The Nice Stalker - JIM GOADT he N i c e S t a lk e r Whatta hunk ! Gorgeous teen idol Richard “The...
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The Nic e Stalker Whatta hunk ! Gorgeous teen idol Richard “The Night Stalker ” Ramirez blows a kiss to his fans and promises , “I’ ll be out of jail soon !!!” Move over , Joey Lawrence! Take a hike, Jonathan Brandis! Suck a dick, Macaulay Culkin! Only Richard Ramirez gives the girls what they deserve! Do you prefer to be called Richard or Richie? What’ s in a name? Are you seeing anybody right now? No. Only in my dreams. What’ s one thing you’d change about yourself? Not a damn thing , except where I’m at. How has your life changed as a result of your success? Privacy is a thing of the past. What’ s your message to your fans? Keep your spirit strong. What kind of clothes do you like to wear? Jumpsuits with lots of pockets. Would you describe yourself as “girl crazy?” Yeah, but I don’t have any time to wine and dine them. Not crazy, just lazy. If you like a girl, how do you get her to notice you? I pull out my gun. How do you feel about being a teen heartthrob? Great. Keep the hate mail coming. What do you like to do for fun? Use drugs. What’ s the one thing you would change about the world if you could? No more politicians. Or, for that matter, government. What is something people would be surprised to know about you? That I’m a nice stalker. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Richie answers the tough questions! Take a look —do HIS tastes match YOURS? Y ou’re not a little girl anymore, at least not if you obeyed that “adults only” thing on the front cover. Your bush is hairier, your breath smells worse, and those tits ain’t quite as perky as they were at age seventeen. And since you’re now an adult woman, you’re having rape fantasies almost nightly. But while you’re roaring away with that lamp-sized vibrator, your legs split at a 180º angle, who do you imagine is your captor? The teen idols were fine—when you were a teen. But you’re a WOMAN now, and some little blond butter-boy just doesn’t cut it anymore. Leave the ephemeral teen stars to the chicken hawks. Open your legs, close your eyes, and think about a MAN. Richard Ramirez is a guy who’s been around the block a few times. They say he’s fucked women after killing them, so he just might know his way around a bedroom. And gee willikers, do the girls go gaga over him! A mutual friend (and actual necrophile) introduced Ricky to ANSWER Me! starting with our second issue. Some bad folks in the government say Ramirez killed at least thirteen people, but we don’t believe them. Not our Ricky. He called Debbie “radical.” Said we were “a match made in hell.” We love him. But it gets lonely year after year as you appeal your death sentence, and Ricky’s thoughts often turn to romance. Especially if it involves Chinese chicks who are into bondage. Since ANSWER Me! is a magazine about serial killers—and NOTHING BUT serial killers— we felt obligated to find a girlfriend for one of our favorites. Ricky was nice enough to take time out from his busy schedule and answer a few questions through the mail. The questions aren’t particularly original. In fact, with very minor changes, they were all lifted directly from a recent issue of a national teen-idol magazine. Enjoy his whimsical answers and take a long gander at those drop-dead photos. The next time you’re speed-buffing your clitoris to one of your many rape fantasies, is it possible that Ricky could be the boy…for you? LOOK AT THOSE YUMMY EYES ! ARE THEY LOOKING AT YOU? Do you have what it takes to be Richard Ramirez ’ s girlfriend ?
Transcript of The Nice Stalker - JIM GOADT he N i c e S t a lk e r Whatta hunk ! Gorgeous teen idol Richard “The...
The
NiceStalker
Whatta hunk! Gorgeous teen idolRichard “The Night Stalker” Ramirezblows a kiss to his fans and promises,
“I’ll be out of jail soon!!!”
Move over, Joey Lawrence!Take a hike, Jonathan Brandis!Suck a dick, Macaulay Culkin!
Only Richard Ramirezgives the girlswhat they deserve!
Do you prefer to be called Richard or Richie?What’ s in a name?
Are you seeing anybody right now?No. Only in my dreams.
What’s one thing you’d change aboutyourself?
Not a damn thing, except where I’m at.
How has your life changed as a result of your success?Pri vacy is a thing of the past.
What’s your message to your fans?Keep your spirit strong.
What kind of clothes do you like to wear?Jumpsuits with lots of pockets.
Would you describe yourself as “girl crazy?”Yeah, but I don’t have any time to wine
and dine them. Not crazy , just lazy.
If you like a girl, how do you get her to notice you?I pull out my gun.
How do you feel about being a teen heartthrob?Great. Keep the hate mail coming.
What do you like to do for fun?Use drugs.
What’s the one thing you would changeabout the world if you could?
No more politicians.Or, for that matter, government.
What is something people would be surprised toknow about you?
That I ’m a nice stalker.
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Richie answers
the tough questions!
Take a look—do HIS
tastes match YOURS?
You’re not a little girl anymore, at leastnot if you obeyed that “adults only”thing on the front cover. Your bush
is hairier, your breath smells worse, andthose tits ain’t quite as perky as they wereat age seventeen.
And since you’re now an adult woman,you’re having rape fantasies almostnightly. But while you’re roaring awaywith that lamp-sized vibrator, your legssplit at a 180º angle, who do you imagineis your captor?
The teen idols were fine—when you werea teen. But you’re a WOMAN now, andsome little blond butter-boy just doesn’tcut it anymore. Leave the ephemeral teenstars to the chicken hawks. Open your legs,close your eyes, and think about a MAN.
Richard Ramirez is a guy who’s been around the blocka few times. They say he’s fucked women after killing them,so he just might know his way around a bedroom.And gee willikers, do the girls go gaga over him!
A mutual friend (and actual necrophile) introducedRicky to ANSWER Me! starting with our secondissue. Some bad folks in the government sayRamirez killed at least thirteen people, but wedon’t believe them. Not our Ricky. He called Debbie“radical.” Said we were “a match made in hell.”We love him.
But it gets lonely year after year as you appeal yourdeath sentence, and Ricky’s thoughts often turn toromance. Especially if it involves Chinese chicks whoare into bondage. Since ANSWER Me! is a magazineabout serial killers—and NOTHING BUT serial killers—we felt obligated to find a girlfriend forone of our favorites.
Ricky was nice enough to take time outfrom his busy schedule and answer a fewquestions through the mail. The questionsaren’t particularly original. In fact, with veryminor changes, they were all lifted directlyfrom a recent issue of a national teen-idol magazine.Enjoy his whimsical answers and take a long gander at thosedrop-dead photos. The next time you’re speed-buffingyour clitoris to one of your many rape fantasies, is itpossible that Ricky could be the boy…for you?
LOOK AT THOSE YUMMY EYES!ARE THEY LOOKING AT YOU?
Do you have whatit takes to be
RichardRamirez’sgirlfriend?
