11thMarch,2010

EnglishEssay‐TheScarletIbis

Abridgedversionsalwaysfailtomakethestoryinteresting.Theylackbothofdescriptionand

emotions.TheScarletIbisisaperfectexampleofthis.Theabridgedversionwasacomplete

disaster,foritbothlackedemotionanddescription,whilsttheunabridgedversionwasfullof

descriptionandfeelings.

Inthefirststory,theauthorforeshadowsDoodle’sdeathinthefirstparagraph.

«Thelastgraveyardflowerswereblooming,andtheirsmelldriftedacrossthecottonfield

andthrougheveryroomofourhouse,speakingsoftlythenamesofourdead.»Original(P.1)

ThisparagraphsuggestsDoodle’sdeathbecauseitsays:thenamesofourdead,andthelast

graveyardflower.Alsofewlinesafterthenarratorsays:

«(…)—andIrememberDoodle.»(P.1)

However,intheabridgedstory,theycompletlytookoutthesuggestionofDoodle’sdeath.

Buttheydidleave«andIrememberDoodle.»Thisalreadyisamajordifference.Inthe

beginningoftheunabridgedversion,weknowthatsomeonedied,amemoryofadead.

Ratherintheabridgedversion,noforeshadowingofthedeadcanbeseen.

Anothermajordetailthattheabridgedversiondoesn’thaveisthenarrator’sselfconflictand

pride.Throughouttheoriginalstory,thenarratorwantstoteachDoodlehowtobelikea

normalboy,butnotbecauseheloveshisbrother,butbecauseheisashamedofhisbrother.

SohecanbeproudofDoodleandnotashamed,heteachesDoodlehowtowalk,swimand

more.Heexperiencesaselfconflictbydoingthis.

Hepusheshisbrotherbecauseofhispride.Hisprideisbothharmfulandhelpful.Itwas

harmfulbecauseintheend,itwasthereasonofDoodle’sdeath,thereasonhewassocruel

tohisownbrother.Thenitishelpfulbecausewithoutit,hewouldhaveneverpushedhis

brothersofarandDoodleneverwouldhavelearnedtowalkandrunlikeanormalboy.

«Ididnotknowthatprideisawonderful,terriblething,aseedthatbearstwovines,lifeand

death.»Originalstory(P.2)

Thisparagraphisagoodexampleofwhattheselfconflictis:thepridethatcannotbear

havingamentalbrother.After,therearealsominorconflictssuchasteachingDoodleallhe

needstoknowinalimitedtime,inwhichtheyfail.

Howeverthesecondstorytookouttheselfconflictthenarratorexperienced,andfocused

onDoodleandhisinabilitytobeliketheotherboys.Thisisamistake.Thestorylostalotof

depthsinthestory,makingusfeellessemotionwhenDoodledies.Withouthisprideandhis

selfconflict,wedon’tunderstandhisperspectiveorfeelpitytowardshim.Thisisaserious

lossofmeaning.

AnotherthingtocompareisDoodle’sinabilitytobenormal.Intheoriginalstory,therewasa

lotwrittenabouthimneverbeingabletobenormal.Thesecondstorytookitallout.That

alsotookoutalotofdepths,becausereaderswhohaven’treadtheoriginalstorywillnot

understand,andwillloosetheemotionwhenDoodledies.Doodle’sinabilitytowalk,swim

andbenormalwasoneofthemainproblems,anditwasthatthatbroughtthenarratorto

feelashamedofhimandtrainhimnonstopsohecouldbeproudofhisbrother.

«Hemightnot,shesobbed,evenbe‘allthere’»Original(P.1)

Thesecondstoryisabridgedandmanyveryimportantdetailshavebeendeleted.

Oneofthethingthatalsostruckmeishowmuchtexttheytookoutoftheoriginalstory.

Thatmaybethereasonwhyit’scalledabridged,buttheytookoutsomuchtextand

descriptionthatitmakesitnotveryinterrestingtoread.

Ichosetwoscenestocompare.ThetwoscenewhereDoodlediesandwhentheScarletIbis

dies.Inboththestories,theScarletIbisisaforeshadowingofDoodle’sdeath.Howeverin

theoriginalversion,theygivemoreinformationandcredittothebigredbird.

«Evendeathdidnotmaritsgrace,foritlayontheearthlikeabrokenvaseofredflowers,

andwestoodaroundit,awedbyitsexoticbeauty.»Original(P.3‐4)

Theabridgedversionrephrasedthisquote.Theychangedthewordsaroundsaying‘Even

deathdidnotmaritsgrace’attheend.Theytookoutthewholedescriptionoftheexotic

bird,thedescriptionofitslegs,itscolors.

Doodle’sdeathwasverysadinboththestories.HoweverIbelieveitwasmoretragicand

sadintheoriginalstory.Thefirststoryputmoredetailsabouteverything,andportrayedthe

bigbrother’scrueltythenturningintosadness,andfinallytoregret.Alsothefactthatthere

weremoreconflictswiththenarrator,whichmadetheendingmoretragic.

«Hislittlelegs,bentsharplyattheknees,hadneverbeforeseemedsofragile,sothin.»

Original(P.4)

Thislastparagraphandthisquoteisveryimportantbecauseitshowsthatthebrothertruly

caredabouthisyoungersibling,andeventhoughhemayhavebeenashamedofhim,he

lovedhim.ThisquoteportraysonelasttimeDoodle’sinvalidity,howhislittlekneeswereso

fragilecomparedtoothers.

However,eventhoughthetwoversionshavemanydifferences,theyalsosharemany

commontraits.TheybothtalkaboutDoodle’sandthenarrator’sfriendship,althoughin

differentdepths,andbrotherlylove.Allofthemhavethemajorevents,suchasdeathofthe

ScarletIbis.

Intheend,thebetterstorywastheoriginalstory.Idon’tknowwhytheauthorwouldwant

toabridgeitlikethat,takingalltheemotionsoutofthestory.Thestoryisaboutatwo

brothers,andthefriendshipbuiltbetweenthetwoboys.It’saveryintensestory,very

interrestingtoread.