THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS OF OCEAN COUNTY P.O. Box 219, Island Heights, New Jersey, 08732

Website: http://tcfocnj.com E-mail (friends.ocean@yahoo.com)

May-June Newsletter: Vol. 45 No.4-5-6 GROUP CONTACTS

Chapter Leader: Billie Ellis (732-363-3894) Facilitator: Betty Juliano (732-255-1582) Newsletter: David Rothman (732-288-9114) Treasurer: Stacy Favre (732-506-9017) Fundraising: Tony Sobolewski (732-779-3345) Website: Debra Connolly Garden: Bruce Jones (732-244-9631) Telephone: Billie Ellis (732-363-3894) ________________________________________________________________________

The Compassionate Friends National Office P.O. Box 3696 Oak Brook, IL 60522 Phone: 630-990-0010 Fax:630-990-0246 Toll Free:877-969-0010 http://compassionatefriends.org

CHAPTER NOTES Please note that due to the Coronavirus, that we are cancelling our regular meetings of Compassionate Friends in deference to the health of all our members who attend. We will announce via email and Facebook when these will resume. In the meantime please note there are options via websites, Facebook, phone numbers (listed above) and e-mails in which you can contact other people to help in dealing with your loss during this time of a national health emergency. This newsletter contains lots of this information. I wish you all the best during this difficult time.

UPCOMING MEETING DATES Cancelled until further notice.

DIRECTIONS TO MONTHLY MEETING, ST. LUKE CHURCH, TOMS RIVER

From the North • Take the Garden State Parkway (GSP) South to Exit 89 C-B-A toward

NJ-70/Brick/County Hwy 528/Lakewood.

• Take Exit 89 B-A on the left toward NJ 70/Lakehurst/Brick.

• Merge onto Route 70 West toward Lakehurst/Lakewood/Manchester. At New Hampshire Ave (3rd light) take the jughandle.

• You will cross over Rt. 70 West (1st light) and continue on New Hampshire until you come to Church Road (4th light-with North Dover Elementary on your left) make a right.

• At Old Freehold Road (1st light) make a right.

• St. Luke is on your right.

•

From the South • Take the Garden State Parkway (GSP) North to Exit #83 (Toms River-

Junction Rt. 9/Rt. 166). Bear right onto Rt. 9 North.

• Take Route 9 North until Church Rd. (3rd light-not including blinking light) and make a right.

• Take Church Rd. to Old Freehold Rd. (1st light) and make a right.

• St. Luke is on your right.

•

From the West

From Trenton

• Take Interstate 195 East to Exit #16B (Six Flags-Rt 537N).

• Stay on Rt. 537N. At the light past the Jackson Outlet, make a right onto Rt. 571.

• Stay on Rt. 571 until it junctions with Rt. 9 (approx. 18 miles).

• Make a left onto Rt 9 and continue until Church Rd (2nd light not including blinking light)

• Make a right onto Church Road.

• Take Church Road to Old Freehold Rd (1 light) and make a right.

• St. Luke is on the right.

From Freehold

• Take Rt. 9 South through Howell and Lakewood until Church Road (Citgo & 7-Eleven).

• Make a left onto Church Road

• Take Church Road to Old Freehold Rd. (1 light) and make a right.

MEETING INFORMATION To Our New Members-coming to the first meeting is the hardest, but you have nothing to lose and everything to gain! Try not to judge your first meeting as to whether or not The Compassionate Friends will work for you. At the next meeting you may find just the right person or just the right words said that will help you in your grief. The purpose of our meetings is to listen, share and hopefully offer support. Please be assured that there is no obligation to speak or participate. Just attend and hopefully you will receive some measure of comfort from joining the group and meeting other families that understand. You are also encouraged to bring someone with you for support, we realize how difficult that first meeting can be and assure you that you will find a place where people that do understand are willing to listen and to care. Grief is experienced by everyone in very different ways, but there are some common thoughts and feelings that all who suffer grief will share. It is important to understand what your normal reactions will be. We cannot change the pain you may experience during grief. We can give you a better sense of control while going through these experiences by make them less frightening. Having something to “hold onto” will help maintain some sense of reality for those going through intense change.

To Our Seasoned Members - We need your encouragement and your support. Each meeting we have new parents. THINK BACK - what would it have been like for you at your first meeting if there had not been any TCF 'veterans' to welcome you, share your grief, encourage you and tell you "your pain will not always be this bad, it really does get better.

All are invited to bring a picture of your child for "Our Children Remembered" table. We will have a candle lit in memory of all the children listed in this month's newsletter and invite you to bring a picture and/or something special if you would like to speak about your child this month. This is the one place that speaking about your child is not considered an imposition and expressing how you are really feeling is appropriate and welcome.

OUR CHILDREN REMEMBERED, April, 2020 These months we are remembering these children who are sadly missed. Please take a few moments of silence to remember their day with their parents. A phone call or note would be so kind. None of us ever forget those very special days and messages that say "I care" do help us get through them.

Child's Name “birth” dates Nicole Afonso April 21 Scott Alexander April 29 Ronald Anders April 24 Gerard Arancio April 29 Keith Adam Atkinson April 13 Christopher Beckett April 2 Richard Carl Bitterle III April 14 Lori Bognar April 23 Rachel Jones Brown April 3 Phillip Brooks Brown, Jr. April 6 Brian Buczek April 3

Kristen Mary Calaway April 11 Justin Michael Cameron April 7 Keelan Joann Cameron April 5 Eric Camisa April 15 Luca Joseph Capobianco April 15 Joseph Cavaretta April 17 Edward Chick April 13 Donna Chick April 29 Hannah Grace Cooke April 12 Jagger Lee Crawford April 9 Zachary Luke Damurjian April 5 Joseph Deak April 4 Peter Diehl April 17 Paitlyn Rose Donnelly April 24 Stephen Dushnick April 3 Robert Joseph Elena April 19 Benjamin Owen Ellis April 22 Geoffrey Exner April 15 Annmarie Esposito Firetto April 27 Sean Christopher Forney April 1 Robert Freda April 27 Marissa Marie Fredericks April 14 Anne Marie Fruscone April 17 Jonathan Adam Glotzer April 15 Michael P. Grabowski April 14 Charlie Gromack April 6 Michael Jason Hildebrandt April 30 Jarrett James Hill April 1 Bryan Huestis April 28 Kristina M. Ingato April 4 Daniel Adam Janicki April 12 Matthew Dale Jones April 7 Rachel E. Jones April 3 Penelope Jones April 28 Melissa Ann Keklak April 25 Mary Kurry April 3 Craig Robert Lawson April 23 Susan McCarthy April 4 Frank Mara April 8 Nicholas Marino April 12 Lori Marshall April 20 Matthew James McDermitt April 4 Susan McCarthy April 4 Janeen McGarry April 4 Patricia Brady-McKeon April 17 Shannon Elaina McLaughlin April 22 Steven Michael McNabb April 9 Andrew Nicholas Meyer April 29 Donald Mickens, Jr. April 19 Harry Miller April 29 Sarah Miller April 23 Anthony Naputano III April 9 Brian Nassar-Delgado April 21 Christopher Scott Noel April 17

Bobby Nowicki April 4 Douglas Oland April 4 Jonathan Opauski April 21 Vincent Orsini April 25 Rusty Orebek April 23 Ryan Ortleb April 26 Aage R. Paulson April 30 Mikaela Pollar April 23 Rory Potter April 14 Steven Andrew Prosser April 27 Melissa Rose Pullen April 3 Laura Purohir April 17 Brandon TravisReynolds-Beebe April 28 David James Riegler April 6 Lucia Rojas April 9 Brian Russell April 23 Debuse Ruzzo April 14 Aidan Dolan Sennick April 13 Marc Sessa April 17 Michael Simpson April 12 Scott Smialek April 13 Kevin Snack April 22 Eric Camisa Snatch April 15 Derek John Sneed April 16 Rita Solheim April 23 Brooke Spector April 16 Laura Ann Staer April 17 Devin Stokes April 12 Scott Erich Sunkimat April 22 Michael Rosado Tancredi April 14 Matthew Paul Troike April 4 David Mark Twidle April 11 Theresa Ann Urban April 4 Jon VanMeter April 26 Anthony Walck April 9 Joseph Weaver April 7 Ellen Wells April 19 Mark West April 11 Juliet Joann Wilkens April 12 Donna Rae Wooley April 23

Child’s Name “passing” dates David Joseph Addas April 17 Douglas R. Alford April 8 Samuel Phillip Aquino April 27 Maren Arnone April 8 Joseph Anthony Baiocco April 4 Justin Francis Benson April 13

Christine Maggio Berndt April 24 Richard Bitterle April 14 Jennifer Bopp April 3 Lori Bognar April 23 Anthony Brindisi April 15 Demetrius E. Brown April 18 Sam Buczek April 18 V. Maximilian Buono April 9 Kristen Mary Calaway April 12 Justin Michael Cameron April 7 Erik Camilo April 10 Eric Camisa April 15 Michael A. Cantillo April 30 Joseph Casaletto April 16 Donna Corinne Clayton April 18 Michael Clifford April 20 Hannah Grace Cooke April 12 Bonnie Paluzzi Cusmano April 12 Zachary Luke Damurjian April 8 Olivia Lauren DeBellis April 7 Joseph Delbuono April 8 Brian Dempsey April 4 Anthony DiPoalo April 10 Peter Samuel Flipse Dorian April 6 Michael Dushnick April 11 Stephen Dushnick April 11 Steve Dwyer April 20 Steve Dwyer April 29 Michael Ester April 27 Geoffrey Exner April 7 Nick Ferrante April 10 Robert Freda April 27 Tara Ann Fullen April 13 John Galanos April 5 Pamela Zyla Giordano April 28 Joe Glowacka April 16 Drew Guziejewski April 6 Ryan Joseph Hildebrandt April 21 Bryan Huestis April 10 Daniel Adam Janicki April 17 Gregory Vincent Johnson April 1 Allan Jones April 13 Kevin Joyner April 11 Tom Kolakowski April 26 Melissa Ann Keklak April 23 Andrew E. Kuminski April 8 Mary Kurry April 3 Gerald Lichey April 12 Randy Scott Lynnworth April 30 Aaron Mazzatelle April 15 Mikey Mazzatelli April 29 Kristen McCulloch April 2 Matthew James McDermitt April 4 Robin McAlister April 6

Paul McGregor April 6 Donald Mickens, Jr. April 1 Paula Marie Napolitano April 20 Drew Naputano April 3 Bobby Nowicki April 14 Jonathan Opauski April 21 Brian Pamtella April 18 Dawn Croce Peragallo April 6 Ryan David Petley April 30 Mary Elizabeth Prusecki April 1 Michael Puccio April 2 Michael Puglisi April 29 Kimberly Ann Reed April 16 Maggie Lee Reilly April 18 Derek Russell April 12 Lucia Rojas April 9 Edwin Ryan April 25 Michael Ryan April 13 Janice A. Savitsky April 5 Matthew W. Venutolo April 21 Mark Anthony Schwing April 10 Lewis Sexton April 27 Douglas Shropshire April 29 Anthony Siddons April 15 Michael Simpson April 7 Phillip Anastasius Smyth April 12 Rita Solheim April 1 Elisa Marie Stefanski April 1 Paul Sternberg April 20 Christopher Superior April 27 Tyrone Tamberelli April 1 Michael Rosado Tancredi April 20 John Edward Testa April 14 Alexis Tully April 16 Travis Ury April 24 Michael Vecchio April 15 Jamie Marilyn Vitello April 28 Anthony Walck April 9 Krystal Ann Weisel April 29 Brian Weithenauer April 8 Mark West April 13 William Wissel April 27

OUR CHILDREN REMEMBERED, May 2020 Child's Name “birth” dates David Joseph Addas May 13 Douglas R. Alford May 9 Anthony Balestro, Jr. May 30 Richard Bitterle May 8 Susanne Britanak May 17 Laura Bruett May 23 Matthew James Berens May 30 Scott Bruno May 6 Erin Campolattaro May 30

Charlie Caporale May 30 Joseph Casaletto May 10 Larry Cataldo May 5 Rosanne Isgro Chiappardi May 24 Patricia Coleman May 30 Michael Brian Dassing May 31 John Defeldercker, Jr. May 30 Kevin DeOliveira-Longineth May 31 Joseph Patrick DeSarno May 12 Kaitlyn Duckworth May 8 Laurie Ann Edwards May 18 Riley Ann Esposito May 24 Arthur Andrew Florio May 21 Tara Ann Fullen May 21 Bryan Gantner May 6 Anthony J. Grasso IV May 12 Kyle Guidice May 23 Drew Guziewjewski May 23 Dana Jones May 21 Gregg Isabelle May 7 Dana Cheryl Jones May 21 Jesse Robert Klump May 26 Lydia Kormos May 7 Madison Olivia Krychiw May 30 Melissa Anne Kulikowski May 12 Janice Kurry May 26 Little Billy May 11 David Makuta May 20 Karen Marie Martin May 14 Robin McAlister May 21 Sarah McIntosh May 26 David Ryan McNary May 14 Justin Mercer May 16 David H. Mitchell May 27 Elizabeth Monagas May 17 Samantha Sue Montemayor May 18 Nicholas M. Moriarty May 26 Adrea Morse May 10 Ronald Murat Mary 7 Kristen Narcini May 13 Damien Alexander Nuccio May 6 Anthony Palermo May 2 Stacy Lee Peszynski May 1 Justin Piatt May 25 Rachelle Piourde May 23 Joseph Proto, Jr. May 11 Anthony Rafaniello May 2 Tina Liston Rambo May 5 Joseph Ribaudo May 2 Michelle Marie Richter May 25 Herbert William Roeschke, Jr. May 27 Michael Ryan May 27 Gerald Charles Schade May 3 William Anthony Schade May 22

Lewis Sexton May 12 Shona’s Baby May 8 Joshua Siegel May 4 Sean Emmett Simon May 3 Knicky Snyder May 25 Shealyn Marie Torres May 17 Richard Trentacosta May 23 Geoffrey Vanderberge May 16 David Van Houten May 29 Matthew J. Venutolo May 12 Dana Vitanskas May 24 Thomas James Walker May 24 Cheryl Lynn Walters May 22 Vincent James Weiner May 3 Raymond Wisenfelder May 14 Kevin Wistuba, Jr. May 8 Melissa Lynn Wrigh May 19 Britanny Ann Wuy May 2 Susan Zagiba May 23 Child's Name “passing” dates Meredith Bamberger May 20 Hillary Eylse Bannister May 12 Lauren Little Basaman May 4 Drew Evan Basaman May 3 Thomas Beck Jr. May 14 Debra Bendy May 20 Meredith Ivy Bamberger May 20 Jennifer Boehle May 11 Riley Branstrom May 6 Anthony Briffa May 11 Susanne Britanak May 17 Alan Francis Buzil May 31 Keelan Joann Cameron May 23 Charlie Caporale May 13 Nicholas Catone May 12 Karen Cerino Chiappa May 13 Brian Clickner May 7 T. Ryan Coleman May 20 Georgie Coyne May 16 Richard Thomas D’Aquanni May 2 Suzanne Hembling Davidson May 19 Robert Michael DeBeauvernet May 14 Thomas DeMatteo May 14 Peter Diehl May 31 Tommy Donzeill May 8 Riley Ann Esposito May 24 Sierra Feaster May 23 Victor Richard Funicello May 1 Robert Michael Furth May 14 Alyshia Rae Cunningham Futchko May 29 Michelle F. Gannucci-Furnari May 17 Diane Lynn Marie Gans Cogar May 3 Anthony J. Grass IV May 12

Colleen Guierro May 30 William Guglielmo, Jr. May 28 Thomas Josh Hackett May 10 Adam Hankins May 18 Raymond John Helm May 25 Michael Hersh May 15 Walter Hewitt May 29 Regina Marie Holmes May 9 Michael Huber May 3 Andy Jemison May 14 Heather Johnson May 9 Robert Johnston May 18 Charles Kontos May 28 Lydia Kormos May 7 Raven Jessica Kunze May 2 John LaBarbera May 15 Davey Lark May 17 Amie Lark May 17 Lynn Larrison May 25 Frank Leger May 19 Thomas Joseph Lokker May 24 Randy Alan Marcus May 18 Theresa McCarthy May 30 Janeen McGarry May 13 Andrew Nicholas Meyer May 2 Eric Mills May 29 Jonathan Morse May 6 John Michael Moskowitz May 7 Drew Naputano May 23 Jeffrey Mudry May 6 Edward Naylor May 12 Ronald A. Newby May 24 Lauren Niederer May 5 Damien Alexander Nuccio May 13 John Michael O’Shaugnessy May 29 Thomas Peet, Jr. May 31 Patti Proulx May 16 Joseph John Quinones May 19 Eric Procaccini May 21 Nicholas Przybilski May 9 Joseph Rak, Jr. May 29 Joseph Rice May 7 Michelle Marie Richter May 25 Herbert William Roeschke, Jr. May 7 Brian Russell May 30 Karen Terrell Sajdak May 23 Allison Beth Seidel May 21 Christie Rose Shimak May 29 Marc Sessa May 25 Brian Shave May 20 Shona’s Baby May 8 Maureen Smialek May 14 Stacy Noel Sobieski May 30 John Stone May 8

Becky Salisbury May 13 Matthew Sweerus May 16 Stephen (Casey) Sweerus May 16 Kathryn McCarthy Titus May 29 Shealyn Marie Torres May 17 Cheri Vitanskas May 1 Dana Vitankskas May 5 Michelle Viducic May 23 Douglas Vinsko May 16 Erin Eilenn Walsh May 6 Cheryl Lynn Walters May 29 Christopher Wells May 7 Mark Whitestone May 22 Lois Jane Yurman May 15 Susan Zagiba May 23 Michael David Ziobro May 1

OUR CHILDREN REMEMBERED, June, 2020 Child's Name “birth” date Kevin M. Addas June 6 George Adjemian June 29 Maren Arnone June 20 Jonathan Barna June 4 Shawn David Bastek June 12 Tommy Beck, Jr. June 30 Sandra Kathleen Bell June 23 Jessica Bernick June 3 Jackie Kelly Bozicev June 2 Christopher Buss June 19 Robert P. Brown June 1 Carl John Bussow June 15 Stephen Butelewicz June 5 Michael Canals June 21 Dana Ciccolella June 17 Darren Cole June 14 Brian Connell June 8 Callan Dominic Costa June 15 Brad Christopher DeBlasi June 8 Dennis Patrick DePhillips June 30 Michael Dushnick June 9 Keith Brian Falk June 17 Tommy Fischer June 13 Bernadette Catherine Flanagan June 20 Jason Foundakos June 22 Matthew Frank June 19 Alyssa K. Fultz June 21 John Galanos June 14 Pamela Zyla Giordano June 6 Michael Bruce Gilluly June 24 Christopher Hahn June 29 Thomas Earl Beach Hartley IV June 14 Eric Helms June 25 Mason William Hess June 28 Brianna Nicole Hroncich June 28

Scott Incalcatera June 5 Lucky-Joe Jackson June 16 Kodi Jamison June 5 Heather Johnson June 3 Robert Johnston June 7 Jonathan Kambour June 28 Joseph Michael Klitsch June 7 Dan Knechtel June 2 Daniel Kullback June 13 Brian Michael Kurinzi June 3 Cliff Allen LanFranchi June 27 Sam Larsen June 2 David LeBron June 6 Jessica Leshay June 25 Heidi Marie June 11 Walter McConnell June 14 Joseph McGinley June 7 Pam McGregor June 11 Clifford McKennan June 10 Eugene Melahn June 13 Reese Rose Miller June 20 Ryan Mogila June 17 Bryan C Moser June 17 Paula Marie Napolitano June 27 Nick Moyer June 10 Thomas Ohagan June 18 Christopher Palumbo June 3 Anthony Petro III June 14 Paul Puccerella June 16 Mar A Rosetto June 18 Jaida Rose Reynolds June 17 Sammy Rivera June 2 Brian Scott Rogers June 18 Eduardo Eddie Roldan June 23 Michael Rondinelli June 19 Joey Scarano June 25 Evan Schatzman June 23 Bradley Stephen Schor June 29 Ava Ann Schwamberger June 10 Christie Rose Shimak June 2 Joseph Robert Seibert June 21 Anthony Siddons June 6 Brian Speaker June 30 William Staffa June 15 Bolton Eric Suttle III June 17 Andrea Greene Swan June 6 Amanda Szejnrok June 24 Mary Margaret Taylor June 16 Kim Thorston June 24 Jake Travers June 8 Joseph Michael Tyers June 29 Thomas A. Venskus June 20 Michelle Viducic June 2 Tommy Vitolo June 11

Brian Weithenauer June 1 Logan Edward Wilantewicz June 27 William Wissel June 1 Jesica Yantz June 3

Child's Name “passing” date Mary Annuniziato June 19 Patti-Lee Angeloni June 30 Christopher Beckett June 29 Patrick O'Grady Boyce June 13 Michael Thomas Brennan June 26 Biran Buczek June 6 Dawn Marie Byrnes June 26 Eric Camisa June 6 Ryan Joseph Caperilla June 21 Eric J. Caposele June 21 Eddie Capuano June 18 Rosanne Isgro Chiappardi June 4 Michael Civitano June 8 David Clancy June 5 Andrew Columbo June 7 Joseph De Titta June 30 AAdam Daniel Dietrick June 30 Julie Michelle Foukarakis June 2 Anne Marie Fruscone June 9 Joseph L. Gillick June 18 Micahel P. Grabowski June 7 Michael Patrick Grayson, Jr. June 7 Valda Grinfelds June 12 Colleen Gullen June 27 Ronda Jean Gundry June 1 Christopher Hahn June 18 David M. Harmer June 13 Thomas Earl Beech Hartley IV June 26 Jonathan Houston June 27 Tom Hartley IV June 26 Mandy Hatzinikitas June 11 Robert Lynam Ives III June 8 Chase Johnson June 2 Walter MichaelJurgensen June 17 Mia Kalb June 17 Joseph Klitsch June 22 Daniel Kullback June 18 David LeBron June 6 Kathleen Lynch June 2 Pat “Trish” Maffei June 19 Caitlin J. Magner June 26 Andrew Sean Maloney June 3 Christopher M. Marino, Jr. June 24 Suzanne Lee Marshall June 12 Sean Michael Martin June 26 Stephanie McGill June 10 Joseph McGinley June 21 Steven Michael McNabb June 22

George Mifsud June 17 Reese Rose Miller June 20 Sarah Miller June 3 Ryan Mogila June 17 Nick Moyer June 7 Anthony Naputano III June 17 Shaun Thomas O'Brien June 16 Charles Royston June 1 Rene Piourde June 5 Craig Reynolds June 23 Lynne Rodeawald June 24 Brian Scott Rogers June 6 Nicole Romanelli June 5 Bill Romanow June 9 Anthony George Samba June 28 Michael B. Schildknecht June 9 Phyllis Ann Scurman June 17 Anthony Skyers II June 6 David Smith June 17 Jimmy Smith June 29 Laura Ann Smith June 29 Eric Camisa Snatch June 6 Daniel Soto June 4 Brian Speaker June 8 Caroline Stark June 3 Richard Trentacosta June 17 Alyica F. Tucker June 9 Ricky Waehler June 4 Tara Ward June 11 Tara Christine Ward June 11 Elizabeth Ann Warnock June 7 Vincent James Weiner June 4 Caitlyn Renee White June 14 Logan Edward Wilantewicz June 27 Donna Rae Wooley June 19 Ryan Worrall June 9 John P. Wroblewski June 12 Alan Yoffee June 25

LOVE GIFTS A love gift is a tax-deductible donation given in memory of a child that died. Because of these gifts we are able to continue reaching out to bereaved parents. Please try to send your gifts to the chapter by the meeting date of the month prior to the month you wish it to appear. Love gifts can be sent to Compassionate Friends at PO Box 219 Island Hts., Toms River, New Jersey 08732. We are grateful to the following people who gave gifts this month:

HOW TO ACCESS OTHER SUPPORT GROUP/HOTLINE INFORMATION

To access information for other support groups/hotlines that deal with many aspects of grief go to tcfocnj.weebly.com and then click on Find Crisis Hotlines & Support. For additional resources click on Other Resources and then download file.

Another way to access more support groups can be found by going to the National Compassionate Friends website at www.compassionatefriends.org or type in key word “Compassionate Friends.” Go to Resources and then click on Links and then click on Crisis Hotline Information. A telephone list of hotlines will be shown. For a list of other helpful organizations got to Resources and then click on Related Organizations.

HOW TO ACCESS TO COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS ON-LINE SUPPORT CHAT GROUPS

To access the on-line support system go to compassionatefriends.org or use key word “Compassionate Friends”. Click on Find Support then click On-Line Communities then click on Get OnLine Support. You will need to register for the chat rooms.

HOW TO ACCESS TO COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS FACEBOOK GROUPS To access our Chapter Facebook page put in Ocean County Compassionate Friends on Facebook. For the national Facebook page go to Facebook and enter compassionate friends USA. For individual groups within Facebook go to compasionatefriends.org or use key word “Compassionate Friends”. Click on Find Support then click On-Line Communities then click on View Groups or click on Resources then click on 24/7Private Facebook Groups.

ACCESSING BROCHURES/E-NEWSLETTER To access various brochures on dealing with various aspects of grief go to compassionatefriends.org or use key word “Compassionate Friends.” Click on Resources then click Brochures Available. You can also register for the national e-newsletter at this site.

MORE HELPFUL INFORMATION You can access opentohope.com, hosted by Gloria and Heidi Horsley. There you can find more information including access to radio and video archives, articles, book lists and upcoming event.

INFORMATION ABOUT OUR LIBRARY Please note there is a complete selection of brochures. books and other kinds of literature dealing with grief that is available in our Chapter Library. The Library is in the same building in which we hold our meetings.

SHARING POEMS AND THOUGHTS We encourage you to share your poems and thoughts. We would like to include them in future newsletters and use them in a Chapter book. They can be sent to Compassionate Friends at PO Box 219, Island Hts., NJ 08732 or they can be e-mailed to friends.ocean@yahoo.com

Mother’s Day As I write this, I am very much aware that Mother’s day is coming soon. That will be an undoubtedly difficult day in countless homes. For all the thousands of mothers who will be glowing with a radiant kind of pride and happiness that day, there will also be those of you whose hearts are aching for that phone call that will never come, that special visit, that one Mother’s day card which will not arrive. For us, the reading and re-reading of that one last card - “Mom, you are the greatest and I love you” - will have to last a lifetime. How does a mother face a lifetime of silence on “her” day? Ask those of us who have “been there” already, and we will tell you of lonely Mother’s Day visits to spring-green cemeteries where the sweet clear notes of a single spring bird perched nearby float over our heads and seem surely to have been intended as divine comfort for a heart full to breaking. You will hear of yellow roses being sent to a small church - “in memory of...” and a cherished story of a kind and sensitive friend who sent a single rose that first Mother’s Day “in remembrance”.

Always we struggle with the eternal questions - how does life in fairness extract from us the life of a beloved child in exchange for a clear bird call in a spring-green cemetery, a slender vase of yellow rosebuds or even the kindness and sensitivity of a friend who remembered our loneliness and pain on that day? Where is the fairness and justice in such barter?

The answer comes back again and again - life does not always bargain fairly. We are surrounded from birth to death by those things which we cannot keep, but which enrich, ennoble and endow our lives with a fore taste of Heaven because we have been privileged to behold, to experience, to wrap our arms around the joyous and beautiful. Cont.

Can we bottle the fragrance of an April morning or the splendor of a winter’s sunset and take it home with us to place it on our fireplace mantle? Can we grasp and hold the blithesome charm of childhood’s laughter? Can we capture within cupped hands the beauty and richness of a rainbow? Can we pluck the glitter of a million stars on a summer night or place in an alabaster box the glow and tenderness of love?

No, we cannot. But to those who have been given the splendor, the blithesome charm, the glory, the glitter, the tenderness and the love of a child who has departed, someday the pain will speak to you of enrichment, the compassion for others, of deeper sensitivity to the world around you, of a deeper joy for having known a deeper pain. Your child will not have left you completely, as you thought. But rather, you will find him in that first clear, sweet bird call, in those yellow rosebuds, in giving and receiving and in the tissue wrapped memories that you have forever in your heart. Mary Wildman TCF Moro, IL

Angel Moms We have shared our tears and our sorrow,

We have given encouragement to each other, Given hope for a brighter tomorrow,

We share the title of grieving mother.

Some of us lost older daughters or sons, Who we watched grow over the years,

Some have lost their babies before their lives begun, But no matter the age, we cry the same tears.

We understand each other’s pain, The bond we share is very strong,

With each other there is no need to explain, The path we walk is hard and long.

Our children brought us together,

They didn't want us on this journey alone, They knew we needed each other,

To survive the pain of them being gone.

So take my hand my friend, We may stumble and fall along the way,

But we'll get up and try again, Because together we can make it day by day.

We can give each other hope,

We'll create a place where we belong, Together we will find ways to cope,

Because we are Angel Moms and together we are strong!

.

A Mother’s Love A mother’s love for her child may begin

with the very dream of becoming a mother... A mother’s love for her child may begin

with the thought of maybe expecting the news... A mother’s love for her child may begin

with the verification of her expectations... A mother’s love for her child may begin

with the affirmation that the child lives within her... A mother’s love for her child may begin with her first sight of the new life that

she has delivered into the world... A mother’s love for her child may begin...

But it may never end... Not even death can steal away a mother’s love for her child

A mother’s love for her child knows no end! Diana M. Rohrbaugh

TCF Anne Arundel County, MD

A Mother's Day Wish From Heaven Dear Mr. Hallmark,

I am writing to you from heaven, and though it must appear

A rather strange idea, I see everything from here. I just popped in to visit, your stores to find a card.

A card of love for my mother, as this day for her is hard.

There must be some mistake I thought, every card you could imagine

Except I could not find a card, from a child who lives in heaven.

She is still a mother too, no matter where I reside I had to leave, she understands, but oh the tears she's cried.

I thought that if I wrote you, that you would come to know

That though I live in heaven now, I still love my mother so.

She talks with me, and dreams with me; we still share laughter too,

Memories our way of speaking now, would you see what you could do? My mother carries me in her heart, her tears she hides from sight. She writes poems to honor me, sometimes far into the night

She plants flowers in my garden, there my living memory dwells

She writes to other grieving parents, trying to ease their pain as well.

So you see Mr. Hallmark, though I no longer live on earth

I must find a way, to remind her of her wondrous worth She needs to be honored, and remembered too

Just as the children of earth will do.

Thank you Mr. Hallmark, I know you'll do your best I have done all I can do; to you I'll leave the rest.

Find a way to tell her, how much she means to me Until I can do it for myself, when she joins me in eternity.

Mother’s Day Again It is Mother's Day again.

The day that my first born son became an angel. Time for remembering

Mothers Time to remember their love for their children For me it is a reminder of the day you became an angel

And a piece of my heart went with you Yes it is Mother's Day again.

It is Mother's Day again. Time for me to put on my happy face

Time to celebrate me Time to enjoy my daughter

Tell her how much I love her Also time for me to remember

My beautiful son who has gone too soon Pray he knows how much I love him Yes it is Mother's Day again.

It is Mother's Day again I will remember the good times with Kevin

I will remember his smiles I will remember his hugs

I will remember his firsts but I will remember most of all

His love for me, his sister and his daddy. So yes it is Mother's Day again.

Kathie Kelly TCF Fredericksburg, VA

In Memory of my son Kevin

Fathers Do Hurt Every father believes in his role as protector of his family. He has been assigned the job of fixer and problem solver. He has been told, since his youngest days, that he must be strong -- must not cry. But each father among us has had to face that point where no amount of fixing, problem solving, and protecting has been able to stop our child's death. And inside we must ask ourselves about our failure, and we must face our lack of omnipotence. Father's Day is often a forgotten holiday, overshadowed by the longer standing tribute to mothers. But for the bereaved father it is a poignant reminder of bitter sweetness. Sweet in the memory of a loved, now lost, child; bitter for the death and pain and recognition of the inability to stop what happened. Fathers do not often have a chance to share their hurts and concerns. Often times they are unable to do so, a remnant of childhood learning’s about the strength and stoicism of "big boys." A father may even be uncomfortable opening up to his wife, and the wife who pushes him to talk may be pushing too hard. Father's Day does not have to be a time when everyone pours out of the woodwork to say, "I'm sorry we haven't talked. Let's do it now." But it can be a time when the family gives Dad a hug, does something special, helps with the chores, and mostly, lets him know how important and needed and loved he is. It is some of these things that he has lost with the death of a child. And like Mother's Day, the day set aside for fathers does not have to be limited to a Sunday in June. It can be any day and every day. Fathers often show their hurts differently, often internally. BUT THEY DO HURT. Gerry Hunt, TCF, White River Junction, VT Home\ \ News & Events

Helping a Father through Father's Day Father’s Day has become a traditional holiday celebrated by many with gifts, cards, family gatherings, and perhaps even a special dinner out just for daddy. Stores begin advertising for Father’s Day weeks in advance of the actual holiday. The scenes in advertisements and cards always depict a loving father with a child snuggled close to that special man called daddy. Many fathers, however, have experienced the devastation of losing a child, and there seems to be an almost non-existent recognition of the fact that fathers suffer from feelings of lost dreams, loneliness, failure, and loss of identity when a child has died. Very rarely are comments of support made to the father in a family when a child has died. For some reason, our society seems to be more in tune to the feelings of the pain a mother experiences during child loss. Fathers are somehow expected to be stronger emotionally, and they are expected to heal much sooner. Cont.

What can be done to show support on Father’s Day to a father who has experienced the deep pain of losing a child? Probably the most appreciated gesture of support would be to acknowledge the fact that the father is still a father even though his child is no longer living on this earth. Refer to him as a father, and express your genuine sorrow for his loss. Fathers who have lost a child as early as miscarriage

should certainly be included among the group of grieving fathers. Often, fathers of miscarried babies are never given any recognition of being a father. Finding a Father’s Day card specifically for fathers who have lost a child can be next to impossible. If you cannot find a card with an appropriate verse, choose a blank card and write your own message from the heart. “Sharing in your sorrow this Father’s Day” or “Blessings to you this Father’s Day as God watches over your heavenly angel” will show a tremendous amount of compassion and support to a father who is grieving the loss of a child on Father’s Day. Recognize the fact that fathers go through emotional upheavals during the grief of child loss. Fathers grieve differently than mothers, so they might not want a lot of special treatment on Father’s Day. Men are generally less apt to talk about their feelings of hurt and loss than women, but those feelings are still there and need to be recognized. Father’s Day without a child can be just as emotionally heartbreaking for a father as Mother’s Day is for a mother without her child. We need to be sensitive to the needs of fathers, too! Special holidays stir up many different emotions for fathers, and Father’s Day is a particularly difficult holiday to go through following the loss of a child. With help and support from family and friends, a father can move forward in his grief. By letting a father know that he has not been forgotten on Father’s Day, you will validate his identity as a father, and you will allow him the special privilege of once again being called that most cherished name of all—daddy Cont. Finally, find some way to validate the fact that a father is still a father even though his child is not living. Fathers are by nature “fixers” and the loss of a child is one loss that cannot be fixed. This fact is often very hard for a man to accept. By giving a card and a personal word on Father’s Day, you will help validate to the father that he is still honored among that special group of men called fathers on Father’s Day. Validation of fatherhood on Father’s Day is one more step forward in this process we call grief.

Clara Hinton | Jun 08, 2003-Brief Encounters Online Newsletter-www.briefenconters.org

Real Men Grieve On July 12th, as part of the 2014 TCF National Conference in Chicago, a first-of-its-kind symposium will be held on the subject of men in grief. This special 3-hour program presented for-men-only will explore the challenges, issues and opportunities that many grieving men face. The co-creators and presenters of Real Men Grieve have come together to open their hearts and share what is on their minds in an e ort to spark a national conversation and as an outreach to other men. When I was approached with the idea of helping to create this symposium within the Conference setting, I was excited at the opportunity for the men to have this unique opportunity to share a hope-filled and healing experience focused exclusively on them. I would like to introduce you to the men joining me in presenting Real Men Grieve.

Dr. Ken Druck, author, The Secrets Men Keep, has long been considered a pioneer in the Psychology of Men. In 1996, Ken’s life changed dramatically after the tragic death of his oldest daughter, Jenna. Ken put his career aside and founded The Jenna Druck Center to honor Jenna’s life and spirit. The Center’s award-winning Families Helping Families program has directly helped over bereaved 7000 families, including those who lost loved ones after 9-11, Columbine HS and Hurricane Katrina. Ken’s work in “grief literacy,” writings and innovative programs are sought by families, communities, national media outlets and organizations the world over. His latest book, The Real Rules of Life, has been lauded as “One of the best books on healing after loss in the past 20 years” and is also published in China, Korea, the UK, Portugal, the Czech Republic and Australia. Mitch Carmody has faced many losses in his life including his brother David, his sister Sandy, and the death of his son Kelly to cancer in 1987. Mitch is nationally recognized as an author and speaker on the subject of grief and hosts a monthly radio program in Hastings, Minnesota. Mitch travels extensively; his gentle spirit and wisdom have touched the lives of thousands of professionals caring for and individuals going through grief. Kris Munsch spent a lifetime building things but was faced with his ultimate renovation project in December of 2005 when his son Blake was killed in a car accident just outside of Hays, Kansas. Kris is the creator of The Birdhouse Project, a reflective, tangible tool of self-discovery that can be used to identify the areas of life, grief or crisis that are not working for you. Kris who loves to refurbish houses and rebuild lives is also an Assistant Professor of Construction Management at Fort Hays State University. Glen Lord is Noah’s dad and is currently serving on the National Board of Directors for The Compassionate Friends. Glen is one of the producers and creators of the Walking rough Grief series of educational DVD’s and is also the co-founder of The Grief Toolbox which offers a wide variety of grief-related resources and products. So, what can one expect from attending this special event? Dr. Ken Druck says “I see this as a great opportunity to engage bereaved men across this country with a feeling of camaraderie and solidarity. Those Cont. attending can expect to see individual presenters and leaders working together with a common mission of making the world a safer, healthier, kinder and more compassionate place for men and boys grieving a loss.” Kris Munsch wants those who participate to feel safe to embrace their own vulnerability. “My son’s death tore open a wound that will never completely heal, that is reality. To look at it any differently is simply false, but to live in fear of it, is making a decision to not understand it. As men we can choose to learn from our loss to walk-the-walk, to disarm it, to respect it, but to no longer let it negatively control us. Finding peace in our lives comes as we continue to openly share that message. It’s not easy work being a man in grief, yet we can encourage each other to continue.” Cont. Mitch Carmody agrees that there is great power for men in our vulnerability. “Embracing our vulnerability allows us to overcome shame and face the dragon of our own perception that often sees grief as a weakness. I hope that all the men who attend walk away with the hope that they can begin embracing their grief as a strength which gives them the power to take emotional risks and being accessible.”

“When it comes to grieving in many ways men are an underserved population,” says Glen Lord. “The Real Men Grieve symposium is meant to shine a light on the fact that there is a lot more to a man’s grief than the stereotypical picture often portrayed. Some of us get angry, some of us do not. Some of us get quiet; some of us want to talk. Some of us engage in unhealthy behavior and some of us don’t. The real message we hope to send is that giving ourselves permission to grieve is a starting place from which healing can begin.” The Real Men Grieve Symposium will also feature a guest contributor. Former Detroit Lions Quarterback Eric Hipple will join us to talk about men and depression and share from his personal experience grieving the death of his son Jeffrey. The Compassionate Friends is proud to offer this very special event as part of our 2014 National Conference. Please join us on Friday, July 12th for the Real Men Grieve symposium. By Alan Pederson

When Fathers Weep at Graves I see them weep

the fathers of stones. Taking off the brave armor forced to wear in the work place

Clearing away the debris with gentle fingers Inhaling the sorrow diminished by anguish

Their hearts desiring what they cannot have— To walk hand in hand with children no longer held—

To all the fathers who leave a part of their hearts at the stones May breezes underneath trees of time ease their pain As they receive healing tears…the gift children give.

By Alice J. Wisler Reprinted from Tributes-2005

Father’s Day Warm and sunny day in June,

Father’s day. Children, small and grown

give gifts to father say thanks to father

say I love you. But there are fathers

whose children are not here to give gifts and say thanks

and say I love you. Remember the fathers

whose children are gone, because all too often

they grieve in silence. By Sascha Wagner

My Dad is a Survivor “My dad is a survivor too; Which is no surprise to me.

He’s always been like a lighthouse That helps you cross a story sea.

But I walk with my dad each day To lift him when he’s down.

I wipe the tears he hides from others He cries when none’s around.

I watch him sit up late at night With my picture in his hand.

He cries as he tries to grieve alone, And wishes he could understand.

My dad is like a tower of strength. He’s the greatest of them all-!

But there are times when he needs to cry… Please be there when he falls.

Hold his hand or pat his shoulder… And tell him it’s okay.

Be his strength when he’s sad Help him mourn in his own way.

Now as I watch over my precious dad From the heavens above…

I’m so proud that he’s a survivor… And, I can feel his love-!”

By Kaye Des-Ormeaux

Making Mother’s Day and Father’s Day Special

Here are a few hints to help you through these days after the loss of a child.

1. Pamper yourself-this is a special day in your life. You are a parent forever and your child is your child forever.

2. Do what you need to do-what helps you. Grieve your way. 3. Be with those who surround you with love, not demands or advice. 4. Plan ahead-do things that make you feel good or give you a

moment’s peace. 5. Start new rituals to make new memories. 6. Share your thoughts with family members; decide together what the

day should include. (If you are alone, find a good friend.) 7. Include deceased children in the day-through prayer, lighting a

candle, telling stories about them, looking through pictures, planting flowers or a garden, doing a good deed, writing about them, making their favorite recipe.

8. Join with another bereaved family to honor this day and have mutual support.

9. Start a garden or add to a special garden in memory of your child.

10. Use this day to plant spring flowers so you can always see your child in each bloom and each bouquet that you cut.

11. Visit the cemetery if that helps your heart on this day. 12. Plant a flower or shrub that will come to bloom this time of

year. 13. Do something special for someone else or something special in

your child’s name (helping Cancer Care, MADD, a Compassionate Friends’ Chapter, Scouting, a nursing home, etc.)

14. Listen to music that makes your heart feel good. 15. Cook some favorite recipes that your child enjoyed or cooked for

you. 16. Buy a present for yourself from your child and enjoy the comfort

it brings you. 17. Write a poem or article in memory of your child, sharing memories

or whatever has helped you. 18. Attend a family gathering of relatives – their love and support

can give you a lift on this day. 19. Make a booklet of favorite poems that help your heart, and give

copies to dear relatives and friends in memory of your child. 20. Take part in a special church ceremony honoring Mother’s Day and

Father’s Day. 21. Pray to your child-talking is the best medicine and prayer is

simply talking. 22. Set aside some special time to grieve, unloading all the

frustration and sadness that can envelop you on such a day giving you time to meditate alone.

23. Write a letter to your child, telling what’s in your heart (perhaps some unfinished business or some new blessing that has enriched your life).

Cont. 24. Allow the tears to flow- crying is healing and allows a release

for your feelings. 25. Think of a way to “share your child with the

world”-making sure his or her memory lives on through scholarships, writing, good deeds.

26. Give and get plenty of hugs. ~ Elaine Stillwell, TCF Rockville Centre, NY