The Courier Week 13

Friday, May 20, 2011Edition 13 www.thecourier.es

CAR-JACK BRITSFEAR FOR LIVES

By DAVE BULLA TORREVIEJA couple had a terrifying experiencewhilst driving from Bilbao to the Costa Blanca recently and contacted us to warn others of a spateof car-jackings on foreign vehicles.

The couple, who would rather remain anonymous,told me that they were on the final part of their longjourney from the UK and were driving from Bilbaotowards Alicante on the R5, which is the motorwaythat runs on the outskirts of Madrid.

As they drove, a dark-coloured Mercedes pulledalongside and the occupants drew the attention ofthe wife, showing her what appeared to be a PoliceBadge. The people in the Mercedes signalled for thecouple to pull over, which they duly did, thinkingthat perhaps they had crept over the speed limit.

From that point, the situation became very scaryfor the couple. In the Mercedes were three men, oneof whom got out, appearing to be carrying a gun,and headed towards them. It was then that the wifetold her husband to lock all the doors.

One of the men briefly flashed his Police badgeagain before insisting that the couple got out of thecar and underwent a drugs search.

As the ‘policeman’ became more agitated, hedemanded the couple’s wallets and purses but theyweren’t carrying cash which angered him evenmore.

By now the couple were very scared and hadbecome more convinced that the men weren’t police

at all. Again the self-styled cop started to get agitat-ed, waving his arms and shouting at them.

‘You must have money! Give me your money!’

When the couple said that they had no cash, hedemanded to know how they had paid for fuel andtolls, refusing to believe their explanation of havingpaid by credit card. He became even more aggres-sive, putting his arm through the partly-open carwindow and releasing the door lock before the hus-band could react. Despite the couple’s protests hepulled their luggage out of the car.

The wife continued: ‘‘He then proceeded to pullour overnight bags apart and check my husband’s pockets. He found some foreign currency which weforgot we were going to exchange for Euros but hejust threw this across the car and screamed that wehad lied and that we must be hiding money.’’

The husband then got out to stop the man gettinginto the back of the car and the wife started to takedown the Mercedes number plate. With that, the‘policeman’ grew furious, grabbing her pen and padand throwing them away before walking off abruptlywhen another car came along the road.

When he reached the Mercedes he jumped in andall three men drove off at speed.

Continued on Page 2

A spate of attacks on foreign-registered vehiclessees latest victims threatened by armed man

LORCA APPEAL

SEE PAGE 4

2 Friday, May 20, 2011

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WritersDave Bull

Malcolm PalmerMick HardyDonna Gee

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Printed by Localprint S.L

Depósito legalA - 132 - 2011

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Sunny and breezyHigh Temperature:22°CRealFeel: 23°C

Brilliant sunshine High Temperature:23°CRealFeel: 25°C

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Patchy cloudsHigh Temperature:26°CRealFeel: 29°C

Today Saturday Sunday

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D’you think I can fit one more in?

Continued from Page 1The husband explained: ‘We got our-

selves back on the road and movingagain and pulled off at the next servicestation where there was a Guardia Civilcar parked up.

‘We approached them and explainedwhat had happened and they told us tofollow them to the nearest PoliceStation where we gave our statement.We also picked out, my wife and I sep-arately, two off the three men in the car.

‘The Guardia Civil advised us neverto stop on a motorway unless thePolice are in uniform.

‘They said only the Guardia Civilwould stop you on the motorway or inan extreme case the Guardia National

but we were even more shocked whenwe were informed by a detective thatthis was the 90th case of foreign regis-tered cars being hi-jacked recently.

A spokesman for the Guardia Civiltold The Courier that there appear to betwo gangs operating a drug-bust scaminvolving foreign registered cars. Onegang is Pakistani and one Moroccanand it’s worth pointing out that the manwho approached this couple’s car wasvery smartly dressed and did notappear initially to be a typical bad guy.

The couple asked us to run this storyto warn other people travelling in for-eign registered vehicles to be aware ofwhat they should and shouldn’t dounder the same circumstances.

THE GREAT DEBATABLEBy SALLY BENGTSSON

THE local election campaigns may have started last week, and although the boxinggloves seem to be well and truly in place,both the PP and PSOE parties appear to beavoiding public debates at all costs.

The central theme has become clear, theSocialists (PSOE) have moved to mobilisetheir support base by instilling fear of thePopular Party (PP), while Mariano Rajoy, theconservative group's leader, has been keep-ing a low profile to avoid fomenting voterunease.

Rajoy avoided interrogation at a rally inSanta Cruz de Tenerife last Monday, and a PPspokesman, invoking the party's "freedom" to

call press conferences, hinted that the con-servative leader would keep his counselthroughout the campaign.

In 2008, the PP leader engaged in debatewith Prime Minister José Rodríguez Zapatero,but then went on to lose the general election.This may explains the PP's reticence to bedrawn into public discussion.

Zapatero began a war of words on Mondayover the welfare state, attempting to laySpain's economic woes firmly at the PP'sfeet. "They would not have avoided the crisisor unemployment, and there would have cer-tainly been less protection for the unem-ployed and less social protection," he said.

Zapatero reminded the PP that it was dur-

ing its watch that a growth model based onbricks and mortar, the foundation of the cur-rent recession, was implemented.

The prime minister's words echoed theattack plan of Tomás Gómez, PSOE candi-date for the regional premiership of Madrid,during a highly stylized debate with incum-bent Esperanza Aguirre and United Left can-didate Gregorio Gordo on Telemadrid, thechannel controlled by the PP-run administra-tion.

"You govern for business, not for the peo-ple," Gómez charged.

The PSOE secretary has challengedAguirre to a one-on-one exchange, a gauntletthus far left untouched by the serving premier.

Car-jacking terror

3Friday, May 20, 2011

WOUNDED war hero Joseph Illidge ispaying a cruel price for his double act ofheroism in Iraq – his pension rights areinexplicably being blocked by theMinistry of Defence.

And the former Royal Welsh Regiment soldier reckons

THE ARMY WON’T PAY MY PENSION

Wounded Iraq hero sweats itout for £110-a-month award

EXCLUSIVEBy DONNA GEE

By DAVE BULLDRIVERS beware! SneakySpanish traffic cops havedevised an ingenious newway of catching speedingmotorists with thousandsalready caught out.

When drivers approachwhat they think are road-works, cones and chevronsfilter the traffic into a sin-gle lane – nothing out of theordinary there you mightthink. But the crafty copshave a speed camera dis-guised as a traffic chevron

that they can move fromone road to another by loa-ding the portable deviceinto the back of a van.

Unlucky motorists arepaying fines of up to 200€and incurring penaltypoints because of thelatest hi-Tec measures bythe police to trap speedingmotorists.

Motoring groups are nothappy and described thescheme as ‘‘just another wayto make money out of motorists.’’

Sneaky - the'roadworks' sign

Revealed - thespeed cameraCASH COW FOR

CRAFTY COPS?

he knows at least FOURother ex-colleagues whoare in the same position.

Honoured for two heroicacts within a single week in2007, Private Illidge waslater invalided out of thearmy with post traumaticstress disorder.

The 21-year-old fromNewport had astonished hiscommanders by remaining inthe seat of his Warrior armyvehicle after it was hit by fourrocket-propelled grenades.

ConsciousWith his vehicle becoming

an oven and realising therewere no more drivers to takehis place, he stripped off hisuniform and doused himselfin water to remain conscious.

Then, just a week later, PteIllidge rescued two other inju-red soldiers and drove themto safety, despite having him-self been wounded by mortarfire outside Basra Palace.

He was Mentioned inDispatches for his heroism inthe two incidents and waslater presented with an offi-cial medal to mark his bra-very. After being discharged

with shrapnel wounds to hisleg and deafness caused bythe noise of RPGs (rocketpropelled grenades), Josephwas also awarded £35,000compensation under the theofficial army tariff system –but received just £9,800.

That is due to be supple-mented with a paltry £110-a-month pension but the MoDhave been prevaricating overit for so long that Joseph,now 24, despairs of everseeing the money.

MovingHe’s now ekeing out a

living as a part-timewaiter/barman after movingto the Costa Blanca to benear his parents Jeanetteand Paul, who now live here.

‘‘I must have phoned 15times about my pension andam getting nowhere,’’ he toldme at La Fuente de SanJuan, the English-owned bar-restaurant near Torremendowhere he works.‘‘I’m frustra-

Mary makes merry with the Mayor...

ted and angry about it andI’m not the only one.

‘‘I know at least four otherwounded ex-soldiers likemyself who are also chasingpension payments they areowed. They seem to be trying

to shortcut people out ofmoney.

‘‘The only explanation Ican think of is that in thecurrent economic climate,perhaps the Army don’t havethe money to pay us.’’

Living in hope: Joe Illidge behind the bar at La FuenteMERRY Mary met the Mayor when El Raso’seldest resident joined 300 other revellers atGuardamar’s Europe Day celebrations.

Mary Collier, 94, is never lost for words - ora beaming smile. And Mayor MarylèneAlbentosa, was happy to reciprocate as sheprepared for the latest round of elections.


TERROR IN LORCA:Aftermath of a killer earthquake

By DAVE BULLIN the wake of the 5.2 magnitude earth-quake that hit Lorca on May 11, thou-sands of people camped out overnightin fear of further tremors.

After a cold but thankfully peaceful night, hundredsbegan queuing for food, blankets and medical helpfrom emergency workers.

Many were unable to return to their damaged homesand Lorca mayor Francisco Jodar told a press confer-ence that as many as a third of the 90,000 residentshad spent the night outdoors after Wednesday'searthquake in fear of possible after-shocks.

As I walked the streets of Lorca the day after thedisaster, the first green trucks of a more-than-welcome military task force of 200 troops were arriv-ing to provide aid and cordon off dangerous build-

ings. They also brought blankets, sleeping bags andgenerators to supply parts of the town.

Even walking the streets wasn’t safe as some build-ings remained intact for hours before collapsing.

A final death toll of nine people, including one child,was declared after the deadliest earthquake to hitSpain in more than five decades. A pregnant womanwas amongst the victims, along with a boy who hadstepped from his grandfather’s house to stroke a dogjust as the tremor hit.

Another 167 were injured, including three who werein a serious condition in hospital.

A health authority spokesman said that more than800 small foldable beds had been set up in a hangaron the edge of town but that "many people prefer tosleep outside, near their homes or because they areafraid of after-shocks. Edgar Rosales, 38, an

Ecuadorian immigrant, said: "We spent the night out-side here in the square. The emergency workers aregiving us food and blankets. We're not allowed to gointo our apartment until an engineer comes and looksat our building,"

The devastation that I saw included the fronts ofbuildings and ripped open walls, I didn’t see a build-ing that wasn’t damaged and the streets were coveredwith bricks from buildings, chunks of masonry, fallenterraces and squashed cars.

On live TV a church clock tower fell and smashedinto pieces right next to a television reporter as heconducted an interview on Spanish public broadcast-er TVE.

Dozens of people spent the night wrapped in blankets in an outdoor basketball court andchildren's playground.

Buildings should nothave collapsed, says

geological expertUP to 15,000 people wereleft homeless by the earth-quake that hit the town ofLorca last week – Spain’smost destructive quake in50 years.

But now controversyhas erupted followingcomments made by LuisEugenio Suarez, presidentof the Spanish GeologicalAssociation.

He told Italy’s PublicoOnline that the 5.2 magni-tude earthquake "shouldnot have claimed any vic-tims" and that the buildingsin Lorca "should not havefallen down".

Suarez went on to say:‘‘Murcia, Andalucia and theLevante are areas of seis-mic risk, so they shouldhave been prepared.

‘‘An earthquake of 5.2 isnot sufficiently intense tocollapse buildings".

TWO-MILLION KILO EXPLOSION!THE tragic and destruc-tive after-shock which hitLorca last week wasmore than 30 timesstronger than the initial

earthquake which struckat around 5pm that after-noon.

TWO MILLIONA technician for natural

risks in Murcia regionalgovernment, SofíaGonzález, said the powerof the second tremor,which measured 5.2 on

the Richter scale, wasequivalent to two millionkilos of explosives goingoff at once.

Luis Eugenio Suarez: ‘They shouldhave been prepared’

HELP LORCAWE NEED YOUR HELP

Lorca AppealThe people of Lorca are still recoveringfrom the shock of the massive earth-quake which destroyed many homesand damaged 80% of the houses in thetown. Thousands are still living inmakeshift accommodation and the fol-lowing items are in short supply andwe can help. Please bring anything youcan to help our neighbours and TheCourier will make sure it gets there assoon as possible with the help ofUnblockarod.

WHAT THEY NEEDTins of fish, such as tuna, sardines etcTins or jars of lentils, chick peas, veg-etables etc.RiceCheeseHam or anything which can be used tofill rollsSanitary towels and tamponsBaby foodBaby milkSchool material such as pencils,colours, notebooks etc

Drop off any items at:Courier Office – GuardamarManolo Restaurant - Lo Marabu area

Cafe Golf - Santiago de la RiberaRocajuna – Punta PrimaSam Widges – La ZeniaIPG Estate Agents – La MarinaQuicksave – Gran AlacantIf any other bars, shops, offices orrestaurants would like to volunteer asdrop off points please contact TheCourier to let us know.

And thanks!

ITALIANS fled Rome in a panic last week,convinced by a seismologist's 1915 pre-diction that "the big one" would hit on May11 this year.In what appears to be an amazing coin-

cidence, Raffaele Bendani's predictiondid come true - but 600 kilometres awayin the Spanish town of Lorca.

Meanwhile, businesses in Italy werereporting that one in five people were tak-ing time off and keeping children awayfrom school. They decided instead tohead to the beach or into the country onthe fated day. Many Italians took the prediction so seri-

ously that even local newspapers werepublishing survival guides with tips ofwhat to do for residents.

Social networking helped to spread theparanoia with Facebook, Twitter and textmessages stating that Rome would be hitby a major quake on Wednesday May 11.

To back up their case, the sites claimedthat Bendani, who died in 1979, predictedother earthquakes which hit Italy duringthe last 100 years. In 1923 he predicted atremor would hit central Italy on January2 the following year - and was just twodays out.

Bendani believed movement of platesand therefore earthquakes were theresult of the combined movements of theplanets, the moon and the sun are per-fectly predictable. For his work he wasknighted by Fascist dictator BenitoMussolini , although he was then orderednot to make any more predictions as offi-cials feared he would create panic.

However, seismologists have beenquick to say Bendani’s theories lack anyscientific proof and that despite his claimsearthquakes are completely unpre-dictable.

‘’There is absolutely no evidence to say

that an earthquake will hit Rome on May11 and we have told that to the hundredsof people who have called,’’ said seismol-ogist Alessandro Amato, from Italy'sNational Geophysical and VolcanologyInstitute.

"There is a possibility that on the day inquestion the country as a whole will havean average of 30 or so tremors but that isperfectly normal and the figure weexpect.

"It is not scientifically possible to predictthe exact date that an earthquake willoccur and that's why we are holdingthese open days at the Institute to betterinform people."

The Eurasian and African plates meetalong a line which runs through NorthAfrica and crosses the Mediterraneannear southern Italy and Greece. As aresult, two main fault lines cut across theItalian peninsula.

Memories are still vivid of the earth-quake in the central Italian city ofL'Aquilam, to the north of Rome, whichkilled 300 people in 2009.


Spain mourns as baby Albabecomes a symbol of hope

PRIME Minister Jose LuisRodriquez Zapatero, Crown PrinceFelipe and his wife Letizia wereamong those present last week asSpain mourned the nine victims ofthe Lorca earthquake.

The public funeral mass was held onFriday morning in a large agriculturalhangar on the outskirts of the tremor-hittown near Murcia.

The funeral service, led by the Bishop ofCartagena, was televised live to the nationand was moved to the Recinto Ferialbecause quake damage had left all thetown's churches too unsafe to enter.

Thousands of residents joined the fami-lies of four of those killed by falling mason-ry on Wednesday evening, while the fami-lies of the other five victims chose insteadto hold private funerals.

Touring the worst-affected areas of Lorcabefore the service, Prime MinisterZapatero promised to supply the localauthorities with all the support and financialaid needed, adding: "It is my conviction

that we are going to meet this test. Theearthquake was hard and strong but thiscountry is stronger. Its desire for solidarityand reconstruction are stronger."

Baby Alba, the child born at Lorca'sRafael Mendez hospital moments after thebiggest tremor was felt, became a symbolof hope for the town. Images of her weretelevised all over Spanish media as her 28year-old mother, Mayte Alcazar, relived thechaotic moments before and after the birth.

She said: "I feel so happy when I look atmy baby but guilty that at the samemoment she came into the world otherswere taken from it.’’

Mayte was in the final stages of labourwhen the second earthquake struck at6.47pm. The delivery room shook violentlyand cracks appeared above her head inthe ceiling.

Doctors looking after her immediatelydecided to perform an emergencyCaesarean to hasten the birth as the hos-pital was evacuated - and baby Albaarrived shortly after.

MAY 11 EARTHQUAKE WAS PREDICTED 96 YEARS AGO

How tremors helpedto form the Alps

THE Alps are fold mountains formed millions ofyears ago and over an equally long period of timeby the collision of the Eurasian and Africanplates. Today the highest Alpine peak is 4808mhigh and the range passes through the Europeancountries of Austria, Slovenia, Switzerland, Italy,Liechtenstein, France and Germany.

The formation was a result of geological forcesthat resulted in the plates shifting their posi-tions. These plates are moving today as well butat very slow speeds - around a millimetre a year.

These geological forces rendered CentralEurope apart 250 million years ago. The initialmovement towards east and west came to anend and the softening of the European crustallowed Africa to thrust northwards.

Italian seismologist warned of a‘big one’ on day of Lorca tremor

Political ElectionsBRITISH GeneralElection 1992 JohnMajor (Conservative)defeats Neil Kinnock(Labour) and PaddyAshdown (LiberalDemocrat)

UNITED STATESPresidential Election1992 Bill Clinton(Democratic) DefeatsGeorge H. W. Bush(Republican) and RossPerot (no party)

PopularTelevision • Law & Order • One Foot in the Grave• The Crystal Maze • The Adventures ofSherlock Holmes

• Rugrats • The Jerry Springer Show • L.A. Law • The Oprah Winfrey Show • Comic Relief • Casualty • Inspector Morse • Married... with Children • Star Trek: The NextGeneration

Popular Culture The satirical British maga-

zine Punch publishes itsfinal issue after 150 yearsdue to falling sales andsubscriptions

A telephone conversation isrecorded between anunknown woman (Diana thePrincess of Wales) talkingto an unknown man abouther unhappy marriage Popular Films • Aladdin

• Home Alone 2: Lost inNew York • Batman Returns • Lethal Weapon 3 • A Few Good Men • Sister Act • The Bodyguard • Wayne's World • Basic Instinct •Unforgiven • Honey, I Blew Up TheKids • Reservoir Dogs

Technology Windows 3.1 released byMicrosoft Microsoft Works releasedby MicrosoftAT & T release video tele-phone for $1,499 The first nicotine patch isintroduced to help stopsmoking Space Shuttle Endeavoursuccessful maiden voyage DNA Fingerprinting UK AlecJ Jeffreys

The cost of thingsin 1992Average House Price£68,634Gallon of Petrol £2.13 UK yearly Inflation Rate3.7% Interest Rates Year EndBank of England 6.88% FTSE 100 Averages 2500

What EventsHappened in1992?Israel • Yitzhak Rabin comes topower in Israel promising topursue peace talks withPLO Somalia • US and UN intervention inSomalia with OperationRestore Hope to endfamine and civil war USA • Ross Perot announces hewill run as an independentin the upcoming presidentialrace against Bill Clinton andPresident Bush Bosnia and Herzegovina • Bosnia Herzegovina

declares independence. A 3year war follows betweenMuslims, Serbs and Croatsprompting United Nationsintervention UN • United NationsConference on Environmentand Development (TheEarth Summit) held in Brazil European Union • Signing of the Maastrichttreaty on 7th February,which founded theEuropean Union. Turkey • Turkey, an earthquakeregistering 6.8 on theRichter scale kills over 500 Mexico • Gas that has leaked intosewer explodes inGuadalajara, Mexico onApril 22nd - 215 dead, 1500injured USA • Mafia boss John Gotti issentenced to life in prisonafter being found guilty ofconspiracy to commit mur-der and racketeering USA • Hurricane Andrew hitsSouth Florida August 22 China • McDonalds opens its firstrestaurant in Beijing China India • Hindu militants tear downthe Babri mosque inAyodhya and during Hindu-Muslim rioting. 2,000 livesare lostFrance • Euro Disney opens inFrance • French Truck DriversProtest new driving laws

and disrupt the French roadsystem with more than 500blockades across France. USA • TWA Declares Bankruptcy • Bill Clinton becomes U.S.president Iraq • Iraq continues to hamperthe efforts of UN WeaponsInspectorsUK • In the UK rioting by localyouth breaks out acrosscities including BristolRussia • Privatisation in Russia ofState Owned businesses tothe population is a majorsuccess USA • US refuses to sign TheUN convention on ClimateChange and BiologicalDiversity in Rio de Janeiro • The 27th Amendment tothe US constitution is rati-fied available as a down-loadable image on PublicDomain pages.• FDA urges stopping theuse of silicone gel breastimplants UN• No-fly zone in place oversouthern Iraq authorisedunder UN Resolution

France• The Follies Bergere musichall in Paris closes.

USA• The largest shopping mallin the US, Minnesota's Mallof America is constructedspanning 78 acres

UK • Following public outcryover Royal spending theQueen will now pay incometax and the number ofRoyals receiving taxpayermoney will decrease• Fire damages a major partof Windsor Castle and anumber of important worksof art, books and furnitureare lost

Spain • The Summer Olympicsare held in Barcelona.USA• Rioting breaks out in LosAngeles following theacquittal of four white policeofficers accused of beatingblack motorist Rodney King.• Abortion rights activistsmarch and demonstration inWashington, D.C Afghanistan • Overthrow of CommunistGovernment in Afghanistan• Mike Tyson convicted ofraping Miss Black RhodeIsland, Desiree Washington• Two of the strongestearthquakes ever to hitCalifornia strike the desertarea east of Los AngelesUK

• The UK government closes 31 out of 50 deepcoal mines,• Prince Charles andPrincess Diana separateGermany • Violence flares againstImmigrants blaming themfor economic problems. USA• Georgia Superdome inAtlanta is completed withthe world’s largest cablesupported fabric roof.• The North American FreeTrade Agreement betweenU.S.A., Canada and Mexicois signedBosnia and Herzegovina • Bosnia and Herzegovinarecognised as independent Libya • The U.N. Security Councilimposes sanctions on LibyaFrance • The Winter OlympicGames are held inAlbertville, FranceSouth Africa

• South Africans vote forpolitical reforms to endapartheid and back the cre-ation of a power-sharingmulti-racial government inthe country


THOSE WERE THE DAYS

1992But just how much have you forgotten?


Forget the policies, feelthe quality

Too much information, Kate!THE McCanns have been in and on the newsrecently raising publicity for their now four-year long ‘Find Maddie’ campaign. Nothingwrong with that. Nothing wrong either, assome have mentioned, in Kate writing a bookabout the experience so far in an effort toraise funds to keep the investigation into thedisappearance their missing daughter going.

I’m not necessarily a subscriber to the‘something dodgy about it’ movement,either. As far as I can see, there are two par-ents who have done something rather stupidfor such highly intelligent people and have

paid dearly for i. Too dearly. Nor do I have aproblem with David Cameron’s request forthe Metropolitan Police to review the case,which was said by some to be a huge drainon already strained resources.

Did you hear that, crooks out there? Wouldyou mind awfully restraining from doing any-thing naughty for a bit, until we can get somecash in the bank?

What the hell are the police for if it’s not tohelp us? Are they expecting us to call upafter being kidnapped (you never know) andafter our pleas for help they reply, ‘coinci-

dentally my hands are tied too…’It should be looked into by Scotland Yard

especially after the alleged mess made bythe Portuguese police. And trust me, if it wasmy kid I’d be doing exactly the same andmore.

But what I do have a problem with con-cerning Kate McCann is her confession onthe front page of the biggest-selling newspa-per in Britain that she ‘couldn’t make love toGerry’. Why on earth she feels I need toknow that I have no idea, but it didn’t need tobe said or done.

A FEW DAYS AND SOMUCH GOING ON

IN a week where a super-injunc-tion has become fashionable,rumours of my own have beengreatly exaggerated. I just askedmy mum not to say anything.

However, the voting is hottingup and not only here in Spain’slocal elections but also in theone that really matters, FIFA.

I do think it is about time theyget rid of the dinero-saurs andoffered the role to someone lesscorrupt. I hear Gadaffi's lookingfor a way out?

On Tuesday I was standinghaving a chat with a neighbourwhen the Guardia Civil pulled up

and he just legged it down thestreet, taking the time to say'adios' to us as the cops took offafter him. Nice, eh? And onWednesday, a beautiful womanjust approached me. OK, shekept on going past me but it's astart, isn’t it?

Soon after that I found a placethat sells Jaffa cakes for 1€ apack, so everything’s good in myworld this week. Tonight I shallbe reviewing a rather nice Rioja -and a short while after that,telling anyone who will listenthat 'I bloody love you'...

Hereby hangs a tail...SO I’m on the phone to an importantcustomer when my black Labrador,Woopy, piles into the office chasing hertail. Which is all fine and dandy if (1)you are aware of the furniture and peo-ple around you and (2) if you haven’tchased it (and not caught it) at least15,000 times before – like yesterday.

But Woopy is nothing if not persistentand ignorant of any appeal to stop untilboredom or a walk is looming.

The idea, the same idea she’s hadsince day one, is to take her tail by sur-prise by somehow leaping at speedtowards where it was a split secondbefore.

She has convinced herself that this

method is possibly going to prove morefruitful than the standard running-around-in-circles-for-ages technique.

The noise of dog on table and thentable on floor has me putting my fingerin my ear as my by-now-laughing client(thank goodness for that) listens to theracket. Things quietened down a littlewhen she gradually mummified herselfin the curtains until the pole threatenedto come down, which it did.

Woopy made the customary ‘leggit’move while I finished my call and tidiedup - only to find her leaning against theopen fridge chewing chicken tikka andwagging a guilty tail…

MONICA IS SMILESAHEAD...

THE politicians have been around kissinghands and shaking babies or somethinglike that - and none more so than in myneighbourhood where candidates arejudged on the value of their car’s wheeltrims.

In a ‘barrio’ where you’dthink the Socialist Leftwould hold the reins ofpower, you’d be much mis-taken, for politics is notalways about policies(apparently). Not in myneck of the woods it isn’t. Itis dependent on somethingmuch more material thanthat, namely T-Shirts.

My neighbours make upthe Santa Pola FC fan club‘Los Chocolateros’, whosename (and badge) are syn-onymous with marijuana.You’ll understand from thatthat the ‘Go-Green’ cam-paign has a different mean-ing around here.

SmackedAnyway, the mayor and his

opposition from the PSOEcame, on separate evenings,to speak to the people of thebarrio. On the Wednesday itwas the Socialist leader (whowas that dull I can’t remem-ber his name, or even care).

He has reportedly neversmiled since the nursesmacked his backside onentry to this world - andattracted around 50 peoplewith a speech promising‘‘change for the better, for all,I promise…’’.

You know the rhetoric. Onthe Thursday came along theMayor, Miguel Zaragoza,with his roadshow. A disco, afast-food stand, a bouncycastle and loads of razza-matazz and more importantly, loads of goodies.

The PP had gone to townand were handing out hats,

T-shirts, badges, scarves,DVDs and there were somefree drinks coming fromsomewhere.

So there you have it. ThePP have secured the vote ofmy area with some tackygifts and some loud music.Seems to work for them.

On another note it’s worth

mentioning that politiciansare voted in, generally, ontheir looks, don’t you think?

Of course you do and ifyou’ve ever read this pagebefore you’ll know by nowthat I’m never wrong.Misinformed possibly…

For instance, the mayor ofmy town has been comparedto Roger Moore (when hedidn’t look like a tortoise),whereas the man who is try-ing to replace him (the guywith the charisma by-passmentioned earlier) looks likea prison guard.

No chanceAnd what better example

could you have down thecoast where the gorgeousMonica Lorente will surelydefeat all-comers (bet shedoes). Whoever is up againsther (now there’s a th….no)has no chance.

David Cameron v GordonBrown? Obama La Bamba vMcCain? Jessica Rabbit vMinnie Mouse? I think youget my point and we’ll beinvestigating this more in thefuture.

So if you’ve got any ideassend them in to [email protected] and we’ll print thebest ones.

Kate McCann

Road show: Santa Pola Mayor Miguel Zaragoza

Monica Lorente: She’s a certain winner

THE logic of the banks neverfails to amaze me; they seem tolive on a totally different planetto the rest of us.

Perhaps that explains why they got theworld into such a mess which we're stillstruggling to escape from. Why am I so frus-trated with them? Well, we came out to ourholiday apartment following retirement tosee whether we preferred to live in the UK orin Spain - and no prizes for guessing where

we want to spend most of the time.So, with this in mind, we called into our

local bank in Torrevieja to enquire whetherthey had any repossessed properties ontheir books which we might be interested inviewing.

What we had in mind was to part exchangeour roof apartment with perhaps a bungalowor villa - something larger where we couldlive permanently without falling over eachother!

The manager looked at us and laughed."Yes, he said, we have loads, but you would-n't want any of them because most havehuge debts on themwhich the bank wants totry to recover."

Brilliant! So the bankswill wait years until theproperty market picksup, sometime, maybe,and in the meantime the properties will dete-riorate.

We have some repossessed homes nearus and they are already eyesores. It's a con-stant headache for the president who on onehand is being urged by the community to actand the banks on the other reluctant tospend any money on any of them unlessthey have to.

It's a ridiculous situation. The banks,through their inaction, are reducing commu-nities to near slums, resulting in nearby own-ers having even more of a difficulty in sellingtheir homes if they want to.

Why on earth banks don't cut their lossesand market their reposessed homes minusdebt? I thought banks needed to raise cashto help their balance sheets - if they did theywould be able to start lending more. Andwho knows, if the property market improved

a notch, the economy would pick up andbanks would benefit. A win/win situationmethinks, or am I being too simplistic?

Anyway, if any reader wants to partexchange a bungalow for an apartment wemight be in business. And to hell with thebanks!

I'm glad to report that the good old BritishNimby is alive and well in Spain. (Nimbystands for Not In My Backyard).

It's flourished and nurtured in Britain foryears, people lodging objections to anymanner of developments which are plannedwithin a few hundred yards of their homes,

whether it be newroads, homes ormobile phone masts.

I can recall a poshnew £750,000 estatesomewhere in desir-able Surrey whose

newly-arrived residents were in a state ofnear hysteria because a telephone companywas daring to site a mast close to theirbeloved gated community. They couldn't getit through their silly heads that without themast they wouldn't be able to use the mobilephones they all had.

And Nimby is here in Playa Flamenca. Acharity wanted to open a new shop in astreet which was mixed use - some busi-nesses among residential properties, and incame the complaints from the not in mybackyard brigade. I know we all want to pre-serve the value of our homes as best we canand keep the place from deteriorating, whichcan happen if night clubs or night-timeestablishments move in. But a charity shopopen a few hours, supporting a most worth-while cause is hardly likely to be a hugemagnet for yobs and rowdies.


THEY’RE ALL BANKERS!With hundreds of thousands of properties sittingempty in Spain, Tony Mayes asks why the banksdon’t try to help themselves...and others.

‘Yes, he said, we haveloads, but you wouldn't

want any of them…’

10 Friday, May 20, 2011

KIDEASE Nursery Hire is a family run business that as beenhere since 2004 who are leaders in Baby, & ToddlerEquipment Hire here in Spain. We offer a personable and professional service with highquality products that all meet required EU safety standards.We provide and wide range of products with swift free deliv-ery and collection to your door.

We can provide youwith all your Children’sneeds: Cots, HighChairs, Car Safety

Seats, Strollers, Prams, Stair Gates, Baby Walkers, Toys,Rockers, Monitors , Sterilisers, Baths, Changing mats andmuch much more. We can also provide a range of consum-ables ready for your arrival, to include: Nappies, Wipes, Food& Drink, Baby Formula Products and other miscellaneousitems.

REMEMBER, if it's not listed but you want ... we'll try andget it for you. Think nursery hire, think Kidease. Telephone966 763 975; Mobile 690 230 538; Email - [email protected]; Website - www.kidease nurseryhire.com

HACKETT Locksmiths offer a 24-hour emergency lock-smith service on the Costa Blanca and Costa Calida.

We offer an emergency door, safe and auto lock-outservice. We also specialise in lock changes, high secu-rity locks, safe fitting; one-key systems and Dierre &Moturra high-security locks.

Hackett Locksmiths are UK trained and qualified andare registered andlicensed to trade inSpain.

We pride ourselvesin offering a trustworthy, reliable, professional andpersonal customer service to our clients. It is thisservice that has gained us an excellent reputation anda large loyal customer base from Alicante to LaManga.

We are prompt and professional lock and keyexperts. To discuss all your security requirementsplease contact us on (0034) 966 734 517 or view ourwebsite at www.hackettlocksmith.com for a full list ofour services.


Buffalothrill

THE Royal AntediluvianOrder of Buffaloes KnightsChapter of St George,Alicante, had the pleasure ofreceiving the GrandPresident, Past Grand KnightCommander Bro. Sir Ray RRoutledge R.O.H. fromEngland (writes Bro DerekRogers).

He officiated at the Raisingand Exultation ceremony ofthree good and worthyBrothers to the Knight Orderof Merit. The event was heldat the Cavalier Bar andRestaurant in San Luis, andas a mark of their apprecia-tion Brother Routledge waspresented with a brass car-riage clock mounted on aninscribed plinth.

CASTELAR College is an internationalbilingual school where we pride our-selves in giving our students the besteducation possible. All classes are taught 50/50 in Englishand Spanish and our teachers are all

fully qualified native speakers.The school has a crèche, infant, pri-

mary and secondary school, so yourchild can start his or her education inthe crèche at the age of one and carryon through the school until ready to

attend University.Summer camps oper-ate during July and August and wehave the facility to accommodate up to96 students in our residence at any onetime.

The fully air-conditioned rooms are

School or summer camp for your child?Castelar’s the place in any language!

Hackett have the key...lock, stock and barrel!

Kidease - for all yourkids needs in Spain

TIBA - A BADGE WORTH WEARING There are an awful lot of acronyms outthere, some more important than oth-ers. The SAS could be consideredmore important than the BBC at somepoint in our lives, so when you see‘TIBA’ staring back at you from anewspaper ad or on a car sticker, you

may wonder what it is. No? Well we’lltell you anyway…You see TIBA isn’t a TV broadcaster ora tactical military squad but it doesstand for something else that may wellbe of help one day (although theywon’t wear the balaclavas). And that is

a group of small businesses who worktogether to offer professional services. All TIBA members come with recom-mendations and a history of satisfiedcustomers behind them - HERE on theCosta Blanca which from most peo-ples’ experience is priceless.

complete with en-suite facili-ties, outdoor swimming pool,sports pavilion, football pitchetc.As well as learning a sec-ond language, other activitiesinclude sailing, canoeing,tennis and football to namebut a few.

Our language academy,where we teach five tonguesincluding Spanish andEnglish, is fully accredited bythe Cervantes Institute. Sowhy not come along to ouropen day on Saturday May28 and experience our excel-lent facilities first-hand?

We look forward to seeingyou there and discussingeither your child’s educationin more detail or your lan-guage requirements. Youwon’t be disappointed!

It pays to advertise in

12 Friday, May 20, 2011

By SPIKECOCAINE that had beenbrought into Spain fromColombia via Barcelonawas smuggled into theCatalan port hidden inthe false bottoms ofbarrels of castor oiland then delivered to awarehouse inCrevillente.

From there, thebarrels were ‘cleaned’and emptied of theircontents and thentransferred to a safehouse in Benidorm.

Last Thursday theInterior Ministryannounced the suc-cessful operationsincluding anothercarried out in conjunc-

NEW DILEMMA FOR RYANAIR

By SPIKERYANAIR were considering their options after Elchecourts threw out their appeal against AENA’s deci-sion to force the Irish airline to use airbridges atAlicante airport.

The bridges allow passengers access to and from their planes atthe airport’s new terminal.

As we reported last month, Ryanair disagrees strongly withAENA’s attempts to make them use the airbridges and claims theyare ‘unnecessary facilities’ which will cost the company more than€2 million a year.

If the ruling is upheld, Ryanair has threatened 80% cutbacks atAlicante which will begin from October.

DamageRyanair’s case was based around the projected financial losses

the new regulations would cost the company and the ‘irreversible’damage to its image as a low-cost budget airline.

Ryanair also appealed to the court that the airbridge system atAlicante would create unnecessary delays for passengers and staffat the airport. But the judge ruled that the airbridge system, used bythe Irish airline at other Spanish airports, does not seem to affect

tion with police in theCosta del Sol.

Both National Policeoperations werecarried out with theassistance of the Agen-cia Tributaria tax auth-ority and resulted inthe police capturingtwo men and one-and-a-half tons of cannabisplus 50 kilos of cocai-ne.

The second operation- off the coast ofMálaga - involved a sus-pected boat sailingfrom Nador, Morocco,which was boarded andfound by Guardia Civilofficers to be smug-gling a cargo of morethan one-and-a-halftons of cannabis.

The police suspectthat the smugglers hadplanned to unload thedrugs at the Cabopinomarina in Marbella. Intotal 12 people werearrested in that operation.

TORREVIEJA’S darts players did the cityproud in the Spanish NationalChampionships in Gandia

And four players from the city will berepresenting Spain in the Winmau WorldMasters and the World Cup being held thisyear in Hull and Ireland respectively.

Darren Sanderson and Karen Winter willbe going to the World Masters while SteveHatton and Chris Hunt will compete inIreland along with other players from all overSpain.

Meanwhile, the Girls Seleccion team wonin style in Gandia and are pictured hereflying the Torrevieja flag - kitted in shirtssponsored by Tony G’s, Green Baize andBuscavidas. Pictured, from left: DonnaLowman, Shirley Stephenson (captain),Chris Hunt, Karen Winter, Yvonne McIntosh

and Diane Dane.RESULTS: Ladies Seleccion: 1st - Torrevieja

(Chris Hunt, Donna Lowman, Karen Winter, YvonneMcIntosh, Diane Dane and Captain ShirleyStephenson). Ladies Autonomas: 2nd - Valencia(from Torrevieja, Carole Evans and Shirley Edwards).Men’s Seleccion: 5th - Torrevieja (Keith Lowman,Darren Sanderson, Steve Hatton, Mark Farmer, LenPitman and Captain Dave Rogers). Men’sAutonomas: 5th - Valencia (from Torrevieja, KevinKnott and Matt Robson). Ladies Winmau: 1st - KarenWinter, 3rd Shirley Stephenson, Men‘s Winmau: 2nd- Darren Sanderson. Copa Fed Ladies: 1st - KarenWinter, 3rd - Chris Hunt. Copa Fed Men’s: 1st - SteveHatton. Pairs Ladies: 1st - Karen Winter and CaroleEvans, 3rd - Chris Hunt and Yvonne McIntosh. PairsMen’s: 2nd - Keith Lowman and Darren Sanderson.Men‘s Teams: 2nd - Los Nomadas (Len Pitman,Keith Lowman, Darren Sanderson, Jose Martinez,Suso Madrid, Dave Rogers). Ladies‘ Teams: 2nd -Las Cuarto Brujas (Chris Hunt, Kim Ross, DonnaLowman, Paula Smith).

Crevillentedrugs bust:Police nailsmugglers

A JUGGERNAUT blocked theAP7 near Guardamar forhours last week when its dri-ver drifted onto the side of theroad and toppled down abank, the 38-tonne truck lan-ding on its side. The lorry washauling oranges to Valenciawhen the accident happenedon Saturday afternoon. Fully 24 hours later, workerswere still transferring theoranges onto another truckbefore the stricken juggernautcould be righted by a grua.

ORANGESQUASH

And NO, it did not runout of juice...

business elsewhere.However, although the

appeal was rejected thecourts – as part of the ruling– Ryanair appealed toAENA to reconsider theneed for airbridges andasked the controller ofSpain’s airports whetherthey are really essential inevery case.

Judge Luis Seller hascalled on the SpanishAirports Authority to begin astudy on the viability, takinginto consideration safetyand efficiency, as to whe-ther it would be possible toallow Ryanair passengersto embark and disembarkon foot at Alicante Airport.

That, the judge warned,would also set a precedentfor all other airlines to optout of using the bridges.

Elche court rejectsappeal - what now?

Glow and arrow!


back again. The ones you’relikely to seehere are thesummer residentSpotted Flycatcher, all greys and browns, or the northernmigrant Pîed Flycatcher )pictured), the male strikingly blackand white, the female duller with a white panel on the wing.

WE all remember John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John in thehit musical back in the 1970s. Now, 40 years on, the CostaBlanca is to receive its own coat of Grease with a reprise ofDanny and Sandy’s love tangle.

The show will feature all those classic songs like Summer Nights and Hopelessly DevotedTo You – but this time most of the action will revolve around a Spanish retirement homerather than a high school. Showgroup Torrevieja’s original production, appropriately called

TRY and get along to the market place in LaMarina urbanisation today (Friday) for the APSFUParty Rally.

The action starts at 8pm and B4, the group thattopped the bill at last year’s La Marina SummerFiesta, will perform live on stage, along with sup-port band Shadoogy.

In addition, La Marina’s own Cindy’s ZumbaDance group will give a thrilling performance.

There will be bouncy castles and a giant infla-table gorilla for the children, plus other attrac-tions. Free beer and soft drinks will be on tap andsnack food too!

Hopelessly devotedto summer nights?

Showgroup Torrevieja members prepare for Ancient GreaseIT’S flycatchertime! Look outfor the perky lit-tle chaps any-where there arefairly maturetrees, or evenon fences, per-ching, then sall-ying forth to catch aninsect, and

Lord of the flies...

Ancient Grease, sees a moremature Danny and Sandymeeting on holiday inBenidorm.

After a fun-filled week,they have to part company -Danny to return home toEngland with his family, andSandy back to her retirementhome in Spain.

ComedyAs luck or fate will have it,

Danny and his friends findthemselves moving into thesame retirement home -Rydell Manor. What follows isa musical comedy, with allthe original songs from thefilm, plus a few surprises andlots of fun.

Ancient Grease will be sta-ged at Los Arcos (nownamed La Rustika) in Torrre-vieja, at 8pm on - May 25, 26and 27. Tickets, which arenow very limited, are availa-ble from Dan on 662438002,price 8 euros. Profits will go

to DEBRA, or ButterflyChildren as it is affectionatelycalled.

Over the past year, theShowgroup has gone fromstrength to strength, stagingfour popular MurderMysteries, plus theChristmas Production Almosta Panto, all with excellentaudiences and reviews andall raising much-needed cashfor local charities.

The group welcome newmembers, both on and offstage. Rehearsals are heldat La Rustika on Wednes-days (7pm) and Fridays(2pm). Please ring Jenny on966181951 for furtherdetails.

DONNA GEE

GREAT OUTDOORS No.12

Politics and funin La Marina mix

14 Friday, May 20, 2011

THE summer season starts with a bang - with the CostaBlanca’s first Music, Arts and Craft Festival on June 4 and 5.

Held in the grounds of Casa La Pedrera, the Grand DesignHouse, with the backdrop of the stunning blue PedreraReservoir, there will be something of interest for everyone.

A parade of horses, dancing with Raquel Pena, FootworkDancers and Acrobatic duo, Destiny. Plus music from JustBrass, UK Band Zephora and the beautiful voice of EmilyHullman. And your favourite Radio Station TKO will be thereto entertain you.

There will also be an art exhibition with many talentedartists and a fantastic craft fair with fabulous hand-made pie-ces which includes jewellery, patchwork, embroidery, quilting,cross stitch amongst others.

A display from Torrevieja Model Boat Club and ModelAeroplanes from Mayor Hobbies completes the picture, withamazing attention to detail and variety on offer.

Not to be missed on the Sunday, the family day, is ourMascot Bear, who is taking the plunge for charity! He will bejumping off a four-metre diving board so come and sponsorand cheer him on and help raise money for local DownsSyndrome swimmer Adam Stewart, who will be at the festivalwith his medals, compete in the next European champions-hips. Why not try and get one past in the ¨Penalty Shoot Out¨

WE BELIEVE IN LOS ALCÁZARESTHE PartidoPopular (People´sParty) believes inthe future of LosAlcázares, a futu-re that everyoneknows is not rosy.A future that willbe decided onSunday 22nd May

2011 when each and every member ofthis community will have an opportu-nity to vote. On that day, with yourvote, you will decide the future thatawaits us all. Your vote will decide ifthere will be transparency in municipalmanagement, and a renewal of per-sonnel projects, illusions, attitudes….

Our electoral programme is realistic

in that it reflects the current economicclimate. Of course, we would like to beoffering large investments and munici-pal buildings but, as we all know, this isnot possible at least in the immediatefuture, therefore I would be deceivingyou and myself if I were to make suchpromises.

We have to make up for the lack ofcash, with illusion and imagination,and ideas whereby we can make bet-ter use of what is already available inour municipality. We must ensuremaximum profitability for every Eurospent. Furthermore, we must not for-get the more disadvantaged in ourcommunity, at all cost we must try tomaintain social spending. This is thereality of the current situation, and

what this council calls for. The committee, who form the candi-

dacy of the Partido Popular in theseelections, believes in the municipalityof Los Alcázares, we believe in theimmense possibilities and opportuni-ties that a municipality like ours has tooffer.

A town privileged by its location, cli-mate, facilities etc., etc., but moreimportantly, its people. A municipalitythat CAN, SHOULD and MUST berecognised as an all-year-round touristtown…. together we can achieve this.The people of Los Alcázares have tobelieve in this town, in present timesand in its future.

It is important that the people of LosAlcázares re-establish confidence in

our party´s President, Ramón LuisValcárcel. We must support Ramón,and trust in his policies and those ofthe European Partido Popular.

Sunday 22nd May 2011 is yourchance to renew the mandate ofRamón Luis Valcárel and, for the firsttime, establish a Government of thePartido Popular in our municipality.

I have no more than to ask you tovote P.P., only then can we begin tobuild a better and brighter LosAlcázares, something this town, itsresidents and business owners alikerightly deserve.

You can trust the Partido Popular(People´s Party”), we are “Focused onYOU” Vote PP

Anastasio Bastida Gómez

Affair of the art!MARY COLLIER may be 94, but 67 years ofmarriage taught her some lessons which theRoyal newlyweds would be wise to heed.

Her builder husband Fred died six years ago,and Mary reckons their relationship lasted solong because she made a point of showing aninterest in HIS inte-rests. And her advice toany couple seekinglong-term happinesstogether is: ‘‘Take itone day at a time.’’

Never lost for words,the chirpy nonagerianstill commutes betwe-en her two homes inWorsley, ManchesterAND El Raso, nearGuardamar, althoughher travel insurancenow costs a whopping£350 a year.

Her 73-year-old sonBernard and daughterNorma, 64, reckon it’stime she settled down.

But Mary, who drovea Mercedes convertibleuntil she was 92, willhave none of it.

A non-smoker andteetotaller all her life,she lost three of herfive brothers in their40s – all of them heavyboozers and smokers.

Mary says the perfectantidote is to drink inplenty of water – andtake in plenty ofhealthy Spanish air.

MARY, 94, FINDSA ROYAL RECIPEFOR LONG LIFE

Marry Collier: Royal day

with our talented footballers from Tony´s Soccer School oreven a ¨one on one¨ with the ladies from the Los MontesinosNetball Club?

Charities represented will be the Lions Club, Animal Aidand Paul Cunningham Nurses with their Human FruitMachine. Also on offer will be pony rides, quad biking andeven air rifle shooting.

So if its a bit of culture... or even a bit of fun you are afterpop down on either day and join in the celebration!

You will find Casa La Pedrera just off the Orihuela Road,just past the Vista Bella and La Fortaleza restaurants.Entrance is only a euro and kids are free. For more detailsand directions, or even if you have a talent or a craft youwould like to share with the Costa Blanca, call Jenni on660816620 or check the website www.thingstodoinspain.info


Beyond a sick jokeHOSPITAL CAR-PARK SCAMPUTS BRITAIN TO SHAME

LAST summer I spent four days in ElcheHospital as a guest of the Spanish health service – and my only complaint was that thefood was inedible. I bet you’d also cringe at thethought of a salad or bowl of clear soup devoidof a single grain of salt.

I’ve sucked tastier water from a dishcloth than the ultra-bland

Donna’s granddaughters Rosie (left) and Daisy both have Crohn’s Disease and Daisy needs regular hospital visits

consommé the nurse plonkedin front of me as an aperitif tomy menial first meal as apatient.

There was method in thatFriday afternoon madness, ofcourse. Because I was in a coro-nary ward and I do have angina.But even my acutely health-conscious daughter has beenunable to convince me that I’mshortening my life by goingcondimental before I tuck in. Ido make one concession to themedical experts, mind you – INEVER put salt on my dessert.

In the event, I was dischargedfrom hospital the followingMonday three kilos lighter afterpassing my medical tests withflying blood pressure (anotherabysmal Donna attempt athumour – my BP was actuallynormal, thanks to the medica-tion I’ve been taking for the pastfive years).

FreedomI couldn’t wait for my first

taste of freedom and dreamed ofending my enforced diet with aportion of salt-and-pepper ribsand a salt-beef sandwich.Maybe with a packet of liquorice ‘all-salts’ for afters.

But I digress. This article isnot meant to be a complaintabout Spanish hospitals – or theheartless way they feed theircardiac patients. There was cer-tainly precious little else I couldmoan about as a patient atElche. A cosy two-bed ward,caring nurses, highly efficientdoctors, caring nurses and fourdays of intensive Spanish les-sons for free.

Last but not least, my friendswere not charged a single centimo to come and visit me.And from what I can gatherfrom friends on expatforum.com the same free-parkingpolicy operates at Spanish hos-pitals from Malaga to Lorcaand from Denia to Villajoyosa.

How different to the money-grabbing English system of rip-ping off the motorist at everyopportunity. Particularly athospitals and, even more so,airports (which I’ll get to in afuture article).

My 11-year-old granddaugh-ter Daisy suffers from Crohn’sDisease and has spent quite abit of time at Manchester’s

ultra-modern Royal Children’sHospital this past couple ofyears.

The kindly local NHS Trusthave a voucher system thatallows close relatives to visitsick children to use the vastmulti-storey car park at a spe-cial daily rate of £5.

That’s £35 a week to spendtime with your own kids when

they need you most. How gene-rous!

And don’t tell me the moneyall goes to improve the NHS. Ina country where every workingperson pays an ever-increasingNational Insurance contribu-tion, surely NO-ONE shouldhave to pay to visit a sufferingrelative.

Scotland and Wales abolis-

hed hospital parking charges acouple of years ago – so what’sso different about England?The authorities are just greedierto make bigger profits, that’sall.

As my daughter HayleyBeckman (Daisy’s mother)says: ‘‘The new hospital is verymodern but it’s difficult to getto compared to the two

children’s hospitals it replaced,and much more expensive topark.

‘‘It’s absolutely disgracefulthat parents have to pay to spendtime with their sick children inhospital.’’

It’s not as if ManchesterChildren's University HospitalNHS Trust is in dire financialstraits. Indeed, a Daily Mirrorinvestigation established that in2007, the Trust made a profit of£1,338,694.

And 218 hospitals around theUK made a staggering£24,993,855 the same year - justby charging their own staff topark their cars.

At the time, Juliet Dunmur,chair of the British MedicalAssociation Patient LiaisonGroup, said: ‘‘The car-parkingfees charged by some NHStrusts are unacceptable. Itamounts to a tax on vulnerablepatients on NHS staff.’’

CharityAnd hospital visiting is an

increasingly-expensive expe-rience. Recent research by theAction for Sick Children charityrevealed that parking for fami-lies of children now costs £1.75an hour on average.

It’s bad enough inManchester, but at two Londonhospitals the parking tariffworks out at an unbelievable£386.40 a week because thereare no discounts for long-termstays.

At many hospitals, it’s notjust visitors who get stung.Nurses working at RoyalManchester Children’s Hospitalmust pay £20 for a weekly car-park pass – or leave their cars amile or more away.

Still, there is a consolation.With all that enforced walking,they can afford to pour oodles ofsalt on their food and neverworry about getting a dickyheart.

IT WAS hardly music to the ears of the300 Guardamar residents who attendedlast week’s Europe Day celebrations.

I’m not talking about the enthusiasticrendering of the Himno De La Alegriaanthem to the instantly recognisablemelody of Beethoven’s 9th.

And I’m certainly not referring to theZumba dancing that had everyone leaping energetically around ReinaSofia Park like crazed kangaroos.

The problem was the two-manScottish bagpipe chorus that seemed toaccompany the entire afternoon.

The supposed purpose of the gathe-ring was to bring the various communi-ties in the area together harmoniously -Spanish, British, Scandinavian,German, French, you name it. Piled-up

portions of a massive paella and oodlesof thirst-quenching beer whetted everyone’s appetite for togetherness.

But the unity of the Zumba action wasquickly killed off by an overdose ofScotland the Brave. The pipers mighthave got away with a repertoire of 20 ormore numbers had they ‘gone interna-tional’ with smash hits like, say, Mull ofKintyre.

Instead, their puffed cheeks blew upin their faces as the clearly unimpressedaudience dwindled away. Most left wellbefore I did, thoroughly bored...and stillthe tartan twins droned on.

They seemed so unaware of the exo-dus that it wouldn’t surprise me if theyare still piping away as I write. Playingsomething called Scotland the Grave...

The Pipes of Pain

Let’s all do the Zumba: Dance time atGuardamar’s Europe Day celebrations

£35 a week to visit your nearestand dearest - but only in England

WHAT THE SPAN16 Friday, May 20, 2011

Seville partnership? Not if you’re gay!

By SALLY BENGTSSONSEVILLE may be the city of Spanishdancing, sizzling summer heat andsumptuous siestas, but it is no friend togay couples. Or so it seems.

A male couple have made a formal com-plaint to police after they were stopped fromdancing traditional sevillanas together at thecity's yearly April Fair.

José Carlos Iglesias and Juan CarlosCabezas were stopped by a married couple

in one of the tents that hostthe festivities. According toIglesias, 31, when thewoman realised he andCabezas were gay, "sheordered the group that wasplaying music to stop" andthen alerted her husband,who was ‘president’ of theparticular tent.

PrivateAccording to the com-

plaint, the married couplethen approached the gaymen and told them they were‘’in a respectable caseta andthat two men could not dancetogether."

They were then invited toleave the tent "on the basisthat it was private property."

This is the second yearrunning that such an incidenthas taken place at the SevilleFair. A gay couple were alsodiscriminated against in 2010after kissing one another.

KIDNEY TRANSPLANTBREAKTHROUGH

TWO Spanish hospitals have successfully carriedout the first kidney ‘domino’ transplant - a rareprocedure involving the transfer of organs fromseveral live donors.

Spain is becoming well known for its advancedmedical technology and Health Minister LeirePajín and Rafael Matesanz, director of theNational Transplant Organisation (ONT), announ-ced the latest breakthrough last week.

The Virgen de les Nieves Hospital in Granadaand the Puigvert Foundation in Barcelona carriedout the procedure, which involved six people, onApril 6.

The process was initiated by a so-called "goodSamaritan" donor, a priest who allowed one ofhis kidneys to be transplanted into an unknownrecipient. The recipient's wife then donated herkidney, which was flown to Granada and implan-ted in another man. And this man's wife thendonated a kidney to a woman in Barcelona.

With the new system, the ONT hopes to main-tain Spain's world-leading organ transplantrecord.

LAIR OF A MADMAN

THE maniac who decapitated Britishgrandmother Jennifer Mills-Westley,60, and paraded her head throughthe streets of Tenerife lived in thisfilthy derelict squat on LosCristianos beach with other downand outs.

Bulgarian Deyan ValentinovDeyanov, 28, had erected a peculiarshrine to Jesus made out of breezeblocks.

Residents said he would walkround the popular tourist town shou-ting that he had been ‘sent by Godto carry out his justice on earth’.

Deyanov has been remanded incustody by a Spanish court

NISH PAPERS SAY17Friday, May 20, 2011

CHE’S MOTORBIKE PARTNER DIESAGED 88

By SALLY BENGTSSONTHE high unemployment in Spain is having some sur-prising consequences amongst youngsters frustratedat the dismal prospects of finding a job.

The number of people out of work is approachingthe fearsome five million, a number which even themost pessimistic of economists never predicted.

This has caused thousands of Murcian youngsters topack their bags and up sticks to Latin America, wherejob prospects for qualified people are much better.

Fed up with listening to politicians blaming the des-perate situation on the opposing party, many are flyingto Brazil, venue of the 2016 Olympic Games, andArgentina, where the building spree is shifting gearand architects have favourable prospects.

As of January 1 this year, 23,575 Murcia-born peoplewere living abroad - 8.6% more than a year earlier.Some 1,564 of these emigrants moved to theAmerican continent in 2010, and 454 to Europe andAsia.

At the start of the 20th Century, thousands ofGalicians moved to Argentina. Many of their descen-dents moved back to Spain during the boom years, andnow the roles are reversing once again.

Every month 1,200 Spaniards arrive in Argentina loo-king for work. Another explanation for the exodus isthe return of Latin American immigrants to their coun-tries of origin with the Spanish government offer ofpaying them half the unemployment benefit they weredue in one lump sum.

The number of Spaniards living outside Spain is 1.7million, up 8.2% on 2010.

In contrast, the number of Brits living abroad isabout 5.5 million - approximately one-tenth of thepopulation.

Unemploymentdriving Spain’syouth abroad

No help for Brits in property roadshow

Beatriz Corredor: ‘Fewer than one per cent’ affected

SPANISH HOUSINGMINISTER’S SNUB

the EU) or because they naïvelybought into an illegal property.

The roadshow – funded by theSpanish taxpayer – aims to shift theglut of unsold homes that is over-whelming the market.

“There are 850,000 Britons livingin Spain and these problems applyto fewer than one per cent,” saidSpanish housing minister BeatrizCorredor, who went on to refuse tooffer help to British home owners

Spain. However, PR firm Purple Cake

Factory, which has several propertyclients, has branded Cashman an‘idiot’ for urging Britons not to buy inthis country.

caught up in propertyproblems.

According toCorredor, the only waymoney will be paid toBritons is if the courtsorder it.

For many who havealready lost a lot ofmoney, lengthy legalaction is financially outof the question andthey face little or nochance of recoveringtheir investments.

Labour MEPMichael Cashmancalled the roadshowan ‘insult to foreigners’and reportedly urgedBrits not to invest in

This time it is foreig-ners who are up inarms after it was reve-aled that the govern-ment’s promise ofreforms will not assistforeign homebuyerswho, in some cases,have lost their life’ssavings.

With this latestrevelation, theSpanish governmentconfirmed it will notdo anything for thethousands of Britonswho have already lostmoney because of thecontroversial land-grab laws (which havebeen ruled illegal in

By DAVE BULLTHE Spanish government’s idea of a‘property roadshow’ to try to sell someof the hundreds of thousands ofunsold properties in the country hascome under fire once again.

TIME is dragging on for a starvingherd of horses who remain in thesame shocking conditions as whenEasy Horse Care Rescue Centre wasfirst asked to help over a month ago.

Breeder Morgan Jensen initiallybrought 12 horses to Spain from theUSA in 2001.

A dispute over ownership thenbroke out and Jensen is fighting torecover the remaining seven horses.

The dispute over ownership of thesurviving animals was placed in thehands of the courts, who decided thatthese poor, unfortunate horses couldnot be re-homed or moved until own-ership was established.

The horses were seized in a landdispute more than three years ago andafter living in squalid conditions areslowly dying of starvation and ill-treat-ment.

An animal rights organisation thatheard about the horses’ plight inter-vened to try to help these unfortunateanimals.

Easy Horse Care Rescue Centreunderstands that the Judge dealingwith the case now has to decidewhether the animals should be movedto an animal protection charity.

The animal-rights organisation haspassed on the details of both the EasyHorse Centre and another organisa-tion based in Malaga which has alsooffered to take some of the sufferinghorses.

If the Judge decides to move someof the horses into the care of the EasyHorse Centre, they will need specialistveterinary treatment for their injuries.

Easy Horse Care Rescue Centrerelies entirely on donations. Wereceive no official funding whatsoeverand so our resources are being

stretched to the limit. We are just one rescue centre and

the Burriana case is only one of manycases of abuse that we are involvedin.

Easy Horse CareRescue Centre desper-ately need more fund-ing to help these ani-mals. We never ignore

a call for help!

Let us hope that the suffering andagony that these poor horses haveendured ends soon as it has beengoing on far too long.

It's ludicrous that in this day andage and in a European country thewelfare of the animals is not consid-ered.

Even the laws that are in place toprotect against animal cruelty havebeen held up in red tape within thelegal system.

Please call Sue on 652 021 980 orvisit the Centre’s website atwww.easyhorsecare.net to make adonation.

We need your supportto continue as a charityand help more horses!

Open days at the Centre are 1pm to4pm Wednesdays and Sundays, wherehorse tours are available.

Come and hear their stories. Tastyfood and delicious cakes are avail-able.

Directions on our website or pleasecontact Sue for more information.

18 Friday, May 20, 2011

SEVEN AND HELL!No end to suffering of horses in ownership dispute


Riddles to make you giggle...

Wills back to workwith two rescues

The honeymoon came to a swift end and Prince Williamappears to have been busy saving lives ever since. The weekafter getting married he performed TWO rescues as part of hiswork in the RAF.

As a helicopter pilot, Prince William helped a 70-year-oldwalker and four men in their 20s who were airlifted to safety inSnowdonia in Wales.

And more busy times are ahead for the newlyweds. Their firstofficial overseas trip as a married couple kicks off in Canada onJune 30. After that they'll go to California in America on July 8.It will be the first time William has visited the United States inan official capacity and the first time Kate has been to thecountry.

An earthquake rumbling? No, it’s just Smokey’s purr

CATS don’t come any happier thanSmokey, the moggy with the LOUD-EST purr ever recorded. At 67.7 deci-bels, he sounds more like a lawnmower or hairdryer than a householdpet. Imagine having that noise onyour lap as you watch TV!

Guinness World Records has con-firmed that Smokey, from

Northampton, purrs about 16 timeslouder than a normal cat. But she hasa long way to go overtaking theworld’s loudest creature - a bluewhale that emits sounds measuring188 decibels!

Does YOUR pet have a special tal-ent? Then write or email The Courierand we’ll let the world know…

Brat’ll do nicely, Simon!SIMON COWELL’S production com-pany has confirmed that Cheryl Colewill appear alongside him in the USversion of The X Factor.

Exactly what this means for XFactor in the UK isn't yet clear, butCheryl and Simon probably won'thave the same level of involvement.After the announcement Cheryl said:"I can't wait to get started!"

The Girls Aloud singer has been ajudge for three years on the UK ver-sion. She's a massive star in the UKbut is not very well known in America.Simon said: "I'm thrilled for Cheryl.She is massively excited about thisshow, and has been fantastic to workwith.

"She is also a complete brat. Mostimportantly, this girl can spot talent."

If the red house wasmade out of red bricks,and the blue housewas made out of bluebricks, what was thegreen house made outof? Glass!What runs but neverwalks? Water!What is white when it’sdirty and black whenit’s clean? A black-board!What has one eye butcannot see? A needle!What kind of coat youcan put on whichdoesn't have buttons,a zipper or sleeves?

A coat of paint.What do you throw outwhen you need it andtake in when you don'tneed it? An anchor!What belongs to you,other people use it alot, but you hardly everuse it? Your name!Try this: Hold yourtongue and say"Bench"What starts with a T,ends with a T and isfull of T? A teapot!What occurs once in aminute, twice in amoment but never intwo thousand years?

The letter M.There are many cas-tles in the world, butwho is strong enoughto move one? Anychess player.When is a door not adoor? When it's ajar.What's a quick way todouble your money?Fold it!Who sits on babies? Ababysitter.What is the richestkind of air? Millionaire.Why did the girl throwthe clock out the win-dow? Because shewanted to see time fly!

KIDDIES CORNER

20 Friday, May 20, 2011

RHYME AND REASONI SIT stern on the rock while I'm raising the wind,But the storm once abated I'm gentle and kind.Kings sit at my feet who await but my nodTo kneel in the dust on the ground I have trod.

Though seen to the world, I am known to but few,The Gentile detests me, I'm pork to the Jew.I never have passed but one night in the darkAnd that was with Noah alone in the Ark.My weight is three pounds, my length is a mile,And when once discovered, you'll say with a smile,That my first and my last are the pride of the isle.(The answer is a word of one syllable)

The above ‘Poetic Poser’ was given to me by afriend and I am really mystified by it. Nobody hasbeen able to provide me with a satisfactory solu-tion and I wonder if Courier readers can help.

I’ve looked on the internet and it says therhyme was written by the Bishop of Salisburyand dates back to 1849. Apparently the most

[email protected] it. Send it. Phone it. Mail it. or Forget it!

THE postman has had to head to theosteopath following the latest couple ofpostbags into Courier Towers! Still the restwill do him good…if he can find it.

Once again folks, thanks for writing inwith your opinions, comments and mar-riage proposals (sort of…) And as GeorgeBest would have said on a night out, ‘keep‘em coming!

commonly accepted solution is ‘Raven’ but apartfrom anything else, ‘raven’ has two syllables so Ican’t see that being correct.

PETER REID, Leith, Scotland and El Raso, Guardamar

Come on Courier readers we know you’re the smartestso let us know and we’ll give a tenner to whoever cancome up with the real correct answer! Ed.

CARREFOUR LEFT MY MOTHER FLAT...I’M in England but my mother, Sylvia Lovell, is in La Siesta,Torrevieja. She purchased a power-assisted bicycle fromCarrefour in November 2008 and was thrilled as she has dif-ficulty walking and does not drive a car, but greatly valuesher ability to get about independently. (My father sadlypassed away in 2004 and he always did the driving.)

When my mother realised she hadn't been given anyinstructions with the bike she returned to the Torrevieja storebut they were very unhelpful. As a senior citizen she has notmanaged to learn Spanish and Carrefour staff didn't speak

English. They were unable to provide her with any instruc-tions, nor would they tell her where she could get them.

As she does not have a computer she could not searchonline. In time the bike's performance reduced so my motherreturned again to Carrefour. They were again very unhelpful,refusing to exchange the bike or get it repaired or even tellher who the manufacturers were or who to contact to get itfixed.

Fortunately my cousin lives in Lanzarote, speaks fluentSpanish and understands the systems. He was able tosearch the internet and make enquiries on my mother'sbehalf and eventually managed to make contact with thebike's manufacturers. Apparently the battery needs to becharged up regularly, which would have been explained inthe instruction manual had my mother been given this whenshe purchased the bike.

As she had returned to England during the following sum-mer it had not been kept charged. Consequently the batterynow does not hold its charge and she can only use the bikefor short distances. It is very heavy to pedal or push withoutthe power-assistance.

New batteries are no longer being made so she cannot get


battery to Girona for repair at a cost ofabout €300. Of course, apart from theexpense, this would mean that she is with-out any means of transport while the batteryis away.

What should have been an exciting pur-chase has turned out to have been a veryunsatisfactory and stressful experience formy mother.Yours sincerely,DAWN LOVELL

So not only are they inept, they’re heart-less too..! Oh and they don’t answeremails either. Ed.

NEVER AGAINCARREFOURI PURCHASED a DVD player fromCarrefour Torrevieja about two years ago, Ihad the player for 1 month and it stoppedworking, I always keep receipts and packag-ing after i buy any item, I boxed it up andtook the DVD player to the shop were I pur-chased it. 2 years later no DVD player, I willnot shop in Carrefour again, very rude staff,no customer care. DAVID

THE DARK CULTURE...THE Courier's story of the look-a-like Ku Klux Klan remindedme of a visit to Granada manyyears ago during Easter Week.

We'd observed from a dis-tance all the processions overthe week whilst we were other-wise engaged (drinking usual-ly!). When it came to MaundyThursday we decided to line upwith everyone else on thestreets to see it in all its glory.

After waiting 'forever' for it toarrive, they turned out all thestreet lights, plunging us intodarkness - then a group of'Penitents' dressed in blackmoved silently on, accompa-nied by the single beat of adrum.

We'd stood there for almostfour hours only to witnesssomething shuffling past us inthe dark! It was my first tasteof Spanish culture, it's a won-der I ever came back!EILEEN HANWORTH, DoñaPepa, QuesadaWhat did you want them to do…a lit-tle dance? Ed.

BUY FROM THE EAST – IT’S BAZAAR!

CARREFOUR MAKE ME BOIL...BUT NOT MY KETTLE!

I AM mailing you to suggest you investigate thesituation between cancelling land line customersand Movistar.

Many people are changing their phone andinternet systems for infra-red setups etc. PortalWymax, Telletec, and many others. These othersystems tend to offer better value for money withlower costs and faster internet connections, toremote areas.

The problems arisewhen the customergives up their land line.Movistar do not seem tohave the facility to dealwith this and continue tobill the customer for lineand phone rental.

The web site offers no help to sort out the prob-lems and, to English speakers, no facility tochange the language whilst other, smaller, com-panies do. I for one am owed money by Movistarbut cannot get a refund or sort out what theyclaim is my charge for phone rental. I would likeyou to investigate this as I know of many peoplewho are suffering in silence, whilst Movistar arefraudulently taking money. PAUL HAWTIN.I think you’ll find that they are not criminals assuch, just absolutely hopeless from top tobottom. Ed

IN reply to the letters from John & Dave (seebelow) in the May 6 edition... forgetCarrefour. (We did YEARS ago, at least forelectrical goods. Buy from smaller localshops or the Chinese Bazaars.

I bought a kettle in our local Chino, andthe on/off switch stopped working after sixweeks. We were instantly given a new onefrom the shelf!! We checked that it was

brand new and unused. Over the years wehave bought a fax/phone and an iron fromthe shelves in Carrefour only to find that theyhad already been used, were faulty, and justrepacked and returned to the shelves.

Just don`t ask us the story regarding thehedge cutters!C WILLOUGHBYSo, the hedge-cutters…? Ed.

BOUGHT an electric kettlefrom Carrefour in PlayaFlamenca some three yearsago.

After a year t stoppedworking so I took it back. Iwas told by an assistant who

was unbelievably rude, thatthe warranty was invalid.

I then found anotherassistant who told me totake it to have it mendedmyself.

To be treated in this man-

ner by an assistant from amultinational store beggarsbelief.

Never again will I buy anitem from this store. Buyerbeware!JOHN

THE PHONEYPHONE Co...

22 Friday, May 20, 2011


Richard moved to Spain four years ago havingleft his management background behind inthe UK and decided to use his IT skills to helphome users and small businesses with theirPC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man'he is out and about in the Spanish sun everyday, making house and shop calls and usinghis vast experience and qualifications to (usu-ally) sort out the problem there and then.Computers are his hobby as well as his workso don’t be surprised to get an answer to youremail in the early hours!

RICHARD CAVENDERBluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services com-pany on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computerservices at realistic prices and specialise in working with

home users and small businesses.

[email protected] www.bluemoonsolutions.es

Mobile: 655 044 970 Office: 902 906 200

FIXED FOR FREE: Paddy was having trouble with Skypequality on an old laptop and brought it along to the com-puter clinicPaddy had been using Skype for some time without a problem, however following a recentupgrade he found that every time he made a call (even if it was only to the call testing service) thequality was very poor with the sound being interrupted throughout. This is something that I haveseen a few times before and seems to be related to laptops or computers that are older (and usu-ally underpowered for modern software) with very little memory, coupled with the latest versions ofSkype. What happens is that the processor is not able to cope with the demands of the softwareand the interrupted sound is created. What we did in this instance is download an older version ofSkype, remove the new version and install the older version and the problem was fixed – back tocrystal clear sound!

Amanda was having trouble with her microphone whenusing Skype

Hi Richard, I have just successful-ly installed a new Logitech web-cam onto my computer andalthough it all seems to be working

fine the microphone doesn't seem to beworking, when I make Skype calls people

tell me that they cannot hear me,can you help?

Hi Amanda, I am assuming thatyou are referring to the microphone insidethe webcam you bought? Be assured thatyou are in good company, the majority ofsound related questions that we are askedare related to Skype in some way or anoth-er. The first think that we need to do is tocheck whether Skype is set up to use yourmicrophone, we can do this by launchingSkype and clicking tools, options, you willbe presented with a window of options, clickon the 'audio settings' section on the left of the screen and you will see two important selec-tions on the right - 'microphone' and 'speakers'. Here you need to ensure that you have theright items selected - if you can hear other people then you don't need to change the settingsnext to 'speakers' as they clearly work. Because you have a microphone issue you shouldclick on the drop down list next to microphone and you should see Logitech microphone (asyou have a Logitech webcam microphone), just ensure that this is selected and click 'save'at the bottom of the screen.

Q

QUESTION: Amanda wanted to know what the differencewas between Google Chrome and Internet Explorer

Hi Richard, my friends keep telling me that I should beusing Google Chrome? What is it and do I need it?

Hi Amanda, Google Chrome is a web browser (some-thing that you use to look at Internet pages), it is just analternative to using Microsoft Internet Explorer, otheralternatives include FireFox and Safari. Most people find

that Google Chrome works a little quicker than other browsers so, in my opin-ion, yes its worth using, but only if you are not happy with the speed of InternetExplorer.

QA

A

Read Richard’s fantastic computer page onlyin Jungle Drums Magazine.

OUT NOW

George found that all the icons on his desktop had dis-appeared.

Hi Richard, can you help me with aproblem please? The icons that arenormally on my desktop seem tohave disappeared? It used to be that

when I started my computer I would haveabout 20 icons on the screen, "my computer","recycle bin" and "Adobe Acrobat" were threethat I particularly remember, however nowthere is nothing! Have I done somethingwrong or do I have a virus? I hope I don't havea virus as I am a pensioner and can't affordcostly computer repairs.

Hi George, thanks for taking the time to email in. Without looking at your computerpersonally I cannot be sure whether this problem is related to a virus or not as thereare a few that cause this type of behaviour, but let's start with the obvious stuff andhope that it's just something you have inadvertently pressed. Move your mouse

pointer onto the blank desktop that you have and press the right hand mouse button, youwill see a new menu appear, click on 'view' and then click 'show desktop icons', hopefully thiswill restore your icons.

Update. That seems to have done the trick Richard thank you very much!

Q

A

Thanks to Dave Waller for emailing in with an alternative solution to a fellow Dave whowas having problems last week with his new laptop and its caps-lock key that refusedto indicate whether it was activated or not. Dave Waller (too many Daves!) suggestsa great alternative - go to Control Panel / Ease of Access Centre / Make the KeyboardEasier to Use – and then ‘tick’ the box marked “Turn on Toggle Keys”, once selected,every time you hit the caps-lock key the computer will give an audible beep to warnyou of its operation.

Don’t forget that we have a computer clinicevery Wednesday at Print Solutions shop in LaMarina (Calle Londres, near the Pasty Shack)from 4pm to 6pm, bring along your computer,you never know you might get it fixed for free!

24 Friday, May 20, 2011

Sampling Spain’s SeafoodThe noise, as ever in Spain, is enough to make me and photographer Mark Welton shout at each other(although that’s quite common…) to be heard – and we’re standing next to each other. We’ve been givenaccess behind the scenes in the ‘Lonja’, the auction house where the day’s catch is sold to waiting buyers.

By DAVE BULL

A CONVEYOR belt runs from our right and snakes itsway in front of us in a line of blue fish trays; eachpiled high with some of the best seafood to be sold onthe Mediterranean.

The importance of Santa Pola as a Spanish fishingport and as the most important on the whole of theMed coast should not be underestimated.

It is for this reason that buyers are prepared to trav-el from far and wide (Madrid, southern and northernSpain) to buy the best, either to sell on to customersin supermarkets or to dish up the finest Mediterr-anean cuisine in the top restaurants in Spain.

Armed with what resembles a TV remote, the buy-ers click rather than shout their offer these days andthe successful bidder will automatically have the pro-duce labelled in his company’s name before it isloaded onto his lorry.

This fusion of new meets old shows just why SantaPola is held in such high esteem. For although fishingis the traditional life blood of the town, the fishing

industry realised a long time ago that technologywould help rather than hinder the progress of theindustry.

As each tray passes along, not only can we see thefish in the flesh (so to speak) but also a large photo ofits contents is then displayed on a screen along witha price, the name of the fish, and the trawler thatcaught it.

It is from this information that the buyers from CorteIngles, Mercadona and the like will base their deci-sion. Serving the likes of the country’s top stores andrestaurants, Santa Pola’s fishing industry (La Peix)has to make sure that its produce is of the very bestquality, and presented in such a way in the trays thatit allows the buyers to see as much of the fish as pos-sible.

A tray piled high but poorly displayed can cost atrawler a lot of money at the end of the day. By thesame token, undersize and illegal fish can’t beallowed to go through the system as the laws againstcatching (and selling) undersize fish are now verystrict in Europe and the town of Santa Pola has itsreputation to think of.

If you still have the impression that this is smalltime, take a look at the figures, for this little fishingport right on our doorstep generates a turnover ofmore than 20 million euros each year – this is a seri-ous business and the buyers endorse that. Foralthough the smiles and pats on the back (what you’dexpect to see in a trading house) are there, when thebiding starts everyone gets down to business.

Some days are good for the fishermen and othersnot so good. I spoke to one who explained thatalthough you may be out in the boat and catchinggood-sized, quality fish all day, it doesn’t necessarilyfollow that it will sell for a high price when you reachland in the evening.

If many boats have had a similar day and the buyerscan see there is an abundance of a certain type offish, the price will drop. Similarly sometimes the buy-ers just don’t want to buy what you have caught,meaning your earnings for the day are drasticallyaffected.

It’s a tough life being a fisherman, I don’t envy themone little bit…but I’m glad they do it …fish fingers justdon’t compare…


OUT ONTHE 5thEVERYMONTH

SARD-DINNER-IA!Sardines are a cheap and healthy option so we’ve hooked together some lineson the best way to enjoy your catch (even if you did get it in the supermarket…)

Ingredients •8 ounce sardines with bones•3 medium sized tomatoes•1 large cucumber•1/4 cup of sliced onion•15-ounce of chickpeas•2 tablespoons of sliced Kalamata olives•1/2 cup of crumbled feta cheese•3 tablespoons of lemon juice•1 minced clove of garlic•2 teaspoons of dried oregano•1/2 teaspoon of freshly ground pepper

•2 tablespoons of extra-virgin olive oilMethod of Preparation1.Cut the tomatoes, cucumber and sardinesinto large chunks.2. Mix olive oil, lemon juice, garlic, oregano

and pepper in a bowl and whisk.3. Add all the other ingredients into it and

mix well.4. Lastly, toss to combine well, top with

some cheese and serve!5. This is one of the healthiest fish recipes

for kids and adults.

SARDINE SALAD

Ingredients •8 - 12 sardines•3 - 4 crushed garlic cloves•1/4 oz of fresh finely chopped parsley•1/2 cup of plain flour•2 tablespoon of lemon juice•4 tablespoon of vegetable oil•1/2 teaspoon of ground cumin•Salt and black pepper to taste

Method of Preparation1.Mix the garlic and parsley together to forma fine paste.2. Spread the above mixture on the sardines

from inner and outer side. Also brush somelemon juice over it.3. Now set the fish aside for 1-2 hours so asto let the flavours get absorbed completely.4. Mix cumin, salt and black pepper in the

flour and form a homogeneous mixture.5. When the fish is ready, coat / roll it in the

flour so that it is covered uniformly with it.6. Heat the oil in a frying pan until very hot.7. Slowly slide the fish in the oil one at the

time fry only 2-3 fish at a time.8. Fry for 5 minutes or until crisp and goldenbrown.9. Serve with bread or as starters.

SPICY SARDINES

The OfficeTheir motto new customers are not strangers but friends we’veyet to meet, appropriate as The Office is your local in Spain, thisbar is a great watering hole and meeting place with their popularquiz nights on Monday and Friday why don’t you get on down toUrb. Horizonte, Playa Flamenca for 9.30 p.m. And join the battleof the wits; meet new friends, Bill and staff always welcome newvisitors. For those who are competitive there is a pool table anddarts board or just enjoy a leisurely game. The Office also has aGolf Society, with a Pool and Darts League it is most certainlyhome for sports lovers, if your sport is watching football theycover all matches with a full length screen and TV’s within thebar you won’t miss a goal it’s the place to be, showing all livesports I’d say The Office has the ball in their court, there is also

internet facilities and free printing -yes free. Want to be part ofa team, meet new friends or just a relaxing drink, visit the office,for friendly atmosphere and good company it’s a social occa-sion.

Rani’s Indian RestaurantBar and Take Away

Experience the taste of real India at the award winning Rani’sIndian Restaurant, a hidden treasure which is most certainly fullof Eastern promise. With the chefs each bringing their ownwealth of experience, ideas and flavours, blended together, it’sthe winning combination their aim to serve authentic homecooked Indian Cuisine. With the relaxed settings, friendly warm

atmosphere and of course aroma of exotic spices and the finestIngredients it’s little wonder Rani’s won the CoastRidersCulinary Award last year for Best Indian Restaurant .With thecosy Interior the restaurant features a large sun terrace, idealfor these long hot summer days, Rani’s motto ‘ a night toremember’ is very appropriate, for fun, laughter, good companyand fantastic food Jaz and Rani will give you a warm welcome.Their early bird menu from 5.00 p.m. – 7.00 p.m.the 4 coursemeal at 7.95 euro’s is perfect for after work, there is also a 10 %discount on take-away orders over 20 euro or if vino is your tip-ple, you can opt for a free bottle of wine. The extensive menufeatures many traditional home style specialties.You can find them on facebook and as booking is advisable tele-phone 966 197 677 and let your taste buds sample the finestauthentic Indian Cuisine. Open 7 days highly recommend forCurry Lovers.

Todo Loco

Whether it be Todo Loco or Poco Loco you’ll find two lively bars,friendly atmosphere and great food, go loco, ideal for laid backsummer days and nights. Owned and run by Jim and Maria bothbars are in the ideal location you’ll find the sun terraces alwaysbusy with regulars and visitors relaxing enjoying a glass of wineor cold beer. Todo Loco with its large terrace is a good choice forenjoying evenings with friends or family, situated in UrbHorizonte, Playa Flamenca opposite sister bar Poco Loco inCentro Citrus Commercial. Todo Loco now has a new impres-sive menu for summer, Tuesday night is ‘ Steak Night’ 2 x 8 ozrump steaks and a bottle of wine for only 12 Euros, the menufeatures Rack of BBQ Ribs, mixed grill for 2, beef burgers, TBone, fillet or sirloin steak to name a few, tempted ! Yes and allat great value with Sunday Lunch at only 5 Euro. Book call622788443.For live sports, breakfast, lunches and dinner go crazy at PocoLoco as it hosts all our favourites, stuffed spuds; meal deals anytwo for 9 Euros, served between 12 and 6 p.m. kids’ selection allat 4 Euros and homemade and traditional main meals. It’s nowonder they are popular haunts, there is something for every-one.

26 Friday, May 20, 2011

Centro Citrus, Commercialand Urb. Horizonte

In the heart of Playa Flamenca, about five minutes offthe N332, you’ll find hidden two very popular and busyCommercial Centres, a varied collection of Businesses,all nationalities who are working together to create aplace that’s interesting, comfortable and, of course,affordable. Let’s find out what’s happening at Centro CitrusCommercial and Urb. Horizonte...

JohnsonsIn the heart of the Centro Citrus Comercial, and well known tolocals is Johnsons your local supermarket come Internet caféproprietor Dave Kidd is no stranger to the area, having previous-ly owned a bar within the centre therefore making this a regularmeeting place for both friends old and new, since opening lastNovember the drop-in style internet café has proven to be verypopular. The café which is adjacent to the shop is ideal formorning coffee, lunches and snacks catch up with friends orenjoy some banter with Dave, Anne and Mo, a warm welcomeawaits you. Whether it is a cold drink, glass of wine or maybetwo, or be cool with a Slushy, relax on the terrace and enjoy theSummer heat. Along with Newspapers, magazines and UKpostal service this busy shop stocks all our family favouriteswith a wide range of frozen foods, fresh bread daily, toiletriesand gift ideas to name but a few. There is also a selection ofbooks available at the lending Library or fancy a DVD browsethrough the latest movies you can hire. Not only is it home to theInternet there is printing and photocopying facilities, the mail boxservice gives customers the opportunity to collect their mail any-time throughout the week. Open 7 days make Johnsons yourlocal convenience store.

Heidi

Heidi Frisor is a Scandinavian chain of hairdresser salons on theCosta Blanca. Their salon in Urb Horizonte, Playa Flamenca ispopular with all nationalities. Since opening this friendly, brightsalon has developed a good reputation for quality and service.Heidi has been hairdressing in Spain since 2000 and along withher fully qualified team which includes Monica and Mette, theyare all experienced in many fields of hairdressing and haveworked throughout Europe offering styling and coloring forladies and gents. With the increase of Weddings Spain in addition to hairdressingthey specialize in Bridal packages in collaboration withspaniabryllup.com. Packages include make-up, hair as wellflowers, transportation and catering all requirements for thatspecial day.For more details or for a consultation call into our salon either inHorizonte or Torrevieja check our website onwww.heidifrisor.com or telephone 965 326 532.

Bar TropicanaHappy Days at The Bar Tropicana, Centro Citrus Commercial,Dave and Sue invite you along for the taste of tropical Paradise.This very busy Bar/Restaurant has so much to offer, every dayall day is happy hour with all bottled beer only 1 euro and nododgy spirits its premium spirits and mixers only 3.50. The lite bite menu is ideal for lunch or late afternoon snack with

a great choice serving all family favourites its good value at 5euro Sunday sees a packed house with the ever popularSunday Lunch from 5 euro it’s advisable to book and serveduntil 7 pm. For Breakfast, Lunch and evening meals, with a vegetarianmenu and kids section your sure to be tempted, relax on thespacious sun terrace with family and friends and enjoy theatmosphere.Along with their regular Quiz on Tuesday evening, new for thesummer season, starting this Sunday May 22nd TropBustersQuiz, Pop into the Bar for more details. Its eyes down Sundayand Thursday at 7 pm live entertainment at the weekend Friday27th May Leo singing sounds of the 60s, 70, 80’s andvocalist/guitarist Karl James appearing at The Tropicana everySaturday from 28th May. It’s all happening at The Bar TropicanaDave, Sue and the team hopes to see you soon.

The White RoseFor whatever occasion The White Rose Restaurant Bar comeshighly recommended whether it is the 3 course Sunday lunchwhich is served until 6 pm or from the main menu the fillet steak,mussels in white wine or nachos all excellent choices. The foodis all freshly prepared and home-made. For Breakfast , lunch orevening meal the menu has a varied selection with starters,snacks, salads, fish dishes, pasta and main meals and of coursefor the sweet toothed delicious desserts and all at excellentvalue.The White Rose also has a special 3 course menu, served daily,choice of starter, main meal and dessert and includes a bottle ofwine for two; the special menu at 15 Euros is available between1 pm-6 pm or in the evening between 6 pm until 11 pm for 18Euros. If you fancy a take away why not try a home-made pizzathere is a choice of toppings.

Relax on the sun terrace and enjoy a leisurely drink, the cock-tails a must for summer evenings, the menu features many ofour favourites such as Pink Passion or Pina Colada or try thenon alcohol from the menu ’safe sex on the beach’ . Try one ofthe many wines from the impressive wine list. There is also aScandinavian menu serving lunch or dinner. For good service,friendly relaxed atmosphere this family run Restaurant situatedat Centro Citrus Commercial is an ideal choice.

The Racin’ ToastOn the upper level of Centro Citrus Commercial you’ll find Alan’sRacin Toast it’s a great place to hang out with friends whilewatching live sporting events including horse racing. . It’s a surebet for these lazy summer days a popular meeting place whynot try Sunday lunch which is great value at 5 Euros offering achoice of Pork, Beef, ham or Turkey served between 3 and 6 .The odds are favourite as punters can create their own tradi-

tional English breakfast all items 50 cents or choose one of themany lite bites from the menu which includes hot sandwiches,burgers Alan’s wee bite menu will be available from 1st week in

June offering light snacks and a daily special or just relax withan ice cold beer on the terrace it’s a winner for locals and visi-tors.

Zest Hair and BeautyGet the look you want this summer and put some Zest into yourlife. With a full range of beauty treatment s and hairdressingservices on offer from top to toe prepare you for these hot sum-mer days and nights. Beauty therapist Emily is on hand withtreatments which include waxing, nails, manicures, pedicures ortreat your skin revitalize yourself with a luxury facial, or indulgein therapy spa body wrap along with a full range of hairdressingservices for both ladies and gents and colour techniques usingItalian colour Brands available by stylists Holly and the new wel-comed addition to the team Sam. You can find this busy friendlysalon on the upper level of Centro Citrus Commercial, where thefully qualified staff are waiting offering help and advice, why notbook now for the holiday waxing package under arms, half leg,bikini and eyebrows at only 15 Euros great value feel good thissummer call now on 965328550 to find out more about theexcellent special offers which are currently available. The salonis also stockists for Max Factor make- up products, Revlon nailpolishes and gets the Sun kissed look with a range of bronzers.


28 Friday, May 20, 2011

YOUR biggest risk of having a bad accidentis within the first two years of passing yourdriving test. Follow these hints and you canreduce this risk.1. After passing your test it will be strange tofind an empty front passenger seat. The firsttime you drive take someone with you forsupport. Think seriously about displaying a`P' plate. 2. When you do have to drive completelyalone, begin on roads that you know butremember to keep a road atlas in the car incase you get lost. 3. When you get your confidence, drive likeyou own the car, not the road!

4. You’ve learnt to drive and passed yourtest by sticking to the rules. Stay this wayand you'll stay alive! So will your passengersand others on the road.5. Your quick reactions won't always stop

you having an accident. Spotting andresponding to problems ahead in plenty oftime will. 6. Drive in a way that suits your ability andthe traffic conditions. It doesn't impress any-body if you drive fast in the wrong placesand you could end up in a lot of trouble. 7. Have plenty of sleep, especially before

making a big journey and take plenty of restbreaks to restore your alertness. Listen tothe radio for traffic reports and make sureyou've enough fuel. 8. Fiddling with the radio or a cassette whenyour driving can be distracting, so can play-ing your sound system so loud that you can'thear the sirens of an emergency vehicle.9. Give your mates a lift, but remember

you're the driver so you're in control. Don'tsuccumb to peer pressure. If they give youhassle, drop them off at a bus stop! 10. Keep your eyes moving but don't scareyour passengers by turning your head awayfrom the road ahead when talking to any ofthem!


OUT ONTHE 5thEVERYMONTH

How’s your parking, fine?What ‘Multas’ are - and who hands them out

By SPIKEYOU may already know frompersonal experience justhow odd the system of beingawarded, (always seems astrange way of putting it)and receiving fines formotoring offences is here inSpain and it is not unheardof for car owners to receivenotification of a fine (‘multa’)being issued through thepost a good time after thealleged offence. Many driv-ers have complained thatthey can’t even remember asingle motoring event sever-al months previously andoften the question of whowas driving can be almostimpossible to answer hon-estly. These fines are usuallyfor speeding or parkingoffences, but can often be forother offences such as notwearing your seatbelt, nothaving your lights switchedat night or in tunnels or forhaving defective equipment.Travelling with an unsafe loadis one that stands out asmany of my neighbours pickup their gas bottle and shop-ping on their small scoot-ers…with the dog on boardtoo.

More recently ‘cloning’ hasbecome a major problem forpolice and car owners andsomeone somewhere is run-ning around in a similar car amatching registration plate.These people often runaround not caring whetherthey accumulate fines as theywill never pay them, but thereal owner has the headacheof explaining that they we’re(possibly) kilometres awayfrom home and clocking up

fines.You’ll be surprised (not) to

learn that there have been anawful lot odd occasionswhere notifications were sentout in the post and reportedlynever received by the carowners and often than leadsto problems later on as thepaperwork travels around thesystem and usually upon sell-ing the vehicle that the ownerquite innocently discoversthat there are outstanding

fines to be paid. The kick-er is that by then there areoften further penalties foroverdue payment of a finethat the car owner knewnothing about.

When buying a secondhand vehicle in Spain youneed to be confident thatthe paperwork is correctas Spanish law dictatesthat any such fine islinked to the vehicle andnew owners can findthemselves liable for anumber of outstandingfines unless things arechecked properly.

Basically the policeforces take responsibilityfor different infractionsand therefore the fineswhich to try and keep

things simple its easiest tosay that in general the vari-ous 'multas' come from park-ing fines (generally adminis-tered by the Policia Local andcollected by the town’sAyuntamiento) and speeding& motoring offences (general-ly handed out by the GuardiaCivil and collected by theDirección General de Tráfico).But remember that is a verygeneral generalisation…

‘I want to die peacefully in my sleeplike my grandfather, not screamingand yelling like the passengers in hiscar.’

The probability of being involved in a traf-fic accident is directly proportional to timespent on the road. Driving fast decreasesone's exposure. One third of traffic acci-dents are caused by drunk drivers; twothirds are caused by non-drunk drivers.Therefore, the safest way to drive is drunkand very fast.

A man was caught for speeding andwent before the judge. The judge said, ‘What will you take: 30 days or €30?’The man thought and replied, ‘I think I'll take the money.’

A traffic policeman stops a woman andasks to see her driving licence.‘’it says here that you should be wearingglasses when driving.’‘Well, replies the woman, I have contacts.’‘I don't care who you know, you’re stillgoing to get a ticket.’

Motorist, But, officer, I was speeding becauseI'm late for an appointment with mylawyer.Policeman,Well, now you've got something else totell him.

An American trooper pulled a car overand told the man driving that he wasgoing 50 mph in a 40 mph zone.‘I was only going 40!’ the driver protested.‘Not according to my radar,’ the troopersaid.‘Yes, I was!’ the man shouted back.‘No you weren't!’ the trooper said.With that, the man's wife leaned towardthe window and said,‘Officer, I should warn you not to arguewith my husband when he's been drink-ing…’

YOU’RE‘AVING A LARF!Amusing motoring stories - some of them true...some

hopefully not!

offers ten top driving tips toNEW DRIVERS

30 Friday, May 20, 2011

FRIDAY 20th

SATURDAY 21st

SUNDAY 22nd

MONDAY 23rd

TUESDAY 24th

WEDNESDAY 25th

THURSDAY 26th

Celtic Drop in Playa FlamencaHoracios in Las MimosasBonnies Bar in PinosoBar Rosa in Los MontesinosInn at the Green in Entre NaranjasMosquito’s Bar in La FloridaMonty’s Bar in MontebelloLos Belgas in Gran AlicantCheers Bar in Eagles NestThe New Royal in MazarronDon Gomez IV in CalasparraAbbey Tavern in La FloridaCeltic Drop in Playa FlamencaHappy Days in CatralPals Club in La SiestaStray Sod in La FuenteInn at the Green in Entre NaranjasLa Batalla in RoldanLos Belgas in Gran AlicantManga Norte Restaurant in La MangaCasa Nicolas in Altos del LimonarJudges Chambers in Playa FlamencaLas Naciones in QuesadaThe Club in QuesadaPablo’s International bar in La FloridaMorgan’s Bar in Eagles nestSnug Bar in Torre de la HorredadaInn at the Green in Entre NaranjasBar Liquid in Cabo RoigCasa Ventura in San LuisCeltic Drop in Playa FlamencaCasa Nicolas in Altos del Limonar

Inn at the green in Entre NaranjasCheers Bar in Eagles NestBar Rosa in Los MontesinosCeltic Drop in Playa FlamencaOlympia in Mil PalmerasMarina SolInn at the Green in Entre NaranjasMontes Bar in Los MontesinosAbbey Tavern in La FloridaRestaurant La Boca in Playa Los LocosCheers bar In Eagles NestNia Bar in TorreviejaPaddy’s Point in La ZeniaRocajuna in Punta PrimaInn at the Green in Entre NaranjasBerny D’arcys in La FuenteStray Sod in La FuenteO’Neills in San MiguelThe Priory in El Galan

Kens QuizNikki GQuiz night with Darren JamesCut looseKings, Queens & Diamond ShowTerry JayCrazy Bingo with SpikeFun Music QuizCelena DeansB.J BluesmanQuiz NightJukebox LegendsSunflower ValleyKings, Queens & Diamonds ShowFun Music Quiz with Lynden BCutlooseCelena DeansSunflower ValleyLenny Mitchell

La Marina Sports ComplexPirate Bar in Playa Flamenca

Cabaroke with Davy JonesLynden BBJ BluesmanSteve FinnDebbie SlaterCabaroke with BonoStars & StripesGrease TributeTerry JayLenny MitchellRed StrokesSunflower ValleyCabaroke with Davy JonesTony LincolnLynden BSunflower ValleyKirsten MackayCelena DeansTina Turner TributeLenny MitchellJukebox LegendTerry JayNick BarkerDusty Springfield & Everly Bros TributesCabaroke with Davy JonesCelena DeansJ.J SoulmanCabaroke with Matt ChristianCabaroke with BonoFun Music Quiz with LyndenSunflower ValleyJukebox Legends & Ricky ValenceKings, Queens & Diamond ShowNick Barker

Starting at 10pmComedy Show

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Comedy ShowStarting at 10pm

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Starting at 5pmStarting at 10.30pmStarting at 8.30pm tickets €8Starting at 8.30pmStarting at 9.30pm

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DATE VENUE ACT/ EVENT OTHER INFO

WELCOME to another week of great entertainmenthere on the Costa Blanca.

Well, this week I’ve been asked to let you all knowabout a fantastic show that is appearing all over theCostas called The Saviours Of Soul.

The show features three very talented individuals,Shirelle, JJ and Jimmy Mac who decided to get togeth-er in a tribute to the songs from the motion picture TheCommitments.

The group are already very well established soloartists here on the Costa Blanca but they wanted toput together something a little different and excitingfrom a normal tribute show. So after many months ofhard work, The Saviours Of Soul are finally ready to hitthe public.

Shirelle, who plays the saxophone as well as doingvocals, was born in Scotland but starting her musiccareer in Manchester back in 1992. She worked withbig names like Jimmy James and the Vagabonds,

Darts and the newDrifters before movingto Spain 11 years ago.

JJ Soulman playskeyboards and vocalsand is originally fromNottingham. He hasbeen a singer for 25years (even though heonly looks 30!) and inaddition to BBC per-formances has evenreleased his own self-written CD. It wasplayed on commercialradio and sold in HMVand Virgin musicshops.

JJ also played live to 10,000 people at a Soul Festivalheadlined by Boney M before moving here 10 yearsago.

Jimmy Mac who features on guitar and vocals, isoriginally from Stirling in Scotland. He says he’s beenin the business for 30 years but I’ve been told he wasa musician at the last supper of Christ so he’s comealong way since then!

Jimmy has worked with the likes of Alvin Stardust,The Tremeloes and Ricky Tomlinson and even sang atHarrah’s in Las Vegas before moving to Spain eightyears ago.

The group’s unique and energetic three-hour spec-tacular features the amazing voice of Shirelle in 50scostume performing Connie Francis and Brenda Lee,then it’s on to stars like Dusty Springfield and Lulu,followed by Jimmy doing a tribute to the 60s eraincluding songs by Billy Fury, Bobby Darin and Elvis.

Then finally JJ takes to the stage to amaze us in hishuge Afro, flares and platform boots with a specialtribute to the disco era.

After a short costume change The Saviours of Soul

then perform a fabulous 90-minute set ofCommitments and soul classics with great favouritessuch as Mustang Sally, Nowhere to Run To, Try a LittleTenderness and Midnight Hour.

This fantastic four shows in one is always a sell-outso be quick to book your seats for their next perform-ance is at Quesada Country Club on Saturday May 28.Tickets are €12 including a meal so call 966 719 160 tomake a reservation.

Another great show you really must not miss isKings, Queens and Diamonds. After the hilarious Aprilshows with Johnny Zeller, Jukebox Promotions returnto do a special music feature of Neil Diamond songs(sung by Noel Diamond) accompanied by the soundsof the Kings and Queens of popular music includingCliff, Dusty, Whitney, Tina, Freddy, Streisand, Elvis andmany more. With two special Neil Diamond sets it willbring back all that’s great about this amazing song-writer and singer.

It’s only a five-show tour and fea-tures Charles Prince as NoelDiamond and Freddy, FionaMcLean and Peter Day (JukeboxLegends). If you love Neil Diamond,Freddy Mercury and the greatKings and Queens, then you don’twant to miss this show. So checkout the gig guide to see where your nearest venue is.

Tickets are available at all venues at just €7.50 with alow-cost pre-show meal available at each event. And ifyou book 10 or more tickets then you get two ticketsfree!!!

Well, that’s me finished for another week so if you’rea bar or an entertainer and want to appear in the gigguide, or you have any events coming up that youwould like me to tell everyone about, then please con-tact me. My email is [email protected] or youcan call me on 685302529 or just visit my website atwww.starsinbars.org

Mandy

A show with a real soul!


Pop Quiz May 20

1. Who had a hit, in 1995, with Wake Up Boo?2. Which band had hits with Viva Bobby Joe andBaby Come Back?3. Which group featured Dave Grohl on drumsand a singer who committed suicide?4. supergroup had a hit with Fanfare For TheCommon Man?5. Which hairtastic band had a hit with Ooh ToBe Ah?6. Which band had their only UK top 10 hit withCalling All The Heroes?7. Gwen Stefani sang lead vocals for whichband?8. Who was Only 24 Hours From Tulsa?

FIND THE KEY WORD AND TO TAKE PART LISTEN TOCHRIS ASHLEY’S SHOW ON TKO GOLD, 8AM TO 11AMEVERY MONDAY.

CHRIS WILL ASK YOU TO TEXT OR EMAIL IN THE KEYWORD AND THE WINNER OF THIS WEEK’S ANSWERWILL BE ANNOUNCED.

WIN A MEAL FOR TWO AND WINEAT QUESADA FISH & CHIPS

TKO NEWS

TKO Gold Featured ArtistRAY LA MONTAGNE

HOT GOSSIPTHE drummer with the legendary'Another Brick in the Wall' hitmakers ispleased to be unveiling remastered ver-sions of their 14 albums, as well asmulti-disc sets containing many alter-nate takes and unreleased tracks, andone particular version of their song'Wish You Were Here', recorded with lateviolin virtuoso Stephane Grappelli par-ticularly sparked his interest.

He said: "I had assumed it had beenlost. The incredible thing is that [anotherviolinist] Yehudi Menuhin was there aswell. Someone plucked up the courageto ask them both if they'd like to playsomething on the record. Stephaneabsolutely was up for it and I thinkYehudi would have liked to, but he's not

an improviser and I think he just felt hecouldn't do it."

Nick, 67, also feels the mammoth set ofreissues - under the banner Why PinkFloyd? ' will be the last time the bandphysically release material, beforedownloaded music eclipses other for-mats. He added: "There is a slight sensethat we are coming to the end of the peri-od where people will buy the physicalrecord with all the packaging and theinformation and so on."I think it's really important to try andhave a last go at that, because if we doend up just downloading everythingfrom now on it would be a shame if therewasn't on record all that good artworkand the things that went with it."

The mystery man of the American music sceneis one of the most talented singer songwritersto come out of USA for some time.

Ray LaMontagne was born in Nashua, NewHampshire, in 1973 to a constantly travelingmother and a violent musician father whoabandoned the family during Ray's childhood.Because of his father's background in music,LaMontagne refrained from most musical activ-ity, instead spending much of his time readingfantasy novels. Having left home straight afterleaving school he eventually settled in Maine.His decision to pursue a career in music wasattributed to him hearing a Steven Stills song.

LaMontagne began touring in 1999, but had towait until 2004 to release his criticallyacclaimed album Trouble. He has sincereleased a further three albums and TKO Goldfeatured his last single Repo Man as FutureGold Track. His haunting and beautifully subtlevoice really is a total joy to hear. Check out hislatest album God Willin And The Creek Don´tRise. It´s a stunning mix of blues, ballads androck and TKO Gold can´t recommend itenough.

Pink Floyd's Nick Mason 'assumed'recordings had been lost

TKO will be at the This Is Spain Exhibition on the 26th, 27th and 28th May

Join TKO on Sunday the 5th of June with Maria & the Pink Ladies'A 5km charity walk and fun day in aid of Breast Cancer Awareness and in associationwith the Ayuntamiento Orihuela Costa. All proceeds go to the AECC.It all starts at 10.30 with lots of entertainment from local bands and artist and TKODJ's.

32 Friday, May 20, 2011

Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues;instead, every letter of the alphabet has beenreplaced by a number, the same number representingthe same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have todo is decide which letter is represented by whichnumber. In this week's puzzle, 7 represents J and 12represents Y, when these letters have been enteredthroughout the puzzle, you should have enoughinformation to start guessing words and discoveringother letters.

CODE CRACKER

CRYTPIC CLUESAcross1 South Staffordshire townis finely contoured (5)4 Staff, with time, succeed(6)9 Still be apologetic goinground for money (7)10 Stamp, as taken in partfare (5)11 Pastimes held in thenetwork (4)12 Note ever so badly writ-ten using too many words(7)13 Colour seen inMogadishu evening sky (3)14 Skilful Latin in Lincoln(4)16 Done in the shape of alump (4)18 Play part of a rabid cat(3)20 Not all right in a dose ofmedicine (7)21 Long to be accepted byteachers (E)24 Run more (5)25 War returning? Concealtelevision series (7)26 Petrified sacred ruins(6)27 Enormous soldier ant(5)

Down1 Crustacean is quieteither side of the border (6)2 Leaves left off the roof (5)3 Sort of affectionate (4)5 A mother, for example,welcomes parking that’sclear (8)6 Take off nasty scab onpoor Don (7)7 In high spirits knock abeer back with Edward (6)8 Research delivers? Nosir (5)13 Tradition handed downfrom their peculiar era (8)15 Tear bit off cleric’s cap(7)17 Leading by lots ofgames in a tennis matchdismays (6)18 King George in anycross (5)19 ‘God without end’admitting church is fake (6)22 Break the chain or theporcelain (5)23 Employee’s wage pack-et contains stolen goods(4)

Last weeks SolutionAcross: 1 Tipples, 5 Fable, 8 Meant, 9 Lookout, 10Sentiment, 12 Ebb, 13 Regime, 14 Create, 17/22 Jet lag,18 Hindsight, 20 Icicles, 21 Folio, 23 Exert, 24 Delight. Down: 1 Tombs, 2 Pea, 3 Lithium, 4 Solder, 5 Front, 6Boomerang, 7 Eatable, 11 Night-time, 13 Rejoice, 15Restful, 16 Unused, 18 Holst, 19 Trout.

DOUBLE CROSS-WORDSolve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the

standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

3 letter words ActAddAgoAllArcAreArtAshBayBinDewDotDyeEarEndGinHam

HasIceIll

LetLidMetNetOddOldOneOrePerPubRanRowRunSatSea

SeeSetShySirTanToeTryUseYes

4 letter words AtomBonyLatePoorStemSuchTripYarn

5 letter words ApartAuntsConesInnerIssueLeastLegal

LemonLorry

SauceSugarTeeth

6 letter words AdmireDesireIronedLeaped

FILL IT INComplete the crossword grid by using the given words:

Across 1 Bewilderment (9)8 Repairs (11)9 Test (5)10 Boat (5)12 Proprietor (5)14 Direction (5)15 Estimated (11)17 Courier (9)

Down 2 View (7)3 Deadly (5)4 Bright (5)5 Possess (3)6 Poignant (9)7 Men of refinement (9)11 Bravery (7)13 Accommodation (5)14 Time in power (5)16 Pastry (3)

QUICKIE

Last weeks SolutionAcross: 1 Snaps, 4 Straw, 6 Ant, 7 Spill, 8 Ounce, 10Tap, 12 Idea, 14 Peas, 15 Ratio, 16 Rent, 18 Tale, 20Act, 22 Doing, 23 Roman, 24 Era, 25 Gases, 26 Pedal. Down: 2 Arise, 3 Salt, 4 Stop, 5 Range, 7 Stirred, 9Eastern, 11 Attic, 13 Art, 14 Pot, 17 Nails, 19 Aimed, 20Ages, 21 Trap.

Across 1 Chestnut (fruit) (7)5 Dose (of medicine) (5)8 Scotland (7)9 Smooth (skin, hair) (5)10 April (5)11 Respuestas (7)12 Sagrado (6)14 Jardín (6)17 Snail (7)19 Fishing (5)22 Stage (phase) (5)23 Postman (7)24 Place (5)25 Southeast (7)

Down 1 Cream (5)2 To take out (5)3 Mayor (7)

4 Spiders (6)5 Escritorios (muebles) (5)6 Alga (7)7 Hijastro (7)12 Éxito (buen resultado)(7)13 Grosella (7)15 To suck in (air or dust)(7)16 Relojes (6)18 Nail (metal) (5)20 Tallos (de flores) (5)21 Arriba (5)

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORDImprove your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers inEnglish or vice versa.

STANDARD CLUESAcross1 Smooth (5)4 Get by (6)9 Income (7)

10 Italian food (5)11 Net (4)12 Talkative (7)13 Shade (3)14 Capable (4)16 Lump (4)18 Do something (3)20 Segment (7)21 Dull pain (E)24 Additional (5)25 Buckskin (7)26 Frightened (6)27 Huge (5)

Down1 Edible crustacean (6)2 Roof overhang (5)3 Type (4)5 Obvious (8)6 Run away (7)7 Ecstatic (6)8 Look into (5)

13 Legacy (8)15 Catholic cleric’sheadgear (7)17 Distresses (6)18 Annoyed (5)19 Dishonesty (6)22 Tableware (5)23 Loot (4)

33Friday, May 20, 2011Across 7 From the Latin for ‘plunderer’, what name is often givento a bird of prey such as an eagle, hawk, falcon or owl? (6)8 Which city is the capital of Mali? (6)10 According to Greek mythology, what was the name of afire-breathing female monster with a lion’s head, a goat’sbody and a serpent’s tail? (7)11 By what nickname are the team that plays at home atWhite Hart Lane normally known? (5)12 Vientiane is the capital of which landlocked country insoutheast Asia? (4)13 Which British pop group’shits include Stay With Me, CindyIncidentally and Pool HallRichard? (5)17 Which Belgian town in theprovince of West Flanders wasthe scene of some of the bitter-est fighting of World War I? (5)18 Which early 20th-centuryinternational movement in art,literature, music, and film, repu-diated and mocked artistic and social conventions andemphasised the illogical and absurd? (4)22 What was the married name of the Australian tennisplayer who, in 1970, became the second woman to win thegrand slam of singles titles? (5)23 Which violent windstorm is characterised by a twisting,funnel-shaped cloud? (7)24 On which river does the Lancashire town of Preston,stand? (6)

25 Who, according to Shakespeare, was the female ‘star-crossed’ lover? (6)Down 1 What was the name of Bram Stoker’s Transylvanian vam-pire? (7)

2 What is the fifth letter of the Greek alphabet? (7)3 What name is often given to a pleasant shady placeunder trees or climbing plants in a garden or wood? (5)4 What is the name of the channel separating Tasmaniafrom the mainland of Australia? (4,3)5 Which is the longest river of the Iberian peninsula? (5)6 What was the surname of the English-born composerwhose best known work was his orchestral suite ThePlanets? (5)9 Giovanni Antonio Canal was the real name of which17th/18th century Venetian painter? (9)14 Which implement with a broad, flat, blunt blade is usedfor mixing and spreading things, especially in cooking andpainting? (7)15 Named after a Greek scholar, which tropical herbaceousplant of the daisy family, has showy orange or yellow flow-ers? (7)16 What was the name of themedium-paced French dancethat was popular in the 18thcentury? (7)19 Which earthy pigment con-tains ferric oxide, typically withclay, and varies from light yel-low to brown or red? (5)20 What was the title of WaltDisney’s 1941 cartoon film,starring an elephant that couldfly? (5)21 What was the surname of the Austrian neurologist whowas the founder of psychoanalysis? (5)

Quiz Word

Last weeks Quiz WordsolutionAcross:7 Au pair, 8 Panama, 10 Cortege, 11 Suede, 12Shag, 13 Queen, 17 Robin, 18 Nave, 22 Rabat, 23 RainMan, 24 Plains, 25 Castle. Down: 1 J’accuse, 2 Sporran, 3 Vixen, 4 Parsley, 5Oates, 6 Manet, 9 Pecuniary, 14 Lofting, 15 Mammoth, 16Tenniel, 19 Crypt, 20 U-boat, 21 Wigan.

SUDOKU SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH

Last Week’s Solutions

Code Cracker

Soduko Span - Eng Quizword Fill It In

1. Which British athlete's autobiography is entitled (ATime To Jump)?2. The Duckworth Lewis Method Is Used To Keep TheScore In Which Sport?3. In The Game Of Darts How Much Would You HaveScored If You Achieved A "Tic Tac Toe"?4. Which Tennis Player Won Wimbledon Twice With An 8Year Gap Between Victories?5. How Many Times Do Entrants Hurdle The Water JumpIn The Steeplechase?6. How many times did stirling moss win the world cham-pionship?7. In Feet How Long Is The Length Of A Full Size SnookerTable?8. Name The 4 Cities Beginning With The Letter A ThatHave Hosted The Summer Olympics? (PFE)9. Who In The World Of Sport Was Known As "TheLouisville Lip"?10. Why was Mike Tyson fined $3 million by the boxingassociation in 1997?

ANSWERS1. Jonathan Edwards 2. Cricket 3. Darts (180) 4. JimmyConnors 5. 7 Times 6. Never 7. 12 Feet 8. Athens ,Amsterdam , Antwerp & Atlanta 9. Mohammed Ali 10. HeBit Off Evander Hollyfields Ear

sports QUIZ

Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch. (Answers below)

Deportes-Sports

M B I J A P R P A N B L E B BU N A X U U U C Z O V O Q O CK M N L G C I D A I O B U X NC D K B O B Y T F C L T I E YQ I Y O O N L O S A E U T O OL T C R N E C R J T I F A L YP U E L T A O E G A B K C O OA A C I I Q M C S N O M I P UR S S H B S S N I T L M O H UWM E R A I M B O T O T N P EO B O M N WL O D L A WP J AE T N E P A R A P M A U F I AU F T G I M N A S I A B Q L CE J A N I T A P B A I L E A UN Y O E C U B J U D O V I WD

AEROBICAAQUATICOATLETISMO

BAILEBALONCESTOBALONMANO

BOXEOBUCEO

CICLISMOEQUITACION

FUTBOLGIMNASIA

JUDOLUCHAMESA

NATACIONPARAPENTEPATINAJE

POLORUGBYTENISVELA

VOLEIBOL

1. futbol, 2. tenis, 3. natacion,

4. baile, 5. aerobica, 6. lucha,

7 .tenis de mesa, 8. gimnasia, 9.

ciclismo, 10. baloncesto,

11. voleibol, 12. atletismo,

13. patinaje, 14. boxeo,

15. polo aquatico, 16. rugby,

17. vela, 18. parapente,

19. buceo, 20. balonmano,

21. judo, 22. equitacion.

A. judo, b. swimming, c. sailing,

d. tennis, e. horse riding,

f. football, g. rugby, h. dancing,

i. handball, j. hang-gliding,

k. skating, l. aerobics,

m. waterpolo, n. gymnastics,

o. table tennis, p. wrestling,

q. basketball, r. volleyball,

s. athletics, t. boxing,

u. deep sea diving, v. cycling.

Answers: 1f, 2d, 3b, 4h, 5l, 6p,7o, 8n, 9v, 10q, 11r, 12s, 13k,14t, 15m, 16g, 17c, 18j, 19u, 20i,21a, 22e.

34 Friday, May 20, 2011

HoroscopesBy Pandora

Aries March 21 - April 19 One man cannot make himself into anarmy of super-strength midgets. No mat-ter what his budget. Continually turningaround in a circle is not a good way toavoid seeing the horrors you have creat-ed.

Taurus April 20 - May 20 Hexes may impair your vision today if youattempt to cross an invisible boundary.You will get an important phone calltoday, but you won't be able to find a pento write down the message

Gemini May 21 - June 20Avoid serious questions wherever possibletoday and TIE YOUR SHOES DAMMIT! Takea coat today as you'll need it if it rains orbecomes slightly colder than usual. Or if youhappen to be caught out whilst paradingnaked around your local shopping centre.

Cancer June 21 - July 22When walking down the street, trying notto step on the cracks in the stone, youmust take care to avoid all steaming piles.Cysts are a sign of overworking as muchas anything else. Relax today whilst aloved one lances your soppiest boils

Leo July 23 - August 22Today will be a day like any other.Armchair politicians will affect your lifetoday as they rise from their dank pitsand begin to conquer the known world.

Life throws us all crazy things now andthen. Like swords made of ham. Anddogs on skateboards. Bread, lightlycooked, buttered. This horoscope wassponsored by Toast.

Libra September 23 - October 22Screaming "Death to the Infidel!" asyou're walking through busy airports orshopping centres will leave you withbruises in special places.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21When aiming for greatness, set your sightsto "better than greatness"...and when youfail like a miserable shit, you'll at least beable to blame it on trying too hard. Paperwith little squiggles on it will find its wayinto your pocket today.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21The future is what you make of it - and ifit's anything like what you made of the restof your life, I'd consider buying in materialsfor the nuclear winter. Find some candles,tonight will be filled with darkness.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19Sleep deprivation can affect you nega-

tively today, so ensure you murder all thedogs in your area for a guaranteed goodnight's kip. Love makes the world goround, and peaches make a very niceaccompaniment to sweet corn.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18Any satisfaction you had about not hav-ing a police record, may be undonetoday. Ensure your blood stays withinyour system today by not venturing fur-ther than your refrigerator.

Pisces February 19 - March 20You won't be hospitalised today, but thingsmay not go as planned Hilarity may ensuethis week if you decide to hire a clown onThursday night.

Virgo August 23 - September 22

I MUST STOP WOMANISING -

PLEASE HELP

Dear Tia MariaI am a 45-year-old male andam having real problems withgetting very drunk and endingup in bed with lots of differentwomen!!! A dream come truefor some blokes I am sure,but you know, not me! I hatethis behaviour about myselfand want it to stop. I am feel-ing really sad as my wife of 20years has left me for anotherwoman and I am struggling

with this! Any suggestions asto what I could do.Cheers, David

Hi there Do you think that after 20years of being married to awoman, who has now leftyou for another woman,you are trying to prove toyourself that you are still aman and that you are stillsexually attractive? Thedrinking you have to takeresponsibility for, this canbe easier said than doneand there are lots of sup-port groups to help you

with this. Do you think youare going out so you don’thave to be home alone?You are aware of yourbehaviour and you don’tlike it, so it’s time to takecontrol, maybe go and getsome support and youseem to be going through agrieving process and talk-ing through this with a ther-apist could be the supportyou need.Hope this helpsTia Maria

A REAL DOPE

Dear Tia MariaI can’ state my name as I amtoo ashamed that someonemight realise who I am. Ihave recently been arrestedfor possession of drugs with

intent to sell. This was notthe case, I swear. It was asmall amount of cannabisfor a party I was going to. Iam going to have to go toCourt, I am so scared thatmy family will find out asthey are very strongCatholics and will be deeplysaddened by my involve-ment with drugs; they willnever see it as a bit of funthat has gone horriblywrong.What am I going to do?

Dear reader,You are in a very difficultsituation, as hard as it isand as difficult as it is,your family would ratherhear this news from you,rather than reading it inthe local paper. This isyour opportunity to showthem that you do takeresponsibility for youactions and behaviour.You can tell them that itwas supposed to be a littlebit of fun that has gonevery wrong. By doing this

you are incontrol of what

they hear first. Ifyou leave it you

will always worryabout coming home

as to what you are com-ing home to. I am

sure they willbe very upset but

you can get through thistogether.Good Luck.

K9 Club PuppiesOf The Week

These 3 cross Jack Russellpups were brought into ourcharity shop by a distraughtcouple on holiday that hadfound them in a box by theside of the road. They areapprox 12 weeks and readyfor adoption.Phone: 611 606 001Email: [email protected]


WHAT’S ON THE TELLY..?

ITV1 Saturday, May 21st, 9:00pm to 10:00pmWith just one week to go before the judges have to choose their semi-finalists, therace is on to find an act fit for the Royal Variety Performance. Will any of today'shopefuls manage to impress panellists Michael McIntyre, Amanda Holden and DavidHasselhoff? Hosted by Ant and Dec.

Have I Got News for You?

BBC 1 Friday, May 20th, 10:00pm to 10:30pmTeam captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop are joined by a guest host and guestpanellists.

Britain's Got Talent

ITV1 Thursday, May 26th, 9:30pm to 10:00pmJohn is horrified by Fiz's revelation. David's frustration mounts at Kylie's reluctanceto try to get her son back. Will Sally accept Jeff's proposal?

Coronation Street

EastEnders

BBC 1 Monday, May 23rd, 9:00pm to 9:30pmAs an exhausted Dot re-adjusts to home life with Jim, her friendship with Edwardhits rocky ground. Michael plays dirty to manipulate Jack against Ronnie, andChristian makes an ill-advised attempt to reach out to Zainab. Patrick faces a nastyshock on his return home from holiday.

36

00:35 This Week01:25 Track My Trash: Panorama01:55 Countryfile02:55 Antiques Roadshow03:55 Neighbourhood Watched04:40 Great British RailwayJourneys05:10 BBC News05:30 Hard Talk06:00 The World Today06:30 World Business Report07:00 Breakfast10:15 Fake Britain11:00 Homes Under the Hammer12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom12:45 Cash in the Attic13:15 Bargain Hunt14:00 BBC News; Weather14:30 Regional News and Weather14:45 Doctors15:15 Escape to the Country16:00 BBC News; Weather;Regional News16:05 Copycats16:35 Sam & Mark's Guide toDodging Disaster16:40 Wingin' It17:00 Remote Control Star17:30 All Over the Place18:00 Newsround18:15 Weakest Link19:00 BBC News19:30 Regional News Programmes20:00 The One Show21:00 EastEnders21:30 A Question of Sport22:00 Have I Got News for You22:30 Outnumbered23:00 BBC News23:25 Regional News and Weather23:35 The Graham Norton Show

BBC2

00:20 The Review Show01:05 Children's CraniofacialSurgery02:05 The Culture Show03:05 BBC News03:30 The Record04:00 BBC News04:30 Our World05:00 BBC News05:10 Close07:00 Wibbly Pig

07:10 Penelope07:15 Toddworld07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales07:40 Octonauts: Creature Reports07:45 Charlie and Lola08:00 Natural Born Hunters08:25 Newsround08:30 Trust Me I'm a Genie08:40 League of Super Evil08:50 Frankenstein's Cat09:00 Wait for It!09:35 LazyTown10:00 Bob the Builder10:10 The Koala Brothers10:20 Guess with Jess10:35 Big & Small10:45 Buzz and Tell10:50 Big Cook Little Cook11:10 Timmy Time11:20 Nuzzle and Scratch11:45Waybuloo12:05 In the Night Garden12:35 The Pink Panther Show13:00 Daily Politics13:30 GMT with George Alagiah14:00 Diagnosis Murder14:45 To Buy or Not to Buy15:15 Animal 24:716:00 Helicopter Heroes16:45 Flog It!17:30 Pointless18:15 Show Me the Monet19:00 Eggheads19:30 Great British Menu20:00 Windfarm Wars21:00 Petworth House - The BigSpring Clean21:30 Gardeners' World22:00 Dirk Gently23:00 Frank Skinner's Opinionated23:30 Newsnight

00:35 The Last Word01:05 Grimefighters01:30 The Zone03:30 The True Cost of a Car:Tonight04:00 ITV Nightscreen05:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show06:30 ITV Morning News07:00 Daybreak09:30 Lorraine10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show11:30 This Morning13:30 Loose Women14:30 ITV News and Weather14:55 Meridian News and Weather15:00 60 Minute Makeover16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal16:59 Meridian Weather17:00 Midsomer Murders18:00 Britain's Best Dish19:00 Meridian Tonight19:30 ITV News and Weather20:00 Emmerdale20:30 Coronation Street21:00 Baboons with Bill Bailey21:30 Coronation Street22:00 Paul O'Grady Live23:00 ITV News at Ten andWeather23:30 Meridian Tonight andWeather23:35 The Cube

00:05 The Secret Millionaire01:10 JD Set Presents01:25 4Play: Mona01:40 4Play: Grinderman01:55 The Model Agency02:50 Dispatches: The Truth AboutGoing Under the Knife03:45 Unreported World04:10 Barbarians05:10 Wild Thing I Love You06:00 Wogan's Perfect Recall06:25 Countdown07:10 The Hoobs08:00 Freshly Squeezed08:25 Everybody Loves Raymond08:55 Frasier09:55 Jo Frost: Extreme ParentalGuidance10:55 Location, Location, Location11:55 A Place in the Sun13:00 Channel 4 News Summary13:05 River Cottage Every Day14:05 3 Minute Wonder: Good toKnow14:10 Icons14:25 Dragoon Wells Massacre16:10 Countdown17:00 Deal or No Deal18:00 Come Dine with Me19:00 The Simpsons19:30 Hollyoaks20:00 Channel 4 News20:30 Unreported World20:55 4thought.tv21:00 A Place in the Sun22:00 The Million Pound Drop Live23:25 That Peter Kay Thing23:55 PhoneShop

00:05 Banged Up Abroad01:05 SuperCasino05:05 Meals in Moments05:15 Colin and Justin's How Notto Decorate05:55 Rough Guide to Cities06:10 Wildlife SOS06:35 House Doctor07:00 Thomas & Friends07:10 The Beeps07:20 The Adventures of Bottle TopBill and His Best Friend Corky07:35 Bert and Ernie's GreatAdventures07:40 Rupert Bear07:50 Peppa Pig07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box08:00 Little Princess08:15 The Mr Men Show08:30 Thomas & Friends08:45 Make Way for Noddy09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots09:15 Peppa Pig09:30 Roary the Racing Car09:40 Olivia09:50 The WotWots10:00 Ben and Holly's LittleKingdom10:15 The Wright Stuff12:05 Warship13:05 The Family Recipe13:10 5 News Lunchtime13:15 Law & Order14:15 Home and Away14:45 Neighbours15:15 The Vanessa Show16:05 Chinese Food in Minutes16:15 Seventeen and Missing18:00 5 News at 518:30 Neighbours19:00 Home and Away19:25 OK! TV20:00 5 News at 720:30 Fifth Gear21:00 Eddie Stobart: Trucks andTrailers22:00 The Mentalist23:00 Law & Order

Friday20th May

DIRK GENTLYDrama, starring Stephen Mangan asDouglas Adams' holistic detective, who focu-ses on the interconnectedness of all things.An investigation into the case of a missingcat is found to be linked to a chance encoun-ter with an old friend, an explosion in a ware-house, a plate of biscuits and a billionairewho has disappeared. With Darren Boyd,Helen Baxendale and Jason Watkins.

00:20 The National Lottery FridayNight Draws00:30 Ransom02:25 The One Show03:30 Monty Don's Italian Gardens04:30 The Hairy Bikers: MumsKnow Best05:30 Five Minutes With06:00 BBC News07:00 Breakfast11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live12:30 Football Focus13:00 BBC News; Regional Newsand Weather13:10 Formula 1: The SpanishGrand Prix - Qualifying15:15 Live Challenge Cup RugbyLeague17:35 Don't Scare the Hare18:10 BBC News; Regional Newsand Weather18:35 So You Think You Can DanceLive19:45 Doctor Who20:30 So You Think You Can Dance20:55 The National Lottery: WhoDares Wins21:45 Casualty22:35 John Bishop's Britain23:05 BBC News; Weather23:25 Déjà Vu

BBC2

00:00 The Review Show00:50 Later with Jools Holland01:55 The Wave03:35 The Weather Show04:00 BBC News04:30 Click04:45 Newswatch05:00 BBC News05:30 Close06:55 Wibbly Pig

07:10 Penelope07:15 Toddworld07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales07:45 Charlie and Lola08:00 Space Hoppers08:30 Arthur08:55 Shaun the Sheep09:00 Little Howard's Big Question09:25 Prank Patrol Down Under10:00 Dick & Dom Go Wild10:30 Serious Explorers:Livingstone11:00 Relic: Guardians of theMuseum11:30 League of Super Evil11:40 Wolverine and the X-Men12:00 Mortified12:25 OOglies12:40 MOTD Kickabout13:00 It Happened One Night14:40 Diagnosis Murder15:25 Escape to the Country16:25 Two Greedy Italians17:25 The Heroes of Telemark19:30 Flog It!20:30 Dad's Army21:00 Operation Mincemeat22:00 Have I Got a Bit More Newsfor You22:45 Our 'Enry: A Tribute to SirHenry Cooper23:30 Cinderella Man

00:35 Take Me Out01:35 The Zone03:35 In Plain Sight04:25 ITV Nightscreen06:30 ITV Morning News07:00 Mini CITV08:25 CITV09:25 House Gift10:25 Coronation Street12:45 This Morning: Saturday13:40 ITV News and Weather13:44 Meridian Weather13:45 You've Been Framed!14:15 Carry On Screaming16:05 Moonraker18:25 Meridian News and Weather18:35 ITV News and Weather18:50 New People Do the FunniestThings19:45 Sing If You Can21:00 Britain's Got Talent22:00 Piers Morgan's Life Stories:Des O'Connor23:00 ITV News and Weather23:14 Meridian Weather23:15 Tightrope

00:30 The Ricky Gervais Show01:00 Comedy Gala: Best Bits02:05 Foo Fighters: A New Light02:30 My Name Is Earl03:15 Ugly Betty04:05 Barbarians05:05 Wild Thing I Love You06:00 Wogan's Perfect Recall06:25 Countdown07:10 The Hoobs08:00 British Formula 3International Series08:25 The Grid08:55 The Morning Line09:50 Friends10:20 Koko Pop10:50 Friends11:30 Gaga's Monsters12:20 Glee13:20 The Big Bang Theory14:20 That Paralympic Show14:55 Channel 4 Racing17:00 Come Dine with Me DownUnder19:30 Channel 4 News19:55 4thought.tv20:00 The Restoration Man21:00 River Cottage Heroes22:00 The Million Pound Drop Live23:20 Far from Heaven

00:00 The Walking Dead01:00 SuperCasino05:05 Motorsport Mundial05:30 Fifth Gear05:55 Rough Guide to EcoEscapes06:10 Wildlife SOS06:35 House Doctor07:00 Peppa Pig07:05 Roary the Racing Car07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots07:25 Fireman Sam07:40 Miss Spider's Sunny PatchFriends07:50 The Beeps08:00 Mio Mao08:10 Chiro08:15 Harry and His Bucket Full ofDinosaurs08:30 Noddy in Toyland08:40 Hana's Helpline08:50 Milkshake! Music Box09:00 Little Princess09:10 Milkshake! Show Songs09:15 The Adventures of Bottle TopBill and His Best Friend Corky09:25 Mist: Sheepdog Tales09:45 Rupert Bear10:00 Olivia10:15 The Mr Men Show10:30 Gerald McBoing Boing11:00 Meals in Moments11:10 Family Food Fight11:40 The Gadget Show12:40 Extreme Fishing with RobsonGreen - At the Ends of the Earth13:40 Eddie Stobart: Trucks andTrailers14:40 A Lawless Street16:15 Gunsmoke17:50 The League of ExtraordinaryGentlemen19:45 5 News Weekend19:50 NCIS20:40 CSI: Grissom's Greatest21:35 CSI: Miami22:35 CSI: NY23:35 CSI: Crime SceneInvestigation

37

CARRY ONSCREAMING

This is one of the finest entries in Britain'smost popular comedy series. Mocking thatother bastion of British cinema in the 1960s,the Hammer horror film, Talbot Rothwell'sscript positively bristles with classic one-liners, the most memorable being KennethWilliams's gleeful "Frying tonight!" as hesinks into a bubbling cauldron.

Saturday21st May

38

Sunday22nd May

01:20 Judgment Night03:10 BBC News03:30 HARDtalk04:00 BBC News05:30 Click06:00 BBC News06:30 The Record Europe07:00 Breakfast10:00 The Andrew Marr Show11:00 The Big Questions12:00 The Politics Show12:00 Weather for the Week Ahead13:10 Formula 1: The SpanishGrand Prix Live16:15 Life of Riley16:45 Bargain Hunt17:15 Points of View17:30 Songs of Praise18:05 BBC News; Regional Newsand Weather18:30 Final Score19:15 RHS Chelsea Flower Show201120:00 Countryfile21:00 British Academy TelevisionAwards23:00 BBC News; Regional Newsand Weather23:25 Match of the Day

BBC2

01:45 Later with Jools Holland02:50 The Set-Up04:00 Close07:00 Wibbly Pig07:10 Penelope

07:15 Toddworld07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales07:45 Charlie and Lola08:00 Space Hoppers08:30 Arthur08:55 Shaun the Sheep09:00 Gimme a Break09:30 Me and My Monsters09:55 Friday Download11:00 Something for the Weekend12:30 Great British Menu13:00 Escape to the Country13:45 Priceless Antiques Roadshow14:15 EastEnders16:10 Live Challenge Cup RugbyLeague18:30 Obama: The Andrew MarrInterview19:00 Coast19:10 Richard Hammond'sEngineering Connections20:00 Top Gear21:00 Britain's Secret Seas22:00 Louis Theroux: Miami MegaJail23:00 Zodiac

01:25 The Zone03:30 In Plain Sight04:20 ITV Nightscreen06:30 ITV Morning News07:00 Mini CITV08:25 CITV09:25 May the Best House Win10:25 Dickinson's Real Deal11:25 Sing If You Can12:40 This Morning: Sunday13:40 Dinner Date14:35 ITV News and Weather14:49 Meridian Weather14:50 Columbo: Suitable forFraming16:20 Britain's Got Talent17:20 Back to the Future Part III19:30 Meridian News and Weather19:45 ITV News and Weather20:00 The Cube21:00 Vera23:00 ITV News at Ten andWeather23:14 Meridian Weather23:15 The Life and Loss of KarenWoo

01:30 Swimfan02:55 Friday Night In03:05 King Pylon03:10 The Wrong Turn03:15 The Dead Zone03:55 Hill Street Blues04:45 Ugly Betty05:30 Wild Thing I Love You06:25 Countdown07:10 The Hoobs08:00 That Paralympic Show08:25 Freesports on 408:55 Friends09:45 Hollyoaks12:20 Being N-Dubz in Americaand Beyond12:55 Glee13:55 The Simpsons14:55 Jamie's 30 Minute Meals17:30 Deal or No Deal18:30 Time Team19:30 Channel 4 News19:55 4thought.tv20:00 Come Dine with Me21:00 The Hotel22:00 Orphan23:00 Mirrors

00:35 Forensic Files01:05 SuperCasino05:00 Rough Guide to EcoEscapes05:10 Nick's Quest05:35 HouseBusters06:00 Hana's Helpline06:10 The Milkshake! Show06:35 Thomas & Friends06:45 Roary the Racing Car07:00 Peppa Pig07:05 Roary the Racing Car07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots07:25 Fireman Sam07:40 Miss Spider's Sunny PatchFriends07:50 The Beeps08:00 Mio Mao08:10 Chiro08:15 Harry and His Bucket Full ofDinosaurs08:30 Noddy in Toyland08:40 Hana's Helpline08:50 Milkshake! Music Box09:00 Little Princess09:15 The Adventures of Bottle TopBill and His Best Friend Corky09:30 Mist: Sheepdog Tales09:45 Rupert Bear10:00 Olivia10:15 The Mr Men Show10:30 Gerald McBoing Boing11:00 Zoo Days11:20 McFly on the Wall11:50 The Hotel Inspector12:50 Emergency Bikers13:50 Wyoming Renegades15:15 The Ride to Hangman's Tree17:00 Last of the Dogmen19:10 5 News Weekend19:15 Fun with Dick and Jane21:00 Miss Congeniality23:15 Proof of Life

XX

Jeremy Clarkson puts the RenaultsportTwingo 133 through a stringent examinationin Belfast - with a helping hand from actorRoss Kemp. Richard Hammond samples thedelights of airport vehicle racing, and JamesMay takes the Vauxhall Insignia VXR for adrive in the company of Margaret Calvert,whose ideas were central to the design ofmodern British road signs

39

Monday23rd May

00:55 Taffin02:35 The Apprentice03:35 Holby City04:35 MasterChef: The Final Three05:35 HARDtalk06:00 BBC News06:30 World Business Report06:45 BBC News07:00 Breakfast10:15 Fake Britain11:00 Homes Under the Hammer12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom12:45 Bargain Hunt13:30 RHS Chelsea Flower Show201114:00 BBC News; Weather14:30 Regional News and Weather14:45 Doctors15:15 Escape to the Country16:00 BBC News; Weather;Regional News16:05 Copycats16:40 Wingin' It17:00 Sadie J17:30 Blue Peter17:55 Shaun the Sheep18:00 Newsround18:15 Weakest Link19:00 BBC News19:30 Regional News Programmes20:00 The One Show20:30 RHS Chelsea Flower Show201121:00 EastEnders21:30 Fifa: The Final Whistle? -Panorama22:00 Supersize Ambulance23:00 BBC News23:25 Regional News and Weather23:35 A Question of Sport

BBC2

01:30 The Shadow Line02:30 French Open Tennis03:30 Dateline London04:00 BBC News04:30 The Record Europe05:00 BBC News05:30 HARDtalk05:35 Close07:00 Wibbly Pig07:10 Penelope

07:15 Toddworld07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales07:45 Charlie and Lola08:00 Natural Born Hunters08:25 Newsround08:30 Trust Me I'm a Genie08:45 League of Super Evil09:00 Wait for It!09:30 LazyTown09:55 Bob the Builder10:15 Guess with Jess10:30 Big & Small10:40 Buzz and Tell10:50 Big Cook Little Cook11:10 Timmy Time11:25 Zingzillas11:45 Waybuloo12:05 In the Night Garden12:35 The Pink Panther Show13:00 Daily Politics13:30 GMT with George Alagiah14:00 Diagnosis Murder14:45 To Buy or Not to Buy15:15 Animal 24:716:00 Helicopter Heroes16:45 Flog It!17:30 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tourof Britain18:15 Cash in the Celebrity Attic19:00 Eggheads19:30 Great British Menu20:00 The Story of Ireland21:00 RHS Chelsea Flower Show201122:00 All Watched Over byMachines of Loving Grace23:00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks23:30 Newsnight

00:30 Florida - Paradise Lost01:25 The Zone03:00 British SuperbikeChampionship Highlights04:00 Motorsport UK04:45 ITV Nightscreen06:30 ITV Morning News07:00 Daybreak09:30 Lorraine10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show11:30 This Morning13:30 Loose Women14:30 ITV News and Weather14:55 Meridian News and Weather15:00 60 Minute Makeover16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal16:59 Meridian Weather17:00 Midsomer Murders18:00 Britain's Best Dish19:00 Meridian Tonight19:30 ITV News and Weather20:00 Emmerdale20:30 Coronation Street21:00 The Dales21:30 Coronation Street22:00 Strangeways23:00 ITV News at Ten andWeather

00:20 Vinyan02:10 My New Brain03:10 24 Hours in A&E04:05 Civilization: Is the WestHistory?05:00 Wild Thing I Love You05:55 Wogan's Perfect Recall06:20 Countdown07:05 Sali Mali07:10 The Hoobs08:00 Freshly Squeezed08:25 Everybody Loves Raymond08:55 Frasier09:55 Friends10:25 Accidentally on Purpose10:50 Location, Location, Location11:55 A Place in the Sun13:00 Channel 4 News Summary13:05 My Eden13:10 Jamie at Home13:45 Pony Express15:35 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard16:10 Countdown17:00 Deal or No Deal18:00 Celebrity Five Go To19:00 The Simpsons19:30 Hollyoaks20:00 Channel 4 News20:55 4thought.tv21:00 Dispatches22:00 Gordon's Great Escape23:30 Meridian Tonight23:35 Tango & Cash

01:50 Rough Guide to ActivityHolidays02:10 SuperCasino05:00 Rough Guide to WeekendBreaks05:10 Divine Designs05:35 House Doctor06:00 Hana's Helpline06:10 The Milkshake! Show06:35 Thomas & Friends06:45 Roary the Racing Car07:00 Thomas & Friends07:10 The Beeps07:20 The Adventures of Bottle TopBill and His Best Friend Corky07:35 Bert and Ernie's GreatAdventures07:40 Rupert Bear07:50 Peppa Pig07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box08:00 Little Princess08:15 The Mr Men Show08:30 Thomas & Friends08:40 Mio Mao08:45 Make Way for Noddy09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots09:10 Milkshake! Show Songs09:15 Peppa Pig09:30 Roary the Racing Car09:40 Olivia09:50 The WotWots10:00 Ben and Holly's LittleKingdom10:15 The Wright Stuff12:05 Stansted: The Inside Story13:00 Meals in Moments13:10 5 News Lunchtime13:20 Law & Order14:15 Home and Away14:45 Neighbours15:15 The Vanessa Show16:05 Chinese Food in Minutes16:10 Bridge of Time18:00 5 News at 518:30 Neighbours19:00 Home and Away19:25 OK! TV20:00 5 News at 720:30 How Do They Do It?21:00 The Gadget Show22:00 The Hotel Inspector23:00 There's Something AboutJosie

CELEBRITY FIVE GO TO

New series. Former Apprentice contestantStuart Baggs, actor Christopher Biggins, reti-red cricketer Ed Giddins, singer SheilaFerguson and ex-model Paula Hamilton takepart in the reality show in which entrants arechallenged to plan the best holiday activitiesfor the group.

40

Tuesday24th May

00:05 The Graham Norton Show00:50 Dan in Real Life02:30 MasterChef: The Final Three04:30 One Man and His Campervan05:00 BBC News05:30 HARDtalk06:00 BBC News06:30 World Business Report06:45 BBC News07:00 Breakfast10:15 Fake Britain11:00 Homes Under the Hammer12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom12:45 Bargain Hunt13:30 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 14:00 BBC News; Weather14:30 Regional News and Weather14:45 Doctors15:15 Escape to the Country16:00 BBC News; Weather16:05 Copycats16:40 Wingin' It17:00 Sadie J17:30 Blue Peter17:55 Shaun the Sheep18:00 Newsround18:15 Weakest Link19:00 BBC News19:30 Regional News Programmes20:00 The One Show20:30 EastEnders21:00 Holby City22:00 Crimewatch23:00 BBC News23:25 Regional News and Weather23:35 Crimewatch Update23:45 The Lock Up

BBC2

00:20 Louis Theroux: Miami MegaJail01:20 Richard Hammond'sEngineering Connections02:10 French Open Tennis03:10 BBC News03:30 The Record04:00 BBC News04:30 Our World05:00 Close07:00 Wibbly Pig07:10 Penelope

07:15 Toddworld07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales07:45 Charlie and Lola08:00 Natural Born Hunters08:25 Newsround08:30 Trust Me I'm a Genie08:45 League of Super Evil09:00 Wait for It!09:30 LazyTown09:55 Bob the Builder10:05 The Koala Brothers10:15 Guess with Jess10:30 Big & Small10:40 Buzz and Tell10:50 Big Cook Little Cook11:10 Timmy Time11:25 Zingzillas11:45 Waybuloo12:05 In the Night Garden12:35 The Pink Panther Show13:00 Daily Politics13:30 GMT with George Alagiah14:00 Diagnosis Murder14:45 To Buy or Not to Buy15:15 Animal 24:716:00 Helicopter Heroes16:45 Flog It!17:30 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tourof Britain18:15 Cash in the Celebrity Attic19:00 Eggheads19:30 Great British Menu20:00 Britain's Next Big Thing21:00 RHS Chelsea Flower Show201122:00 The Country House Revealed23:00 Later Live - with Jools Holland23:30 Newsnight

01:25 The Zone03:30 UEFA Champions LeagueWeekly03:55 ITV Nightscreen05:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show06:30 ITV Morning News07:00 Daybreak09:30 Lorraine10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show11:30 This Morning13:30 Loose Women14:30 ITV News and Weather14:55 Meridian News and Weather15:00 60 Minute Makeover16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal16:59 Meridian Weather17:00 Midsomer Murders18:00 Britain's Best Dish19:00 Meridian Tonight19:30 ITV News and Weather20:00 Emmerdale20:30 Military Driving School21:00 Prince Philip at 9022:00 Home Is Where the Heart Is23:00 ITV News at Ten andWeather23:30 Meridian Tonight andWeather23:35 Freeze Frame

01:10 The Event02:05 Poker03:00 24 Hours in A&E03:55 Empire: How Britain Madethe Modern World04:55 The Coldest March05:50 Wogan's Perfect Recall06:20 Hill Street Blues07:10 The Hoobs08:00 Freshly Squeezed08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond08:55 Frasier09:55 Friends10:25 Accidentally on Purpose10:50 Location, Location, Location11:55 A Place in the Sun: Home orAway13:00 Channel 4 News Summary13:05 The Home Show14:00 A Town like Alice16:10 Countdown17:00 Deal or No Deal18:00 Celebrity Five Go To19:00 The Simpsons19:30 Hollyoaks20:00 Channel 4 News20:55 4thought.tv21:00 Four Rooms22:00 The Secret Millionaire23:00 Jamie's Food Revolution HitsHollywood

00:00 Enough02:15 SuperCasino05:00 Meals in Moments05:10 How Not to Decorate05:55 Rough Guide to WeekendBreaks06:10 Wildlife SOS06:35 House Doctor07:00 Thomas & Friends07:10 The Beeps07:20 The Adventures of Bottle TopBill and His Best Friend Corky07:35 Bert and Ernie's GreatAdventures07:40 Rupert Bear07:50 Peppa Pig07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box08:00 Little Princess08:15 The Mr Men Show08:30 Thomas & Friends08:40 Mio Mao08:45 Make Way for Noddy09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots09:10 Castle Farm09:15 Peppa Pig09:30 Roary the Racing Car09:40 Olivia09:50 The WotWots10:00 Ben and Holly's LittleKingdom10:15 The Wright Stuff12:05 Stansted: The Inside Story13:00 Meals in Moments13:10 5 News Lunchtime13:20 Law & Order14:15 Home and Away14:45 Neighbours15:15 The Vanessa Show16:05 Chinese Food in Minutes16:10 Starting Over18:00 5 News at 518:30 Neighbours19:00 Home and Away19:25 OK! TV20:00 5 News at 720:30 Zoo Days21:00 Supersize Grime22:00 CSI: Crime SceneInvestigation23:00 CSI: Miami23:55 CSI: NY

FOUR ROOMS

New series. Members of the public hope tosell their prized possessions to arts dealers,and are forced to gamble their offers in aneffort to make sure they receive the bestvalue. The first would-be sellers bring withthem a collection of Christmas cards fromLady Diana, an original 1960s Dalek, a cigaronce owned by Winston Churchill and aFrancis Bacon portrait that was nearly des-troyed by the artist.

41

Wednesday25th May

00:15 Traffic Cops01:20 Children's CraniofacialSurgery02:20 The Hairy Bikers: MumsKnow Best03:20 Churches: How to ReadThem03:50 Great British RailwayJourneys04:50 Reporters05:00 BBC News05:30 HARDtalk06:00 BBC News06:30 World Business Report07:00 Breakfast10:15 Fake Britain11:00 Homes Under the Hammer12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom12:45 Bargain Hunt13:30 RHS Chelsea Flower Show14:00 BBC News; Weather14:30 Regional News and Weather14:45 Doctors15:15 Escape to the Country16:00 BBC News; Weather;Regional News16:05 President Obama atWestminster17:30 Flog It!18:15 Weakest Link19:00 BBC News19:30 Regional News Programmes20:00 The One Show20:30 Waterloo Road21:30 Life of Riley22:00 The Apprentice23:00 BBC News23:25 Regional News and Weather23:35 The National LotteryWednesday Night Draws23:45 Not Going Out

BBC2

00:20 Our 'Enry: A Tribute to SirHenry Cooper01:05 French Open Tennis02:05 BBC News02:30 ABC World News03:00 BBC News03:30 The Record04:00 BBC News04:30 Reporters04:50 Close07:00 Wibbly Pig07:10 Penelope

07:15 Toddworld07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales07:45 Octonauts08:00 Natural Born Hunters08:25 Newsround08:30 Trust Me I'm a Genie08:45 Pinky and Perky09:00 Wait for It!09:30 LazyTown09:55 Bob the Builder10:05 The Koala Brothers10:15 Guess with Jess10:30 Big & Small10:40 Buzz and Tell10:50 Big Cook Little Cook11:10 Timmy Time11:25 Zingzillas11:45 Waybuloo12:05 In the Night Garden12:35 Crossfire14:00 See Hear14:30 To Buy or Not to Buy15:15 Animal 24:716:00 Copycats16:30 League of Super Evil16:40 Wingin' It17:00 Dani's House17:30 Little Howard's Big Question17:55 Shaun the Sheep18:00 Newsround18:15 Cash in the Celebrity Attic19:00 Eggheads19:30 Great British Menu20:00 The Sounds of Hugh Laurie:A Culture Show Special20:30 Two Greedy Italians21:30 RHS Chelsea Flower Show201123:00 The Apprentice: You're Fired!23:30 Newsnight

01:25 The Zone03:30 Crossing Jordan04:15 ITV Nightscreen06:30 ITV Morning News07:00 Daybreak09:30 Lorraine10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show11:30 This Morning13:30 Loose Women14:30 ITV News and Weather14:55 Meridian News and Weather15:00 60 Minute Makeover16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal16:59 Meridian Weather17:00 Midsomer Murders18:00 Britain's Best Dish19:00 Meridian Tonight19:30 ITV News and Weather20:00 Emmerdale20:30 Poms in Paradise21:00 Midsomer Murders23:00 ITV News at Ten andWeather23:30 Meridian Tonight andWeather23:35 Cops with Cameras

00:05 Misfits01:05 UK & Ireland Poker Tour02:05 Freesports on 402:35 The Grid03:00 British Formula 3International Series03:30 KOTV Boxing Weekly03:55 AVP Beach Volleyball04:50 Catching the Impossible05:40 Full Metal Challenge06:35 Brief Encounters of theSporting Mind: Rally Driving06:45 Yo Gabba Gabba!07:10 The Hoobs08:00 Freshly Squeezed08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond08:55 Frasier09:55 Friends10:25 Accidentally on Purpose10:50 Location, Location, Location11:55 A Place in the Sun: Home orAway13:00 Channel 4 News Summary13:05 The Home Show14:05 Kidnapped16:10 Countdown17:00 Deal or No Deal18:00 Celebrity Five Go To19:00 The Simpsons19:30 Hollyoaks20:00 Channel 4 News20:55 4thought.tv21:00 Diagnosis Live from theClinic22:00 24 Hours in A&E23:00 Desperate Housewives

00:50 CSI: NY01:50 SuperCasino05:00 Meals in Moments05:10 How Not to Decorate05:55 Rough Guide to Islands06:10 Wildlife SOS06:35 House Doctor07:00 Thomas & Friends07:10 The Beeps07:20 The Adventures of Bottle TopBill and His Best Friend Corky07:35 Bert and Ernie's GreatAdventures07:40 Rupert Bear07:50 Peppa Pig07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box08:00 Little Princess08:15 The Mr Men Show08:30 Thomas & Friends08:40 Mio Mao08:45 Make Way for Noddy09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots09:10 Milkshake! Show Songs09:15 Peppa Pig09:30 Roary the Racing Car09:40 Olivia09:50 The WotWots10:00 Ben and Holly's LittleKingdom10:15 The Wright Stuff12:05 Stansted: The Inside Story13:00 Meals in Moments13:10 5 News Lunchtime13:20 Law & Order14:15 Home and Away14:45 Neighbours15:15 The Vanessa Show16:05 Chinese Food in Minutes16:15 McBride: It's Murder, Madam18:00 5 News at 518:30 Neighbours19:00 Home and Away19:25 OK! TV20:00 5 News at 720:30 Pawn Stars21:00 Giant Animal Moves22:00 NCIS23:00 Law & Order: Criminal Intent23:55 Law & Order: Special VictimsUnit

PAWN STARS

New series. Chronicling the work of RichardHarrison, his son Rick and grandson Coreyat their pawn shop on the outskirts of LasVegas, as they interact with their staff andassess the true value of the items that arebrought in to their store by customers, inclu-ding a vintage rifle and a knight's joustinghelmet.

42

Thursday26th May

01:20 Watchdog02:20 The British at Work03:20 One Man and His Campervan03:50 Click04:00 BBC News04:30 Panorama05:00 BBC News05:30 World Business Report05:45 BBC News06:00 Breakfast09:15 Fake Britain10:00 Homes Under the Hammer11:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom11:45 Bargain Hunt12:30 RHS Chelsea Flower Show13:00 BBC News; Weather13:30 Regional News and Weather13:45 Doctors14:15 Escape to the Country15:00 BBC News; Weather; RegionalNews15:05 Sam & Mark's Guide toDodging Disaster15:05 Copycats15:40 Wingin' It16:00 Project Parent16:30 Richard Hammond's BlastLab: The Experiments16:30 My Life17:00 Newsround17:15 Weakest Link18:00 BBC News18:30 Regional News Programmes19:00 The One Show19:30 EastEnders20:00 Watchdog21:00 Inside the Human Body22:00 BBC News22:25 Regional News and Weather22:35 Question Time23:35 This Week

BBC2

00:20 Stewart Lee's ComedyVehicle00:50 The Sounds of Hugh Laurie01:20 French Open Tennis02:20 BBC News02:30 ABC World News03:00 BBC News03:30 The Record04:00 BBC News

04:30 Click04:50 Close07:00 Wibbly Pig07:10 Penelope07:15 Toddworld07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales07:45 Octonauts08:00 Wild About Animals08:25 Newsround08:30 Trust Me I'm a Genie08:45 Pinky and Perky09:00 Basil and Barney's GameShow09:30 LazyTown09:55 Bob the Builder10:05 The Koala Brothers10:15 Guess with Jess10:30 Big & Small10:40 Buzz and Tell10:50 Big Cook Little Cook11:10 Timmy Time11:25 Zingzillas11:45 Waybuloo12:05 In the Night Garden12:35 The Locket14:00 Diagnosis Murder14:45 To Buy or Not to Buy15:15 Animal 24:716:00 Helicopter Heroes16:45 Flog It!17:30 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour18:15 Cash in the Celebrity Attic19:00 Eggheads19:30 Great British Menu20:00 The Culture Show21:00 RHS Chelsea Flower Show22:00 The Shadow Line23:00 Psychoville 223:30 Newsnight

00:35 Long Lost Family01:30 The Zone03:35 Space Jam05:00 ITV Nightscreen06:30 ITV Morning News07:00 Daybreak09:30 Lorraine10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show11:30 This Morning13:30 Loose Women14:30 ITV News and Weather14:55 Meridian News and Weather15:00 60 Minute Makeover16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal16:59 Meridian Weather17:00 Midsomer Murders18:00 Britain's Best Dish19:00 Meridian Tonight19:30 ITV News and Weather20:00 Emmerdale20:30 Too Old to Be a Mum?:Tonight21:00 Emmerdale21:30 Coronation Street22:00 Long Lost Family23:00 ITV News at Ten andWeather23:30 Meridian Tonight andWeather23:35 Piers Morgan's Life Stories:Des O'Connor

00:05 The Big Bang Theory01:05 Inside Incredible Athletes02:35 Sunchaser04:45 Husk04:55 Wild Thing I Love You05:55 Wogan's Perfect Recall06:25 Countdown07:10 The Hoobs08:00 Freshly Squeezed08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond08:55 Frasier09:55 Friends10:25 Accidentally on Purpose10:50 Location, Location, Location11:55 A Place in the Sun: Home orAway13:00 Channel 4 News Summary13:05 Paralympic World Cup14:05 My Eden14:10 White Feather16:10 Countdown17:00 Deal or No Deal18:00 Celebrity Five Go To19:00 The Simpsons19:30 Hollyoaks20:00 Channel 4 News20:55 4thought.tv21:00 Three in a Bed22:00 Breaking a FemalePaedophile Ring23:00 World's Tallest Man: Lookingfor Love

00:55 Poker: Aussie Millions01:50 SuperCasino05:00 Meals in Moments05:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge05:55 Rough Guide to Adventures06:10 Wildlife SOS06:35 House Doctor07:00 Thomas & Friends07:10 The Beeps07:20 The Adventures of Bottle TopBill and His Best Friend Corky07:35 Bert and Ernie's GreatAdventures07:40 Rupert Bear07:50 Peppa Pig07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box08:00 Little Princess08:15 The Mr Men Show08:30 Thomas & Friends08:45 Make Way for Noddy09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots09:15 Peppa Pig09:30 Roary the Racing Car09:40 Olivia09:50 The WotWots10:00 Ben and Holly's LittleKingdom10:15 The Wright Stuff12:05 Stansted: The Inside Story13:00 Meals in Moments13:10 5 News Lunchtime13:20 Law & Order14:15 Home and Away14:45 Neighbours15:15 The Vanessa Show16:05 Chinese Food in Minutes16:15 Sherlock Holmes: The Signof Four18:00 5 News at 518:30 Neighbours19:00 Home and Away19:25 OK! TV19:55 5 News at 720:00 Cricket21:00 Emergency Bikers22:00 Extreme Fishing with RobsonGreen - At the Ends of the Earth23:00 Impossible?

SHERLOCK HOLMES:THE SIGN OF FOUR

A governess engages Sherlock Holmes touncover the identity of a mysterious strangerwho has been sending her priceless giftsover a number of years - and his investiga-tions eventually lead him to a sinister plot.Adaptation of Conan Doyle's mystery, sta-rring Matt Frewer, Kenneth Welsh andSophie Lorain.


SPORT ON THE BOXFootball

Sky Sports 2 Saturday, May 21, 1:30pm to 6:30pmScottish Cup Final - Motherwell v Celtic.The big game between Motherwell and Celtic atHampden Park. This is the world's oldest national foot-ball trophy and Celtic will be favourites for the win.

Heineken Cup FinalSky Sports 2 Saturday, May 21, 10:00pm to 11:00pmLeinster Rugby v Northampton Saints highlights.The Heineken Cup Final: Leinster v Northampton fromthe Millennium Stadium, Cardiff.

Test CricketSky Sports 1 Thursday, May 26, 9:00pm to 11:00pmFirst Npower Test - England v Sri Lanka D1 Highlights.Day 1 of the opening Test between England and SriLanka at Sophia Gardens in Cardiff. Andrew Straussand Co will be looking to maintain momentum followingtheir Ashes win last winter.

Barclays Premier League ReviewSky Sports 1 Monday, May 23, 10:30pm to 11:30pmA comprehensive round-up of all the weekend's actionin the Barclays Premier League. The programmeincludes analysis of major incidents, plus reaction fromkey players and managers.

PGA Tour GolfSky Sports 3 Sunday, May 22nd, 9:00pm to 12:00amCrowne Plaza Invitational at Colonial D4.Day four of the Crowne Plaza event at the ColonialCountry Club in Fort Worth, Texas. Last year, ZachJohnson shot 21 under par to win more than a milliondollars in prize money.

LONG BALLS by Malcolm Palmer

SATURDAY was a great day to be aMancunian. Fergie’s lads did what wasnecessary when Wayne Rooney’s sec-ond-half strike earned them a pointagainst hard-pressed Blackburn.

Then their blue-shirted neighbours atlast got some silverware whenCameroonian Yaya (Spanish for ‘Granny’by the way) Toure scored a late goal togive them FA Cup final victory overStoke.

Down in the depths, West Ham bookedtheir passage to the Championship whenthey snatched defeat from the jaws ofvictory after leading Wigan 2-0.

‘Laughing Boy’ Avram Grant, whomakes Mourinho look like a stand-upcomic, got the gooner – and not, thoughtthe Upton Park faithful, a moment toosoon.

Who will go down with them is as yetuncertain – any two of Wigan, Blackpool,Wolves, Birmingham and Blackburnbeing the candidates, with a game left toplay. Blackpool’s 4-3 victory over Boltonwill have stirred a few memories in oldieslike me!

Here in Spain, Barcelona, having‘done a Man U’ and drawn a vital gamewith struggling Levante to pick up thevital point they needed, drew again, thistime with Deportivo, in a lack-lustreshowing.

Meanwhile, Real Madrid continued toenjoy the lack of pressure now they areout of contention. Cristiano Ronaldohelped himself to two more goals with

The Manc connection

stunning free kicks to take histally to 39, a tremendous totalfor 33 games - and a leaguerecord - with a game still toplay.

Down at the bottom, sixsides are still contesting thethird relegation spot, withAlmería and Hercules alreadygone. Four more scraped clearon Sunday – it must be a longtime since ninth place wasn’t

secure with only two games toplay! Zaragoza look narrowfavourites for the plunge, butDeportivo, Real Sociedad,Getafe, and Osasuna are alsounder serious threat.

Betis are now promotedfrom the second division andRayo Vallecano all but. Theplay-offs look like involvingElche, Granada, Celta andValladolid.

Down and clout: ‘Laughing Boy’Avram Grant and Rooo-neey

All the top sport on TV in your Good News paper

44 Friday, May 20, 2011AWNINGS

BUSINESSOPPORTUNITIES

10 cold drinks /snack vend-ing machines with sites39,900 euros. Excellentcash income, no overhead,operate from home 31,000euros NETT per year oneday p.w. to service.25Pringle vending machineswith sites 14,900 euros 250euros per week NETT guar-anteed, machines and sitesavailable individually. 965326 442 / 659 696 455 (09)Bar for sale. Quesada area.Going cheap. For informa-tion pack, email: . Tel: 688800 960 (16)

BUILDERS

CAR MECHANICSMobile mechanic. TorreviejaOrihuela Costa areas.Servicing from 30€ plusparts. No job too big or toosmall. 25yrs experience.Call John 655 963 544 for aquote. (13)

CHURCH SERVICES

International ChristianAssembly. Calle Pilar deHoradada 5, Torrevieja.Evangelical non-denomina-tional. Sunday services11:00am. Children’s Church11:00am. House groups inTorrevieja, Los Balcones,San Javier. Ladies meetingThursdays 11:00am. Pastor,Rafael Restrepo. All nation-alities welcome 966 799 273// 660 127 276.

CLEARANCEI clear anything, anywhere,anytime. Houses, garages,sheds, under builds, offices,warehouses, gardens.100% rubbish small charge.Small pickings F.O.C. 10-10pm. Torrevieja area.Charlie Breaker. 677 706728 (12)

FOR SALERINCON CRISIS FOR CRI-SIS PRICES. Clothing,footwear or accessories.Man woman or child. Newshirts 2€ Summer dresses3€ Sunglasses, flip-flops,sandals, crocs 1€. Behindthe tanatorio, park ofnations, Torrevieja. 677 706728 www.rinconcrisis.vpweb.co.uk (13)Aluminimum gates for saleDouble and sliding availableGuaranteed no rust. CallTracy on 966 726 891 fordetails (14)Second hand 4-5 seater cor-ner sofa (180cm length) andfoot stool. Tan brownleather. Good condition 500Euros Tel: Kevin 968 336816 / 690 738 820 (13)

FURNITURE

PROPERTY FOR RENT

Luxury appartments, 2/3bedrooms in San Miguel DeSalinas. Floorheating,Elevator, Roof terrace withswimmingpool, from 385euros / month.Also holiday rentals andappartments in San Miguelde Salinas from 350 euros /month. Call 966 723 437 or616 487 493Viva Villa and VacationServices, For Short or LongTerm Rentals visit: or Call:966 707 188 or 626 397 397(15)Ref: 64, Two bedroom 1stfloor apartment. Located inthe very popular area ofAguas Nuevas, close to allamenities. Short or longterm rental available.Call: 966 707 188 or 626397 397 (15)Ref: 49, 2nd floor one bed-room apartment situatedconveniently located in thetown centre of Torrevieja,with a small sun balconyoverlooking the lovely com-munal pool. Short or longterm rental available.Call: 966 707 188 or 626397 397 (15)Ref: 06, A Beautiful towncentre apartment conve-niently situated in Torreviejaclose to town centre ameni-ties and a short walk to thebeautiful sandy beaches.Short or long term rentalavailable.Call: 966 707 188 or 626397 397 (15)Ref: 78, South facing 3 bedroomed property situatedinjardin Del Mar VII, withcommunal pool nearby.Close to amenities. Short orlong term rental available.

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PROPERTY FOR SALE

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SITUATIONSVACANT

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THERUMOUR

MILLAll the transfergossip first in

SPORT!BARCELONA

LIONEL MESSI will join Manchester City but Carlos Tevezwill come the other way – internet, May 13.Around 4-5 signings will be made this summer with CescFabregas once again at the top of their wish list but his pricetag is still stopping the deal. Alternatives have been lookedsuch as Marek Hamsik, Willian and Javi Martinez but PepGuardiola wants Fabregas to return the Nou Camp. I doubta deal will be made early on during the window but as itdraws to an end I expect Barcelona to pounce for him. JavierMascherano or Affelay may have to make way though aspart of the deal. A centre back is looking to be signed andearly targets include Subotic, Hummels, Howedes,Vertonghen and Sakho. Up front, Pep wants to bolster hisoptions and Giuseppe Rossi is almost nailed on to join.

JOSE MOURINHOThe North American Football Union (NAFU) is preparing topull all the stops to entice Mourinho to become manager ofthe men's National Team. With the rising popularity of 'soc-cer' in the States, the NAFU will be launching an extravagantcampaign to become realistic challengers to teams such asBrazil, Argentina, Germany and Spain, and believe that theycan win the competition by 2022.

DAVID BECKHAMmay be allowed on loan to an English club, with Tottenhamlooking most likely to get his signature. Man Utd, Chelseaand Everton are also in the running, but, most interestingly,Watford are also looking at signing him on loan, thanks tosome words of encouragement to Beckham from his friendSir Elton John.

ASTON VILLA will be looking for a long term replacement goalkeeper for 40year old Brad Friedel. Targets include:Shay Given - Man City - £6, 500,000Robert Green - West Ham - £6,000,000 Paul Robinson - Blackburn - £7,000,000

MICHAEL OWENis to make a shock move to the US Major League Soccerafter speaking to Fabio Capello and finding he has noEngland future even if he moves to another Premier cluband none of England’s big clubs are interested. Just a caseof which one has space for a designated high earning play-er.

LIVERPOOLIN:Baines (Everton)Adriano (Barcelona)Chellini (Juventus)Lassana Diarra (Real Madrid)Afellay (Barcelona)Young or EliaKlose or Elmander

WEST HAMOUT:Upson -freeParker = 7,000,000€ Arsenal (Plus Denilson season loan)Green = 3,000,000€ ArsenalCole = 6,000,000 Stoke/QPRGabbidon = freeDyer = freeSpector = QPR/Norwich

MAN UTDIN:Wesley Sneijder (Inter Milan) Ashley Young (Aston Villa)Jack Rodwell (Everton) Gareth Bale (Tottenham) David DeGea (Atletico Madrid) Jose Reina (Liverpool) AlexChamberlain (Southampton) Manuel Neuer (Schalke 04)Raphael Varane (Lens), Hugo Lloris (Lyon)

COME JOIN USCESC!

YOUNG striker HectorBellerin could be on his wayout of Barcelona's youthacademy at the end of theseason, as the 16-year-oldhas received offers fromArsenal, Aston Villa,Chelsea and ManchesterUnited.

The highly-rated winger isconsidered to be one of themost promising youngstersto emerge from La Masia,and the Catalan giants arekeen to hold on to him.

However, the striker hasturned down a contract offerfrom the Camp Nou club, ashe has allegedly set hissights on a move to thePremier League.

The player has yet to offi-cially decide where he wantsto continue his career, but iswidely expected to agreeterms with Arsenal in theupcoming weeks. TheGunners will have to payBarcelona compensation of€400,000 as part of the deal.

Bellerin follows in the foot-steps of players such asCesc Fabregas, GerardPique and Fran Merida, whoall previously left Barca'sacademy for an Englishadventure.

It’s time to quitArsenal, urges

City’s Silva

EMMANUEL Adebayor has admitted hewould consider signing for Tottenham ifthey were interested in him.The Togo international has been on-loan

at Real Madrid from Manchester City sinceJanuary but says he would be open to amove if Spurs came calling in the summer,despite his Arsenal connections.

When playing against Tottenham,Adebayor experienced chanting from sec-tions of the White Hart Lane crowd abouthis parents - which the striker later brand-ed as 'racist'. Nonetheless, he admits thathe did not take them seriously, but urgedfans to deter chanting of this nature."I heard about the chants and I felt so bad

because before joining Real Madrid, myfirst choice was Tottenham," he toldBBC’s Football Focus.

"I would go there and sign for them.Maybe those fans were furious because Iwas scoring against them. Maybe theywere thinking like that because Adebayorwas taking them out of the ChampionsLeague and ending their dream of gettingto the final.""When I heard the songs I didn't take it

seriously. I didn't take it in a bad way at allbut it was bad because people today haveto realise that we are footballers. Today weplay for this club and the next day wemight end up playing for them.’’

Adebayor: I’d join Spurs

HOST OF CLUBS WANTBARCA WHIZ-KID HEC

MANCHESTER City midfielder David Silva hasurged his club to try to sign Cesc Fabregas in thesummer.

The Arsenal captain's future was the subject ofintense speculation last July and with ArseneWenger’s side once again finishing the seasonwithout a trophy Silva wants Roberto Mancini tobring him to Manchester.

Manchester City’s qualification for the ChampionsLeague next season is expected to see Mancini’steam being linked with many mega-money movesand David Silva has made no secret of who hewould like his manager to sign.

“If only he [Fabregas] could come, it would begreat, marvellous," Silva said as reported by TheSun.

"We know what he's achieved as a player and hehas a lot of experience of playing in England.”

Spain and Arsenal are renowned for their passingstyle of football and Silva says Fabregas would bethe perfect addition to bring that same mentality toEastlands.

"He likes to keep the ball and that's how we like toplay. He treats the ball as his friend and I get on withhim well," he added.

"I know him from the national side, so it would begreat."

46 Friday, May 20, 2011

SPORTS ROUND-UPWith Mick Hardy from Kidease

PREMIER & LA LIGA FIXTURES

Sunday, 22 May Aston Villa v Liverpool, 17:00

Bolton v Man City, 17:00 Everton v Chelsea, 17:00 Fulham v Arsenal, 17:00

Man Utd v Blackpool, 17:00 Newcastle v West Brom, 17:00

Stoke v Wigan, 17:00 Tottenham v Birmingham, 17:00 West Ham v Sunderland, 17:00

Wolverhampton v Blackburn, 17:00

Sunday, 22 May Deportivo La Coruna v Valencia, 16:00

Espanyol v Sevilla, 16:00Hercules v Sporting Gijon, 16:00Levante v Real Zaragoza, 16:00

Malaga v Barcelona, 16:00Mallorca v Atletico Madrid, 16:00

Osasuna v Villarreal, 16:00Racing Santander v Athletic Bilbao, 16:00

Real Madrid v Almeria, 16:00Real Sociedad v Getafe, 16:00

KIDS FOOTBALLPLUCKY FORMENTERA THRASHED BY DAYAFORMENTERA 0 - v. DAYA NUEVA 14Alevins under 12s

Orihuela Costa F.C. Cadetes Match Report 14th MayJacarilla C.F. 5 V's Orihuela Costa F.C. 1Sponsored By: Morgans Bar & Amber Pools.

LOCAL FOOTBALLC. D. Alone Guardamar 2 - 6 San Fulgencio C. F.Saints finish on a highSponsored by 900telecom.com

Girl power is just bootiful!Junior Strikers 4 San Miguel 3

(Benjamins: Sponsored by Kulsveen s.l.)

The Blues Benjamins started this match the stronger teamand were 2-0 up within 10 minutes. The goals came from PreBenjamin’s Eddie Corbit and Rudi McKinley who were bothplaying above their years in this semi final first leg encounter. San Miguel pulled a goal back with a well-taken header froma dangerous corner but Jordan Turner extended the Blueslead just before half-time with a neat finish from close rangeto the delight of the Junior Strikers supporters who were allin good voice. San Miguel came out from the break with the bit betweentheir teeth and levelled the scores within five minutes of therestart. This game swung backwards and forwards with chances atboth ends going agonisingly wide. Crossbars were hit andgoal-line clearances had to be made in a great gamebetween two top Benjamin sides. With very little time left, Jordan Harding received the ball onthe edge of the area and unleashed an unstoppable driveinto the bottom corner to give her side the advantage goinginto the second leg. Girl Power!

Kiwi polish sinks JacarillaJacarilla 4 Junior Strikers 8

(Alevins: Sponsored by Quesada Fish & Chips)

THE Blues had to visit Jacarilla for the first leg of this semifinal and were not looking forward to it because of the hometeam’s awful sand surface. After going 2-0 up through BradFox and Kiwi Dalzell, the Blues allowed Jacarilla back intothe game with two sloppy goals. Fox once again gave Junior Strikers the lead with a powerfulshot to make the score 3-2 going in at half time. After thebreak it was all Junior Strikers, Dalzell completing a well-taken hat-trick along with goals from Kyle Nash and JamesSaunders.Saunders scored his first-ever league goal with an exquisitelob just before the end. Jacarilla did score two further goals during the second halfbut they were nothing more than consolation efforts. The Alevin Blues have now given themselves a fantasticchance of reaching the final with a great all-round team per-formance.

Junior Strikers training sessions take place at the PlayaFlamenca sports centre on Mondays and Wednesdays (6pm-7pm). For further informa-tion please visit www.juniorstrikers.com

Quel coup! Ryder Cupgoes French

FRANCE will host the Ryder Cup for the first time in 2018.The historic announcement, made by at the Wentworth Clubin Surrey, will see golf’s greatest team event staged onEuropean soil outside the UK for the first time in 21 years.Le Golf National on the outskirts of Versailles, near Paris, willbecome only the second Continental venue – following Clubde Golf in Valderrama, Spain in 1997 - when Europe and theUnited States contest the 42nd Ryder Cup in the autumn of2018.Five nations – France, Germany, Holland, Portugal andSpain – had participated in an exhaustive and comprehen-sive bid process to identify the country best qualified to fol-low Medinah, Illinois next year, Gleneagles in Scotland in2014 and Hazeltine, Minnesota, in 2016.

Clarke hits the mark

DARREN CLARKE came from four behind to capture his13th European Tour title at the Iberdrola Open in Mallorca.The Northern Irishman used all his experience to grind out afinal round 69 and deny Chris Wood his maiden victory.And Clarke finished in style, holing a putt from the fringe atthe 14th, nailing his approach to six feet at the 15th, savingpar on the 16th with a brilliant approach from a fairwaybunker and then holing from off the green to scramble par atthe next.

Joy-boy Choi!WITH the tournament on the line, KJ Choi got up-and-downfor par from 80 feet on the final hole to win the Players’Championship in the USA on Sunday. David Toms missed athree-foot par putt on the 17th at TPC Sawgrass to handChoi the biggest win of his career. As a result, he moved to sixth in the FedExCup race, up from31st. Bubba Watson continues to lead but Choi’s reward aswinner of the biggest event on the PGA Tour is a cool$1.7millon!

Simple for Simon SOUTH AFRICAN Ashleigh Simon claimed the ISPS HandaPortugal Ladies Open by three shots after carding a brilliantfive-under-par 67 in windy conditions at Campo Real nearLisbon on Sunday.Simon, 22, from Johannesburg, dislodged veteran GwladysNocera from the top of the leader board with eight birdiesand three bogeys on the warm final day.

Stoner and Pedrosa: The pleasure and the pain….

IT WAS a happy day for Repsol Honda’s Casey Stoner andAndrea Dovizioso, finishing first and second in the MonsterEnergy French MotoGP.However, news of Dani Pedrosa breaking his collarboneafter a clash with fellow Honda rider Marco Simoncelli damp-ened the spirits in the team camp.The two Hondas clashed, forcing Pedrosa out of the racewith that broken collarbone. Race direction deemed themanoeuvre from Simoncelli illegal and punished the Italianwith a ride-through penalty. The double 250cc champion hasnow dropped to third overall in the MotoGP standings afterthis non-finish, 17 points behind Lorenzo.THIS WEEKEND: Formula One - Spanish Grand Prix(Circuit de Catalunya, Sunday, 14.00.

No place like Rome SHOWING that her power gameis adaptable to all surfaces, MariaSharapova captured the biggestclay-court title of her career onSunday. She maintained hermastery over Samantha Stosur totake home the Internazionali BNLd’Italia crown in Rome.The final of the $2m event wasdelayed three hours by rain - butonce the clouds cleared, No.7seed Sharapova shone through -winning 16 of the first 19 points tostorm ahead 4-0. And she neverlooked back as she recorded a 6-2 6-4 victory. .

Swift Brit’s a winnerTEAM Sky cyclist Ben Swift finished ahead of the pack in afrantic sprint finish to win the belated opening stage of theTour of California. The 23-year-old Briton took the shortened77-mile stage in two hours, 47 minutes with Peter Sagan ofSlovakia second and Australia's Matt Goss third."It was absolutely perfect," said Swift. "The team was awe-some."


NOT THERE YETElche coach refuses to celebrate until end of season

by DAN SMITH

MANY are saying, although it’s not a mathematical cer-tainty, that Elche have reached the playoffs. even clubpresident José Sepulcre, desperate more than mostfor glory, echoes this opinion but ask managerBordalás and you get a different answer entirely. The curly haired 47 year old is keeping his powder dryand he knows one slip could bring down the club’shope of getting back into the first division after a 22year absence. His team’s performance in the second half of the sea-

son has been a revelation but go back to just beforethe Christmas break and you can see the uncertaintythat he must dread as any slight hiccup would lead todisaster as the final three games approach.

Presently third behind confirmed league winnersBetis - second placed Rayo Vallecano (both alreadypromoted directly) - and with nine points still in theoffering Elche will have to dig deep to defend theirposition against Celta Vigo. -Real Valladolid and on- form Xerez also add to the mix

although less likely, Alcorcón and Cartagena.

Elche's final three fixtures put them against theirthree direct rivals and possible play off partners,so it's no surprise that Bordalás has no intentionof lighting the fireworks just yet.

Elche took three points from Rayo Vallecanolast week away from home, a result that pleasedboss Bordalás but last Mondays 0-0 effort athome against Villarreal B may have led to a fewmore sleepless nights. A game Elche shouldhave won but a valuable point none the lessgoing into this weeks away game at Celta.

SECOND DIVISION - Liga Adelante

Betis and Ray Vallecano having qualifiedautomatically leave just one place up forgrabs. 3rd - 4th - 5th -6th going into a series ofplay offs for the third promotion spot. Barcelona B are un able to qualify as they are already

represented in the first div. La Liga

KIKO battles in midfield duringthe draw with villarreal last

monday evening

Photo: MARK WELTON

By MALCOLM PALMERHERCULES, in their penultimate gameof the season, coincided with QuiqueSanchez Flores’ goodbye as trainer ofthe ‘Colchoneros.’ It was a bittersweetoccasion, as many people were reluc-tant to see the back of the outspokenFlores, who has taken Atletico to sev-eral trophies, including triumph in theEuropa League and Supercup. Hiswell-publicised falling-out with Forlan,however, ensured that the Uruguayanstriker was left out. Some 25,000 spec-tators half-filled the Vicente Calderon

for the occasion.The game was only ten minutes oldwhen Velthuizen parried a shot fromMario from outside the area.Dominguez seized on the rebound andscored with ease – 1-0.Little in the way of football distin-guished the proceedings, and Cortessaw a yellow card, as did Pulido andValera for the home side, whenHercules were awarded a penalty afterKiko was held in the area by Pulido.David Trezeguet’s strikes was not atall bad, but was well saved by De Gea,rumoured to be an objective of Sir

Alex, who would like a young keeperto replace Van der Saar.

The second half was equally terrible,insofar as the quality of football wasconcerned, prompting the thoughtthat, if Atletico are, indeed, to performon a European stage next term, they’llneed to do a bit better than this. After66 minutes, Hercules won a corner,which Juanra headed on, forTrezeguet to meet at the far post. Theveteran French striker made no mis-take. 1-1. The draw was short-lived,and four more minutes had passedwhen the ever-lively Kun Agüero

broke throughto confrontVelthuizen. TheDutch keeper kept theball out, but only into thepath of Reyes, who volleyed home tomake it 2-1.

There remained time for the some-what card-happy Iturralde Gonzalez toshow yellows to Abraham Paz andJuanra. It was hard to see how Atleticohad managed to get themselves intothat coveted seventh place, but easyenough to see why Hercules were forthe drop.


ATLETICO MADRID 2 - HERCULES 1

A NIGHT OFFAREWELLS

Looking forward to the futureQUIQUE SANCHEZ FLORES lastgame in charge of Athletico

DAVID DE GEA - TARGETFOR FERGIE & ATLETICOMADRID

Photo: Mark Welton

Relegation confirmed

The Courier Week 13

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