Tilly The Trickster Perusal

8/20/2019 Tilly The Trickster Perusal

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- PERUSAL PACK -

Molly Shannon’s

Book by JEREMY DOBRISH

Music and Lyrics by DREW FORNAROLA

Based on the book TILLY THE TRICKSTER

By Molly Shannon

570 Seventh Avenue, Suite 2100

New York, NY 10018

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212-643-1322 fax

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6/17/13

The materials contained herein are copyrighted by the authors, are not for sale, and may only be used

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Any other use, transfer, reproduction or duplication including print, electronic or digital media

is strictly prohibited by law.


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Molly Shannon's

TILLY THE TRICKSTER

Book by Jeremy Dobrish

Music and Lyrics by Drew Fornarola


by Molly Shannon


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CHARACTERS

TILLY CALLAHAN - The spunky yet adorable nine year old hero

of our show. Her sense of adventure, play, and imagination is

as sharp as the tips of her pigtails.

PEPPERMINT - Tilly’s dog. He speaks with a high-fallutinaccent and has the wisdom of Buddha, but the attention span

of a... wait what was that?

TILLY’S MOM - Her heart’s in the right place but, unfortunately,

a Mom’s always gotta be a Mom.

TILLY’S DAD - Has dreams of a calm life; a life by the ocean.

A life where he has more hair. Sometimes he goes there in his

mind.

TEDDY- Tilly’s five year old brother. A little bit clueless.

He’ll do anything for an oreo. Oh..., and he’s a puppet.

LUKE - Tilly’s mop-topped male friend. She’s too young to

have a crush on him. Really she is. No, she is. Shut up.

EMILY - Tilly’s bookish friend. If anyone else put those

glasses on, their eyes would melt. If anyone else wore that

giant green knapsack, they’d never be able to get off the

couch.

MRS. MOONEY - Tilly’s music teacher. Once upon a time she

could have been an opera singer. Just ask her. If you’ve gotan hour to kill.

PRINCIPAL - Sometimes things are so important to him that he

needs to say them again. And again.

YOUNG PRINCIPAL - The Principal. But young.

*Note - All children are played by grown ups. All animals are

played by grown ups. Did I mention that Tilly’s brother is a

puppet? Tilly’s Mom doubles with Mrs. Mooney, and appears

briefly as a cat, Tilly’s Dad doubles with Principal, and is thevoice of the bus driver, Luke plays the young principal,

Emily appears briefly as a bird and controls the Teddy puppet

Peppermint appears briefly as a Cow.

TOTAL CAST MEMBERS: 6


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œ

œ

TILLY

œ

œ

TILLY'S MOM/MRS. MOONEY/CAT

V œ

œ

TILLY'S DAD/PRINCIPAL

V

œ

œ

PEPPERMINT/COW

œ

œ

EMILY/TEDDY/BIRD

V

œ

œ

LUKE/BOY

Character Ranges

TILLY THE TRICKSTER



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1

SCENE ONE

(A bare stage)

START TRACK 1

#1 EVERYONE LOVES MY TRICKS

(TILLY runs on stage)

TILLY

Hi everyone. I’m Tilly. But you can call me Tilly The Trickster.

I DON’T LIKE BEING BORED

I DON’T LIKE SITTING STILL

I'VE GOT A LOT OF ENERGY

I’LL DO ANYTHING TO GET A THRILLSO THAT’S WHY PLAYING TRICKS

IS MY FAVORITE THING TO DO

YOU THINK THE WORLD IS ONE WAY

AND THEN POOF! IT’S SOMETHING NEW!

(TILLY throws glitter or something into the

audience)

TRICKS ARE SURPRISING

AND UNEXPECTED

THEY’RE NEVER, EVER BLAHTRICKS ARE THE BEST WHEN

THEY GO UNDETECTED

UNTIL THE BIG A-HA!

NO ONE SEES THEM COMING

TIL THE MOMENT IT ALL CLICKS

Yes!

(TILLY does a cool magic trick)

WHOA OH OH OH OH OH,

EVERYONE LOVES MY TRICKS

Tricks are my friends. Oh, And speaking of friends, I do have

two super cool, super awesome, superduper ones. There's Emily...

(EMILY runs on stage and joins TILLY. She

has incredibly thick glasses, and the

biggest green knapsack in the history of the

http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_01_everyone_loves_my_tricks.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_01_everyone_loves_my_tricks.mp3


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universe. She looks a little like a turtle

(but don’t tell her I said so.)

TILLY (CON'T)

Emily has a heart of gold, but she always uses big words that

nobody understands.

EMILY

Salutations Tilly! I believe you mean I'm surpassingly

perspicacious.

TILLY

See what I mean? Oh, and then there's Luke...

(LUKE also runs on to join TILLY. He wears a

backwards baseball cap, and has hair that

flops into his face, but it’s kind of cute,

don’t you think? Yeah, you do.)

LUKE

Hey, T!

TIILY

Luke is..., he's like...

LUKE

(The most important info ever imparted)

Hey, did you know that dinosaur farts were so hot they causedthe atmosphere to burn up and then all the dinosaurs died?

TRACK 1 ENDS

From their farts! True story.

TIILY

He's like that.

START TRACK 2

EMILY AND LUKE

WE BOTH LOVE TILLY’S TRICKS

THEY MAKE US LAUGH OUT LOUD

LUKE

L-O-L.


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EMILY

L-O-L!

LUKE

THEY MAKE HER FUN TO HANG WITH

EMILY

AND THEY MAKE HER STAND OUT FROM THE CROWD

TILLY

TRICKING IS AN ART

IT REQUIRES SKILL AND WIT

AND IF IT GETS ME NOTICED

THAT’S A BONUS, I ADMIT!

ALL THREE

TRICKS CAN BE CLEVER

OR MESSY OR STICKY…

TILLY

IT’S ALL UP TO ME

ALL THREE

TRICKS CAN BE SCARY

OR SLIMY OR ICKY

TILLY

AND I CAN GUARANTEE

THERE’S NO AMOUNT OF LAMENESS

THAT A LITTLE PRANK CAN’T FIX

ALL THREE


EVERYONE LOVES MY (HER) TRICKS

EMILY

Hey Tilly, Can you execute one of your excessively formidable

tricks right now?

TILLY

Now, now, guys, a trickster can’t be trickstering twenty four

seven.

EMILY AND LUKE

Aw!


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TILLY

A trickster cannot trickstalate on demand.

EMILY AND LUKE

Please!?

TILLY

A trickster trickstantiates when you least expect it!

EMILY AND LUKE

Drat!!!

TIILY

Besides, I need to move on to my family.

(EMILY and LUKE exit as TILLY'S MOM and DAD

enter on another side of the stage)

MOM AND DAD

TILLY’S TRICKS MAKE US FEEL SO PROUD

YES THEY DO

SHE’S THE BEST DAUGHTER OF ALL TIME

IT’S SO TRUE

YOU’RE GONNA GO SO FAR, KID!

WE’RE REALLY GLAD YOU’RE OUR KID!

OUR HAPPINESS IS SUBLIME!

(TILLY tricks MOM and/or DAD. During thefollowing, LUKE and EMILY re-enter)

ALL

OF ALL OF THE TRICKSTERS

WHO’VE TRICKSTERATED

OUR TILLY IS THE BEST

AMONG ALL THE TRICKS THAT

HAVE YET BEEN CREATED

HERS STAND ABOVE THE REST

SHOCK, SUSPENSE, AND HUMOR

IN THE PERFECT TRICKY MIX


EVERYONE LOVES HER TRICKS


EVERYONE LOVES HER TRICKS!

TRACK 2 ENDS—WAIT FOR APPLAUSE, THEN START TRACK 3


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5

#1A EVERYONE LOVES MY TRICKS (REPRISE)

(TILLY gets into bed and everyone else

exits)

ALL (CONT’D)


EVERYONE LOVES HER…

TRACK 3 ENDS

TILLY

(In bed, dreaming, to herself)

EVERYONE LOVES HER…

EVERYONE LOVES HER…(An alarm goes off--TILLY hits the alarm)

Oh no, how many times have I hit snooze already this morning?

Was I dreaming again? I love that one. The dream where everyone

loves my tricks. What time is it? Seven forty!? I was supposed

to be up at seven. Mom’s gonna be mad. So watch this.

START TRACK 4

#1B TRICK 1 UNDERSCORING

(As quick as possible (under dressing?

Velcro?), Tilly is lickity split dressed for

school. She gets into bed, fully clothed.

Just at the last second, she realizes--)

Whoa! I am NOT getting into bed with my favorite red shoes on! I

do NOT like shoes in bed.

(She kicks off her shoes and gets under the

covers fully clothed, just as her MOM walks

into the room.)

TRACK 4 ENDS

TILLY’S MOM

Tilly, you’re still in bed? Hurry up! Get out of your pajamas.


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TILLY

Surprise!

(TILLY throws back the covers)

Look, I’m already dressed for school.

TILLY’S MOM

Tilly, you little trickster! You got me. Now come on, let’s get

Peppermint fed and get you some breakfast.

(TILLY'S MOM heads off to breakfast)

TILLY

By "Let's get Peppermint fed", mom means I should feed him,

which I don't really mind, since getting a dog was my idea, and

he is, like, one of my best friends but, let's face it, doing

chores around the house isn't exactly the most exciting.

(Calling offstage to PEPPERMINT--)

Come here boy. Good boy.

(TILLY freezes as PEPPERMINT comes downstage

and stares out at the audience awkwardly.

Finally, he addresses us--)

PEPPERMINT

Hello, I’m Peppermint, Tilly’s dog. They can’t hear me when I

talk. Or sing. But you can. So, um, I just wanted to say...

START TRACK 5

#2 PEPPERMINT'S LAMENT

(The music begins for PEPPERMINT'S LAMENT,

but TILLY unfreezes and interrupts it--)

PEPPERMINT

I’VE

TRACK 5 ENDS

TILLY

Ok, Peppermint, now siiiit.

http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_02_peppermints_lament.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_02_peppermints_lament.mp3


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PEPPERMINT

Oh for pity's sake, how humiliating.

TIILY

Siiiiit.

PEPPERMINT

I'm trying to... Oh, fine.

(PEPPERMINT sits. He's not happy about it.)

TILLY

Good boy.

START TRACK 6

(The music begins again, and PEPPERMINT

tries to get a note out, but--)

PEPPERMINT

I’VE

TRACK 6 ENDS

TIILY

Now Doooooown.

PEPPERMINT

Really? I'm trying to sing a...

TILLY

Doooooooown.

PEPPERMINT

I mean, how much must one be asked to bear?

(PEPPERMINT lays belly down flat on theground)

TILLY

Good boy!

START TRACK 7


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8

(The music starts up again, but then--)

PEPPERMINT

I’VE

TRACK 7 ENDSTILLY (CON'T)

Now shaaaake.

PEPPERMINT

Really!?

(PEPPERMINT jumps up and high-fives TILLY's

hand with his paw)

TILLY

Good boy, Peppermint!

START TRACK 8

(The music kicks in full and PEPPERMINT

bursts out into song--)

PEPPERMINT

I’VE GOT A LOT OF THOUGHTS IN MY BRAIN

THEORIES AND MUSINGS I YEARN TO EXPLAIN

BUT ALL ANYBODY EVER HEARS IS

WOOF WOOF

(TILLY'S MOM and TILLY'S DAD enter, setting

up a breakfast table for breakfast as they

do--)

TILLY'S DAD

GIVE HIM A TREAT!

TILLY

THAT’S A GOOD BOY!

(TILLY'S DAD gives PEPPERMINT a treat. Hespits it out.)

PEPPERMINT

I’M BURSTING WITH STRONG BELIEFS TO PROFESS

CLEVER OPINIONS I LONG TO EXPRESS

BUT ALL ANYBODY EVER HEARS IS

BARK RUFF


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TILLY'S MOM

ISN’T HE SWEET?

TILLY

WHAT A NICE BOY!

PEPPERMINT

THINK OF THE FOLKS I’D IMPRESS

AND THE KNOWLEDGE I COULD PROMOTE

IF I DIDN’T POSSESS

A CANINE LARYNX IN MY THROAT

I’VE STUDIED CONFUCIOUS

POST TAOIST THOUGHT

GREAT BUDDHIST TEACHINGS

BUT IT’S ALL FOR NAUGHT

SINCE ALL ANYBODY EVER HEARS IS

WHINE WHINE

TILLY'S MOM AND TILLY'S DAD

ISN’T HE CUTE?

TILLY

THAT’S OUR GOOD BOY!

PEPPERMINT

I DON’T WANT TO FETCH!

I DON’T NEED TO PEE!I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO LISTEN TO ME

I’M THE SMARTEST ONE IN THIS FAMILY!

BUT ALL ANYBODY EVER HEARS IS--

RUFF! GRR! BARK! HOWL!

WHINE! PANT! BURP! ARF!

FINE YOU CRAZY HUMANS

GIVE ME A TREAT

FAMILYTHAT’S OUR GOOD BOY!

! MUSIC BUTTONS "

TRACK 8 ENDS


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10

SCENE TWO

(The kitchen--breakfast)

(The table has been set for breakfast for 4,

including chairs and one high chair. TILLYgives a dog food bowl to PEPPERMINT)

PEPPERMINT

(sarcastically)

Oh, gee, lemme guess, same exact food I’ve had every morning and

night for the past three years? Exceptional! Hey, what’s that

over there!?

(PEPPERMINT bounds to the other side of the

stage with the determination of a heat

seeking missile, as--)

TIILY

You don't want your breakfast?

TILLY'S MOM

(Calling offstage)

Teddy! Breakfast!

TEDDY

Coming Mama!

(TEDDY comes running/wobbling onstage, which

is to say that the actor playing EMILYbrings the TEDDY puppet out, and heads

toward the high chair. Unfortunately, TEDDY

holds his sippy cup, and is leaving a

sticky trail of juice behind him.)

TILLY’S DAD

Oh, Teddy! Watch what you’re doing.

TEDDY

Sah-wee. ("Sorry")

TILLY’S DAD

(calling over his shoulder)

Hon, can you bring me a...?

(But TILLY’S MOM is already right there with

a paper towel.)


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11

TILLY’S DAD (CONT’D)

Oh, thanks.

(TILLY’S DAD Lifts TEDDY into his high

chair, and intently starts cutting up some

breakfast sausage for TEDDY and, as he

does, TEDDY throws the sausage pieces toPEPPERMINT who eats them.)

PEPPERMINT

Yum! Delicious! So much better! I love this kid!

TILLY’S MOM

Come on, Tilly, let’s get some food in you.

TILLY

I’m not hungry.

TILLY’S MOM

You need to eat something. And a little protein wouldn’t kill

you every once in awhile.

(TILLY’S DAD notices what TEDDY is doing)

TILLY’S DAD

Teddy! Stop that!

(TEDDY starts to cry)

TEDDYMWAH!

TILLY’S MOM

Oh, hon, don’t be so harsh. It’s ok sweetie pie. Do you want an

oreo?

TILLY

How come he gets an oreo!? Dad, it’s not fair! Dad!

TILLY’S MOM

Honey, what time is it?

TIILY

Dad!?

TILLY'S MOM

You need to get going!


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12

(TILLY’S DAD looks at his watch)

TILLY’S DAD

O-M-G, I’m late!

TILLY

Dad, don’t say “OMG.” It totally doesn’t work on you.

TILLY’S DAD

Whatevs.

TILLY

Dad!

TILLY’S DAD

Tilly, honey, can you get me a glass of water?

TILLY

Uch. Sure Dad.

(To the audience)

Watch this—

START TRACK 9

(TILLY describes her actions as she does

them)

#2A TRICK 2 UNDERSCORING

TILLY (CONT’D)

First, I grab a paper cup. Then, I poke a hole in the side of

the cup with a pencil. If this trick works, water will

spill through the hole when Daddy takes a drink.

TRACK 9 ENDS

(To TILLY'S DAD)

Here you go Dad.

(TILLY hands the cup to her DAD--He takes asip and gets water all over his suit)

TILLY’S DAD

Ach! My cup is leaking! I’m all wet!

TILLY'S MOM

Honey, you're late!


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13

TEDDY

Wah!

TILLY

Tricked you, Dad!

START TRACK 10

#3 MORNINGS STINK

[Bell tone]

(The family freezes. Spotlight on TILLY'S

DAD who sings out to the audience--)

TILLY'S DAD

MORNINGS STINKMORNINGS REALLY TRULY STINK

THEY STINK LIKE MY SOCKS AFTER ZUMBA CLASS

WHY CAN’T MY FAMILY JUST EAT BREAKFAST?

WHY CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

MORNINGS STINK LIKE PEPPERMINT…

WHEN HE PASSES GAS

(TILLY'S DAD does ballet choreography while

the FAMILY, still stationary freezes)

AFTERNOONS ARE BETTERAFTERNOONS DON’T STINK

I SOMETIMES GET TO TAKE A NAP OR READ A BOOK AND THINK

EVENINGS ALSO AREN’T AWFUL

THERE’S ALMOST PERFUME IN THE AIR

I REMINISCE ABOUT THE DAYS

WHEN LIFE WAS CALM

AND I HAD HAIR

I REALLY MISS MY HAIR

WHICH I’M LOSING BECAUSE--

(TILLY'S DAD comes downstage, sings more

desperately now, to the heavens)

MORNINGS STINK

MORNINGS REALLY TRULY STINK!

THEY STINK LIKE MY BREATH AFTER CHIPOTLE. OKAY?

SO IF SOMEONE’S WATCHING FROM ABOVE

PLEASE HELP ME GET THROUGH ONE MORE OF

THESE STINKY, SMELLY, YUCKY, STANKY,

http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_03_mornings_stink.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_03_mornings_stink.mp3


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TILLY’S DAD (CON’T)

NOSE-OFFENDING RANCID, ROTTEN, PUTRID

NASTY, NEVERENDING GAG-INDUCING GRIEF PRODUCING

MORNINGS

(grabs nose)

PEE-YOO!!!

TRACK 10 ENDS

(TILLY'S DAD strikes a dramatic pose while

holding his nose. The song buttons--Lights

shift back. TILLY'S DAD doesn’t. TILLY'S MOM

tries to snap him out of it.)

TILLY'S MOM

Honey. Honey. ANDY!!

TILLY'S DAD

Sorry. What?

PEPPERMINT

Typical human behavior. Never really present in the moment.

Always worried about some sort of--

(Suddenly PEPPERMINT sees something terribly

interesting on the other side of the stage.)

Hey, is that a sock?

START TRACK 11

#3A SLIPPING SEQUENCE

(The lights change as PEPPERMINT goes

tearing across the room. Suddenly, music

underscores, and everything goes into

s-l-o-w m-o-t-i-o-n. PEPPERMINT slips and

slides on the water TILLY made her DAD

spill.)

PEPPERMINT (CONT’D)

Waaaaaggghhh!

(TILLY'S DAD tries to avoid PEPPERMINT but

trips and falls)


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15

TILLY'S DAD

Ooooommmpphh!

(PEPPERMINT bangs into, and knocks over,

TEDDY’s chair sending TEDDY flying across

the room.)

TEDDY

OOOOOHHH NNNNNOOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOO!!!

TILLY'S DAD

Teeeeedddddddyyyyyyyy!!

(TILLY’S MOM runs after the mid-air TEDDY

and, like an outfielder diving for a fly

ball, catches him just in time, preventing

him from getting hurt!!!)

TRACK 11 ENDS

ALL

Phew!

(Everything returns to normal)

TILLY’S MOM

Tilly! No more tricks! That wasn’t funny.

TILLY

Actually it was even funnier than I thought!

TILLY'S MOM

Teddy, are you ok?

TEDDY

Yes, Mama.

TILLY’S MOM

Look at this mess!

TIILYPeppermint made the mess.

PEPPERMINT

Really? Throwing me under the bus?

TEDDY

He swipped on da wa-wa you made Dada spill.


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16

TIILY

Zip it Teddy!

TILLY'S MOM

Don't tell your brother to zip it!

TILLY’S DAD

Tilly, Stop it! What are we going to do with you? These tricks

are really getting to be a problem! Now, I'm serious, no more

tricks today. None! Understand? We’re gonna have to--

TILLY’S MOM

Uch, look at the time.

TILLY'DAD

OMG

TILLY'S MOM

Come on, honey, you’re gonna be late.

TILLY’S DAD

Ok, see you tonight. Tilly, we’ll deal with this whole water

thing later.

(TILLY’S DAD kisses TILLY’S MOM and exits)

TILLY'S MOM

Tilly, I don’t want you to miss the bus. And I need to get

Teddy’s backpack packed, and get him to school.

TILLY

Ok Mom, see ya later. D’oh. Can’t leave without my favorite red

shoes!

(TILLY puts on her shoes, exits the house,

and begins walking down the street)


23/85

17

SCENE THREE

(The bus stop)

TILLY

Mom and Dad just don’t get it. Did anyone get hurt? No. Am I in

trouble? Not really. So what’s the big deal? They think tricksare a problem, but I think tricks are awesome!

(TILLY heads toward EMILY and LUKE who are

waiting for the school bus.)

LUKE

Did you do Mrs. Mooney’s music homework?

EMILY

Of course, it was painlessly elemental, didn’t you think?

LUKE

I don't even know what that means.

EMILY

It was easy.

LUKE

Oh, um, yeah, totally easy.

EMILY

So band practice after school today?

LUKE

Stuck In Reverse shall reign supreme!

EMILY

I wish we could invite Tilly in, she’s such a good guitar

player.

LUKE

I know, but with all of her tricks, how can we trust her?

START TRACK 12

#4 BUS STOP COUNTERPOINT

http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_04_bus_stop_counterpoint.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_04_bus_stop_counterpoint.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_04_bus_stop_counterpoint.mp3


24/85

18

(TILLY enters. EMILY and LUKE continue

pantomiming a conversation and haven’t seen

her yet. TILLY speaks to the audience--)

TILLY

See, here’s a great example. I have an idea for a littlemischief, the PERFECT trick. And what am I supposed to do,

let a brilliant trick go untricked? I think not!

I’VE GOT THE PERFECT TRICK

TO SPICE UP THIS BORING MORNING

I’LL GIVE A LITTLE KICK

TO THIS BLAND BUS STOP ROUTINE

MY FRIENDS WILL THINK IT’S SUPER FUN

AND WHEN IT’S DONE THEN EVERYONE’LL SAY--

TILLY! YOU’RE THE BEST!

WE’RE ALL SO IMPRESSED!

WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY

TO START OUT THE DAY!

YOU’RE THE TRICKSTER QUEEN!

(TILLY runs up to EMILY and LUKE, looking

frazzled.)

Hey Emily! Hey Luke!

EMILY

Hey Tilly.

LUKE

Hey T. What’s wrong?

TILLY

GUYS!

YOU’LL NEVER GUESS

THE BUS CAME EARLY

AND WE MISSED IT!

LUKE

IT DID WHAT?

EMILY

IT LEFT?

TILLY

IT LEFT


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19

EMILY

OH NO!

LUKE

OH NO!

LUKE AND EMILY

OH NO!

TILLY

OH YES

LUKE AND EMILY

Aww!

TILLY

AND LUKE

THE PRINCIPAL SAID IF YOU

WERE LATE AGAIN THAT HE WOULD WRITE YOU UP

LUKE

HE DID?

TILLY

HE DID

EMILY

OH NO!

LUKE AND EMILY

OH NO!

TILLY

OH YES.

EMILY

Aww!

WE BETTER WALK!

TILLY

YOU BETTER RUN OR YOU’LL BE LATE!

LUKE AND EMILY

AHH!


26/85

20

TILLY

Ha! I can’t believe they fell for it. I'm the best trickster on

the block. In the world! Whoo-hoo!

(On another part of the stage, EMILY and

LUKE run to school)

LUKE

EW, I’M GETTING SWEATY

AND I’M ALL OUT OF BREATH

EMILY

THIS IS AWFUL

LUKE

WHY DO THESE BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO US?

EMILY

WE AREN’T VERY LUCKY

LUKE

I’M TIRED

EMILY

MY FEET HURT

LUKE

I’VE GOT TO SAY--

LUKE AND EMILY

THIS IS JUST THE WORST

IT’S LIKE WE’VE BEEN CURSED

WHAT A MISERABLE WAY

TO START OUT THE DAY

HOW’D WE MISS THE BUS?

(The school bus pulls up and picks TILLY up

[maybe it’s a 2D cartoon bus in profile?]

The bus catches up to LUKE and EMILY, and

TILLY calls out to them--)

TILLY

Bye guys, see you at school!

LUKE

What the what!?


27/85

21

EMILY

How utterly aggravating!

(The bus pulls ahead of EMILY and LUKE)

TILLY LUKE

I’VE GOT THE PERFECT TRICK EW, I’M GETTING SWEATY

TO SPICE UP THIS BORING MORNING AND I’M ALL OUT OF BREATH

EMILY

THIS IS AWFUL

LUKE

I’LL GIVE A LITTLE KICK THIS IS WHY BAD THINGS

TO THIS BLAND BUS STOP ROUTINE HAPPEN TO US

EMILY

I’D LIKE TO FART

ON HER PILLOW

LUKE

MY FRIENDS WILL THINK I’M TIRED

EMILY

IT’S SUPER FUN MY FEET HURT

LUKE

AND WHEN IT’S DONE I’M TURNING GREEN!THEN EVERYONE’LL SAY—

LUKE AND EMILY

TILLY! YOU’RE THE BEST! TILLY, IS A PAIN

WE’RE ALL SO IMPRESSED! I THINK SHE’S INSANE

WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY WHAT A MISERABLE WAY

TO START OUT THE DAY! TO START OUT THE DAY

I'M THE TRICKSTER QUEEN!

THAT WAS REALLY MEAN!


MISERABLE WAY

ALL THREE


TRACK 12 ENDS


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SCENE FOUR

(At school)

(TILLY is in MRS. MOONEY’s music classroom.

EMILY and LUKE enter, out of breath)

TILLY

Hey guys, what took you so long, hitch a ride on a snail?

LUKE

Ha ha ha.

TIILY

Wearing those glue covered shoes again?

EMILY

Ha ha ha, hysterical.

TIILY

Take the long way through the molasses highway?

LUKE

So not cool.

TILLY

Oh come on you guys, have a sense of humor. That was a pretty

awesome trick.

LUKEFor you maybe.

EMILY

I can barely breathe. I'm afraid I'm asphyxiating.

LUKE

My hair is a national emergency.

TILLY

And you don’t think that’s funny?

EMILY

Um..., no!

TILLY

Uch, you guys are so Totally-Not-Getting-It-So-Just-Forget-It!


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23

(overlapping)

EMILY LUKE

Totally what? I’m sorry?

TILLY

Never mind.

EMILY

Hey, Tilly, did you know that Luke and I are starting a band?

TILLY

Really?

LUKE

Yep. Stuck In Reverse.

TILLY

Nice. Can I be in it? I play a mean guitar.

EMILY

Negatory.

TILLY

Why not?

EMILY

(sarcastic)

Oh, gee, I wonder.

LUKE

(sarcastic)

Can’t imagine.

TILLY

What? What’s that supposed to mean?

LUKE

Um, maybe because you’re always playing tricks on people, so

nobody really trusts you?

TILLY

What? That’s ridiculous.

(A school bell rings. The students take

their seats as MRS. MOONEY enters. MRS.

MOONEY is dressed like she’s ready to


30/85

24

step on stage at the Met and sing some

opera. Even when she speaks, it is

operatic.)

MRS. MOONEY

Good moooorr---nniiiing cllaa---aaaassss.

TILLY, LUKE AND EMILY

Good moooorrr---nniiing Mrs. Moooooooonneeeyyy.

MRS. MOONEY

Did everyone do their hoooome wooooork?


Yes, Mrs. Mooney.

(MRS. MOONEY goes around the class

collecting home work. First from EMILY.)

MRS. MOONEY

Thank Yooooouuuu.

(Then from TILLY)

Thank yooooouuuu.

TILLY

You’re wellll---cooome.

(Then from LUKE who ain’t got jack)

MRS. MOONEY

Luuuuuke?

LUKE

Oh, um, I’m sorry Mrs. Mooney. My dog ate my homework.

EMILY

You don’t have a dog.

MRS. MOONEY

So you did your hooomewooork, you just don’t haaave iiitt?

LUKE

Yeah, that’s right.


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MRS. MOONEY

Alright then, let’s see how you do. Step to the front of the

room please.

LUKE

Uh, ok. (LUKE, filled with apprehension, stands and

goes to the front of the class)

MRS. MOONEY

Alright then, Luuuuke, answer me this--What note is between an

Fffffff and an Aaaaaa?

LUKE

F and A? Um, gee I don’t...

MRS. MOONEY

G is correeeeeeeect!

LUKE

It is? I mean, I know.

MRS. MOONEY

What word do the notes in the spaces spell?

LUKE

Um, ok, look, I’ll face it, I didn't do my...

MRS. MOONEYFace is correeeeeeeect.

LUKE

Whoa.

MRS. MOONEY

What note is the highest on the staaaaaaaff?

LUKE

Um...T?

MRS. MOONEY

"T?" There is no "T."

LUKE

No, I mean, T, I need help.


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TILLY

Ooh, the perfect time for a trick. Mrs. Mooney, Mrs. Mooney!

MRS. MOONEY

Not now, Tilly.

TILLY

But Mrs. Mooney this is really important. Look at, I made some

home made strawberry candy. They’re SO delicious. Want some?

MRS. MOONEY

Oh, well, this doesn’t really seem like the time, but I do have

a weakness for strawberry candy. How delightful Tilly.

(TILLY hands MRS. MOONEY a candy. She pops

it in her mouth.)

Hmmm, this doesn’t taste sweet. It tastes

like...Yoooooooowwwwww!

START TRACK 13

#5 IT'S HOT

IT’S HOT!

AH OO EE OO OW OW OW!

IT’S HOT!

AH OO EE OO HOLY COW!I EXPECTED SOMETHING SWEET

AND SAVORY BUT THIS IS NOT

AH OO EE IT BURNS IT BURNS

IT’S HOT!

LUKE

We gotta get this on youtube!

(All three kids pull out their cell phones

and start recording)

MRS. MOONEY

OH THE HUMANITY!

MY HEAD IS GONNA BLOW!

I NEED A BOTTLED WATER

I NEED TO STICK MY FACE IN SNOW

IT’S HOT!

http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_05_its_hot.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_05_its_hot.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_05_its_hot.mp3


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MRS. MOONEY (CON'T)

WON’T SOMEONE FIND MY COFFEE CUP?

IT’S HOT!

MY LOVELY LIPS ARE BURNING UP

I WOULD DRINK STRAIGHT FROM THE

FIRE HYDRANT IN THE PARKING LOTMY MOUTH'S AN INFERNO

GOD IT’S HOT

Someone make it stop!

[DANCE BREAK]

HOT HOT HOT-CHA CHA!

TILLY, EMILY, AND LUKE

(Copying her)

HOT HOT HOT-CHA CHA!

MRS. MOONEY

HOT HOT HOT, OOOOOOOH HOT!

TILLY, EMILY, AND LUKE

(Copying her)

HOT HOT HOT, OOOOOOOH HOT!

(MRS. MOONEY makes a series of quick,

outrageous, and barely decipherable "ooh my

mouth is hot" type sounds in rapidsuccession. She looks to the kids to copy

her but, hey, that was hard and they got

nothin'.)

IT’S HOT! A DRAGON’S LIVING IN MY LUNG

IT’S HOT! SOMEONE BARBEQUED MY TONGUE

WHY DID I BECOME THE HELPLESS

VICTIM OF THIS RED HOT PLOT?

MACA-FRIGGIN-RONI IT IS HOT!

IT’S HOT!

IT’S HOT IT’S HOT IT’S HOT IT’S HOTIT’S HOT IT’S HOT IT’S HOT

IT’S…SOOOOO HOT!

TRACK 13 ENDS

(Blackout)


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28

SCENE FIVE

(Lights up-the Principal’s office)

(The PRINCIPAL sits behind his desk. TILLY

sits in a chair facing him. There is anameplate on the desk that says

“PRINCIPAL.”)

PRINCIPAL

Tilly, I am not amused. I am NOT amused.

TILLY

Well I didn't do it to amuse you. I thought it was

High-llarious!

PRINCIPAL

Excuse me young lady! I don’t think you realize just how

serious, JUST HOW SERIOUS, this is.

TILLY

What’s the big deal? It was just a harmless prank.

PRINCIPAL

What’s the big deal? What’s the big deal?!

TILLY

Do you always say everything twice?

PRINCIPAL

Tilly, these tricks need to stop, don't you see? Tilly, these

tricks need to stop, or you'll turn out like...

TILLY

Who?

START TRACK 14

#6 THE BALLAD OF THE BIRD

PRINCIPAL

I was once a lot like... I mean, I knew a boy who was very much

like you.

http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_06_the_ballad_of_the_bird.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_06_the_ballad_of_the_bird.mp3


35/85

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(LUKE enters dressed exactly like a little

boy version of the PRINCIPAL. LUKE does an

interpretive dance.)

PRINCIPAL (CONT’D)

WHEN I WAS NINE I WAS WALKING DOWN THE ROAD

TILLY

You mean the boy was.

PRINCIPAL

Right, the boy, not me. The boy.

AND THEN I SAW SOMETHING IN THE

GRASS AND SLOWED

(EMILY enters, half-heartedly dressed as aBIRD, and joins the interpretive dance.)

TILLY

The boy, you mean.

PRINCIPAL BIRD

Correct. I’m not in this story.

IT WAS A LITTLE WOUNDED BIRD

(TWEET, TWEET!)

WING SPRAINED AND VISION BLURRED(TWEET!)

SO I – HE – POKED IT WITH A STICK

(SAD TWEET)

IT WAS JUST A HARMLESS TRICK--

(The BIRD exits. LUKE dances alone for the

next verse)

TILLY

Is that the whole story?

PRINCIPAL

No, this wasn’t an isolated incident.

I WOULD CATCH CATS AND THEN I WOULD

PULL THEIR TAILS


36/85

30

TILLY

You mean the boy would.

PRINCIPAL

He! Yes, obviously, Tilly.

HE’D TORMENT CHIPMUNKS

AND HE SALTED SNAILS

TILLY

WHAT DOES THAT DO?

PRINCIPAL

Wikipedia it.

TILLY

OK.

PRINCIPAL

AND EVERY CREATURE THAT HE TEASED

THEY MADE HIM LAUGH UNTIL HE SNEEZED

AND SO HE SPENT HIS DAYS THAT WAY

THINKING IT WAS ALL OKAY--

TILLY

Is there a point to this?

PRINCIPAL

Yes. The boy had a dream where the bird said--

(Dream lighting and music. Enter half-

heartedly dressed BIRD (EMILY), CAT (MOM),

and COW (PEPPERMINT). Preferably we

shouldn’t know what the cow is until it says

"moo.")

BIRD

WHY, WHY, WHY DID YOU POKE ME TWEET?

WHY, WHY, WHY?

PRINCIPAL

And the cat said--

CAT

WHY, WHY, WHY DID YOU PULL MY TAIL?

WHY, WHY, WHY?


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31

PRINCIPAL

And the cow said--

COW

WHY DID YOU DRESS ME IN A TUTU AND MAKE ME

DANCE THE ELECTRIC SLIDE? MOO!

BIRD, CAT AND COW

WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY?

WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY?

WHY?

PRINCIPAL

And the boy said--

LUKE

I DON’T KNOW! I’M SORRY!

I DON’T KNOW! I’M SORRY!

SORRY SORRY SORRY

I AM REALLY SORRY

SORRY SORRY SORRY

SORRY!SORRY SORRY

SORRY SORRY!SORRY

SORRY SORRY SORRY!

(Lights fade down on LUKE and the ANIMALS

and up on the PRINCIPAL at his desk still

crying with post traumatic stress.)

PRINCIPAL

SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY

SORRY SORRY--

TILLY

Sir?

PRINCIPAL

Ahem.

SO IN CONCLUSION WHAT I’D LIKE TO SAY

TILLY

You mean the boy.

PRINCIPAL

No, me. I’m talking now.


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TILLY

Ah.

PRINCIPAL

IS YOU MAY COME TO REGRET YOUR TRICKS SOMEDAY

THIS PARABLE OF CAT AND BIRDMAY STRIKE YOU AS A BIT ABSURD

BUT LISTEN TO MY PLEA

TILLY, DON’T TURN OUT LIKE--

THE BOY

TRACK 14 ENDS

TILLY

Listen Principal...

(TILLY picks up the “PRINCIPAL” name-plateoff of the desk)

Principal...Do you even have a last name?

PRINCIPAL

I don’t NEED a last name.

TILLY

10-4 that. Anyway, I love your story, I love little birds, but I

don’t see what this has to do with me.

PRINCIPAL

Oh Tilly, don’t make the same mistakes as that poor misguided

boy who spent so many years, so MANY years, in therapy grappling

with his guilt. Who drove away all of the women, ALL the women,

who ever loved him, and whose greatest joy in life, his GREATEST

JOY is a toasted tuna fish sandwich with the crusts cut off!!!

Crusts. Off.

TILLY

You don't like the crust either!? I hate the crust!

PRINCIPAL

Tilly!

TILLY

Look, I don’t torture birds. I don’t hurt anybody.

PRINCIPAL

What about Mrs. Mooney!?


39/85

33

TILLY

So her mouth was a little hot for a few minutes? So what? She’s

fine. It was funny.

PRINCIPAL

I see. You’re in worse shape than I thought. Tilly, you'returning into a bully.

TILLY

A bully!? I'm not a bully, I'm a trickster.

PRINCIPAL

Ah, but Tilly--Bullies never think they're bullies. THEY NEVER

THINK THEY'RE BULLIES!

(The PRINCIPAL presses a button on an

intercom)

Molly?

MOLLY (VO)

Yes Principal?

PRINCIPAL

Get Mrs. Callahan to my office. To my office!

MOLLY "#$% I heard you the first time.

PRINCIPAL

Right away, Molly!!! Right Away!

MOLLY (VO)

(imitating him)

"Right away, Molly,right away!"

(TILLY’S MOM enters immediately--scaring the

PRINCIPAL)

PRINCIPALOh! Mrs. Callahan! Come in.

(She sits with TILLY)


40/85

34

PRINCIPAL (CONT’D)

(into the intercom)

Well done, Molly, well done.

(to TILLY'S MOM)

I’m afraid I have to send Tilly home for the rest of the day.

Until she gets her trickstering under control, I’m afraid sheneeds to be punished.

TILLY'S MOM

Principal--

(She looks to the nameplate to find the

Principal's last name, but it is no help.)

--principal, I am so sorry, I'm sure that Tilly was

just--

(THE PRINCIPAL puts his finger up to TILLY'S

MOM's lips)

PRINCIPAL

Dup. Dup. Shush now. Shush. Go home. Home to your beautiful

family and your handsome husband. Have a meeting. Have a family

meeting!

(THE PRINCIPAL's office fades away--TILLY'S

MOM steps center stage and screams out,

summoning everyone--)

TILLY'S MOMFAMILY MEETING!

(The scene changes quickly to--)


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35

SCENE SIX

(The kitchen)

(--as the PRINCIPAL does a quick change into

DAD, and joins TEDDY, TILLY and PEPPERMINT

in the kitchen for a family meeting.)

TILLY'S DAD

What's so important? What's the problem? Why a family meeting?

TILLY'S MOM

Andy..., today Tilly was--

(dramatic pause)

--sent home by the principal.

(Lights shift)

TILLY'S DAD

NOOOOO!!!!!

TILLY'S MOM

Because of her tricks.

TILLY'S DAD

NOOOOO!!!!

START TRACK 15

#7 WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?

MOM DAD

WE’RE THE WORST PARENTS

IN THE WORLD

YES WE ARE

I KNEW WE COULDN’T DO

THIS ALL ALONG

YOU WERE RIGHT

WE DID THE BEST WE COULD

WE WEREN’T ANY GOOD

BOTH

OH WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?

TILLY

It’s really not that bad…

http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_07_where_did_we_go_wrong.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_07_where_did_we_go_wrong.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_07_where_did_we_go_wrong.mp3


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MOM DAD

WE MUST BE INCOMPETENT

OR WORSE

WE ARE WORSE

WE TRIED TO BE CONSISTENT,

FIRM AND STRONG

BUT WE FAILED

NOW TEDDY'S REALLY BAD AT MATH

AND TILLY IS A

PSYCHOPATH

BOTH

WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?

TILLY

Guys, we’re right here…

TEDDY

HA-HA, You're a psy-wo-path.

TIILY

You don't even know what a psy-wo-path is!

MOM DAD

WAS IT BECAUSE WE LET THEMEAT SUGARY CEREAL?

SHOULD WE HAVE TOLD THEM

TO WHINE LESS?

SHOULD WE NOT HAVE LET THEM

WATCH CARTOONS?

WERE WE TOO STRICT

OR TOO SPINELESS?

WOE WOE IS ME

WOE WOE IS US

BOTH

WOE WOE ARE WE

THE WORST PARENTS IN THE WORLD

TILLY

Guys. Really.


43/85

37

MOM DAD

WOE WOE I FEEL LIKE POO OH

WOE OH, IT’S HARD TO BEAR OH

DAD

WOE OH I FEEL SO BLUETHAT I JUST LOST MORE HAIR

(The music continues and TILLY'S MOM and

TILLY'S DAD run around like chickens with

their heads cut off. They do a "dance" of

woe and sorrow as--)

TEDDY

Mama? Dada? Are you gonna be Awight?

TILLY

Oh, this is ridiculous.

PEPPERMINT

You see Tilly, it's like this: the Eastern philosophers teach us

about Karma, about how if you do bad things, they will come back

to you and...oh what's the use? To you this just sounds like

"Arf, Ruff, Woof-Woof". If only I could explain this to you so

you'd understand.

MOM DAD

SOMEHOW OUR BEST

WAS NOT ENOUGHIT WAS INADEQUATE

THAT IS WHY WE’RE SINGING

THIS SAD SONG

LA LA SAD

TILLY’S NUTS

WE KNOW IT’S TRUE

AND TED'S NOT SMART

WE’RE OH FOR TWO

BOTH

WHERE DID WE GO WRONG

AND WHAT ARE WE TO DO?


44/85

38

MOM DAD

WE WANT TO HELP OUR CHILDREN

BUT HOW?

HOW? HOW?!

(PEPPERMINT howls along with the music)

BOTH

WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?

AND WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

WHAT...NOW!?

[SONG BUTTONS]

TRACK 15 ENDS

TILLY'S DADWe have no time for self pity.

PEPPERMINT

Oh, humans always seem to find time for self pity.

TILLY'S MOM

(To TILLY'S DAD)

You're right.

PEPPERMINT

I know.

TILLY'S DAD

Tilly, you've really let us down. Go to your room. Your mother

and I will discus what to do, and we'll meet you in your room in

ten minutes. Understood?

START TRACK 16

(Everyone except TILLY and PEPPERMINT exit.

The lights go down to a sad and lonelyspotlight on TILLY. The music is the saddest

ballad you’ve ever heard in your life.)

#8 LET'S PARTY

TILLY

I FEEL SO BAD

http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_08_lets_party.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_08_lets_party.mp3


45/85

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TILLY (CON’T)

I LET DOWN MOM AND DAD

AND ALL OF THE GUILT IS GONNA SCAR ME

I DIDN’T DO MY PART

SO I’LL TELL THEM FROM MY HEART:

I’M SO SO SO SO SOOOO

Excited!! Come on Peppermint! We got the day off!

NA NA NA NA YEAH

DAYS OFF OF SCHOOL, YEAH

TOTALLY RULE, YEAH

NA NA NA NA.

LETS PARTY!

BOTH

NA NA NA NA YEAH


TOTALLY RULE, YEAH

NA NA NA NA

TILLY

WE’RE GONNA EAT CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM

PEPPERMINT

AND GO CLIMB A TREE

TILLYJUMP ON THE BEDS

BOTH

AND WATCH SOME TV

PEPPERMINT

WE’LL PLAY FETCH

TIILY

WE'LL GO SWIMMING

BOTH

AND THEN SURF THE NET

TILLY

IF YOU THINK WEEKENDS ARE FUN


46/85

40

BOTH

YOU AIN’T SEEN NOTHIN' YET BECAUSE--

NA NA NA NA, YEAH


TOTALLY RULE, YEAH

NA NA NA NA.

TILLY

LETS PARTY!

BOTH

NA NA NA NA, YEAH


TOTALLY RULE, YEAH

NA NA NA NA!

(TILLY and PEPPERMINT do a super fun dancebreak)

NA NA NA NA, YEAH

DAYS OFF OF SCHOOL YEAH

TOTALLY RULE, YEAH

NA NA NA NA...

PEPPERMINT

RUFF RUFF RUFF

BOTHNA NA NA NA, YEAH


TOTALLY RULE, YEAH

NA NA NA NA!

! THE SONG BUTTONS "

TRACK 16 ENDS—WAIT FOR APPLAUSE, THEN START TRACK 17

#8A LET'S PARTY TAG

TIILY

Come on, Peppermint, let's go!

NA NA NA NA, YEAH


TOTALLY RULE, YEAH NA!


47/85

41

(TILLY'S MOM cuts them off like a record

scratch)

TRACK 17 ENDS

TILLY’S MOM

Up to your room young lady!

TILLY

...dag.

(If performing with an intermission, take it

here. If not, transitions to-- $


48/85

42

SCENE SEVEN

(Tilly's room)

(TILLY sits on her bed with PEPPERMINT.

TILLY’S MOM and TILLY'S DAD stand at the

foot of the bed.)

TILLY’S DAD

Number one: you need to calm your body down.

TILLY’S MOM

How many times do we need to tell you?

TILLY’S DAD

Number two: No special treats for the rest of the day.

TILLY

Does that include...?

TILLY’S MOM

(overlapping)

Which includes sweets.

TILLY

And...?

TILLY’S MOM

(overlapping)

And TV.

TILLY

Confound it!

TILLY’S DAD

Number three: you will spend the rest of the day in your room...

TILLY’S MOM

Quiet time...

TILLY’S DADThinking about how naughty you have been. Understand Tilly?

TILLY

Yes.

(TILLY’S MOM and TILLY'S DAD exit)

Well, Peppermint, looks like it’s just you and me.


49/85

43

PEPPERMINT

How uncharacteristically existential of you.

TILLY

Yeah, I know, “Ruff” is right. Let’s see. What could we do? You

wanna play rock, paper, scissors?

(PEPPERMINT shrugs)

Ok, Rock, paper scissors, shoot.

(TILLY throws down “paper.” PEPPERMINT puts

in his paw.)

TILLY (CONT’D)

Paper. I’m Paper. You’re... what is that? Just like random paw?

Well, Paper beats paw, for sure. One for me. Gee, this is fun.

Not!

TILLY’S MOM

(from offstage)

Quiet time!

TILLY

Confound it! This is so boring. Life without tricks is just

boring, boring, boring. I want to DO something. You know what I

mean Peppermint? Say it with me--DO something.

TILLY AND PEPPERMINTDOOOOO something. DOOOOOOOOOO something. DOOOOOOOOOOOOO

something.

TILLY

Oh woof woof woof to you too. What's the use?, you can't talk.

I'll bet if you could, though, you'd have something useful to

say. Yeah, right, Pfff, whatever, sure. Well, I guess I’ll just

sit here and "think about how naughty I’ve been."

(TILLY sits on the bed and thinks about how

naughty she has been. PEPPERMINT wants tohelp--)

PEPPERMINT

I could tell you a story.

START TRACK 18


50/85

44

#8B PEPPERMINT’S MONOLOGUE (UNDERSCORING)

(PEPPERMINT delivers this speech like one

of Shakespeare’s great soliloquies--NB: he

pronounces “coyote” so it rhymes with “my

throat”)

PEPPERMINT (CONT’D)

Once upon a time I was walking along the side of a road. This

was back when I was a free dog, of course, before the days of

collars and leashes. Not that I mind belonging to you, I do love

it, but there was something to the freedom of the open...

Anyway, One day I came across a wounded bird and I befriended

it. I licked its wounds and, with my paws, I managed to fashion

a make-shift splint for its broken wing. I named him Confucius.

Over time, the bird healed and was able to once again take

glorious flight. Fly little Confucius! Fly!! Now, perhaps that’swhere you'd think the story would come to an end, but you would

be wrong. No, Tilly, listen: You see, one evening out in the

open wilderness I was pursued by a coyote. Well, “Pursued” is a

polite word. That vile beast was out to kill me! To eat me!! I

ran and ran away from it as fast as I could, but I was no match

for the speed of this awful creature! In a matter of moments, I

was to be his supper. But then!, Out of nowhere!, Flying like a

heat seeking missile, came my long lost friend Confucius. He

zoomed right past me heading straight for the coyote. As he

zipped past my snout he proffered up a friendly and final “CA-

CAW”, and then flew straight into the mouth of the snarling,

salivating beast. “Kkkkkgghhhghgh!” the beast sputtered,

suddenly unable to breathe. Confucius had lodged himself right

in the throat of the coyote. And in a matter of minutes, both

the bird and the beast were dead. You see--my precious

Confucius gave up his own life, so that I might live to see

another day! I saved him, and now he saved me! And THAT, my

dear, Tilly, is karma! Do unto others as you would have others

do unto you, and you shall...

TRACK 18 ENDS

hey what’s that?

(PEPPERMINT bounds offstage chasing

something)


51/85

45

TILLY

Boring, boring, boring. Sheesh I’m so bored. I wish Peppermint

could talk. He'd understand me.

(PEPPERMINT pokes his head onstage)

PEPPERMINT

Ugh!

(and exits again)

(Just then, TEDDY goes skipping by TILLY’s

room with a plate of Oreos)

TEDDY

Yummy, yummy, o-eo, o-eo.

TILLY

What!? That is so not fair.

(calling offstage)Mooo---ooom, are Oreos treats?

TILLY’S MOM

(from offstage)

Yep.

TILLY

And I still can’t have any treats?

TILLY’S MOM

(from offstage)Nope!

TILLY

Confound it! So not fair! If I can't have treats, he can't

either! Ok, ok, wait a minute. I have an idea. First..., I sneak

out of my bedroom.

(TILLY narrates her actions as she

accomplishes them)

START TRACK 19

#8C TRICK 3 UNDERSCORING

I snag the toothpaste and slink into the kitchen where I grab a

cookie. Then, I twist the top off the cookie, remove the creamy

white center with my fingers, and replace it with yucky white

toothpaste. Ha! Now, watch this-


52/85

46

TRACK 19 ENDS

TILLY (CON’T)

Teddy! Oh Teddy!

(TEDDY comes bouncing over to TILLY)

Here’s one of your favorite cookies.

TEDDY

O-eo. Yum!

(TEDDY puts the cookie in his mouth and

starts chewing. Suddenly his face turns

green, his eyes bulge out of his head, and

smoke comes out of his ears; or whatever the puppet can realistically do, but it should

be nuts. Or--the puppet can simply thrash

about comically--TILLY is laughing

hysterically.)

(But then... TEDDY spits up the pukey,

mushy, icky, yucky cookie all over TILLY’s

favorite red shoes!)

TILLY

Ew! Yuck! Teddy! My trick was supposed to be funny, it wasn’t

supposed to get my shoes dirty!

TEDDY

Sah-wee. ("Sorry")

TILLY

My favorite red shoes!

TEDDY

Sah-wee, Ti-wee. ("Sorry, Tilly.")

TILLYArgh!

TEDDY

Ti-wee? I hab a tunny ache. ("Tilly? I have a tummy ache.")


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TILLY

(Trying to will it to be so)

No you don’t! No tummy ache for you! That’s not part of my plan.

Tricks are supposed to go my way! The whole point of a trick is

for it to be funny, and for me to feel powerful.

START TRACK 20

#9 EVERYONE LOVES MY TRICKS (REPRISE)

TRICKS ARE SURPRISING

AND UNEXPECTED

THEY’RE NEVER, EVER BLAH

TRICKS ARE THE BEST WHEN

THEY GO UNDETECTED

UNTIL THE BIG A-HA!SHOCK, SUSPENSE, AND HUMOR

IN THE PERFECT TRICKY MIX

WHOA OH OH OH OH OH

EVERYONE LOVES MY TRICKS

You hear me?!


EVERYONE LOVES MY—

TRACK 20 ENDS

(TILLY realizes that TEDDY, TILLY’S MOM,

TILLY’S DAD, and PEPPERMINT are all standing

around watching her musical tantrum. They

look disappointed in her.)

TILLY (CONT’D)

What’s everyone looking at, anyway?

TILLY’S MOM

Alright, come on, I think we’ve had enough excitement for oneday.

(TILLY’S DAD hands TILLY her cookie-covered

favorite red shoes.)

http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_09_everyone_loves_my_tricks_reprise.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_09_everyone_loves_my_tricks_reprise.mp3


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48

TILLY’S DAD

Tilly, why don’t you clean these off and put them outside to

dry?

TILLY

Ok, Dad. (TILLY grabs the shoes and exits)

TILLY’S DAD

And let's get Peppermint fed.

TIILY

Come on Peppermint.

PEPPERMINT

(sarcastically, as he exits with TILLY)

Oh, gee, lemme guess, same exact food I’ve had every morning and

PEPPERMINT (CON'T)

night for the past three years? Exceptional!

TILLY'S DAD

Come on, Teddy, I'll make you some dinner.

TEDDY

Daddy's Pus-getthi!

TILLY'S DAD

Then it's bath time.

TEDDY

Yay, bubb-ooze! ("Yay, bubbles!")

(As they are exiting, TILLY’S MOM has lagged

behind. She goes over to TILLY’S DAD)

TILLY’S MOM

Honey, I love you.

TILLY’S DAD

You do? Why?

TILLY’S MOM

Just cuz you're you.

(She kisses him and exits and everyone has

exited except TILLY’S DAD)


55/85

49

START TRACK 21

#10 NIGHTS ARE NICE

TILLY’S DAD

NIGHTS ARE NICE

NIGHTS ARE REALLY PRETTY NICE

IT’S TRUE, MORNINGS STINK,

BUT IT’S WORTH IT

THIS FAMILY TIME WE GET TO SHARE

IS BETTER THAN ME HAVING HAIR

I’LL TAKE THE FOOD FIGHTS AND THE WHINING AND THE MESSES

YELLING, CRYING AND UNNECESSARY STRESSES

JUST TO HAVE THESE PERFECT FAMILY EVENINGS

(There is a thunder clap and the sound of

rain. TILLY’S DAD exits as TILLY enters in abathrobe, taking us to--)

TRACK 21 ENDS

http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_10_nights_are_nice.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_10_nights_are_nice.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_10_nights_are_nice.mp3


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50

SCENE EIGHT

(Later that night)

TILLY

(To the audience)You know what I like best about dinner? Brussels sprouts! Psyc!

Just kidding. Desert, of course! But I didn’t get any desert

tonight, did I? NOOO--OOOOO! Cause I guess that counts as a

treat. Bogus. But my bath was good. And now, I am ready to put

this day behind me, and go to bed.

(Another clap of thunder as TILLY’S MOM

enters dressed for bed. TILLY’S DAD, also

dressed for bed, TEDDY (in PJs), and

PEPPERMINT (also in PJs) trail behind her.)

TILLY’S MOMTilly, sweetie, are your favorite red shoes still outside? Oh

no, they’re going to be soaking wet.

TILLY’S DAD

Here. Put on your nice, cozy slippers instead.

(TILLY puts on her slippers, and white

squishy shaving cream comes spilling out

everywhere; perhaps accompanied by a wet

squishy/farty sound! The family starts

laughing hysterically.)

TIILY’S MOM AND TILLY’S DAD

We tricked you Tilly!

TILLY

Shaving cream!?

TEDDY

We twicked you, Ti-wee.

TILLYIn my slippers!? That’s so mean!

PEPPERMINT

Oh, Karma, you are as reliable as the sunrise. Welcome back, old

frien - Hey, there's my bone!!!

(He runs offstage)


57/85

51

TILLY

That is so not fair!

START TRACK 22

#11 THE RED SHOES SONG

TILLY'S DAD

WE THINK IT’S JUST A JOKE

WE THINK IT’S NO BIG DEAL

BUT WE DON’T ALWAYS THINK ABOUT

HOW OTHER PEOPLE FEEL

SOMETHING MIGHT SEEM SILLY

BUT WE SOMETIMES CHANGE OUR VIEWS

WHEN WE WALK A MILE IN SOMEONE

ELSE’S SHAVING CREAM FILLED SHOES

TEDDY

SHOES IS A FUNNY WORD!

SHOES, SHOESIES, SHOES!

TILLY'S MOM

WE DON’T MEAN DON’T HAVE FUN

CUZ THAT WOULD NEVER DO

WE JUST HOPE THAT YOU'RE MAKING SURE

YOUR FRIENDS ALL HAVE FUN TOO

THERE ARE LOTS OF JOKES TO PLAY

AND GAMES FOR YOU TO CHOOSE


BUT FIRST WALK A MILE IN SOMEONE ELSE’S

COLD AND NASTY SHAVING CREAM FILLED SHOES

TEDDY

My tongue is long.

TILLY'S DAD

Please stay focused Teddy.


WE LOVE YOU VERY MUCH

WE HOPE THAT’S CLEAR

TEDDY

I LIKE TURTLES!

http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_11_the_red_shoes_song.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_11_the_red_shoes_song.mp3


58/85

52

TILLY'S MOM

THAT’S NICE, DEAR

(PEPPERMINT rejoins the family to sing)


WE JUST WANT YOU TO THRIVEBE HAPPY AND EXCEL

BE GOOFY, FUN, AND QUIRKY

PEPPERMINT

BUT WITH EMPATHY AS WELL

TILLY'S MOM

Woof, woof. Good boy Peppermint.

TILLY'S MOM, TILLY'S DAD AND PEPPERMINT

SO IF YOU WANT TO PLAY A TRICK

THE METHOD YOU SHOULD USEIS FIRST WALK A MILE IN SOMEONE ELSE’S

QUITE DISGUSTING, MOST UNPLEASANT

COLD AND NASTY SHAVING CREAM FILLED SHOES

TEDDY

I WANT A COOKIE!

[MUSIC BUTTONS]

TRACK 22 ENDS

TILLY

Ok Mom, Ok Dad. I get it.

TILLY’S MOM

Do you?

TILLY

Now that I see what it feels like to be on the other end of a

trick.

TILLY’S DADDoes it feel powerful? Does it feel funny?

TILLY

No.

TILLY’S MOM

How does it feel?


59/85

53

TILLY

It feels... it feels... it feels like I need a hug.

(TILLY’S MOM and TILLY'S DAD give her a hug)

TILLY’S DAD

You know we love you, sweetie!

TILLY

Even though I did all those tricks?

TILLY’S MOM

We don’t love the tricks, but we always love you.

TILLY

I love you too, Mom and Dad. Even when you don’t let me have

treats. And say things like "O-M-G.”

TILLY'S DAD

Whatevs.

(PEPPERMINT, TILLY’S MOM and TILLY'S DAD

exit; taking TILLY’s bathrobe with them -

she is under dressed for the next scene,

leaving TILLY alone on a bare stage, and

taking us to--)


60/85

54

SCENE NINE

(A bare stage)

START TRACK 23

#12 CLOSING SEQUENCE

TILLY

Hi everyone. I’m Tilly. But you can call me Tilly The Trick...

Nah, maybe just call me Tilly.

I’M THE BEST EVER AT

PULLING OFF JOKES OR

A LITTLE TRICK OR SCAM

SURE, IT TAKES TALENT

TO CREAM PIE YOUR FOLKS BUTTHAT ISN’T ALL I AM

I’M ALSO SMART AND FUNNY

AND DID DANCE SINCE I WAS SIX


THERE’S MORE TO MY LIFE THAN TRICKS

These are my friends--

(TILLY comes across LUKE and EMILY waiting

for the school bus. Music changes and

continues as--)

Hey Emily, Hey Luke.

EMILY

Hey, Tilly!

LUKE

Hey, T!

TIILY

The bus hasn't come yet?

LUKE

Not yet.

TIILY

You know it's a funny thing about the bus...

http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_12_closing_sequence.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_12_closing_sequence.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_12_closing_sequence.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_12_closing_sequence.mp3


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(EMILY and LUKE look at TILLY, will she try

and trick them?)

TILLY (CON'T)

It's so much more fun when we ride it together! Shall we?

LUKE

Totes!

EMILY

Sounds stupendous!

TILLY

I’VE GOT THE PERFECT THING

TO SPICE UP THIS BORING MORNING

EMILY

Oh no!

TILLY

I’LL GIVE A LITTLE KICK

TO THIS BLAND BUS STOP ROUTINE

LUKE

This better not be a trick…

TIILY

YOU ALL WILL THINK IT’S SUPER FUN

AND WHEN IT’S DONE THEN EVERYONE’LL SAY

(TILLY pulls out goofy hand puppet monster

things, gives them to EMILY and LUKE, and

puts one on herself. They battle with them.)

EMILY AND LUKE

TILLY! YOU’RE THE BEST!

WE’RE ALL SO IMPRESSED!



WHAM BAM BOOM!

(EMILY, LUKE, and TILLY laugh. TILLY winks

at them--the bus rolls on.)


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56

BUS DRIVER

(from offstage, with goofy accent)

Everybody on the bus! No happiness on the bus!!

(The kids get on it as the music continues)

LUKE

Tell me the truth, what do you guys think of my hair?

(TILLY and EMILY give LUKE the thumbs up--he

looks away, beaming--they both turn their

thumbs up into the “so-so” gesture.)

EMILY

Hey, Tilly...? Do you... Do you think you wanna join Stuck In

Reverse?

TILLY

Really!?

LUKE

Em and I talked about it, and without you in the band, Stuck In

Reverse really would be... well...

EMILY AND LUKE

Stuck in reverse.

TILLY

Do you think you can trust me?

EMILY

Indubitably!

LUKE TILLY

(overlapping)

What? What does that mean?

EMILY

Yes!

(TILLY hugs EMILY)

TILLY

Luke?

LUKE

Yes.


63/85

57

(TILLY hugs LUKE. But that’s awkward. So she

punches his arm.)

BUS DRIVER

(from offstage, with goofy accent)

Everybody off the bus! No happiness off the bus!!

(The bus has delivered the kids to MRS.

MOONEY’s class. The music changes and

continues--)

MRS. MOONEY

Good moooorr---nniiiing cllaa---aaaassss.


Good moooorrr---nniiing Mrs. Moooooooonneeeyyy.

TILLY

Hey, Mrs. Mooney I made some home made strawberry candy. They’re

SO delicious. Want some?

MRS. MOONEY

Now Tilly, fool me once and shame on you, but fool me twice, and

it's shame on me. Why should I trust you? Have you never heard

of the boy who cried wolf?

(The lights change as PEPPERMINT steps out

from the wings and addresses the audience)

PEPPERMINT

The boy who cried wolf! I love that one! In the East we have

“The Folly Of King You Of Zhou” who fooled his soldiers into

thinking that nomads were about to attack. But the soldiers

would arrive at the castle only to find themselves laughed at!

I mean, Pff, IT’S BASICALLY THE SAME STORY!

(Some light comes up on the classroom)

TIILYDid you guys hear something!?

EMILY

I believe I did.

PEPPERMINT

Oh my, can it be....


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58

LUKE

It kind of sounded like...

PEPPERMINT

Do they hear me at last?

TIILY

Like...

PEPPERMINT

Yes?

LUKE

Like...

PEPPERMINT

What...!?

EMILY AND LUKE

Like...


Arf, Arf, rough, rough, woof.

TRACK 23 ENDS

PEPPERMINT

Curses! Forced to accept my fate as a creature of wisdom and

insight whom no one will ever understand. Trapped in this lonely

life of...OOOH!, I really need to chew that tissue!

(PEPPERMINT runs offstage as the lights

restore fully to the classroom, and the

music changes back.)

START TRACK 24

MRS. MOONEYSo... why should I trust you, Tilly? How do I know you're not

just going to trick me again?

TILLY

Mrs. Mooney, I promise you, I’m a new kid. Please believe me.


65/85

59

MRS. MOONEY

I don’t know...

TILLY

Please? I mean, how are we supposed to learn or change if nobody

gives us a second chance?

TRACK 24 ENDS

MRS. MOONEY

Well... alright. But if this candy is hot, you’re going to be in

big, big trouble.

TILLY

I understand.

(Slowly, MRS. MOONEY brings the candy to her

mouth. Everyone is tense and on the edge oftheir seat - is TILLY pulling a trick? Just

as she is about to put it in her mouth, she

stops. She eyes TILLY again. Then she pops

it in.)

START TRACK 25

MRS. MOONEY

IT’S GOOD!

YUM YUM YUM IT’S SO SO SWEET!

IT’S GOOD!GIVE ME FIFTY MORE TO EAT!

I DON’T CARE IF I SPOIL MY DINNER

AND MY TEETH ALL ROT

THIS IS SO DELICIOUS

AND NOT HOT!

YUM YUM! YUM YUM!

(Everyone leaves the stage except TILLY who

addresses us as the music continues--)

TILLY

I really did love being a trickster. And it’s hard to give up

something you love. It’s hard to break a habit. But it’s worth

it. I really do feel a lot better. Yup, my days of being a

trickster are done. I mean... at least until tomorrow! Heh heh

heh.


66/85

60

(TILLY grabs her guitar as the lights

change)

NA NA NA NA YEAH MY TRICKS ARE HIST’RY.

HAVEN’T YOU MISSED ME? TILLY THE FRIEND?

(We are now onstage at a concert)

OFFSTAGE VOICE

Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome: Stuck. In. Reverse!

(EMILY and LUKE join TILLY with their

instruments. TILLY's MOM and TILLY's DAD

sing back up, PEPPERMINT shakes a

tambourine. Maybe TEDDY's even there shakin'

his booty.)

ALL BUT TILLY

NA NA NA NA, YOUR TRICKS MAKE US SMILE, YEAH

ONCE IN A WHILE BUT NOT ALL THE TIME

We love you!

NA NA NA NA YOUR TRICKS MAKE US SMILE, YEAH

ONCE IN A WHILE BUT NOT ALL THE TIME

TILLY EVERYONE ELSE

BUT STAY ALERT OOHJUST IN CASE OOH

CAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW AHH

WHEN YOU’LL BE PIED IN THE FACE AHH

ALL

TILLY THE TRICKSTER

AND TILLY THE FRIEND

IN PERFECT BALANCE

THE END!

NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA

(Blackout)

TRACK 25 ENDS

END OF MUSICAL


67/85

- SCORE SAMPLER -

Molly Shannon’s

Book by JEREMY DOBRISH

Music and Lyrics by DREW FORNAROLA


By Molly Shannon

570 Seventh Avenue, Suite 2100

New York, NY 10018

866-378-9758 toll-free

212-643-1322 fax


Like us!

Follow us!

www.facebook.com/TheatricalRightsWorldwide @theatricalright

6/17/13

The materials contained herein are copyrighted by the authors, are not for sale, and may only be used

for the single specifically licensed live theatrical production for which they were originally provided.

Any other use, transfer, reproduction or duplication including print, electronic or digital media

is strictly prohibited by law.


68/85


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Em

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Gsus4

TILLY: "He's like that

[GO ON to m. 58]

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EMILY:

LUKE:

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both love Til ly's tricks.

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both love Til ly's tricks.

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make us laugh out loud.

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make us laugh out loud.

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5#1 Everyone Loves My Tricks


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Tenor

Piano

Ÿ~~~~~~ Ÿ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

.

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CUE:

MOM: "Honey, you're late!"

DAD: "Wah!"

TILLY: "Tricked you, Dad!" [PLAY]

Goofy Dad Waltz q = 120

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Morn ings

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DAD:

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stink.

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Morn ings real y tru ly

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stink. They

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stink like my

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socks af ter 7

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zum ba class.

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just eat break fast?

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get a long?

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pas ses gas.

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- - - - -

#3 Mornings Stink


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Af ter noons are

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22

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some times get to22

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take a nap or

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read a book and

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think.

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aw ful. There's27

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al most per fume in the

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rem in isce a

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bout the days when

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2 #3 Mornings Stink


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Pno.

32

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life was calm. And

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poco rit.

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I had hair.

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freely and agitated

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hair,

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which I'm

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dramatic rall.

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Pno.

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stink like my42

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breath af ter Chi

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po tle.

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pull back

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3#3 Mornings Stink


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Piano

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It's

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Fast! q=140 MRS. MOONEY:

CUE:

(TILLY hands MRS. MOONEY a candy. She pops it in her mouth.)

MRS. MOONEY: "Hmm, this doesn't taste sweet. It tastes like--Yooooowwwww!!! [PLAY]

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("opera-esque")

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hot!

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Ah oo ee oo ho - ly cow!

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I ex-pec - ted something sweet and

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sa - vor-y but this is not.

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Ah oo ee it burns! It burns! It's

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hot!

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LUKE:

"We gotta get this on youtube!"

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#5 It's Hot!


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Pno.

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Oh the hu -man - i - ty! My

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head is gon - na blow! I

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need a bot - tled wa - ter. I

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Tilly The Trickster Perusal

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Transcript of Tilly The Trickster Perusal