Whenwelastle+theSqueakyCleanLegacy,theGenera8onNineheiress,Elaine,hadjustbecomeatoddler.

Elaine:Wanttobeloved.Dinadan:What’sthemaFer,princess?OfcourseDaddylovesyou.Andatthatpoint,therewasabitofadelay.

ButIreallyhadanexcellentexcuse.

Cassius:ARGH,Ma,whydoyoukeepdoingthingslikethis?WHYdoesshekeepdoingthingslikethis?Youknowhowmuchyou’reembarrassingme,Ma?DOyou?MA??Flavius:Um,Cassius?

Cassius:Dad?MAKEHERSTOP.

Flavius:Yourmother’saKnowledgeSim,whoknows?Idon’tmind.Sheputsupwithmyhobbies.

De:Honey,yourparents’marriageistheirbusiness,‘k?

Pfft,everyone’ssojudgmental.Iswearthiswasatotalaccident.

De:Prof?Getbackhere?Helllooooo?

Although,yes,mySimselfdidgetagreenmemoryoutofit.Anyway,itslowedmedownaliFle.

Elaine,meanwhile,wasdevo8ngherselftobecomingascharisma8candcharmingaspossible.

Anditseemedtobeworking.

Elaine:Gawaine?WantaFen8on.Gawaine:Aw,Princess,comehere.

Gawainehasoldestbrothersyndromeandfussesoverallofthem,eventhoughheandParsifalarereallytwins,so—

Gawaine:I’ms8lltheoldest,andI’ms8lltheleader,andI’ms8llinchargeofthisbandofknightsandofourPrincess,andthatmakesmeresponsible.It’snotasthoughI’mpar8cularlyfondofPalomides.

EveryonewasverycurioustomeetthenexttolastGoodytwoshoesheiress,soElaine’sbirthdaypartywasverywellaFended‐‐

‐‐evenifeveryonewasn’tpayingstrictaFen8on.

Jack:Ulysses,Iamgreatlyapprecia8veofyourconfidenceinmypowersofadvocacy,butIthinkitisadvisableforyoutocometocertaindecisionswithoutaskingadvicefromyourpaternalparent.

Palomides:Really?Igettogofirst?Really?

‐‐well,that’safirst.

Palomides:Ithinkwe’vegotenoughPopularityKnightsoftheRoundTable.I’mgoingtodosomethingelse‐‐

Family,likehisDaddy.AndI’mgoingtoforgivehimforit,partlybecausehehadthesensetorollEduca8onMinisterinsteadofoneofthosedreadfulonesthatyoucan’tdoun8ltheSimisaboutsixty,andpartlybecausehe’ssogoshdarnedlikeable.

EveryonemostwantedtoseeElainegrowup,though,whichistherealreasonPalomidesgottogofirst.

Gawaine:Iamimportantenoughtogetintheshot.

Elaine:Everyonelovesme!

BothGrandmaSophiaandElaine’smotherPenelopewereforemostincheeringElaineon.They’retheoneswhoknowbestwhattheheiressisupagainst,andElaineistheonewhomusttakethatonnext.

“Go,go,goElaine!”

EvenMaxmanagedtolookslightlyenthused,whichisalotforhim,consideringthathisnicknameisDr.Deathandthathehasn’tsmiledsincehewassix.

Elaine:Everyone lovesme.

SheispreFylovable,oratleastsweet‐looking.Youhavetogiveherthat.

SheknowsherdutyasaSqueakyCleanheiress,too,atleastenoughtogrowupinpink.

Elainealsogotpinkfrillyclothes.

Palomides:Yep.It’sallyours,Elaine.

Elaine:Why?Palomides:Becauseyou’retheonlygirl.WegetpackedintheArmorynextdoor,wherewecanprotectyou.

Elaine:Why?Palomides:Becauseyou’retheheiress.YouhavetogetmarriedandhavethelastliFlegirl...

Elaine:Andfallinlove...Sigh...Love...Lovable...

**hackkaffwheeze**

ElainemadefriendswithhercousinNausicaaandhadalovelybirthdayparty.That’sreallyfortunate.Iusedtoavoideveningpar8esbecauseoftheghosts,buteversinceIrebuilt,theghostshaven’truinedthepar8es...yet.Theyhauntandspookandscare,butthey’vele+thepar8esalone,sofar.

A+erwards,everyoneposedforagroupportrait.Ididn’taskPenelopetogetinDinadan’slap.Shedidthatonherown.IhopeElaineisn’tgecngoverlyop8mis8cideasaboutrela8onships.

Ontheotherhand,youcan’tblameElaineforpinkandfluffythinking.Thegirllivesinapinkhousewiththreeoverprotec8veolderbrothersandaheartshapedfishpondinback.

A+erwards,theteenagedcousinswentforanou8ngdowntown.Nausicaaiss8llwearingherschooluniform;some8mesIwonderwhetherHeadmastersRyan,Walter,andJikamatusolapproveofthat.Albert,LyFon’sgrandson,justdoesn’tlikelosing.

Gawaine:Knightsaresupposedtobefamiliarwithallthechivalricarts.

Isupposekaraokecouldbeconsideredtheequivalentofcourtlylovepoetry.

Gawaine:“Whenamaaaaanlovesawomannnnnn”...Ontheotherhand,maybeyoushouldstopnow.

HowdoIknowthatElainewillbetheheiress?Well...PenelopeandDinadanTriedForBabyonemore8me.

AndthebabyhadeverybitasniceofapartyasPalomidesandElaine.

ButnomaFerwhatIdid,thebabywass8llaboy.KailooksverymuchlikeParsifal,andtheybothlookverymuchlikeDinadan.Andfivebabiesareenough.Maybethey’renotenoughforDinadan,buttheyareenoughforme.

See?Elainedoesn’tmindsharingaFen8onwithheryoungerbrother.She’shappyforhimtohaveaniceparty,too.

She’sjustleadingaSmustlesoeveryonewilladoreher.

ThankgoodnessforPalomidesandhisFamily‐Mindedactude.Hedoesn’tmindbaby‐sicngKai.Well...mostly.Palomides:Andwhenyougrowup,we’llREALLYbeoutofmedievalcustomcontent.Luckily,MaxiscameupwiththePERFECToufitforyou.Heh,heh.

ZaneJacquet:No,Idon’tactuallylikedoinghomework,butatleastIhavedaddieswhoarewillingtoteachmehow,right?That’sagoodthing.Parsifal:MeetSomeoneNew,+1,000.

Smartkid.Hedidn’thavesuchagood8meofitwhenhewasintheDevereauxLegacy.Likehisadop8vefather,Cassidy(Ve8nari)Marius‐Jacquet,hewasimportedasachildforthesolepurposeofgivinghimafreshstart.

“TheSqueakyCleanLegacy:SpoilingLegacySimsRoFenSince2007”

Zaneevengotabirthdayparty,withfriends,rela8ves,andrandomtownies.

CassidyandZane,likealladoptedchildren,hadacompletememorywipe,soneitherofthemrememberanythingabouttheirpasts.Thisismostlyagoodthing,althoughitmeansthatCassdoesn’trealizethatSpiderJerusalemVe8nariishisbrother.SJacceptsthisbecausehe’dreallyratherthatCassbehappy.

DeniseJacquet:It’sjustamazinghowmuchyoulooklikeZane,youngman,especiallysinceyouaren’trelatedtoanyoneinthishouseatall.

SpiderJerusalem:Um...Yes?Ortherecouldbeanotherexplana8on,perhaps?

Thered‐headedmannexttoCassidyisZane’s“real”uncle,AlgernonMarius.

Ineverclaimedthatfamilyrela8onshipswereuncomplicated.

Zane:AndI’mgoingtowishtobe...

Dousallafavorandshutup.FamilySimswhowishforthingsoutlouddon’thaveahappytrackrecord.

Justgodancewithyourfriend,LenoreMidlock.

Lenore’smotherCarmilla,andherfather,StanleyLegacy,wereinvitedfortheoccasion.Dicreasy,ontheotherhand,walkedbyandinvitedherself.

Dicreasy:HaveImen8onedbeforehowmuchIadmireyou,Stanley?Stanley:AnumberofladySimselveshavesaidthat,yes.Thisonemightbea8nybitdifferent,Stanley.[DicreasyistheauthoroftheVictorian Legacy,andhenceStanleyhimself.]

Lenoreisafairlynormalgirl,consideringthatalmosteveryoneinherfamilyisavampire,awerewolf,oraplantsim.Shejustenjoysspending8mewithhergreat‐grandfathersplayinginthefamilyband,theCounselsofDespera8on.

Lenore’sgreat‐grandfatherElroy’smamawasanalien,nowdepartedforherhomeplanet.Herothergreat‐grandfather,CountWhoopie,usedtobeavampire.

ButhegotbeFer.

AquickglanceinattheRomans—

Iget8redofsomeSimac8vi8es.This,however,isnotoneofthem.IlikewatchingSimsTeachtoddlershowtoTalk.

Ithinkit’sevennicerwhenit’saSimselfdoingtheteaching.This,asyoumayhaveguessed,isPurpleBunny’sliFleboy,Duodecimus.

OtherPB’sbeenintheneighborhoodsincetheLegacyfamily’sthirdgenera8on,canyoubelievethat?ThislegacyANDherPira8calLegacyhavebeengoingonforalooooong8me.

Closeupofsixgenera8onsofSimselfgene8cs.Everybodysay“d’aawwww.”

IttakesthatlongtogetCassius’faceoutofthefamily.

Orikes:Hey‐‐‐ifI’magrandma,howcomeI’ms8llsoyoung‐looking?

Goodluck?Timecheats?Somethinglikethat?

Also,Orikesrepaintedmostofthefamilyportraitsbackthere.Ifyoulookclosely,youcanseeDeniseAvidreader(PuritanicalGreenThumb)andPenguingirl(PenguinoLegacy).

Sadly,neitherSimselvesnorRomansarehelicopterparents,soDuodecimusgrewupwhilehisgrandfatherTer8uswastellingOrikesaDirtyJokeandgreat‐grandfatherDecimuswassulking.

Duodecimus:YoureallyhavegivenyourRomankidstheshortendofthes8ck,haven’tyou?

Notforlong:Flaviuscomplainstoomuch.

Worthing:Yeah,youbeFerfixthat.I’monlyinoneshot.Onelousyshot.

“AndVespasiangotinTWOshots.Isthatfair?”

Nope,butVespasianisaCaesar.

TheRomansWILLgetmoreface8me,kids.

Besides,whocouldresisttakingpicturesofTelemachus?

NausicaaisNOTgoodatbeingemployed.It’sprobablycrueltomakePleasureSimsgetjobs,anyway,butshe’sgoingtotheGoodygirlsSorority,soshehastoearnallofherscholarshipsthehardway.Pleasure,Fi+yDreamDates,whichsuitsNausicaaaboutaswellasaglassslipperdoesagoldfish.

S8ll,shedeservescheeringup,soIlethercallthematchmakerforadate.

Yippee?

Nausicaalikeshimalot,anditalladdsuptothoseFi+yDreamDates.

Don’ttellherthatImaynotsendLeotocollegewithher.Theremaybeotherplans.

LionelPleasant:Howdoyoulikethemacn’cheese,jerk?

AngusPleasant:I’mnotdignifyingthatwithananswer.

What’sthepointofhavingagender‐reversedPleasantviewiftheynevergetplayed,right?DaniellePleasant:Here,honey—havesomeniceso+macn’cheese.Itwon’tbesohardonyournose.Lionel:*snurfsnarfsnurf*Angus:Ew.

Actually,LionelseemstobehavingaslightlybeFer8meofitasaboy;partlybecauseImadehimdohishomework,andpartlybecausehebringspeoplehomefromschoolandmakesfriends......WithgullibleSims.Simswithlowstandards.

Zane:Sure,I’llbeyourfriend!I’msureyouandyourfamilyareverynicepeopleandnothos8leanddysfunc8onalatall!

It’shardtobringDustyoutofalousyteenagedlife,butshedidwanttoteachliFlesisterBellesomeskills...

‐‐andtheresultwasthatBelleGrewUpWell,whichispreFydarnedhardintheBrokefamily.

IcheatedthefamilyjustenoughforBelletohaveapreFydress.

SheevenbroughtTelemachushomefromschool—

‐‐andmadefriendswithhim.

Don’ttheylookcutetogether?

Congratula8ons,Belle!YouhavealiFlesister!Belle:Um,Daddy?Howdidthishappen?Brandon:It’saliFlebitcomplicated.

Matchmaker:AndwhatcanIdoforyou,dearie?

DaryaDreamer:It’saliFlebitcomplicated.

Darya:So,actually,I’mreallyinlovewithsomeoneelse.BUT,he’salreadyengaged,andI’vepreFymuchgivenuphope.

SoIfigureditwas8metomoveon.Isthatokwithyou?Touristyguy:Tellmemoreaboutmyeyes.

DaryahadthreeboltswithTouristyGuy.Itmighthaveworked,althoughIhateitwhenSimsgetfixedupwithBVnon‐playables.“Youhavetoinvitemeoverforthreedaysornotatall.”Whatisthat?

Dionne:Thereyougo,Mom!Ithinkyoulookgreat.Ithinkyou’lllookprecerthanthebride.

Darya:Oh,you.

IcanseewhyDaryamightwantto,though.

AlexandraGoth:Excuseme?You’reinmychair?Andyou’rethemaid?AndIdon’tthinkCaspianinvitedyou.KeanuLangerak:*sniff*WhyamIneverthebride?

NinoCaliente:Hey,Mor8cia—lookingsmokin’inblack,I’vegoFasay.Mor8cia:Shh!MartyStuPleasant:Idon’tno8cethingsthatmightbesociallyawkward.

Keanu:What’saboyhavetodo,anyway?It’sbecauseI’mamaid,that’sit.OrbecauseI’mnamedKeanu.Bebrutallyhonest.

Alexandra:Uh,thisisbrutallyhonest:I’mten.Oh,hi,Mrs.Dreamer.

CaspianGoth:I,Caspian,takethee,Donna...

Donna:Youmustbekiddingme.

Donna:Ew,no.Idon’twanttomarryyou.Nota+erwhatyoudid.

~~~severaldaysearlier~~~

Caspian:Youknow,Donna’salwaysremindedmeofmymother?Howfreakyisthat?Doyouthinkthat’snormal?Donna:HOW.DARE.YOU.

BOOINNNGOONINNNG

Donna:Howdareyouletthatwomanholdhandswithyou!JustbecauseI’msleepingwithseveralotherwomendoesn’tgiveyoutherighttofoolaround!Whodoyouthinkyouare?MartyStuPleasant:Idon’tno8cethingsthataresociallyawkward.

Darya:Pssst!Youknowyourfiance?Caspian:No,what?Darya:Ithinkshe’sa8nybitannoyed.

Mrs.CrumpleboFom:Andletthatbealessontoyou,youngman!Don’tevercallotherSimsupandinvitethemforOu8ngsDowntown!

Caspian:OWOWOW

(Player8p:neveraccepttheinvita8on,either,unlessyoudon’tmindthiskindofthinghappeningonfreewill.)

Darya:Let’sboogie,pregnantguy!

Guests:Sooo....whathappensatthiskindofnon‐wedding?Dowegetthegi+sback,orwhat?

Caspian:Bbbllllllbblll

Therapist:Isclearlyamessagefromsubconscious.Secretlyyoupickwomanwhoremindsyouofmother,undyouWILLthismarriagetoavertundsoyouARRANGEthisfailureforyourself,ja?Caspian:Umm...AndMrs.CrumpleboFom.Ididthat,too?Therapist:Jawohl!...Thatwillbeonehundreddollars.ItakeMastercard.

Darya:Howcanyoujusteatchipswhenyou’vehadamajorrela8onshipbreakdown?

Donna:HowcanyouNOTeatchipswhenyou’vehadamajorrela8onshipbreakdown?

Darya:Withoutmargaritas?Donna:Goodpoint.

Darya:Oooo,I’msoterriblysurprised!

Mor8cia:Youseemlikeanicegirl.Andthosecakesareexpensive.

Themarried‐a‐rich‐SimangleissomethingIhadn’tthoughtabout,butIcan’tsayI’msorry.Darren—excuseme,Darya—isflatbroke.

Donna:Idon’tseewhyIshouldgohome,justbecauseitisn’tmyweddinganymore.Alexandra:Willtherebecake?It’salmostmybed8me.

Keanu:Youhussy!Howdareyou?IthoughtIwastheonlyone!Donna:Youcametomyweddingthinkingyouweretheonlyone?Nino:Huh?Iwasjustbeingfriendly.

MartyStu:Aren’tweluckytohaveaperfectmarriage?

Danielle:Andthatyouneverno8ceanythingsociallyawkward?Yes,weare.

Danielle:Darya,thatwasaperfectlylousywedding.

Darya:Yes,butitwasMYwedding.

Elaine:Eventuallythestorywillgetbacktome...Promiseitwill,butyoucan’texpectthedramaqueensofPleasantviewtostayoutofthestoryforever.Plus,someofthemaregoingtocollegewithyou.Elaine:Luckyme.(ThankstoMarhis,whomadegender‐reversedPleasantview.Andexpectthesecondpartofthechaptersoon!)