Dr. R. Murali Krishna, M.D.

President and COO, INTEGRIS Mental Health and James L. Hall, Jr. Center for Mind, Body and Spirit

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The Healing Power

of Friendship

Barbara was promoted to director of her department six months ago. She’s found herself at the office at least one day each weekend. She also brings work home, while her husband takes of care of the evening rituals of feeding, bathing and tucking in their two young children. She’s often at her computer monitor until bedtime.

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Laura is a new sales representative with a growing company. Although she doesn’t have to work in an office environment and maintains a home office instead, she’s seen her work hours nearly double in just the past few months. Her close friendship with a college roommate has dwindled to a once a month lunch. She feels terrible about it. But what can she do?

Chad is a busy attorney with a growing practice. He finds himself spending his days – and nights – meeting deadlines, preparing for trials and engaged in lengthy telephone conferences. Over the past year, he’s had less and less time to spend with a group of golfing buddies.

>> It seems to be a growing conflict in many professions (a recent survey of lawyers in

Boston, for example, found that 43 percent of new associates quit within three years

because they believed they had to choose between a career and a family). Not only are

families and jobs increasingly at odds, friendships are also often falling victim to the

busy workplace our superheated economy has created.

>> While the fictional characters of the NBC hit sitcom “Friends” continue to lounge on

couches at a New York coffee shop, the rest of us are finding it more difficult to fit

friendship into our busy lives.

The consequences may be more than just a lack of a social life. Our health and

well-being are at stake too.

>> While the fictional characters of the NBC

hit sitcom “Friends” continue to lounge

on couches at a New York coffee shop,

the rest of us are finding it more difficult

to fit friendship into our busy lives.

Blame it on longer work hours, more insulation in the electronic cocoons of our homes or even the wall that e-mail tends to place between us.

Whatever the cause, The Wall Street Journal recently felt compelled to ask,

“Whatever Happened to Friendship?”

The Healing Power of Friendship

In my own experience, I’ve found there are three levels of healthy relationships central to fulfilling that most basic of human needs – connection:

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As a culture, we may be abandoning friendship at our own peril. Medical research is showing the more healthy relationships you have, the better off you are. True friendship and sound health are inextricably linked.

Having friends not only gives you more meaning and purpose, it also lessens your stress level and may even add years to your life.

>> In our present society, we have a lot of “hi-and-goodbye” relationships. Few are able to

develop long-term, nurturing and supportive relationships.

>> In the United States, a quarter of our population moves every year. We pack our bags

and move somewhere else, establishing new contacts. We may be better off in terms of

salary and jobs and stature, but we’re lacking in something else.

When we deprive ourselves of connection, we rob ourselves of a key component of healthy living. You need to look no further than the latest science for proof of this. Medical research on the positive effects of friendship is striking:

The Healing Power of Friendship

>> Friendship with yourself

>> Friendship with a higher power

>> Friendship with others

>>

Christopher Columbus wanted to

discover the New World so that he could return to the Old World to share the news.

We humans have a need to connect, and that need is artificially taken away from us by

modern culture and modern technology. Even the bravest of our explorers throughout

history had a need to connect with other people.

>> Researchers at Yale University surveyed death rates among 10,000 seniors with

different degrees of social contact. They discovered a 50 percent reduction in the risk of

death over a five-year period.

>> A study last year at Rush-Presbyterian-St. Luke’s Medical Center looked at the health

status of 2,800 seniors. Seniors with friends had a lower risk of disabling health

problems and recovered faster when they became ill. The more friends, the greater the

health benefits.

>> Researchers studied 7,000 people in Alameda County, California over a nine-year

period. People with the most social support and connectedness had the best health and

long life. People with poor ties died two to five times higher than people with solid

social ties.

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More research is also turning up the dark side. Isolation is bad for you:

>> Researchers studied the impact of living alone after a heart attack. They tracked about

1,200 heart-attack patients for an average of two years. In this time, the patients who

lived alone, compared to those with companions, had twice the risk of a second heart

attack and twice the risk of dying.

>> Connecticut researchers tracked for six months nearly 200 men and women over age 65

who had a major heart attack. During this time, nearly 40 percent of the patients died.

Taking into account the usual risk factors, lack of emotional support was deadly.

Compared to those who had close friends, men and women who said they had no

emotional support were three times as apt to die.

We should focus on having a handful of quality relationships. It’s also valuable to maintain a few healthy relationships in different spheres of life. An obvious friendship can be had with your spouse, another with one or two colleagues, and another with one of your neighbors.

The Healing Power of Friendship

>> Emotionally-abandoned babies develop a syndrome called “failure to thrive.” As a result

of severe loneliness, the babies’ pituitary glands fail to produce sufficient growth

hormone. These children literally wither away, despite having adequate nutrition. Many

of them die before reaching toddler hood. Those who survive are emotionally damaged.

>> Many urban professionals who want to foster friendships often face the constant twin

challenges of deadline pressure and competition. But to experience close friendship, we

must be willing to shed some of our professional armor.

>> Sharing is one of the most important qualities of genuine friendship. You should be

willing to open up to this other person you call your friend. It must be a mutual

exchange, an interaction. You must feel comfortable sharing opinions, ideas, feelings,

hopes, frustrations and dreams. And you should offer feedback, advice and sometimes

admonition.

It seems clear that maintaining healthy ties to other people can have a significant impact on our health.

But how do we do it in today’s super-fueled Information Age?

Sharing is one of the most important qualities of

genuine friendship.

www.drkrishna.com The Healing Power of Friendship

He may have been right. But I tend to think we can find many meaningful friendships in our professions, our communities and even within ourselves.

Henry Adams once wrote,

“One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many;

three are hardly possible.”

>> In your friendship with yourself, this process can work through keeping a daily journal,

where you share with your own spirit and heart the issues that are most important to

you. In your relationship with a higher power, you can experience a similar exchange

through prayer.

>> In friendships with others, simply sharing a common activity can open your relationship

up to a deeper kind of understanding. It can be something quite superficial, such as golf,

tennis, fishing or riding bicycles. These common bonds act as a glue that keeps

relationships together until they mature and strengthen.

Forging friendships is a powerful tool that can shape your life and give your daily existence more meaning.And it seems to be an almost magical tool for improving your health.

About the AuthorR. Murali Krishna, MD, DLFAPA is a psychiatric expert and pioneer in mind, body, spirit connection. His study of the brain has given him insight to the why of mental health and the how of living a healthy, vibrant life. Dr. Krishna’s mental health knowledge and experience is valuable and unique not only because of his extensive study and research of brain function, but also

because of his true empathy. He has recently published his first book, VIBRANT: To Heal and Be Whole From India to Oklahoma City which he coauthored with Kelly Dyer Fry, president of news at OPUBCO.

R. Murali Krishna, MD, DLFAPA

Co-Founder & President, James L. Hall, Jr Center for Mind, Body and Spirit

President & COO, INTEGRIS Mental Health

President, Oklahoma State Board of Health

Founding President, Health Alliance for the Uninsured

Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the Univ. of OK Health Sciences Center

About the BookDr. Krishna has recently published his first book, VIBRANT: To Heal and Be Whole From India to Oklahoma City which he coauthored with Kelly Dyer Fry, president of news at OPUBCO.

Dr. Krishna, an inspiring and engaging speaker, educates his audiences on the latest science in mental health and the healing power of the mind, body, spirit medicine connection. He is often interviewed by television and print news organizations for his expert opinion on mental and emotional health issues. For more information visit www.drkrishna.com

AnxietyTraumaSleep dysfunctionStressObesityEmotional dysfunctionDepressionAddiction

In this book Dr. Krishna reveals the secrets to living a vibrant life while overcoming:

Substance abuseLossAngerUnresolved issuesRelationship stressMental illnessAlcoholism

In this book, Dr. Krishna shares his insights on human resilience and the power of living a vibrant life. He draws upon his own childhood experiences in India; coming to Oklahoma, his passion for helping people understand the importance of a mind, body, spirit connection; and his efforts to help people move forward following the tragic 1995 bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.

www.drkrishna.com