Self-Editing &

Revision Skills Thayne

Bruszewski

Rebecca Donahoe

English 602 Project Fall 2011

Titles Is your title underlined or italicized? If so,

undo it. Original, personal titles are left alone.Boxer: The Story of a Workhorse

If you are using the title of any work that can stand on its own, then you should italicize the title.Animal Farm

If you are using the title of any work that is part of a larger work, then you should put quotation marks around the title. “The Road Not Taken”

Attention-grabbers

Have you started with an attention-grabber to engage your audience?

Quotation “Writing is an exploration. You start from nothing and learn as you go.” – E.L.

Doctorow

Question Have you ever experienced writer’s block?

Anecdote After suffering writer’s block all evening, a great story idea hit me while I

was driving to school…

Startling Fact Most professional writers report that they, too, suffered from writer’s block as young writers.

Statistic Nine out of ten professional writers report that they still suffer from writer’s block.

Thesis statements Do you have a clear, precise statement within

your first two paragraphs that previews what your paper will be about?

High school graduates should be required to take a year off to pursue community service projects before entering college.

If your paper includes reasons, did you forecast them following your thesis?

This time off could result in an increase maturity, work-experience, and global awareness.

Does the entire paper support the thesis? College is expensive. For example, a semester at Harvard costs $45,620. (Does this support?)

Introductions Now that you’ve caught your audience’s attention, and created a

clear thesis, what else should a good introduction have? Take a look at these two examples. What are the differences? Which is more effective?

This advertisement, found in a National Geographic magazine published in October 2011, is supporting Chevron and their use of renewable energy. The ad is convincing oil companies to follow the example of Chevron and “get behind the development of renewable energy” because “something’s got to be done.”It is also convincing readers to buy Chevron vehicles and products because they are energy efficient. With strong appeals to ethos, pathos, logos, and appealing to a relevant audience that would be interested in the ad, this is a very convincing argument.

A spotless green truck is shown on an unpaved road alongside a lake. Uncut grass lines the bank of the lake. On the other side of the lake, we glimpse an undisturbed tree line. Little leaves border the vista, separating it from the text on the page. This advertisement for Waste Management appeals to its viewers by its use of ethos (information about Waste Management and its partnerships), pathos (emotional language and imagery that evokes sympathy for conservation efforts), and logos (numerical information regarding preserved wildlife habitats).

Topic Sentences Do all of your paragraphs have a topic

sentence?

My father was a master storyteller. He could tell a fine old story that made me hold my sides with rolling laughter and sent happy tears down my cheeks, or a story of stark reality that made me shiver and be grateful for my own warm, secure surroundings.

Does all of the paragraph content support the topic sentence?

My father was a master storyteller. He could tell a fine old story that made

me hold my sides with rolling laughter and sent happy tears down my cheeks, or a story of stark reality that made me shiver and be grateful for my own warm, secure surroundings. My mother was movie-star beautiful. (Is there a sentence here that does not support?)

Transitions Have you used transitions between

paragraphs?Far up on the opposite hill I see her, flapping and hopping… Even at two hundred

yards,I can feel her binocular vision zeroing in; I can feel the heat of her stare.

Later, I look through my binoculars at all sorts of things. I’m seeing the world with aneagle eye.

That night I dream about two moons. One is pink and spins fast; the other is an eagle’s head, farther away and spinning in the opposite direction.

Have you used transitions between sentences?

The main section of the bridge is nearly a mile long. When the bridge was

completed in 1964, it was the longest bridge in the world. Since then, several countries have build longer ones.

Transitional Words/Phrases

Additionfurthermoremoreovertooalsoin the second placeagainin additioneven morenextfurtherlast, lastlyfinallybesidesand, or, norfirstsecond, secondly, etc.

Timewhile immediately neverafter later, earlier alwayswhen soon whenevermeanwhile sometimes

in the meantimeduring afterwards now, until nownext following oncethen at length simultaneouslyso far this time subsequently Placehere there nearbybeyond wherever opposite to adjacent to neighboring on above, below

Causebecause since on account offor that reason

Effecttherefore consequently accordingly thushence as a result

Illustrationto illustrate to demonstrate specifically for instanceas an illustratione.g., (for example) for example

Clarificationthat is to say in other words to explain i.e., (that is)to clarify to rephrase itto put it another way

Contrastyet and yet nevertheless nonetheless after all buthowever thoughotherwise on the contrary in contrast notwithstanding on the other hand at the same time

Comparisonin the same way by the same token similarly in like manner likewisein similar fashion

Purposein order that so that to that end, to this end for this purpose

Transitional Words/Phrases Continued

QuotingDo your quotes have introductions

(including attribution and credentials)?George Smith, another supporter of cloning and the President of the Human Cloning

Foundation, believes that science fiction works have created hysteria in the popular media. Smith argues, “From Frankenstein to The Sixth Day, our popular media has done nothing but stir up the public’s anxiety aboutmonsters” (25).

Do you follow your quotes with discussion/explanation?

George Smith, another supporter of cloning and the President of the Human Cloning Foundation, believes that science fiction works have created hysteria in the popular media. Smith argues, “From Frankenstein to The Sixth Day, our popular media has done nothing but stir up the public’s anxiety about monsters” (25). His views on the popular media tell us . . .

Quotation Marks Use quotation marks at the beginning and at the end

of a direct quotation.Bill said, “My favorite sport is baseball.” (Notice the difference in this sentence Bill said that his favorite sport is baseball.

Use single quotation marks around a quotation within a quotation.“President Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, ‘Major league baseball has done as much as any one thing in this country to keep up the spirit of the people,’” stated Mr. Pennebaker.

Periods and commas go inside quotation marks. Question marks and exclamation points go inside if

the quotation itself is a question or exclamation. Question marks and exclamation points go on the

outside if the quoted material is a question or quotation.

Colons and semicolons go on the outside of quotation marks.

Block quotes Do you use block quotes sparingly? Are block quotes set off an extra inch

from the left margin? Do they end with a period followed by the

in-text citation? Gerald Graff’s description of the college in the nineteenth century corrects the popular myth

About the golden age of American education:College faculties acted as disciplinary tribunals, periodically reviewing violations of rules suchas those requiring students to attend chapel services early every morning, to remain in their rooms for hours every day, and to avoid the snares of town. Nor were these restrictions relaxedfor the many students in their late twenties or older, who lived alongside freshmen as young asfourteen. (25)

In-text citations Did you include in-text citations for all

quotes, paraphrases, and summaries?

One historian argues that since the invention of television “our politics, religion, news, athletics, education, and commerce have been transformed into congenial adjuncts of show business, largely without protest or even much popular notice” (Postman 3).

Did you vary your use of in-text citations?

Postman points out that since the invention of television “our politics, religion, news, athletics, education, and commerce have been transformed into congenial adjuncts of show business, largely without protest or even much popular notice” (3).

First words Look at the first word of each

paragraph. Are you being repetitive? Vary your word choice.

Dogs and cats are both popular household pets, yet people differ drastically in their feelings about these two species. Why do some people say they are “cat people,” and others “dog people”? It may be that one animal has a clear advantage over the other.

Dogs…Cats….Dogs…

Look at the first word of each of your sentences. Are you using variety?

The day started as any other. The sun came up. The alarm went off. I got out of bed. The phone rang, and I found out that I had the day off!

Counts Count the number of paragraphs. Do you have

at least five?

Count the number of sentences in each of your paragraphs. Are you varying paragraph length (5-9 sentences)? Are any especially wordy? Are any especially short? Is it for dramatic effect?

Count the number words in each of your sentences. Are you varying sentence length?

Specific Language Read through your essay with word choice

in mind. Have you used precise language to mean exactly what you intend?

There is a multitude of pathos in this ad, and a fantastic use of ethos throughout. An immense appeal to pathos is also vastly apparent throughout the advertisement.▪ Are there words in this example that don’t quite seem

to fit?

It makes very good appeals to ethos, adding credibility to the ad. It makes a good appeal to pathos . . .▪ Read through your essay for generic words like “good.”

What would be a better word for this writer to use?

Verb usage Circle all of the verbs. Can you make them

stronger, more precise, more interesting? The dog ran across the yard and climbed over the fence. He went into the house, and went to bed.

How can we make these better?

Are any of your sentences in passive voice? Is there a specific reason for this? If not, make them active.The International Space Station was constructed by a group of 16 countries.

receiver of action verb

Can you invert any of your sentences in order to create variety? Down came the savage storm on the Spanish galleon.

Preposition usageUnderline all of the prepositions. Try

to eliminate 1/3 of them. about below excepting off toward

above beneath for on under

across beside(s) from onto underneath

after between in out until

against beyond in front of outside up

along but inside over upon

among by in spite of past up to

around concerning instead of regarding with

at  despite into since within

because of down like through without

before during near throughout with regard to

behind except of to with respect to

Adjective usage Look at you nouns. Are you modifying

them with descriptive adjectives?The nice girl who lives in the big house goes to a good school.

How can we make these better?

Eliminate any unnecessary adjectives. Yesterday I made a wonderful, tasty, cheesy grilled cheese sandwich. It was

delicious! The bread was nice and toasty and the cheese was gooey and goopy. Even my son, a picky eater said it was yummy.

Do you need to add any adjectives?Joe cleaned his bedroom.

How can we make this better?

Pronoun usageEliminate any second-person

pronouns.

Use first-person pronouns sparingly (and not at all with most academic writing).

You

OURSOURUS

WEMINE

MYME

I

Pronoun/Antecedent Usage

When referring to a generic, singular person, like a “reader,” be sure to use singular pronouns. The whole ad draws the reader in,

making them feel that this product’s worth is substantial.▪ What are two ways that you could fix this

sentence?▪ Check your essay for agreement in number.

Apostrophe usage

Find words that end in “s.”

Make sure you are following these rules:

Most plural nouns end in s. Most nouns that show possession

end with an apostrophe and an s (‘s).

Most nouns that are both plural and possessive end with an s and an apostrophe (s’).

Comma usageMake sure you are not breaking any of the following rules:

Items in a series are separated by commas. This includes the one that immediately precedes the “and.”Bungee jumping has joined the ranks of surfboarding, skateboarding, and sky diving as an extreme

sport.

Introductory elements and interrupters are set off by commas. Oh, bungee jumping is not for the faint-hearted. At the beginning of the jump, a person feels a rush of emotions. Bungee jumping, by the way, can be done in groups. A seven-person team, for example, has jumped in a specially designed basket.

Non-essential appositive phrases are set off by commas.Gail Devers, a survivor of Graves’ Disease, overcame many obstacles to achieve athletic success.

Comma usage cont.

Conjunctive adverbs are followed by commas. However, if you are a thrill-seeker, then bungee jumping is the perfect hobby. The invention of the transistor radio contributed to the rise of rock and roll; similarly, the

introduction of cable television helped launch music videos. (Notice the semicolon before the conjunctive adverb.)

Two independent clauses joined with a coordinating conjunction must include a comma. Rodeos are held in many parts of the United States, but they are also popular in Mexico, Canada, and Australia.

Two independent clauses that are joined with just a comma (no coordinating conjunction) is called a comma splice. He went to the store, he bought a candy bar.

Sentence Errors Joining independent clauses without

a conjunction and a comma or without a semicolon are run-on sentences.One popular myth credits Marco Polo with the discovery of the heavenly dessert of ice cream another tells how a Tuscan confectioner introduced Italians to ice milk and fruit ice.

Sentences that are missing a subject, verb, and/or a complete thought are sentence fragments. In 1853, Native American George Crum served his version of French fries at Moon

Lake Lodge. Soon thereafter faced a guest’s disapproval. (missing a subject)

Chef Crum angered by the rejection. Eventually he created the potato chip. (missing a verb)