. 5hey tell me that

you who write the newspapers can ma#e, as they say, 'fine weather and foul'0 that is, youhave things all your own way, and it's enough to as# your help to get any place, no matter

what, under government. ow, though % have faculties, li#e others, % #now myself3 % have

no education0 % don't #now how to write, and that's a misfortune, for % have ideas. % am

not see#ing, therefore, to be your rival0 % <udge myself, and % #now % couldn't succeedthere. /ut, as you are so powerful, and as we are almost brothers, having played together

in childhood, % count upon you to launch me in a career and to protect me9>h, you

must 0 % want a place, a place suitable to my capacity, to such as % am, a place were % can

ma#e my fortune.' &assol was <ust about to put his compatriot nec# and crop out of the

door with some brutal speech, when the rustic ended his appeal thus3 '% don't as# to enter

the administration where people advance li#e tortoises9there's your cousin, who hasstuc# in one post for twenty years. o, % only want to ma#e my debut.'9'>n the stageA'

as#ed &assol only too happy at that conclusion.9'o, though % have gesture enough, and

figure, and memory. /ut there's too much wear and tear0 % prefer the career of porter .'&assol #ept his countenance, and replied3 '% thin# there's more wear and tear in that, but

as your choice is made %'ll see what % can do'0 and he got him, as Ravenouillet says, his

first 'cordon.'$

$% was the first master,$ said Leon, $to consider the race of porter. ou'll find #naves ofmorality, mounteban#s of vanity, modern sycophants, septembriseurs, disguised in

philanthropy, inventors of palpitating questions, preaching the emancipation of the

negroes, improvement of little thieves, benevolence to liberated convicts, and who,nevertheless, leave their porters in a condition worse than that of the %rish, in holes more



dreadful than a mud cabin, and pay them less money to live on than the State pays to

support a convict. % have done but one good action in my life, and that was to build my

porter a decent lodge.$

$es,$ said /i1iou, $if a man, having built a great cage divided into thousands of

compartments li#e the cells of a beehive or the dens of a menagerie, constructed toreceive human beings of all trades and all #inds, if that animal, calling itself the

proprietor, should go to a man of science and say3 '% want an individual of the bimanousspecies, able to live in holes full of old boots, pestiferous with rags, and ten feet square0 %

want him such that he can live there all his life, sleep there, eat there, be happy, get

children as pretty as little cupids, wor#, toil, cultivate flowers, sing there, stay there, andlive in dar#ness but see and #now everything,' most assuredly the man of science could

never have invented the porter to oblige the proprietor0 !aris, and !aris only could create

him, or, if you choose, the devil.$

$!arisian creative powers have gone farther than that,$ said 7a8onal0 $loo# at the

wor#men@ ou don't #now all the products of industry, though you e1hibit them. >urtoilers fight against the toilers of the continent by force of misery, as apoleon fought

"urope by force of regiments.$

$-ere we are, at my friend the usurer's,$ said /i1iou. $-is name is Bauvinet. >ne of thegreatest mista#es made by writers who describe our manners and morals is to harp on old

portraits. %n these days all trades change. 5he grocer becomes a peer of 2rance, artists

capitali8e their money, vaudevillists have incomes. few rare beings may remain whatthey originally were, but professions in general have no longer either their special

costume or their formerly fi1ed habits and ways. %n the past we had 7obsec#, 7igounet,

Samonon,9the last of the Romans0 today we re<oice in Bauvinet, the goodfellow

usurer, the dandy who frequents the greenroom and the lorettes, and drives about in alittle coupe with one horse. 5a#e special note of my man, friend 7a8onal, and you'll see

the comedy of money, the cold man who won't give a penny, the hot man who snuffs a profit0 listen to him attentively@$

ll three went up to the second floor of a fineloo#ing house on the boulevard des

%taliens, where they found themselves surrounded by the elegances then in fashion.

young man about twentyeight years of age advanced to meet them with a smiling face,for he saw Leon de Lora first. Bauvinet held out his hand with apparent friendliness to

/i1iou, and bowed coldly to 7a8onal as he motioned them to enter his office, where

bourgeois taste was visible beneath the artistic appearance of the furniture, and in spite of

the statuettes and the thousand other little trifles applied to our little apartments bymodern art, which has made itself as small as its patrons.

Bauvinet was dressed, li#e other young men of our day who go into business, with

e1treme elegance, which many of them regard as a species of prospectus.

$%'ve come for some money,$ said /i1iou, laughing, and presenting his notes.



Bauvinet assumed a serious air, which made 7a8onal smile, such difference was there

between the smiling visage that received them and the countenance of the moneylender

recalled to business.

$&y dear fellow,$ said Bauvinet, loo#ing at /i1iou, $% should certainly oblige you with

the greatest pleasure, but % haven't any money to loan at the present time.$

$h, bah@$

$o0 % have given all % had to9you #now who. 5hat poor Lousteau went into partnership

for the management of a theatre with an old vaudevillist who has great influence with theministry, Ridal0 and they came to me yesterday for thirty thousand francs. %'m cleaned

out, and so completely that % was <ust in the act of sending to Ceri8et for a hundred louis,

when % lost at lansquenet this morning, at ;enny Cadine's.$

$ou must indeed me hardup if you can't oblige this poor /i1iou,$ said Leon de Lora0

$for he can be very sharptongued when he hasn't a sou.$

$?ell,$ said /i1iou, $% could never say anything but good of Bauvinet0 he's full of goods.$

$&y dear friend,$ said Bauvinet, $if % had the money, % couldn't possibly discount, even at

fifty per cent, notes which are drawn by your porter. Ravenouillet's paper isn't in demand.-e's not a Rothschild. % warn you that his notes are worn thin0 you had better invent

another firm. 2ind an uncle. s for a friend who'll sign notes for us there's no such being

to be found0 the matteroffactness of the present age is ma#ing awful progress.$

$% have a friend,$ said /i1iou, motioning to Leon's cousin. $&onsieur here0 one of the

most distinguished manufacturers of cloth in the South, named 7a8onal. -is hair is notvery well dressed,$ added /i1iou, loo#ing at the tou8led and lu1uriant crop on the

provincial's head, $but % am going to ta#e him to &arius, who will ma#e him loo# lessli#e a poodledog, an appearance so in<urious to his credit, and to ours.$

$% don't believe in Southern securities, be it said without offence to monsieur,$ replied

Bauvinet, with whom 7a8onal was so entertained that he did not resent his insolence.

7a8onal, that e1tremely penetrating intellect, thought that the painter and /i1iou

intended, by way of teaching him to #now !aris, to ma#e him pay the thousand francs for his brea#fast at the Cafe de !aris, for this son of the !yrenees had never got out of that

armor of distrust which incloses the provincial in !aris.

$-ow can you e1pect me to have outstanding business at seven hundred miles from!arisA$ added Bauvinet.

$5hen you refuse me positivelyA$ as#ed /i1iou.

$% have twenty francs, and no more,$ said the young usurer.



$%'m sorry for you,$ said the <o#er. $% thought % was worth a thousand francs.$

$ou are worth two hundred thousand francs,$ replied Bauvinet, $and sometimes you are

worth your weight in gold, or at least your tongue is0 but % tell you % haven't a penny.$

$Bery good,$ replied /i1iou0 $then we won't say anything more about it. % had arrangedfor this evening, at Carabine's, the thing you most wanted9you #nowA$

Bauvinet win#ed an eye at /i1iou0 the win# that two <oc#eys give each other when they

want to say3 $:on't try tric#ery.$

$:on't you remember catching me round the waist as if % were a pretty woman,$ said/i1iou, $and coa1ing me with loo# and speech, and saying, '%'ll do anything for you if

you'll only get me shares at par in that railroad du 5illet and ucingen have made an offer

forA' ?ell, old fellow, du 5illet and ucingen are coming to Carabine's tonight, where

they will meet a number of political characters. ou've lost a fine opportunity. 7oodbye

to you, old carrot.$

/i1iou rose, leaving Bauvinet apparently indifferent, but inwardly annoyed by the sense

that he had committed a folly.

$>ne moment, my dear fellow,$ said the moneylender. $5hough % haven't the money, %have credit. %f your notes are worth nothing, % can #eep them and give you notes in

e1change. %f we can come to an agreement about that railway stoc# we could share the

profits, of course in due proportion and %'ll allow you that on9$

$o, no,$ said /i1iou, $% want money in hand, and % must get those notes of

Ravenouillet's cashed.$

$Ravenouillet is sound,$ said Bauvinet. $-e puts money into the savingsban#0 he is good

security.$

$/etter than you,$ interposed Leon, $for -" doesn't stipend lorettes0 he hasn't any rent to pay0 and he never rushes into speculations which #eep him dreading either a rise or fall.$

$ou thin# you can laugh at me, great man,$ returned Bauvinet, once more <ovial and

caressing0 $you've turned La 2ontaine's fable of 'Le Chene et le Roseau' into an eli1ir9

Come, 7ubetta, my old accomplice,$ he continued, sei8ing /i1iou round the waist, $you

want money0 well, % can borrow three thousand francs from my friend Ceri8et instead oftwo0 'Let us be friends, Cinna@' hand over your colossal cabbages,9made to tric# the

public li#e a gardener's catalogue. %f % refused you it was because it is pretty hard on aman who can only do his poor little business by turning over his money, to have to #eep

your Ravenouillet notes in the drawer of his des#. -ard, hard, very hard@$

$?hat discount do you wantA$ as#ed /i1iou.



$e1t to nothing,$ returned Bauvinet. $%t will cost you a miserable fifty francs at the end

of the quarter.$

$s "mile /londet used to say, you shall be my benefactor,$ replied /i1iou.

$5wenty per cent@$ whispered 7a8onal to /i1iou, who replied by a punch of his elbow inthe provincial's oesophagus.

$/less me@$ said Bauvinet opening a drawer in his des# as if to put away the Ravenouillet

notes, $here's an old bill of five hundred francs stuc# in the drawer@ % didn't #now % was

so rich. nd here's a note payable at the end of the month for four hundred and fifty0Ceri8et will ta#e it without much diminution, and there's your sum in hand. /ut no

nonsense, /i1iou@ -einA tonight, at Carabine's, will you swear to me9$

$-aven't we refriendedA$ said /i1iou, poc#eting the fivehundredfranc bill and the note

for four hundred and fifty. $% give you my word of honor that you shall see du 5illet, and

many other men who want to ma#e their way9their railway9tonight at Carabine's.$

Bauvinet conducted the three friends to the landing of the staircase, ca<oling /i1iou on

the way. /i1iou #ept a grave face till he reached the outer door, listening to 7a8onal, whotried to enlighten him on his late operation, and to prove to him that if Bauvinet's

follower, Ceri8et, too# another twenty francs out of his four hundred and fifty, he was

getting money at forty per cent.

?hen they reached the asphalt /i1iou frightened 7a8onal by the laugh of a !arisianhoa1er,9that cold, mute laugh, a sort of labial north wind.

$5he assignment of the contract for that railway is ad<ourned, positively, by the Chamber0% heard this yesterday from that marcheuse whom we smiled at <ust now. %f % win five or

si1 thousand francs at lansquenet tonight, why should % grudge si1tyfive francs for the power to sta#e, heyA$

$Lansquenet is another of the thousand facets of !aris as it is,$ said Leon. $nd therefore,

cousin, % intend to present you tonight in the salon of a duchess,9a duchess of the rue

Saint7eorges, where you will see the aristocracy of the lorettes, and probably be able towin your lawsuit. /ut it is quite impossible to present you anywhere with that mop of

!yrenean hair0 you loo# li#e a porcupine0 and therefore we'll ta#e you close by, !lace de

la /ourse, to &arius, another of our comedians9$

$?ho is heA$

$%'ll tell you his tale,$ said /i1iou. $%n the year *66 a 5oulousian named Cabot, a young

wigma#er devoured by ambition, came to !aris, and set up a shop (% use your slang).

5his man of genius,9he now has an income of twentyfour thousand francs a year, and

lives, retired from business, at Libourne,9well, he saw that so vulgar and ignoble a nameas Cabot could never attain celebrity. &onsieur de !arny, whose hair he cut, gave him the



name of &arius, infinitely superior, you perceive, to the Christian names of rmand and

-ippolyte, behind which patronymics attac#ed by the Cabot evil are wont to hide. ll the

successors of Cabot have called themselves &arius. 5he present &arius is &arius B.0 hisreal name is &ongin. 5his occurs in various other trades0 for '/otot water,' and for 'Little

Birtue' in#. ames become commercial property in !aris, and have ended by constituting

a sort of ensign of nobility. 5he present &arius, who ta#es pupils, has created, he says,the leading school of hairdressing in the world.

$%'ve seen, in coming through 2rance,$ said 7a8onal, $a great many signs bearing the

words3 'Such a one, pupil of &arius.'$

$-is pupils have to wash their hands after every head,$ said /i1iou0 $but &arius does notta#e them indifferently0 they must have nice hands, and not be illloo#ing. 5he most

remar#able for manners, appearance, and elocution are sent out to dress heads0 and they

come bac# tired to death. &arius himself never turns out e1cept for titled women0 he

drives his cabriolet and has a groom.$

$/ut, after all, he is nothing but a barber@$ cried 7a8onal, somewhat shoc#ed.

$/arber@$ e1claimed /i1iou0 $please remember that he is captain in the ational 7uard,

and is decorated for being the first to spring into a barricade in *=G.$

$nd ta#e care what you say to him3 he is neither barber, hairdresser, nor wigma#er0 he

is a director of salons for hairdressing,$ said Leon, as they went up a staircase withcrystal balusters and mahogany rail, the steps of which were covered with a sumptuous

carpet.

$h ca@ mind you don't compromise us,$ said /i1iou. $%n the antechamber you'll seelacqueys who will ta#e off your coat, and sei8e your hat, to brush them0 and they'llaccompany you to the door of the salons to open and shut it. % mention this, friend

7a8onal,$ added /i1iou, slyly, $lest you might thin# they were after your property, and

cry 'Stop thief@'$

$5hese salons,$ said Leon, $are three boudoirs where the director has collected all the

inventions of modern lu1ury3 lambrequins to the windows, <ardinieres everywhere,

downy divans where each customer can wait his turn and read the newspapers. ou might

suppose, when you first go in, that five francs would be the least they'd get out of yourwaistcoat poc#et0 but nothing is ever e1tracted beyond ten sous for combing and fri88ing

your hair, or twenty sous for cutting and fri88ing. "legant dressingtables stand aboutamong the <ardinieres0 water is laid on to the washstands0 enormous mirrors reproducethe whole figure. 5herefore don't loo# astonished. ?hen the client (that's the elegant

word substituted by &arius for the ignoble word customer),9when the client appears at

the door, &arius gives him a glance which appraises him3 to &arius you are a head , moreor less susceptible of occupying his mind. 5o him there's no man#ind0 there are only

heads.$



$?e let you hear &arius on all the notes of his scale,$ said /i1iou, $and you #now how to

follow our lead.$

s soon as 7a8onal showed himself, the glance was given, and was evidently favourable,for &arius e1claimed3 $Regulus@ yours this head@ !repare it first with the little scissors.$

$"1cuse me,$ said 7a8onal to the pupil, at a sign from /i1iou. $% prefer to have my head

dressed by &onsieur &arius himself.$

&arius, much flattered by this demand, advanced, leaving the head on which he was

engaged.

$% am with you in a moment0 % am <ust finishing. !ray have no uneasiness, my pupil will

prepare you0 % alone will decide the cut.$

&arius, a slim little man, his hair fri88ed li#e that of Rubini, and <et blac#, dressed also in

blac#, with long white cuffs, and the frill of his shirt adorned with a diamond, now saw/i1iou, to whom he bowed as to a power the equal of his own.

$5hat is only an ordinary head,$ he said to Leon, pointing to the person on whom he was

operating,9$a grocer, or something of that #ind. /ut if we devoted ourselves to art only,

we should lie in /icetre, mad@$ and he turned bac# with an inimitable gesture to hisclient, after saying to Regulus, $!repare monsieur, he is evidently an artist.$

$ <ournalist,$ said /i1iou.

-earing that word, &arius gave two or three stro#es of the comb to the ordinary head and

flung himself upon 7a8onal, ta#ing Regulus by the arm at the instant that the pupil wasabout to begin the operation of the little scissors.

$% will ta#e charge of monsieur. Loo#, monsieur,$ he said to the grocer, $reflect yourself

in the great mirror9if the mirror permits. >ssian@$

lacquey entered, and too# hold of the client to dress him.

$ou pay at the des#, monsieur,$ said &arius to the stupefied grocer, who was pulling outhis purse.

$%s there any use, my dear fellow,$ said /i1iou, $in going through this operation of thelittle scissorsA$

$o head ever comes to me uncleansed,$ replied the illustrious hairdresser0 $but for your

sa#e, % will do that of monsieur myself, wholly. &y pupils s#etch out the scheme, or mystrength would not hold out. "very one says as you do3 ':ressed by &arius@' 5herefore, %

can give only the finishing stro#es. ?hat <ournal is monsieur onA$



$%f % were you, % should #eep three or four &ariuses,$ said 7a8onal.

$h@ monsieur, % see, is a feuilletonist,$ said &arius. $las@ in dressing heads which

e1pose us to notice it is impossible. "1cuse me@$

-e left 7a8onal to overloo# Regulus, who was $preparing$ a newly arrived head. 5appinghis tongue against his palate, he made a disapproving noise, which may perhaps be

written down as $titt, titt, titt.$

$5here, there@ good heavens@ that cut is not square0 your scissors are hac#ing it. -ere@ see

there@ Regulus, you are not clipping poodles0 these are men9who have a character0 ifyou continue to loo# at the ceiling instead of loo#ing only between the glass and the

head, you will dishonor my house.$

$ou are stern, &onsieur &arius.$

$% owe them the secrets of my art.$

$5hen it is an artA$ said 7a8onal.

&arius, affronted, loo#ed at 7a8onal in the glass, and stopped short, the scissors in one

hand, the comb in the other.

$&onsieur, you spea# li#e a9child@ and yet, from your accent, % <udge you are from the

South, the birthplace of men of genius.$

$es, % #now that hairdressing requires some taste,$ replied 7a8onal.

$-ush, monsieur, hush@ % e1pected better things of >4. Let me tell you that a hair

dresser,9% don't say a good hairdresser, for a man is, or he is not, a hairdresser,9a hair

dresser, % repeat, is more difficult to find than9what shall % sayA than9% don't #now what 9a ministerA9(Sit still@) o, for you can't <udge by ministers, the streets are full of

them. !aganiniA o, he's not great enough. hairdresser, monsieur, a man who divines

your soul and your habits, in order to dress your hair conformably with your being, that

man has all that constitutes a philosopher9and such he is. See the women@ ?omenappreciate us0 they #now our value0 our value to them is the conquest they ma#e when

they have placed their heads in our hands to attain a triumph. % say to you that a hair

dresser9the world does not #now what he is. % who spea# to you, % am very nearly all

that there is of9without boasting % may say % am #nown9Still, % thin# more might bedone95he e1ecution, that is everything@ h@ if women would only give me carte

blanche@9if % might only e1ecute the ideas that come to me@ % have, you see, a hell ofimagination@9but the women don't fall in with it0 they have their own plans0 they'll stic#

their fingers or combs, as soon as my bac# is turned, through the most delicious edifices

9which ought to be engraved and perpetuated0 for our wor#s, monsieur, last

unfortunately but a few hours. great hairdresser, hey@ he's li#e Careme and Bestris intheir careers. (-ead a little this way, if you please, S>0 % attend particularly to front



faces@) >ur profession is ruined by bunglers who understand neither the epoch nor their

art. 5here are dealers in wigs and essences who are enough to ma#e one's hair stand on

end0 they care only to sell you bottles. %t is pitiable@ /ut that's business. Such poorwretches cut hair and dress it as they can. %, when % arrived in !aris from 5oulouse, my

ambition was to succeed the great &arius, to be a true &arius, to ma#e that name

illustrious. % alone, more than all the four others, % said to myself, '% will conquer, or die.'(5here@ now sit straight, % am going to finish you.) % was the first to introduce elegance0 %

made my salons the ob<ect of curiosity. % disdain advertisements0 what advertisements

would have cost, monsieur, % put into elegance, charm, comfort. e1t year % shall have aquartette in one of the salons to discourse music, and of the best. es, we ought to charm

away the ennui of those whose heads we dress. % do not conceal from myself the

annoyances to a client. (Loo# at yourself@) 5o have one's hair dressed is fatiguing,

perhaps as much so as posing for one's portrait. &onsieur #nows perhaps that the famous&onsieur -umbolt (% did the best % could with the few hairs merica left him9science

has this in common with savages, that she scalps her men clean), that illustrious savant,

said that ne1t to the suffering of going to be hanged was that of going to be painted0 but %

place the trial of having your head dressed before that of being painted, and so do certainwomen. ?ell, monsieur, my ob<ect is to ma#e those who come here to have their hair cut

or fri88ed en<oy themselves. (-old still, you have a tuft which must be conquered.) ;ew proposed to supply me with %talian cantatrices who, during the interludes, were to

depilate the young men of forty0 but they proved to be girls from the Conservatoire, and

musicteachers from the Rue &ontmartre. 5here you are, monsieur0 your head is dressedas that of a man of talent ought to be. >ssian,$ he said to the lacquey in livery, $dress

monsieur and show him out. ?hose turn ne1tA$ he added proudly, ga8ing round upon the

persons who awaited him.

$:on't laugh, 7a8onal,$ said Leon as they reached the foot of the staircase, whence his

eye could ta#e in the whole of the !lace de la /ourse. $% see over there one of our greatmen, and you shall compare his language with that of the barber, and tell me which of the

two you thin# the most original.$

$:on't laugh, 7a8onal,$ said /i1iou, mimic#ing Leon's intonation. $?hat do you supposeis &arius's businessA$

$-airdressing.$

$-e has obtained a monopoly of the sale of hair in bul#, as a certain dealer in comestibles

who is going to sell us a pate for three francs has acquired a monopoly of the sale of

truffles0 he discounts the paper of that business0 he loans money on pawn to clients whenembarrassed0 he gives annuities on lives0 he gambles at the /ourse0 he is a stoc#holder in

all the fashion papers0 and he sells, under the name of a certain chemist, an infamous drug

which, for his share alone, gives him an income of thirty thousand francs, and costs inadvertisements a hundred thousand yearly.$

$%s it possible@$ cried 7a8onal.



$Remember this,$ said /i1iou, gravely. $%n !aris there is no such thing as a small

business0 all things swell to large proportions, down to the sale of rags and matches. 5he

lemonadeseller who, with his nap#in under his arm, meets you as you enter his shop,may be worth his fifty thousand francs a year0 the waiter in a restaurant is eligible for the

Chamber0 the man you ta#e for a beggar in the street carries a hundred thousand francs

worth of unset diamonds in his waistcoat poc#et, and didn't steal them either.$

5he three inseparables (for one day at any rate) now crossed the !lace de la /ourse in away to intercept a man about forty years of age, wearing the Legion of honor, who was

coming from the boulevard by way of the rue euveBivienne.

$-ey@$ said Leon, $what are you pondering over, my dear :ubourdieuA Some finesymbolic compositionA &y dear cousin, % have the pleasure to present to you our

illustrious painter :ubourdieu, not less celebrated for his humanitarian convictions than

for his talents in art. :ubourdieu, my cousin !alafo1.$

:ubourdieu, a small, pale man with melancholy blue eyes, bowed slightly to 7a8onal,who bent low as before a man of genius.

$So you have elected Stidmann in place of9$ he began.

$-ow could % help itA % wasn't there,$ replied Lora.

$ou bring the cademy into disrepute,$ continued the painter. $5o choose such a man as

that@ % don't wish to say ill of him, but he wor#s at a trade. ?here are you dragging thefirst of arts,9the art those wor#s are the most lasting0 bringing nations to light of which

the world has long lost even the memory0 an art which crowns and consecrates great

menA es, sculpture is priesthood0 it preserves the ideas of an epoch, and you give itschair to a ma#er of toys and mantelpieces, an ornamentationist, a seller of bricabrac@h@ as Chamfort said, one has to swallow a viper every morning to endure the life of

!aris. ?ell, at any rate, rt remains to a few of us0 they can't prevent us from cultivating

it9$

$nd besides, my dear fellow, you have a consolation which few artists possess0 the

future is yours,$ said /i1iou. $?hen the world is converted to our doctrine, you will be at

the head of your art0 for you are putting into it ideas which people will understand9

when they are generali8ed@ %n fifty years from now you'll be to all the world what you areto a few of us at this moment,9a great man. 5he only question is how to get along till

then.$

$% have <ust finished,$ resumed the great artist, his face e1panding li#e that of a man

whose hobby is stro#ed, $an allegorical figure of -armony0 and if you will come and seeit, you will understand why it should have ta#en me two years to paint it. "verything is in

it@ t the first glance one divines the destiny of the globe. queen holds a shepherd's

croo# in her hand,9symbolical of the advancement of the races useful to man#ind0 shewears on her head the cap of Liberty0 her breasts are si1fold, as the "gyptians carved



them9for the "gyptians foresaw 2ourier0 her feet are resting on two clasped hands

which embrace a globe,9symbol of the brotherhood of all human races0 she tramples

cannon under foot to signify the abolition of war0 and % have tried to ma#e her facee1press the serenity of triumphant agriculture. % have also placed beside her an enormous

curled cabbage, which, according to our master, is an image of -armony. h@ it is not the

least among 2ourier's titles to veneration that he has restored the gift of thought to plants0he has bound all creation in one by the signification of things to one another, and by their

special language. hundred years hence this earth will be much larger than it is now.$

$nd how will that, monsieur, come to passA$ said 7a8onal, stupefied at hearing a man

outside of a lunatic asylum tal# in this way.

$5hrough the e1tending of production. %f men will apply 5he System, it will not be

impossible to act upon the stars.$

$?hat would become of painting in that caseA$ as#ed 7a8onal.

$%t would be magnified.$

$?ould our eyes be magnified tooA$ said 7a8onal, loo#ing at his two friendssignificantly.

$&an will return to what he was before he became degenerate0 our si1feet men will then

be dwarfs.$

$%s your picture finishedA$ as#ed Leon.

$"ntirely finished,$ replied :ubourdieu. $% have tried to see -iclar, and get him tocompose a symphony for it0 % wish that while viewing my picture the public should hear

music a la /eethoven to develop its ideas and bring them within range of the intellect by

two arts. h@ if the government would only lend me one of the galleries of the Louvre@$

$%'ll mention it, if you want me to do so0 you should never neglect an opportunity to stri#eminds.$

$h@ my friends are preparing articles0 but % am afraid they'll go too far.$

$!ooh@$ said /i1iou, $they can't go as far as the future.$

:ubourdieu loo#ed as#ance at /i1iou, and continued his way.

$?hy, he's mad,$ said 7a8onal0 $he is following the moon in her courses.$

$-is s#ill is masterly,$ said Leon, $and he #nows his art, but 2ourierism has #illed him.ou have <ust seen, cousin, one of the effects of ambition upon artists. 5oo often, in !aris,

from a desire to reach more rapidly than by natural ways the celebrity which to them is



fortune, artists borrow the wings of circumstance, they thin# they ma#e themselves of

more importance as men of a specialty, the supporters of some 'system'0 and they fancy

they can transform a clique into the public. >ne is a republican, another SaintSimonian0this one aristocrat, that one Catholic, others <ustemilieu, middle ages, or 7erman, as they

choose for their purpose. ow, though opinions do not give talent, they always spoil what

talent there is0 and the poor fellow whom you have <ust seen is a proof thereof. n artist'sopinion ought to be3 2aith in his art, in his wor#0 and his only way of success is toil when

nature has given him the sacred fire.$

$Let us get away,$ said /i1iou. $Leon is beginning to morali8e.$

$/ut that man was sincere,$ said 7a8onal, still stupefied.

$!erfectly sincere,$ replied /i1iou0 $as sincere as the #ing of barbers <ust now.$

$-e is mad@$ repeated 7a8onal.

$nd he is not the first man driven man by 2ourier's ideas,$ said /i1iou. $ou don't #now

anything about !aris. s# it for a hundred thousand francs to reali8e an idea that will be

useful to humanity,9the steamengine for instance,9and you'll die, li#e Salomon deCau1, at /icetre0 but if the money is wanted for some parado1ical absurdity, !arisians

will annihilate themselves and their fortune for it. %t is the same with systems as it is with

material things. 4tterly impracticable newspapers have consumed millions within the last

fifteen years. ?hat ma#es your lawsuit so hard to win, is that you have right on your side,and on that of the prefect there are (so you suppose) secret motives.$

$:o you thin# that a man of intellect having once understood the nature of !aris could

live elsewhereA$ said Leon to his cousin.

$Suppose we ta#e 7a8onal to old &ere 2ontaineA$ said /i1iou, ma#ing a sign to thedriver of a citadine to draw up0 $it will be a step from the real to the fantastic. :river,

Bieille rue du 5emple.$

nd all three were presently rolling in the direction of the &arais.

$?hat are you ta#ing me to see nowA$ as#ed 7a8onal.

$5he proof of what /i1iou told you,$ replied Leon0 $we shall show you a woman who

ma#es twenty thousand francs a year by wor#ing a fantastic idea.$

$ fortuneteller,$ said /i1iou, interpreting the loo# of the Southerner as a question.

$&adame 2ontaine is thought, by those who see# to pry into the future, to be wiser in her

wisdom than &ademoiselle Lenormand.$

$She must be very rich,$ remar#ed 7a8onal.



$She was the victim of her own idea, as long as lotteries e1isted,$ said /i1iou0 $for in

!aris there are no great gains without corresponding outlays. 5he strongest heads are

liable to crac# there, as if to give vent to their steam. 5hose who ma#e much money havevices or fancies,9no doubt to establish an equilibrium.$

$nd now that the lottery is abolishedA$ as#ed 7a8onal.

$>h@ now she has a nephew for whom she is hoarding.$

?hen they reached the Bieille rue du 5emple the three friends entered one of the oldest

houses in that street and passed up a sha#ing staircase, the steps of which, ca#ed withmud, led them in semidar#ness, and through a stench peculiar to houses on an alley, to

the third story, where they beheld a door which painting alone could render0 literature

would have to spend too many nights in suitably describing it.

n old woman, in #eeping with that door, and who might have been that door in human

guise, ushered the three friends into a room which served as an antechamber, where, inspite of the warm atmosphere which fills the streets of !aris, they felt the icy chill of

crypts about them. damp air came from an inner courtyard which resembled a huge airshaft0 the light that entered was gray, and the sill of the window was filled with pots of

sic#ly plants. %n this room, which had a coating of some greasy, fuliginous substance, the

furniture, the chairs, the table, were all most ab<ect. 5he floor tiles oo8ed li#e a watercooler. %n short, every accessory was in #eeping with the fearful old woman of the

hoo#ed nose, ghastly face, and decent rags who directed the $consulters$ to sit down,

informing them that only one at a time could be admitted to &adame.

7a8onal, who played the intrepid, entered bravely, and found himself in presence of one

of those women forgotten by :eath, who no doubt forgets them intentionally in order toleave some samples of %tself among the living. -e saw before him a withered face in

which shone fi1ed gray eyes of wearying immobility0 a flattened nose, smeared withsnuff0 #nuc#lebones well set up by muscles that, under pretence of being hands, played

nonchalantly with a pac# of cards, li#e some machine the movement of which is about to

run down. 5he body, a species of broomhandle decently covered with clothes, en<oyed

the advantages of death and did not stir. bove the forehead rose a coif of blac# velvet.&adame 2ontaine, for it was really a woman, had a blac# hen on her right hand and a

huge toad, named staroth, on her left. 7a8onal did not at first perceive them.

5he toad, of surprising dimensions, was less alarming in himself than through the effect

of two topa8 eyes, large as a tensous piece, which cast forth vivid gleams. %t wasimpossible to endure that loo#. 5he toad is a creature as yet une1plained. !erhaps the

whole animal creation, including man, is comprised in it0 for, as Lassailly said, the toad

e1ists indefinitely0 and, as we #now, it is of all created animals the one whose marriagelasts the longest.



$-eavens@ now we come to magnetism@$ cried 7a8onal. $h ca@ do you #now

everythingA$

$2riend 7a8onal,$ replied /i1iou, gravely, $to be able to laugh at everything one must#now everything. s for me, %'ve been in !aris since my childhood0 %'ve lived, by means

of my pencil, on its follies and absurdities, at the rate of five caricatures a month.Consequently, % often laugh at ideas in which % have faith.$

$Come, let us get to something else,$ said Leon. $?e'll go to the Chamber and settle thecousin's affair.$

$5his,$ said /i1iou, imitating >dry in $Les 2unambules,$ $is high comedy, for we will

ma#e the first orator we meet pose for us, and you shall see that in those halls of

legislation, as elsewhere, the !arisian language has but two tones,9Selfinterest, Banity.$

s they got into their citadine, Leon saw in a rapidly driven cabriolet a man to whom he

made a sign that he had something to say to him.

$5here's !ublicola &asson,$ said Leon to /i1iou. $%'m going to as# for a sitting this

evening at five o'cloc#, after the Chamber. 5he cousin shall then see the most curious ofall the originals.$

$?ho is heA$ as#ed 7a8onal, while Leon went to spea# to !ublicola &asson.

$n artistpedicure,$ replied /i1iou, $author of a '5reatise on Corporistics,' who cuts your

corns by subscription, and who, if the Republications triumph for si1 months, will

assuredly become immortal.$

$:rives his carriage@$ e<aculated 7a8onal.

$/ut, my good 7a8onal, it is only millionaires who have time to go afoot in !aris.$

$5o the Chamber@$ cried Leon to the coachman, getting bac# into the carriage.

$?hich, monsieurA$

$:eputies,$ replied Leon, e1changing a smile with /i1iou.

$!aris begins to confound me,$ said 7a8onal.

$5o ma#e you see its immensity,9moral, political, and literary,9we are now proceedingli#e the Roman cicerone, who shows you in Saint !eter's the thumb of the statue you too#

to be lifesi8e, and the thumb proves to be a foot long. ou haven't yet measured so much

as a great toe of !aris.$

$nd remar#, cousin 7a8onal, that we ta#e things as they come0 we haven't selected.$



$5his evening you shall sup as they feasted at /elsha88ar's0 and there you shall see our

!aris, our own particular !aris, playing lansquenet, and ris#ing a hundred thousand francs

at a throw without win#ing.$

quarter of an hour later the citadine stopped at the foot of the steps going up to the

Chamber of :eputies, at that end of the !ont de la Concorde which leads to discord.

$% thought the Chamber unapproachableA$ said the provincial, surprised to find himself in

the great lobby.

$5hat depends,$ replied /i1iou0 $materially spea#ing, it costs thirty sous for a citadine toapproach it0 politically, you have to spend rather more. 5he swallows thought, so a poet

says, that the rc de 5riomphe was erected for them0 we artists thin# that this public

building was built for us,9to compensate for the stupidities of the 5heatre2rancais andma#e us laugh0 but the comedians on this stage are much more e1pensive0 and they don't

give us every day the value of our money.$

$So this is the Chamber@$ cried 7a8onal, as he paced the great hall in which there were

then about a do8en persons, and loo#ed around him with an air which /i1iou noted downin his memory and reproduced in one of the famous caricatures with which he rivalled

7avarni.

Leon went to spea# to one of the ushers who go and come continually between this hall

and the hall of sessions, with which it communicates by a passage in which are stationedthe stenographers of the $&oniteur$ and persons attached to the Chamber.

$s for the minister,$ replied the usher to Leon as 7a8onal approached them, $he is there,

but % don't #now if &onsieur 7iraud has come. %'ll see.$

s the usher opened one side of the double door through which none but deputies,ministers, or messengers from the #ing are allowed to pass, 7a8onal saw a man come out

who seemed still young, although he was really fortyeight years old, and to whom the

usher evidently indicated Leon de Lora.

$-a@ you here@$ he e1claimed, sha#ing hands with both /i1iou and Lora. $Scamps@ whatare you doing in the sanctuary of the lawsA$

$!arbleu@ we've come to learn how to blague,$ said /i1iou. $?e might get rusty if we

didn't.$

$Let us go into the garden,$ said the young man, not observing that 7a8onal belonged tothe party.

Seeing that this newcomer was welldressed, in blac#, the provincial did not #now in

which political category to place him0 but he followed the others into the garden

contiguous to the hall which follows the line of the quai apoleon. >nce in the garden



the cidevant young man gave way to a peal of laughter which he seemed to have been

repressing since he entered the lobby.

$?hat is itA$ as#ed Leon de Lora.

$&y dear friend, to prove the sincerity of the constitutional government we are forced totell the most frightful lies with incredible selfpossession. /ut as for me, %'m frea#ish0

some days % can lie li#e a prospectus0 other days % can't be serious. 5his is one of my

hilarious days. ow, at this moment, the prime minister, being summoned by the>pposition to ma#e #nown a certain diplomatic secret, is going through his paces in the

tribune. /eing an honest man who never lies on his own account, he whispered to me as

he mounted the breach3 '-eaven #nows what % shall say to them.' mad desire to laughovercame me, and as one mustn't laugh on the ministerial bench % rushed out, for my

youth does come bac# to me most unseasonably at times.$

$t last,$ cried 7a8onal, $%'ve found an honest man in !aris@ ou must be a very superior

man,$ he added, loo#ing at the stranger.

$h ca@ who is this gentlemanA$ said the cidevant young man, e1amining 7a8onal.

$&y cousin,$ said Leon, hastily. $%'ll answer for his silence and his honor as for my own.

%t is on his account we have come here now0 he has a case before the administration

which depends on your ministry. -is prefect evidently wants to ruin him, and we have

come to see you in order to prevent the Council of State from ratifying a great in<ustice.$

$?ho brings up the caseA$

$&assol.$

$7ood.$

$nd our friends 7iraud and Claude Bignon are on the committee,$ said /i1iou.

$Say <ust a word to them,$ urged Leon0 $tell them to come tonight to Carabine's, where

du 5illet gives a fete apropos of railways,9they are plundering more than ever on theroads.$

$h ca@ but isn't your cousin from the !yreneesA$ as#ed the young man, now become

serious.

$es,$ replied 7a8onal.

$nd you did not vote for us in the last electionsA$ said the statesman, loo#ing hard at7a8onal.



$o0 but what you have <ust said in my hearing has bribed me0 on the word of a

commandant of the ational 7uard %'ll have your candidate elected9$

$Bery good0 will you guarantee your cousinA$ as#ed the young man, turning to Leon.

$?e are forming him,$ said /i1iou, in a tone irresistibly comic.

$?ell, %'ll see about it,$ said the young man, leaving his friends and rushing precipitately

bac# to the Chamber.

$?ho is thatA$ as#ed 7a8onal.

$5he Comte de Rastignac0 the minister of the department in which your affair is brought

up.$

$ minister@ %sn't a minister anything more than thatA$

$-e is an old friend of ours. -e now has three hundred thousand francs a year0 he's a peer

of 2rance0 the #ing has made him a count0 he married ucingen's daughter0 and he is one

of the two or three statesmen produced by the revolution of ;uly. /ut his fame and his power bore him sometimes, and he comes down to laugh with us.$

$h ca@ cousin0 why didn't you tell us you belonged to the >ppositionA$ as#ed Leon,

sei8ing 7a8onal by the arm. $-ow stupid of you@ >ne deputy more or less to Right or

Left and your bed is made.$

$?e are all for the >thers down my way.$

$Let 'em go,$ said /i1iou, with a facetious loo#0 $they have !rovidence on their side, and

!rovidence will bring them bac# without you and in spite of themselves. manufacturer

ought to be a fatalist.$

$?hat luc#@ 5here's &a1ime, with Canalis and 7iraud,$ said Leon.

$Come along, friend 7a8onal, the promised actors are mustering on the stage,$ said/i1iou.

nd all three advanced to the abovenamed personages, who seemed to be sauntering

along with nothing to do.

$-ave they turned you out, or why are you idling about in this wayA$ said /i1iou to7iraud.

$o, while they are voting by secret ballot we have come out for a little air,$ replied

7iraud.



$-ow did the prime minister pull throughA$

$-e was magnificent@$ said Canalis.

$&agnificent@$ repeated &a1ime.

$&agnificent@$ cried 7iraud.

$So@ so@ Right, Left, and Centre are unanimous@$

$ll with a different meaning,$ observed &a1ime de 5railles.

&a1ime was the ministerial deputy.

$es,$ said Canalis, laughing.

5hough Canalis had already been a minister, he was at this moment tending toward theRight.

$h@ but you had a fine triumph <ust now,$ said &a1ime to Canalis0 $it was you whoforced the minister into the tribune.$

$nd made him lie li#e a charlatan,$ returned Canalis.

$ worthy victory,$ said the honest 7iraud. $%n his place what would you have doneA$

$% should have lied.$

$%t isn't called lying,$ said &a1ime de 5railles0 $it is called protecting the crown.$

So saying, he led Canalis away to a little distance.

$5hat's a great orator,$ said Leon to 7iraud, pointing to Canalis.

$es and no,$ replied the councillor of state. $ fine bass voice, and sonorous, but more

of an artist in words than an orator. %n short, he's a fine instrument but he isn't music,

consequently he has not, and he never will have, the ear of the Chamber0 in no case will

he ever be master of the situation.$

Canalis and &a1ime were returning toward the little group as 7iraud, deputy of the Left

Centre, pronounced this verdict. &a1ime too# 7iraud by the arm and led him off,

probably to ma#e the same confidence he had <ust made Canalis.

$?hat an honest, upright fellow that is,$ said Leon to Canalis, nodding towards 7iraud.

$>ne of those upright fellows who #ill administrators,$ replied Canalis.



$:o you thin# him a good oratorA$

$es and no,$ replied Canalis0 $he is wordy0 he's longwinded, a plodder in argument, and

a good logician0 but he doesn't understand the higher logic, that of events andcircumstances0 consequently he has never had, and never will have, the ear of the

Chamber.$

t the moment when Canalis uttered this <udgment on 7iraud, the latter was returning

with &a1ime to the group0 and forgetting the presence of a stranger whose discretion wasnot #nown to them li#e that of Leon and /i1iou, he too# Canalis by the hand in a very

significant manner.

$?ell,$ he said, $% consent to what &onsieur de 5railles proposes. %'ll put the question to

you in the Chamber, but % shall do it with great severity.$

$5hen we shall have the house with us, for a man of your weight and your eloquence is

certain to have the ear of the Chamber,$ said Canalis. $%'ll reply to you0 but % shall do itsharply, to crush you.$

$ou could bring about a change of the cabinet, for on such ground you can do what youli#e with the Chamber, and be master of the situation.$

$&a1ime has trapped them both,$ said Leon to his cousin0 $that fellow is li#e a fish in

water among the intrigues of the Chamber.$

$?ho is heA$ as#ed 7a8onal.

$n e1scoundrel who is now in a fair way to become an ambassador,$ replied /i1iou.

$7iraud@$ said Leon to the councillor of state, $don't leave the Chamber without as#ingRastignac what he promised to tell you about a suit you are to render a decision on two

days hence. %t concerns my cousin here0 %'ll go and see you tomorrow morning early

about it.$

5he three friends followed the three deputies, at a distance, into the lobby.

$Cousin, loo# at those two men,$ said Leon, pointing out to him a former minister and the

leader of the Left Centre. $5hose are two men who really have 'the ear of the Chamber,'

and who are called in <est ministers of the department of the >pposition. 5hey have theear of the Chamber so completely that they are always pulling it.$

$%t is four o'cloc#,$ said /i1iou, $let us go bac# to the rue de /erlin.$

$es0 you've now seen the heart of the government, cousin, and you must ne1t be shown

the ascarides, the taenia, the intestinal worm,9the republican, since % must needs name

him,$ said Leon.



?hen the three friends were once more pac#ed into their hac#neycoach, 7a8onal loo#ed

at his cousin and /i1iou li#e a man who had a mind to launch a flood of oratorical and

Southern bile upon the elements.

$% distrusted with all my might this great hussy of a town,$ he rolled out in Southern

accents0 $but since this morning % despise her@ 5he poor little province you thin# so pettyis an honest girl0 but !aris is a prostitute, a greedy, lying comedian0 and % am very

than#ful not to be robbed of my s#in in it.$

$5he day is not over yet,$ said /i1iou, sententiously, win#ing at Leon.

$nd why do you complain in that stupid way,$ said Leon, $of a prostitution to which you

will owe the winning of your lawsuitA :o you thin# you are more virtuous than we, less

of a comedian, less greedy, less liable to fall under some temptation, less conceited thanthose we have been ma#ing dance for you li#e puppetsA$

$5ry me@$

$!oor lad@$ said Leon, shrugging his shoulders, $haven't you already promised Rastignac

your electoral influenceA$

$es, because he was the only one who ridiculed himself.$

$!oor lad@$ repeated /i1iou, $why slight me, who am always ridiculing myselfA ou areli#e a pugdog bar#ing at a tiger. -a@ if you saw us really ridiculing a man, you'd see that

we can drive a sane man mad.$

5his conversation brought 7a8onal bac# to his cousin's house, where the sight of lu1urysilenced him, and put an end to the discussion. 5oo late he perceived that /i1iou had been

ma#ing him pose.

t halfpast five o'cloc#, the moment when Leon de Lora was ma#ing his evening toilet

to the great wonderment of 7a8onal, who counted the thousand and one superfluities ofhis cousin, and admired the solemnity of the valet as he performed his functions, the

$pedicure of monsieur$ was announced, and !ublicola &asson, a little man fifty years of

age, made his appearance, laid a small bo1 of instruments on the floor, and sat down on a

small chair opposite to Leon, after bowing to 7a8onal and /i1iou.

$-ow are matters going with youA$ as#ed Leon, delivering to !ublicola one of his feet,already washed and prepared by the valet.

$% am forced to ta#e two pupils,9two young fellows who, despairing of fortune, have

quitted surgery for corporistics0 they were actually dying of hunger0 and yet they are fullof talent.$



$%'m not as#ing you about pedestrial affairs, % want to #now how you are getting on

politically.$

&asson gave a glance at 7a8onal, more eloquent than any species of question.

$>h@ you can spea# out, that's my cousin0 in a way he belongs to you0 he thin#s himselflegitimist.$

$?ell@ we are coming along, we are advancing@ %n five years from now "urope will be

with us. Swit8erland and %taly are fermenting finely0 and when the occasion comes we are

all ready. -ere, in !aris, we have fifty thousand armed men, without counting twohundred thousand citi8ens who haven't a penny to live upon.$

$!ooh,$ said Leon, $how about the fortificationsA$

$!iecrust0 we can swallow them,$ replied &asson.

$%n the first place, we sha'n't let the cannon in, and, in the second, we've got a little

machine more powerful than all the forts in the world,9a machine, due to a doctor,which cured more people during the short time we wor#ed it than the doctors ever

#illed.$

$-ow you tal#@$ e1claimed 7a8onal, whose flesh began to creep at !ublicola's air and

manner.

$-a@ that's the thing we rely on@ ?e follow Saint;ust and Robespierre0 but we'll do better

than they0 they were timid, and you see what came of it0 an emperor@ the elder branch@

the younger branch@ 5he &ontagnards didn't lop the social tree enough.$

$h ca@ you, who will be, they tell me, consul, or something of that #ind, tribune perhaps, be good enough to remember,$ said /i1iou, $that % have as#ed your protection for the last

do8en years.$

$o harm shall happen to you0 we shall need wags, and you can ta#e the place of /arere,$

replied the corndoctor.

$nd %A$ said Leon.

$h, you@ you are my client, and that will save you0 for genius is an odious privilege, towhich too much is accorded in 2rance0 we shall be forced to annihilate some of our

greatest men in order to teach others to be simple citi8ens.$

5he corncutter spo#e with a semiserious, semi<esting air that made 7a8onal shudder.

$So,$ he said, $there's to be no more religionA$



$o more religion of the State,$ replied the pedicure, emphasi8ing the last words0 $every

man will have his own. %t is very fortunate that the government is <ust now endowing

convents0 they'll provide our funds. "verything, you see, conspires in our favour. 5hosewho pity the peoples, who clamor on behalf of proletaries, who write wor#s against the

;esuits, who busy themselves about the amelioration of no matter what,9the

communists, the humanitarians, the philanthropists, you understand,9all these people areour advanced guard. ?hile we are storing gunpowder, they are ma#ing the tinder which

the spar# of a single circumstance will ignite.$

$/ut what do you e1pect will ma#e the happiness of 2ranceA$ cried 7a8onal.

$"quality of citi8ens and cheapness of provisions. ?e mean that there will be no personslac#ing anything, no millionaires, no suc#ers of blood and victims.$

$5hat's it@9ma1imum and minimum,$ said 7a8onal.

$ou've said it,$ replied the corncutter, decisively.

$o more manufacturersA$ as#ed 7a8onal.

$5he state will manufacture. ?e shall all be the usufructuaries of 2rance0 each will have

his ration as on board ship0 and all the world will wor# according to their capacity.$

$h@$ said 7a8onal, $and while awaiting the time when you can cut off the heads ofaristocrats9$

$% cut their nails,$ said the radical republican, putting up his tools and finishing the <est

himself.

5hen he bowed very politely and went away.

$Can this be possible in *+A$ cried 7a8onal.

$%f there were time we could show you,$ said his cousin, $all the personages of EF=, and

you could tal# with them. ou have <ust seen &arat0 well@ we #now 2ouquier5inville,

Collot d'-erbois, Robespierre, Chabot, 2ouche, /arras0 there is even a magnificent&adame Roland.$

$?ell, the tragic is not lac#ing in your play,$ said 7a8onal.

$%t is si1 o'cloc#. /efore we ta#e you to see >dry in 'Les Saltimbauques' tonight,$ said

Leon to 7a8onal, $we must go and pay a visit to &adame Cadine,9an actress whom

your committeeman &assol cultivates, and to whom you must therefore pay the mostassiduous court.$



$nd as it is all important that you conciliate that power, % am going to give you a few

instructions,$ said /i1iou. $:o you employ wor#women in your manufactoryA$

$>f course % do,$ replied 7a8onal.

$5hat's all % want to #now,$ resumed /i1iou. $ou are not married, and you are a great9$

$es@$ cried 7a8onal, $you've guessed my strong point, %'m a great lover of women.$

$?ell, then@ if you will e1ecute the little manoeuvre which % am about to prescribe for

you, you will taste, without spending a farthing, the sweets to be found in the good graces

of an actress.$

?hen they reached the rue de la Bictoire where the celebrated actress lived, /i1iou, whomeditated a tric# upon the distrustful provincial, had scarcely finished teaching him his

role0 but 7a8onal was quic#, as we shall see, to ta#e a hint.

5he three friends went up to the second floor of a rather handsome house, and found

&adame ;enny Cadine <ust finishing dinner, for she played that night in an afterpiece atthe 7ymnase. -aving presented 7a8onal to this great power, Leon and /i1iou, in order to

leave them alone together, made the e1cuse of loo#ing at a piece of furniture in another

room0 but before leaving, /i1iou had whispered in the actress's ear3 $-e is Leon's cousin,a manufacturer, enormously rich0 he wants to win a suit before the Council of State

against his prefect, and he thin#s it wise to fascinate you in order to get &assol on his

side.$

ll !aris #nows the beauty of that young actress, and will therefore understand the

stupefaction of the Southerner on seeing her. 5hough she had received him at first rathercoldly, he became the ob<ect of her good graces before they had been many minutes alone

together.

$-ow strange@$ said 7a8onal, loo#ing round him disdainfully on the furniture of thesalon, the door of which his accomplices had left half open, $that a woman li#e you

should be allowed to live in such an illfurnished apartment.$

$h, yes, indeed@ but how can % help itA &assol is not rich0 % am hoping he will be made a

minister.$

$?hat a happy man@$ cried 7a8onal, heaving the sigh of a provincial.

$7ood@$ thought she. $% shall have new furniture, and get the better of Carabine.$

$?ell, my dear@$ said Leon, returning, $you'll be sure to come to Carabine's tonight,

won't youA9supper and lansquenet.$

$?ill monsieur be thereA$ said ;enny Cadine, loo#ing artlessly and graciously at 7a8onal.



$es, madame,$ replied the countryman, da88led by such rapid success.

$/ut &assol will be there,$ said /i1iou.

$?ell, what of thatA$ returned ;enny. $Come, we must part, my treasures0 % must go to the

theatre.$

7a8onal gave his hand to the actress, and led her to the citadine which was waiting for

her0 as he did so he pressed hers with such ardor that ;enny Cadine e1claimed, sha#ing

her fingers3 $5a#e care@ % haven't any others.$

?hen the three friends got bac# into their own vehicle, 7a8onal endeavoured to sei8e/i1iou round the waist, crying out3 $She bites@ ou're a fine rascal@$

$So women say,$ replied /i1iou.

t halfpast eleven o'cloc#, after the play, another citadine too# the trio to the house of&ademoiselle Seraphine Sinet, better #nown under the name of Carabine,9one of those

pseudonyms which famous lorettes ta#e, or which are given to them0 a name which, inthis instance, may have referred to the pigeons she had #illed.

Carabine, now become almost a necessity for the ban#er du 5illet, deputy of the Left,

lived in a charming house in the rue Saint7eorges. %n !aris there are many houses the

destination of which never varies0 and the one we now spea# of had already seen sevencareers of courtesans. bro#er had brought there, about the year *GE, Su8anne du Bal

oble, afterwards &adame 7aillard. %n that house the famous "sther caused the /aron de

ucingen to commit the only follies of his life. 2lorine, and subsequently, a person now

called in <est $the late &adame Schont8,$ had scintillated there in turn. /ored by his wife,du 5illet bought this modern little house, and there installed the celebrated Carabine,

whose lively wit and cavalier manners and shameless brilliancy were a counterpoise tothe dulness of domestic life, and the toils of finance and politics.

?hether du 5illet or Carabine were at home or not at home, supper was served, and

splendidly served, for ten persons every day. rtists, men of letters, <ournalists, and the

habitues of the house supped there when they pleased. fter supper they gambled. &orethan one member of both Chambers came there to buy what !aris pays for by its weight

in gold,9namely, the amusement of intercourse with anomalous untrammelled women,

those meteors of the !arisian firmament who are so difficult to class. 5here wit reigns0 for

all can be said, and all is said. Carabine, a rival of the no less celebrated &alaga, hadfinally inherited the salon of 2lorine, now &adame Raoul athan, and of &adame

Schont8, now wife of Chief;ustice du Ronceret.

s he entered, 7a8onal made one remar# only, but that remar# was both legitimate andlegitimist3 $%t is finer than the 5uileries@$ 5he satins, velvets, brocades, the gold, the

ob<ects of art that swarmed there, so filled the eyes of the wary provincial that at first he



did not see &adame ;enny Cadine, in a toilet intended to inspire respect, who, concealed

behind Carabine, watched his entrance observingly, while conversing with others.

$&y dear child,$ said Leon to Carabine, $this is my cousin, a manufacturer, whodescended upon me from the !yrenees this morning. -e #nows nothing of !aris, and he

wants &assol to help him in a suit he has before the Council of State. ?e have thereforeta#en the liberty to bring him9his name is 7a8onal9to supper, entreating you to leave

him his full senses.$

$5hat's as monsieur pleases0 wine is dear,$ said Carabine, loo#ing 7a8onal over from

head to foot, and thin#ing him in no way remar#able.

7a8onal, bewildered by the toilets, the lights, the gilding, the chatter of the various

groups whom he thought to be discussing him, could only manage to stammer out thewords3 $&adame9madame9is9very good.$

$?hat do you manufactureA$ said the mistress of the house, laughing.

$Say laces and offer her some guipure,$ whispered /i1iou in 7a8onal's ear.

$Laces,$ said 7a8onal, perceiving that he would have to pay for his supper. $%t will give

me the greatest pleasure to offer you a dress9a scarf9a mantilla of my ma#e.$

$h, three things@ ?ell, you are nicer than you loo# to be,$ returned Carabine.

$!aris has caught me@$ thought 7a8onal, now perceiving ;enny Cadine, and going up to

her.

$nd %,$ said the actress, $what am % to haveA$

$ll % possess,$ replied 7a8onal, thin#ing that to offer all was to give nothing.

&assol, Claude Bignon, du 5illet, &a1ime de 5railles, ucingen, du /ruel, &alaga,&onsieur and &adame 7aillard, Bauvinet, and a crowd of other personages now entered.

fter a conversation with the manufacturer on the sub<ect of his suit, &assol, without

ma#ing any promises, told him that the report was not yet written, and that citi8ens could

always rely on the #nowledge and the independence of the Council of State. Receiving

that cold and dignified response, 7a8onal, in despair, thought it necessary to set aboutseducing the charming ;enny, with whom he was by this time in love. Leon de Lora and

/i1iou left their victim in the hands of that most roguish and frolicsome member of theanomalous society,9for ;enny Cadine is the sole rival in that respect of the famous

:e<a8et.

t the suppertable, where 7a8onal was fascinated by a silver service made by the

modern /envenuto Cellini, 2roment&eurice, the contents of which were worthy of the



container, his mischievous friends were careful to sit at some distance from him0 but they

followed with cautious eye the manoeuvres of the clever actress, who, being attracted by

the insidious hope of getting her furniture renewed, was playing her cards to ta#e the provincial home with her. o sheep upon the day of the 2ete:ieu ever more mee#ly

allowed his little Saint ;ohn to lead him along than 7a8onal as he followed his siren.

5hree days later, Leon and /i1iou, who had not seen 7a8onal since that evening, went to

his lodgings about two in the afternoon.

$?ell, cousin,$ said Leon, $the Council of State has decided in favour of your suit.$

$&aybe, but it is useless now, cousin,$ said 7a8onal, lifting a melancholy eye to his two

friends. $%'ve become a republican.$

$?hat does that meanA$ as#ed Leon.

$% haven't anything left0 not even enough to pay my lawyer,$ replied 7a8onal. $&adame;enny Cadine has got notes of hand out of me to the amount of more money than all the

property % own9$

$5he fact is Cadine is rather dear0 but9$

$>h, but % didn't get anything for my money,$ said 7a8onal. $?hat a woman@ ?ell, %'ll

own the provinces are not a match for !aris0 % shall retire to La 5rappe.$

$7ood@$ said /i1iou, $now you are reasonable. Come, recogni8e the ma<esty of the

capital.$

$nd of capital,$ added Leon, holding out to 7a8onal his notes of hand.

7a8onal ga8ed at the papers with a stupefied air.

$ou can't say now that we don't understand the duties of hospitality0 haven't we educatedyou, saved you from poverty, feasted you, and amused youA$ said /i1iou.

$ And fooled you,$ added Leon, ma#ing the gesture of gamins to e1press the action of

pic#ing poc#ets.

Unconscious Comedians by honore de balzac

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Transcript of Unconscious Comedians by honore de balzac