Teens and tweens

What’s up with them?

Memories of being a teen…

You yourself were a teenager not long ago!

You probably felt similar to how many teenagers feel today:

introspective and worried, but hopeful and adventurous

You probably complained that too much school work impeded your life and began wondering

who you were and where you fit(which you’ve since learned takes a lot of practice but

we all get good at it sooner or later!)

What’s up with teens and tweens?

What’s up with teens and tweens?

Teens are concerned about image  - know that time in front of mirror is normal!

 Teens are feeling conflicted already  -  avoid too much conflict (chose your battles)!

Teens don’t like too many questions   -   balance being interested but not intrusive!

Teens want to separate  - encourage /embrace greater independence!

Developmental changes in teen years

physical changes brought on by puberty are accompanied by emotional changes

unique social needs develophopes and expectations for future pressures and worries that are often

focused on how they fit in and interact with peers

the importance of the peers group is one of the first moves towards independence

Development of own sense of self

develop their own sense of self individuate – becoming their own person seek out information from parents and

peers that will help them further define themselves

identify own interestsexpress themselves through their activities self-esteem is developing and fragile sense of self is highly affected by peers

Parents can support growing independence

Adolescents should rely less on their parents

Understand and encourage the urge to separate

Although parental support is important, parents should guard against over-involvement

Encourage teens to seek assistance directly from staff and to view teachers as an ally and ask for help

Parents “Cutting the cord”

Source: Maurice J. Elias, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Rutgers University in New Brunswick, N.J., and co-author of Raising Emotionally Intelligent Teenagers: Guiding the Way to Committed, Courageous, Compassionate Adults (Three Rivers Press, 2002)

It is important for parents to be clear about their own emotions: “Our own feelings of hesitation or trepidation

need not be transmitted onto our children. Ideally, we want them leaving with a sense of confidence, excitement and enthusiasm."

“It is important for teenagers to know that Mom and Dad are interested in what they are doing, that they share in their accomplishments, but ….

they will need to find their own way”.

Children “Cutting the cord”

Cutting the cord can go both ways! Stressful for teens to learn what is expected of them.Some are hesitant to make decisions without parents.Parents be careful not to dismiss feelings of

apprehension - listen and understand, then offer adult perspective, information, support and guidance.

Provide an environment that allows them to express their concerns without fear of rejection or disapproval.

Allow for learning through trial and error.Be patient as they stumble through their new

responsibilities.

Cut the cord...but continue to “be there”

Concluding thoughts….

What we must realize from the start is that the ultimate goal of parenting is to raise responsible, empowered adults.

If they don't need you as much when they become teens, you have accomplished just that and equipped them with the tools to succeed.

Remember, they do still need you (and

your love), they just don’t want to be seen with you!

Love your teen when they least deserve it because that is when they really need it

Additional Resources

www.tweenparent.com Tips for kids going to middle school:

Getting organised Tips for kids going to middle school:

Social securityHelping your preteen cope with feeling left out

Getting our boys to talk: teach the language of feelings

Learning life skills is critical for tween success

Key characteristics of modern day teens

participative *enjoy things that are fun and interactive

connected * lifelong use of internet, cell phones *interact with technology flawlessly *see electronic devices as extension of selves

achievement oriented = feel stress/pressure*coming from selves, peers and parents* Stress factors – marks, friends/fitting in/ popularity / looks AND (sometimes) pleasing parents

social time is highly valued

Create fun learning opportunities at home

Leadership and Teamwork skills Enhance child's sense of responsibility & build confidence to guide others Collaborate on household projects; participation in clubs; reflect on learning.

Communication skills Teach telephone manners, greeting professionals, please/thanks, "netiquette“ Keep vocabulary growing by introducing a "word of the day“

Conflict Resolution Articulate a problem and discover solutions by offering problem-solving choices; Introduce concepts like compromise and respect; paraphrase what the other is

saying

Goal Setting Set small goals that lead to a larger overall goal; Create action steps required to achieve goal; discuss time needed for

each step; encourage persistence and follow-through, and celebrate a job well

done!