The 14 Most Unintentionally Terrifying Statues in the World
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8/3/2019 The 14 Most Unintentionally Terrifying Statues in the World
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The 14 MostUnintentionally Terrifying
Statues in the WorldBy: Pauli PoisuoApril 26, 2011772,866 views
13KShare
136digg
Write a book or paint a painting, and who knows whether it'll still be around
a few years later. But build a goddamned 100-ton bronze statue, and people
will still be staring at that shit centuries from now. Which makes it all the
more awesome when a sculptor creates a horrifying monument to his own
insanity and gets it erected in city park or town square. Like ...
#14.Frogner Park Babyfighter (?) -- Oslo,
Norway
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Viaellenmac11
Frogner Park in Oslo is a beautiful place. It is filled with a great number of
statues that capture the beauty and grace of human anatomy in a way that
has to be seen to be believed. Also, this statue of a naked man kicking theshit out of several babies.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/ellenmac/4680067470/http://www.flickr.com/photos/ellenmac/4680067470/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frogner_Parkhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/ellenmac/4680067470/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frogner_Park -
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ViaToni Kaarttinen
What exactly is going on here? Is it ... symbolic of something? Or, even
better, is it memorializing an actual person? Did this used to be an Olympic
event, and did this guy win the gold for Norway? Did they knock off points
for having his dick out?
This baffling statue actually depictsfour child-shaped "genii" spirits
attacking a man.Or maybe only three of them are spirits, and he just
happened to be doing his daily nude baby punt when they descended on him.
Really, feel free to just write your own backstory here.
#13.The Child-Eater Fountain -- Bern,Switzerland
http://www.flickr.com/photos/tonikaarttinen/5050843307/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://www.flickr.com/photos/tonikaarttinen/5050843307/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://www.absoluteastronomy.com/topics/Vigeland_Sculpture_Parkhttp://www.absoluteastronomy.com/topics/Vigeland_Sculpture_Parkhttp://www.absoluteastronomy.com/topics/Vigeland_Sculpture_Parkhttp://www.absoluteastronomy.com/topics/Vigeland_Sculpture_Parkhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/tonikaarttinen/5050843307/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://www.absoluteastronomy.com/topics/Vigeland_Sculpture_Parkhttp://www.absoluteastronomy.com/topics/Vigeland_Sculpture_Park -
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ViaCurious ExpeditionsIt wasn't as though he was aiming for any kind of subtlety here.
Damn, we should have done a whole article just about baby-murder statues.
The Kindlifresserbrunnen, or Child-Eater, fountain of Bern was built way
back in the 16th century. And really, it looks like pretty standard fountainry
when you're walking by it:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/curiousexpeditions/538780079/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://www.flickr.com/photos/curiousexpeditions/538780079/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kindlifresserbrunnenhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/curiousexpeditions/538780079/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kindlifresserbrunnen -
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ViaJaume Meneses
Hell, from here you can barely tell that the top depicts a man snacking on a
bag of babies. Probably why the artist named it "Child Eater," just to make
sure you got his point.
And we say "probably" because nobody seems to know the exact story --
whatever grand point the statue was supposed to be making has been lost to
time. But the artist went all-out, from the horrified, desperate expressions of
the remaining uneaten babies to the legion ofarmed bears that stand guard
around the fountain's base ...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jaumemeneses/1813787307/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://www.flickr.com/photos/jaumemeneses/1813787307/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://www.flickr.com/photos/jaumemeneses/1813787307/sizes/m/in/photostream/ -
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iStockphoto
... to the fact that at least one of them is sporting a clearly visible erection.
#12.The, Uh, Turd Monument -- Ponta Grossa,Brazil
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Viatudolink.com
If you're thinking this looks like a shit statue, a lot of people agree with you.
But you'd be wrong. It's also a shit fountain.
ViaLus Renato Berteli
That mind-boggling, giant turd-on-a-stick is called Cocozao.It's located inthe unfortunate town of Ponta Grossa, and Google Translate tells us it's
actually supposed to represent a local tree called the Araucaria pine. For
reference, here's an Araucaria pine:
http://www.tudolink.com/monumentos-do-nosso-brasil-o-cocozao/http://www.tudolink.com/monumentos-do-nosso-brasil-o-cocozao/http://www.panoramio.com/photo/3785668http://www.panoramio.com/photo/3785668http://www.tudolink.com/monumentos-do-nosso-brasil-o-cocozao/http://www.tudolink.com/monumentos-do-nosso-brasil-o-cocozao/http://www.tudolink.com/monumentos-do-nosso-brasil-o-cocozao/http://www.panoramio.com/photo/3785668http://www.tudolink.com/monumentos-do-nosso-brasil-o-cocozao/ -
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ViaDanielle Langlois
Yeah, Brazil. That's totally what it is.
For the surprisingly large portion of our readers who are already packing for
a pilgrimage to pay respects to the Ultimate Poop Joke, we regret to inform
you that the people of Ponta Grossa finally came to their senses in 2009 and
demolished the statue. As a small consolation, however,they opted to doit like this:
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Araucaria_heterophylla_01.jpghttp://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Araucaria_heterophylla_01.jpghttp://adlertech.blogspot.com/2010/04/monumento-cocozao-ponta-grossa-parana.htmlhttp://adlertech.blogspot.com/2010/04/monumento-cocozao-ponta-grossa-parana.htmlhttp://adlertech.blogspot.com/2010/04/monumento-cocozao-ponta-grossa-parana.htmlhttp://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Araucaria_heterophylla_01.jpghttp://adlertech.blogspot.com/2010/04/monumento-cocozao-ponta-grossa-parana.htmlhttp://adlertech.blogspot.com/2010/04/monumento-cocozao-ponta-grossa-parana.html -
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Viaadlertech.blogspot.com
"Damn kids." - God, after falling for the oldest trick in the book and stomping the fire out.
#11.The Kafka Museum Entrance -- Prague
Viavagabondvin
ce310
http://adlertech.blogspot.com/2010/04/monumento-cocozao-ponta-grossa-parana.htmlhttp://adlertech.blogspot.com/2010/04/monumento-cocozao-ponta-grossa-parana.htmlhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/vagabondvince/5217293686/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://www.flickr.com/photos/vagabondvince/5217293686/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://www.flickr.com/photos/vagabondvince/5217293686/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://adlertech.blogspot.com/2010/04/monumento-cocozao-ponta-grossa-parana.htmlhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/vagabondvince/5217293686/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://www.flickr.com/photos/vagabondvince/5217293686/sizes/m/in/photostream/ -
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Prague clearly wanted the museum for its greatest author, Franz Kafka, to be
something special. Which is why we have the above sculpture in the
courtyard. If you think it looks like they're pissing a pool in the shape of the
Czech Republic, a simple look closer ...
Viailovebutter
... says that's exactly what you're looking at.
This is the work ofDavid Cerny, an artist hailed by half his peers as a
controversial genius and scorned by the other half as an utter dickhole. Thiswon't be his only stop on this list.
The statues' dongs are robotic, so they actuallymove. They piss shapes in
the water, and you can also make them piss a phrase of your own by sending
an SMS to a pay number. And Cerny got someone to agree to that. And by
the way, this was not even his most ridiculous penis-related project. He was
once very, very close to being able to make the Czech National Theatre
look like this:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jdickert/2999980731/http://www.flickr.com/photos/jdickert/2999980731/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_%C4%8Cern%C3%BDhttp://www.360cities.net/image/david-cerny-s-pissing-men-in-prague-czech-republic-by-jeffrey-martin#0.00,0.00,70.0http://www.davidcerny.cz/startEN.htmlhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/jdickert/2999980731/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_%C4%8Cern%C3%BDhttp://www.360cities.net/image/david-cerny-s-pissing-men-in-prague-czech-republic-by-jeffrey-martin#0.00,0.00,70.0http://www.davidcerny.cz/startEN.html -
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Viadavidcerny.cz
That piece was going to be called "Nation to Itself Forever," a 30-foot golden
man ejaculating steam at random intervals. It unfortunately got canceled just
prior to installation, which we assume means Cerny was forced to pay up on
a bet he made to another artist years ago about just how much shit he could
get away with before someone stopped writing him checks.
Fortunately, this is not Prague's only artistic tribute to Kafka. There's also
this ...
#10.Man and Skull -- Prague
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Viasfoshee
Yes, for some reason or another, they figured that the best way to honor
Kafka was by erecting a statue featuring a giant skull getting intimate
with a subservient male figure at a major tourist attraction (Prague
Castle's Daliborka Tower). They say this is based on a character in Kafka's
books, and although we can't call ourselves experts on Kafka, we have a hard
time believing any of his major characters were ever prison-raped bySkeletor's disembodied head.
http://www.travellerspoint.com/photos/stream/photoID/481155/orderByID/http://www.travellerspoint.com/photos/stream/photoID/481155/orderByID/http://www.visitingprague.org/man-and-skull-at-prague-castlehttp://www.visitingprague.org/man-and-skull-at-prague-castlehttp://www.travellerspoint.com/photos/stream/photoID/481155/orderByID/http://www.visitingprague.org/man-and-skull-at-prague-castlehttp://www.visitingprague.org/man-and-skull-at-prague-castle -
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Viatiny_tearHey, let's check it out from the back:
Viaarchangeldeb
Seriously, there are some sights that are not meant to be seen when casually
tourist-hiking, and one of them is definitely a bronze scrotum. Which, by the
way, appears to have been crushed flat with a mallet.#9.The Faceless Crawling Horror Babies --Prague
http://www.flickr.com/photos/72111876@N00/47217223/http://www.flickr.com/photos/72111876@N00/47217223/http://www.flickr.com/photos/archangeldeb/1552820336/http://www.flickr.com/photos/archangeldeb/1552820336/http://www.flickr.com/photos/archangeldeb/1552820336/http://www.flickr.com/photos/72111876@N00/47217223/http://www.flickr.com/photos/archangeldeb/1552820336/http://www.flickr.com/photos/archangeldeb/1552820336/ -
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ViaRadim
Beznoska / Isifa / Getty
If you go to the park in Prague, you'll occasionally see these big, bronzebabies crawling around. OK, that's ... weird, we think, but definitely not all
that insane. Oh, wait, here's more of them covering the localTV tower like
ants:
Viaprague-guide.co.uk
In case you've never suffered the symptoms of heroin withdrawal and still
don't see the problem, let's try taking the camera up front, and get a view of
their adorable little faces ...
http://www.time.com/time/travel/cityguide/article/0,31489,1925095_1921770_1921744,00.htmlhttp://www.time.com/time/travel/cityguide/article/0,31489,1925095_1921770_1921744,00.htmlhttp://www.time.com/time/travel/cityguide/article/0,31489,1925095_1921770_1921744,00.htmlhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C5%BDi%C5%BEkov_Television_Towerhttp://www.prague-guide.co.uk/articles/david-%C4%8Dern%C3%BDs-sculptures.htmlhttp://www.prague-guide.co.uk/articles/david-%C4%8Dern%C3%BDs-sculptures.htmlhttp://www.time.com/time/travel/cityguide/article/0,31489,1925095_1921770_1921744,00.htmlhttp://www.time.com/time/travel/cityguide/article/0,31489,1925095_1921770_1921744,00.htmlhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C5%BDi%C5%BEkov_Television_Towerhttp://www.prague-guide.co.uk/articles/david-%C4%8Dern%C3%BDs-sculptures.html -
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Via Brad_King
AAAAAAAAAAA!
Those crawling nightmares are also the work of David Cerny, by the way. But
he can't be blamed for ...
#8.Fountain of Virtues -- Nuremberg
Viaedwhitaker
http://www.flickr.com/photos/wiredbeat2000/3593339732/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://www.davidcerny.cz/EN/babyKampa.htmlhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/edwhitaker/4042329011/http://www.flickr.com/photos/edwhitaker/4042329011/http://www.flickr.com/photos/wiredbeat2000/3593339732/sizes/m/in/photostream/http://www.davidcerny.cz/EN/babyKampa.htmlhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/edwhitaker/4042329011/ -
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If there's just one place in the world where you could safely take your pious
old grandmother, it would no doubt be Nuremberg, the German town
where some of theearliest bound Bibles were made and some really evil
people were finally brought to justice. And what would be a better sight
than the famous NurembergFountain of Virtues,made all the way back in
1589, when an iron caster decided to make a fountain that represented the
three theological and three cardinal virtues as women ...
... NO, GRANDMA! DON'T LOOK!
Viaedwhitaker
Yes, who would have thought that the ultimate virtue in the 16th century was
considered to be high-pressure lactation? Not you and your no-longer-in-
Grandma's-will ass, that's for sure. And in case you think this was one
random bad statue idea, head over to Bologna, Italy, and take a gander at the
deceptively named Neptune fountain:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuremberghttp://www.worldcollectorsnet.com/news/newstories/news674.htmlhttp://www.worldcollectorsnet.com/news/newstories/news674.htmlhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuremberg_Trialshttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuremberg_Trialshttp://www.nuernberg.de/internet/portal_e/reiseziel/ctz_4604.htmlhttp://www.nuernberg.de/internet/portal_e/reiseziel/ctz_4604.htmlhttp://www.nuernberg.de/internet/portal_e/reiseziel/ctz_4604.htmlhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/edwhitaker/4042329011/http://www.flickr.com/photos/edwhitaker/4042329011/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fountain_of_Neptune,_Bolognahttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuremberghttp://www.worldcollectorsnet.com/news/newstories/news674.htmlhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuremberg_Trialshttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuremberg_Trialshttp://www.nuernberg.de/internet/portal_e/reiseziel/ctz_4604.htmlhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/edwhitaker/4042329011/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fountain_of_Neptune,_Bologna -
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ViaBouncey2k
She looks quite calm for someone with perforated breasts.
All right, Renaissance-period sculptor guy, that's even less biologically
believable than the last one. What's wrong with your women, Europe? Howthe hell did any of your children make it through the breast-feeding phase?
Read more:The 14 Most Unintentionally Terrifying Statues in the
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world.html#ixzz1KhRtMMo7
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Fontana_Nettuno_particolare.jpghttp://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Fontana_Nettuno_particolare.jpghttp://www.cracked.com/article_19155_the-14-most-unintentionally-terrifying-statues-in-world.html#ixzz1KhRtMMo7http://www.cracked.com/article_19155_the-14-most-unintentionally-terrifying-statues-in-world.html#ixzz1KhRtMMo7http://www.cracked.com/article_19155_the-14-most-unintentionally-terrifying-statues-in-world.html#ixzz1KhRtMMo7http://www.cracked.com/article_19155_the-14-most-unintentionally-terrifying-statues-in-world.html#ixzz1KhRtMMo7http://www.cracked.com/article_19155_the-14-most-unintentionally-terrifying-statues-in-world.html#ixzz1KhRtMMo7http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Fontana_Nettuno_particolare.jpghttp://www.cracked.com/article_19155_the-14-most-unintentionally-terrifying-statues-in-world.html#ixzz1KhRtMMo7http://www.cracked.com/article_19155_the-14-most-unintentionally-terrifying-statues-in-world.html#ixzz1KhRtMMo7http://www.cracked.com/article_19155_the-14-most-unintentionally-terrifying-statues-in-world.html#ixzz1KhRtMMo7http://www.cracked.com/article_19155_the-14-most-unintentionally-terrifying-statues-in-world.html#ixzz1KhRtMMo7http://www.cracked.com/article_19155_the-14-most-unintentionally-terrifying-statues-in-world.html#ixzz1KhRtMMo7