1 July 2014 | www.cpyu.org

YOUTH CULTURE HOT QUOTE

Clearly texting, SMS and chat are very different than writing a letter or email. In fact, I believe what is going on is that people are realising that you use short messaging, like texting, SMS, chat, Twitter, etc. for quick informal messages, and you use email for more intimate and formal letter writing. In this sense, mail is the preferred medium for

“letter writing”, and if anything, texting and chat, are killing ‘letter writing’.

JUly 2014

THE CENTER FOR PARENT/ YOUTH UNDERSTANDING

Helping parents understand teenagers and their world

I learned a shocking lesson shortly after my oldest daughter Caitlin’s birth, and I relearned it almost every day of my experience as the father of four kids. No matter how much time and effort we put into preparing for parenthood, there will always be unexpected surprises. Raising and relating to children is difficult for everyone, and it tends to become more so as children reach the teen years. The situation becomes more complex for parents who raise more than one child since each child brings to the home a unique personality and set of life experiences.

At the root of the problem is the sinful and selfish nature of children and their parents. We are broken parents living with and raising broken children. While we long to get along, it can be hard to live together peacefully. Parents must strive to be the best they can be while raising healthy, well-adjusted kids. But parents who hope and expect to raise perfect kids and have a perfect family are unrealistic and will burden themselves and their children with the sense of failure that accompanies the albatross of not being able to measure up.

A quick overview of the Bible yields a realistic picture of how sin affects the home front. Rebelliousness and disobedience have been facts of life since the first children, Adam and Eve, disobeyed and rebelled against their heavenly Father. I believe that recognizing this fact is a big step in gaining a realistic sense of confidence in raising and relating to our kids. Although God gives us parenting guidelines and commands, there is a conspicuous absence of any assurance

that kids will always turn out OK and will never cause or have any problems. Rather, parents are told that discipline is necessary (Prov. 13:24) since a child’s heart is filled with rebellion (Prov. 22:15). Kids will make poor choices that require discipline in order to steer them straight. At times, you — like other parents — will cry from the heart, “Help me! This isn’t easy!”

In his book Parents in Pain, Dr. John White admits to dealing with the pain of having one of his five children go astray. When I first read this book his words shocked me because I believed that good Christian parents always find it easy to raise good Christian kids. (I wasn’t a parent myself at the time!) Therefore, the Whites must have done something wrong to have raised a wayward child. But as I read on, I learned that there are no guarantees. We can’t take the credit for our kids when things go smoothly, although we may want to. And we can’t take the blame when we work hard at parenting and they turn out badly. As Dr. White writes, “Genes, home environment, school and social environment and the child’s capacity to make certain choices all bear on the final outcome.”

All of us will experience a different set of highs and lows, jolts and joys, thrills and spills. If you are struggling as a parent, rest assured that you aren’t alone. And we can all approach our parenting as a glorious challenge. Remember, it’s by the grace of God alone that anything good will come out of parenting. And, it’s the grace of God alone that will carry us through our parenting years.

V A Shiva Ayyadurai, an early “inventor” of e-mail and current MIT systems scientist, in an interview to the Press Trust of India, June, 2014

Parenting Isn't EasyWALT MUELLER, CPYU President

2 July 2014 | www.cpyu.org

QUICK STATS

MARIJUANA AND THE BRAIN As you probably know, there is all kinds of debate raging over the implications of legalizing the recreational use of marijuana. Now a study of recreational pot users ages eighteen to twenty-five has turned up evidence of changes in the brain. Researchers are saying that this could be a possible sign of future trouble. None of the studies subjects were dependent on pot. Nor did they show any problems related to their use of marijuana. But researchers are saying that what they discovered are early indicators of what will become a problem later on with prolonged use, including things like a lack of focus and impaired judgment. As these debates rage on, we must never forget that God made us as complex and integrated beings. What we put into our bodies does bring about changes in the ways that our bodies function, including the chemistry and physiology of our brains. Parents, talk to your kids about the spiritual, moral, and physical aspects of substance abuse, and their need to bring glory to God.

5.6% of high school seniors who have never used

marijuana, who have a strong sense of right and

wrong, and who don’t have any close friends who use

marijuana say that they would try the drug if it was

legal. (International Journal of Drug Policy)

The percentage of teens

that stream their television content grew to 39% in

2014, up from 32% in 2012. (Taking Stock With Teens Survey Spring

2014 from PiperJaffray)

TO

P 10

FROM THE NEWS:

1. Divergent - Veronica Roth

2. The Maze Runner - James Dashner

3. The Mortal Instruments -

Cassandra Clare

4. Dork Diaries - Rachel Renee

Russell

5. The Selection - Kiera Cass

6. Giver Quartet - Lois Lowry

7. Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo

8. The Testing - Joelle Charbonneau

9. The Hunger Games - Suzanne

Collins

10. Diary of a Wimpy Kid - Jeff Kinney

Children’s Series on The New York Times Best Sellers List

List date of July 6, 2014

The Value of a College Degree by Derek Melleby

3 July 2014 | www.cpyu.org

A new study by Barna Group calls into question the value of a college degree. From the report: “Only four in 10 twentysomethings would say they need their college degree for their current job (42%) or that it’s related to the work they’re doing (40%)… In the end, just under half of Millennials (47%) would strongly agree their degree was worth the cost and time.”

Families need to make wise decisions about college, not over spending and accumulating debt for something that isn’t worth the money. But we also need to remember that followers of Jesus should be motivated by different factors when it comes to work and career. We should live life based on a very different definition of success. In losing life, we find it. A life well-lived is in service to God and neighbor. Try to keep both in tension when making a college decision.

Avoid debt as much as possible but also be attentive to God’s leading, asking good questions about the motivations of your heart as you decide on a college and a major.

TRENDALERT

CPYU’S

TRENDS:

Smartie snortingThis spring, a local school district sent home an

informational letter to parents of middle school students. The letter warns parents to warn their kids about a dangerous and risky new practice that has gained momentum, thanks to peer pressure and Internet

publicity. It seems that a growing number of kids are smoking or

snorting the little candies known as Smarties. Kids are crushing the candy and then snorting it

up through their noses through a rolled-up piece of paper. Others

are pouring the powder into their mouths and blowing it out like

smoke, imitating a smoker’s exhale. Some are even going so far as to

exhale the sugary smoke through their noses. Health officials are now sounding warnings regarding the health issues related to this practice. These include nasal cavity

infections due to powder residue, respiratory problems, and even maggots feeding on the dust that stays

wedged in the nose. Parents, steer your kids away from this dangerous practice.

LATEST RESEARCH:

ReadingHave you ever heard it said that readers are leaders, and leaders are readers? If that’s the case, then we need to be promoting reading among our children and teens. Sadly, it seems many

young people, including college students, are actually proud of the fact that they haven’t read a complete book in years. According to a new study from the Pew Research Center, nearly a quarter of all Americans did not read a book last year. That’s almost three times the amount of people who said the same thing back in 1978. Still, the folks at Pew did find

that almost twenty-eight percent of Americans had read eleven or more books in 2013. If you have younger children, turn off the screens in your home, both large and small, and sit down and read with or to your kids. If your kids are older, block off quiet times when reading can take place. Encourage them to read good books. And don’t forget, reading the Scriptures is our primary avenue to knowing God.

4 July 2014 | www.cpyu.org

© 2014 All rights reserved. The CPYU Parent Page is published monthly by the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding, a nonprofit organization committed to building strong families by serving to bridge the cultural-generational gap between parents and teenagers.

Phone: (717) 361-8429 Fax: (717) 361-8964 email: cpyu@cpyu.org PO Box 414, Elizabethtown, PA 17022 | www.cpyu.org

PARENTING My work with CPYU puts me in touch with thousands of parents a year. Every one of us (I’m a parent too) is looking for sound guidance and direction on how to parent Christianly in today’s rapidly changing and confusing world. I got really excited when I read an article on “The Myth of the Perfect Parent” in Christianity Today magazine a couple years ago. It was awesome, encouraging, freeing, and biblically-sound. I had never heard of the article’s writer, Leslie Leyland Fields. I discovered that the article was adapted from her book Parenting Is Your Highest Calling and 8 Other Myths That Trap Us In Worry and Guilt. I’m not a big fan of Christian parenting books. They’re usually too simple and full of unrealistic promises. Not this one - I’m a fan! Now, I tell parents everywhere I go that this is one of my favorite parenting books.

- Walt Mueller

FROM THE WORDThe words of the apostle Paul to Timothy (2 Tim. 3:16), a young man who needed encouragement, apply not only to Timothy’s life and ministry but to us today as we fulfill our God-given ministry in parenting. We must depend and rely on God’s Word as we parent our children and teens. In this verse Paul lists four valuable uses for God’s Word.

First, the Bible offers sound instruction. It is a believable teacher and the only true source of knowledge. Like the instruction manual for a complicated machine or appliance, God’s Word helps us understand the complexities of life.

Second, a growing knowledge of the Bible helps us to evaluate and test everything else that claims to be true. All other parenting philosophies, advice, manuals, and approaches should be measured against the blueprint of the Bible.

Third, the Bible serves as a diagnostic checkup and troubleshooting guide. As we look at our own lives and approaches to parenting, the Bible helps us to see where we have gone wrong while offering clear guidelines on how to correct our course.

And fourth, the Bible is a roadmap that helps us stay on course in all of our tasks and activities. It lays out a clear path for right and godly living. As parents we need disciplined and regular study of God’s Word.

You were made for a relationship with God. Your primary responsibility as a parent is to point your teen to Christ. Take the time – every day! – to get to know God, His will, and His way in His Word.

“Every part of Scripture is God-breathed and useful one

way or another — showing us truth, exposing our rebellion,

correcting our mistakes, training us to live God’s way.” 2 Timothy 3:16 (The Message)

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