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The “Special” OlympicsThe “Special” Olympics

3S Special 3S Special OlympicsOlympicsHeld every 4 years when the gene pool hits an especially Held every 4 years when the gene pool hits an especially

low level, members of 3S gather at a secret location in a low level, members of 3S gather at a secret location in a series of events which will see them crowned as the series of events which will see them crowned as the foremost proponents in their field. The rest can only dare foremost proponents in their field. The rest can only dare to dream. Events such as:to dream. Events such as:The Erectile Textiles Shield (scarf moulding taking origami to the The Erectile Textiles Shield (scarf moulding taking origami to the next level)next level)

The Upchuck Cup (projectile vomiting as self-expression)The Upchuck Cup (projectile vomiting as self-expression)

The Trouser Cough 500 (excellence in bottom burping)The Trouser Cough 500 (excellence in bottom burping)

The Ashes (new discipline this year for the budding young arsonist)The Ashes (new discipline this year for the budding young arsonist)

The Princess Diana Silver Spoon for Eating Disorders (a bit of a The Princess Diana Silver Spoon for Eating Disorders (a bit of a mouthful but then so is this).mouthful but then so is this).

Local Games for Local PeopleLocal Games for Local People

So job-seekers, let’s see who made the So job-seekers, let’s see who made the medals this year (not you Mikey love, you medals this year (not you Mikey love, you were on leave in South Africa with your were on leave in South Africa with your fire-men friends).fire-men friends).

Chuck it Up!!!Chuck it Up!!!

Mansour “ManFountain” Mansour “ManFountain” Noman, guru in the art of Noman, guru in the art of projectile vomiting projectile vomiting prepares to give prepares to give spectators a psychedelic spectators a psychedelic view of his lunch. The view of his lunch. The judges discuss the last judges discuss the last time Mansour lifted the time Mansour lifted the trophy. trophy.

Mansour avoids carrots and Mansour avoids carrots and anything too lumpy in his anything too lumpy in his preparations and swears preparations and swears by Campbell’s Cream of by Campbell’s Cream of Chicken Soup as a Chicken Soup as a medal winner.medal winner.

Windy Bottoms!Windy Bottoms!

Pete Anderson aka “The Screamin’ Pete Anderson aka “The Screamin’ Skidmark” ran a few impromptu Skidmark” ran a few impromptu seminars on windpower in the 21seminars on windpower in the 21stst century. Apparently a diet of century. Apparently a diet of scampi, red wine and garlic is scampi, red wine and garlic is enough to make an onion cry.enough to make an onion cry.

Organisers would point out that at no Organisers would point out that at no time were scamps harmed during time were scamps harmed during these games “apart from the these games “apart from the cheeky little fucker on the gate at cheeky little fucker on the gate at GH14”.GH14”.

Bottom-burping was once widely Bottom-burping was once widely practised in ancient Rome hence practised in ancient Rome hence the word Jacuzzi, Latin for the word Jacuzzi, Latin for underwater flatulence. underwater flatulence.

Freckles!!Freckles!!

Devotees of the art will recognise the Devotees of the art will recognise the classic pose. First adopted by the classic pose. First adopted by the “Screamin’ Skidmark” at the ’78 “Screamin’ Skidmark” at the ’78 Sphincternationals in Munich and Sphincternationals in Munich and still very much a classic, as Pete still very much a classic, as Pete pulls a clincher on his way to the pulls a clincher on his way to the trophy.trophy.

The “Grinning Idiot” has now become The “Grinning Idiot” has now become a firm favourite amongst fartists a firm favourite amongst fartists across the globe although since across the globe although since the ’78 finals judges now tend to the ’78 finals judges now tend to sit upwind of competitors as can sit upwind of competitors as can be seen.be seen.

Poetry in motion!!! Poetry in motion!!!

Beds are BurningBeds are Burning

Zylfie “Napalm” Mehmeti can scarcely Zylfie “Napalm” Mehmeti can scarcely conceal his delight upon hearing conceal his delight upon hearing that incinerating 4 Serbian that incinerating 4 Serbian villages, 6 bus depots and a villages, 6 bus depots and a distillery have been enough to get distillery have been enough to get him to the finals of the “Torch Your him to the finals of the “Torch Your Neighbours” competition. A new Neighbours” competition. A new sport this year, Zylf was flown in at sport this year, Zylf was flown in at the behest of the organisers to the behest of the organisers to promote the art. Zylfie has kindly promote the art. Zylfie has kindly volunteered to carry the torch volunteered to carry the torch every year.every year.

Shine on you crazy Scottish!!!Shine on you crazy Scottish!!!

I’m your fire-starter!I’m your fire-starter!

““Napalm” Mehmeti took some time Napalm” Mehmeti took some time out to show onlookers how to turn out to show onlookers how to turn themselves into a human flame-themselves into a human flame-thrower. He was quoted as saying thrower. He was quoted as saying “sport apart, this is a hobby for “sport apart, this is a hobby for young and old and practical too. young and old and practical too. Kiss goodbye to pesky ant Kiss goodbye to pesky ant infestations and you’ll never be infestations and you’ll never be stuck for a cigarette lighter again”stuck for a cigarette lighter again”

Normally Zylf would use gasoline, but Normally Zylf would use gasoline, but being sensitive to the “green being sensitive to the “green regime” (and the fact that Fuels regime” (and the fact that Fuels are tight bastards) he now relies are tight bastards) he now relies on a healthy mix of alcohol readily on a healthy mix of alcohol readily available in most supermarkets. available in most supermarkets. He claims that the side effects are He claims that the side effects are over exaggerated.over exaggerated.

Bulimia CulpaBulimia Culpa

Irina “Shall we Dine” Unutoiu, pictured Irina “Shall we Dine” Unutoiu, pictured here with long-time coach and here with long-time coach and mentor Pete “Fat-boy” Fitz-Gerald mentor Pete “Fat-boy” Fitz-Gerald (so big they named him twice) (so big they named him twice) discuss tactics in the up-coming discuss tactics in the up-coming PiDi Silver Spoon (all you can PiDi Silver Spoon (all you can eat). The contest did enjoy some eat). The contest did enjoy some controversy as one of the three controversy as one of the three judges was listed as missing just judges was listed as missing just before the finals. The fact that his before the finals. The fact that his coat is captured in this picture is coat is captured in this picture is purely coincidental.purely coincidental.

You Are What You EatYou Are What You Eat

Great pains are taken to keep the Great pains are taken to keep the menu secret when it comes to this menu secret when it comes to this event. Our resident photographer event. Our resident photographer was fortunate enough to get was fortunate enough to get behind the scenes to discover the behind the scenes to discover the amount of preparation that is amount of preparation that is involved. Here “Fatboy” Fitz-involved. Here “Fatboy” Fitz-Gerald looks on as Irina finishes Gerald looks on as Irina finishes the last of 3 bus loads of midgets the last of 3 bus loads of midgets in the warm-up heats. Organisers in the warm-up heats. Organisers are at pains to add that the are at pains to add that the midgets were not in fact part of the midgets were not in fact part of the menu but just happened to be in menu but just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.the wrong place at the wrong time.

Record BreakersRecord Breakers

Any doubt that success in the 3S Any doubt that success in the 3S Special Games doesn’t lead to Special Games doesn’t lead to greater things can easily be greater things can easily be dispelled. Here Irina “Shall We dispelled. Here Irina “Shall We Dine” Unutoiu speaks with her Dine” Unutoiu speaks with her agent just after lifting the Silver agent just after lifting the Silver Spoon. It was later confirmed by Spoon. It was later confirmed by the Guinness Book of Records the Guinness Book of Records that this is the moment when the that this is the moment when the plan was laid for her next world plan was laid for her next world record attempt. Irina plans to eat record attempt. Irina plans to eat Camp Supreme dining room, Camp Supreme dining room, complete with diners, in her next complete with diners, in her next attempt on the world record.attempt on the world record.

You read it here first!!!You read it here first!!!

Erectile TextilesErectile Textiles

THE event of the games.THE event of the games.

Riann takes the stage to show the Riann takes the stage to show the audience why he is rightly known as audience why he is rightly known as “Scarf-ace”. Riann, 5 times holder of “Scarf-ace”. Riann, 5 times holder of the Wonder bonnet Cup has the Wonder bonnet Cup has attracted quite a following. Notice his attracted quite a following. Notice his groupies in the background, who groupies in the background, who pay homage (and rightly so) to the pay homage (and rightly so) to the moment he created a replica of the moment he created a replica of the Taj Mahal from a scarf no more than Taj Mahal from a scarf no more than 12”x12” using just one finger. 12”x12” using just one finger. Amazing!!!Amazing!!!

New-ComersNew-Comers

Rod “you need” Hanns, wows the Rod “you need” Hanns, wows the audience in the “Famous Faces” audience in the “Famous Faces” section with his uncanny section with his uncanny representation of “The Elephant representation of “The Elephant Man”. Man”.

While a literary character, John While a literary character, John Merrick was actually referred to as Merrick was actually referred to as “ The Elephant Man” because he “ The Elephant Man” because he would travel from door to door would travel from door to door selling elephants. I know, as my selling elephants. I know, as my grandfather once bought 3 grandfather once bought 3 Africans and an Indian for 2 and 6. Africans and an Indian for 2 and 6. Which was cheap considering they Which was cheap considering they didn’t have trunks and walked on didn’t have trunks and walked on two legs. Pretty sure they were two legs. Pretty sure they were elephants though because they elephants though because they shit all over the place according to shit all over the place according to him.him.

Well done Rod!!!!Well done Rod!!!!

A Close Second!A Close Second!

Disaster was narrowly averted when Disaster was narrowly averted when Anton ”I’m in the Attic” Frank Anton ”I’m in the Attic” Frank found that his lifelike found that his lifelike representation of the Great Fire of representation of the Great Fire of London was rather too life-like. London was rather too life-like. Lindsay “ Women and Children Lindsay “ Women and Children Second” Louew beats a hasty Second” Louew beats a hasty retreat as Richie retreat as Richie IfyouwanttoknowthetimeaskapolicIfyouwanttoknowthetimeaskapoliceman hastens to intervene.eman hastens to intervene.

The judges were particularly The judges were particularly impressed with Anton’s desire for impressed with Anton’s desire for accuracy and awarded him the accuracy and awarded him the Order of the Fire-blanket in Order of the Fire-blanket in recognition of his work.recognition of his work.

Know Your AthleteKnow Your Athlete

Anton “ I’m in the attic” Frank is no Anton “ I’m in the attic” Frank is no stranger to fame. Contrary to stranger to fame. Contrary to popular opinion, his grandmother popular opinion, his grandmother Anne was not fleeing the Gestapo Anne was not fleeing the Gestapo but her father. Teenage but her father. Teenage pregnancies were frowned upon in pregnancies were frowned upon in Holland in the late 1930’s which Holland in the late 1930’s which explains why she hid in the attic explains why she hid in the attic rather than face her irate parents.rather than face her irate parents.

Anton, long considered an “all Anton, long considered an “all rounder” in the special games has rounder” in the special games has vowed to return to take part in the vowed to return to take part in the “Royal Wave”, which will be “Royal Wave”, which will be accepted as a Special Games accepted as a Special Games discipline next time round, and discipline next time round, and which most pundits agree is his which most pundits agree is his strongest event. Evidence here strongest event. Evidence here would suggest they are right and would suggest they are right and the smart money is on him.the smart money is on him.

JudgingJudging

The event has become so popular The event has become so popular that judging has is now done on that judging has is now done on an international level. an international level.

Brendan “Party Hat” Ward (so called Brendan “Party Hat” Ward (so called because of a slight birth defect un-because of a slight birth defect un-noticeable in normal noticeable in normal circumstances), master of circumstances), master of ceremonies and all round good ceremonies and all round good egg has access to judges on all 20 egg has access to judges on all 20 continents and 6 countries.continents and 6 countries.

““Computer says no” Brendan!!!Computer says no” Brendan!!!

The FinaleThe Finale

As with any event, there has to be a As with any event, there has to be a winner. No-one was surprised that winner. No-one was surprised that “Scarf-ace” would lift the trophy for “Scarf-ace” would lift the trophy for a 5a 5thth successive games. successive games.

Riann proudly exhibits his uncannily Riann proudly exhibits his uncannily accurate recreation of Harry Potter accurate recreation of Harry Potter and the Child Molester.and the Child Molester.

The midget is happy to have escaped The midget is happy to have escaped from the bus before Irina ate it.from the bus before Irina ate it.

Everyone’s a Winner!Everyone’s a Winner!

““Party Hat” presents Riann with the Party Hat” presents Riann with the Scarf of Scarves in recognition of Scarf of Scarves in recognition of his service to head-wear creation his service to head-wear creation and in promoting it as an and in promoting it as an international sport.international sport.

Riann proudly accepts the Scarf and Riann proudly accepts the Scarf and wears a fetching multi-coloured wears a fetching multi-coloured tiara especially designed for the tiara especially designed for the occasion by The Flaming Lips, occasion by The Flaming Lips, tonsorial designers to the stars. tonsorial designers to the stars. (and twats).(and twats).

Behind the ScenesBehind the Scenes

No games would be complete without No games would be complete without an after-games party. Here Irina an after-games party. Here Irina ably displays how one should hold ably displays how one should hold a cup at an angle in order to avoid a cup at an angle in order to avoid “the Attic’s” party trick of gobbing “the Attic’s” party trick of gobbing in an unsuspecting drink.in an unsuspecting drink.

Anton uses only organic olive stones Anton uses only organic olive stones in order to avoid offence.in order to avoid offence.

Good bloke!!!Good bloke!!!

Popularity!Popularity!

It is impossible to stress how popular It is impossible to stress how popular these games have become but the these games have become but the camera doesn’t lie. While Irina camera doesn’t lie. While Irina basks in the glory of her last meal basks in the glory of her last meal and unobserved by the event and unobserved by the event security company (Compass…security company (Compass…which is an abbreviation for which is an abbreviation for Come…Pass…hardly reassuring), Come…Pass…hardly reassuring), petty thieves were filmed stealing petty thieves were filmed stealing the candles as souvenirs.the candles as souvenirs.

Tight bastards!!!!Tight bastards!!!!

VisitorsVisitors

JL and Leslie jetted in from WH3 to JL and Leslie jetted in from WH3 to lend some much needed culture. lend some much needed culture. JL is picture sporting his “Kashmir JL is picture sporting his “Kashmir Codpiece” award that he received Codpiece” award that he received earlier for being the smoothest earlier for being the smoothest bastard on the planet. bastard on the planet.

Leslie has just learnt that he has won Leslie has just learnt that he has won the lead role in the new Hollywood the lead role in the new Hollywood blockbuster based on the life and blockbuster based on the life and times of Marlon Brandon.times of Marlon Brandon.

Good work bald bloke! Good work bald bloke!

New BeginningsNew Beginnings

Brendan “Party Hat” Ward firmly Brendan “Party Hat” Ward firmly endorses his belief that the “Royal endorses his belief that the “Royal Wave” will become a firm favourite Wave” will become a firm favourite at the next games. at the next games.

Brendan is so confident in this that he Brendan is so confident in this that he actively encourages people of all actively encourages people of all ages to practice the wave at every ages to practice the wave at every opportunity. opportunity.

In the meantime Riann tries to steal In the meantime Riann tries to steal the show with his “invisible glass” the show with his “invisible glass” trick.trick.

Joy lends a certain childlike clueless-Joy lends a certain childlike clueless-ness to the whole affair.ness to the whole affair.

Guest of HonourGuest of Honour

US Army Gen (Retd) “T” Bone-Steak US Army Gen (Retd) “T” Bone-Steak was the guest of honour at this was the guest of honour at this year’s event. Sadly “Shall we year’s event. Sadly “Shall we Dine” Unutoiu was in such good Dine” Unutoiu was in such good form that she mistook the guest form that she mistook the guest list for the menu.list for the menu.

Miss Unutoiu would like to take the Miss Unutoiu would like to take the opportunity to commend US (DoD) opportunity to commend US (DoD) in the fact that they have created in the fact that they have created an indigestible forage cap, no an indigestible forage cap, no doubt a boon to US service doubt a boon to US service personnel world-wide especially if personnel world-wide especially if GWB should want to eat them.GWB should want to eat them.

SexSex BumBum

““Napalm” Mehmeti continues to Napalm” Mehmeti continues to inflame the passions of his female inflame the passions of his female supporters behind the scenes. supporters behind the scenes. Gulnara (Gums to her friends) flew Gulnara (Gums to her friends) flew directly in from a seminar on directly in from a seminar on prehistoric dentistry to ensure her prehistoric dentistry to ensure her man was left unmolested.man was left unmolested.

Always an OpeningAlways an Opening

Time out from competition. “Fat Boy” Fitz-Time out from competition. “Fat Boy” Fitz-Gerald (actually he isn’t fat but if you Gerald (actually he isn’t fat but if you coach Power Eaters something has to coach Power Eaters something has to stick) captured here arranging a stick) captured here arranging a planned Las Vegas extravaganza planned Las Vegas extravaganza where-by “Napalm” hopes to torch a where-by “Napalm” hopes to torch a small enclave of midgets shortly before small enclave of midgets shortly before “Shall we Dine” Unutoiu eats them.“Shall we Dine” Unutoiu eats them.

““Napalm” has some concerns about the Napalm” has some concerns about the amount of incendiary needed but Fitz amount of incendiary needed but Fitz is explaining that the “Screamin’ is explaining that the “Screamin’ Skidmark” will provide the gas.Skidmark” will provide the gas.

A Meeting of ChampionsA Meeting of Champions

Sport is politics and politics is Sport is politics and politics is sport. At one time each of our sport. At one time each of our 3 champions pictured here 3 champions pictured here have suffered at the hands of a have suffered at the hands of a South African bar-b-que. So in South African bar-b-que. So in a moment of solidarity they a moment of solidarity they have agreed to gas, burn and have agreed to gas, burn and eat anyone who even looks eat anyone who even looks sideways at a hippo and sideways at a hippo and considers it between two slices considers it between two slices of breadof bread

Children be advised, the guy in Children be advised, the guy in the pointy hat is fucked…as in the pointy hat is fucked…as in proper fucked proper fucked

The Next GenerationThe Next Generation

And let’s not forget the stars of And let’s not forget the stars of tomorrow. At the special baby unit tomorrow. At the special baby unit the proud fathers of another batch the proud fathers of another batch of bar-b-ques look on as their of bar-b-ques look on as their offspring prepare to make their offspring prepare to make their way in the world.way in the world.

Many a poor beast of claw and hoof is Many a poor beast of claw and hoof is destined to discover its part on the destined to discover its part on the food chain on one of these.food chain on one of these.

The fathers are particularly pleased The fathers are particularly pleased as the baby barbies have just as the baby barbies have just moved on to solids, each moved on to solids, each consuming 5 chickens, 24 steaks consuming 5 chickens, 24 steaks and 2kg of sausages every day.and 2kg of sausages every day.

MargaretMargaret

Not really…but she deserves a mention.Not really…but she deserves a mention.

““Margaret….MARGARET!!!” Margaret….MARGARET!!!”

““Have we got any pirate naming games for Have we got any pirate naming games for the under 5’s?”the under 5’s?”

““HAVE WE GOT ANY PIRATE NAMING HAVE WE GOT ANY PIRATE NAMING GAMES FOR THE UNDER 5’S??”GAMES FOR THE UNDER 5’S??”

““No”No”