Hello again you lovely kind people- assuming you’re there reading this. If you aren’t then BOY is this awkward...

I hope that the title has made you want to run off and listen to The Cure. But don’t run off just yet. Why not play it whilst you read? So... Where are we?Hiro and Yaeko fell headfirst into a delightfully soppy romance and were soon married. Meanwhile, Helena, Hermione and Hamlet got down to extending the family tree and Heffalump went travelling with Xander. As the last chapter ended, Godric and Iris revealed that they would be moving out to live in eternally youthful motherloded bliss since I simply won’t have simselves cluttering up the neighbourhood with their corpses. Farnsworth froze herself in a cryo-chamber of her own invention and Hiro started the important business of heirdom.

Apologies if this chapter feels a little disjointed but I’ve been writing it bits at a time. I did chapter 32 on LJ but it was just too goddamn annoying! I don’t know if I’m missing something really obvious that makes it a wonderful, easy way to write- but it does my head in.

Well we might as well push on...

“Goodbye old age, heeellooo eternal youth!” Godric grinned as he left his home. “I can’t help but feel that by leaving the lot that has been the home of my family for generations, I am-”“Oh just get in the bloody taxi Goddy, we’ve got to get there before the movers so we can tell them where to plug in Farnsie’s cryochamber.”

He gave the lot one last wave and joined his wife in the taxi.“Hey,” he leant froward from the back seat to talk to the driver. “Don’t you drive the schoolbus?”“I drive a lot of things.” he answered flatly. “Now are we ready to go?”“Have you got your jar of dirt Gee?” Iris asked.“Yup.” “Then yes, let’s go.”

Elphaba had advised them to fill a small jar with soil from the lot. It was old magic, and not really understood very well by most of the witches and warlocks in Gotham, but Godric’s case was the first of its kind, and if there was any magical protection in the legacy lot, perhaps this would extend it.

Moving Iris and Godric out finally gave me an excuse to use a house I’ve had in the bin for a while. Obviously, it’s not made by me, so I’d like to say thanks to the talented creator- whoever they are. Anyway, my favourite feature is the pool under the house. It looks so lovely at night.

Godric and Iris aren’t the only ones with a new house. I had to build a new one for the main line because the eternally burning fire in the corner of the old one was driving me insane. (never delete you bonfires whilst they’re still burning) But I couldn’t really be bothered to do any real planning or designing. And that’s why you won’t get to see the front of the house. It’s shameful.

Stupidly, it’s full of diagonal walls that make it difficult to furnish. *sigh*I’m not going to do a proper tour because I’ll just embarrass myself, but here’s some picspam.

Split level thingy in no way stolen from... Anyone... *shifty eyes*

Two shots of the graves... What can I say? I have a thing about graveyards.

“I’ve got something for you.” Yaeko smiled, producing a parcel.“Ooh! A present? What is it?”“It’s a T-shirt.”“Awwww, you’re so sweet! But you really didn’t have to do that.”“Yes I did.”“Errr,” Hiro was confused. “Why?”

“Because... Well, do you know what that one actually says?”“Errr, no.” he replied nervously.“It says ‘Looking for a Japanese girlfriend’*.”“Ooooooh,” he began to blush. “So really its mission has been accomplished.”“Definitely.” he grinned. * This is what the creator of the shirt said. I have no knowledge of Japanese at all. I do have a friend who’s doing an A level in it, so maybe I’ll ask her to check.

“You didn’t have to change it straight away.” Yaeko laughed.“Oh I think I did. And it’s a fantastic shirt by the way.”“Well there’s always room for a bit more Monty Python in one’s life isn’t there?”

Just a day after they moved in, Yaeko went into labour. Here comes the first potential heir! *squeals*

“Hello baby girl,” Yaeko cooed. “You’re the most beautiful thing in the world.”“*cough* irregular nose *cough*”“Sorry, I didn’t catch that.”“Nothing!”

She’s been named Iracebeth after the Red Queen from Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland. I love Tim Burton and I love the Alice books even more, but I REALLY didn’t like the film. It was good visually but- I guess I like the books too much. And also, it’s made it fashionable which pisses me off beyond belief. ANYWAY, I’ll press onwards to avoid a rant.I didn’t like the film, but I thought Iracebeth was a great character (even though they seemed to have just squished the Queen of Hearts and the Red Queen together) and (as I established last generation) I love Helena Bonham Carter. In case you haven’t seen the film, (well done) Iracebeth is the petulant, hot tempered queen of Crims and the sister of Mirana the White Queen. If you ask me, she really wasn’t such a villain and Mirana’s a bitch- but that’s just me. This kid will be fun.

I also need to mention another new addition to the family. Hepzibah’s parents Hawkins and Glitterglue sadly passed away just before Hiro and Yaeko left the old house. It’s now up to Hepzibah to continue the line of Batfink the Great.“Who’s a pretty kitty? You’re a pretty kitty! Yes you are!”

“Excellent Hepzibah! Keep him distracted.”Here is the aforementioned new addition. His name is Boosh- as in the Mighty Boosh. Not that there are that many Booshes in the world.

“And now you are mine...”

*drool*

Hiro got a job in the Law Enforcement career and is working to achieve his LTW of becoming Captain Hero. But he’s not letting his work get in the way of the eternal cuteness of his marriage.

Kaito visits whenever he can and greatly misses his daughter. But he knows that she’s blissfully happy and he has plenty of work to keep him busy.

Predictably, it wasn’t long before Yaeko was pregnant again.

She continued to create her art and even felt that she worked better whilst pregnant. Hiro’s grandmother Farnsworth had also claimed that she worked better during her pregnancy because she viewed a higher frequency of explosions as an increase in productivity.

“Well congratulations Lieutenant.” smiled Yaeko.“Why thank you.” Hiro swelled a little in pride. “Have you told your parents?”“Not yet, I’ll tell them at Rassy’s party.”

“I can’t believe it’s already nearly her birthday.” Yaeko said sadly. “Aww, cheer up honey” Hiro consoled her, squeezing her hand gently. “We’ll have another baby in the house soon.”

And indeed they did. The next morning Yaeko gave birth which made Solan’s visit rather memorable. Solan is stolen from animeangel’s game and you can read about him in her excellent ‘The Quest for Peace’ although when I downloaded him his hair and outfit didn’t work- so I hope he looks ok Ani Mei.

What an attractive picture that is.

Yaeko gave birth to a boy.

He founded Minas Ithil which later became Minas Morgul and he and Anarion founded Gondor whilst Elendil founded Arnor in the north. During the campaign to overthrow Sauron fought by the Last Alliance of Elves and Men, Elendil and Anarion were slain. Isildur used his father’s broken sword Narsil to cut the One ring from Sauron’s hand and was presented with the opportunity to destroy it forever but, despite urging from Elrond and Cirdan, he was corrupted by it and chose to keep it. He left his brother’s son in charge of Gondor and returned to the north but his party was attacked in the Gladden Fields and although Isildur tried to use the ring to conceal himself whilst escaping across the river, it abandoned him and he, along with 250 of his men and three of his four sons were slain. Aragorn is descended from the fourth son Valandil who had remained in Rivendell with his mother.

He’s been named Isildur after the character from Lord Of The Rings. Yes, more LOTR names! Isildur is the elder son of Elendil and brother of Anarion and escaped Numenor with his father and brother before it vanished beneath the waves.

I realise that this was longer than it needed to be, but you may also be interested to know that he was apparently 7 ft tall and his name means “devoted to the moon”.

It was a very busy day for the family, because Iracebeth’s party was that evening.

And here’s Iracebeth as a toddler. Right, here you can see that her eyes are a pale blue colour, but a few slides from now they will change to black. I shut down the game, came back the next day and they had changed and I have no idea why.Ah well!

“Hello there,” Iris picked up her granddaughter who stared determinedly at her. “A redhead eh?” “Gah,” Iracebeth reached a tiny hand towards Iris’ glasses.“Oh no you don’t Rassy.”

It soon became clear that she was a very playful child.

Although she had quite a temper.

Hiro was soon promoted to SWAT team leader and was now only two promotions away from his LTW.

Sometimes Boosh liked to accompany him to work- apparently...

WTF?

And Hiro had another reason to be happy.“You’re pregnant AGAIN?!” Yaeko held the phone slightly further from her ear as Heffalump shrieked excitedly down the line. “That’s fantastic! Congratulations!!!”“Thanks. Helena is convinced that it’s twins.”“Well she’s normally pretty good at predicting these things.”“Anyway, what’s New York like?”“Fantastic. Xander and I are having a great time. It’ll be good to be home though. How are Rassy and Isildur?”“Rassy’s mischievous and Isildur’s- well, he sleeps almost constantly. Oh! Hepzibah’s had a kitten!”

The conception of said kitten was witnessed by a postman with serious problems.

The kitten is a girl and has been named McVittie thanks to my biscuit addiction. Mmmm, jaffa cakes...

“Hiro, if you’re a SWAT leader now, why are you wearing that suit?” asked Horatio as he dealt the cards.“It’s stylish.” replied Hiro, taking a good look at his hand. “Geek chic y’know.”“Right...”“So how’s Dylan?”“He’s... Inquisitive. He’s into experiments at the moment.”

“As in, ‘What happens if you put an egg in a microwave?’ or ‘What will a slice of pizza look like after 4 months under your bed?’ experiments.”“Aww, I can’t wait until my kids are his age.”“Don’t wish it away Hiro, you’ll miss the peace I assure you.” he flicked a couple of chips into the centre of the table “Yaeko must be due any day now.”“Yeah, and she’s handling it like an angel. Although I imagine pregnancy is much easier when you have the support of your family.”

“HIIII-ROOO, the baby’s coming NOOOOW!”“mmmnmnmbmbmb...”“HIRO”“mmmnmnm... It’s a Saturday honey.... I don’t have to get up for work today... Go back to sleep...”“HIR- AYYYEAAAAAHHH!”

Fortunately, Horatio had apparently decided to stick around even after Hiro had given him a big goodbye hug and was able to lend a hand.“Hello there little guy”“I don’t think we’re done yet Hiro,”“What do you- twins?!”“Uh huh,”

The second twin was another boy. One has red hair, presumably from Iris, and blue eyes from- well, I’m not 100% sure who they’re from. I think it may even be as far back as Daphne! The other twin has black hair which could be from either parent and Iris’ grey eyes.

The black haired/grey eyed twin is Iago and he was named after the character from Othello. In the play Iago is a soldier and the standard bearer of Othello whom he resents because he did not promote him. Iago plots to get revenge on Othello and convinces him that his wife Desdemona is having an affair with Othello’s lieutenant Michael Cassio.

It may seem like a cruel name to give a child, but he is undeniably a fantastic character and I really do like the name in its own right. Also, in Disney’s Aladdin, Jafar’s parrot minion is named Iago.

The red haired/blue eyed twin is Ichigo and was named after Kurosaki Ichigo, a character from the manga and anime series ‘Bleach’. Ichigo is a 15 year old (although frankly this age is short by at least 5 years) who is able to see spirits. He meets a Soul Reaper named Rukia during a Hollow attack. In Bleach, Hollows are malevolent deceased souls that were once humans. When Rukia is injured, she decides to transfer some of her powers to him so that he can defeat the Hollow but Ichigo instead absorbs nearly all of her spiritual power and has to perform Rukia’s Soul Reaper duties until she recovers. Ichigo mother was murdered when he was a child and he is haunted by a misplaced sense of guilt and responsibility for her death. It is for this reason that he is so determined to defend his friends and family from danger.

As a toddler, Iracebeth was playful and inquisitive and loved to explore the house. Her expeditions often left her completely tuckered out and she took her naps where ever she saw fit to do so. She racked up quite a few charisma points and took to speech like a slightly bossy duck to water.

Before either of her parents could believe it, her birthday rolled around. Conveniently, Isildur was also due an age transition on that day and they had a joint party.

It became instantly clear that she would continue to be quite the little scamp. She was very happy with her new body as it allowed gave her greater independence...

...and made attention easier to come by.

“Can I play Grandma?” Iracebeth asked.“Of course you can.” said Iris as she set up the table. “Have you played it before?”“No, you’ll have to teach me.”“Okey doke.”“But I’m still going to win.”“Oh are you?” Iris laughed. “Well I had planned to let you win, but now it’s game on!”

And here’s Isildur being adorable now that he is officially licensed to toddle.

He is a reluctant skiller but does enjoy his xylophone. He seems to have quite a talent developing and has aroused Hepzibah’s interest with his musical stylings.

Iracebeth has formed an unlikely bond with Galinda and Finarfin’s daughter Mirana. Their friendship seems unusual because Iracebeth’s boisterously playful attitude is quite different to Mirana’s cool, quiet composure.

Nonetheless, the pair are already BFFs and Mirana usually accompanies Rassy home from school.

Please forgive the Isildur picspam. He really is such a cutie.

And yes, Yaeko is pregnant yet again. I love the picture on the right; it’s such a family sim shot.

Speaking of family sim shots, here’s another one taken before Yaeko’s first bump appeared.Hiro and Yaeko are one of the most adorable couples I’ve ever had and they adore their family.

One more pointless picture: Here’s Yaeko getting her second bump in front of the ridiculous two story mirror in the hall.

The twins were soon rather adorable toddlers- but my opinion will be biased won’t it?I’m glad they aren’t identical. Ichigo looks VERY like Yaeko. This is most noticeable in his eyes which I absolutely love but they can look a little strange in some shots but I know from experience with my sister’s simself’s fish children that he will grow into them. I haven’t got their stats to hand but, if I remember correctly, they’re both quite serious and active, Iago isn’t as nice as Ichigo, neither of them are particularly outgoing and Iago is neater than Ichigo.

“Gerard! You’re just in time for Isildur’s birthday party!”“Thanks Hiro, but I’m afraid I really can’t stay.”“Oh go on!”“I really have to-”“I bet the tickle daemon can change your mind!”“EEEE! Okay! Okay! I’ll stay!”

Isildur had a actual birthday party so that he could meet his cousins properly.

Who’s that hiding behind the balloons I hear you ask?

Why it’s Reais, son of Hades and father of Solan of course! He’s another handsome sim stolen from Animeangel’s game and, like his son, his CC didn’t download properly. Thankfully his hair did and I had an outfit kind of similar to the one he wears when staring in the excellent ‘The Quest for Peace’. It’s not a party unless the Prince of the Underworld is present!

Although Isildur gets on well with all of his cousins, his best friend is Faramir, Hamlet and Gail’s second eldest son. They have a shared interest in music (hence Isildur’s awesome smashing pumpkins t-shirt- which is identical to my own I might add) and plan to start a band once they’re old enough to hold a guitar properly.

As neither of the twins are particularly playful, Hiro found it difficult to engage them with his patented peek-a-boo face that had so easily amused the older children. But he got there eventually, it was a very good peek-a-boo face. Like his big sister, Iago spent most of his toddlerhood earning charisma points whereas Ichigo quickly built up a supply of logic ones.

Nothing comes between a gamer and a secret level they discovered accidently. “Hiro, this greenhouse was your idea.”“Okay honey, just give me one... More...secon-YES! Wait until Ando hears that I’ve got the Purple Piranha achievement before him!”

NOTE: the miraculous non-pregnant outwear that I’m sure Yaeko isn’t supposed to be able to change into. But she also likes to swim across the pool rather than walk around it- so I’ll write it off as a lovable quirk of her personality for the sake of my nerves.

It had been a long time since Edward’s old podium had been used for anything other than amplified bumps. Infact, Iracebeth was the only one of his descendants, other than Elendil, to have shown any serious interest in it. She continued to increase her supply of charisma points and began to wonder if she would one day follow a career in politics.

She certainly liked things to go her way...But she would definately need a few lessons in diplomacy.

Regardless of what Yaeko’s wardrobe believes, she certainly was pregnant- and here’s the proof.This is the final baby of the generation and it’s another boy making Iracebeth the only girl!

So the final baby boy has been named Ichabod, after Ichabod Crane from ‘The Legend of Sleepy Hollow’ by Washington Irving. There have been various interpretations of it, but- well, I’ll be honest with you. This is a chance for Johnny Depp spam. What’s more, Sleepy Hollow Johnny Depp spam and my favourite of his roles is a toss up between Edward Scissorhands and Ichabod Crane. As scandalous as I’m sure many people will, understandably, consider it, I prefer the Tim Burton adaptation of it to the original story- and not just because of Johnny Depp. In that version, Ichabod is a quirky, nervous New York policeman with an ahead of his time interest in science and post-mortem investigations who is sent to Sleepy Hollow to investigate a series of unusual murders in the town which is tormented by the Hessian Headless Horseman.

“What are you doing Grandpa?”“Oh, I don’t know,” Godric replied. “Reminiscing I suppose.”“Mum painted Daddy’s portrait.” Iracebeth said knowingly. “Who painted yours Grandpa?”“Archie, your great grandfather, did after I married Grandma.”“Daddy told me that all of these people are related to me.”“They certainly are,” he said, turning back to look at his predecessors “Nine generations of Marmites- including Paddington.”“I’m going to be on the wall too when I’m grown up.” “Oh are you?” he laughed. “So you’re going to be heir are you?”

“Mmm hmmm.” she said happily- and then after a pause, “Grandpa?”“Ye-es?”“How do you make yourself an heir?”“Each generation of this family has one heir. When you’re older- probably during university- there’ll be a vote and either you or one of your brothers will be chosen as the heir for generation I.” “So... It’s a game?”“Errr, well I suppose so- in a manner of speaking...”“Well that’s EASY!” she squealed “I always win games! And I’m the eldest anyway.”“It’s best to try not to think about it Rassy. You never really know how people will vote and if you get your hopes up too high-”“Are you saying you don’t think I can win?!” As she glared at him with unholy fire in her eyes and her small fists shaking, it occurred to Godric that, whilst she was underachieving in maturity, Iracebeth was working towards degree level anger. “Of course I think you can win Rassy!” he said quickly.”The ireful glow vanished instantly, as if controlled by a light switch, and her stance relaxed, pale hands uncoiling. She grinned broadly and giggled as she skipped forward to hug him.“Thanks Grandpa.”Godric watched, half bemused, half concerned as she left the room, singing happily to herself. At least she believes in herself. He thought consolingly, pushing the alarm out of his mind. And that’s a good thing, right?

Isildur’s interest in music continued to grow throughout his childhood.

He also seems to have a bit of a soft spot for animals- and, er... Roundabouts...

He may be a studious musician and a caring owner- but he’s nowhere near as angelic a child as this may suggest.“Dude, you have girls throwing themselves at you constantly don’t you?”“Errr,” said Solan uncomfortably “Well, I suppose you could say that.”“You have to teach me!”

“Er, I’m not really sure that’s appropriate. And besides, I wouldn’t have a clue how to. You could always try being considerate and understanding.”“Urgh.” Isildur frowned. “Really? What if I stared a band? Would I still have to be nice then?”Solan thought for a moment and then let out a long sigh.“Probably not.”“Awesome.”

After a toddlerhood astonishingly (even neglectfully!) free of picspam, Iago and Ichigo grew up into two rather solemn children. It’s even clearer now that they both look incredibly like their mother. They had an unusual relationship with each other. They didn’t share the special closeness that many twins did- but neither were they at war with one another. Each respected the other, but they were closer to their older siblings than to their twin.

Iracebeth squeezed in one more bathtub voyage before her birthday, knowing that when she was a teen she’d have less time for such amusements as she would have to begin seriously concentrating on her ascent to heirdom.

The next day, the house became invested with simselves and relatives as Iracebeth prepared to enter the incomprehensible misery of her teenage years the best years of her life.

But as she made her way towards the cake, she found herself trapped in the games room with her disturbingly into each other grandparents who were flirting like the proverbial.

But fortunately, this encounter did not scar her emotionally- but the sheer awkwardness did trigger her age transition.

“Godric! You’ll never guess what’s happening over here!”

Iracebeth grew into a popularity sim which works out miraculously well for me. *doessmallvictorydance*

“BAM.”

“That’s good,” said Godric “But it’s more like... BAM.”“Wait, show me again.”“BAM.”“Wow.” she breathed.“It’s all in the wrist.”

Iracebeth and Mirana’s friendship continued, stronger than ever, into their teens.Mirana is also a popularity sim and this is perhaps why they are so close despite their contradicting personalities. And if Mirana’s grown up...

...then so has Galadriel. But there isn’t time for any more of her sheer magnificence in this chapter.

“...Hosts of Mordor at the city gatesThe horn of Gondor re-VER-beratesSee smoke from the pyre of DenethorTonight the shit goes down at Pellenor

Well you say you don't know me but I think you doI ain't Dernhelm so get a fucking clueMy name is Eowyn and I dress like a manAnd I'll be slaying black riders like nobody can.”

Like his siblings, Iago had rejoiced when Yaeko had informed them that a snow day had been declared and they would not have to go to school. But disappointingly, there wasn’t actually much snow around. (I wish all schools were this lax *sigh*) He did try to build a snowman, but the small pile of frost was unable to support a carrot. He gave up and was making his way inside when he noticed a man free styling in front of the house.

Seven stars and seven stones and one white treeNo witch-king of Angmar get the best of meI stood up tall and stabbed him right in the kneeAnd then his fell beast fell on top of me

LORDOFTHERHYMES.COM

“Excuse me,” Iago said, perhaps a little too assertively to be wholly polite. “but I’m not sure you should be doing that on private property.”The man didn’t reply, but picked up the jar at his feet and tipped it upside down hopefully, frowning as a couple of pennies tumbled out reluctantly.

“I said-”“I heard what you said kid.”“Well then-”“Yeah yeah,” he said in a hardened voice. “A guy’s gotta make a living y’know.”“Well you can’t do it here.”“I would have thought that you’d show a little more kindness to your relatives.”

“If we’re related,” began Iago sceptically “then why have I never met you?”The man gave a short, derisive laugh. “Well that’s what happens when you’re a spare.” He read the question in Iago’s expression. “I’m Caspian. I suppose you’ve never heard of me.”“Err...” Iago began awkardly.“It’s ok; it’s not your fault. That’s the crappy life we get stuck with. You just get abandoned and forgotten about.” “But all my aunts and uncles have kids and stuff.”“Thanks,” Caspian said witheringly. “That makes me feel a lot better.” He let out a sigh. “Well, I’ll be off then. But I’ll give you a piece of advice, do whatever you can to be the heir kid; you never know how things will go if you end up a spare- and it’s not worth the risk.”

He turned to leave, but stopped when Iago suddenly called after him.“W-wait,” he began. “Where are you going?”“Home- or close enough.”“Do you live on your own?”“No. I live with some other spares. A lot of them can’t get by on their own. Well, see ya,” he turned again.“Can I come?”Caspian stared at him incredulously. “Why the hell would you want to do that?”“I don’t know,” Iago mumbled. “I just feel bad- and it’d be nice to meet them all.”“I don’t think you’ll enjoy it.” Caspian replied solemnly.“Oh please let me!” Caspian thought for a moment. “Will your parents be ok with it?”“Yeah sure,” he said, waving his hand dismissively. “Well alright then.”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you kid.”The door opened into a U-shaped hallway with tired doors leading into other rooms on both sides. From the other rooms, muffled indistinct sound could be heard, but in the corridor all felt very still. At least until one of the doors was kicked open with a bang that made Iago jump and sent his heart racing. A man strode through the door, making theatrical kicks on every step and, apparently, conversing with a ball.

“It’s just Aladdin.” said Caspian sadly. “He’s generation A.”“and I said to her, I said ‘I don’t know the meaning of the word!’” Aladdin broke into hysterical laughter but stopped instantly as he caught sight of them.“C’mon,” said Caspian grimly as Aladdin stared at them, leading Iago through another door.

In the next room a red haired man clutched a dart tightly in his hand but simply stared vacantly at the board opposite him. Iago watched the motionless figure, waiting in vain for him to throw. Caspian laid a hand on his shoulder and spoke quietly.“That’s Donald.” he sighed. “He never even graduated. Generations C and D suffered worse than any others.” he gestured towards a door opposite the one they had entered through and lead Iago away.

The next room was busier, full of faces Iago did not recognise, but also one that he did. “Merlin?” he asked in surprise. “What are you doing here?”“Ginny and I are visiting.” he replied. “Not many people bother to and we feel- hey, what are you doing here?” “Err, the same.”

“Oh,” Merlin smiled. “Well that’s very good of you. Visitors really brighten up their day.”“So... What exactly do you do when you’re visiting?”“Oh y’know,” he replied. “Try to cheer them up a bit.” he suddenly switched to a painfully cheery voice, crying to the room at large: “Who’s up for Myshuno?!”There were groans from all corners.“Come on, it’ll be FUN.”

“Er, I think I’m going to have a look around.” said Iago, making a hasty retreat.“Ok,” Merlin said as he set up the game. “Ginny’s around here somewhere, have fun.”

Iago walked away, passing a dark haired man staring blankly at the wall opposite him. “Uh,” said Iago nervously “Are you okay?”But the man gave no sign that he was aware of Iago’s presence.

He wandered away, passing three figures playing poker. The blonde man caught sight of him and called him over. “You’re Iago right?” Iago nodded mutely. “This is the kid Caspian mentioned.” he told the others. “I’m Draco, generation D- obviously. This is Alec and Cordelia.” The green skinned man nodded by way of a greeting and the woman gave a small smile. “Oh, and that guy engrossed in the wallpaper is Cogsworth.“It’s nice to meet you.” Iago said quietly. “So generation I eh?” said Alec. “How many siblings have you got?”

“Four,” he replied. “Three brothers and a sister.”“Well it’s not the worst odds, but that’s still pretty tough competition if you want to avoid a meaningless existence.”“Oh don’t say that to him!” cried Cordelia, smiling at Iago. “Y’know I’d expect someone in a shirt that bright to be a little more upbeat Alec.” “You know full well that I had no say in my outfit.” he said bitterly. “I was just left in this. And besides, it’s easy for you to be positive; you’re getting out of this dump.”

Cordelia turned to Iago, beaming. “I’m having a baby!” she explained excitedly. “And this is no place for a kid.”“Congratulations.” said Iago.“Thank you,” she smiled. “It was a whirlwind romance-”“Oh PLEASE,” interrupted Alec “Not again!”“Shush!” yelled Draco. “I like the story! Go on Cordelia.”“Well, the day that matchmaker brought us together, my life changed forever...”

“He treated me like a princess; I’d never been so in love.”

“Daft Wullie and had a passion like no other.”“Let’s not forget,” interrupted Alec “That this is Daft Wullie Nac Mac Feegle, the child of Fion and Rob Anybody and therefore her RELATIVE.”“Urgh, get with the times Alec,” said Draco. “WINCEST!”

“So anyway,” Cordelia continued. “We were blissfully happy together.”“Oh yeah, for all of a week.” sneered Alec.“And it was the best week of my life.” she sighed dreamily.“What happened?” asked Iago.“We broke up,” she said. “We knew that, if we continued, our passion would blaze so fiercely that we’d burn the world to ashes... So we had one last night of amour, and I don’t mind telling you that he made me-”

“WOAH!” yelled Alec. “That’s enough now. I don’t think that 10 YEARS OLD Iago needs to know any more. And besides, wasn’t this night of amour in a ford focus parked behind Scroggy Burger?”“A ford focus with air conditioning.” she replied smugly. “And now I’ve got a little one on the way.”“Hey, Cogsworth,” said Draco “Are you going to play or not?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said in a distant voice. “I’m in.”“I’ll be able to spend all the money I’m winning from you guys on stuff for my baby.” Cordelia said happily. “You certainly did well out of your incestuous relationship.” said Alec dryly.Cordelia glared at him for a few seconds, then said simply “WINCEST.”“Maybe I should pay Daft Wullie a visit...” said Draco, raising a mischievous eyebrow.

“He can’t get men pregnant Draco.” said Alec.Cordelia cleared her throat. “Well actually...”

“A rose? For me?”

*HEADDESK*

“Son, is there something you’d like to tell me?”

“Fozzie Muppet?” cried Draco. “I always knew he wasn’t being honest with himself.”“What do you mean you always knew?” said Alec sceptically. “How could you possibly have known?”“One word: Gaydar.”“There is no such thing as Gaydar.”“Oh I beg to differ. And mine is right every time- unless it picks up interference from a gay weather balloon.”

Iago left them to their game and continued to explore the rooms. In one he found a man he recognised from a painting he had seen at home. Drogo sat alone, guzzling down his half-hourly fix, pausing only to laugh hysterically.

“Bethan? Where do you think you’re going?”“I can’t do this Ryuzaki. This place makes me feel ill- it’s all so sad.”

“I know it’s upsetting, but our monthly parcels of toothpaste, jaffa cakes and scented candles, they’d never survive. Be brave- for them.”

“Goddamnit! Ok, but let’s make this quick; the biography channel are showing Shane Ritchie today.”

“Hey, you look kind of familiar... Are you the guy from the Cilit Bang adverts?”“Barry Scott?”“Yeah!”“No I’m not him.”“Well you seem to know an awful lot about him. And I’m sure I’ve seen you somewhere before...”“You really shouldn’t have... I’m just going to drop this stuff off now...”“Okay, thanks for coming Barry! I love that techno remix. LIMESCALE, RUST, GROUND IN DIRT, CILIT BANG, CILIT BANG, CI-CI-CI-CI-CILIT BANG.”

L hurried towards the door as quickly as he could.“Bye Barry!”“Oook!” “Bethan, start the car.”

“Ginny,” he said in an unsettled voice when he finally found her. “This place is really weird.”

“Iago?” she cried in surprise. “What are you doing here?”

“I brought him,” answered Caspian grimly. “Why?”“He asked me.” he replied. “And he needed to see-”“No he didn’t.” Ginny argued. “That was a stupid thing to do Caspian.”“Why?” asked Iago.“It’s just,” she sighed, struggling to find the words “I don’t want you to think that being heir is the most import-”“A legacy kid eh?” said Donald, taking a seat and fixing Iago with an unsettling look.

Er, yes...” Iago replied nervously.“The I’ll give you a word of advice,” He raised himself slightly from his chair, leaning forwards across the table, glancing at Ginny from the corner of his sight. He spoke in a hurried whisper as if trying not to be overheard. “Be the heir no matter what it takes. Lie, cheat, steal-”“That’s ENOUGH Donald.” said Ginny firmly. “I think you should go home now Iago. Wait outside whilst I sort some stuff out; I won’t be long.”Iago gave a weak wave to his forgotten relatives. Caspian nodded silently, Donald was still staring intently at him. As Iago neared the door he heard a voice shout after him “You don’t want to end up in here!”, swiftly followed by thump and a remorseful “OW!”.

Feeling increasingly uneasy, Iago hurried through the rooms, his heart beating at an ever increasing pace. He felt a wave of sheer panic engulf him as he realised that he was lost. Almost running in his desperation, he crashed through countless doors, at last finding someone he could ask for help. “Excuse me?” he said in a shaking voice. “Can you tell me how-”The woman turned away from him.

“Uh, excuse me?” he tried again, moving round to face her. A dim memory of an ancient photo album drifted to the top of his consciousness. Binx? But she looks so different...Again, she did not reply, but she folded her arms across her middle and bent over, her face contorting strangely as she let out quiet indistinct moans. “Are you ok?!” he cried in alarm.“She won’t hear you.”

It was Donald again. “Ginny’s looking for you y’know.”“I- I got lost.” his voice trembled as he spoke. He watched, horrified as Binx continued to make the strange noises. “Yeah, that happens easily in this place.” Donald said grimly.“Is she ok?”“What? Oh! Yeah, she’s just... Eheh, having a little accident. Happens all the time. I reckon the walls are lead lined- I bet that disrupts bladder control.”Iago tore his eyes away from the distressing sight, but noticed something equally troubling.

“What’s happened to the walls?!” He nearly screamed the words, but couldn’t hear his voice over the unbearable pounding of his own heart which raced ahead as his lungs struggled to keep up- his breaths shallow and painful. “Oh, you can see that can you?” said Donald, evidently surprised. “That’s nothing to worry about- or at least, that’s what I tell myself.” he continued in a thoughtful tone. “But it normally takes people a lot longer to start seeing it.” Iago felt himself shaking as the noise of the house swelled grotesquely and filled his mind. The moans, chatter and hideous laughter marching to the ghastly rhythm of his heart.

I can’t end up here. He thought desperately. I won’t end up here.

“This legacy confuses me.”You and me both Reias.“I mean, the plot holes-”OKAY! That’s enough now.“But-”SSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Right, so that’s the end. It’s not really how I would have liked it to be- but things rarely are. So I hope it was ok. Thank you very much for reading, you resilient soul- I hope you enjoyed it. I’m back at school, so naturally I’m dreadfully behind on pretty much everything and quite inescapably miserable. But I have managed to get this up! So there’s one thing I suppose. Now comes the difficult stage of the generation: Figuring out what the hell I’m doing with them. *facepalm* Feedback appreciated- as ever.