The Motivation Meltdown: When Parents Care But Kids Don’t

Ann Dolin, M.Ed. | Educational Connectionsann@ectutoring.com | www.ectutoring.com

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Motivation Drops in High School

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What’s Fueling Our Anxiety?

• Worried about the future:• 2005 UVA average incoming GPA 3.7• 2013 UVA average incoming GPA 4.21

• There is a trickle down effect to grades• We swoop in, pay for grades,

punish• Relationships are defined by

academics

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What the Research Says• 6.3 million dollars • 261 Schools in NYC, DC, Chicago,

Dallas • Paid students for: • Report card grades, reading books,

going to class, completing HW, standardized test scores

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Why Carrots Don’t Always Work

• Rewards• Work for the short-term, simple

tasks • Do not work for complex, long-

term tasks • Disney example • Carrots will not intrinsically

motivate your child.

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Messy Room Syndrome

• Kids don’t see the value • Parents’ and kids’ expectations

don’t meet • High value to parent • Low value to student

• High/low value disconnect

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Genetic Foundation

• 40-50% of academic motivation is genetic • ADHD and school is not always a

match• ADHD is a Disorder of Motivation

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Step 1: Make the Environment Ripe for Learning

• Routine for HW• 5 Times to do homework • Launching Pad• Clean Sweep

• Place• Location can vary, not in bedroom

• Why is this important? • Structure • Kids know what to expect

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Step 2: Open Up the Dialogue

• “This isn’t working out…” • “I’ve noticed that….” • Give a concrete example

• Why does opening the dialogue work? • Kids feel like they’re part of the

solution• More likely to buy in and follow

through

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Step 3: Brainstorm Solutions

• Examples:• Homework is done late at night.

• Electronics on charger by 10pm.

• Your daughter comes home with a C on her history test. She was too busy with Instagram to study.• Studying before homework• Phone in another room

• Your student is missing multiple assignments on his progress report.• Trust but verify

• Your son keeps forgetting his homework at home• Use a homework folder

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Why Brainstorming Works?• Brain processes response to obstacles

differently• Rutgers study• 2 parts in frontal lob that handle

crisis/obstacles • If student feels he has control, will

process from ventral striatum. If the emotion feels out of his control, he will process differently• Destructive and productive struggle

• A little struggle is okay, but too much seriously decreases motivation

• Resiliency predicts school and life success ectutoring.com

Using Praise to Motivate

• Praise effort, not intelligence, at every turn• Carol Dweck, Mindset

• 80/20 Rule

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Help Your Child Find His Strengths

• Notice your child’s strengths• “I’ve noticed…” • “You are so good at…” • “This is a real strength of yours…” • “Have you ever thought of…” • “One day I see you…”

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The Push & Pull of Academics • “Do not sacrifice your parent/child

relationship on the altar of academic performance.”• Russell Barkley, PhD

• When in doubt, get outside help• Effective instruction includes:

Consistent support, previewing, starts early on – creates more sense of control and motivation• When help is spotty, remedial, and

late, it’s not as motivating

• Effective Instruction

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Free Resources for You

Ebooks http://ectutoring.com/ebooks

•Help Your Disorganized Student

•School Success for Kids with ADHD

Blog: Keyword “Motivation”

© Educational Connections (ectutoring.com) 2015

Thank you for attending! • For more information about tutoring,

test prep, and coaching: • Educational Connections• 703.934.8282• www.ectutoring.com

• Ann’s contact information:• Ann@ectutoring.com• www.anndolin.com

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