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STAGE 1

WORK PACK

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PAGE CONTENTS

3 WELCOME

4-5 WORKING TOGETHER

6 WHERE AM I AT THE START OF THIS WORK PACK

7 YOUR EXPECTATION OF ADOPTION

8-10 MY MOTIVATION FOR ADOPTION

11-14 YOUR TIMELINE

15-19 EXISTING EXPERIENCES FOR ADOPTION

20-21 DIFFERENCE AND IDENTITY

22 WHO WILL HELP YOU?

23-24 MY FAMILY TREE

25-26 WHERE YOU LIVE

27-30 HOW WILL A CHILD FIT INTO YOUR DAILY LIFE

31-33 YOUR FINANCIAL SITUATION

34-37 THE CHILD HAS A HISTORY -STARTING TO THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN

38-39 KEEPING IN TOUCH WITH THE BIRTH FAMILY

40 TELLING YOURCHILD ABOUT THEIR HISTORY

41 TRAINING AND READING

42 END OF STAGE 1 SELF EVALUATION

43 WHAT HAPPENS NOW

44-45 RECOMMENDED READING LIST

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Welcome Welcome to Stage 1 of your adoption assessment.... The purpose of this work book is to help you to learn more about adoption, start thinking about the benefits and the challenges involved and to decide whether adoption is right for you and whether now is the right time in your life to go down this path. At the end of Stage 1, we will talk with you about whether you are ready to progress to Stage 2 of your adoption assessment. We will use your completed work pack to help us to make this decision. If you decide you want to progress towards adopting, we need to be confident that you have

The following skills, qualities and understanding needed to become an adopter:-

Able to demonstrate and understand the importance of meeting the key Skills, Qualities and Issues related to becoming an Adopter.

• Security and stability in your own life, to be able to offer the same to a child • Willingness to learn and adapt and learn about parenting a child who has had

difficult early life experiences • Time to offer a child and their needs/development • Able to accept a child as they are • Flexibility, tenacity and courage • Energy - emotional and physical energy to participate in a child’s busy life • Show resilience and have “stick-ability” • A good network of family and friends who can support you emotionally and

practically • The willingness and ability to ask for help when you need it.

Understanding and Expectations about Children and the Lifelong impact of adoption

• Able to demonstrate the differences between being a birth parent to a child and being an adoptive parent

• Understanding of the range of experiences children may have had which lead them to need to be placed for adoption

• Understanding of the background situations or experiences which may impact upon an adopted child’s development.

• Understanding of the impact of separation and loss for a child who is separated from their parents, siblings or other significant people.

• Understanding of the effects of loss and poor attachment upon children. • Understanding of the needs of adopted adolescents. • Understanding of how you would promote the development of identity and

heritage for an adopted child. • Understanding of the importance of exploring a childs ‘lifestory’ with them and

being open to contact with birth family members, indirect and direct.

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Working Together Southwark attempts to recruit adopters from a wide variety of backgrounds as the best way of meeting the needs of our children. We aim to have a recruitment and assessment process that is accessible to everyone. This work pack involves a lot of reading and writing. If there is any reason that you might find it difficult to complete the work pack in this format, for example if you have difficulty reading or writing, then we would very much like to discuss it with you. We would hope that together we could find a way of giving and obtaining information that works for you.

Adoption is about the placement of vulnerable children with new families. During our assessment of you, and throughout the adoption process, the needs of these children must always come first. The assessment of adoptive families will be carried out in an open and honest way. As an Adoption Agency we must have confidence in our approved adopters. From the beginning of our contact with you we need you to be completely honest and truthful about the information you give us about yourself and your family. We have to ask questions relating to your character, history, capacity to be an adoptive parent and ability to welcome a child into your family. Please let us know about anything which you think might be a problem which would mean that you could not be approved as an adopter. If we later discover that you have not been open and honest this will almost certainly lead to us withdrawing our support for any application which you make. Why adoption might not be right for you Relationships: Someone very close to you does not want to be involved with adoption and the assessment process. They may not want to have a Disclosures and Barring Service check, be asked questions about themselves or commit themselves to accepting an adopted child into your family. Space: You do not have room for an adopted child to sleep, live and play and you do not have the resources to change this. If you own your own property you cannot afford any kind of extension to your accommodation or to move to somewhere larger. If you are a tenant you cannot show an ability to move to larger accommodation. Convictions: You have a conviction for an offence specified in the Adoption Agencies Regulations 2005. You can check this at http://www.opsi.gov.uk/si/si2005/20050389.htm#sch3p1 under Offences specified for the purposes of Regulation 23(3)(b). You have spent time in prison in the last few years. Financial stability: You cannot show that you can afford to care for an adopted child. You have significant debts and no plan to pay these off. This is particularly important if this threatens your home such as mortgage arrears. You have very little disposable income after paying out your regular outgoings and no plan to either reduce the

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outgoings or increase the income. You have no plan to manage the reduction in income whilst you are on Adoption Leave before returning to work. Health: You and or your partner has a potentially life threatening condition which risks you being unable to see an adopted child through at least until they are an adult. You and or your partner have a history of mental illness which may make you vulnerable to the stress of going through the adoption process and caring for a child from a difficult background. Children placed for adoption from the care system have already experienced many traumatic losses, we have a duty to try to minimise the risk of them being bereaved of an adoptive parent. All of these issues will be looked at in conjunction with other information about you. You may be able change many of the things above. If so we might ask you to do this and return at a later date. It is crucial that you talk to us about anything that you think might be a problem. We need to work together truthfully and openly. This works two-ways, in that we will be honest with you about the progress of your assessment. If, later on, we discover that you have withheld significant information from us, we may be unable to continue your assessment.

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Where am I at the start of this work pack?

1. Your Expectations of the Assessment Process Adopters have told us that they find the prospect of an adoption assessment can be daunting, scary, exciting or all these things at the same time. We want to make the process as comfortable as we can for you, whilst also managing to be thorough in our assessment of you. It would be helpful for both you and us to know how you are feeling at this stage of the adoption process, what your expectations of the assessment are and any anxieties you may have about the process. It would also help us to know what you expect from us. Please feel free to add more legs to our spider if you have more to say.

2.

Your feelings about the

assessment Your

expectations

Expectations Worries

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Your Expectations of Adoption Please complete this section before you go on to the rest of the work pack. You will have the opportunity at the end of the work pack to record what you think about adoption by that stage. If you are applying to adopt as a couple, please complete this together.

When I think about adopting a child...

What am I worried about?

What do I have to offer? What could I bring to

adoption?

What do I still need to do or learn to prepare for adoption? What do I need to think about

a bit more?

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My Motivation for Adoption People come to adoption for all sorts of reasons. For a lot of adopters starting the adoption assessment, their journey to creating or increasing their family started months or years previously. Some adopters have undergone fertility treatment, others have spent time considering the various avenues available to start a family, others have spent time discussing adoption with a partner or their family. Some have been waiting for the right stage in their life to start a family. For some, this journey has been very painful. While we think that adoption is a great outcome for our families, we are also aware that everyone involved in adoption experiences loss in some way:

Adoption is created through loss; without loss there would be no adoption. Loss, then, is at the hub of the wheel. All birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees share in having experienced at least one major, life-altering loss before becoming involved in adoption. In adoption, on order to gain anything, one must first lose – a family, a child, a dream. It is these losses and the way they are accepted and, hopefully, resolved which set the tone for the lifelong process of adoption. Lifelong Issues in Adoption, Deborah N Silverstein & Sharon Kaplan 1982.

Your journey to adoption is important as it shows what you have already experienced and overcome and how you have dealt with this. It helps us to understand why you are here, and what adoption means for you. Road to Adoption How did you get to the point of approaching Southwark about adoption? Draw a winding road to represent the journey you have travelled towards having a family. There will be obstacles that block your way – rocks, gullies, floods. There will be bridges which helped you move forward over obstacles. What were the barriers? What helped you move forward? If you are a couple, you will have two roads that join up at some point.

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We would like you to think really honestly about why you have come to the point of exploring adoption. How many of the following motivating factors apply to each member of your family?

Motivating Factor App1 App 2 Wanting to use existing experience as a parent Wanting to use professional skills (for couples) To strengthening an existing relationship Sharing a first child within a new relationship (e.g. second marriage)

Infertility Companionship for an existing child

Filling a family space or gap (e.g. loss of a previous child, wanting a large family or a child of a particular gender)

Feeling you could help a child Overcoming frustrations elsewhere in life (e.g. employment) Proving your abilities to yourself or others Awareness of the needs of children needing a family As a result of own childhood experiences

Wanting to offer a child a family who shares their ethnicity, language or culture

Having time / energy to do something useful Providing something the community will value Due to a religious calling Other motivating factors (please specify)

Please mark which motivating factors apply to each member of a couple. Look over your list of chosen motivating factors. Can you see ways in which your motivations could be helpful, or possibly unhelpful, to a child?

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Now please think about the above list from the point of view of an adopted child. Which factors would you find most acceptable for your adoptive parents to have been motivated by? Which seem most unacceptable? Back as yourselves, why do you think your own parents had children? What do you look forward to most about parenting? What five things worry you about most about being a parent?

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Your Timeline Please help us to build up a picture of who you are and what you have experienced by completing a timeline of your life events. Please start with your birth and include every time you moved house, schools and colleges you attended, qualifications you gained, jobs you have had, births and deaths of family members, other significant deaths and losses, the relationships you have had, any pregnancies / miscarriages or fertility treatment, and any other significant life events or things that happened that made a big impact on you and helped make you who you are today. Your happiest memories? Experiences of separation and loss? Please comment as fully as possible on the event and what impact it had on you, who helped you get through difficult life events, or any memories you have of that time in your life. Please try to have entries for as many years of your life as possible. For couples, please complete one timeline each. This is required for adoption panel. Name: Year Event Impact of event / comments /

memories

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Name: Year Event Impact of event / comments /

memories

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Existing Experiences for Adoption We know that everyone coming to adoption will have had experiences in their lives that will help them to parent an adopted child. For some people, this may be previous experiences of parenting or caring for children. For others, it will have been going through experiences yourself which will help you to understand the difficulties an adopted child will face. We are interested in your own unique life experiences. Please describe the following as fully as possible and tell us what it felt like to go through these experiences. For couples, please each give separate examples other than where experiences were shared such as parenting a child. A time in your life when you have felt different, isolated or not recognised by other people? What did this feel like? Any times when you have been faced with difficult, painful or worrying experiences? How did you overcome this? Who helped you? Times when you have had to manage change? This could be about where you live, jobs, relationships, or anything else.

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Times when you have had to show understanding for people in different situations to yourself, or who have different values and expectations? Any times when you have had to stand up for someone else either to support them against someone else or to make sure they get their needs met? Any times when you have had to follow some action through although you would have rather given up? Any times when your own views have changed greatly either through experience or through a time of study / learning?

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Experience of your own children? Experience or other people’s children in a work capacity? Experience or other people’s children - friends and family – during the day? Experience of other people’s children – friends and family – over night?

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Experience of children growing up to adulthood? Any experiences that have given you knowledge about child development? Any experience of keeping children safe, or keeping an environment safe for children? Any experience of children with disabilities or special needs?

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Experience at work of being relied upon, keeping timescales, confidentiality? Experience of working in a team? Experience of dealing with professionals in a range of fields?

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Difference and Identity Adopting any child means that ‘difference’ will become a part of your family: you and your adopted child will have a different history, different genes and may have a different ethnic or cultural heritage. In addition, your will be a family that has been created through adoption, which is different to the way that most families around you will have been formed. Part of your role will be to help your adopted child feel positive about where they have come from – their ethnicity and culture, their birth family, and being adopted. We would therefore like you to think about how you view yourself, what your identity is made up of and how you view difference and diversity.

• How would you describe your own identity (i.e. gender, language, ethnicity,

disability, class, culture, sexuality, spirituality)? • How do you view Britain today in terms of the mix of different ethnic, cultural and

religious groups within the population? • What is the ethnic mix of your own area? • Does your lifestyle reflect the fact that we live in a multiracial / multicultural

society (i.e. friends, food, music, values, and outlook)?

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• How have you experienced prejudice / bullying towards yourselves or those

close to you? • How do your parents and extended family relate to people from different ethnic

and religious backgrounds or people who are disabled or gay? • What contact do you have, or have you had, socially or through work with people

of other ethnicities, people who are disabled or gay or lesbian? How has this affected your own attitudes and values?

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Who Will Help You?

Describe in a map format who will support and help you parent an adopted child? This is required for adoption panel.

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My Family Tree

Applicant 1.

Please include a family tree for each applicant. This is required for adoption panel.

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My Family Tree

Applicant 2.

Please include a family tree for each applicant. This is required for adoption panel.

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Where You Live

We need to know about your home, whether there is room for a child, what changes you will need to make. During stage 2 of your adoption assessment, your social worker will complete a Health & Safety Check with you in your home. It will be helpful for you to start thinking now about any changes you may need or want to make so that your home is suitable for a child. We also need to know about the area that the adopted child will be moving to and the involvement you have in your local community.

Please describe your home, including the following: How long have you lived there? Is the home safe for children? Are there any changes you have made or will

need to make before a child moves in? Will a adopted child have their own bedroom? If not, who will they share with

and for how long? Do you have a garden, if so what is it like? Is there anything about your home that is particularly suited to children? Is there anything you particularly like about the home? How long do you see yourself staying in your current home? Do you have pets?

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Who will help you?

Please describe your local area, including the following: What is your neighbourhood like? How do you feel about living in this neighbourhood? In what ways is it suitable for children? Are there any potential risks or dangers for children and if so how will you minimise these? What resources are there in your area that are suited to children (e.g. schools, health centres, children’s activities, sports centres). How close are they to your home? In what ways are you involved in your local community? Do you know many people? Do you know people with children locally? Do you attend any local groups or activities or do you work locally?

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How will a child fit into your daily life? Whatever your current situation, when you adopt a child you will need to make changes to your daily life to fit around the needs of the child. Whether you are single or a couple, have children, work or are at home full time, aspects of your daily routine will need to change to accommodate the addition to your family. It is helpful for you to start thinking now about what you days look like now, and how they will look after you have adopted a child.

Daily Clock 1 Please mark on the clock how you fill your weekdays at the moment; for example when you get up, taking a child to school, travelling to work, time spent at work, arriving home,

chores, leisure activities, bedtime etc.

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Daily Clock 2 This clock is for you to show us how you think your daily life will change after an adopted child is placed with you. You may spend less time at work or not work at all, you may have to get up earlier, who will get up through the night? If you have children already, how will you arrange your time so you can look after them and an adopted child? Will there be time for you to have any relaxation time or go to any leisure activities?

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Thinking some more about the changes you will make to your life... What activities is it important for you to keep? How will you make sure this is possible? What routines will change, what new activities will be introduced? Are there any activities you are particularly looking forward to changing, or any you feel anxious about having to change? If you are a couple, how will you help each other to be able to carry on doing activities that are important to you. How might your friends and family help you to keep some time for yourself? Are there people you think you will see more or less of after adopting a child? Will your working hours initially change or stop? How do you think you will find this?

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Your Financial Situation You do not need to be wealthy to adopt. However, you do need to show us that your financial situation is stable and you have the means of supporting a family. We therefore need to ask you for some details of your financial situation. In certain cases, we can provide financial support for adoptive families. This will generally depend on the needs of the child you adopt but the information you give us here will help us to think about whether you might need any help in the future. Please complete the shaded column on the right: Monthly £ Income from employment after deductions Applicant 1 Applicant 2 Benefits (i.e. child benefit, tax credits, DLA etc Applicant 1 Applicant 2 Any other income i.e. property, lodgers, (please describe) Applicant 1 Applicant 2 TOTAL MONTHY INCOME Rent /mortgage payments Council Tax Utility Bills Gas Electricity Water Phones, Broadband, TV etc Endowment policies TV licence Other – please specify Insurance & Pensions Life Insurance Medical Insurance Home insurance Pet insurance Other– please specify Debt repayment or regular credit card repayments (per month)

Transport costs Car tax, MOT, Insurance, maintanence

Car finance payments Petrol Public transport

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Other major outgoings e.g. school fees, professional fees, maintenance payments (please describe) Living expenses Food Clothing Holidays Childcare / education Pets Other TOTAL MONTHLY OUTGOINGS INCOME - OUTGOINGS Total amount of loan / credit card debts Total amount of savings

How would you describe your present financial situation? Is your present home secure i.e. is your landlord likely to ask you to leave in the near future, are you behind with mortgage or rent payments? Do you have any debts? If so how much and how were they incurred? How are you repaying these debts and when will they be cleared?

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What is your general attitude towards money? How do you manage your finances? If you are a couple, do you have different attitudes towards money and financial management? What preparations have you / will you make for the impact that adopting a child will have on your financial situation? If you are planning on changing your working arrangements when a child is placed with you, what financial adjustments will you need to make? Do you have any plans to make major changes over the next few years, such as in employment, moving house etc that will impact on your financial situation?

Please provide either a copy of your most recent mortgage statement or a letter from your landlord confirming whether you have any rent arrears.

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The Child Has a History

Starting to think about the children Here are some descriptions of fictional children, based on the children we typically see who need adoptive families. We would like you to read about the children and think about what it would be like to be their adoptive parents. Rob is a 6 month old baby boy. He is of Black Caribbean heritage. Rob has been cared for in foster care since he was born as professionals were aware that his parents would not be able to look after him. Rob’s mother suffers from schizophrenia and is very unwell. His father is in prison for domestic violence. There are no concerns about Rob’s development and his foster carers say he is a lovely cheerful little boy who is a joy to care for. Rob has two older brothers who have been adopted, but unfortunately their adoptive mother did not feel able to take on a third child. We would like Rob to have face-to-face contact with his brothers and to exchange letters with his mother and father.

• How did reading about Rob make you feel?

• What are your worries for his future?

• As his adoptive parents, what are your worries for yourself?

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• What would the day-to-day challenges be of parenting Rob?

• What would the longer term challenges be?

• Does anything in your own background affect how you feel about parenting Rob?

• What else would you want to know about him?

• Do you feel Rob is the kind of child you might want to consider adopting? What attracts you to him? What might make you reluctant?

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Chloe

Chloe is five years old. She is of White British heritage and has long blond hair and blue eyes. Chloe has been in foster carer for one year. Her foster carer says she loves having Chloe in the family as she is very affectionate and they have a lot of fun together. Chloe was removed from her birth mother because her mother drank alcohol extremely heavily and could not always make sure Chloe had food, clean clothes or went to school. Chloe does not know her father and we have been unable to trace him. Chloe’s mother’s addiction meant that she often seemed unwell and Chloe had to look after her. Chloe’s foster carer has been helping her to get used to having someone else cook her meals and care for her, and to enjoy normal children’s activities. Chloe has started cheerleading and ballet classes which she loves. Chloe experienced some bullying in the past in school due to not having clean clothes. This has improved since she has been in foster care and she is starting tentatively to make friends. She is slightly behind at school but has been rapidly catching up since attending regularly and teachers comment that she has huge potential. Chloe has seen her mother weekly since being in foster care. It has been decided that once she is adopted, Chloe needs to see her mother once a year in a safe environment otherwise Chloe will worry about whether she is ok.

• How did reading about Chloe make you feel?

• What are your worries for her future?

• As her adoptive parents, what are your worries for yourself?

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• What would the day-to-day challenges be of parenting Chloe?

• What would the longer term challenges be?

• Does anything in your own background affect how you feel about parenting Chloe?

• What else would you want to know about her?

• Do you feel Chloe is the kind of child you might want to consider adopting? What might make you reluctant? What attracts you to her?

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Keeping in Touch with the Birth Family Letterbox Contact

• What would letterbox contact with a birth parent be like for the child to experience?

• What would this be like for you, as the adoptive parent?

• Who would you talk to about any worries you had about the contact?

• What would this be like for the birth parent?

Face-to-Face Contact

• What would it be like for the child to experience face-to-face contact with a birth parent?

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• What would this be like for you, as the adoptive parent?

• What would this be like for the birth parent?

• What could be done to make this contact easier for the child?

• What would make this easier for you?

• What might stop the child from being honest about their feelings about contact?

• What could you do to help them feel able to say what they feel?

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Telling Your Child About Their History

We know that it is difficult to explain to adopted children what it means to be adopted. It is even more difficult to have to confront your child with painful reasons as to why they were given up for adoption. However, research tells us that children are often relieved to learn the whole truth so that they can begin to make sense of their feelings. This can be greatly assisted by open communication within a trusting and supportive family environment that allows the child to address confusion and issues as they arise. With this understanding adopters can minimise a child’s anxiety and insecurity that has stemmed from feelings that have not been given language How do you think you would enable a child to talk about their history?

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Training and Reading I have undertaken the following training or workshops during Stage 1 of my assessment: Books I have read about adoption / relevant websites I have looked at before or during Stage 1 are: The main things I have learnt about adoption from training and reading are: Please refer to the areas highlighted at the beginning of this workpack and in your agreement.

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End of Stage 1 Self-Evaluation We hope that through completing this work pack, you have been able to think further about what it would be like to adopt a child and about how ready you are for this. You might have some of the same worries or views as you did at the start, but some new concerns or ideas may have come into your mind as you worked your way through the work pack.

When I think about adopting a child... What am I worried about? What do I have to offer?

What could I bring to adoption?

What do I still need to do or learn to prepare for

adoption? What do I need to think about a bit more?

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What happens now? Please submit this workpack to your link social worker. An appointment will be arranged to meet with you to discuss the information you have gathered to determine whether you meet the key area’s required to progress to stage 2 which is the assessment stage. Please keep in touch with your link social worker through out the process so that this meeting is more of a review of discussions rather than discussing lots of new information at once. If you have any questions - please ask.

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Recommended Reading List A Child’s Journey through Placement by Vera I Fahlberg UK Edition (BAAF 2012) First steps in parenting the child who hurts. Tiddlers and Toddlers by Caroline Archer (Jessica Kingsley Publishers 1999) Preparing to Adopt workbook (BAAF 2006) Talking about Adoption to your Adopted child by Marjorie Morrison (BAAF 2004) Adoption Conversations. What, when and how to tell by Renee Wolfs (BAAF 2008) Loving and Living with Traumatised Children. Reflections by Adoptive Parents by Megan Hirst (BAAF 2005) Attachment, Trauma and Resilience. Therapeutic caring for children by Kate Cairns (BAAF 2002) Could you be my parent? Adoption and Fostering stories ed by Leonie Sturge-Moore (BAAF 2005) Approaching Fatherhood – A guide for adoptive dads and others by Paul May (BAAF 2005) Managing Contact by Henrietta Bond (BAAF 2007) Looking after our own. Stories of Black and Asian Adopters ed Hope Massiah (BAAF 2005) Working with children of mixed parentage edToyinOkitikpi (Russell House Publishing 2005) Why love matters. How affection shapes a baby’s brain by Sue Gerhardt (Routledge 2004) Adoption the essential guide by Diana Cambridge (Need to know 2012) Developing Good Practice in Children’s Services eds Vicky White and John Harris (Jessica Kingsley Publishers 2004) The Adopter’s Handbook by Amy Neil Slater (BAAF 20212) Adopting a Child by Jennifer Lord (BAAF 2011) Related by Adoption by Heidi Argent (BAAF 2004)

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Some Useful Websites

o http://www.bemyparent.org.uk/features/ o baaf.org.uk o adoptionuk.org.uk o theraplay.co.uk