What are the effects of ‘middle child syndrome’?The birth of a third kid changes your family dynamic. Stacy DeBroff of momcentral.com offers advice on raising a brood of three

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TODAYupdated 11:35 a.m. ET Aug. 14, 2006

When you've got three kids in a family, as a parent you're outnumbered and as a kid chances are you might get lost in the middle. But what does all that say about your personality? Stacy DeBroff, founder of momcentral.com, shares some tips on parenting three.

Sibling birth order and rivalryWe know parents have a huge impact on our personality development, but so do our brothers and sisters. Statistics show we spend 33% of our free time with our siblings, more than anyone else! Now studies show that birth order and sibling relationships contribute to personality traits, self-esteem, and even ambition.

Birth order personalitiesOldest kids tend to emerge strong confident leaders. For example, almost all of the U.S. Presidents were either the first-born child or the first-born son in their families. And, all but two of the first astronauts sent into space were first-borns. The oldest child or the firstborn is always going to be the most anticipated and exciting for the parent. Parents are nervous and making a trial run of their parenting skills. Every first is something new and exciting to celebrate. Plus, the baby gets full parental time and attention. However, as a child gets older frustrations can develop as oldest children tend to have more parental restrictions than younger siblings. Older children also may have the added responsibility of taking care of their younger brothers or sisters.

Adding second and third children greatly impacts the family structure, and a middle child is

created. Yes, the “Middle Child Syndrome” is very real. Middle kids bemoan their fate as being ignored and often grow resentful of all the parental attention given to the oldest and the baby of the family, and feel short-shifted. Three kids triangulate sibling relationships, with one child at any given point feeling like the odd man out from the chumminess of the other two.

Parents tend to be much more easy-going, less anxious, and less demanding with second and third children. Thus many middle children grow up with a more relaxed attitude towards life than their older siblings; though they have to compete for family attention against the milestones set by the oldest, and growing up in their shadow. Middle children have to try a little harder to “be heard” or get noticed. The middle child usually has to fight harder for the attention of their parents and therefore crave the family spotlight. They may feel that they do not get as much praise as the older children for simple firsts like tying a shoe or riding a bike. Those things just become expected.

The baby of the family basks in the sentimentality of being the last child, and are basically spoiled rotten. The youngest children tend to be most affectionate, and more sophisticated than their peers without older siblings to show them the ropes.

Having a third child also means a changed parenting style. Here you must move from one-on-one to a zone defense. You no longer have one parent per child and everyone gets less individual time and attention. You have to double-up and the logistics get more complex.

With three kids comes three times the chaos! Older children have to become more independent, which often involves being more adventuresome and more destructive. Suddenly you are feeding the baby and have sofa divers on your hands! Older siblings grow closer and develop as collaborators and co-conspirators.

A triangulation of sibling relationships occurs with three kids, which can often mean an odd man out. As allegiances switch, give your attention to the excluded child of the moment — whisk them off for an adventure and ice cream helps!

FavoritismAn especially charged topic among parents is favoritism. Favoritism is a word no parent would like to use, even if in most cases it is somewhat inevitable. As a parent, you find yourself drawn to a child who is most like you — traits that you can identify with and deeply empathize with as you experience them yourself.

But, siblings are like hawks when it comes to clues of favoring, and as parents we have endless capacity to love all our children uniquely. So you need to celebrate what you love about each, and absolutely curb yourself from ever saying that one child is more loved. It often helps to remind ourselves that we have endless capacity to love our children uniquely.

Sibling rivalryLastly, sibling rivalry is unavoidable, especially as a family grows. Although we would all like our children to just get along, we know it is an impossibility. The key is for parents to take a neutral position in sibling feuds to avoid the constant role of referee.

Reduce sibling fighting by staying as uninvolved as possible. One more person yelling does not make the situation less stressful. Also institute a “no-fault” policy. Make it a family rule that as long as no one gets hurt, no tattling is allowed, and both kids go to their rooms no matter who started it.

Also, in order to avoid sibling wars, never compare your children. Whether your child is the first born, middle, or youngest it is important to treat their accomplishments individually. It's natural for kids to compare themselves to their siblings and peers, and your challenge as a parent is to minimize sibling conflict, not aggravate it further. Your child will quickly pick up any comparisons you make and despair at any shortcomings of her own. As a result, she may start making judgments about herself in relation to her siblings and peers that mirror your opinions.

In order to give your children confidence in their own abilities, sign them up for different activities to give them the chance to shine individually and have the opportunity to make separate friends. Never confide in one child that she is better or more talented than her sibling. Praise your children for supporting, teaching, or cheering each other on.

My husband Ron, an only child, recently asked me when our kids Kyle and Brooks, ages 13 and 12, would stop fighting with other, and I assured him things were going well and it should be much better in a decade if all continues to go as planned!

In conclusion, having three children can affect all aspects of a family life. However, children don’t need to live out the negative stereotypes that exist about birth order and personalities. This is a classic case of forewarned is forearmed. Now that we know how much siblings impact each, parents can counter the negative effects of birth order.

© 2008 MSNBC Interactive

The middle or second born child or children often have the sense of not belonging. They fight to receive attention from parents and others because they feel many times they are being ignored or dubbed off as being the same as another sibling. Being in the middle a child can feel insecure. The middle child often lacks drive and looks for direction from the first born child. Sometimes a middle child feels out of place because they are not over achievers and like to go with the flow of things.

Being a middle child would mean they are loners. They really don’t like to latch on to a person in a relationship, there fore they have trouble keeping one due to lack of interest. Not liking to take the limelight for anything, they are not over achievers and just simply work enough work to get by, and typically that goes with school as well as a career. They are however very artistic and creative. If forced to use abilities they will work well, but do not work well under pressure. They often start several projects but rarely keep focused long enough to finish a project. The best career move for a middle child would be along the lines of using their creative. Going into a writing or journalism career, and into a career that they could freely express themselves would be good. Anything that would have hours that are flexible, and projects that frequently changed would be good for a middle born child. Since relationships are not of high importance to a middle child, often times they are alone. However, the best possible match for a middle child would be a last born.

Is there Something Called the Middle Child Syndrome?

Introduction

Nilima Mehta speaks about being the older sister. "I think it's a real pain being an older sister. My sister is five years younger than I am and she gets away with murder. My parents are always pulling me up saying that I should be setting an example to my younger sister. But there are some advantages. I have someone that I can bully and I am allowed to do many things that my sister can't only because I'm older."

Does the order of birth play any significant role in the development of children?  Read on and you will discover that it plays a significant role in the children's overall personality. It also makes a difference in the way they are treated by their parents and siblings and also influences their experience and perception of the world around them.   

The Perfect Older Sibling

Parents want their first child to be perfect, to be the best. Thus, older siblings tend to be more ambitious as they often bear the burden of their parent's expectations and dreams. Older siblings wield greater power over their siblings because they are bigger, stronger and more knowledgeable just by dint of being older. However, they are more likely to be blamed and reprimanded for getting into mischief as parents expect them to exercise more control and be more responsible. Older siblings tend to swing between being nasty to their siblings and feeling protective about them. Older brothers and sisters often view younger siblings as a source of embarrassment. 

Parents should realize that just because a child is older, it does not mean that he or she has ceased to be a child. They should continue to treat their children accordingly and not expect responsible adult behaviour from children who are just a few years older than their younger siblings. Parents should show their appreciation for anything that an older child does for his or her younger sibling and not treat it as a matter of course. They should let the older siblings know that they are aware that the younger children can also be tiresome and mischief-makers. Parents should instruct younger siblings to give the older ones some space, especially when they have friends over.  

Younger Siblings get away with Murder!

Younger siblings can use the fact that they are younger to their advantage. For instance, they can enlist the help of their parents when quarreling with their older siblings. By the time the younger siblings are born parents are that much more experienced. They are more relaxed, less likely to be overprotective and more tolerant. 

However, younger siblings can get overawed by their older siblings' apparent prowess and achievement and may despair of ever achieving their level of excellence. They may also fall into the habit of being dependent and having things done for them, resulting in their being less independent and confident. Parents can help by involving younger children in decisions like which video to watch or what pizza to order. They should also be given responsibilities according to their capabilities. For instance, if the older child is setting the table, the younger one should be given the job of folding the napkins. This will allow the younger child to feel more responsible.

Younger children also often complain of being bullied. Rishi Gupta is the youngest of three siblings. He says, "When I was small I was fed up of hearing the words "you're too small to understand." My older brother and sister were always kicking me out of the room and leaving me out of their games."

But it is a different situation when it comes to his relationship with adults in the family. The younger child learns how to "steal" attention from others and make a place for himself in the family.  He endears himself to others by playing on the right buttons (often complaining against his siblings) and winning favours from his parents. Often, it is the younger child that gets more importance than the older one, and since he is younger, he soon becomes the pet of the family, and often gets away with murder! Parents, beware!  

Is there such a thing called - "The Middle Child Syndrome"?

Middle children share the advantages of both the older siblings as well as the younger ones. They often become good mediators and negotiators. Gautam Sengupta is the middle child. He says, "I really enjoyed being the middle sibling. I wasn't the oldest, so I didn't have to live up to any expectations. I wasn't the youngest, so I wasn't bullied as much. I think I had the best of both worlds." 

Meenakshi has a different story to tell.  She is the middle child, with an older sister and a younger brother.  "My older sister gets all the attention because not only is she older but she is also more beautiful.  My brother gets a lot of attention, of course because he is the the heir apparent to my father's business.  I resent my parents for putting me in such a situation where I don't count in the family and where I am just taken for granted!" 

Sadhna echoes similar sentiments.  "Parents need to realize that they should treat me like an adult, and not keep babying me around.  They treat my older sister as a grown up for things they should not.  Although she is only 2 years older than me, she is given the importance and respect of being at least 5 years older than me."

Middle children often feel that they are neither here nor there. In their view, the roles of the older and younger siblings are more clearly defined. They may also feel cheated of parental attention that is given to the first-born achiever and the dependent youngest child. Some psychologists have given this condition a name - they call it "the middle-child syndrome".

Parents need to go out of their way to ensure that the middle child does not feel neglected. They should convey to the child that his thoughts and opinions are as important as those of his other siblings. They should also point out the advantages of being a middle child, telling him that he can understand his siblings best as he is both an older child and a younger one. 

Whenever parents are told about this, they are truly surprised that there is such a thing like the middle-child syndrome. Parents may think they have done the best for all their kids, but isn't it time they asked their middle child his/her views?  

The Middle Child SyndromeTips for Helping Your Middle Child Cope and Thrive

© Denise Oliveri

Oct 26, 2007

Sometimes the middle child in a family feels caught between a rock and a hard place. There are ways to make this child feel like one of the family.

Some studies have shown that children born in the middle display low self-esteem, have adjustment problems, often feel left out, and struggle with direction both in childhood, as well as later in life (© 2007 MSNBC Interactive). While this is not true of every middle child, because of birth order placement, middle children do tend to struggle with identity issues more so than oldest or youngest children. This can be associated with the fact that these children are neither the first born, nor are they “the baby” of the family; therefore, they may struggle more to find their place in the order of things.

Children who have strong sense of identity and once that is not related to their order of birth in the family, will have a better chance of avoiding the middle child syndrome. Some important things that moms and dads can do to help ensure that their child has this sense of identity are listed below.

Special Days

Have “special” days for each of your children. Designate one day of the week as “Johnny’s day” another as “Mary’s” and another as “Bobby’s.” Giving children this individual attention lets them know they are special to you, and to the family as a whole. On your child’s special day allow her to choose what your family watches on TV, what you will have for dinner, etc.

Finding Talent and Gifts

Help your middle child find her own unique gifts and talents. Children who have opportunities to excel in any area will be much more likely to feel good about themselves and their place in the family, as well as in the world.

Expect Individuality

Don’t expect your middle child to like the same things as your older child, or to excel in the same areas. Allow your middle child to be unique. Resist the temptation to “compare” children, or to encourage the middle child to be “like” an older brother or sister. (When Johnny was your age he...) Likewise, don’t allow your middle child to compare herself with older siblings either. Stress the idea that they aren’t in competition with brothers and sisters, and don’t need to try to be “as good as” them at anything.

Praise Works Wonders

Praise your middle child for the things she does well. Look for the things that make your middle child special and different from brothers and sisters, and encourage them in those areas.

"Me Time" with Parents

Spend at least an hour a week individually, with each of your children. Take that child to the park, or to a movie, or out for ice cream. The activity you decide on doesn’t matter as much as the fact that you are spending one to one time with that child.

No Competition Here

Stress non-competitiveness in your family. Don’t pit children against each other in races, sports or other games that encourage competitiveness. This will only encourage your middle child to “try to do better than” other children in your family.

While middle child syndrome is a common phenomena, there is evidence to suggest that when parents take these simple steps, middle child syndrome can be counteracted, and even eliminated altogether in almost all families.

Written by Mellina StoneyI was born with a disorder that causes me to experience symptoms such as loneliness, depression, lack of motivation, self-loathing and low self-esteem.

This syndrome has caused me great emotional and psychological heartache, not to mention many sleepless nights. There’s no cure and no way out. However, with the many advances in psychology, I am now able to cope with what many experts have dubbed Middle Child Syndrome.

It is a chronic disorder and can be quite damaging. Being the middle child means not having a significant place in your own family. While the first-born gets praised for being the first at everything and the youngest can get away with murder due to cuteness, the middle child ends up competing for attention, love and a li’l respect.

Some say Middle Child Syndrome is a phase, which is partially true. It’s a series of phases wrapped up into one confusing childhood. My phases progressed in the following order:

Phase one: Coping with anonymity. I have an older sister as well as a younger sister — we are all one year apart. I first noticed that something wasn’t quite right in my family when I took a look at my family’s photo album which held a picture of my big sister Jennifer graduating from kindergarten next to my cute little sister Shakema. For some reason, I wasn’t in the picture.

When I was young it really hurt me to see that my sisters were getting more attention than I was. Jennifer is the first-born. Anything she does is a milestone because she was the first to do it. Shakema’s the youngest. My parents cherished her childhood because her’s was the last cute little face that they would ever raise. With me, it went like this: kindergarten graduation? Jennifer already did that. Cuteness? Forget it; Shakema’s got me beat.

Phase two: Trying to feel special. I often found myself desperately pleading for attention and would do my damnedest to get it. I would do cartwheels to impress the other kids, dance for the adults, and sing the “Star-Spangled Banner” for anyone who would look my way. When that didn’t work, I threw tantrums. Who could ignore a screaming seven-year old?

When I look back at the five years I spent in phase two, I can’t help but feel a tad embarrassed. People paid attention to me only because I was making a complete fool of myself.

Phase three: Anger. This was when my parents started looking up local therapists. Phase three was my way of getting even. I used to yell at my little sister, put her down, and even hit her. When I got in trouble I blamed her and took matters into my own hands. Phase three ended rather abruptly — not because I felt bad, but because Shakema started hitting back.

Phase four: Denial. Denial shaped me into the person I am today. I started joining clubs, programs, and cliques to avoid going home. This not only made me outgoing and productive, as well as important. I did things similar to writing this column in which I blame all of my issues on being the second born of three children.

I would also flaunt my cool new life in front of my sisters who were still getting a lot of attention from my parents. They often told me how lucky I was that my dad didn’t mind me going to my friends’ houses, coming home late, or even going to Chicago. Hey, it was about time I started getting some perks. The number of phases a middle child goes through depends on the person and their willingness to walk in their siblings’ shadows. My best friend in the fifth grade was also a middle child. Seven years later, she is now in Phase six: EMO, which is miles away from Phase five: Emotional-yet-recoverable breakdown. My advice to her and all middle children is to find one thing that you think makes you feel special and hold on to it for dear, sweet life. Like I said, Middle Child Syndrome in incurable, but with proper care, a middle child can grow up to enjoy a virtually drama free life, give or take a few emotional outbursts.

I suggest a creative outlet. Creative expression vents feelings, whether good or bad, and also welcomes positive attention. I found that poetry, acting, modeling, journalism, dance, and doodling allowed me to adequately express myself. Middle children should also have a special place, song, story or joke, anything that no one else knows about. It’s important to have something that only you know about. Makes you feel unique.

With these suggestions in mind, along with full memorization of this article, we could soften the negative effects of Middle Child Syndrome. Although middle children will still exist, they shouldn’t have to suffer like I did.

ents

hi, i think that i have mcs,i'm 14 and yes, i am a middle child with a sister[keran] who is 3 years older then me, and my brother[alex] whos a year younger then me.

I'm autistic and my bro has ADD, my sister is the normal one, but every since we were young we never got on, i didn't get on with my alex either and more then once mum mentioned that while alex was a mummys boy and keran was dads girl, i kept to myself, and thats the way i am.i am really mature for my age and i always plan what i want to be in life, a midwife, at first i only wanted to compete with my sister who wants to be a docter, but i gave up on that and persued it for myself. my family tells me that im growing up to fast, but im the one who has to work a 100% harder then any other kid my age.mum babys alex so much that its hard to watch, [not because im jealous, but becaus i am fiecly independent for my age, and im counting down thw days till i can move out] she makes his bed, cleans his room draws his bath for him, he only has a bath 1 a week and hes 13!gets his breakfast hor him, even puts the tooth paste on his toothbrush! when i tell her that she should let him try it for himself, mum just gets annoyed and says things like its easier for her, but one day he'll be grown up and won't know what to do with himself. he verbally shouts abuse at me and if i say one horrible thing back at him, i get told off! and what kills me is that i can see the smugness on his face every time....every morning its the same, while im the one who tries to brighten the mood by being loud and joyfull, i normally get yelled at by my mum because she mistakes my joyfullness as a sign of sarcasm even when i calmy explain that i wasn't, i just get head shook at me as if to say,"why is she so stupid?" and it hurts, becaue im really close intp myself, and when i do show a rare sign of happiness, and i get shot down, it hurts like hell.but i may attend a special school and i do go part time to a mainstreem because i do really well in school, im really good at creative stuff like art and english, i thinks ita mainly that i go to a special school that they don't think it means much, but [not to brag] i am the top in my year at literly everything, and when it all comes to keran its all blown out of preportion.i read most of the stuff here and i was like that how i feel!keran being the first born soooooo gets treated with respect, if i ask for money or to go to the shopWHICH IS STRAIGHT DOWN THE ROAD! i get told no, but keran doesn't even need to ask and everyone will fish out their money, and also i always clean the room the we share because im a real neat freak, i would spend hours and hours in their and she would come in, shove her things all over my neat things and doesn't even thank me for cleaning up her side as well, not that we have our own sides of the room, kreans always popping her feet up on my bed, and bringing food imto the room and not cleaning up after, i do it, when i complain to mum, she gets mad at ME for nitty picking! when i do have too much of it all, i would burst into and mum would say in afed up voice, oh i'll leave you alone if your gonna be all depressed like that.when we are all in the same room talking, no one will ask me anything and i feel like im just the odd one out, watching as words get thrown by.and when i am talking they'll just start talking over me, and that makes me feel like my opinion doesn't

matter, it doesn't help that i suffer from bipolar, i can be really happy some days, and the next i be down on my luck, my family avoid me on this, even my mum who suffers from it, i thought that she would try to help me, but she didn't, not once.at school is where im happiest, i get praised alot for my work and my best and number 1 friend goes there too, some time, last year the teachers made me do social skills because i dont have many friends, which im fine with, and it really did major damage to me, being forced to mix eith prople i wouldn't give 2 hoots about. at one stage, me and mum weren't doing to well, and i started to see my teacher assistant, as a mother figure! when we all go out, keran and alex stick toghether like glue, and when i try to join in, they literly walk away from me. i feel really alone since, well i have this problem, that i absolutely DO NOT like telling people how i feel, i just fob them off because it makes me feel so vunerable, and i hate it.i know my mum loves me but im highly sensitive and sometimes theres not a day that i dont go by crying my eyes out.My Grandad. my rock, the only person i know i truley love, is always stopping by the house. i always greet him at the door, and be the first one to give him a hug.keran loves Grandad too, i know this because i get real jealous when she goes over and says in a sweet voice"hello, Grandad..."it sets me to boil because keran has mum, who would always pick her option over mine, and a ton of friends.when ever i mention my ambition is to be a midwife AND live in Japan, they all smile at me, they dont seem to realize that what i mean is true and that there gonna be in for a rough awakening when i do go.recently mum and dad split up, and its been hard on every one, meaning that the money is out the window to pay off bills, mum cut up all her credit cards, but still manage to by alex all his cards for him yu-gi-oh collection, when i had been begging for months for a new book, when i brought it up, she was quick to tell me she had cut the last card up.i just feel so insecure at home, and i know i'll feel much mure better when i get a place of my own, to be able to do what my own thing and be more out there, instead of stuck in my room all day.i wish that perants would be more aware of the change in children, i've gone from a clumsy giggly girl, to a shy qiuet 14 year old.

Posted by: a.j | January 25, 2008 at 06:29 PM

I am excited to see all of these postings about being a middle child. I have always firmly believed that birth order can have an effect on personality. I am the middle child of 3 sisters. I am 27 (ahh!) my other sisters are 29 and 25 respectively. I had a great childhood, our friends call my family the brady bunch because we seem so perfect... My parents are still amazing people who, I feel, loved each of us the same. I have my whole life filmed on home movies, so I can even go back and look at old tapes to see how I interacted with my siblings. I consider my sisters my best friends and we are all close. But I really do have many of the traits that are attributed to middle children. My older sister was the typical firstborn, Beautiful, smart, articulate and of course extemely bossy. In our home videos, she would even talk for me. My parents said I didn't start talking as early as either of my sisters. I found my niche in making people laugh and athletics. I got attention by being silly and it worked, I still am like that to this day. I hate/hated math, so much that I got stomache aches frequently. I am however extremely creative and received my Bachelors degree in Graphic Design. I get along with most people, make friends easily and hate to make people upset. I have been horrible in relationships. I have broken up with every serious boyfriend I have ever had (3) but it takes me forever to break up with them because I don't want to hurt their feelings and I get convinced to stay in the relationship even though I know, deep down, it's not going to

work out. Both of my sister are married, my younger got married first! I was actually kind of mad at her for that because I was hoping we could spend our 20's taking trips and seeing the world like I got to do with my older sister. I think I am at a major crossroad in my life for sure. Completely single and ready to really step it up and become more successful than I am now. My problems I have to deal with are being unorganized and a little scatter brained at times. I am not great with my finances since I don't pay much attention to detail. I wish I had these characteristics and believe me I am trying hard to acheive this in life. I am not going to blame my birth order. Sometime you just have to step it up and stop being the victim, because I have definitely put myself in the position before. I am so thankful to have my sisters. But you know I think my parents played an amazing role in our upbringing. My parents told us we have to love each other because family is everything. We couldn't even go to bed being angry with each other. I think that mentality really helped my sisters and me to appreciate what a great thing we had going for us. I have two best friends I can fight with one minute, but get over it really quick because we have great respect and love for each other. We have to make things right, there is no choice in that. I'd like to study more about the 3 sister combination. I feel lucky because my sisters and I all got the same good looks and there really wasn't much resentment in that area because we all got attention in our own time. I think that could have really changed things up a little bit if one of us was more plain than the other. I am sure, being a girl, there would be resentment or jealousy. Every family is different but the best encouragement I could give is to do everything to love your family and show the utmost respect to them. I don't think any bad would come from practicing this.

Posted by: Jenny | January 06, 2008 at 11:23 PM

Hi! I thought like many of you that I was alone with this but now that I find others feel the same it is a comfort! My boyfriend wont believe me when I tell him why I think am so needy and attention seeking haha but at least my mind is at rest and I can turn to trying to move on knowing it aint gunna change, my younger sister is always gunna get what she wants and recieve all the attention! I am a loner who spends a lot of time in my room with my own thoughts but deep down dont want to be I just want to feel loved! :)

Posted by: Tracy | January 02, 2008 at 01:29 PM

In reply to Sarah, yes of course we can change!. Just because we are middle borns, does not mean we are not people. We can change our selves at anytime we choose. Like i could of gone down the Bad Middle Child path of 'drugs, drink and being a rebal' but i decided i would not.

Nothing has changed with in my family, i urge parents to see how it affects children. None of my family believes in 'talking out the problem'......they are pretty much not perfect.

My brother still continues to act like the spoilt brat of the family, not having to lift a finger and having everything he wants. The rules that applied to me when i was his age, all thrown out the window.

The oldest is still (insert all bad words), still craves attention from everyone in the room every second. My parents hanging on to her every word, doing what ever they can to make it 'as easy' as possible for her in life.

She is years older than me, in her 20's im turning 19 soon yet im the one working in a tiring job 24/7, trying to take care of myself. She has never had to work for anything you see, as oldest shes used to having everyone do things for her. Of course my parents cannot even tell the 3 of us apart. They just lable me the same as the other 2, when in reality im the most different in whole family!.

Im creative, like to be alone alot to think, likes to also have company. Wants space, yet wants someone to take an interest, just to show i am also alive in this world.

Im always the one who has to work twice as hard in my family, for example if i asked for money i would be told no. They ask my older sister if she needs money before she even has to. I have to share a room, which i don't even get to use since she takes up everything and thinks because im the middle child i should take the basement.

I mean what are we? we are treated like people who are not accepted, yet we are the same as other children. If im a parent i will make sure to at least understand my children.

MCS only happens when the family lets it happen. Like mine treating me different from the others, it hurts and makes me work harder. I plan to move out as soon as i can and live on my own. One good thing about being a middle child i already have skills of being independent. Unlike the others i can fend and look after myself because im used to DOING EEVERYTHING MYSELF. Parents please see it hurts children, i could not be in a worse hell than when im with my family most of the time. I wonder why on earth my parents have 3 kids then epxect us all to be the same. Just work hard at the skills you have been given, middle child has many. I know that i am the only one of the 3 of us who DOES NOT CRY FOR EVERYTHING, OR ASK TO HAVE THINGS ALL THE TIME, IM THE LEAST SELFISH.

Good lucky my fellow middle children, don't let it affect you! your special for a reason.

Posted by: Faye Chan | June 10, 2007 at 07:48 AM

Hi,I just happened to be browsing through this and felt compelled to write. So I signed up and everything just to impart my experience as a middle child. I am now 33 - male. For all those who say that MCS does not exist in their family because each child receives love, is a very bold statement. My parents, mom especially, made sure that each of us received much love. Yet, I went through the angry and rebellious phases and alienated myself from my family. I had many of the symptoms of MCS and had lots of friends but lots of trouble with my family, and relationships especially. Am I alone? Yes. Am I lonely? sometimes. Am I successful? extremely. I truly believe MCS affects your relationships. I do not want all middle kids to pass their bad relationships off to looks or anything else. Its not. These are my accomplishment: I modelled, I was a bodybuilder, I got my MBA in Finance from a top school, and have a very good job with a decent salary. - yet all of my relationships were pretty bad - as the girls would leave me. Perhaps it was attention I seeked or dependance. Not entirely sure, but I truly relate to those who post on this site. Was it my parents fault? Perhaps slightly, although i do not blame my my mom. I feel the change was subtle. As successful as I have been, I have not been successful in love or relationships. Only now am I slowly beginning to re-attach to my brothers. I am very independant, and do not want to ever blame behavior on syndromes...but MCS does exist. I'm living it - for all the good, and bad, it

brings. Remember to take the good with the bad.Carlos from Canada

Posted by: carlosdcf | June 05, 2007 at 07:42 PM

I'm a daughter of a middle child. While I sympathize with those of you with MCS, I cant stand that my mother was a middle child. She is always jealous of me and copies everything that I get or do, she never complements me and she only points things out about me to make her feel better about herself like, "your getting older, it wont be so easy for you to look the way you do", "I think you got your artistic talent from me","i wanted what you had before you did", "you are who you are because of me". Shes a loner and unmotivitated and unfortunately I am the only person who, until today, has tried to fix it. No more fixing. I, as her child, shouldnt be treated like competition. She shouldnt be jealous of me. I love my life and I earned it myself and I have a right to enjoy it without paying constant attention to my mother. Her siblings dont care, and my brother can ignore her for months and she trips to get to the phoone whenever he calls. I think you should consider how MCS people treat their children, grown or not.

Posted by: Heather | May 14, 2007 at 12:12 PM

Hi, I am 48 years old and also have the middle child syndrom and have since my baby sister was born. I was 6 years old. I am the middle of 5 children.

I did feel very left out and invisible in my family. To the point that at age 9 I left school one day with a friend to spend the night and didn't even ask or tell my parents. Not out of meaness or anything, I just trully didn't think they would notice or care. And that is the honest truth. I didn't think anyone in the world would notice. I found out differently when my parents found me. It is the only time in my life I got a wiping from my mother. She tore my legs up with a switch. I don't know if any of you have been wiped with a switch, but believe I have been hit, wiped with a belt but NOTHING compares to a switch. It's really sad to me today, that I got that spanking for something that I truly feel was my parents fault and not mine. How sad it is looking back that a 9 year old thought it was okay to just go spend the night with someone and NO ONE would notice.

If parents are reading this, that is who I am writing too. I urge you to take the MCS seriously. I have all the clasic symtoms except I am not creative in many areas. Mostly because my mother was and I didn't want to be like her. However the only area I have found I was is my home page. I went on the internet, found and learned HTML language myself and I wrote the language for my homepage myself and update it myself and send it up with a ftp site, instead of using all these cute little sites that require little input from user. You lose a lot of the control that way also!

I am a loner, and at 48 I have been married twice but never will again. Relationships have never been my strong suite. Not with my family or anyone else. I always chose the wrong men to love, and even the wrong people for friends.

To parents though, it is serious and although I have no educated suggestions. I will say that your middle child is the one you should watch more closely for changes in behavior and seeking "love" from the wrong people. Little children ALL want to feel they are loved and

important. If YOU do not give them that, let me assure you there are some really sick people in this world who will shower them with the love and attention they crave.

I will not tell my very sad story here, but I will just say to all to accept who you are. Accept that being a loner is OKAY. It has just as many rewards as draw backs. Because of experiences as a child and seeking "love" and "acceptance" the symtoms are probably intensified for me.

But I am happy at 48 years old to be who I am and have accepted ALL of lifes experiences that have made me who I am. But if I had a wish, it would be to NOT have been a middle child.

If I am angry about anything it would be towards my parents. Because I was more "needy" emotionally, my parents response was always "you wear your feelings out on your shoulder too much." I realize now that they just didn't know how to deal with a child that was that needy. So let me tell you from experience, that your middle child just needs reassured that you love them also and they are as unique and wonderful as your other children.

I read many of the posting here, and was upset by some of them. As parents, do NOT just label your children as having MCS and contribute everything to that. If your middle child comes to you crying; hold and hug that child, until the child pulls away. Encourage them it's okay to talk about or not talk about what is upsetting them. Shower them with a little more attention than normal. Make an effort to include them in everything.

By the time I was 12 years I had withdrawn completely from everyone. I shut myself in my bedroom and didn't participate in any thing with my family. Don't let this happen to your child.

Take it from me, they don't "grow" out of it, they don't always suddenly change into the wonderful child they were before. They don't "NEED" space to be who they are. Do not accept that a symtom is they are loners and leave them alone. Yes, they will always have that tendency. But I truly believe parents can do something about it.

If you read this, thank you for taking a moment and please understand I didn't write this to scare anyone and make you think your middle child is at more risk than others. But in a real way, they are. They are the ones most likely looking for love and acceptance. Please give them what they need.

Posted by: Susan Lucius | May 13, 2007 at 01:15 PM

I am wondering...after we have identified how our personalities have been greatly affected by being second or middle child, is there a way to change it? Like for example, can a middle child have the personality of a lastborn being relaxed and fun? Can we change it?

Posted by: Sarah | May 07, 2007 at 12:14 AM

I have read alot of the comments above and I am the mother of 3 boys of 11, 8 and 5 and I did have some concerns about the MCS, however after reading some of the comments from people saying how unloved they felt they were and how the other siblings always got treated differently I feel relieved. I treat all my boys as individuals, they all have their own personal

strengths which as a parent I reward. And when they have stepped out of line they are all treated in the same way. There may be an MCS however it's not in my family.

Posted by: Vicki | May 05, 2007 at 01:05 PM

Hello there fellow middletons. Yes i am also a middle child, im a male 22 with older brother of 23 and younger brother of 19.

I am british but have asian parents from pakistan so my upbringind may be slightly different from others. I have the education of the british, but the family values and religion of pakistani's which places me in a unique position. Im too educated to hang around/think like typical asians, but too 'asian' to hang around with british people because of my culture (no alcohol, halal only meat, practicing islam, avoiding girl friends etc).-By the way i avoided girlfriends as my family live close and it just wouldnt work out (plus i am a 'thinking' person, and practicing islam and pursuing self desires created conflicts in my mind/thoughts).

Being middle i felt like i was always 'outside'. In school i used to talk about myself in the third person perspective which some people found disturbing and i never really got along with people very well. My frinds were limited to a select few and even then outside school hours i never chased them up or made any special effort to meet up with them etc.

Going on to my siblings my older brother was always looked up to and my parents would normally turn to him for advice or opinions. So much so that he would essentially do the talking for me whilst i dissolved in the background. Eventually when all conversations were exhausted they would finally turn to me and say 'oh and how are you'.

The youngest sibling is typically bubbly, his ability to hold conversations are amazing and i envy him at times. He also gets away with murder hanging around with the wrong type of people, going out late and getting into all kinds of trouble. He also gets a lot of attention but i dont envy or mind this as his replies and thought processes are often humourous.

I grew up unable to really relate and connect with people, i had a really small group of close friends and avoided social gatherings. Instead as time went on i became more of an introvert building model aeroplanes, PC's etc and listening to songs in my own company.

However despite my sob story i have a lot of good news about myself. Being alone and in my own company i have developed a quick ability to learn, i was able to build a state of the art PC including modifications and water cooling simply from scratch with no training just the internet and my own intuition at hand. I am very good like that, being able to construct more or less anything faster than my siblings. My creativity is also great and i have often spoken to my elder brother about writing a book (fiction of course).

Also because of my 'observer' style childhood i grew up watching and listening and this has given me a very good ability to listen and understand people from all walks of life. Iv often been told that i am a great listener and are good to talk to (this has resulted in me having all sorts of strange conversations from women problems to an individual discussing gay sex...yes its not always a good thing.

I am also a type of non conformist-having completed my degree im not happy with settling into a 9 to 5 job. I find the idea boring and repetitive. Im even thinking about joining the armed forces for adventure and travel.

Naturally being a middle child i felt my childhood was sad and lonely but now i feel im finally coming out of my shell. My parents have also recognised this and as my siblings settle down i feel i am finally waking up and i have 22 years of sadness to catch up on, Its going to be fun and i am looking forward with great anticipation for the first time in my life.

Life is what you make it, dont dwell on the past-go out there and live life to the fullest.You deserve it!

Thank you for reading my comments.

Posted by: fraz hussain | April 12, 2007 at 09:47 AM

I am a mother of three, 10, 7 and 1. I did not notice it at first, but now I see a definite pattern of mcs with my 7 year old son. He is also the only boy. What advice can you fellow adult middle children give to help me deal with this? And the biggie, though he is seeking attention, should negative behaviors be allowed to warrant him that? He is fully aware of his wrong doings, but truly seems to just not care.

Posted by: despmom | April 11, 2007 at 01:52 AM

I'm the middle child evenly squashed between two brothers by two years. I actually didn't think that I had mcs, but one of my friends told me about it. I think I didn't notice that I had mcs for two reasons. (1) I am the only girl I mourned over not having a sister much more than I mourned over being a middle child. (2) My parents have always made me feel special about being a middle child. Consequently, the "symptoms" that I have from mcs, I have learned to count a blessings. For instance, because I AM kinda a loaner, I don't have a problem doing things by myself like eating in the cafeteria or going to the gym alone. I also feel like it allows me to express myself more freely. For example, I just got my nose pierced ;-D, and I am famous for my "interesting" fashion sense. So I guess my best advice is just to try to embrace being a middle child--mcs and all. Enjoy being who you are and live life to the fullest!!!

Posted by: jnetnewto | March 29, 2007 at 07:50 AM

Wow...reading all of these comments or testimony about being the middle child in the family and all, sounds interesting of what everyone faces through and go through there daily life. Well I AM THE MIDDLE one too. Yes, I believe its true that the middle child craves for attention from their parents or even from siblings. And have diffulculty with relationship(s). So they turn to there friends instead.

Well I am 20 and for me being the middle one in the family, I like to be organized and also like stuff to be clean. I can't stand a messy room or car. And yes, most of the time I just mind my own business and be alone by myself if i can. And be away from my family. Cause being the middle one in my family is not easy as it seems. I have four sisters and two brothers. So including me with my sisters I am still the middle sister. And with all of my siblings I am still the middle one.

I try not to struggle through the syndrome. Sometimes I can't help it. Its like just because I am the middle child I have to live with it and deal with it.

I usually don't ask or try for attention from my parents. I get it unexpectedly from them. I just had a small car accident and I notice how much attention they gave me. Which pretty much made me happy. Cause my parents hardly give my older sister any. They have helped out a lot for my older sister. My parents probably don't know what it means for me being the middle child. And yet there are some advantages for me.

I barely have any friends now. I use to have a small close circle of friends, but not anymore. The years have changed and my friends have changed. So we went our own ways.

I see myself being the different one with my siblings. I have different point of views. Sometimes I don't understand why God put me as the middle child of my family. When HE knows that I will have a hard time. Maybe there's a perfect explantion that I am the middle one.

And yes I also agree that the youngest one gets his/her way all the time. And not only that, they get spoiled and when my brother doesn't get what he wants, he crys and get angry to get attention and get what he wants. It sometimes makes me a little upset.

Well thats all I want to say for now. I'm glad I found this website. Thanks to DotMoms or to Emily who wrote this article or comment.

Posted by: Susan | March 23, 2007 at 06:46 PM

I, along with the rest of the middle children on here, agree that there is in fact a "middle child syndrom." I do not necessarily believe that it is a bad thing- it makes you who you are.

I am younger than my genius (speaking literally) brother by 2 1/2 years and older than my sister by the same. Brother always was a great athlete that my jock father would always coach for and brag about, Sister was born early giving her a petite frame and that "cuteness factor" that everyone fawned over. I, on the other hand, would enjoy my own time- paint, read, explore while no one was really watching.

When it came to arguements I always laughed over the topic..."are they seriously fighting over that?" I've always seen both sides of the picture, and it continutes to this day now that my parents are living on seperate sides of the country and no one can really get hold of eachother. All information is passed through me- leaving me with more information than I should know about a family.

Being a middle child has been nice- I do get the short end of the stick very often, but luckily it's made me thankful for what I have and it has made me want to work harder to create my own success.

Anywho, just thought that this was interesting.

Posted by: kristen | March 21, 2007 at 01:32 PM

I'm the middle of three girls, all of us 2 and a half years apart. I am the perfect example of a middle child. My older sister always got what she wanted and I was left at home with the parents to pick up the pieces. My little sister speaks back to my parents whenever she gets the whim to, something I would have been grounded for an unreasonable time for. For the desparete, lonely, and angry middle children out there, I'm here to tell you there is hope. Experts have concluded that middle children have been shown to grow up as more rounded and successful adults then their older and younger counterparts,SO OWN BEING THE MIDDLE!

Posted by: yamahagirl06 | February 26, 2007 at 11:10 PM

I think MAHA needs to be more sensitive particularly since he's actually studying Psychology! We are all confiding in eachother, the things that have affected us psychologically and since you are not a middle child, how the hell do you know? And for your information it HAS been studied and is now an official psycological complaint. There has even been a documentary about it with Professor Winston.We are like-minded people discussing a topic. So if you don't like it sod-off to ur psychology class and learn about it and get some manners too!

Posted by: elen | February 22, 2007 at 08:11 PM

I am definitely your typical Middle-child and certainly suffer with Middle Child Syndrome. My Sister is 7 years my elder and my twin Brother is 8 mins younger! and I still have it!!My Sister (31) is the high-acheiver and is allowed to do her own thing and my parents have the highest respect for her, My twin (23)is very badly behaved (particularly when we were in school) and yet he gets away with everything especially with my Mother. I have very different opinions to my brother and sister and they get along so well. I am left out and feel unloved. I feel like my family do not know the real me. They treat me like I'm stupid when my IQ is actually 119 and I'm always the last to know things. My Mum assumes when she tells my siblings something, that she's told me too!I replace my family with my bf and a few close friends. I absolutely depend on others to give me any sort of drive to achieve my desired career (in Music and Acting). I wish that people could see what we go through. It can be very depressing and I often feel alone in the world.

Posted by: elen | February 22, 2007 at 08:05 PM

Thank God, I thought I was cracking up for a minute, I seem to remember hearing the words Middle Child Syndrome and thinking, does it actually exist? Amazingly enough I found this and can relate so well. I have been stuck in the middle for 20 years, prior to that there was no apparent favouritism between my brother and I. He was older and a boy so had more of a right to things and I had to accept that. Then my sister came along and I looked after her and doted upon her. Years later, as I grew up I found that that I have had to become big sister to my older brother by 4Yrs. He can have whatever he likes and has made a habit of being hard done by, and also big sister to my little sister who is 12 years my junior. Big Brother gets everything he wants, and little sister gets the same, I got engaged last year and after working hard for years and supporting myself, I had hoped that my parents would help with the wedding, instead, they are making plans about who to invite whilst saying they cannot afford any help whatsoever, meanwhile #3 aged 20 has been living off them since she flunked college last year, declaring that it has worked well enough for #1 all these years and it must be her turn...

Am I ranting, does anyone understand, or am I just feeling hurt about the whole thing. Is it ever #2's turn is what I would like to know?Very confused about this, how can a parent pick between their kids,#1 is deprived, #3 is clever and they are proud of her when she went to Uni etc, I have no real achievements except a stable job, nice home, loving partner, nice cars, and a few little ambitions I wanted to acheive and have done, why can't they be proud of me, and why can't they be pleased for me, if he buys me a gift my mother asks was it necessary, while all the time they lavish affection, praise and money on the others.Are they just strange people or is this the way it is for other middlings? My partners philosophy is to just get on with my life without them as I am always the one who makes the effort to see them, or call otherwise I never would.

Posted by: Formulakitten | February 19, 2007 at 01:57 PM

hello all, I,m a middle child and certainly do display its characteristics.

My brother is older than me and we had grown up together, then came my sister who is 9 years younger than me and I did feel jealous and left out.

My sblings are very close, my brother is closer to my sister and this does hurt because I often feel left out in certain converasations. My opinions are different to theirs but its my opinions which have made me stand out from them.Yes it is annoying but I just occupy myselfwith hobbies etc

Posted by: Harpal | February 19, 2007 at 10:00 AM

I definitely suffer from middle child syndrome in my family. My older sister is very extroverted and gets a lot of attention from my parents, since she always needs help from them (usually financial). My younger brother is SO spoiled. He never gets into trouble about anything, and he gets a LOT of attention. As for me, everything gets blamed on me, and I cannot talk to my parents without being judged in some way. I am also quite introverted, so I can't face my parents without getting emotional. Make sure you always give your children equal attention, because if one child feels unloved, who knows what can happen to them (I've had plenty of thoughts of depression, thinking I'm too fat, etc.).

Posted by: Deanne | February 18, 2007 at 03:15 PM

i have just read all the above comments of middle children and i cant believe how much we all have in common! im a middle child, surprise surprise hehe and i feel the exact same way..older brother can do whatever he wants and lil brother gets away with EVERYTHING!!!!and that comment from john is so true..my parents just sit back and take his shit! he is so rude, yet they just sit there and take it! im the one who always ends up yelling at him for being rude all the time, but instead i get in trouble because im not his mother blah blah blah

i cant do nothing in my family. my parents are so bloody tight,and this is because im a middle child and a girl. see, my younger brother is 10 years younger than e so they have complete control over what he can do, and my older brother is only 2 yars older but because he is the oldest, through my parents eyes he is a grown up and can do everything and anything. ITS SO BULLSHIT!!

i do bottle up my feelings all the time cause my parents never seem to care whats wrong with me. am i that invisible! sometimes i feel like just screaming and letting everything out, but like always theyll just ignore it and call me an attention seeker which seems to be their favourite comment to me!

i think this needs to be taken seriously. People who read this and arent middle children will definately not understand and think that what we are saying is all crap, but its not. honestly i thought this mcs was crap too until i started reading all these commetns and i swear it felt like people were tlaking about my life casue i thought i was the only one like this! i was inspired to write this comment by john who has also posted a comment on this. reading your story john, i was so touched and all i can say is hang in there buddy, just try and live ur life the way u want it and dont worry about ur siblings, ive started to ignore them and be as happy as i can with friends around me :)

p.s sorry about the spelling mistakesi had to type this quickly so no one saw!

Posted by: gina | February 14, 2007 at 01:10 AM

I'm a middle child, doing a college project on the psychological effects of birth order, specifically focusing on Middle Child Syndrome. I'm a middle child myself, yet I quite enjoy my position in the family because I feel that I get the best of both worlds. I get to be a younger AND an older sister, which is a unique perspective that my sisters cannot experience. I have never felt that I didn't receive enough attention from my parents - in fact, I get quite a lot of attention. I do, however, display characteristics that seem to be common in middle children: I'm very solitary, I have difficulty in maintaining relationships, I'm introverted and can be anti-social, and I'm very creative and lousy at maths.

Posted by: Jane Montague | January 20, 2007 at 03:19 PM

hello all, i am a middle child (lol, what a shock) and i must say sometimes i do feel like i suffer from mcs, im not close to my family at all, not like my brother and sister. But because of this, i have made all my close relationships with friends, and i am able to empathize with them a lot.

I'm glad I'm a middle child, because it's been the foundation of who i am today. and while not everyone is happy with being a middle child, there are always negative points about being the eldest or youngest too

remember that

Posted by: middle-ish child | January 20, 2007 at 08:12 AM

Being the middle child of 3, my brother 27 and , sister 23, I can defiantly see an argument for there being a ‘middle child syndrome’. I share all the similarities that other middle children have expressed here, loneliness, the inability to make friends, low self esteem, wanting to avoid conflict, attaching to others to feel part of a family. I wouldn’t say I lacked love when I was growing up; I’m very close to my mother. I have issues with my father but that’s a whole different story. I’m also close to my siblings; my brother would always look out for me, as I would my younger sister. My brother is the academic, as I’m the creative one, as my sister is still the baby of the family, yes even at 23!!! I have always felt at a loss, that there is

something missing but this I’ve grown to accept. I am more sensitive than my brother and sister, and certainly more thoughtful and selfless!! I believe my parents brought me up the best they could, I put the way I am now, my personality, down to circumstances, I certainly don’t blame anyone!!

Posted by: Dave | January 12, 2007 at 02:56 PM

Being the middle child of 3, my brother 27 and , sister 23, I can defiantly see an argument for there being a ‘middle child syndrome’. I share all the similarities that other middle children have expressed here, loneliness, the inability to make friends, low self esteem, wanting to avoid conflict, attaching to others to feel part of a family. I wouldn’t say I lacked love when I was growing up; I’m very close to my mother. I have issues with my father but that’s a whole different story. I’m also close to my siblings; my brother would always look out for me, as I would my younger sister. My brother is the academic, as I’m the creative one, as my sister is still the baby of the family, yes even at 23!!! I have always felt at a loss, that there is something missing but this I’ve grown to accept. I am more sensitive than my brother and sister, and certainly more thoughtful and selfless!! I believe my parents brought me up the best they could, I put the way I am now, my personality, down to circumstances, I certainly don’t blame anyone!!

Posted by: Dave | January 12, 2007 at 02:54 PM

Ok well i know reading others stories and comparing in to my own helps me feel better. So i think sharing some of my views on MCS might help me and hopefully some other poor person who feels the same way i do.

It is true before i saw the doc on tv about it...i did not think this middle child syndrome thing was real. Then as soon as i saw it like usual things in my life i was happy to compare and see that i was not mad and it is real and maybe thats why i feel this way!.

Everyone has a different story really...we all have a different family etc. Still i get annoyed when oldest and youngest children comment on MCS being 'BS' since the way i feel i always feel that if you are not middle child then you would not understand what its like.

Im 18 and my older sister is in her 20's (i do not even like to call her sister). My brother is like 12 so he is younger, and teh brat of the family of course.

At first growing up i did not even feel i was a middle child untill after my brother was older and i did not need to take care of him so much (i always helped out not my sister).

Even though i get along with my brother sometimes, he is so rude and a complete brat! he is rude to my parents and they sit back and take it. Yet when i was younger i did not get to be like that, not that i would. I just became snappy and got in bad moods all the time.

I hate my sister above all, my parents always told me i would grow out of it but that is not true. I would not say she was better than me i do not feel she is although she was more popular at school has more friends etc. I liked being my own person, although i was always the wierd shy one out.

I hated her for always complaining that i get spoilt more than her! when its so clear my parents always listen to her before me!. They will always encourage her and listen to her life details, i never feel like i get asked enough about how i feel and how i am.

I know i could be better at subjects but i just lost interest in doing well over time, there for failed more and my self esteem hit a lower turn. Everything i did i have tried to do better than the oldest, i always want to be better than her so my parents would look at me and see that im smart and what not.

Or i think it is because i want the attention...im not a drinking, party person at all like some of my friends and it makes me feel left out since i wish i could be more open. I did turn to smoking, drinking,...even cutting once when all my bottled up hurt and emotions came rushing out and crying does not help anymore. But i get a grip of myself and tell myself to do better and not to fall into the middle child bad side.

To cut the story short i just think for all those parents who want to know what the problem is:

Look at the situation! middle child for me always feels 'piggy in the middle'. Like there is no place for middle since 'oldest' sounds good and 'youngest' sounds great but 'middle' does not sound so nice. We hate it if we cannot fit in as oldest since that spot is taken and even more so that we cannot get away for youngest! since that spot is also taken...so what can we do to fit in?.

I started to blame all my problems on being middle and tell my mum 'if i was not middle i would not be having this!' sometimes it did feel like an excuse. but my parents always brush it off! my mother is teh worst she says im an attention seeker and that me and my friends made up this whole middle child thing!!!! ><

that is when a parent is bad when they do not acknowledge their mistakes or even listen to the child. I do not like hugging, or kissing and find it weird when my friends family want to welcome me like that..since i was not used to it in my own family. I have always looked after myself where as my sister depends on my parents like mad.

My brother for being a brat is pretty smart although he is a bit of a trouble maker, he is the fav and my parents adore him for being the only boy. This is why i sometimes blame him when im angry and get the blame for what he does since i think if he was not born i would of got the attention i deserve and not be bullied so much by the oldest and youngest.

Since both brother and sister get along since they have more in common. I think middle children will find they

1) are creative! in most of the fields like art, music, dance etc and have great ideas

2) bottle up feelings feel uncomfortable talking about things with ppl, feel insecure

3) always have your few friends you keep close who you feel make up for your family since they do not give you enough attention at home

4) independent look after your self kind of atitude and are not afraid to be different and are happy for it.

the list could go on..... the plus side is i will not be afraid to leave hom like my other siblings. I have always wanted to get out i feel like i am sometimes in a prison i just want freedom and to do well abd be myself with out feeling 2nd or 3rd best.

Also it helps hearing about all those famous ppl who were middle children, so we see we can do well in life!! we just have to get away and be happy with our selves then it will not affect you again.

It has had an affect on the way i am i know, like for one i do not want lets say 3 children or something because i never want one to be in the middle like i was! i guess being middle has made me think of others first all the time. If i has a middle child i think it would be unfair because i am more likely to spoil them more to make up for what i did not get in my years growing up.

yet we do not always turn out like our parents, if anything i have learnt to be nothing like them. I do not look like them, i do not act lik my siblings that is sometimes the problem because i am different they think its strange they just do not understand.

Remember if you have a middle child they will always feel different from your other kids, and sensitive to you picking sides or doing something for one and not the other.

ups and downs for middle children for all the downs we get remember we will be more happy to learn and find our selves.

Posted by: Jolin | January 05, 2007 at 05:51 PM

middle child syndrome is true, i am middle of 5 and i feel so left out its unbelieveble i envy my sisters. i get the blame, and i am the one that tries to get along with my parents and i am still known as the bad one. whenever people mention us its always the first 2 or last 2 they never ever say my name. i feel like crying, reading all these posts made me cry because its the truth and it does hurt. i feel afraid that when i get older middle child syndrome for me will get worse. its competition between my siblings i feel like giving up in my achivements. i wish i was born first or last. my life would be different!!!first 2 are the *favourites* and last 2 are *spoiled rotten*. i feel as if no one can understand my problems. ONE THING I DO KNOW IS THE *MIDDLE CHILD* SHOWS THE TRUTH TO THE PARENTS AND SHOWS THEM THAT THEY ARE DOING WRONG AND COVER IT UP. NO ONE LISTENS TO THE PERSON WHO IS TELLING YOU HOW IT REALLY IS. i am not known as the pretty one or the academic one thats my older 2 sisters . i am always the one that gets embrassed. i am mental apprantley thats what my mum says. i feel afraid asking my parents for money because my sisters spend too much. lets just see how my life turns out........

Posted by: Anonymous | December 27, 2006 at 08:21 AM

I swear ive got MCS because all the things that ive read on this site are true. mabye it is the parents fault that i am the way i am. im always being compared to my brother and sister and most of my friends say im strange. my grades have suddenly dropped and my parents screw at me loads however when my bro or sis screw up they dont seem to mind. the pressurize me and personally i feel like crud it suks

Posted by: annoyed 14 year old | December 11, 2006 at 02:34 PM

Hi i am the eldest of 3 siblings and doing my A-levels. As a psychology student i think it stinks, because just look at u guys all talking about MCS do u even know that u can not prove any theory about psychology. So why bother about something that is not even experimentable. I think u should concentrate on good things happened in your life you all sound so desperate and lonely whereas i think most of u actually have better life then me. I just hope that you would know that how hard it is to be an eldest.

Posted by: Maha | December 10, 2006 at 05:30 PM

I AM A MIDDLE CHILD At three years old one year after the birth of my younger sister my nursery brought in a child psychologist because i wasn't playing with the other children she concluded i was suffering from ani-social behaviour and would grow out of it.At six i tried to run away because i thought i was unloved, i find it unfair that by my parents having another child i lose my confidence,identity and grow up lonely and insecure. I believe to reason parents don't see the damage they create is because in their eyes our charactors haven't developed yet and in that short time of ignorance a child can lose the best of themselves.I don't need to talk about every little injustice that was swept under the carpet i just want to broadcast one circle of events.my father would beat me he beat me, because he couldn't understand the way i was, the reason i was different was because i'd lost my place in my own family.The end to the story would be them giving me the nickname Alien (i think that explains the rest)

Posted by: sienna | November 29, 2006 at 11:40 PM

What am I in this family? is something I ask myself a lot. Yes, another middle child. I heard about MCS today from a friend of mine who says she was diagnosed with it at a young age. I wanted to know what it was, so I googled it today, and I was surprised to find that the description fit me very well. I'm quiet, anti-social, and never let anyone know about my personal feelings, letting others infront of mine.

I don't like hugging, I'm solitary, but, no, it's perfectly fine. Because I'm the of the family I get just as much attention as anyone. Wrong. That's something of a quote from my mother. She doesn't pay much attention. It kind of hurts.

I try though. I'm the only one nursing my mother when she's sick. I'm the only one asking my mother how her day was, out of general consideration. I'm the only one who wants to help. But who's to know? No one. I might as well be a robot doing their duty. Like it's my job. Like I was programmed that way. That's not something I enjoy.

Posted by: Unknown | November 28, 2006 at 11:07 PM

Its funny to see that the definite majority of middle people that have posted feel they do have qualities listed for 'Middle Child Syndrome'.

I am a middle child, I'm 16 and my two sisters are 12 and 18. I am probably the most positive member of my family. My elder sister sure is very academic and highly motivated, she tries her hardest to please our parents. My younger sister does get away with quite a lot, and she does definitely try to be like her old siblings, infact people (including my father) have mistaken me for my younger sister and even our voices sound the same. She looks the same as me when I was 14, its quite weird actually. However, I don't entirely fit into this whole neglected middle child syndrome. In fact I am the sibling that gets on best with my parents. I do not feel neglected in any way by my parents or feel like my importance in this family is situated at the bottom of the pile. On the other hand I am the most creative and artistic, and I am not a keen lover of maths or science, and am not as acedemic as my other siblings. Also I feel I am a good negociater(I can;t spell that word) and mediator as whenever there is conflict or upset in the family, it is I who gets told to go and comfort a member of my family, or I am the first to ask, whats wrong?Anyhow, I just thought I would mention this to add a little difference to these posts. Julia x

Posted by: Julia | November 18, 2006 at 10:21 AM

I would like to believe that this "middle child" thing is not true. Or probably I'm just an exception? I am a middle child myself. I have an older brother and younger sister. I hate it whenever someone tells me I'm experiencing the "middle child syndrome". It's like as if they know everything about being a middle child.

I felt like I was the blacksheep so to speak amongst the children. Not that I did drugs or flunked in school or what. Just that my parents thought I was so hard to get along with - at least that was what my mom used to tell me. That my siblings were easier to talk to. I felt too that I was the one assigned with the most chores. I did not get along well with my mom - we had frequent arguments - we just clashed. I know I can't say I wasn't loved or taken care of. But I knew I wasn't the favorite either.

I wasn't a mediator among us. Actually they used to gang up against me when we were little. I am an achiever, same as my other siblings. I tried to excel in whatever I did primarily because it felt good and it had effects on my future but not necessarily so my parents would take notice of me. I wouldn't say I'm a loner. I enjoy moments of solitude yet I also enjoy being around close friends and family.

Having mentioned the above - can I be considered someone with the "middle child syndrome"?

Posted by: momatati | November 17, 2006 at 10:30 AM

I think what you're all forgetting is that the isolation and 'second best-ness' you have all felt is purely perceived!! I think self-indulgent should be added to the list of 'middle-child' attributes!! Of my friends the ones that are middle children are the ones that are most needy and always after affirmation that they are worth having as friends, too much like hard work, extremely self-obsessed.

Posted by: maria | November 17, 2006 at 06:51 AM

I've just watched the 'Middle Child Syndrome' program on the tele.After watching it,I really feel like expressing my thought and experience too.I'm a middle child and the only girl in the family. I have an older bro 27, and a younger brother who is 18. I've never realised that theres a ''name called'' for the way middle child behave;a syndrome if you like. And before watching it, I thought I was the only middle child in the whole world who has this problem.Clearly, I'm wrong.However, from my experince since small, I(self-claimed) do suffer from the MCS. I am exactly like what the program said and I feel exactly the same too!- theres unfairness between my brothers and I, and I'm not being loved equally by my mother(although she said I'm wrong,but I'm convinced by the way she treated me).and I do feel left out in my life.And always dream to be born in another family, another parent,another siblings.

All these symptoms did effected me. I have low self-esteem, low self-confident, I don't know how to socialise with people,bad-tempered and have little friends. And ended up , it left me to be an introvert,anti-social person.

I have problems mostly with my mother. I don't think she really loves me as much as she love my brothers.Its always been very obvious,arghh..if I were to think about it,I have lots and lots of moments that could make me cry,just thinking about it.

But,I'm now married and staying abroad with my husband. I feel alot more better and happier since i have my own life and I can decide to lead my life my way. i don't feel choked anymore with the problems in my family like I used to.(to be honest, when I was in my teen age,I've always wanted to get married as quick as I could,so that I can get out from the problems)

And my wish came through.I'm 24,married,I am genuinely happy and I feel much more confident and very sociable. My husband is a very undertsanding person, patience and he has been guiding me to get back my confidence and self-esteem.and hes the youngest in the family(I've read a review,by Dr Ruth- middle child is ideal with the youngest,in a relationship), and I am going to agree with the theory as well!

Posted by: I just want to express my feelings too~ | November 16, 2006 at 08:19 PM

As the fourth girl in a family of five (four girls, then one boy) I feel that the problem is when one is always 'in competition' with one's siblings. Each child wants to be unique and to be an individual in her/his own right and often the community (in this case the family) imposes their norms on the children which can be stifling to an emerging sense of self. It is important to allow each child their voice and accept that they have their own path to follow.

Posted by: fourthgirl | November 16, 2006 at 07:07 PM

i am the middle of 5 sisters, 2 younger sisters, and 2 older. i hate it, i always feel as if i am left out. my parents don't care about my views, its all about my 2 older sisters, and now its even more, as my second older sister tried to run away, and now she is like the best, and my two younger sisters are spoilt, i don't care. both my older sisters have their own room, and i don't have a room, thats why i don't invite my so called friends home as i don't have a room, i just sleep in my older sisters room, i have to knock on her door to ask her if it is ok to come. i want them to make a room in the attic, i ask them and they say ok, yeah we have the money, and the next min they say no, let the carpet get dirty. i have no privacy and i cry all the time, but i have to go into the bathroom to cry or wait until everyone has gone to sleep, because i

have no room. My mum is just sick of me, when i say something she tells me to be quiet. i am 15 i need my space. i don't express myself at home, but i talk alot in school, but all my true feelings are bottled up, i don't want anyone to know how i feel. but then i came across this. i feel like crying all the time, but sometimes i bottle it up as they are there, and i get angry alot, i am soo confused. i wonder if i would have been different if i was born first. people get things on a first come, first serve basis. this is how i feel, and what are my views on being the middle child, well i HATE IT !!!!!!!!

Posted by: Anonymous | November 15, 2006 at 01:12 PM

Hi, Yep i am a middle child too. Just like most of you in here. It's not great and it is very lonely. I have a brother of two years older and a sister of two years younger. My sister gets away with complete murder. She has recently had a baby at 19. Still living with our parents and they are so proud of her. My brother is doing very well at engineering and always keep in contact with him. I live with my partner, which is a struggle and i get no phone calls and they don't even remember your birthday. Being only a couple of weeks ago at 22. I would hoped they could of rang me. Everything my sister and my brother is a big deal but when it comes to me it's not all that important. I don't feel part of the family. I odn't have any close friends, and i never see any of my other friends.I find it hard to communicate and i feel like a am going to explode because i have no one to talk to. I watched the program on channel 4 on monday and it was very interesting and strikingly like me. You have to make a huge effort to be noticed in my family. I felt trapped when it came to my siblings fighting. I was stuck in the middle. They wanted me to always pick sides on who was best. I really did hate it. It has ruined me so much that it effects me now, even though i don't live with them.

Posted by: shaz | November 14, 2006 at 11:45 PM

I am a middle child and I definitely do not have middle child syndrome. I have an older and younger sister. I am the only one out of the 3 of us that went to University where I studied law, because I wanted to I hasten to add, not because my parents suggested it.I have the best career and highest paid job out of the 3 of us and am extremely happy with my career. I also have a fantastic social life and lots of friends. My older sister is only 2 years older than me, so when I was at school I was called her younger sister, but that didn't bother me. We were extremely different people, others realised this the more they got to know me. On the other hand, what's wrong with being called her little sister...you should be proud of your other family members. If this is the common ground people find to talk to you, use it, talk to them back and they then realise you are different and you don't have anything else to prove!All 3 of us get on very well with our parents, even if we all have very different relationships with them. I don’t think this reflects the order you were born in, I think it reflects how different your personalities are. All of you will have an aspect of your parents in you, so they can relate to you in different ways. Instead of focusing on how they get on with your siblings, focus on how you relate to them and build on that relationship. You’ll have a better one at the end of it, rather than rebelling just for attention.Become the person you want to be instead of trying to mould yourself into your siblings. You’ll be happier in the long run for it, and your family should respect you for whatever you have achieved.

Posted by: anonymous | November 14, 2006 at 10:39 AM

I am the middle child and I have just found out about this new syndrome. luckily my grandparents saw me as the oldest grandchild so that may have cushioned the syndrome but I generally feel unhappy, i hate socialising as i generally feel left out. I often envy others and their abilities which worsens my view on myself.

There is a program on channel 4, channel4.com which is shown on monday and im going to watch it for more information.

Posted by: james | November 11, 2006 at 09:07 PM

Hi I'm 20 years old. I have recently been feeling completely and extremely depressed about everything in life.I recently saw a programme on tele about Middle Child Syndrome and up until then, I honestly didn't know that there was such a thing! But after I watched it, I googled for more information about middle child syndrome, and I can confidently say that I am suffering from Middle Child Syndrom. I have an older sister, 25 and two younger twin brothers who are 17. My older sister is confident,independant, always getting the high salary jobs, always getting the straight A's. As she is a musician with a lovely voice, she is always the one who gets all the attention at family gatherings and also from my mum. MY younger brothers are also extremely intelligent, socialies, confident and always get straight A's. I'm studying a degree in architectural technology. At high school, I was always the quiet one. ALways quietly getting on with my work and going to after school clubs and i was known as " Thats her sister" My older sister in school was the most popular girl, because of her music and singing,and I was under alot of pressure to live up to standards. This is where I started to rebell because I was yearning for my own identity. I would not turn up to class, bunk lessons, always going out and coming home late (this was when I was around 16) I look back now and i think I got off track, as middle children do " lose their way" Not I'm in my 3rd of uni its all just going crap. I wanted to study interior design with media production, however my parents told me to do architectural technology so I did what they chose to make them happy.I feel like im always giving people my time, always putting everyone before myself. At home, im always the one who does all the house work. My sister does not do a thing. My brothers also do not do a thing. I am the slave of the house. e.g. i'd be sitting down doing my uni work. My other sibblings would be watching tele and my mum would say to me " ruby can you make me a cup of tea please.." And we'd always get into an argument of how i always do everything around the house. Also, if my siste and brother have an argument, im always the one who's stuck in the middle. The mediator, the negotiator! Both my older and younger sibblings would come to me to talk about the other and Im always the one whos stuck in the middle. also, i am a very shy person and hardly have any friends. Only one or two close friends. I pick my friends very carefully; they either have to be same as me or similar otherwise I don't want to know them :s I feel as if no one understands me. Its like Im yelling and screaming out for respect and attention and for someone to just say " well done Ruby for achieving such and such" but no one ever does. I tend to keep my problems inside me, bottle them up until one day they get all too much for me and I explode. I have a very short temper and this is also why a lot of my personal relationships always end up in the awkward of situations, because im the one who has the attitude problem and feels insecure about myself. I find it hard to socialise with people and communicate, therefore I don't really like going out. I'd spend my friday and saturday night infront of the tele on my own, watching a movie rather than go out. As I'm getting older, I feel as If im getting lonlier.. :s In terms of looks, I am very confident on my looks. I'm seen as the "perfect pretty one".."the angel" " the goody

goody".."mummy's princess"..and i feel like thats my identity, thats who I am, but then theres also another side of me which is just boiling up and waiting to explode! I just want to yell and scream and come out of my shell, find my own personality and not live up to anyones expectations. I am really confused about who I am and I really need someones help.. :( Im a word-a-holic. All day I work non stop. whether is university, my job, and home stuff. Theres not a second that I spend going out and relaxing. I just feel as if i have to be the best and achieve more than my sibblings in order for people to notice me. I am currently trying to change myself, in terms of being more open and talking more, socialising, but I am finding it quite difficult... I just really don't know what to do... Help.. someone.. please..:(

Posted by: Ruby | November 11, 2006 at 06:39 PM

I'm 39 and a middle child. I can see that there are many characteristics common among us: black and white thinking, being loners, creativity, low self esteem, avoiders of conflict, depression, attention starved, anger etc.

I have been doing battle with these mental dragons for as long as I can remember. Some I win, others I lose, but I keep on keeping on. The one thing that I can say helps is finding someone to talk to who understands your feelings and experiences: a high school counselor, professional counselor, self-help group; find someone to talk to; a part of the problem is keeping feelings to yourself...when you start to open up, you'll find that you are not alone. Opening up to the right people can also help you to NOT take on additions to sooth your emotional pain: alcohol, drugs, sex, food, tv...all of this junk just prolongs the pain...blocks you from your healing.

Growing up, I was always the one made to give up something ie my comfort of sleeping in my bed when guess came over; but now as an adult, I have learned that I don't have to always disadvantage myself for the happiness of others...I too deserve to be happy; I am learning to set boundaries...saying No is an option; I'm learning to defend myself. So I say to you all, keep your head high, and know that it's ok to protect yourself...find the care and attention you need even if you go to a helpful person outside of your immediate family. And, don't hate your family...most don't even realize what's going on.

Posted by: hopefulness | November 06, 2006 at 11:43 AM

boy am i glad i'm the only child. my cousin is the middle cousin, but he gets more spoiling than i do and i'm the oldest

Posted by: Hannah | November 05, 2006 at 12:03 PM

I am the middle child of 5. Everything they say is true. Everyone in the family has baby pictures except the middle child! The 2 oldest are the favorites and the 2 youngest are spoiled rotten. Being the middle; you get forgotten a lot! Being left at home while the family goes to nice places. Imaging that!Its like you dont even exist!

Posted by: Andrew | October 19, 2006 at 09:22 PM

I have always blamed being the middle child on my behaviour but then thught thats just a stupid excuse to try and get out of it, but still i hate being the middle child. At school i am

doing a piece of corsework called 'what i hate' i was thinking of doing being the middle as the subject but i need information for it and i thought how am i going to find anything on being the middle child and where? But now ive found this and i am deffinatley going to do my corse work on this. and i now know that its not just and excuse for my behaviour but a fact!

Posted by: AMiddleChild | September 26, 2006 at 05:50 AM

Well, like most people in here, I too am the middle child, only I'm in the family of all girls: the oldest 19, me 16 (recently, if I may), younger 13, and the youngest 3. Growing up, I never really thought that I'll ever have the middle-child syndrom. My parents told me I was independent when I was younger, I was never really 'lonley,' yes, there were still the occasional sparks of rivalry between us, but that's to be expected. And get this, my parents told me I was their favorite when I was around eight. So, yeah, there was no way I'd have the syndrome.

Or so I thought.

Recently...as recently as around Mayish-June through the summer of 2006, I was beginning to lose interest on keeping in-touch of my closest friends. Pushing them emotionally away, putting their needs before mine, bottling up what I really feel. I always thought that that was because I was modeling myself after those characters that always seemed to be in control of both the situation and their emotions. But a few days a month came in the emotional turmoil...as with most teenager girls.

So I thought, hey hormones, no need to fuss around...but more and more, I'm beginning to feel that my drive of achieving my goals and ambitious streak are fading and seeking the attention of my peers seemed to be more satisfying than finding what I really want. The thing is though, the more I realize about this, the more I want to reevaluate myself, change myself, and really find who I am. But I can't seem to find the energy to do that, as much as I want to.

Though my younger sibling still snarks now and then about the fact I am the favorite child, I only need to point out that I envied her when we were younger. I know I have enough attention from my parents--sometimes I want them to focus more on my 13-year old sister--but there's some instances that I feel like I can never really reach up to their par.

Call it middle-child syndrome in the making, or high school. Bottomline is, I just want my old self back.

Posted by: ANONymous | September 15, 2006 at 01:04 AM

I'm a middle child, it was very hard for me growing up, especially when your mother has been married three times. I never got to know my father. My mother has 4 children, 2(my older brother and me) from 2 different fathers and 2 from my stepdad(my younger sister and younger brother), now. Growing up was really hard, no one really noticed me, back then I didn't take it too seriously. When I didn't get that attention I would do things all on my own like go for walks or ride my bike, alone, I felt like I practically raised myself. I noticed my mother had a fond for my older brother and my younger brother, and my stepdad's daughter well since she's the only girl she's "daddy's little girl" I often thought "where does that leave me?". As I got older it started getting worse the more I thought about my position in my family, So I became an Artist, I started painting and drawing and making music. It seemed

that was the only time they noticed me. Becoming a musician was my way of saying to my parents "Hey I exist"

Posted by: Adrien E. | September 12, 2006 at 04:04 PM

I am a middle child and I am finding it hard to get through life right now.My mom doesn't understand me very well and my dad doesn't really know anything about me because he is never there for me.He is there for my little sister and older sister.I am not living with my mom anymore but I am living with an old friend of mine and her family.I don't really understand what "MIDDLE-CHILD SYNDROM" is but if anyone knows anything, feel free to e-mail me at "shy_one228@yahoo.com".I would really appriciate the help.i am stuggling with family and I would love to know more about this topic.

Posted by: anonymous | September 12, 2006 at 02:35 PM

again more famous middle children:cindy crawford, richard nixon, tony blair, jay leno, donald trump, magic johnson, barbara walters, celine dion, george bush, theodore roosevelt, abraham lincoln, thomas jefferson, dwight d. eisenhower, joan rivers, bob dole,

Posted by: masscontradiction | September 11, 2006 at 03:07 PM

to add to the names of famous middle children: madonna, bill gates and j.f.k. and also, i've noticed i spelt contradiction wrong in my previous post. lol

Posted by: masscontradiction | September 11, 2006 at 02:48 PM

jennifer garner. mischa barton. jennifer lopez. britney spears. avril lavigne. ray ramano. david letterman. adam sandler. glenn close. bea arthur. matt dillon. cyndi lauper. tom selleck. princess diana.

what do they have in common? what else? they're all middle children! they all also excel in their respective 'creative' fields. many middle children go into the entertainment field, so encourage your child's creativity.

generally, middle children experience identity crisis, so they're always striving to be different. the middle child strives to excel in order to get attention. middle children are high achievers, are creative, are independent, supress their feelings, consider friends more important than family, are comfortable being alone, often shy yet have a more diverse set of friends compared to their siblings, can easily 'lose their way', are more prone to depression. it really all depends on what kind of middle child they are. these are common characteristics of middle children but the sex of other siblings plays a big part in the characteristics middle children possess. i've noticed a trend that middle children of of 3 boy 3 girl families are significantly different to their siblings. if the middle child is a girl and her siblings are boys, it can be worse for the middle child because she simply can't relate to her siblings so everything she does will be different because of her sex. add to this the fact that middle children are highly sensitive so small things are significantly bigger in proportion . when encountering middle children from 3 boy/3 girl families, the middle child tends to strive for academic excellence and gains confidence in knowing that this makes them special. even though they

excel academically, it still feels as if it's not enough and they may often 'lose their way' if this aspect of their self-esteem is not encouraged or noticed.

i am the middle child of 3 boys. everything i have typed up, i believe in. i have noticed middle child syndrome in many other families, not just my own. i pride myself on excelling academically. i'm the only one out of my siblings who had no trouble receiving a place into university. both my siblings had to find alternative ways into university. being a middle child, i gravitated towards a degree that would allow me to be more financially sucessful than my brothers. my parents were also not very supportive of the degree i wanted to do which was psyhology so i settled with what my parents wanted for me. relatives had high hopes for me. as a middle child, i just wanted attention and i only got it by pleasing my parents so engineering was my life . this should be my final year but i've been failing so many subjects, it only seems like im in my second year. i have recently lost my way. i've dropped out of engineering and taking psychology units through distance education. i thought this would make me happy but it hasn't. i have to start all over again. i resent my parents for not encouring me do to what i wanted. i resent them for not letting me live a life for myself. initially i wanted to study psychology to help others but now i study it to help myself. i had a mental breakdown last week that noone knows about except anyone who reads this. as a consequence, i resorted to cutting myself to try and feel alive. this freaked me out so i haven't done it again. then i tried drugs. this freaked me out as well so i havn't done it again. so now i find comfort in middle child syndrome. it may a ridiculous concept to some people but it does explain so much of my characteristics.

like i mentioned earlier, i've noticed symptoms of middle child syndrome in other families. first, a friend of mine who is also a middle child had a mental breakdown last year. he excels academically but not in comparison to his siblings. his siblings were first in their schools academically, he on the other hand couldn't achieve that status. he was also unhappy with the degree he was in. like me, his older sibling is successful and achieved success in a shorter time than what we expected of ourselves. he has also changed degrees. he does not know that i know he had a mental breakdown and he doesnt know that i had one. you'd think we'd tell each other but i think it's typical middle child syndrome to bottle our feelings.

a supervisor i worked for was the youngest of 3 boys. i told him i was the middle child and he instantly knew that i was an over-achiever but he also knew that people have to watch out for middle children because if they lose their way, it can be disastrous. he had noticed it in his brother. his middle brother is the most talented out of the 3 boys when it comes to music but he was also the more emotionally difficult child. the one more willing to engage in risky behaviour.

another example is when my dog has 3 puppies. she had three girls and it freaked me out to see the middle puppy demonstrating some middle child characteristics. the oldest and youngest puppies would always play with each other in the backyard while the middle puppy would go and do her own thing. she was definitely a loner. independence is probably a strong characteristic of middle children. lol

anyway, i think middle child syndrome has every reason to be a justifiable condition. why would people come up with such a term? there would be 'older child syndrome' or 'younger child syndrome' but there isn't. perhaps it provides hope in the same way that religion does. a way to explain things that are painful in our lives and to convince us that we are not crazy. truth is, middle children are crazy but that's what make us unique. lol.

i find it ironic that even though we are middle children, the majority of things in our lives are either one thing or the other, never between. we either do well academically compared to our siblings or we do badly in comparison. we either like being alone and don't have many friends compared to our siblings, or we bask in social settings with our many friends. our failures and sucesses are black and white. never gray. we are cursed with being in the middle as well as being blessed. we want attention from our parents but we also want to be left alone. we are a mass contradition.

emily, acknowledge that your daughter is a middle child that is sensitive, independent, creative, lonely, & different. love her for who she is, encourage creativity, give her attention while giving her some space. she's only human.either that, or make another baby! preferably a boy so your youngest daughter won't feel like the middle child out of the three girls. LOL. take care and good luck

Posted by: masscontradition | September 11, 2006 at 02:01 PM

okay so i am the 3rd child in a family with all girls. i am 13 and my sisters are almost 17, almost 15, and almost 11. we are very known becuase we went to a very small prviate school where everyone (teachers and kids) knew who we were.i am still asked if i am their younger sister even after they have left the school.my eldest sister was the gorgeous one, even thou (not to sound cocky) everyone says we all are. none of us are very stupid but my other sisters were always a bit more popular and known then me.my youngest sister is of course adorable and spoiled so i even get asked about her. Honestly every once and i while i do feel left out. my little sister says i was probably adopted. if everyone likes lettuce it just so happens that i dont or if my sisters' favorite color is pink then mine is blue, etc.There is an upside though.usually i get good comments. these days my older sisters have forgotten about their good grades and moved on to acting like sluts. either flaunting it or hiding it from my parents. my little sister has a horrible attitude problem and she has no manners whatsoever. Most people these days say that i was lucky to come out so good when my sisters are such spoiled brats. they are amazed that i am not lyk them. sometimes i forget about that and act out for attention because i feel like i am lacking some every now and then, but usually i feel grateful that i think twice before i talk back and try to be nicer, etc.thankgod i used to be the shy middle child because now i am independent and can voice my own opinion and not have people talk behind my back about my behavior.middle children RULE.peace<3

Posted by: anonymous | September 10, 2006 at 11:52 PM

im a middle child as well.Im 13 and i have a 21 yr older sister and a 9 yr little sister. Im not gonna give a long story about how almost every middle child feels the same but i am gonna say this...it's lonley and you dont want to talk to anyone about it but hang in there because it will be over soon and your parents will most likely care about you once your gone.If i can go through this alone i think we can all hang in there a while more.

Posted by: Kay | September 07, 2006 at 05:52 PM

i think i have middle child syndrome. i'm 16, i have a 19 year old brother and a 14 year old sister. my parents are divorced, my brother lives with my dad full time, i live with my mom full time, and my sister switches between houses every week. i just feel like i'm not being noticed. i try to make good grades, but i have a 3.5 GPA and my mom doesn't encourage me and tell me i'm doing great, she just scolds me and tells me i can do better than that. my brother barely graduated high school, and everyone told him he was doing so well and encouraged him to do what he wanted and gave him very high praise for graduating with a 1.8 GPA. no one told him he could do better than that. he's always been the popular one, i'm known at school for being his little sister. no one knows me for me. on the other hand, there's my little sister, who i usually get along with great, until pretty recently, when she started hanging out with a new group of friends and she's developed the idea that she's better than me, and she flaunts that idea. she has an okay GPA, i'm not sure of the exact number, but it's a little lower than mine, i believe. she's really popular in school, she hangs out with the cheerleader types, and she's a good athlete, so she's known in the family for that. she's very spoiled by my mom and my dad, because since my brother and i have chosen a parent we want to be with, they try to bribe her to choose. so she gets what she wants when she wants it. everyone used to tell me that my sister and i looked so much alike, but i have lighter hair and blue eyes, and her and my brother have dark hair. my brother has dark eyes, but my sister has blue eyes, too. but i feel like no one is noticing i'm in the family anymore. on my mom's weekends where it's just myself and my mom (when my sister's with my dad and my brother), my mom goes to her boyfriend's house, and leaves me at home alone for the weekend. it's not a problem with me, because i'm 16 and i've always been very independent, but i feel like i have to act for attention. i don't do drugs, but i do drink alcohol quite a lot. i'd say on average about two bottles of liquor a month. that's where the e-mail address came from. my sister makes fun of me an calls me an alcoholic, but my mom denies it. also, i do most of the work around the house (i live in the laundry room), and my sister does nothing but talk on the computer and the phone, and my mom doesn't notice that i do anything. it's like i don't even exist anymore. i don't want to talk to my mom about middle child syndrome, because she'd think i was acting out for attention, and just brush it off. so i decided to google middle child syndrome, and see what exactly it is. it seems pretty dead-on to what i'm feeling, but i could be wrong.

Posted by: jess | September 07, 2006 at 05:26 PM

I think the real problem here is moral judgement. During the tranisition of becoming an adult, the brain undergoes changes from aggressive/moody behavior to moral understanding. At one point or another, the oldest sibling will have undergone such change, and the youngest child will have not. This may be the period in which the middle child may feel left out. It feels as if its parents have more of an understanding for the older sibling, and more sympathy for the youngest. That's just a guess though.

Posted by: maaaam | August 30, 2006 at 09:20 AM

first, dont bother trying to pinpoint a problem. chances are several are playing in its own seperate part which tie into eachother at some point. EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT, EVERY FAMILY IS DIFFERENT EVERY SITUATION IS DIFFERENT. THERE ARE NO ANSWERS, THERE ARE ONLY FINDING SOLUTIONS AND DECIDING WHICH IS BEST TO USE. ADMIT YOU DONT KNOW SOMETHING AND DONT THINK

THAT YOU MIGHT NOT BE CAUSING THE PROBLEM AND DONT NEED TO FIND A SOLUTION WITHIN YOURSELF AND YOUR OWN BRINGING UP/LEARNED PARNTING SKILLS.I KNOW IT IS EVERYONE'S WORST NIGHTMARE TO BECOME LIKE THEIR PARENTS, BUT ITS INEVITABLE...WE DO. NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU HATE IT, YOU HAVE TO ADMIT IT. IT IS NOT A QUESTION YOU SHOULD BE ASKING ABOUT YOUR CHILD, IT IS A QUESTION YOU SHOULD BE ASKING ABOUT YOU AND HOW YOU MIGHT HAVE PARTICIPATED IN DEVELOPING THE PROBLEM. IF A TEENAGER, I SUGGEST YOU HAVE TESTED FOR KNOWN HEREDIC DISEASES/ILLNESSES, DEPRESSION, AND MONONUCLEOSIS. IT DOESNT MEAN YOUR CHILD IS KISSING OR HAVING SEX, NOT EVERYONE WAS TAUGHT RESPECT AND MORALS AND DO DISGUSTING THINGS LIKE, SPIT IN A WATERFOUNTAIN THAT YOUR CHILD DRINKS FROM 2 MINUTES LATER. I SUGGEST GIVING CHILD MONEY OR SENDING TO SCHOOL WITH OWN WATER AND NOT SHARE/DRINK OFF OTHERS. MONO CAN BE OVERLOOKED BECAUSE VARIOUS SYMPTOMS IT HAS IN COMMON WITH ILLNESSES LIKE DEPRESSION OR STREP THROUGHT. MOST COMMON SYMPTOM CAN CONTINUE LONG AFTER ILLNESS HAS GONE AWAY WHICH IS SLEEPING...ALOT. ONCE INFECTED, POSITIVE RESULT WILL ALWAYS SHOW. I ALSO SUGGEST RESEARCHING AND LEARNING ABOUT SHINGLES AND ITS COMPLICATIONS WHICH IS THE REACTIVATION OF THE CHICKENPOX VIRUS. I HAD MY BOUT AT AGE 22 AND LEFT ME WITH NERVE DAMAGE. IM 25 AND HAVE NUMEROUS ILLNESSES AND DISIBILITIES. IT HAS EFFECTED THE FUNCTIONING OF MY LIVER AND RADIATES PAIN TO OTHER AREAS OF MY BODY.

i AM WILLING TO SHARE AND HELP IN ANY WAY CAUSES, EFFECTS AND WAYS SYNDROME HAS EFFECTED ME. INCLUDING MY HEALTH OR SELF-DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR PATTERNS.ILLNESSES AND DISEASES THAT EFFECT MY EVERY DAY LIFE AND RELATIONSHIPS. DONT WASTE MONEY ON MEDICATION OR THEARAPISTS WHO HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOUR CHILD IS GOING THROUGH. JUST KNOW, YOUR MIDDLE CHILD WILL BE THE STRONGEST AMONG ALL MEMBERS IN THE FAMILY. THEY WILL HAVE THE MOST RESPECT FOR HUMAN LIFE, COMPASSION FOR OTHERS, REASONABLE THINKING AND IN THE END SOMEONE WHO MAKES A DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD!

FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME FOR QUESTIONS AND FEEDBACK.

go to your state government website, there are lots of helpful free brochures & publications you can order for yourself. many numerous topics are covered.

TREAT EACH CHILD ACCORDINGLY TO THAT CHILD'S OWN INDIVIDUAL NEEDS. BE OPEN, AND HONOST. SHOW A GOOD EXAMPLE WITHOUT SENDING A DOUBLE STANDARD MESSAGE. GET OVER WANTING TO PROTECT YOUR CHILD...DONT MAKE YOUR CHILD VULNERABLE BY SHEILDING THEM. YOUR ACTUALLY SETTING THEM UP TO BE EASY TARGETS FOR BULLYING, MANIPULATION, DEPENDENCY, AND MANY HARD LEARNED EXPERIENCES

AND BEGIN TO MAKE THEM LOSE THEIR TRUST IN PEOPLE AFTER CONTINUOS LETDOWNS.

IT MIGHT BE HELPFUL TO FIND SUPPORT IN ADULTS WHO ONCE SUFFERED OR ARE STILL UNFORTUNATE TO BE EFFECTED BY THE SYNDROME. talk to school counselor or teachers. let them know of your concern, ask them to report any signs of acting out, withdrawal rebellion and anger problems. it might also avoid a problem with fellow classmates or teachers and make the child feel singled out or picked on. it might help reveal a situation occuring at school or learning problems.

dont be afraid to ask your child if something is bothering them, and let them know it is ok to come to you. Try to do your best to understand and explaining the situation in different points of view. Ask questions that help them with sorting out their feelings, try to thingk of solutions or positive outlooks to situations.

find other classmates who are also middle children. try to form a bond umong those children and parents for support. find activities for them to do or encourage once a month slumber parties. maybe together it is possoble for parents to find a way to set aside individual time for that child's needs. know when an act is a cry for help, dont get angry or punish them. they are already feeling many mixed emotions. they are the child, they dont know any better.

speak with your other children about situation. ask them their opinions or if they can point out any faults of their own or see any in yours. ask that they include them in some kind of activity, help homework or project, find things each have in common with another which they are able to develope a bond. do things together as a family, eat dinner together. be proud of their acheivments and let them know you support them and encourage more ways to advance or become more involved. open up their minds to new things, view situations from different ways, offer several soulutions they might try to solve conflict. Learn how to BE THEIR FRIEND. Dont expect them to learn from YOUR experience or mistakes. dont think you are perfect and analyze your own parenting skills which no one wants to admit "are just like their own parents"acknowledging you are not a perfect person or parent and that you too sometimes make mistakes helps you admit to your child you are wrong and appologize. It is important to build your child's character and maorals through your own actions. Explain to them that sometimes people dont realize they are doing something or dont understand what effects their actions have on somebody or might not have realized they even did. Encourage your child to solve problem in positive ways. first by asking why they are doing whatever is being done. they might be a child in more trouble than you think your own is and reassure yourself you are succeeding in your job as a parent raising respectful, happy, smart successful children. encourage them to help others in their same shoes especially as role model for younger age child which helps boost self esteem and confidence.

only you and your future decisions are going to determine the outcome ifamilyn any no matter what situation. its acknowledging you dont know everything and admitting you acted wrong or might have caused the problem by your own acts of denial or immaturity. If divorced, find a way to put differences aside and find a way to not let the situation become a syndrome. make sure both parents are working together by forming a plan you both agree on. it adds confusion when same rules enforced differently in seperate households.

again, i can provide alot of helpful feedback or resource links helpful to you. you can get more help from those who have experienced (ANY SITUATION) themselves. AND I DONT CHARGE! i benefit from helping others especially children and through organizations have had my own proposal ideas passed through legislation.

REMEMBER, it is not a "phase", chemical change, puberty or FICTION. IT IS VERY REAL, AND OCCURS FROM ONLY FAULTS OF YOUR OWN. IT IS YOUR JOB TO FIND PROPER SUPPORT AND RESOURCES TO HELP GUIDE YOU THROUGH EACH AND EVERY DIFFERENT CHILD/S CIRCUMSTANCES WHICH CAN BE EASILY SOLVED OR AVOIDED BY LOOKING DEEP WITHIN YOUR OWNSELF....I DO NOT RECOMMEND MEDICATION AS A SOLUTION. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE ELLIMINATED ALL OTHER POSSIBLE PROBLEMS BEFORE USING MEDICATION FOR TREATMENT.

GOOD LUCK!

Posted by: tracie | August 30, 2006 at 12:15 AM

i have a brother younger than me by a year. and he's been ignored pretty much all my life and we as a family have just noticed now. He's no 19 years old. I started noticing similiar patterns and behaviour in him. When me and my mom are in deep conversation he starts making noises to get attention, and my mom yells at him to be quite. WE have always labeled him as a child, he always stirs trouble, starts pointing fingers, and becomes aggresive when we want to touch him, even for a hug. I feel so bad because I'm getting it now, how badly he needs love, attention, and care. Now he doesnt speak until spoken to, he resents and loves my parents, and he hates me most of all because he feels they love me more, because I'm more forward and talkative and funny. He just feels like a bad apple, and is constantly compared to other older siblings. I don't know what to do to make it better, we try to give him attention but sometimes it feels like it doesn't make a difference, like the damage is done. Have no one to turn to about this.

Posted by: wafa | August 13, 2006 at 03:03 PM

Hi, I think I have middle child syndrome, I am the middle in betwee a brother who is 17, and a sister who is 12. My 'middle child syndrome' started when my sister was born [obviously] haha.That was lame. But yeah, when my sister was born I stopped talking to everyone for 6 months, I was tested at hospitals, and I only stopped because I wanted attention. I was attention seeking all through my child years. and always felt as if My dad always took my brothers side on everything, and my mom always took my little sisters side. I even look different from then, opposites. How do I get my parents to understand me?:S

Posted by: Chris | August 12, 2006 at 03:03 AM

I'm a 15 year old high school student. I have an older sister who is 17 and a younger brother who is 13. I googled in “middle child” because I wanted to see if my feeling as a no body in the family exist in other middle children as well, and I have found that it does. I’m very competitive with my older sister, I want everything that she can’t have. I strive to get a 4.0 GPA while she’s left with a 3.0. Immediately after I turned 15 I got my permit because I

knew my sister had not gotten hers yet. And showing that I can be better then everyone makes me feel like I have a place. A few years ago I was into drugs and alcohol and that was my way of feeling like I had a place and though you’d think I’d hide my rebellious ways from my family, I didn’t, I flaunted them. Negative or positive, I just want attention. My brother (the youngest) always gets away with things and I feel like that is his role in the family. The middle child needs attention, and will get it whatever way they can is what I have found and experienced.

Posted by: Kristina | August 02, 2006 at 01:11 PM

Wow! I've finally found people who understand. I am 39yrs old and the middle of 5 children. I have two older sisters and one younger sister and one younger brother. Basically GGGBG. My birth would have been greeted with GREAT disappointment as my father was pro-boys. I was the their great hope for a boy .. and I was a dud.

I grew up as a "nothing". My elder sister had brain damage and commanded enormous attention. My eldest sister was supposed to be "the genius". (She is now 42yrs and terribly screwed up.. anorexia, unmarried, manic depression, multiple partners etc.)

From about 13yrs to 27yrs I was desperately depressed. Low self-esteem. Very thin (not anorexia though). Lonely. Cried alot. My father was verbally abusive mostly to me as I reacted the most by crying which is what he wanted ...

At 27yrs, I left "home" and haven't seen "them" since.

My self-esteem soared. I am the only one out of FIVE children who is happily married with two children. I don't cry these days out of depression or low self esteem. My life has improved dramatically.

Sometimes, it is necessary to divorce your family. This was the BEST decision I have ever made in my entire LIFE.

I at least have some hope of fulfilling my potential and not wasting my life.

Middle child syndrome exists - more so if you don't even have anything special i.e. only boy (but middle). I was the "dud"....

Posted by: Kay Read | July 30, 2006 at 03:44 AM

I'm a 35 yr old mom of 3 kids; ages 14 1/2, 10 1/2, and 9 1/2. THe younger two are girls. In the past year and a half, my middle daughter, whom will soon turn 11, has dove into full blown puberty already...physical development and all that goes with it..even the hormones. Anyway, there's always been a sense of extreme competition between her and her younger sister whom is 11 months younger than herself, but it's only been within the past 5 months, I've noticed that no matter what I do, it's not enough for her. If I get up for work at 7am and if her younger sister is already up, but I didn't run over and immediately wake her up, she gets totally offended, hurt, and cries and says she "hates" me. That really hurts. I try to take it with a grain of salt, but it's getting worse. We got a pool membership, so we go together (my kids and I). If I hold my youngest in the pool even for a brief second, my middle gets extremely jealous and hurt and gets mad at both me and her sister. There's really no time for me to

spend "alone" time with each of my kids, unfortunately, because I work a full time and a 2nd part time job, but what can I do to help her??? This is getting totally insane now.

Posted by: Amy Shank | July 28, 2006 at 02:15 PM

hi i am in the middle of two boys.i am 13 and my older brother is 15 and my little brother is 11 Good for me because i am a girl (it is not really good), and then i live in the middle of no were with at lest 3 nabhores and one nabhores had 2 boys (NOT fun) but i have to live with it. my younger brother always is either at the nabhores or has them over at our house how fun but not for me. My mom talks to me a lot but we fit a lot too and i have a hard time controlling my temper. I am also in a lot of fits with my little brother. my big brother is never home and when he calls he dose not want to talk to me, he only talks to me if i pike up the phone and if that happen it is hi and heres mom.

Posted by: lacey | July 24, 2006 at 08:55 PM

I'm a 19 year old girl, and I'm a middle child. I have a 22 year old sister and a 16 year old brother. I'm completely different from my brother and sister, but in a reverse way. Both my sister and brother are/were the "cool" kids in school, going to parties, drinking, smoking, doing all kinds of rebellious things. I am the complete opposite - I've always been "perfect", in a sense. I got straight A's in high school, did varsity track, and steered clear of any partying. I would always joke around that I was adopted, since both my sister and brother have blond hair and blue eyes, while I have dark brown hair and dark eyes. I pretty much felt like the ugly duckling, so I wanted to excel in something else. Although it may seem like a great thing I separated myself from my siblings by being a good kid, I never actually got the attention I felt I deserved. I worked so hard in school to be one of the best, but never felt my efforts were appreciated; for example, if I was at a meet, instead of asking how it went, my mom would start nagging about my not being home (she NEVER went to a single meet). When it came to academics, I would never hear praise for a good grade, but if I did worse on a single test, I would be drilled on why I did poorly.

My advice would be, parents - praise your kids and notice the good things. Be affectionate and make sure you talk with your kids (especially middle children), since they usually find it hard to communicate. Even if you think you're giving enough attention - they may feel differently and find gaps or ways of excluding themselves.

Posted by: Syl | July 24, 2006 at 01:18 AM

I'm an 18 year old middle child between a 21 year old sister and a 15 year old sister.

My older sister is very smart and witty. She's always been more matured than other kids her age, and she's tougher than I am, in the sense that she's not as sensitive as I am. I'm more emotional and sensitive and I tend to keep problems to myself. Since young I've always been more of the loner, out of the 3 of us, always playing by myself, and not getting in the middle of an argument between my two sisters. I usually sit on the fence when it comes to making decisions.

Both my sisters are very sporty and athletic. I've tried a few sports, but my interest in them never last for long. Hence I feel that I'm not good in anything and have nothing to be proud of. Whereas my two sisters both have their fortes and something to get noticed with. As a

result, I don't get as much attention. They are also fast learners, unlike me, who is a slow learner. As such, I'm afraid to learn new things from people, because I'm aware of my "learning disability" and don't want people to get impatient with me and think I'm stupid.

I've also noticed that my younger sister always got and gets whatever she wants. My parents spoil her. I've told my mom this before, but she denies spoiling my younger sister. Despite this, I get along very well with both my sisters, though I'm closer to my older sister. Furthermore, my older sister is my mom's favourite, though she won't admit it of course and she also compares me and my younger sis to her sometimes, another thing my mother denies doing. It's so frustrating to have her deny it all!!

What makes it worse for me is that my mom doesn't believe that I have middle-child syndrome. She doesn't think that birth order has anything to do with who I am. She just thinks I am like that because I'm like that. She just doesn't understand!

Posted by: Kelly | July 23, 2006 at 12:31 PM

i am the middle child--a 20 yr old girl between a 16 and 23 yr old brother. both of my brothers are geniuses and ive always been a B average student at school..an A student when i really try but I normally dont hve enough intrinsic drive or motivation to do really well. I feel like socially, i can be extremely awkward..I have trouble communicating with people (espeically people who are my good friends)and a lot of my relationships have worsened becaus I hold my feelings in and then blow up. Im extremely sensitive and cry and get emotional about little things. I also get offended very easily and without attention feel sad and depressed. However, I dont go seeking out attention all the time because I have kind of low self esteem. I always fear rejection for not being good enough--never smart funny nice or pretty enough.Up until i was 18, everyone woudl always praise me for being so beautiful and then I gained 15 lb in college and nobody thought so anymore. I felt like my friends left me because of that. This really lowered my self esteem because i felt as though my friends werent my friends becuse of my personality. In terms of guys, I always get really shy around the ones I like and settle for less than what I probably deserve (according to a lot of people).Im fairly irresponsible and lash out a lot in front of my parents. They give me all the liberties i deserve and more. In general i feel like they are kind of scared for me because im not really doing anything to show the direction i want to go in life.Basically i think all of these problems could have been alleviated by a)lots of individual attention when i was younger b)motivation from my parents and them showing me that they think i can do anything..and that i have potential to succeed

Posted by: as | July 22, 2006 at 12:55 PM

hi, ive got middle child syndrome.. ive always felt like the odd one out..my other siblings all have blonde hair..i have dark brown.. they all write with their right hand..i write with my left.. they are all pretty brainy, sporty and confident and im more creative,luv animals and down to earth hehe.. i love being different though.. ive had trouble being in the middle and trying to find myself, but ive realised there are so many positives qualities to being in the middle..we are great mediators, e.g ive noticed when im at work and around pepole i bring everyone together and listen to everyones point of view, we understand pepole, we are special and different..even though sometimes i dont feel like i belong and take the more laid back, quieter

approach in very day life,im happy with myself.. and my siblings are everything to me.. think of being in the middle as a gift luv me xx

Posted by: Rach | July 22, 2006 at 07:54 AM

Im 13 yrs old, i have a brother who is almost 15 and a little sister who is eight. I have resently been diagnosed with middle-child syndrome. My brother is very clever and studying for his exams so my parents always pay attention to him. He always gets complimented by my parents and gets special attention. We dont get along since he always finds some small way of putting me down. On the other hand there's my little sister who i get along with most of the time. She is very bossy, commanding and stuborn. She always wants everything and throws a tantrim if my parents dont give in, eventually she gets what ever she pleases (especially all the attention). At the end of the day my parents dont take as much notice of me as they do to them and if there is such thing as Middle-child syndrome, i really do recon i have a bad case of it.

Posted by: Claire | July 17, 2006 at 10:57 AM

Hey,Well to start im the middle child of three boys. My older brother is 14 im 12 and my little brother is 10 each 2 years apart. I always get the short end of everything i havnt done something before my brothers have ever my older brother finished my only that i couldve done first he got a cell finally but its extreamly unfair because he went to alaska before me and he gets better gifts all of the time from all of my relatives and my little brother is a spoiled brat who makes upalot of things to get me in trouble and he goes to concerts with my mom without my aknowledgment the only people in my family i think im related tois my uncles theyre so awesome. Dont get me wrong i love my parents theyre awesome but they never help me and expect way to much i have a 4.0 gpa and i am the top of my PE class and im the fastest kid in my grade level in my school. If you need someone to talk to talk to your teachers they are very understanding about things. In total i think i have spent more time with my Humanities teach than my dad the whole year. My brothers birthdays are very close to mine. My older brothers is febuary 1st mine is the 3rd and my little brother is the 8th. I have very bad luck on my birthday for some reason i have been sick ever since i was born on my birthday and this year i spent it without seeing anyone for more than five min and didnt open a present because i had to share mine with my older brother... He has complete control of it and me of because my Dad only cares about him not me and my mom and dad pay attention to my little brother. I am stuck in the middle with no1. I even have a family nickname Tardre i made it up so my older brother would stop calling me retard all it is, is retard with the re at the end, but i dont mind having no attenntion from my family at all im gained up never win an argument but i have lots of friends and am proud of myself for working up to being top notch. So being the middle has many downs and few upsbut its ok in the end i guess.

Posted by: john morgan | July 09, 2006 at 08:21 AM

im a middle child u have no idea what i put up with i feel as if my mom dosent love me shes a single parent so i no its tuff but i wish she still gave me a lil attention here and there if all u middle children no what im going through then sit down with your mom/parents talk,tell them how u feel MABEY theyll listen

Posted by: Kerry | July 09, 2006 at 03:19 AM

ok, i am a 16 year old kid who is in the middle and i pretty much have middle child syndrome to the extreme and i really wish that i could talk to someone professionaly cause i dont want to live like this i am very inscure about myself, i feel excluded from family events, my little brother who is 10 is my dads "perfect child" and my sister is like his clone but in a girls body and no pain killers and beer and like i know my mom tries to favor me but lately i have "changed" i have been more rebalous because i want to be noticed and all that fun jazz that we want to have... i havent been doing drugs or drinking cause i cant drink because i find it discusting cause i have been around it for a long time but i have been more leaning towards become what high school kids call it "emo" "scene" becasue that is the most oposite end of the chart with my parents i wore girl jeans home one day and my mom questioned my sexuality and if i do drugs and that mad me eXtremly angered but where i am going with this is pretty much i need/want help but my family is ignorint to notice that this can really effect a person.

Posted by: middle kid | July 04, 2006 at 11:58 PM

I've bin suffering from middle child syndrome since i was 7 but was diagnosed with it only 2years ago when i was 20.im 22 now and have been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and borderline personality disorder.In a span on 2 years i have been treated with 17 different medications most of which i have formed resistance to and most of which have caused serious side effects.my family never saw this coming.they don't understand what is going on with me.i have never recieved affection from my mother or father.my mother has never kissed or hugged my sisters and me.i fight with my sisters all the time.when i was in my teens i used to get so violent that i would cuss and beat my sisters up and then i would retreat into a corner and weep like crazy.i have also been bullied by my older sister growing up.it wasnt so bad for a coupla years in between until recently i had a relapse and all my anger and rage came back and i started fighting again with everyone and getting violent.i myself dont understand what is going on with me.my psychologist says that according to what i have told her i have been suffering from middle child syndrome for a long time and that along with the trauma and abuse i suffered growing up resulted in my present condition.if anyone out there understands what is going on with those who suffer from this syndrome...please help.

Posted by: sunny | July 01, 2006 at 02:51 PM

Im 16 male and a middle child. being in the middle sucks, Im allways bumed out and im only happy with my girl friend. My two sisters are "perfict" so to speek. They both make good grades and are the favrites of my parints. My grades arnt bad but they go way far down somtimes but i allways bring them up. that still dosent make my parints happy they just harp on about how they were so low in the begging. it makes me feel like crap like all they care about is over acheving. as much as they say they care which seems rare, every time i say somthing about how i feel they thetin to with draw every thing. they also seem like they arnt taking my relation ship as seriously as they did my older sisters. im dead serious about this girl iv asked her to marry me, P.S. she said yes. by the way did i metion she is in erope for the next 19 days. shes on a student ambassidor trip. iv been crying my eyes out ever since she left. i had the chance to go and i really wanted to, i expresed this to my parints many times and yet here i set. when i bring it up they say "well we would have but you didnt show to much intrest in it" ARRRGGG i could be in Rome right now. thats there idea of careing my

older sister whent to italy just last summer and if my little sister keeps on soon she will be travilin the globe while here i sit "sniffle"

Posted by: Jonathan Cody Weaver | June 23, 2006 at 02:44 AM

me too, i am a middle child, another girl in my grade seven class is witnessing the same type of events: less attention, more suffering as do i. i feel as if i am causing an inconvinience to my parents so lately i've tried to act more helpful but i've not gotten much in return. instead ive not been allowed to go to friend's houses, just "because". i'd like to give a shout out to all middle children everywhere experiencing conditions like me and remember that your parents do still love you.

Posted by: middle child | June 22, 2006 at 07:03 PM

i am also a middle child but much older than most, i have seen that in the end everyone comes to you for comfort and all we can do is be there , the older one is never enough and the younger one is a mess just be there for them it is what we middle kids do best be proud and be a stable being for them....

Posted by: LUCAELLIK | June 15, 2006 at 02:33 AM

hi. i'm sixteen. i'm the middle girl stuck in between a 19 year old sister and a 9 year old sister. i realize that i do things differently than most people would just to be noticed or different. i appear to be nothing like my older sister but the way i see things is very similar but i express it in different ways. i had my rebeling experience for the past couple of years and recently have calmed down but i'm starting to get back into it. i think because when i was doing what i wanted and drinking i felt confident and i knew that my parents were thinking about me and often when i'm not doing anything outragous it feels like i am unnoticed. i'm not saying that the middle child is going to rebel and do drugs because that is definatly an individual choice but i know middle children do want to stand out and be noticed. although, being a middle child i have learned more about who i am and i don't shape my personality to other people. i am my own person and i have had to learn that the tough way. i also am more independent and don't feel so alone when i'm not always with someone.

Posted by: Kelsey | June 15, 2006 at 12:17 AM

I am a sixteen year old girl, stuck between a brother who is 18 and another brother who is 13. Being the middle child sucks! My younger brother always gets away with everything he does and seems to twist the story to put all the blame on me. My parents seem to always be mad at me for fighting with my brothers, but what can I do. I hate fighting with them, and I usually end up going to my room and crying afterwards, but they purposly push my buttons. They get along with each other and have similar interests so once one decides that they are going to pick a fight with me, the other teams up with them and I feel like they are constantly emotionally beating. And where are my parents when this is happening? At work, where they ALWAYS are.And when they're at work is when my brothers bully me, but my parents aren't there to see it and they never believe me if I tell them what REALLY happened. I think that parents need to try and understand more really what it's like to be a teenage girl and live with siblings like this. It is obvious that my mom favours my younger brother and thinks he is the greatest kid ever, and my dad and my older brother are so much alike, so he favours him. Where does that leave me? Out in the dumps feeling like I don't belong in this family. I put

up with it though and I am proud of myself for the many things I have acheieved, includibg an excellent grade average. That's the one thing my parents are very pleased about with me, my grades.But overall, being the middle child is hard for me beacause I have brothers who don't like me and parents who have no time for me. If you are a parent or a sibling to a middle child, just remember that it's difficult for them to fit into the family and it would help if you show them respect and that they are important.

Posted by: Jessica | June 14, 2006 at 10:06 PM

Im not a middle child, but im the youngest. yeah, and everyone says the youngest and the oldest are the most spoiled. but thats definatley not true. at least for me. i have 2 bro and 1 sis and nobody ever listens to me. at all. once they even said nobody listens to you stop talking! so i did. and weve all pretty much just stopped doing anything together. then recently my mom and dad split. i was talking to my mom (she was accually listening) and she was all like well i was his wife! he chose me out of everyone! he chose me! how do u think i feal? then i was like yeah and im his daughter... and she was like well he didnt choose you. he had no choice that your his daughter. it was all pretty bad. she never keeps her promises. and ughh. i hate it. its not fun living here. i guess they need to make another syndrome. or at least say the middle child isnt the only one ignored.

Posted by: maddie | June 10, 2006 at 11:51 AM

I am a middle child - I have an older brother and a younger brother. both of them have a lot of friends which I think is because my parents paid more attention to them when they were younger and made them more self-confident. I don't have a lot of friends and prefer to be on my own. I am better academically than both of them but whenever my parents talk to us, they seem to spend less time with me, because older bro has problems at uni and younger bro has problems with school report. sometimes I dont even recieve credit for very good grades.

Posted by: Nick | June 08, 2006 at 04:35 PM

As a middle child with 2 brothers, me being the only girl. Many issues were due to parenting styles. Everyone needs atleast one person that they feel really "gets" them. Someone to relate to and mentor you. Many times the Mother dotes on the first born because it's her "First baby" and the father dotes on the youngest, because by the time they are born, they realized they are ready to be a "father" so they make up for all their previous mistakes by cherishing the "last" child. Well, that usually leaves a "Grandma" to bond with the middle child. Unfortunately, "Grandma" happens to be one parent's "Mother-in-law". If there are frequent fueds with the "Grandma" (whom dotes on the middle child) well,...you can imagine how isolating that can be. If you don't connect with your daughter, help find someone in the family that will, and foster that relationship. Most likely she is experiencing friendship issues at that age. Girls can be cruel. Take an interest and share your own hurts so she will talk. Best of luck to you.

Posted by: Sandy | June 08, 2006 at 04:14 PM

I am a middle child. I have a younger brother by 6 years and an older brother by 2. My older brother is a complete screw-up in school. He tries drugs, comes home late, and is always disprespecting my parents. He is an amazing baseball player so my parents dont really care about his grades just that he stays in baseball so he can be a pro-baseball player. My younger

brother is perfect he's einstein and gets Straight A's he's nice all the time and everything he does is right. I'm always the one caught in the middle. If my parents are mad at my brother, all their anger is taken out on me. It's like i have no place in this family of mine. All the blanks are alread filled in so there's no time for me. What i can do revolves around my two brother's schedules. To top it off i don't have one talent that i am amazing at. Not one thing that i can do to make me feel better. I sing, dance, act, cheer, play tennis, and with everything im just okay. When my parent's fight its always about my brother yet i am always the one who is stuck in the middle my mom says why dont you for once side with me instead of your dad. Its not my job as a kid to side with one of my parents. It's their fight not mine. This is the first time in my life i am writing about this and to tell you the truth its making me cry. it feels good though. Maybe your daughter does have middle child syndrome. But you want to know what middle child syndrome is. It's not having a place in your family. It's all the blanks filled in and theres no place where your talents fit in. It's always being the one in the middle, always being the one who gets blamed for everything, having to be perfect but after a while trying to be perfect becomes unreal. No one can be perfect and middle children have to try to search for perfection to feel like they fit in. Once we find out perfection can't be reached. We rebel seeking negative attention, because maybe for just one second the eyes of our parents will be focused on us instead of our other siblings.

Posted by: Chelsea | June 08, 2006 at 01:44 PM

HiI am 16 and I Totally believe in middle child syndrome, i am a third child i have and older sister and an older brother, i also have a young sister. I was the nobody, my brother was special because he was the only boy so my parents have always looked after him, My older sister is the responsible one, since she was young my parents always believed in her and never doubted her, my younger sister is the one with all the "problems" my parents have to give her all the attention coz otherwise she will grow up to quick because of older siblings. Since i was young my family was "paired" my sisters would always go together even tho they are 7 yrs apart, the are both left handed so they thought that were good, and as i am right handed i was wrong. even now my parents dont trust me, my whole life my parents have posponed my things includeing my birthdays saying that we dont want to get up, we want to sleep in, or its a school day there is not enought time for presents, i want to go out so another time, i would always go to my room and cry (on my birthday)because no one seemed to care about me. my brother and sisters birthdays are all in the summer holidays and i always had to get up for them. I think maybe i have been suffering from depression for a while i dont want to go and see someone as my parents will think i have wasted there time and the CBF about anything, they never seem to have time to come to my things. I think the only thing that gets me thru is my friends, when i was younger i would tell myself dont worry you are adopted, and if i lived with my real parents i would have been much worse. I have also never had anything in common with my family, they are all really good at maths, science and stuff that you use ur head for, i am more of a hands on person that is more creative. I am never heard at home that is why i now barely ever leave my room unless i am going out, it is a way that i cant get blamed for everything, and i cant get in the way, and if i aint there the other kids get my time with my parents which they luv, i am actualy getting teary thinking about other stuff that has happened to me in my life, like stuff my family has done to me include my sis chucking boiling water on me because she decided i was getting in the way and different to the rest of my family. I think i will go now, but i know when i become a parent i would never leave the middle child out i know what it feels like and no one should

feel like that.Those who dont believe in middle child should, it is real and out there

Posted by: sarah | June 04, 2006 at 09:44 AM

Check this out... I am a middle child. 1 older brother and 1 younger brother, and yes I do have some of the characterisctics of the "Middle child" syndrome. But hell, who dosen't. An older child or younger child could feel the same way as the "middle child". Sure some things we do are very independent from others in our family but it just us doing it our way. Making our own path. "What's wrong with that?" Do you want to lead a life only others want to you live? I think not..

I wasn't going to write anything at all but I decided to because someone might need to hear what I am saying. Keep your head up.. communicate with your family as best as you can and let them know you are not trying to be a rebel. They will understand.

Please don't settle for the "middle child" syndrome. Keep living life to the fullest. I believe in God and I know he has a great life plan for you and everyone. So embrace it.

Posted by: Proud Middle child | May 30, 2006 at 09:08 PM

I'm a middle child, and believe me, 'middle child syndrome' is real. I'm not saying that your daughter is being affected by this, she may just have problems at school or elsewhere that are making her feel left out and to come home to see you paying any attention to her siblings may be causing her to feel like no one loves her. Been there, done that.

I'm no expert (I'm only fifteen) but I've got a sister two years older and a brother three years younger. Both of them are perfect in school. Straight A's. Outside of school, they're terrible.

My parents think I should try as hard as the other two in school, but they're both so competitive that I'll never be as good, so why try? I've always thought this way, and while my parents used to attribute it to just being lazy, I know that it's simply because it's tiring fighting a never-ending battle.

Middle child syndrome is essentially avoiding conflicts at all costs and trying desperately to stand out when the other two are 'better'. It is very real.

Posted by: Anna | May 23, 2006 at 10:47 PM

Hi, my names shannon...Im actually just researching the whole middle child syndrom thing for school and came across this. I just want to let you know some things about me...I'm a middle child with a fairly terrible relationship with my mom. I'm 16 and I'l tell you what I know. I hate my house, I have an older sister and a younger sister and a step sister. I'm happiest when I'm with my freinds which is common in the middle child. I know I'm loved but i'm not best freinds with my mother like my older sister and I am definetly not completely dependant on the mom like my younger sister. I'm highly highly independant and all of my interests and talents have lead me very very far away from my house. Something that my sisters can't do. I am definetly the one labled as rebelious. It's like my mom tries to understand things but I just don't care enough ...as terible as that sounds. My advice to you especiallu as your child gets older is to give them their space and let them lead their own life.

She (i'm geussing) will come to you when she wants to but please for her sake don't pry and when she does seek you for something don't make it unenjoyable for her just try and talk about something (if the answers get short it's a bad topic) I would love to talk to you more about this....but I just want to tell you that I hate my parents a lot of the time but if it wasn't for the way they treated me within the family I never would have found my amazing freinds and all of my passions

Posted by: shannon | May 22, 2006 at 07:48 PM

Hey im a middle child i have two older sisters and one younger sister and one younger bother....so im REALLYT in the middle..i most of the time i DO feel left out i feel like no matter what i do will be good enough, that it will never be how my older two sisters are.. and it really hurts...the only time im happy is when im out the house, and my mom dosn't understand that, she thinks im just trying to rebel and do my own thing. I just want some free time where no one cares about what the rest of my brothers and sisters are doing. Its fun just being me. My parents don't understand me, and they don't try and listen. When i do bad things they say how come you can't be like your Older sister, or your lil brother and sister are better then you..its soo ANNOYING!! i cry for hourse trying to get better, but its not use, either way they wouldn't notice

Posted by: Nonya | May 18, 2006 at 04:36 PM

i do think there is such a thing as middle child syndrome. However, i am the middle child that gets whatever i want whenever i want. i just have to click my fingers or ring a bell and my parents are right by my side. i have 2 brothers one older and one younger.. a few years ago i would of said that my older one was the one my parents loved the most and worshipped, but that has changed as he has gone "off the rails" my little brother is the one that gets away with stuff but because he is a chav my parents wwant to change him.. the you have me.. i do well at school.. im not a chav and i know where im gonig with life. i dont smoke i dont do drugs and i dont sleep with every person thats willing to let me into their trousers. yes i drink but hell i have got to have a life, im now the "perfect" child. yes im in the middle.. but im the one that has all the attention and the one that the parents love the most!!!

Posted by: Cat | May 08, 2006 at 09:30 AM

Where to begin? I am a male middle child currently 20yrs old,I have a 3 years older brother,and a 2 years younger sister.Since I was young I was a natural genious of sort's.By the 5th grade had a reading comprehensions more akin to a college student,science and history where my strong suit's.My parents almost never gave me any sort of attention that was needed. I was expected to do better than good and never reicived one reward or assistance when I was having problems with something. Christmass was a joke, My bro and sis got 1/3rd the stuff more,and got stuff they liked. And if I ever got anything I liked I had to "share" it with my older brother. I played little league baseball for 6 years.My mom might of went to 10-15 games and my dad never showed up to one(I remember one game he promised he would show up and never did).I thought I had it bad,then things got worse for me.During 7th grade my parents split up.Finances where hard so I got an even shorter end of the stick. For a few years my bro and sis did there school shopping first. Since I was last for school shopping I got almost nothing and only lay away promises.So you can imagine how much I was picked on in school.

The one christmass I got nothing.We had to go through a charity for christmass gifts type thing and because of my name (a kind of unisex name) I pretty much got nothing. And what my dad gave me was cheap dollar general type garbage(he got my bro and sis decent stuff) I wasnt even remotely interested in. I guess there is far to mainy things to write down from my childhood years,probally enough bad memories to write a book or two.But afterwards I steadly fell into severe depression. My mind collapsed,rarely slept,had trouble eating and didnt go to school.So the court's made me move in with my dad.It was great. I learned I love being an only child.For a year I was happy.Did veryy good in school and was begining to heal. Then it all ended, my younger sister was going through a wild stage and my mom couldnt handle it.So she sent her to live with my dad. And the changes started. I would get a cheap 20$ jacket my sister would get a 75$ designer one. I fell into depression again.When I turned 16 things went from bad to worse. My dad always bragged he would get his kids there first car..LOLOLOLOLOLOL. I started a summer job for car insurance,we already picked out a nice car.Then my bro's car died and the car I wwanted required work so he came up with the excuse he didnt have time to fix it(oddly alittle down the road when he was working more he made time to fix up a nice car my brother bought).So he bought a cheap crappy car.My bro wrecked it so he bought another "car" for me.After a year and 5 cars later on my 17th birthday he bought me a cheap piece of &^*% car for 79$.After that I had it.I threatened I wouldnt go back to school unless I moved to my moms. My mom took the car to several garages and the engine was shot,as was the transmition so I pretty much got a lemon. But all those years of neglect caught up to me. I just couldnt do anything.I ended up dropping out after I mentally and emotionally collapsed.After 2 years of fighting off extreme depresion and sucidal thoughts I started to get my act together.My mom had to move closer to where my dad lived so we started to get along,I got a job where he worked and stuff. Saved up and bought my own car. But everyone I asked for advice on it let me down and everyone said the car was in good shape till the engine caught on fire.So had to get that fixed.And over the years I helped my dad gladly with his different bussiness's and projects I guess out of a need for affection, but I guess that never counted for anything. Then more recently I helped my dad pack up his things to move to florida(my bro couldnt be bothered and my sister is in SC,I hope she never comes back),thats when I realized I should of told him do bug off years ago. Next x-mas all I got was pretty much a 20 dollar gift card for walmart,while my bro and sister got I think it was 50-75$ gift cards to designer places like GAP. After so mainy forget promises and birthdays I have had it. He made over 50,000$ a year up here and he makes more down in florida. My parents will spend thousands to help my brother and sister but wont spend a penny to help me. And wont help me with anything. My brother and sister made my life a living hell,but my brother seems to understand what I went through and in his own way trying to help me.My sister has a I dont care no regrets mentality and I cant stand her so I want nothing to do with her. My dad he can stay in florida for all I care,I just had it,I cant handle it anymore.My mom,she tries but she still shows huge favoritism and stuff.Deep down inside I have no confidence,no ambition,no fire of desire,nothing but pain. And to make matters worse I have to deal with myself saying these emotions are petty and shallow.As I write this it takes all I have to keep from breaking down. And did you ever notice everyone who says middle child syndrome doesnt exist isnt a middle child?In the end I just wonder what I did to deserve everything that was done to me?

Posted by: Kris Weaver | May 04, 2006 at 01:58 PM

I am a middle child I am 15 years old and I have an older sister and a younger brother. Most of the time I feel rejected and I cannot help but cry from it. I wish I was like my sister because my parents led here the way that was into becoming a lawyer and my parents really don't look at what I do alot so they Ignor me and give my little brother everything he wants.

Posted by: Libat | May 04, 2006 at 08:31 AM

I am a 29-year old man. I was a middle child. I had an older brother and younger brother. In my experience, it is both good and bad to be the middle child.

My parents spent more time with my older brother because he is the first to do everything and my younger brother because he was the baby. As a result, they often went to my brothers sporting events but rarely went to mine. When I was growing up, I felt lonely. Even now, that feeling has never completely left. At the same time, I have had a lot of time and space to try things and develope myself with less constraints than my siblings. I feel like I have a better sense of who I am and what is truly important to me vs. my siblings.

My parents endlessly compared me to both my brothers who are smarter than me and did better on tests. My older brother got all A's in school until he cracked under the pressure in highschool. My younger brother was the underachieving baby. I ended up with an inferiority complex but ended up working hard enough to go to U.C. Berkeley for undergraduate and University of Iowa for law school. My siblings are still probably smarter than I am (they can remember the almost exact words of something that they read only once)but I feel like I understand things more deeply than they do.

In conclusion, I hope this helps anyone reading this. I think life deals with you some good and bad cards, how you play it depends on you.

Posted by: John | April 30, 2006 at 06:56 PM

Hi, im a middle child of course. I am 14 years old and i always feel like i have to fill in the blanks of the family, my little brother is dumb, i have to be smart. My big brother and little brother are athletic, i ahve to be artistic. I hear all these people talkign about how they just want attention, i don't really care. If my parents leave me out and don't notice me, who needs them. I'm goign to be succesful and rub it in all their faces. I also kind of like being unnoticed. I can get away with things unseen and unnoticed.

Posted by: gabriel | April 30, 2006 at 12:40 PM

I'm a middle child. Obviously. And still at home - still being neglected. I would feel as if I were whiny to point out this is a real syndrome, but I do wish my parents knew of it. I believe it could help in so many different ways... I... I just want to be with my parents more! I'm always asking if we can go to a movie, or if on weekends I can spend time with just dad - or if mum and I can go horse-back riding, or window shopping, or go look at antiques. I just want to be with them, but my siblings always get first call because my sister is mum's shopping partner, and my brother is Dad's "little slugger". Why don't I belong with anyone?!

Posted by: Anonymous | April 30, 2006 at 12:04 AM

I have read the comments posted on middle child and syndrome and I would like to make a comment of my own. I am 37 years old and also a middle child. I have the same problems as most everyone of you. All I can say is that you can either let it make you or break you. The first is the best route to take. I don't have any quick solutions or answers. Most parents don't even want to acknowledge this could be a problem....for whatever reason. I am a loner, but I enjoy being around people some times....I am not an underachiever, but I do enjoy art and creativity.....I am more independent than my syblings and was more of a risk taker. I do think there is something to middle child syndrome. I think it is the way the parents react to the situation that is so very important. Whether the parents want to admit it or not....the way they treat their children will affect the childs outlook even in adulthood. It's not all bad though... we are able to get along with all kinds of people.....because we have had to learn. Hang in there middle childers it can pay off in the long run. I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I don't....we are all just people. Try to do the best you can and try not to worry about the rest. Why worry? It won't change anything. If you don't feel at ease discussing this with your parents have some information or pamphlets mailed to your house on this topic....maybe they will read it. Who knows? Surely, it can't hurt. Try this one on for size....I am also a lefty and we are deemed weird in itself....so I have to live down both things. Fortunately, I married a lefty as well, but he is the firstborn of his litter. Ha Ha I read where someone said it would be better to marry a last child, but that is not true. You marry who you love and who loves you and when you have children make sure you strive to treat them all with love, kindness, and fairness. Hang in there and you will do just fine. Don't dwell on it because it will make your life miserable. If you let it... middle childom can make you a kind and considerate person with others.....if you don't go negative. Negative will get you no where but unhappiness. Stand up and keep on going!!!!!!

Posted by: Sadie | April 23, 2006 at 04:32 PM

Im am a 47 year old "middle child" of three. I am the nothing child, not the first boy and not the youngst child, i am nothing special. Even today I am treated like I should adapt, My oldest brother needs a vehicle, I have a second vehicle, an old truck, my dad wants me to give it to my brother, although my dad has a second vehicle and won't give his truck up(my father is th youngest of 8). I am the one who should sacrifice. Why is it me who is begrudged the fruits of my labor. This happened during an easter sunday gathering. I was set up, I was made to feel it was greedy of me to want to keep my old dilapidated truck. It brought back so many feelings of the past, it made me feel so unimportant.

Posted by: otter812 | April 20, 2006 at 09:48 AM

i am a middle child. i have been experiencing middle child syndrome since god knows when. i'm also a "nothing child", so its tough for me to get along with my siblings.

but contrary to your belief, middle children arent underachievers, in fact, they would probably be the most successful. maybe its because they NEED to know that they ARE better than their siblings. loners? in a sense, maybe. its a mixture of extremes, actually.

all i can say is, you should be fair to your kids. the middle child doesnt want more attention, she just needs to know that you, as a parent, isnt siding with anyone.

Posted by: garfreak | April 19, 2006 at 11:58 AM

i honestly dont think that middle child syndrome is "all in your head". it all has to do with parenting and i think that it really is something that is out there and affecting people out there. one way to maybe help this problem is with education. parents of 3 or more kids should know about it and try to change it. i am a middle child and i have seen the cases of other middle children and the feelings you feel are genuine feelings of loneliness and its really a hard thing to deal with. just recently, i have been seeing the effects of it in my house with my parents setting rules for me that my older sister never had and that ny younger brother will never have to worry about. its hard to explain but i understand and feel exactly what some people here feel

Posted by: ssg | April 17, 2006 at 01:39 AM

Hi, I am the second child of 4, an older sister, a younger brother and sister too. I am the nothing sister. Not the eldest, youngest or the only boy. An unwanted extra? Growing up I worked harder at everything than my siblings to stand out and my parents never rewarded me. I used to get upset and cranky and take all the benefits of my good work away... to the delight of the siblings.

I completely believe in this middle-child syndrome and how it affects the way in which we think. My siblings have all learnt from my elder sister who is a know-it-all. She forms alliances with the other two siblings againsts me. I believe she is jealous of me because i have always done my own thing.

I think it is important to never say one child is right or wrong or better or worse as this brings resentment. Pay special attention to the middle-child and help them to be ok with their position in life.

Posted by: kilee | April 15, 2006 at 07:28 PM

hi im a middle child also!=) i agree that middle child syndrome is just in your head, we're not loners or self-conscious its all in the parents' ability to bring up their children and to reinforce closeness among their children!! believe me i know what im talking about!!

Posted by: Ellie | March 13, 2006 at 05:27 PM

Im a male 17 year old middle child and I highly believe in the "Middle child syndrome". I have one older brother (18) and one younger brother (15). Everyday for as long as I remember I felt left out in the family. I feel the older sibling gets all the attention because he does everything first; Go to college, drive, get a job, ECT. And the younger sibling is the young cute one who both parents pay lots attention to. I never get attention which forces me to try harder to get attention. Its true about the middle child being more creative. I am extremly creative and i am planning on majoring in the Arts at USC . But even this seems not to impress my parents. If you are a parent of a middle child, please give them attention and show them you love them. I wish My parents would have. It is almost time for me to moveout and I still dont know my parents that well. They never will give me the time of day. I just get over-looked.

Posted by: Dan | March 13, 2006 at 02:40 AM

Hi,Emily..

Iam 17 years old.I have two big brothers,one 21 meanwhile the other was 20.And there's my little sister which is 15.I'm a true believer of the middle child syndrome..when I was little,my two brothers and sister would ALWAYS left me out of any game they played unless I was needed to play the part of a bad guy or a 'captive' by red indians(thats them).Growing up it was just the same..I know my parents love me a but some how deep in my heart i know it's just not the same way as they love my other siblings.My two brothers always got what they wanted and so does my sister,being the youngest..I always had to fork out my own money to get stuff i wanted,so that thought me to be independant.Whenever I'm sad,I'll write in my diary and cry into my pillow till i fell asleep.The thing with middle childs is we tend to hide our feelings and bottled it all up inside instead of sharing it with either our friends or family,somehow,one way or another,there's always an invisible wall built up between you and the world.I may seem bubbly,bright and happy to everyone but sometimes loneliness would take over.But once I grew use to it,it had actually thought me to be fiercely independant and grow through life.As for my family..my *LOVE* for them would forever be unconditional..

Posted by: Sakura | March 04, 2006 at 11:53 AM

i am 16 and also the middle child of 5. my eldest sister(22) is a dork over achieving and a know-it-all, my parents were real strict on her and shes the perfect one being very successful in life, then my brother(18) not as academically smart but family orientated and funny always has a quick to make money scheme, hes my favourite as i dont get along with many people in my household, then theres me(middle child syndrome) and my younger brother(13) the one we pick on but inquisitive and sensitive, and my younger sister(12) the baby the tomboy and the one that gets away with everything. growing up with alot of siblings and being the middle child i found to be incredibly difficult as i resent my parents and find they do treat me differntly therefore me dealing with this supposed middle child syndrome thing alone. although i should love my parents cos they work so hard to make our family happy and what not, i just find that along the way of raising me they gave up and lacked real parenting in my case. for me iv been the black sheep, only because my younger siblings are too young to do anything really wrong and my older brother is a boy and gets away with it. my parents has lost their trust in me and have had heart to heart talks that never seem to get through, as a middle child id say im extremely stubborn and learn everything the hard way but never would i consider myself a loner. i have a bazillion friends and non of which my parents really approve of, 1 because they always doubt the direction my life is going because of my friends and 2 becuase they stereotype them all to the ones that have hurt me in the past. i feel more loved by my friends than anyone in this world and when things break down i never go to my family as there is no support there they assume its my fault, perhaps thats why im quick to blame myself as im not ignorant i know its always my fault and of course my parents just react to the stupid mistakes i constantly make and therefore they dont trust me and that drives me nuts. im done trying to impress them or make them happy as its frustrating that when i do tell the truth they wont beleive me, or when i do excel its a mere oh good work and thats it. i feel like do need more praise and theres no affection whatsoever with me the blacksheep middlechild. my mum recently said that i do nothing but cuase trouble and stress in the home and shes always telling me to get a job and move out if im unhappy. i guess its my fault for taking them for granted treating them like shit, in my moodiest and worst of times i take it out on my siblings as they will still be there the next day, while my friends i treat well like i should my family. in my graduating year i find that i made the wrong choices with my subjects as im not passionate about business or computers, i feel like i excelled more in a creative field one where i can express myself freely and although i dont take criticism too

well i liked to express myself though art in competition with my peers. relationship wise it takes me forever to find someone id persue, its a must that im attracted to them and im trying to see past the exterior as im a sucker for preety boys and never have i found one that didnt mistreat me. but then again im young and also very impatient and i do lose interest the longer the relationship course takes. this middle child syndrome thing i supposedly behold is true in some aspects of my characteristics but i feel that it wouldnt have developed if better parenting had been done to prevent this. of course blameing my parents is unfair as i am the one that ruins my own life but i feel there is no love from them and is that my fault!? of cours it is but isnt a parents love unconditional? but i guess i drive them over the edge but one day when im old and grey im sure we will see eye to eye, one day.

Posted by: kikaii | March 04, 2006 at 02:36 AM

Yes, i'm another middle child. the 2nd of a brood of 3 girls. My older sister is a year older and yes, she may seem perfect. Just 19 and she's already achieved a lot of the dreams that my parents wanted us to reach. My younger sister is 4 years younger than me and she's very sweet especially to my parents, she never forgets an occasion and never fails to get the person a little something. I'm an average student, and so is my younger sister and my older sister is on the honor roll but i somehow get the comparing thing a lot more than my little sister simply because of the close age gap that i have with my older sister. so when my younger sister shows her grades to my parents, they're not as "shocked" because they already went through it with me.

Although, i find myself disagreeing with what most people say where middle children are loners. I'm not. Seriously, I have the most friends, and I aways go out and many say that I have the most PR among the three of us.

But I guess what most middle children have in common is that they read a lot into little gestures. Like what if there was one time where in you were extremely stressed out and really busy and your daughter comes home and hugs you and gets really chatty. Don't blow her off. That's the worst possible thing you can do. Hug her hello and explain that you're extremely busy. She'd read too much into it and there's a chance that she'd never do something like that again just because she wouldn't want to feel rejected again.

Raising a middle child is the hardest. My own parents tell me lolz. But I'd think you'd do well.Good Luck!

Posted by: Yet another middle kid | March 03, 2006 at 03:56 AM

I'm also a middle child. I have one sister three years older than me and one five years younger. I've found that I'm very self conscious, and I don't like to draw attention to myself. I underestimate myself and worry a lot. In fact, I'm questioning whether or not to send you this.

I think the best way to get through to your middle child is to surprise her. If she wants to be alone, give her space. If she's upset but doesn't seem to want you around, quietly leave her something like a few cookies, a cartoon or comic, or a cup of tea. If she's angry, don't yell. When she's particularly sociable, talk to her, don't blow her off.

We're kind of like deer. Quietly flitting around in the woods one minute, standing right there in front of your car the next. Make her feel needed without clinging on too tight. We need our independence but also a family to fall back on.I'm not an underachiever. I'm in the top 5% of my class and I've scored much higher than my older sister on the SAT. Still, I have very low self esteem in these areas. While all my scores say that I'm smart I never believe I'm as smart as I am.As the parent of a middle child, you might find that they're both polar extremes- spunky and quiet. It depends on the day. Don't worry too much if she's quiet on the way to the doctor. We tend to get lost in our reserved, creative heads.I wish you and your daughter the best of luck. I'm sure that if you're showing this concern, you'll raise her just fine.

Posted by: Cate | March 01, 2006 at 07:49 PM

HI I am a mother if three vary young boy's 4-3-1. Thay are vary close in age my older two are 13 months apart, the younger of the two (3) is vary hard to talk to and has small fit's about vary small thing's ie.(sitting in the cart when we are shopping) I know he need's one on one time with his dad and myself. I try to give as much as I can. I am a stay at home mom I do everthing in my house cooking,cleaning,laundry, kids,shopping. I know all moms do that but I get vary little help my man works long hours and dosent get home untell almost bed time. I need to know how do I get my Three year old to talk to me when he want's to look at me adn say nothing. If he can't have his way he will have a fit I dont want him to be afrid of me. how do I get past this with him

Posted by: Jamie Bohn | February 28, 2006 at 05:02 PM

I am a middle child of four girls. I often felt as if I was left out within my group of friends or schoolmates, but at home I honestly believe I received too much attention. I was almost spoiled I guess. But I was still whiney and expected attention any time I craved it, so sometimes I would cry about things that really shouldn't have mattered and then made the excuse that "nobody loves me." I was not an underachiever. In fact, I am more successful than any of my sisters. I may not have the job/career stability that I would like, but I have a wonderful family and feel very successful. Do not let anyone tell you that you are a bad parent just because your daughter is a middle child and wants more attention. You never know, there could be other factors that are bringing on her recent behavior.

Posted by: Sandra | February 23, 2006 at 07:19 PM

Hi, I am a middle child. I have an older brother who is 2yrs older and a sister who is 3yrs younger than I am. Growing up I was typical of a middle child. I was very quiet amongest my family but I always had a lot of friends and more importantly kept friendships unlike my siblings.I was a very motivated and independant child and never felt the need to compete with my siblings. I did my own thing usually the opposite to my siblings and it was always in areas that I excelled in. I guess you could say I was the quiet observer and I learnt from all of the mistakes my older and younger siblings made. In terms of achievement I zoomed ahead of my sibligs without them even knowing and when they realised what had happened it was too late. I feel that it is difficult to define a middle child and what is written is only theory not fact. With your child foster all of her strengths and what makes her an individual. find areas that she will excel in and praise her for it along with a big hug! Make her feel just

important(which I am sure you are doing)and all of the effort and hard work will be worth it in the end. All the best

Posted by: Emily | February 18, 2006 at 05:50 PM

I am a middle child of 4, I have 1 older brother - 28, an older sister - 26 I am 24 and my younger sister is almost 21. I definately think i have this Middle Child Syndrome as I have difficulty in sharing my feelings and prefer my own company to being with others. All my life I have never had many friends, but focused more on just one friend and that keeps me happy. My sisters and brother on the other hand have always been very popular and successful. Even in their careers they are very successful, the 2 older ones being in very high payed jobs and my youngest just starting out in a career, me on the other hand have been in the same job for over 5 years and still not had a promotion despite numerous attempts.I have no idea how to prevent this from happening, hell i don't even think you can stop it. Just to pay a bit more attention to your middle child and don't compare them to the older or younger siblings.

Posted by: Amy | February 18, 2006 at 02:45 AM

hello, i'm a middle child with an older sister and a younger sister. I am unfortuantly still in my teen years and though maybe you would want some perspective from a current middle child. What ever people say middle child syndrom is true, maybe not for all but a lot. Currently i am sitting here typing looking at my sisters high school transcrip and seeing all A's. My older sister is perfect, has lots of friends, is good, responsible, leader and smart. My younger one is only 13 but she already seems to be picking up after my older sister. She is one of the mathimaticaly smartest kids in her class. She is extremely smart, and also has lots of friends. Now me on the other hand, i don't have lots a friends, i am not that intelligent and am constantly in fights with my parents and other people. The reasons of the fights with my parents are mainly because i don't get a long with them. They don't understand what it is like to not have these friends, to not be as smart as the first child and to ALWAYS HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT. Also some of the comments they use is "we did the same thing for your sister" or "your sister makes lots of friends". So basically just never assume your second child is going to be like the first child. Give the second child as much attention as the other ones and sometimes more, because its really hard. Sorry if i have scared you at all that was not my intent, i just saw this and hope that your child won't have to go through what i do.

ps. although being the middle is hard being the middle and of the only gender is also hard, i don't know if this is the case but if it is try to when you give "the kids" a choice of what to do occasionally ask her what to do, because the other two kids usually gang up and so she won't feel like she ever has a say in it.

Posted by: Jon Luke | February 16, 2006 at 04:56 PM

Hi, I'm a middle-middle child of five. I have an older sister and brother 21 and 20 and two younger sisters 17 and 16 and I'm 18. I never knew middle child syndrome existed until someone said I don't show any signs of it. But when I looked into I believe I do. For instance, I do find it hard sharing my feelings with people and keep it hidden to avoid conflict at all costs, I am always alone and left out as my older two siblings hang out and my two younger ones are always together. The way I got attention from my parents was by my achievements

which are greater than any of my siblings. I was the first one out of my siblings to get a job, drivers licence, car, go to university. So the notion that middle children are under achiever is not true. I'm still working on my personality of becoming more outgoing and engaging with others but there is a lack of interest on my part with forming relationships.

Posted by: Aleksandra | February 13, 2006 at 07:41 AM

Hello, I am Dave. I am currently researching on a topic slightly similiar to his plz do help me on child syndromes.

Posted by: Dave Lim | January 22, 2006 at 08:42 AM

I am the middle child of two boys. And do I ever believe that there is such a thing as middle child syndrome. As a child I never believed that I got as much attention as my brothers. Dad love the older one because he could help out more and Mom loved the younger one cuz that was the baby. So as I got older I couldnt wait to move out and become the center of attention in my own life. My oldest brother is a few years older than me and still living at home. I am fiercly independant but at another point I am very needy. Being the middle child has affected my life and how my personality is but you should definately grow outta the whole mom and dad dont love me stage.

Posted by: Lindsay | December 07, 2005 at 11:38 PM

I’m a middle child I have an older brother a older sister and two younger brother one year apart, I have to tell you in my case it was not very nice growing up I was a loner to a large degree and not by choice my older brother always got all the attention for being the first born and always seemed to not care if I lived or died he always got all the attention for being the first born, My sister was the only girl, enough said about and my two younger brothers were babies at the same time so I was effectively lost in the family scheme.I ember several Christmas’s were the others had received presents and I was told that I would get something after when they would get some extra money but it never happened, don’t get me wrong my parents were very loving but I was always forgotten some how because of the make-up of my older and younger siblings.To this day it still seems to be the trend among my family members I am always last to be invited to table when events happen if I’m invited at all, I don’t want to tell in this comment all that happened or you readers will think I am a basket case but if any parent reads this please listen to me. You may say to yourself not me I don’t do that but you do my mother always says to me that never happened but a child will always remember were a parent feels that they did the same for all there children. I'm not asking you to give the middle child more but please make sure to the same for the first the last and the middle equally across the board, to this day I still ask my self what did I do wrong, when in truth I did nothing more than being born in the middle.

Posted by: kevin keyes | December 07, 2005 at 07:10 PM

I'M A SECOND CHILD (MALE) OUT OF 4. MY ELDER BROTHER IS TURNING 20, I'M TURNING 18, LITTLE BROTHER TURNING 14 AND LITTLE SISTER TURNING 9.

I NEVER KNEW SECOND CHILD SYNDROME UNTIL RECENTLY AND REALIZED THAT I HAD THE SYMPTOMS OF MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROMES. I USED TO BE A

LONER, HAVE ALWAYS BEEN DISTANT WITH MY PARENTS AND MOST SIGNIFICANTLY HATED ALL MY SIBLINGS.

I THOUGHT THAT I SHOULD INFORM YOU THAT ALTHOUGH A CHILD IS SUFFERING FROM MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROME, DO NOT WORRY BECAUSE THEY WOULD GROW UP TO BECOME UNIQUE, INDEPENDENT AND DIPLOMATIC THAN OTHER SIBLINGS.

ANOTHER ISSUE THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW IS THE COMMON BELIEF OF MIDDLE CHILDREN BEING UNDER ACHIEVERS IS RARELY TRUE. I HAPPEN TO PERFORM BETTER THAN MY BROTHERS BY A MILE!

IF YOU HAVE BEEN INFORMED ABOUT MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROME BEING PRESENT IN YOUR CHILD, I SUGGEST THAT PARENTS KEEP AN OPEN MIND AND STOP THE BELIEF THAT YOU ARE DOING YOUR BEST WITH ALL YOUR CHILDREN (MY PARENTS). THIS ASPECT IS IMPORTANT AS MIDDLE CHILDREN DO NOT TEND TO EXPRESS THEIR NEED FOR ATTENTION AND MAY CAUSE THEM TO RESORT TO PHYSICAL AGGRESSION WITH SIBLINGS.

HAPPY PARENTING TO ALL PARENTS

Posted by: anonymous | May 31, 2005 at 12:03 PM

Hi Emily

There is a book which I understand addresses this topic written by Australian author Michael Grose called Why First Borns Want to Rule the World and Last Borns Want to Change It. I havent read it myself but I understand it offers tips on how to parent children of different birth orders. http://www.parentingideas.com.au/books1.html

Posted by: Karyn | March 01, 2005 at 08:33 AM

I have 3 middles, including a middle middle. Five kids, three girls and two boys in that order. As I remember, the only one who felt left out was the third girl, more because the larger age differences before and after isolated her. But now they're all adults and, thank G-d, very close, very different but very close.

Don't forget that 9 is a tough age, so don't read too much into order/placing as cause.

Posted by: muse | February 27, 2005 at 12:10 AM

Oh goodness, I was the middle child. I hope I'm not a loner! ;) To me, the idea behind the middle child is simply the frame of mind that the middle child doesn't receive any kind of special attention that the first born or baby receive.

I don't remember feeling that way when I was growing up however. My sister and I were extremely close (she was older) and we doted on our younger brother.

I think a lot of might have to do with spacing of the children. For instance, watching your older sibling do something you can't do yet (drive, shave legs, makeup, date) and then

watching your younger sibling still enjoy the thrills of childhood. That furthers the idea of being "stuck in the middle." Are you still a child? Or are you a teen yet?

I would be hesitant to immediately label something as being the middle child syndrome though. I think what is great in this situation is that you are aware of her behavior change and that you are responding in a positive way. So many parents could easily just think of it as a phase or a mood, but you are addressing it and I think eventually she'll get her spunkyness back.

I'm still the middle child and I've got my spunkyness (usually)! :)

Posted by: kat | February 25, 2005 at 03:13 PM

My sisterinlaw has a psych degree and I have some background in childhood development and education. All of our studies also indicate that the birth order is also influenced by the gender of the child as well as how many kids are in the family.

For example if there are four children the middle two may or may not experience this syndrom--factor in, is the child the first or last girl or boy? Or are their three of the same sex?

This is hard to discuss in comments, can't go into a lot of depth but I'll give another example. We have three children, my husband being a second born of four was very conscious of birth order for our kids. When we had our boy then our girl and discussed another he really wanted our third to be a boy. His reasoning? That way our little girl could be the "only" girl thus "special." Less chances of feeling that she doesn't get as much attention or has to compete with her brothers because she is the only girl and thus different and has a sense of uniqueness--something important for middle children.

In all reality, there is a good chance that your little girl's issues have more to do with coming into that "preteen" time period and changing hormones. Alot of girls these days are entering puberty sooner than our generation did.

Posted by: sleepingmommy | February 25, 2005 at 02:13 PM

Em - If it helps any, my daughter Princess (also 9) had a recent phase that was strikingly similar...I traced it back to friendship problems at school. I think the true root of the change in behavior has something to do with changing hormones etc...and the frienship problems only exhausted the situation causing tears and clinging. I sure do wish these kids came with directions like my computer did.

Posted by: cursingmama | February 25, 2005 at 10:53 AM