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PERSONAL EFFICIENCY WITH EMPHASIS

ON WORK VALUES BASED ON

BACKGROUND AND CULTURE.

A SEMINAR WORKSHOP DESIGNED FOR

THE AVENUE PLAZA HOTEL,

MAGSAYSAY AVENUE, NAGA CITY

Zenia Lim Panahon, MA; T. V. Dy, MA; E.C. Guevara, MA

January 2011


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Course Outline

Description

Objectives

Methodology

Schedule Participants


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JOURNEY of SELF


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Introduction

Questionnaire

How Well Do I Know

Myself?


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Stage 1 Understanding an Ideal

Stage 2 Self-Awareness

Stage 3 Self-Realization

Stage 4 Decision to Change

Stage 5 Actualizing the Change

Stages of Development

- the process of development takes place in 5

stages


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Scaling question: On a scale from 1 to 10, with10 being the desired person that you can be,how would you rate how you are doing now

1_________________________10Stage 1 Understanding an Ideal


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Spiderman clipSpiderman clip


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Stage 2 Self-Awareness


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Stage 3Self-Realization


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A Physical Boundary is a delineation of the limits of a

property, for example.

Cloud and Townsend articulate that:

Boundary is something that defines us, that is what is

me and what is not me (Cloud, 1992, p.29).

Rich Buhlers definitionBoundary is something used to protect oneself, like a

barrier(Buhler, 1991; Taken from Dr. Regina Regencias handouts from Strenthening InterpersonalBoundary of Single Women small group)

What is Boundary


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Minuchin says that,boundaries are the key to all human relationship, for they arethe emotional barriers that preserve and protect the rights of theindividual (Taken from Dr. Regina Regencias handouts from Strenthening Interpersonal Boundary of Single Women small group).

Whitfield in his book on Boundaries and Relationshipsindicates that,

A boundary or limit is how far we can go with comfort in arelationship. It delineates where I and my physical and

psychological space end and where you and yours begin (Whitfield,1993, p.1).


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Exercise:

What is within your boundary?

e.g. needs,choices


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sexuality, needs, time alone, intuitions,

individual differences, love, interests,relationships, responsibilities,

confidences, secrets, participation, roles,

rules, messenger function (triangulation),

personal experiences, relationship with

true self, God, spiritual path, spirituality,religion, spiritual preferences, spiritual

practices


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Physical closeness, Touching, Sexual

behavior, privacy - mail, diary, doors,nudity, bathroom, telephone, private spaces,

etc., eye contact, clothes, shelter, property,

money, physical differences, gifts, food,

pollution e.g. smoke, noise, time and

energy, beliefs, thoughts/ideas, decisions,

feelings, choices, unfinished business,

projections, energy


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Categories / types of Boundaries

Examples of Boundaries (Cloud, 1992 ( 2004)

Physical

Emotional Distance

Mental

Words

Time

Geography


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What is Within My (Personal)Boundaries (Cloud, 1992 ( 2004)

Feelings, Attitudes and beliefs,Behavior, Choices, Values, Limits,

Thoughts, Talents, Desire, Love


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What Is Mine Is Not YoursWhat Is Yours Is Not Mine

What Is Mine


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H

E

A

L

T

H

Y

B

O

U

N

D

A

R

I

E

S

WHAT IS MINE WHATISNOTMINE

OTHER Person

Other peoples awareness of

their inner lifeyTheir beliefs, thoughts,

feelings, decisions, choicesand experiences

Their wants and needs

Their unconscious material.

Their behavior.

Their responsibility to and fortheir life


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What do we mean by having healthy

boundaries?

PRESENCE

RECEPTIVE APPROPRIATENESS

Basedon inner life

FLEXIBILITY HEALTHY PROTECTIVE

BOUNDARIES

MAINTENANCE CLARITY

FIRMNESS


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Presence I am aware that I have boundaries

Appropriateness Since I am aware of my inner life,I can decide whether there is a need for me to setappropriate boundaries based on the experience orsituation I am into.

Protective one important function of boundary is toknow that we have the right to protect our well-being

from abuses and mistreatment.

Clarity- I am clear about the boundary with myselfand with others with whom I am setting the boundaryor limit.


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Firmness I have the right to be firm in my boundary or limit. How

firm do I want my limit to be in order to get what I want and need? I

am in control of how firm I want my boundaries to be.

Maintenance In getting what I want or need, is there a need for me

to maintain or hold firm on a specific boundary for a period of time? Or

should I just let go and relax the boundary to get what I need or want?

Flexibility How flexible do I want my boundary to be in order to get

what I want or need?

Receptive I am prepared to consider or accept the reality that I havethe choice whether I can loosen the boundary a bit and let another

person, place, thing, behavior, or experience in my life.

Adapted from: Whitfiled, Charles. Boundaries and Relationships: Knowing, Protecting and enjoying the self (1993,

p.115-116).


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What do we mean by having

Unhealthy BoundariesSet by other people -

Hurtful and harmful

Controlling and manipulate

Building a wall

Invasive or dominatingEnmeshed

Rigid (walls)

Forming a triangle with another person


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ROLE PLAYINGROLE PLAYING


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LETS GET

EMOTIONAL!Stage 3: Self-Realization


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is the complexpsychophysiological experience of an

individual's state of mind as interacting withbiochemical(internal) and environmental (external) influences.

fundamentally involves "physiological arousal, expressivebehaviors, and conscious experience

is associated with mood, temperament,personality anddisposition, and motivation.

The English word 'emotion' is derived from the French wordmouvoir. This is based on the Latin emovere, where e- (variantofex-) means 'out' and movere means 'move'.[2] The related term"motivation" is also derived from the word movere(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotions, 2011).

What is anE

motion?


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Worthington (Worthington, 2001) defines emotions as not feelings. Feelings are

the ways we label emotions in a part of the brain called the working memory.

Emotions are embodied experienceswhere each part of the body tells the brain

precisely what emotions we are experiencing.

Daniel Goleman, in his book on Emotional Intelligence has defined emotions as

such:

refers to a feeling and its distinctive thoughts, psychological and biological states,

and a range of propensities to act. There are hundreds of emotions, along with their

blends, variations, mutations and nuances (Goleman, 1995).

What is anE

motion?


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They have them because emotions are crucial to survival,

communication, and problem solving.

They offer messages that one is in danger, that ones

boundaries are being invaded, that one is feeling close to

someone safe and familiar, or that this person is absent.

Emotions are most noticeable as changes in a readiness foraction, they respond to changing circumstances by

changing the person.

Why do people have emotions and

what should they do with them?(Greenberg, 2002, p.11-13)


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In fear, people shrink back. In anger, they puff up, in

sadness, they close down, and in interest they open up.

Emotions, by rapidly communicating a persons current

state, needs, goals, and inclinations to others, also

regulate other peoples behavior.

Emotions, by contrast, are visible in ones face and

voice, and thereby they regulate self and other.

Emotions also set up relational themes that become

central organizers of relationships. Sadness is about loss,

anger is about frustration or unfairness, fear is about

threat, and jealousy is about perceived displacement or

betrayal.


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There are several primaryemotions that every humanbeing experiences in its

lifetime. These are:

Primary Emotions (Goleman,

1995) and its Shades


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Anger fury, outrage, resentment, wrath, exasperation,

indignation, vexation, acrimony, animosity, annoyance,

irritability, and perhaps at the extreme, pathological hatred and

violence.

Sadness grief, sorrow, cheerlessness, gloom, melancholy, self-

pity, loneliness, dejection, despair, and, when, pathological,

severe depression.

Fear anxiety, apprehension, nervousness, concern,

consternation, misgiving, wariness, qualm, edginess, dread,

fright, terror, as a psychopathology, phobia and panic.


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Enjoyment happiness, joy, relief, contentment, bliss, delight, amusement,

pride, sensual pleasure, thrill, rapture, gratification, euphoria, whimsy,

ecstacy, and at the far edge, mania.

Love acceptance, friendliness, trust, kindness, affinity, devotion, adoration,

infatuation, agape

Surprise shock, astonishment, amazement, wonder

Disgust contempt, disdain, scorn, abhorrence, aversion, distaste, revulsion

Shame guilt, embarrassment, chagrin, remorse, humiliation, regret,

mortification and contrition.

Out of these primary emotions and its many shades, human beings

experience the universality of the following facial expressions of fear,

anger, sadness and enjoyment (Goleman, 1995).


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Fear

Anger

Sadness

Enjoyment

Universality of Facial

Expressions


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Daniel Goleman (1998, p.56) says that:

o emotional awareness is the recognition of how our

emotions affect our performance, and the ability to useour values to guide decision making

o People with this competence know which emotions

they are feeling and why; realize the links between

their feeling and what they think, do, and say;

recognize how their feelings affect their performance;

and have a guiding awareness of their values and

goals.

First step in regulating emotions is therefore awareness of

them (Greenberg, 2002, p.32)

What is Emotional

Awareness?


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People need to be guided to become aware of their emotions

so they can allow and accept them, be informed by them,

and then work with t hem to solve problems (Greenberg, 2002, p.32).

Ultimately people need to evaluate whether the emotion

they are experiencing is adaptive and can be sued as a guideor whether it is maladaptive and should not be followed(Greenberg, 2002, p.32).

Disowning of emotion and difficulty in tolerating painful

but necessary emotions led to disease (Perls, Hefferline, & Goodman, 1951 as cited inEmotion-focused therapy, Greenberg, L. (2002, p.9)


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Emotion is a signal to oneself

Emotion organizes one for action

Emotions monitor the state of ones relationships

Emotion evaluate whether things are going ones

way

Emotions signal to others

How to Use Emotion

Intelligently(Greenberg, 2002, p.11)


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Befriending your

feelings

Exercise


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What is Self-E

steem?It is a reflection of a persons overall evaluationof him/her own worth. It includes beliefs (for

example, I am competent), and emotions suchas pride, shame,worth (I feel loved, worthy).


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Markers forPositive

View ofS

elfversus

Negative View ofSelfTaken from Amelia Roldan, Becoming A Winner, 2003, p.21


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Markers for Positive View

of Self

Markers for Negative

View of Self

1. Realistic view of oneself

2. Being true to oneself and

accepting oneself in terms of a

wholesome self-esteem

3. Positive affirmations

4. Warm and happy countenance

5. Being at peace with oneself

1.Physical symptoms

a.Tense and anxious

b.Gloomy and unhappy

countenance

c. Eye contact issue

d.Withdrawn

e.Monopolizing a

conversation, being a

compulsive talker


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Markers for Positive

View

of Self

Markers for Negative View of Self

1.Physical symptoms

a. Monopolizing a conversation, being

a compulsive talker

b. Compulsive smoking or drinking,resorting to scapegoats

c. Impatience and irritability

d. Depression

e. Always complainingf. Refusal to admit mistakes

g. Indulgence in gossips and hearsays


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View

of Self


1.Physical symptoms

a. All knowing attitude, pretending to

know a lot of things

b. Tendency to inhibit or dominate others

c. Jealousy and envy

d. Suspiciousness or paranoid behavior

e. Remorse or guilt, feeling ashamed

f. Tendency to compare oneself with

others


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View

of Self


1.Physical symptoms

a. Idol worship idolizing sport heroes,

movie stars

b. Dislike of oneself

c. Disowning body parts

d. Resorting to various forms of defense

mechanisms like rationalization


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The 5 As for Healthy

Development ofS

elf-E

steembyAmelia Roldan (pp,26-29)

ACCEPTANCE is the experience of being unconditionally

loved, being accepted for what we are,without conditions, being at home withothers. The absence of these results to self

rejection or a deep sense of alienation orisolation. Because of this experience, many

people become passive.


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Development ofS

elf-E


APPRECIATION the experience of being valued, given importance

or having someone delight in oneself; a feeling abeing special to another person. The absence of theseresult to shame and low self worth or self-esteem.The extreme polarities maybe inferiority or

superiority complex. When one is not appreciated, heis inclined to lose his self-confidence. He may coverup and prove his worth and power by showingsuperiority or excellence over others.


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Development ofS

elf-E


APPROVAL the experience of being recognized or

acknowledge for ones success or achievements.The absence of these results to self-doubtperfectionism and fear of failure. Among the

manifestations are: being a workaholic, being aperfectionist and absenteeism. Extremepolarities are: insecurity or boastfulness.


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Development ofS

elf-E


AFFIRMATION the experience of being valued for onesindividuality or uniqueness and giftedness.The absence of these results to extremeconformism, poor self-valuing, difficulty or

inhibition in expressing opinion and indiscriminating. Extreme polarities areinvalidation or bragging.


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Development ofS

elf-E

steembyAmelia Roldan (pp,26-29)AFFECTION the experience of being touched caringly,

stroked lovingly, and embraced tenderlybecause one is worthy of being loved andcherished. The absence of this may result inretarded physical and mental development,difficulty in relating with people, fear ofintimacy and insecurity. Extreme polaritiesare emotional neediness or emotional

distance.


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Behavioral Manifestations ofMaladjustments By Amelia Roldan (pp.28-29)

i. A person who is deprived of acceptance and approval in his/her

formative years is inclined to be:

y Attention seeker, demanding, unable to give love,

possessive and a user who takes advantage of other

people, easily hurt, nurtures hatred when offended,

vindictive, an escapist, escaping painful realities through

drugs, alcohol, smoking, etc.

ii.If pampered with too much attention and care, he is also inclined

to be:

y

Demanding of attention, selfish, inconsiderate and conceited


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i.If deprived of recognition and appreciation, the person

may exhibit:yDislike and hatred of himself as well as others,

loss of self-esteem and self-respect, a sense of

inadequacy, feeling of rejection, an inability to

listen and to understand others, a persecution

complex (feeling of being a victim all the time),

reactive-ness to corrections and criticisms


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i.Obsessed with social approval, the deprived adult may

resort to undesirable anti-social behavior like:

yMonopolizing a conversation, bragging too much,

proving power and dominion by inhibiting others or by

aggressive behavior, covering up for inadequacies like

being too much of a people pleaser, appearing to beknow it all, competing for power, prestige or attention,

defensive or evasive response to correction, always

trying to be pleasing at the expense of himself


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i.Deprivation of the need for autonomy likewise may

condition abnormal behavior likeyObsession for power and dominion, defiance and

contempt against people in authority, as well as

rules and regulations, rebelliousness anddisobedience, rigidity, compulsive obsession

(being too perfectionist, too clean, too orderly,

etc.)


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Developing Healthy

Self-Esteem


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Redefining Myself(Mckay, M. & Fanning, P., 1987, pp.58-61)

Identify and list as many words or phrases as you can in describing yourself in the

following areas:

Physical appearance

(for example: description of height, weight, body posture, quality of skin)

Personality

How do other people see you as a person

Mental functioning

(capacity for learning, wisdom/knowledge acquired, ability to solveproblems, reasoning capability)


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Unloading ExerciseBy Amelia Roldan (p.39)

a. In the first column, draw a trash can and place into

the following:

i. All your negative thoughts, negative self-talklike: ang malas ko, wala na akong tamang

ginawa.

a. In the second column, draw a basket and decorate

it, and place thereat alli.The positive thoughts you want to replace your

negative thoughts and self-talk: hindi ako

malas mayroon akong alam, kaya ko yan.


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Column 1 Column 2

Trash negative thoughts, self-talk Basket of positive thoughts


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CelebratingMy Assets(Mckay, M. & Fanning, P.,1987, pp.73-74).

Actively recalling and

focusing onaccomplishments


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Actively recalling and focusing on accomplishments

Acknowledge your strengths. Go back to your lists thatcorrespond to all your strengths. Reflect on them. Then

try to read them slowly. Internalize them. Then rewrite

them in complete sentences as if you are writing a

letter of recommendation for someone you really

admire and cherished. Then read it again slowly and

passionately (now out loud, if you can). You can also

do this at home. Read your list two times a day for one

month. You can do it upon waking up and before going

to bed.

M k li t f d il


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Write a one-sentence positive self-

statement that can be repeated toyourself throughout the day, e.g. I

am worthy, I am competent, I am

likable

Make a list of daily

affirmations


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Countering Negative Self-Talk

What do we mean by negative self-

talk?

I

t is how you talk to yourself negativelywhich is done habitually andunconsciously.


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9 Distorted Thinking Styles that Harm Self-Esteem

1. Overgeneralization from one isolated event you make a

general, universal rule.If you failed once, youll always fail.2. Global labeling you automatically use derogatory labels to

describe yourself, rather than accurately describing your

qualities.

3. Filtering you selectively pay attention to the negative anddisregard the positive.

4. Polarized thinking you lump things into absolute, black-and-

white categories, with no middle ground. You have to be

perfect youre worthless.5. Self-blame- you consistently blame yourself for things that

may not really be your fault.


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9 Distorted Thinking Styles that Harm Self-Esteem

6. Personalization you assume that everything has something to do with you, and

you negatively compare yourself to everyone else.

7. Mind reading you assume that others dont like you, are angry with you, dont

care about you, and so on, without real evidence that your assumptions are correct.

8. Control fallacies you either feel that you have total responsibility for everybody

and everything, or feel that you have no control, that you are a helpless victim.

10. Emotional reasoning you assume that things are the way you feel about them.

Takenfrom: Mckay, Matthew & Fanning, Patrict. (1987). Self-Esteem.New Harbinger Publications: USA


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Refuting irrational beliefs or negative talk involves COMMITMENT.

It is your choice now to make a commitment to yourself if you

want to make necessary changes in the way you think.

y The 3-Column technique

o Since cognitive distortions are bad habits (Mckay & Fanning, 1987, p.76), you

need to unlearn how youre thinking style is played out and relearn new steps to

replace old habits to new and positive ones.

o Directions in the first column, write down what your negative critic is saying to

you about the situation. Even if nothing immediately comes to mind, keep

reliving the situation until you get a word or two.

o Examine your self-talk for the distortions (listed above) that damages your self-

esteem.

EXERCISE:

WHAT TO DO ABOUT THEM?

((Mckay & Fanning, 1987, p.88-90)


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Self-statement Distortion Rebuttal

Example:

They will reject me. they will

how nervous I am. They think I

am weird. I am always like that.

Mind reading

Overgeneralization

I have no way of knowing what

they will think. That is up to

them.

Not so! Sometimes I am quitearticulate.


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The Treasure Within Me by Amelia Roldan (p.47)oWhat two things I do very well

oMy two greatest achievements in life

oWhat in myself am I proudest of

oMy happiest moment

oPositive words that my friends use to describeme

oA personal goal that I have already achieved

o

Three blessings I am most thankful to GodoThree of my positive qualities

oDifficulties, challenges and problems that I was

able to solve and overcome


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