STRESS MANAGEMENT STRESS MANAGEMENT FOR COUPLESFOR COUPLES

Energize Your Relationship

Stress QuizStress QuizFor each of the following questions, grade yourself from 0 – 4.

0 = Never1 = Almost Never2 = Sometimes3 = Fairly Often4 = Very Often

In the last month, how often have you In the last month, how often have you felt:felt:

Upset because of something that happened unexpectedly.Unable to control the important things in your life.Unable to cope with all the things you had to do.Angered because of all the things that were beyond your control.That difficulties were piling up so high that you can not overcome them.Confident about your abilities to handle your personal problems.That things were going your way.Able to control the irritations in your life.That you were on top of things.

Stress Survey ScoringStress Survey ScoringThe higher your total score on the test, the greater your stress level.The average score for the general population is:

14 for Women 12 for Men

4 Relationship Stressors4 Relationship StressorsMoneyWorkChildren Spouses or Partners

MoneyMoneyCan you really have too much?I don’t think so! To little money can be a significant stress on a relationship.Affluence brings with it an entire new set of even greater responsibilities and stresses.

Your Nest EggYour Nest EggAs a couple, commit to putting away 10% of what you earn every month.And never touch it.Your stress about your future will decrease in direct proportion to your increased savings. When it comes time to retire, you can live off the interest and leave the rest to worthy causes.

WorkWorkDon’t be a workaholic.Work to live, don’t live to work.In ancient Hebrew, the words for work and worship are the same.Work honors God. Organization and time management are the keys to reducing stress at work, and to creating time to honor your personal relationship.

ChildrenChildrenAt each age, children bring their own challenges.The “Terrible Two’s”The “Terrifying Teens”: Between the ages 13 & 18, many parents would pay dearly for someone to teensit. Troubled children are a special challenge. The sooner you get professional help the better.

Spouses & PartnersSpouses & PartnersCould you write “the” definitive book about your partner? If you and your partner wrote a book about your relationship, the books would be so different that neither one of you would recognize the other’s.“Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”by John Gray, PhD

CommunicationCommunicationBe as specific as possible when communicating your needs with your partner.What do you need?What do you want?Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes.Is your request reasonable?Can your needs and wants realistically be met?

It’s the Little ThingsIt’s the Little ThingsGentlemen

Despite what might believe …Dishes do not get up and walk to the dishwasher. Nor clothes to the washing machine.And please put the seat down!

LadiesDon’t mess with the remote control, the riding lawn mower, or his car!

It’s just the way things are!

4 Week Stress Busting 4 Week Stress Busting PlanPlan

Week 1: Plan for Fun!Week 2: Learn to Relax and UnwindWeek 3: Change Your Stinking ThinkingWeek 4: Shield Yourself From the

Negative “Stuff” Around You

Week 1: Have More Fun! Week 1: Have More Fun! Plan at least one big fun thing per week and one small fun thing every day.The anticipation is half the fun. It gives you something to look forward to.Make a date with your spouse.Set aside time for hobbies and socializing.

Turn off the television and do something different and special.Exercise together.

Free Stress RelieversFree Stress RelieversNature: mountains, trees & flowersWalking on the beach or in the woodsHugs and kissesPlaying with childrenPlaying with your petListening to music Singing and dancing

Hugs & KissesHugs & KissesHow many men here like to be kissed an hugged? How many women like to be kissed and hugged?We’re not so different.Why aren’t you doing it??Studies show couples need to hug at least 8 times a day and kiss at least 3 times.

Week 2: Learn to RelaxWeek 2: Learn to RelaxMeditateEat healthy food and take nutritional supplements Get regular adjustments and massage therapy Exercise togetherHave an Aromatherapy sessionWatch a sunset or sunrise togetherHop in the hot tub together

Year Round Stress BustersYear Round Stress BustersToss out newspapers, junk mail and receipts as soon as you read them. Clutter makes you feel at loose ends.Keep a list and then set aside time to fix minor annoyances, like loose buttons, blown light bulbs, loose doorknobs, etc. Decrease commuter stress by leaving more time. Listen to motivational tapes or inspirational music in the car.

Show that You CareShow that You CareSend his or her favorite flowers. (Don’t assume they’re roses.) Draw a bath for your partner. Surround the tub with candles & play soft music.Give your partner a massage.Go dancing. Surprise your partner with concert, theater, game, or movie tickets.

Week 3: Change your Week 3: Change your Stinking ThinkingStinking Thinking

If you exaggerate or catastrophize your life together, you may be creating much of your own stress.Don’t have unrealistic expectations of yourself or your partner.You may have been brought up with certain beliefs and behaviors and may unrealistically expect your partner to automatically know and embrace your ways.

Keep Moving OnKeep Moving OnWhen things don’t go exactly as you plan, is your tendency to get angry, judgmental, or noisy?Do you internalize your feelings or blame yourself for being a failure at keeping the peace?Let it go. Don’t hold grudges. Leave past hurts behind and move on.

Self AssessmentSelf AssessmentBefore you look outside yourself for the source of your dissatisfaction, look inside.Look in the mirror. What you see is what you get! Looking inside will help you improve your outside reality.What you send out is reflected back to you.

Everyday Everyday AcknowledgementsAcknowledgements

When was the last time you praised, appreciated, and gave thanks to your partner? Everyone loves to be praised on a regular basis. It’s a basic human need like fresh air.Acknowledge your partner everyday by saying:

Thank you!I appreciate you!I’m proud of you!I love you!

Week 4: Stop Giving Week 4: Stop Giving PermissionPermission

Stop giving your partner permission to stress you out. Don’t let your partner pass along his or her bad moods on to you.You are not responsible for someone else’s behavior, feelings, or mood, only your own.You can chose not to be upset, angry or stressed just because someone else is.

Remember Your ArmorRemember Your ArmorAvoid stressful situations by diffusing them beforehand.Don’t greet your partner with “What’s wrong?” as soon as he or she returns home at night. Agree to wait at least an hour before discussing the day’s challenges.Don’t discuss sensitive subjects when you’re tired, or when you know from experience that they will cause an upset.

Goal SettingGoal SettingGoal setting reduces stress by creating a roadmap or blueprint for the future, reducing fears and worries about what’s to come.Set S.M.A.R.T goals for your:

Family LifeSpiritual LifePhysical LifeMental LifeFinancial Life

Rules to Live ByRules to Live ByAnything your mind can conceive and believe it can achieve!As a man thinketh, so it is! Whether you think something is good or bad – you’re right!Things are not necessarily right or wrong, they can just be different!

It’s Your ChoiceIt’s Your ChoiceChoose not to be upset by the little things, because most things are little.Choose to decide when something is worth getting upset over.Choose pro-active thoughts and behavior aimed at self-fulfillment and happiness.Choose to truly love, honor, and appreciate your partner.

STRESS MANAGEMENT STRESS MANAGEMENT FOR COUPLESFOR COUPLES

Energize Your Relationship