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Surviving The Shift With Friends How Friends Challenge Us To Heal And Grow

Stephanie Mulac Milestone Mapping Mastery Series • http://InfiniteEvolutionCenter.com

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The Basics

Friendship is a form of interpersonal relationship generally considered to be

closer than association, although there is a range of degrees of intimacy in

both friendships and associations.

Friendship and association are often thought of as spanning across the same

continuum. The study of friendship is included in the fields of sociology,

social psychology, anthropology, philosophy, and zoology. Various academic

theories of friendship have been proposed, among which are social exchange

theory, equity theory, relational dialectics, and attachment styles.

Friends are not like the TV show, they define who you are and they will determine your future.

No man is an island.

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That may sound a cliché but it definitely holds true to everyone – to you, to

me, to them.

Remember the first man God has made? He was Adam. He lived alone for a

while- the length of time we do not know. However, God saw that he was sad

and lonely. He was the highest creature that was made. He had everything he

wanted. Yet, he was not happy. Why? It is simply because life without other

people is not worth living.

Imagine yourself in Adam’s place. You’ve got all the food you want to eat,

beautiful places you want to go, and money you want to spend. You have

everything you want to have, and you are going to make use of them- alone.

Perhaps, it was not easy for Adam. And God saw what was missing in his life.

Another human being was created to live with him and journey life’s

highway with him. He became happy. He became contented.

That is also the scenario in our lives. We may have everything we need even

what we want. But, there got to be people in our lives whom we can share

our lives with.

The fact is that, we were created sociable. Not only does it apply to people

before. Until now, it still remains the same. Being sociable is not something

we can avoid nor hide. It is in us and all we can do is accept it and make it

work for us.

Yes, man can live alone. In fact, a lot of people nowadays are independent.

They have a house of their own, earn real cash for themselves, eat alone, and

sleep alone. But despite that, they still have people around them whom they

consult to occasionally. They still get to mingle with others at times. They

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still converse with people once in a while. They may say they are alone, but

not most of time.

We all need friends.

However, you might often need to break ties or distance yourself from destructive friendships.

We’ve all contacted them: they're the individuals who drain you of power

rather than enriching you, the individuals who pull you down rather than

pushing you up, the individuals who demand more then they will supply; the

negative, wining, needy, manipulative individuals who may turn a happy day

into hell.

These are toxic individuals. One thing I notice is that regardless how great

our individual skills are as a whole; most of us have issues with dealing

effectively with this sort of individual. Even those with totally sharp skills

frequently get caught up in these bad relationships (personal or

professional).

I trust the greatest way to deal with toxic individuals is to not deal with them

in the least; to avoid them. In a few cases it might not be a choice, However

more frequently than not, it is. This is why I advise you to truly consider the

choices you really have with each toxic individual in your life.

It's more difficult than usual to escape of relationships with a toxic

individual. Toxic individuals seem to have this power to make you feel bad

for avoiding them and to bond to you like a parasite. This is why it’s crucial

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to be able to see them rapidly, and begin avoiding them prior to the

relationship really growing.

Toxic individuals will frequently use you, one way, or some other. The might

bitch perpetually while you listen dispiritedly, or they might perpetually get

you to get them out of an issue. This is where limits come in. Limits are

reflections of what you are and are not what you're ready to do.

Many toxic individuals are really skilled at making other people feel guilty

when they don’t do what they wish. This makes it especially difficult to set

and maintain established limits with them. However, there's a way out of

this dilemma: doing away with your guilt. It's your own guilt, which toxic

individuals utilize to dissect your limits.

If you avoid toxic individuals and you set limits with them, they oftentimes

resort to accusing you, whining and playing the victim in a tactic to get you

to modify your behavior.

Among the worst things you may do when this occurs is to fight back. It's

commonly a vain action and it only keeps an immature dialog going which

finally helps the toxic individual acquire what they want. You won’t get any

place with them by fighting back.

The rule of five, you are the average of the five people closest to you.

If this rule is true, those nearest to us have an enormous influence in our

overall well-being. They affect us:

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• In our professional life

• In our financial life

• In our spiritual life

• In our physical being

For instance, if you perpetually hang around with negative individuals, you'll

finally find yourself becoming a negative individual too. If you spend much

time with friends who all work really hard to acquire high grade point

averages, you'll discover that you likewise work hard to keep your GPA inside

that range as well (I’ve personally felt this phenomenon).

The fundamental cause behind this isn’t a buried mystery or a revolutionary

thought. Instead, it's a simple concept that may be detected at the base of

human behavior, which happens to be what makes it so potent.

This fundamental cause is like this: the combining of your self-image and

opinions is what fixes your conduct. Although this isn't a new thought, the

rule makes a lot more sense if considered in easy terms.

Occasionally the individuals around us shift our self-image and occasionally

they don’t. But, as social beings, we tend to take on the characteristics of the

groups we are a part of. We start affiliate ourselves with that group and the

conduct that goes along with being a part of that group.

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Not all friends stay forever.

I'm thinking about a while back when I returned from going to a farewell

party for a great friend of mine who was moving away. We ran into each

other years ago and have been great friends ever since.

We had taken care of one another through great times, and not so great

times. Even though she was going to be far from me, I knew we would keep

in touch. I think about her as a lifetime friend. Thinking about her leaving

reminded me of all the moving around I have done in my life. I was

constantly leaving friends behind or getting left since they moved.

It was never simple, and it didn’t get simpler as time passed by. There were

constantly tears, followed by sorrow, and occasionally simply a deep feeling

of loneliness. You keep in touch awhile and then one day one of you simply

stops contacting the other one. There was no struggle, no reason, you both

simply stopped. I learned that friends come and go, and your life carries on.

I've made new friends since then— a few have come and gone, and a few

have stayed. Ever question why?

Reason, Season or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you figure out which one it is,

you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,

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it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty;

to provide you with guidance and support;

to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend, and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,

this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,

because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;

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things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,

and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

Quantity versus quality.

“Friends should be few but good,” counsels a Greek proverb. Along the same

lines, a Jewish proverb says, "The good fellow to everyone is a good friend to

no one." What these 2 proverbs accent is that it’s the quality and not the

quantity that counts in the friendship game.

Chances are that we won’t ever know real friendship with casual friends that

we come across from time to time or those with whom we spend much time

for ulterior grounds. If social rank is your basis for creating friends, your

friendly relationships are not on sound ground.

Quality matters!

There's a vast trend these days to amass as many acquaintances as possible

on social networking sites like Facebook, LinkedIn and MySpace. Woefully,

with this cultural boost to accumulate individuals, you may miss the whole

point.

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How come you need authentic, deep friendships? Friends reach your heart,

challenge your brain, inspire you to go after your passions, beef up the good

times, cut down the bad times and make your life a more euphoric and more

gratifying place to be.

And that's not just my belief! This has been researched:

• If you feel close to others, you're 4 times more likely to feel great about

yourself and life.

• Individuals who claim to have 5 or more real friends with whom they

may discuss crucial issues are sixty percent more likely to state that

they're "really happy."

• Individuals with a best friend at work are 7 times more probable to be

absorbed in their work! But, only thirty percent of employees describe

having a best friend in the work place!

Quality matters!

There's a vast trend these days to amass as many acquaintances as possible

on social networking sites like Facebook, LinkedIn and MySpace. Woefully,

with this cultural boost to accumulate individuals, you may miss the whole

point.

How come you need authentic, deep friendships? Friends reach your heart,

challenge your brain, inspire you to go after your passions, beef up the good

times, cut down the bad times and make your life a more euphoric and more

gratifying place to be.

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And that's not just my belief! This has been researched:

• If you feel close to others, you're 4 times more likely to feel great about

yourself and life.

• Individuals who claim to have 5 or more real friends with whom they

may talk about crucial issues are sixty pct more likely to state that

they're "really happy."

• Individuals with a best friend at work are 7 times more probable to be

absorbed in their work! But, only thirty pct of employees describe

having a best friend at work!

Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend

demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:

• The tendency to desire what is best for the other

• Sympathy and empathy

• Honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to

• speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults

of one's counterpart

• Mutual understanding and compassion; ability to go to each other for

emotional support

• Enjoyment of each other's company

• Trust in one another

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• Positive reciprocity — a relationship is based on equal give and take

between the two parties.

• The ability to be oneself, express one's feelings and make mistakes

without fear of judgment.

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Why Friendships Are Critical To Manifesting Your Dreams

We all would like to belong, regardless what our age. We're all seeking

friends and associations and acceptance. We wish to be a part of a

fellowship. How come? Because that’s the way the universe wired us.

It’s crucial that we teach this truth to other people, that we were made to

belong to other people and to need other people, as our society teaches the

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contrary. Our culture is among hyper-individuality where everybody is a solo

artist. We ought to only take care of ourselves and watch out for our own

interests. However, this leaves people with no support and no sense of

community. Is there a question why depressive disorders and other

emotional sicknesses are on the rise?

The reality is, to live an emotionally fit life; we have to have individuals in

our lives. We have to have healthy, supportive kinships. We need one

another. We require the belonging that comes from fellowship with other

people.

Poor friendship choices sap your dreams because they will take away your energy.

A friend can either help you soar to new heights or hold you down.

Those who help you fly are good friends. Good here means good for you and

is not an expression of the closeness of the relationship. If a friend keeps you

from reaching your potential, it is a toxic friend.

The problem is being able to tell the difference between friends that are good

for you and those that are not. It is not always easy to distinguish one from

the other early in the friendship.

Later in the friendship, it can be hard to let go of a toxic friend because

affection will develop. It is important to decide as soon as possible which

type of friend you have made and keep the good friend and lose the toxic

one.

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We have taken a look at toxic friends a bit earlier.

Are your friends taking you to a higher level or keeping you down?

Good friends will try to help you improve.

Friends who bring positive influences into your life to help you move

forward will be good friends. These friends will warn you of dangers while

looking for opportunities for you to better your situation. A good friend will

often offer to do an activity with you to help you succeed. This can be taking

a class or joining an exercise group.

Someone who compliments and encourages you can become a good friend.

People who point out your strengths while helping you to improve your weak

areas will be great choices for friends. Everyone needs people around them

who notice when things are done right and mentions it. You also want

someone around you who will assist you to get up and try again when you

fail. Good friends never kick you when you are down.

A good friend will not deliberately enable you to keep going the wrong way.

Friends who stand between you and bad choices are always good for you.

People have to learn to make good choices in life, and good friends help

make good choices. They are willing to take the time to help you sort out the

tough choices to arrive at the one in your best interest.

The difference between a good friend and a toxic one is often easier to see

from the outside looking in. However, there are times when a person must

work as hard at choosing friends as they do at buying a car or a house.

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Picking good friends instead of toxic ones can mean the difference between

success and failure in life and in relationships.

We are creatures of habits.

Whether you like it or not, like a bull being guided by a ring in your nose,

your genetics force you to mimic the actions of those around you. The

evidence demonstrates that your style of dress, the automobile you drive, the

total of words you recognize, the slang you utilize, the traits you choose in a

partner, how you parent, and even your emotional responses are all

determined by your genetic urge to copy someone else.

For example, if you around those who smoke you are more likely to be a

smoker. And if you are trying to quit smoking and still hanging out with

those same people you will most likely fail.

Self-improvement with friends.

Now and again, you have to separate from the pack of friends and go it on

your own to find your true path. Guess what sort of advice I'd get from

friends, family, peers and co-workers and occasionally, the self-opinionated

stranger (not great) - and I must say, I understand they had the greatest of

intentions; I simply looked for those pivotal responses in the wrong places.

The real answers always come from inside us and I wasn't grown up enough

to understand how to look deep in my body and soul about my own personal

development.

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However, at some point in life - perhaps after a later birthday or perhaps

after your first wrinkle - the time hits quit making the simple decisions and

begin making the correct decisions.

You have to quit blaming other people. You have to quit finding excuses or

justifications. You might decide to stay on a course that doesn't inevitably

make you happy as the return on that investment in your life is worth it. Or

you might decide to take a drastic measure and alter your life today and

you'll be confronting a whole new world of challenges along with astonishing

advantages. You see your path is up to you.

Your friends might be your spiritual family so choose the ones that will take you higher.

Take time to consider what a real friend means to you. It's not as obvious as

you might believe. You might need somebody who's artistic and originative

while somebody else needs an individual who loves to be on the go.

Pay attention to how you feel when you're with an individual. A real friend

makes you feel comfortable. Somebody who pelts you with damaging

comments, criticizes instead of encourages and pushes you to accomplish

things you don't wish to do will never be a real friend.

Distinguish your conflicts. Arguments make a sound friendship as they push

you to think differently about matters. However, we all have our limits. If

somebody has awful things to say about your relatives simply because of

their cultural background, you're better off seeking friendship someplace

else.

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Notice if the individual demonstrates concern for your welfare. That implies

they don't give you all the info on their life before you get an opportunity to

say anything. If you begin discussing your issues, see if you have their total

attention. Real friends don't let their eyes meander or glass over if it's not

their turn to whine!

Be truthful about whether somebody can ever be a great friend. A real friend

is somebody who may accompany you on the journey to personal growth or

not get upset if you have to let them sit this one out. Somebody who simply

agrees with everything you say or makes you feel inadequate isn't going to

assist you in reaching your potential.

Life lessons are difficult when we are in a place of denial or deliberate

illusionary beliefs. The only one that can unravel our own soul’s mystery is

ourselves. Family and friends can play messengers or challengers, but they

cannot force us into surrendering our soul to something that we have not

fully understood or integrated into our awareness. Once we are aware of the

lesson - the blessings of healing and growing begin.

Family members will often be a reflection of us that is the complete opposite

of what we feel and believe. They therefore very quickly lose their access to

our inner thoughts and feelings because we cannot trust them.

So choose your spiritual family and friends carefully.

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What About Loyalty

If I stop hanging out with my friends because I want manifest my dreams, am I still a loyal person?

To what do we totally owe our loyalty? To what degree ought we be loyal?

What are we guilty of if we're disloyal? How frequently are we guilty of

mislaid loyalty? Do we comprehend what selfish loyalty is and what is

unselfish loyalty? Are we loyal as we get something, or are we loyal as we

want to give? These are questions mortals have struggled with for years. This

being a proportional universe, the answers are likewise relative.

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Loyalty, awareness and favoritism go hand in hand. All the same, first we

have to begin with the true meaning of loyalty. It implies faithful to a cause,

faithful to somebody, faithful to a theme, etc.

The first loyalty of all human beings surely is to who created them. The 2nd

loyalty is to the mom and dad who gave birth to you and parented you. The

3rd loyalty is to the area where one lives, which is commonly the area in

which one was born. And then there is loyalty to friends. Yes, of course you

want to be loyal to your friends as this is a trademark of good friendship.

But as well, you must be loyal to yourself before you can be loyal to anyone

else. If you have to take a different path to be loyal to yourself, a true friend

will understand that you are bettering and adding to the greater good.

You see loyalty works both ways.

If I see my friend hurting himself, I would try and help him if he gives me

permission because I’m loyal to his highest good. Likewise, if I choose to

grow as a person, my friends should be loyal to my decisions because it is for

my highest good.

If I’m trying to quit smoking and my friend asks me to smoke with him as a

sign of loyalty, that isn’t real loyalty – it means that you are not loyal to each

other’s highest good or what’s best for each other.

Removing the self-limiting beliefs about loyalty and friendship is the first

step towards manifesting your dreams because negative friends can create a

serious block to your manifestation.

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I came to a conclusion years ago that the only individual in my life that

might hold me back is me. I had this self-notion about where I should be or

what role was advantageous for me and I remained there. I’m not expressing

I had low self-regard, but I knew I wasn’t achieving my total potential. I was

able to attain any goal I set my mind to, even so kept myself from

accomplishing it as the individuals around me had defined their opinions of

who I was and I didn’t wish to shake up the status quo.

See, we all wish for better lives. I’m certain many famous people have goals

in their lives they haven’t yet accomplished and I'd argue that they've been

pretty successful thus far. It’s much simpler to remain where you are than to

move yourself ahead, but that simply breeds discontentment.

Anybody who doesn’t wish to see you win or be happy is no friend of yours.

I’ve never came across a self-actualized, successful individual, and by

successful I don’t mean cash, who needed to see somebody bomb. What do

they care, they already have what they want and they feel great seeing

somebody else get what they want also. If somebody makes a big effort to

help you or boosts you when they've nothing to gain, they decidedly ought to

be repaid with your own kindness and loyalty. Friends and this world are

forever changing and you never know if you might be in a place to assist

them in return. These are the caliber of individuals you want to surround

yourself with. The others ought to be banned and scorned. What they have is

toxic, who needs it?

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Things You Must Not Do With Friends

Are you okay with lending money to a friend?

Don’t do this unless you have no expectations on when the friend returns the money.

“Neither a borrower nor a lender be.” These celebrated words derived from

Polonius, Shakespeare’s chief counsel to King Claudius in Hamlet. As

Polonius passes on some father like advice to his son, Shakespeare passes on

a little timeless advice to us: don't lend cash to friends.

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Why shouldn’t we lend cash to acquaintances and family? Polonius resolves

that in his following line: “For loan oft loses both itself and friend.” Polonius

recognized that a loan to an acquaintance or family member frequently

results in the exit of both the cash and the relationship.

As a matter of fact, loans between loved ones or friends may result in a

totally unforeseen set of issues.

Do not make a move on your best friend’s partner or their ex.

You have to play it safe because it will cause a wedge in the relationship. The

greatest reason not to hit on a friend's former or present partner is because it

will finish your friendship. Certainly, there are a few really rare cases when it

works out, however mostly, it's a big no-no.

How would you feel if somebody you used to be in love with got tangled up

with your close friend? If this happened to me, it would be made worse if my

"friend" was really underhanded and lied about what she was doing. If you

utterly must cross this line, be honest about it. Chances are, your friend still

won't be pleased, but at least you'll be able to feel you were truthful with her.

You as well get to be a social outcast.

If you hit on your friend's ex or partner, you don't merely risk a friend; you

risk your entire social circle. People are protective of their friendships, so if

someone in the group harms a different person, the chances are, they won't

be too pleased about it. These circumstances are rarely black-and-white, but

it's crucial to comprehend all potential outcomes before you act. Is the

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person you want truly worth bringing pain to a friend, and harming your

additional friendships in the process?

Business is business, friendship is friendship.

You have to learn to separate the two – unless you can do this, don’t get your

friends involved in business.

I've heard it stated that you shouldn't be friends with individuals with whom

you do business.

I state, "how come?" Constructing personal relationships is the cornerstone

of your business success.

Because business ought to be business and there's no room for making

admirers and socializing. Friendship interferes with a business relationship

by keeping individuals from arriving at the correct business choice for the

sake of the friendship.

You may feel differently. So if somebody advises you not to mix friendship

with business, consider the consequences of having such a notion. And

merely ask what's best for you.

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Manifesting The Most Abundant Friendships The Right Way

Have faith, as you grow as a person, you won’t be lonely for

long.

As you review on your life, you'll often recognize that many of the times you

believed you were being rejected from something great, you were as a matter

of fact being redirected to something greater. You can’t control everything.

Occasionally you simply need to unwind and have trust that things will turn

out. Let go a bit and simply let life happen. Because occasionally the truths

you can’t alter, wind up changing you and helping you grow.

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First impressions last.

In making new friends, your disposition and manner of getting on with

individuals at first meeting usually matters.

A smile constantly captivates an individual. Not only does it brighten your

day, but above all, it gives the new individuals you meet a hint that you're

friendly and approachable. Based on observation, those individuals who are

not smiling are sensed as strict and closed type of individuals. Thus, don’t

forget to wear your smile daily.

Having balanced emotions gives individuals an impression of your maturity

as an individual. Therefore, it would be good if you're always paying

attention to how you carry your emotions whatever situation you're in.

There are still a lot of things you can effectively do to befriend new

individuals. But, you don’t need a long list of these steps. So long as you

master and apply a few steps appropriately, lots of new friends are just

around the corner.

The universe will provide newer and better friends as your vibrations

increase; it will send signals to other like-minded individuals who will have

things in common with you.

If you complain too much about your friends, either you are not growing or you do not have gratitude.

Be grateful for your friends.

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Being grateful as a whole is really good for you. It's difficult occasionally

when things get hard. I'm not the only one that feels that way, correct?

However if you are able to actively practice being thankful it's simpler during

the times when things seem desolate.

If we don't find love at home, occasionally we find the concern and support

from friends. Real friends who stick by you, who know your oddities and

weird ways, but have decided to love you anyhow. Great, caring friends are

something that not everybody has.

If you are feeling bitter for friends who are no longer close to you, recognize that some friends are there for a reason, some for a season and only few are true lifetime friends.

Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon

in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the

lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other

relationships and areas of your life.

The best descriptor of a lifelong friend is the individual or individuals who

have stepped in throughout your life as your direct social support system. As

most people need a support system in place to help them through the

numerous "crazies" of life, you are able to certainly call those who are there

for you your "lifelong friends." Be grateful for these people.

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Wrapping Up

Friends make your life interesting and wonderful. Of course, friends argue

and have fights that happen to everyone. That is how friendship is tested

during these times of arguments and fights.

My friends have helped me greatly with me dealing with life. They have been

there for me through a lot of stuff. Friends can listen to you and give you

help and advice if you want that from them, or they can just listen.

I have the best friends in the world, and I need to tell them that. If you have

had bitterness and disappointment in your life, your friends can lift you up if

you allow them to. Friends can also disappoint you and hurt you too. That is

how some relationships work out.

Either way, friends are the fabric of our life journey where we get to examine

ourselves being reflected back and observe each other from a different

perspective that helps us see our true selves more clearly.

What’s Next?

Please proceed to the corresponding workbook and complete the exercises there.