Theories of Congruent Communication (Haim Ginott)
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Transcript of Theories of Congruent Communication (Haim Ginott)
Theories of Congruent Communication
Haim G. Ginott (1922–1973)
School teacher
Child psychologist
Psychotherapist
Parent educator
Strengthening Communication?
• Refers to speaking with others in ways that foster goodwill.
Communication?
• Speaking in ways that show
• consideration
• Support
• Validates them as individuals
Why?• Pupils get along better
• Cooperate with you and each other
Congruent Communication
• Saying things that are helpful to students
while harmonious with their feelings about
situations and themselves.
• Addresses misbehaviour & accidents
WITHOUT embarrassing students or putting
them on the defensive.
Teachers at their best...
• Do NOT
– Preach
– Moralise
– Impose guilt
– Demand promises
• Confer dignity by treating them as social
equals capable of making good decisions
Teachers at their worst...
• Label students
• Belittle them
• Denigrate their character
• Do these inadvertently, unaware of the
detrimental effect on students
“Why” Questions
• Makes no use of “why” questions that
carry blame!
– Examples:
• “Why didn’t you finish this work?”
• “Why am I having to tell you again?”
• Alternative?
– Example:
• “When do you think you can have the work
completed?”
Moralistic Lectures
• Avoid this type of lecture!
– Examples:
• “You’re not making any efforts...”
• “You will never get anywhere in life...”
• It should be...
– Example:
• “Have another try. Let’s see what you can do”
Caustic @ Sarcastic Remarks
• DO NOT USE these remarks!
– Example:
• “That’s odd...that’s the fourth time you’ve lost your
exercise book.”
• Congruent statement should be...
• Example:
• “It is important that this work be done well. When do you think you will have it?”
Students’ Feelings
• Does not deny students’ feelings with
these statements...
– Examples:
• “You are too big to cry.”
• You have absolutely nothing to worry about.”
• Alternative...
– Example:
• “I can see this is troubling you quite a bit.”
Student Cooperation
• Does not demand student cooperation by
saying...
– Example:
• “Get back in your seat and get to work. It’s time
you carried your end of the load.”
• It should be...
– Example:
• “I could really use your help”
Patience!
• Never lose your temper @ self-control
– Example:
• “Sit down and shut your mouth!”
• You should...
• Take a deep breath
• Say nothing for a few seconds...– Example:
• “Let’s think for a moment about this.”
I-messages VS you-messages
• The best way to correct behaviour is simply to
remind students how to behave properly.
• Use I-messages instead of you-messages.
• I-messages: Tell you how you feel personally
• “I feel the noise level is a bit too high.”
• you-messages: Attack or blame the student
• “You are so noisy nobody can think.”
Remember...
• Never deny or ignore a child's feelings.
• Only behavior is treated as unacceptable,
not the child.
• Depersonalize negative interactions by
mentioning only the problem. "I see a
messy room."
• Attach rules to things, e.g., "Little sisters are
not for hitting."
• Dependence breeds hostility. Let children
do for themselves what they can.
• Children need to learn to choose, but
within the safety of limits. "Would you like
to wear this blue shirt or this red one?"
• Limit criticism to a specific event—don't
say "never", "always", as in: "You never
listen," "You always manage to spill things",
etc.
• Refrain from using words that you would
not want the child to repeat.
Quotes from Teacher and Child“I have come to a frightening conclusion.
I am the decisive element in the classroom.
It is my personal approach that creates the climate.
It is my daily mood that makes the weather.
As a teacher I possess tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous.
I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration.
I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.
In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated, and a child
humanized or de-humanized.”