The competent manager

✓ Understands the difference between conflict, bullying and violence.

✓ Distinguishes between genuine or malicious complaints

✓ Identifies manipulative metaphors, eg ‘ Women over-react' or ‘John’s like that.’

✓ Is fair- avoids cliques, nepotism, mobbing by ‘boy’s club’ or ‘girl’s clique’.

✓ Doesn’t confuse bullying with management practices, performance issues or disciplinary procedures

✓ Investigates hidden agendas, eg over-sensitive targets, under -performing bullies, bully/victim game

✓ Doesn’t burnout youngsters, the vulnerable or the conscientious

✓ Treats those who are different with respect

✓ Implements disciplinary guidelines when necessary.

Management Hints

Value every employee or contractor

Use commitment, consistency in every section

Use collaboration - avoid adversarial approaches for work difficulties

Listen, observe and use all evidence

Support active witnesses

Be vigilant- confront complaints and conflict immediately

Respect your ethical and legal obligations

Don’t ignore or reward bullying behaviours

Performance review results and interpersonal relationships

3

What do targets and bullies require? This is not rocket science!!

• Validation- acknowledgement

• Support, respect and understanding

• Non-threatening discussion/confrontation

• Effective, fair investigation/restorative practices

• Clear explanation of consequences

• Safe workplace

• Training/counselling/coaching/mentoring

• Reconciliation

4

Employees-Consider your options

1. Help yourself: if safe- confront

2. Play the waiting game

3. Use suck-up strategies

4. Informal approach- get help within the organization

5. Formal complaint - mediation, dispute resolution process

6. Get help outside your organization- law, union

7. Report to police- criminal or fraudulent behaviours

8. Go public- media, board meetings, internet sites

9. Exit

5

Employee ActivatorsEmployee Activators

Record- every nasty/bullying incident + positive performance feedback

Maintain physical and emotional health

Legal and union advice

Obtain regular support : doctor-therapy-support group

Protect yourself financially

Obtain feedback from others

Seek those with power to help

develop your emotional and social resilience

Why ?

7

secret 1.Regulate your feelings

Understand the four main feelings

Happy, sad, angry or scared

9

Identify your survival Instinct

Gut instinct

Anger and fear

Fight

/flight/freeze

10

Regulate your feelings:think and respond wisely

1. Identify - what are you feeling now?

2. Quantify - how much are you feeling?

3. Release-options, when, where, how often?

11

3. Release

• Biochemical eg 70+dark chocolate, Bach Rescue Remedy

• Taste eg,potato chips, chamomile tea,

• Smell eg ylang ylang,home cooking,open fire,

• Verbal- “ I feel”,write it down,

• Humour - funny movies, jokes,

• Physical- deep breathing, exercise

12

Secret 2.Understand the reasons

Don’t blame yourself, blame others or feel helpless or powerless

13

Secret 3.Rebuild your self esteem to value yourself

• To repair the damage

• Become assertive and confidant

• Then others will like you

14

Building your self esteem

How do make yourself feel good?

Do you absorb positive feedback?

How do you give to others?

15

Secret 4. Use effective communication skills

Become authentic, assertive and respected

16

Body language

eye talk

face talk - neutral or involved

body talk

Voice

Words

Communication skillsCommunication skills

18

58% Body language

eye talk

face talk - neutral or involved

body talk

35% Voice

7% Words

Communication skills. Communication skills.

A. MehrabianA. Mehrabian

19

Secret 5 Protect and empower yourself

Deal with

• Physical abuse

• Social exclusion

• Verbal bullying

• Sexual, racial, gender harassment

• Electronic abuse

20

All sorts of difficult people • Critical

• Argumentative

• Sarcastic

• Dogmatic

• Aggressive

• Conflicting

• Physically abusive

• Socially exclusive

• Passive aggressive

• Verbal bullying

• Electronic harassment

21

Dealing with difficult people

• Identify the situation

• Be friendly, respectful, use assertive body language

• Identify the difficulties

• Express your thoughts and feelings

• Investigate their perception

• Show understanding of their perspective

• Find common ground

• Discuss options

• Process their feedback

• Negotiate, resolve or move on

22

Gentle blockers

• Set limits- “ When I have done XYZ, I'll help you.”

• Clarify- “I need feedback, have I erred?"

• Broken record- “Please answer my question.”

• " I wouldn't say she's a bitch but others may differ."

• Baffle- “I didn’t realize that I should've done blah blah, I must have

misinterpreted you instructions.”

23

Tough blockers • Confront criticism- “Where is your evidence?”

• Polite- “Is undue criticism a motivation technique?”

• Joke- ‘Congratulations Julie, ha ha ha, you've qualified for bitch of the

year award.”

• Cheeky- “How can I stop you pushing me?”

• Be assertive- “I find this really offensive”

• Be truthful- “I am offended by your remarks and would like an

apology”

24

powerhand excercisepowerhand excercise exerciseexercise

Don’t give your power away

Look for the dumbstruck look

25

Secret 6.Build your support network

Build a support network

Be a friendly, caring person

Belong to small and large tribes, at work and outside.

Get help from colleagues at work

Have a bunch of 4-5 close colleagues

Forget having one best friend - when you need them they’ve gone

to Darwin!

Create your own village

26

Respect and resilience at work

• Create a friendly, caring place to work

• Give everyone positive encouragement

• Help all staff grow professionally

• Involve all staff in decision making, eg regular meetings

• Communication- listen, empathize, collaborate

• Encourage work-life balance

• Collaborate and resolve differences together.

ThankyoThankyouu

ThankyoThankyouu

Evelyn M. Field FAPS

Phone: 03 9523 0300

Email:info@bullying.com.au

www.bullying.com.au