The Fuddler October 2009
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Transcript of The Fuddler October 2009
Page 1
When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!
C&R PEST MANAGEMENT
40 Yrs experience Fully Insured Special Rates for OAPS!
Wasps, Rats, Mice, Rabbits, Moles, etc
Free Estimate01525 288207
07500 431131
Do you need a venue for a Friday or
Saturday night party? Ampthill Town FC offers
a fully licensed bar, excellent catering facilities and capacity for 80 people
For further information, contact: Pauline Marlow
01525-750217 D & G SHORT
NEED A LOCKSMITH?
Please turn to our ad
on page 8
Plus - All aspects of
home security
FIXED PRICE AERIAL
INSTALLATIONS
See our ad on page 25
Staples Garden Centre, Fordfield Rd, Millbrook, MK45 2HZ Telephone 01525 402959
Workshops & Clubs available - please come in and pick up a newsletter with all the details. We stock card making supplies, decoupage, water colour supplies and much more! DMC Silks, Jewellery, beads and findings. NEW!
JEWELLERYWORKSHOP
Please pop in shop for dates.
NEW! Embroidery day workshop starting with JANE JORDAN -
Saturday 24th October - 10.00 am till 4.00 pm - ‘Hardanger Heart’
Your local specialist in UPVC for:- Windows, Doors, Patio Doors and
French Doors, Conservatories Fascia, Soffit and Guttering
Our windows and doors are 70mm internally glazed for security. All windows are fitted with fire hinges, locking handles, a twin action espagnolette mushroom headed bolt system, and with vent facility. Doors are fitted with claw and mortice lock, and panels are reinforced. Fully compliant with current FENSA Regulations, plus insurance backed guarantee.
ARAGON WINDOWSARAGON WINDOWS
CHRIS FREEMAN Tel/Fax 01525 403992
50 Russell Drive Ampthill Beds Established in 1990 and built on reputation
WHITEHARTAMPTHILL.CO.UK 10 FANTASTIC EN SUITE DOUBLE ROOMS
SUNDAY ROAST SERVED FROM 12.00 - 6.00 pm BAR & TAPAS MENU served all day every day
NEW THAI RESTAURANT OPENING SOON - Please ask for details
Tel: 01525 406863
DROVERS ARMS of STEPPINGLEY Fine Indian cuisine but at
an ordinary price!
Take away service collection only
Tel: 01525 715697 www.droversarms.eu
Hello again everybody and as always a great big welcome to this latest jam packed edition of your Fuddler!You’ll find all the usual fun and nonsense inside with all your favourites and lots of important messages from our advertisers showing yet
again - ‘Whatever you’re looking for - you’ll find it in The Fuddler!’ (Don’t forget we’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com) We hope you enjoy this issue and if you decide that you would like to advertise with us all our contact details are on page 4.
Page 2
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CHINESE and PEKING CUISINE
111, Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone: 01525 840096
Eddie has recently changed to a new menu and he asked his customers to try it … … after that they walked out because
the food was too much for them.
So Eddie tried to make it amicable and promised them that if they found
themselves another restaurant he said he will give them a character reference.
33, RUSSELL DRIVE AMPTHILL
With Winter just around the corner, isn’t it time you considered replacing those doors and windows? Or maybe a new conservatory to enjoy. Don’t compromise on style - call into our showroom and see our stunning range of doors and windows including “The Composite Door”.
No window or glazing job too small.
Page 3
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Great news!! Friday 6th November sees the very welcome return of the Ampthill Firework Display! Held at Ampthill Park in Woburn Street, the display is organised by Ampthill & District Lions (in co-operation with Ampthill Town Council and Bedfordshire Police) and promises to be a glorious family event. The gates open at 5.30 pm with the display scheduled to commence at 7.30 pm. Hot food and drinks will be available plus a fun fair and ‘glow in the dark’ novelties. There will be plenty of free parking at Ampthill Rugby Club and also at Queensmans Football Club. Tickets cost £5.00 for adults, £3.00 for children under 12 or a family ticket at £10.00. (2 Adults and 2 children.) Advance tickets are available from Cheesemans Chemist in Church Street Ampthill. Proceeds from the event will go to support Lions local and International community projects and Ampthill Town Mayor’s charities. Do go along if you can and support the return of this spectacular event! More details at www.amptilllions.btik.com
Saturday 14th November sees an evening of Clairvoyance at Maulden Village Hall. The visiting Medium is Chantel Coopland and proceeds from the evening will go to Keech Cottage Hospice for Children. We understand that refreshments will be available on the night and that tickets cost £7.00 at the door on the night. For all the details please contact Barrie on 01234 308357.
Saturday 24th October sees the 2nd Annual Wartime Dance at Parkside Hall in Ampthill, with music from the era. Starting at 7.00 for 7.30 until late, the evening features ‘Kas - The Forces Sweetheart’ Ampthill Town Band, and Paul Roberts and the Swingers! Tickets are priced at £20.00 which includes Spam fritters, mushy peas and chips served up in a newspaper just as it was! (Courtesy Flitwick Fisheries). There is also a massive cold buffet where you can eat as much as you wish! Licensed bar, real ale, raffle and prize for best fancy dress (Period dress optional, but appreciated) with all proceeds to local charities. For more information or to book your ticket please contact 07876 470503
Quality assured workmanship with a personal friendly service. Customer references available on request. Competitive rates and full insurance.
For a free no obligation quotation contact Steve Innes Mobile: 07712 238182 Telephone: 01234 750942
Bathroom suites supplied and fitted Fit only service available Plumbing Electrics
Plastering & Artexing Joinery Floor Tiling Wall Tiling Painting & Decorating
ROSELAND BATHROOMS The Complete Bathroom Solution
From design through to complete installation
For the treatment of nails, corns and calluses etc
Susan Mobsby MSSCh MBChA
Qualified chiropodist (15 years’ experience)
Telephone: 01525 631470
5 Chestnut Close, Ampthill, Bedford MK45 2PU
Registered member of The British Chiropody Association
and The Health Professions Council
Sharman LawS O L I C I T O R SIncorporating Sharman & Trethewy
The Solicitors who care for you,your family and your business
1 Harpur Street, BedfordTelephone: 01234 30 30 30
Email: [email protected]: www.SharmanLaw.co.uk
88 Dunstable Street, AmpthillTelephone: 01525 750 750
Page 4
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“The Fuddler” i s p u b l i s hed by MDA Publications and printed by Fidelity Print Solutions. The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications. Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on
Across: 1 Café, 3 Hardship, 9 Spanner, 10 Sages, 11 Incompatible, 13 Occult, 15 Finder, 17 Playing-Field, 20 Irene, 21 Prepare, 22 Long-Term, 23 West
Down: 1 Cast Iron, 2 Franc, 4 Airman, 5 Dissatisfied, 6 Haggled, 7 P a s s , 8 Unemployment, 12 Gradient, 14 Colleen, 16 Sniper, 18 Erase, 19 Bill
LORD DEE’S PONDERINGS
I was reminiscing the other day with Check-It-Out and Duster about the good old days in London. I had come across an old London Guide book with quite glorious reviews of shops restaurants etc. To give an example of
a shop in SW1: ‘If you want to buy her
something for the house, you could go into this shop
blindfold and still come out with the perfect gift’ I wonder if its still there.
Ciao
A BRIANISM When considering
what is the best technological advance in the last 50 years, my
money is on the soft toilet roll.
New Look! New Fireplaces!
New Stove Displays! Same Excellent
Service!
Don’t just take our word for it - call in
and see!
Mon - Fri 10.00 - 5.00 Sat 10.00 - 4.00
1 Woburn Street Ampthill, Beds
MK45 2HP Tel: 01525 841199
www.ampthillfireplaces.co.uk
MANOR BUILD & DECORATE • Kitchen Refits • Bathroom Refits • Plastering • Decorating
• Tiling • Fencing • Carpentry • Electrics • Plumbing • Competitive Estimates
• Honest, Reliable, 25 yrs experience • Small jobs and Insurance work welcome
01525 403 237 / 07857 896 997
Diamond TilingAll aspects of wall and floor tiling undertaken,
specialising in Victorian flooring.Professional and reliable, established for 15 years
Telephone Rich on 01582 600377 Or 07770 634156
Page 5
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OFFICE SUPPLIES -WHY TRAVEL FAR AND PAY MORE?
If you are looking for office supplies - look no further than Businesspoint in Flitwick - your local supplier for all your office needs. Excellent value and service is our reputation.
We have a stock list of over 22,000 items so whatever you require, if it is not in stock you have it next day - guaranteed!
We are also pleased to offer FREE DELIVERY to Business accounts - please ask us for details.
t: 01525 633336 f: 01525 634444
Unit 1, 101 Ampthill Road Flitwick Bedfordshire MK45 1BE
www.businesspoint.uk.com email: [email protected]
HOW TO FIND US As you turn into the
forecourt of the 101 filling station at Flitwick, we are
just on the left directly opposite the car wash.
Specialists inink cartridges,toner cartridgesand all computerconsumables
Page 6
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It’s Marjorie’s turn again after last month’s cryptic crossword from Tarquin. And thanks again for sending it in!
Avuncular
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9
10 11 12
13 14
15 16 17 18 19
20 21
22 23 24 25
26 27
28 29
U
N
U
A
R L
AC
V
Sandra’s been busy again looking through her big book of words (dictionary?) and brings us the word below. (Nothing to do with the crossword.) Just look at the hexagon and see whether or not the word jumps out at you! (Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)
Across: 1 Heals (5) 4 Worry (7) 8 Fried batter (7) 9 Is missing (5) 10 Turn away (5) 11 Regale (7) 13 Gaelic (4) 15 Disposition (6) 17 Appear (6) 20 Whirlpool (4) 22 Animosity (7) 24 Smart (5) 26 Object (5) 27 Repeat (7) 28 Sanitation (7) 29 Crop (5)
Down: 1 Team leader (7) 2 Wash (5) 3 Smash (7) 4 Dissertation (6) 5 Greased (5) 6 Small shield (7) 7 Arise (5) 12 Require (4) 14 Stench (4) 16 Sampling (7) 18 Enigma (7) 19 Expert (7) 21 Choose (6) 22 Channel (5) 23 Fireplace (5) 25 Fuming (5)
K.A.L.
BUILDERS EXTENSIONS ALTERATIONS BLOCK PAVING
GARAGE CONVERSIONS GARAGES
GROUND WORK
For all your building requirements call 01525 635576 / 07850 719411
Garage Door Solutions LtdYour local garage door expert for:
Replacements, Repairs and Spares
All makes & designs available 24 Hour repair service No call out charge All work guaranteed Free quotations
Call us now on: 01525 721615 / 07761 093468
Website: www.garagedoorsolutionsltd.co.uk Or see the yellow pages
3, Woodcock Walk, Flitwick, Bedfordshire, MK 45 1RD
All Domestic Electrical work undertaken from Electric cooker installations to complete re-wires.
For a free quote contact MEMM Electrical.
(Part P registered and 17th edition compliant)
Page 7
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FORDFIELD ROAD, MILLBROOK, BEDFORD MK45 2HZ
07771 585756
STAPLES GARDEN CENTRE
We are pleased to announce that our ‘Fast and Fabulous’ completely refurbished kitchen is now open and we invite you to take advantage of our
‘Fast and Fabulous’ meal deals!
ALL DAY BREAKFAST (from the board) - BUY 1 GET SECOND HALF PRICE!!
ANY SPECIAL (from the board) -
BUY 1 GET SECOND HALF PRICE!!
TEA OR REGULAR COFFEE FREE WITH ANY CAKE!!
Offers last throughout October at
Page 8
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Tempus fugit - however with the garden now all tidy there is time to sit and sip and read the latest show reviews in the local paper. Um, interesting thought Meerkat as she reads the review on of the local operatic society’s rendering of ‘The Mikado’ “…………..don’t forget to bring along the hankies, tears will be flowing with the societies version of the scene where Yum Yum, who is to marry Nanki-Poo, discovers that he is to be beheaded that very month! There may well be a lump in the throat when Nanki-Poo in an effort to make Yum Yum feel better, explains that if they call each hour a day, and each
day a year, they could cram nearly thirty years into the time they have left to them. However, fantasy is short lived, as time itself and all you operatic fans will be bought back firmly into the realms of reality when Yum Yum delivers her sarcastic reply of, ‘Yes – how time flies when one is thoroughly enjoying oneself.’ As the tale continues to unfold the incredible voices of the singers reflects……………”Meerkat finishes the review. It bought back memories a ‘funny’ relating to that very saying she had read in The Times in October 1985; …. “I go home and look for the invoice. Find it. It was not three months ago but ten months…..doesn’t time fly
when your car is falling to bits” She could not remember any more about the article. But it made her smile. Tempus fugit has now reached the point of no return and as summer melts into autumn it is time for Meerkat to button down the hatch for the winter. With that, she retreats with a wonderful book she had found tucked away in the back of the cupboard – by the size of the book it will take her to March to get through it. She opens and begins to read “It was a very cold and snowy Sunday morning when Benedictus, the church cat……….” (reference to the phrase used “A Word in your Shell- like” by Nigel Rees)
With Geoffrey THE Golfer After a particularly bad round of golf, Jerome decided to go straight home. As he was walking to get his 4 x 4, a policeman stopped him and asked, ‘Did you tee off on the 17th hole about twenty minutes ago?' ‘Yes’, answered Jerome. ‘Did you happen to slice your ball so that it went over the trees and completely off the golf course?’ ‘Yes, I did. How did you know?’ asked Jerome. ‘Well’, said the policeman sternly, ‘Your golf ball flew out onto the main road and crashed through the windscreen of a BMW. The car driver lost control and crashed into six other cars and a fire engine. The fire engine was unable to reach the fire in time and the building burned down. Now, what do you intend to do about it?’ Jerome thought it over very carefully and responded, ‘I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and l o w e r m y r i g h t t h u m b . ’ GTG
WE HAVE PARKING AVAILABLE WITH EASY ACCESS TO THE STATION FOR A NOMINAL FEE OF £40.00 PER MONTH
Thursday evenings is Quiz Nite - please come along - £1.00 per person - cash prize for the winning team.
Friday October 19th - 8.30 till late Fun band CRAZY 88’s swing, rock and roll and lots more
Members free - Guests £2.50 Ampthill and Ladies Darts are looking for new players please contact Lina on
077795 025228
The Flitwick Club20 High Street, Flitwick, Beds Tel: 01525 751555
Page 9
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Email: [email protected] RAC Authorised
Telephone: 01525 292 539
for all makes of Cars, 4X4’s and Motorcycles
Car & Motorcycle Onestop Centre MOTs Servicing, Repairs
Tyres, Exhausts, Accessories
Eclipse Eclipse Eclipse Onestop Onestop
The Garage George Street WoburnMK17 9PY left of PURE TRIUMPH
Website: www.eclipseonestop.com
CUSTOMERCOLLECTION
&DELIVERY
LOCAL AREA
NEW TO WNEW TO WOOBURNBURN
Page 10
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By Julio Van Peebles 1) Why do boy racers get out of their cars with head bowed, looking really gloomy and then activate the central locking as if it is some kind of state of the art accessory? 2) Where do slugs go during the day? 3) Why do you never see a fly trying to get in? 4) What does Spick and Span really mean? 5) Has anyone ever been 'glued' to the TV set? Julio's Top Tip: Place your recycle wheelie bin by your front door so people delivering flyers, leaflets or takeaway menus can simply drop them straight in and save you the bother of a job!
Welcome home Berta and a HUGE Ampthill welcome to Cheryl!
With Jimmy The Voice This month ‘The Voice’ has sent us a really unusual picture! Is it a man playing guitar on a roof top with an admiring audience?
Or is it really just row upon row of houses? You decide - JTV cannot!
October 6th 1984 We said
"I do" and "I will" We did, we have and
we still do. More Laughs than Tears
These past 25 years For you Di
From I still loving you
like never before XXX
Happy 3rd Birthday HeatherRoo
Lots of love, Mummy,Justin, Granni,
Jen, Hannah and Charlie xxx
SKIP and HELEN welcome you to the
OSSORY ARMS 9 Arthur Street, Ampthill 01525 841508
www.ossoryarms.co.uk
CHOICE OF REAL ALESIPA AND ABBOT
NEW GUEST ALE EVERY MONTH
OPEN ALL DAY - EVERY DAY FOOD SERVED DAILY 12.00 till 2.30 pm
OUT NOW NEW WINTER MENUSAT/SUN BREAKFAST SERVED FROM 10 30 am
FREE POOL EVERY SUNDAY AND MONDAY
NIGHT FROM 6.OO PM TILL CLOSE
ALL MAJOR SPORTING EVENTS SHOWN
WATCH OUT FOR DETAILS OF CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR EVENTS
DISCOS FOR ALL OCCASIONS For The Very Best Disco Around
All The Latest Chart Sounds Great Giveaway Prizes
Receptions For ALL Occasions Very Competitive Prices
Tel: Micky or Joolz on 01525 211670
Page 11
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Last year Babs replaced all the windows in her house with that expensive double-panel energy efficient kind, and today, she got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and she still hadn't paid for them. So she repeated sensibly what the sales person had told her: ‘ It’s been a year, you said in one year these windows would pay for themselves!’ There was silence at the other of the line! For some reason he didn’t call back.
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference. There is a great need for sarcasm font. Who care’s if you don’t like it - it’s going to happen. My friend’s husband is so silly that the only way she could get him to stop biting his nails is to make him wear shoes. I have just had a call from a Charity, asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving. I told them to forget it. Anybody who fits into my clothes is not starving!! People are like toes; the world is full of them, but there are only a few that you can count on. How on earth are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? Don’t make plans. Be free. Plans are a straightjacket. Would The Flying Dachshund be an opera for dogs? More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me. It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear to be stupid than to open it and remove all doubt. 1 Louise Jameson, 2 Deceit, 3
Hamlet, 4 Gulliver’s Travels, 5 Snake, 6 Touch, 7 Cards, 8 Seashell, 9 Tennessee USA, 10 Firework
1. Who played Dr Who’s assistant ‘Leela’?
2. What is the collective term for a group of Lapwings?
3. Where would you find ‘Horatio’? 4. ‘My Father had a small estate in
Nottinghamshire; I was the third of five sons’ is the opening line of which book?
5. What is a ‘Boomslang’? 6. I f y o u s u f f e r e d f r o m
‘Thixophobia’ what would you be afraid of?
7. A ‘Conquian’ is what sort of game?
8. What is a ‘Spindle Tibia’? 9. Where is the town called
‘Difficult’? 10.What is a ‘Petard’?
All central Bedfordshire areas covered Airport transfer specialists Competitive prices Corporate account works Passenger & parcel service School service 100% reliable service Professional service guaranteed 24 hours a day
WILSTEAD VILLAGE HALL COTTON END ROAD
WILSTEAD MK45 3BX
Available for hire during the day and evenings for children’s parties, family gatherings, tea
parties and club meetings.
If you need to hire the hall at short notice, please telephone the Booking Secretary to
confirm availability and full hire charges.
Contact Roisin Whittle, the Booking Secretary on 01234 740935 for availability
More details at www.wilstead.ik.com
Weekdays 8 am - 6 pm From £ 7.25 p/hour
Weekends 8 am - 6 pm From £10.30 p/hour
CHEESEMANS PHARMACY OF AMPTHILL Tel: 01525 402173
FREE PRESCRIPTION DELIVERY Can’t get to the chemist or surgery?
Don’t worry, we’ll pick up your prescription from your surgery and deliver your medication to your door.
Covering Ampthill, Clophill, Flitwick, Houghton Conquest, Maulden, Silsoe, Wilstead
& surrounding villages.
UK’SBEST SMALLCRUISE AGENCY2008
Over 100 years
of travel experience
Cruised With
over 25 cruise lines
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cruise ships
Make Cruise Select your first port of call
Book with ConfidenceOur very dedicated small & friendly team of cruise specialists can help you with all that is going on in the ‘World of Cruising’. We offer excellent savings on all cruise lines.
Page 12
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CANCER (June 22-July 23) As we start the gentle trot towards the end of the year, it seems that all things are to take a turn for the better. Bide your time and wait and see.
LEO (July 24-August 23) Always an advantage to wear your heart on your sleeve in uncertain times. That way the people you care about know you care about them.
VIRGO (Aug 24-Sept 23) Remember the time when nothing could stop you achieving what you wanted? That time is here again. It is up to you to recognise it.
LIBRA (Sept 24-Oct 23) Is there a possible new opportunity on the horizon? It may be the very best thing that you have done, provided that you heed advice.
SCORPIO (Oct 24-Nov 22) The planetary aspects at this time indicate a huge change in the way that you are thinking. It may be best, though, to keep your cards face down.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23-Dec 22) There could be good fortune waiting for you towards the beginning of winter. You will have to make sure you recognise all opportunities.
CAPRICORN (Dec 23-Jan 20) After a very uncertain time you seem to be headed towards a greater stability in your life. Think carefully before you commit yourself.
AQUARIUS (Jan 21-Feb 19) Your stubborn side rears its head again! Look towards others for a better understanding of what is going on around you - then listen.
PISCES (Feb 20-March 20) The most difficult thing sometimes is to listen to advice and accept it, rather than go blindly on. Perhaps you have reached the time to listen.
ARIES (March 21-April 20) Big changes may be afoot for you in the coming months but all should be for the best. Stick with what you want to achieve and all will be well.
TAURUS (April 21-May 21) There’s not much left of the year to complete the project that somewhere inside you have wanted to complete. It may be time just to go for it.
GEMINI (May 22-June 21) As we wave goodbye to Autumn, so you must bid farewell to that which has been unsettling you for quite a while. Then you can move on.
TRADITIONAL FREEHOUSE PUB AND RESTAURANT
Now open Monday nights for food plus homemade curry
BOOK EARLY FOR YOUR CHRISTMAS PARTY
2 Course £14.95 3 Course £18.95
View website for details!
The Green Man Church End
Eversholt MK17 9DU
Telephone – 01525 288111 Website www.greenmaneversholt.com
Quintessential Curtains
Traditional Handmade Curtains Bespoke Blinds
Pelmets
A professional and reliable service
Claire Short 01525 754753
Page 13
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…...On the 30th September 2009 the FREEVIEW Television Channels had a major move around in readiness for the Digital Switchover, that is sweeping the country. 2011 will be the switchover date for Bedford. This move around of channels meant that all FREEVIEW equipment had to be re-tuned to ensure that all channels were put into the correct position and to enable customers to receive channel 5. If you have been affected by this re-tune or you are unable to get all your channels use this link to help get yourself sorted out: www.freeview.co.uk/freeview/retune If you need any help with this issue, we have a team that will be able to help you. Just call the telephone number at the bottom of this column. As the Digital Switchover comes ever closer for Bedford and the surrounding area, many people will need to consider updating their Video Recorders so they can continue to record programmes. One good way of doing this is to purchase a PVR. ( Personal Video Recorder) Despite its name, a PVR is similar in size to a video/DVD recorder. This equipment is simple to use and you can record using your remote handset from an on screen guide. You can make one off recordings, or record a complete series at the touch of a button. Everything is recorded onto a Hard Disk, within the machine , so there is no need to buy tapes or discs. Technology is now moving forward so quickly nowadays that it is always beneficial to contact your local expert to keep up to date, so contact: Michael R Peters or Tavistock Sound & Vision 19-23 The
Broadway, Bedford. MK40 2TL. Tel: 01234 352107 or01234 356323 with any questions you may have. See their ad on the back page of this issue.
Registered Member of The British and Podiatry Association HPC Registration No. CH17913
THERESE GRAY FSSCh. Dip Pod Med. MBChA. Chiropodist Surgery
Telephone: 01525 841845 Email: [email protected]
Physiotherapy Sports & Spinal Clinic, 35A Russell Drive
Ampthill MK45 2TX Tel: 01525 841845
Gift vouchers available for Christmas
1st anniversary PARTY !!
Woburn Country Foods BUTCHERS & FARM SHOP
Wed 28th - Sat 31st OCTOBER To Celebrate the 1st Anniversary of our new Haynes West End site we are holding a week of farming fun with special offers on our local meat and farm shop goodies!
Farm Animals, Tractors & Machinery, ‘Best Banger’ Competition, Special Offers, BBQ,
Country Walks FREE Tastings Under Cover!!
West End Farm, London Lane Haynes West End, MK45 3RA(At the top of the hill!)
Tel:01234 740300 www.woburncountryfoods.com
Page 14
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Halloween will soon be here, The time for children all to fear Ghosts and goblins, witches too
All come out on this night for you. So come to Martins don’t delay
They have Halloween items on display. Masks, costumes, hats, face paints to name a few
To make Halloween a great night for you. And if you’re going out trick and treating we even sell
Things to put your sweets in. If you’re a grown up staying in at home
Don’t forget the treats, because the children will only moan. So the only one thing we would like you to do, Is pop in to Martins, we will be pleased to see you. Also instore we have a great new range of sandwiches, with assorted fillings ideal for your lunch or just a snack. Hope to see you all soon. Martins The Newsagents, Church St, Ampthill 01525 404314
FARMERS MARKETS The Farmers Market in Woburn is held on the third Sunday of every month at The Pitchings, whilst Ampthill Farmers Market is held on the last Saturday of each month at their new home at the rear of The White Hart Hotel. Don’t forget The Charter Market in Ampthill every Thursday and Flitwick Market on Fridays!.
Planning an event? If you're hiring a hall for a special function and need a professional full bar service brought in, then look no further. We supply a fully manned and equipped bar
service for any special occasion. We do it all so you and your guests can simply relax
and have a good time.
Saturday 17th OctoberBRING ON THE PIES FOR THE 5TH AMPTHILL PIE & ALE FESTIVAL!
11.00 onwards - great pies to make and taste … plus a host of guest beers AND
we’re now in the Good Beer Guide!
Saturday 31st OctoberHallowe’en party - Fancy Dress welcome but not compulsory!
SUNDAY ROAST DINNERS NOW SERVED 1.00 pm - 3.00 pm
Plus …QUIZ NIGHT IS BACK EVERY
WEDNESDAY 9.00 ONWARDS!
Following the success of our first ‘Jamming Night’ - watch out for details
of the next one in November! (Musicians get ready!)
WHO ATE ALL THE PIES?!?! AMPTHILL PIE FESTIVAL,
SATURDAY 17 OCTOBER 2009 We hold all the equipment you will need to ensure your successful entry into the pie contest – pie dishes, pie funnels, pastry blenders, pastry brushes
FUTURE TASTING EVENINGS WEDNESDAY 11 & FRIDAY 13 NOVEMBER 2009, 19.00-21.00
The August round were such a storming success, we’re holding some more! Tickets are available from the shop
priced at £10 each!
Still open Sundays 11.00-17.00! Monday to Saturday 9.00 - 17.30
4b Bedford Street, Ampthill
Tel: 01525 402023
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20th October 2009Bedford Hearing Practice
• Hearing Technology Demonstrations at BedfordHearing Practice
• 10am – 5pm
• Speak with Stephen Beale, Hearing Aid Audiologist,about all your hearing queries
• Learn how the latest hearing technology can changeyour life
• Trial the very latest in hearing aid technology
• Live demonstrations on Bluetooth and wirelessconnectivity
• Speak with a representative from one of theworld’s leading hearing instrumentmanufacturers – Phonak UK
• Refreshments available for all visitors
• Please phone to book an appointment as placesare limited.
Bedfordshire Hearing Healthcare52 Harpur Street, Bedford,MK40 2QTTel: 01234 348144www.bedfordhearing.co.uk
Both days will be relaxed, informal and open to all,so you can bring your friends and family if they'd liketo know more too.
Call Now: 01234 348144
Bedfordshire Hearing Healthcare invites you to our
Exclusive Open Days
As one of the UK's leading independent hearing carespecialists, Bedford Hearing is delighted to invitelocal people to two FREE Open Day events in October.You'll be able to learn more about the importance ofhearing awareness and hearing loss - and theremarkable solutions that are now available.
Established in Bedford for 34 years
19th October 2009Howard Room Hotel
• Hearing Awareness Seminars at theHoward Room, Corn Exchange
• 12pm, 2pm and 5pm
• Learn all about hearing & hearing loss
• Discover how your ears work and why loss occurs
• Learn how to protect your hearing and why it isimportant to do so
• Learn about the solutions available to you if yousuffer from a loss
• Speak with a representative from one of theworld’s leading hearing instrumentmanufacturers – Phonak UK
• Refreshments available for all visitors
• No Appointment Necessary
BedfordshireHEARINGH althcare
Hearing Aid Audiologist
Page 16
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Next Saturday the 17th October sees the 5th annual Ampthill Pie Festival! Held at The Queens Head public house in Ampthill, the event attracts pies from all over the place including the famous Toddington Pie Makers who keep winning the trophies! However we understand that there will be serious challenges this year from Ampthillian’s finest - determined to win back the prestigious trophies! Pies arrive from 11.00 am at the pub and then there is the serious judging to take place
at 1.00 pm. Once judging is finished, customers are invited (for a small donation to Charity) to go ahead and taste the pies!Paul Duckett, Landlord of The Queens, also has a mini beer festival to coincide with the event so it’s beer & pies!!Later in the evening the almost Internationally world famous Paul ‘Honky Tonk’ Roberts will be addressing the musical side of things and all in all it should be a fun day to raise money for local charities!
The Compasses Greenfield
*Real Ale* * Real Food*
*Real People*
Come and see what Laura and the team are getting up to!!!
OPEN ALL DAY
Warm and friendly atmosphere
Traditional Pub Food Served Tuesday - Saturday
12 pm - 3 pm & 6 pm - 8.30 pm Sunday
12 pm - 3 pm
Excellent selection of cask ales
Halloween Party - Saturday 31st October Fireworks - Saturday 7th November
44 High Street, Greenfield, Beds. MK45 5DD
01525 717846
AT HOME OR WORK Full and part valets, Hand washed and polished
Seats and carpets cleaned Call Nigel on 01525 261485
Mobile 07977 605987 email: [email protected]
www.thepetaupair.co.ukwww.thepetaupppppppppppppppaaaair.co.uk
DOG WALKING
Excellent socialisation for your dog, peace of mind for you!
PET SITTING
Rabbits, guinea pigs, hamsters, birds, rats & ferrets are welcome in our home!
PET TRANSPORTING
01525 860606
Page 17
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With Gerard Boughtye
There’s a splendid new wine shop open in Ampthill called Cambridge Wine. Situated right opposite the Post Office, they carry a fantastic range of wines, spirits and beers. There’s case discounts to be had and if you just need to nip out to pick up a bottle of wine -
there’s no supermarket queue plus they are open later too! They also carry some very unusual bottled beers - some of which you may not have heard of! Whilst you are in there, ask about their wine and whisky tastings too. Cambridge Wine 01525 405929
If you are terribly lucky - you may be able to book an advertisement in next month’s issue!
Please ring Martin on 01525 841434 to check on availability!
Dunstable Street Ampthill Tel: 01525 403319
email: [email protected]
Open Monday - Thursday 11 am - 2 pm & 5 pm - 11 pm
OPEN ALL DAY FRIDAY, SATURDAY & SUNDAY!
CHOICE OF REAL ALES - IPA or ABBOT
plus a different ale every week
UK SKY SPORTS / ESPN All major sporting
events shown
ACOUSTIC MUSIC NIGHT 3rd Monday every month
Great value ‘Pub Grub’ Monday to Friday
12.00 - 2.00 with nothing on the menu
at more than a fiver!
We are also able to accept major Credit and Debit cards
We can arrange your Dream Reception Complete for £3,500
Our qualified team will arrange Food for 100, either sit down or buffet Table flowers to match your theme Aperitifs and canapés on arrival, wine with meal and Fizz for Toasts Music - great disco China, glasses linen plus waitress service included STOP PRESS - 11th HOUR SERVICE TOO!
You Find the Venue, We Do the Rest!
Call Chris & Co
01525 290785 (Woburn)
07774 205235
Ask us about our new and exciting venue!
MICK HULATTCARPENTRY SERVICES
QUALITY CRAFTSMAN EST.1990 FOR ALL ASPECTS OF
CARPENTRY & BUILDING WORK Call: 01525 713590 or 07949 072133
E-mail: [email protected]
Page 18
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Several of our readers have asked us to repeat this fabulous quick and easy recipe:
TIPSY CHICKENFor two people: Firstly pop in to your butcher and buy 2 skinless chicken breast fillets, 2 slices of ham and some regular cheddar cheese. Then you also require: 1 bottle of cheap cider Dried herbs Salt & pepper Now, you can pour yourself a crafty glass of cider(!) and pour the remainder into a saucepan. Add a sprinkling of salt and pepper and a good shake of dried herbs.
Bring the cider to the boil and once bubbling add the chicken breasts and turn the heat down to gently simmer. Meanwhile grate the cheese and remove any fat from ham. After 15 minutes or so check that the chicken is cooked through and remove from saucepan and place on warm plate. Take each piece of chicken and wrap the ham around then place in a small bowl. Cascade your grated cheese over the top and grill until the cheese is golden brown. Serve at once with vegetables of your choice.
As it’s Halloween soon we thought you would like this c r e e p i e r p h o t o g r a p h showing what chefs get up to when they just haven’t got enough to do!
Welcome Auntie Jen and Happy Birthday
for the 5th Lots of love Roo,
O and Katy, Justin and Hester too xxx
Now this is fun! They only messed me up a tiny fraction because you probably won’t know me anyway! I am an American actress in a not terribly well known series on the television. But I like it!! The answer is at the foot of the page.
Abigail Spencer from Angela’s Eyes
In the great scheme of things why do you not see
baby pigeons?
Outstanding gardens designed for
outdoor living
Small garden? - no problem Large garden? - We love them!
T.H.E. BEST BUTCHERS
Telephone (01908) 375275 www.bestbutcher.co.uk
Unit 5, Lower Rectory Farm, Great Brickhill, Milton Keynes, Bucks MK17 9AF
* FRESH FISH NOW AVAILABLE FRIDAY & SATURDAY
Little Emm’s Unisex Hair Studio
Tel: 01525 237687
“A Cut Above The Rest” For a totally new look for the Summer why not come and see ‘Emma Scissorhands’?!
22A Woburn Road Heath & Reach Nr Leighton Buzzard Beds LU7 OAR
I’m happy as I am - please don’t canvas me!
All plumbing work undertaken Including …
Complete bathroom design, tiling, electrics etc Bathroom installations Full central heating Replacement boiler New or replacement radiators Kitchen sinks and taps replaced
No job too big or small
Over 20 years experience - CRB checked
For a free quote call Brian on 07958 365159 01582 585113
Page 19
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Memory Foam Mattresses Direct from the manufacturer
at trade prices!
WWW.COMFORT MATTRESS.CO.UK
At Comfort Mattress we manufacture and distribute high quality
Memory Foam mattresses locally from Shefford.
We sell direct to the public and trade cutting out the middle men, allowing us to sell a range of foam products at
FANTASTIC low prices!! Take advantage of massive
discounted prices only available from our Factory Outlet at
12C Oldbridge Way, Shefford Ind Est, Beds SG17 5HQ
30% Discount off web site prices with this voucher.
Not to used with any other offer
YOUR LOCAL
No.1 For Scooters,
Stairlifts & Mobility
Can’t get to us? Call now to organise a free
no pressure home demonstration with one of our friendly
sales advisors.
Curved & Straight stairlifts available.
New and used Scooters, part ex
welcome. Wheelchairs,
Ramps, Walking Sticks, Grab Rails,
Tri-Walkers, Rollators, Bathlifts, Waterproof Clothing
& much more. For more information call us or
visit our website at www.comforthomecare.co.uk
Page 20
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On 4th June 2009 a youth counselling service has opened in Ampthill. The counselling service will be available to all young people 11-25 years old, that live in Ampthill, Flitwick and surrounding villages. The service is FREE and they will be able to self refer. They are also working alongside the GP surgeries in Ampthill and Flitwick who will also refer. Currently young people have to access counselling in Bedford, Milton Keynes or Luton. The aim of counselling is to provide you with an opportunity to explore and clarify ways of living more satisfactorily. It is a process which helps you examine personal problems and unlock hidden feelings that may have been hidden for some time…and make progress. The process takes place in a relaxed, safe and confidential setting, allowing you the time to talk to someone, who will neither judge nor advise you, but will assist you in setting goals and working towards them. If you would like an appointment please call. 07544 908509 Email: [email protected] COUNSELLING FOR THE YOUTHS OF TODAY – THE ADULTS OF TOMORROW
Tyres & Exhausts 66 Bedford Street, Ampthill, Bedfordshire, MK45 2NB
Tel: 01525 405900 Open Monday - Friday 9.00 am - 6.00 pm
Saturday 9.00 - 4.00 pm
At last Ampthill has its own Tyre & Exhaust specialist with expert fitting facilities
and the best service for miles
Servicing & repairs Diagnostics
Timing belts Brakes
Clutches All makes and models
Beat the credit crunch with Formula One Scooters
F1 Scooters Pilgrim House, Dunstable Street, Ampthill 0845 313 8400 07961 775420
www.f1scooters.co.uk
With the price of car-parking, tax and petrol, the ideal vehicle for commuting is a scooter; a years’ tax on a scooter is only £15. Very cheap to insure. At Most rail stations parking for a scooter is free (£6.20 a day for a car), coupled by the fact that you can actually park. The other obvious advantage is that you can get circa 100 miles to a gallon.
You can ride a 50 cc at age 16, or if you have a full car licence, just twist and go, no test or ‘L’ plates required.*
We have a wide range of 50cc and 125cc scooters, both in sports and retro style. Prices vary from £699.00 to £1,099.00 including road tax and registration.
Witches and Warlocks come out to play, not on a broomstick, but on a 'ped' hey hey!
* Providing licence obtained prior to February 2001
BMJ HOME & GARDEN SERVICESFor all those jobs around the house and garden,
that you never have time for!We are an established, reliable trustworthy & a very
reasonably priced company. NO JOB TOO SMALL
Tel: Joolz or Michael on 01525 211670 Mob: 07871 802815
Page 21
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by Mustafa Singh Mustafa has responded to the challenge from Edith and created the following composed entirely of song titles! …. "Come on Eileen - Move it - There's a ghost in my house - Can you feel it?" - "It's impossible" - "Why?" - "Dunno what it is - D'you know what I mean" - "Get back - It's too late - It's over - I think we're alone now - It's oh so quiet - It's all right now - Don't worry" - "What a crazy world we're living in - What's it all about" Splendid stuff again! And many thanks. So now it’s back to Edith! Let’s see what gems she comes up with next time!
Congratulations Suzanne on becoming
one of ‘us’ on 22nd October!
1st November STEPH
Happy Birthday Squiffy - my Child Bride
From your Slipper xx
CIU Affiliated 37 Church Street Ampthill Beds
FRIDAY 30th OCTOBERHE’S HERE!
‘MELVIS’60’S MUSIC AND ELVIS TRIBUTE
Be on time - starts at 9 pm
SATURDAY 31st OCTOBER HALLOWEEN
KARAOKEAt the Wingfield Club
(Probably Ampthill’s most haunted building)FANCY DRESS OPTIONAL - PRIZES
We expookt you on time - starts at 9 pm
SATURDAY 28th NOVEMBER - DO NOT MISS! The charm, talent, professionalism and smooth vocals of
PHIL HOBBIS ‘A man who loves to sing and does so in tremendous style’ The Stage Newspaper
A pleasant and safe family environment Drinks at everyday low prices (Help beat the credit crunch)
CRIB - DARTS - DOMINOES - POOL - (BIG SCREEN FOR SKY SPORTS)BINGO - Thursday nights - QUIZ - Sunday nights
SMOKING AREA - Covered and heated - BEER GARDEN (Summer) FREE ENTERTAINMENT FOR MEMBERS AND THEIR GUESTS
WHAT’S ON?
WACKY WINGY WEEKEND!
Honky Tonk Music By Paul Roberts
Solo performing Trumpet player and vocalist with backing tracks Pubs, Clubs, Bars, Weddings
Jazz, Jive, Rock ‘N’ Roll, Swing
Tel: 01525 404069 or Mob: 07973 971 209
Page 22
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Episode 40000010 ‘Have you noticed any strange behaviour among folks living in this area?’ I proceeded and his answer was obvious for a such an open question. ‘All the t i m e , ’ h e r e p l i e d unsurpr i s ingly. ‘Who behaves in the most unusual way?’ I followed on. ‘Well,’ he paused to think, ‘There’s
a l i t t le chi l l i -eating computer whizz, there’s the postman, Pat, he’s called, then there’s the two guys down there,’ he pointed ‘and the editor of the local paper who lives round there, and the school caretaker and the council bloke and the archaeologist, Adam, and … I stopped him in his stride, ‘Enough!’
To be continued
By Michael McSpleen
By Sultan Sheik
1) MERE......................…..I have just arrived
2) MAPPY.....................….I am very cheerful
3) SURTING.................….I am in pain
4) VETTUM.......................All the snacks have gone
5) FRITT........................….I am very apprehensive about the situation
6) SNEER......................….It is very close
I know how much Cockneys pay for their
shampoo - ‘Pantene’
A woman got home, screeched her car into the driveway, ran into the house, slammed the door and shouted to her husband at the top of her
lungs,... "Pack your bags. I just won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my Goodness! What should I pack, beach stuff
or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter", she said, "Just get out!"
The Bathtub Test During a visit to the asylum, a visitor asked the Director how you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalised. 'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.' 'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.' 'No' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?'
Reasonable Rates Experienced Mechanic
Servicing Spares Repairs ON ALL MAKES OF CARS, MOTORCYCLES
LIGHT COMMERCIALS OLD AND NEW MOT’S ARRANGED, MOT WORK CARRIED OUT
Cloud Nine (Est ’84)
Great Music & Entertainment ALL AGES (5 - 85)
Special rates for Fuddler readers
INGLE ENTERTAINMENTSTel: 01525 402475
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Page 23
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With Lauren Louella Boughalls I am sure you are all dying to know the answer to last month’s picture challenge. It was, as many of you guessed, taken of St Andrew’s Church in Ampthill. The wasp’s nest is still there as far as I know. This month’s photo challenge was taken as I cycled through a local village with my very good friend Algi (short for Alginon) on a beautiful September afternoon . This wonderful old bus stop sign was hiding in the holly But where was this picture taken?
Answers by email to [email protected] or on a postcard to The Fuddler, PO Box 756 Ampthill Bedford MK45 2WZ Answer next month!
P J Dennis Plumbing & Heating Services Ltd
Tel 01525-403924 Mobile 07860-504222.
www.pjdennisplumbingandheating.co.uk
Established 21 years & specialising in renewable energy.
We also carry out the following services:
Power flushing of heating &boiler system.
Solar hot water systems.
Boiler services, Gas & Oil.
Bathroom refurbishments.
Prestigious new build, we can offer a complete bespoke design
& install service.
Corgi & Oftec registered & registered installers of Nu-Heat under-floor heating systems
(Log on to www.nu-heat.co.uk/PJDennisAd)
Ground source heat pumps. Under-floor heating systems.
Supplied & installed. Rain harvesting systems
A personal Chauffeur
service with grace
and quality for the
discerning customer.
BE DRIVEN
...a journey to remember
t: 0800 022 3312
m: 07836 780088
www.be-drivencars.co.uk
Our Services include:
• Airport Transfers • Theatres
• Business trips • Days sightseeing
• Weddings • Shopping
• Executive Travel
A8L
Page 24
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BILLY TEA South West Australia Spring 1974 After we had finally cleared the site of the previous log camp, we had to get all the stuff back to Yarloop, this involved several trips but the main one was recovery of the D8 Bulldozer that we used. On the morning we were to collect the D8 we rose early and just before setting off Bill asked the Hotel landlord for an empty can, a large one, the sort of thing you get tinned peaches in. Bill punched a couple of holes in the side just below the open rim and fitted a loop of 16 gauge galvanized wire through the holes to form a handle. This was my first experience of a Billy Can! We set off for the rendezvous
where and got the D8 Dozer to a point where the low loader could meet us, it was not exiting in anyway but for me it was so remote, I could not believe that they would even find us. While we waited, Bill made me build a small fire and boil some water in the Billy, when this was done he threw a small handful of tea into the billy and asked me to whirl the billy can round as if I was a windmill! I had long since realised that you do as you’re told with Bill and performed the duty, the result was all the tea leaves settled in the bottom of the Billy can and we had a GREAT mug of tea. The down side of this was my first (of many) encounter with a bull ant these fellows are
nearly an inch long and 20% of that is JAWS. The Aborigines, (my favourite people) use these creatures to suture wounds; if the have a bad cut they get a Bull Ant to bite the wound and then remove the body from the head, the jaws remain locked into the flesh while the wound heals, eventually the jaws fall off. The pain of a Bull Ant bite is excruciating but maybe better than a nasty cut, it may even be that the venom helps to prevent infection, it would not surprise me. One of the fellows bit me while whirling the billy Bill did laugh! Prof Reginald V Q da Ghama IPA With kind permission of Jim Barr
One night in Trivial Pursuit, I was asked, who played the name role in Klute, Without pausing to ponder, I called out " Jane Fonda" but it wasn't, it was Donald Sutherland.
Courtesy Ruby Thanks again to Ruby for this month’s word from her wonderful collection of words and their definitions: So Ruby’s word of the month for October is ‘Axiomatic’. Do you know the meaning? The answer is at the foot of the page.
Self-evident
JOHN SMITH General Builder
For all building work.
• Extensions • Patios • Walls • Driveways
Tel: 01525 841835 Mob: 07979 846474
U.P.V.C. Installation Specialist Certass Registered. 10 year Insurance Backed Guarantee
Installations Assured
Windows • Doors • Conservatories • Porches Porch Canopies • Replacement Units
AT PRICES YOU CAN AFFORD
Tel: 01525 720 696 Email:[email protected]
‘A Business Built on Recommendation’
David BrownWindow Cleaning
Member of the British Window Cleaning Academy
• Quality Service Includes Frames & Sills • Friendly Free Estimates • Fully Insured
• Single Clean or Regular, Reliable Service
Additional Cleaning Services:• All External UPVC • Guttering • Conservatories
Phone 01582 472113Mobile 07534 837073
Page 25
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The reader will no doubt recall last edition’s account of the aged ex-landlord and his young accomplice who visited the water together in order to enjoy a piscatorial experience. The veteran had taken the youth under his wing in order to pass on some of his considerable experience. As was mentioned before, according to Mr Crabtree, the keys to success were experience and kit. I will not bore the reader with a reminder of who met with the greater success but the ‘long-in-the-tooth’ ex-landlord subsequently picked up his rods and made two further visits, alone, to the water in order to ‘break his duck’. Now, this is the part I cannot understand; the elderly ex-landlord has experience aplenty but still his landing net remained dry and unused. Do you think I should lend him my rod?
INNOVATIONS
fixed price aerial installations
poor reception specialists sky repairs & installations digital aerials freeview systems plasma installationsA family run company with over 15 years experience Registered Digital UK installer, NVQ qualified
01525 84101716 Chiltern Close Ampthill Beds MK45 2QA
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The Number 1 Ironing and Laundry Service
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Or see our website at www.pressed4time.info
The Acorn Centre, Unit 2, Station Road, Ampthill
(Plenty of free parking)
ampthill.infofeatures
Ampthill’s Best Future Events
CalendarSend your event details to:
Page 26
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It’s well past Pimm’s o’clock …
in Arthur’s WorldW-O-O-S-H . . . . there it was gone ! ! Summer’s all over guys – whizzed past us all like a Jamaican sprinter strutting his stuff in Berlin. It was a funny old summer. Not too many “newsy” items around to raise even the slightest of giggles – well none worthy of this idiot column any way ! There wasn’t even a twitter in the run up to council elections which are generally good for a laugh. But then when it was all over and the chitys counted, all mayhem let loose. It really did seem like “pistols at dawn” stuff on the Ampthill Forum web site.
Some of those that didn’t make it to the Chicksands Car Park had a right old go at those that did – I wonder why ? It all got a bit boring after the Pimm’s Jug was stowed away for another year, along with the Factor 42 and those snazzy little two piece outfits that graced our sun loungers on many a sunny lazy afternoon. Then in comes October and along with it that old Pagan ritual of putting the clocks back (or is it forwards?) an hour. Can never understand the need for this any more. It totally messes me about. I still can’t get the hang of altering my “all singing – all dancing”gold wrist watch. I run around in the winter months an hour out of step with the rest of society, being late for appointments and
picking up overstay parking tickets left right and centre. I’m certainly not over keen on slipping out for my early evening pint in the dark. Just got to slip out sooner to catch the late afternoon light I supposeIt is however a massive plus for our very own Man in Black who I see has crept back into Fuddler Land. That extra hour of darkness certainly helps his cause as he steals his way unnoticed around the lanes of Ampthill, avoiding the pot holes whilst he measures up how much paint will be needed for all those double yellow lines the Council is talking about. I think I saw him the other very dark and eerie night – well it must have been him under that spiralling whiff of
Havana flavoured cigar smoke. That’s a dead giveaway when you want to tread your pathways strewn with danger, “incognito” so to speak. So what’s up next ? Well we’ve all got to get into some very serious training for Christmas for a start. The Pie Festival looks promising along with Honky and his Merry Men giving us a “Night to Remember” as well as the return of the Fireworks. Throw in the odd birthday or anniversary bash and a bit of “wetting the babies head” and we could just about survive the dark winter months. For me . . . I might just bring that Pimm’s jug out of storage, find myself a nice sun bed somewhere and mull over the fact that the best team lost the Ashes !!
THE FIRS GUEST HOUSE & CAFE
85, High Street, Ridgmont, Beds Tel: 01525 280279
GREAT VALUE AT THE FIRS!
B & B from £25.00 per person per night Home cooked meals to eat in or take away ALL DAY BREAKFAST at £4.00 to take away Large selection of home cooked meals all at £5.00 or less! Teas and coffees Sandwiches and rolls Cream teas Telephone orders welcome
For a 1st Class MILK DELIVERY
SERVICE TELEPHONE 01525 402206
Free doorstep delivery of organic milk plus …
Maulden Dairies Warren Farm, Woburn Street, Millbrook
… GARDEN SUPPLIES INCLUDING MULTI PURPOSE COMPOST, GARDEN PEAT,
FERTILISER ETC - ALL DELIVERED RIGHT TO YOUR DOOR!
ALL TYPES OF GROUNDWORKUNDERTAKEN.
Driveways, Patios etc.Please call for free quotation
Fencing Decking
Grass & hedge cutting Domestic & Commercial
Tel: 01525 874225 Mob: 07809 232829
Page 27
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Thanks very much to everyone who sent us the continuation of our story and congratulations to Julia for receiving the ultimate accolade from Seymour and the chance to continue the tale! As you may know we invite readers to write the next couple of paragraphs (about 200 words) of the story to tell us what may have happened next! Our Arts correspondent Seymour Cox will read all entries and the winner will be published in next month’s Fuddler! So, over to you, but please keep it clean! Please email your entries to [email protected] and let’s see how the story unfolds! (If you missed the 1st and 2nd instalments you can read them on our website at www.thefuddler.com)
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO TOBY?Daniella didn't laugh. She felt wrong-footed and confused. As she took in more details of the man's appearance, all her senses were screaming that this was wrong, he was wrong and she shouldn't be here. Something about his eyes alarmed her, although quite why, she wasn't sure. But she couldn't leave, not without finding out what was up with Toby. She'd dashed here to meet him as per his instructions, which had arrived by email late last night. "I think we should meet. It's time. Tomorrow, first thing. Please say you'll come." She'd been surprised and delighted. At last! After all the months of writing and the occasional phone call, she was finally going to meet Toby! Now, staring back at the stranger before her, her eager compliance felt foolish and hasty. She took a step backwards but he lurched towards her and clumsily grabbed her wrist, causing the Belgian bun she was still clutching to tumble to the floor. At his touch, adrenalin coursed through her; Daniella was ready to kick him in the shins and run. Then she noticed that the man was holding onto her with his left hand. Hadn't Toby mentioned he was left-handed? The man spoke again, suddenly looking more desperate than dangerous. "I'm sorry..for the joke and grabbing hold of you like this. It's just..you can't leave, you have to stay and listen to what I have to tell you. Toby needs you to do something for him, and you have exactly nine minutes left..." So it’s now over to you!
Flitwick, Ampthill and surrounding areas
OFFICE: SMART Motorcycle Training
38, Kings Road, Maulden, Beds MK45 2DT
TRAINING CENTRE: SMART Motorcycle Training,
Redborne School, Ampthill, Beds MK45 2NU
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One of our golfing enthusiast readers thought we should share with everyone, these actual calls received at a public golf course!! Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: Yes, do you have one of those areas where you can buy a bucket of golf balls and hit them for practice? Staff: You mean a driving range? Caller: No, that's not it…. Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: Yes, I'd like to get a tee time tomorrow between 12 o'clock and noon. Staff: Between 12 o'clock and noon? Caller: Yes. Staff: We'll try to squeeze you in. Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: My kids just came home with pockets full of range balls and said they stole them from your driving range. Would you like to buy them back? Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: Do you have any open tee times around 10 o'clock? Staff: Yes, we have one at 10:15. Caller: What's the next time after that? Staff: We have one at 10:22. Caller: We'll take that one. It will be a bit warmer. Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: Do you have a dress code? Staff: Yes, we do. We require soft spikes. Caller: How about clothes? Staff: Yes, you have to wear clothes.
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Following last month’s article about the English language, a reader has been inspired to send us the following! And thanks very much!
Of tough and bough and cough and dough Others may stumble, but not you
On hiccough, thorough, laugh and through Well done! And now you wish, perhaps,
To know of less familiar traps. Beware of heard, a dreadful word
That looks like beard and sounds like bird, And dead, is said like bed not bead, For goodness sake don’t call it deed!
Watch out for meat and great and threat, (They rhyme with suite and straight and debt).
And here is not a match for there Nor dear and fear for bear and pear.
And then there’s rose and close and lose, Just look them up, and goose and choose, And cork and work, and card and ward,
And font and front, and word and sword, And do and go, and thwart and cart, And still I’ve hardly made a start. A dreadful language? Man alive!
We’ve mastered it before we’re five!
JOANNE AND JODY
Congratulations on the birth of Archie on 8th September.
Love the family
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We now bring you further observations from the wacky world of Montgolfier: You may remember last month’s question concerning this sign which stands in the driveway of a house in Oxfordshire. It is the size of a milestone with a metal hook at the top. What is it for? Answer: To tie mules to. I now find that without fail I always buy ready licked stamps. The difference between a plane and a helicopter is that the helicopter’s propeller is on the roof rack. ‘Waiter - there’s a dead fly in my coffee.’ ‘Oh yes, it’s the hot water that kills them.’ Did you know that Aston Martin got it’s name from Aston Clinton and Martin from the driver who did the tests in the Chilterns near Aston Clinton? I met an elderly lady with a nice basket of plums. I asked if she was going to do some jam making. She said ‘No I’m sending them to the Queen.’ I asked ‘Why?’ She replied ‘Because everyone keeps singing “Send her Victorias”.’ Living in the top corner of my vehicle windscreen is a spider. He’s just had a two week holiday in the Shetland islands. He has been to boot sales and garden centres etc. his latest all expenses paid trip was a ride all the way to Inverness and back via the Isle of Arran - Lucky lad. What does Montgolfier look like? I’m told by several people that I must have done the Privilege Insurance TV ad as the Rolls Royce Chauffeur.
TOTI EMUL ESTO
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which I thought would be an appropriate introduction for my adventure with FG back in the 1980s. To walk across the North of England following the path of Hadrian’s Wall, 73 miles from Wallsend in Newcastle to Bowness on the Solway on Firth. When we decided to undertake this trek, no pun intended, both our friends and relations advised us that we were probably mad. My sister-in-law, FG’s missus, thought it would be a good bonding session, but I think deep down she probably thought we would probably end up killing each other. My interest in archaeology and history was my motivation and my brother was interested in walking old railway lines.
We had however never undertaken as much as even walking to our local public house together before this. Not only were we to brave the worst and best, of the Northumbrian and Cumbrian elements in late November but would also combine our two very distinctive and separate personalities with each others own intolerances and habits. We were going to stay in a series of B&B’s and Inns at night, but would spend about eight hours a day walking. It could well make the Roman and Ancient Britons infighting look like a kindergarten squabble over some ‘Lego Bricks’. We have relations in the North East and they thought we were foolhardy to attempt this trip at all, that alone at
this time of year. I had recently read a book published in 1956 by David Harrison called “Along Hadrian’s Wall” who recommended that if ‘one wanted to recapture the feel of what a Roman Legionnaire felt like when he was posted to a station along Rome’s most baron and notorious frontiers, then attempt the walk during the late autumn, winter or early spring’. Our attempt was also before the National Trust and English Heritage had completed a walker friendly pathway which now runs alongside most of the wall which Topbird and I walked a 13 mile stretch of a couple of years ago…. I’ve run out of space - continued next month!
Episode 14: ….. My Brother Part 2:
A Long Way AcrossSpace: the final frontier. These are the adventures of the Slade brothers, their five day mission to explore a strange new world, to seek out new life forms and civilisations, to boldly go where no right minded man should go.One of the few things that FG (my brother) and I did have in common, and they were few and far between, was our interest in classic sci-fi television series; Dr Who (John Pertwee & Tom Baker), Blake’s Seven, Time Tunnel (did they ever make it back home?) and Stark Trek. Hence the little tribute above
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