The Weekend 21 February 2014

ISSUE 92FROM FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 21, 2014

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DEFY THE RAIN ANDGIVE IT SOME WELLY

THE ONLY WAYIS DOWNTON

BREAKING SECONDRULE OF FIGHT CLUB

PUTTING BEARDSBACK INTO ROCK

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Independent of the week Natalie Banyard meets the family who cansupply all your craft needs

MASTERS OF THE CRAFT

SHOPPING

With KirstieAllsoppflying theflag forhomemadecrafts, MaryBerry

teaching us all how to bake fromscratch and customised clothingbecoming all the rage,independent Bristol store, Craftand More is on to a winner.Set over three floors, the

family-run Broadmead shopoffers Bristol’s creatives abewildering array of affordablecraft items.Whether you have a passion

for painting or a knack forknitting, Craft and More has itall. The bright and colourfulstore stocks everything youcould need for card making,scrapbooking, needlecraft,

knitting, fine art and jewellerymaking. If your creative juicesrun more freely in the kitchen,there are plenty of cake makingbooks and accessories as well asclassic and contemporary partyand wedding accessories.

Craft and More was launchedtwo years ago by the Khanejas.Angat Khaneja, 24, pictured,

tells me, “We had an arts andcraft shop in London, butwanted a change. We really likedBristol because it’s such a

creative city, so we came down,found this great building anddecided we’d fit in well.“We’re a family-run business

so it was very daunting to opena three-floor store in a city wedidn’t know that well,” admitsAngat. “My dad, my brother andmyself took a risk and we puteverything we had into thisstore – but it’s really starting topay off.”Over its three floors, Craft and

More stocks more than 20,000items sourced from all overEurope, America and China.On the ground floor, you will

find a broad range of generalcraft, including papermacheletters, modelling clay, felt,paper and card.If jewellery making is your

bag, there’s a wealth of colourfulgems, buttons and accessories

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for you to choose from.Children can also get creative

on the ground floor, with kids’art kits, paint-your-own moneyboxes, magazines and stickers.Artists are catered for up on

the first floor, with a vast rangeof affordable art suppliesincluding canvases, qualitypaints and brushes, drawingboards, pencils and pens.Nimble-fingered needlework

and knitting enthusiasts willdiscover a kaleidoscope ofcoloured thread and wool, whilecake makers can get creativewith edible glitter, modellingpastes, quirky cake decorationsand colourful dyes.There’s still some room to

grow on the top floor, whereyou’ll find home decorations,partyware and fabric flowers.Passionate about offering the

latest and best in craft, andkeeping a finger on the pulse forthe latest trends, the store’sranges are ever-growing.“We basically listen to our

customers and add everythingthey could need,” smiles Angat.“What’s really popular right nowis cake making, so we’reconstantly expanding that line.“We want to be the go-to craft

shop,” he continues. “So we alsomake sure everything is very

competitively priced.”Something that’s valuable, but

which is included in the price, isthe knowledge of the staff.“We try to know as much as

possible about what we stock –although it’s difficult to beexperts in everything when yousell 20,000 plus items!“When we hire people, we

make them proficient in at leastone department. For example,Amanda, who is workingdownstairs, studied illustrationat UWE, so she knows all aboutour art supplies.”Their growing reputation for a

comprehensive range of items,attractive prices andcommitment to great customerservice has ensured that wordhas spread throughout the cityand beyond.“Our customers are local craft

enthusiasts and artists as wellas visitors from across the UK,who come to Bristol specificallyto visit us.“We have something here for

you whatever your craft or ageor budget, and if you can’t find ithere, we will find it for you!”

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Home crafts can be fun, frivolous, functional and frugal. Get crafty with the help of some of these great products.

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It’s Wellingtons at the ready as the rain continues to fall, but you don’t have to turn out like an extra fromLast of the Summer Wine – look hot despite the chill, with these fab boots!

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Fitness Thought to have originated among WallStreet bankers and their London counterparts,white-collar boxing’s popularity has spread

across the globe. Kate Edser meets three Bristolcontenders winding up for their first fight

FIGHTCLUB

HEALTH&FITNESS

Some men golooking for fights,and some don’t.Falling into thelatter camp are thethree guys I meetwho have signed

up for a ten-week trainingprogramme culminating in anamateur boxing bout in front of acrowd of 2,500.Chris Player, Brad King and

Tom Bircham are all in theirearly to mid thirties, so a mid-lifecrisis is not the reason theysigned up with white-collarboxing company, Zero To Hero.Instead, all cite the training

regime, the health benefits ofsuch and the life experience asmotivation.We meet halfway through the

training, when they’re beginningto find out what it’s like to punchand, more to the point, to bepunched. I wouldn’t say it’s analien concept for any of them(they knew what they were infor), but the idea of receiving andinflicting pain out of choice is notsitting too comfortably with all ofthem.Still, there’s another five weeks

to get over that!Having quietly observed the

contenders in practice, Chrissays: “Some are a bit gentle intraining. When you’re watchingpeople sparring you’re seeingpeople backing off because

they’re not used to beingpunched.“You have to accept a punch. If

you’re going to go in with apunch and back out as you’redoing it, you’re not going to bepunching them as hard asthey’re punching you. Anyonecan throw a punch, but noteveryone can take it. It’s gettingyour head around it.”Mental prep is crucial, says

Brad, who has nothing but praisefor the coaches on that score:“The coaches are fantastic. Theyknow you’ve never done it beforeand they are behind you 100 percent.“They build you up, they

praise you and support you.“You have to want to go into

the fight, and if you lose youwant to be able to say I’ve put110 per cent in and I’ve doneeverything by the book, so Iknow I’ve done my best.“I may change my mind nearer

the time, but at the moment Ican’t wait.”Tom, who put his name down

for Zero To Hero on the spur ofthe moment, is a little morereticent, but he doesn’t doubtthat when the chips are down,he’ll be well prepared.“I woke up with a hangover the

day after our friend’s fight andthought ‘what a brilliant night,I’m going to sign up for the nextone’.

“I’ve never had a fight andwhen we spar, to punchsomeone in the face is hard.“I thought about the training

and I’m ready for that – I canreally push it – but with thesparring I’m not in my comfortzone. Being punched and doingthe punching I’m just gettingused to.“I’ll try not to think about the

fight too much, but there is somuch to remember; yourfootwork, your guard when tothrow punches, when to move.”All of them were inspired to

get involved through watchingfriends who have already beenthrough the process and are alsousing the experience to raisemoney for charity.Chris is collecting for Bristol’s

Children’s Hospital Gromit’sGrand Appeal because hisdaughter, who is now three, wastreated there as a baby. Havinglost his dad to cancer someyears ago, Brad is raisingmoney for Cancer Research,while Tom, whose brother diedaged three months, issupporting Bristol Children’s

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Hospital’s Cots for Tots appeal.And such is their motivation

that each claims it’s not evendifficult to stick to the diet plan,which means cutting out alcohol,takeaways and naughty snacks,and to turn up for all trainingsessions, even on dark wintermornings. Tom has even placed abasket full of his favourite sweetsin his living room to remind himof the sacrifice and keep him ontrack.Tom says: “I’ve given up all

takeaways, alcohol and sweets –I’m a sucker for jelly sweets – butthe thought of fight night makesit easy – I’m not struggling withthe diet or the training. I evenlike steamed broccoli now!”Of the trio, only Chris is aiming

to fulfil a long-held ambition totake his chances in a combatring, while it’s the increase infitness which is a draw for Tomand Brad.Chris says: “I wanted to do this

for two reasons, firstly my fitnessand also because I have wantedfor years to get into a ring and Iwant to do the journey to get intothe ring as much as getting in thering to fight. I used to do Thaiboxing about ten to 15 years ago

and I’ve done nothing since.Work got in the way, then I had afamily, I bought a house andthere were just so many thingsgetting in the way of training.”Brad agrees: “I couldn’t have

done it properly last seasonbecause of work, but I followed afriend who did it from start tofinish and I thought it wassomething I really wanted to do,particularly for fitness, so it’sabout going through all thetraining more so than having afight at the end.”There’s nothing easy about the

training, though, as Chrisdescribes: “The fitness training ismassively intense, with squats,sit-ups, press-ups, burpees, starjumps and more, and they don’tlet you rest: you don’t rest in thering and the coaches are drillingthat into us.“The coaches are mentally

trying to get us prepared as wellas physically. There’s a lot moreinvolved than just turning up andtraining. It’s probably moremental than physical.”

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Tucked awaybehind the highhedges of TrenchLane in BradleyStoke is a 12-acrepatch of turquoisewater dug out of

farmland in 1982 by visionaryMike Thompson, who was fedup with the filthy water inBristol’s docks and neededsomewhere cleaner for hiswindsurfing school.Since then, its use has

diversified to include canoeingand jet skiing and, over the pastthree years, the lake has beenattracting rafts of triathletes.Indeed, the number ofswimmers taking a dip here hasjumped from 1,500 in 2011 to4,500 in 2013.But while cleanliness is a huge

draw here, it’s by no means theonly “carrot” since Mike has alsobuilt a 960m running trackaround the edge of the lake, andsupplies maps with local cyclingroutes too. Triathletes come toBradley Stoke to train from allover the South West.But there wouldn’t be a lake at

if it weren’t for Mike’sperseverance. The story datesback to 1976, when he was apioneer of windsurfing in thiscountry. Alongside aprofessional career competingand testing new equipment forthe sport, Mike opened awindsurfing shop in Bristol and

then a windsurfing school in thecity docks. Poor water quality,however, was a distinct turn off,so Mike thought it a good ideato make his own lake.After an exhaustive search, he

found an area of suitable,super-deep clay, but it was thehighest ground in the area andpeople thought he was nuts toproceed. Ignoring experts whoassured him there was no watertable, Mike called in a companyto sink a bore hole. Bingo! Drillshit a supply of crystal cleanwater and the lake was born.Now 73, Mike has been in

business at the lake for 32 yearsand is regularly out on, or in, thewater. With a twinkle he says: “Irow and canoe – I’ve got to keepmy strength up!”He’s keen to stress the lake is

for all-comers, not justtriathletes. “We teach all sortshere, from Channel swimmers tochildren. We have a propercircuit set out in the middlewhich is 600m long and coachescome in to teach during thewarm weather, usually fromApril running through toOctober, though some hard nutscome to swim in the winter too.Although open all year, things

are generally quiet in the winter,but Mike’s not one to sit still.“I do everything here,” he tells

me over a cuppa. “I repair thevehicles, I shift all the soil andI’m building an assault course at

the moment – a really tough one– and we’ve got a super-dupergo-kart track with 50mph karts.”Somehow, he’s found time to

organise planning permission fora new club house, including a60-seater restaurant overlookingthe lake, but is now looking foran investor to take over thebusiness and push that forward.For more about The Lake at

Bradley Stoke, visithttp://bristolopenwater.co.uk

Sunday, June 29, 2014, will markthe fifth staging of the BristolHarbourside Triathlon, which isorganised by TriBristol inpartnership with the citycouncil.There are two race categories

to choose from, Olympic andSprint. Olympic distances are1,500m swim (0.9miles), 40km(25miles) cycle, 10km (6.2miles)run. Sprint distances are 750m(0.5miles) swim, 20km(12.4miles) cycle and 5km(3.1miles) run.The swim takes place in the

Cumberland Basin, while thecycle routes for both distancestake place on closed roads,under the shadow of the famousClifton Suspension Bridge. Thebike routes are principally flatwith some technical turns.The run route is a looped

course along the towpath on theother side of the Avon Gorge,

Hardcore training in a beautiful lake

with sprint competitorscompleting a single lap andOlympic competitors tacklingtwo. Again, the course is flat andaffords suitable conditions togain an excellent time.For more information, see

www.tribristol.org. If you’d like toget started in the sport, visitBristol and District Triathlon’swebsite at www.badtri.org. Fordetails of other local triathlon,duathlons and aquathons, visitwww.britishtriathlon.org.

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The secret of the internet, told via fish

I’m going to tell you asecret. It’s the secret ofsuccessful internetmarketing. Perhaps Ishould put that in quotes– “internet marketing” –like that, because it’s a

profession of sorts.People pay other people

vast sums of money to domarketing and promotion andPR for their websites and webservices, and in most cases theresult is more of what we’veseen before: press releases, orTwitter and Facebook accountsthat push you to visit aparticular web page.In truth, successful internet

marketing means simply beinggood at internet stuff. If you caninternet well, people will cometo you without needing to bepersuaded and cajoled.Let’s look at Bart van Olphen’s

Instagram account as anexample.Bart (www.bartvanolphen.com)

is a chef, specialising in fishdishes. And Instagram is a site,now owned by Facebook, that

lets people share photos andshort videos.Bart’s Instagrams (at

instagram.com/bartsfishtales) aredelightful, super-quick seafoodrecipes. Grab some plain whitefish, or some razorshells, orsome cockles and follow Bart’ssimple instructions.Each stage of the recipe might

only last two seconds on yourscreen, and you might have towatch it a few times to

memorise it, but each one isvery simple.The point here isn’t so much

the recipes or Bart’s cheerfulgrin, it’s his grasp of what makesthe internet tick. Make greatthings, and the internet willrespond, and people will findyou.That’s it, that’s the simple

secret of successful internetmarketing: just make greatthings.

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It’s time to give a shout out to the humble spud and its greatest creation. Yes, to celebrate National Chip Week (Feb 17-23),we round up a collection of gadgets and gizmos for that perfect “made-at-home” taste. To keep up to date with all the National

Chip Week celebrations, follow @thepotatogirls or #chipweek on Twitter.

WE HOPE IT’S CHIPS

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20

DAYS OUT

FEEL THESPEED

If you feel the need forspeed, mixed with a bit ofadrenaline, then arefurbished family-friendlyattraction near Bristolmight be just the thing foryou.

TeamSport Bristol run akarting track and laser combatarena at Avonmouth. It’s one of13 tracks the company operatesnationwide and the recentrefurb means its track – one ofthe longest in the country – cannow be tackled in one of a fleetof new state-of-the-art karts.These motors pack a punch.

With their 200cc engines theycan reach speeds of up to40mph, but at just two inches offthe floor, the driver can feel likethey are doing twice that.

The track is 500m long andhas challenges all along it.There’s a flyover and underpass,tricky bends and big drops.Precise electronic timing

systems, racing suits andhelmets all add to theexperience of being in a properrace. Friends, family orcolleagues can all watch youtear up the track from a specialviewing gallery.That’s for the adults, but

younger drivers can also showoff their racing skills in speciallydesigned “cadet” petrol carts.TeamSport company director

Dominic Gaynor said: “Karting isthe most driving fun you canhave off the pro circuit. TheTeamSport Bristol trackprovides the best facilities in the

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Further Afield Hot air balloonflights from Tyntesfield

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South West for any wannaberacing drivers out there. ManyFormula 1 drivers started theircareers this way – and driverssuch as Jenson Button still kartregularly.”If driving’s not your thing,

under the same roof isTeamSport’s laser combat arena.Clad in futuristic-looking

armoury, you and your family orcolleagues or friends will face ashoot-out on the high-tech laserbattlefield which has multipletiers, corners and open spacesfor you to hide in or attack from.As part of the refurbishment,

a new eating area called Fuel hasbeen opened, selling pizzas,baguettes and more.There are also showers and

changing rooms if the action on

the track or in the laser combatsection has got you all hotunder the collar.So if you’re part of a stag

party, family or office looking fora team-building day out, it’sworth checking out.For booking information, visit

www.team-sport.co.uk/bristol orcall 0844 9980844.Karting prices are: Children

from £26.99, adults from £29.99,and students, military personnelor emergency services staff from£20. Lasertag costs from £4.50per person.TeamSport Bristol is at

Avonmouth Way, Avonmouth,BS11 9YA, close to junction 18 ofthe M5. It is open from 3pm to10pm Monday to Friday and 9amto 10pm Saturday and Sunday.

22

EATING OUT Reviews by Mark Taylor

Lunch on a budget The kitchenwith a community heart

Lunch: New chefAny resistance crumbles

Verdict

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Verdict

Dinner for grown-upsKenny’s gone upmarket

New opening Effortless coolfor the GloRo crowd

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Pub of the week The Penny

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EATING IN

Let yoursenses takeyou to theMiddle East

The enticing, spicy aromasof the Middle East engulfyou as soon as you openAlmond Bar, a collectionof classic and modernSyrian dishes.

Whether it’s fragrant rosewater,tender lamb cooking over charcoal, orthe taste of fresh, salty cheeses, therecipes in this lavishly illustrated bookwill transport you to the exotic worldof Syrian cooking.Australian-born author Sharon

Salloum was brought up in atraditional Syrian household where thekitchen table was central to family lifein a home where a steady stream offriends and family were welcomed withgenerous offerings of food and drink.Helping in the kitchen, Salloum

learnt to cook from an early age anddeveloped a strong sense of pride inher Syrian heritage. She has extendedthis warm welcome through herAlmond Bar restaurant in Sydney.With plenty for vegetarians and

meat fans alike, and fairly definitiverecipes for staples such as falafel andbaba ghanouj (smoked aubergine dip),it’s a book packed with enjoyablehome cooking and a firm sense ofplace.The dishes combine classic and

traditional with contemporary andinclude black hummus; pumpkinkibbeh; cracked wheat and beef stew;almond-crusted scallops; fig sorbetand semolina fudge.The book also features a number of

salads, including this one featuringhalloumi, lentils and watercress.Salloum says: “My mother always

keeps a small jar of fresh halloumi inher fridge.“The twisted balls are normally

eaten at breakfast time along withother beautiful dairy products, eggsand slow-cooked beans.“It’s funny how you realise, as you

grow up, that not all ‘breakfast’ itemsneed to be confined to breakfast. Ibegan undoing the skeins of halloumiand serving them with salad leavesalongside meat dishes.“The match was a hit and here is the

light, fresh result.”

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TRAVEL

BIG APPLE BARGAINSWorld travel When the question ‘do you fancy a shopping trip to New York’ was posed, Heather Pickstockthought all her Christmases had come at once. Of course, there are a few sights worth seeing as well.

Like other ladies, I can’t say Ihave a shortage of clothes. Infact, I have two doublewardrobes stuffed to capacityalong with probably 100 pairsof shoes, an equal number ofhandbags and enough earrings

to make Bet Lynch wince in envy.However, there is always room for some

more. In a corner... somewhere.And I just can’t say no to a bargain.My tip for shopping in the States is to

have a plan. Go with a relatively emptysuitcase, and make sure you write a list of

must-have purchase with which to fill it up.My partner – already amazed by the

amount of clothes/shoes/earrings I haveamassed – was equally excited about thetrip in December.I had been to America before and knew

the shopping opportunities to be boundless– and not only for the ladies.So we arrived in New York, with its

eye-wateringly tall buildings, on a coldSaturday evening. The area was in the gripof a big freeze, something to be expected inmid-December, so make sure the clothes youdo take are warm.

We were lucky enough to stay at the newlyopened YOTEL (yotelnewyork.com) on TimesSquare, right in the middle of Manhattan andjust a short walk away from all the mainsights.YOTEL, which stands alone among the

most modern New York City hotels, wasdesigned by the Rockwell Group of NewYork in collaboration with Softroom ofLondon and features 20,000 square feet offlexible and dynamic entertainment space,including the largest hotel terrace in the city.There are four main cabin types, which

include “premium” cabins with queen-size

29

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should I say sneaker as they say in theStates, paradise.Rows and rows of them in all different

colours and styles. He picked up a pair ofNike Air trainers for $41 dollars – about £30.This was a discount of about £100 on pricesyou may pay in the UK.I too got lost in this store, picking up a

pair of rather splendid pink and orange Niketrainers for $17 – around £11.Loaded down with bags, the next stop was

the Ralph Lauren store. Here I bought a pairof delicious designer boots for just £31,while His Nibs kitted himself out with arange of shirts and jumpers, all for a fractionof the usual price. It was then on toAeropostale and American Eagle Outfittersfor some other goodies.Shopping can be exhausting, so it’s a good

job there is a food court at WoodburyCommon, with a variety of restaurants tosatisfy every culinary taste, from noodles toMexican.Feet up and fed up was what we needed

before heading off shopping again.The staff at Woodbury Common could not

have been more helpful; all polite andcourteous in helping you search out thosespecial buys and always with the farewell“Have a good day”.We were looked after by Woodbury

Common cars, who ferried us from theHilton Garden Inn, Newburgh,(www.hiltongardeninn3.hilton.com) where wewere staying just a few miles away.This hotel, with its spacious rooms, is a

great location for Woodbury Commonshoppers. Even better, it is right next toOrange County Choppers, the home of hitUSA show American Chopper.Many happy hours were spent in the

bar/restaurant of OCC, sampling the spicedrum and browsing in awe at thecustom-made bikes made for Hollywoodstars including Will Smith.Back in New York, and back to the Yotel

for a couple more nights, it was a mad dashto see some of the main sights of the city.Ideally, with so much to see, you need tostay longer than a few days.We visited the 911 memorial, Statue of

Liberty and again I faced my fear of heights,this time making it up 102 floors to the topof the Empire State building.One tip here is to get a New York City Pass

(www.nycgo.com) from the touristinformation centre, since for a flat fee itoffers discounts on a number of attractionsin the city.We loved our shopping trip. I really didn’t

want to leave. Although I’m pretty sure mybank manager may have a different opinion.

beds, “corner” cabins with dual aspectwindows, “first” cabins with king-size bedsand some that come with private terracesand outdoor tubs (which we were luckyenough to stay in) and VIP two-cabin suites,which offer the ultimate in luxury.After a night in the Big Apple and a trip to

the top of the Rockerfeller Centre (despitethe fact I hate elevators and heights), it wasoff to Woodbury Common Premium Outlets,a shopping oasis in nearby upstate NewYork.Woodbury Common (for details visit

www.premiumoutlets.com) is a populardestination for New Yorkers and touristsalike. Packed with 220 different designerstores and just a 45-minute bus ride awayfrom the city, the coach was packed withfellow shoppers in search of a bargain.Although Black Friday in the States is

popular with Americans, WoodburyCommon offers bargains galore 365 days ofthe year, with some stores offering up to 70per cent off the recommended retail price.As I headed off to outlets such as Juicy

Couture, Versace and Uggs Australia, HisNibs was quick to find the Nike store.That was it. He was lost in a trainer, or

31

MUSIC

Weekend full of surprises in cutting edge music festival

For a city that seemsto teem withoriginal music itmight seem strangethat Bristol had togo to Huddersfieldfor advice on that

score. But when she realisedthat contemporary music wasunder-represented on the localscene, that’s where BristolMusic Trust (and Colston Hall)CEO Louise Mitchell headed tolook for inspiration.After meeting the people

behind the highly successfulHuddersfield ContemporaryMusic Festival, she headedsouth with the beginnings of aplan. Like-minded partners StGeorge’s, the Arnolfini, BristolUniversity and Spike Island wereidentified and thus was bornBristol New Music, a weekendfestival of cutting edgecontemporary sonic explorationand ground-breaking multimediawork to surprise and delighteven the most left field musos.Unsurprisingly, given the

open-ended theme of “newmusic”, it’s a wide ranging menu

that includes Gareth Davies’solo bass clarinet playing newcompositions (Victoria Rooms,Friday), electro-danceconstructions (Klavikon/RolyPorter/Addison Groove, ColstonHall Lantern, Friday),improvised choral singing on astaircase (University Singers,Wills Building, Saturday.Colston Hall music

programmer Todd Wills is verypleased with the line-up: “Forme it was simple – ‘new music’is anything improvised orcomposed in the 21st century. Itwas definitely important to havean electronic music element aswell as more obvious classicaland jazz forms.”Arnolfini music co-ordinator

Alastair Cameron agrees: “Atthis point ‘new music’encompasses noise, free jazz,electronic and all the otherthings you’ll see in theprogramme.”Composer/pianist Keith

Tippett has been ploughing hisown musical furrow since thelate Sixties. “Even jazz rock wasthought of as new then,” he

recalls. “My stuff grew into freejazz, then improvised music andfinally compositional music.“For me it’s all part of the

same music and I have anaffinity for all of them.”Though he’s recognised as a

hugely significant musicalcreator worldwide, Tippett wasactually born in Bristol and overthe years has introduced muchnew music to the area throughhis Rare Music Club eveningsand other concerts.Todd Wills is especially

pleased that Keith is performingwith his Octet (Colston HallLantern, Saturday), saying: “Weowe a lot to Keith Tippett andhe’s still very relevant to newmusic today, when a lot of otherplayers his age are content torest on their laurels.”Tippett’s contribution will be

The Nine Dances of PatrickO’Donogon, a suite of jazz piecesthat refer to his strong familyconnection with Ireland.He has drawn together a

bunch of younger players for thepiece, including many stars ofthe Royal Academy jazz course

introduced to him by localsaxophonist James GardenerBateman. The chemistry clearlyworks, to judge by thesuper-positive reviews of recentprevious performances, and itpromises to be one of theweekend highlights.Tippett himself was sorry to

miss Tarab Cuts (Arnolfini,Friday) from electro-acousticduo John Butcher and MarkSanders, while Todd Wills islooking forward to EnsemblemusicFabrik (Colston Hall,Sunday) who have recreated thebizarre instruments of Sixties UShobo composer Harry Partch.Alastair Cameron, however, is

excited about Ellen Fullman’sLong String Instrument(Arnolfini, Saturday), speciallyassembled on the gallery’s topfloor and incorporating views ofthe city. It’s one of many piecesinvolving art and music ingallery spaces, and Fridayevening’s pass ticket includesthe ferry to sail you between thevenues – another new feature inwhat promises to be a weekendfull of them.

32

Homecoming gig for Bristol girl poised for stardom

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4242 Weekend From Friday, February 21, 2014

FILM

The secret love of Charles Dickens

Verdict

In Greek mythology, theMuses were ninegoddesses, who embodiedthe source of knowledgeand the arts. Thesecreatures inspired greatpoetry and literature, and

were summoned by Chaucer,Homer, Milton, Shakespeare andVirgil in their texts.In modern times, a muse has

been a collaborator, usually awoman, whose presence hasprovided a creative spark forartists to produce some of theirgreatest work.French director Jean-Luc

Godard famously fell under thespell of Anna Karina andeventually took her as his wife,while model Edie Sedgwickentranced Andy Warhol. SingerPatti Smith was a constantcompanion to gay photographerRobert Mapplethorpe and pettycriminal George Dyer incited

Francis Bacon to create some ofhis most emotionally powerfulpaintings.Based on the book by Claire

Tomalin, The Invisible Womancharts the fragile relationshipbetween one of the titans ofEnglish literature and his muse.Oscar-nominated actor Ralph

Fiennes juggles responsibilitiesbehind and in front of thecamera, opening in 1885Margate, where Nelly Robinson(Felicity Jones) is a schoolteacher with a doting husband.The film rewinds to 1850s

Manchester, where Nelly is anaspiring actress in a family ofperformers headed by herdomineering mother, MrsFrances Ternan (Kristin ScottThomas).“The rewards of our

profession are rarely monetary,”confides the widowedmatriarch, “but I would not have

it any other way.”Frances keeps a close eye on

her daughters Maria (PerditaWeeks) and Fannie (AmandaHale), and the least talented ofthe brood, 18-year-old Nelly.Mixing in the theatrical

circles, Nelly encounters sociallyawkward writer Charles Dickens(Fiennes), who neglects hislong-suffering wife, Catherine(Joanna Scanlan).Dickens’s fascination with

Nelly develops into somethingfar deeper, but she is forced tolurk in the shadows for fear oftainting his reputation.“I have been married and it

was at times, the loneliestplace,” she counsels.The Invisible Woman is a

well-crafted if emotionally stifledaccount of doomed love and itsmanifestation on the pages ofDickens’s works.Fiennes and Jones deliver

solid performances, but theiron-screen chemistry is almost asmuted as the colour palette,while Scanlan is magnificent asthe wife, who begs her husbandto come to his senses.“Don’t be foolish. You cannot

keep her a secret,” she snaps.A quotation from A Tale Of

Two Cities, displayed at thebeginning of the film, arguesotherwise, confirming thatDickens was a man who revelledin the “profound secret andmystery” of his fellow man.If only Fiennes’s film revealed

a few more of them.

43From Friday, February 21, 2014 Weekend 43

New dimension to the horrors of war

Verdict

The highestgrossing Russianfilm of all timereplays one of thebloodiest chaptersof the SecondWorld War through

the eyes of German and Sovietsoldiers involved in thestand-off.Stalingrad is the first project of

its kind shot using IMAX 3Dtechnology and FedorBondarchuk’s epic certainlylooks spectacular in theeye-popping format.Ash flutters down over the

embattled city, bullets whizz outof the screen and several pivotalaction sequences arebreathlessly choreographed totake full advantage of depths inperception.Audiences get plenty of bang

for their buck and eye strain isminimal, despite a running timethat exceeds two hours.Scriptwriters Sergey Snezhkin

and Ilya Tilkin choose a clumsy

framing device: the efforts of aRussian crew to rescue fiveGerman teenagers from therubble of the 2011 earthquake inTohuku, Japan.As the youngsters lay gasping

for oxygen, one Russian rescueworker distracts the quintetwith his remarkable familyhistory.“I had five fathers. They’re all

dead,” he claims.The rescuer’s anecdote harks

back to September 1942.Captain Gromov (Petr

Fedorov) leads a small troop ofsoldiers against the Germans,storming buildings one by one.The men include sniper

Chvanov (Dmitry Lisenkov),who doesn’t believe in mercy,and boyish radio operatorSergey (Sergey Bondarchuk).Having stormed one building,

Gromov and four survivingsoldiers discover a terrified18-year-old woman called Katya(Mariya Smolnikova).Her humanity touches the

military men and they becomeher protectors, which poses aproblem for Gromov.“They’re not fighting for their

country, they’re fighting foryou,” the Captain warns Katya.However, his own feelings

cloud his judgement even as theGerman troops begin to swarm,and when Sergey spirits Katyaaway to a hideout and dreamilyprofesses, “I’ve loved you fortwo days now”.On the other side of the town

square, German Captain Kahn(Thomas Kretschmann) isinfuriated by his inability tooverwhelm Gromov’s close-knitteam.He takes out those

frustrations on a blonde womancalled Masha (Yanina Studilina),who submits to the officer’s will.Sadistic Nazi Colonel Khenze

(Heiner Lauterbach) eventuallygoads Kahn into drastic action,lighting the fuse on an explosivefinal showdown between thetwo sides.

Stalingrad is anunapologetically patriotic spinon history that papers over thecracks of a lightweight scriptwith stunning visuals, stirringperformances and AngeloBadalamenti’s heart-tuggingscore.Bondarchuk’s directorial brio

holds our interest rather thanthe simplistic narrative, aidedby an ensemble cast, whohunker down for the film’s bigset pieces.Digitally enhanced skirmishes

between German and Soviettroops look stunning, reallybringing home some of thesound and fury of that ill-fatedautumn.

44

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Love never dies. Nordo stories of goodversus evil,screenwriters with aburning desire to sitin the director’s chairor high-profile actors

with dubious Oirish accents.We’re treated to all three plus

Will Smith as the manifestation ofLucifer and a white horse withwings in A New York Winter’s Tale.Narrative threads unfold in 1916

and present day Manhattan.In the past, petty thief Peter Lake

(Colin Farrell) breaks into a houseand is instantly bewitched by aflame-haired stargazer calledBeverly Penn (Jessica BrownFindlay), who has consumption.Meanwhile, in 2014, Peter (Farrell

again) is alive but not so well.He has no memory of the past

but is haunted by visions of a girlwith red hair.

A New York Winter’s Tale has toomany elements competing for ourattention, and none of them gel.The titanic battle between angelsand demons sits awkwardly withthe rose-tinted central romance andtear-filled histrionics.Farrell is unremarkable in an

undernourished lead role but hedoes catalyse a handsome screenpairing with Brown Findlay.Russell Crowe’s accent is a treat

as an Irish gangster, becoming asthick as mud without warning inpivotal scenes.All in all, a disjoined mess.

46

THEATRE

Downton is in financial ruin –again – due to Lord Granthaminvesting his money into thewrong thing. So Carson thebutler is given the task ofdrumming up all the downstairsstaff into raising some

much-needed funds.Mrs Patmore and Daisy decide to enter the

Bake Off for Downton. Someone you’d leastexpect goes to Wimbledon to play againstAndy Murray. Mary has some suitors too,among them the Bishop of Liverpool. Upstairs,meanwhile, they’re all watching The X Factoron a Saturday night just like the rest of us.No, this outlandish concatenation of events

and personalities from across the last hundredyears isn’t, in case you’re wondering, the greatlost episode of TV’s Downton Abbey.In fact, it’s a whistle-stop summary of a

hilarious one-man show, a kind of homage tothe great show, packed with daft comedy andeerily accurate impressions.Visiting the Tobacco Factory Theatres next

week, The Only Way is Downton, by comic andimpressionist Luke Kempner, is a fast-pacedwhirl through some 40 characters fromDownton and, as you’ve seen, way beyond.The show comes to Bristol direct from a WestEnd season: Kempner, who made his namewith last year’s YouTube hit Downstairs AtDownton, has also appeared in musicalsincluding Les Miserables and Avenue Q, whilehis own debut solo show played to sell-outaudiences at the Edinburgh Fringe last year.The premise for his parallel-universe

Downton sounds as fanciful as it is hilarious.As celebrities start appearing at the Abbey,cultures clash and eras hilariously collide.An evening of lightning-quick character

changes must take it out of even the mostenergetic performer. So what does Luke do tostay sharp throughout the performance? Doeshe make sure, for example, to avoid anyparticularly demanding character changes? Orallow the tempo to drop for a few momentswhile he gets his breath back?“I just go hell for leather, if I’m honest. And in

fact, the characters at extreme ends of thescale, for example Carson with his deep bassvoice and the high-pitched Daisy, are the mostfun to jump between because they jolt theaudience’s ears the most.“I wait for the laughs – those are the

moments when I can have a slight breather.And I always make sure I take a swig of waterbetween each scene. You don’t want a drymouth when you’re playing Maggie Smith!”

Downton Abbeyupdated for thereality TV age

“

47

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ContemporaryItalian diningat Filini bar & restaurant,Radisson Blu Hotel, Bristol

Fresh and mouthwatering dishes fromthe heart of Italy and Sardinia

50

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Get your portrait done – the old fashioned way�� ’��

ART

In the digital age, this typeof street portrait is nowalmost non-existent in theUK. In our small waywehope to keep this traditionalive, and to give the publica unique experience of

having a genuine ‘old-school’photomade for them.”PhotographerMartin Edwards

is explaining why he and fellowBristol snapper Luis Bustamantearemounting an exhibition oftheir unique, old-schoolphotographic portraits of Bristolpeople. The pair has beenmakingthe portraits at various eventsover the last three years,including Brisfest and the BristolFestival of Photography, andvisitors to El Busta’s TravellingPhotography Studio, at centralBristol photography storePhotographique, can see theresults – and even, on twoselected Saturdays, to sit forportraits of their own.Inspired by the itinerant

photographers of old, Martin and

Luis use a large-format filmcamera and portable darkroomtomakewhile-you-wait photos.The duo draws on the Spanish

and South American tradition(Luis is originally fromChile) ofstreet portraits made by“minuteros”, orminute-men.“At one time you could find

themhere in the UK, at theseaside for instance, but nolonger,” Martin explains.“In an era dominated by slick

high-street studios and digitaleffects, we simply want toacknowledge, if not revive, thetradition of affordable, individualstreet portraits.AsMartin proudly

acknowledges, the duo’s workingprocesses are rough and ready.“We use paper negatives rather

than film, which is not justcheaper and quicker, but alsogives longer exposure times andmakes people stand very still asthey would have in older times.Each print has faults andimperfections, and there’s alwaysa bit of educated guesswork inmaking them.“No twowill ever be the same,

and nonewill ever be perfect. Agood thing to remember, we feel,in the frantic and über-perfect

world we often inhabit!“One of the things wemost

enjoy is the fascination – the joy,even – on people’s faces whenthey see what we are doing, andmore sowhen they have theirportrait done and find out howthe camera works andwhat goeson inside our darkroombox.Sometimes we run El Busta’s as aworkshop at an event, and peoplecan have a go at doing itthemselves.“This slows the production

rate, of course, but enriches theexperience for those taking part.”The experience is not without

its hassles, though.“We’ve had our share of people

in ‘altered states’, who can be abit loud or off-putting for othersfor a while, and once or twicewe’ve had objections frompeople who are suspicious ofphotographers.“It seems sad that photography

should come under suspicionthese days; thatmotives can beassumed to be the worst, andthat a potentially uplifting thingcan be regarded badly. Our set-upis so obvious that we couldn’tphotograph anyone or anythingsneakily even if wewanted to!”So, Martin, what is it about this

older style of photography thatso attracts you and Luis?“I’m a bit old-school,” Martin

reveals. “I started photographybefore the first digital cameracame along, and learned aboutfilm, the darkroom andtraditional black andwhitephotography.“Most of my personal,

non-commercial work is still doneon film. Forme, there’s stillsomethingmuchmore hands-onand grounded about thematerials and processes – not tomention the sloshing about inchemicals! The photograph youend upwith has a different feeland quality to it somehow – notbetter quality necessarily, justmore individual.“No two hand-printed

photographs are exactly thesame.”Not thatMartin sees himself as

some sort of Luddite, anti-digitalcrusader.“I use digital photography a lot

and it has huge benefits over filmfor somany things: but good oldblack andwhite still has thatextra something.”As visitors to El Busta’s

Travelling Photography Studiowill see for themselves.

“

53

Don’t missLaws of Motion in a Cartoon Landscape

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56 Weekend From Friday, February 21, 2014

COMEDY

GET IN TUNE WITHTHE LAUGHTER

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58

BOOKS

What the Victorians thought of Brunel

Isambard Kingdom Brunelis a major industry morethan 150 years after hisdeath, especially inBristol, where he’s givenus our trademark bridge,our rail link to That

London and, in the shape of thess Great Britain, one ofEngland’s finest visitorattractions.It wasn’t always like this,

writes Eugene Byrne, author ofthis new Pocket Giant book.When there were still peopleliving in Bristol whoremembered him, he was widelyregarded as an irresponsibleshow-off who was moreinterested in radical mechanicaland structural innovations thanprofits. The Great Britain set thestandard for all later ships, butthe time and expense in buildingit meant Bristol lost out on thetransatlantic passenger trade toLiverpool, and never got it back.Even the biggest success of

his lifetime, the Great WesternRailway, cost twice his original

estimate and was built to hisown Broad Gauge with railswider apart than those of theStandard Gauge adoptedeverywhere else.Dawlish, recently in the news

because of the weather, was thescene of his abortiveAtmospheric Railway.Brunel’s final project, the

Great Eastern, was a gargantuanship five times the size ofanything else afloat at the time.Now we can appreciate how

ahead of his time he was.We can also appreciate his

humour, his reckless physicalcourage, his undoubted genius,the sheer charisma of the manand of the things he built.Brunel’s life is full of great

stories. Here’s one – it’scompletely apocryphal, but itsums up the Victorian view ofhim. Mr Brunel was engaged,the story went, to build a newrailway. He told the companydirectors that he planned to usean expensive and untried designfor one of the bridges. The day

after the bridge was completedit fell down. The directors calledhim in to remonstrate with him.But he triumphantly asserted

that he had just saved thecompany a huge amount ofmoney. Because he had plannedto build every other bridge onthe line to the same design. Butnow he would not.

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60

PROPERTY

A SURPRISE INSIDE

From the outside, you’ll noticethe UPCV windows and soffits,and neatly painted render atopa layer of red bricks, not unlikethousands of other Seventieshomes around the country. Butthere are two quite significant

factors that up the ante for this house –firstly the interior, which is where things getsignificantly more exciting, and secondly, thelocation, which the agent says is “one of themost desirable in Mangotsfield”.Indeed, the manager at Taylors’ in

Emersons Green, Jane Cook, goes on todescribe the property as “a little bitdifferent, and offers the wow factor”.Nowhere is this more apparent than in the

kitchen/diner, but other highlights includethe en suite master bedroom, a smartbrick-paved driveway, a triple garage withelectric door, double glazing, gas heatingand solar panels on the roof, which helpkeep down energy costs. Oh, and the decoris what you might describe as subtle

contemporary, with lots of neutral tones.The entrance hall is at the side of the

house, with an under-stairs cupboard,wood-effect flooring and a sliding door tothe study, which might also work as a guestroom since it has built-in wardrobes andcabinets with shelving.The lounge, covered with a pale carpet, is

a bright room thanks to windows on twosides, while the centrepiece is a full-heightstone fireplace with gas fire.Even bigger, at more than 29ft (9m) in

length, is the kitchen/diner, lit artificially byceiling spotlights and naturally through rearand side-facing windows and a glazed patiodoor, each with blinds. The contemporaryfeel is enhanced by an upright featureradiator, blue glass splashbacks, Karndeanflooring and wooden Magnet units withblack granite work surfaces. Very swish.Elsewhere is a Belfast sink and space for a

range oven and fridge/freezer, while built-inis a microwave, dishwasher, bin andrecycling storage. Next door is a utility

room, with space for a washing machine andtumble dryer, and a cloakroom.Up on the landing is further storage space

and access to the loft, while the two biggestbedrooms both have built-in wardrobes.Besides the main bathroom (with cornerbath), the master bedroom en suite has ashower cubicle and a wash basin set into amarble surface.Finally, the gardens: at the front a lawn

with borders and at the back a decent patioand lawn, a raised deck with koi carp pond,well-stocked borders, apple trees, raspberryand strawberry beds, a chalet with power,lighting and water, a greenhouse, outdoorlighting, three outside taps and a shed.All in all, this property has been finished

to a very high standard inside and out, andhas considerable appeal.

Property of the week Charnhill Ridge, Mangotsfield

62

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Looking for some deals to spruce up your home? Alison Cork, from HomesAndBargains.co.uk, has put together these latest offers.

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64

A no-fuss garden is all in the planning . . .

Our modern wayof life meansthat many of usare reallypushed for time,so when itcomes to the

garden we are often asked todesign bearing that in mind.But is it possible to create a

garden that doesn’t need anymaintenance? Even a concreteback yard will need sweepingand eventually weeds will find away in – but there are plenty ofways to keep the work in yourgarden to a minimum.It’s best to start thinking

about maintenance at theplanning stage.For example, when laying a

lawn, one of the traditional andmost important parts of agarden, adding a “mowing edge”

means you can just zoomaround and cut the grasswithout subsequently needing touse a strimmer or shears.This sounds insignificant, but

it really makes a difference interms of saving time – and amowing edge can look brillianttoo. A range of materials can beused, including, brick, stone tilesor even railway sleepers, just aslong as the mower wheels caneasily run over it.Whichever edging material

you choose, it should also pickup on other features of thehouse and garden to help bringthe design together.Planting is a key factor for

beauty and interest and whatyou choose can have a dramaticeffect on the amount of time youspend tending your garden.Vegetable plots and traditional

cottage gardens with lots ofherbaceous perennials require alot of attention and weeding tokeep them looking tip top. Thisrequires a certain level ofknowledge, too.Often we have to find a

compromise. For example, whenchoosing a climber to train overa fence, you could pick aclematis montana.It will cover the fence no

problem, but will mean a lot ofpruning in the future. On theother hand, a hydrangeapeteolaris will grow more slowlyand will require very little tokeep it looking good.Another example is hedging.

Leyland cypress grows fast andpruning must be regular and isessential, as opposed to yew,which is much slower growingand easier to keep on top of.

In my view, the latter is abetter option.One of the most interesting

low maintenance gardens is asimple area of grassinterspersed with trees. Whenpicking trees, you’ll need to takeinto account whether the size,shape and type (whether theyfruit or not) is appropriate forthe garden and for your needs.Once that decision is made, allyou’ll need to do is whip roundwith the mower every couple ofweeks during the growingseason. You could add interestwith log seats, or maybe awildflower meadow.

Contact Ali via email [email protected]. Formore information, visitwww.secretgardenweb.co.uk, orTwitter @secretgardenweb

67

TELEVISION

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6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 10.00 SaturdayKitchen Live (S,HD). 11.30 Food & Drink(R,S,HD). 12.00 BBC News; Regional Newsand Weather (S,HD). 12.15 FootballFocus (S,HD). Dan Walker and guests lookahead to the weekend’s action. 1.00 LiveSix Nations Rugby Union (S,HD). Italy vScotland (Kick-off 1.30pm). 3.30 Live SixNations Rugby Union (S,HD). England vIreland (Kick-off 4.00pm). 5.55 BBC News;Regional News and Weather (S,HD).

7.00 The Voice UK (S,HD). 7/14.See Choices Above.

6.15 Pointless Celebrities (R,S,HD).5/6. A TV cooks special,featuring Rustie Lee andAntony Worrall Thompson.

8.30 The National Lottery: WhoDares Wins (S,HD). 8/8. Gameshow in which strangers pair upto win money. Last in the series.

9.20 Casualty (S,HD). 26/48. Fletch’sdaughter lands herself indanger.

10.10 BBC News; Weather (S,HD).10.30Match of the Day (S,HD). Gary

Lineker presents highlights ofthe latest Premier Leagueclashes, including Chelsea vEverton at Stamford Bridge andArsenal v Sunderland at theEmirates Stadium. Followed byNational Lottery Update.

11.55 The Football League Show(S). Highlights of today’s gamesin the Championship, LeagueOne and League Two.

1.15 Weatherview (S). 1.20 BBC News(S,HD).

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6.00 CITV. 9.25 ITV News (S). 9.30 DinnerDate (R,S). 10.30 Murder, She Wrote(R,S,HD). 11.30 ITV News and Weather (S).11.40 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries (R,S).12.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (S).1.05 Film: Casino Royale (S,HD) (1967).Spoof James Bond adventure, starring DavidNiven. ●● 3.35 Midsomer Murders (R,S).A choir member is killed before acompetition. 5.35 ITV News West Country(S). 5.45 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 SuperScrimpers (R,S,HD). 6.10 TheHoobs (R,S). 7.00 Trans World Sport (S).8.00 The Morning Line (S,HD). 9.00Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.30Frasier (R,S). 10.35 The Big BangTheory (R,S,HD). 11.30 How I Met YourMother (S,HD). 12.25 The Simpsons(R,S). 1.30 Channel 4 Racing (S,HD). Livecoverage from Kempton Park andNewcastle. 4.10 Come Dine with Me(R,S,HD).

6.00 Milkshake!. 10.00 Access. 10.15Film: Paul Blart: Mall Cop (S,HD) (2009).Comedy, starring Kevin James. ●●● 12.00Film: Sabrina (S) (1995). Romantic comedyremake, with Harrison Ford and JuliaOrmond. ●●● 2.25 Diagnosis Murder(R,S). 3.25 Film: Columbo: A Bird in theHand (S) (1992). Crime drama, starring PeterFalk. ●●● 5.20 Film: Columbo: The MostCrucial Game (S) (1972). Detective drama,starring Peter Falk and Robert Culp. ●●

7.00 Ant & Dec’s Saturday NightTakeaway (S,HD). 1/7. Newseries. The Geordie duo returnwith the entertainment show.

6.00 The Cube: Celebrity Special(S,HD). See Choices Above.

6.15 Superstar Dogs: Countdownto Crufts (S). 6/15. See ChoicesAbove.

6.45 Channel 4 News (S).

6.40 5 News Weekend (S,HD).6.45 NCIS (R,S). 15/24. A sailor’s

body is discovered in a disusedrestaurant.

10.50 ITV News and Weather (S);Weather.

1.00 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00In Plain Sight (R,S,HD). Mary helps aformer bank robber acclimatise to lifeoutside prison. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD).Text-based information service.

7.00 The Restoration Man(R,S,HD). 2/8. George Clarkefollows a couple’s project totransform a derelict flint mill inStone, Staffordshire.

8.00Walking Through History:North Norfolk (S,HD). 3/3.See Choices Above.

9.00 Hostages (S,HD). 7/15. Ellensneaks away to meet a familyfriend who may be able to helpher.

9.55 Transporter 3 (S) (2008).See Choices Above. ●●●

1.45 Boss (S,HD). Kane becomes embroiledin a scandal. 2.45 One Minute PastMidnight (R,S). Short drama set in a shopin 2059. 2.55 One Born Every Minute(R,S). A mother-to-be who was born with amajor heart defect goes into labour. 3.55Kirstie’s Handmade Treasures (R,S,HD).A winter version of a popular drink. 4.00Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). Omnibus.

7.30 NCIS (R,S). 16/24. A nuclearpower plant inspector suffersradiation poisoning, forcing theteam to consider the possibilitythat a foreign powerdeliberately targeted him.

8.30 The NCIS Movie: Legend(R,S). 22&23/25. See ChoicesAbove.

10.10 Nora Roberts’ MidnightBayou (S,HD) (2009). Premiere.An attorney investigates thedark history of his mansion todiscover the truth behind ahaunting. Supernaturalromantic drama, with JerryO’Connell and Lauren Stamile.●●

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.10 Benidorm ER (R,S,HD). 4.00Wildlife SOS (R,S). 4.25 Make It Big (R,S).4.50 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.00Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.10 Hana’sHelpline (R,S). 5.20 Angels of Jarm (R,S).5.30 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.40Hana’s Helpline (R,S). 5.50 Hana’sHelpline (R,S).

6.00 Film: The Little Polar Bear 2: TheMysterious Island (S) (2005). ●● 7.15Film: The Magic Box (S) (1951). ●●●●9.00 Live Winter Olympics (S,HD). 11.30Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 12.00Flog It! Trade Secrets (S,HD). 12.30 LiveWinter Olympics (S,HD). 4.00 Live WinterOlympics (S,HD). 4.50 Final Score (S,HD).5.05 Live Winter Olympics (S,HD). Furthercoverage of the men’s alpine skiing slalom.5.35 Final Score (S,HD).

7.10Winter Olympics: Today atthe Games (S,HD). Highlightsfrom the 15th day of the Gamesin Russia.

6.00 Live Winter Olympics (S,HD).The second run in the men’sfour-man bobsleighcompetition.

8.00 Top Gear (R,S,HD). 3/7. JeremyClarkson, Richard Hammondand James May demonstratetheir love of small cars with atrip to Ukraine. James Bluntreturns for another drive in theReasonably Priced Car.

9.00 The Lost Portrait of BonniePrince Charlie: A CultureShow Special (S,HD). SeeChoices Above.

10.00 QI XL (S,HD). 4/16. With KatyBrand, Sue Perkins and DavidMitchell.

10.45 There Will Be Blood (S) (2007).See Choices Above. ●●●●●

11.05 The Fast and the Furious:Tokyo Drift (S,HD) (2006).Motor-racing adventure,starring Lucas Black. ●●

11.55 Cop Land (S,HD) (1997). Policethriller, starring SylvesterStallone. ●●●●

1.15 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview ofupcoming programmes.

after

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8.20 Take Me Out (S,HD). 8/8. MrWales 2013, a semi-prowrestler, a champagneimporter and a cleaner try toimpress the panel and win adate to the Isle of Fernandos.Paddy McGuinness hosts. Lastin the series.

9.50 The Jonathan Ross Show(S,HD). 8/10. The host subjectsanother batch of celebrityguests to no-holds-barredquestioning. Plus, musicalperformances by A-list bandsand solo artists.

Casualty, 9.20pm QI XL, 10pm Take Me Out, 8.20pm Hostages, 9pm The NCIS Movie: Legend, 8.30pm

THE LOST PORTRAIT OF BONNIE PRINCECHARLIE: A CULTURE SHOW SPECIAL9pm, BBC2In 2009, Dr Bendor Grosvenor proved theScottish National Portrait Gallery’s painting ofCharles Edward Stuart was not in fact of theInstigator of the Jacobite uprising of 1745. Inthis programme, Grosvenor tries to track downa long-lost portrait of the Young Pretender.

THE CUBE: CELEBRITYSPECIAL6pm, ITVBoxer David Haye and I’m aCelebrity 2013 winner KianEgan set out to complete aseries of fiendishly difficultchallenges and winthousands for charity. Phillip Schofield hosts.

SUPERSTAR DOGS: COUNTDOWN TOCRUFTS6.15pm, Channel 4John Barrowman welcomes civil servant Daveand his German shepherd, lettingsadministrator Kelly and her border collie, andretired Denise with her Labrador-Staffiecross. The contestants and their pets takepart in a variety of challenges.

6.00 Beauty and the Geek (R).6.45 Coronation Street (S,HD).9.05 Emmerdale (S,HD). 12.00You’ve Been Framed! (R,S).12.30 You’ve Been Framed (R,S).1.30 Film: The Mighty Ducks(S,HD) (1992). ●● 3.40 BritAwards 2014 (R,S,HD). 5.55 Film:The Perfect Man (S,HD) (2005).Romantic comedy, with Hilary Duffand Heather Locklear. ●●

10.20 Celebrity Juice:Saturday NightTakeaway Special(R,S,HD). With Ant andDec, Ashley Roberts andRob Beckett.

11.10 Hannibal (S,HD) (2001).Thriller sequel, starringAnthony Hopkins. ●●●

1.45 Utterly Outrageous RealityTV Moments 2013 (R,S). MattEdmondson presents a countdownof 2013’s best reality clips. 2.35You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). A catthat does not like DVDs. 3.00Teleshopping. Home shopping.

WALKING THROUGHHISTORY: NORTH NORFOLK8pm, Channel 4Tony Robinson travels alongthe north Norfolk coast,finding out how the areamaintained its rural identitydespite the industrialchanges of the Victorian age.

BBC1

THE VOICE UK7pm, BBC1The final round ofblind auditions – thelast chance for theremaining hopefuls towin a place on KylieMinogue, Will.i.am,Tom Jones or Ricky Wilson’s teams.

FILMRATINGS●●●●●Excellent●●●●Very good●●●Good●●Average●Poor(R) repeat(S) subtitles(HD) high-definition

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6.00 Milkshake!. 10.00 Access. 10.15Film: Paul Blart: Mall Cop (S,HD) (2009).Comedy, starring Kevin James. ●●● 12.00Film: Sabrina (S) (1995). Romantic comedyremake, with Harrison Ford and JuliaOrmond. ●●● 2.25 Diagnosis Murder(R,S). 3.25 Film: Columbo: A Bird in theHand (S) (1992). Crime drama, starring PeterFalk. ●●● 5.20 Film: Columbo: The MostCrucial Game (S) (1972). Detective drama,starring Peter Falk and Robert Culp. ●●

6.00 Beauty and the Geek (R).6.45 Coronation Street (S,HD).9.05 Emmerdale (S,HD). 12.00You’ve Been Framed! (R,S).12.30 You’ve Been Framed (R,S).1.30 Film: The Mighty Ducks(S,HD) (1992). ●● 3.40 BritAwards 2014 (R,S,HD). 5.55 Film:The Perfect Man (S,HD) (2005).Romantic comedy, with Hilary Duffand Heather Locklear. ●●

8.00 Ocean’s Eleven (S,HD)(2001). A suaveex-convict assembles agang of crooks to helphim pull off the daringrobbery of three casinosin Las Vegas. Crimecomedy, with GeorgeClooney, Brad Pitt andJulia Roberts. IncludingFYI Daily. ●●●●


11.10 Hannibal (S,HD) (2001).Thriller sequel, starringAnthony Hopkins. ●●●

1.45 Utterly Outrageous RealityTV Moments 2013 (R,S). MattEdmondson presents a countdownof 2013’s best reality clips. 2.35You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). A catthat does not like DVDs. 3.00Teleshopping. Home shopping.

6.00 How I Met YourMother (R,S,HD). 5/20.

6.30 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 14/24.

6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.25 Make It orBreak It (R,S,HD). 7.10 Ugly Betty(R,S,HD). 7.55 Charmed (R,S). 8.55Glee (R,S,HD). 10.00 How I MetYour Mother (R,S,HD). 11.00 TheMindy Project (R,S,HD). 11.30 Rulesof Engagement (R,S,HD). 2.00 TheMindy Project (R,S,HD). 2.30 How IMet Your Mother (R,S,HD). 3.30 TheBig Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 4.30Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 5.30 How IMet Your Mother (R,S,HD).

7.00 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 15/24. Amysuggests moving in withSheldon.


8.00 The Tomorrow People(R,S,HD). 7/22. Stephendecides to have somefun with his new-foundpowers.

10.50 Rude Tube (R,S,HD).Alex Zane presents acountdown of 50internet mash-ups,including clips of DarthVader playing thebagpipes and theyoungest-ever thrashmetal band.

12.20 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 12.50 The MidnightBeast (R,S,HD). 1.25 How I MetYour Mother (R,S,HD). 1.50 How IMet Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.20 2Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 2.40 TheRicky Gervais Show (R,S,HD).4.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 4.45 UglyBetty (R,S,HD).

9.00 Airplane! (S,HD) (1980).A traumatised warveteran must face hisfear and land an airlinerwhen the crew areincapacitated by foodpoisoning. Spoof disastermovie, starring RobertHays and Leslie Nielsen.●●●●●

6.00Modern Family (R,HD).1/24. Mitch and Cammake a big decision.

6.30Modern Family(R,S,HD). 2/24.

6.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 8.00 TheFantasy Football Club (HD).9.00 Game Changers (HD).10.00 Soccer AM (HD). 12.00WWE Superstars (HD). A round-up of all the latest wrestlingnews. 1.00 Harrow: A VeryBritish School (R,S,HD). 2.00Sinbad (R,S,HD). 3.00 Futurama(R,S). 4.00 Modern Family(R,S,HD).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).17/22.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).18/22. Homer is recruitedto be a deacon by thetrendy new reverend.

8.00 A League of TheirOwn (R,S,HD). 2/12.Sports-based comedyquiz, hosted by JamesCorden. Jamie Redknappand Andrew “Freddie”Flintoff are the captains.

10.00 Volcano (S) (1997). Anemergency expert and ascientist try to save theresidents of Los Angeleswhen a volcano erupts inthe middle of the city.Disaster thriller, withTommy Lee Jones andAnne Heche. ●●●

12.05 The Kumars (R,S,HD). WithJames Corden, Terry Gilliam andTwiggy. 1.05 Brit Cops: Law &Disorder (R,S). 2.00 Brit Cops:Law & Disorder (R,S). 3.00 BritCops: Law & Disorder (R,S). 4.00Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD).5.00 Crash Test Dummies(R,S,HD).

9.00 Arrow (R,S,HD). 10/23.Oliver faces new enemyShrapnel, who has set offa string of bombs acrossthe city, while Thea seesa different side to Royand Laurel’s suspicionsabout Sebastian continueto grow.

6.00 Porridge (S). 5/6.Godber revises for anexam.

6.40 Fawlty Towers (S). 2/6.

6.05 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 6.50 OnlyFools and Horses (S). 8.00 Open AllHours (S). 8.40 Porridge (S). 9.20Seven of One. 10.00 Porridge (S).10.40 Seven of One. 11.20 The TwoRonnies Sketchbook (S). 12.40Porridge (S). 1.20 Open All Hours(S). 2.00 Porridge (S). 2.40 Seven ofOne. 3.20 Porridge (S). 4.00 Sevenof One. 4.40 The Two RonniesSketchbook (S).

7.30 Fawlty Towers (S). 3/6.An American comes tostay.

8.15 Fawlty Towers (S). 4/6.A guest’s death plungesthe hotel into chaos.

10.20 The Office (S). 6/6.David Brent shares hismanagementphilosophy.

11.00 Yes Minister (S). 6/7.Jim makes a rashpromise.

11.40 Yes Minister (S). 7/7.Hacker appears before aselect committee.

12.20 The Office (S). Brentbecomes a motivational speaker.1.00 The Office (S). The staffcelebrate Red Nose Day. 1.30 TheOffice (S). David Brent shares hismanagement philosophy. 2.00 YesMinister (S). Jim makes a rashpromise. 2.30 Yes Minister (S).3.00 Close

9.00 The Office (S). 4/6. Brentbecomes a motivationalspeaker.

9.40 The Office (S). 5/6. Thestaff celebrate Red NoseDay.

6.00 Football Gold (S). 6.30Ringside (HD). 7.30 PremierLeague Preview (HD). 8.00 TheFantasy Football Club (HD). 9.00Game Changers (HD). 10.00Soccer AM (HD). 12.00 FL72 Live(HD). 2.30 Saturday Team Talk(HD). 3.00 Soccer Saturday (HD).5.00 Live Saturday NightFootball (HD). Crystal Palace vManchester United.

11.30 FL72 Highlights (HD).Middlesbrough v LeedsUnited.

12.00 Saturday Reloaded (S,HD).1.00 SNF – Match Choice (HD).Extended highlights from thePremier League. 2.30 SNF – MatchChoice (HD). Extended highlightsfrom the Premier League. 4.00 SNF– Match Choice (HD). Extendedhighlights from the Premier League.5.30 FL72 Highlights (HD).

10.00 SNF – Match Choice(HD). Sarah-Jane Meepresents extendedhighlights from thePremier League,allowing viewers toaccess the latest round oftop-flight fixtures,including Cardiff City vHull City.

The Perfect Man, 5.55pm The Tomorrow People, 8pm Volcano, 10pm The Office, 9pm FL72 Live, 12pm

WALKING THROUGHHISTORY: NORTH NORFOLK8pm, Channel 4Tony Robinson travels alongthe north Norfolk coast,finding out how the areamaintained its rural identitydespite the industrialchanges of the Victorian age.

THE NCIS MOVIE: LEGEND8.30pm, Channel 5Feature-length episode. When the body of amarine is found strung up at a constructionsite, the agents travel to LA to work withanother NCIS team on an investigation intoan international arms deal that escalates intoa high-priority case, and Tony begins to pryinto Ziva’s life. Guest starring Chris O’Donnell.

11.50 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 5/24. Sheldonlooks for a way out ofhis relationship.

8.00 SNF – Game of the Day(HD). Sarah-Jane Meepresents a full re-run ofthe day’s top PremierLeague match.

7.00 Great MovieMistakes:Revenge of theFifth (R,S).

7.15 Doctor Who(R,S,HD). TheDoctor’s greatestsecret is revealed.Last in the series.

8.00 Doctor Who:The UltimateGuide (R,S,HD).Part two of two.A look at theseventh toeleventh timelords.

9.00 Little Fockers(S,HD) (2010).Comedy sequel,starring BenStiller and RobertDe Niro. ●●

10.30 Family Guy (R,S).10.55 Family Guy (R,S).11.15 Family Guy (R,S).11.40 Family Guy (R,S).12.00 Family Guy (R,S).12.20 Family Guy (R,S).12.45 Family Guy (R,S).1.10 Family Guy (R,S).1.30 Bad Education(R,S,HD). 2.00 Uncle(R,S,HD). 2.30 Live at theElectric (R,S,HD). 3.00 Liveat the Electric (R,S,HD).3.30 Russell Howard’sGood News (R,S,HD).

7.00Wild China(R,HD).Environmentalconcerns onthe country’seasternseaboard. Last inthe series.

8.00 Lost Kingdomsof SouthAmerica (R,HD).The origins ofTiwanaku, the13,000ft-highruins of amonolithictemple city.

9.00 Salamander(HD).

9.50 Salamander(HD).

10.40 UltimateNumber 1s atthe BBC (R).A selection ofchart-toppersfrom the past 60years.

11.40 Forever Young –How Rock ’n’Roll Grew Up(R).

12.40 Top of the Pops:1979 (R). 1.15 Sounds ofthe 70s (R). 1.45 WildChina (R,HD). 2.45 LostKingdoms of SouthAmerica (R).

TRANSPORTER 39.55pm, Channel 4Courier Frank Martintransports thekidnapped daughter ofa crooked governmentminister across Europe.Action thriller sequel,with Jason Statham.

THERE WILL BE BLOOD10.45pm, BBC2A prospector’s pursuit ofwealth leads him intoconflict with a priestover control of an oil-rich town. Drama,starring Daniel Day-Lewis and Paul Dano.

ITV2 E4 Sky1 GOLD Sky Sports 1 BBC3 BBC4

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6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 7.30 Match of theDay (R,S,HD). 9.00 The AndrewMarr Show(S,HD). 10.00 The Big Questions (S,HD). 11.00Saturday Kitchen Best Bites (S). 12.15MOTD2 Extra (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News (S,HD).1.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S). 2.15 The IndianDoctor (R,S,HD). 2.55 Flog It! Trade Secrets(R,S,HD). 3.30 Escape to the Country(R,S,HD). 4.15 Deadly 60 on a Mission: Poleto Pole (S,HD). 4.45 Songs of Praise (S,HD).5.20 Pointless Celebrities (R,S,HD).

7.00 Countryfile (S,HD). From theIsle of Portland off the Dorsetcoast, where Matt Bakerexplores its three lighthouses.Including Weather for theWeek Ahead.

6.10 Regional News (S,HD).6.30 Blandings (S,HD). 2/7. Clarence

and Connie’s terrifying sisterCharlotte arrives – andthreatens to stay for good.

8.00 Call the Midwife (S,HD). 6/8.See Choices Above.

9.00 The Musketeers (S,HD). 5/10.Porthos is sentenced to deathfor murder, then swiftlyabducted by a gang from theslums, leaving the otherMusketeers to infiltrate thisdangerous district to find theirfriend.

10.00 BBC News; Regional Newsand Weather (S,HD).

10.25Match of the Day 2 (S,HD).Mark Chapman reviews theday’s Premier League action,featuring Liverpool v SwanseaCity, Newcastle United v AstonVilla and Norwich City vTottenham Hotspur.

11.35 The Devil’s Double (S,HD)(2011). Premiere. Fact-baseddrama, starring DominicCooper.●●●


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6.00 CITV. 9.25 Murder, She Wrote(R,S,HD). 10.20 Dickinson’s Real Deal(R,S,HD). 11.20 ITV News and Weather (S).11.30 Countrywise (S). 11.45 Inside theNational Trust (S,HD). 12.45 Film: EvilUnder the Sun (S,HD) (1982). Mystery,starring Peter Ustinov.●●● 3.00 Film: OnHer Majesty’s Secret Service (S,HD)(1969). James Bond adventure, starringGeorge Lazenby.●●● 5.50 ITV News WestCountry (S).

6.10 The Hoobs (R,S). 7.05 Freesports on4 (S). 7.30 Arenacross (S). 8.00 Frasier(R,S). 8.25 The Taste (R,S,HD). 9.30 SundayBrunch (S). 12.30 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 1.30 How I Met Your Mother(S,HD). 2.25 The Simpsons (R,S). 3.30Jamie and Jimmy’s Friday Night Feast(R,S,HD). 4.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 5.35Film: The Devil Wears Prada (S,HD)(2006). Comedy drama, starring MerylStreep.●●●●

6.00 Milkshake!. 10.00 Power RangersSuper Samurai (R,S,HD). 10.35 PowerRangers Megaforce (R,S,HD). 11.00Access (R). 11.10 The Dog Rescuers(R,S,HD). 11.45 The Hotel Inspector(R,S,HD). 12.45 Ice Road Truckers (R,S,HD).1.45 Ben Fogle: New Lives in the Wild(R,S,HD). 2.45 Film: The Kid (S,HD) (2000).●●● 4.45 Film: Over Her Dead Body(S,HD) (2008). Supernatural romanticcomedy, starring Eva Longoria.●●

7.45 All Star Family Fortunes(S,HD). 9/10. Dougie Poynterand Sinitta take part.

6.00 ITV News and Weather (S).6.15 Dancing on Ice (S,HD). 8/10.

The stars skate solo.

6.35 5 News (S,HD).6.40 The Man in the Iron Mask

(S,HD) (1998). See ChoicesAbove.●●●

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S); Weather.10.15 It’ll Be Alright on the Night

(R,S,HD). Griff Rhys Jonespresents a collection of TVbloopers, featuring momentsfrom Coronation Street,Emmerdale and Dancing on Ice,as well as royal clangers.

12.15 The Store. Home shopping. 2.15The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). Thehost takes his successful talk show stateside.3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S).The host takes his successful talk showstateside. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 TheJeremy Kyle Show (R,S). Guests air theirdifferences.

7.40 Channel 4 News (S).

8.00 The Edwardian GrandDesigner: A Time TeamSpecial (S). See Choices Above.

9.00 Bridesmaids (S,HD) (2011).See Choices Above.●●●●

1.55 Boss (S,HD). Kane takes a break fromCity Hall. 2.55 One Born Every Minute(R,S). A father-to-be cannot be contacted ashis girlfriend’s labour progresses. 3.55Location, Location, Location (R,S).Revisiting two couples who were expectingbabies. 4.50 Supernanny US (R,S). 5.30Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD). Beat-the-bankergame show.

9.00 Daybreakers (S,HD) (2010). Ina world dominated byvampires, an undead scientistencounters a revolutionarygroup claiming to have found acure for vampirism. Thriller,with Ethan Hawke andWillemDafoe. Edited for violence.●●●

10.55 The Matrix Revolutions(S,HD) (2003). Freedom fightersNeo and Trinity battle to bringthe conflict between man andmachine to an end. Conclusionof the sci-fi trilogy, starringKeanu Reeves and Carrie-AnneMoss.●●●

1.15 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.05 Ultimate EmergencyBikers (R,S,HD). 4.00 Wildlife SOS (R,S).4.25 Make It Big (R,S). 4.50 The FunkyValley Show (R,S). 5.00 Angels of Jarm(R,S). 5.10 Hana’s Helpline (R,S). 5.20Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.30 The FunkyValley Show (R,S). 5.40 Hana’s Helpline(R,S). 5.50 Hana’s Helpline (R,S).

6.00 Film: Bachelor Knight (S) (1947).Romantic comedy.●●● 7.30 Monty Don’sItalian Gardens (R,S,HD). 8.30Countryfile (R,S,HD). 9.30 Live WinterOlympics (S,HD). Coverage of the final dayof the Games in Russia. 2.30 Live WinterOlympics (S,HD). A look back at the 22ndstaging of the Winter Olympics. 4.00 LiveWinter Olympics Closing Ceremony(S,HD). The 22ndWinter Olympics areofficially brought to a close.

7.00 Hunt vs Lauda: F1’s GreatestRacing Rivals (R,S,HD).

8.00 Top Gear (S,HD). 4/7. SeeChoices Above.

9.00 Dragons’ Den (S,HD). 11/12.Aspiring entrepreneurs pitchideas including a glow-in-the-dark sportswear brand, auniquely shaped energy-savingdevice and a confidence-building children’s toy.

10.00 Alan Davies Apres-Ski(R,S,HD). 3/3. The comedian andhis guests give their take on thelatest from Sochi. Last in theseries.

10.30 Line of Duty (R,S,HD). 2/6. Themissing persons unit looks intothe disappearance of 15-year-old Carly Kirk.

11.30 Of Time and the City (S)(2008). Documentaryexamining the history ofLiverpool.●●●

11.15 Premiership Rugby Union(HD). Action from the 15thround of top-flight fixtures.

11.25 Sex and the City (S,HD)(2008). Comedy, starring SarahJessica Parker.●●●

12.45 Film: Silkwood (S,HD) (1983). SeeChoices Above.●●●● 2.50 Sign Zone:Countryfile (R,S). A visit to a Help forHeroes recovery centre in Wiltshire. 3.45Sign Zone: Holby City (R,S). Zosia finallygets the chance to prove herself. 4.45 ThisIs BBC Two (S). Preview of upcomingprogrammes.

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8.30 Dancing on Ice: The SkateOff (S,HD). 8/9. A battle for thelast place in the semi-final.

9.00Mr Selfridge (S,HD). 6/10. SeeChoices Above.

Blandings, 6.30pm Alan Davies Apres-Ski, 10pm Dancing on Ice, 6.15pm Deal or No Deal, 4.30pm Ben Fogle: New Lives … 1.45pm

THE EDWARDIAN GRAND DESIGNER: ATIME TEAM SPECIAL8pm, Channel 4Tony Robinson goes behind the scenes of theNational Trust’s £11million restoration of CastleDrogo in Devon and finds out about the life andwork of its architect. Edwin Lutyens built glorioushouses for the Edwardian super-rich and some ofthe greatest monuments of the British Empire.

TOP GEAR8pm, BBC2Jeremy Clarkson drives thehand-crafted TouringSuperleggera Disco Volanteand Richard Hammondexperiences the Mercedes-Benz G63 AMG 6x6. Withcomedian Jack Whitehall.

THE MAN IN THE IRON MASK6.40pm, Channel 5The Three Musketeers set out to depose thevillainous King of France and reinstate hislong-imprisoned twin brother. However, theyface an unexpected threat in the form of oldfriend D’Artagnan. Swashbuckling adventure,starring Leonardo DiCaprio in a dual role,alongside John Malkovich and Jeremy Irons.

6.00 Beauty and the Geek (R).6.45 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 9.35Coronation Street (R,S,HD).12.05 Take Me Out (R,S,HD). 1.35You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.05Film: Kangaroo Jack (S,HD)(2003). Comedy, starring JerryO’Connell.●●● 3.50 Ant & Dec’sSaturday Night Takeaway(R,S,HD). 5.15 Film: Junior (S,HD)(1994). Comedy.●●●

12.00 The Big Reunion 2014(R,S,HD). The members of 5th Storyspeak about their solo careers. 1.05Mom (R,S,HD). 1.30 Dads (R,S,HD).1.55 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S).Comical clips, narrated by HarryHill. 2.50 Teleshopping. Homeshopping. 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen(HD).

BBC1

CALL THE MIDWIFE8pm, BBC1Trixie is excited when alocal curate invites heron a date, Shelagh hasfinally decided whatshe wants in life andPatsy works tirelesslyto diagnose a docker’s unusual symptoms.


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6.00 Milkshake!. 10.00 Power RangersSuper Samurai (R,S,HD). 10.35 PowerRangers Megaforce (R,S,HD). 11.00Access (R). 11.10 The Dog Rescuers(R,S,HD). 11.45 The Hotel Inspector(R,S,HD). 12.45 Ice Road Truckers (R,S,HD).1.45 Ben Fogle: New Lives in the Wild(R,S,HD). 2.45 Film: The Kid (S,HD) (2000).●●● 4.45 Film: Over Her Dead Body(S,HD) (2008). Supernatural romanticcomedy, starring Eva Longoria.●●

6.00 Beauty and the Geek (R).6.45 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 9.35Coronation Street (R,S,HD).12.05 Take Me Out (R,S,HD). 1.35You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.05Film: Kangaroo Jack (S,HD)(2003). Comedy, starring JerryO’Connell.●●● 3.50 Ant & Dec’sSaturday Night Takeaway(R,S,HD). 5.15 Film: Junior (S,HD)(1994). Comedy.●●●

7.30 Ocean’s Thirteen(S,HD) (2007). Thethieves need the help ofan enemy to get evenwith a casino boss whohas conned one of theteam. Comedy crimecaper sequel, starringGeorge Clooney, AlPacino and Brad Pitt.●●●

10.00 The Only Way Is Essex(S,HD). 1/12. New series.The reality programmefollowing a group ofpeople in Essex returns.Old favourites Sam, Argand Jess are back, thistime with new facesElliot and Lewis.

11.00 Utterly OutrageousReality TV Moments2013 (R,S). MattEdmondson presents acountdown of 2013’sbest reality clips.

12.00 The Big Reunion 2014(R,S,HD). The members of 5th Storyspeak about their solo careers. 1.05Mom (R,S,HD). 1.30 Dads (R,S,HD).1.55 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S).Comical clips, narrated by HarryHill. 2.50 Teleshopping. Homeshopping. 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen(HD).

6.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine(R,S,HD). 6/22.


6.00 Make It or Break It (R,S,HD).6.45 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD). 7.35Charmed (R,S). 8.30 How I MetYour Mother (R,S,HD). 9.55Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 12.30Revenge (R,S,HD). 1.30 Rude(ish)Tube (R,S). 2.30 The Big BangTheory (R,S,HD). 3.00 Marvel’sAgents of SHIELD (R,S,HD). 4.00The Tomorrow People (R,S,HD).5.00 Troy (R,S,HD).

7.00 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 16/24. Leonardand Penny celebrateValentine’s Day.


8.00 Ice Age: Dawn of theDinosaurs (S,HD)(2009). Sid the sloth’sfriends search for himwhen he is taken to anunderground worldinhabited by dinosaurs.Animated sequel,featuring the voices ofJohn Leguizamo andDenis Leary.●●●

10.00 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 15/24. Amysuggests moving in withSheldon.

10.30My Mad Fat Diary(R,S,HD). 1/7.

12.00 Rules of Engagement(R,S,HD). 12.30 The Ricky GervaisShow (R,S,HD). 1.00 The RickyGervais Show (R,S,HD). 1.35 TheCleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2.05The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD).2.30 Bob’s Burgers (R,S,HD). 2.50Bob’s Burgers (R,S,HD). 3.15Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). Omnibus.

6.00 Jordan & Perri’sUltimate Block Party(S,HD). 7/8.

6.30Modern Family (R,HD).1/24.

6.00 Hour of Power (HD). 7.00Glee (R,S,HD). 9.00 ModernFamily (R,S,HD). 9.30 Jordan &Perri’s Ultimate Block Party(R,S,HD). 10.00 WWE Superstars(R,HD). 11.00 WWE: Experience(HD). 12.00 Sinbad (R,S,HD). A trapawaits Sinbad in Basra. 1.00Futurama (R,S). 2.00 ModernFamily (R,S). 4.30 The Simpsons(R,S).


7.30 Duck Quacks Don’tEcho (R,S,HD). 3/8. SeeChoices Above.

8.00 The Simpsons (R,S).17/22. Guest starringRichard Dean Anderson.

8.30 The Simpsons (R,S).13/23. Homer changeshis name.

10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles(S,HD). 6/24. A top-secretmission to bring down adangerous cartel withterrorist connections iscompromised by acomputer hacker – whoturns out to be a15-year-old girl.

12.00 An Idiot Abroad 2 (R,S,HD).Karl Pilkington arrives back in theUK. 1.00 Road Wars (R,S). Policeofficers combat vehicle crime. 2.00Brit Cops: Law & Disorder (R,S).3.00 Brit Cops: Law & Disorder(R,S). 4.00 Crash Test Dummies(R,S,HD). 5.00 Crash TestDummies (R,S,HD).

11.00 An Idiot Abroad 2(R,S,HD). 7/8. KarlPilkington prepares for a15-hour trek to thesummit of Mount Fuji inJapan.

9.00 Hawaii Five-0 (S,HD).6/24. A man posing as azombie on Halloween isshot dead, and when itturns out he was dosedup on a drug known asthe Devil’s Breath, theteam is led to a crazyscientist.

6.00 The Two RonniesSketchbook (S). 5/7.Renee Olstead guests.

6.05 Bread (S). 6.35 Harry Hill’s TVBurp. 8.00 The Two RonniesSketchbook (S). 9.20 Seven of One.10.00 Porridge (S). 10.40 Seven ofOne. 11.20 The Two RonniesSketchbook (S). 12.25 Seven ofOne. 1.00 Open All Hours (S). 1.40Porridge (S). 2.20 Seven of One.3.00 The Two Ronnies Sketchbook(S). 4.00 Seven of One. 4.40Porridge (S). 5.20 Seven of One.

7.00 Seven of One. 4/7. Thestory of a hopelessfootball team and itscoach.

7.40 Open All Hours (S). 3/7.

8.20 Porridge (S). Pilot of theclassic comedy, starringRonnie Barker.

10.20 Knowing Me,Knowing You – WithAlan Partridge (S). 4/6.Special French edition ofthe spoof chat show,starring Steve Coogan.

11.00 Yes Minister (S). 1/7.Jim makes a stand forequal opportunities.

11.40 Yes Minister (S). 2/7.Jim faces an unenviabletask.

12.20 I’m Alan Partridge (S). Alanmakes a TV comeback. 1.00 I’mAlan Partridge (S). Alan agrees tohost a sales conference. 1.30Knowing Me, Knowing You –With Alan Partridge (S). 2.00 YesMinister (S). 2.30 Yes Minister(S). 3.00 Close

9.00 I’m Alan Partridge (S).1/6. Alan makes a TVcomeback.

9.40 I’m Alan Partridge (S).2/6. Alan agrees to host asales conference.

6.30 Live Spanish Football(HD). Valencia vGranada.

6.00 SNF – Match Choice (HD).7.30 Game Changers (HD). 8.30FL72 Highlights (HD). 9.00The Sunday Supplement (HD).10.30 Goals on Sunday (HD).12.30 Live Super Sunday (HD).Newcastle United v Aston Villa(Kick-off 1.30pm). 3.30 Live SuperSunday (HD). Norwich City vTottenham Hotspur (Kick-off4.00pm).

11.30 PL 100 Club. A chanceto relive the best of AlanShearer’s 260 goals in thePremier League.

12.00 Spanish Football (HD).Osasuna v Atletico Madrid. 1.00Live WWE Elimination Chamber(HD). The wrestling extravaganzafrom the Target Centre inMinneapolis. 4.00 Football Special(HD). Newcastle United v Aston Villaand Norwich City v TottenhamHotspur. 5.30 PL 100 Club.

10.00 Football Special (HD).Newcastle United vAston Villa and NorwichCity v TottenhamHotspur. Highlights ofthe Premier Leaguematches at St James’Park and Carrow Roadrespectively.

Ocean’s Thirteen, 7.30pm The Big Bang Theory, 6.30pm Hawaii Five-0, 9pm I’m Alan Partridge, 9pm Live Super Sunday, 3.30pm

MR SELFRIDGE9pm, ITVHarry organises a patrioticconcert to raise money forthe troops, and havingoffered to help thegovernment, receives ordersto leave London on a secretmission to Berlin. Alfie Boe guest stars.

DUCK QUACKS DON’T ECHO7.30pm, Sky1Great British Bake Off presenter Sue Perkins,comedian Bob Mortimer and former JLSsinger Aston Merrygold join in the fun onthe comedy panel game. Host Lee Mack andhis guests attempt to find the answers to allmanner of questions, from random trivia tothe downright daft.

11.30 Rules of Engagement(R,S,HD). 9/13. The guyschallenge one anotherto sleep with someone.

8.00 Live Spanish Football(HD). Osasuna v AtleticoMadrid (Kick-off8.00pm). Coverage of theLa Liga match at theEstadio El Sadar inPamplona, where thehosts have recordedsome impressive resultsthis season.

7.00 Pop’s GreatestDance Crazes(R,S).

7.25 The Voice UK(R,S,HD).The finalweek of blindauditions.

9.00 Sun, Sex andSuspiciousParents:Thailand(S,HD).Revisiting peoplefeatured inseason four. Lastin the series.

10.00 Family Guy(R,S,HD).


10.45 Uncle (R,S,HD).11.15 American Dad!

(R,S).11.35 American Dad!

(R,S).12.00 American Dad!(R,S). 12.20 AmericanDad! (R,S). 12.45American Dad! (R,S).1.05 Ja’mie: PrivateSchool Girl (R,S,HD). 1.30Uncle (R,S,HD). 2.00 Sun,Sex and SuspiciousParents: Thailand(R,S,HD). 3.00 The TruthAbout Webcam Girls(R,S,HD).

7.00 Francesco’s ItalyTop to Toe (R).

8.00 The ReviewShow (HD).

9.00 Bunkers,Brutalism andBloody-mindedness:Concrete Poetrywith JonathanMeades (HD).Part two of two.The post-warwork ofarchitect LeCorbusier.

10.00 In a BetterWorld (HD)(2010). Premiere.A doctor workingin an Africanrefugee campand his sonback home inDenmark eachface a crisis ofconscience.Drama, starringMikaelPersbrandt andMarkus Rygaard.●●●●

11.50 BB King – TheLife of Riley(R,HD).

1.30 Blues at the BBC (R).2.30 Francesco’s Italy Topto Toe (R).

BRIDESMAIDS9pm, Channel 4Premiere. A womantakes charge of her bestfriend’s bridal party, butfinds she has a rival inthe wife of the groom’sboss. Comedy, withKristen Wiig.

SILKWOOD12.45am, BBC2A nuclear power stationemployee tries to provethat she and herco-workers have beenexposed to radiation.Fact-based drama, withMeryl Streep.


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23February

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6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 OperationHospital Food with James Martin (S,HD).10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD).11.00 Countryside 999 (S,HD). 11.45 CaughtRed Handed (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt(S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors(S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S). 3.00 Escape tothe Country (S,HD). 3.45 James Martin:Home Comforts (S,HD). 4.30 Antiques RoadTrip (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Hostedby Matt Baker and GabbyLogan.

7.30 Regional Programme (S,HD).Followed by BBC News;Regional News.

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather.6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

8.00 EastEnders (S,HD). Stacey putsherself at great risk byventuring outside.

8.30 Kidnapped: Betrayed byBritain? – Panorama (S,HD).The disappearance of a Britishbusinessman in Dubai.

9.00 Silk (S,HD). 1/6. See ChoicesAbove.

10.00 BBC News (S,HD).10.25 Regional News (S); Weather.10.35 Have I Got Old News for You

(R,S,HD). 7/9. With RobertLindsay, Johnny Vegas andDeborah Meaden.

11.20 BBC News: The Editors(S,HD). 11/11. John Simpsonasks whether there could be aThird World War. Last in theseries.

11.50 Regional Programme(R,S,HD).


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6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S).9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women(S,HD). Celebrity interviews and topicalstudio discussion. 1.30 ITV News andWeather (S). 1.55 ITV News WestCountry (S). 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal(S). 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show(S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S).4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase(S,HD).

6.25 Countdown (R,S,HD). 7.10 Will &Grace (R,S,HD). 8.00 Everybody LovesRaymond (R,S). 9.30 Frasier (R,S). 11.05The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12.00Channel 4 News Midday Summary (S).12.05 Four in a Bed (R,S,HD). 2.40Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal(S,HD). Beat-the-banker game show. 4.30Come Dine with Me (S,HD). 5.00 CoachTrip (S). 5.30 Superstar Dogs:Countdown to Crufts (S).

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff(HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S).12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15Ultimate Emergency Bikers (R,S). 1.15Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45Neighbours (S,HD). 2.20 NCIS (R,S,HD).3.15 Chinese Food in Minutes (R,S).3.20 Film: McBride: Fallen Idol (S)(2006). See Choices Above.●●● 5.00 5News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours(R,S,HD).

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Jai’s newacquaintance sends him aphoto of Rachel.

7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD).Anna tells Phelan to stopflirting with her.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather.6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 19/20.Homer tries to fulfil hismother’s dying wish.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Robbie isdetermined to get revenge.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).Ricky tells Brax about herpregnancy.

6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S).10.30 ITV News West Country (S);

Weather.10.35 The Agenda (S,HD). 3/10. Tom

Bradby and guests look to theweek ahead.

12.05 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.3.00 Champions League Weekly (S,HD).A look ahead to the last 16 of Europeanfootball’s elite competition. 3.25 TheJeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). The hosttakes his successful talk show stateside.4.10 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-basedinformation service. 5.05 The Jeremy KyleShow (S). Guests air their differences.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S).7.55 Paralympic Winter Games –

The Countdown (S). Newseries. Interviews with athletescompeting at the 2014 WinterParalympics.

8.00 Secrets of Your CreditRating – Channel 4Dispatches (S).

8.30 Food Unwrapped (S). 4/5.Manuka honey, caviar andwhisky.

9.00 One Born Every Minute (S).1/10. New series. Thedocumentary moves to thematernity ward in SouthmeadHospital, Bristol. Midwife Vickihelps her next-door neighbourLouisa through an emotionallabour.

10.00 8 Out of 10 Cats (S). 2/9. SeeChoices Above.

10.50 Troy (S,HD). 2/6. The magicianwreaks havoc at a footballmatch, goes on a road trip likeno other to Bournemouth andcreates a unique way of gettingacross Tower Bridge in London.

12.50 Random Acts (S). 12.55 Scandal(R,S,HD). 1.45 Hostages (R,S,HD). 2.35Boss (S,HD). Kane manages to regaincontrol over City Hall. 3.35 ParalympicWinter Games – The Countdown (R,S).3.40 Supernanny US (R,S). 4.25 Location,Location, Location (R,S,HD). 5.20Kirstie’s Vintage Gems (R,S,HD). 5.30Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

7.00 The Gadget Show (S,HD). SeeChoices Above. Followed by 5News Update.

8.00 Police Interceptors (S,HD). Avan thief takes a disastrouswrong turn, a late-night assaultinvolves a pair of TV legends,and an officer delivers adressing down to a driver witha taste for rude gestures.Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take ItAway! (S,HD). 1/4. New series.Documentary giving an insightinto the world of debtcollection from the perspectivesof people who owe money,their creditors and those whocollect the payments.

11.00 Austin Powers: InternationalMan of Mystery (S,HD) (1997).See Choices Above. ●●●●

10.00 Thieves and Thugs: Caughton Camera (R,S,HD). 5/6. NickWallis shows how CCTV andtechnological advances arehelping tackle the problem ofviolent crime, from burglariesto muggings and street fights.

1.00 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 4.00 House Doctor (R,S). 4.20House Doctor (R,S). A cottage with toomany personal touches. 4.45 Great Artists(R,S). Profile of Leonardo da Vinci. 5.10Wildlife SOS (R,S). The work of a wildlifesanctuary. 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S). Thework of a wildlife sanctuary.

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.05 Homes Under theHammer (R,S,HD). 7.05 The Sheriffs Are Coming(R,S,HD). 7.50 Saints and Scroungers (R,S,HD). 8.20Sign Zone: Helicopter Heroes (R,S). 9.05 Sign Zone:Ben & James Versus the Arabian Desert (R,S). 10.05Sign Zone: Great British Railway Journeys (R,S).10.35 Click (R,S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S).1.00 Instant Restaurant (R,S). 1.45 AndrewMarr’sThe Making of Modern Britain (R,S,HD). 2.45Cagney & Lacey (R,S). 3.30 Bergerac (R,S). 4.20 AreYou Being Served? (R,S). 4.50 ’Allo ’Allo! (R,S). 5.15Vintage Antiques Roadshow (R,S).

7.00 Top Gear (R,S,HD). 4/7. JeremyClarkson drives the hand-crafted Touring SuperleggeraDisco Volante and RichardHammond experiences theMercedes-Benz G63 AMG 6x6.

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead(S,HD). New series. Spin-offfrom the popular quiz, hostedby Jeremy Vine.

6.30 Great Continental RailwayJourneys (S,HD). 6/12.

8.00 University Challenge (S,HD).31/37. The quarter-finalmatches continue.

8.30 Food & Drink (S,HD). 5/10.Tony Singh prepares a seasonalfeast of venison with haggisravioli.

9.00 Horizon: How You ReallyMake Decisions (S,HD).Psychologist Daniel Kahnemanexplores the conflict betweenintuition and logic that isbehind the thousands ofchoices that people make everyday.

10.00 The Culture Show: Forgetthe Oscars, Here Are theKermodes (S,HD). See ChoicesAbove.

10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followedby Weather.

11.20 Dragons’ Den (R,S,HD). 11/12.Pitches include a confidence-building children’s toy.

11.05 The Mighty Mississippi withTrevor McDonald (R,S). 3/3.The broadcaster travelsthrough Missouri andMinnesota. Last in the series.

11.50 The 27 Inch Man: ABodyShock Special (R,S,HD).The life of Colombian EdwardHernandez.

12.20 Sign Zone: Film 2014 (R,S). 12.50Sign Zone: Animal Odd Couples (R,S).1.50 This Is BBC Two (S). 4.00 BBCLearning Zone (S,HD).

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8.00 A Great Welsh Adventurewith Griff Rhys Jones (S,HD).8/8. The funnyman explores theBrecon Beacons. Last in theseries.

8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD).Eileen tricks Marcus intoadmitting he slept with Todd.

9.00 DCI Banks (S,HD). 4/6. SeeChoices Above.

The One Show, 7pm Food & Drink, 8.30pm The Agenda, 10.35pm Secrets of Your Credit Rating, 8pm Police Interceptors, 8pm

SILK9pm, BBC1Clive has finally become a silk, but hiscelebration party is dramatically cut short whennews comes through that the son of the headof chambers has been arrested for killing apolice officer. Martha is assigned to defend theyoung man – but the evidence against himseems overwhelming.

DCI BANKS9pm, ITVPart two of two. Thedetective races to find amysterious tape recordingthat appears to link MattBarber’s father Jack withrock band the Crystal Kiss.Stephen Tompkinson stars.

8 OUT OF 10 CATS10pm, Channel 4Team captains Sean Lock and JonRichardson are joined by celebrity guestsincluding Steve Jones and David O’Dohertyto discuss and dissect the events that set theBritish public’s chins wagging over the pastweek. Jimmy Carr hosts the topical comedypanel show.

6.00 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 6.25Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 7.25 You’veBeen Framed! (R,S). 7.45 The JeremyKyle Show USA (R,S). 8.30 Dinner Date(R,S). 9.30 The Real Housewives ofAtlanta (R,S,HD). 10.30 The RealHousewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD).11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD).12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.00Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 2.00 TheJeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). 4.10 TheReal Housewives of New Jersey (S,HD).5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD).

10.00 The Job Lot (R,S,HD).6/6. Trish receives life-changing news. Last inthe series.

10.30 Plebs (R,S,HD). 6/6.Marcus plans to make amove on Cynthia. Last inthe series.

11.00 Fake Reaction(R,S,HD). 8/10.

11.50 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 5/24. Judith’smarriage plans arethreatened.

12.20 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 12.45 The Only Way IsEssex (R,S,HD). The realityprogramme returns. 1.40 TheJeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). Thehost takes his successful talk showstateside. 2.20 Teleshopping.Home shopping. 5.50 ITV2Nightscreen (HD).

THE GADGET SHOW7pm, Channel 5New series. Ortis Deleyreturns to the presentingteam and visits theItalian Institute ofTechnology in Genoa, whileMatt Littler and DarrenJeffries test portable games consoles.

BBC1

THE CULTURE SHOW:FORGET THEOSCARS, HERE ARETHE KERMODES10pm, BBC2Mark Kermodepresents his alternativeto the Oscars,honouring actors, directors and writers.


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6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff(HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S).12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15Ultimate Emergency Bikers (R,S). 1.15Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45Neighbours (S,HD). 2.20 NCIS (R,S,HD).3.15 Chinese Food in Minutes (R,S).3.20 Film: McBride: Fallen Idol (S)(2006). See Choices Above.●●● 5.00 5News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours(R,S,HD).

7.00 The Gadget Show (S,HD). SeeChoices Above. Followed by 5News Update.

8.00 Police Interceptors (S,HD). Avan thief takes a disastrouswrong turn, a late-night assaultinvolves a pair of TV legends,and an officer delivers adressing down to a driver witha taste for rude gestures.Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take ItAway! (S,HD). 1/4. New series.Documentary giving an insightinto the world of debtcollection from the perspectivesof people who owe money,their creditors and those whocollect the payments.

11.00 Austin Powers: InternationalMan of Mystery (S,HD) (1997).See Choices Above. ●●●●

1.00 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 4.00 House Doctor (R,S). 4.20House Doctor (R,S). A cottage with toomany personal touches. 4.45 Great Artists(R,S). Profile of Leonardo da Vinci. 5.10Wildlife SOS (R,S). The work of a wildlifesanctuary. 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S). Thework of a wildlife sanctuary.

8 OUT OF 10 CATS10pm, Channel 4Team captains Sean Lock and JonRichardson are joined by celebrity guestsincluding Steve Jones and David O’Dohertyto discuss and dissect the events that set theBritish public’s chins wagging over the pastweek. Jimmy Carr hosts the topical comedypanel show.


7.00 You’ve Been Framed!(R,S). 5/23.

7.30 You’ve Been Framed!(R,S). 10/23. A cat thatdoes not like DVDs.

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S).21/30. A man fromDerbyshire takes part inthe dating show.


8.30 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 6/24. Charlie isattracted to Lydia.

10.00 The Job Lot (R,S,HD).6/6. Trish receives life-changing news. Last inthe series.

10.30 Plebs (R,S,HD). 6/6.Marcus plans to make amove on Cynthia. Last inthe series.

11.00 Fake Reaction(R,S,HD). 8/10.


12.20 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 12.45 The Only Way IsEssex (R,S,HD). The realityprogramme returns. 1.40 TheJeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). Thehost takes his successful talk showstateside. 2.20 Teleshopping.Home shopping. 5.50 ITV2Nightscreen (HD).

9.00Mom (S,HD). 7/22.Christy clashes withLuke’s conservativeparents.

9.30 Dads (S,HD). 5/19.Warner questions hisown mortality.



6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.25 90210(R,S,HD). 7.10 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD). 7.55Charmed (R,S). 8.55 Glee (R,S,HD).10.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 10.30 TheMindy Project (R,S,HD). 11.00Charmed (R,S). 12.00 Rules ofEngagement (R,S,HD). 12.30 Hollyoaks(R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother(R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 3.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 3.30The Mindy Project (R,S,HD). 4.00 Rulesof Engagement (R,S,HD). 5.00 How IMet Your Mother (R,S,HD).

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD).7.30 How I Met Your

Mother (R,S,HD). 12/22.Ted tries to get Robininvited to a wedding.

8.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine(R,S,HD). 6/22. Amy isforced to wear fancydress to go undercoveron Halloween.

8.30 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD).3/24. Max decides totake in a stray cat.

10.00My Mad Fat Diary(S,HD). 2/7. Raestruggles under pressureas she begins her firstyear in sixth form.Comedy, starring SharonRooney.

12.00 The Cleveland Show(R,S,HD). 12.30 The ClevelandShow (R,S,HD). 1.00 Revenge(R,S,HD). 2.00 The TomorrowPeople (R,S,HD). 2.45 Marvel’sAgents of SHIELD (R,S,HD). 3.35Bob’s Burgers (R,S,HD). 3.55 Glee(R,S,HD). 4.40 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD).

9.00 Revenge (S,HD). 8/22.Victoria throws Emily abridal shower, which hasprofound consequencesfor everyone involved.The bride-to-be then hasto take drastic measuresas Daniel grows evenmore distant.


6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).23/24. Milhouse falls inlove.

6.00 Luton Airport (R,S). 7.00Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S).8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD).9.00 Futurama (R,S). 10.00 NCIS:Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 HawaiiFive-0 (R,S,HD). Danno’s formerpartner is murdered. 3.00 TheSimpsons (R,S,HD). 3.30Futurama (R,S). 4.30 TheSimpsons (R,S,HD). 5.30 ModernFamily (R,S,HD).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S).22/22.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).15/22. Bart’s graffitiimpresses a group ofprofessional artists.

8.00 The Simpsons (R,S).4/22. Three Halloween-themed tales.

8.30Modern Family (S,HD).3/24. Gloria panics whenJoe is deemed tooaggressive.

10.00 Stella (R,S,HD). 5/10.The nurse’s professionalskills are tested whenshe accidentally injuresMichael.

12.00 A League of Their Own:Unseen (R,S,HD). More out-takesfrom series seven of the show. 1.00Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). The teamprotects a dictator. 2.00 RoadWars (R,S). 3.00 Road Wars (R,S).4.00 Luton Airport (R,S). 4.30Luton Airport (R,S). 5.00 AirlineUSA (R,S). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S).

11.00 A League of TheirOwn: Best Bits(R,S,HD). 11/11.Highlights from the fifthseries of the sports-based comedy quiz.

9.00Moone Boy (S,HD). 2/6.See Choices Above.

9.30 The Simpsons (R,S).12/22. GroundskeeperWillie is forced to movein with the family.

6.20 Last of the SummerWine (S). 4/11. Cleggkeeps a secret forHoward.

6.00 Ever Decreasing Circles (S). 6.30Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 7.00 ’Allo ’Allo! (S).7.40 As Time Goes By (S). 8.20 GoodnightSweetheart. 9.00 Keeping UpAppearances (S). 9.40 2point4 Children(S). 10.20 Last of the Summer Wine (S).11.40 Ever Decreasing Circles (S). 12.15dinnerladies (S). 1.00 The Green GreenGrass (S). 2.20 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 3.00’Allo ’Allo! (S). 3.40 As Time Goes By (S).4.20 Goodnight Sweetheart. 5.00Keeping Up Appearances (S). 5.40 Last ofthe Summer Wine (S).

7.00 Only Fools and Horses(S). 6/7.

7.40 Only Fools and Horses(S). 7/7. A decoratingdisaster befalls theTrotters.

8.20 dinnerladies (S). 7/10.The crew prepares forthe millennium dinner.

10.20 Little Britain (S). 5/6.Vicky Pollard becomes ababysitter.

11.00 Shooting Stars (S). 3/6.With Tulisa, BrendanCole, Chris Kamara andJohn Simpson.

11.40 The Smell of Reevesand Mortimer (S). 5/6.

12.20 Little Britain (S). Daffydmeets gay Star Trek fans. 1.00Little Britain (S). Emily andFlorence hit the town for a hennight. 1.30 Little Britain (S). VickyPollard becomes a babysitter. 2.00Shooting Stars (S). 2.30 TheSmell of Reeves and Mortimer(S). 3.00 Close

9.00 Little Britain (S). 3/8.Daffyd meets gay StarTrek fans.

9.40 Little Britain (S). 4/6.Emily and Florence hitthe town for a hen night.

6.00 Soccer AM: The BestBits (S,HD). Highlights ofSaturday’s show.

6.00 Spanish Football Gold. 7.00Spanish Football (HD). 7.55 LiveICC Under-19s World Cup Cricket(HD). Coverage of the opening semi-final. 4.00 Kevin PietersenMasterclass (HD). A battingmasterclass with the batsman. 4.30The Fantasy Football Club (S,HD).5.00 Game Changers (HD).Programme aiming to inspireyoungsters to take up sport.

7.00 FL72 Review. A round-up of recent matches,featuring all the goalsfrom the Championship,League One and LeagueTwo.

11.30 FL72 Review. A round-up of recent matches.

12.30 SPFL Round-Up (HD). 1.00Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD).Highlights of Saturday’s show. 2.00Football’s Greatest Teams. 2.30Football’s Greatest Teams. 3.00SPFL Round-Up (HD). 3.30 FL72Review. 4.30 Football’s GreatestTeams. 5.00 Football’s GreatestTeams. 5.30 SPFL Round-Up (HD).

9.30 Football’s GreatestTeams. A profile ofEnglish Premier Leaguechampions ManchesterUnited.

10.00 England Special – TheFootballers’ FootballShow (HD). Focusing onthe exploits of theEngland national team.

Mom, 9pm MyMad Fat Diary, 10pm Moone Boy, 9pm Only Fools and Horses, 7pm England Special, 8pm

THE GADGET SHOW7pm, Channel 5New series. Ortis Deleyreturns to the presentingteam and visits theItalian Institute ofTechnology in Genoa, whileMatt Littler and DarrenJeffries test portable games consoles.

MOONE BOY9pm, Sky1It’s the dawn of a new era for Martin Mooneas he begins secondary school, and while heisn’t impressed with his friends’ talk aboutgirls, he soon changes his tune when he meetsart teacher Miss Tivnan (Amy Huberman), avision at the blackboard who sparks aromantic rivalry between him and Sean.



8.00 England Special – TheFootballers’ FootballShow (HD). Focusing onthe exploits of theEngland national team.

7.00World’s CraziestFools (R,S).

7.30Would I Lie toYou? (R,S,HD).

8.00 Cinderellas ofthe Slums:Secrets of SouthAmerica(R,S,HD). The glitzand glamour ofdebutante balls inBrazil. Last in theseries.

9.00 Knife Crime ER:Reggie Yates’Extreme SouthAfrica (S,HD). Ahospitalstruggling tocope with victimsof violent crime.

10.00 ImpracticalJokers (S,HD).

10.30 EastEnders(R,S,HD).

11.00 Family Guy (R,S).11.25 Family Guy (R,S).11.45 American Dad!

(R,S).12.10 American Dad!(R,S). 12.30 ImpracticalJokers (R,S,HD). 1.00 KnifeCrime ER: Reggie Yates’Extreme South Africa(R,S,HD). 2.00 Cinderellasof the Slums (R,S,HD).2.55 The Crash (R,S,HD).

7.00World NewsToday (HD);Weather.

7.30 Reel History ofBritain (R).

8.00 Amazon Abyss.The teamexplores the RioNegro gorge.

9.00 The Joy of theSingle (R). Acelebration ofstories andmemoriesassociatedwith the musicsingle.

10.00 The Life of Rockwith Brian Pern(HD).

10.30 Infested:Living withParasites (R,HD).Examiningpossible benefitsof parasites tohuman health.

11.30 Horizon (R,HD).Why the world’sweather seems tobe becomingmore extreme.

12.30 The Brits Who Builtthe Modern World (R,HD).1.30 The Life of Rockwith Brian Pern (R,HD).2.00 Amazon Abyss. 3.00The Joy of the Single (R).

MCBRIDE: FALLEN IDOL3.20pm, Channel 5McBride is devastated to learn his mentor, atalented defence attorney, has beenstabbed to death outside his home. Thecrusading lawyer becomes involved in thecase, and it quickly becomes apparent thatthe victim was hiding a dark secret. Mystery,starring John Larroquette.

AUSTIN POWERS:INTERNATIONALMAN OF MYSTERY11pm, Channel 4A sex-mad British secretagent from the 1960s isrevived in the 1990s todo battle once againwith his arch-enemy.


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6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 OperationHospital Food (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Underthe Hammer (S,HD). 11.00 Countryside999 (S,HD). 11.45 Caught Red Handed(S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 RegionalNews (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD).2.15 Perfection (R,S). 3.00 Escape to theCountry (S,HD). 3.45 James Martin:Home Comforts (S,HD). 4.30 AntiquesRoad Trip (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Livechat and topical reports.

7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Kat makesa dangerous deal. Followed byBBC News; Regional News.


8.00 Holby City (S,HD). 20/52. Jonnystruggles on his first day asclinical nursing manager, Zosiais forced to take part in adifficult kidney transplant andHarry plans a holiday – but Rafstands in his way.

9.00 Death in Paradise (S,HD). 7/8.See Choices Above.

10.00 BBC News (S,HD).10.25 Regional News (S). Followed

by National Lottery Update.10.35 Traffic Cops (S,HD). 2/6. A

teenager is injured in a hit-and-run, a woman is lucky to bealive when she overturns hercar while checking her mobileand two cops go searching for acar used in a robbery.

11.35 Who Do You Think You Are?USA (S). 6/6. Actor ChrisO’Donnell traces his latefather’s ancestry. Last in theseries.


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6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S).9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women(S,HD). Topical debate from a femaleperspective. 1.30 ITV News and Weather(S). 1.55 ITV News West Country (S). 2.00Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). Memorablemoments from the show. 3.00 The AlanTitchmarsh Show (S,HD). 3.59 RegionalProgramme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point(S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

6.20 Countdown (R,S,HD). 7.05 ParalympicWinter Games – The Countdown (R,S).7.10 Will & Grace (R,S). 8.00 EverybodyLoves Raymond (R,S). 9.30 Frasier (R,S).11.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12.00Channel 4 News Midday Summary (S).12.05 Four in a Bed (R,S,HD). 2.40Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal(S,HD). 4.30 Come Dine with Me (S,HD).5.00 Coach Trip (S). 5.30 Superstar Dogs:Countdown to Crufts (S).

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff(HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S).12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15Trauma Doctors (R,S,HD). 1.15 Homeand Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours(S,HD). 2.20 NCIS (R,S). 3.15 TheShell Seekers (R,S). Part one of two.Romantic drama, starring VanessaRedgrave and the late Maximilian Schell.5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30Neighbours (R,S,HD).

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Charitysets out to seduce Jai forinformation about Rachel.

7.30 Live UEFA ChampionsLeague (S,HD). Olympiakos vManchester United (Kick-off7.45pm). Adrian Chiles presentscoverage of the last-16 first-legtie at the Karaiskakis Stadiumbetween the Greek and Englishchampions.


6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 20/20. Lisagets her own TV show.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Baby Katy isrushed back into hospital.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).Irene tries to persuade Nate tostay in the Bay.



Weather.10.35 UEFA Champions League:

Extra Time (S,HD). Olympiakosv Manchester United and ZenitSt Petersburg v BorussiaDortmund.

12.30 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.3.00 Loose Women (R,HD). Topical debatefrom a female perspective. 3.45 ITVNightscreen (HD). Text-based informationservice. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S).Guests air their differences.


The Countdown (S).Interviews with athletescompeting at the 2014 WinterParalympics.

8.00 Kirstie’s Best of Both Worlds(S). 1/7. See Choices Above.

9.00 The Taste (S,HD). 8/10. ChefFergus Henderson challengesthe six remaining cooks toprepare food using the finestcuts of meat as well as lesspopular parts of an animal,including bone marrow andtripe.

10.00 Strippers (S). 1/3. See ChoicesAbove.

12.55 KOTV Boxing Weekly (S). 1.20Trans World Sport (R,S). Including aprofile of Russian ice hockey star AlexOvechkin. 2.20 Beach Volleyball (S). 3.15Freesports on 4 (R,S). 3.40 Arenacross(R,S). 4.05 Paralympic Winter Games –The Countdown (R,S). 4.10 Terror in theSkies (R,S,HD). 5.05 SuperScrimpers(R,S,HD). 5.25 Secret Removers (R,S,HD).

7.00 The Dog Rescuers (R,S,HD).6/10. A Grimsby inspector findstwo puppies locked in a dirtybathroom.

7.30 Police 5 (S,HD). Followed by 5News Update.

8.00 Benidorm ER (S,HD). A retiredpostmistress undergoes a life-saving operation, a womanseeks relief from kidney painand an expat spends herbirthday in the ER after cominga cropper on a wakeboard.Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 The Mentalist (S,HD). 9/22.Jane is living on a tropical islandas he remains a fugitive fromjustice two years on from thedeath of Red John, but an FBIagent arrives with a temptingoffer.

11.00 Body of Proof (R,S,HD). 5/20.An arson investigator hindersMegan’s work.

11.55 CSI: Miami (R,S). 14/24. Twobodies are found in theEverglades.

10.00 Law & Order: Special VictimsUnit (S,HD). 4/24. Stabler andBenson investigate when ateenage girl is killed in a hit-and-run incident. Warnerdiscovers the victim was beingstarved and had recently givenbirth.

12.55 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.10 Henry VIII & Anne: TheLovers Who Changed History (R,S,HD).Part one of two. Henry VIII and AnneBoleyn’s volatile relationship. 4.00 HouseDoctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S). Acountry cottage in Northamptonshire. 4.45Great Artists (R,S). 5.10 Wildlife SOS(R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.05 Homes Under theHammer (R,S,HD). 7.05 Countryside 999 (R,S,HD).7.50 Caught Red Handed (R,S,HD). 8.20 Sign Zone:Helicopter Heroes (R,S). 9.05 Sign Zone: GreatBritish Garden Revival (R,S). 10.05 Sign Zone:Great British Railway Journeys (R,S). 10.35HARDtalk (S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S).1.00 Instant Restaurant (R,S). 1.45 Andrew Marr’sThe Making of Modern Britain (R,S,HD). 2.45Cagney & Lacey (R,S). 3.30 Bergerac (R,S). 4.20 AreYou Being Served? (R,S). 4.50 ’Allo ’Allo! (R,S).5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (S).

7.00 Permission Impossible:Britain’s Planners (S,HD). 1/8.New series. The return of thedocumentary following thework of council planningofficers. Continues tomorrow.

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead(S,HD). Spin-off from thepopular quiz.

6.30 Great Continental RailwayJourneys (S,HD). 7/12. Part oneof two.

8.00 The Great British SewingBee (S,HD). 2/8. See ChoicesAbove.

9.00 The Necessary War (S,HD).See Choices Above.

10.00 QI (R,S,HD). 2/18. With NoelFielding, Ross Noble and ColinLane.


11.20 Horizon: How You ReallyMake Decisions (R,S,HD). Theconflict between intuition andlogic when making choices.

11.35 Nicola Adams: Sports LifeStories (S,HD). 4/8. A profile ofthe Olympic boxing champion.

11.05 8 Out of 10 Cats (R,S). 2/9.With guests including SteveJones and David O’Doherty.

11.50 Random Acts (S). Still life anddeath among the flowers.

11.55 Poker (S).

12.20 The Super League Show (S). 1.05Sign Zone: Britain’s Great War (R,S).2.05 This Is BBC Two (S). 4.00 BBCLearning Zone (S,HD).

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Holby City, 8pm Live UEFA Champions … 7.30pm The Taste, 9pm Law & Order … 10pm

THE GREAT BRITISH SEWING BEE8pm, BBC2The nine remaining contestants take part inthree more challenges, this time testing theirability to match and combine patternedfabrics. They first have to make a pleated skirt,before showing their ingenuity by fashioning agarment out of two shirts and finish bycreating a made-to-measure pair of pyjamas.

THE NECESSARY WAR9pm, BBC2Historian Max Hastingsoutlines his belief thatBritain was right to enterthe First World War andoppose Germany’s aims,arguing that the conflictwas neither avoidable nor futile.

STRIPPERS10pm, Channel 4Documentary filmed at strip clubs inGlasgow, Edinburgh and Aberdeen,revealing how exotic dancers handle thestigma attached to their profession. The firstprogramme follows the girls of DiamondDolls in Glasgow as they learn to juggle love,life and lap dancing.



10.50 2 Fast 2 Furious (S,HD)(2003). See ChoicesAbove.●●

12.55 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). Berta swears revengewhen her daughter becomespregnant. 1.20 Two and a HalfMen (R,S,HD). Alan tries to cure hisinsomnia. 1.45 The VampireDiaries (R,S,HD). Wes reveals hisplans for Damon. 2.30Teleshopping. Home shopping.

KIRSTIE’S BEST OF BOTHWORLDS8pm, Channel 4Kirstie Allsopp helps buyersfind a home that providesthem with the peace andquiet of a rural idyll andconvenient access to the cityfor work. She begins in Belfast.

BBC1

DEATH IN PARADISE9pm, BBC1The owner of a privateisland is shot dead at afamily gathering, andwhen the Caribbeancops investigate, theyend up stranded withsuspects – one of whom must be the killer.


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6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff(HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S).12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15Trauma Doctors (R,S,HD). 1.15 Homeand Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours(S,HD). 2.20 NCIS (R,S). 3.15 TheShell Seekers (R,S). Part one of two.Romantic drama, starring VanessaRedgrave and the late Maximilian Schell.5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30Neighbours (R,S,HD).

7.00 The Dog Rescuers (R,S,HD).6/10. A Grimsby inspector findstwo puppies locked in a dirtybathroom.

7.30 Police 5 (S,HD). Followed by 5News Update.

8.00 Benidorm ER (S,HD). A retiredpostmistress undergoes a life-saving operation, a womanseeks relief from kidney painand an expat spends herbirthday in the ER after cominga cropper on a wakeboard.Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 The Mentalist (S,HD). 9/22.Jane is living on a tropical islandas he remains a fugitive fromjustice two years on from thedeath of Red John, but an FBIagent arrives with a temptingoffer.

10.00 Law & Order: Special VictimsUnit (S,HD). 4/24. Stabler andBenson investigate when ateenage girl is killed in a hit-and-run incident. Warnerdiscovers the victim was beingstarved and had recently givenbirth.

12.55 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.10 Henry VIII & Anne: TheLovers Who Changed History (R,S,HD).Part one of two. Henry VIII and AnneBoleyn’s volatile relationship. 4.00 HouseDoctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S). Acountry cottage in Northamptonshire. 4.45Great Artists (R,S). 5.10 Wildlife SOS(R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

STRIPPERS10pm, Channel 4Documentary filmed at strip clubs inGlasgow, Edinburgh and Aberdeen,revealing how exotic dancers handle thestigma attached to their profession. The firstprogramme follows the girls of DiamondDolls in Glasgow as they learn to juggle love,life and lap dancing.


7.00 You’ve Been Framed!(R,S). 6/23. Includingfootage of a caninegoalkeeper.


6.00 Dinner Date (R,S).22/30. Lois from Londonchooses three blinddates.

8.00 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 7/24. Bertaswears revenge whenher daughter becomespregnant.

8.30 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 8/24. Alan triesto cure his insomnia.


10.50 2 Fast 2 Furious (S,HD)(2003). See ChoicesAbove.●●

12.55 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). Berta swears revengewhen her daughter becomespregnant. 1.20 Two and a HalfMen (R,S,HD). Alan tries to cure hisinsomnia. 1.45 The VampireDiaries (R,S,HD). Wes reveals hisplans for Damon. 2.30Teleshopping. Home shopping.

9.00 The Vampire Diaries(S,HD). 9/22. Wes revealshis plans for Damon, asStefan decides to lookafter a dying Katherine.Meanwhile, Elena getsherself into troubleasking for Aaron’s help.




7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). JohnPaul reaches a new low.

7.30 How I Met YourMother (R,S,HD). 13/22.Ted believes he has methis perfect woman.

8.00 10 Things I HateAbout You (S,HD)(1999). See ChoicesAbove.●●●●

10.00 Troy (S,HD). 3/6. Themagician continues touse everyday objectsand situations to baffleand amaze unsuspectingmembers of the public,this time performingtricks at the Notting HillCarnival.

12.00 Rude Tube: Epic Fails (R,S).1.00 Rules of Engagement(R,S,HD). 1.35 Rules ofEngagement (R,S,HD). 2.00 TheCleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2.25 TheCleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2.50 TheRicky Gervais Show (R,S,HD). 3.15The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD).3.45 Glee (R,S,HD). 4.30 Ugly Betty

6.00 Modern Family (R).2/24.

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).21/22. Otto breaks upwith his new bride.

6.00 Luton Airport (R,S). 7.00Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S).8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD).9.00 Futurama (R,S). 10.00NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). The teamprotects a dictator. 3.00 TheSimpsons (R,S,HD). 3.30Futurama (R,S). 4.30 TheSimpsons (R,S). 5.30 ModernFamily (R).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).8/22. With the guestvoice of Joan Rivers.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S).19/22. With the voice ofFrances McDormand.

8.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD).6/24. A man posing as azombie on Halloween isshot dead.

10.00 The Smoke (R,S,HD).1/8. Drama about a teamof London firefighters,focusing on a watchleader who becomesobsessed with findingout the truth about acall-out in which healmost died.

12.00 A League of Their Own(R,S,HD). Comedy sports quiz,hosted by James Corden. 1.00 ALeague of Their Own: Best Bits(R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0(R,S,HD). 3.00 Road Wars (R,S).4.00 Luton Airport (R,S). 4.30Luton Airport (R,S). 5.00 AirlineUSA (R,S). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S).

11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles(R,S,HD). 6/24. Acomputer hackerjeopardises a top-secretmission.

9.00 Ross Kemp: ExtremeWorld (S,HD). 6/6. SeeChoices Above.

6.20 Last of the SummerWine (S). 6/11. Wesleymakes a hand-craftedtrolley.

6.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 6.25 EverDecreasing Circles (S). 6.55 Harry Hill’s TVBurp. 7.20 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 7.50 As TimeGoes By (S). 8.30 Goodnight Sweetheart.9.10 Keeping Up Appearances (S). 9.502point4 Children (S). 10.30 Last of theSummer Wine (S). 11.50 Ever DecreasingCircles 12.30 dinnerladies (S). 1.10 OnlyFools and Horses (S). 2.30 Harry Hill’s TVBurp. 3.00 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 3.40 As TimeGoes By (S). 4.20 Goodnight Sweetheart.5.00 Keeping Up Appearances (S). 5.40Last of the Summer Wine (S).

7.00 Only Fools and Horses(S).

7.40 Only Fools and Horses(S). 1/8. Del encountersan old flame.

8.20 dinnerladies (S). 8/10.Petula’s bizarre lifestylecatches up with her.

10.45 The Vicar of DibleyStory (S). A behind-the-scenes look at thepopular sitcom,featuring contributionsfrom Dawn French,Emma Chambers andwriter Richard Curtis.

12.10 The Smell of Reeves andMortimer (S). The duo survive aplane crash. 12.50 The Vicar ofDibley (S). Alice and Hugo’s baby ischristened. 1.40 The Vicar ofDibley (S). The village suffers awater shortage. 2.20 The Smell ofReeves and Mortimer (S). 3.00Close

9.00 The Vicar of Dibley (S).3/4. Alice and Hugo’sbaby is christened.

9.55 The Vicar of Dibley (S).4/4. The village suffers awater shortage.

7.00 Football’s GreatestTeams. A profile ofEnglish Premier Leaguechampions ManchesterUnited.

6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans(HD). 9.00 Football’s GreatestTeams. 10.00 England Special –The Footballers’ Football Show(HD). 11.30 Football LeagueGold. 11.45 Soccer AM: The BestBits (S,HD). 12.45 Football’sGreatest Teams. 4.45 Live UEFAChampions League (HD). Zenit StPetersburg v Borussia Dortmund(Kick-off 5.00pm).

7.30 Soccer Special (HD).Featuring pre-matchreports and news of alltonight’s goals as they goin, with studio guestskeeping an eye on thebig games and talkingpoints.

11.00 Revista De La Liga(HD). Highlights from LaLiga.

12.00 UEFA Champions LeagueHighlights (HD). 1.00 Football LeagueGold (S,HD). 1.15 Football’s GreatestInternational Teams (S,HD). 1.45Football League Gold (S,HD). 2.00Football Asia (S). 2.30 Revista De LaLiga (HD). 3.30 Premier League Review(HD). 4.30 UEFA Champions LeagueHighlights (HD). 5.30 Football Asia (S).

10.00 Premier LeagueReview (HD). A lookback at recent fixtures inthe English PremierLeague.

You’ve Been Framed!, 7pm Troy, 10pm Ross Kemp: Extreme ... 9pm The Vicar of Dibley, 9pm Live UEFA ... 4.45pm

KIRSTIE’S BEST OF BOTHWORLDS8pm, Channel 4Kirstie Allsopp helps buyersfind a home that providesthem with the peace andquiet of a rural idyll andconvenient access to the cityfor work. She begins in Belfast.

ROSS KEMP: EXTREME WORLD9pm, Sky1Ross investigates the drug epidemicsweeping through Rio de Janeiro. Brazil hasthe seventh largest economy in the worldbut despite this new-found wealth it is thelargest consumer of crack cocaine anywhereon the planet. Ross witnesses dealers, forwhom selling crack is a 24-hour operation.



7.00 Snog, Marry,Avoid? (R,S,HD).Makeover show,featuring awannabe-Wag.

7.30 Snog, Marry,Avoid? (R,S,HD).

8.00 Don’t Tell theBride (R,S). Adaredevilorganises everydetail of hiswedding.

9.00 Hair (S,HD). Newseries. Eightyoung hopefulsaim to becrowned Britain’sbest amateur hairstylist.

10.00 Pramface (S,HD).10.30 EastEnders

(R,S,HD).11.00 Family Guy

(R,S).11.25 Family Guy

(R,S).11.45 American Dad!

(R,S).12.10 Hair (R,S,HD). 1.10Pramface (R,S,HD). 1.40Live at the Electric(R,S,HD). 2.10 Live at theElectric (R,S,HD). 2.40Great Movie Mistakes:Revenge of the Fifth(R,S). 3.00 Hair (R,S,HD).

7.00 World NewsToday (HD);Weather.


8.00 What Do ArtistsDo All Day?(HD).

8.30 Secrets ofBones (HD).

9.00 Dissected: TheIncredibleHuman Foot(HD). Parttwo of two.A team dissectsa real humanfoot.

10.00 The FirstWorld War(R,HD).

10.50 The FirstWorld War(R,HD).Examining theearly months inthe war.

11.45 DecisiveWeapons (R).

12.15 The First World Warfrom Above (R,HD). 1.15Nature’s Microworlds (R).1.45 What Do Artists DoAll Day? (R,HD). 2.15Secrets of Bones (R,HD).2.45 Dissected: TheIncredible Human Foot(R).

2 FAST 2 FURIOUS10.50pm, ITV2A disgraced cop is givena chance to redeemhimself by goingundercover to bring adrug trafficker tojustice. Thriller sequel,with Tyrese Gibson.

10 THINGS I HATEABOUT YOU8pm, E4A teenager is bannedfrom dating until herman-hating sister gets aboyfriend. Comedy, withHeath Ledger and JuliaStiles.


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6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 OperationHospital Food with James Martin (S,HD).10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD).11.00 Countryside 999 (S,HD). 11.45 CaughtRed Handed (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt(S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors(S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S). 3.00 Escape tothe Country (R,S,HD). 3.45 James Martin:Home Comforts (S,HD). 4.30 Antiques RoadTrip (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). MattBaker and Alex Jones presentthe live magazine show.Followed by BBC News;Regional News.


8.00Waterloo Road (S,HD). 18/20.Dynasty has a job interviewwith the police but her family’scriminal backgroundjeopardises her prospects.Christine visits Darren’s mumabout indecent images on hisphone.

9.00 Outnumbered (S,HD). 5/6.See Choices Above.

9.30Mrs Brown’s Boys (R,S,HD).5/6. Agnes fears her family isplanning to send her to anursing home.


by National Lottery Update.10.35 A Question of Sport (S,HD).

17/36. With guest captainGraeme Swann.

11.05 Film 2014 (S,HD). 6/7. Reviewof Non-Stop, an Oscars previewand aWes Anderson interview.

11.35 Blandings (R,S,HD). 2/7.Clarence and Connie’s terrifyingsister Charlotte arrives – andthreatens to stay for good.


11

12

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S).9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women(S,HD). With guest Fay Ripley. 1.30 ITVNews and Weather (S). 1.55 ITV NewsWest Country (S). 2.00 Dickinson’s RealDeal (S,HD). Highlights from the show. 3.00The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD). 3.59Regional Programme (S). 4.00 TippingPoint (S,HD). Quiz show, hosted by BenShephard. 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

6.20 Countdown (R,S,HD). 7.05 ParalympicWinter Games – The Countdown. 7.10Will & Grace (R,S,HD). 8.00 EverybodyLoves Raymond (R,S). 9.30 Frasier (R,S).11.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12.00Channel 4 News Midday Summary (S).12.05 Four in a Bed (R,S,HD). 2.40Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal(S,HD). 4.30 Come Dine with Me (S,HD).5.00 Coach Trip (S). 5.30 Superstar Dogs:Countdown to Crufts (S).

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The WrightStuff (HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors(R,S). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD).12.15 The Gadget Show (R,S,HD). 1.15Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45Neighbours (S,HD). 2.20 NCIS (R,S). 3.15The Shell Seekers (R,S). Conclusion.Romantic drama, starring VanessaRedgrave and the late Maximilian Schell.5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30Neighbours (R,S,HD).

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Charityand Declan try to track downRachel before Jai does.

7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD).See Choices Above.


6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 7/22.Homer’s Las Vegas “wife” turnsup.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). John Paulreaches a new low.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).Ricky is rushed to hospital.


10.20 ITV News and Weather (S).10.50 ITV News West Country (S);

Weather.10.55 FA Cup Highlights (S,HD).

Matt Smith presents actionfrom the fifth-round replays inthe prestigious domesticcompetition, as the teamsinvolved looked to move a stepcloser to the Wembley final.

12.50 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.3.00 Film: Columbo: Lovely but Lethal(S,HD) (1973). See Choices Above.●●●4.15 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-basedinformation service. 5.05 The Jeremy KyleShow (R,S). Guests air their differences.



8.00 The Restoration Man (S,HD).8/8. See Choices Above.

9.00 24 Hours in A&E (S,HD). 8/8.The team treats a 78-year-oldman who suffered a cardiacarrest at the gym, and a23-year-old paramedic is sentfor an emergency CT scan. Lastin the series.

10.00 First Dates (S). 3/8. Datingshow in which singletons meetup with possible partners at arestaurant, having selectedthem based solely on aninternet photograph.

12.00 Random Acts (S,HD). 12.05 Film:Beginners (S,HD) (2010). See ChoicesAbove.●●●● 1.50 Film: The Well (S)(1951). Drama, with Richard Rober.●●●3.20 Paralympic Winter Games – TheCountdown (R,S). 3.25 Supernanny US(R,S). 4.05 Location, Location, Location(R,S,HD).

7.00 Trauma Doctors (R,S,HD). Apedestrian is struck by a car andloses his memory. Last in theseries. Followed by 5 NewsUpdate.

8.00 The Thriller Killers: Born toKill? (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 NCIS (S,HD). 4/24. The team iscalled in to investigate whenthree dehydrated survivorsfrom a helicopter crash arediscovered, and the pilot’s bodylater washes up with a gunshotwound to the head.

11.00 Law & Order: Special VictimsUnit (R,S,HD). 2/19. Benson andStabler investigate a rape.

11.55 Law & Order: Special VictimsUnit (R,S,HD). 3/19. A teacherclaims she was raped by a15-year-old student.

10.00 Suspects (S,HD). 3/10. Jack andCharlie’s hunt for a serial rapistbecomes complicated when thelatest woman to be attackedturns out to be the wife of thestation’s chief superintendent.

12.50 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.10 My Face Is Eating MeAlive: Extraordinary People (R,S). A21-year-old Zimbabwean with a facialtumour that is pushing her jaw out of hermouth. 4.00 House Doctor (R,S). 4.20House Doctor (R,S). 4.45 Great Artists(R,S). 5.10 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35Wildlife SOS (R,S).

6.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.00Countryside 999 (R,S,HD). 7.45 Caught RedHanded (R,S,HD). 8.15 Sign Zone: HelicopterHeroes (R,S). 9.00 Sign Zone: Nature’sWeirdest Events (R,S). 10.00 Sign Zone: AnIsland Parish (R,S). 10.30 Sign Zone: See Hear(S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 DailyPolitics (S). 1.00 Instant Restaurant (R,S). 1.45AndrewMarr’s The Making of ModernBritain (R,S,HD). 2.45 Cagney & Lacey (R,S).3.30 Bergerac (R,S). 4.20 Are You BeingServed? (R,S). 4.50 ’Allo ’Allo! (R,S). 5.15Vintage Antiques Roadshow (R,S).

7.00 Permission Impossible:Britain’s Planners (S,HD). 2/8.Residents protest against ahousing development on agreenfield site in Cheshire.Continues tomorrow.

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead(S,HD). Spin-off from thepopular quiz, hosted by JeremyVine.


8.00 The Restaurant Man (S,HD).5/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 Line of Duty (S,HD). 3/6. SeeChoices Above.

10.00 Inside No 9 (S,HD). 4/6. A nine-year-old girl’s birthday partytakes a sinister turn.


11.20 The Necessary War (R,S,HD).Max Hastings outlines his beliefthat Britain was right to enterthe First World War.

11.55 The Jonathan Ross Show(R,S,HD). 8/10. Celebrityinterviews.

11.00 Bodyshockers: My Big BoobHell (R,S,HD). 4/4. A womanwho wants to reverse herbreast enlargement surgery.Last in the series.

12.20 Sign Zone: See Hear (R,S,HD).12.50 Sign Zone: Children’s EmergencyRescue (R,S). 1.50 This Is BBC Two (S).4.00 BBC Learning Zone (S,HD).

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8.00Midsomer Murders (S,HD).Detective drama set in apicturesque rural county wheredeath lurks around everycorner.

A Question of Sport, 10.35pm The Restaurant Man, 8pm Emmerdale, 7pm Bodyshockers … 11pm NCIS, 9pm

THE RESTAURANT MAN8pm, BBC2Coventry mother-of-ten Nahida is opening arestaurant offering Asian fusion food, but hasneither a business plan nor any grip on herfinances and is keeping her full-time job as asocial worker. Russell Norman is concerned whenhe sees the size of her costly premises and theconfused menu, but Nahida ignores his advice.

LINE OF DUTY9pm, BBC2Denton tells Flemingshe had a relationshipwith a high-rankingofficer who may havereason to want her framed.The team gains access tothe files on the protected witness.

CORONATION STREET7.30pm, ITVGary confronts Phelan on the building siteafter Izzy discloses details of his behaviourtowards Anna, while Kal’s father reveals he ishiring his own builder to do the work on thegym as he thinks Jason’s prices are too high.Elsewhere, Beth and Sinead persuade Kirk andChesney to go out for an evening of bingo.

6.00 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 6.25 HolidayAirport: Sydney (R,S). 7.25 You’veBeen Framed! (R,S). 7.45 The JeremyKyle Show USA (R,S). 8.30 DinnerDate (R,S). 9.30 The Real Housewivesof Atlanta (R,S,HD). 10.30 The RealHousewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD).11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker(R,S,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD).1.00 The Cube 2.00 The Jeremy KyleShow (R,S,HD). 4.10 The RealHousewives of New Jersey (S,HD).5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD).

10.00 The Only Way Is Essex(S,HD). 2/12. Realityprogramme following agroup of people inEssex.

10.50 The Big Reunion 2014(R,S,HD). 3/8.

11.50 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 9/24. Alan triesto leave Charlie with therestaurant bill.

12.20 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 12.50 Fake Reaction(R,S,HD). With Ollie Locke, BrianBelo, AJ Odudu and David Morgan.1.40 Party Wright Around theWorld (R,S,HD). Mark Wrightthrows parties around the world.2.30 Teleshopping. Homeshopping.

THE RESTORATION MAN8pm, Channel 4In the final edition of theseries, George Clarke catchesup with Dave and MargaretHedley, who battled throughflooding and serious illnessto restore an abandonedwater mill in Northumberland.

BBC1

OUTNUMBERED9pm, BBC1Sue and Pete worryabout their children’swhereabouts, unawareBen is meeting lots ofinteresting strangersand Jake is battling toget home.


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6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The WrightStuff (HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors(R,S). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD).12.15 The Gadget Show (R,S,HD). 1.15Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45Neighbours (S,HD). 2.20 NCIS (R,S). 3.15The Shell Seekers (R,S). Conclusion.Romantic drama, starring VanessaRedgrave and the late Maximilian Schell.5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30Neighbours (R,S,HD).

7.00 Trauma Doctors (R,S,HD). Apedestrian is struck by a car andloses his memory. Last in theseries. Followed by 5 NewsUpdate.

8.00 The Thriller Killers: Born toKill? (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 NCIS (S,HD). 4/24. The team iscalled in to investigate whenthree dehydrated survivorsfrom a helicopter crash arediscovered, and the pilot’s bodylater washes up with a gunshotwound to the head.

11.00 Law & Order: Special VictimsUnit (R,S,HD). 2/19. Benson andStabler investigate a rape.

11.55 Law & Order: Special VictimsUnit (R,S,HD). 3/19. A teacherclaims she was raped by a15-year-old student.

10.00 Suspects (S,HD). 3/10. Jack andCharlie’s hunt for a serial rapistbecomes complicated when thelatest woman to be attackedturns out to be the wife of thestation’s chief superintendent.

CORONATION STREET7.30pm, ITVGary confronts Phelan on the building siteafter Izzy discloses details of his behaviourtowards Anna, while Kal’s father reveals he ishiring his own builder to do the work on thegym as he thinks Jason’s prices are too high.Elsewhere, Beth and Sinead persuade Kirk andChesney to go out for an evening of bingo.

6.00 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 6.25 HolidayAirport: Sydney (R,S). 7.25 You’veBeen Framed! (R,S). 7.45 The JeremyKyle Show USA (R,S). 8.30 DinnerDate (R,S). 9.30 The Real Housewivesof Atlanta (R,S,HD). 10.30 The RealHousewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD).11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker(R,S,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD).1.00 The Cube 2.00 The Jeremy KyleShow (R,S,HD). 4.10 The RealHousewives of New Jersey (S,HD).5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD).

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!(R,S). 7/23. Featuring apetrol station collapsingon a car.


6.00 Dinner Date (R,S).12/30. Potential suitorswoo Harriet fromManchester.


8.30 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 10/24. Charliefaces a difficult decision.

10.00 The Only Way Is Essex(S,HD). 2/12. Realityprogramme following agroup of people inEssex.

10.50 The Big Reunion 2014(R,S,HD). 3/8.


12.20 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 12.50 Fake Reaction(R,S,HD). With Ollie Locke, BrianBelo, AJ Odudu and David Morgan.1.40 Party Wright Around theWorld (R,S,HD). Mark Wrightthrows parties around the world.2.30 Teleshopping. Homeshopping.

9.00 Party Wright Aroundthe World (S,HD). Newseries. Mark Wrightthrows parties aroundthe world, beginning inMiami, where heorganises a spectacularcelebration for birthdaygirl Joanna.




7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD).Patrick orders Maxine tochange her statementduring Jason’s trial.


8.00 How I Met YourMother (R,S,HD). 3/24.Ted writes a list ofthings he wants to dobefore moving toChicago.


10.00 Rude Tube: Epic Fails(R,S). 1/6. Alex Zanecounts down the top 50video clips where thingsfail to go to plan,featuring a festival-goerwho mistakes a urinalfor a sink.

12.00 The Midnight Beast(R,S,HD). 12.35 TheInbetweeners (R,S). 1.05Brooklyn Nine-Nine (R,S,HD).1.40 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 2.05The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD).2.25 The Ricky Gervais Show(R,S,HD). 2.55 Bob’s Burgers(R,S,HD). 3.15 Glee (R,S,HD).

9.00 The Tomorrow People(S,HD). 8/22. Stephenplots to get insideJedikiah’s head – but theplan goes wrong whenRussell accidentallybrings an uninvitedvisitor back to thesubway tunnel base.

6.00Modern Family (R).4/24. Mitchell andClaire’s mother visits.


6.00 Luton Airport (R,S). 6.30Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD).7.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter(R,S). 8.00 Modern Family(R,S). 9.00 Futurama (R,S).10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD).2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00The Simpsons (R,S). 3.30Futurama (R,S). 4.30 TheSimpsons (R,S). 5.30 ModernFamily (R).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S).17/22. Bart sees into thefuture.

7.30 Live UEFA ChampionsLeague (HD). Schalke 04v Real Madrid (Kick-off7.45pm). All the actionfrom the last-16 first-legencounter at the VeltinsArena, where theGerman and Spanishsides battle it out.

10.00 Duck Quacks Don’tEcho (R,HD). 3/8. SuePerkins, Bob Mortimerand Aston Merrygoldjoin in the fun on thecomedy panel game inwhich host Lee Macktries to find the answersto all manner ofquestions.

1.05 A League of Their Own(R,S,HD). 2.00 A League of TheirOwn (R,S,HD). Comedy sports quiz,hosted by James Corden. 3.00Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 4.00Luton Airport (R,S). 4.30 CrashTest Dummies (R,S,HD). 5.00Airline USA (R,S). 5.30 AirlineUSA (R,S).

11.00 Volcano (S) (1997).Disaster thriller, starringTommy Lee Jones.●●●

6.20 Last of the SummerWine (S). 8/11. Tom ridesCompo’s old bicycle.

6.05 Ever Decreasing Circles (S). 6.35Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 7.05 ’Allo ’Allo! (S).7.45 As Time Goes By (S). 8.20Goodnight Sweetheart. 9.00 KeepingUp Appearances (S). 9.40 Waiting forGod (S). 10.20 Last of the Summer Wine(S). 11.40 Ever Decreasing Circles (S).12.25 dinnerladies (S). 1.00 Only Foolsand Horses (S). 2.20 Harry Hill’s TV Burp.3.00 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 3.40 As Time GoesBy (S). 4.20 Goodnight Sweetheart. 5.00Keeping Up Appearances (S). 5.40 Lastof the Summer Wine (S).

7.00 Only Fools and Horses(S). 2/8. The Trottersmourn Grandad’s death.

7.40 Only Fools and Horses(S). 3/8. Uncle Albert hasa nasty fall.

8.20 dinnerladies (S). 9/10. Anew table-clearingsystem leaves Bren cold.

10.20 Blackadder Goes Forth(S). 5/6. Capt Blackadderhunts for a spy inhospital.

11.00 Shooting Stars (S). 4/6.With guests CherylFergison, DominicLittlewood and Jean-Christophe Novelli.

11.40 Rev (S). 1/6.

12.20 Blackadder II (S). Edmund ischallenged to a drinking contest.12.55 Blackadder the Third (S).Edmund tries to find a rich bride forPrince George. 1.30 BlackadderGoes Forth (S). Capt Blackadderhunts for a spy in hospital. 2.00Shooting Stars (S). 2.30 Rev (S).3.00 Close

9.00 Blackadder II (S). 5/6.Edmund is challenged toa drinking contest.

9.40 Blackadder the Third(S). 5/6. Edmund tries tofind a rich bride forPrince George.

6.00 Football’s GreatestTeams.

6.30 Football’s GreatestTeams. A profile ofChelsea.

6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans(HD). 9.00 UEFA Champions LeagueHighlights (HD). 10.00 Revista De LaLiga (HD). 11.00 Football Gold (S).11.30 Football’s GreatestInternational Teams (S,HD). 12.00UEFA Champions LeagueHighlights (HD). 1.00 PL 100 Club.3.00 UEFA Champions LeagueHighlights (HD). 4.00 Revista De LaLiga (HD). 5.00 UEFA ChampionsLeague Highlights (HD).

7.00 Live UEFA ChampionsLeague (HD).Galatasaray v Chelsea(Kick-off 7.45pm). All theaction from the TurkTelekom Arena, wherethe sides meet in the firstleg of their last-16encounter.

11.15 Football’s GreatestTeams. A profile ofChelsea.

11.45 Football Gold. Chelseav Manchester Unitedfrom the 1999/2000season.

12.00 UEFA Champions LeagueHighlights (HD). 1.00 What’s theStory? (HD). 2.00 Football LeagueGold (S,HD). 2.15 Football LeagueGold (HD). 2.30 Football Gold(S,HD). 2.45 Football League Gold(S,HD). 3.00 UEFA ChampionsLeague Highlights (HD). 4.00What’s the Story? (HD).

10.15What’s the Story? (HD).Sarah-Jane Mee presentsa discussion showfocusing on recent sportsdevelopments.

Party Wright … 9pm Rude Tube: Epic Fails, 10pm Duck Quacks … 10pm Blackadder II, 9pm Live UEFA… 7pm

THE RESTORATION MAN8pm, Channel 4In the final edition of theseries, George Clarke catchesup with Dave and MargaretHedley, who battled throughflooding and serious illnessto restore an abandonedwater mill in Northumberland.

THE THRILLER KILLERS: BORN TO KILL?8pm, Channel 5The return of the programme in whichexperts analyse the personalities and motivesof notorious killers, beginning with WesleyShermantine and Loren Herzog. In 1984, thechildhood friends embarked upon a drug-fuelled killing spree that terrorised theirrural Californian community for 15 years.

11.00My Mad Fat Diary(R,S,HD). 2/7. Rae beginsher first year in sixthform.

7.00 Total Wipeout(R,S). Adventuregame show,hosted by RichardHammond.

8.00 Don’t Tell theBride (R,S).English teacherGrantt creates astorybookwedding.

9.00 Festivals, Sex &SuspiciousParents (S,HD).Teenagers hit thefields of KendalCalling Festival inCumbria.

10.00 Ja’mie: PrivateSchool Girl(S,HD). Ja’miefalls intodepression.

10.30 Bad Education(R,S,HD).


(R,S).12.05 Festivals, Sex &Suspicious Parents(R,S,HD). 1.05 Ja’mie:Private School Girl(R,S,HD). 1.30 Pramface(R,S,HD). 2.00 Hair(R,S,HD). 3.00 GreatMovie Mistakes (R,S).3.25 Pramface (R,S).



8.00 Pandemic – AHorizon Guide(R). Mike Leahyexplores thehistory ofinfectiousdiseases.

9.00 The FantasticalWorld ofHormones withDr John Wass(HD). The story ofhow hormoneswere discovered.

10.00 Amazon Abyss.The teamexplores the RioNegro gorge.

11.00 Parks andRecreation (HD).

11.20 Parks andRecreation (HD).

11.40Wild China(R,HD).

12.40 Lost Kingdoms ofSouth America (R,HD).1.40 Bunkers, Brutalismand Bloodymindedness:Concrete Poetry withJonathan Meades (R,HD).2.40 The FantasticalWorld of Hormones withDr John Wass (R).

COLUMBO: LOVELYBUT LETHAL3am, ITVThe sleuth suspectsindustrial espionagewhen a chemistworking for a cosmeticscompany is murdered.Drama, with Peter Falk.

BEGINNERS12.05am, Channel 4Premiere. A manstarting a relationshipreflects on the events ofthe last years of his gayfather’s life. Comedydrama, with EwanMcGregor.


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6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 OperationHospital Food with James Martin (S,HD).10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (S,HD).11.00 Countryside 999 (S,HD). 11.45 CaughtRed Handed (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt(R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD).1.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S). 3.00Escape to the Country (S,HD). 3.45 JamesMartin: Home Comforts (S,HD). 4.30Antiques Road Trip (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless(S,HD).

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Topicalstories from around the UK.

7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Alfie is putin a difficult position. Followedby BBC News; Regional News.


8.00 Pound Shop Wars (S,HD). 4/4.Poundworld CEO Chris Edwardslaunches an online shop. Last inthe series.

8.30 Inspector George Gently(S,HD). 4/4. See Choices Above.

10.00 BBC News (S,HD).10.25 Regional News (S); Weather.10.35 Question Time (S,HD). 22/38.

David Dimbleby chairs thepolitical debate from Newportin Gwent.

11.35 This Week (S). The past sevendays in politics.

12.20 Skiing Weatherview (S). 12.25 BBCNews (S,HD).

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6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S).9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD).10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 LooseWomen (S,HD). With singer RebeccaFerguson. 1.30 ITV News and Weather(S). 1.55 ITV News West Country (S).2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD).3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD).3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase(S,HD).

6.20 Countdown (R,S,HD). 7.05Paralympic Winter Games – TheCountdown (R,S). 7.10 Will & Grace(R,S,HD). 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond(R,S). 9.30 Frasier (R,S). 11.00 The BigBang Theory (R,S,HD). 12.00 Channel 4News Midday Summary (S). 12.05 Fourin a Bed (R,S,HD). 2.40 Countdown (S,HD).3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 ComeDine with Me (S). 5.00 Coach Trip (S,HD).5.30 Superstar Dogs: Countdown toCrufts (S).

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff(HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S).12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15Ben Fogle: New Lives in the Wild(R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away(S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.20NCIS (R,S). 3.15 Film: Hunger Point(S) (2003). See Choices Above.●● 5.00 5News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours(R,S,HD). Josh learns his shoulder is unlikelyto fully recover.

7.45 Live UEFA Europa LeagueFootball (S,HD). TottenhamHotspur v Dnipro (Kick-off8.05pm). Coverage of the last-32 second-leg encounter atWhite Hart Lane, where thesides battle it out for a place inthe next round. Subsequentprogrammes may be subject tochange. See Choices Above.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather.6.15 ITV News and Weather (S).6.45 Emmerdale (S,HD). Hour-long

episode. Mark demandsanother £10,000 from Jai.

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 8/22.Marge launches an anti-sugarcampaign.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD).

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). MsMontgomery plants a bomb inBianca’s laptop bag.


10.10 ITV News and Weather (S).10.40 ITV News West Country (S);

Weather.10.45 Edge of Heaven (R,S,HD). 1/6.

Comedy drama set in a1980s-themed B&B. Sofasalesman Alfie finds his life inturmoil after his fiancee Carlyleaves him at the altar. StarringBlake Harrison.

12.40 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S).The host takes his successful talk showstateside. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 TheJeremy Kyle Show (R,S). Guests air theirdifferences.



8.00 Supersize vs Superskinny (S).7/8. See Choices Above.

9.00 The Storms That StoleChristmas (S,HD). The storiesof those who bore the brunt ofthe bad weather overChristmas 2013 and thesurrounding period, featuringamateur footage, eyewitnesstestimony and expertcommentary.

10.00 The Repo Man (R,S,HD). 1/2.Part one of two. Documentaryfollowing the life and work ofbailiff Sean James as heconfronts debtors across thenation who fail to keep uprepayments to financecompanies.

12.10 One Born Every Minute (R,S). 1.05Random Acts (S). 1.10 First Dates (R,S).2.05 Scandimania (R,S,HD). 3.00 FoodUnwrapped (R,S). 3.30 Paralympic WinterGames – The Countdown (R,S). 3.35Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD). 4.30Secrets of Your Credit Rating – Channel 4Dispatches (R,S). 5.00 Deal or No Deal(R,S,HD). 5.55 Baking Mad with EricLanlard (R,S,HD).

7.00 Royal Funerals: The InsideStory (S,HD). Followed by 5News Update.

8.00 Henry VIII & Anne: TheLovers Who Changed History(S,HD). Part two of two.Suzannah Lipscomb examinesHenry VIII and Anne Boleyn’smarriage. Followed by 5 Newsat 9.

9.00 The Hotel Inspector (S,HD).3/8. See Choices Above.

11.00 The Incredible Hulk Woman:Extraordinary People(R,S,HD). 4/4. A mother-of-threewho has stiff-person syndrome.Last in the series.

11.55 Access. Showbiz news andgossip.

10.00 Brain Hospital: Saving Lives(S,HD). 4/4. Bradley Ball decideswhether to undergo deep-brainstimulation to control a violenttremor and Jess Johnsonprepares to have an operationon a tumour. Last in the series.

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.05 Big, Bigger, Biggest:World’s Fastest Train (R,S,HD). Theengineering advances that made high-speed trains possible. 4.00 House Doctor(R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S). Highlightsof the series. 4.45 Great Artists (R,S). 5.10Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS(R,S).

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.05 Homes Under theHammer (R,S,HD). 7.05 Countryside 999 (R,S,HD).7.50 Caught Red Handed (R,S,HD). 8.20 SignZone: Helicopter Heroes (R,S). 9.05 Sign Zone:Italy Unpacked (R,S). 10.05 Sign Zone: An IslandParish (R,S). 10.35 HARDtalk (R,S,HD). 11.00 BBCNews (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD).12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 Instant Restaurant(R,S). 1.45 AndrewMarr’s The Making ofModern Britain (R,S,HD). 2.45 Cagney & Lacey(R,S). 3.30 Bergerac (R,S). 4.20 Are You BeingServed? (R,S). 4.50 ’Allo ’Allo! (R,S). 5.15Vintage Antiques Roadshow (R,S).

7.00 Permission Impossible:Britain’s Planners (S,HD). 3/8.Continues tomorrow.

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead(S,HD).

6.30 Great Continental RailwayJourneys (S,HD). 9/12. Part oneof two.

8.00 The Hairy Bikers’ AsianAdventure (S,HD). 3/6. SeeChoices Above.

9.00 Jumbo: The Plane ThatChanged the World (S,HD).The origins and developmentof the Boeing 747, the wide-bodied commercial airliner thatrevolutionised air travel aftercoming into service in 1970.

10.00Mock the Week Looks Backat Education (R,S). 3/10. Aselection from the show’sarchives on the theme ofeducation.


11.20 The Restaurant Man (R,S,HD).2/6. Russell Norman helps acouple who bought a pub inthe Gloucestershire village ofSelsley.

11.45 The Cube (R,S,HD). Gameshow, hosted by PhillipSchofield.

11.05 24 Hours in A&E (R,S,HD). 8/8.A 78-year-old man whosuffered a cardiac arrest at thegym. Last in the series.

12.20 Sign Zone: Kidnapped: Betrayedby Britain? – Panorama (R,S). 12.50 SignZone: The Coffee Trail with SimonReeve (R,S). 1.50 This Is BBC Two (S). 4.00BBC Learning Zone (S,HD).

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Pound ShopWars, 8pm Jumbo: The Plane That … 9pm The Chase, 5pm Supersize vs Superskinny, 8pm Henry VIII & Anne… 8pm

SUPERSIZE VS SUPERSKINNY8pm, Channel 4In the feeding clinic, 35st Michael swaps dietswith underweight air steward Sam, and takes atrip to the US state of Virginia to meet a manwho is so large he can barely get out of hishouse. In Las Vegas, Christian Jessen talks to amother-of-two who is hoping to undergoradical gastric surgery.

THE HAIRY BIKERS’ASIAN ADVENTURE8pm, BBC2Dave Myers and Si Kingconclude their culinaryjourney around Thailand,meeting a coconut-pickingmonkey and going sea-fishing during a monsoon.

THE HOTEL INSPECTOR9pm, Channel 5Church minister John Humberstone has beenwelcoming guests to the Grade-II listedAlexandra Hotel in Llandudno for the past coupleof years, but the business is in deep trouble. AlexPolizzi heads to north Wales to try to revive theestablishment’s fortunes, but has her work cutout to transform its failing restaurant.

6.00 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 6.25Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 6.55 You’veBeen Framed! (R,S). 7.45 The Jeremy KyleShow USA (R,S). 8.30 Dinner Date (R,S).9.30 The Real Housewives of Atlanta(R,S,HD). 10.30 The Real Housewives ofNew Jersey (R,S,HD). 11.30 MillionaireMatchmaker (R,S,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale(R,S,HD). 1.00 Coronation Street (R,S,HD).1.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.00 TheJeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 4.10 The RealHousewives of New Jersey (S,HD). 5.05Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD).

10.00 Fake Reaction (S,HD).9/10. With Josie Gibson,Rylan Clark, NatalieAnderson and MattRichardson.

10.50Mom (R,S,HD). 7/22.Christy clashes withLuke’s conservativeparents.

11.20 Dads (R,S,HD). 5/19.Warner questions hisown mortality.

11.45 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 11/24. Charlieunexpectedly hosts aparty.

12.15 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 12.45 The Only Way IsEssex (R,S,HD). 1.30 The BigReunion 2014 (R,S,HD). Membersof boy band 3T discuss their lives.2.20 Teleshopping. Homeshopping. 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen(HD).

LIVE UEFA EUROPALEAGUE FOOTBALL7.45pm, ITVTottenham Hotspur v Dnipro(Kick-off 8.05pm). Coverageof the last-32 second-legencounter at White HartLane, where the sides battleit out for a place in the next round.

BBC1

INSPECTOR GEORGEGENTLY8.30pm, BBC1Bacchus and Gentlyinvestigate thesuspicious death of aminer, and conflictingreports emerge aboutthe union man’s character.


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6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff(HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S).12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15Ben Fogle: New Lives in the Wild(R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away(S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.20NCIS (R,S). 3.15 Film: Hunger Point(S) (2003). See Choices Above.●● 5.00 5News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours(R,S,HD). Josh learns his shoulder is unlikelyto fully recover.

8.00 Henry VIII & Anne: TheLovers Who Changed History(S,HD). Part two of two.Suzannah Lipscomb examinesHenry VIII and Anne Boleyn’smarriage. Followed by 5 Newsat 9.

11.00 The Incredible Hulk Woman:Extraordinary People(R,S,HD). 4/4. A mother-of-threewho has stiff-person syndrome.Last in the series.

11.55 Access. Showbiz news andgossip.

10.00 Brain Hospital: Saving Lives(S,HD). 4/4. Bradley Ball decideswhether to undergo deep-brainstimulation to control a violenttremor and Jess Johnsonprepares to have an operationon a tumour. Last in the series.

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.05 Big, Bigger, Biggest:World’s Fastest Train (R,S,HD). Theengineering advances that made high-speed trains possible. 4.00 House Doctor(R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S). Highlightsof the series. 4.45 Great Artists (R,S). 5.10Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS(R,S).

THE HOTEL INSPECTOR9pm, Channel 5Church minister John Humberstone has beenwelcoming guests to the Grade-II listedAlexandra Hotel in Llandudno for the past coupleof years, but the business is in deep trouble. AlexPolizzi heads to north Wales to try to revive theestablishment’s fortunes, but has her work cutout to transform its failing restaurant.

6.00 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 6.25Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 6.55 You’veBeen Framed! (R,S). 7.45 The Jeremy KyleShow USA (R,S). 8.30 Dinner Date (R,S).9.30 The Real Housewives of Atlanta(R,S,HD). 10.30 The Real Housewives ofNew Jersey (R,S,HD). 11.30 MillionaireMatchmaker (R,S,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale(R,S,HD). 1.00 Coronation Street (R,S,HD).1.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.00 TheJeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 4.10 The RealHousewives of New Jersey (S,HD). 5.05Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD).



6.00 Dinner Date (R,S). 1/30.Londoner Charliechooses three blinddates.


8.30 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 12/24. Bertadiscovers Alan has beendating her daughter.

10.00 Fake Reaction (S,HD).9/10. With Josie Gibson,Rylan Clark, NatalieAnderson and MattRichardson.

10.50Mom (R,S,HD). 7/22.Christy clashes withLuke’s conservativeparents.

11.20 Dads (R,S,HD). 5/19.Warner questions hisown mortality.


12.15 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 12.45 The Only Way IsEssex (R,S,HD). 1.30 The BigReunion 2014 (R,S,HD). Membersof boy band 3T discuss their lives.2.20 Teleshopping. Homeshopping. 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen(HD).

9.00 The Big Reunion 2014(S,HD). 4/8. Members ofboy band 3T – Taj, Tarylland TJ – speak about theextreme highs and lowsof their time in thepublic eye and living inthe shadow of theiruncle Michael Jackson.




7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD).7.30 How I Met Your

Mother (R,S,HD). 15/22.Barney receives amysterious video.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 5/24. Sheldonre-evaluates the time hespends with Amy.

8.30 How I Met YourMother (S,HD). 4/24.Barney learns how Tedfeels about Robin.

10.00 The Midnight Beast(S,HD). 6/6. The guys tryto raise money to savethe bingo hall. Last inthe series.

10.30 The IT Crowd (R,S). 6/6.Douglas becomes tiredof married life. Last inthe series.

12.05 Troy (R,S). The magicianbaffles members of the public atNotting Hill Carnival. 1.10 2 BrokeGirls (R,S,HD). 1.40 Revenge(R,S,HD). 2.30 My Mad Fat Diary(R,S,HD). 3.20 The IT Crowd (R,S).3.45 Glee (R,S,HD). 4.30 UglyBetty (R,S,HD). Wilhelmina stepsup her campaign to conquer Mode.

9.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine(S,HD). 7/22. See ChoicesAbove.

9.30 The Inbetweeners(R,S). 6/6. The gang goeson a camping trip. Last inthe series.

6.00Modern Family (R).6/24.

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).3/22.

6.00 Crash Test Dummies(R,S,HD). 7.00 Dog the BountyHunter (R,S). 8.00 ModernFamily (R,S). 9.00 Futurama(R,S). 10.00 NCIS: LosAngeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 HawaiiFive-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 TheSimpsons (R,S,HD). 3.30Futurama (R,S). 4.30 TheSimpsons (R,S,HD). 5.30Modern Family (R).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S).6/24. Lisa and Bart helpKrusty find his father.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S).5/22. The familyrelocates to a farm.

8.00 Arrow (S,HD). 11/23. SeeChoices Above.

10.00 Ross Kemp: ExtremeWorld (R,S,HD). 6/6. Rossinvestigates the drugepidemic in Rio deJaneiro, witnessingdealers who operate 24hours a day and meetingthose trapped in a cycleof addiction. Last in theseries.

12.00 A League of Their Own(R,S,HD). 1.00 Hawaii Five-0(R,S,HD). 2.00 Road Wars (R,S).3.00 Road Wars (R,S). 4.00 CrashTest Dummies (R,S,HD). 4.30Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD).5.00 Airline USA (R,S). 5.30Airline USA (R,S).

11.00 A League of TheirOwn (R,S,HD). 3/10.With Johnny Vegas,Charlotte Jackson andHarry Redknapp.

9.00 The Smoke (S,HD). 2/8.Kev becomes convincedTrish is going to leavehim, while Mal’s failingsas a friend arehighlighted by bothfirefighters’ reactions toa tragic incident on thetube.

6.20 Last of the SummerWine (S). 10/11. The triohelp a broken-heartedman.

6.05 Ever Decreasing Circles (S). 6.35Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 7.00 ’Allo ’Allo! (S).7.45 As Time Goes By (S). 8.25Goodnight Sweetheart. 9.05 KeepingUp Appearances (S). 9.50 Waiting forGod (S). 10.25 Last of the Summer Wine(S). 11.45 Ever Decreasing Circles (S).12.25 dinnerladies (S). 1.00 Only Foolsand Horses (S). 2.25 Harry Hill’s TV Burp.2.55 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 3.40 As Time GoesBy (S). 4.20 Goodnight Sweetheart. 5.00Keeping Up Appearances (S). 5.40 Lastof the Summer Wine (S).

7.00 Only Fools and Horses(S). 4/8. Rodney joins aband.

7.40 Only Fools and Horses(S). 5/8. The Trotters dog-sit.

8.20 dinnerladies (S). 10/10.Stan hopes for aproposal.

11.00 Gavin & Stacey (S). 1/6.The gang reunites forNeil’s christening.

11.40 Rev (S). 6/6. Adam has acrisis of faith.

12.15 Gavin & Stacey (S). Nessagoes into labour a month early.12.55 Gavin & Stacey –Christmas Special (S). The couplemake a surprise announcement.2.00 Gavin & Stacey (S). The gangreunites for Neil’s christening. 2.30Rev (S). Adam has a crisis of faith.3.00 Close

9.00 Gavin & Stacey (S). 7/8.Nessa goes into labour amonth early.

9.40 Gavin & Stacey –Christmas Special (S).8/8. The Wests join theShipmans on ChristmasEve.

6.00 Premier League World(S,HD). A round-up ofthe latest news.

6.30 FL72 Preview.

6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans(HD). 9.00 UEFA ChampionsLeague Highlights (HD). 10.00What’s the Story? (HD). 11.00Racing News (HD). 11.30Sporting Greats (S). 12.00 UEFAChampions League Highlights(HD). 1.00 What’s the Story? (HD).2.00 Sporting Greats (S,HD).2.30 Live Dubai InternationalRacing Carnival (HD).

7.30 Live Super League(HD). Salford Red Devils vSt Helens (Kick-off8.00pm). EddieHemmings and MikeStephenson presentcoverage of the top-flight match at the AJBell Stadium.

11.00 Ringside (HD). Boxingmagazine.

12.00 Premier League World(S,HD). A round-up of the latestnews. 12.30 Super League (HD).Salford Red Devils v St Helens. 1.30Premier League Darts (HD). Thefourth round of the season fromGlasgow. 5.00 Ringside (HD).Boxing magazine.

10.00 FL72 Preview. A lookahead to the latestround of fixtures in theChampionship, LeagueOne and League Two.

Fake Reaction, 10pm How I Met Your … 7.30pm The Snoke, 9pm Gavin & Stacey, 9pm Live Super League, 7.30pm

LIVE UEFA EUROPALEAGUE FOOTBALL7.45pm, ITVTottenham Hotspur v Dnipro(Kick-off 8.05pm). Coverageof the last-32 second-legencounter at White HartLane, where the sides battleit out for a place in the next round.

HUNGER POINT3.15pm, Channel 5Two sisters struggle to come to terms withthe legacy of their mother’s obsession withdieting and physical perfection. As they tryto beat the strict conditioning she instilled inthem, they begin to rebuild their shatteredfamily life. Drama, starring Barbara Hershey,Christina Hendricks and John Getz.

11.00 Rude Tube: AnimalMadness (R,S). 2/6. The50 most popular onlinevideos featuringanimals.

7.00 Snog, Marry,Avoid? (R,S,HD).A tan-lover fromMerseyside.

7.30 Snog, Marry,Avoid? (R,S,HD).

8.00 Hair (R,S,HD).Eight younghopefuls aim tobe crownedBritain’s bestamateur hairstylist.

9.00 JuniorParamedics (S).New series.Following ninestudentparamedics ontheir firstplacement.

10.00 Bluestone 42(S,HD).



(R,S).12.10 American Dad!(R,S). 12.30 Bluestone 42(R,S,HD). 1.00 JuniorParamedics (R,S). 2.00Live at the Electric(R,S,HD). 2.30 Live at theElectric (R,S,HD). 3.00Junior Paramedics (R,S).


7.30 Top of the Pops:1979 (R).

8.00 Ever DecreasingCircles (R).

8.30 BrushingUp On –MiniatureBritain (HD).

9.00 The Brits WhoBuilt theModern World(HD).

10.00 Storyville:Soccer CoachZoran andHis AfricanTigers (HD).Forming SouthSudan’s firstnational footballteam.

11.15 Dissected: TheIncredibleHuman Foot(R,HD).

12.15 The Life of Rockwith Brian Pern (R,HD).12.45 Dreaming theImpossible: UnbuiltBritain (R,HD). 1.45 Top ofthe Pops: 1979 (R). 2.25Ever Decreasing Circles(R). 2.55 The Brits WhoBuilt the ModernWorld (R).

ARROW8pm, Sky1Oliver feels conflictedafter Laurel asks hisalter-ego to look intoSebastian Blood, whileRoy struggles tokeep control of hisnewfound powers.

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE9pm, E4Jake makes an arrestwithout much proof, andso has to spend the next48 hours collectingenough evidence to keephis suspect in custody.


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6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 OperationHospital Food with James Martin (S,HD).10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD).11.00 Countryside 999 (S,HD). 11.45 CaughtRed Handed (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt(S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors(S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S). 3.00 Escape tothe Country (S,HD). 3.45 James Martin:Home Comforts (S,HD). 4.30 Antiques RoadTrip (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Hostedby Chris Evans and Alex Jones.

7.30 Regional Programme(R,S,HD). Followed by BBCNews; Regional News.


8.00 EastEnders (S,HD). Tina andSonia accompany Cindy to thehospital.

8.30 Room 101 (S,HD). 6/8. SeeChoices Above.

9.00 Jonathan Creek (S,HD). 1/3.See Choices Above.


by National Lottery Update.10.35 The Graham Norton Show

(S,HD). 19/19. With Ant andDec, Aaron Paul and JamieDornan. Last in the series.

11.25 Pound Shop Wars (R,S,HD).4/4. Poundworld CEO ChrisEdwards launches an onlineshop. Last in the series.

11.55 EastEnders (S,HD). Omnibus.


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6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S).9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women(S,HD). With guest Jerry Springer. 1.30 ITVNews and Weather (S). 1.55 ITV NewsWest Country (S). 2.00 Dickinson’s RealDeal (S,HD). A look back at highlights of theninth series. 3.00 The Alan TitchmarshShow (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme(S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 TheChase (S,HD).

6.20 Countdown (R,S,HD). 7.05 ParalympicWinter Games – The Countdown (R,S).7.10 Will & Grace (R,S). 8.00 EverybodyLoves Raymond (R,S). 9.30 Frasier (R,S).11.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12.00Channel 4 News Midday Summary (S).12.05 Four in a Bed (R,S,HD). 2.40Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal(S,HD). 4.30 Come Dine with Me (S). 5.00Coach Trip (S). 5.30 Superstar Dogs:Countdown to Crufts (S).

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff(HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S,HD).12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15Benidorm ER (R,S,HD). A retiredpostmistress undergoes a life-savingoperation. 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD).1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.20 NCIS (R,S).3.20 Film: Black Friday (S,HD) (2007).Premiere. Thriller, starring Amy Carlson.●●5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours(R,S,HD).

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Declanwarns Jai about using Meganto get to him.

7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD).Jake is rushed to hospital withsuspected meningitis.


6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 9/22.Homer has his jaw wired shut.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Nancy losescontrol of her temper when anold foe returns to the village.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).


Weather.10.35 The Americans (R,S,HD).

10/13. In the aftermath ofAmador’s murder, Gregoryfinds himself with limitedoptions, and as the FBI closes in,he makes a decision that leavesElizabeth distressed.

12.30 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.3.00 Film: Hearts in Atlantis (S,HD)(2001). See Choices Above.●● 4.40 ITVNightscreen (HD). Text-based informationservice.



8.00 Grand Designs (R,S,HD). 7/11.Kevin McCloud follows aLondon couple’s project totransform an inefficient anduninspiring 1950s house into asleek, modernist masterpiece.

9.00 8 Out of 10 Cats DoesCountdown (S). 2/2. SeeChoices Above.

10.00 The Last Leg (S,HD). 5/8. Acomic review of the past sevendays.

10.50 Jimmy Carr: Making PeopleLaugh (R,S). The comedianperforms a stand-up setrecorded at the SECC Glasgowduring his Making PeopleLaugh tour.

12.20 Film: Borat: Cultural Learnings ofAmerica for Make Benefit Glorious Nation ofKazakhstan (S,HD) (2006).●●●● 1.45 RandomActs (S). 1.50 The Simpsons (R,S). 2.10 TheSimpsons (R,S). 2.35 Paralympic Winter Games– The Countdown (R,S). 2.40 Happy Endings(S,HD). 3.00 Happy Endings (S,HD). 3.25 Franklin& Bash (S,HD). 4.05 Location, Location,Location (R,S,HD). 5.00 SuperScrimpers (S,HD).5.15 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

7.00 The Gadget Show (R). OrtisDeley returns to the presentingteam and visits the ItalianInstitute of Technology inGenoa. Followed by 5 NewsUpdate.

8.00 Ice Road Truckers (S,HD). Alextries to reach the Yukon beforea storm closes the road,Porkchop is assigned to delivera load of dog food, and Hughand Rick take on a risky job.Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 Booze, Bust-Ups & Brothels:Soho Blues (R,S). 5/6. Policeofficers in London’s West Endare called to assist a man whohas fallen 60ft, and later targetpickpockets who are carryingthousands of pounds in stolencurrency.

11.00 CSI: NY (R,S,HD). 3/17. A man’sbody is found on the BrooklynBridge.

11.55 Access (R). Showbiz news andgossip.

10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (S,HD).1/24. New series. Spin-off dramafollowing the work of an eliteNCIS division. A naval officer iskilled during an LAPD shootout.Chris O’Donnell and LL Cool Jstar.

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.10 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take ItAway! (R). An insight into the world ofdebt collection. 4.00 House Doctor (R,S).4.20 House Doctor (R,S). A cottage in EastSussex. 4.45 Great Artists (R,S). Profile ofTiziano Vecellio, known as Titian. 5.10Wildlife SOS (R,S). The work of a wildlifesanctuary. 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.10 Homes Under theHammer (R,S,HD). 7.10 Countryside 999 (R,S,HD).7.55 Caught Red Handed (R,S,HD). 8.25 SignZone: Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds (R,S). 9.10Sign Zone: The Great Interior DesignChallenge (R,S). 10.10 The Travel Show (S,HD).11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News(S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 InstantRestaurant (R,S). 1.45 AndrewMarr’s TheMaking of Modern Britain (R,S,HD). 2.45Cagney & Lacey (R,S). 3.30 Bergerac (R,S). 4.20Are You Being Served? (R,S). 4.50 ’Allo ’Allo!(R,S). 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (R,S).

7.00 Permission Impossible:Britain’s Planners (S,HD). 4/8.A businessman fights a pastor’sproposal for a new church andcommunity centre. Seriescontinues on Tuesday.

6.00 Revenge of the Egghead(S,HD). Spin-off from thepopular quiz, hosted by JeremyVine.


8.00Mastermind (S,HD). 25/31.Five contestants compete in thefirst semi-final.

8.30 Coming Home: JohnHumphrys (S,HD). 4/4. Thebroadcaster traces his familyhistory in Cardiff.

9.00 The Pity of War (S,HD). SeeChoices Above.


11.05 One Flew Over the Cuckoo’sNest (S,HD) (1975). See ChoicesAbove.●●●●●

11.35 The Chase (R,S,HD). /148. Quizshow, hosted by Bradley Walsh.

11.55 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (S,HD).7/22. Jake rushes to collectenough evidence to keep asuspect in custody.

1.15 Sign Zone: Question Time (R,S).From Newport in Gwent. 2.15 Sign Zone:Hidden Kingdoms (R,S). Documentaryfollowing a young tree shrew on thelookout for food. 3.15 This Is BBC Two (S).Preview of upcoming programmes.

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8.00 Student Nurses: Bedpansand Bandages (S,HD). 3/8.Second-year Aimee deals withan emergency admission.

8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD).Owen and Gary desperately tryto contact Phelan.

9.00 Edge of Heaven (S,HD). 2/6.See Choices Above.

The Graham Norton Show, 10.35pm Coming Home… 8.30pm Student Nurses … 8pm Grand Designs, 8pm NCIS: Los Angeles, 10pm

JONATHAN CREEK9pm, BBC1Alan Davies returns asthe master illusionist,now happily married,who comes out ofretirement toinvestigate a seeminglyimpossible attack on a West End actress.

ROOM 1018.30pm, BBC1Broadcaster and former MP Gyles Brandreth,comedian and presenter Adam Hills and singerMelanie C – the woman who will forever beknown as Sporty Spice – compete to have theirpet hates banished to the infamous room. HostFrank Skinner has to choose between dislikesincluding passwords, £2 coins and movie spoilers.

THE PITY OF WAR9pm, BBC2Historian Niall Fergusonoutlines his belief thatBritain’s decision to enterthe First World War was atragic mistake and led tototalitarianism andgenocide around the world.

8 OUT OF 10 CATS DOES COUNTDOWN9pm, Channel 4Jimmy Carr hosts the comedy panel show’sversion of the famous quiz, with teamcaptains Sean Lock and Jon Richardson joinedby guests Kevin Bridges and James Corden.Countdown regular Susie Dent is in DictionaryCorner with Peter Serafinowicz, while RachelRiley provides the letters and numbers.

6.00 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 7.00 You’veBeen Framed! (R,S). 7.45 The JeremyKyle Show USA (R,S). 8.30 DinnerDate (R,S). 9.30 The Real Housewivesof Atlanta (R,S,HD). 10.30 The RealHousewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD).11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker(R,S,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD).1.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.00The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 4.10 TheReal Housewives of New Jersey(S,HD). 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker(R,S,HD).

12.45 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). Jake overhears his motherhaving sex. 1.10 Two and a HalfMen (R,S,HD). Charlie sets Alan upwith the new neighbour. 1.35Dads (R,S,HD). 1.55 Mom (R,S,HD).2.20 Teleshopping. Homeshopping. 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen(HD).

EDGE OF HEAVEN9pm, ITVCarly returns to Margatewith a new partner in tow,so Alfie hooks up with aformer schoolmate,determined to show his exhe has moved on. Comedydrama, starring Blake Harrison.


TVPICK

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11.10 Take Me Out (R,S,HD).8/8. This week’scontestants include MrWales 2013 and a semi-pro wrestler. Last in theseries.

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6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff(HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S,HD).12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15Benidorm ER (R,S,HD). A retiredpostmistress undergoes a life-savingoperation. 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD).1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.20 NCIS (R,S).3.20 Film: Black Friday (S,HD) (2007).Premiere. Thriller, starring Amy Carlson.●●5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours(R,S,HD).

7.00 The Gadget Show (R). OrtisDeley returns to the presentingteam and visits the ItalianInstitute of Technology inGenoa. Followed by 5 NewsUpdate.

8.00 Ice Road Truckers (S,HD). Alextries to reach the Yukon beforea storm closes the road,Porkchop is assigned to delivera load of dog food, and Hughand Rick take on a risky job.Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 Booze, Bust-Ups & Brothels:Soho Blues (R,S). 5/6. Policeofficers in London’s West Endare called to assist a man whohas fallen 60ft, and later targetpickpockets who are carryingthousands of pounds in stolencurrency.

10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (S,HD).1/24. New series. Spin-off dramafollowing the work of an eliteNCIS division. A naval officer iskilled during an LAPD shootout.Chris O’Donnell and LL Cool Jstar.

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.10 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take ItAway! (R). An insight into the world ofdebt collection. 4.00 House Doctor (R,S).4.20 House Doctor (R,S). A cottage in EastSussex. 4.45 Great Artists (R,S). Profile ofTiziano Vecellio, known as Titian. 5.10Wildlife SOS (R,S). The work of a wildlifesanctuary. 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

8 OUT OF 10 CATS DOES COUNTDOWN9pm, Channel 4Jimmy Carr hosts the comedy panel show’sversion of the famous quiz, with teamcaptains Sean Lock and Jon Richardson joinedby guests Kevin Bridges and James Corden.Countdown regular Susie Dent is in DictionaryCorner with Peter Serafinowicz, while RachelRiley provides the letters and numbers.

6.00 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 7.00 You’veBeen Framed! (R,S). 7.45 The JeremyKyle Show USA (R,S). 8.30 DinnerDate (R,S). 9.30 The Real Housewivesof Atlanta (R,S,HD). 10.30 The RealHousewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD).11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker(R,S,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD).1.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.00The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 4.10 TheReal Housewives of New Jersey(S,HD). 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker(R,S,HD).

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!(R,S). 9/23. Featuring askier caught on a chairlift.


6.00 Dinner Date (R,S). 8/30.Liverpudlian Mikechooses three blinddates.

8.00 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 13/24. Jakeoverhears his motherhaving sex.

8.30 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 14/24. Charliesets Alan up with thenew neighbour.

12.45 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). Jake overhears his motherhaving sex. 1.10 Two and a HalfMen (R,S,HD). Charlie sets Alan upwith the new neighbour. 1.35Dads (R,S,HD). 1.55 Mom (R,S,HD).2.20 Teleshopping. Homeshopping. 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen(HD).

9.00 Practical Magic (S,HD)(1998). Two sistersdescended from a longline of witches try to lifta curse that causes anyman who falls in lovewith them to die.Fantasy, starring SandraBullock and NicoleKidman.●●


6.30 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 3/17. Leonardasks a woman out.


7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Tommakes sure Sienna feelsunwelcome after shereturns to the village.


8.00 How I Met YourMother (R,S,HD). 4/24.Barney learns how Tedfeels about Robin.

8.30 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 5/24. Sheldonre-evaluates the time hespends with Amy.

12.00 Rude Tube: Viral Ads (R,S).1.00 The Midnight Beast(R,S,HD). 1.35 The MidnightBeast (R,S,HD). 2.05 PhoneShop(R,S,HD). 2.35 Celebrity Bedlam(R,S,HD). 3.00 Balls of SteelAustralia (R,S). 3.30 The RickyGervais Show (R,S,HD). 3.55 Glee(R,S,HD). 4.40 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD).

6.00Modern Family (R).8/24.


6.00 Crash Test Dummies(R,S,HD). 7.00 Dog the BountyHunter (R,S). 8.00 Modern Family(R,S,HD). 9.00 Futurama (R,S).10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD).2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). Thekiller of McGarrett’s father kidnapsChin Ho. 3.00 The Simpsons (R,S).3.30 Futurama (R,S). 4.30 TheSimpsons (R,S). 5.30 ModernFamily (R).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).3/22. Homer is paralysedby a venomous spider.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S).15/24. Marge has anervous breakdown.

8.00 The Simpsons (R,S).5/22. Marge buys atandem.

8.30Modern Family(R,S,HD). 3/24. Gloriapanics when Joe isdeemed too aggressive.

10.00 Duck Quacks Don’tEcho (S,HD). 4/8. LeeMack hosts the comedypanel game in whichMiranda Hart, StephenGraham and RichardAyoade come up with allmanner of amazingfacts.

12.30 A League of Their Own(R,S,HD). 1.30 Hawaii Five-0(R,S,HD). 2.20 Road Wars (R,S).3.10 Road Wars (R,S). 4.00 CrashTest Dummies (R,S,HD). 4.30Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD).5.00 Airline USA (R,S). 5.30Airline USA (R,S).

11.00Moone Boy (R,S,HD).2/6.

11.30 A League of TheirOwn (R,S,HD). 4/10.

9.00 Stella (S,HD). 6/10. SeeChoices Above.

6.20 Last of the SummerWine (S). 2/11. The gangseeks enlightenment.

6.20 Ever Decreasing Circles (S). 6.50’Allo ’Allo! (S). 7.35 As Time Goes By (S).8.15 Goodnight Sweetheart. 8.55Keeping Up Appearances (S). 9.35Waiting for God (S). 10.15 Last of theSummer Wine (S). 11.35 Ever DecreasingCircles (S). 12.15 Outnumbered (S). 12.55Only Fools and Horses (S). 2.15 TheGreen Green Grass (S). 2.55 ’Allo ’Allo!(S). 3.40 As Time Goes By (S). 4.20Goodnight Sweetheart. 5.00 KeepingUp Appearances (S). 5.40 Last of theSummer Wine (S).

7.00 Only Fools and Horses(S). 6/8. Del sets Rodneyup on a date.

7.40 Only Fools and Horses(S). 7/8.

8.20 Outnumbered (S). 5/6.Ben is determined toenter a school talentcompetition.

10.20 The Royle Family (S).5/6. Dave is accused offlirting.

11.00 Shooting Stars (S). 5/6.With guests MathewHorne, Alex Reid, PennySmith and Tim Lovejoy.

11.40 Rev (S). 4/7.

12.20 The Royle Family (S). Jim issurprised by the wedding costs.1.00 The Royle Family (S). Thefamily celebrates Jim’s birthday.1.30 The Royle Family (S). Dave isaccused of flirting. 2.00 ShootingStars (S). 2.30 Rev (S). 3.00 Close

9.00 The Royle Family (S).2/6. Jim is surprised bythe wedding costs.

9.40 The Royle Family (S).4/6. The family celebratesJim’s birthday.

7.00 Doctor Who:The UltimateGuide (S,HD).

7.10 Doctor Who(R,S,HD). ThenewlyregeneratedDoctor has 20minutes to savethe world.

8.15 Doctor Who(R,S,HD).

9.00 Little Fockers(S,HD) (2010).Comedy sequel,starring BenStiller andRobert De Niro.●●




11.50 American Dad!(R,S).

12.15 American Dad!(R,S). 12.35 Pramface(R,S,HD). 1.05 Ja’mie:Private School Girl(R,S,HD). 1.30 ImpracticalJokers (R,S,HD). 2.00Festivals, Sex &Suspicious Parents(R,S,HD). 3.00 Pramface(R,S,HD). 3.30 Bluestone42 (R,S).

7.00World NewsToday (HD);Weather. Theday’s leadingstories.

7.30 Elgar: The ManBehind theMask (R,HD).Documentaryexploring the lifeof composerEdward Elgar,revealing howthe seeminglyconfident manstruggled toaccept his lowlyorigins andCatholic religion.

9.00 Hello Quo(2012).Documentaryabout rock bandStatus Quo.●●●●

10.20 TOTP2 (R). StatusQuo’s mostmemorableperformances.

11.05 Classic Albums(R).

12.00 Guitar Heroes atthe BBC (R). 1.00 Film:Hello Quo (2012).●●●●2.20 TOTP2 (R). 3.05Sounds of the 70s 2Troubadours – PeacefulEasy Feeling (R).

6.00 Champions LeagueWeekly (HD).

6.30 The Fantasy FootballClub (HD).

6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans(HD). 9.00 Ringside (HD). 10.00FL72 Preview. 11.00 FootballGold (S,HD). 11.30 PremierLeague World (S,HD). 12.00Premier League Darts (HD). Thefourth round of the season fromGlasgow. 3.30 FL72 Preview. 4.30UEFA Champions LeagueHighlights. 5.30 Football’sGreatest (S).

7.30 Live Super League(HD). Hull KingstonRovers v Castleford Tigers(Kick-off 8.00pm). EddieHemmings and MikeStephenson presentcoverage of the top-flight match at CravenPark.

12.00 Super League (HD). 1.00Super League (HD). 2.00 PremierLeague Preview (HD). 2.30Champions League Weekly (HD).3.00 International One-DayCricket (HD). 4.00 The FantasyFootball Club (HD). 5.00 PremierLeague Preview (HD). 5.30Champions League Weekly (HD).

10.00 Super League (HD).Catalan Dragons v LeedsRhinos. Eddie Hemmingsand Mike Stephensonintroduce anotherchance to the SuperLeague match at theStade Gilbert Brutus.

Practical Magic, 9pm Airplane!, 9pm Stella, 9pm The Royle Family, 9pm Live Super League, 7.30pm

HEARTS IN ATLANTIS3am, ITVA youngster, neglectedby his vain mother andbullied by local youths,befriends an elderlyman with otherworldlypowers. Drama, starringAnthony Hopkins .

ONE FLEW OVER THECUCKOO’S NEST11.05pm, BBC2A convict is sent to apsychiatric hospital,where he encouragesthe patients to rebel.Drama, starring JackNicholson.

EDGE OF HEAVEN9pm, ITVCarly returns to Margatewith a new partner in tow,so Alfie hooks up with aformer schoolmate,determined to show his exhe has moved on. Comedydrama, starring Blake Harrison.

STELLA9pm, Sky1Michael takes great pleasure in telling smugex-wife Jan he has a date for the charity gala– now all he has to do is actually ask Stella ifshe’ll accompany him to the bash.Temptation continues to get the better ofEmma, as a few stolen kisses with Marcusspiral into something far more serious.

11.00 Troy (R,S,HD). 3/6. Themagician bafflesmembers of the publicat Notting Hill Carnival.


FILM

PICK

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11.10 Take Me Out (R,S,HD).8/8. This week’scontestants include MrWales 2013 and a semi-pro wrestler. Last in theseries.

9.00 Airplane! (S,HD) (1980).A traumatised warveteran must face hisfear and land an airlinerwhen the crew areincapacitated by foodpoisoning. Spoof disastermovie, starring RobertHays and Leslie Nielsen.●●●●●

FRIDAY

��’� ��

��

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Homes&Living

28February

82 ��

The hair, and the duffel coat, are back

She’s only fouryears old but AlanDavies’ daughterhas already hearda lot aboutJonathan Creek.“She’s heard the

words ‘Jonathan Creek’ so manytimes that she’s asked whoJonathan Creek is,” says thecomedian, who has played themagician and title character inthe BBC One drama since 1997.And the questions don’t stop

there.“‘Daddy’, she goes, ‘What’s

stand-up?’. It’s so peculiar andfunny that she’s heard thatphrase, possibly from Katie andI talking [about it],” explains the47-year-old, who started out onthe stand-up circuit. “Even if youthought about it all day, youwon’t be able to find a way ofexplaining stand-up to afour-year-old.”Katie is Katie Maskell, Davies’

wife of seven years who is achildren’s author and mother totheir daughter, Susie, andtwo-year-old son, Robert.It’s clear that his family is ever

present in his mind. Davies wasraised in Essex by his dad, afterhis mum died when he was six

years old. After studying dramaat university, he started hiscomedy career in the lateEighties, before finding greaterfame in Jonathan Creek.Last year, after a decade-long

break, Davies began performingstand-up again and has suddenlyfound himself very busy –there’s a new tour, LittleVictories, coming up this spring,as well as Apres Ski, anentertainment show to tie inwith the Winter Olympics,another series of the panel showQI and a new chat show in thepipeline.“It’s always the way with these

things. You sit around for ageswondering what you’ll do andthen you think, ‘Oh I’ll do astand-up tour’, and then you getoffered three programmes atonce, all of which you want todo,” he says.“It’s nothing to complain

about but it does make it a littleharder to see the children, so Itry very hard to balance it out.But the thing that actually givesway is your own life. Katie and Idon’t do anything or goanywhere, all our spare time isspent with the children.”He uses video messaging to

stay in touch with his familywhen he’s away.Twitter is something that has

lost its shine for Davies,however (although he doesenjoy hearing from peoplewho’ve been to his gigs),because he reasons: “Why am Ilooking at this when my childrenare in the next room?”The youngsters won’t be

watching their dad in JonathanCreek – “they’re more interestedin Peppa Pig and Charlie AndLola DVDs”. And they probablywouldn’t recognise him anyway,given the unflattering extensionshe has to wear, now that hishair’s shorter in real life.“I went into the make-up bus

and they had a polyester headwith these lank, greasy, greydark wefts [of hair],” saysDavies.“I was like, ‘I can’t remember

there being a tramp character.The poor, sad actor who has toput that in their hair’, and thenext thing I know, they put it inmine!”But the hair, along with the

character’s trademark duffelcoat (which the actor keeps athome in North London), meanshe can “look in the mirror and

it’s a very familiar face to see”.Familiar as Creek is to Davies,

some of the stunts he had topull off in this series weren’t.One in particular saw himconquering his fear of horses, sothat he could canter alongside ayoung horse rider.“I’m quite scared of horses,”

he explains. “I had a badexperience on a horse when Iwas about 23 in Canada.“I’d never been horse riding

before. I’d been pony riding onBlackpool beach but the thingjust set off, I lost the reins, I lostthe stirrups, my horse justbolted.“This was all while I was

shouting, ‘If I fall off this I’ll sue’,which they said they almostrisked because they werelaughing so much.”Nowadays, adventures are

kept closer to home and Daviesis enjoying spending as muchtime as possible with his youngfamily.“Every parent I know who has

teenagers says they suddenly gofrom wanting to be with you allthe time to never wanting to seeyou,” he says.“So you have to make the

most of it.”

�� ’ ��

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The Weekend 21 February 2014

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Transcript of The Weekend 21 February 2014