The Psychology of

High Self-Esteem

A Life-Changing Program for Personal Growth

Nathaniel Branden, Ph.D.

1986Nightingale-Conant Corporation

7330 North Lehigh AvenueChicago, IL 60648

U.S.A.1-800-323-5552

Table of Contents

Introduction..........................................................................................................................3Living Consciously..............................................................................................................3

Exercise 1 – Living Consciously.....................................................................................3Self-Acceptance...................................................................................................................4

Exercise 2 – Self-Acceptance..........................................................................................4Exercise 3 – Self-Acceptance..........................................................................................6Exercise 4 – Self-Acceptance..........................................................................................7

Assessing Behavior..............................................................................................................7Exercise 5 – Assessing Behavior.....................................................................................7

Liberation from Guilt...........................................................................................................8Exercise 6 – Liberation from Guilt..................................................................................8Exercise 7 – Liberation from Guilt..................................................................................8Exercise 8 – Liberation from Guilt..................................................................................8Exercise 9 – Liberation from Guilt..................................................................................9

Integrating Your Younger Selves......................................................................................10Exercise 10 – Integrating Your Younger Selves...........................................................10Exercise 11 – Integrating Your Younger Selves...........................................................12

Living Responsibly............................................................................................................13Exercise 12 – Living Responsibly.................................................................................13Exercise 13 – Living Responsibly.................................................................................14Exercise 14 – Living Responsibly.................................................................................15

Living Authentically..........................................................................................................16Exercise 15 – Living Authentically...............................................................................16Exercise 16 – Living Authentically...............................................................................16

The Difference It Makes....................................................................................................17Exercise 17 – Self-Esteem and Values..........................................................................17Exercise 18 – Conscious Living and Acceptance..........................................................18Exercise 19 – Vices and Virtues....................................................................................19Exercise 20 – Integration of Self-Concept.....................................................................19Exercise 21 – Responsible Living.................................................................................20Exercise 22 – Authentic Living.....................................................................................20Exercise 23 – Benevolence and Growth........................................................................21

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Introduction

The Psychology of High Self-EsteemBy Nathaniel Branden, Ph.D.

This workbook is a guide to self-discovery. All of the exercises within its pages are mentioned in your cassette program, but you cannot expect to receive the full benefit of the tapes if you don’t actually sit down and do the exercises. The workbook is included to help speed you along your path of personal growth, and to facilitate your active involvement in your own development.

The sentence-completion technique, which makes up the majority of these exercises, was developed as a tool to bring about self-discovery, self-expression and self-healing. It is a remarkably effective way of doing a form of therapy at your own pace and on your own time. With repeated use, the exercises in this program will bring you greater insight and a deeper understanding of a very important person in your life—and that personal is you.

You will see that each set of exercises corresponds to a specific tape side. You may want to read through this workbook before you begin the tapes, or you might prefer to listen to a tape side and then do the corresponding exercises. The order in which you do your listening and your writing does not matter. What matters is that you do commit yourself to full participation in this program.

DO NOT WRITE DIRECTLY IN THIS BOOK. We suggest you do all the exercises in a separate workbook. In this way, you can repeat the exercises as many times as you wish. You may find it very interesting to read back in your workbook and see how your responses change over the course of months or years. For exercises using the sentence-completion technique, just copy the sentence stems from the following pages onto pages of your own workbook. Give yourself room to write at least six to ten endings for each sentence stem.

If you are willing to become engaged in the process of your personal growth—this is the perfect program for you. You will soon discover an amazing truth. You know much more than you presently think. You are about to embark on a voyage into your self; you will emerge more alive, more capable of achievement, love and joy.

Living Consciously

Exercise 1 – Living ConsciouslyPrepare two lists. In list one, identify the areas in your life in which you operate with the most consciousness. In list two, note the areas where you operate with the least consciousness. Identify at least three areas to improve on with regard to your level of consciousness. Meditate on what seems to be difficult about staying in high-level mental focus in these areas.

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List 1 List 2

Then, for each of the areas in list two, write these sentence stems, each at the top and on separate pages, and then, as rapidly as possible, and without censoring your thoughts, write six to ten endings. Repeat these steps for the three sentence stems that follow for all the areas in the list.

The hard thing about staying fully conscious here is1.

The good thing about not being fully conscious here is1.

If I were to stay fully conscious here1.

Self-Acceptance

Exercise 2 – Self-AcceptanceWrite six to ten endings as rapidly as you can for each of the following sentence stems. Don’t worry if your ending is literally true, or if one ending conflicts with another. None of your endings are carved in stone. This is merely an exercise—an experiment.

It’s not easy for me to be self-accepting when I1.

It’s not easy for me to admit that1.

One of my emotions I have trouble accepting is

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1.

One of the thoughts I tend to push out of my mind is1.

One of the things about my body I have trouble accepting is1.

If I were more accepting of my body1.

If I were more accepting of the things I have done1.

If I were accepting of my feelings1.

If I were more honest about my wants and needs1.

The scary thing about being self-accepting is1.

If other people saw me being more self-accepting1.

The good thing about being self-accepting might be1.

I am becoming aware1.

I am beginning to feel1.

As I learn to stop denying my experiences1.

As I breathe deeply and allow myself to experience self-acceptance1.

Exercise 3 – Self-AcceptanceIt takes courage to admit that we like ourselves—faults or no faults, shortcomings or no shortcomings. Here is a simple sentence-completion exercise that will allow you to explore this issue and figure out where you now stand.

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One of the things I dislike about myself is1.

One of the things I like about myself is1.

I like myself least when I1.

I like myself most when I1.

Mother gave me a view of myself as1.

Father gave me a view of myself as1.

When I feel disliked1.

When I’m proud of something no one else cares about or understands1.

If I were to admit how much I secretly like myself1.

The good thing about pretending to dislike myself is1.

The scary thing about admitting that I like myself, faults or no faults, is1.

I am becoming aware1.

If any of what I’m writing is true1.

If I were willing to breathe deeply and allow myself to experience the joy of being1.

Exercise 4 – Self-Acceptance

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Make a list of six facts about yourself that you have difficult accepting completely. Remember that accepting doesn’t mean liking. Then, for each item, write six to ten endings for each of the following sentence stems.

Then, for each item, write six to ten endings for each of the following sentence stems.

The hard thing about accepting this is1.

If I were to accept this completely1.

If it turns out that the truth is the truth, whether I accept it or not1.

I am becoming aware1.

Assessing Behavior

Exercise 5 – Assessing BehaviorThe maintenance of personal integrity is of great importance to your self-evaluation. When your behavior expresses your professed values, you have integrity. Here is a sentence-completion exercise to help you explore this issue. Write six to ten endings for each sentence stem.

I most feel I have integrity when I1.

Sometimes I diminish my integrity when I1.

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I like myself most when I1.

I like myself least when I1.

When I fail my standards, I tell myself1.

I would be easier for me to live up to my standards if1.

Liberation from Guilt

Exercise 6 – Liberation from GuiltThink of some negative attributes you ascribe to yourself. Then, for each item, think of three situations in life in which you do not exhibit it, and actually manifest the opposite behavior. Do this exercise by making notes for every negative trait you’re inclined to attribute to yourself. Here is an example: I am not friendly, but I am friendly with people who seem lonely. I make friends with the grocer and others I see when I do errands. I am friendly with animals.

1.

Exercise 7 – Liberation from GuiltIn Exercise 6, you examined the negative attributes that you ascribe to yourself, and the situations in which you manifest them. Now, think of three alternate responses you might bring to those situations.

1.

Exercise 8 – Liberation from GuiltThink about some action, or inaction, for which you reproach yourself. Then complete the following sentence stems, writing six to ten endings for each one. Don’t allow self-criticism or self-censorship to interfere. Let the endings write themselves, whether or not they initially seem to make sense.

If I were to look fully at what I {did or failed to do} [pick one and then erase the other]

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1.

When I did what I did, I told myself1.

One of the things I might learn from the experience is1.

If I were willing to see what I see right now1.

One of the ways to avoid this mistake in the future is1.

If I were to remain as conscious as I am right now1.

I would like myself more if I1.

When I act against what I understand perfectly well1.

I am becoming aware1.

As I become more willing to understand what I am writing1.

Exercise 9 – Liberation from GuiltTwo factors seem present whenever we experience defensiveness or guilt about positives: fear of self-responsibility and fear of isolation or aloneness. It takes courage to be honest about our assets as well as our shortcomings. Here are some sentence stems to help explore this issue. Write six to ten endings for each one.

If I have trouble accepting any asset of mine, it might be1.

When I feel defensive about positives1.

The scary thing about admitting my pride in my accomplishments is1.

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When I encounter envy or jealousy1.

If I hide who I am through fear1.

If I am asked to apologize for my {good looks or intelligence, or possessions or achievements} [choose one, then erase the others, and direct your completions to the most pertinent stem for you] 1.

If I were to admit the things for which I feel proud1.

Integrating Your Younger Selves

Exercise 10 – Integrating Your Younger SelvesWhen unrecognized, misunderstood, rejected or abandoned, a child-self can turn into a “trouble maker” that obstructs our growth as well as our enjoyment of living. Sentence-completion work is an advanced and powerful tool for awakening your awareness of your child-self and facilitating integration. Write six to ten endings for each sentence stems, working as rapidly and uncritically as you can, inventing when need be to keep the momentum going.

When I was five years old1.

When I was ten years old1.

If I recall how the world seemed when I was very young1.

If I recall how my body felt when I was very young1.

If I recall how people seemed when I was very young1.

With my friends I felt1.

When I felt lonely, I1.

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When I felt excited, I1.

If I recall how life seemed when I was very young1.

If the child in me could speak, {he or she} [choose one] might say1.

One of the things I had to do to survive as a child was1.

One of the ways I treat my child-self as my father did is1.

One of the ways I treat my child-self as my mother did is1.

When the child within feels ignored by me1.

When the child within feels criticized by me1.

One of the ways my child-self sometimes gets me into trouble is1.

I suspect I am operating out of my child-self when I1.

If my child-self were to feel accepted by me1.

Sometimes, the hard thing about fully accepting the child within is1.

If I were more forgiving of my child-self1.

I would be kinder to the child within if I were to1.

If I were to listen to the things my child-self needs to tell me1.

If I fully accept the child within as a valuable part of me

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1.

I am becoming aware1.

When I look at myself from this perspective1.

Exercise 11 – Integrating Your Younger SelvesHere is a more advanced way to work on the territory opened up in the sentence stems of Exercise 10. As usual, provide six to ten endings to complete each sentence stem. This exercise is effective for exploring your child-self at any age—right through the teenage years.

When I was [] years old1.

One of the things my []-year-old self needs from me and has never gotten is1.

When my []-year-old self tries to talk to me1.

If I were willing to listen to my []-year-old self with acceptance and compassion1.

If I refuse to be there for my []-year-old self1.

At the thought of reaching back to help my []-year-old self1.

Living Responsibly

Exercise 12 – Living ResponsiblyAvoiding self-responsibility victimizes us. It leaves us helpless. By contrast, embracing self-responsibility can be an exhilarating and empowering experience. It places our life back in our own hands. The following sentence-completion exercise brings the point home with speed and clarity.

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Sometimes, when things aren’t going so well, I make myself helpless by1.

The good thing about making myself helpless is1.

Sometimes I try to avoid responsibility by blaming1.

Sometimes I keep myself passive by1.

Sometimes I use self-blame to1.

If I took more responsibility when working1.

If I took more responsibility for the success of my relationships1.

If I took responsibility for every word I say1.

If I took responsibility for my feelings1.

If I took responsibility for my actions, moment by moment1.

If I took responsibility for my happiness [my psychological enjoyment of life] 1.

If the only meaning in my life is the meaning I am willing to create1.

If I were willing to breathe deeply and fully experience my own power1.

If I were willing to see what I see and know what I know1.

Right now it is very clear that1.

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Exercise 13 – Living ResponsiblyImagine a scale from 1 to 10, with 10 signifying what you would regard as optimal self-responsibility and 1 signifying the lowest conceivable level of self-responsibility. Rate yourself on each item listed below.

Today’s date

Your health

Your emotions

Your choice of lovers

Your choice of spouse

Your choice of friends

The level of consciousness you bring to your work

The level of consciousness you bring to your relationships

Your way of treating people in general

Your intellectual development

Your emotional development

Your character

Your happiness [psychological enjoyment of life]

Your self-esteem

Then provide endings to the sentence stem below for whatever area(s) you regard as requiring more self-responsibility.

One of the ways I can take more responsibility with regard to this area is to1.

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Exercise 14 – Living ResponsiblyIf there are areas in your life, right now, in which you practice a higher level of self-responsibility than you do in others, those are also the areas in which you like yourself most. The areas in which you most avoid responsibility are the areas in which you like yourself least. The following sentence-completion exercise will verify this for you.

I practice great self-responsibility when I1.

I most avoid self-responsibility when I1.

When I am self-responsible I feel1.

When I avoid self-responsibility I feel1.

If any of what I am writing is true1.

I am becoming aware1.

Living Authentically

Exercise 15 – Living AuthenticallyUsing, once again, a scale from 1 to 10,k with 10 representing the highest level of authenticity and 1 representing the lowest level conceivable, rate yourself on each of these items.

Today’s date

I generally am honest with myself about what I am feeling, accepting my emotions, experiencing them, without necessarily being compelled to act on them.

I generally am honest with others about my feelings, in contexts in which talking about feelings is appropriate.

I consciously strive to be truthful and accurate in my communications.

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I talk comfortably, openly and straightforwardly about the things I like, admire and enjoy.

If I am hurt or upset, I talk about this with honesty and dignity.

I stick up for myself and honor my own needs and interests.

I allow other people to see my excitement.

If I know I’m wrong, I acknowledge this simply and candidly.

I feel that the self I experience internally is the self I present to the world.

Exercise 16 – Living AuthenticallyHow might you feel, how might you experience yourself, if you choose to live more authentically? You can explore this territory further with sentence-completion exercise. Write six to ten endings for each of the following sentence stems.

The hard thing about being honest about my feelings with others is1.

The hard thing about being honest about what I’m feeling with myself is1.

If I strove for truth and accuracy in my communications1.

If I talked openly about the things I like, admire and enjoy1.

If I were honest about feelings hurt, angry or upset1.

If I were willing to show others my excitement1.

If I were honest about it when I knew I was wrong1.

If I were willing to let people hear the music inside of me1.

When I think of what I surrender for fear of being condemned

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1.

When I think of what I surrender for fear of being laughed at1.

If I were willing to experiment with being a little more authentic every day1.

The Difference It MakesThe following sentence-completion exercises will tell you a good deal about what you have absorbed from this program so far—and will show you areas to work on further.

Exercise 17 – Self-Esteem and Values

If I look at the criteria by which I judge myself1.

If no one can give me good self-esteem except myself1.

If I choose to understand what good self-esteem depends on1.

One of the things I can do to raise my self-esteem is1.

If I do not exist to serve other people1.

If other people do not exist to serve me1.

If my life belongs to me1.

If I really do have a right to exist1.

If self-sacrifice won’t buy me self-esteem1.

I am becoming aware1.

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Exercise 18 – Conscious Living and Acceptance

If I allow myself to understand the meaning of living consciously1.

If I am not yet fully ready to live consciously1.

If I were willing to know what I’m doing when I act1.

If I were willing to see what I see and know what I know1.

As I learn to accept myself1.

One of the things I need to learn to accept is1.

As I give up fighting myself1.

As I breathe into my feelings rather than resist them1.

As I learn to own my actions1.

I am becoming aware1.

Exercise 19 – Vices and Virtues

If it turns out that living with guilt is a cop-out1.

If I were willing to forgive myself1.

As I seek to understand why I act as I do1.

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As I learn to live by my own standards1.

If I refuse to apologize for my virtues1.

If I am honest about my assets1.

If I take pleasure in myself1.

If I admit that I like myself1.

Exercise 20 – Integration of Self-Concept

As I learn to embrace my child-self1.

As I learn to embrace my teenage-self1.

If I disown the person I once was1.

If I make friends with all the parts of me1.

I am beginning to see that1.

Exercise 21 – Responsible Living

If I take full responsibility for my actions1.

If I take full responsibility for the things I say1.

If I persist in blaming other people1.

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If I insist on seeing myself as a victim1.

If I accept that my happiness is mine alone to achieve1.

Exercise 22 – Authentic Living

As I learn to be more honest about what I think and feel1.

As I learn to be more honest about my wants1.

When I think about some of the lies I have lived by1.

When I am ready to give up those lies1.

If I need time to learn to live with integrity1.

If I were willing to give myself the time I need to learn1.

If I were willing to let people hear the music inside of me1.

If I were willing to show people who I am1.

As I learn to simply be myself1.

Exercise 23 – Benevolence and Growth

If I deal with other people with respect and benevolence1.

If I give others the goodwill I want them to give me

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1.

If I allow myself to understand what I have been hearing in this program1.

If I accept that I may not yet be ready to let all this knowledge in1.

If I give myself permission to grow at my own speed1.

If this is the beginning of a great adventure1.

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