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The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more...
Transcript of The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more...
The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think or say or do.
It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company….a church….a home.
The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.
We cannot change our past…….we cannot change the fact that people will act a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude….
I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you…..
ATTITUDES COMMUNICATE(WHAT ATTITUDE ARE YOU SENDING,
AND HOW DO YOU WANT TO BE TREATED?)
POSITIVE (+)ATTITUDES NEUTRALNEGATIVE(-)ATTITUDES
ENTHUSIASM……………………………………………………INDIFFERENCE CURIOSITY………………………………………………………BOREDOM CONCERN……………………………………………………….APATHY HUMILITY………………………………………………………...EGOTISM FAITH……………………………………………………………..DISTRUST COOPERATION…………………………………………………BELLIGERENCE DETERMINATION……………………………………………….INDECISION SYMPATHY………………………………………………………COLDNESS TOLERANCE…………………………………………………….PREJUDICE KINDNESS……………………………………………………….SELFISHNESS GRATITUDE……………………………………………………..INGRATITUDE TRUST……………………………………………………………JEALOUSY OPTIMISM………………………………………………………..PESSIMISM SOCIABILITY……………………………………………………SHYNESS SELF-CONFIDENCE…………………………………………...INSECURITY TRUTHFULNESS……………………………………………….DISHONESTY CONTENTMENT………………………………………………..DISSATISFACTION
Three Things About Losses That All Children Should be Taught!
• Losses are a natural part of living.
• Grief is a normal part of any loss.
• Honesty is important.
• Bury one’s feelings
• Replace the loss• Grieve alone
• Just give it time• Regret the past
• Don’t trust
Grieving Losses: A Natural Event
Tangible: Capable of being touched
Tangible vs. Intangible Losses
Tangible losses
Tangible vs. Intangible Losses
Tangible: Capable of being touched
Intangible: Not capable of being touched
Tangible vs. Intangible Losses
Intangible Losses Most significant intangible losses
Loss of Safety
Loss of Purpose
Loss of Significance
Loss of Authenticity
Loss of Eligibility
Loss of Hope
Loss of Dignity
Loss of Power
If left unresolved precipitate RAGE David Damico
HopeJourney Through Loss
Shock
Red Cross Phase
Emotional Symptoms:
Initial “Dazed” state
Constricted field of consciousness
Narrowing of attention
Anxiety
Inability to comprehend stimuli
Disorientation
Withdrawal
Agitation
Overreacting
HopeJourney Through Loss
Shock
Sympathy
Sympathy says – I’m so sorry – what can I do for you?
It’s doing for others what they can’t do for themselves.
Sympathy is addictive: If we’re not careful, once they can do for themselves, our “helping” really becomes “enabling”.
HopeJourney Through Loss
Shock
Empathy
Empathy says – I’m so sorry for you – what are you going to do about it?
It’s empowering individuals to take back responsibility and do for themselves what they’re capable of.
HopeJourney Through Loss
Shock
HopeJourney Through Loss
Shock
Denial
THE PIT
About Denial
It’s a defense mechanism for a person faced with a fact that’s too uncomfortable to accept.
So……………they reject it instead, insisting that it isn’t true despite overwhelming evidence.
HopeJourney Through Loss
Shock
Denial
THE PIT
Bartering
What if – If only
Guilt
Justified
Unjustified
HopeJourney Through Loss
Shock
Denial
THE PIT
Bartering
Anger
Cycle of Anger and Guilt
ANGER
I’m angry at God that he/she died.
GUILT
It’s wrong to be angry at GOD.
ANGER
Why am I feeling Guilty? I didn’t make him/her die.
GUILT
But I should have seen this coming.
ANGER
No one warned me that death and grief would be like this!
GUILT I should be strong enough to handle this!
ANGER
Why did he/she have to die and leave me in this mess?
GUILT
It wasn’t his/her fault. He/she didn’t want to die!
HopeJourney Through Loss
Shock
Denial
THE PIT
Bartering
Anger
Forgiving
Blame
Unforgiveness -
Is a poison we drink in the hope that someone else will die!
Forgiveness says….. You are free from my need to hurt you
back, my need to seek revenge, and my need to harbor resentment.
I am now free to move on with or with out you.
I am not chained to the past or to self-pity.
Often the hardest to forgive is God or ourselves
Forgive and forget?????
Mark Driscoll – Forgiveness is not:Approving or DiminishingEnabling bad behaviorDenying a wrongdoingWaiting for an apologyForgettingCeasing to feel the painA one time eventNeglecting justiceTrustingReconciliation
HopeJourney Through Loss
Shock
Denial
THE PIT
Bartering
Anger
Forgive
HopeJourney Through Loss
Shock
Denial
THE PIT
Bartering
Anger
Depression
Friend SupportProf. Counseling
Meds & Counseling
(Watch for Self-Medicating)Inpatient TreatmentSuicidal
Loss “Replacement Or Substitute”
Loss “Replacement Or Substitute”
Dog
Brother
FriendAunt
Spouse
Mother
Father
Loss “Replacement Or Substitute”
Dog
Brother
FriendAunt
Spouse
Father
Step Mother
Mother
Girl Friend
Loss “Replacement Or Substitute”
Dog
Brother
Friend
Aunt
Spouse
Father
Step Mother
Loss “Replacement Or Substitute”
(For Young Women with Father Death/Abandonment)
Dog
Brother
FriendAunt
Sister
Mother
Boy Friend
Older Boyfrien
d Older Boy
Loss “Replacement Or Substitute”
(For Young Women with Father Death/Abandonment)
Dog
Brother
FriendAunt
Sister
Mother
Boy Friend
Older Boyfrien
d Older Boy
Loss “Replacement Or Substitute”
(For Young Women with Father Death/Abandonment)
Dog
Brother
Friend
Aunt
Sister
Mother
Boy Friend
Scar
HopeJourney Through Loss
Shock
Denial
THE PIT
Bartering
Anger
Acceptance
Depression
HopeJourney Through Loss
Shock
Denial
THE PIT
Bartering
Anger
Acceptance
New Hope
Depression
HopeJourney Through Loss
Shock
Denial
Bartering
Anger
Acceptance
New Hope
Depression
What Kids need to heal well
From the work of Alan Wolfelt Healthy relationships and a nurturing adult
presence providing a stable world. To move toward the pain of the loss while being
supported physically, emotionally and spiritually. To participate in ritual and memory work. To give testimony of the loss to a witness.
(repeatedly) To acknowledge reality/develop a new self-identity. To receive good, accurate information and support. To be encouraged to ask questions. To give expression and attach meaning to the loss.
Assure the child that he/she will be taken care of, loved, and cherished as before.
Reassure the child that he/she is not in danger of death.
Touch, hold, and hug the child age appropriately.
Allow the child to express his/her feelings and talk about the loved one.
Explain to the child that the person did not want or intend to die.
Reassure the child that the dead parent loved the child very much.
Explain that it was not the child’s fault the person died.
Don’t feel you have to explain why. Encourage adults in the family to talk about
the dead loved one in the presence of the children.
Explain to the child that the dead person cannot come back.
Encourage the child to ask questions about anything.
Answer honestly, simply, and directly – avoid cliché’s such as, “It must be God’s will for their lives”
Know that it is fairly normal for the child to regress to an earlier stage (bedwetting, etc.)
Allow them to write letters, draw pictures, etc. for their loved one.
Pick up good books for kids about death. Maintain the normal routine schedule as
much as possible. Allow the child to play and carry out other
activities. Help the child recall the fun and good times
they had with the dead person.
Discuss issues specific to death. Help them participate in commemorative
activities. Provide them an opportunity to meet and
share experiences with their peers. Help keep changes to a minimum. Encourage them to attend the funeral (if
they so desire) Encourage them to view the body and visit
the grave if they want to. Assure them that you will continue to be
available (if in fact you will be)
The greatest gift you can give children or young adults is just to
listen, listen, listen……
And to ask questions
Try to refrain from using the Question, “Why?”
Who, What, When, Where, How Try to use “open ended questions” (Opened Vs. Closed questions)
The miracle is not that we do this work, but that we are happy to do it!
We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.
All Staff Preparedness Training
Two kinds of teams: How teams might organizeChildren (youth) in GriefNeeds of youth in GriefEmpty Desk: What to do with student belongingsWhen student loses a Family MemberSuicide PreventionWarning Signs for Potential SuicideMissing StudentsAnnouncementsFunctions of a Safe RoomActivities for Processing a lossHandling the Classroom on Crisis Day
All Staff Preparedness Training
Guidelines for Teachers on Crisis DayMemory EventsEffects of Trauma for IndividualsPrevention of TraumaFollow-up for Staff and StudentsSelf CareManaging the MediaSigns of Need for Professional HelpIdentifying Depression in StudentsTerminal Illness (Anticipatory Grief)
All Staff Preparedness Training
For Students Attending a Funeral for the First Time
Teachable MomentsParent Communications
All Staff Preparedness Resource
http://www.cmionline.org/home/cmi/page_745/all_staff_preparedness_resource.html
Demo
http://www.cmiprodev.org/demo/
Search Institute – Peter Benson, Ph.D.
Grounded in extensive research in youth development, resiliency, and prevention, the Developmental Assets represent the relationships, opportunities, and personal qualities that young people need to avoid risks and to thrive.
The Institute’s framework of Developmental Assets has become the most widely used approach to positive youth development in the United States.
1. There is a crumbling social infrastructure.2. Adults no longer play a role in the lives of kids
outside the home.3. Parents are less available to their children.4. Society has become more age segregated.5. The mass media and peers are more powerful
shapers of attitudes, norms, and values.6. Institutions are more isolated and considered
suspicious.7. Adults are no longer the gatekeepers of
information.8. The art of true communication is dying.
1) HOPE(FAITH) : Yet there is big fear to engage the faith community.
2) SIGNIFICANT ADULTS : Adults engaged with youth.
3) LOCUS OF CONTROL : Giving young people ownership, voice, and control
4) ACQUIRED SKILLS : And a celebration of learned skills.
5) ALTRUISM : An opportunity to give back. 6 out of 10 young adults are donating back to communities compared to 5 out of 10 for adults.
All young people need assets. All people can be asset builders. It’s an ongoing process. It’s about relationships, first and foremost. Consistent messages are powerful. Redundancy of messages is desireable.
We need “random acts of asset building”
Studies have consistently shown that the more assets young people have, the less likely they are to engage in a wide range of high-risk behaviors and the more likely they are to thrive.
Assets have power for all young people, regardless of their gender, economic status, family, or race/ethnicity.
Levels of assets are better predictors of high risk involvement and thriving than poverty or being from a single parent family.
Research Conclusions
Percentage of 6th to 12th Grade Youth Reporting Selected High Risk Behavior Patterns, by Level of Developments Assets
(2003 – 148,189 Students)
High-Risk Behavior 0-10 11-20 21-30 31-40Pattern Assets Assets Assets Assets
Problem Alcohol Use – Has
used alcohol three or more
times in the past month or 45% 26% 11% 3%
got drunk once in the past
two weeks.
Percentage of 6th to 12th Grade Youth Reporting Selected High Risk Behavior Patterns, by Level of Developments Assets
(2003 – 148,189 Students)
High-Risk Behavior 0-10 11-20 21-30 31-40Pattern Assets Assets Assets Assets
Violence – Has engaged in
three or more acts of fighting,
hitting, injuring a person, 62% 38% 18% 6%
carrying or using a weapon, or
threatening physical harm in
the past year.
Percentage of 6th to 12th Grade Youth Reporting Selected High Risk Behavior Patterns, by Level of Developments Assets
(2003 – 148,189 Students)
High-Risk Behavior 0-10 11-20 21-30 31-40Pattern Assets Assets Assets Assets
School Problems – Has
skipped school two or more
Days in the past month and/or 44% 23% 10% 4%
Has below a “C” average.
The average young person experiences fewer than half of the 40 assets. Boys experience three fewer assets than girls.
(17.2 assets for boys vs. 19.9 for girls)
Studies show that youth should have a minimum of 22 assets in order to have the resiliency to reduce risks and thrive -the more assets, the stronger the resiliency.
EXTERNAL ASSETSSupportEmpowermentBoundaries & ExpectationsConstructive Use of Time
INTERNAL ASSETSCommitment to LearningPositive ValuesSocial CompetenciesPositive Identity
1. Family Support – Family life provides high levels of love and support.
2. Positive Family Communication – Young person and his/her parent(s) communicate positively, and young person is willing to seek advice and counsel from parents.
3. Other Adult Relationships – Young person receives support from three or more nonparent adults.
4. Caring Neighborhood – Young person experiences caring neighbors.
5. Caring School Climate – Young person’s school provides a caring, encouraging environment.
6. Parent Involvement is Schooling – Parent(s) are actively involved in helping the young person succeed in school.
7. Community Values Youth – Young person perceives that adults in the community value youth.
8. Youth as Resources – Young people are given useful roles in the community.
9. Service to Others – Young person serves in the community one hour or more per week.
10. Safety – Young person feels safe at home, school, and in the neighborhood.
11. Family Boundaries – Family has clear rules and consequences and monitors the young person’s whereabouts.
12. School Boundaries – School provides clear rules and consequences.
13. Neighborhood Boundaries – Neighbors take responsibilities for monitoring young people’s behavior.
14. Adult Role Models – Parent(s) and other adults model positive, responsible behavior.
15. Positive Peer Influence – Young person’s best friends model responsible behavior.
16. High Expectations – Both parent(s) and teachers encourage the young person to do well.
17. Creative Activities – Young person spends three or more hours per week in lessons or practice in music, theater, or other arts.
18. Youth Programs – Young person spends three or more hours per week in sports, clubs, or organizations at school and/or in the community.
19. Religious Community – Young person spends one or more hours per week in activities in a religious institution.
20. Time at Home – Young person is out with friends “with nothing special to do” two or fewer nights a week.
21. Achievement Motivation – Young person is motivated to do well in school.
22. School Engagement – Young person is actively engaged in learning.
23. Homework – Young person reports doing at least one hour of homework every school day.
24. Bonding to School – Young person cares about her/his school.
25. Reading for Pleasure – Young person reads for pleasure three or more hours per week.
26. Caring – Young person places a high value on helping other people.
27. Equality and Social Justice – Young person places a high value on promoting equality and reducing hunger and poverty.
28. Integrity – Young person acts on convictions and stands up for her/his beliefs.
29. Honesty – Young person “tells the truth even when it is not easy”
30. Responsibility – Young person accepts and takes personal responsibility.
31. Restraint – Young person believes it is important not to be sexually active or to use alcohol or other drugs.
32. Planning and Decision Making – Young person knows how to plan ahead and make choices.
33. Interpersonal Competence – Young person has empathy, sensitivity, and friendship skills.
34. Cultural Competence – Young person has knowledge of and comfort with people of different cultural/racial/ ethnic backgrounds.
35. Resistance Skills – Young person can resist negative peer pressure and dangerous situations.
36. Peaceful Conflict Resolution – Young person seeks to resolve conflict nonviolently.
37 Personal Power – Young person feels he/she has control over “things that happen to me”.
38. Self-Esteem – Young person reports having a high self-esteem.
39. Sense of Purpose – Young person reports “my life has a purpose”.
40. Positive view of personal future – Young person is optimistic about his/her personal future (Hope).
IQ tests measure “inert Intelligence”- academic knowledge that doesn’t
necessarily lead to goal directed action or real world problem
solving.
(Robert J. Sternberg – Professor of Psychology and Education
Yale University Successful Intelligence)
Academic (Analytical)
Emotional (Creative)
Actionable (Practical)
(Robert J. Sternberg – Professor of Psychology and Education
Yale University Successful Intelligence)
The result of hard study and sound learning
A blend of intuition, creativity, innovation,
and a mature-quality connection with others.
The art of leadership, self-discipline, and execution
The three aspects of successful intelligence are related. Academic/analytical thinking is required to solve problems and to judge the quality of ideas. Emotional/creative intelligence is required to formulate good problems and ideas in the first place. Actionable/practical intelligence is needed to use the ideas and their analysis in an effective way in one’s everyday life.
(Robert J. Sternberg – Successful Intelligence)
Successful intelligence is most effective when it balances all three of its academic, emotional, and actionable aspects. It is more important to know when and how to use these aspects of successful intelligence than just to have them. Successfully intelligent people don’t just have abilities, they reflect on when and how to use these abilities effectively.
(Robert J. Sternberg – Successful Intelligence)
Successfully intelligent people:1. motivate themselves.2. learn to control their impulses.3. know when to persevere.4. know how to make the most of their
abilities.5. translate thought into action.6. have a product orientation.7. complete tasks and follow through.
Successfully intelligent people:8. are initiators.9. are not afraid to risk failure.10.don’t procrastinate.11.accept fair blame.12.are independent.13.seek to surmount personal
difficulties.14.focus and concentrate to achieve
their goals.
Successfully intelligent people:15. have the ability to delay gratification.16.reject self-pity.17.spread themselves neither too thin nor too
thick.18.have the ability to see the forest and the
trees.19.have a reasonable level of self-confidence
and a belief in their abilities to accomplish their goals.
20. balance analytical, creative, and practical thinking!
YOU are the only one in control of
developing these successfully intelligent qualities!
So……the BIG question is:Which of these qualities do you
need to work on the most to reach your success potential?
Because….it’s all up to YOU!
Watch your thoughtsthoughts, they become wordswords
Watch your wordswords, they become actionsactions
Watch your actionsactions, they become habitshabits
Watch your habitshabits, they become charactercharacter
Watch your charactercharacter, it becomes your
DESTINYDESTINY