The Parenting Center · While parallel parenting is an option that is more comfortable for most...

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What are participants learning at The Parenting Center’s Children in the Middle class?

While we teach many issues regarding co-parenting considerations beyond those addressed in the tests, participants are provided the following questions. Pre-tests are provided and picked up before class begins. Post-tests are picked up at the end of each class. Three months of scoring has provided the following results from January to April of 2005 resulted in the following:

Part I

1. _______________________ is the process of raising your children between two homes with the input of the other household. 47% of participants knew this is called co-parenting on the pre-test, while 96% knew this at the conclusion of the class. While parallel parenting is an option that is more comfortable for most adults, the Children in the Middle class teaches co-parenting, which is child focused.

2. It is the job of the court to make the decisions on the best interest of your child T F

47% of participants indicated this was the courts job on the pre-test, while 99% indicated it was not the court’s job at the conclusion of the class. The class teaches it is the responsibility of the family to make “best interest” decisions. Only when the family can not reach a compromise do Judges and Social Workers become involved in these decisions.

3. Do you know what alternate dispute options are? Yes No

25% circled yes on the pre-test, while 99% circled yes on the post-test. 4. List three alternate dispute options available in Texas

1. ____________________ 2.___________________ 3.__________________ Despite 25% indicated they knew what alternate dispute options were available on the pre-tests, only 30% listed Mediation, 3% listed Access Facilitation/Consultation, and 0% listed Collaborative Law. On the post-tests 97 % listed Mediation, 93 % listed Access Facilitation/Consultation, and 93% listed Collaborative Law.

5. How long is it recommended you wait before you introduce your child to a new

relationship if you are married? _______________________________________ 17% answered “you don’t” on pre-tests, while 97 % indicated this on the post-tests. Parents are encouraged to keep the children out of new relationships if they are still married. This consideration is explained from a child’s point of view and why this is more than a “moral” issue.





6. How long is it recommended you date someone before you introduce your child to a new relationship after you have been divorced? ___________________________________ 23% answered “3 to 6 months” on pre-tests, while 94% indicated this on the post-tests. Our class encourages parents to “get to know” someone very well before they introduce the children to help potentially protect their children from unhealthy individuals and from “heart ache” if a relationship falls apart.

7. You are ordered to follow a specific plan for how much time the child will spend at each home or with each parent and you are to follow that plan. T F 20% of participants indicate they are not ordered to follow a specific plan on the pre-tests, while 96% indicated they are not on the post-test. The class presenters along with the videos from local judges and attorneys, remind parents of the “failing mutual agreement” section of their orders.

8. What is a domicile restriction? ________________________________________

17% were able to correctly answer this question on their pre-test, while 87% were able to answer correctly on their post tests. Many participants are not aware that these restrictions exist and many believe if they “win” primary possession, they can move where they want. The class focuses on research regarding the negative impact on children when parents live a long distance apart. On video, local judges and attorneys explain why domicile restrictions often serve the best interest of children. While parents may not necessarily agree, they are encouraged to look at it from the child’s point of view.

9. Do you know what modification is? Yes No

52% indicate they are familiar with the legal term modification on the pre-test, while 95% circle yes on the post-test. The class focuses on the significance of the legal use of modification for parents who are thinking “I’m just going to fight until I win.” They learn through the class that the other parent can seek an appeal or bring issues back to court at a later date. Basically, litigation regarding the children can be ongoing if parties cannot resolve it themselves.

10. How many stages of grief are there? ________

42% were able to list 5 on the pre-test, while 98% were listed 5 on the post test. The class focuses on how these stages impact the family decision making process and introduces them to the “litigation” stages of grief.





11. Who is responsible for your actions?____________________________________ 82% indicated that they were responsible for their own actions on their pre-tests, while 100% provided this answer on their post tests. We expect most participants will answer this correctly on both tests, and their answer is used during the class when they are blaming others for their actions. The class starts by reminding parents they are responsible for their own actions and no court ordered them to produce a child with the other parent.

12. With a “victim” and a “knight and shining armor,” who would the court most likely be

concerned with? __________________________________________ 37% picked one of the roles or left it blank on the pre-test. 93% answered “both” on their post-tests. We explain how both roles are unhealthy, do not facilitate healthy co-parenting and role modeling for children, and that one is attracted to the other.

13. _____% of second marriages end in divorce

13% listed the current national average at 60% on their pretest, while 100% filled in the blank with 60% on their post tests. Generally, much lower numbers were indicated. The class emphasizes evaluation of what parents can do, not how dependent they are on others (such as stepparents) to assume their role. The course helps parents understand consideration lies with the ability of the parent.

Part II

1. Can you deny access to the child if the other parent has not paid support? Yes No 90% circled no on the pre-test while 100% circled no on the post-test. While they knew this on the pretest, many are surprised when they see the video from local judges and attorneys indicating there are several legal consequences when they do not facilitate the exchange to the other parent.

2. How do you tell a child they will see Spot (the dog living in the other parent’s home)?

You will get to see Spot when you _____________________ your dad/mom? 46% filled in the blank with “visitation” on the pretest, while 94% filled in the blank with terms such as “are with”, “when you are at your home with,” or “when you see.” The class explains the word visitation is a legal term and is often used for one parent to dominate the other parent. The class teaches how to create a two-home environment for the children.





3. Is there a certain age the child legally makes the decision where he or she will live? Yes No 20% circled no on the pretest, while 95% circled no on the post-test. The class teaches only the parents or the judge can make the legal decision. The video explains that while a child can sign a piece of paper, it is up to the court to determine “best interest” if the parents are unable to do so. The class focuses on the impact on children through role play of having the adults pick between their children.

4. A child asked to deliver information between two homes is called the _______________.

36% answered “the messenger child” on the pretest, while 90% provided this answer on the post-test. We cover the concerns related to children used in this adult role and explain better options.

5. Your child is at their other home and you are talking to your child on the phone. You

really miss them. Complete this sentence: “I ____________ you, and I will see you soon.” 16% filled in the blank with “miss” on the pretest, while 98% filled in the blank with “love” on the post-test. The class emphasis using phrases that make the children feel good rather than phrases which may make the child feel guilty or burdened. Many participants have admitted they knew to fill in “love” from the video in part 1 of the class.

6. Do you know what alienation of the parent-child relationship is? Yes No

55% circle yes on the pretest, while 96% circle yes on the post-test. A list of alienating behaviors is provided in addition to video segments on the issue.

7. As coparents, we should create a _________ home environment.

3% filled in the blank with “two” on the pre-test, while 91% filled in the blank with “two” on the post test. Most provided answers that focused solely on their home such as “loving” or “caring”, rather than the consideration that children of divorce grow up in two homes.

8. A child at ages 0-18 mo. needs what between their homes? _________________

25% filled in the blank with “consistency” or “continuity” on the pre-test, while 91% were able to provide these answers on the post-test. The class examines different age groups and what parents should consider regarding the developmental stages of children growing up between two homes.





9. As much as it’s important for a child to spend time with both parents, at about age six who else is important to consider regarding time with the child? ___________ Only 18% listed the children’s “friends” and extracurricular activities on the pre-tests, while 90% filled in the blank with regards to peers on the post-test. The class teaches that “period of possession” is a legal term, that they should consider it a “period of responsibility” when they are with their children. The period should include taking children to their extracurricular activities, allowing children to spend the night with a best friend who may live closer to the other parent, and allowing children to go to other children’s birthday parties.

10. If the child asks information about the other parent, you should always tell them the truth.

True False 74% circled true on the pre-tests, while only 6% answered true on the post-test. The class teaches that the adult business should be between the adults and statements regarding the other parent without therapeutic supervision should be limited to neutral or positive statements.


The Parenting Center · While parallel parenting is an option that is more comfortable for most...

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