Talk to Me Like Autumn

LightningBug Presswww.lightningbugpress.com

talk to me like autumn

rae marcust

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poems by

Rae Marcus is the author of two short plays,Rule Number Eight and How Do You Feel?,performed as student productions. Three ofher poems (Claustrophobia, Porcelain Doll,and Choke) were published in her high schoolliterary magazine. This is her first publishedvolume of poetry. She currently attendscollege in North Carolina, where she alsowrites for the college newspaper.

Rae Marcus

Printed in

Without limiting the rigmay be reproduced, stoform, or by any means (without the prior writtethis book.Published By Lightning Bug PressRaleigh, North Carolina

www.lightningbugpress.com

ISBN 0-9672822-5-XCopyright 2001 by Rae Marcus

All Rights Reservedthe United States of America on acid-free paper

June 2001First Lightning Bug Press Edition

hts under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication red in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted in any electronical, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), n permission of the copyright owner and the above publisher of

Talk to Me Like Autumn

T o a G r a n d d a

O v e r h e a r d a t

M y P a r e n t s W

G r o w t h

F o u r t e e n

M y O n l y R e l i

S p r i n g

R e m i n i s c i n g

N o o s e

N o N a m e L i v e

I n g r i d B e r g m

T h e F o u r S e a

M e

P a i n t f o r M e

A W o r l d W i t h

T h e S o n g o f S

F r o s t b i t e

W h e n W e W e r

C h o k e

P a p i l l o n

M y H e a v e n iii

Contents

u g h t e r 1

a F u n e r a l 2

e d d i n g D a y 5

7

8

g i o u s P o e m 9

10

11

14

s F o r e v e r 15

a n , Q u e e n E l i z a b e t h , a n d M e g 16

s o n s 21

26

a W o r l d 28

o u t L o v e 29

u z a n n a S l o a n e 30

34

e G o l d e n 35

36

37

38

Rae Marcus

iv

P r i m a D o n n a 39

U n w e l c o m e 40

C l a u s t r o p h o b i a 41

L a c t r i c e 43

M i r r o r W o r s h

K a l e i d o s c o p e

C a g e d A n g e l

A r c d e C i e l

T o y S o l d i e r s

E n c a s e d

P o r c e l a i n D o

N u m b

B r o w n P r o p h

T e r r i f y i n g I l

S t a t e o f M i n d

D i s i n t e g r a t i o

F o r W h i c h L

R e c o n s t r u c t i

B a l a n c i n g A c

N o t o r i e t y

O v e r a c h i e v e r

S h a t t e r e d T r u

W e a p o n s

M e r c y

C a n d l e l i g h t

F e b r u a r y A n g

R e f l e c t i o n

A p p e a l

R e f r a i n f o r R

A l o e

T h e W o r l d E ni p 44

45

46

47

48

49

l l 50

51

e t 52

l u s i o n 53

54

n 55

o v e i s T o o S i m p l e a T i t l e 56

o n 57

t 58

59

60

t h 62

64

65

66

e l 67

68

69

e q u i e m 71

72

d s i n J u n e 73


B e r n a d e t t e W e d n e s d a y 74

P o o l 75

L a u r i e 76

W a t e r L o v e D r u g 77

T h e l o v e o f y o u

C h a n n e l S u r f

A r c h a e o l o g i s

T h e C o n q u e r e

B a l t i m o r e M o

R a p u n z e l

G u r u

T h e P o e m T hT r o u b l e i n S o

I l l W a y

V a g a b o n d

T i p t o e s

S o n g a n d a

A u R e v o i r

C i t i z e n K a n e

I n g e n u i t y

T h e E l e c t r i c

S o L o n g G o n e

T h e r e H a v e B( A M i r r o r S o

I n s o u c i a n t ( A

L e t M e C a l l O

P o s t m o d e r n I

A m b e r

F u l l C i r c l e

W h y

S o u t h e r n B e l

T e n Y e a r s v

r l i f e 78

i n g 79

t M o t h e r 81

d 82

o n 83

84

85

a t G o t M e i n c i a l S t u d i e s 86

88

90

92

B u n c h o f P o s s e s s i v e P r o n o u n s 93

94

95

96

M o m e n t s 98

99

e e n T o o M a n y L a s t s n n e t ) 1 0 0

M i r r o r S o n n e t ) 1 0 1

u t T o Y o u 1 0 2

n d e p e n d e n c e D a y 1 0 3

1 0 4

1 0 5

1 0 6

l e 1 0 7

1 0 8

Rae Marcus

vi

F a l s e G l o w 1 0 9

N a t u r e P a u s e s 1 1 0

L u c i f e r s P i l l o w s 1 1 1

H e r e a f t e r 1 1 2

D o r m a n t

C a l l i o p e

C h a r c o a l

P a t t e r n s

D e v o l u t i o n

U n a s s u m i n g a

T h e L o n g W a l

T a l k T o M e L1 1 3

1 1 4

1 1 5

1 1 6

1 1 7

n d U n s u n g 1 1 8

k H o m e 1 1 9

i k e A u t u m n 1 2 0


To a GranddaughterIn Loving Memory of Ann Eliza Elliot Dowdy

YoI

SO

OAn1

My grandmother once told meur life is like a blank sheet of paper.

was just thirteen, young and naiveAnd I simply humored her.

But as time went by I saw shed been right

As each day passedI wrote, erased, and rewrote

On that sheet of paper.ome parts were splendidly written,thers scribbled in messy longhand.

Some parts made me laugh,Made me cry,

Kept me waiting, Or made me sigh.

ne day Ill turn to my granddaughterd tell her what my granny said to meShell smile wearily and humor mebut in time shell see what I mean

Rae Marcus

2

Overheard at a FuneralIm so sorry.

woman, we all lov

always a gracious

Ill miss her so m

Dont she look pwho picked out h

I always thought

it only once, to a It was Louise ClayIn the summer of

I distinctly rememafter all, how manbest man faint in

It is such a trage

A tragedy, thats

and daughter-in-laclothes, since we

Whats wrong wShe was a wonderfuled her dearly.

She was hostess, a good cook.

uch, I know you will too.

retty all laid outbuter clothes? She hated that dress.

that she liked it.

She worewedding I think,tons daughters wedding

89.

90.ber that weddingy weddings have the

the middle of the prayer?

dy that she died.

what it is!

Her sonw gave me all of her wore the same size in things.

ith that?


Nothing, but they said thatshe would have wanted me to have them.

So?How can they know what a dead woman wants?

Thats a morbid

Did you ever thinThe youngest in o

Sooner or later w

Do you think its

Well all goone

to think that we aand got married achildren the sameThe first of us has

last.

Maybe shat the end of the

Our dear girlhoo

There were six othen fourthen t3

thing to say.

No, its not.

k that wed see her dead?ur circle of playmates?

ell all have to go.

right to talk of this now?

by one.

Its so awfulll grew up togethert the same time and had agesand now just look! gone.

Better first than

ell meet us when we get theretunnel, robed in white.

d friend, an angel!

Fancy that!

f us then, there are five nowhreethen twoand then just one.

Rae Marcus

4

And the last one shall go too and there willbe none.

No, there will be six of us again.For well all be together in heaven.The five of us heronedear one

how utterly lovely

be whole again.

Im so hungry.

We just buried aare going to eat stany other day?

RShe would have we talking now, and thethat we buried today.

Oh,!

The circle would

I heard your tummy growl.

Lets get some strawberries.

dear friend, and now werawberries, like on

elax, my darling.anted it this way, you know.


My Parents Wedding DaySusan?

What?

It was the day m

You were not ev

You were sixteen

Well, you see, LaA common-law m

They lived togetand everyone thothey told people or in an accident and no one knew

But didnt anyon

EventuallywheThat year my motand we came veryShe grabbed deathbut my father prieand finally the fev5

When was your happiest day?

y parents got married.

en alive yet!

I was sixteen!

? What do you mean by that?

rry, it was common-law.arriage, I mean.

I see.

her and acted marriedught that they werethey had swallowed their rings;they had been lost that they were not married.

e ever find out?

n I was sixteen.her was dreadfully sick close to losing her.s door by the doorknobd it out of her handser broke for good.

Rae Marcus

6

They say that Doc Harris worked miracles;and Ill be damned to hell if he didnt.Like when my sister fell off of that horsewe had started planning her funeralwhen the doctor brought her around again.But, now, go on w

So then my fatheand said, Lizzie, tif you had, I couldI couldnt have bubecause it is not lLizzie darling, wil

Well, Susan, wha

Soyour parent

And, oh, it was tand the October stwas like they welike all of those yeby that blinding mIsnt it wonderful

Howlove can bafter all of those tI think all love sh

Susan?

Larry?

ith your story, Susan.

r held her in his arms,hank God you didnt die,nt have buried youried you under my name

egally your name.l you be my bride?

t did she say?

Yes, of course!

s finally got married.

he most amazing thing!unset made them youngre little children againars had been erasedoment of true love

, Larry?

It is.

lossom again after allhings and all those yearsould be like that, dont you?

Would you marry me?


GrowthA forbidding wall stands

Solidly

A7

UnmovingComprised of brick and mortarWith a delicate flower beside it

Never tall enough to leapAnd bound over.

Only those seldom passersbyre lucky enough to see this flower

Shyly lovelyWith stunted growthThat dresses up this

RigidFrigidWall

And makes it beautiful.

A sacred handMust pick this flowerAnd let it grow freely

In unquenched airBut it must have soil

To plant its rootsAnd give it a wall

To lean uponAnd hold her up.

Rae Marcus

8

FourteenFourteen

Does not command respect

Or authority

It is scoffed atAs young

And immatureBut it isnt true

FourteenIs the age of discovery

About what has happenedWhat is happening

And what is yet to comeFourteen

Becomes interestedIn the rest of the world

In the opposite sexIn itself

In what it isWhat it was

And what it can be.


My Only Religious PoemYou are my light and my salvation;

Whom shall I fear?

And

AFor9

You are my genius and inspiration;Who else shall I hold dear?

You are possessor of my spirit;Of my body, mind, and soul;

when death comes, I neednt fear it;For it will not take a toll.

You will guard me as I slip away;And as I advance to my final home;

My body might rot and decay;But my spirit will forever roam.

nd you are truly my dearest friend; you will be with me at the very end.

Rae Marcus

10

SpringThe equinox has come at last;And the sky is turning blue;

The

S

WAt long last, winter has passed;And is replaced by morning dew.The birds are singing once again;

And the grasses grow;I hear the pitter-patter of the rain;

Replacing the winter snow. lonely violets poke out of the ground;

And roses begin to bloom;o many flowers growing all around;

That there isnt any spare room.And at last, spring is here;

e feel safe: there is nothing to fear.


ReminiscingJulia, I was just thinking.

Of the day when

I remember it likYou in that horriblike you were Moand I in ugly oran

I did not look lik

Yes, you did. We

You always took

Dont get defensYou always got yoCut off a head, oryour pictures alw

Well, well, I am a

Insult my pictures

Do not honey mBesidesJanie Do

Janie? That home11

Of what?

we first met each other.

e it was yesterday.le white coat and tailszarts long-lost twin brotherge taffeta.

e Mozart, Julia.

have pictures to prove it.

awful pictures

Did not!

ive with me, Julia.ur fingers in the lens forgot the lens capays looked like big pink blobs.

mazed at you, Thomas.

, why dont you

Honey...

e, Im too old for that.bson took the pictures.

ly little freckled girl?

Rae Marcus

12

Thomas! Her sister was homely, not she!Mamie was her sister.

No, Julia.I know it for a factJanie was homely.

Your father wenAnd, you, Thomayou have seven ye

Julia!

Dont ge

Just be glad my fRemember Mr. DoGot drunk on his and then he got s

How could I forg

Janie married De

Julia, you would

Fine then! Lets tMaybe then you w

Go ahead, ask m

Well, what did w

Roast beef and b

It was broccoli!t senile at fiftys, are only forty-three,ars memory to go.

t upset. Im sorry.

ather was decent.bson, Julia?

own daughters wedding day,ick all over the cake.

et? Poor Janie and Dave...

nnis.

No, it was Dave.

fight with a signpost!

est that memory of yours!ill stop crowing so much.

e anything at all.

e have for supper last night?

roccoli.

Cauliflower.


No, it was not!Not unless it had mold growing on it.And there was not a trace of mold, Thomas.

I ate more than you did. You picked at it.Men appreciate m

But I was the on

You used to app

I still do, Julia. R

I married you beand you always haand your eyes spaand even if we newe still had each

Oh, Thomas, I...

I dont care howbut as long as youthen I will always

There are some t13

eals more than women.

e that cooked it

So what?reciate my cooking.

eally.

You do?

cause you could cook welld a beautiful smilerkled and your laugh bubbledver had children,other through it all.

What is it, Julia?

senile you become know why you love me know why I love you.

hings you can never forget.

Rae Marcus

14

NooseSociety is squeezing a noose around my neck tighter and tighter every day there is

always something I cant do or say or see or read or think or talk aboutjust because

my age alike

funa of who I am or who I am not because of what peoplere like or what people of my gender and color are

or have done in the past you know what I find it ny in a sick way how they try our entire youthnd childhood to block us from the horrors

of real life and things in the outsideworld so that when we get there

our naivete makes us stupidand we do the wrong thing

as the noose societyplaces gets tighter

and tightertightertghtertgtrtgrtr


No Name Lives ForeverNo name lives forever,

In all its glory and fame,B

A

They Bu

A

But ev

E

EveNoAnd15

orn in August, dead in November;And then forgotten is your name.

nyone can be a name in the news,But hardly anyone can stay,

can moan and groan and sing the blues,t only the luckiest dogs get their day.

name can live for a long, long time,In school and history books,

entually the name evolves out of rhyme,And prose gets fewer looks.

No name stays glorious forever,ventually the tarnished star will fall,Many will say you existed never,

And youll soon be forgotten by all.

ntually all names go from gold to dust, matter how long one may remember, you force yourself to remember thus:

No name lives forever.

Rae Marcus

16

Ingrid Bergman, Queen Elizabeth, and Meg

MOTHER: Do you

INGRID: Yes, Mot

ELIZABETH: I

MEG:

MOTHER: Oh, weWhen I was a littlwas Meg, with lonshe was far, far loand she loved ros

MEG: You named

MOTHER:

INGRID: Well wh

MOTHER:

ELIZABETH: And

MOTHER:NowMeg lovedthey were all namlike Barbara BushHer favorite colorand her favorite rQueen Elizabeth. really want to hear the story?

her.

really do.

Pretty please?

ll, I suppose. How bad can it be?e girl my best friendg brown hair and brown eyes too

velier than I was,es more than anything.

me for her, Mother?

Yes, I did.

at about me?

Well get to that soon.

me, too, Mother?

In good time, my dear. all her roses very muched after famous people and John Kennedy. was pink, you seeose was also pink


ELIZABETH: Thats what Im named for!It is so lovely to be called afterA rosesomething so sweet and beautiful,So innocent, yet, oh, so romantic.

INGRID: You are What is so wonde

MOTHER: Do notfor you as well are

ELIZABETH: You

MOTHER: You see, dear, shevery beautiful andthat they called a And the Ingrid ro

INGRID: But whado with the story

MEG: Be quiet, In

MOTHER: I will igfor now at least. IThe two roses wein Megs beautifulwhere we would when we got oldeand sew or talk oand they bloomedYou know, you gi

MEG: What do yo17

so fanciful, Elizabeth!rful about a rose?

scoff at her, Ingrid my darling, named after a rose.

see?

After the Ingrid Bergman rose. was a famous actress so talenteddeep red rose just for her.se was my favorite.

t does all of this nonsense have to of your child-hood friend?

grid, and see what comes next.

nore those outbursts, mes petites, must go on with this.re next to each otherly tended little gardenrun and play most evry dayr we would sit outside

r sing by the roses with us as we grew up.

rls are blooming like roses.

u mean?

Rae Marcus

18

ELIZABETH: I know what she means, Meg.Each of us are roses at stagesMeg, the bud, just waiting to open up,the youngest and most innocent daughter.And me, well, Im just beginning to bloomthe middle daughAnd Ingrid, now, almost old enoug

MEG: Oh, I feel soYet I feel so expewaitingwaitingits great big doorlike I have a key tbut when I find it

INGRID: But at leYou have your chYou will not missand, alas, by thenFor then you havethe sweet but yetfor once you haveyou can never go you can never runor forget your maFor now you musyou can only wish

ELIZABETH: But Imaturely immaturAn oxymoron of mlittle contradictioI want to be onejust not on this litFor there is nothiguide, a manual, oter, beginning to live.is almost fully bloomedh to leave home for good.

trivial as a budctant, like I am for life to open up and let me come inhat I cannot find, I can go inside.

ast you have not gone inside yetildhood to live out still! it until it is gone, dear,, it will be too late! entered maturity

sad land of no return entered inside the doorback and be a child, barefoot in the heat

nners and yell out loud.t be properdignified for childhood again.

, sisters, am on the very brinke, stupidly smartoxyoron

n in terms.or be the other

tle line anymore!ng expected, and nor even a friend


you can truly turn to in this time.It is like walking an uncharted path.

MOTHER: Ah, my three daughters, so wise and so young!Let me tell you what happened to lovely MegShe came down wAnd though she cand it pulled her only sixteen, her the yet unknown all taken away by And they let me c

ELIZABETH: Twa

MOTHER: Preciseon Sunday morninbetween the pinkyet in so many waIt was like me andOne sweet, frail, tnever afraid to sp

ELIZABETH: I thinFor our Meg is yoand I am the pinknot quite redbuand Ingrid is just Bold and boistero

MOTHER: That isbut you must waiWhere Meg was lNot red, not pinkwhat you would cwatered by our teand so then it bec19

ith scarlet fever, poor dear,lung on to life it let goout of Life and into Death,whole life in front of herhappiness and triumphsthe cruel man in black.hoose her burial spot

s between Elizabeth and Ingrid!

ly right my dear, we buried herg, just after mass, and the redso difrent,ys they were alike. Megaa contrast!imid, and shythe othereak her mind out loud.

k I see why you gave us these names.ur Meg, timid and shy, Queen Elizabetht, yet, not quite white either

like her namesake roseus, yet beautiful too.

a beautiful observationt until I am finished.aid to rest, a rose sprung up, not quite any colorall a hybridand it sprungars, growing out of herame the third roseMeg.

Rae Marcus

20

INGRID: Two extremes, and then one left in between!Its marvelous, Mother, thats what it is!Each of us is the rose were named forWe do not represent it, we are it!For I am Ingrid Bergman, bold and redand Elizabeth is thand Meg is our co

MOTHER: My three pale pink Queenntrast, right in between.

e little rosesbigger each day.


The Four SeasonsThe sun-god and the moon-goddess had fourdaughters; close in age, also close in heart;One day they wersent to the goldenwhere the King owaited to change

first, the eldest ofhair and flashing as the whitest ma

Stand before meWhat is your nam

And, Spring, wha

to be a mother. I healer and make tI never want to seto give Youthan

an ambition that iAnd I, King of theFor you will be seWhen the coldneWe will call this swalk the Earth thof purple pansiesZephyr, gentle WeAnd you shall foll21

e summoned to hear their fate, temple of the sun;f the Gods waited for them; their lives.

Spring came forward the four, with goldengreen eyes, her skin as whitegnolia petal.

! said the King of the Gods,e, girl?

I am Spring, said she.

t is your ambition?

I wantwant to be a hings better that were hurte the same thing twiced to give Hope.

How nobles, fair girl Spring! Gods, say it will beason of things renewedss ends and life comes again.eason Spring, and you shallese three months with a crownsweet royal flower.st Wind, shall be your friend,

ow him robed in moss-green.

Rae Marcus

22

She could find but two words to say: Thank you.

The King did not reply, but he beckonedher sister Summer come forth and face him.Many thought her more fair than Spring, with hersame golden hair,Now, Summer, w

I want everyonewant to have timeI want to have maplaying at my feetI desire the simpl

You aspire well, that your wishes you shall be goddwhich follow the We shall call this are free of schoolYou will wear a dwith a wreath of to serve as your ckind and vague wbecome your frie

She was so thrilleThe King saw thisDo not try to tha

The third sister diThe King saw her

Slowly she stood. sea-blue eyes, and tan skin.hat do you aspire toward?

to like meand I for all the things I loveny children, running,, surrounded in warmth.est things in life.

my child, and I seewill soon be fulfilled, foress of the three warm monthsseason Spring, your sister.time Summer, when childrenwork, so they can play.ress of palest pale blue;light pink summer rosebudsrown. Eurus, the East Wind, theind, shall accompany you,nd, and walk the Earth with you.

d she knew not what to say. and silenced her, saying:nk me, it was destined.

d not come forward yet. shyness and said, Autumn?

I am Autumn.


Autumnwas fair in a different way, her auburnhair swirling around her pale cherub face,her eyes a deep forest green.

Your sisters havebut of yours I kno

She spoke quietlyI long to be happwith many little cand to see unconYou can see I am hidewatching p

The King did not are different thanyet it fits: for yourYou shall be the sCalled Autumn afbefore the long, cThe crimson and and your dress shAnd you shall havyou are walking tSouth Wind, old NAnd you shall hid

Her green eyes sh

in all its good and23

The King spoke: told me their ambitions,w nothing. What are they?

but with conviction.yand to be bustling,

hildren who love me,ventional splendor.shyI would like toeople, not them watching me.

wait to speak. Your wishes those of your sisters; fate is different.eason after Summer;ter you, one last bit of splendorold, hard season begins.golden leaves shall crown you;all be of brilliant scarlet;e but one companion whenhe terrain of Earththeotus, with a dew-wet beard.

e behind the trees unseen.

one.

Enjoy your season, dear, bad.

I will. she said.

Rae Marcus

24

Headstrong Winter stood without being told.She was as beautiful as her sisters;but not in the same conventional way.she was what some would call bewitching, withher midnight black hair playing up her skin;white and perfectand her eyes, twin

Tell me your ambknowing she wou

I want to be a hebut not of diseasI want to cure theto make mankind

It will be a diffic

That makes me w

Be cautious, prowhat your destinywill be the goddeseason which shaclothed in palest holly leaves and wtogether make yoNorth Wind, will and causing viole

The girl jumped uthis way? My thretheir wishes coma mother who netwice, Summer haand Autumn can bI desired more thand my destiny is as newly fallen snow; sapphires, pale icy blue.

itions, said the God King,ld tell, whether asked or not.

aler, said Winter,es of the outside; troubled inner soul; truly happy and good.

ult feat. King said.

ant to do it even more.

ud Winter, let me tell you has decided. Youss of the cold, barrenll now be known as Winter,grey, like Athenas eyes;intergreen berries will

u a crown. Boreas, thefollow you, tearing up treesnt storms to occur.

p in protest. Why is ite sisters have had all ofe true, why not mine? Spring isver sees the same things warmth and playing children;e left alone. But me

an any of them, the worst. Why? Why?


The God-King smiled like he understood.But that is exactly why, Winter dear.For you will separate the men from boysthe wise ants from the lazy grasshoppers.Winter is a force to be reckoned with.You discover youthe slow death beyou have all the wit is you who willand New Years Eeasy to love as thebut in time they w

For once in her liThank you.

Do no25

rself in the winterfore the rebirth of springonderful holidays

make Christmases whiteves merry. You will not be other seasonsill learn to love you best.

fe Winter was silent.

t thank me, thank destiny.

Rae Marcus

26

MeWhat am I made up of?

Th

I have

I have my grandm

I have my mothe

B

Im made up of plblanket for a v

Im the game of Ocookie dough, an

Im my first slum

Im the Hallow

Im the dolls I prkis

Im the teddy bedolls I break outeres oxygen, and carbon, and water.

But theres more than that.

my fathers eyes, and his mothers skin.

others love of shopping, and my grandfathers insa-tiable mind.

rs mothers love of learning and her quiet nature.

ut I am made up of more than that.

aying Princess when I was six years old, with a baby elvet robe and a crown made out of shiny tinfoil.

ld Maid in preschool, the Stars of David made out of d the endless hours singing Its a Small World After

All.

ber party, and my next-door neighbors pet bunny rabbits.

een costumesballerinas, angels, and flappers.

etended were my daughters, and sang songs to, and sed good night, and wrote stories for.

ar candle that I still havent burned, the Nutcracker every Christmas, and the shamashes of Hanukkahs

gone by.


Im the Nutcracker ballet my grandmother would take me to see every year, in the favorite pink sweater shed knitted for me, with

Life Savers in her purse.

Im the short story I sent to a publisher when I was eight.

Im the bu

Im the endless

Im playin

Im the annual ne

Im the r

Im the cherry lo

Im the people w

Im the daisies o

Im everyth

Im a deli

And all those th27

tterscotch candies that melted in my mouth.

years of swimming lessons which have taught me how to barely doggy-paddle.

g Cinderella in a school play in third grade.

ighborhood fireworks show, a little bit shorter and less splendid every year.

ides I took on my grandfathers wheelchair.

llipops, grapefruits, and Rice Krispiesfoods of my youth.

ho always told me I should live up to my potential.

n my curtains that make the sunlight come in dis-torted.

Im all thisand Im much more.

ing Ive ever been exposed togood and bad.

cious and toxic combination of everything.

ings are together a recipe for making a unique and separate individual

Me.

Rae Marcus

28

Paint for Me a WorldPainter, paint for me a picture

A picture of a happy placeWh

Pa

A Spa

W

I

W

SoI ere the trees sway softly in the breezeWith an uncommon grace

inter, put some flowers in my pictureRed and violet and blue

massive sky with tiny twinkling starsrkling with what is honest and true

Paint for me a picture of the sunith golden rays lighting up the EarthWarming up the wondrous world

With all of its hidden worth

Painter, add a forest of treesn shades of green from dark to lightPaint for me a whole New World

Make it sweet and clear and bright.

Paint for me a worldWhere all is truthful and right

here rivers are glittering blue ribbonsAnd the moon is silver-white.

Painter, make this world beautiful,Make it dew-dappled and fair

that when my own world is too uglycan pack up my things and go there.


A World Without LoveA world with out love is like

A poem

Just sort of jum29

That has no rhyme Scheme

And that has no rhythmbled together with no real meaning and no point

That no one understandsAnd

No oneWants to try to figure it outBecause it doesnt make any

Sense.

Rae Marcus

30

The Song of Suzanna SloaneTwo women stood at a burial site:the old, dear graveyard of Chestingham town,and saw the gravewhich, under thesimply, Suzanna

how unsaintly hewomen clucked tthe only two left Suzanna Sloanes

to write it down fdo it themselves, generations to knnot repeat it. So t

Suzanna was bornMorgan, daughteryet he turned to dwhile his sweet liShe was born on the warmest day iShe was an only cplaymates; so thebecame her chumthey told her som

the shipwrecks anand the Wind carshe knew of the sand what it is like of one departed soul layers of dust it readSloane.

Rememberingr life had been, the twoheir tongues and left, but they werein the world who knewstory.

They have asked meor them, as they will notbut they want the futureow it and learn it,he story goes:

with the last name of of a respected man,rinking and turned to beast;

ttle wife Susan wept, alone.a warm day in mid-March;n almost thirty years.hild, lacking in n the Wind and Sea and Skys, she told them stories, ande as well.

She knew of alld the sunken pirate gold

ried news from far away;ecrets that lets birds fly; to sit on a cloud.


Her father beat her mother to death oneday; when his daughter was scarcely seven;but he managed to convince his daughterthat Mommys now an angel in heaven.He swore off the bottle, found a new wife;fifteen years younthey had three soSuzanna, they we

People got marrieand soon SuzannaShe was the prettwith long, curly band a boy started the boy her mothwould be her perpicked out.

His namwas strong, good-the girls in ChestiBut there was anowho truly captureshe gave up to himdeal else, the nighArthur left too anthat she would w

But, later, it was dSuzanna would infrom William, wh

Her father was fuaway, to an Aunt Dshe would hide awas for the babysthen give it away,so that nobody w31

ger; the light of his life;ns together, but for youngre not brothers but toys.

d quite young in those days; was sixteen years old.iest girl in the town,rown hair and round blue eyesto come call on herer had long ago saidfect match, the boy who she

e was Arthur Sloaneand helooking, wealthy, and tallallngham town were jealous.ther manyoung Williamd her sensitive heart her heart, and a great

t before he left for war.d made her swearait for him til he returned.

iscovered, that young nine months get a gifto weeks later would be killed.

rious and sent herot two states awayay while her shame increased;

he would give birth and and come home unchanged;ould ever need know.

Rae Marcus

32

And thus the plan was carried out, babygirl went out to a poor childless couple;Aunt Dot bid goodbye, Suzanna went home.

Arthur came back from war, and Suzannawas a glowing briat eighteen she beThe Sloanes wereand they had seveand they were hauntil something c

A girl appeared inher name was Gramother, named Su

Mrs. Suzanna Morand the whole hidthe town gasped but they discoverthat William Blackhad long ago born

Arthur left her, tobegan seeing a wand a few weeks Suzanna was deadGrace went back she vowed she wto the town wherand sleepless nigh

So now you, the rof Mrs. Suzanna Mtrue love had diedshe had borne, hefathers hand, andde, in virginal white;came Suzanna Sloane.

wealthy and respectable;ral children of their own;

ppy for so many years;ame to change all of that.

town one day, she saidce, searching for her long-lostzanna Morgan.

Alas,gan Sloane was found;den truth finally came out;

aloud in slander and fraud;ed the story was true; and Suzanna Morgane a bastard daughter.

ok her children away;idow from Smithtown;later she died in grief: of a broken heart.to her parents and family;ould never return again;e she had caused suffering;ts; and so much endless pain.

eader, know the storyorgan Sloane, whose so long ago, whose childr mother dead by her drunk her name written in shame.


So the world goes away without glory;and you know Suzannas song and story.I swear by the church bells, on Sunday rung;Never, ever, was a sadder song sung.33

Rae Marcus

34

FrostbiteWe went to see you on a Sunday

When the air smelled like ChristmasAnd the overbu

(Nothing like th

T

(The w

AndHeAn

(L

Ardened clouds hung low and drooping in the sky.She felt your marble square,

Hard edged and coarsee sweet soft tenderness that had once been you).

I murmured somethinghat could almost be called a prayer,

And she weptWhispering of love

ord for which there is no one definitionBut millions of interpretations).

The air stung our cheeksChilled our bodies

enveloped our slowly numbing heartsr tears stungmelting snowflakesd she felt again that cold gray square

With its molded frozen marbleAnd harshly carved letters.

It was frigidike how your body must have beenBefore it met the immortal flame).nd while you warm in eternal glory

We were left here to freeze.


When We Were GoldenYesterday when I loved you,

The stars shone silver in the skyOur

Y

Bec

T35

love was crimson and brightest blue,Our own hearts seemed to fly.

Yesterday when you loved meI saw you in a holy light

We used to sail on a sapphire seaWhile the sun shone bright.

esterday when we loved each otherThe world was united as one

ause when one person loves anotherThey are always in the sun.

Yesterday when we were goldenThe world was golden too

When to you I was beholdenI flourished and I grew.

Tomorrow when I will forget youThe sun will continue to shine.

I will still sail on seas of blueBut now they will be just mine.

omorrow when I will be a new hueIll think back to days of olden...When it was just you and me......Back when we were golden...

Rae Marcus

36

ChokeWhen youre breaking into fragments

Shards of glass

Th

K

ButThe guDont let the guilty ones holde loose pieces of your broken soul

Just swallow the glass.

eep it scraping down your throatFor wounds on the inside may scar the only one who sees them is youilty ones cant throw them in your eyes

If you just swallow the glass.

Scars on the insideTake longer to heal

But as your body grows numbThe pain gets duller

So just keep swallowing glass...

Until you choke...


PapillonShe is a butterfly let loose in a windstorm

Wingsflapping

A37

Against the currentTossed aimlessly in the breeze

And still flying on.

She speaks only in metaphorsFor an arbitrary world

In which when a great man fallsA greater rises

And when a man diesAnother is born to replace him.

She sings the forgotten hymnss she is caught in the spider web

The circle of lifeIs a harsh, enclosing square

And shes becoming trapped.

Rae Marcus

38

My HeavenIf I got to choose my heaven,I know where it would lie

MotheWith

Clou

GLan

On th

I hW

When sAn

To

WThe distant spot on the horizonWhere the ocean meets the sky.

r Earths waters are dreamy and circling the promise of life new and renewed

ded with faint traces of human mysteryAnd primitive sources of food

od sprawls on clouds in His palacesd where those lost return home againe skyline he meets his muse, the Mother,Joined as one, for love and pain

ope to pass in the calm after a stormhen He and She reconcile their fight,ky and sea are matching hues of pearl-grayd the world prepares for calm night.

As the sun sets I shall go too where the oceans meet the skies

here sky and Earth joins their gatesIs where my heaven lies.


Prima DonnaOn the stage you play a role

A debonair ladies man

To

NTo

Whe39

(So just hide your lonely soulAnd continue as best you can).

the entire world you hide the truthUnder a mask of grace

I see it thereit I sootheI know the scars upon your face.

Wait until the rose wiltAnd the stage lights all dies out

Then you can reveal your shameAnd Ill erase my doubt.

You are an actor upon lifes stage,Into illusion you embark

ot til the curtain falls do you engage kiss youre leading lady in the dark.

Ill stay until the bows are doneAnd theyve locked all the doorsn youre done with your time in the sun

Maybe I can be yours.

Rae Marcus

40

UnwelcomeYou offered me your heart on a silver platter

And I held it in my hand.

Yo

T

IIt bled on meAnd it bled on your sleeve

Where it had been displayed.

ur heart was too pale for my likingEmpty of ambition,Weak and careless;

It didnt match my tastesYet it was so frostily delicateThat it broke in my hands.

he blood of your heart stained meTarnished me

And made me unclean.It stayed invisible upon meUnable to be washed off

Or covered up,Contaminating all that I touch:

My food is bitter.

never meant to break your heartBut it crumbled in my grasp

And I could find nothingTo hold it together,

So youll just have to fix itBy yourself.


ClaustrophobiaThe door was open just a crack

But you shoved your way in

Bo

I41

Ate my foodDrank my wineSlept in my bed

And then asked my permission.I never said Id let you in

But you came anywayYou wore my clothes

Read my booksBathed in my tub

Forced your way into my life.

I want to push you outAnd slam a lock shut

On the door of this homeThat contains my soul.

This house of mirrors contains meAnd my spirit

th were glass and you shattered itPiece by piece you chipped away

Until I fell apart.

want to push you out of my houseAnd never again let my ears hear

Your voiceShattering the glass

And the wordsGnawing at my soul.

Rae Marcus

42

But I cannot force you outMy hands are tied by your bristled ropes.

They tell me you are safeNontoxic

And they tell me not to be afraid

As their breath

Knots the ropes.


LactriceThe world is but a stage

And I am the star!

A43

My role is difficultI range from tormented teen

To grieving relativeAnd helpful friend.

I can laugh and cry on cueIm the greatest actress ever!Every word I say is believable

Because I am who I play.My life is the brilliant play

That I never got around to writingnd my character is the perfect role

That I wasnt typecast for.

Rae Marcus

44

Mirror WorshipPowders and pencils

Beads and pearls

Ribbons and laces

I bury myself

Silks and gauzesSatins and velvetsGolds and silversI shroud myself:

Because the less you seeOf what I really amThe more you see

Of what you think I amHow lovely I am

And how beautiful I want to beFor you


KaleidoscopeAll that is left of me are

millions of fragments of glass45

glitteringvibrant

dulllarge

and smallby the touch of your hand

I rearrangeinto new patterns

beautifuland hideous.

I keep fallingfrom your handsor into them

but if you are not carefulIll keep falling

with all of my pretty piecesinto the black hole

where you cannot shake meany more.

Rae Marcus

46

Caged AngelThey caged the angel again.

But the

Sh

For the wShe has done no wrongy dont want her to ever have the chance

So they slammed shut the lock.

e sees the other angels walking freeAlongside martyrs, devils,

And those destined for Purgatory.

She grows so thinThat she slips through the bars

And can finally go through.

She becomes nocturnal,Roaming at night

orld looks different when lit by the moon.

They found the angelAnd brought her back in chains.

They caged the angel again.


Arc de CielI am raining

Drops of misery47

Like empty tears.

You are sunnyRays of light

Like golden beacons.

You are shining on meAnd my rainEvaporates

As I change colorsLighting up our world

With redYellow

And blue.

Rae Marcus

48

Toy SoldiersI stand before youIn my fancy finery

O

An

At laAlongside the others.

We stand shoulder to shoulderIn a line, waiting our turnTo become your plaything.

Each of us is a tin soldierPlayed with until we bore you

r wont play your games any more.

All the other little soldiersWatch as we are tossed away

d eagerly claim our old places in line.

Each tries to be novelHoping that they will be

The toy that you want to keep

But you are merely a little boyWho easily grows finickyAnd tires of all your toys.

st the soldiers that are not too damagedManage to pick up their feet

Turn away and march on.


EncasedI am the valuable jewel

Gleaming in the center of your crown

You

A49

So much worth and valueThat you must protect me.

keep me locked securely in a glass caseWhere nothing can harm me

Dont touch me!Dont breathe on me!Dont mar this beautyThat you think I have!

As long as I am hereIn my glass boxI touch nothing

And nothing touches me.s long as I am away from the world

You may sit and watch meRationing out my oxygen

And sunshineAnd admiring me like an animal

In a beautiful glass zoo...

And as long as I haveMy idyllic little glass worldI am always of value to you.

Rae Marcus

50

Porcelain DollYou grew tired of your porcelain doll

So you kept her in a glass case

BuAnd bought me to beYour new toy to play with.

You liked the wayThat I wasnt delicate

You were able to toy with meThrow me in the airAnd neglect me

Like you never could have doneWith your porcelain doll.

You loved the wayThat you could toss me around

And I would never fractureOr suffer any pain

The way that I would haveIf I were your porcelain doll.

t as soon as you were bored with meYou flung me carelessly aside

And coddled againYour beautiful porcelain doll.


NumbPins and needles may prick at me

Hoping to pierce my skin

I j

A

W

And a

Becau51

But what appears to be so thickIs actually quite thin.

ust block out all the pain and sorrowAs if it werent there

ll the while picking away at my skinAnd pulling out my hair.

ounds left untreated can only growDeeper as time goes on

And I bleed quietly all over myselfm resigned to being misfortunes pawn.

After awhile I lose resistanceAnd blood comes out in spurts

se when someone keeps pricking at meEventually, it hurts.

Rae Marcus

52

Brown ProphetI saw you in a crowd

a shadow

tamelting into the sea of othersyet shining so brilliantly

that a thousand sunscould not eclipse you.

But the dark night came at noonjust as soon as it had risen

whisking you off on a clouda beam of moonlight

the vengefully ominous red curtainbrought to an end the final act

and denied an encoreking you to where dreams lie asleep.

All of you thats leftin this drowning mortal world

is a shadowof the sun that once was there

to light up our world.


Terrifying IllusionI had the funniest nightmare last night

I dreamed that I couldnt dreamAnd

O

So I53

then was forced into the cruel realityThat is everyday life

I dreamed that I couldnt dreamMy way out of the desolationAnd never had escape valves

r ambitions to carry my thoughts.

I dreamed that I couldnt dream had to pull my head from the clouds,

Accept the world as it wasAnd conquer it

But I fortunately awokeAnd shook off that horrid dream

And worked my way backInto my poisoned reality.

Rae Marcus

54

State of MindFate laughs at me.

Sh

InFe stands like a fairy in the moonlightIn an ankle-length dress

Made of cream-colored gauze

Her hair is tied up in knotsFull of deep purple pansies

When she shakes her headTo scold my foolish actionsThe flowers fall to her feetLike my forgotten dreams

She has frozen meto a fragment of my scarred memoryrom which my mind has moved on

But my heart is still trapped

In the moment which I awokeIn a full houseAnd I was alone...

Fate cries for me.


DisintegrationI am a deflated balloon,

a wilted flowerstan

h55

ding in the middle of a crowded roomscreaming

and no one hears me.I eat when I am not hungry

forcing down false nourishmentinstead of love and caring

drinking when I am not thirstyoping to swallow your bitter apathy.

Rae Marcus

56

For Which Love isToo Simple a Title

A

It

ALove cannot be createdOr destroyed

It simply isExisting

Without excusesOr apologies

Embracing the ones who believend running from those who do not.

often goes to where it is not neededOr wanted

Like a frightened childAwaking from a nightmare.

It movesGently to some

Harshly to othersIn any shape it chooses

nd often it goes warmly to the onesWho have sworn it off

Because it likesTo prove them wrong.


ReconstructionYou chipped away at my heart

That was made of ice57

(Cold frozen glass)But instead of melting,

It crumbled.

Yet you gathered the piecesAnd reconstructed my heart

Keeping it wholeBy refreezing it

And my icy glass heartLoves you.

Rae Marcus

58

Balancing ActLike a funambulist

I teeter

On a thin rope

Carefully watching you.

I know which way to waverAnd when I notice you

You dictate my every stepAnd movement.

You toss objects at meHeavy and largeTrying your best

To make me lose my gripBut I keep my balance.

You keep me on my toesWhile I cautiously perchQuivering at your will

Trying to make it acrossWithout falling...

...Into your arms...


NotorietyI want to be as famous as Lou GehrigSo famous that when I catch the flu

In

I wEF

That

Th(T

I wan59

Theyll name it after me:So famous that when I go on TV,

stead of kissing up to the newscasterHe kisses up to me.

ant to be as famous as Andy Warholxcept for fifteen minutes longerifteen decades or fifteen milennia.

I want to be so famous unwilling, belligerent high school kids

Are forced to read my work,Research my life,

And debate my merits.I want to be so famous

at they make Cliffs Notes on my bookhat way no one will have to bother

To read it anymore).t to be an obscure answer on Jeopardy!

Or Trivial PursuitThe first poet with her name

On the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Rae Marcus

60

OverachieverFirst thing in the morning

I open up my curtains

WAnd the sun shines brightlyOn the trophies

Which line my walls.

In the middle of the nightWhen I wake up scared

And theres no one to callI stack up all my blue ribbons

And count them.

hen all the other schoolgirls are outBeing flirty, dainty stereotypesI sort out all of my gold medals

And polish them.

In the darkest hours of my lifeI count up my medals and ribbons

Give each one a name,And confide in them.

It never says on your resumeWhether or not you were loved

And you cant win awardsFor having friends.


In this worldYoure only as good

As what you can show offWhat you can win

And what it can be appraised for,61

And no one can stack and countYour happiness

When youre gone...

So the trophies are my familyAnd the medals my friends...

Rae Marcus

62

Shattered TruthInstead of a shield

I built a glass palace

An

Th

WTo live in.It was my abode:I could look out

While they could look in,d it brought upon an era of honesty

(Because one becomesSurprisingly aware of their actions

When one livesIn a glass house).

My truthWas brutal and factual

Most clearly not welcomeIn this propaganda world.

ey cast pebbles of annoyance at meBut I retreated

To the relative safetyOf my glass mansion

But their tiny rocksChipped and cracked my walls

CrenellationAnd turrets.

I huddled fearfullyA frightened mass on the floorhile my castle crumbled at my feet

(Like acid rain comingIn splintered fragments)

And my haven of honestyWas destroyed.


Now my glass sanctuaryIs ruined

Because honesty in its purest formIs too harsh to be good

And I bleed63

From the gaping woundsAnd scars I received

When honesty shattered upon me.

Rae Marcus

64

WeaponsEvery man fights his own war

With sanity

AOr loveOr a machine gun

And I fight mine.

I am trying to move mountainsAnd destroy diseases

With wordsTrying to conquer fearsAnd eliminate hatred

With sentences.

Pens scribble lazilynd papers blow away on the wind

Because words can be erasedSentences can be deleted

And each man fights his warAlone.


MercyEach sacred snowflake

Like a delicate angelDe

I65

scends from the glory of the heavensTo the lonely earth below

Silver and opaqueLoose pieces of glassThey catch the light

And glitter like jewels.

The tiny kisses of cupidsLike miniature diamonds

Alight to the surfaceOf the guilt-ridden world.

They landAnd are left to melt

On the filthy concretento obsolete puddles of nothing

Because while snow Is beautiful

And delicate...

Still

It

Falls

Rae Marcus

66

CandlelightOn my darkest of days

She handed me a candle:Her life filtered from her heartInto a pen

Hope dripping from her soulOnto a page

On the darkest of my daysShe gave me a candle

Illuminating my lonely spiritWith the tiniest

But sweetestOf lights.


February AngelFebruary has always been

Vicious to me67

She likes to be sunnyFor a few brisk daysAnd then as soon as

I pack up my downy sweatersShe blasts gusts of chilly wind

Into my faceBut this time

The cold wind brought with itMy February angelWho nestled me

Into his warm armsTo save me from the harsh frost

Of the February world.

Rae Marcus

68

ReflectionShining and sparkling

She is a lake

Cool serenity in the night

And warm vibrancyUnder the sun.

The people adore herAnd flock to her

She encompasses recreation,Leisure,

And happiness.

As we take careful steps to herDiscovering herWe slowly wade

And immerse ourselvesThe deeper we goThe more we find

Slowly clearingYet clouded beneathHer beautiful surface

She reflects us allIn those watery eyesOf blue and green

We see in her our ownHopesDreams

And promises

We all love her waterAnd want to dive in

SwimmingThrough her soul.


Appealpiece by pieceinch by inch69

you are pulling awaythe layers

you arepeeling me

slowly removingmy coatings

uncertaintydistrust

self-loathingjealousy

you arepeeling me

and you discardmy old skins

you ignorewhat I feign to beand strip away to

my core

I shedlike the growing snake

and you aremy naive eve

you found my corebefore it rotted

and my mounds of hatredwere peeled away

Rae Marcus

70

now I have nothingbetween my sensitive core

and the worldbut you


Refrain for RequiemI remember when you told meTo always reach for the moon71

And never settle for a star

The lord is my shepherd

I remember when you told meTo aim for number oneAnd never accept less

I shall not want

I remember when you told meTo climb straight to the top

And never look back

I will fear no evil

I remember when you told meTo stand up for my beliefs

And never give in

For thou art with me

I remember when you told meTo cling tight to my dreams

And never let go

Ashes to ashes

I remember when you told meThat the pain was too much

And you were giving in

Dust to dust

Rae Marcus

72

AloeI am itching all over

Because of youBe

S

AThcause you used to be my life-moistureAnd I am dry without you

My sharpened fingernailscratch away at my decayed surface

Hoping to find you buriedBeneath my sandpaper surface

The water which once healed meNow hurts me

My skin is raw and openCaked with sores from you

Each day that passes Marks another eternityWhich I have wasted

Away from you

s another set of 24 hours clicks paste days of our love grow farther away

Like a spot on the horizonThat disappears as you run from it

I want you to be my aloeHeal me from the outside in

And bring the moisture of lifeBack into my dying flakes of skin


The World Ends in JuneThe world seems to end in June;And begin again in September;

WhBut w

FiAnd

ThMan

Sum

AndW

New

Wh

DeFor J73

en its endingwe want it to go soon;hen its gonewe want it to last forever.

rst the school year comes to an end; everyone scatters around the world;e road of life reaches another bend;y dreams come trueor are unfurled.

In June, springtime bids farewell;And takes its green winds away;mer then comes and its voices tell

Gone forever is yesterday.

thenin Septemberwe begin again!hen autumn at last comes our way;

loves and adventures, foes and friends;Time to begin another day.

en June comes, some of us are caringWhile others of us are cold;

cember and January have no bearing;une is when the world truly grows old.

Rae Marcus

74

Bernadette WednesdayStill watersEvaporateShe collects raindropsIn her hair

Mother keepsCalling out her nameThe grass is greener

UnderneathShe gathers rainbows

In her sleeves

Beauty is in the eyeOf the blind

It feels like it will be WednesdayForever

She tucks summerBehind her ears

Transparent skySomeone stole the sunset

When theres a willTheres a way out

She swallows autumnAnd fills her pocket

Full of children.


PoolLets go be toxic together

I

Who75

hit the eight ball in the side pocketAnd you made a scratch

We laughed at the kids in the pool couldnt tell that they were drowning

In life

Blue cue ballToo much chalk Blue swimmers

Too little air

They swim laps to nowhere

Lets go poison each other

A little dissatisfactionGoes a long way

And the lifeguards whistleIsnt loud enough

Sharks are comingThirteen ball in the corner pocket

Rae Marcus

76

LaurieI walked on foreverAimless and blind

T

AndWithout a destinationMy subconscious hoping

hat I might find you along the way

Your voice rustled in the windYour eyes melted into the sky

But I still could not acceptThat your body wasnt there

I looked out the highest window watched the shore stretch out forever

The entire world was shrinkingAs I floated upwards

To find you...


Water Love DrugAfter years of starvation

I come upon a feast77

And gorge myselfUntil I am sick

When a sudden sliver of rainFalls upon my headI drown myself in itReveling as I choke

Come closer to meMy water love drug

Let me swimIn your brief flood

Rae Marcus

78

TheloveofyourlifeI remember when I was

Theloveofyourlife

What

I wa

It dida worthy accomplishment for a girl to beTheloveofyourlife

s always the first to know when I wasTheloveofyourlife

nt matter who I really was when I wasTheloveofyourlife

I completed you when I wasTheloveofyourlife

I was you when I wasTheloveofyourlife

It was so beautiful while I wasTheloveofyourlife

But I lost myself when I stayed asTheloveofyourlife

And though I used to beTheloveofyourlife

Now you cant look me in the eye

Its hard to go from beingTheloveofyourlife

To beingThecatchoftheday


Channel SurfingSocial activism

And spiked heels

Buy

An int

T79

Are in this seasonBut dont be caught dead

With charm braceletsOr genuine concern

I can seeThat you are furious

To be paying me to tell youWhat you already know

SorryWere not friends today

But please try again tomorrow

Happiness for sale!Hurry

now and well throw in a free chia pet

God died todayBut first

erview with your favorite disgraced star

So you dont like your friends?hrow them away and buy new ones

Rae Marcus

80

Tell me when to laughTell me when to cryTell me whom to likeTell me what to doIm counting on you

N

Dont worry, all oow, class, what did we learn today?

ur problems will be solved in thirty minutes or less or the pizzas free.


Archaeologist MotherYou want to dig upThe ruins of Athens81

And the hidden temples of Cairo;The bones of history

And the heart of civilization.

You want to unearthWarm sunny kitchens

Full of Southern comfort foodAnd beloved mothersIn gingham aprons.

You want to discoverThe beauty of an expectant life

Which you have yet to live;And the wonders of a world

Which you have yet to explore.

And I hope you findYour Atlantis.

Rae Marcus

82

The ConqueredLike Alexander I once grieved

That there were no new worlds

DTo conquerBut you became my terra incognita

I want to scale your peaksiscover the treasures and resources

Of your farmlands;Cross your rivers

And then build bridges.

I shall map youName you

Colonize youAnd place my flag atop your crest

In order to show the worldThat I conquered you first,And then leave on my next

Expedition.


Baltimore MoonI know you best

In the green before twilight83

(You always dreaded the dawn).

The things I dont understandI enjoy the most

(You taste sweet like lemons).

You keep tryingTo hold the river in your hands

(You are all the choices).

I look into the mirrorAnd see you staring back at me

Rae Marcus

84

RapunzelWe fell in love as the lead actors

In a romantic play:

ThaYou were the valiant hero;Prince on a white steed

Swimming the shark-infested moatTo rescue me

I was the damsel in distress;Princess trapped in a tower

Tossing out a rope of my hairTo find you

And we rode off into the sunset

The play had a happy endingAnd everybody clapped

But how it hurt to discovert we had loved the characters all along


GuruHe liked to recycle the same few ideas

Over and over again;

T

T

W85

Tricking everyone into believingIn his brilliance

He held me closeAnd tried to convince me

hat everything I had always knownWas a lie

He explained just becauseheyve been telling you something

For your whole lifeThat doesnt make it true

He held my hand in hishile he calmly denied the existence

Of everythingI loved

He left me forHigher intellectual pursuits

All the while urging meTo rethink what I felt

He was rightNothing (he said) is true

One plus oneEquals zero

Rae Marcus

86

The Poem That Got Me in Trouble in Social StudiesLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove


LoveLoveLoveLoveLove87

LoveLoveLove

Doesnt it sound stupidWhen you say it so much?

Rae Marcus

88

Ill WayThe temporary panaceas

Wore off

I do

But we

II cBu

If tI

T

ArAnd soon you were fumbling,Grasping for anything

That would hold you upWhile knocking you down.

Once when I stumbledYou caught me before I fell

But if in the same situationRoles reversed

nt know if I would be strong enoughTo catch you.

We said our eyes were wide open couldnt even see the road in front of usAnd we got tired of saving thingsFor a day that would never come.

Two rags dolls togetherCannot stand tall:

Both trying to steerAnd neither succeeding.

f I had anything whole left to offerould give you money or gifts or helpt all I have left are broken memories

And good adviceThat neither of us will take.

his was a Middle Ages dance of death, think that you would be leadingDriving in circles through oblivionrying to find the one safe port left

That isnt on the map.Slowly the once-anticipated days

e dying away like the trees we watchMolting in the suburbs,

A wispy haze of brown-eyed girlsAnd hazel-eyed girls


Colored so by overzealous psychoanalysisOf what used to be.

Our open-ended ambitionsTrail off into the black horizon

Like forgotten promises sailing away

TravTha89

On the cold wind;eling along the everlasting plain prairiet extends for miles in every direction

But up.

Rae Marcus

90

VagabondI dont want to belong anywhere.

I dont wan

I dWhere ev

I dont want tIn the samOn the sa

I And know

I

An

I

I d

I d

I dt to be able to walk into the same restaurantMonday through Friday

And get my usual.

ont want to go and pray in churcheseryone already knows what I am praying for

And what I have sinned against.

o wake up every morning for the rest of my lifee bed in the same room in the same house

me street in the same city in the same state.

dont want to walk down the street the names and occupations and birthdays

Of every person I encounter.

dont want to have the phone ringAt the same time every day

d I already know just who is calling.

dont want to be able to pronounceEverything on the menu

Or the phone book.

ont want to watch the same sunsetOr feel the same emotion

Twice.

ont want to run out of things to seeOr people to meetOr lovers to leave.

ont want to know a sense of security


The kind when I can tell exactly what will happenWhen I wake up.

I dont want to forgetThat there is a whole New World

I do91

Beyond what I already know.

nt want to ever call someplace home.

Rae Marcus

92

TiptoesMaybe if the wind was just right

And I imagined hard enough

AI could climb into An Edgar Degas pastel.

There I am the forlorn girlWith a clump of black for hair

And a stroke of rosy pinkAs my one exposed cheek.

There is a man watching us silentlyStand back girls, says Madame,He is a pedophile or an artistOr some other societal waste.

In this garment of flimsy white,The purest color,

I am not a quiet French girlI am a swan.

few more twists of the pastel chalkAnd I am immortal

On my tiptoesPoised and waiting


Song and a Bunch of Possessive Pronouns

Th

Yo93

All the world was off-keyUntil you taught me the difference

Between lead guitarAnd rhythm

But Im afraidat no matter how well you teach me

Well never be able to singA two-part harmony

Sing another silly love songFrom off the radio

And Ill pretendIve never heard it before

u offered me the only gift you knewA song

Which just like youCould not be framed

You compose the musicAnd Ill write the lyrics,

Then maybe we can play at loveBy ear.

Rae Marcus

94

Au RevoirAt eye level

You were so forbidding

IAn endless mazeOf history

But I suppose that you(Like most things)

Only seemed to be too bigFor a mere mortal

Like me;And now

Three thousand miles awayThree thousand miles above

The fogHas lifted

once marveled at your monumentsWhich are now but childrens toysAnd the supposedly endless road

Is just a broken threadSo the higher I flyThe better I see.


Citizen KaneOh Grandpa, I saw your movie

And yes I loved the cinematography;

A

A95

I thought the inside documentaryAnd the camera angles

Were perfect

Oh Grandpa, I saw your movieAnd yes I got the symbolism;

nd I figured out what Rosebud wasBefore the end of the movie(Just like you said I would)

Oh Grandpa, I saw your moviend yes I heard your voice in my ear

And yes I felt you next to meAnd someday when I see you again

Well analyze Orson Welles

Oh Grandpa, I saw your movieAnd I loved itAnd I love you

Rae Marcus

96

IngenuityThe stage of adulthood

Is lit with its neon lights;

FB

She

Sto

S

SheC

SAn

SAnShe waits to make her entranceAnd overcome her frights.

irst thing, she slips into her clothes:usiness suits and faux mink stoles,

has shed the garments of the ingenueIn order to win better roles.

ckings, now, and high-heeled shoes,Hair slicked back and pinned,

She takes her outgrown innocenceAnd tosses it to the wind.

he sprays perfume, a bit too strong,Sucks in her cheeks and frowns,

wears the regalia of a grownup now;omplete with slippers and gowns.

Lastly comes the makeup mask,Painted eyes and lacquered lips,She squeezes into her lingerie

And practices shaking her hips.

But like any other method actressShe is still just playing a part;

To the naked eye she is an adult,In every place but her heart.

he believes if she does the motionsd she can make the audience believe,he will be able to become her roled give her hidden sorrows reprieve.


She is but the directors marionetteA child in a womans clothes,

The observer ignores her falsity, claps heartily,And throws her a rusted rose.97

Rae Marcus

98

The Electric MomentsWe are eagerly awaitingThe electric moments:The early morning hoursJust after the dawn

Of love.

Before I know your angerOr you feel my jealousy

We can live together In the electric momentsOf unkempt innocence.

Let us cherish the timeOf the electric moments,

Before the novelty is gone,When seeing each other is not yet

A chore;When our spines still tingle

At every meeting.

Prior to the familiarityAnd security

Come and give us comfort,We must learn to thrive on

The electric moments.

While we are still relative strangersTo each other

And the routinesAre many months away,

Let us revel inThe electric moments.


So Long GoneFrom the outside

There is only a slight changeA

T

Somewhere

An

Unre

ThaAnd ther

There a99

new layer of the same color paintAnd a shiny new car

Out frontBut once inside I immediately see

hat your ghost still haunts the houseThat we left so long ago...

your footprints are under these new flowersIn the garden

d your breath still makes little ripplesOn the curtains

cognizable strangers live in the roomsThat we consecrated once;

Our former abodeIs inhabited by people

Who aren't us

They painted over our wallsAnd recarpeted our floors

But the faint odor of our dead loveIs alive and lingering here

I only wish I could have knownt you wouldn't be kept in a tiny housee was no way to contain all the parts of you

Into one roomOr one life

Or one heart

re strangers taking over where we left offFalling into the trapsThat we left behind

Rae Marcus

100

There Have Been Too Many Lasts (A Mirror Sonnet)

G

We m

AT

OTThere have been too many lastsDays fraught with false meaning,iven up to heaped praise and prideWhen their levity is in fact small.ake milestones out of ordinary thingsAttaching worth to dying dust

Like gold made out of clay.Meaning is given to every day

nd obligingly we go where we must,rading diplomas and wedding rings

For any cheap trinket at all.pen the gap of good taste wideoward the future we go careeningTo glorify our checkered pasts.


Insouciant(A Mirror Sonnet)At

But DB

Wa

NoI d

And in101

first I wanted to be an elegant wife,And then, instead, a recluse,

then I thought that whatever the Fatesecided would be my eventual mean.lithely insouciant I gallantly wasted

Every day, as if each ones pointless as I neared my destination.

Losing my ideas and inspiration,I squandered time and had fun,

wine undrunk and no food untasted.ied waiting for kismet to intervene,

heaven I saw this inscribed on the Gates:Destiny is just an excuse

For not taking control of your life.

Rae Marcus

102

Let Me Call Out To YouLet me call out to you, oh my lover,Though you are far away from me,

For myAn

L

We c

LAnd

FoM

L

L

BecaAn voice carries across the mountain rangesd your heartbeats echo over the sea.

et me call out to you, oh my lover,As if you were beside me here,

an pretend that we are children in love,Innocent and free of fear.

et me call out to you, oh my lover,I can dream that you will answer back,r if our communication were to die,y whole world would dim to black.

et me call out to you, oh my lover,You have missed my voices soundWhile you are so far gone from meExploring an exotic new ground.

et me call out to you, oh my lover,Speaking of being together again

use our love makes the distance naughtd cools even the most piercing pain.


Postmodern Independence DayWe spent all afternoon

Hauling coolers and blankets

AnT

And

As

So

W103

Driving around town just to findA place to park

And then walked for milesIn search of the best spot

With a view;We finished off all the watermelond argued about who would sit where,hen complained about mosquitoes

And the heat.As the sky dimmed,The night exploded

for a few brief moments our trivial livesWere enveloped

In color we were reminded of all the people

Who gave their lives that we could squabble about seats

And insects,ho hid with muskets in the woods

That we long since chopped downAnd paved over,

Yet I think it was worth livingAll that foolish yearFor fifteen minutes

Of freedom.

Rae Marcus

104

AmberHow stupid it was of me

To think I could fit all of you

ThInto something so emptyLike that thin slice of phoniness

They callA photographThose pictures

Never did you justiceThey never captured the wayThat the sun lit up your eyes

And the wind rumpled your hair

Just from looking at the imitationOf your face

I couldn't see all of the beautyLurking inside

e glowing recollections of times pastAnd the sorrow of those

You were unaware ofYet to come

But maybe for just a momentI had you preserved

Coated in amberExactly as I wanted you to be

And exactly as you were


Full CircleI think I was here once before

And yet

As

I

While

Ev

I rea

Th105

It isn't the way I left itI have traveled so many roads

Since,Somehow after all the pratfalls

And lessonsI have returned to where I

BeganI walk through the stomping grounds

Of my youtham so much older than I used to be

And yet I follow the shadows of what had been

I am not the same thingThat I was

en though I walked in one big loop,I went to a higher place;Though the path's end

Was the same as the beginningched the destination I was looking for

All alongHome is such a beautiful placeNow that I have grown past it

And all the old palaces of youthMay have crumbled long ago

But in newfound wisdomey are polished in the morning lightAnd contain the evolving shape

Of my life.

Rae Marcus

106

WhyHe liked to talk about philosophy

Using over-broad metaphors

The

H

SoBetween fits of laughing sarcasm;n proceed to kiss her dusky eyelashes

His breath quiveringLike expectant butterflies.

e was done with asking questionsAnd finished with asking why,

they moved onto things like passionFree thought

And willing heartsBut soon the fire cooledAnd the sun retreated

Into its lavender-gray haven:Philosophy and love were over

And she still kept wondering why.


Southern BelleWhen I look at her I conclude

That the angelic Madonna

And wi

They

S107

Of famed Renaissance paintingsMust have been a Southern belle

She sits so delicatelyProtected by her air of family pridethout even the lifting of her perfect handThe worshipping suitors fall in line

Raised on whole milk and JesusCombed and manicured

all hope that she loves them somewhereBehind the unruffled countenance

Never an unkind wordOr an impure thought

he lets them all fall in love with herFrom a distance

Rae Marcus

108

Ten YearsIt had been ten years

That felt like ten thousandFro

To th

In w

A

L

T

Tham the time that we were young loverse time that we were overwrought adults

Ten yearshich I had occasionally thought of you

And wonderedWhat had become of you

And I remembered exactlyHow your voice sounded,The opinions that you had,

nd the way we were both quite sureThat we could save the world

And finally we met againike from some old-fashioned movie

By accidentAnd I discovered in my horror

That you had changedI was infuriated

That you had grown upAnd upset to discover

hat we were no longer young loversAnymore

So after a disappointing meetingWe both decided

t we would rather stay forever youngIn memory

Than become what we wereDifferent

In the present


False GlowI have driven all the light out of hereAnd the mirrors are full of phantoms,

But j

Because I

But 109

ust because I have lived here all my lifeDoesnt mean it is my home.

I am watching the world outsideThrough an opaque curtain

Soggy trees sink low to the groundAs if doing balletic plies.

I pray for the false glowOf the deadly lightning

am tired of walking these illuminated pathsThat lead to nowhere.

I can no longer distinguishBetween my tears and the rain,

when I open the window it smells likeThe day when the earth woke up.

Rae Marcus

110

Nature PausesThe river

Stands still

He can only love

In the pausesHaltingly

He walks aloneCrushing lilies

UnderfootWading knee-deep

In the invisible

Even angelsForget how to fly

Stale wind reeks ofSerenity

Happiness on hold

He singsMemories

Full of silenceThe pines join forA solemn chorus


Lucifers PillowsAchingly her tired muscles

Grope for something unseen111

As she lies downIn a field of white grass

And prays to a godWhose name she has long since

Forgotten

The circle she had hoped forWas a misleading arc

That spun foreverAnd then tossed her

UnfeelinglyTo the sea

And its exaggerated treasure

The rainbow melts awayUnder the pounding heat

Of the sunThe clouds sink lower

Through the pitiful horizonUntil they are pillows

For Lucifer

The world leans to its sideAnd shakes her

She arises painfullyAnd screams with all her

Tortured bloodIn a language that died

Several wars ago

Rae Marcus

112

HereafterIt is the things that seem meaningless now

That will make you cry

And

It is t

And t

It is t

And itIn twenty years the things that you were forced to do

That made you strongerIn the long run,

he things that people warned you aboutThat you had the most fun doing

In your youthhe things that made other people proud

That didnt mean as muchIn your eyes,

he things that no one else knows aboutThat make you smile

In your mind, is the things you wrote down on paper

That will be rememberedIn the world.


DormantHoled up in a dusky

Back alley113

Of a landThat calls itself

UtopiaShe reads famous works

By obscure authorsAnd puts on a coatTo shield herselfFrom the heat

While nestled in a roomfulOf flat rocking chairsAnd a plastic basket

Of wax apples.For a moment

She contemplates prayer,But the walls are thin

And the surrounding roomsOccupied by

Worthier souls,So she turns up the radio

In hopesOf drowning out

The silence:She gave up

Before she startedAnd died

Before she was born.

Rae Marcus

114

CalliopeShe crosses the street

Without hesitation

And makes all the cars

Come to screeching haltsWhile she

Languorously strutsAt her own pace;

She is addicted to cigarettesAnd her lover

(mere earthly objectsthat are as empty to her

as truth);she repaints her bedroom

every daya new shadeto cover up

all the times before;she buries dead flowers

in the gardenat dusk

and then dancesbarefoot on the thorny soil

as if no one is lookingas if she is free.


CharcoalFor our first date

He bypassed the usual115

Dinner and a movieAnd took me toAn art gallery;

Where instead of lingeringOver the sketches of nude women

He pointed outA simple charcoal

Of nothing butA blanket,

Then raved incessantlyAbout the strokesAnd the shading;

The way that the blanketLooked warm and comforting

Even thoughIt was flat on paper:

How I wish that I could beAn artist

And create warm, comforting loveOut of cold, unfeeling

Charcoal.

Rae Marcus

116

PatternsAs a girl

I picked out silver

And china patterns

Planning for a courtshipAnd wedding

To the dream manI had yet to meetAnd chose namesFor the childrenI had yet to bear,

But then youHad to come along

And throw all my listsOut the window.


DevolutionOur lives fell from poetry

Long ago117

After the constructionOf the great cathedrals

And the collapseOf the delicate mythologies;

We falter nowIn dubious fits of language

Too concise for novelsBut too lacking

Of meaningful dialogueTo create plays;

Now we reside aimlesslyIn uneven and halting prose:

Disjointed syllablesDevoid of rhyme and rhythm

And another losing battleIn the great unending quest

For warmth.

Rae Marcus

118

Unassuming and UnsungHe wants to be

The historian of our times,

To record the feats

Of the unknown heroesIn the hope

That perhaps somedayHe too can be permanent

His secretIs to live unassumingly

And trick the worldInto thinking

That he is common,And then perform miraclesWhile their eyes are closed.


The Long Walk HomeThe journeyIs built upon119

Discovery:Finding new

Favorite placesAnd soulmatesAlong the way.I do not mind

The extensive walkingBecause there are

Exotic landscapesOnce foreign,

Now familiarAnd new dialects

To master.But the return tripIs full of longingAnd memories

Slightly tangibleBut just out of reachThe long walk home

Is made longerBy walking

aloneAfter leaving everything else

Behind.

Rae Marcus

120

Talk To Me Like AutumnTalk to me

Like autumnCrisp conversationLike the breeze

Breath as windCinnamon and cedar

Warm sweatersWarm arms

Harvest moonWide eyes

Be my refugeFrom the tempests

You and ScorpioIn the heavens

It cant alwaysBe summer

But we canStave off winter

To a GranddaughterOverheard at a FuneralMy Parents Wedding DayGrowthFourteenMy Only Religious PoemSpringReminiscingNooseNo Name Lives ForeverIngrid Bergman, Queen Elizabeth, and MegThe Four SeasonsMePaint for Me a WorldA World Without LoveThe Song of Suzanna SloaneFrostbiteWhen We Were GoldenChokePapillonMy HeavenPrima DonnaUnwelcomeClaustrophobiaLactriceMirror WorshipKaleidoscopeCaged AngelArc de CielToy SoldiersEncasedPorcelain DollNumbBrown ProphetTerrifying IllusionState of MindDisintegrationFor Which Love is Too Simple a TitleReconstructionBalancing ActNotorietyOverachieverShattered TruthWeaponsMercyCandlelightFebruary AngelReflectionAppealRefrain for RequiemAloeThe World Ends in JuneBernadette WednesdayPoolLaurieWater Love DrugTheloveofyourlifeChannel SurfingArchaeologist MotherThe ConqueredBaltimore MoonRapunzelGuruThe Poem That Got Me in Trouble in Social StudiesIll WayVagabondTiptoesSong and a Bunch of Possessive PronounsAu RevoirCitizen KaneIngenuityThe Electric MomentsSo Long GoneThere Have Been Too Many Lasts (A Mirror Sonnet)Insouciant (A Mirror Sonnet)Let Me Call Out To YouPostmodern Independence DayAmberFull CircleWhySouthern BelleTen YearsFalse GlowNature PausesLucifers PillowsHereafterDormantCalliopeCharcoalPatternsDevolutionUnassuming and UnsungThe Long Walk HomeTalk To Me Like Autumn

Talk to Me Like Autumn

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