Step 8:  How Should We Speak to One Another?

In Step 7 there is a potential conflict...

Karen Armstrong is encouraging us to learn the traditions of others  to move us beyond generalizations and stereotypes

In Mishna Pirqé Avot, Ben Bag Bag (Avot 5:22) says "Mix it up and twirl it around! Envision it, ponder and obtain gray hairs from the experience, never cease this meditation!"

Step 8:  How Should We Speak to One Another?

Is It Not Written... (Deuteronomy 30:11-14)

11. For this Instruction which I command you this day... 12. It is not in the heavens, that you should say: Who among us can go up to the heavens...? 13. Neither is it beyond the sea, that you should say: Who among us can cross to the other side of the sea...? 14. But the matter is close to you: in your mouth and in your heart. Observe it!

Step 8:  How Should We Speak to One Another?

Does Judaism help us speak to one another? 

Abraham who argued with G!d...

Jacob wrestled with G!d and man

Step 8:  How Should We Speak to One Another?

Does Judaism help us speak to one another? 

Abraham who argued with G!d...

Jacob wrestled with G!d and man

Hillel told his students "Be disciples of Aaron, love peace and pursue peace, love people and draw them near the Torah." 

Step 8:  How Should We Speak to One Another?

Does Judaism help us speak to one another? 

When Aaron heard that two people were arguing, he would go to each of them and tell them how much the other regretted his actions, until the two people agreed to face each other as friends.

- A Jewish moral tale -

Step 8:  How Should We Speak to One Another?

Is Aaron, then, an example of how to speak to the Other? 

The Bible is curiously silent.

Only when we get to the Rabbinic period and in particular Pirqé Avot are we suddenly encouraged to practice the art of listening. 

Step 8:  How Should We Speak to One Another?

Pirqé Avot & The Art of Learning to Listen 

1:4  Yosé Ben-Yo’ezer? He led Tzar’éda. And Yosé  Ben-Yo’hanon? He was the leader of Yerushalayim. They jointly received from (them). Yosé Ben-Yo’ezer famously taught that your house should be a council house for the wise, in the dust of whose feet you should sit, so as to absorb everything they say.

Step 8:  How Should We Speak to One Another?

Pirqé Avot & The Art of Modest Brevity

1:5 Yosé  Ben-Yo’hanon? He had a different perspective with respect to "your house" -- it should be open wide to the poor. He also taught one should not converse too much with a woman. "With respect to his wife", the Sages amended, and so how much more so should this be applied to someone else’s wife?! ...

Step 8:  How Should We Speak to One Another?

Pirqé Avot & Mindful Speaking

 1:11 Avtalyon taught the following: Sages! Be cautious with what you say, do and teach. You are obligated in this matter! Not following this perspective can result in leading your students to become heretical or schismatic in their approaches. The consequence? Future generations will suffer! Let the Name in Heaven never become profaned!

Step 8:  How Should We Speak to One Another?

Pirqé Avot & Mindful Speaking

 1:15 Shahm’I? He taught this: Torah should be studied on a fixed schedule; say little and accomplish much; be of the opinion that everyone has an inner beauty.

1:17 Shimon taught: Every day I was among the sagacious greats. In my opinion, nothing is better for anybody than silence. And the main point is not study — rather, it is action! Too much talk leads to sin.

Step 8:  How Should We Speak to One Another?

Pirqé Avot: How The Fool Differs From The Sage

 5:7 A fool has seven characteristics, as does a sage.   A sage does not speak in he presence of one greater in wisdom; neither intrudes on what someone else is saying nor return compulsively; checks perceptions and realities before answering, and then does so to the point at hand; speaks to first things first and last things last; when she or he does not know says “I haven’t heard of the matter”; and admits the truth. 

The Fool? The fool is the opposite.

Step 8:  How Should We Speak to One Another?

Are you able to make a place for the other or do you simply try to advance your argument?

Armstrong speaks about learning to listen as if we mean it!

In counseling this is called listening with our third ear — moving past the words to the tone, volume, timbre and content of what is being shared.

Step 8:  How Should We Speak to One Another?

Are you able to make a place for the other or do you simply try to advance your argument?

Observe how we speak to others. 

Observe how those around you speak to each other

Notice when your emotions and reactions arise in each situation and how they affect your interactions. 

It is helpful to keep a little notebook and write down your thoughts about an interaction.