The Bounce Back Guide for People Ready to Throw In the Towel

The Bounce Back Guide for People

Ready to Throw in the Towel

JACKIE CAPERS-BROWN

The Bounce Back Guide for People Ready to Throw in the Towel

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How to Use The Bounce Back Guide for

People Ready to Throw in the Towel

The Bounce Back Guide for People Ready to Throw in the Towel is a free eBook

designed to provide readers with a comprehensive excerpt of key insights from Jackie

Capers-Brown’s book, Get Unstuck Now.

This guide provides reading selections from Get Unstuck Now and offers insightful

transformational truths to help you get unstuck and bounce back stronger, wiser and

better from heartache, disappointments and adversity. After reading and completing the

exercises in this guide, I think you’ll agree- you are smarter than you give yourself credit,

stronger than you believe and well able to bounce back and thrive in life.

Step 1: Redefine Your Possible

Step 2: Acknowledge the Truth of Your Reality

Step 3: Understand the Power and Meaning of Your Stories

Step 4: Be All In

Step 5 Power Moves to Mind Your Gap


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Introduction

Oprah writes, “What I know for sure is that no matter where you stand right now - on a

hilltop, in a gutter, at a crossroads, in a rut – you need to give yourself the best you have

to offer in this moment. This is it. Rather than depleting yourself with judgments about

what you haven’t done who you could have become, why you haven’t moved faster, or

what should have changed, redirect this energy toward the next big push – the one that

takes you from enough to better. The one that takes you from adequate to extraordinary.

The one that helps you rise up from a low moment and reach for your personal best.”

From my personal and professional experience, I know that nothing changes in our lives

without a change in our inner-game. Also, without initiating corresponding actions

relevant to a desired change, we will continue to miss our desired aim. This leads to

frustration and disappointment. And if we don’t muster up the determination necessary

to try again, we will begin to accept the status quo as the best we can experience. This

my friend can lead us to living in a state of learned helplessness and accepting the

notion that we are powerless to create the change we desire.

The actions in this guide debunks the notion that you aren’t capable of bouncing back

from difficulty better, stronger and wiser. You are smart enough. You are strong enough.

In the midst of this difficulty, there is a seed of an equivalent advantage. A fresh

perspective will help you see that you have what it takes to bounce back and thrive

during and after a difficulty.


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Opposition is a natural part of life. Just as we develop our physical muscles through overcoming opposition-such as lifting weights we

develop our character muscles by overcoming challenges and adversity.

~Stephen R. Covey~

Everyday millions of people are faced with disappointments, heartache and adversity.

They say things like, “This is just too much for me to handle.”

“What’s the use, nothing I do seems to work?”

“My life will never be the same.”

“Why do I keep getting the short end of the stick?”

“It’s taking me forever to get my life back on track.”

My friend, life is a smorgasbord of experiences. Some of them we love and some

of them, not so much. When we experience disappointments, obstacles and setbacks the

‘word in our heart’ plays a crucial role in our ability to bounce back from adverse

circumstances. The ‘word in our heart’ is a reflection of the beliefs, assumptions and

emotional interpretations we attribute to the meaning of an experience.

In his book, Learned Optimism, Dr. Martin Seligman Ph.D. writes, “Your way of

explaining events to yourself determines how helpless you become, or how energized

when you encounter the everyday setbacks as well as momentous defeats…your

explanatory style reflects the ‘word in your heart’.” When you choose to look at a

challenging situation from an empowering perspective, this perspective increases the

likelihood that the story you tell yourself empowers you to believe in your ability to

bounce back and thrive versus telling yourself a story that diminishes your faith and

trust in yourself which causes you to wallow in self-pity and a state of learned

helplessness.


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Steve Pavlina writes, “Events are neutral. What causes you to feel a certain way is how

you interpret an event, how you think about it. The same event (even one as serious as

the death of someone close to you) will be interpreted differently by different people.

You were taught to interpret certain events to yourself as tragic while other people on

the planet were taught to celebrate these same events. The event itself has no meaning,

but the meaning you assign to it (whether done consciously or unconsciously) is what

causes you to feel a certain way.”

For many people Pavlina’s statement is viewed as heresy because it goes against what

they have been conditioned to believe. However, after experiencing several deaths of

family members, including my parents and son, I believe with no uncertainty that the

reason I was able to move beyond the emotional pain of these experiences and bounce

back from them better, stronger and wiser came down to God’s grace and my ability to

transform the meaning I’d attributed to each experience.

So often, when we are facing difficulty, the experience discolors our perspective. We

begin to focus our attention and emotional energy ONLY on the not-so-good experience

allowing it define who we are, what we can do and what is possible in our lives. This way

of thinking leads to a limiting perspective of ourselves and what’s possible in our lives. It

diminishes our hope for experiencing better and reduces the emotional energy we

desperately need to rise above the circumstance.


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Some of the things you believe were never true. They were someone else's fears.

Give yourself a chance to examine your thoughts Change those that are

negative. You are deserving.

~Louise Hay~

Step 1: Redefine Your Possible

Because we have a tendency to believe everything we think, we have to be willing to

examine our thoughts and challenge those that are not in alignment with our desired

experience. Otherwise, when our thoughts go unexamined, especially during difficult

times, our lives can be hijacked by emotional reasoning which can derail our efforts to

getting back on track.

In the Art of Possibility, Rosamond Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander writes, “…many

of the circumstances that seem to block us in our daily lives may only appear to do so

base on a framework of assumptions we carry with us. Every story you tell yourself is

based on a network of assumptions.” The Zander’s point out, “Draw a different frame

around the same set of circumstances and new pathways come into view.” When you

begin to examine the ‘word in your heart’ and start to challenge limiting beliefs about

yourself and what’s possible in a situation-you open yourself up to experience new

possibilities.

This possibility has within it the power to blow many of the limiting beliefs and

misconceptions you have about yourself and your experience to smithereens. Many

breakthroughs come from simply believing a new idea has validity. Admitting the

existence of a new possibility sets in motion the probability that you could perceive and

approach your situation from a more empowering perspective.


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When you rely solely on your own understanding during a challenging experience,

especially one which you have no experience or have had a lousy track record for

success, you suffer from a shortage of data. Increasing your level of success requires that

you develop a fresh perspective on the situation which will help you cultivate a spiritual

and mental fortitude that fuels your emotional energy. Your bounce back success and

ability to thrive during and after a difficulty comes down to developing mental and

emotional fortitude and exercising effective self-leadership habits.

Always seek out the seed of triumph in every adversity.

~ Og Mandino ~

Step 2: Acknowledge the Truth of Your Reality

Self-awareness is the starting point for creating change. A sure fire way of getting and

remaining stuck in a disempowering cycle of beliefs and behavior is the denial of the

truth about how your feel and the circumstances that led to experiencing your present

reality. Whether you had a hand at directly creating the situation or not, getting on track

and moving forward from where you are starts with acknowledging your truth.

It’s important to understand that your perception of the truth is your perception.

Your perception of most experiences depends largely on the meaning you attach to

them. It is possible for others involved in the situation to have a different perception of

it. That’s okay. This step is not about being right or wrong. It’s simply about ending any

denial or suppression on your part about what you truthfully feel and think about the

situation. Instead of numbing yourself, acknowledging your truth helps you to get real

and tune-in to the thoughts and emotions shaping your perception of the situation. You

can’t change what you refuse to acknowledge.


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Do This: Show yourself some tender loving kindness with a judgment free zone (this

means that you accept the fact that you have every right to feel and think the way that

you do). Get out a few blank pieces of paper or your journal and begin to write down

your true feelings and thoughts about the situation. Write until you feel you’ve put the

core of what you feel and think about the situation on paper. Remember, this is a

judgment free zone. It’s your truth.

Step 3: Understand the Power and Meaning of Your Stories

In his book, The Law of Agreements, Tony Burroughs points out, “Your agreement is

your point of power, and you can add to or weaken any idea or commonly held belief

simply by making a choice. We have within us, in each moment of our lives, the ability to

discern- to decide whether something is working for us or not – and to choose to agree

with it and make it stronger, or to say “Hey, I don’t think this is working for my highest

good.” In order for you to exercise this power, you have to first, develop an awareness of

your inner-states and second, take personal control of your life.

Your beliefs about your situation reflect agreements you’ve made unconsciously or

consciously about it. Today is just as good as any to end your allegiance to beliefs and

assumptions that limit your power to take the purpose-driven actions necessary for you

to pull up your stakes and move forward.

Now that you’ve acknowledged the truth about what you feel and think about the

situation. The following reflective exercise will help you tune-in to the story you are

telling yourself about why you feel and think you can’t bounce back from this difficulty.

1. What are the agreements (the beliefs and ideas you have bought into) that are

influencing your lack of progress in this situation?

2. What factual evidence do you have that proves your beliefs and assumptions about

what isn’t possible are true?


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3. What are the emotional interpretations (the meaning you’ve attached to the

experience) driving the beliefs and assumptions you have about what isn’t possible

in the situation?

4. In what ways have this meaning (the story you are telling yourself about the

situation) diminished your ability to bounce back and thrive in the face of this

difficulty?

5. In what ways have this meaning (the story you are telling yourself about the

situation) supported your ability to bounce back and thrive in the face of this

difficulty?

Acknowledging the truth of how you feel and think about your circumstance and

answering the above questions provide you with a level of self-awareness that has within

it the power to help you see how your perception (your beliefs, assumptions and

emotional interpretations) is shaping what you feel and how you are responding to your

situation. Identifying the meaning you’ve attached to an experience provides an

opportunity for you to gain an objective perspective of your perception. This is essential

to recognizing how a disempowering perspective of yourself and a situation limits you

from accessing the fullness of your power to reframe your perception, break free of

invisible mental and emotional chains and move forward.

Step 4: Be All In

Adopting an empowering perspective about who you are and what you’re capable of doing

enables you to harness your power and be proactive toward what you decide to believe

and do to experience better in the situation.

Stop overthinking. It fuels self-doubt and leads to procrastination and stagnation.

Creating momentum in your situation requires that you get off the fence. You’ve got to

be more than just interested in bouncing back and thriving in the face of this difficulty.


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You’ve got to be committed. The difference between interest and commitment is

reflected in the energy of the actions you exhibit toward the change you say you want.

When interest becomes commitment it fuels a passionate determination within your

soul that ignites your faith and provokes the strength of your spirit. The courage

dwelling in you will be stirred up as you seek to find ways to make what may seem as

impossible possible. Exhibiting this level of desire towards the change you want to

experience has within it the power to create a new reality.

You may be saying to yourself, “Jackie, I’ve done all that I can do, and nothing has

changed.” If this is the case, then you’re probably feeling frustrated and angry. I would

be as well. This is perfectly normal. The first hurdle you’ve got to get over toward

creating a new reality in this situation is yourself. It’s up to you to learn how to manage

your thoughts and emotions so that they are not a hindrance to your progress. Private

victories always precede public victories.

What I’m challenging you to consider is this: what you feel is important; however, what

you believe and do is just as important. And in this step, you need to demand more from

yourself. You’ve got to rise above any negative emotional reasoning about your situation

and dig deeper then you’ve done in the past to tap into the reservoir of strength in your

spirit. You have what it takes to accomplish the actions necessary to manifest the

breakthrough you desire. Realizing a new possibility requires radical faith and a

willingness to take radical actions which can release the untapped potential dwelling in

you to manifest your vision of possibility.

Step 5: Power Moves to Mind Your Gap

In this last step, closing the gap between where you are and where you want to be

involves developing and exhibiting effective self-leadership habits.


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You can have in life what you are willing to be. One of the most effective ways I know

how to develop the mindset and habits essential to achieving any goal is the adoption of

identity-based beliefs and actions. Identifying the personal attributes of the person

capable of manifesting a particular aim will help you develop the mindset and habits

essential to your breakthrough. When your actions are aligned with the change you

desire to experience, you will increase your chance of making your desire a reality.

The following self-leadership habits will empower you to create and maintain

congruency between what you say you want and what you desire to experience.

1. Tune-In to Your Strong Moments. There have been moments in your life when

you were faced with challenging situations and instead of floundering under the

pressure from them you reacted to them from a place of strength that you didn’t

know that you had in you. You were energized by them and perceptive enough to

identity what it would take to move forward. Remembering to remember your

strong moments enables you to galvanize your strengths and identify what works

and what doesn’t work for you to reach a successful outcome in a challenging

situation.

2. Identify Your Compelling Why. You possess the power to utilize your

imagination to create new realities. This power is activated by a clear vision of what

you desire and a compelling reason that stirs your soul as to why you must make this

vision a reality in your life. When your desire is attached to a compelling why that

incites a sense of purpose and passion within you, you’ll begin to stir up the gifts

within you by initiating bold moves towards what you want to experience. And these

bold moves will enable you to step into your authentic power.


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3. Cultivate a Growth Mindset. Unless you do something beyond what you have

already mastered you will never grow. In her book, Mindset, Carol Dweck, Ph.D.

explains that individuals with a growth mindset approach life with a curiosity to

learn. They believe their intelligence and talents are dynamic and adaptable.

Whereas, individuals with a fixed mindset approach life wanting to look smart. They

believe their intelligence and talents are static. Adopting a growth mindset which

nurtures you to believe that you can learn more, be more and do more and

experience more in life enlarges your capacity to become the person that can

manifest your desired reality.

4. Be a Person of Excellence. Nothing speaks more about what you believe than the

quality of the actions you exhibit on a daily basis toward the change you desire.

Being a person of excellence is not about striving for perfection. It is a commitment

on your part to show up on a consistent basis exhibiting your A-game in the arena.

It’s stretching yourself beyond preconceived limits. It’s increasing your knowledge

and sharpening your skills and talents so that you put forth your personal best.

5. Develop Resilient Relationships. Robert Brooks Ph.D. and Sam Goldstein

Ph.D., co-authors of The Power of Resilience write, “Regardless of our age or how

secure and confident we feel, if we are to strengthen and maintain our optimism and

resilience, it is essential that we interact with people who accept us and from whom

we gather strength.” They go on to say, “If we are to nurture and maintain

meaningful, emotionally satisfying connections and lead a resilient lifestyle, it is

equally important for us to serve and be in the company of …someone we gather

strength from on an ongoing basis.” The people we spend the most time with

influence our capacity to be resilient and sense of belonging. Resilient relationships

involves a mutual give and take, high levels of trust, caring and openness, and a

sense of security and safety.


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6. Embrace Gratitude. Mihaly Csikszentimihaly states, “People who learn how to

control their inner experiences will be able to determine the quality of their lives,

which is as close as any of us of can come to being happy.” When you’re going

through a difficulty, you need all the emotional energy you can summon to take steps

towards creating the change you desire. Your energy follows your thoughts. Develop

the practice of gratitude by making it a priority on a daily basis to acknowledge at

least three things that went well during the day. This practice helps to prevent you

from allowing a temporary condition overshadow all that is good in your life. In the

midst of difficulty, use the energy of gratitude to anchor your emotions and focus

your attention and energy towards executing your next steps to move forward.

In Conclusion

Although the challenge you face may have you feeling as if you are in the eye of a storm,

believe in the strength residing in your spirit. You are full of “can do” power. Remember

to remember your strong moments as they are a reminder of what you have overcome

and what you’re capable of.

You are in the right place at the right time to learn the lessons necessary for your

spiritual, emotional, and psychological development. The wisdom and insights gained

from this experience helps to cultivate mental, emotional and spiritual fortitude which

will serve as an advantage for you, now and in the future.

The thoughts, beliefs, perceptions and assumptions that make up the stories you tell

yourself about how smart and strong you are and what you’re capable of handling in life

and what you’re worthy of experiencing have a huge impact on the course of your life. In

Find Your Courage Margie Warrell writes, “Given that our actions are based on the

realities we define regarding whom we are and what we are capable of achieving, our

lives are either limited or expanded by the stories we have devised.”


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You’ve no doubt heard the saying, “If you keep doing what you’ve been doing, you’ll keep

getting what you have been getting.” The challenge that you face cannot be solved by

telling yourself disempowering stories that diminish your hope, faith and courage. As

you demonstrate self-acceptance, practice radical self-love and transform limiting

beliefs about what’s possible in your circumstance, you will begin to develop a fresh

perspective towards yourself and your situation and be more apt to initiate the actions

necessary to bring about the change you desire.

Understand this, any time you initiate actions that challenge the status quo, you will

experience resistance within yourself and from those accustomed to you being a certain

way. Expect it. Do not get upset about it. It is a normal part of any transition process. It's

important to manage your thoughts and emotions so that you remain committed to

taking action everyday towards what you desire. Before lending your agreement to any

belief, ask yourself, “Will this belief add to my well-being?” Get in agreement with

beliefs that inspire you to improve the quality of your life. They will help fuel your

consistent execution of purpose-driven actions necessary for manifesting a new

possibility.

Be mindful of how your emotional armor can inhibit you from living wholeheartedly. In

Daring Greatly, Brené Brown writes, “As children we found ways to protect ourselves

from vulnerability, from being hurt, diminished and disappointed. We put on armor, we

used our thoughts, emotions and behaviors as weapons; and we learned how to make

ourselves scarce, even to disappear. Now as adults, we realize that to live with courage,

purpose and connection – to be the person whom we long to be- we must again be

vulnerable. We must take off the armor, put down the weapon, show up, and let

ourselves be seen.”

Daring to be brave requires that you embrace vulnerability. This may feel to be scary,

and I would be remiss if I didn’t agree with you. Nevertheless, the truth about reality is,

as long as you live, you will be vulnerable. It’s not a matter of whether you are


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vulnerable. It’s a matter of whether you will be proactive and be vulnerable in ways that

expand your capacity to express your authentic power!

Thank you for taking time to complete The Bounce Back Guide for People Ready to

Throw in the Towel. After reading “excerpts” from my book Get Unstuck Now, you

may feel a need to take a deeper dive into transforming negative self-talk and sabotaging

behavior so that you can unleash a greater measure of your potential towards creating a

life you love living.

You can purchase

Get Unstuck Now

visit www.amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Get-Unstuck-Now-Changing-Unleashes/dp/148953606X/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

The Bounce Back Guide for People Ready to Throw In the Towel

Self Improvement

Transcript of The Bounce Back Guide for People Ready to Throw In the Towel