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ISSUE VIII – NOV 2Ol4

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Hello. I am Monocle.

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If I am not mistaken, I believe we have a

mutual friend – The Morningside

Muckraker. (Small world, isn’t it?)

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Well this is SPECTACULAR. ‘Cause here’s some

stuff that will really tickle your

fancy. (formally called the “Table of Contents”)

Emails from Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, Inc.’s In-House Counsel ------------------------------------------------------------------ Anthony Lauriello---------4 “Late Autumn” -------------------------------------------------Jae Woo Park -----------7 Adventures of Captain Damos: Part VIII -------------- Levon Golendukhin -----8 “Untitled” --------------------------------------------------------G --------------------------10 Thanksgiving -------------------------Minji Reem & Anthony Lauriello--------------11

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From:&Oompa&Loompa&#587693,&Senior&Legal&Counsel&To:&Willy&Wonka,&CEO&Re:&Room&of&Imagination&Expenditures& Oompa!Loompa!doompety!doo!I’ve!got!another!email!for!you!Oompa!loompa!doompety!dee!If!you!want!to!stay!out!of!court!you’ll!listen!to!me! What!do!you!get!when!you!waste!company!cash!Buying!chocolate!rivers!and!other!such!trash!What!do!you!think!shareholders!will!do?!When!they!realize!how!much!of!their!money!you!blew! It!will!be!a!lawsuit! Oompa!Loompa!doompety!da!If!you’re!not!disloyal,!you!will!go!far!You!will!also!not!fear!being!sued!!Like!the!Oompa!Loompa!Doompety!do!!

From:&Oompa&Loompa&#587693,&Senior&Legal&Counsel&To:&Willy&Wonka,&CEO&Re:&Factory&Liability&Waiver& Oompa!Loompa!doompety!doo!I’ve!got!another!problem!for!you!Oompa!loompa!doompety!dee!If!you!want!to!stay!out!of!court!you’ll!listen!to!me! What!do!you!get!when!your!print!is!so!small!That!it’s!impossible!to!read!it!all!Such!contracts!will!be!thrown!out!of!court!And!then!you’ll!have!no!protection!from!tort! Make!the!print!big,!they!won’t!read!it!anyway! Oompa!Loompa!doompety!da!If!you’re!not!fraudulent!you!will!go!far!You!will!also!not!fear!being!sued!!Like!the!Oompa!Loompa!Doompety!do!!

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! !From:&Oompa&Loompa&#587693,&Senior&Legal&Counsel&To:&Willy&Wonka,&CEO&Re:&Factory&Injuries&& Oompa!Loompa!doompety!doo!I’ve!got!another!concern!for!you!Oompa!loompa!doompety!dee!I!beg!you!to!please!listen!to!me! Having!guests!is!fine!if!it’s!well!done!It!helps!market!our!candy!and!chewing!gum!But!if!kids!get!hurt!in!our!machines!Their!parents!will!wipe!all!our!assets!clean! Why!are!our!nuisances!so!attractive?! Oompa!Loompa!doompety!da!If!you’re!not!unsafe,!you!will!go!far!You!will!also!not!fear!being!sued!!Like!the!Oompa!Loompa!Doompety!do!! From:&Oompa&Loompa&#587693,&Senior&

Legal&Counsel&To:&Willy&Wonka,&CEO&Re:&Transfer&of&Control&Block&to&Charlie&Bucket& Oompa!Loompa!doompety!doo!I!don’t!know!why!I!keep!trying!to!reach!you!Oompa!loompa!doompety!dee!No!matter!what!I!say,!you!won’t!listen!to!me! Giving!the!whole!company!away!To!a!ten!year!old!that!you!met!today!This!violates!your!duty!of!care!For!minority!shareholders!that’s!unfair! You!do!need!to!do!due!diligence! Oompa!Loompa!doompety!da!If!you’re!not!careless,!you!will!go!far!You!will!also!not!fear!being!sued!!Like!the!Oompa!Loompa!Doompety!do!!

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Late Autumn BY: Jae Woo Park

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Adventures of Captain Damos BY: Levon Golendukhin !

Part VIII: Loot

We’re rummaging through treasures bare; Our grimy hands they mar the shine Of golden coins, of silverware, Of jewelled goblets sculpted fine. And from this wealth of distant kin, The hand of Lawrence pulls away; A signet ring it holds within, Upon his finger meant to stay.

With envy, Morgan eyes his ring, As for herself she reaches too, And with a necklace tight a-clench, So just as quick her hand withdrew. The rest of us then follow suit, Each fistful brings new jewels rare, Like savages, each claims his loot— The only way we know to share.

With satisfaction Damos grins, While he observes the stockpiles new, For in his mind, a plan begins, What with the captured chests to do. “My dearest friends,” he calls to us, “Your joyous loot you’ll soon resume, But lend your ears now to discuss, How with these goods our lives to groom.

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“Our affluence is grand indeed, And yet our brethren on the shore, They pass each day in dire need In wait of winter, cold and poor. Reward our friends I feel we must, For bravely Crete resists the foe, Sincerest thanks we owe their trust, Them wealth and food let us bestow!”

“Come, Martin,” Sockeye calls to me, “Forget for now about your post, Let’s celebrate this new decree, For words like his deserve a toast!” And brandishing some bottled port, “Please fill these glasses to the brim, Let’s show our Captain our support, And merrily we’ll drink to him!”

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Untitled BY: G

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Thanksgiving BY: Minji Reem & Anthony Lauriello

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‘Twas truly a pleasure meeting you.

I’ll see you again soon.

But in the meantime,

LETS KEEP IN TOUCH.

I shall be awaiting your telegram (formally called “email”). My address is: monocle@morningsidemuckraker.com.1

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The Morningside Monocle, the literary supplement of the Morningside Muckraker, is endlessly inspired by your creativity. Please

submit fiction, poetry, art, photography, or any other forms of creative expression to monocle@morningsidemuckraker.com

by FRIDAY, OCTOBER 10TH .