from earth’s soil as the start of the end of wisdom in humanity.

This plan should logically win over the support of every nation on earth, except for one small issue. The subduction drill needs one critical element to start all cylinders firing – jade itself! Thirty billion metric tons of it, to be exact.

The only way such a quantity of jade can be gathered is to look for the last

ThePoeticTimes B E S P O K E E D I T I O NThe Poetic Times is a tongue-in-cheek showcase of some programs from this year’s S’pore Arts Festival. We hope this light-hearted presentation will pique your curiosity of the real thing. Enjoy!

VOL. I MICA REG. 151624446 FREE NEWSPAPERSINGAPORE SATURDAY MARCH 3 2012

JADE OF ALL TRADES

A Wild Cat Chase The Best Sex I Ever Had

Leading the Horse to Water PG 2

An Interview with Vonda VomanPG 3

“I had lunch with Elvis yesterday!”PG 3

WORLD— Geologists are warning that the world is running out of jade.

Centuries of over-mining and wasteful handling have now renewed calls for efforts to resuscitate the previously discarded plan regarded as absurd - artificially generate a subduction event within the earth’s core at the right depths, under the right temperature and pressure conditions, to generate the incubation necessary to form jade.

In fact, the subduction drill already exists. And it is not just geologists that are concerned about the dearth of this precious stone, feng shui masters from all corners of the globe link jade to “wisdom” and regard the impending disappearance of the stone

KYOTO, JAPAN—A retired war veteran caused a minor mayhem in the tiny Japanese town of Kurama when he reported his pet cat missing but put the name of his wife in the missing person’s report at the police station.

His wife was in fact away visiting her mother in Kyoto City at the time. The entire town was mobilized in what was the largest search party in the town’s history. The heavily forested terrain did not help the cause as teams of police, coast guards and volunteers took turns combing the countryside searching for the man’s alleged missing wife.

Public transport and postal services stopped for a week as the entire town was glued to the saga. Some restaurants and even schools closed as more volunteers were drafted into the search parties. It was not until news of the search was flashed across the national media that the man’s wife realised what was happening and she promptly contacted the Kurama police because her husband was hard

surviving jade bird that lives in the Jade Palace in the far North. But time is running out for the old jade bird, whose life is threatened by the River Spirit as we count down to the end of 2012.

While the jade bird is known as Courage in its inner circle, it is more significantly known as Despair. Can the jade bird be located in time? And can all of humanity coax it out of the doomed Jade Palace to preserve this precious stone on earth?

If you are intrigued by how a story could centre around the common jade, you may want to find out how Mark Chan’s version of the Jade Bird brings THE FLIGHT OF THE JADE BIRD to life on 18 & 19 May at the Esplanade Concert Hall. Tickets from $20 to $100.

“The only way such a quantity of jade can be gathered is to look for the last surviving jade bird”

STORY BY EMERALD YU ey@poetictimes.com

BREAKING NEWS

of hearing. As the hunt was called off and the entire town descended upon the man’s home, they found him asleep in his favourite rocking chair with the cat he reported missing resting on his lap. Meow’s the matter?

Life has a knack for imitating art. As comical as this story is, Japanese novelist Haruki Murakami’s THE WIND-UP BIRD CHRONICLE tells of a similar adventure. Adapted by American director Stephen Earnhart, come on this journey of fascination on 25 & 26 May at Esplanade Theatre. Tickets from $20 to $110.

SIDELINE EDGY CUT OVERLEAF

BY MORPHEUS YUME my@poetictimes.com

BY AURELIA NIM-FOE an@poetictimes.com

Would it surprise you to know that about 60% of women and 80% of men between the age of 50 and 70, have regular sex? Would it surprise you to know it’s actually possible for men to have an orgasm without an erection? Do you know you may be 80 years of age and still attract the sexual interest of people under 30? How open are you to have these topics discussed publicly in the company of people unfamiliar with you? What

DISCLAIMER: The contents  in this promotional publication  are intended solely for the promotion of events at the Singapore Arts Festival 2012.  Where relevant, these are works of fiction, and any names, characters, places and incidents  used are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.  Any resemblance or reference to actual events, locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

if we talked about these in a room full of only women? What if we have the difficult questions posed to you by a child?

If you are curiously daring, come and be part of this experiential work THE BEST SEx I EvER HAD by Canadian group Mammalian Diving Reflex happening from 25 to 27 May at Esplanade Theatre Studio. Tickets at $36.

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After years of debate among regional chefs and culinary

critics, it has finally been widely accepted that the humble dish yong toufu (酿豆腐 in Mandarin) is of Hakka origin. There had been many variations of this dish consisting of a varied selection of food items including fish balls, bitter gourd, cuttlefish, lettuce, ladies fingers, as well as chilis and various forms of fresh produce, seafood and meats, served in a clear consomme soup.

Essential accompaniments are spicy, vinegary chili sauce, and a distinctive brown sweet bean sauce. The Hakka version consists of tofu cubes heaped with minced meat (usually pork and fish) and herbs, then fried until golden brown, or sometimes braised. The key ingredient is the meat and fish paste stuffing. The stuffing consists of 5 special ingredients, namely:

DE GROOT’S ARCHIVE: A collection of 20 old spices from the West.

CHINESE COLONIES AND OTHER STORIES: Mixed collection of herbs

from The Netherlands, China and Indonesia.

THE MAN WHO RODE CROCODILES: Inspired by a poem written by the Luo Fang Bo, the founder of Lan Fang republic, this ingredient gives the Hakka soup its distinctive taste.

EPIC POEMS OF THE KONGSI WAR: Based on the original Malay poem, Syair Perang Cina di Mandor (“Story of the Chinese War in Mandor”), this garnish blends the Oriental flavours with a Malay influence.

TALE OF FORMER TIMES: This quintessential sauce requires just a dash to link the dish’s traditions to today’s taste preferences.

Want to know more about the Hakkas? LAN FANG CHRONICLES 2012 is an installation performance inspired by the histories and investigations of the 18th century Lan Fang Republic (1777-1884) founded by Hakka Chinese in West Borneo. The project investigates the concept of ‘insignificant histories’, and its obscure parallels with the Singapore story. The development of the Lan Fang Chronicle project was supported by Arts Creation Fund 2009 from the National Arts Council, with the Singapore Art Museum as venue sponsor for the first presentation after a year of extensive research.

Catch LAN FANG CHRONICLES 2012 between 18 May to 2 Jun at 9 Commonwealth Lane. Performance Lectures at $25, Exhibition is free.

Leading a Horse to Water

THE HAkkAS CrEATEd Yong Toufu!

A Twilight Some-where near You

Have you found yourself out of a cart at the supermarket? One man experienced this once too often and has come up with a bizarre, if perhaps obliquely entertaining, way to solve this cart shortage problem. He has decided to bring his own, well, cart in the form of a – believe it or not – horse. Yes, the animal horse. Not bad if one considers he rides the same horse to the supermarket, does not need to park it, loads all his purchases onto it and off he goes.

And his favourite purchase at the supermart? Beer! Talk about leading your horse to water! Public reaction has ranged from outrage to pure amusement as the man, who has not been identified, superbly balances himself atop his steed as if man and animal are one. But this spectacle has created one small problem for the

supermarket owners – the need to pick up the horse poo!

Get up close and personal with the modern centaur in this extraordinary act FLUx by Theatre du Centaure (France). Happening 18 to 23 May at the Festival village.

SINGAPORE —Ever wondered why vampire movies always seem to feature the mythical undead in such landscapes as Eastern Europe or Oregon, USA? Surely in this age of possibilities, you could imagine vampires finding a home right here in Singapore?

Well, imagine no more. They are here! As we have grown more sophisticated in how we live our lives, so have they. They are among us today. How long they have lived among us, no one knows. But they

are here. How would you tackle a problem you virtually cannot see? What would you do if they wiped us all out? How long will it be before that happens? Do you see yourself ending up fighting them to save our world?

PANDEMIC is an interactive, theatre installation produced by UK group Slung Low for a thoughtful audience. Want to experience what it’s like to fight vampires? Well, you better be above 16 years of age. Oh, and you need to be very brave. 22 to 27 May at Old School @ Mount Sophia. Tickets at $36.

TOP STORIES

CULINARY CORNER

BY PETER GELDERLAND pg@poetictimes.comBY EDWARD FANG ef@poetictimes.com

ArtsFest ClubMembers Enjoy:

ARTSFEST CLUBPRE-SALES

EARLY BIRDSALES

GENERAL SALES

SINGAPORE ARTSFESTIVAL STARTS

JOIN THE ARTSFEST CLUB FOR FREE TODAY ATWWW.SINGAPOREARTSFEST.COM/REGISTER

THU15 MAR

MON19 MAR

MON16 APR

FRI18 MAY

The privilege to buy hot program tickets first, plusa huge 30% discount whenthey purchase 2 tix or more

Open to public at early birddiscount of 20%, min. 2 tix.

No discounts except for AFCmembers or partner cardholders (Passion, SAFRA)

IT PAYS TO BE AN

With the Singapore Arts Festival 2012 just round the corner, it is time for lovers of the art to start picking the shows and performances you wish to catch. It certainly pays if you are an ArtsFest Club (AFC) member. Besides enjoying savings of 30% for a bundle of 2 shows, membership gives you other exclusive offers. But you got to be quick, because these offers are for a limited time only. Check out these members-only offers:

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An InTErVIEW WITH Vonda Voman: SuPEr HEro(InE)

“I had lunch with Elvis yesterday!”An ouT-of-BodY EnCounTEr AS rECounTEd BY LEonArd dumAnSkI, 87.

Poetic Times (PT): Thank you for granting us this interview, Vonda. Can I call you Vonda?

Vonda Voman (VV): If you vish.

PT: I understand you started out as a dancer?

VV: Yes, I love dancing. I vas told I danced out of my mother’s womb ven I vas born. So ven I fight evil, I put dance moves into my steps. This vay, I kill two stones with one angry bird.

PT: You mean two birds with one stone? And I thought Angry Birds was created by a Finnish guy?

VV: Yes, ven I fight, I always finish the guy!

PT: ??? O...kay, so how did you end up as superhero Vonda Voman?

VV: I don’t exactly know. I vas told in a dream I should be fighting evil and slaying dragons. But my family - they told me I fell into a tank of radioactive liquid.

PT: So, if you hadn’t been a superhero, you would have become a famed dancer?

VV: That or a furniture designer at IKEA.

PT: Oh yes, you are Swedish...Dancing Queen and knock-down furniture.

VV: <cracking knuckles> You making fun of me?

PT: Oh no...I dare not. So what brought you into Singapore?

VV: I vas told – again in a dream – to come to Asia to unite vith the myth collaborators here. I vas also told the dragon is coming to Asia soon. But I thought the Asia dragon died some time ago.

PT: The Asia dragon? VV: Yes, the Asia dragon.

Some called him the Fist of Fury and vas in the Game of Death.

PT: Oh, that was not a real dragon; he was an actor and his name was ‘small dragon’.

VV: So, the real dragon is coming then? I must go prepare now. Sorry, I have to meet with my myth collaborators now.

PT: Uhh...OK. It’s been a pleas...

VV: <shoosh>

You want more of this zany stuff? Then imagine crossing two crazy Swedes with 18th century opera classics from German composer Richard Wagner. That’s the premise of Charlotte Engelkes’ critically acclaimed Very Wagner series - Part 1: Miss Very Wagner, an epic tale of female strength and sacrifice, a composite of the female heroines in Wagner’s operas; Part 2: Siegfried - The Very Wagner Hero Hour, about a hero who can sing every heroic role demanded of him, but with the helpless feeling of being a stranger in his own family; Part 3: In a creative meeting of traditions, All is Divine weaves in Asian myths into the Wagnerian universe. Engelkes enlists the services of a cast of local artists and performers to present a sort of apocalypse – both universally and personally – as she slowly builds toward the grand finale of the Very Wagner tetralogy.

vERy WAGNERIAN NIGHT is happening on May 19 and 20 at the SOTA Drama Theatre. Tickets are at $25 and $45.

TENNESEE, USA—In one of the most extraordinarily vivid descriptions of an out-of-body experience ever heard, retired singer

Leonard Dumanski, 87, of Tennesee, USA, claimed he died for close to an hour

yesterday, during which time he had lunch with none other than the King himself, Elvis Presley.

Mr Dumanski said he remembered sitting in his living room listening to

the radio when suddenly, he felt

himself “floating” to the ceiling above the room. Still conscious, he could see everything that was in the room below him, including his limp body sitting in the chair he was in just a few moments earlier.

Before he could think of anything else, he found himself in a pristine white

room where, according to him, there was “no floor”. Instead, he was seated at a long table with white table cloth and seated with him was the legendary – and dead – Elvis Presley.

Mr Dumanski claimed he was served the same favourite foods of the King, which included peanut butter and banana sandwiches, mashed potatoes, burned bacon, grape jelly, cheeseburgers, pork chops and sauerkraut, accompanied by Pepsi Cola. And did the King say anything to Mr Dumanski? Apparently not; according to Mr Dumanski, Mr Presley was happily stuffing his face with the sandwiches and mashed potatoes, although he did give Mr Dumanski a wink.

But he did get something out of the King – an auto-graphed napkin allegedly signed by Elvis at that same lunch. Mr Dumanski then

claimed he woke with a jolt still seated in his chair in his living room, holding the signed napkin in his hand. Asked about how he felt about the whole experience, Mr Dumanski said “I’m all shook up!”.

END OF THE ROAD is a show featuring rock and roll songs by No Theater, performed by the young@Heart Chorus. But there’s a catch – members of this chorus are over 70 years old! So, Leonard Dumanksi isn’t as fictitious as you think; he could well be singing Elvis songs today! See how these old young hearts blend their infectious energy with their youthful zest for some of today’s more popular rock-and-roll classics. young@Heart dispels the myth that fun is for the young, and unleashes a ferocious spunk for rock and pop music.

Catch END OF THE ROAD from 23 to 26 May at SOTA Drama Theatre. Tickets are at $25 and $45.

BY CLARK KENG ck@poetictimes.com BY GRACE LANG gl@poetictimes.com

DREAM COUNTRY—A LOST MONOLOGUE

MATCH-THE-SYMBOLWhat does each symbol represent? Try and see if you can match each symbol correctly to the Singapore Arts Festival 2012 program it represents correctly!

LAN FANGCHRONICLES 2012

RITE(S) OFSPRING

PANDEMICTHE WIND-UP BIRD

CHRONICLE

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VERY WAGNERIAN NIGHT

CHARLOTTE ENGELKES (SE)

19 MAY 2.30PM - 7.30PM, 20 MAY 2.30PM, SOTA DRAMA THEATRE

Rollicking fun abounds when you cross two crazy Swedes with 18th-century opera classics by famous German composer Richard Wagner

THE FLIGHTOF THEJADE BIRD

MARK CHAN (SG)

18 & 19 MAY 7.30PM, ESPLANADE CONCERT HALL

An ancient jade bird and a young boy form an unlikely friendship – what lessons will each teach the other?

CIUDADES PARALELAS (PARALLEL CITIES) STEFAN KAEGI (DE) / LOLA ARIAS (AR)

18 MAY - 2 JUN, VARIOUS VENUES

Look at your clean and neat hotel room, appreciate that factory product you’re eating and take in the city surroundings with a whole new light.

Stories. Legends. Myths.Come, take your pick from Our Lost Poems’ selection of delectable arts performances.

It’s true - there is somethingfor everyone. Really. 

Only for 16 days, from18 May to 2 June

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JADE BIRD,

PRAY TELL,

WILL YOU

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LAUGH WITH

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FAIRIES AND

DRAGONS!

CINEMATIC COMMENTARY

THE POWER OF THE MASKBY S.K. TOO sk-sk@poetictimes.com

There is something to be learned about movies where the villain dons a mask. Of course, surreptitiousness and mystery are usually the purpose for using a mask, keeping the audience on tenterhooks. That’s what we masochists pay good money for, no? On the other hand, movie bigwigs actually save a lot of money by casting the average or below-average Joe in a mask throughout the movie.

How clever is that? You don’t need any eye candy; you certainly don’t need anyone from the A-List that almost always blows your production budget anyway. All you need is a mask. Since it has often been said that it takes a lot more acting chops to play a convincing villain, that task is made all the harder when one is not genetically endowed with the right looks to go with it. Enter the mask and you immediately remove one side of the equation!

Just look at this list of scary masked characters from what are now regarded as classics – Michael Myers in Halloween, Jason in Friday the 13th, Darth Vader in Star Wars, that guy in Saw, the long face in Scream (this one always gets my daughter to pee), the shadowy freedom fighter in V for Vendetta, that horseshoe crab-looking alien in Predator….and the scariest of them all - the Teletubbies. There you go.

Hide behind the mask, scream, grunt, flail your arms and occasionally sing silly songs and you would have made enough money to

take the family on an exotic vacation while the production company buys several islands in the Pacific, not to mention Spawn-ing a whole new merchandising market of masks and figurines!

And so, here’s advice for all you budding movie makers out there. If you don’t have the budget, summon the power of the mask. If that isn’t scary enough, you can always call upon your mother-in-law! Staying with masks, the Noh mask is a central piece of the classic 15th century Japanese Noh theatre. Noh masks usually depict traditionally gods, warriors, beautiful women, various figures (often modern figures or crazy women!) and finally demons. LEAR DREAMING projects the Shakespearean formula of tragedy on the consequences of patriarchy, succession and empire-building through the pristine philosophy of Japanese Noh theatre. Noh master Naohiko Umewaka reprises his role as The Old Man (in lieu of King Lear) 15 years later.Ong Keng Seng’s LEAR DREAMING is based on the same Shakespeare’s tragedy and remains a ground-breaking theatre production about the forces of inter-cultural influences. Audiences can expect a rich aural-visual feast of intercultural music theatre created by a chamber ensemble of remarkable Asian artists today, playing unique musical forms, both classical and contemporary performed in Bahasa Indonesia, Japanese, Korean and Mandarin with English subtitles. 31 May (Thu) & 1 June (Fri) 2012, 8pmDrama Theatre, School of The Arts

Imagine this – you are taken to the same location but in a different city. The people of these locations tell stories about the location and their lives. It’s a familiar story but something is always different. Artists and visitors work together to present the story. As a visitor, you have the choice of whether you wish to be an observer, a participant, an intruder or a provocateur. The confines and landscapes of each location will determine your role. The everyday space may be familiar to you but given a role you have to play that touches the lives of its inhabitants, you will invariably find a way to blend in. Ciudades Paralelas (Parallel Cities) is a collection of 8 public spaces, which have been made into observation stations whereby each space is turned into a stage of the everyday life where you can listen to, read

or touch, or be part of the happenings. This project has been presented in Berlin, Buenos Aires, Warsaw, and Zurich. For the Singapore Arts Festival 2012, three spaces – the Roof, a Hotel and a Factory - will be created along with a team of local collaborators from Drama Box and the Singapore Drama Educators Association (SDEA).

CIUDADES PARALELAS (PARALLEL CITIES) is happening from 18 May to 2 Jun at various locations. Tickets at $25 & $36.

BlendInBY QUITAS U.B. qub@poetictimes.com

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