Squeaky Clean Legacy 17.1: Looking For Love, Part Two
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Transcript of Squeaky Clean Legacy 17.1: Looking For Love, Part Two
The Squeaky Clean Legacy, 17.1: Looking For Love Part Two
InPartOne,ourGenera.onNineheiresshadrenewedheracquaintancewithAngusPleasant.
HerbrotherPalomidesopinedasfollows:
Palomides:Oh,EUGGH.Gawaine:Excuseme,Palomides,istheresomethinggoingonthatIoughttobeinformedaboutimmediately?Palomides:No,ofcoursenot.Listen,Elaine,don’tburnyourboats,okay?There’safriendofmineIreally,reallywantyoutomeet.
Palomides:Ian!Greattoseeyou!
IanLegacina:Remindmewhywe’refriendsagain?
Palomides:Becauseofmycharm,emo.onalsupport,andgeneralawesomeness?
Ian:Yes,butyourfamilyisalwaystryingtosellmesomething.Pinballmachines,icecream,lightupreindeer—IalwaysgohomewithsomethingIhadn’treallyplannedon.Palomides:What,thelightupreindeerdidn’tlightuporsomething?Ian:Itdid,butthat’snotthepoint.Palomides:Thisisn’tlikethisatall.There’sthisguywho’sinterestedinmysister,andshe’stoogoodforhim.IthoughtI’dintroduceyouand...Ian:Sellmeontheideaofda.ngher?Nothanks.
Palomides:You’llchangeyourmindaQeryouseeher.Oh,Iseeyoualreadyhave.
Palomides:Psst.Cute,huh?Gorgeous,huh?Ithinkyouguyswouldmaketheperfectcouple,butdon’tletmepressureyouintoanything.
*awkwardsilence*
Ian:Doyousome.meshavetheurgetostabyourbrotherintheeye?Elaine:Funny,thathadn’toccurredtomebefore,butitsoundslikeaverygoodidea.
Elaine:Pleaseforgivehim.I’msurehemeantwell.
Ian:Don’tworryaboutit.Everythinghe’spressuredmeintohasbeenverycute.Especiallythelightupreindeer.
Elaine:Howareyourporkchops?They’reafamilytradi.on.Ian:They’refine.Onethingthatinterestsmeaboutyourfamilyisthewaythattheyremindmeofmyfamily.
Parsifal:Eventhosewhoarepureofheartrequireporkchops.
Ian:Especiallyinthewaytheydon’thaveanythingincommonatall.
Elaine:Wearen’taveryadventurousfamily,it’strue.Andyouprobablythinkourcustomcontentissilly.
Ian:Iwouldn’tsaythat.YourtownisverydifferentfromTerraLostundo,butI’veenjoyedthepeaceandquiet.It’snicetobesomewherewheremaniacsdon’tdisrupteverything,includingtheweatherpaZerns.AndeveryoneI’vemetfromyourfamilyhasbeenverynice,evenPalomides.
Elaine:...I’m, um. . . Conflicted? He’s so handsome. He’s got such pre9y red hair. And he’s really nice! And I can tell he’s an interes>ng person from an interes>ng place. And I’d really like. . . . . . But what kind of True Love starts with a fix up from your brother?
Asopposedtoafixupfromthematchmaker?
Nausicaa:IthinkIrecognizehim.Areyousure?
Matchmaker:Look,youaskforadate,Igetyouanicehighchemistrydate.Idon’tdocharacterreferencesorbackgroundchecks.
Nausicaa:ButNinoCaliente?Doesn’thehaveabadreputa.on?
Oh,well,he’shere.Imightaswelltry.
Nausicaa:He’s shy! I wasn’t expec>ng that.
Adatewherebothpar.esarethereinordertohumorsomeoneelse‐‐
‐‐let’ssaythepoten.alisn’tverygood.
Ian:YoumustbeoneofElaine’ssororitysisters.
Blondegirl:No,I’mjustarandomdormiewalkby.Isthatyourdatebackthere?
Ian:Oh,right.
Ian:I’msorry,Elaine.Iwasuplate.
Ian:Now,whatwereyousaying?
Elaine:A bad conversa>on! He thinks what I’m saying is boring. Isn’t he supposed to like everything I say?
Elainereallydoesgiveitherbestshot.
Elaine:I’msorry,Ididn’tmeantospendsomuch.metalkingaboutromancenovels.Maybeyou’dliketoplaykickybag?
AndaQerawhile,theicewasbrokenandtheywerebothhavinganice.me.
Elaine:Hey! He’s fun! I’m actually having fun!
Elaine:But it’s not easy. There are some awkward moments! And isn’t there supposed to be irresis>ble chemistry? Wouldn’t I know when my love comes along? And my brother fixed us up! And I’m embarrassed.
Elaine:Psst, Regina, interrupt? Please? Help?
Elaine:Psst!Mr.Legacina?
Ian:Nowyou’remakingmefeelold.I’mIan.Elaine:AmIroman.c?Fascina.ng?Beau.ful?Doyouadoreme?
Ian:CanIsayallthatonthefirstdate?WhywouldyoutrustmeifIdid?
Youmustknowyou’rebeau.ful.Youdon’tneedmetotellyouso.Ican’tmake youmorebeau.ful.Buttoansweryourques.ons:maybeyou’realiZletooroman.c.AndIdon’tadoreyou.Ithinkmovingfastisareallybadidea.Butyouarereallyinteres.ngandIlikeyouandIhopewecanbefriends.Elaine:Friends. If he was going to love me, he would never say we could be friends.
Ian: Maybe she is a li9le fascina>ng. It’s impossible not to find her charming. And she wears her heart on her sleeve. That’s sweet.
But it’s also scary. She wants too much, too fast. And I don’t do that anymore. I learned that the hard way.
Too bad. I hate to give up on her.
Elaine:WhyisthereadancingRomaninhere?
Becauseyouinvitedhimin.
Nausicaa:HasNinobeenrakingeversinceIwenttoclass?
Yes,hehas.
Nausicaa:That’s so sweet! But he probably only wants one thing.
Nino:It’sreallynicejustsi^nghereandtalkingtoyou.Ineverwenttocollege,andIdon’tgetmuchofachance—Imean,peoplearen’tusuallyinterestedintalking—WhatImeantosayisthatwhenI’vedated,um,otherpeople,thingsusuallyareabout—Well,I’mnotsayingthisright,butit’snicetotalktosomeonewhowantstolistentome.
Marcus:Ilovemakingfriends.AreyouElaine’sfriend?
Ian:IhopeIam.I’mafriendofthefamily.
Nino:Andyoulikedancingwithmeandeverything?
Hmm.NinoCaliente.NausicaawantsFiQyDreamDatesandmaybeit’snotagoodideawithhim,butontheotherhand,basedonthewayhe’sac.ng—Maybehe’sbeZerthaneverybodythought.
AlexandraGoth:Thanksforjoiningme,Vespasian.It’snicetogetawayfromallthedrama.Vespasian:Youmeanthewayeveryoneintownislivingsomekindofsoapopera?Alexandra:Itdrivesmecrazy.Dad’sallrightandCaspian’sallright—mostly,buttheydon’talwaysmakegreatchoices.EvenMom—well,wedon’ttalkaboutheranymore.Butallthegrownupshavesuchmessyrela.onships.Theythinkkidsdon’tno.ce,butwedo.Ihopedwe’dallgetoutofitwhenwecametocollege,butsomepeoplebroughtitalong.AtleastyourfamilyispreZynormal.
Vespasian:Funnyyousaythat.MyfamilyleQourhometowntogetawayfromallthedrama,too.Alexandra:Messyrela.onships?Vespasian:Mostlyserialmurders.Alexandra:Oh.Vespasian:Somygreat‐greatgrandfatherMarcelluspackedup,leQRome,andneverlookedback.
Vespasian:Idon’tthinkweeventhinkaboutbeingCaesarsanymore.GrandpaDomi.anjustcallshimself“Mr.Caesar.”AndmygrandmaDiana’saGoodytwoshoes.Shedoesn’tseemtoknowanything.Grandpaevencallsher“Empress”asapetnameandshes.lldoesn’tgetit.
Grandma’snotthesharpestknifeinthedrawer,butit’skindofcute.
Vespasian:Speakingofmessyrela.onships,Ithoughtyouwereda.ngLinusBurb.
Alexandra:Linus? Linus is a terrific friend.
Alexandra:But no.
Vespasian:That’sgood.Idon’tthinkpeoplewhoareda.ngshouldseeotherpeoplethatthepeoplethey’reda.ngdon’tknowabout,evenwhentheotherpeoplearejustfriends,notthatyou’reda.ngLinus.It’sjustagoodthingtoknow.
Alexandra:Anyway,thanksforcomingandhavinglunchwithme,Vespasian.IalwaysfeelbeZeraQertalkingtoyou.I’mreallygladIhaveyou.
Vespasian:Um,thanks.
Alexandra:Agh, awkward. How do I do this?
Alexandra:Imean,I’mreally,reallygladIhaveyou.Alot.
*s.ckyhug*
Vespasian:Doyouwanttoletgo?
Alexandra:Notreally.
Vespasian:Good.Don’t.
Some.mesthingsgetdecidedwithouthavingmuchofadiscussion.
Max:Grandpapa,what.meisitwhereyouare?
Cecil:Extremelylateevening.Surelyyouareawarethatthereisasubstan.al.mezonedifferencebetweenyouandTakemizu.
Max:Yes,Ididknow,whichiswhyIasked.Inotherwords,youarecallinginthemiddleofthenight.Whatisgoingonthatissoimportantthatyouhavetocallinthemiddleofthenight?IsanythingwrongwithMama?
Cecil:ThereisnothingwrongwithyourMama,andthe.meofdayisimmaterialtome.Isimplywishedtoinformyouofourprogress...
Max:...In curing whatever is not wrong with Mama. Go ahead.
Cecil:We did, as you may have surmised, seek out the Wise Old Man of Takemizu.
Cecil:I felt it might be useful to consult him aRer the Indigenous Physician suggested it, although aRer he had presented me with a doll, I was not especially sanguine about his judgment.
WiseOldMan:Humilityisindeedthekey.
WiseOldMan:ButMr.Goodytwoshoes,youarefarfrombeinghumble.
...ANDyouareimpa.ent.Whathasbeenmustbeandwhatisis,butwhatmightbeisnotnecessarilywhatisifwhathasbeeniswhatis.Tea?No?
WiseOldMan:Thenletmetellyouanen.relyunrelatedliZlestory.
WiseOldMan:Areyousi^ngcomfortably?ThenIshallbegin.
WiseOldMan:Onceupona.me...
WiseOldMan:...therewasalovelyandinnocentyoungmaiden.Shewashumbleandunfailinglyobedienttoherelders.
WiseOldMan:Thengreatdistressfelluponthemaiden.ThehorrorsofWrong,Injus.ce,andDeathcameintoherpeacefulexistence.
Shehadalwaysbeenpa.entandobedient.Shehadneverknownthatpa.enceandobediencewerenotalwaysadefenseagainstadversity.
Hereldershadfailedher.Hereduca.onhadfailedher.Shedidnotknowwhattodo,andsoshewasabletodonothing.
WiseOldMan:Shesoughtforhelpinthemostunlikelyofplaces.
WiseOldMan:Anotherwiseunremarkabletouristsitebecameaplaceforhertobegforwisdomandstrengthandstar.nganew.
WiseOldMan:Andsomethingnewhappened:adragonappearedtoher.
Cecil:Thisledtoahappyending,didit?
WiseOldMan:Itwasaveryhappyendingforthedragon.
WiseOldMan:Ihopethishasgivenyoufoodforthought.
Cecil:Yes.Yesithas.
WiseOldMan:PerhapsyouwouldliketopurchasesometeafromourgiQshop.Itisgrownlocally.Itisverynice.
Asforyourdaughter...
WiseOldMan:Whynottakeherfishing?
WiseOldMan:She seems to enjoy fishing.
WiseOldMan:Well,that’senoughesotericwisdomforoneday.Whoopsydaisy!
Cecil:Tea.Fishing.Hesuggestedteaandfishing.
ImustadmitthatIalmostbecameslightlyirritated.
Max:Hmm.Grandpapa,Ihaveanen.relyradicalsugges.on.
Max:Whydon’tyou,forthefirst.meinyourlife,tryDOINGWHATSOMEONETELLSYOU.
Max:Andsendmethetea.Hello?Grandpapa?Hello?
Sigh.
Cecilia:Oh,please.
Please.
Elaine:Sigh. Zane and Lenore have the perfect rela>onship.
Dotheyreally?Theydon’thavearguments,butthat’sbecauseZaneagreeswitheverythingLenoresays.
Lenore:Andsports.Whydopeoplehavetotalkaboutsports?That’sanotherthingIdon’tlike.Justthinkingaboutitmakesmeannoyed.
Zane:IfyouloathesportsIshallloathethemtoo,darling.
Lenore:Holdthephone.You’renotgoingtodisagreeatall?Ever?You’renotevengoingtothinkaboutit?
Zane:Butyouareprac.callyperfectineveryway!
Lenore:Oh,well.
Lenore:It’shardtoresistthiskindofthing.
Somaybeitisn’ttheperfectrela.onship.
Buttheyareawfully,awfullycutetogether,andinsulinshockfromallthesugarysweetnessisasmallpricetopay.
Elaine:Sigh. I should be so lucky.
Angus:Thanksforjoiningme,Elaine.IhadtogetawayfromLionel.Hekeepshi^ngmewhenI’mjusttryingtostudy,andnooneelseseemstocare.Some.mesIthinkyou’remyonlyrealfriend.Elaine:PoorAngus.
Angus:Andbesides...Ikeeprememberingourdatelastyear.IwantedtotellyouhowswellIthinkyouare.
Angus:You’resograceful...andbeau.ful,andthere’ssomethingaboutyouthatjustfillstheworldwithRomance.It’slike...Valen.ne’sDaywithyouallyearround.
Elaine:Oh,STOP.
Angus:No,really.There’ssomethingspecialaboutyou.Lookatyou.You’reabsolutelyadorable.There’sonlyonethingwrongwithyou.
Elaine:There’ssomethingwrongwithme?
Angus:You’reallthewayoverthere.
Angus:IsthatbeZer?Don’tyoufeelmorecomfortablehere?
Openingpicture:JohnWilliamWaterhouse,Psyche Opening The Golden Box. Closingpicture:JohnWilliamWaterhouse,The Soul of the Rose. Credits:IanLegacina,Orikes,Pseudo Legacy. ZaneDevereaux,Peasant007,Devereaux Legacy.