Synthesis Weekly – May 26, 2014

17. 21.6.

MAY 26. ALWAYS FREE. ALWAYS.

ROD & GUN SHOW REV. HORTON HEATTRANSISTOR

EP RELEASE AND TOUR KICK-OFF

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CHICO, CAMAY 29LOST on Main

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FRIDAY26 28 30

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THURSDAY29 SUNDAY

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ANGRY ORCHARD SPECIALSHAPPY HOUR 2-6PM M-FPOOL RATES CUT IN 1/2!

MONDAYWAFFLE CONEWEDNESDAYSHAPPY HOUR 2-6PM M-F

WEDNESDAY 31

EAT. DRINK. PLAY. GREAT FOOD! LIVE MUSIC!LESSONS, LEAGUES & TOURNAMENTS!

BOBBY HUSTLETHURSDAY 5/29

POWER TO THE PEOPLEFRIDAY 5/30

CHOP TOPSSATURDAY 5/31

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THURSDAY 6/5

ALLIE BATTAGLIA ANDTHE MUSICAL BREWING CO

CHUCK EPPERSONBANDFRIDAY 6/6

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Get ready to finally have Teeph out of our hair for a while while they tour the west. We should celebrate that fact by reading all about them, going to their farewell show, snagging a copy of their new EP, Solid Jobs, and listening to it every day while they’re gone.

Apparently it’s not a pageant of wieners and biceps. Bummer. If you want to know what actually goes down at these mysterious events, join Emiliano on this decidedly domestic Exotic Adventure and have your illusions shattered like so many antique bottles lined up on a fence.

This Week... Columns

by Bob [email protected]

Immaculate Infection

by Zooey [email protected]

Comical Ruminations

by Eli SchwartzProductivity Wasted

by Logan Kruidenierlogankruidenier.tumblr.com

Supertime!

howlmovesmountains.tumblr.comHowl

by Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff

Exotic Adventures in Smalltown, USA

by Jaime O'[email protected]

Old Crock

Reverend Horton HeatPreview

by Koz [email protected]

Kozmik Debris

PAGE 8

PAGE 18

PAGE 4

PAGE 5

PAGE 18

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PAGE 22

by Amy [email protected]

Letter From the EditorTeeph

Rod and Gun Show

Cover Photo:Vince Latham

PAGE 20

Publisher/Managing EditorAmy Olson

[email protected]

Creative DirectorTanner Ulsh

[email protected]

Entertainment EditorAlex Light

[email protected]/submit-your-

event/

DesignersColin Leiker, Mike [email protected]

DeliveriesJoey Murphy, Jennifer Foti

Contributing WritersArielle Mullen, Bob Howard, Howl, Jaime O’Neill, Koz McKev, Tommy

Diestel, Jayme Washburn, Eli Schwartz, Mona Treme, Emiliano

Garcia-Sarnoff, Jon Williams

PhotographyJessica Sid

Vincent Latham

NerdDain Sandoval

[email protected]

AccountingBen Kirby

Director of Operations Karen Potter

Owner Bill Fishkin

[email protected]

The Synthesis is both owned and published by Apartment 8 Productions. All things published in these pages are the property of Apartment 8 Productions and may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way, shape or form without the written consent of Apartment 8 Productions. One copy (maybe two) of the Synthesis is available free to residents in Butte, Tehama and Shasta counties. Anyone caught removing papers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. All opinions expressed throughout the Synthesis are those of the author and are not necessarily the same opinions as Apartment 8

Productions and the Synthesis.The Synthesis welcomes, wants, and will even desperately beg for letters because we care what you think. We can be reached via snail mail at the Synthesis, 210 W. 6th St., Chico, California, 95928. Email [email protected]. Please sign all of your letters with your real name, address and preferably a phone number. We may also edit your

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For 20 years The Synthesis’ goal has remained to provide a forum for entertainment, music, humor, community awareness, opinions,

and change.

210 West 6th Street Chico Ca 95928

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Volume 20 Issue 40 May 26, 2014

4 SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM MAY 26 2014

This Week In NewsDon’t Try This at Home

As a gesture of conservation/negligence, we let our back lawn die. I have grand ambitions about redesigning the yard to be a low-water landscape with all kinds of stones and sage and lavender, but it turns out it’s really easy to stop watering the grass, and really, really difficult to dig up the hardened dirt bound together by a network of roots. Especially when it’s 1000 degrees outside, and you’re me. After a lot more work than I anticipated, I managed to get one tiny corner turned and planted this week. Yaaaay.

Were You Born in a Barn?

It seems the old adage “never read the comments” also applies to articles that I wrote. I was genuinely surprised (and then disappointed in myself for being surprised, and then disappointed in humanity) upon reading some negative comments about The Barn project we featured in last week’s issue. It seems some residents in the neighborhood had already made up their minds that the building should be torn down—despite the fact that it isn’t in bad enough condition to be condemned—and may be gearing up to oppose the project. To sum up their arguments sarcastically: the empty building attracts vagrants and is in bad shape, therefore occupying it and fixing it up are a bad idea. I really don’t get the logic, and it was very frustrating to read. In positive news, support is swelling, and initial fundraising efforts have passed the halfway mark.

I’m the Worst

It gets really hot in the gymnasium where we take our exercise, and that is my excuse for being a jerk to my wonderful Canadian Amazon/semi-personal trainer, Ally Sharpe. Yes, she made me do 50 burpees and 50 pushups with my tiny T-rex arms, but I shouldn’t have weakly shaken my fist from the

puddle of tears and sweat I was drowning in and threatened to punch her in the knees if she told me I was doing great one more time. Sorry about that, I’ll try to be a better sport.

Help me Jessica Fletcher, You’re my Only Hope

Just in time to set my attitude right, today I received this lovely portrait of Angela Lansbury in her role as the indomitable Jessica Fletcher of Murder She Wrote, the classiest lady of all time. If ever there was a symbol of intelligent, polite, and witty decorum in the face of rudeness and obstinance, it was she. There was never a task too difficult (except maybe letting love back into her life after Frank died), never a situation too awkward (except for maybe the time she was arrested and her friend Michael Hagarty of MI6 refused to exhonerate her because he was trying to keep her out of the case he was working on), and never a mystery too complex (except the mystery of how she became so awesome). May her image inspire me to grace in the face of all challenges.

Also, I Ate a Lot of Cookies

I made cookies for Colin’s last day here, and I ate like a third of them before I even got to the office.

by Amy [email protected]

Letter From the Editor

PET OF THE WEEK

Hone y Boo BooHere comes Honey Boo Boo, a chubby 10-year-old with luxurious hair who would be sure to win any beauty pageant - not to be confused with the reality T.V. star! According to an anonymous source close to this fabulous cat (ok, ok, it’s one of our staff), Miss Boo Boo loves lounging on the towers in her cattery, getting brushed by members of her volunteer entourage, and just generally being adored and admired by all of her fans.

Now Hear This

Tanner

Colin

Liz

Dinah

Andrea

Becca

Alex

Mike

Das Racist - “Return TO Innocence”

Sarah McLachlan - “I Will Remember You”

Sylvan Esso - “Coffee”

Neutral Milk Hotel - “In the Aeroplane Over

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Radiohead - “Thinking About You”

Metric - “Combat Baby”

NIN - “The Perfect Drug”

Crystal Castles - “Magic Spells”

SYNTHESIS WEEKLY PLAYLIST

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Das Racist


Stiv the cat is helping me write my column this morning. She has seated herself on the keypad. Stiv has a bum eye right now. I don’t know if it was scratched by another cat or if maybe she has something lodged in it, like a fox-tail. If she doesn’t show signs of healing soon, we’ll have to take her in to the vet.

Stiv and I got off to a shaky start when she was a softball-sized ball of fur, claws and teeth. She’d made her way here and was making godawful sounds from the carport, but even though she had to have been near starving, she was too scared to come to Trish or I. As a result I ended up having to corner her and grab her, at which point she sunk her teeth into the webbing between the thumb and forefinger of my right hand; hence her name, Stiv Biter. I still have the scars.

Love-Inspired Lunacy

I had a chance to sit down and talk with a couple of young

people in love, and it reminded me of my own whirlwind courtship with Trish. We had to endure a four month long, long distance relationship—she was here in Chico and I was down in Los Angeles—before I moved up here and we were married. You know you’re really in love when you find yourself doing stupid, crazy, out of character things, and being five hundred miles from the one you love only intensifies this temporary insanity. I was in another world during those four months. There was so much intense, stupefying emotion sailing around I simply did not know what to do with myself. I drank and drugged myself, shaved off my eyebrows, and committed crimes petty and egregious. I behaved like a lunatic, which in retrospect, I guess I was. I never realized I could feel or act that way. It was amazing and also sometimes terrifying to be so whacked out and enamored.

As wondrous and unique as that time period was in my life, I’m grateful it was only for four months. Much longer and I likely would have ended up in the pokey; as it was I came closer than I like to admit.

I’ve been thinking a lot about love lately—romantic love and also the more general love of the world and the creatures and beings that inhabit it. Love, like hate, indifference, or any other

That Crazy Love

by Bob [email protected]

Immaculate Infection

emotion, is an infinitely renewable resource. To create more love all we have to do is love more. Easier said than done, I suppose, and opening yourself up to love also means opening yourself up to heartache and pain. The ones we love the most hurt us when they deny us, reject us, or leave us. But the crazy love is worth it, there’s nothing else like it.

“I got me a fearless heart, strong enough to get you through the scary parts. It’s been broken many times before; a fearless heart just comes back for more.”

– Steve Earle

EMOTIONS ARE OUR MOST RENEWABLE RESOURCES. TO CREATE MORE, FEEL MORE. LOVE WILL BRING YOU PAIN, SUFFERING, AND HEARTBREAK, BUT IT’S WORTH IT.

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Transistor

by Eli SchwartzProductivity Wasted

CIRCUITS AND SERENADES

The spiritual successor to 2011’s indie smash hit Bastion is out right now. What are you doing? Are you reading this article? You should probably be playing anything made by the game’s producer and developer studio, Supergiant Games, instead. Bastion, as a critical and popular success—hailed as both good, clean fun, and a work of art—and as a game made by seven people, was a game that helped to further cement the idea that indie games could be magnificent successes. It was this idea that helped early access, crowdfunding, game design contests, and investment capitalism take off in the gaming world, and revolutionized it from a top-down, corporate enterprise with increasingly bloated overhead. And yes, now the latest game from these creators is out.

Transistor shares many similarities with Bastion: both are 3D side-angled brawlers with RPG elements of character customization. Both tell epic stories spanning across shattered worlds. Both have had their excellent soundtracks composed by Darren Korb. Both feature silent protagonists whose vocal absence is filled by a talkative, yet gruff speaker, both of whom are voiced by Logan Cunningham, that suave bastard.

Yet Transistor couldn’t be called a copy of Bastion—or, in fact, any game. It introduces strange new elements of turn-based strategy intermixed in real time battles, which must be seen to be understood. It allows for extreme levels of customization, with each additional power, called “functions,” capable of being used to modify each other and the player in a huge amount of combinations. This is accomplished without being complicated, and with plenty of fun. The combat acquires a decidedly tactical edge, and cultivates thinking alongside every action. I’ve never played anything that could be called a “brawler” that was so cerebral.

In terms of visuals, there’s little to say. It wins. If Bastion was pretty, Transistor is drop-dead gorgeous. It’s a masterpiece of semi-organic circuitry splashed like neon paint in a high contrast environment with architectural style somewhere between the roaring ‘20s, Tron,

and some uniquely imaginative concept art.

The soundtrack is excellent, if perhaps not quite as catchy as Bastion’s, and the vocals provided by Ashley Barret, the same singer from Bastion are outstanding. I should mention that if, at any point, you’re feeling that the instrumentals could use some accompaniment, you can hold down a button and the protagonist will hum in perfect time. That, I’m pretty sure, has never ever been done.

But I can’t get away with a complete fluff piece. Transistor’s plot (but not, I repeat, NOT its wonderfully emotional characters) can be a little weak at times, mostly just giving you something like a confusing plot twist and then sending you on your way to fight some more. There’s also the serious issue of bugs, which at the release build, anyway, were noticeably bad. Several times I had to restart a checkpoint due to game-breaking glitches, and lag is common, annoying, and at a few moments, fatal. As I write this, keep in mind, a patch to the game has just downloaded to my computer. Nothing is set in stone on the bug front.

All in all, Transistor is worthy of its hype, its studio, and its predecessor. A Game of the Year contender, no doubt.


Patient Zero

by Zooey [email protected]

Comical Ruminations

Last week I was feeling completely fed up with the awful turn my allergies had taken, so after a sleepless night spent creating and shaping a giant mountain of tissues with nose juice in them next to my bed, I did the responsible thing—I called my mom and made her take me to Immediate Care to get an allergy shot.

I sat there in the little room, sweating and sneezing all over that stupid table with the butcher paper, and waiting for a doctor to come give me the last resort shot. After taking my temperature and finding it pushing 101, the doctor suggested instead that they conduct a test to see if I had the flu. I should have declined, but my defenses were low, so when they took out the world’s most giant q-tip and shoved it up my nose so far I felt it tickle my brain, there wasn’t much I could do except swat pathetically at the doctors hand and cover her unprotected wrist with snot and other juices from my leaking face.

After another short wait, she returned with the verdict: flu. Apparently I did not have allergies, apparently I am inept at diagnosing myself. So, with the “most serious” antibiotics to combat the crazy awful flu I had, and a promise from the doctor that it was “going to get a lot worse,” I headed off to face what was definitely proving to be the worst finals week of my life.

For any of you who might have the audacity to become sick during the last week of school in the future, let me let you in on a secret: unless you are in the hospital, the professors do not give a shit. By midweek I had a doctors note and a fever of 103, and I got extensions for exactly ZERO finals. I get that professors are predisposed from years of students bullshitting them to ignore the excuses they must get when finals roll around, but that leaves people like me, who actually are crazy sick, to basically just fuck off.

My last and most difficult final was conducted on Thursday, and I’m sure I drove my class crazy as I was coughing and sneezing all over everything in my corner of the class. Let me just say, I touched a LOT of doorknobs that day, and pressed every button in the elevator in Butte Hall. It’s awful, but I guess I’m of the opinion that if I have to be dragged in to take a final while I’m more dead than alive, I’m definitely going to spread my misery around as much as possible.

The plus side to all this is that I don’t really remember much of finals week. I feel like I blinked, and all of a sudden graduation is over and (HOORAY!!) the students are gone. Chico really is magical when the students leave. In one fell swoop, the restaurants and bars are empty, parking opens up, and I don’t have to hear catcalls yelled out the side of lifted trucks with obnoxiously loud engines. It. Is. Magical. I know the revenue created by out of town students is what helps to keep our little town alive, but God damn do I love it when the students leave. Congratulations my fellow Chicoans, the town is ours! (Until the fall. Then God help us).


TEEPH NEVER DIESometimes it’s beautiful and atmospheric, most of the time it’s loud, messy

and heavy, but it’s all honest, and it’s all damn good. I’m talking about Teeph’s very focused, very short new EP Solid Jobs being released this Thursday at their Monstro’s tour kick-off show. They’re selling it on tape because they’re dumb like that, and you’ll buy it because you’re smart enough to know cool music when it’s screaming in your face.

SOLID JOBS COMING OUT FAST AND LOOSELet’s hear about this new EP. Recording, writing, you know.

Matt: We’re all in other bands; there’s always an ebb and flow to how much effort we’re putting into this band. We didn’t know when we wanted to start trying hard again, didn’t know what we wanted to do next… then we were asked if we wanted to play CrucialFest in Salt Lake City. We said yes. Sesar, being the spark that he is, said, “Let’s tour on our way back, and if we’re gonna do THAT, we better bring something.” So we’re like, “Fuck, guess we better record!” and we had about two months to do it.

We had four songs done at the time, and we finished the fifth in the studio. We had a goal, so we were able to do it really quickly, and Scott Barwick at Origami Lounge was really awesome to work with. It ended up being the best thing we put out.

Sesar: Two years ago we put out our LP Vietnamaste, went on that 32 day tour, and since then we’ve probably played like 12 times, maybe. We’ve been on cruise control. So at some point I was like, “So are we gonna keep writing? Or not?” You gotta check in every once in awhile.

Alex: I was pumped at how quickly we were putting stuff out; how Scott was working with us so quickly. It was really refreshing to discover that you can record without overproducing everything and getting really anal about details. We’re not that kind of a band. This way fits our style… More thrash-y…

Matt: This kind of really fast recording process totally lends itself to our stuff. It sounds really clean; it sounds like how we play live, but better. It’s the same exact songs, but as if we played them live really well, through a really good system.

Alex: It just happened that way because we needed a record, fast. Now it’s my favorite method.

Sesar: We only had a couple mixes before we had it mastered. It sounded like us; it sounded honest. The whole thing took five or six sessions. We’re very happy with how it came out.

Alex: It’s hard for me to have a perspective on songs while I’m playing them. Once we recorded [Solid Jobs], I realized a philosophy I’m starting to adopt… Just get it recorded so you can hear it!

BY HOWL | PHOTOGRAPHY BY VINCE LATHAM


THE DUDES TAKE A LOOK AT THEMSELVES

You really don’t get much perspective when playing an instrument [in the songs]. You get a completely different perspective listening to it. I was hearing parts that I didn’t like before, that I now actually like. They felt too straightforward when I was playing them…

Matt: But then you hear it and it actually feels really natural.

Alex: Yeah, so I have to embrace [those more simple parts]. It’s very interesting.

Sesar: I, too, find that interesting, Alex.

Alex: I think we need to do that more.

Matt: What, record? Record fast?

Alex: Yeah.

Matt: Well, we do have our magnum opus Moby Dick song…

Alex: Oh, don’t bring THAT up.

Sesar: Yeah, that’s the song that’s gonna break us up.

Love those songs.

Alex: The white whale.

Matt: It’s called Leviathan by Mastodon. The whole album [the guys laugh].

Alex: Yeah, we just cover Leviathan.

Sesar: Anyway, I wanted to say that, while all three of us have worked hard on this album, there’s some other people not playing on the album who worked hard on it: Scott Barwick, obviously. Jake Van Der Linde doing the artwork. Matt Loomis doing a shirt.

Alex: And our friends coming to the shows.

Matt: Yeah. And the people who aren’t our friends, but who seem to like it.

All three of you play in a handful of local bands. What’s the relationship between you three like? How is it different from the relationships in your other bands?

Matt: We’re all friends first. If we quit the band tomorrow, we’d still all be friends.

We all have very specific roles in this band, which is really comfortable. Sesar’s the guy who does the legwork and pushes us to do stuff. Alex is this really good drummer… I don’t really know what I do…

Alex: You’re the most handsome!

Sesar: Yeah, ya gotta have the good looks.

Matt: I’m a little more thoughtful than the others about the structure and form of things; the formal nature of it.

Alex: It’s simple, being a three piece. We’re able to toss around ideas and be open-minded.

Matt: Sesar created this band, and he’s the boss. He writes the riffs. For me, I get to have this cool voice in this band, a band I was a big fan of before I played with them. That’s kinda cool.

Alex: Were you still fat when you liked us?

Matt: Yeah. I was really fat, and I liked Teeph. Then I became friends with them and got in the band.

Alex: That’s a pretty good promo for Teeph.

Sesar: Yeah. You joined us, then you became handsome.

Matt IS quite handsome…

Matt: In my other bands I have my roles; but with this band it’s really aggressive, really weird, and just something I’m not gonna get elsewhere.

Sesar: I’m personally not really solid with rhythm. I’m not really solid sometimes with the riff I’m playing, but they’re patient. So that’s one thing, something tangible about these guys. Alex plays in other bands, and I don’t think he’d be as interested in THIS band if it wasn’t a little fucking weird, and was something that challenged him. There’ve been times when we’ve played some riffs and he’s not feeling challenged, and he’s just like, ‘I WANNA play something that’s way better than this,’ something that pushes him more.

Alex: We all push each other in that way.

[Black Keys start playing on the Duffy’s jukebox]

Matt: I hate Black Keys. It doesn’t really affect me… But something about when their shitty music comes on, I just super hate it.

Sesar: I feel like there are bands who hang out more, who have more of a friend dynamic. We’re all friends, but we also give each other our space. And that’s not on purpose, it’s just the way life works. Even though Alex and I are roommates, I probably see my other friends more than I see Alex, just ‘cause we have different lives. And that’s what makes it REALLY work, ‘cause when we really DO get together, it’s like, ‘Oh man, I haven’t seen these guys


for weeks!’ Or even months, sometimes. It works out really perfectly.

Matt: Alex plays music with lots of other bands… which change over time, but the music’s never anything like [Teeph]—like, 100%, the whole time. The hardest he can hit, the hardest stuff he can play. He exerts himself as hard and fast as he can, pretty much, in the moment.

Alex: Yeah, in the moment I’m trying, not just to be loud, but to exert myself: every little moment, every little thing. If I don’t have that enthusiasm behind it, it doesn’t seem genuine. I think that’s completely unique to THIS band. And it’s great! It’s totally a catharsis.

Matt: You get to let it out. Whatever IT is… it’s getting out. It hurts… but it feels good! [winks]

Alex: [laughs] Nice wink.

How do you guys feel about Chico’s music scene right now?

Matt: It’s an ebb and flow.

Sesar: I feel like being on the band side, and on the promoter side, really skews the perception. I do have a lot of vested interest in seeing people come out to shows, but I have to remember that people have lives beyond music. Not everyone can dedicate all their time to it, not even me. You’ve just gotta let those things be natural, and be patient with them, but also do your job.

Everyone has a job to do around here. Everyone could do a little bit better, push themselves a little bit more in trying to get people out to shows. That’s what’s gonna pick up interest in our music scene, is when more people are out promoting, getting people excited.

Matt: It’s also about realizing that no one here OWES you their attendance.

Alex: There’s an unevenness of how many shows there are, versus how many people go out to shows. There’s usually four shows a week… like, a shit ton of shows. There’s no supporting middle-area of promoters that are just as strong as the bands. It’s a beautiful thing having so many shows, but it’s tough. It’s a beautiful, weird, tiny town.

Sesar: Chico’s a small market, but it’s a place where you can be an artist and still eat.

OUR BEAUTIFUL, WEIRD, TINY TOWN

THE STRUGGLE, THE PAIN, THE GAIN, THE HANDSOME DUDESI’ve listened to Solid Jobs about 4 times so far. I thought the first track was pretty memorable, with all that screaming about “altars of blood” and stuff.

Matt: That’s a really straightforward one. That’s the one with the most straightforward song name too: “Nails And String.” It’s about playing music and what that can mean to you.

Sesar: For me, it was about playing music live.

Matt: It’s a catharsis… it’s almost like our church. You make sacrifices, you play music, and it’s kind of dumb, but it feels good. It feels right.

Alex: There’s a lot of effort that gets put into something that doesn’t make much money. It’s not seen as a job, even though it takes just as much effort.

Sesar: You make sacrifices in your normal life so you can go out and do that music thing, often. You make your whole life flexible around this whole thing.

Matt: And you’re like, “Why are we doing this again?”

Sesar: And then you’re like, “Oh yeah, for one out of ten times we play, there’s that one time we play and I’m like, ‘Fuck! We were hitting on all cylinders. That felt pretty good!’” Even at practice you could be like, “Man, that felt fucking amazing!”

I’m really stoked. I get to go on tour for 9 days, with two really cool, handsome dudes, to go meet up with other handsome dudes, to play heavy music, and go party after. It’s gonna be really nice to meet up with some other guys. [The others laugh] It’s gonna be very sexy.

See off Teeph before they go on tour, at Monstro’s on Thursday, May 29th. They’ll be selling their new EP Solid Jobs on tape. Also featuring The Americas, Baby Gurl, and the new high school kids on the block, Descent. $5, 8pm.

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from 4-7PM Full Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri & Sat Nights!

PBR $2.25 Everyday !

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Angry Mondays! Angry Orchard specials $6 angry hot wings Happy Hour2-6pm M-F

$1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR & Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/ 2!

Two Dollar Tuesdays! $2 PBRs $2 Tacos!

Happy Hour2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and

Olympia Cans Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!

Chicken Waffle Wed.!

8 ball Tourney 6pm sign-up Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom

Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/ 2!

Chico Jazz Collective 8-midnight Happy Hour2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra & Dom

Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/ 2!

Rock Out atThe DL! Enjoy Live Music, Great Grub, and 10 9' foottables Open@llam All ages untill lOpm

Rock Out atThe DL!

Enjoy Live Music, Great Grub, and 10 9' foot tables

Open@llam All ages untill lOpm

Super Bowl Sunday: Bronco Burgers and Sea Chicken Tuna melts $8

1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Cans

$6.50 Pulled pork sand w/ fries or salad 25 cent wings from halftime 'til they're gone! MONSTER MONDAY SPECIALS 6PM-CLOSE BEER $3/4/5/6 $1 SHOTS FREE Pool after lOPM

Chicken Strip Sand only $6.50 before 6 PM

DOLLAR DAZE 6-9pm $1 Beer $1 Wells $2 Doubles FREE Pool after lOPM

Reuben Sand w/ fries or salad $6.50 5pm-Close 1/ 2 off kids items Spm-Close Pitcher Specials $6/$9/$12 FREE Pool after lOPM

Baby Back Ribs $10.99 Philly Cheesesteak $7.50

6pm-Close $4 Grad teas

$3 All beer pints FREE Pool after lOPM

10 oz. Tri-Tip Steak w/ Fries or Salad & Garlic Bread $8.99 8pm-Close $4 Jager $5 DBL Vodka Red Bull $6 Jager Red Bull

$2 Kamikaze shots FREE Pool after lOPM

Baby Back Ribs w/Sa lad ,

Fries & garlic bread $10.99 8pm-Close

$4 Single/$6 Double Jack or Captain $2 Sierra Nevada FREE Pool after lOPM

$5.19 Grad/ Garden/ Turkey Burger w/fries or salad Bloodies $3 Well, $4 Ca II, $5 Top, $6 Goose Mimosas $2/flute, $5/pint $6 Beer Pitchers

90's Night! $6 Pitchers $3 Jameson and Skyy Specials $2 Ka mis

Metal Night in the Whiskey Room! $1Jim Beam $2 cans of beer

College "House Party" Ladies Night! No Cover!! $5 Pabst pitchers 1/2 off Rocksta r cocktails $2.50 Pink Lemonades $3 Jamo and Ginger Buck Hour 10:30 -11:30!!

FIREBALL FRIDAYS!!!!

Happy Hour4-8pm $6 pitchers $2 refills after 1st purchase

so's NIGHT!!!

Happy Hour4-8pm $6 pitchers $2 refills after 1st purchase

KARAOKE "INDUSTRY NIGHT" HALF OFF ALMOST EVERYTHING!(Except Red Bull and Premium Liquors)

J-0-ES cf~) ~Y1tf9'~ ~~!I

C: HI CO CA

Go Down Lo BEAR-E-OKE Happy Hour ll-6PM select bottles & drafts

BURGER MADNESS! $2.7S Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49. llam-10pm.

Go Down Lo BEAR WEAR! $2All Day 1/2 offwhilewearing $2 Select Sierra Nevada Bear Wea r. or Dom Drafts MUG CLUB 4-10PM $2 Kamis-any flavor

Go Down Lo TRIKE RACES! All 16 oz Teas or AMF $3 Post time@ lOpm. All Day Win T-shirts and Bear Bucks. MUG CLUB 4-10PM

LIVE JAZZ BURGER MADNESS! Happy Hour ll-6PM Drink Specials Bear Burger with fries $2.75 select bottles &

or salad for $5.49. drafts Early Bird Special llam-10pm. 9-10PM $216oz Wells 1/2off wells

LIVE MUSIC LATE NIGHT EATS! Free Happy Hour Food Drink Specials kitchen open until 1 AM 4PM until it's gone

Early Bird Special Happy Hour ll-6PM 9-10PM select wells, bottles and 1/2offwells pints $2.75

LIVE MUSIC LATE NIGHT EATS! $4 Sex On The Beach Drink Specials kitchen open until 1 AM $4 Sierra Nevada

Knightro ON TAP Early Bird Special $1 Jello Shots 9-10PM 7-10PM $3 Fireball 1/2off wells

Call To Rent For Private BURGER MADNESS! $4 World Famous Bloody Party Bear Burger with fries Joe

or salad for $5.49. $5 Premium bloodys Go Downlo llam-10pm. your choice of vodka

Champagne Brunch 10am-2pm Every Sunday $3 champagne with purchase of an entree

2FOR1 BURGERS ALL CLOSED DAY!!

MINORS WELCOME!

$3.50 Tea of the Day Happy Hour4- 7pm Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-Spm $1.50 sliders and other

cheap eats!

$3.50 Sky Vodka Cocktails 1/2 OFF $3.50 Tea of the Day EVERYTHING!!! Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-Spm

9pm-Close Happy Hour4- 7pm $212ozTeas $320ozTeas $1.50 sliders and other $2 Well, Dom Bottles & cheap eats!! bartender Specials $5 Vodka Red Bu II

$3.50 Tea of the Day Happy Hour-4-7pm Bartender Specials $5 Fridays 4-Spm Most

food items and pitchers Happy Hour 4-Spm of beer a re $5

$3.50 Tea of the Day Hot "Dawgs" ALL DAY! Bartender Specials

Happy Hour 4-Spm

Champagne Brunch llam-2pm Champagne Brunch $3 Champagne with and SPORTS! entree

SPM-Close $2 Margaritas $3 Cuervo Marqis $2.50 Corona Bottles & Sierra Drafts $3 Corona Lite Drafts Mon-Sat 3-6PM $1 Dom draft, $2 SN draft, $2 wells

Progressive Night! 8-10PM $1 Sierra Pale Ale, Domestics, Rolling Rock & well cocktails up 10PM-close 25¢ per hour-close Mon-Sat free pool 6-SPM

Buck Night 8-Close $1 well cocktails, Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, Rolling Rock, dom draft $3 Black Butte $4 Vodka Red bull

Spm-Close $3 Hot Licks $4151 Party Punch 22oz 8-9PM $1 pale ale and dom draft up 25¢ per hour until close $6.50 Apple Cinnamon Cider

Power Hour 8-9PM 1/ 2 off Liquor& Drafts (excludes pitchers) 9PM-Close $3 Pale Ale Drafts $9.75 Pale Pitchers

Mon-Sat 3PM-6PM $1 Dom draft, $2 SN draft, $2wells Power Hour 8-9PM 1/2 off Liquor & Drafts (excludes pitchers) 9-Close Pale Ale Drafts $9.75 Pale Pitchers

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Lounge V1pu1tra

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POWER 102 VIP NIGHT Open at 9PM

BOTTLE SERVICE Now Available! Call for reservation 898-9898

BOTTLE SERVICE Now Available!

Call for reservation 898-9898

Open at 9PPM

CLOSED

177 E 2nd St, Chico (530) 895-8817

KINGS vs BLACKHAWKS I KINGS vs BLACKHAWKS I KINGS vs BLACKHAWKS MON@ 6:00PM WED@ 5:00PM FRI @ 6:00PM

134 BROADWAY ST. I 530.893.5253



RHYTHM OF CRUELTY

BOBBY HUSTLEFEATURING BOBO DAVID

TOM & JERRY, JAKE NOLEN

SCREENING OF “LION ARK”

100TH MONKEY CAFERhythm Of Cruelty is a fe-male-fronted two-piece band (complete with drum machine) that plays a sort of punk-synth-pop fu-sion. It’s catchy, and gothic, a little bit sad, and a little bit good. Listen to the track “Way Of Grief” and get sad/happy, man. Also featuring Criminal Wave and Vexed. Show costs $5 and starts at 8pm.

LOST ON MAINSunny, peaceful, almost gangster, almost reggae. I like its positiv-ity, its chilled DJ beats, and the auto-tuned vocals. In his music video “Real Recognize Real,” Bobby is the one white gangster in a black ghetto bringing everyone together. Shit’s real. If you’re trying to get real, you know where you need to be on Thursday.

CAFE CODATom & Jerry is a two-piece guitar and drum project featuring Tom Nasr, the guy you see in The Lolos laying down fat bass lines. They’re really catchy, and I thought their drummer was particularly solid... That must be Jerry... Doesn’t he look like a skinny Chino Moreno in this photo? They’re releasing a new EP, too. Also featuring Jake Nolen in his band’s final performance. $7, 7:30pm

THE PAGEANTThis “consciousness-raising milestone of a documentary” is about lions be-ing captured and sold to circuses, and the people fighting to free said lions. The preview had a lot of lions snarling in cages, a brick wall being torn down (it’s called symbolism, homie), lions jumping on each other, and humans fighting the good fight. All proceeds go to Animal Defenders International. $10, 3pm

Tuesday, May 27th

Thursday, May 29th

Friday, May 30th

Saturday, May 31st

22 Thursday Blue Room Theatre: God’s Coun-try. $10, 7:30pmCafe Coda: Walking Spanish, Big Tree Fall Down, Midnight North. 8pmEl Rey: Reverend Horton Heat, ft. Old Man Markley, Pinata Protest. $18 in advance, 7:30pmLaSalles: Matt McBride Band on

the patio. 6-9pmMonstros: Teeph Tour Kick-Off Show, ft. The Americas, Baby Gurl, Descent. $5, 8pm23 Friday Blue Room Theatre: God’s Coun-try. $12/$15, 7:30pmCafe Coda: Friday Morning Jazz by Bogg, featuring the music of Stevie Wonder.

Chico City Plaza: The Retrotones. 7-8:30pmEl Rey Theatre: Lukas Nelson and Promise Of The Real. $20, 7pmLost On Main: Power To The Peo-ple: Swamp Zen, Dylan’s Dharma, Wake Of The Dead, DJ PhG. $25, 8pmMaltese: Rock Stars from Yuba City! Broken Rodeo, Freeport, Alec Chumbley. $5, 9pm

24 Saturday Blue Room Theatre: God’s Coun-try. $12/$15, 7:30pmLost On Main: Chop Tops, ft. Big Tree Fall Down.Pageant Theater: Screening of Lion Ark. All proceeds to Animal Defenders International. $10, 3pmMaltese: Swamp Zen. $5, 9pm

This Week Only...BEST BETS IN ENTERTAINMENT

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Find Out How you Can Play Pool for Only $1/Day! 319 Main Street (530) 892-2473

LESSONS, LEAGUES AND TOURNAMENTS!

GREAT FOOD!

LIVE MUSIC!

229 BROADWAY ST, CHICO, CA

229 BROADWAY ST, CHICO, CA

Ladiee Nightown the night

thursdaysbuck hour

10:30-11:30pm

No Cover


Ongoing Events 26 Monday The Bear: Bear-E-oke! 9pmChico Art Center: “Contemporary Woman” Juried Art Show. 10am-4pmChico Womens Club: Prenatal Yoga. 5:30-6:30pmDownLo: Comedy Night. Free.Pool League. 3 player teams, sig-nup with bartender. 7pm. All ages until 10pmMaltese: Open Mic Comedy or Music, alternates every week. Sig-nups at 8pm, starts at 9pm. Mug Night 7-11:30pmThe Tackle Box: Latin Dance Class-es. Free, 7-9pmUniversity Bar: Free Pool 6-8pmYoga Center Of Chico: Sound Healing w. Emiliano. Breathwork, Meditation, Healing.27 Tuesday 100th Monkey: Fusion Belly Dance mixed-level class, with BellySutra. $8/class or $32/month. 6pmChico Art Center: “Contemporary Woman” Juried Art Show. 10am-4pmChico Women’s Club: Yoga. 9-10am. Afro Carribean Dance. $10/class or $35/mo. 5:50-7pm. Followed by Capoeira, $3-$10. 7:30-8:30pmCrazy Horse Saloon: All Request Karaoke. 21+DownLo: Game night. All ages until 10pmFarm Star Pizza: Live Jazz with Shigemi and Friends. 7-9pmHoliday Inn Bar: Salsa Lessons, 7-10pm LaSalles: ’90s night. 21+Maltese: Karaoke. 9pm-CloseStudio Inn Lounge: Karaoke. 8:30pm-1amThe Tackle Box: Karaoke, 9pmUniversity Bar: Free Pool 6-8pmWoodstocks: Trivia Challenge. Call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts 6:30pm

28 Wednesday Avenue 9 Gallery: Art Guild’s exhibit “Delbert Rupp: Enigma” 12-5pmThe Bear: Trike Races. Post time 10pmChico Art Center: “Contemporary Woman” Juried Art Show. 10am-4pmChico Women’s Club: Afro Brazil-ian Dance. 5:30-7pm DownLo: Wednesday night jazz. 8 Ball Tournament, signups 6pm, starts 7pmDuffys: Dance Night! DJ Spenny and Jeff Howse. $1, 9pmThe Graduate: Free Pool after 10pmJesus Center: Derelict Voice Writing Group, everyone welcome. 9-10:30amPanamas: Bar Swag Bingo/Trivia Night. 9-11pmThe Maltese: Friends With Vinyl! Bring your vinyl and share up to 3 songs/12 minutes on the turntable. 9pm-1amThe Tackle Box: Line Dance classes. Free, 5:30-7:30pm. Swing Dance classes. Free, 7:30-9:30pmUniversity Bar: Free Pool 6-8pmVIP Ultra Lounge: Laurie Dana. 7-9pmWoodstocks: Trivia Night plus Happy Hour. call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts at 8pm29 Thursday 100th Monkey: Chico Story Slam. Tell a 5-min unscripted personal story for prizes. 7-9pmAvenue 9 Gallery: Art Guild’s exhibit “Delbert Rupp: Enigma” 12-5pmThe Beach: DJ Mack Morris. 10:30pmThe Bear: DJ Dancing. Free, 9pmChico Art Center: “Contemporary Woman” Juried Art Show. 10am-4pmDownLo: Chico Jazz Collective.

8-11pm. All ages until 10pmThe Graduate: Free Pool after 10pmHas Beans: Open Mic Night. 7-10pm. Signups start at 6pmHoliday Inn Bar: Karaoke. 8pm-midnightLaSalles: Free live music on the patio. 6-9pmMaltese: Karaoke. 9pm-closePanamas: Buck night and DJ Eclec-tic & guests on the patio. 9pmQuackers: Karaoke night with Andy. 9pm-1amUniversity Bar: Free Pool 6-8pmVIP Ultra Lounge: Acoustic perfor-mance with Bradley Relf. 7-9pm. No Cover.Woodstocks: Open Mic NightYoga Center Of Chico: Ecstatic Dance with Clay Olson. 7:30-9:30pm30 Friday Avenue 9 Gallery: Art Guild’s exhibit “Delbert Rupp: Enigma” 12-5pmThe Beach: DJ2k & Mack Morris. 9pmThe Bear: DJ Dancing. Free, 9pmCafe Coda: Friday Morning Jazz with Bogg. 11amChico Art Center: “Contemporary Woman” Juried Art Show. 10am-4pm Crazy Horse Saloon: Fusion Fridays, the best country, rock, oldies, 80s & top 40. Country dance lessons 9-10:30pmDownLo: ½ off pool. All ages until 10pm. Live Music, 8pmDuffys: Pub Scouts - Happy Hour. 4-7pmThe Graduate: Free Pool after 10pmHoliday Inn Bar: DJ Dance Party. 8pm-midnightLaSalles: Open Mic night on the patio. 6-9pmMaltese: Happy hour with live jazz by Bogg. 5-7pm. LGBTQ+ Dance

Party. 9pmPanamas: Jigga Julee, DJ Mah on the patio. 9pmPeeking: BassMint. Weekly electronic dance party. $3. 9:30pmQuackers: Live DJ. 9pmSultan’s Bistro: Bellydance Performance. 6:30-7:30pmUniversity Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm31 Saturday Avenue 9 Gallery: Art Guild’s exhibit “Delbert Rupp: Enigma” 12-5pmThe Beach: DJ Mah. 9pmThe Bear: DJ Dancing. No Cover. 9pmChico Art Center: “Contemporary Woman” Juried Art Show. 10am-4pmCrazy Horse Saloon: Ladies Night Dancing. 10pm-1:30am DownLo: 9 Ball tournament. Signups at noon, starts at 1pm. All ages until 10pmThe Graduate: Free Pool after 10pmHoliday Inn Bar: DJ Dancing. 70s and 80s music. The Molly Gunn’s Revival! 8pm-midnightLaSalles: 80’s Night. 8pm-closePanamas: DJ Eclectic on the patio. 9pmUniversity Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm1 Sunday Chico Art Center: “Contemporary Woman” Juried Art Show. 10am-4pmDorothy Johnson Center: Soul Shake Dance Church. Free-style dance wave, $8-$15 sliding scale. 10am-12:30pmDownLo: Free Pool, 1 hour with every $8 purchase. All ages until 10pmLaSalles: Karaoke. 9pmMaltese: Live Jazz 4-7pm. Trivia 8pmTackle Box: Karaoke, 8pm

LIFE IN CHICO

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SICILIAN CAFÉ

Visiting the Thursday Night

Market? Stop by for our

Farmer’s Market Special!

PHOTOS BY VINCE LATHAMFACEBOOK.COM/VANGUARD.PHOTOGRAPHYOn The Town


by logan kruidenier - logankruidenier.tumblr.com

PHOTOS BY VINCE LATHAMFACEBOOK.COM/VANGUARD.PHOTOGRAPHY On The Town


ART BY LOGAN KRUIDENIER

howlmovesmountains.tumblr.comHowl

“Ah ha! Here’s one now!” Edmund exclaimed, and began all the great tugging and reeling and winding that you’d expect to see from a fisherman. For that was what Edmund was.

A few moments, a few grunts, and a lot of reeling later, Edmund’s catch splashed onto the shore beside his feet. “Blast!” said Ed, “It’s just a horseshoe.” The horseshoe flailed pathetically against the fishing hook. “Well, get on with you then,” grumbled Ed, then he bent down to free the horseshoe, which promptly hopped back into the water and disappeared.

What was that? You find it strange that a horseshoe can move all by itself, and prefers the water? Well, Edmund was not fishing at any ordinary stream, and he was not here to catch ordinary fish. He was here to catch COSMIC fish. This was a COSMIC stream, of CONSCIOUSNESS. Beside him was strewn about all the fruits of his fishing labor: a few ropes of seaweed, a porcelain doll, a hard-boiled egg, a crystal vase, a plus-size brassiere, and a bronze bust of some long-forgotten general.

It was now very late in the night. Stars twinkled overhead and were reflected in the multi-colored waters of consciousness that rushed by. Edmund was feeling quite discouraged, even when his fishing line tugged in the water one last time. If you can imagine a fisherman reeling in a catch lazily, disconsolately, without passion, all very well, because that is exactly how he did it. Imagine his surprise then, when all his gloomy tugging, reeling and winding yielded, not another piece of cosmic debris, but a real, live cosmic fish! Indeed, he was so shocked at the sparkling creature hanging from his pole that he cried “Oh!” and let the pole drop to the ground.

The fish, which was vivid green one moment, pastel pink the next, yet always sparkling, reached up a fin to remove the hook from his mouth, then stood up on his rear fin and fixed Edmund with an intent gaze.

“Edmund Darvish? Of 16 Keaton Road?” asked the cosmic fish.

“Ah… Yes. Yeah, that’s me…”

“Good, good,” said the fish, in a very proper, upright manner. “You’re hereby commanded to attend the cosmic council being held at Alpha Centauri. You will be asked to kindly arrive in pants and a button-up shirt, NO hats allowed…”

“If I may interrupt, O Mr. Fish,” Ed said, a bit shyly, “But that sounds—well… a bit FISHY. Do you have any official documentation, or anything?”

“Um, yes… Yes! Of course. Let me see…” and the fish patted his scales as if looking for the right pocket. Now, the truth was, this fish was not a council emissary at all, he was just a fish trying his very best not to get eaten, so the moment he felt Edmund’s attention begin to wander, he leapt for the stream, and freedom. And that was the last time those two met.

A Strange Fish Indeed

Guns, Rods, Hotdogs and Big BallisticsScallywag scribbler takes potshots at the Gun Show

An Exotic Adventures Special Report:


The Elks Lodge. Sunday. Church hours. Blah blue sky. Parking lot full of pickup trucks.

I park, then, following a guy with a saucer-sized belt-buckle, walk past a truck spray-painted camo with a bumper sticker that says “Every citizen should be a soldier,” and another that reads “People Kill People. Stop Blaming Guns!” find the entrance, pay my six bucks, go in.

First stop: the Elks Lodge Bar, where two elderly male patrons are bantering with the bartender. The two big TVs are both tuned to an infomercial for Dr. Ho’s Back Decompression Belt. It seems like a pretty sweet scene. I ask the Gentlemen Drinkers if the bar is open to the public. One tells me that if it were, it would likely be infiltrated by “scallywags.” I don’t know what a “scallywag” is, though I gather it means something like “whippersnapper.” To be honest, I also don’t know what “whippersnapper” means. Anyways, just to be sure, I look “scallywag” up on Dictionary.com on my phone. The first definition roughly matches my guess: “1. Informal: scamp; rascal.” But I wouldn’t have guessed the second: “2. (after the US Civil War) a White Southerner who supported the Republican Party and its policy of Black emancipation. Scallywags were viewed as traitors by their fellow Southerners.” Interesting.

Most of the Chico Rod & Gun Show takes place in a large hall, under a gigantic, incongruous disco ball. There aren’t really any rods, but there are a lot of guns. A lot of guns.

The crowd is—how shall I say this?—very… History Channel. There’s a cacophony of gun-talk occasionally punctuated by the crackle of a stun gun; a sound you can feel in your bones. It smells like skin ointment, metal alloys, hot dogs, Avon perfume, Stetson for Men, talcum powder, a culture in decline.

I pass a booth where a dad and his young son are shopping for an AR-15 assault rifle; come to another where an elderly couple are selling jewelry and knives—along with glass pipes and vaporizers. I ask about the pipes/vaporizers. “You don’t ever say marijuana, you don’t ever say that, see,” the woman explains, her voice as sweet as a Werther’s Original. “As long as you say tobacco, it’s fine.”

I talk to various gun vendors. They’re uniformly friendly, generous, obliging. It strikes me that, in all actuality, this gun thing is mostly just a (obscure, boring-sounding-to-me) hobby. The people here basically have guns for the Big Scary Break-In That’s Never Going to Happen and for target shooting and fetishizing and deer-murdering. Who cares?

I come to a booth with bumper stickers. The seller—who has a long beard the color of


freshly fallen snow and looks like he’d be an obvious choice to play Santa during the Holiday Season—has a selection that includes the Confederate Flag, and one that reads “Taking Out the Trash” along with a scope crosshairs image.

Adjacent, a dude in full army getup is selling gnarly-looking assault weapons with laser scopes, bulletproof vests, gas masks and wolf masks (just, like, wolf masks—like you’d find at a Halloween store. Don’t ask me, man). There’s a zombie head with a severed finger in its mouth on his table.

It does seem pretty weird that in America one can’t legally purchase a hot tub that goes over 104 degrees, but one can buy assault weapons, bullet proof vests, and wolf masks all at one table. It’s almost as if our regulations had more to do with which special interests had powerful, well-funded lobbying groups, rather than what is actually sensible.

There are a few outdoor booths, too. At one, a kindly woman is selling these little devices that help AR-15 users quickly switch between magazines. The devices, she explains, are basically loopholes to California gun laws that prohibit assault weapons from being reloaded at the touch of a button. The laws were designed so that the number of kids slain during our recurring kid-killing rampages wouldn’t be too excessive. The devices attach by magnet, so they aren’t technically an illegal modification.

The only other things the very nice woman has for sale are “NoBama” shirts and anti-Harry Reid shirts. The anti-Harry Reid shirts say, “Charge him [Harry Reid] grazing fees!” a reference to the whole Cliven Bundy thing. I ask her if sales have gone down on those shirts since Bundy mused on the plight of the “negroes,” and pontificated on whether “they are better off as slaves, picking cotton and having a family life…” rather than living on welfare. She tells me that, actually, they’ve gone up. Then she tells me that her own personal politics is a pragmatic desire for our politicians to come together to get things done for the American People. She’s against divisive politics, she says.

Back inside I talk to a guy in an NRA hat who sells stun guns. He says if I sign a waiver, he’ll shock me. But he warns me that it generally causes people to shit themselves. It happened to him the one time he allowed himself to be shocked, he tells me. And it happened the one time a burly gun show patron signed a waiver, convinced he could handle the shock.

The coolest dude I meet at the Gun Show is former Bay Area resident and current Chico local, Anthony Arroyo, inventor and owner of Drop Dead Targets (Dropdeadtargets.com). Anthony,

an affable father of five, sells these zombie targets filled with fake blood that explode when you shoot them. He makes them out of polymer plastic molds using his home oven and a vacuum cleaner. Anthony prepares the blood right on his stove top out of cornstarch, water and food coloring. Then his wife spray paints on the faces.

I mention to Anthony that if he were to make his targets despised political figures instead of zombies, he’d probably make a killing.

“I know exactly who you’re talking about,” Anthony responds, though, actually, I wasn’t thinking of anyone in particular. “I get at least two requests to make one of him every single day when I work these shows,” he says. Anthony tells me he’s gotten at least six requests this weekend at the Chico Rod & Gun Show for an Obama target stuffed with exploding blood packets. He says that the pressure and demand has been so great that he even mocked one up before deciding he just wouldn’t feel right making a target of the President with a head full of exploding blood.

After we banter a bit about his business, our conversation turns to gun control. I mention Sandy Hook.

“That was horrible,” Anthony says. “But you don’t take something away from everybody just because somebody abuses it.” Anthony presents an analogy. “It’s like Chico Halloween,” Anthony says. “One group of assholes burns couches and now Halloween sucks for everybody.”

I struggle to make sense out of the analogy. I’m pretty sure it’s

burning couches = shooting kindergarteners, and Halloween sucking = Gun Control.

Though Anthony’s analogy may be a bit inelegant/not media savvy, I get his point. Our society must struggle between our libertarian instincts for personal freedoms and the instinct to provide minimum protections to its citizens. Call me crazy, but we could start by finding where the majority of us agree, rather than digging in and calling the opposing side a bunch of morons. Like I said, call me crazy.

Most of us believe in controls over private ownership of weapons. It’s just a matter of extent. Almost no one thinks that private citizens should be able to own bazookas or F-14 fighter jets with missiles. That’s just too much capacity for violence for any one person to control. But cars can also be very effective for running people over and we would never dream of banning them, because they are so useful for other purposes. Much like abortion and immigration, Gun Control is a fraught and tricky American puzzle of competing values that’s a lot more difficult than either ideological side cares to admit.

I buy a couple zombie targets from Anthony as gifts for a gun-loving friend’s birthday. Then, Zombies in hand, I walk back out into the sunshine—and back out into the present day.

I ask her if sales have gone down on those shirts since Bundy mused on the plight of the “negroes,”...

by Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff

Exotic Adventures in Smalltown, USA

PHOTOS BY JESSICA SIDOn The Town20 SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM MAY 26 2014

Reverend Horton Heatw/Old Man Markley & Pinata Protest

Preview

“So, what kind of music are you into?” He wanted to know if we were compatible, if we might be able to go to shows together and then get married and have babies.

I liked him, but I was hesitant. I’d just gotten out of a big relationship, and was trying to throw myself into my work. Plus, I pretty much knew we weren’t going to match up in that way; I listen to really weird stuff, nobody I know is into any of it.

My Pandora station list dots every era of the past hundred years, digs into the varied genres contained within them, branches into their interpretations by different cultures around the world… My tastes are a TARDIS, traveling time and space, a stream of consciousness where one random thing leads to another. It was a big mess to explain, so I just told him about my current obsessions: 1950s exotica, rockabilly, and psychobilly.

“Oh, you mean like Arthur Lyman, Wanda Jackson, and Horton Heat? That stuff’s my favorite!”

Sploosh.

Three hours later he called me excitedly, “Hey! Um, what are you doing tonight? Because I just googled to see if there were any Horton Heat shows coming up, and there’s actually one happening tonight. Like we would need to get ready and go pretty much immediately.”

I looked at the pile of work in front of me, and calculated what time I would have to wake up in the morning to finish it if I flaked tonight. 5:00am. “Yeah, let’s do this!”

Ten minutes later I was frantically sculpting my hair into pincurls, and trying to decide between hair flower or no hair flower. No hair flower, everyone will have one of those (they did). Little capris, or puffy vintage dress? Little capris, they make my butt look like a cupcake.

Shit, which heels? Which lipstick? Damnit, snap decision, it’s time to go!

By the time we got there I was wound tight as a tetherball, and that was the perfect way to be. The Rev takes that pent up energy you don’t know what to do with and exorcises it like a demon.

In five seconds flat I was jumping out of my own skin and grinning ear to ear. Scott Churilla’s sticks were hitting the drums like they had a vendetta, and Jimbo Wallace worked that stand up bass like he was driving a train at top speed; my heart was beating a mile a minute. The whole room might as well have been dancing on a bed of lava for how often any pair of feet were on the ground.

This is what it’s like to see Horton Heat—to be saved by the Rev—you don’t even give a shit what you’re trying to forget or control or contain anymore; you’re here, and all you have to do is go go go. It’s like meditation, but if meditation didn’t suck.

What I’m saying is DROP EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW and get to this show! If it’s Thursday, and also around 7:30, and there are any tickets left. Otherwise, I guess you can sit back down.

EL REY THEATRETHURSDAY, MAY 29THBY AMY OLSON

PHOTOS BY JESSICA SID On The Town FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 21

I am writing this column well ahead of deadline, so perhaps by the time it sees print my words will have been contradicted by actions that have yet to emerge from the Muslim “moderates” we always hear so much about, those people in the Islamic world who are said to share the evil Western world’s sense of outrage and horror at the atrocities being committed in their name. Currently, the silence from the international Muslim community about the atrocities being committed in Nigeria by Abubakar Shekau and his rebel band known as Boko Haram is profoundly disturbing. Boko Haram is the group of psychopathic thugs who kidnapped several hundred young women and vowed to sell them off as slaves. These same terrorists also killed a yet-to-be tallied number of people in recent acts of wanton killing, brutal murders carried out in the name of Allah.

I know it isn’t considered kosher among my brothers and sisters on the left, but if I had the power to rain down a drone strike on Abubakar Shekau and his men, to launch a surgical hit that would take out these monsters without harming the terrified women they hold hostage, I’d authorize that strike in a New York minute. But I wouldn’t implicate God in my act, wouldn’t authorize those deaths with God’s name on my lips, making some deity I imagined as my accomplice in terminating those benighted lives and wicked souls.

No day passes that doesn’t offer myriad reasons for moral outrage, but it’s difficult to think of anything more morally outrageous than the idea of using one’s religion as an excuse to kidnap girls and then sell them into slavery. That is the kind of evil I would like to think religions were invented to resist. So shouldn’t we be hearing a deafening cry of shared outrage from Islamists around the globe, all condemning that Nigerian monster and his band of equally monstrous cohorts?

And yes, I know the multiculturalism mantra about tolerance for difference, and nuanced understanding of people of other cultural or

religious beliefs. And I know that good liberals who’ve read this far have been chomping at the bit to talk about American crimes and the whole back catalogue of atrocities committed in the name of Christ. But such moral relativity is beside the point when some asshole uses his view of Allah or God to justify oppression, murder, enslavement, clitorectomies, or an array of other ideas concocted by men to justify evil. If I’m going to get morally offended when a shithead like Mike Huckabee tries to use his twisted view of God to sell misogyny, then I’d damned well better be outraged by the silence of Muslims when an even worse dickhead is actually laughing as he enslaves girls in the name of his utterly fucked up concept of God.

Call me intolerant, but some things just shouldn’t be tolerated, not by Muslims, not by Christians, and not by people who have no God at all.

“Allahu Akbar” Shouldn’t Be an Obscenity

by Jaime O'[email protected]

Old Crock

Call me intolerant, but some things just shouldn’t be tolerated...


Your motivation is back. Your desire to be smarter is here as well. The new moon highlights environment, childhood friends, siblings, and cousins. It also gives you more of a passion for working with your hands. The weekend looks good for digging in the garden as well as taking care of domestic issues. Think in terms of getting things done that you’ve had on the back burner since last February. Pay attention to communiques, stories, songwriting, and art. Relationships still need some breathing room even though you desire for them to go a certain way.

Your values may or may not be shared by everyone around you. I’m certain that part of you is upset over this. At the same time, there are some things that you are less than willing to share. Give and take is a two way street. The good news is that you are likely to generate more income during this period. The new moon rules food, money, the throat as well as your voice. This is a good time to put on a new face. Pay more attention to music and sounds. Remain thankful for everything you have as well as for what you’ve experienced.

Congratulations on getting through another year. The Year of the Horse is said to be somewhat like Gemini. This year will move swiftly. It’s a year where everyone must face their evil twin. A good question to ask is how did we get here in the first place? The new moon on Wednesday highlights new starts, conversations on polarities, twins, jocks and nerds. Mercury moving into your second house emphasizes voice, eating habits, and how to increase your wealth. Much will have to do with getting wind of something.

This is the annual time and place of uncertainty. Faith and prayers go a long way. Avoidance will only make your karma worse. What you think are secrets are probably known. You value your sleep more. The new moon will illuminate your dreams, and expand your imagination. Helping those who are isolated will be helping you to make good karma. Friday through Sunday are dominated by the moon in Cancer. This will help you have influence over others as well as have a positive influence on yourself.

What is special about you is often special about other people as well. New frontiers and wilderness continue to emerge. What was once conquered eventually gets neglected. One of your main concerns is being prepared for the future. Allow yourself to be interdependent. Do what it takes to make new friends as well as engage other people. Manifest the fruits of positive actions and continued vigilance. The new moon activates your social life. Real friends are the ones who are there during hard times, not the ones who run during your challenges.

Polish something prettier than a turd this week. Be more solution oriented. In many ways you are likely to rise to leadership in the weeks ahead. Keep on cultivating your best talents and skills. Make more public appearances in places where you can perform well. The new moon highlights your career as well as where you fit in according to society. Mercury moves into your eleventh house Thursday bringing smart people into your circle of friends. Get ready to take things a to further heights.

Go where you need to go and do what you want to do. I recommend that you think of the next several weeks as magical and gifted. Mars moving direct in your first house allows you to do the kind of cleanup necessary to create justice. Take more risks. Love may turn into lust. Avoid being jealous of what other people have. The new moon rules travel, higher education, philosophy and all things that are foreign to you. Going out on a limb could be a good thing. Take the high road because the view is better from up there.

Be proactive in your spiritual life. Growth is coming, please don’t resist it. Remember to be thankful for your challenges. Practice validating other people’s points of view that are different than yours. Don’t be hypocritical, but come from an approach of sincere understanding. You are likely to be tempted to do something secret due to lust or desire. The new moon in your eighth house rules birth, sex, and death, as well as other people’s property and occult studies. The weekend looks good for a getaway or a retreat.

It is a good idea to consider the needs of others while you are considering the needs of yourself. Partnership issues are emphasized. What you can’t control you need not fear. Ask for help and you’re likely to get it. The new moon emphasizes contracts, agreements, marriages, and sexual unions. Be aware of what you’re going through. Be just as aware of what other people are going through. We are interdependent beings who gain support through our vulnerability more than our ego stature. You can change a situation for the better.

Be present with your need for authenticity. How real are you? Do you play the status quo just because it’s what is expected? Treating others as you would like them to treat you is crucial during this period. The week begins with you trying to find ways to nurture your love life. Your creative juice gets stoked up on Wednesday with Venus moving into your fifth house. The new moon calls you to the service of others. Make a commitment to yourself to have better health through proper diet and exercise.

“Life gets better” or “another day in Paradise” is what one Aquarian friend says to me as a greeting. Certainly those possibilities are there for you this week. Be in your heart, full of love and joy. You have the opportunity to be more loving as well as being more creative. The new moon brings playfulness, artistic expressions, children, and love affairs. Everything is fun once more. The weekend is good for charitable service, working on personal health issues, or working on team building in the workplace.

Whatever makes you comfortable or uncomfortable will be your topic for the next several weeks. There will also be an emphasis on family and domestic issues. The new moon causes you to have a better memory and to get to the roots of your family history. If we didn’t have skeletons in the closet, life would be pretty boring. The weekend is filled with generous and happy creative vibes. Honor your elders. Take good care of the earth. Use your imagination to plan your next big creative move.

Aries

Libra

Taurus

Scorpio

Gemini

Saggitarius

Cancer

Capricorn

Leo

Aquarius

Virgo

Pisces

Koz McKev is on YouTube, on cable 11 BCTV and is heard on 90.1FM KZFR Chico. Also available by appointment for personal horoscopes call (530)891-5147 or e-mail [email protected]

MAY 26, 2014BY KOZ MCKEV

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Synthesis Weekly – May 26, 2014

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Transcript of Synthesis Weekly – May 26, 2014