©2014FocusontheFamily

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FocusontheFamilyisaglobalChristianministrydedicatedtohelpingfamiliesthrive.TheyprovidehelpandresourcesforcouplestobuildhealthymarriagesthatreflectGod’sdesignandforparentstoraisetheirchildrenaccordingtomoralsandvaluesgroundedinbiblicalprinciples.

PRAISEFOR

THEMARRIAGESERIES

Weoftenhearthattheinstitutionofmarriageissuffering.Butthereisgoodnews,too!Bysubmittingtheir

relationshipstoGodandseekingouttherightresources,marriedcouplescanknowwhatitmeanstotrulythrive.That’swhatFocusontheFamily’sMarriageSeriesisallabout.Whetheryou’reinasmallgroup,amentoringrelationship,oryoujustwanttostudyasacouple,thisseriescantransformyourmarriageforthebetter.

JimDalyPresident,FocusontheFamily

Astrongmarriageisthecornerstoneofastronghome,andastronghomeisthecornerstoneofstrongchurchesandcommunities,aswellasournation.TheseBiblestudies

coverthepertinentareasofmakingmarriagesthrive,andIhighlyrecommendthemwhetheryouarenewlymarriedor

seasoned.

Dr.TonyEvansSeniorPastor,OakCliffBibleFellowshipAuthor,KingdomManandKingdomWoman

Marriageisanamazingadventure—filledwithexcitement,joyandchallenges.FocusontheFamily’sMarriageSeriesexaminesGod’sgiftofmarriageinallofitswonderful

dimensions.Iconsideritaprivilegetobeinvolvedwiththisimportantsetofrelationship-strengtheningresources.

Dr.GregSmalleyVicePresident,FamilyMinistries,FocusontheFamily

Inadayandagewherethecovenantofmarriageissoquicklytossedasideinthenameofincompatibilityandirreconcilabledifferences,amarriageBiblestudythatisbothinspirationalandpracticalisdesperatelyneeded.TheFocusontheFamilyMarriageSeriesiswhatcouplesareseeking.IgivemyhighestrecommendationtothisBiblestudyseriesthathasthepotentialtodramaticallyimpactandimprovemarriagestoday.Marriageisnotsomuch

aboutfindingtherightpartnerasitisaboutbeingtherightpartner.ThesestudiesgivewonderfulbiblicalteachingforhelpingthosewhowanttolearnthebeautifulartofbeingandbecomingallthatGodintendsintheirmarriage.

LysaTerKeurstPresident,Proverbs31MinistriesAuthor,CaptureHerHeart;CaptureHisHeart,

andtheNewYorkTimesBestsellersMadetoCraveandUnglued

TheFocusontheFamilyMarriageSeriesisjustwhatthedoctorordered:It’stimelyandtimeless—chock-fullof

groundedinformationandtoolseverycouplecanputintopracticeimmediately.Youwon’twanttomissoutonthis

incredibleresource.

Drs.Les&LeslieParrottAuthors,SavingYourMarriageBeforeItStarts

Inmy31yearsasapastor,I’veofficiatedathundredsofweddings.Unfortunately,manyofthoseunionsfailed.IonlywishtheFocusontheFamilyMarriageSerieshadbeenavailabletomeduringthoseyears.WhatamarveloustoolyouaspastorsandChristianleadershaveatyourdisposal.Iencourageyoutouseittoassistthoseyouservein

buildingsuccessful,healthymarriages.

H.B.London,Jr.PastortoPastorsEmeritus,FocusontheFamily

ThismarriagestudyseriesispureFocusontheFamily—reliable,biblicallysoundanddedicatedtoreestablishing

familyvaluesintoday’ssociety.Thisserieswillnodoubthelpamultitudeofcouplesstrengthentheirrelationship,notonlywitheachother,butalsowithGod,thecreatorof

marriageitself.

BruceWilkinsonAuthor,SecretsoftheVine,ALifeGodRewards,DreamGiverandtheNewYork

TimesBestsellerThePrayerofJabez

Lookingforaprescriptionforabettermarriage?You’llenjoythistimelyandpracticalseries!

Dr.KevinLemanBestsellingAuthor,SheetMusic:UncoveringtheSecretsofSexualIntimacyin

Marriage

TableofContents

Cover

TitlePage

CopyrightPage

PraiseforTheMarriageSeries

ForewordbyGaryT.SmalleyandGregSmalley

Introduction

SessionOne:LivingByDesign—Genesis1:27-28Godhasgivenyoumorethanenoughtoprovideforallyourneeds.

SessionTwo:IfWeOnlyHadaLittleMore—Matthew6:19-21God’sWordprovidesclearguidelinesforbeingagoodstewardofyourtimeandmoney.

SessionThree:OneRelationshipataTime—Philippians2:3-5Ratherthanconsumingrelationships,astewardintentionallynurturesthemasgiftsgiventohisorhercare.

SessionFour:GiftingItAway—Romans12:2ThegiftsthatGodhasgivenyouweregivensothatyoucouldusethemforHiskingdom.

Leader’sDiscussionGuide

Notes

BackAds

BackCover

Foreword

FocusontheFamily’sTheFamilyProjectisthelargestsingleinitiativeintheministry’shistory.Itisdesignedtoaddressthequestionofwhethertheinstitutionsofmarriageandfamily,asGodcreatedthemandexplainstheminScripture,arestillbestforhumanhealthandhappiness.Inadayandagewhentheseinstitutionsseemtoundergoconstantredefinition—andwhendivorceandthecomplexitiesofdailylifearetakingadevastatingtollonmarriageandfamily—weneedtoaskwhatGodhadinmindwhenHemadetheminthefirstplace.TheFocusontheFamilyMarriageSeriesisakeyresourcein

thatinitiative.BasedonthebookYourMarriageMasterpiece,thisserieslooks“behindthecurtain”ofhistory.OtherpartsoftheprogrammakethecasethatmarriageandfamilyreflectthenatureofGodHimself;thisserieslooksingreaterdetailatthemanyaspectsthatmakeupthedivinemasterworkthatisthemarriagerelationship.FocusontheFamilyiswellknownandrespectedworldwide

foritssteadfastdedicationtopreservingthesanctityofmarriageandfamilylife.Thisseriesiswellwritten,biblicallysoundandrightontargetforguidingcouplestoexplorethefoundationGodhaslaidformarriageandtoseeHimastherolemodelfortheperfectspouse.Throughthisseries,seedswillbeplantedthatwillgerminateinyourheartandmindformanyyearstocome.Inourpractical,bottom-lineculture,weoftenwanttojump

overthewhyandgetstraighttothewhat.Wethinkthatbydoingthesixstepsorlearningthefiveways,wewillreachthegoal.Butdeep-rootedgrowthisslowerandmorepurposefulandbeginswithawell-groundedunderstandingofGod’sdivinedesign.Knowingwhymarriageexistsiscrucialtomakingthehow-tosmoreeffective.MarriageisagiftfromGod,auniqueanddistinctcovenantrelationshipthroughwhichHisgloryand

goodnesscanresonate,andonlythroughknowingthearchitectandHisplanwillmarriagesbebuiltonthesurestfoundation.Godcreatedmarriage;Hehasaspecificpurposeforit,and

HeiscommittedtofillingwithfreshlifeandrenewedstrengtheachunionyieldedtoHim.Godwantstogathertheheartsofeverycoupletogether,unitetheminloveandwalkthemtothefinishline—allinHisgreatgraceandgoodness.MayGod,inHisgrace,leadyouintoHistruth,strengthening

yourlivesandyourmarriage.

GaryT.SmalleySmalleyInstituteandBestsellingAuthorGregSmalleyVicePresident,FamilyMinistry,FocusontheFamily

Introduction

AtthebeginningofcreationGod“madethemmaleandfemale.”“Forthisreasonamanwillleavehisfatherandmotherandbeunitedtohiswife,andthetwowillbecomeoneflesh.”Sotheyarenolongertwo,but

one.Mark10:6-8

TheAbundantMarriagecanbeusedinavarietyofsituations,includingsmall-groupBiblestudies,SundaySchoolclasses,counselingormentoringsituations.Acouplecanalsousethisbookasanat-homemarriage-buildingstudy.Eachofthefoursessionscontainsfourmaincomponents.

SessionOverview

TillingtheGroundThisisanintroductiontothetopicbeingdiscussed—commentaryandquestionstodirectyourthoughtstowardthemainideaofthesession.

PlantingtheSeedThisistheBiblestudyportioninwhichyouwillreadScriptureandanswerquestionstohelpdiscoverlastingtruthsfromGod’sWord.

WateringtheHopeThisisatimefordiscussionandprayer.Whetheryouareusingthestudyathomeasacouple,inasmallgrouporinaclassroomsetting,talkingaboutthelessonwithyourspouseisagreatwaytosolidifythetruthandplantitdeeplyintoyourhearts.

HarvestingtheFruitAsapointofaction,thisportionofthesessionofferssuggestionsonputtingthetruthoftheWordintoactioninyourmarriagerelationship.

SuggestionsforIndividualCoupleStudy

Thereareatleastthreeoptionsforusingthisstudyasacouple.

Itmaybeusedasadevotionalstudythateachspousewouldstudyindividuallythroughtheweek;thenonaspecifiedday,cometogetheranddiscusswhatyouhavelearnedandhowtoapplyittoyourmarriage.Youmightchoosetostudyonesessiontogetherinaneveningandthenworkontheapplicationactivitiesduringtherestoftheweek.Becauseoftheshortlengthofthisstudy,itisagreatresourceforaweekendretreat.Takeatripawayfortheweekend,andstudyeachsessiontogether,interspersedwithyourfavoriteleisureactivities.

SuggestionsforGroupStudy

Therearemanywaysthatthisstudycanbeusedinagroupsituation.Themostcommonwayisinasmall-groupBiblestudyformat.However,itcanalsobeusedinanadultSundaySchoolclass.Howeveryouchoosetouseit,therearesomegeneralguidelinestofollowforgroupstudy.

Keepthegroupsmall—fivetosixcouplesisprobablythemaximum.Askcouplestocommittoregularattendanceforthefourweeksofthestudy.Regularattendanceisakeytobuildingrelationshipsandtrustinagroup.Encourageparticipantsnottoshareanythingofapersonalorpotentiallyembarrassingnaturewithoutfirstaskingthespouse’spermission.Whateverisdiscussedinthegroupmeetingsistobeheldinstrictestconfidenceamonggroupmembersonly.

Thereareadditionalleaderhelpsinthebackofthisbook.

SuggestionsforMentoringorCounselingRelationshipsThisstudyalsolendsitselfforuseinrelationshipswhereonecouplementorsorcounselsanothercouple.

Amentoringrelationshipcouldbearrangedthroughasystemsetupbyachurchorministry:Acouplethathasbeenmarriedforseveralyearsisassignedtomeetonaregularbasiswithayoungercouple.Alessformalwaytostartamentoringrelationshipisforayoungercoupletotaketheinitiativeandapproachacouplethatexemplifyamature,godlymarriageandaskthemtomeetwiththemonaregularbasis.Orthereversemightbeamaturecouplethatapproachesayoungercoupletobeginamentoringrelationship.

Whenaskedtomentor,somemightshyawayandthinkthattheycouldneverdothat,knowingthattheirownmarriageislessthanperfect.Butjustaswearetodisciplenewbelievers,wemustlearntodisciplemarriedcouplestostrengthenmarriagesinthisdifficultworld.TheLordhaspromisedtobe“withyoualways”(Matthew28:20).Beforeyoubegintomentoracouple,firstcompletethestudyyourselves.Thiswillservetostrengthenyourownmarriageandprepareyouforleadinganothercouple.Bepreparedtolearnasmuchormorethanthecouple(s)youwillmentor.

TheFocusontheFamilyMarriageSeriesisbasedonAlJanssen’sTheMarriageMasterpiece,aninsightfullookatwhatmarriagecan—andshould—be.Inthisstudy,wearepleasedtoleadyouthroughthewonderfuljourneyofdiscoveringthejoyinyourmarriagethatGodwantsyoutoexperience!

LIVINGBYDesign

SoGodcreatedmaninhisownimage,intheimageofGodhecreatedhim;maleandfemalehecreatedthem.Godblessedthemandsaidtothem,“Befruitfulandincreaseinnumber;filltheearthandsubdueit.Ruleoverthefishoftheseaandthebirdsoftheairandovereverylivingcreaturethat

movesontheground.”Genesis1:27-28

DuringthebombingraidsofWorldWarII,thousandsofchildrenwereorphanedandlefttostarve.Thefortunateoneswererescuedandplacedinrefugeecampswheretheywerefedandcaredfor.Butmanyofthesechildrencouldnotsleepatnight.Theyfearedwakinguptofindthemselvesonceagainhomelessandwithoutfood.Nothingseemedtoreassurethem.Finally,someonegaveeachchildapieceofbreadtoholdatbedtime.Holdingtheirbread,thesechildrenfinallysleptinpeace.Allthroughthenightthebreadremindedthem,TodayIateandIwilleatagaintomorrow.[1]Manyofusoperatelikethoseorphanedchildren,constantly

worryingabouthavingenoughofwhatweneed,orthinkwe

need.Individualfearsaboutourlimitedresourcespreventusfromoperatingasateamwithourspouse,andasstressandanxietybuild,ourmarriagesuffers.Thenotenoughstaketheirtoll:

NotenoughtimetogeteverythingdoneNotenoughmoneyNotenoughsleeporrestNotenoughopportunitiestohavefunwithyourfamilyNotenough...

Well,yougettheidea!Here’sthegoodnews:Wehavebeengivensomethingeven

morereassuringthanthebreadthatcalmedtheorphanedchildrenafterWorldWarII.Godhasgiveneachofusmorethanenoughtoprovideforoureveryneed.Inreturn,wearetoserveasstewardsofwhatwehavebeengiven.AsyoustudyGod’sWord,youandyourspousewillreceive

thenecessarytoolsforbuildingamarriagethatwillnotsimplysurvivebutwillalsothrive.Lifewillnolongerbedeterminedbythenotenoughs—instead,itwillbedeterminedbyGod’samazingabundance.

TillingtheGround

Ourculturedefinespeopleasconsumers;God’sWorddefinespeopleasstewards.What’sthedifference?

Consumersconsumethings;stewardscareforthings.Consumersseekmoreandbetter;stewardsfindsatisfactioninwhattheyhave.Consumersseekpeacethroughtheacquisitionofresources;stewardsfindpeacefromknowingresourceswillbeprovided.Consumersneverhaveenough;stewardshavemorethanenough.

Today’ssocietybeckons,enticesandevendemandsthatweviewourselvesasconsumers.Everyday,billboards,televisionandradiocommercialsandmagazineadvertisementsattempttolureusintothinkingthatwhatwehaveisnotgoodenoughandthatinordertobetrulyhappyweneedmore—ofeverything.God’sWordcallsustodefineourselvesasstewards.

1.Doyouseeyourselfprimarilyasaconsumerorasteward?

2.Checktheboxnexttothestatementineachsectionthatbestdescribeshowyouandyourspousefeelabouteachissue.

•Materialpossessions

Itisimportantthatwehavethebestthingsavailableandtoupgradethemregularly.Weknowmostthingsarereplaceable,butwekeepwhatwecan.Weonlyreplacethosethingswehavetoandprefertotakecareofwhatwehave.

•Necessities

Wemakesurewehavewhatweneed—ifwedon’ttakecareofus,whowill?WeknowthatGodwilltakecareofthebigthings,butwestillworryoverthedetails.WetrustthatGodwillprovideforallweneed,andwetrustHisguidancetobringuswhereweneedtobetoreceiveHisblessings.

•Contentment

Creaturecomfortsareveryimportanttous.Wewouldratherhavequalitythanquantity.

EverythingwehaveisagiftfromGodandwhatwehaveissufficientforourneeds.

3.Inwhatareas,ifany,doyoufeelanxietybecauseyoudon’tfeelyouhaveenough?

AswestudythestoryofcreationandhearthewordsofJesus,we’lluncoverthesecretstolivinglifeasagoodstewardinanall-consumingworld(pardonthepun).

PlantingtheSeed

Youmustpracticethebasicsifyouwanttosucceedinanyareaoflife,includingmarriage.Knowingthebasicsisessentialtohavinganabundantmarriage.Haveyoueverthoughtaboutwhatthebasicsarewhenitcomestomarriage?Godhas,andHegaveusHisplanwhenHefirstcreatedAdamandEve.TheGardenofEdenwasnotcreatedsimplyasaplacefor

AdamandEvetoliearoundandeattheirfavoritefruit.WhenGodcreatedthefirstcouple,HedidsoforHispurpose.

4.WhatdoesGenesis1:26tellusaboutGod’spurposeforAdamandEve?

5.HowdoesbeingcreatedinGod’simagehelpyoutofulfillyourpurpose?

ThroughouttheOldTestament,rulingoversomeonetypicallyreferredtoamaster’spoweroverhisorherservants.

6.ReadMark10:42-45.ExplainhowJesus’statementcontradictedthetraditionalrolesofmasterandservantuptothatpoint.

Whydoyouthinkitissoimportantthatweserveeachother?

WhileGenesis1—2:3paintsanoverviewofGodcreatingtheearth,Genesis2givesamoreintimateanddetailedaccountofthecreationofmanandwoman.Asyoureadtheaccountofthecreationofourworld,youwill

noticethatitiscontinuallystatedthathumanbeingsweredesignedtotakecareoftheworldGodcreated(seeGenesis1:26-28;2:5-7,15,18).

Note:TheHebrewwordsusedtodescribehowGoddefinesourpurposeontheearthincludeabad(seeGenesis2:5),parahandrabah(seeGenesis1:28).“Abad”canbetranslated“toworkorserve.”[2]Manwasplacedontheearthtoactasaservant,takingcareofthethingsGodhadcreated.“Parah”canbetranslatedas“befruitful,”[3]and“rabah”as“multiply,increaseandbecomegreat.”[4]Godnotonlydesignedmantoworktheearth,butHealsointendsforustoenjoyHismanyprovisions!

7.ReadGenesis1:28-29;2:4-9andthendescribethewaysinwhichGodprovidesforyouandyourspouse.

8.WhatdoesJames1:17sayaboutthewayGodprovidesforus?

God’sdesignformarriageisthatyoubecome“oneflesh”withyourspouse(Genesis2:24).Thisincludesbecomingcopartnersinstewardship,takingcareofeverythingyouhavebeenblessedwithbyGod.HaveyoueverthoughtabouthowyourmarriagemightchangeifyouweretoviewtheresourcesyouhaveasagiftfromGod,giventoyousothatyoumightcareforHiscreation?Thinkaboutitasyougothroughthisstudy.OpenyourheartandyourmindtothepossibilitiesofhowGodhasblessedyouandhowyoucanserveHim.

9.AfterreadingMatthew6:25-34,explaininyourownwordsthepointJesuswasmaking.

WhatdidJesusmeanwhenHesaid,“Seekfirsthiskingdomandhisrighteousness,andallthesethingswillbegiventoyouaswell”(v.33)?

WateringtheHope

ReadthefollowingstoryaboutEricandDenise:

EricandDeniseeachgrewupinahomewheremoneywasscarceandagoodworkethicwasinstilledbytheirparents—alongwithafearthatwhatlittlemoneytheyhadwouldrunout.Bothrememberedhearingtheirparentsargue

aboutpayingthebills,tryingtofigureoutwhichbillstopayandwhichonestoholdoffforjustonemoremonth.WhenEricandDenisegotmarried,theydeterminedthattheywouldnotargueovermoneyliketheirparentsdid.Bothtookwell-payingjobs,andtheyworkedtogethertostayontopoftheirfinances.Notunderstandingwhy,EricandDenisefeltcompelledtotelltheirfriendsandfamilyhowwelltheyweredoingfinancially.Itseemedtoeveryonearoundthemthattheirmaintopicofconversationwasmoneyinoneformoranother.LittledidEricandDeniseknowthattheirhappinesswasfleetingandthatsomuchcouldchangesoquickly.Thefirstblowtotheirfinancialsecurityoccurred

whenEricwaslaidofffromhisjob.Ericreceivedathree-monthseverancepackageandwassurehecouldfindanothergood-payingjobwithtimetospare.Infact,hethought,IthinkI’lltakealittle

vacationbeforeIhitthepavement.Afteratwo-weekvacation,Ericdecidedtogojobhunting.Drivingtoaninterview,Ericwasrear-endedatatrafficlightandsufferedalife-threateninginjurytohisspinethatrequiredimmediatesurgery,monthsinthehospitalandtwoyearsofrehabilitation.ThesavingsaccountsEricandDenisewereso

proudofquicklyfadedaway,andtheybegantofearthattheywouldlosetheirhouse.Afriendheardabouttheirhardshipandapproachedhispastortoseeiftherewasanythingthechurchcoulddotohelpout.Thepastortookthemattertotheeldersofthechurch,whounanimouslyvotedtogiveEricandDeniseenoughmoneytocovertheirmortgagepaymentforthreemonths.EricandDenise,besidethemselveswith

amazementoverthegifttheyhadbeengiven,begantovisittheirfriend’schurch.Soontheyconsideredtheirfriend’schurchastheirown.Ericeventuallyfoundajobinanewfield,andalthoughthejobdidnotpayasmuchashispreviousone,EricwassatisfiedbecausethejobprovidedforwhatheandDeniseneeded.Today,EricandDenisearedifferentpeople

becausetheyhavefeltGod’shandprovidingforthem.Althoughtheyarenotaswealthyastheyoncewere,theywouldnottradeanythingforthesecuritytheyfoundintrustingGod.[5]

10.WhatwastherealcauseofthefearwithwhichbothEricandDenisewereraised?

11.Haveyoueverexperiencedfearofnothavingenoughofsomething?Wasitsomethingyouneededorsomethingyouwantedsobadlyyouthoughtyouneededit?

Wereyourfearsjustifiedintheend,orwereyourneedsmet?

HarvestingtheFruit

Iffivefrogsaresittingonalilypadandfourplantojumpintothewater,howmanyareleftonthepad?One,right?Wrong.Theansweristhattherearestillfivefrogsonthelilypad.If

theyonlyintendtojumpandneverdoit,nothingchanges.Areyoureadytomakethejumpfrombeingaconsumerto

becomeasteward?

StepOne:PreparetoJump(BeThankful)

Thirteenth-centuryDominicantheologianMeisterJohannesEckhartisreportedtohavestatedthatifallwedoisutterawordofthanksgiving,wehavesaidenough.BeginthisadventureintostewardshipwithdailyprayersofthanksforGod’sprovision.Commitwithyourspousetotakingafive-daybeing-thankful

challenge.Fillinthefollowingchartforthenextfivedays.Beforeyougotobedeachnight,sharewhatyou’vewrittenforthatdaywithyourspouse.Youmaybethankfulforthesamethingeachday,buttryeachdaytoaddatleasttwoorthreenewthings.Havefunandbecreative!

DayOne DayTwo DayThree DayFour DayFiveIamthankfulfor

Iamthankfulfor

Iamthankfulfor

Iamthankfulfor

Iamthankfulfor

StepTwo:Jump(SeekGodFirst)

BrainstormwithyourspousesomewaysthatyoucanseekGod’skingdomfirst.Asyouconsideralloftheideas,chooseonedisciplinethatyouandyourspousewillpracticefortheremainderofthisstudy.Writeyournamesinthespaceprovidedandthenwritedownthedisciplineyouhavedecidedtofollow.

We,_______________and_______________,planto______________________________fortheremainderofthisstudyinordertolearnhowtoseekGod’skingdomfirstinourlives.

StepThree:HittheWater(TendtoYourStress)

Numberthefollowingitemsfrom1to7(with1beingthemoststressfuland7beingtheleaststressful)toratetheamountofstresseachcreatesinyourmarriage:

_______Useofmoney_______Useoftime_______Relationshipwithmyspouse_______Relationshipswithfriends_______Relationshipwithotherfamilymembers_______Usingindividualgiftsandtalents_______Workresponsibilitiesandpressures

Overthenextthreesessions,wearegoingtotakealookatGod’sguidelinestoaddressthesepotentiallystressfulissues.Committoprayingeachdaywithyourspouseforthetopthreeissuesthatcausestressinyourmarriage.Thengetready,becauseyourmarriagewillbegintothrivewhenyoupursue

thegreatadventureofstewardshipandlivinginGod’sabundance!

IFWEONLYHADALittleMore

Donotstoreupforyourselvestreasuresonearth,wheremothandrustdestroy,andwherethievesbreakinandsteal.Butstoreupforyourselvestreasuresinheaven,wheremothandrustdonotdestroy,and

wherethievesdonotbreakinandsteal.Forwhereyourtreasureis,thereyourheartwill

bealso.Matthew6:19-21

Let’stakealookatatypicaldayofawomanlivingintheAfricancountryofSierraLeone.Talkaboutafullday’swork!

4A.M.Wakeupandstartdaybyfishinginthelocalpond.

6A.M. Lightthefire,heatwaterforwashing,cookbreakfast,washdishesandsweepcompound.

8A.M.Workinricefieldswithtwochildren,carryingoneonherback.

11A.M.

Collectberries,leavesandbark.Carry,alongwithwater,backtocompound.

NOONProcessandpreparefood,cooklunchandwash

dishes.2P.M.Washclothes,carrywatertocompound,clean

andsmokefish.3P.M.Workinthefamilygarden.5P.M.Fishagaininthelocalpond.6P.M.Processandpreparefood;thencookdinner.8P.M.Washdishesandbathechildren.9P.M.Shellseedsandmakefishnetswhilevisitingwith

neighborsaroundthefire.11P.M.

Gotobed(ontheground).[1]

Imaginehowmuchtimethiswomancouldsaveifsheonlyhadawashingmachine,astove,runningwater,adishwasher,alocalgrocerystoreandafast-foodrestaurant!Doyouhaveanyofthese?Ofcourseyoudo—ifnotall;attheveryleastyouhaverunningwater,astoveandsomeplacetoshopforgroceries.Thinkaboutyourlife:Doeshavingtheseconveniencessaveyoutime,orareyoujustasbusyasthewomaninSierraLeone?That’sthegreatparadoxofaconsumerculture:Wehaveallthesethingstomakeourliveseasier,yetwe’restillincrediblybusy.Whatistrueabouttimeisalsotrueaboutmoney.Haveyou

everthoughtabouthowmuchmoneyyouwouldhavetoearntofeelcomfortableaboutyourfinances?Mostpeoplesaythatifonlytheycouldmake15to20percentmoremoney,theywouldbesatisfied.Theharshtruthisthatyou’dbehardpressedtofindoneperson,whetherthatpersonmakes$10,000or$250,000peryear,whofeelsthatheorshehasenough.Thenotenoughsandifonlyscantaketheirtollonamarriage

—butthegoodnewsisthattheydon’thaveto.God’sWordgivesusclearandhelpfulguidelinestohelpusunderstandhowwecanbegoodstewardsofourtimeandourmoney.

TillingtheGround

1.Let’slookatyourtypicalday.Usethefollowingtwo-hourincrementalscheduletocharthowyoutypicallyspendyourday:

4A.M. ______________________________6A.M. ______________________________8A.M. ______________________________10A.M. ______________________________NOON ______________________________2P.M. ______________________________4P.M. ______________________________6P.M. ______________________________8P.M. ______________________________10P.M. ______________________________

MIDNIGHT ______________________________

Whichoneaspectofyourdailyschedulewouldyouchangeifyoucould?

2.Howmuchtimedoyouspendwithyourspouseeachday?

WearegoingtotalkabouttheimportanceoftheSabbathinthenextsectionofthisweek’sstudy.Rightnow,let’sconsiderhowmuchtimeyouspendinquiettimewithGodonadailybasis.

3.Howmuchtimedoyouspendinprayerandmeditationeachday?

Youmakeappointmentstoseeyourdoctoranddentist,anappointmenttogetyourcarserviced—youprobablyevenmakeanappointmenttogetyourhaircut.HaveyoueverthoughtaboutmakinganappointmenteachdaytospendtimewithGod?

4.Howmightyournotenoughsandifonlyschangeifyouweretomake(andkeep)anappointmentwithGodeveryday?

5.Checktheboxthatbestdescribeshowwellyouandyourspousecommunicateaboutmoney(e.g.,howtospendit,howmuchtosave).

Wedon’tagreeonanymoneyissues.Moreoftenthannot,wearguewhenwediscussmoney.Weareworkingonourcommunicationregardingmoneyandhavemadeprogressinthisareasincewefirstmet.Themoneyissueisnotaproblemforusbecausewehavethesamebasicopinionaboutspendingandsavingit.

6.Onwhatareyoupersonallyinclinedtospendmoney?

Onwhatareyouandyourspousetogetherinclinedtospendmoney?

7.Doyouandyourspouseshareequalresponsibilityforyourfinances?Ifnot,whoisprimarilyinchargeandwhy?

PlantingtheSeed

Imaginethatyou’vebeenhiredtodoajobspecificallycreatedtosuityouruniquegiftsandtalents.Notonlyisitacustomjobdesignedjustforyou,butyouhavealsobeenguaranteedapaycheckthatwillcoverexactlywhatyouneedfortherestofyourlife.Onyourfirstdayatwork,yourbossmeetsyouatthedoorandsays,“Welcome!Nowyoucangohomeandrelax.Wehaveaspecialpolicyforeveryemployee’sfirstday—it’salsoyourfirstpaidholiday.Seeyoutomorrow!”Soundsprettygood,doesn’tit?

TheJoyofRest

Genesis2:3tellsusthat“Godblessedtheseventhdayandmadeitholy,becauseonitherestedfromalltheworkofcreatingthathehaddone.”WhenGodmakessomethingholy,Hesetsitapart.TheBibleisholybecausethebooksthatcomposeithavebeensetapartasGod’sWord.Asanctuaryisholybecausethatbuildinghasbeensetapartforworship.Whatwasitthatmadetheseventhdayholy,distinguishingitfromalltheotherdays?Rest!

8.WhatlessonmightGodhavebeentryingtoteachAdamandEvebyblessingtheirfirstfullworkdayasadayofrest?

9.HowmighttakingadaytorestandhonorGodsetyouapartfromthemainstreamoftoday’sculture?

TheHebrewwordforrestisshabbat,whichnotonlymeanstorestortocease,butalsocarriesasenseofcompletion.[2]Thewordfortheseventhdayisyomshabbat.[3]ThenumbersevenintheHebrewScripturesisoftenassociatedwithcompletion,fulfillmentandperfection.Thus,God’sworkofcreationwascompletedwhenGodrested.ThepeopleofIsraelwerecalledbyGodtobeHispeople.The

OldTestamenttellsthestoryofGodshowingHispeoplehowtofollowHimandlivethelifethatHecreatedforthem.

10.WriteoutExodus20:8-11inyourownwords.

Howmightyouliveoutthiscommandwithinyourmarriage?

WhenwehonortheSabbath,weareremindedthatourtime

isnotourstodowithasweplease.Eachweek,Godcallsustorestfromourbusynesstorememberthatwearenotincontrolofourlives—Heis.

WhilehonoringtheSabbathmeansrestingonedayaweek,youcanalsotaketimeduringtheweektogainperspectiveandconsiderthegiftsGodhasgivenyou.Bystoppingtorestregularly,wecanremindourselvesthattheworldwillcontinuetorunwithoutus(asmuchaswemightliketothinkotherwise!).RememberJesus’wordsinMatthew6:33:“Butseekfirsthis

kingdomandhisrighteousness,andallthesethingswillbegiventoyouaswell.”

11.IsitdifficultforyoutotakeacompletedaytorestandhonorGod?Whyorwhynot?

TheTyrannyofSuccess

PartofthestruggleofgivingourtimeovertoGodisthatwearesimplytoobusytryingtobesuccessful,puttinginlonghoursatworktomakemoremoneytopursueourmaterialisticideals(i.e.,thebestlookinghouseontheblock,themostluxuriouscar,thelatestgadgetsandtoys,themostexcitingfamilyvacation,andsoon).Weintentionallytrytofillourpersonaltreasurechests.Jesushadalottosayabouttreasureandwhatmakesus

happy.OnedayJesuswalkedawayfromHisverybusylifeandwentuponamountain.WhenHisclosefriendsfoundHim,Hebegantoteachthemwaystolivealifethatwouldbringthemrealjoy.

12.ReadMatthew6:19-21andthinkaboutthetreasuresyoupursueasanindividual.Whatdothesetreasuressayaboutyou?

Whattreasuresdoyoupursuewithyourspouse?Whatdothesetreasuressayaboutyouasamarriedcouple?

Jesussaid,“Noonecanservetwomasters.Eitherhewillhatetheoneandlovetheother,orhewillbedevotedtotheoneanddespisetheother.YoucannotservebothGodandMoney”(Matthew6:24).Theterm“money”doesnotjustrefertocurrencyandcoins—evenifyoudon’thavemoney(oralotofit),youhavebeengivenresourcesbyGodwithwhichtoserveHimandothers.

13.Describewhatamarriagedevotedtoservingmoneywouldlooklike.

NowdescribehowthatsamemarriagewouldlookifthecoupleweretoserveGodwiththeirmoney.

Astewardissomeonewhomanagessomeoneelse’smoney.Byanalogy,GodgivesHispeopleresources,makingHispeoplestewardsofHisresources!

14.WhatdothefollowingpassagestellyouabouthowGoddesiresHispeopletostewardtheirmoney?

Psalm37:21

Proverbs22:9

Luke12:13-21

Luke12:41-48

1Corinthians4:2

2Corinthians9:6-11

1Timothy6:17-19Godhasblessedyouwithamarriageinwhichyoucan

experiencejoyandsatisfaction.NotonlyhasHegivenyouandyourspousethetaskofcaringforthetimeandresourcesyou’vebeengiven,butHehasalsoprovidedeverythingyouneedtoperformthattask.

WateringtheHope

ConsiderthetruestoryofTomandGinny:

“Thingswillbedifferentoncewe’remarried,”TomsaidtoGinnyastheywalkeddownthebeachononeoftheirrareeveningstogether.“Ohreally?”Ginnyrepliedwithabitof

skepticism.“Howso?”“Well,rightnowwe’rebothworkingalottosave

moneyforourweddingandhoneymoon.Naturallywe’regoingtohavemoretimetotalkandhangouttogetheroncewe’remarriedandlivinginthesamehouse!”“Ihopeyou’reright,”hisfiancéeresponded.Ayearlater,thenewlywedsrarelysaweach

other.ThetimepressuresTomhadsaidwouldbelessenedhadinfactincreaseduntilthecoupleworkedacombined115hoursperweek.Pregnantwiththeirfirstchildandfrustratedover

theirsituation,Tom’slonelywifeentertainedtheideaoffilingfordivorce.[4]

15.WhatadvicewouldyouhavegivenTomandGinnyhadyoubeenwalkingwiththemthatdayonthebeach?Whatcouldtheyhavechangedsothatspendingtimetogetherwasahigherprioritytothem?

16.HowcanengagedormarriedcoupleshonorGodwiththeirtimeandmoney?

HarvestingtheFruit

Asyouthinkaboutwhatyou’velearnedthusfarinthisstudy,it’simportanttoconsiderhowyoucanapplywhatyouhavelearnedtoyourownlife.Remember:Itisaction—nottheintenttoact—thatchangesthings.

17.Brainstormwithyourspouseandusethefollowingleft-handcolumntolisttwoareasinwhichyouandyourspousecanimproveinyouruseofyourtime,andtwoareasinwhichyoucanimproveinyouruseofyourmoney.Thenintheright-handcolumnwritethereasonsyoushouldmakeeachchange.

Nowthatyouhaveidentifiedsomeareasinwhichyouandyourspousecanworktogethertoimproveyouruseoftimeandmoney,it’stimetoworkoutsomedetailsforimplementingachangeinthoseareas!

18.Chooseoneitemineachareayoulisted,andtogetherwithyourspousedecideonfouractionstepsyoucantaketomakeeachchange(seeexample).

ExampleHonortheSabbath

ActionStepOne:Talkaheadoftimewithmyspouseabouthowtodothis.ActionStepTwo:Tellanothercoupleaboutourintentandaskthecoupletohelpkeepusaccountable.ActionStepThree:PlanourSabbathdayaheadoftimeandsticktoourplan.ActionStepFour:HonortheSabbathwithrest,BiblestudyandworshipingGod.

UseofTime

ActionStepOne:______________________________

ActionStepTwo:______________________________

ActionStepThree:______________________________

ActionStepFour:______________________________

UseofMoney

ActionStepOne:______________________________

ActionStepTwo:______________________________

ActionStepThree:______________________________

ActionStepFour:______________________________

Nowthatyouhaveaplan,setupadatethisweekatwhichtimeyouandyourspousewillcomebacktogethertotalkaboutthecommitmentsyoumade.We’vesaiditbefore,andwe’resayingitagain:Itisnottheintentthatmakesthingshappen—it’stheaction!

ONERelationship

ATATIME

Donothingoutofselfishambitionorvainconceit,butinhumilityconsiderothers

betterthanyourselves.Eachofyoushouldlooknotonlytoyourowninterests,butalsototheinterestsofothers.Yourattitude

shouldbethesameasthatofChristJesus.Philippians2:3-5

Haveyoueverfeltusedortakenforgrantedbyothers?Perhapsyouworkedtoomanyhoursfortoolittlemoneyonlytobetossedasidebecauseofcorporatedownsizing.Perhapsyouhadaone-sidedfriendshipinwhichyoumadealltheeffort.Perhapsyouburnedoutservinginministrybecausenomatterhowhardyoutried,peoplewouldonlypointoutwhatneededimproving.Perhapsyoufeelyourspousetakesyouforgranted.Withinmarriages,theChurchandourculture,relationships

breakdownwhenpeopletreatothersascommoditiestobeconsumed.Inaculturewheretheconsumerisking,youmayevenbeapplaudedforusingsomeoneelsetomeetyourownpersonalneedsanddesires.Stewardswalkadifferentroad.Ratherthanconsuming

relationships,stewardsintentionallynurturerelationshipsas

giftsgivenintotheircare.Inreturn,stewardsexperiencelifethewayGodintended.Inthisweek’sstudy,we’regoingtotakealookatGod’splanfortherelationshipsinyourlife,includingyourmarriage.

TillingtheGround

Beforewejumpintothisweek’sstudy,let’stakesometimetoexplorethedifferencebetweenconsumingrelationshipsandstewardingrelationships.

1.Brieflywriteaboutarelationshipinwhichyouexperiencedfeelinglikeacommodity.Howdidbeingtreatedthiswaymakeyoufeel?

2.Brieflywriteaboutarelationshipinwhichyoufeltcaredforandprotected.Howwasthisfeelingdifferentfromthatofbeingacommodity?

3.Ratethefollowingrelationshipsinorderofhowimportanteachistolivingafulfilledlife(with1beingmostimportantand7beingleastimportant):

_______Relationshipwithparents_______Relationshipwithchurch_______Relationshipwithspouse_______RelationshipwithGod_______Relationshipwithfriends_______Relationshipwithcoworkersorboss_______Relationshipwithstrangers

Nowthinkaboutyouraverageday.Ratethesamerelationshipsbasedonhowmucheffortyouputintothem(with1beingmost

effortand7beingleasteffort).

_______Relationshipwithparents_______Relationshipwithchurch_______Relationshipwithspouse_______RelationshipwithGod_______Relationshipwithfriends_______Relationshipwithcoworkersorboss_______Relationshipwithstrangers

Oneofthegreatestparadoxesofhumanrelationshipsisthatweoftenhurtthosewhoareclosesttous,butthenshowkindnessandcompassiontootherswebarelyknow.We’vealldoneit.Doesthefollowingscenariosoundfamiliar?

Stevewasrunninglateforameetingbuthadtostopatthegasstation.Whilewaitingforhiscredit-cardreceipttoprint,hespottedanolderwomanstrugglingtounscrewhergascap.Steveofferedtohelpandsoonfoundhimselfencouragingthewomantogetbackintohercarandlethimpumpthegasforher.Laterthatevening,whileStevewasrelaxingand

watchingthethirdquarterofthebasketballgame,hiswife,Susan,calledouttohim,askingifhewouldhelpherbygettingtheiryoungsonoutofthebathanddriedoff,soshecouldgointothekitchenandstartdinner.Annoyed,Steveremarkedthathehadworkedalldayandwasjustgettingtorelax.Brusquelypassingherinthehallwayonhisway

tothebathroom,SteveneversawthehurtinSusan’seyesfromhisselfishremark.

Thenamesandcircumstancesmaybedifferent,butnodoubtyouhaveexperiencedthisscenarioatsomepointineitherthegivingorreceivingrole.God’splanforyourlifeistoshowtheloveofJesusnotonlytostrangersbutalsotopeoplewhomyouknow—includingyourspouse.Inyourmarriage,youandyourspousehavebeencalledtopartnertogethertoserveoneanotherandothers.

PlantingtheSeed

God’sOverallPlanforRelationships

Whilesittinginaprisoncell,apastorheardthatoneofthechurcheshehadplantedwasexperiencingsomedifficulties.Thechurchhaditshumblerootsinanoutdoorprayergatheringthathadcontinuedtogrow,andchurchmembershadcontinuallydemonstratedJesus’lovebycaringfortheneedsofothers.Butnow,thepastorheardthatdivisionandconflictwereoccurringinthecongregation.Peoplewereusingothersinordertogettheirwayortopromotetheircause.Thepastordeeplycaredforthepeopleofthischurch—somethinghadtobedone.Thecity?Philippi.Thepastor?Paul.Thankfully,Pauldidnot

mincewords;andbecauseofthis,hislettertothePhilippianscontainsinstructionsforlivingoutGod’splanasgoodstewardsofourrelationships.

4.ListthephrasesfromPhilippians2:1-5thatspeakaboutrelationshipwithGodandwithothers.

Almosteveryphraseinthispassagetellsussomethingaboutstewardingrelationships.InPhilippians2,PaulcontinuedtoexpandonthethoughthehadbeguninPhilippians1:27:“Whateverhappens,conductyourselvesinamannerworthyofthegospelofChrist.”

ReadPhilippians2:1-2.Noticethatseveralphrasesbeginwiththeword“if,”butthe“if”isnotused“thewaywenormallyuseit—astheconditionuponwhichwhatfollowsdepends.”[1]Instead,PaulwasoutlininghowweshouldactbecausewehavealreadyexperiencedthesebenefitsinChrist.

5.WhywouldPaulbeginhisinstructionsonGod-designedrelationshipsbyremindingthePhilippiansofthebenefitsthey’veexperiencedfollowingChrist?

6.DescribehowyouhaveexperiencedorhaveseenothersexperiencethefollowingbenefitsasPaullistedtheminPhilippians2:1:

EncouragementfrombeingunitedwithChrist

ComfortfromHislove

FellowshipwiththeSpirit

Tendernessandcompassion

AfterdescribingthebenefitsoffollowingChrist,PaulrequestedthatthePhilippiansmakehisjoycompleteby“beinglike-minded,havingthesamelove,beingoneinspiritandpurpose”(v.2).Pauldidn’taskthePhilippianstoagreeoneveryissue—buthewasadamantthattheyhavethesameattitudewhenitcametocaringforpeople.

7.WhywouldPaul’sjoyhavebeencompleteifthePhilippiansbecameunitedintheirunderstandingofrelationships?

HowwouldyouandyourspousebecomemoreunitedifyouweretodemonstratethesameattitudethatPaulwas

encouragingthebelieversinPhilippitohave?

God’sDesignforBeingaStewardofOurRelationships

Philippians2:3-5providesuswithagreatoutlineforactingasgoodstewardsinourrelationships.Let’stakealookatsomesimple-yet-profoundprinciples.

“Donothingoutofselfishambitionorvainconceit”(v.3).Paulalsousedtheterm“selfishambition”inPhilippians1:17todescribethebehaviorofthosewhowerepreachingforthesakeofcausinghimtrouble.Selfishambition,orvainconceit,“standsattheheartofhumanfallenness,whereself-interestandself-aggrandizementattheexpenseofothersprimarilydictatevaluesandbehaviors.”[2]Selfishambitiontreatspeoplelikecommodities,consumingothersforthemselves.

8.Inwhicharea(s)doyoutreatyourspousewithselfishambition?(Checkallthatapply.)

HouseholdchoresSexualintimacyCareerpursuitsCaringforchildrenAlonetimeSpendingmoneyPayingbillsLeisuretimeControlovertheTVOther____________________________

9.Whatisonewaythatyouandyourspousecanworktogetherthisweeksothatyoudon’ttreateachotherwithselfishambition?

“Butinhumilityconsiderothersbetterthanyourselves”(v.3).HumilityisoneofthegreatestandmostmisunderstoodChristianvirtues.IntheGreco-RomanworldinwhichPaulwrote,humilitywasviewedasahandicaporaweakness.WhenJesusshowedanunderstandingofhumilitydifferentfromthecommonthinkingofthattime,Hewasdefinitelygoingagainstthegrain,butHedidn’tcare.JesushadsuchconfidenceinwhoHewasandwhyHewashereonthisearththatHedidnothavetohumiliateothersinordertomakeHimselffeelsuperior.

10.Isitdifficultforyoutoshowhumilitytowardyourspouse?Whyorwhynot?

11.“SubmittooneanotheroutofreverenceforChrist”(Ephesians5:21).HowmightfocusingonyourpersonalrelationshipwithJesusChristhelpyoutohumbleyourselfbeforeyourspouse?

Howmightthischangeinfocushelpyoutohumbleyourselfbeforeothers?

“Eachofyoushouldlooknotonlytoyourowninterests,butalsototheinterestsofothers”(v.4).Haveyouevergivenwhatyouthoughtwastheperfectgiftonlytohavetherecipientreceiveitwithlittleornoenthusiasm?It’softeneasiertoassumethatotherswantthesamethingswedothantakingthetimetofindoutwhattheyneedordesire.

12.Describeatimewhenyourspousetookagenuineinterestinyourneedsordesires.Howdidthismakeyoufeel?

13.Isitpossibletotakeagenuineinterestintheneedsofotherswithoutforsakingyourownneeds?Whyorwhynot?

“YourattitudeshouldbethesameasthatofChristJesus”(v.5).Toparaphrasethisverse,youshouldhavethesamemind-setthatChristhadwhenitcametorelationships.Readverses6through8todiscoverwhattypeofattitudeChristJesushad.

14.HowwouldyoudescribeJesus’attitudetowardotherpeople?

15.WhatdothefollowingScripturepassagestellyouaboutthebestwaytoapproachrelationshipswithotherpeople?

Mark10:42-45

Matthew18:2-4

IsitpossibletohavetheattitudeofChristinallyourrelationships?No—atleastit’snothumanlypossible.ButitispossiblewithGod.HeistheonlyOnewhocangiveyouthestrengthandthedesireyouneedtoaccomplishwhatHehascalledyoutodo.Godhasnotonlydemonstratedhowtobeagoodsteward,butHehasalsoprovidedthewayforyoutodoit.John16:7-15describestheimportanceoftheHolySpiritin

yourlife.WhenyougiveyourlifeovertoJesusChrist,theHolySpiritliterallycomesalongsideyouasacounselortohelpyouliveasGodintended.

16.HowcanknowingthattheHolySpiritempowersyoutolivethewayGodintendedinfluenceyourapproachtobeingagoodstewardofyourrelationships?

HaveyouexperiencedGod’sforgivenessandloveinapersonalway?HaveyoudecidedtoplaceyourlifeinHis

hands?Becomingagoodstewardofrelationshipsbeginswiththatdecision.Thenextstepistoprioritizeyourrelationships.

ThePriorityofYourRelationships

Thefollowingrelationshipprioritytriangle,basedonEphesians5-6,isasimpleoutlineforprioritizingyourrelationships:

YouestablishastrongfoundationforallotherrelationshipsbymakingapersonalrelationshipwithGodyourfirstpriority.Everyotherrelationshipisbuiltonthatrelationship.InhisbookMyUtmostforHisHighest,OswaldChamberswrote:“YourprioritiesmustbeGodfirst,Godsecond,andGodthird,untilyourlifeiscontinuallyface-to-facewithGodandnooneelseistakenintoaccountwhatsoever.”[3]AfterHimself,Godhascalledyoutobefaithfultoyour

spouse.YoumovefromtheOnewhoknowsyouthebest,tothepersonwithwhomyouhavebecomeonethroughmarriage.Thinkaboutit:Youareonewithnooneelseonthisearthotherthanyourspouse!Ifyoudonotcareforyourmarriagerelationship,otherrelationshipswillbebuiltonshakyground.Afteryourspouse,yournextpriorityisyourrelationshipwith

otherfamilymembers,andthenrelationshipswithpeople

outsideyourfamily.Godcallsyoutocareforthosewhohavebeengivendirectlyintoyourcareandthentomoveouttoothers.

17.SummarizewhateachofthefollowingScripturepassageshastosayaboutprioritizingyourrelationships:

Genesis2:23-24

1Timothy3:4-5

1Timothy5:8

WateringtheHope

ConsiderDaveandJulie’sstory:

After30yearsofmarriage,DaveandJuliedecidedonatrialseparation.Uponhearingthenewsabouttheirbreakup,neithertheirchildrennortheirclosefriendsweresurprised.Mosthadseenitcomingforalongtime.Davewasadedicatedsocialworkerandhad

investedmanyhoursintothelivesofhisclients.ThosehehelpedwerecontinuallycommentingtoDave’ssupervisorthatDavewasalwaysavailabletoaddresstheirconcernsandproblems.Acertifiedpublicaccountant,Julieworkedpart-timeasanaccountingsecretarysothatshecouldbeathomewiththeirthreechildrenasmuchaspossible.Astheyearswentby,DaveandJuliebeganto

driftapart.Itwasn’tunusualfortheirchildrentofallasleeplisteningtothecoupleargueabouteithermoneyorthefactthatDavegavesomuchof

himselftostrangersthathedidn’thaveanythinglefttogivetohisfamily.Althoughtheycontinuedtoattendchurchasafamily,neitherDavenorJuliecouldrememberthelasttimetheyhadprayedtogetherathome.Whentheiryoungestchildheadedofftocollege,

thecouplerealizedjusthowfartheyhaddistancedthemselvesfromeachother,andneitheroneheldmuchhopethattheycouldfixtheirbrokenmarriage.Afterall,theyreasoned,therewastoomuchwaterunderthebridge,andwiththekidsgrownnow,whatwasthepointinstayingtogether?[4]

18.WhatwouldDave’srelationshipprioritytrianglelooklike?

Julie’s?

HowdotheprioritiessharedbythiscouplecomparewiththeprioritieshighlightedinEphesians5-6?

19.WhatshouldDaveandJuliedoabouttheirmarriage?Whatadvicewouldyougivethecouple?

20.Behonestwithyourselfanddrawyourrelationshipprioritytriangle.Whereareyourprioritiesatthispointinyourlife?

HarvestingtheFruit

21.UsethefollowingscaletoratehowmuchyourrelationshipwithGodhaschangedthusfarinthisBiblestudy:

22.Listtwopracticalwaysinbothattitudeandactionthatyouneedtochangeinordertobettercareforyourrelationshipwithyourspouse.(Forexample,youmightlist“noticeandappreciatethelittlethingsmyspousedoesforme”asanattitudechangeand“spendatleast15uninterruptedminuteswithmyspouseafterdinnereverynight,sharingaboutourday”asanactionchange.)

Attitude

Action

23.Thinkaboutotherrelationshipsthatyouandyourspousehavebeencalledtocarefor(thiscouldbefamilymembers,friendsandcoworkers—evenpeopleinothercountries).Whattwowayscanyouservethesepeopleinthenextmonth?

WhenyourrelationshipswithothersarebuiltuponafirmfoundationofapersonalrelationshipwithGod,youwillbegintotreatothersaspreciousgiftsandnotexpendablecommodities.Indoingso,youwillrealizethefullpotentialofeveryrelationshipinwhichGodhasplacedyou—andyouwillseeHishandworkingineveryaspectofyourlife(includingyourmarriage).

Gifting

ITAWAYDonotconformanylongertothepatternofthisworld,butbetransformedbytherenewingofyourmind.Thenyouwillbe

abletotestandapprovewhatGod’swillis—hisgood,pleasingandperfectwill.

Romans12:2

DoyouhaveamostmemorableChristmasgift?Mostlikelyyoudo.OnedayTomfoundalong-lostgiftquitebyaccident.

OneJulymorningIwasexploringsomeboxesintheatticinordertogetreadyforagaragesale.Mostoftheboxeswerefilledwith“treasures”thatIknewsomeonewouldlovetoaddtotheirowncollection.AsIopenedthelastbox,redwrappingpaper

caughtmyeye.Isoondiscoveredabeautifullywrappedgift.Ilookedatthecardandread“ToTommyfromMom,MerryChristmas.”Mymotherhadgivenmeagiftwithgreatlove,andforsomereasonithadwoundupunopenedintheattic.[1]

Imagineuncoveringagiftchosenespeciallyforyouthatwassimplywaitingtobeopened!Tomexperiencedthiswithagift

fromhismom.Godhasgivenyougifts—individualandshared—andresourcestobeusedforHiskingdom.Inmanymarriagesthosegiftsremainunopened,undiscoveredorunused.PartofGod’scommandto“befruitfuland...multiply”(Genesis9:7)istousethegiftsthatGodhasgivenyoutohelpmultiplyandbearfruitinHiskingdom.Asyoudiscoveranduseyourgiftstogetherwithyourspouse,youwillexperiencethejoyofanabundantmarriagethatfollowsGod’scommandtobewisestewards.

TillingtheGround

1.Describeyourspouse’sgiftsandtalentsthatfirstattractedyoutohimorher.

2.Describemarriedcouplesyouknowwhousetheirgiftsandresourcesasateamtoserveothers.

3.Completethefollowingsentencestodefinethedifferentwaysaconsumerandastewardapproachtheuseofgiftsandresources:Aconsumerusesgiftsandresourcesto____________________.

Astewardusesgiftsandresourcesto____________________.

PlantingtheSeed

HowardHugheswasoneofthemosttalentedandresourcefulmeninAmericaduringthemid-twentiethcentury.Hewasalsooneofthemosteccentric;hewasneversatisfiedwithhiswealthorhisaccomplishments.Hugheshadtheworldathisfeet,yethediedvirtuallyalonebecausemostofhislifewasspentfeedinghisneedtoconsume.

WhileveryfewofuswilleverhavetheresourcesthatHowardHughespossessed,we’veallbeengivengiftsandresources.IfthelifeofHowardHughesservesasanextremeexampleofwhathappenswhenyouspendyourlifeasaconsumer,howwouldawisestewardapproachtheuseofgiftsandresources?Let’stakealookatwhatJesushadtosayaboutit.

4.ReadMatthew24:45-51.Howdidtheservantinthisstoryactasaconsumerofthegiftsandresourcesputunderhischarge?

5.WhathappenswhenweusethegiftsandresourcesGodhasgivenusforourownpurposes?

6.WhataresomedifferencesbetweenthewiseandunwisevirginsinMatthew25:1-13?

Whataresomesimilarities?

WhatdoesthisparablemakeyouthinkaboutregardingbeingreadytouseyourgiftsandresourcesforGod’spurposes?

Nowlet’stakeacloselookatMatthew25:14-30.First,eachservantwasentrustedwithproperty,eachinanamountaccordingtohisability.AtthetimeJesustoldthisstory,itwouldtakeadaylaborer20yearstoearntheequivalentofonetalent,soeventheservantwhoreceivedtheleastamountfromhismasterwasgivenmuchtocarefor.

7.Didthemasterexpectmorefromtheservantstowhommorehadbeengiven?Whyorwhynot?

8.Whatarethefearsthethirdservantmighthaveexperiencedwhenconsideringhowtousetheresourceshehadbeengiven?

Fearoftenpreventspeoplefromusingtheirgiftsandresources.Wefearnothavingenoughornotmakingrightchoices,andweworryaboutwhetherornotGodwillprovideforusinthefuture.

9.AreyouwillingtousethegiftsandresourcesthatGodhasentrustedtoyou,orareyoufearfulthatHewon’tprovideforyourneedsagain?

GodhaspromisedthatifweobeyHiscommandtouseourresourceswisely,Hewillcontinuetoprovideforusabundantly.

10.Inrelationtotheparableofthethreeservants,whatdidJesusmeanwhenHesaid,“Foreveryonewhohaswillbegivenmore,andhewillhaveanabundance.Whoeverdoesnothave,evenwhathehaswillbetakenfromhim”(v.29)?

ItisclearthatJesusiscallingyoutobeawisestewardofthegiftsandresourcesyou’vebeengiven.Sothenhowdoyouandyourspousebecomewisestewards?Romans12:1-2givesustheanswer:Ourentirelife,includingeverythingwehaveistobeusedasasacrificetoGod.WearetoofferourselvesandourresourcestohonorHim.Formostofus,offeringGodallthatwehavedoesnotcome

naturally.

11.Describehowapersonmightusehisorhergiftsandresourcestoconformtothepatternofthisworld.

Thewordfor“transformed”inGreek,metamorfoo,isthesamewordfromwhichwederivetheEnglishword“metamorphosis.”[2]Ametamorphosishappenswhenone

changesinappearance,character,conditionorfunction.Intheinsectworld,ametamorphosistakesplacewhenacaterpillarbecomesabutterfly.Ametamorphosiscanalsooccurinourlives.

12.InwhatwaycanadoptingeachofthefollowinghabitstransformthewayyouuseyourgiftsandresourcestohonorGod?

Prayer

Scripturereading

Beingapartofacommunityoffaith

13.ReadRomans12:3.Howcanthinkingtoohighlyofyourselfcauseyoutobeanunwisesteward?

Howcannotvaluingyourgiftsandresourcescauseyoutobeanunwisesteward?

WhilePaul’sprimarymessageinRomans12:4-8ishowmembersoftheBodyofChristofferuniquegiftssothattheBodyfunctionswell,theimageofthebodyalsorelatestohowwefunctioninmarriage.

14.AccordingtoPaulinRomans12:4-8,howdoesbeingonebodyyethavingdifferentfunctionsrelatetohowmarriedcouplesshouldusetheirgiftsandresources?

15.Howdoes1Corinthians12:14-26illustratetheimportanceofdifferentpeoplewithdifferentgiftsintheBodyofChrist?

16.Accordingto1Peter4:8-11,howshouldastewardusehisorhergifts?

WateringtheHope

BeforewebegintounwrapsomeofthegiftsGodhasgivenyouandyourspouse,readthefollowingcasestudyabouttwocoupleswhoattendthesameweeklyBiblestudy:SteveandMargiehaveareputationforgiving.Whentheirchildrenoutgrowclothes(andsometimesevenbeforetheydo),theyfindafamilywhoneedsclothing.Althoughtheyhaveonlyonevehicle,SteveandMargiefrequentlyallowthechurchtoborrowtheirvanforyouthtrips,andwhiletheyliveonaverymodestincome,thecouplelovestoinvitefriendsoverfordeliciousmeals.Whenfriendsoffertotreatthecoupletoarestaurantdinner,theyhappilyaccept.

Someonerecentlyaskedthecouple,“Howisitsoeasyforyoutogiveandreceive?”Margiereplied,“Godtakescareofus,andwehavefaiththatthingswillworkthemselvesout.”SteveandMargie’sfriendsKarenandMichael

aredoctors,eachinprivatepractice.Eachyear,theyhaveanout-with-the-oldsale-a-thon.Theyuseallthemoneyfromthisgaragesaleasextraspendingmoneyfortheirannualsummervacation.KarenandMichaelhaveoftenwonderedwhy

theirfriendsMargieandStevearesowillingtoloantheirvantotheyouthgroup.KarenandMichaelcan’timagineallowingabunchofteenagerstomessuponeoftheirvehicles!Theyreasonthatbeinggoodstewardsoftheirautomobilesmeanskeepingthempristinesothattheykeeptheirmaximumvalue.KarenandMichaelenjoyspendingtimewiththeirfriendsandofteneatout.Extremelyresponsiblewiththeirmoney,the

coupleisalwaysthefirsttobesuretheypaytheirpartofthebillatarestaurant.[3]

17.Howdothesetwocouplescomparewiththeservantsintheparableofthetalents?

18.Whatspiritualgiftsdoyouseeevidentineachcouple?

19.Bothcouplesinthiscasestudybelievetheyarebeinggoodstewards.Whatadvicewouldyougiveeachcouple?

20.Whatcharacteristicsofeachcoupledoyouseeinyourmarriage?

HarvestingtheFruit

ConsideringYourResources

Doyouremembercominghomefromschoolasateenagercompletelyfamishedandheadingstraightforthekitchencupboardsandrefrigeratortofindsomethingtoeat?Mostlikelyyoualsoremembercomplainingatsomepoint,“Howcomethereisneveranythingtoeatinthishouse?!”onlytohaveyourmomordadlistseveralthingsthatcouldbeeaten.Amoreaccuratestatementofexasperationwouldhavebeen,“ThereisnothinginthekitchenthatIwanttoeat.”Thissamescenarioissometimesplayedoutinouradultlives

too,whenwefailtorecognizethegiftsandresourcesthatwelivewitheverydaybecausewearelookingforsomethingdifferent.

21.Placeacheckmarknexttoeachresourceyoucurrentlyhaveatyourdisposal.

AbilitytolistenAbilitytoreadandwriteClothesyoudon’twearComputerEducationMovieand/ormusiccollection TransportationMusicalinstrumentPlacetoliveSavingsand/orcheckingaccount(s) TelephoneToolsOther:____________

Chooseanythreeoftheresourcesyoucheckedandwritedownatleastthreewayseachcouldbeusedtoserveothers(e.g.,membersofyourfamily,coworkers,yourcommunity).

ResourceOne:______________________________

ResourceTwo:______________________________

ResourceThree:______________________________

ExploringYourGifts

AccordingtoBarnaResearchGroup,71percentofpeoplesaytheyhaveheardofspiritualgifts.Ofthosepeople

12percentclaimtheydonothaveaspiritualgift;31percentcannameaspiritualgifttheybelievetheypossess.However,whenaskedtoidentifytheirspiritualgiftsthisgrouplistedcharacteristicsorqualitiesnotidentifiedasspiritualgiftsintheBible.Themostcommon

traitsmentionedwerelove,kindness,relationships,singingandlistening.[4]

Ifwearegoingtobegoodstewardsofthespiritualgiftsthatwe’vebeengiven,weneedtohaveaclearunderstandingofthosegifts.[5]

22.ThefollowingaresomeofthespiritualgiftsthatGodhaslaidoutinScripture.ChecktheboxnexttothegiftsthatyouthinkGodmayhavegivenyouandyourspouse.

Administration(see1Corinthians12:28) Apostle(see1Corinthians12:28) Discernment(see1Corinthians12:10) Evangelism(seeEphesians4:11) Exhortation(seeRomans12:8) Faith(see1Corinthians13:2)Giving(seeRomans12:8)Healing(see1Corinthians12:28) Helps(see1Corinthians12:28) Hospitality(see1Peter4:9-10)Interpretation(see1Corinthians12:10) Knowledge(see1Corinthians12:8) Leadership(seeRomans12:8)Mercy(seeRomans12:8)

Missionary(seeActs22:21;1Corinthians9:19-23)Pastor(seeEphesians4:11) Prophecy(see1Corinthians12:28) Service(see1Peter4:10)Teaching(see1Corinthians12:28) Tongues(see1Corinthians12:28) Voluntarypoverty(seeActs2:44–45,4:34–47;James2:5)23.Inwhatwayshaveyouexercisedthegiftsthatyoucheckedoverthepastyear?

Inwhatwayshaveyouneglectedusingthem?

24.Listseveralwaysyoucanencourageyourspousetobeagoodstewardofhisorhergifts.

Listseveralwaysyoumightdiscourageyourspousefrombeingagoodsteward(andthenstrivetoavoidthem!).

25.Inwhatwayscanyouusethegiftsyoupossesstocomplementyourspouse?

26.Thinkingaboutwhatyouhavelearnedaboutyourselfandyourmarriageduringthisstudy,howwouldyoulikeyourmarriagetobedifferentoneyearfromnowregardingstewardship?

Whatstepscanyoupersonallytaketoreachthisgoal?Whatstepscanyoutakewithyourspouse?

LEADER’S

DiscussionGuide

GeneralGuidelines

1.Ifatallpossible,thegroupshouldbeledbyamarriedcouple.Thisdoesnotmeanthatbothspousesneedtobeleadingthediscussions;perhapsonespouseisbetteratfacilitatingdiscussionswhiletheotherisbetteratrelationshipbuildingororganization—buttheleadercoupleshouldshareresponsibilitieswhereverpossible.

2.Atthefirstmeeting,besuretolaydownthegroundrulesfordiscussions,stressingthatfollowingtheseruleswillhelpeveryonefeelcomfortableduringdiscussiontimes.a.Nooneshouldshareanythingofapersonalorpotentiallyembarrassingnaturewithoutfirstaskinghisorherspouse’spermission.

b.Whateverisdiscussedinthegroupmeetingsistobeheldinstrictestconfidenceamonggroupmembersonly.

c.Alloweveryoneinthegrouptoparticipate.However,asaleader,don’tforceanyonetoansweraquestionifheorsheisreluctant.Besensitivetothedifferentpersonalitiesandcommunicationstylesamongyourgroupmembers.

3.Fellowshiptimeisveryimportantinbuildingsmall-grouprelationships.Providingbeveragesand/orlightrefreshmentseitherbeforeoraftereachsessionwillencourageatimeofinformalfellowship.

4.Mostpeopleliveverybusylives;respectthetimeofyourgroupmembersbybeginningandendingmeetingsontime.

HowtoUsetheMaterial

1.Eachsessionhasmorethanenoughmaterialtocoverina45-minuteteachingperiod.Youwillprobablynothavetimetodiscusseverysinglequestionineachsession,soprepareforeachmeetingbyselectingquestionsyoufeelaremostimportanttoaddressforyourgroup;discussotherquestionsastimepermits.Besuretosavethelast10minutesofyourmeetingtimeforeachcoupletointeractindividuallyandtopraytogetherbeforeadjourning.OptionalEight-SessionPlan—Youcaneasilydivide

eachsessionintotwopartsifyou’dliketocoverallofthematerialpresentedineachsession.Eachsectionofthesessionhasenoughquestionstodivideinhalf,andtheBiblestudysections(PlantingtheSeed)aredividedintotwoorthreesectionsthatcanbetaughtinseparatesessions.

2.Eachspouseshouldhavehisorherowncopyofthebookinordertopersonallyanswerthequestions.Thegeneralplanofthisstudyisthatthecouplescompletethequestionsathomeduringtheweekandthenbringtheirbookstothemeetingtosharewhattheyhavelearnedduringtheweek.However,therealityofleadingsmallgroupsinthisday

andageisthatsomememberswillfinditdifficulttodothehomework.Ifyoufindthattobethecasewithyourgroup,consideradjustingthelessonsandhavingmemberscompletethestudyduringyourmeetingtimeasyouguidethemthroughthelesson.Ifyouusethismethod,besuretoencouragememberstosharetheirindividualanswerswiththeirspousesduringtheweek(perhapsonadatenight).

SessionOne LivingByDesign

BeforeTheMeeting

1.Ifcouplesdonotalreadyknoweachotherand/oryoudonotalreadyknoweverybody’sname,gathermaterialformakingnametags.

2.Gatherextrapaper,pensorpencils,3x5-inchindexcardsandBibles,alongwithawhiteboard,chalkboardorlargepieceofnewsprint.

3.Provide3x5-inchcardsforrecordingprayerrequests.Youmayalsowanttohaveanotebookreadytorecordprayerrequestsandprayforeachgroupmemberduringtheweek.

4.Completethestudyonyourownduringtheweek.Readthroughyourownanswersfromthesessionandmarktheonesthatyouspecificallywantthegrouptodiscuss.Asyouprepareyouranswers,praythatGodwoulddirectyourdiscussion.

5.Prepareslipsofpaperwithreferencesfortheversesthatyouwillwantsomeonetoreadaloudduringthesession.Distributetheseslipsasgroupmembersarrive,butbesensitivetothosewhoareuncomfortablereadingaloudorwhomightnotbefamiliarwiththeBible.

IceBreakers

1.Distributeindexcardstomembersastheyenterthemeetingroom.Encouragethemtocompletetheirprayerrequestsbeforethesessionbegins.(Iftheydon’thaveaspecificprayerrequest,theycanjustwritetheirnamesonthecardssothatanothermembercanprayforthembynameduringtheupcomingweek.)

2.Ifthisisthefirstmeetingforthiscouplesgroup,haveeveryoneintroducethemselvesandgiveabriefsummaryofhowtheymettheirspouse,howlongthey’vebeenmarriedandoneinterestingfactabouttheirspouse.(Besuretoremindcouplesnottorevealanythingabouttheirspousethatthespousewouldbeuncomfortablesharingabouthim-orherself.)

3.Option1:Inviteeachcoupletoshareaboutanexcitingtriporactivitytheyenjoyedtogether.

4.Option2:Haveeachmembershareonecharacteristic,orquality,hisorherspousehasthatheorsherespects.

5.Readtheintroductiontogetherasagroup.

Discussion

1.TillingtheGround—Askavolunteertoreadthedifferencesbetweenconsumersandstewards;thenaskvolunteerstoshareoneoftheiranswersfromquestion2.Besuretoshareyouranswers—thiswillmodelanopennessandvulnerabilitythatwillbenecessaryforcouplestogetthemostoutofthisstudy.Ifnooneelseiswillingtoshare,don’tpushit.Coupleswillgrowmorecomfortablewithsharingastimegoeson.

2.PlantingtheSeed—SeparateintosmallgroupsoftwoorthreecoupleseachandhavemembersdiscusstheimportanceofservingoneanotherandhowthatrelatestostewardshipofGod’sgifts,ortakingcareofthethingsGodhasgivenus.

3.WateringtheHope—Askvolunteerstosharetheiranswerstoquestion10andhavegroupsdiscussthedifferentwaysinwhichfearcankeepusfromgoodstewardshipoverwhatGodhasgivenus.Askvolunteerstosharetheiranswerstoquestion11and

writeresponsesonawhiteboard,chalkboardorasheetofnewsprint.Pointoutthatsometimeswecanwantsomethingsomuchthatweconvinceourselvesthatweneedit.Discusshowthismind-setcanaffectourtrustthatGodwillprovideforoureveryneed.

4.HarvestingtheFruit—Emphasizetheimportanceoftakingactionstepseachweekthroughthisstudy.RemindmembersthatthestudyissimplylayingthefoundationforlivingoutGod’sguidelinesforstewardship.Discusstheimportanceofprayerandthanksgivinginoureverydaylife,andhoweachofthestepsoutlinedinthissectionwillhelpcouplestobecomebetterstewards.Thefirststepisdesignedtogiveeachcoupleapractical

waytobegindailythanksgiving.Askmemberstocommittothefive-daybeing-thankfulchallenge,andtoendeachday

thisweekbysharingwiththeirspousewhattheyhavewrittenforthatday.ThesecondstepisdesignedtohelpcouplesseekGod’s

kingdomfirstintheirlivesandintheirmarriage.Theycanchoosetopracticeadisciplinetogetheroreachspousecanchooseonetopracticeonhisorherown.Thethirdstepisdesignedtohelpcouplesrecognizeareas

intheirlifethataremorestressfulthanothers.Inthisway,theycanprioritizeandbandtogetherasacoupletotacklethosethingsthatarestressful.

5.CloseinPrayer—Animportantpartofanysmall-grouprelationshipistimespentinprayerforoneanother.Thismaybedoneinanumberofways:a.Havememberswriteoutspecificprayerrequestsontheindexcards.Thesemaybesharedwiththewholegrouportradedwithanothercoupleasprayerpartnersfortheweek.Ifrequestsaresharedwiththewholegroup,prayasagroupbeforeadjourningthemeeting;ifrequestsaretraded,allowtimefortheprayer-partnercouplestopraytogether.

b.Gatherthewholegrouptogetherandleadcouplesinguidedprayer,askingthatGodwillcontinuetogivethemguidanceastheysharetheexcitingplanGodhasfortheirlives.

c.Havespousespraytogether.

AfterTheMeeting

1.Evaluate—Leadersshouldspendtimeevaluatingthemeeting’seffectiveness.

2.Encourage—Duringtheweektrytocontacteachcouple(throughphonecalls,notesofencouragement,ore-mailorinstantmessaging)andwelcomethemtothegroup.Makeyourselfavailableforansweringquestionsorconcernstheymayhave,andusetheopportunitytogenerallygettoknowthem.Thiscontactmightbestbedonebythehusband-leadercontactingthemenandthewife-leadercontactingthewomen.

3.Equip—Completesessiontwoofthisstudy,evenifyouhavepreviouslygonethroughthestudywithyourspouse.

4.Pray—Prayerfullyprepareforthenextmeeting,prayingforeachcoupleandforyourownpreparation.

SessionTwo IfWeOnlyHadaLittleMore

BeforeTheMeeting

1.PraywithyourspouseanddiscusshowGodhasbeenworkinginyourmarriageoverthepastweek.

2.Gathermaterialsformakingnametagsinadditiontoextrapaper,pensorpencils,3x5-inchindexcardsandBibles.

3.Provideindexcardsforrecordingprayerrequests.Bringyourprayerjournalornotebookandreviewprayerrequestsfortheweek.Aspeoplearrive,youcandoaninformalcheck-inoryoucanaskifanyonewantstosharehowGodansweredprayersduringthepastweek.

4.Readthroughyourownanswersfromthesessionandmarktheonesthatyouspecificallywantthegrouptodiscuss.Asyouprepare,praythatGodwoulddirectthegroupdiscussionandgiveyouinsightintoyourownuseofmoneyandtime.

5.Prepareslipsofpaperwiththereferencesfortheversesthatyouwillwantsomeonetoreadaloudduringthesession.Again,besensitivetothosewhoprefernottoreadaloud.

Note:Somepeopleareveryuncomfortabletalkingaboutmoney.Youmaywanttoacknowledgethisupfront,andthenencourageotherstobeopenbytalkingaboutyourownhesitationstoshare,butthatyouarewillingtoriskitbecauseyouwanttogrowinthisarea.

IceBreakers

1.Distributeindexcardstomembersastheyenterthemeetingroom.Encouragethemtocompletetheirprayerrequestsbeforethesessionbegins.

2.Option1:Giveeachmemberablanksheetofpaperandapenorpencil.Haveeveryonewritetheiranswerstothefollowingquestions:•Ifyoucouldaddanextrafourhourstoyourday,whatwouldyoudowiththeextratime?•Ifyouremployerofferedtoincreaseyoursalarytowhateveryouaskedfor,whatwouldtheamountbeandwhatwouldyoudowiththeextramoney?

3.Option2:Haveeachcouplesharesomethingtheydiscoveredduringthefive-daybeing-thankfulchallenge.

4.Option3:Havemembersdescribetheirtypicalday,includingonethingtheylikeandonethingtheydonotlikeabouttheirroutine.

5.Begininprayer.

Discussion

1.TillingtheGround—HaveavolunteerreadthedailyscheduleofthewomaninSierraLeone.Breakintosmallgroupsandhavememberssharetheiranswerstothelastpartofquestion1andquestions4and7.Asawholegroup,discusshowdifficultitcanbetoadmitthatwearenotalwaysthebeststewardsofourtimeorourmoney.

2.PlantingtheSeed—ThechallengeofthisparticularBiblestudyisthattheissuesofhowtohonorGodwithourtimeandourmoneycouldeachbeasix-weekstudyonitsown.Discussquestions8and9.PointoutthatalthoughwearecommandedtotaketheSabbathoff,itisnotsothatwecanbecomeencumberedbyyetanotherthingtodo;itissowecanstopandrest,relaxingandreflectingonhowGodhasprovidedforus.Askvolunteerstosharewhattheylearnedfromthe

Scripturereferencesinquestion14togetmembersthinkingabouthowGodexpectsustouseourmoney.(Youwillbeaddressingthismorein-depthinthenextsection.)

3.WateringtheHope—Breakintosmallgroupsandhavemembersdiscusstheadvicetheywouldhavegiventhecouplethatdayonthebeach.EncouragethemtocomeupwithstrategiesthatTomandGinnycouldhaveusedtoavoidthestresstheybroughtonthemselvesbeforeandaftertheirwedding.

4.HarvestingtheFruit—Havemembersdiscusstheiractionplan(question18).

5.CloseinPrayer—Havecouplespairupwithanothercoupleandsharetheirprayerrequests.Allowtimefortheprayer-partnercouplestopraytogetherandthenclosethemeetingbyprayingforthecouples.

AfterTheMeeting

1.Evaluate—Spendtimeevaluatingthemeeting’seffectiveness.

2.Encourage—Duringtheweek,trytocontacteachcoupleandencouragethemtocontacttheirprayerpartners.

3.Equip—Completesessionthreeofthisstudy.4.Pray—Prayerfullyprepareforthenextmeeting,prayingforeachcoupleandyourownpreparation.

SessionThree OneRelationshipataTime

BeforetheMeeting

1.Gatherextrapaper,pensorpencils,3x5-inchindexcardsandBibles.

2.Provideindexcardsforrecordingprayerrequests.Bringyourprayerjournalornotebookandreviewprayerrequestsfortheweek.Aspeoplearrive,youcandoaninformalcheck-inoryoucanaskifanyonewantstosharehowGodansweredprayersduringthepastweek.

3.Readthroughyourownanswersfromthesessionandmarktheonesthatyouspecificallywantthegrouptodiscuss.Praywithyourspouse,askingGodwhichmembersofthegroupHemaybecallingyoutocareforspecifically.Asyouprepare,praythatGodwouldgiveyoudirectionthroughthediscussion.

4.Prepareslipsofpaperwithreferencesfortheversesthatyouwillwantsomeonetoreadaloudduringthesession.

IceBreakers

1.Distributeindexcardstomembersastheyenterthemeetingroom.Encouragethemtocompletetheirprayerrequestsbeforethesessionbegins.

2.Option1:Askmemberstosharetwoqualitiestheyappreciateabouttheirspouse.

3.Option2:Askvolunteerstoshareaboutarelationshipinwhichtheyfeltresponsibletocareforsomeone.

Discussion

1.TillingtheGround—Askvolunteerstosharetheiranswerstoeitherquestion1or2.Discussquestion3andtheimportanceofeachrelationshipGodhasbroughtintoourlife.

2.PlantingtheSeed—Havemembersformsmallgroupsoftwotothreecoupleseachanddiscussquestions5and6.Bringthegroupbacktogetheranddiscussquestion16andtheimportanceofallowingtheHolySpirittoguideusinourrelationships.Asyouworkthroughthissection,praythatGodwould

revealthoseinyourgroupwhohavenotyetmadeadecisiontofollowChrist.ThisstudyisdesignedtobringpeopleintoarelationshipwithHim,sincetheprimaryrelationshipweneedtobecomegoodstewardsisarelationshipwithGod.

3.WateringtheHope—Discussquestions18and19;thenaskmemberstotakeamomenttodiscusswiththeirspousewhetherornottheirspouseiscomfortablesharinghisorherrelationshipprioritytrianglefromquestion20.Inviteanyonewhoiscomfortablesharing(andwhosespousedoesnotobject)tosharetheinformationfromhisorhertriangle.

4.HarvestingtheFruit—Askvolunteerstosharetheiranswerstoquestions21and22.

5.CloseinPrayer—Haveeachcouplepairwithanothercoupleandsharetheirprayerrequests.Allowtimeforcouplestopraywiththeirprayerpartners;thenclosethemeetingbyprayingforeachcoupleindividually.

AftertheMeeting

1.Evaluate.2.Encourage—Duringtheweek,calleachcoupleandaskiftheyhavecalledtheirprayerpartnersthisweek.Encouragethemastheycontinuetocompletethestudy.

3.Equip—Completethelastsessionofthisstudy.4.Pray—Prayerfullyprepareforthenextmeeting,prayingforeachcoupleandforyourownpreparation.

Reminder:GodhascalledyouandyourspousetobegoodstewardsofthecouplesinyourBiblestudygroup.Youwillbemodelinggoodstewardshipasyouinteractwiththem.MayGodblessyouasyoucarespecificallyforeachmemberwiththeloveofChrist!

SessionFour GiftingItAway

BeforetheMeeting

1.Gatherextrapaper,pensorpencils,3x5-inchindexcardsandBibles.

2.Provideindexcardsforrecordingprayerrequests.3.Readthroughyourownanswersfromthesessionandmarktheonesthatyouspecificallywantthegrouptodiscuss,particularlyinthePlantingtheSeedsection.

4.Prepareslipsofpaperwithreferencesfortheversesthatyouwillwantsomeonetoreadaloudduringthesession.

5.BesurethatyouhaveagoodunderstandingofthedescriptionsofthedifferentspiritualgiftslistedinHarvestingtheFruit.

IceBreakers

1.Distributeindexcardstomembersastheyenterthemeetingroom.Encouragethemtocompletetheirprayerrequestsbeforethesessionbegins.

2.Option1:Askmemberseachtoansweroneofthefollowingquestions:•Whatwasthemostsurprisinggiftyouhaveeverreceived?•Whatwasthebestgiftyouhaveeverreceived?

3.Option2:AskvolunteerstosharehowthisstudyhasimpactedtheirmarriageandtheirunderstandingofGod’sabundantprovision.

4.Option3:Askeachmembertoanswerquestion1inTillingtheGround.

5.Beginthemeetinginprayer,thankingGodforallHehastaughtthegroupduringthisstudyandaskingforguidanceandgraceduringthislastsession.

Discussion

1.TillingtheGround—Haveeachcouplepartnerwithoneortwoothercouplestoformsmallgroupsanddiscusstheiranswerstoquestions2and3.Allowafewminutesfordiscussion;thenaskavolunteerineachgrouptosharesomeoftheanswersfromquestion3.

2.PlantingtheSeed—Youmaywanttoreadallthreeparablesinthissectionatonceandthengobackandreadthemindividuallytohelpgroupmembersseethebigpicturebeforeyouworkthroughthedetails.Discussthequestionsyouchosetoreview.

3.WateringtheHope—Discusswaysinwhicheachcoupleinthecasestudydemonstratesgoodstewardshipandwaysinwhicheachcoupleneedstoimprove.Thisisagreattimetopointoutthatadvicecanbegivenasencouragementandnotadmonishment.

4.HarvestingtheFruit—Encourageeachgroupmembertoaddoneotheritemtothelistinquestion21.Havesmallgroupsdiscussquestions24and26.

5.CloseinPrayer—Usethistimetobringsomeclosuretothegroup.PraytogetherwiththewholegroupandhavecouplesprayspecificallythattheothercouplesgrowdeeperintheirrelationshipwithJesusChrist.Afterprayer,taketimetotalkaboutwhatgroupmemberswilldotocontinuetogrowintheirrelationshipswithoneanother.

AftertheMeeting

1.Evaluate—Shareabouttheimportanceoffeedback,andaskmemberstotakethetimethisweektowriteareviewofthegroupmeetingsandthenreturnittoyou.

2.Encourage—CalleachcoupleduringthenextweekandinvitethemtojoinyouforthenextstudyintheFocusontheFamilyMarriageSeries.

3.Equip—BeginpreparingandbrainstormingnewactivitiesforthenextBiblestudy.

4.Pray—PraisetheLordfortheworkHehasdoneinthelivesofthecouplesinthestudy.Continuetoprayforthesecouplesastheyapplythelessonslearnedinthelastfewweeks.

Notes

SessionOne[1].DennisLinn,SheilaFabricantLinn,andMatthewLinn,SleepingwithBread:HoldingWhatGivesYouLife(Mahwah,NY:PaulistPress,1995),n.p.

[2].TheNewStrong’sExhaustiveConcordanceoftheBible(Nashville,TN:ThomasNelsonPublishers,1984),#5647.

[3].Ibid.,#6509.[4].Ibid.,#7235.[5].Thisisafictionalaccount.Anyresemblancetoactualeventsoranypeople,livingordead,ispurelycoincidental.

SessionTwo[1].DavidBeckmannandArthurSimon,GraceattheTable(DownersGrove,IL:InterVarsityPress,1999),p.97.

[2].HowardI.Marshall,A.R.Millard,J.I.Packer,andD.J.Wiseman,gen.eds.,NewBibleDictionary,3rded.(DownersGrove,IL:InterVarsityPress,1996),pp.834-835.

[3].Ibid.[4].WearehappytoreportthatTomandGinny’smarriagenotonlysurvivedbutalsoflourishedastheylearnedtoplacetimewithGodandeachotheratthetopoftheirprioritylist.Theirstoryisprintedwithpermission.

SessionThree[1].MaxieD.Dunnam,TheCommunicator’sCommentary:Galatians,Ephesians,Philippians,Colossians,Philemon(Waco,TX:TheWordBooks,1982),p.276.

[2].GordonD.Fee,Paul’sLettertothePhilippians:TheNewInternationalCommentaryoftheNewTestament(GrandRapids,MI:WilliamB.EerdmansPublishing,1995),p.186.

[3].OswaldChambers,MyUtmostforHisHighest(GrandRapids,MI:DiscoveryHouse,1992),p.13.

[4].Thisisafictionalaccount.Anyresemblancetoactualeventsorpeople,livingordead,ispurelycoincidental.

SessionFour[1].Thisisatruestoryandisprintedwithpermission.[2].“TheNASNewTestamentGreekLexicon,”Crosswalk.com.http://bible.crosswalk.com/Lexicons/Greek/grk.cgi?number=3339&version=nas(accessedAugust12,2003).

[3].Thisisafictionalaccount.Anyresemblanceactualeventsorpeople,livingordead,ispurelycoincidental.

[4].GeorgeBarna,SpiritualGifts,2001.http://www.barna.org/cgi-bin/PageCategory.asp?CategoryID=35(accessedJuly22,2003).

[5].Foraquestionnairedesignedtohelpyoudiscoveryourspiritualgifts,refertoC.PeterWagner,DiscoverYourSpiritualGifts(Ventura,CA:GospelLight,2002).