The 10 Rules of Happiness

7/30/2019 The 10 Rules of Happiness

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The 10 Rules of Happinessh e 1 0 R u l e s o f H a p p i n e s sB y M ri du la A gr aw al ; R up a. C o; 2 00 6

H a p p i n e s s i s s o m e t h i n g t h a t

everyone aims for. Most of the

time, people do everything they

can in order to be happy. But true

happiness comes from within, not

from power, money or fame, but

from the person himself.

One cannot be truly happy unless

he has set himself to be happy.

And one can never be happywithout believing he can be.

Everyone wants to live happy and

p e ac e fu l l i v es , a n d t h is bo o k

written by Mridula Argarwal, also

a u t h o r o f t h e 1 0 R u l e s o f

Success, can help you do just

that.

W r i tt e n w i t h a n i n - d ep t h s t u d y o f

t h e h u m a n m i n d , t h i s b o o k

o u t l i ne s 1 0 e s s e n ti a l t h i n gs t h a t

y o u c a n do a n d f oc u s o n t o h el p

m ak e yo ur e ve r yd ay a ct i on s

rewarding and satisfying. It gives

a n ov er al l v ie w o f li fe a nd h ow

things can make you unhappy,

and shows you what you can do

to counteract that feeling of

discontent. More importantly,this book provides guidelines on

h o w y o u ca n l i ve a me a n i n gf u l

and tension-free life.

BOOK OFTHE WEEK:O O K O F T H E W E E K :

INSIDE THIS SUMMARY:N S I D E T H I S S U M M A R Y :

r e a d t h e s u m m ar ye a d t h e s u m m a r y

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The Big Idea Rule 1: We Can All be Happy Rule 2: Spread Happiness

Rule 3: Count your Blessings Rule 4: Change What You Can and Accept

What You Cannot Change Rule 5: Never Worry, Be Concerned Rule 6: Never Let Small Things Bother You

Rule 7: Do not Let Criticism Upset You Rule 8: The Magic of Forgiving Rule 9: The Magic of Gainful Occupation Rule 10: Discover the Beauty of Life

L e a r n t he s e c r et s o f l i v in g a h ap p y a n d c o nt e n t e d li f e


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Ru l e 1 : W e Ca n A l l b e Ha p p y

Rule 2: Spread Happiness

One common axiom in life is that happiness is

never impossible. However, many people stillstruggle on their way to happiness. The problemwith being unable to attain happiness is that mostpeople equate being happy with success in societalterms, meaning power, fame and money. But thething is, a person who is successful in these terms,w i l l n e v e r b e g e nu i n e l y h a p py a s l o n g a s h e d o e snot think that he is happy. It must be noted thath a p p i ne s s i s n ' t a c o n se q u e n ce o f s u c c es s b u trather of realization that you are happy.

An unhappy person is usually a discontent person. Aperson who craves even more than what he has anddoes not realize that while he strives for more, he

has already missed out or ignored an opportunity tob e t r u l y h a p p y.

Most of the time, the unhappy person would like tolook happy. Most content people will just be satisfiedwith a humble and quiet smile, while most unhappypeople tend to be boisterous. This is because asm u c h a s w e w a n t t o b e h a pp y o u r s el v e s , w e s ti l lwant other people to know that we are happy.

Happiness is deserved and is not merely shown.Positive actions bring positive results. Remember,giving happiness brings back happiness. Do nots e e k h a p p i ne s s , i n s te a d g i v e i t a w a y a n d y ou w i l lfind that it comes back to you.

True happiness can only be achieved when itc o i n c i d e s w i t h w h a t w e t h i n k i s r i g h t . O u r c o n s ci e n c e i s o u r m o r al c o m p as s , a n d w i t h ou t aclear conscience, one can never be happy.

H e n c e h ap p i n e ss i s a n i n t e r n al n e e d , s om e t h in gthat a person can only satisfy if he believes he cans a t i sf y i t . A t r u l y h a p p y p e r s on k n o ws t h at h e i shappy, and that person is satisfied with thatk n o w le d g e . H e d o e sn ' t h a v e t o s h o w i t t o a n y o n ebecause he knows it for himself.

I t i s m a n' s i n st i nc t t o wo r k fo r h is s u rv i va l a n d hi s

Ru l e 1 : W e Can Al l b e Ha p p y

Rule 2: Spread Happiness

family's. And sometimes too much focus on yourown world is the thing that makes you unhappy. Asthe clich goes, man is not an island; he needsother individuals in order to survive. But if a personis not in tune with those around him how can he betruly happy?

To be able to spread happiness, you must behappy. You cannot give away something that youd o n o t h a v e. W h e n y o u a r e h a pp y, t h e r e i s n o tmuch that can upset you. On the contrary, when

you are unhappy, you have the tendency to spreadthis.

Being totally apathetic can only make youu n h a p p y . I t m a k e s y o u s e l f - s e e k i n g a n d

demanding of others. A person who only thinks ofhis own happiness tend to get frustrated and tendto resent others for not making him happy. Andu n l e s s y o u a r e u n a b l e t o o v e rc o m e s e l fi s h n e ss ,you can never overcome the frustration and hencecan never be truly happy.

S p r e ad i n g h a p pi n e s s i s d i f fe r e n t fr o m w a nt i n grecognition. Most people try to be kin din order toget recognized for it. But a person cannot be trulyh a p p y i f he i s s p r e ad i n g h a p p i ne s s f o r p e r s on a lgain.

Take note that trying to spread happiness may

also cause you to be unhappy. Let us admit thatn o t a l l p e o p l e a pp r e c i at e w h a t y o u a r e d o i ng a n dsome might even take advantage of you. In thiscase, instead of being good you are encouragedto be compassionate. Being compassionate is notsimply giving but also being willing to understand aperson without being judgmental. If you focus onthe things that matter and ignore the unimportantd e t a i ls , t he h a pp i n e s s y o u sp r e a d w i l l s u r e l yrebound on you.

Most people tend to be unhappy because theyf o c u s o n t h ei r m i s f or t u n es . As s a i d i n r u l e o n e,people tend to crave for more than what they have,a n d i n t h is s e n s e th e y f o cu s o n t h e n eg a t i v e.

Rule 3: Count your Blessingsule 3: Count your Blessings

T h e 1 0 R u l e s o f H a p p i n e s s b y M r i d u l a A g r a w a lh e 1 0 R u l e s o f H a p p i n e s s b y M r i d u l a A g r a w a l


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Au th o r: Mrid u la Ag ra wa l

Pu b lis h e r: Rupa. CoDa te o f Pu b lic a tio n : 2006ISBN : 81 291 0372 9No. of Pages: 124 pages

ABOUT THE BOOK:B O U T T H E B O O K :

Count your blessings and you'll realize that despite allyour shortcomings, you are actually all set for being

happy.

W h e n yo u a n a l yz e y o u r l i f e , tr y t o l o o k at y o u r strengths and assets. Let them be the things thatinspire you. And when you do look at your weaknesses, be optimistic, and do not focus on thenegativities of these aspects of your life, but rather beaware of them so that you can keep improving for thefuture.

Being optimistic does not only include you but thepeople around you. The grass may be greener on theother side but try to look at your side first; you'll besurprised that though it may not be as green, it is

green enough. Most people see themselves ashappy someday but do not recognize that they can behappy today.

Look at your current life and focus on your family andfriends. Celebrate with them. Know that right now youhave enough to be happy.

Essentially, crying over spilt milk never solvedanything. It is better to get over past mistakes andfocus on improving them. It is okay to evaluate your

Rule 4: Change What You Can andAccept What You Cannot ChangeRule 4: Change What You Can andAccept What You Cannot Change

mistakes but do not mull over it, mulling wastesenergy, this energy you should be saving to focuson the things that actually went right.

But take note trying to improve something doesn'tm e a n yo u h a v e t o f o cu s o n i m pr o v i n g a l o n eThere should be a balance between the thingsy o u sh o ul d t ry t o co r re c t an d th i ng s t h at y ous h o u l d a c ce p t a n d i g n o r e. A p r o b le m w i t h o ut as o l u ti o n s h o u l d b e l e f t a s i t i s a n d i g n o re d , t h e r e i snothing more you can do about it.

Giving up on a problem does not make you anyless of a person, especially if that problem isindeed unsolvable. It actually gives you morestrength to plow forward because the energy tha

you used to waste on unsolvable problems willnow be put into better use, into carving out a newand better future. Spend a bit of time finding analternative or a solution, if there is none or if it isimpossible, move on and spend your time doingbetter things.

A worried person can never be happy. Imagine atime when you were so worried, you probably

weren't able to sleep, eat or relax. Worrying canc a u s e u l c e r s , h e a r t a t t a c k s , h e a d a c h e sb a c k ac h e s a n d m a n y m o r e .

Worrying is basically anticipating a bad result in afuture occurrence. It comes from nowhere and ism o s t o f t h e t i m e, u n r e a s o na b l e . A p e r s on m a yw o r ry a b o u t s o me t h i n g a s t ri v i a l a s s t e p p in g o n ap u d d l e o f mu d w h i l e w ea r i n g h i s n e w w h i t e s ho e so r s o me t h i n g as o v e r bo a r d a s w h a t wi l l h a p p e n tohis children in case he dies in an accident. It is a

product of an uncontrolled negative imaginationand it should be controlled.

Often you find yourself fatigued even if you've hade n o u g h s l ee p t h a t n i g ht . P s y ch i a t ri s t s s a y t h afatigue is rarely purely due to the physicalstresses of a person but rather often comes from

Rule 5: Never Worry, BeConcernedRule 5: Never Worry, BeConcerned



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being unable to relax. Aperson maybe able to rest butnever relax. Relaxing is a state of mind, a state of noworries. Let go of your worries once in a while anddon't let them control your life. Relax and be happy.

The good thing is a person can control being worried.When you find yourself being pulled into theworrisome thoughts, focus on positive thoughts.S o m e ti m e s i t h e l p s t o ta l k t o a f r i e nd a b o u t y o ur worries and eventually find out that they cansometimes be really absurd.

Just like ignoring problems without solutions, youmust also ignore worries that cannot be helped. Beconcerned but never worry. Do not make somethingthat is unpredictable be predicted negatively in your

head.

T h e r u l e s a y s i t a l l . O f te n w e g e t u p s e t i f a p e r so nsteps on our foot accidentally, or if a person cuts inline. Remember that these things should not affectyou so much, it is not worth it. Try to understandpeople and know that they are not conspiring againstyou. Reason with yourself and prevent a stressful day

just because of one little thing.

Know that the world is not fair and it stays that way.The only thing fair is that, the world is unfair for everyone. Everything cannot go the way you want itto be and the world has its way of playing with you. Tryto be flexible and if something bad happens gof o r wa r d t o p l a n B a n d d o n ' t mu l l o v e r i t .

M e n a r e s o ci a l b e i n g s a n d we c a n n o t l i ve w i t h o utinteracting with other people. But oftentimes, it isother people that can cause us unhappiness. Ap e r s o n c a n b e c o m e u n h a p p y w h e n p e o p l edisapprove of him or when he is overlooked. In theses i t u a ti o n s i t i s b e t t er t o l e t g o o f y o u r p ri d e a n d s h r in k

your egos a little bit. Accept the current situation,move on and try to do better next time.

Remember to let go of resentment. If things do not got h e w a y y o u w a nt i t t o b e , ac c e p t i t an d t r y t o beflexible. Know that problems are part of everyday life

R u le 6: N e ve r L e t S ma l l T h in gsBother YouR u le 6: N e ve r L e t S ma l l T h in gsBother You

and accept that fact. It is a good thing to dependo n t h e A l m i gh t y a nd k n o w t h a t He w i l l n o t g iv e

you a challenge that you cannot get over with.K n o w t h a t s m a l l t h i n g s o n l y bo t h e r y o u if y o u l e tit.

Since you were young you have been taughtvalues and the norms of what is right and wrongin our world. You were taught that stealing andc h e a t in g i s w r o ng .

In essence, being taught the lesson of right andwrong inculcates in your conscience somethingt h a t g i v e s y o u gu i l t ev e n i f o t h e rs d o n o t k n o w o fthe sin that you commit. Therefore, a guiltyperson can never be happy; regardless if othersare aware of his sin or not.

Just as we want to be innocent to ourselves, wealso want to be innocent in the eyes of everyoneelse. That is why it is very hard for people toa c c e p t c ri t i c i sm . I t i s v e r y n a t u ra l n o t t o l i k e b e i n gl o o k e d d o w n u p o n , b u t i t i s a l s o na t u r al t o l o okand see the flaws in another person.

I n o r de r t o l et g o o f th e n e g at i v e e ff e c ts o fcriticism, first you must look into yourself. Thebest way to turn criticism into a positive thing is toavoid criticizing yourself. Find inner peace andk n o w t h a t n o b o d y i s p e r f ec t .

Do not allow criticisms to dominate your life. Jutbecause somebody thinks this aspect of you is af l a w d o e s n o t me a n yo u s ho u l d f o c u s o n i t t o omuch.

Remember that you cannot project an image thatis likable to everyone. Everyone, every great

m a n o r w o ma n h a s b e e n c r i ti c i z e d b ut i t d i d n ' ts t o p t h em f r o m b ei n g t h e p h e no m e n al p e o p l et h ey a r e.

H o w e ve r, i t i s w o r th l e s s t o i g n o r e p u b li c o p i n i o n .Not mulling over criticism is very different from

Rule 7: Do not Let Criticism UpsetYouRule 7: Do not Let Criticism UpsetYou



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ignoring it altogether. Do not take a criticism andmake a statement out of it just because you want to.

Analyze it, make it positive and try to improve uponyourself, but not to the point of being obsessed.

As has been said before, nobody, not even the worldis perfect and one should accept that. A person maymake several mistakes in his lifetime and may upsetor harm other people in doing so, but that doesn'tmake anything he does unforgivable.

Know that a wrongdoer is human just like you. Know

that forgiving does not condone the wrong butsimply gives a chance to the wrongdoer to do what isright in the future. Know that you forgive for you andnot for the wrongdoer. Not forgiving means notforgetting and remembering a wrong done may giveyou more damage than the actual wrongdoing.

Negative emotions are never good; it gives youresentment and makes you bitter. It makes youu n a b l e t o r el a x a n d m a k e s y o u d ou b t f ul a b o u ttrusting and giving away happiness again.

Remember a time when you were angry, somepeople cry, some people want to shout, punch and

are generally very upset. This does not undo thewrongdoing but instead can harm you emotionally.B i t t e r n e s s c a n a f f e c t y o u r h e a l t h , y o u ' l l b emiserable, and if you are then you are probably righti n t o t h e h a nd s o f t h e p e rs o n w h o w a nt s y o u t o b emiserable.

Apologies for wrong done isn't a prerequisite offorgiveness or for moving on. In fact you do not reallyhave to forgive, you only need to forget. If not, thenfind it in yourself to forgive someone and it'll makey o u f e e l e v e n b e tt e r. G e t o v e r y o ur m e m o r ie s o f h a t r ed a n d k n o w t h a t y o u d id g o o d i n s i d e b yforgiving that person. Forgive him and get peace of

mind.

Rule 8: The Magic of Forgivingule 8: The Magic of Forgiving

Rule 9: The Magic of GainfulOccupationYou mind is not designed to do two things at thes a m e t i m e . O f t e n y o u m i g h t f i n d y o u r s e l fe s s e n ti a l l y w o r ry f r e e w he n y o u a r e fo c u s e d. T h efact is, even when you appear to be doing twot h i n g s a t th e s a me t i m e, y o u r e a l l y a r e n 't . Yo u rmind switches between two thoughts so fast thaty o u f e e l l i k e y o u a re t h i n k i ng a b o u t t h em a t t h esame time.

T h i s s a m e t h i n g a p p l i e s t o ev e r y a s p e ct o f y o u rl i fe . Kn ow t ha t th e br ai n is t he c en tr al c on tr ols y s t em o f y o u r b od y a n d y o u r e mo t i o n s; b e i n gt h at , kn o w t h at y ou c an n ot f oc u s o n ne g at i ve

emotions when you focus on something else. Theinverse is also the same. Positive emotions likehope, love, and satisfaction can never be presentwith sadness, hatred and depression.

W h en a p e rs o n ge t s p r eo c cu p ie d w it h t henegative, the positive has to wait in line. And aslong as you focus on the negative, the positive cannever have its turn.

Psychiatrists have often treated depression withwork. Work, even if it is boring or uninteresting, isbetter than mulling over the negative. But the moreeffective form of work would be meaningful work.

Doing a paper for a class or finishing a deadline,even doing charity, gives meaning to your life andmake you content other than distracting you fromall the negatives in your life.

A little competition with work can also help.Competition makes a person more engrossed inwhat he is doing and pushes out the negativethoughts even further. In short find something youare really interested in, a hobby, a sport a job, andwork on it. It'll leave you lighter, more fulfilled andmost of all, it'll drive all the negative thoughts away.

Ru l e 9 : T h e M a g i c o f G a i n f u lOccupation



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Rule 10: Discover the Beauty of LifeThink happy thoughts. It is as simple as that. A

person's thought can drastically influence his state of mind. A person who focuses on the negative tend tohave a negative disposition in life, and that person cannever be truly happy.

A person's peace of mind largely depends on what hethinks and what he perceives of the world. A happythought occupies the mind and prevents negativethoughts from coming in.

N e g a t i v e t h o u g h t s , u n r e a s o n a b l e o u t c o m e s ,worrying, anger, resentment and bitterness cancrowd the brain and leaves no room for all the positivet h in g s i n l i fe . I gn o re t h e b it t er n es s , th r ow o u t th ea n g e r, f o r gi v e , f o rg e t a n d l o ve . T h ro w a w a y t hen e g a t iv e t ho u g h t s a n d y ou ' l l f i n d yo u r s el f m or econtent.

Positive conditioning of your mind also helps. It isbetter to accept our imperfect world rather than try invain to make it the way we want it. By trying to correctthe world and everyone in it, you become engrossedin discontentment, this leads to stress and mentalanguish.

Focus more on the things you already have than onthose things that you have yet to accomplish. Desires

and wants are the opposites of contentment andshouldn't be the main focus of your life. Althoughdesiring and wanting for something makes youimprove yourself, it is also unjust to put every ounce of e n e r g y y o u h a v e in t o o n e th i n g a n d e nd u p b e i n gmiserable if you cannot have it.

Aim for something better but if you do not get it, countyour blessings and be content with what you haveright now. Also make sure that you aim for the rightthing, strike a balance between getting what you wantand being content with what you have and you willachieve peace of mind.

Rule 10: Discover the Beauty of LifeT ry t o h a v e c a l m m i n d w h e n d e a l i n g w i t h t h e

world. Relax, meditate and exercise; theset h i n gs r e s t t h e mi n d a nd m a ke i t re a d y f o r al l t h eflaws of the world. Meditation gives the mind a

r e l a x ed s t a t e a n d d r a i n s a l l t h e t o x i c t h o u gh t sfrom it. It gives the brain time to relax. Exercisep u m p s b l o o d i n t o t h e b ra i n , g i v i n g i t n u tr i e n t s a n drejuvenating it after a stressful day.

Be patient with others, but more so be patientwith you. Getting instantly angry or upset doesnot help anyone. Be flexible and understanding.

As much as possible spread you happiness tothose around you. It does not hurt to be a bi

compassionate or to smile to someone you donot know. Give out happiness and it comes backto you.

Remember that you have only one life to liveenjoy it. Everything is how you perceive it. Therei s n o s u ch t h i n g a s r e a l i ty, o n l y p e r c ep t i o n . W h ayou think of what you do is what it is to you.

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The 10 Rules of Happiness

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