Success through Interpersonal Skills

Prepared By

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Manu Melwin JoyAssistant Professor

Ilahia School of Management Studies

Kerala, India.Phone – 9744551114

Mail – manu_melwinjoy@yahoo.com

1001 Skills MMJ’s Management Skills Archive

LIVE

LOVE

LEARN

LEAVE A LEGACY

Four steps of skill acquisitions

• Unconscious incompetence.

• Conscious incompetence.

• Conscious competence.

• Unconscious Competence.

Johari Window

CLOSED DARK

Arena

• Total interpersonal space devoted

to mutual understanding and

shared information.

• Productivity and interpersonal

effectiveness are directly related

to the amount of mutually-held

information

Blind area

• Ignorance about oneself.

• Mannerisms, Verbal cues etc

• Can be reduced by asking for

feedback.

Closed area

• Withhold information.

• Fears, secrets, dreams etc.

• Can be reduced by sharing it

with others.

Activity

• Meet three people.

• Ask for their thoughts on

your Blind Area.

• Then share, if you feel safe,

items for the Hidden Area.

Life script

Script Analysis is the method of uncovering the early decisions, made unconsciously, as to how life shall be lived'.

Why we take decisions?

• Lack of power.• Inability to handle stress.• Immature thinking capacity.• Lack of knowledge.• Lack of option.

Don’ts or Injunctions• Don't be (don't exist)• Don't be you/ Don’t be the sex you are • Don't be a child• Don't grow up• Don't make it in your life (Don't Succeed)• Don't do anything!• Don't be important• Don't be close• Don't be well • Don't think

Do’s or Drivers• Be perfect.• Be strong.• Please others.• Try hard.• Hurry up.

Emotional bank account

Emotional Deposit

Trust & Confidence

Growing relationship

Emotional Withdrawal

Mistrust & Discord

Empty relationship

The secret to rich and rewarding relationships is three-fold:

• Understanding the importance of deposits and withdrawals in our relationships.

• Acting with the awareness that we will make withdrawals unknowingly.

• Putting in a concerted and committed effort to make deposits consistently.

Activity

• List 5 things that your spouse willingly does, even occasionally, that increase your appreciation, enjoyment, or desire for him or her

• List 5 things that you do or are willing to do on a regular basis that you believe would help your spouse to appreciate, enjoy, or desire you more.

• Discuss your lists with your spouse. Fine tune list. • Make deposits into your spouse’s emotional bank account by

consistently and frequently doing the thing on your second list. Also be sure to express sincere appreciation for the deposits your spouse makes into your emotional bank account.

Understand

Listen

Listening Vs Hearing

Why listen?

• Listening is key to all effective communication, without the ability to listen

effectively messages are easily misunderstood – communication breaks

down and the sender of the message can easily become frustrated or

irritated.

• The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen.

 Just listen.  Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is

our attention.

• A good listener will listen not only to what is being said, but also to what

is left unsaid or only partially said.

Why we don’t listen?

• Listening is effortful.• We are preoccupied.• We want to talk. • False assumptions.• Quick thoughts

EmpathyVs

Sympathy

Autobiographical responses

• Evaluate.• Probe.• Advise

Levels of listening

• Ignoring.• Pretending. • Selective listening• Attentive listening• Empathic Listening

Stages of empathic listening

• Mimic content.

• Rephrase content.

• Reflect feeling.

• Rephrase content and reflect feeling.

Essence of good presentation

• Ethos -- your personal credibility.

• Pathos -- the empathic side.

• Logos -- the logic.

Learning styles in classroomThose who prefer a visual learning style...

• look at the teacher's face intently• like looking at wall displays, books etc.• often recognize words by sight• use lists to organize their thoughts• recall information by remembering how it was set out on a page

Those who prefer an auditory learning style...• like the teacher to provide verbal instructions• like dialogues, discussions and plays• solve problems by talking about them• use rhythm and sound as memory aids

Those who prefer a kinesthetic learning style...• learn best when they are involved or active• find it difficult to sit still for long periods• use movement as a memory aid

Men are from mars, Women are from Venus

Differences

• Mr. Fix-It and the Home Improvement Committee

• Men Go to Their Caves and Women Talk

Love

Love can be defined as the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.

Love defined

Myths about love

• Falling in love.

• Romantic Love.

• Dependency in love.

• You can love things.

• Love is a feeling.

• Love is effortless.

Love is blind

• Temporary collapse of ego boundaries.

• Act of regression.

• It is effortless.

• Extension of one’s limit requires effort.

• Real love is a permanently enlarging

experience.

• Genetically determined instinctual

component.

• De-actives portions of the prefrontal cortex which

governs judgment and social behavior.

• Deactivates middle temporal cortex which regulates

• Deactivation of the amygdala which controls fear,

sadness and aggression

• negative emotions Dopamine - a feeling of euphoria

• Decrease in Serotonin- feel easily anxious, jittery

and depressed.

• Increase of adrenaline - making our heart beat faster,

our palms sweaty, and our mouths go dry

Falling in love is equal to a state after consuming narcotic drugs

Romantic Love

• There is a man meant for

every women.

• You can only be happy

with them.

• Real love is accepting the

one who is with you.

Dependence

• Inability to experience

wholeness.

• Passive dependent personality

disorder.

• For being loved, be a person

worthy of love.

• Role switching in marriage.

Cathexis

• Process of attraction, investment

and commitment.

• Loving money, power, garden

lacks spiritual growth.

• We project our feelings to pets.

• Some people are capable of only

loving pets or infants.

Love is a verb

• Feeling is the emotion

we experience while

cathecting.

• True love is committed

thoughtful decision.

Give

Forgive

ActivityWrite about the most significant hurt you have experienced in your life

– What happened?– When did this happen?– Who was involved?– What were your reactions immediately after the hurt?– What reactions do you still have as you think and write about the hurt now?

Answer the following questions with the specific hurt in mind. report on your current experience, how you feel right now.– I’ll make him/her pay.– I wish that something bad would happen to him/her.– I want him/her to get what she deserves.– I am going to get even.– I want to see him/her hurt and miserable.

Four elements of forgiveness

• Express the emotion.

• Understand why.

• Rebuild safety.

• Let go.

Clarify expectation

One minute goal

• Agree on your goals.

• See what good behaviour looks like.

• Write out each of your goals on a single sheet

of paper using less than 250 words.

• Read and re-read each goal.

• Take a minute every once in a while out of

your day to look at your performance, and

• See whether or not your behaviour matches

your goal.

Gratitude

Gratitude Practices

• Keep a gratitude journal.

• Express your gratitude.

• Take a daily thank you walk.

• Make gratitude visits.

Activity

• Make a list of five things you are grateful for right now.

• Reflect on your list and allow yourself to feel good about these things.

• If there is a person you can thank or show your appreciation to, do that today.

Appreciate

Touch

Words are powerful

strokes

One minute praising• Tell people up front that you are going to

let them know how they are doing.• Praise people immediately.• Tell people what they did right—be

specific.• Tell people how good you feel about what

they did right, and how it helps the organization and the other people who work there.

• Stop for a moment of silence to let them “feel” how good you feel.

• Encourage them to do more of the same.• Shake hands or touch people in a way

that makes it clear that you support their success in the organization.

Smile

Remember names

Count every " F " in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARSOF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITHTHE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...

Don’t Judge

Why we judge people?

• It is effortless.• It reduces overloading.• It needs no understanding• It makes us feel better

Shortcuts

• Halo / Horn effect• Contrast effect• Projection• Stereotyping• Selective perception

I cnduo't bvleiee taht I culod uesdtannrd waht I was rdnaieg. Unisg the icndeblire pweor of the hmuan mnid, aocdcrnig to rseecrah at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mttaer in waht oderr the lterets in a wrod are, the olny irpoamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rhgit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whoutit a pboerlm. Tihs is bucseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey ltteer by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Aaznmig, huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghhuot slelinpg was ipmorantt! See if yuor fdreins can raed tihs too.

• Fundamental attribution error – tendency to over estimate the internal and

underestimate the external factors when explaining the behaviors of others

• Self serving bias– We tend to equate successes to internal and

failures to external attributes

Pygmalion effect

One minute reprimand• Reprimand people immediately.• Tell people what they did wrong—be

specific.• Tell people how you feel about what they

did wrong—and in no uncertain terms.• Stop for a few seconds of uncomfortable

silence to let them feel how you feel. • Shake hands, or touch them in a way that

lets them know you are honestly on their side.

• Remind them how much you value them.• Reaffirm that you think well of them but

not of their performance in this situation.• Realize that when the reprimand is over,

it’s over.

Never

A man rides into the town on Friday. He stays one night and leaves on Friday. How is it possible?

Answer – Friday is the name of his horse. False assumption – Friday is a day in the week

There is a cabin on the side of a mountain. Three people are inside and they are dead. How did they die?

Answer: They were killed in a plane crash False Assumption: That the cabin was a office cabin. It was actually the cabin of a jetliner.

Sacrifice

Life is difficult

• Discipline is the basic set of tools we require to solve life’s problems.

• The tendency to avoid problems and the emotional suffering inherent in them is the primary basis of all mental illness.

Tools of discipline

• Delayed gratification.

• Take responsibility.

• Dedication to truth.

• Balancing.

Delayed gratification

It is the process of scheduling the pain and pleasure of life in such a way as to enhance the pleasures by meeting and experiencing pain first and getting it over with.

Never break a promise

Keep commitments

• All Commitments Are Important.

• Be Careful What You Agree To.

• Manage Your Commitments

• Renegotiate When You Are Unable to Keep

Your Commitment.

• Manage By Agreement

Respect people