Steve Puckett, SHRM-SCP, SPHRSteve Puckett, SHRM-SCP, SPHRDirector, Corporate Human Director, Corporate Human ResourcesResources

MANAGING CONFLICTMANAGING CONFLICT

and CHANGE TO ENHANCEand CHANGE TO ENHANCE

MORALE and TEAM BUILDINGMORALE and TEAM BUILDING

All relationships, personal and professional, experience some kind of conflict… •Normal,•Natural,•Sometimes even necessary for growth and development.

Let’s discuss some ways to manage conflict and look at change as a friend.

Myths:

• Conflict is only at work.• Conflict is dysfunctional in the workplace.• Conflict represents a communication

breakdown.• If avoided, conflict will eventually go away.• Conflict always results in a winner and a

loser.

Truths:

• Conflict will occur 42% of leader’s time

• Communication is a must Don’t stop talking until a solution is

reached

Truths continued:

• Conflict can help build relationships• Conflict can be a motivator for change• Most conflicts can be managed• Most people deal with conflict by…

Fight or Flight

• Ignoring the situation– Most common response– It will only get worse– Conflict seldom resolves on its own

• Becoming aggressive“In your face”

• Firecracker– Blow up to sudden anger– Usually apologize– You know it will happen again

• Cold Shoulder– Two people who take pride in not communicating

with each other– Contest to see who can hold out the longest

• Backstabbing– Positive to your face/knife in the back

• Social Zinger– Throw verbal darts in front of others– The “I was just teasing” syndrome

• Trivia Fights– Those who battle over the little things– Fight over the details– Seldom get to the real issues

• Having the Last Word– Must have the last remark– Conflict is seldom over

• Diversity– People who think differently than I do– Different cultures– Social Similarity

• Differences– Ways that we prefer to act and behave

• Needs– Ignoring the other party’s needs– Confusing needs and desires

• Perceptions– Self-perceptions– Perceptions of the other party– Perceptions of threat

• Power– Wanting to control behaviors in others– Inflexibility

• Generations

The GenerationsTraditionalist Baby Boomer Gen X Millennial

40M 81.5M 61M 85.4M

Why are there

81.5 million Boomers

and only

61 million Xers?

• Birth control pill dispenser pic

The Largest Difference Between Generations

Baby Boomers

vs.

Millennials (Gen Y)

Baby Boomers vs. Gen Y’s

• Baby Boomers

Rode in the back of pick up trucks

Drank out of garden hoses

“Hand-me-down” baby cribs with 12 coats of lead paint

• Gen Y’s

Children remain in car seats till age 21

Flavored life water (high tech bottled water)

Space age crib with 60 moving parts. No blankets. Must sleep on backs.

Baby Boomers vs. Gen Y’s

• Baby Boomers

Long trips – put kids in back dash of car

Teachers had paddles with holes

• Gen Y’s

Each child has their own row of van seats with separate DVD players

Parents permission required for time outs

Baby Boomers vs. Gen Y’s

• Baby Boomers

Summer jobs beginning at age 10

Only champions got awards and trophies

Always had 10 cents for phone call

• Gen Y’s

On allowance till 3rd marriage

Losers get trophies

Each child has own iPhone

Baby Boomers vs. Gen Y’s

• Baby Boomers

1 TV, 3 channels with rabbit ears

• Gen Y’s

TV in every room, 300 channels, kids are only one who can operate remote

Next Generation of LeadersNext Generation of Leaders“Generation Z”“Generation Z”

• Avoiding personal contact• Shouting• Others

• Writing emails vs. talking• Withholding needed information• Not returning messages• Delay giving required support

• Getting others to take sides• Shouting• Threatening• Undermining other’s reputation

• Sweaty palms• Nervous gestures• Closed body posture• Tense facial expressions• Tears

1. Change

2. Conflicting Goals & Objectives

3. Limited Resources

4. The Domino Effect

• Competition (unilateral decision making)

Emergency situations

Decisive action

Implementing unpopular change

When other methods fail

• Accommodation (allowing the other side to win)

Preserving the relationship vs arguing the issue

When the issue is more important to the other person

When you want others to express their own point of view

When you want others to learn by their own choices

• Avoidance (decision to not handle)

If others can resolve conflict more effectively

If both parties see the issue as minor

If additional time is required

If both parties need a cooling off period

• Compromise (“win” on both sides)

To reach agreement when both sides have equal power

To find common ground when both parties have competing goals

To achieve a temporary settlement on a complex issue

To reach a solution due to time pressures

• Collaboration (through team input)

Merging experiences from people having different backgrounds

Being creative to explore solutions

Looking for solutions where there may not be much conflict

Utilize the three W’s of communication• Who

– Always communicate with the key person(s)• When

– Discuss the issue within 24 hours– This is not necessarily “the sooner the better”– Prepare your thoughts

• Where– Consider a neutral location– Equal footing

• Basic Acknowledgements Non-verbal responses

• Silence We are better speakers than listeners

– Use silence to get a response from someone

• Questions It tells the speaker you’re interested It says you want “more”

It verifies the content Let the speaker finish speaking first If the speaker indicates you

misunderstood, ask them to repeat

~ DON’T OVERUSE PARAPHRASING

• Paraphrasing

• Constructive Criticism– Usually applied to performance that

needs improvement

– Focus on the issue, not the person

– Plan ahead and handle carefully

– Sandwich method

– Performance appraisals

• Destructive Criticism

– Intentionally used

– Causes conflict

– Attacks the person vs. performance or behavior

– Commonly used in politics

– Usually a result of anger

1. Create an effective atmosphere• Preparation

• Allow time

• Avoid distractions

• Pick a non-threatening place

• Choose carefully initial comments, atmosphere of partnership

• Your turn/My turn

Your Turn:• You go first• Disarms the other person• Activate your listening skills• Paraphrase

My Turn:• May I give my side of the story?• Describe problems without blaming

2. Clarify perceptions

• Is conflict an isolated event or another in a long list?

• Identify what the conflict is about and what it is not about

• Organize the points of the conflict from major to minor

3. Focus on individual and shared needs

• Don’t confuse needs with desires

• Always put yourself in the place of the other party

• Identify areas of common interest

4. Look to the future ~ not the past

• Don’t let the past rule your thinking

• Learn from the past –

Remind each other of past positive times

• Avoid the “HOT” buttons Politics Abortion Religion Sexual Preference Ex-spouses

• Practice the Power of Forgiveness

5. Generate options

• Prepare some options in advance

• Focus on options that deal with shared needs

• Seek options and common ground from other party

• Value past experiences

6. Develop “doables” and stepping stones

• Pick the low hanging fruit first

• Start with the small steps

• Doables are not ends, only steps

7. Strive for mutual benefit agreements

• Establish a partnership on the issue

• Create a new beginning

• Focus on solutions ~ not blame

• Be conciliatory Apologizing Conceding Expressing positive feelings for the other Initiating a win-win approach

8. Flexibility - key to conflict resolution

• Maintain professionalism

• Give equal access to your common ground

• Know when to seek a facilitator or mediator

20% of employees are “change friendly”

50% of employees are “fence sitters”

30% of employees are “resisters”

The “resisters” make the most noise and require the majority of your time.

Spend your time wisely with the “fence sitters.”

• Relate the need for change to your “core values”

• Never assume everyone understands

• Change Can Easily Make Enemies• Plan Your Communication• Major Change – announce everything• Subtle Change – begin slowly

• Everyone wants to know - what’s in it for me? Will I still have a job? Am I taking a cut in pay? Am I going to lose anything?

• These issues must be addressed up front.

• Sometimes no info is as bad as wrong info.

• Find an immediate role for the 20% “change friendly.”

• Utilize the “experts.”

• Communicating change is not trouble free

• Could get worse before it gets better

• Don’t just paint the rosy part

• Mix the good news with the bad

• Most resistance dies out once they believe change is a done deal.

• But resisters will keep any hope alive if given the opening.

• “Softening” your position “stiffens” the resistance.

Actions speak louder than words

• Resisters beware…. It’s time to get on board!

Loudmouths

Three types of Resisters

Cunning

Respond• Get beyond the hostility• Turn your back if needed• Take away their audience• Crack through the outer shell

1. Loudmouths• Love audiences• “Here I Am”• High profile

2. Moderates• Larger groups• Less obvious• May disguise resistance

Respond• Straightforward• Watch for resistance that

is masqueraded

Respond• Get them in the open• Ask questions in public

3. Cunning• Operate under cover• Don’t want to get caught• Silent enemies• Size unknown

Show Respect

Be Patient

Remain on the “High Road”

• Empower yourself Take charge during change Great opportunities for leaders

• Don’t waste time waiting for orders• Effectiveness depends on credibility• Admit mistakes• Team reconstruction bogs down when employees

stop believing in the boss

• Identify subject experts• Mix together right combinations• Spread out the talent• Surround yourself with the best and

most trusted employees• Re-recruit your keepers

• Don’t surprise employees• Give employees a voice• Communicate change timely and thoroughly• Ensure effective supervisor-subordinate

relationships• Deal quickly with any conflict that has

surfaced

• Effective conflict resolution begins with addressing conflict immediately

• Not all conflict is bad• Don’t mistake diversity for conflict• Embrace knowledge and experience from your

peers and subordinates ~ “It is not threatening”• Learn to accept and value compromise• Improve listening skills• Look at the FUTURE, not the PAST

• The best teams have the best leaders• Invest in team training• Change begins with effective communication• Identify the three types of change groups:

– Change friendly– Fence sitters– Resisters

• It’s all about Leadership• Deal with the problem employee

Jean Lebedun, Ph.D, Managing Workplace Conflict; Urbandale, IA; Provant Media Publishing, 1998

Muriel Solomon, Working With Difficult People; New York, NY; Prentice Hall Press, 2002

Gary McClain, Ph.D, and Deborah S. Romaine, Managing People Book; Avon, MA; Adams Media Corporation, 2002

Lani Arrendondo, Communicating Effectively; New York, NY; McGraw Hill, 2000

Kirk Blackard, James W. Gibson, Capitalizing on Conflict; Palo Alto, CA; Davies-Black Publishing, 2002

Chris Roebuck, Effective Communication; New York, NY; AMACOM,1998

Marlane Miller, Brainstyles; New York, NY; Simon & Schuster, 1997

Edward M. Marshall, Transforming The Way We Work; New York, NY; AMACOM, 1995

Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen, Difficult Conversations; New York, NY; Penguin Books,1999

Daniel Dana, Conflict Resolution; New York, NY; McGraw Hill, 2001

Lynne McClure, Ph.D., Anger and Conflict in the Workplace; Manassas Park, VA; Impact Publications, 2000

N. Elizabeth Fried, Ph.D., Outrageous Conduct: Bizarre Behavior at Work; Dublin, OH; Intermediaries Press, 1999

Thank you for attending!

Steve Puckett, SHRM-SCP, SPHRDirector, Corporate Human Resources