Strokes Transactional Analysis

Prepared By

Manu Melwin Joy

Assistant Professor

Ilahia School of Management Studies

Kerala, India.

Phone – 9744551114

Mail – manu_melwinjoy@yahoo.com

Kindly restrict the use of slides for personal purpose.

Please seek permission to reproduce the same in public forms and presentations.

A stroke is defined as a unit of recognition. (Berne 1971)

A stroke is a unit of attention which provides stimulation

to an i di idual . (Woollams and Brown: Transactional

Analysis 1978)

Stimulus Hunger

Need for physical and mental stimulation

Stimulus Hunger

Study by Rene Spitz

Ber e’s Choice of the ord stroke refers to the i fa ts eed for touchi g.

Recognition Hunger

• As grownups, we learn to

substitute other forms of

recognition in place of physical

touching.

• A smile, a compliment, frown or

insult – all shows our existence

has been recognized.

• Berne used to term recognition

hunger to describe our need for

this kind of acknowledgement

from others.

Kinds of strokes

Verbal or Non Verbal

• Any transaction is an exchange

of strokes.

• Most transactions involve both

verbal and non verbal exchanges.

• They may be wholly non verbal.

• It is difficult to imagine a

transaction which is purely

verbal.

Internal or external

INTERNAL - fantasies, self

praise, and other forms of self

stimulation.

EXTERNAL- strokes from

others are important for

healthy living.

Positive or Negative

• A positive stroke is one

which the receiver

experiences as pleasant.

• A negative stroke is one

experienced as painful.

• Any kind of stroke is better

than no stroke at all.

Conditional or Unconditional

• A conditional stroke relates

to what you do.

• An unconditional stroke

relates to what you are.

• Positive conditional.

• Positive unconditional.

• Negative conditional.

• Negative Unconditional

Activity

• Write down two strokes you gave today

• Write down two strokes you received today.

• Identify which kind of stroke it is.

• Verbal or Non verbal.

• Positive or Negative.

• Conditional or Unconditional. • Positive conditional.

• Positive unconditional.

• Negative conditional.

• Negative Unconditional

• Internal or External.

Activity

• Give a positive conditional stroke to the person sitting to your

left.

• Give an internal positive unconditional stroke to yourself.

• Give a Non verbal stroke to the person sitting to your right.

Stroking and reinforcement of behavior

• Stroking reinforces the

behavior which is stroked.

• If there do not seem to be

enough positive strokes to

fulfill our need for stroking,

we will go ahead and seek

out negative strokes.

• Quality and intensity of

strokes are important.

Giving strokes

• Counterfeit strokes are as

though they give something

positive, then take it away

again.

• Plastic strokes are insincere

positives. Eric Berne

described this as

marshmallow – Throwing.

Taking strokes

• We are used to getting

certain strokes.

• Because of their familiarity,

we devalue these strokes.

• We may secretly want to

receive other strokes which

we seldom get.

• We deny to ourselves that

we want the strokes we

most want.

Taking strokes

• Everybody has their

preferred stroke quotient.

• Quality of strokes cannot be

measured subjectively.

• A high quality for stroke to

you may be a low quality

stroke for me.

Different strokes for different folks.

Stroke Filter / Discount

• When someone gets a stroke that

does ’t fit in with her preferred

stroke quotient, she is likely to

ignore it or belittle it.

• Discounts are an internal

mechanism by which people

minimize or maximize

(grandiosity) an aspect of reality,

themselves or others.

• In other words they are not

accounting for the reality of

themselves or others or the

situation.

Levels of Discounting

• The EXISTENCE of a problem, e.g. a baby cries and the parents go to sleep.

• The SIGNIFICANCE of a problem Oh the baby always cries at this ti e .

• The CHANGE POSSIBILITIES The baby will never be satisfied .

• The PERSONAL ABILITY to actually carry out the change You could but I

ca ’t change the appy .

At each level the discount can be of three types:

• The STIMULUS can be discounted.

• The PROBLEM can be discounted.

• The OPTIONS can be discounted.

Reference : Discount Matrix was developed. by Mellor and Schiff... TAJ July 1975.

Discount Matrix

Activity

• Think about the strokes you gave and received.

• Was it counterfeit, marshmallows, straight?

• Who received it openly, who discounted it?

• Which strokes you received and which one you discounted?

Activity

• Divide into groups of four.

• For one minute, one among the four will listen and others will

deliver verbal strokes. (Positive or Positive/Negative)

• For next one minute, it will share his/her experiences with the

others.

• Consider the following questions.

• Which of the strokes I got did I expect to get?

• Which strokes did not I expect?

• Which strokes did I like?

• Which strokes I dislike?

• Are there any strokes I did have liked to get and did ’t ?

Stroke economy

• Claude Steiner suggests that as children, we are all

indoctrinated by our parents with five restrictive rules about

stroking.

• Do ’t give strokes when you have them to give.

• Do ’t ask for strokes when you need them.

• Do ’t accept strokes if you want them.

• Do ’t reject strokes when you do ’t want them.

• Do ’t give yourself strokes.

The Warm Fuzzy Tale

Reference : Scripts People Live (1974) Claude Steiner

Stroke economy

• Parents use it to control children.

• Teach children that strokes are in short supply.

• Parents gains the position of a stroke monopolist.

• As grownups, we unawarely use these rules.

• We spend out lives in a state of partial stroke deprivation.

• We need to reject our restrictive basic training.

• Strokes are limitless in supply.

• We can give a stroke when we want.

• When we want, we can ask.

• We can take stroke when offered.

• If we do ’t like the stroke, we can reject it openly.

• We can enjoy giving ourselves strokes.

Activity

• Think back over the stroking exercises.

• How you experienced giving, accepting and rejecting strokes.

• Which were you comfortable and uncomfortable with?

• When you were uncomfortable, do you trace that back to rules

you remember your parents setting for you as a child?

Asking for strokes

• A myth – Strokes that you have to ask for are worthless.

• Reality – Strokes that you get by asking are worth just as much

as strokes you get without asking.

• Question – Other person may give me stroke just be ice

• They may be restricted by their Do ’t give stroke messages.

• Options - You can check with the person whether it was

genuine.

• Options – If not genuine, you can ask for genuine one.

Activity

• Be in groups of four.

• Exercise is on asking strokes.

• A person It takes three minutes to ask the others for strokes.

• Strokers responding by giving the strokes asked for if they are

genuinely willing to give it. If not, say I am not willing to give

you the stroke right now.

• It shares his/her experience with others.

Home work

• Write down at least five positive strokes you want but do ’t

usually ask for.

• In the following month, ask at least one person for each of these

strokes.

• If you get the stroke, thank the stroker.

• If you do not, it is ok to ask for adult information about why the

other person did not want to give the stroke asked for.

• Homework is over when you have asked for the strokes whether

or not you got all of them. When you have asked for all the

strokes on your list, give yourself a stroke for doing the exercise.

Activity

• Draw you own stroking profile.

• Work rapidly and intuitively.

• Under asking for strokes, in the negative column, include times

when you set up in some indirect way to get attention from

others and was painful or uncomfortable for you.

• In the negative column under refuse to give, include occasions

when you refused to give others negatives which they were

setting up indirectly to get from you.

Stroke profile

• Jim McKenna suggests

that the negative and

positive scales under

each heading show an

inverse relationship.

• For instance, if a person

is low in taking positive

strokes, he will likely be

high is taking negatives.

• Discover any pattern in

your stroke profile.

• Try to increase the bar

you want more.

Reference : Transactional Analysis Journal, October 1974, Jim McKenna

Home work

• Write down five behavior designed to increase any bar you want

more of.

• Carry out these behavior in the coming month.

• For instance, if you decide you want to give more positive

strokes to others, you might note down one compliment you

could genuinely give to each of five of your friends, but have

never given.

• Go ahead and give those compliments during the month.

Activity

• Every one in group can share one good thing about himself or

herself.

• If you are not willing, you can say pass.

Activity

• Be into groups of four.

• Each person come to the center.

• Keep bragging non stop for 30 seconds.

• Rest of the group encourage the bragger by good natured

commends like Great stuff, tell us more.

Home work

• Write down everything good about yourself.

• If possible, pin the paper up where you can see it often.

• Each time you think of another good thing about yourself, add it

to the list on the paper.

• Make a list of at least five ways you can stroke yourself

positively.

Stroke bank.

• When we get a stroke from someone, we

store the memory of it away in our stroke

bank.

• Later, we can go back to the bank and pull the

stroke out to use again as self strokes.

• If the stroke was one we specially

appreciated, we may reuse it many times

over.

• Eventually, these lose its effectiveness. We

need to top up our bank with new strokes

from others.

Are there good and bad strokes

• A selective diet of unconditional

positive strokes may not fit the

perso ’s internal experience.

• He may feel stroke deprived while

apparently surrounded by positive

strokes.

• Conditional strokes, both

positive and negative, are

important for us because we use

them as a way of learning about

the world.

Are there good and bad strokes

• Getting positive conditionals strokes

helps me feel competent.

• If negative conditionals are absent, you

wont be able to change unwanted

behaviors.

• Negative unconditional strokes can be

used for your own good.

• A healthy stroke quotient will include

both positive and negative, conditional

and unconditional.

Strokes Vs Discounts

• A discount always entails some distortion of reality unlike a straight negative

stroke.

• NCS – You spelled the word wrong.

• Discount – I see you ca ’t spell

• NUCS – I hate you.

• Discount – You are hateful.

• Unlike a straight negative stroke, a discount gives me no signal on which I

can base constructive action.

References