Transitions and Revisions

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Week 6 Review of Course Content and Transitions

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Transcript of Transitions and Revisions

Page 1: Transitions and Revisions

Week 6 Review of Course Content and Transitions

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The Writing Process

• Generate ideas!• Make a list! Write down all of the possible topics

that could work for your writing assignment.• Organize Your Ideas: – Before you write, take the time to organize your

ideas. You can use an outline or a simple list. Begin with a clear topic and then add each step in logical order. Add in supporting details at each step, as needed. Finally, end with a concluding sentence.

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OutliningCreating an outline is an excellent way to organize your ideas.

I. Topic:

II. (step one of the process)

A.

B.

C.

III. (step two of the process)

A.

B.

C.

IV. (step three of the process)

A.

B.

C.

V. Conclusion

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Completed Outline: EssayCompleted Outline for a Process Essay

American Idol Audition Outline for a Process Paragraph I. Topic: American Idol Auditions at Hollywood StudiosII. Step 1 – Initial audition

A. Sing to Disney cast member B. if you are good you continue onIII. Step 2 – Second audition

A. Select a song form the given list B. Sing to a producer

C. if selected assigned to a preliminary show IV. Step 3 - Sing at a preliminary show A. audience votes for their favorite performer at the end of the show

B. winners of preliminary shows perform at the final show of the dayV. Step 4 Perform at the final show

A. Compete against the winners of other preliminary shows. B. The winner gets a dream ticket

VI. Conclusion - An opportunity to audition for the real show

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Drafting an Essay Topic: American Idol Auditions

American Idol Auditions When you are auditioning for American Idol there are 4 steps that you have to go through in order to become a contestant. For some their dreams will come true while for others their dreams shatter way before they get the dream ticket to make it on to the final rounds of auditioning. Before you even go through the auditioning process you have to be 14 years old before you can go any further. Afterwards, you can sign up online or once you get to the audition that morning. You will sing your song in front of a Disney cast director if they like what they hear you move on to the next round. In round 2, you with a producer you will be asked to select a song from a list that will include varies types of music. Once the song is chosen you will sing along with a pre-recorded track. If you impress the producer you move on to the next step. Then comes the preliminary show, this takes place in a theater which seats 1,000 people and a stage that looks like the American Idol stage. The preliminary shows are shot each day in front of a live audience. You sing your song in front of the audience and they vote on their favorite singers and that allows them to move on to the final show. The last day of the show features all the winners of the preliminary show. They perform and the audience once again votes for their favorite singer only this time one winner is chosen for that day and whoever wins gets a dream ticket which allow them to pass the line at one of the regional auditions for the television show. The process of becoming a contestant for American Idol seems simple enough but you have to keep in mind that just because you made it through one round you have 3 others to go. It never hurts to pursue your dream.

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Transitions• Transitions are used to move the ideas in your writing from one step

to the next in a smooth and seamless way. You can select a specific type of transition word or phrase to fit the relationship or connection between the ideas in your sentences or between your paragraphs. For example, below are some of the categories that transitions fit into:

• Transitions to signal sequence• Transitions to signal time• Transitions to signal comparison• Transitions to signal contrast• Transitions to signal examples• Transitions to signal concession• Transitions to signal summary, repetition, or conclusion

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Transitionstaken from The St. Martin’s Handbook (2003, pp. 126-127) as cited in Weaver’s Grammar to Enrich and Enhance Writing

• Transitions to signal sequence: again, also, and, and then, besides, finally, first… second… third, furthermore, last, moreover, next, still, to

• Transitions to signal time: after a few days, after a while, afterword, as long as, as soon as, at last, at that time, before, earlier, immediately, in the meantime, in the past, lately, later, meanwhile, now, presently, simultaneously, since, so far, soon, then, thereafter, until, when

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Transitions

• Transitions to signal comparison: again, also, in the same way, likewise, once more, similarly

• Transitions to signal contrast: although, but, despite, even though, however, in contrast, in spite of, instead, nevertheless, nonetheless, on the contrary, on the one hand… on the other hand, regardless, still, though, yet

• Transitions to signal examples: after all, even, for example, for instance, indeed, in fact, of course, specifically, such as, the following example, to illustrate

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Transitions

• Transitions to signal cause-and-effect: accordingly, as a result, because, consequently, for this purpose, hence, so, then, therefore, thus, to this end

• Transitions to signal place: above, and Jason two, below, beyond, closer to, elsewhere, far, far there on, here, near, nearby, opposite to, there, to the left, to the right

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Transitions

• Transitions to signal concession: although it is true that, granted that, I admit that, it may appear that, naturally, of course

• Transitions to signal summary, repetition, or conclusion: as a result, as has been noted, as I have said, as mentioned earlier, as we have seen, in any event, in conclusion, in other words, in short, on the whole, therefore, to summarize

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Revision

When you have written a rough draft, it is important to always go back and re-read what you have written. Many people find that reading their work out loud helps them hear the areas in their writing that need additional attention. Use the revision checklist to revise, re-write and edit your writing for mechanical problems, grammar issues, content and organization issues

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IntroductionContent Revisions

American Idol Auditions1st Draft

When you are auditioning for American Idol there are 4 steps that you have to go through in order to become a contestant. For some their dreams will come true while for others their dreams shatter way before they get the dream ticket to make it on to the final rounds of auditioning.

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Introduction Revised

For aspiring singers, The American Idol Experience at Hollywood Studies is a wonderful opportunity to get a feel for performing before a live audience and earning a ticket to the regional audition for the actual American Idol program. When you are auditioning for American Idol there are 4 steps that you have to go through in order to become a contestant. For some their dreams will come true while for others their dreams will be shattered way before they get the dream ticket to make it on to the final rounds of auditioning. When you are auditioning for American Idol there are four4 steps that you have to go through in order to become a contestantearn a “dream ticket”.

Revision Comments:– Add an interesting topic sentence that grabs your reader’s attention and

introduces them to the subject of your essay.– Move the THESIS to the end of the paragraph.– Edit the remaining sentences for word choice, spelling, mechanics, etc.

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Body Paragraph One1st Draft

Before you even go through the auditioning process you have to be 14 years old before you can go any further. Afterwards, you can sign up online or once you get to the audition that morning. You will sing your song in front of a Disney cast director if they like what they hear you move on to the next round.

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Body Paragraph OneRevised

Singers must make it through an initial audition, which also includes meeting certain criteria, before they can move on to the next round. Early in the process, candidates younger than 14 are eliminated. If you meet the age criteria, you can sign up online or when you arrive at Hollywood Studies. After you sign up, you will select a song and begin practicing for your audition. Before you even go through the auditioning process you have to be 14 years old before you can go any further. Afterwards, you can sign up online or once you get to the audition that morning. After a while you will sing your song in front of a Disney cast director if they like what they hear you move on to the next round.

Revision comments:• Revise the topic sentence to make it clear and focused.• Add a transition to signal time• Another transition to help your paragraph move along smoothly from point to point .• Adding a transition at the end of your paragraph signals a final progression.• Revise any other words or sentences to improve the overall content.

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Body Paragraph TwoRough Draft

In round 2, you with a producer you will be asked to select a song from a list that will include varies types of music. Once the song is chosen you will sing along with a pre-recorded track. If you impress the producer you move on to the next step.

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Body Paragraph TwoRevised

In round two , you will once again pick out a song to perform, only this time you will work with a producer. You will be asked to select a song from a list that includes various types of music. Then a producer will work with you to select the best song choice for your type of voice. Once the song is chosen you will sing along with a pre-recorded track , and hopefully you will impress the producer so that you can move on to the next step.

Revision Comments:• Spell out numbers under 10.• Revise sentences that are awkward or could be worded better.• Correct any spelling or usage issues.• Add specific details to enhance the overall meaning of the paragraph.• Sometimes you will find opportunities to use a coordinating

conjunction to combine two sentences.

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Body Paragraph ThreeRough Draft

Then comes the preliminary show, this takes place in a theater which seats 1,000 people and a stage that looks like the American Idol stage. The preliminary shows are shot each day in front of a live audience. You sing your song in front of the audience and they vote on their favorite singers and that allows them to move on to the final show.

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Body Paragraph ThreeRevised

Finally, the preliminary show takes place Then comes the preliminary show, this takes place in a theater which seats 1,000 people and has a stage that looks like the American Idol stage. The preliminary shows are done each day in front of a live audience. The audience is made up of other guests at Hollywood Studies. This nerve wracking experience causes a lot of contestants to panic and back out, but if you are brave enough you will sing your song in front of the audience and they will vote on their favorite singers . Once the votes are tallied, the contestants find out who will move on to the final show.

Revision Comments:• Add a transition word between paragraphs. You can also re-arrange the words

in a sentence to improve the overall flow. • Make sure that you are not missing any modifiers.• Adding additional supporting detail sentences is an important part of the

revision process• Adding a transition signals the reader that we are reaching another sequence

in the events.

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Body Paragraph FourRough Draft

The last day of the show features all the winners of the preliminary show. They perform and the audience once again votes for their favorite singer only this time one winner is chosen for that day and whoever wins gets a dream ticket which allow them to pass the line at one of the regional auditions for the television show.

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Body Paragraph FourRevised

If you are chosen by the voters, you will get to perform at the finale, which is the last show of the day. The last day of the show features all of the winners of This show features each of the winners from the preliminary shows. They perform and the audience once again votes for their favorite singer . Waiting for the results is scary, but also very exciting. Contestants start to dream about fame and fortune. Unfortunately, only one winner will be selected. The contestant chosen from the finale receives a “dream ticket,” winner is chosen for that day and whoever wins gets a dream ticket which allows them to skip pass the line at one of the regional auditions for the television show. This will bring them one step closer to achieving their dream of becoming the “next American Idol!”

Revision Comments:• Re-word the topic sentence so that it connects this paragraph to the previous paragraph. This helps the essay flow from one paragraph to the next.• When revising look for areas in your paragraph where you can add additional supporting details.• Sometimes changing one word can make your meaning more clear.• If you use 3 or more words from another source, always put it in quotations. Also, using familiar phrasing can enhance your writing.

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ConclusionRough Draft

The process of becoming a contestant for American Idol seems simple enough but you have to keep in mind that just because you made it through one round you have 3 others to go. It never hurts to pursue your dream.

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ConclusionRevised

On the whole, the process of becoming a contestant for American Idol seems simple enough , but you have to keep in mind that just because you made it through one round you have still have three others to go. It never hurts to pursue your dreams because even though it may be embarrassing and scary in the process, they just might come true!

Revision Comments:• Add a transition that signals a conclusion.• Don’t forget to add a comma before FANBOYS (coordinating

conjunction) that combines two independent clauses.• Spell out numbers under 10.• Add additional details to enhance your content and make your

statements stronger.

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Title Pge

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