Time structuring

Time structuringWhenever people get together in pairs or groups, there are six different ways in which they can spend their time. Eric Berne listed these six modes of time structuring as

• Withdrawal.• Rituals.• Pastimes.• Activities.• Games.• Intimacy

Time structuring• These Berne suggested, are all

ways of satisfying structure hunger.

• When people get into situations where no time structure is placed upon them, the first thing they are likely to do is to provide their own structure.

• Example – Robinson Crusoe arriving on his desert island, structured his time by exploring and setting up living quarters.

Time structuring• Intensity of strokes

increases as we move down the list from withdrawal to intimacy.

• Degree of psychological risk increases as we move down the list from withdrawal to intimacy.

• Unpredictability of stroking does tend to increase.

Withdrawal• When a person withdraws,

she may stay with the group physically, but does not transact with other group members.

• During withdrawal, the only stroke I can get or give are self strokes.

• They try to avoid psychological risk of rejection.

Withdrawal

• Withdrawing is sometimes a rational adult decision.

• People need time to be alone, to relax, to think their own thoughts, to take stock of themselves and to be rejuvenated in their individual humanness.

Withdrawal• Withdrawing is sometimes

based on copying parents. In this case, person imitates parental behaviors.

• For example, a man threatened by conflict with his wife may withdraw as his father did when his mother got mad.

Withdrawal

• Withdrawing patterns also come from child ego state.

• These are often replays of a person’s childhood adaptations out of the necessity for self protection from pain or conflict.

• They may also be the result of training.

Withdrawal• When a person withdraws

psychologically, it is often into a fantasy world.

• These fantasies are likely to be of uncensored pleasure or violence, creative imaginings or of learned fears and catastrophic expectations.

• Everyone withdraws into fantasy world from time to time.

Rituals• Ritual transactions are simple

and stereotyped, complementary transactions, like everyday hellos and good byes.

• All children learn the ritual appropriate tin their family culture.

• Rituals vary from a simple “Hi” to complicated religious rituals.

Rituals

• Structurally, the program for rituals belong in the parent ego states.

• Functionally, rituals are usually performed in Adapted child.

• Rituals are perceived from child as involving more

psychological risk than withdrawal.

Rituals• For some people, rituals

becomes a way of life.• After the ceremony is long

past, the marriage may be only a series of ritualistic transactions consisting mainly of role playing, of actions devoid of real meaning and intimacy, yet keep the people alive with minimum strokes.

Pastimes

• A pastime, like a ritual, proceeds in a way that is familiar.

• The content of pastime is not programmed so strictly as that of a ritual.

• The pastimers have more leeway to make their own embellishments.

Pastimes

• In pastime, the participants talk about something but engage in no action concerning it.

• A frequent clue to pastime is “Pastime = Past time.”

• Most often pastimers will discuss on what happened in the past.

Pastimes

• Berne gave witty names to some familiar pastimes.

• Men may pastime around General Motors while women may prefer Kitchen or Wardrobe.

• When parents get together, there is usually a session of P.T.A.

• For Britishers, the best known pastime is The weather.

Pastimes

• Pastimes are usually conducted from parent or child ego states.

• In a parental pastime, people voice sets of pre- judged opinions about the world.

• Child pastimers go back and replay thoughts and feelings from when they were children.

Pastimes• Pastiming yields mainly positive

strokes, with some negatives. • Compared to rituals, pastime

strokes are more intense and predictable.

• Pastime is a way in which people sound each other out as possible partners for the more intense stroke exchanges which take place in games or intimacy.

Activities• In activity, the communication

between the group members is directed at achieving a goal, not just talking about it.

• In activity, people are directing their energy towards some material outcomes.

• We are likely to be in activity for much of the time at our workplace.

Activities• Adult is the predominant

ego state in activity. • This follows from the fact

that activities are concerned with achieving here and now goals.

• In an activity, when we follow appropriate rules, we switch into positive adapted child or positive parent.

Activities• Strokes from activity can be

conditional positive and conditional negative.

• They are usually delayed strokes, given at the end of the activity for a job well or poorly done.

• The degree of psychological risk perceived in activity can be greater or less than in pasturing depending on nature of each.

Games• We all play games from

time to time. • In games, group members

exchange sequence of transactions and at the end of it, they both feel bad.

• All games are replays of childhood strategies that are no longer appropriate to us as grown ups.

Games• By definition, games are

played from any negative ego state parts – negative adapted child, negative controlling parent or negative nurturing parent.

• Games cannot be played from adult.

• Games always entails a exchange of psychological discounts.

Games• One advantage of playing

psychological games is to structure time.

• Some games like Blemish takes a few minutes to point out that the boss always forgets to put the s on the third person singular verb.

• Other games such as Debtor can structure a lifetime.

Intimacy• In intimacy, there are no

secret messages. • The social level and

psychological levels are congruent.

• This is an important difference between intimacy and games.

Intimacy• In intimacy, feelings

expressed are appropriate to finish the situation.

• By contrast, feelings experienced at the end of a game do nothing to resolve the situation of the players.

• This is why games are played over and over again.

Intimacy• Berne’s choice of the

word intimacy should be understood as a specialized technical usage.

• Intimacy in time structuring may or may not have much to do with intimacy in the usual dictionary sense.

Intimacy• When people are being

sexually or personally intimate, they may perhaps also be sharing their feelings and wants openly with each other.

• In that case, they are structuring their time in intimacy.

• But, it is common also for intense emotional relationships to be founded mainly in game playing.

Intimacy• Games are sometimes used

as substitute for intimacy. • They involve a similar

intensity of stroking but without the same degree of perceived risk.

• In a game, each person shifts the responsibility for the outcome to the other.

• In intimacy, each accepts his own responsibility.

Intimacy“Intimacy is a candid Child to Child relationship with no games and no mutual exploitation. It is set up by the Adult ego states of the parties concerned, so that they understand very well their contracts and commitments with each other. “

Eric Berne

Intimacy• To relate in intimacy, we

first need to establish the relationship with our full adult powers of thinking, behaving and feeling.

• Within this protective framework, we can go back into child if we want to, sharing and satisfying some of the unmet needs we carry from our early years.

Intimacy• Intimacy entails mutual

caring and protection from parent.

• The message from this ego state is : “ I won’t discount you and I won’t allow you to discount me.”

• Stroking in intimacy is more intense that in any other form of time structuring.

Intimacy• Since intimacy is not pre

programmed, it is the most unpredictable of all the ways of time structuring.

• Thus from child, intimacy is perceived as the most risky way to relate to another person.

Activity• Make a time structuring

pie chart.• To do this, draw a circle.• Divide the circle into slices

representing the amounts of your typical waking day that you spend in the six different form of time structuring.

Activity• Find out whether you want to

change the look of your time structuring pie.

• If so, draw the version you want to achieve.

• Write down at least five ways in which you will increase the amount of time structure you most want to increase.

• IN the coming week, carry out these behaviors.

• Then redraw your time structuring pie.

Activity• Be alert each day to how

you and others structure time.

• Analyze time structuring during meetings, at work in conversations with neighbors, at parties, or whatever.

• Do not tell others what you are doing unless you are sure they want to know.

Activity• Make up groups of six.• Choose any topic of

conversation.• Talk about it three minutes,

with each person role-playing one of the six ways of time structuring.

• At the end of time, discuss your experience.

• Repeat by shifting the roles.

Prepared by

Manu Melwin JoyResearch Scholar

SMS, CUSAT, KeralaPhone – 9744551114

Mail – manu_melwinjoy@yahoo.com