Positive ParentingPositive Parenting Reeths Puffer ElementaryReeths Puffer Elementary

PRESENTED BY STEVE VITTOPRESENTED BY STEVE VITTO

Lets begin at the end of the Lets begin at the end of the journey:Adulthoodjourney:AdulthoodYOUR CHILDRENYOUR CHILDREN

What are your dreams for them?What are your dreams for them?What do you want them to be like?What do you want them to be like?What qualities to you hope they will What qualities to you hope they will possess?possess?What lifes skills do you believe they will What lifes skills do you believe they will need?need?What is the most important gift you can What is the most important gift you can give them?give them?What kind of relationship do you want What kind of relationship do you want them to have with you?them to have with you?

Hopeful ResponsesHopeful Responses

CharacterCharacterCaringCaringConfidentConfidentDecentDecentLaw AbidingLaw AbidingAssertiveAssertiveTrustworthyTrustworthyHonestHonestHealthyHealthyDrug FreeDrug FreeHappy and Well AdjustedHappy and Well AdjustedSuccessfulSuccessful

What influences the way you What influences the way you parent?parent?

The way you were parented.

What you feel is right.

How someone has told you to parent.

What the research says

What healthy adults say

What unhealthy adults say

The research is clear. In over 10,000 The research is clear. In over 10,000 studies conducted all over the world the studies conducted all over the world the most common variable associated with a most common variable associated with a child having a healty social emotional child having a healty social emotional adjustment is:adjustment is:

a. strict disciplne and limits a. strict disciplne and limits b. consistent punitive consequences b. consistent punitive consequences for bad behaviors for bad behaviors c. being your child’s friend c. being your child’s friend d. rewarding good behavior d. rewarding good behavior e. believing that they are loved e. believing that they are loved

:

The research is clear. In over 10,000 The research is clear. In over 10,000 studies conducted all over the world the studies conducted all over the world the most common variable associated with a most common variable associated with a child having a healty social emotional child having a healty social emotional adjustment is:adjustment is:

:

e. believing that they are lovede. believing that they are loved

by you!!by you!!

So how do we get there????So how do we get there????

We walk the talk.We walk the talk.We model the behavior we want to see We model the behavior we want to see in them.in them.We learn how to listen.We learn how to listen.We learn how to forgive.We learn how to forgive.We teach and guide rather than punish We teach and guide rather than punish and control.and control.We are consistent and fairWe are consistent and fairWe are firmWe are firmWe are funWe are fun

Always show your child that they Always show your child that they come first, that they are the most come first, that they are the most import thing in your lifeimport thing in your life

"To the world you might be one "To the world you might be one person, but to one person, you person, but to one person, you might be the world." might be the world." -Anonymous -Anonymous

CHILDREN GO WHERE THERE IS CHILDREN GO WHERE THERE IS EXCITEMENT AND STAY WHERE EXCITEMENT AND STAY WHERE THERE IS LOVE!THERE IS LOVE!

But surely their needs to be But surely their needs to be consequences, but….consequences, but….

Consequences should be viewed as an Consequences should be viewed as an opportunity to teachopportunity to teachPunitive Consequences are the least Punitive Consequences are the least effective way to change “bad” behavioreffective way to change “bad” behaviorSo what changes bad behavior? So what changes bad behavior?

Teaching, loving, guiding, listening, Teaching, loving, guiding, listening,

relating, investing time, loving, and relating, investing time, loving, and enforcing limits that are fair and built on enforcing limits that are fair and built on trust!!!!trust!!!!

Social Emotional Development as a Foundation for School & Life Success

• Some key indicators of school readiness that are linked to social emotional development:

• Persistence at difficult tasks

• Ability to express emotions appropriately

• Ability to make and sustain relationships with peers and adults

• Confidence

• Ability negotiate and cooperate in a group setting

• When children don’t have these skills, they are less likely to benefit from even the best instruction and they are more likely to engage in challenging behavior

• What we know about social development in preschool and children’s later life success

What about spare the rod???What about spare the rod???“The Rod” was intended to be a symbol of “The Rod” was intended to be a symbol of guideness. There is no record of Jesus guideness. There is no record of Jesus EVER encouraging parents to hit their EVER encouraging parents to hit their children!!!children!!!

What message do we send kids when we hit them?Do we want our children to fear us or turn to us for guidance?Will hitting them when they make a mistake increase the liklihood of coming to us with a problem???

Absolutely NOT!!!

Do parents who hit their kids Do parents who hit their kids love them??? Absolutely!!!love them??? Absolutely!!!

But we have learned betters ways, and we can change But we have learned betters ways, and we can change any time we want!!!any time we want!!!There is more than one way to get to the end of the There is more than one way to get to the end of the journey and hitting by parents sends a message that journey and hitting by parents sends a message that “violence” is necessary to resolve conflicts.“violence” is necessary to resolve conflicts.You have to ask yourself, do I want my child to fear me You have to ask yourself, do I want my child to fear me or care enough about me to want to please me?or care enough about me to want to please me?Do I want my child to approach me when he has a Do I want my child to approach me when he has a problem? Will this happen if fear ia a major disciplne problem? Will this happen if fear ia a major disciplne tool?tool?Would you were a child did you lways tell the truth even Would you were a child did you lways tell the truth even though you would be spanked or punished?though you would be spanked or punished?Kids who tell their parents the truth do so out of love, Kids who tell their parents the truth do so out of love, respect, trust and a notion that they will be treated fairly!respect, trust and a notion that they will be treated fairly!

Universality of Effective Parenting Approaches

‘Understanding disciplining’- NFPI Review of research on what works in managing children’s behaviour.

Concluded that children fared best with an authoritative approach to parenting, which combined affection and firm boundaries with an encouragement of children’s independence.

Authoritarian Parenting Style

Rigid, controllingRigid, controlling

DemandingDemanding

PunitivePunitive

Unreasonable expectationsUnreasonable expectations

Adult-like job, choresAdult-like job, chores

Parent always rightParent always right

Parent makes decisionsParent makes decisions

Little affection, warmthLittle affection, warmth

Unexpressed ideas, feelingsUnexpressed ideas, feelings

Parent in controlParent in control

Little encouragement, praiseLittle encouragement, praise

Building Strong Families – Positive Discipline Overhead #1

Less Effective

Permissive Parenting Style

Parent avoids controlParent avoids control

High level of nurturing, communicationHigh level of nurturing, communication

Few rules, guidelinesFew rules, guidelines

InconsistentInconsistent

Parent easily frustratedParent easily frustrated

Few expectationsFew expectations

Few demandsFew demands

Few social rulesFew social rules

Parent behaves as friendParent behaves as friend

Obedience not encouragedObedience not encouraged

Building Strong Families – Positive Discipline Overhead #2

Less Effective

Authoritative Parenting Style

Parent clearly in chargeParent clearly in charge

Firm guidelinesFirm guidelines

Flexible boundariesFlexible boundaries

High level of communicationHigh level of communication

Respects ideas, feelings, emotionsRespects ideas, feelings, emotions

Mutual respectMutual respect

Teamwork, give and takeTeamwork, give and take

Parent accepts uniquenessParent accepts uniqueness

Allows for mistakesAllows for mistakes

Reasonable expectationsReasonable expectations

Appropriate responsibilitiesAppropriate responsibilities

Healthy role modelingHealthy role modeling

Encourages independenceEncourages independence

AffectionateAffectionate

Building Strong Families – Positive Discipline Overhead #3

This is the most This is the most effective style effective style supported by supported by extensive extensive research!!!research!!!

Alternatives toPunishment

Show the child ways to more effectively solve the problemShow the child ways to more effectively solve the problemStrongly disapprove (though not forbid) harmful or dangerous Strongly disapprove (though not forbid) harmful or dangerous behaviorsbehaviorsState expectations-teach 3-5 expectations that are consistent State expectations-teach 3-5 expectations that are consistent with school-wide expecationswith school-wide expecationsShow how to make amends or restore the harm they have Show how to make amends or restore the harm they have done to othersdone to othersGive a choice- start with the good thing that can happen for Give a choice- start with the good thing that can happen for compliance before bring up negative consequences or threatscompliance before bring up negative consequences or threatsLogical Consequences- be fair with consequences. They Logical Consequences- be fair with consequences. They should be fair ,reasonable, and relate to the problem behaviorshould be fair ,reasonable, and relate to the problem behaviorTake action when you feel you child has been mistreat by the Take action when you feel you child has been mistreat by the school , a coach, a relative- but NEVER INFRONT OF THE school , a coach, a relative- but NEVER INFRONT OF THE CHILD.CHILD.The child and school should always see the school on the The child and school should always see the school on the same page!!! NEVER DISAGREE WITH THE PRINCPIAL OR same page!!! NEVER DISAGREE WITH THE PRINCPIAL OR CHILD’S TEACHER IN FROMT OF THE CHILD!!!!CHILD’S TEACHER IN FROMT OF THE CHILD!!!!Let the child experience resoanble consequencesLet the child experience resoanble consequencesRestoration and ForgivenessRestoration and ForgivenessUse Data to evaluate interventions!!!Use Data to evaluate interventions!!!

Building Strong Families – Positive Discipline Overhead #7

The Parenting Tips Booklet

Positive Approaches for Challenging Behaviors

 

Developed bySusan Mack, MA Steven Vitto, MA

MAISD Behavioral ConsultantsA POSITIVE BEHAVIORAL SUPPORTS PROJECT

Basic Principles of Positive Basic Principles of Positive Behavior SupportBehavior Support

“If you know why, you can figure out how….”All behaviors meet needsPositive approaches teach children a better way to meet needs One of the best ways of teaching desired behaviors is by modeling them When it comes to children, we need to “walk the talk.”

POSITIVE PARENTING BOOKLETPOSITIVE PARENTING BOOKLETTABLE OF CONTENTSTABLE OF CONTENTS

Positive Behavioral Support 4Qualities of Strong Families 5Keeping it Simple 610 Keys to Successful Parenting 79 Ways to Make Waiting Fun 99 Things to do Instead of Spanking 108 Ways to Positively Cope 135 Ways to Parent with Finesse 154 Ways to Teach your Child Trust 16General Parenting Tips 17Teaching Self Control 19Teaching Kids to Care for Others 20Doing Chores 21Doing Homework 23Getting Along with Brothers and Sister s 24especting Adults 25Controlling Temper and Anger 26

TABLE OF CONTENTSTABLE OF CONTENTS

Stealing 27Watching TV 28Teaching Responsibility 30Dealing with Tantrums 31Winning the Bedtime Battles 32 Developmental Stages 36 Reinforcing Good Behavior 37 The Language of Encouragement 41 When to Say “No” 42Problems with Punishment 43Consequences that Teach 44The Dad Influence 46When Behavior Becomes a Problem 47When Does a Child Need Mental Health Treatment 48More Positive Parenting Helpful Tips 50 Where to Turn for Help 52

POSITIVE BEHAVIOR SUPPORTSPOSITIVE BEHAVIOR SUPPORTS

Positive Behavioral Supports (PBS) recognizes that all Positive Behavioral Supports (PBS) recognizes that all behaviors meet needsbehaviors meet needsPBS teaches kids there is another way to approach needsPBS teaches kids there is another way to approach needsPBS views misbehaviors as an opportunity to teach instead of PBS views misbehaviors as an opportunity to teach instead of punishpunishPBS recognizes that behavior doesn’t occur in a vacuumPBS recognizes that behavior doesn’t occur in a vacuumPBS believes that there are no “bad” kids, only kids searching PBS believes that there are no “bad” kids, only kids searching for a way to fit infor a way to fit inPBS values teaching self-control instead of external controlPBS values teaching self-control instead of external controlPBS requires us to provide positive, loving environments that PBS requires us to provide positive, loving environments that are conducive to learningare conducive to learningPBS requires us to develop clear expectations and routinesPBS requires us to develop clear expectations and routinesThe expecation should be taught at home!!The expecation should be taught at home!!PBS requires us to provide effective consequences that teach PBS requires us to provide effective consequences that teach as opposed to punishing consequences that hurtas opposed to punishing consequences that hurt

Recognize that all behaviors Recognize that all behaviors meet needs. The needs are: meet needs. The needs are:

To obtain or avoid:To obtain or avoid:» AttentionAttention» Task or ActivityTask or Activity» ItemItem» PersonPerson» Power and Control Power and Control » SensorySensory

The Conflict CycleThe Conflict Cycle

Steps for Corrective Teaching

Stop the behaviorStop the behavior

Explain why the behavior is problematicExplain why the behavior is problematic

Provide a reasonable consequenceProvide a reasonable consequence(which optimally will involve learning and/or restoration)(which optimally will involve learning and/or restoration)

Model the desired responseModel the desired response

Have the child practice the desired responseHave the child practice the desired response

Reinforce the child for using the desired responseReinforce the child for using the desired response

FOR MORE INFORMATION

http://www.slideshare.net/svittoatmuskegonisd.org/steve-vitto-positive-approaches-for-all-childrenBridge4kids.comPBIS.orgCasel.orgeboard.com.michiganpbsPositiveParenting.comParentsuccess.comParenting.orgKidinfo.com/parent_resources/Parenting_tips.htmlParentsmart.comKidsourcectdta.org/parentinghttp://muskegonisd.orgReach Steve as 231-767-7279Or svitto@muskegonisd.org