The Total Transformation Manual Hidden Bonus Chapter ...

The Total Transformation Manual – Hidden Bonus Chapter

Written by: John Garcia – Certified Health Coach for UpLevel Living LLC

Copyright November 2018 © All rights reserved.

5 Steps to Managing Complex Personal Changes

HIDDEN BONUS CHAPTER of The Midlife Total Transformation Manual




5 Steps to Managing Complex Personal Changes

HIDDEN BONUS CHAPTER of The Midlife Total Transformation Manual

As I was writing this book, I came across a similar ‘change chart' to the one you see at the end of this

chapter that is used by large organizations to implement significant cultural changes throughout their

companies. Their charts have different steps but are similar in order and potential adverse outcomes

should you leave out any of them out.

As I analyzed it, I realized that the ‘Transformational Coaching Method' that I learned at the Health

Coach Institute, also has 5 major components for transformation. I went ahead and took it a step

further by illustrating the five steps I took in my transformational journey.

My steps are similar to the 5 transformational steps I was taught in my health coach training, but there

were a few differences. I took my steps and created this chart so that you can have a simple visual of

the steps and the possible adverse outcomes that can result when you leave out any of the actions.

All 5 steps are required and should be applied chronologically and given your best effort to achieve the

long-lasting or permanent change you are looking for.

What you don't see on the chart is the timeline because quite frankly, everyone's is different. I wish I

could tell you it will take 21 days or something like that, but it's not that simple. Each person is unique,

and each person will need to determine for themselves how long each step will take. My

transformational journey is going on year four now, and I understand that indeed there is no ‘finish line'

however, this past year has been one that I am truly experiencing the benefits of my ongoing

transformation.

Quote: In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the

wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing. Theodore Roosevelt.

The first thing you need to understand about managing complex personal changes is that the more

changes you need to make, the less you can initially handle. Understanding this paradigm can help you

overcome the push-back you will feel when making any significant changes.

It's also important to note that you can't change everything all at once. While some changes might lead

to breakthroughs and ‘a-ha' moments that bring a great deal of clarity, one change won't necessarily

unravel the entire ball of knots that developed over a lifetime. My advice is that you learn each step

individually, then apply what you learned to the appropriate area of your life that you want to see a

change.

I will explain each step in detail but keep in mind that whatever your timeline is, that's perfectly OK. No

one can tell a person how long to grieve after the loss of a loved one, in the same way, you'll be the only

one who knows how long each step will take you.

I believe you'll know when you're ready to move to the next step once you think you're no longer ‘trying'

and you're simply doing. You've gone from, "this is what I need to do," to "this is what I'm doing"

because you once again trust your intuition.




Every journey has its ups and downs, ebbs and flows. A bad day, week, or even a bad month does not

mean you have failed. As I said, the transformation does not have a finish line; it is more about believing

in a new starting line. However, without these steps to guide your journey, you won't know where you

became sidetracked and most importantly, how to get back on track!

The first line on the chart shows that when you commit to all 5 steps, they will lead you to the successful

personal change you're looking to make. The other lines end in possible adverse outcomes whenever an

action is missed or not followed through to completion. Missing multiple steps can lead to various

negative results. The negative consequences can also be slightly different for each person.

Let's look at the chart a little closer

Requirement #1) Clarity

Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your

mind.

I think by this point in the book, if you've gleaned anything from the information I've shared, it's that

you need to identify your purpose. A clearly defined purpose will ultimately fuel your action. I believe

that any midlife crisis or any doubt in your ability to overcome your challenges is rooted in identity.

To do so, we first need to pause and look at our situation as a conscientious observer. I like to think of it

as looking at yourself as if you were your own best friend. As your best friend you would not judge or

criticize but instead, you would listen intently and if asked, honestly offer the tools or advice that have

worked for you for your friend to move forward.

This step will alleviate the pressure of the present situation and allow you to take a deep breath and

consider what you really want for your life, and more importantly, why you want it. This is where your

purpose is.

The book A Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren starts with the line ‘It's not about you!'. Wow, your

purpose is impossible to define without your connection to your creator. After all, if you were created,

what was the purpose? It can't be merely to make money or invent something or whatever. Your

purpose is in understanding that, who you are and what you do, is connected to that which is greater

than you and ultimately the impact you have on the world around you.

To demonstrate, let's look at the example below:

You might want to lose weight, and you tell yourself it's because you want to look good in a bikini or

swim trunks. Ask yourself, why is that important to me? Your answer might be because if I look good,

then I'll feel good and have more energy. Ask again, why is that important to me? Your answer might

be because feeling good will build my confidence. Ask again, why is that important to me? Your answer

might be because if I have more confidence, then I could start my own business. If you ask yourself why

and your response is because starting a business will bless me and make a positive impact on so many

lives, you've found the exact purpose you're looking for.

This is what we call your ‘why beneath your why,' and each time you have a bad day you realize you're

doing this for a much greater good in your life. The goal of building your own business and moving




towards making an impact that matters to you, all of which started off by the simple thought of wanting

to lose weight.

Your purpose will embolden your beliefs which will give your actions purpose and direction. This clarity

will allow you to focus on the things that keep you in alignment with what matters most. Your

paradigm, or the way you see things will determine the extent of your effort. The degree of your effort

will directly impact the extent of your progress.

Without purpose, you'll lack a vision which will result in confusion. The confusion keeps you from acting

and making that concentrated effort. Those who wander are not always lost, but those who wander all

the time are often looking for something to believe in.

You can't start off your journey completely confused about where you're going or why you want to go

on this journey in the first place. With purpose, you will be clear and focused and continue moving

forward when the road becomes cluttered with obstacles. Even if you don't have a clear goal, you can

have a clear purpose or identity, and that is enough to get started.

Write down your purpose! Put it everywhere and create other ‘motivational anchors' that will be there

for you when no one or nothing else is. I have a quote about effort, taped to my lampshade. Every

morning when I turn on the light, it's the first thing I see. It reminds me of the only thing I can truly

control is my effort, so I get out of bed because that is step number 1 in all of our lives. Whether I feel

like it or not, I'm fueled by my purpose!

Requirement #2) Forgiveness and Gratitude

There are lots of reasons we don't act on something we know we need to do.

The very fact that our brains are hard-wired to resist change can be enough to keep most people right

where they're at. When we don't fully understand that we must first overcome this mindset, we tell

ourselves things like, ‘I'm just that way,' ‘this is how I've always been,' ‘I've tried before, but that just

doesn't work for me,' etc.

That mentality is backward facing. By nature, we take the input of previous experiences, and like a

computer or analytic tool, we compile the data and remind ourselves that the chance for success (based

on this data), is 0.1%. At that point, you and everyone else will tell yourselves, ‘well, what's the point in

trying, this is basically impossible.'

BUT!!!!!! What if you erased that data? What if you chose not to look back at the negative and decided

to look forward since you have new information, new tools, and a unique opportunity? You'll never

forget the past, but you can choose not to remember!

This is what the power of forgiveness is really about.

When you forgive yourself and forgive others (even when they don't deserve it, or when they don't ask

for it), you can let go of those defeating thoughts and plant the seeds for a fresh start.

When you don't forgive, you'll continue to trip over things that are in your past. There is nothing you

can do about yesterday or last year. The only thing you can do is to release that grip and the damage

done through sincere forgiveness.




But, do you have the power to forgive yourself? Is it in your authority to say "I'm forgiven"?

I've revisited this paragraph many times, and it would not be complete if I did not explain how I was

forgiven. My faith, through grace, is what allowed me to accept forgiveness. I understand through my

belief that we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

Your faith and connection to your creator are where you find true forgiveness. If you forgive yourself

solely based on your own authority, it can often feel shallow or insincere. Why, because you feel deep

down that you don't have that power to absolve yourself of your transgressions, and you're right.

We only have the power to accept that gift of forgiveness because it is freely given to us who believe in

our creator. As a Christian, my entire salvation is based on the passion of the Christ and being forgiven

of my sin because of what He did for us, not because anything I did or earned on my own.

The redeeming power of forgiveness breaks all the chains.

The bible says in 2 Corinthians 5:17 2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new

creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

What if you ask for forgiveness from someone you've hurt and they won't forgive you?

The same principle applies; you ask and accept your forgiveness from God and let Him deal with their

heart. You can't change what you did, you can't force them to forgive you. The miracle of forgiveness

will change a heart and can turn any situation in the blink of an eye. Two people can reconcile based on

these changes, and if they never do, all you can do is live your transformed life as a testament to the

God who forgave you.

If you try to move forward while carrying all of your guilt or backward facing beliefs, you've basically set

yourself up for failure even before you get started. It's time to wipe that hard drive clean and get a new

operating software, and completely uplevel your programming!!!! Your 2.0 life cannot function properly

on a 1.0 operating system.

That does not mean that you won't be the victim of cyber-threats and viruses, aimed at taking you

down. Some viruses will come from the outside world, but the most dangerous ones will come from

inside you and be fueled by self-sabotage.

That sabotage is rooted in our long-standing habits that keep dragging us back to old mindsets that are

holding on to previous failures. Well, it's time to replace those old habits because they do not serve you

anymore and they are not supporting the progress you are looking to make.

If you do not ‘let go' through forgiveness and think you can move into your transformation without

resetting your programming and dragging all the past with you, the result will end in fear.

Fear is a crippling emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause

pain or a threat. Unmanaged fear will ultimately keep you from acting. A journey rooted in fear will

result in taking 2 steps forward and 1 step back, or 2 steps forward and 3 steps back, until you finally

give up.

You are afraid because you continue to operate on those previous hurts and experiences and failures.




Forgive and stop looking back! Knowing this doesn't' make it easy, just possible. Go back and apply this

step to each area of your life and start again. Start again fresh, even if that means you have to start

fresh every day! Delete that old data, it does not serve you anymore!

Your reset button requires another powerful action in this same step.

This step is a one-two punch of forgiveness and gratitude. The bible says in James 1: 2-4 "Count it all

joy, my brothers, when you fall into various temptations, knowing that the testing of your faith produces

endurance. Let endurance have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in

nothing."

If you've come across this verse for the first time, it can challenge your ‘common sense.' Whether or not

you're familiar with it, accepting this truth is always difficult at first to put into practice. It's asking you

that no matter how wrong something is, how bad someone hurt you, how severe your circumstances, to

count it all joy!

That's an attitude of gratitude that surpasses all our human tendencies. We want to be mad and hold a

grudge and make the other person pay for what they did. If it was illegal, let the cops and our justice

system handle it, but in any case…forgiveness must be followed by gratitude to have its

transformational power.

Quote: "Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow"

Melody Beattie

When you see everything that happens as being purposeful, you appreciate the journey, the hardships

and of course the rewards and breakthroughs even more. Gratitude is what diffuses every attack that

you'll face moving forward after accepting forgiveness because believe me the attacks will keep on

coming. Instead of being an opposing force, you'll be more of an invisible force allowing the very things

that are trying to defeat you to make you more powerful and learn to grow from it.

So powerful! Take your time daily, every morning to experience the transformational power of Gods

forgiveness and use that gift to build your attitude of gratitude, starting by being grateful for what God

has done for you.

There is a great app I use called "The 5 Minute Journal". It reinforces this habit by asking you 3 things

your grateful for each morning, and what 3 things you're going to do to make today great! At night, you

do another quick entry of 3 things that happened today and asks you how I could have made today even

better. Use it, and it will build your attitude of gratitude.

Requirement #3: Validation / You Are Worthy

In our practice, whenever we get on a call with a client, we start off by congratulating them for making

themselves a priority or showing up for themselves.

That sounds a bit trite or unnecessary, but it's oh so true! Many people who start on a transformational

change journey, never entirely make it to that place of change. Considering all of the different reasons

we fail, not making ourselves a priority is often the most undermining reason and cause of failure.

What do I mean by this?




We have been programmed all our lives to help others. Think about it, we don't hesitate much when

another person needs our help, especially in an emergency. We often feel a bit of importance or

purpose when we do, and that is a compelling thing.

Throughout your average day, you wake up and might have kids or a spouse or parents or a dog,

something other than you that needs your attention.

You go to work as an employee, and you start doing a job for someone else. Regardless of the

fulfillment it gives, this is a time you're dedicating to serving someone or something else (the more

fulfilling, the better – but many of us are at jobs we'd rather not be). Even if it's your own business, the

work and effort you put in can be an absolute drain on you or keep you from something you'd instead

be doing.

You end your day in traffic or difficult commute, to cook, clean, laundry, homework, family drama and

so on. Now you're exhausted, and you rightfully tune everything else out because you deserve a so-

called break.

That is the cycle of failure because not only are you not making time for yourself, you're not even

offering others the best version of yourself. Think about it, you can't pour from an empty cup!

So many people feel guilty about making themselves a priority. They often believe that doing so would

mean sacrificing the time they need to serve everyone else that depends on them, but the opposite is

actually true.

I heard recently on a podcast that if you're really kicking butt in one area of your life, you're more than

lacking in another area of your life.

For example, if you're really putting time into your business or career and one day, you're at an event

being recognized for the hard work, there might be a little league game you're missing back home. If

you get a promotion and have to travel, you will not have that date night with your partner this week.

The lesson here is that's OK, as long as you are aware of it. When you are aware of the imbalance, you

can allow yourself room and time to get back to the things that will swing the pendulum in the other

direction…which means when you do, something else will now be ‘out of balance.'

You know that I'm all about UpLeveling every area of your life, after all, that's the name of my coaching

practice. So while it's possible to perform at a high level, you can't perform at a level 10 in every area at

all times. You are not a machine, it is not possible for you to be everywhere at all times.

We already discussed this concept in further detail in the EQ of Life chapter, and the same approach

applies here as well. Having said all that, in everything you do and especially as you start on your

transformational journey, you have to put yourself first. Do it selfishly at first if that's how it feels

because eventually, you'll see how everyone will genuinely benefit.

If you don't put yourself first, your transformational journey will fall short because of all of the

resistance that develops along the way. Each step of the way you will fight yourself and tell yourself

that what you're doing is not ‘fair.' That you don't deserve being the priority in your life and that your

kids do, or your spouse does, etc.




Eventually, the resistance will win (just like any good resistance always does!). You will give up, you will

tell yourself that ‘it's ok because these other people or things needed you more. The result will be the

same lifestyle you have now.

One way to say yes to self is to honor the promises or commitments that you make to yourself. I've

discussed this in the book but keeping your word to yourself should be the most important thing that

you do. Make it non-negotiable and make restitution immediately when you fall short. Own it and

don't make excuses and get right back to honoring yourself.

This practice of honoring yourself will spill over into every area of your life and make dramatic changes,

remember you come first!

Requirement #4: Direction

As I've mentioned in the book, information is 20% of your battle and action is 80% of your struggle.

If you're in an army and your general says, "we're gonna get up tomorrow and run down this field and

fight anyone that gets in our way!", you may or may not join that battle cry.

If however, your general tells you where the enemy is expected, how many of them there are, what

their strengths and their weaknesses are and clearly defines how you're going to attack, with specific

details as to where and when and with how much force and so on…you get a clear picture not only of

what needs to happen but also the expected outcome. That is the kind of plan that you can buy into.

The point is, stepping on ‘crap' and getting lucky is not a plan. There are many times we feel we got

‘lucky' when in fact it was simply a matter of your determination meeting the opportunity you've been

working so hard for.

If you weren't prepared when that opportunity presented itself, that luck would pass you right by!

Without a plan, your best efforts will result directly in added stress. You'll push forward stubbornly in

any direction regardless of resistance or results. This energy you exert that does not return a positive

result and will create a very stressful atmosphere that will consume your body.

However, if you set a goal, and each day your focus is on the end goal you will most likely fail. Huh?

Yes, you read that correctly. That lofty goal that you set when your emotions were high, and adrenaline

was pumping is most likely going to end up being the same reason you give up. You see when the

excitement wears off, and motivation turns and runs, you're left with even less energy than when you

started.

Now that goal that was supposed to motivate you stifles you in fear. You realize you're never going to

accomplish it, and the self-talk of being a failure and never being good enough starts to take over your

mindset again. As I mentioned in the book, set a goal and then cut it in half. What you also need to do

is determine what the first step is, and then make that your goal.

If my goal is to write a book, my first step is either to come up with a title, or a topic. I need to

determine what it will be about, what problem it will solve, or story will it tell. That's it, that's the first

step in the many steps toward your end goal.




If you wake up the next day and just say to yourself again, "I'm going to write a book, and you write a

few pages that may or may not fit, it was just on your mind, well you may or may not use it. It might

serve you, it might not. The problem is it didn't apparently take you down the path towards your goal, it

just felt like it.

If you woke up and wrote the title ‘The Midlife Total Transformation Manual,' the journal of my journey.

How I transformed my midlife from mediocre to living my best life ever! Now you have something. You

know what you're going to write about, and who your most likely reader will be. That's huge, that's

clarity, and now you can take the next step.

There are options for the next step, but generally, you want to write an outline or simply what topics are

you going to cover in the book. Try and come up with 10 topics in no particular order. Make that your

goal for the next week. Come Friday, you have 10 great topics you're pleased with. That's awesome!

You've taken two huge steps that you can clearly acknowledge and celebrate.

Step three might be to choose one topic, and either start writing about it or write some sub-titles that

further define that topic. Maybe you write 5 sub-topics that you'll explore further in that chapter. Do

that for 5 topics this week, and 5 next week. Wow, you have the bones of the book all done. Your

foundation is set, and you can start writing on each subchapter.

That's real progress, that's how a major project, no matter how big gets accomplished. That's how your

life will transform, one small step at a time. And that's the problem with most people, they want

microwave transformation, press a few buttons and minutes later it's done – well it doesn't work that

way.

To navigate this path, you must write it down and evaluate the progress and just as importantly the

failures or setbacks. This is why journaling the journey is so important.

Your journal will help you tremendously. You'll be able to examine each step and then avoid or

overcome the things that derail you if you reencounter them. That time of review is a trait many

successful people point out as a crucial part of their daily ritual. It's a purposeful, mindful review of the

day's actions and inactions that keep you moving forward in a positive direction.

As you fail along the way (because you will fail), you're able to analyze what went wrong and what part

of the plan might have a flaw in it. This examination will allow you to explore other options, use

different tools, leverage additional resources based on the lessons you learned, and not just having a

knee-jerk reaction to every bump in the road.

Without this review, you'll keep wondering why you're not progressing, and it will only lead to more

unmet expectations, and more frustration and more stress. You won't know when it's time to pivot or

persevere on the path that you're on because you are not focused on the next step or learning from the

last misstep. As we noted earlier, these frustrations will result in stress which has many ill effects, and

long-term unmanaged stress will result in anxiety. The short-term effects of stress are ‘fight or flight.'

If you continue to fight and trudge forward, you may show you have a great deal of determination, but

that does not mean you'll ever get the results you're looking for (but you sure are stubborn!).




Eventually, the other side of stress will manifest itself as ‘flight' or basically to turn and run. You've

finally had it with all this fighting and not getting the results you wanted so you turn and run in other

direction or essentially give up.

Let me be clear, just because you have an action plan, and you take time to review your progress daily, it

does not mean that you will succeed. However, an action plan and the information you learn as you take

each step is the best way to achieve the personal change you're looking to make.

Requirement #5: Honor Yourself

Knowing the information before the journey is better than discovering it later, but it should not stop you

from starting. In my journey, there was plenty I didn't know. The more I learned, the more I needed to

learn, and that's OK too.

Let me remind you that: In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next

best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing. Theodore Roosevelt

The key is to search out the information from different sources and try different things that are in

alignment with your purpose and beliefs. Journal them and keep the ones that work best for you. No

one person has all the answers, no one diet works for everyone, no one exercise program will have the

same results on each of us.

To stay on this path we need to build into the system something that stretches and supports us along

the way, and that is where honoring yourself comes in. True accountability is internal. If you only do

things when someone else holds you accountable, you'll never sustain your transformation because

eventually, that external force will no longer be there for you. Accountability is all about honoring

yourself.

We are all going to have bad days, but like the quote says, don't slash the rest of your tires just because

you got a flat.

When you start off, quite often the best way to keep your focus and honor yourself is by working with a

professional that can hold you accountable. A trainer, a health coach, a life coach, etc. that will be there

to support and more importantly stretch you every step of the way.

I say professional, not because I am one, but because turning to a friend or family member can have the

opposite effect. A friend that means well and agrees to be there for you and then does not follow

through can end up causing a rift and the same goes for a family member.

There are other ‘shadow-sides' of helping that are more for pros to understand, but all you need to

understand right now is that if you're genuinely committed to this, investing in yourself by working with

a pro ensures your best opportunity to succeed.

Plus, when you hire a pro to be accountable to, you are indeed making an investment to honor yourself.

This is real money you are putting up and telling yourself you are worth it becomes real! Imagine what

you are truly worth! If you can dedicate yourself for the next 90 days to these transformational

changes. You could never pay enough for that kind of life.




Ultimately, your goal is to become accountable to yourself because you are the only person that will

always be there for you.

Taking this journey without this step can cause you to doubt your character and integrity resulting in low

self-esteem and ultimately insecurity. This can be the worst set back you'll ever try and recover from

because it damages you at your core. If you fail at this, you will have no choice but start over again from

the very first step. The reason it's the last step is that you need a solid foundation to make it here.

If you do the first four steps, you will have a much better chance of honoring yourself because you've

been able to honor all of the previous steps. You've slowly built yourself back up, and you begin to catch

your stride. If you try and start off by honoring yourself, and at every turn, you're breaking your

promises and letting yourself down, you'll never make it to the second step.

Remember what I said at the beginning of this chapter – the more change you need, the less you'll be

able to handle. Our change journey starts slow and slowly gains momentum, and that is why it's a

sustainable and achievable plan.

Once you get here, and you see how far you've come, you don't want to do anything to stop now. Truth

is, once you're here you realize that you've been honoring yourself all along this change journey, and

now you're merely validating that effort. Also, when you feel like giving up or not keeping a promise to

yourself, you can look back and see how far you've come and that there's no way you're giving up now.

Managing Complex Changes summary

Honest Reflection + Forgiveness/Gratitude +Validation + Journal Your Journey + Honor Yourself =

Change.

These are the 5 steps that transformed my life, and they can do the same for you!

If you found this information helpful, I'm offering a complete 7-part audio course on managing complex

changes that you can enroll on our website. The course will drill down a little deeper in each of the

areas, as well as help you establish a starting point and an action plan based on your individual needs.

Once the course is ready, we will email you a notification.

Thanks again and have a blessed day!

John Garcia, Certified Health Coach – UpLevel Living LLC

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