SPECIAL REPORT - Thrive After Divorcecomplications and emotional roller coaster of getting divorced,...

SPECIAL REPORT

The 4 Simple Secrets To

Successful Parenting After Divorce

By Carolyn B. Ellis,

Founder, Thrive After Divorce Inc.

©2006-10 Carolyn B. Ellis www.ThriveAfterDivorce.com

The 4 Simple Secrets to Successful Parenting After Divorce

© 2006-10 Carolyn B. Ellis www.ThriveAfterDivorce.com

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The 4 Simple Secrets To Successful

Parenting After Divorce

Congratulations for downloading this special report from Thrive After

Divorce.

One thing I already know about you is that you’re a separated or

divorced parent who wants to do the right thing by your

children. If you are reading this, you want to learn strategies to make

you the best single parent you can possibly be. You want to grow in a

positive and inspiring way after divorce.

Somewhere you’ve decided your goal is to not just “survive” your

divorce. You realize that you want more than mere survival. You don’t

want to be stuck in the past while trying to create a new future.

At some point you said to yourself, and perhaps you even did this

unconsciously, “I want to THRIVE after divorce!” That desire has led

you to finding this special report that will give you 4 simple secrets to

do just that.

I believe that as traumatic and as difficult as it can be, divorce can in

fact be a huge gift. Imagine that it’s just waiting to be unwrapped and

will give you amazing information about how to be the most

incredible, powerful and loving YOU!



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I support you in your choice to THRIVE after divorce! Do it for

yourself. Do it for your children.

When Parenting Collides with Divorce

When I started my family over 15 years ago, I had dreams of living

happily ever after. My children would grow up and start happy families

of their own. My husband and I would grow old together, reminiscing

in our rocking chairs about what a beautiful life’s journey we had

shared. Did you have a fairy tale dream like this too?

Those dreams of living “happily ever after” come crashing

down when one of you utters the words, “I want a divorce.”

Parenting and divorce are two of life’s greatest challenges and they

can both strike you at the same time when you become separated.

You are not alone. The Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts

estimates that over 33 million people are divorced and another 5

million are separated in North America.* New divorces this year alone

in North America will involve well over 1 million children! The latest

estimates are that between 44% and 50% of marriages will end in

divorce. *- 2005 data compiled by the IDFA.

Divorce definitely is a major cause of stress. Becoming divorced rips

through the entire fabric of your life. It affects you not only

emotionally, but financially, socially and in some cases professionally

and geographically as well.



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The Social Readjustment Rating Scale (Miller, Rahe 1997), ranks

various life changes with a point scale according to level of stress. A

score below 125 means you’re at low risk of stress. A score above 300

puts you at a high risk of stress and potential illness. Just take a look

at some of the stress factors that can be involved in a typical divorce:

Example of Factors in a Typical Divorce

Divorce

Major change in living conditions

Change in family get-togethers

Major change in health or

behavior of family members

Major decision about immediate

future

Decreased income

Major change in sleeping habits

Major change in usual and/or

amount of recreation

TOTAL STRESS POINTS

96 points

42

25

55

51

60

26

28

383

In this illustration case, this “typical” divorce easily racked up 383

points. That’s well over the 300 points considered to put you at risk of

stress-related illness! I share this not to scare you, but just to put into

perspective what a huge impact divorce can have and how important it

is for you to get the resources and the support you need to cope with

this upheaval. For some people who face threats to their physical

safety, this support might include help from lawyers, the courts and

the police.



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Being a parent is demanding enough, but when you add on the

complications and emotional roller coaster of getting divorced, life can

become a huge challenge.

So what is the best way to parent after divorce? Is there really a way

to thrive after divorce? I believe there is and that’s what I’m going to

share with you in this special report.

First, Why Should You Listen To Me?

If you are reading these words, there has been some kind of

relationship heartache that has brought you to finding this report. I

know what that’s like – I’ve been there myself.

Let me tell you a little bit about how I came to write this report and to

create my company, Thrive after Divorce.

I had been together with my husband for 20 years. We were high

school sweethearts, graduated from Harvard together and had 3

beautiful healthy children. To the outside world, we seemed like we

had the ideal life.

One night my husband and I went to a great romantic movie and

dinner together. He shared that he felt our marriage was in trouble

and that we didn’t have that passionate ‘zing’ he wanted in a

relationship. On a certain level, this was all news to me! I felt like my

chest was caught in a vise grip, my palms were clammy and I could

hardly breathe. As I watched my tears fall into my soup at the



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restaurant, it felt like all of my dreams and aspirations for that happily

ever after fairy tale I thought I’d been living were crashing down.

Yet at another level, this conversation confirmed something that my

gut had been telling me for quite a long time. We had become

different people than we were 20 years earlier. We had grown apart;

we took each other for granted. We weren’t making our marriage a

priority. In my heart of hearts, I wasn’t sure that I had what it took to

put ‘Humpty Dumpty’ (our marriage), back together again.

Despite undertaking marriage counseling, therapy and a variety of

relationship workshops, in 2001 we decided to end the marriage and

get a divorce.

Telling our children that their parents were going to get a divorce was

the toughest thing I’ve ever experienced. I spent many sleepless

nights agonizing about the impact our divorce would have on them.

Would they ever be able to trust, love and create a healthy and loving

relationship of their own? Had I failed them as a mother?

At my core, I knew I had to find a way to not just limp through my

divorce experience as my children deserved better than that. I

resolved at an early stage that I would do whatever it took to heal my

heart so that I could be the best mom I could be to my three children.

What Issues Keep YOU Up at Night?

Single parents, especially in the early stages of separation, suffer from

a lot of guilt, remorse, and uncertainty. Hardly a week goes by when



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there isn’t some tragic story in the media about adults having a

custody dispute and the children are being caught in the middle –

kidnapped, or worse.

Do you lose sleep at night worrying about issues such as:

• Is my divorce going to emotionally damage my children for life?

• How do I take care of my children when I’m feeling

overwhelmed, stressed out and my own heart is broken?

• How do I raise my children for the next few decades with

someone I’m no longer married to and might even despise?

• Will I ever be able to find my soul mate and how can I trust

myself to not make another relationship blunder?

I had a lot of these questions myself and so I went looking for

answers.

There’s a ton of information out there – on parenting, divorce, blended

families, finding the right lawyer, creating the right parenting plan or

separation agreement, attracting your soul mate, and on rebuilding

trust in the relationship you have. There’s a zillion books (I should

know – I seem to own half of them!). Yet there was something missing

in all this information for me.

As a single mom with three children and a business, I wanted

to ‘cut to the chase.’ I wanted to know what the secrets were to



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navigating this journey of being a single mom successfully. I was sure

the tools were out there! In this special report, I’m going to share

with you 4 strategies that DO NOT work and the 4 secrets I’ve

discovered that WILL WORK to help you successfully parent after

divorce.

4 Strategies that DO NOT Work

Going through divorce is like going through a maze. Some paths going

forward will simply lead to a dead end. If you want to be the best

single parent you can be and move forward in your life, then here are

4 strategies many people take that DO NOT work!

Mistake #1

Let Other People Tell You What To Do

Getting divorced can pull the rug out from under your feet and leave

you feeling disoriented, even if you’re the one who decided to end the

marriage. Some people adopt the strategy of endlessly polling their

family and friends and following their advice. While you may get some

useful information or data points this way, other people are not YOU.

If you ask 5 people for their advice on what to do, you’ll likely get 5

different answers, which can simply add to your disorientation and lack

of clarity.

Don’t make the mistake of always being guided by other

people’s opinion. The world’s best expert on you is YOU. The



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choices and decisions for how you want to create your life now that

you’re a single parent are yours alone.

Divorce issues can be hard to relate to unless you’ve been in those

shoes yourself. Sometimes people will use that opportunity to dump

all of their own frustrations on you and advise you to do things they

wished they’d done in their own relationships.

Mistake #2

“My lawyer will sort everything out”

When I got separated, I assumed that once I hired a lawyer everything

would get sorted out. My lawyer would figure out the best custody

arrangements, the best financial settlement, and the best way to

handle any disputes in the future.

While most lawyers are highly trained and ethical people, they get paid

by billing you by the hour, right? The legal system is inherently costly

and conflict-ridden. Every dollar you pay your lawyer is a dollar that

could have gone to supporting your children.

(If you are doing a collaborative law process, however, the lawyers

agree that they will work hard to get your case settled so it doesn’t

have to go to court. If they fail in that, they agree upfront that they

will not be able to represent you in any future court proceedings. To

learn more, Google the term “collaborative law” in your state or

province, and you’ll find links with lawyers using this method.)



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I’ve spoken with family lawyers who feel that the system simply chews

people up and spits them out, leaving big bills and more angry toxic

emotions behind. The courts view you as a ‘case’, not as a

‘family’ unit. While you definitely require legal advice, your lawyer

can only act upon your direction. You need to be the quarterback

who’s prepared to call the plays.

Mistake #3

Use A “Scorched Earth” Policy Towards

Your Ex

In war time, fleeing troops would often burn the village in order to

deprive the advancing enemy of any possible remaining resources.

Sadly some parents make this same choice when getting divorced as

well.

Too often warring ‘ex-partners-to-be’ engage in their own scorched

earth policy, perhaps because they are feeling enraged at being

dumped or having to pay ongoing financial support to someone you’re

no longer married to.

This policy can include malicious gossiping and rumor-mongering,

reckless spending, deceitful behavior, and more. People who have the

“he’s going to pay!” attitude have a burning commitment to always be

right despite the financial and emotional costs.



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Unfortunately the casualties of this nasty campaign aren’t simply a few

burned out farmhouses or dead cattle. It’s our children, caught in the

crossfire, who are the victims of this tragic choice.

Mistake #4

“Don’t Worry About Me, I’ll be Okay”

Another misguided strategy that doesn’t work is to deny your own

emotional pain. Some single parents will put on a brave front and try

to keep a stiff upper lip, even if it feels like their whole world is falling

down around them. They assure themselves and those offering help

that “I’ll be just fine”.

Some single parents start to hyper-focus on their children. They pour

all of their energy, time and attention on the children, as a way to

avoid feeling and dealing with their own emotional turmoil. They

completely ignore their own personal and emotional needs as a result.

I call this syndrome “going for the martyr medal” and it’s one of the

pitfalls I identify in my award-winning book, “The 7 Pitfalls of Single

Parenting: What to Avoid So Your Children Thrive After Divorce.”

Like an ostrich with its head buried in the sand, it can feel safer and

less painful to live in a state of denial than recognize that your life is

undergoing a major change. You can foolishly hope that somehow,

everything will either “go away” or “get better” all on its own, but it

won’t. Ultimately this strategy doesn’t work for you or your children.



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The 4 Simple Secrets You MUST Know NOW

By now we should be really clear on what DOESN’T work. I didn’t have

a lot of role models in my life of people who’d done what I would call a

“good job” handling their divorce. I knew people who years later were

still warring with each other and I could see the damage inflicted on

their children. I definitely didn’t want my children caught in any cross-

fire between their parents.

My children weren’t getting the best “me” I could be as a mom.

They were getting a stressed out, brittle version of their mom

and I felt they deserved more. Albert Einstein once said, “You can’t

solve problems at the same level of thinking that created them”. I

decided to discover the strategies and mindset I would need to not

just “survive” my divorce, but to thrive after divorce.

So I scoured the bookstores and internet for helpful information on

divorce and parenting. I found a mountain of “information” but I was

surprised at how unhelpful most of it was for my purposes. I found a

lot of psycho-babble and dry, academic theory that never told me

“how to” apply it to my life in a practical sense. I found some books

written by some “real parents” but they were more a public diary,

airing their own emotional upheaval and didn’t offer any principles I

could draw upon for my own life.

What I wanted was practical, proven advice written by someone

who’d been in my position and come through this life-altering

experience thriving.



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I wanted a simple road map to get me through the challenges of single

parenting and I couldn’t find it. So I decided to figure it out on my

own…through lots of trial, error, sweat and tears!

I’ve boiled it all down to these 4 Secrets I’m about to share in this

special report. I believe they are the key to successful single

parenting.

Secret #1

Get the Big Picture

Think back for a moment to the time when you were in love with your

former partner. I know it might be hard especially if you’re angry at

your ex, but indulge me for a moment. There was a time when you

were happy. Do you remember your dreams of the life you would

create together? Do you remember taking that walk down the aisle in

front of your family and friends? Do you remember the hopes and

commitment you had when you decided to have children together?

Recall that rosy picture of your lives together, forever entwined in love

and partnership. Take a deep breath right now and let that vision

become clear for you. Notice any feelings and sensations in your body

as you connect to that picture.

Cut from that image to you in your life today. Separated. Divorced.

Possibly feeling overwhelmed, angry or scared. One of these pictures

is definitely not like the other!



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The biggest mistake most single parents make is not getting the big

picture. This is one of the 7 pitfalls I identify in my award-winning

book “The 7 Pitfalls of Single Parenting: What To Avoid So Your

Children Thrive After Divorce”.

The “happily ever after” vision you held at the beginning of

your relationship must be replaced by a new vision. Your brain

uses images as its guidance system. Did you know that your brain is

exposed to millions and millions of bits of information each day? Your

reticular activating system sorts out what bits are important to you

and what is not. When you hold on to a vision of a “happily ever after”

with your ex-spouse and you’re divorced, you experience a sense of

suffering and lack because your life doesn’t quite mesh with the visual

goal you hold in your consciousness.

Without having a big picture in mind, you’re not clear where you’re

going. You end up reacting to every little challenge and never feel a

sense of progress or satisfaction. You may feel like you’re always

putting out brushfires. So if you want to get out of reacting to every

situation and start creating a life that works for you, it’s vital you

create a new vision.

To get started, ask yourself the following questions:

• What kind of relationship do I want to have with my children

now... in 10 years... in 20 years?

• Imagine it’s the graduation or wedding of your child.

o How are you relating to your children?

o How are you relating to your ex-partner?



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o How do you want to feel about yourself and the family life

you’ve created?

Secret #2

Put Your Oxygen Mask on First

Think about the safety announcements you hear in airplanes, advising

adults to put the oxygen masks on themselves first and then assist

their children. (I was on a flight recently where the flight attendant

advised us to assist “children, or any other people you’re with that are

acting like children”). If you’ve passed out from lack of oxygen at

30,000 feet, what good can you do for your children in that state? The

same principle applies in divorce – you must be aware of your own

needs and take responsibility for taking care of yourself first.

Remember mistake #4? Some single parents take on the martyr role

as they navigate the new waters of their life. “Yes, my life is tough

right now but I’ll just soldier on, even if I’m miserable and not getting

enough sleep.” The most important gift you MUST give yourself is

self-care.

Self-care may seem like a total theoretical luxury. After all, who’s got

the time to do this when you’re dealing with a maelstrom of issues

that demand your attention as a newly divorced parent? Why, there

are the kids, handling the ex, the finances, the lawyers, setting up

mom’s house and dad’s house, handling the family repercussions of

your split, the impact of your divorce on your friends and social

network and so on. It can feel like there’s no time to breathe, let



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alone deal with any anger or grief you’re feeling due to ending a major

relationship.

Nevertheless, you must take care of yourself and refuel your

batteries. Be willing to ask for help. Delegate to others any chores

that you can. Make sure you surround yourself with supportive people.

Distance yourself from people who drain your energy.

Otherwise, what’s the message you’re sending to your child?

That it’s okay to run yourself ragged while taking care of others? That

you should always put the interests and needs of others before your

own? I’m sure that’s not what you want your game plan to be. If it

sounds selfish to take care of yourself, that’s because it is! The word

“selfish” means to “take care of oneself” – and what’s so wrong with

that? If you’re not willing to respect, love and take care of yourself,

who will?

To get you started with your process of self-care, answer the

following questions:

• Create a list of your “Top 10 Resources” for yourself – these are

people you can call upon to help you. Your list can include

friends, babysitters, a reliable plumber, your favorite massage

therapist, to name a few examples. Keep this list handy!

• What are 3 items (it could be a task, a relationship), do you

have on your plate right now that drains your energy? For each

one, list one simple thing you could take action on this week to

either delegate, defer or drop this item from your agenda.



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Secret #3

Unplug from Your Ex

You may no longer be married to your spouse, but you will always be

parents to your children. There was a time in your life when you loved

each other enough to bring a child into the world. A secret to

successful parenting after divorce is to build a relationship with your

ex that won’t drive you crazy! You want to have a relationship with

your ex that helps your kids, not hurt them.

Keep your children’s best interests in mind. Before you say or react,

take a moment to ask yourself “what would serve my children’s best

right now?” Too often divorced parents react out of their own personal

pain and pollute their relationship with their kids with toxic emotions,

sarcastic comments or judgmental opinions. Your children deserve

better than that.

So how do you not let your ex drive you crazy? Simple: what your

ex thinks of you is none of your business. Notice what thoughts

come up for you as you read that sentence. Perhaps you heard: “Yes,

but he really WAS a jerk!” or “But my ex badmouths me to my friends

so I have to set the record straight!” Take a deep breath and let those

negative feelings go. I guarantee you; those 11 simple words can

unlock a whole new level of freedom and happiness for you.

While it may sound tough to do, make that your mantra. When you

let your own self-esteem and emotional health in any way

hinge on someone else’s opinions, particularly those of your

ex-partner, you put yourself on a very rocky road. It’s a sure-fire



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way to give away your power and avoid taking responsibility for the

life you are creating for yourself and your children.

Another way that we let our internal power erode is through gossiping

or bad-mouthing your ex. Think of those sarcastic comments and

secrets you share with others as energy you put out into the world.

It’s a negative force that continues to bind you and your ex together in

an unhealthy way.

Okay, I admit it; there are moments when it can feel good to have a

gripe session and to let off some steam. Please make it the exception,

not the rule. If you really need to vent, choose someone you can really

trust and keep it brief.

Think of your children as well. They are highly intuitive and pick up on

your negative vibes without you even opening your mouth. Remember

– what goes around comes around.

To put this secret into action, write out your mantra “What my ex

thinks of me is none of my business”. Keep it in your purse or in your

journal to keep it uppermost in your mind.

Secret #4

Use the T.H.R.I.V.E. Principles

It’s been many years now that I first separated from the father of my

three children. It’s been an incredible journey with lots of heartache,



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self-doubt, self-reflection and heart-opening transformation along the

way.

I’ve thrown myself into an intensive program of studying with some of

the world’s most accomplished personal development leaders. I’ve

read the works of countless authors and attended numerous programs

to discover the secret formula that would allow my children and me to

thrive after divorce. As a result, the relationship I now enjoy with my

children is more loving, more emotionally honest and joyful than I ever

could have imagined.

I’ve boiled it down to what I call the THRIVE Principles ™. These

principles will help you to tackle any family challenge and win, every

time. If you build your parenting foundation on these powerful

principles, you are setting your family up for love, connection and

success. If you adopt these principles, you will be learning some of the

powerful lessons you can teach your children, often without even

saying a word!

The THRIVE Principles ™ have been fundamental to weathering

any personal or professional challenge I’ve encountered. They

are:



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Let’s review each principle.

T - Trust

The first secret is to TRUST. Trust that you are made of the right

stuff. You have every internal resource or skill that’s needed to help

you find your way through a problem. It’s just a matter of learning

how to access your own incredible talents.

When a major relationship or marriage breaks up, it’s very easy to be

hard on yourself. “How did I let myself get into this!” or “There must

be something wrong with me that my marriage failed” or “How can I

trust myself in the future if I failed in this marriage?”

One principle that will serve you through good times and bad in your

life is to trust yourself. Remember, you are the world’s best expert on

The T.H.R.I.V.E Principles

Trust Honesty Responsibility Integrity Vision Expression



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YOU! Trust that you will make mistakes and that you can benefit from

them. Mistakes and a willingness to learn from them will unlock pure

miracles in your life. You will learn more about who you really are and

what you are truly capable of when you create feelings of trust within

yourself that you can handle any situation and have an openness to

grow from your mistakes.

When in doubt, simply take a deep breath and check in with your

intuition. Listen and learn to trust where your heart wants to lead you.

Here are some great mantras or affirmations you can use:

“I trust that I can handle any situation I face.”

“I trust I will use any pain or fear to my highest interest.”

H – Honesty

It’s so important to learn to be HONEST with yourself and with others.

Without honesty, there can be no authenticity. When you can be real

with yourself and with others, they can be real with you.

If you need help, be honest and ask for what you need. If you want to

say no, be honest and decline. Often we say “yes” to a request just to

be polite or “do the right thing”, but then we carry out the task with

resentment and procrastination! Honesty is critical for business and

personal partnerships of all kinds. Satisfying, successful long-term

relationships are built upon a foundation of honesty, not pretence.



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R - Responsibility

The third THRIVE Principle is RESPONSIBILITY. Many great spiritual

teachers tell you to be 100% responsible for your current reality.

Taking 100% responsibility puts you in the driver’s seat of your life.

If you don’t practice taking responsibility you end up as the perpetual

back-seat driver – always knowing better after the fact. You get to

play the powerless victim, spending time and energy blaming others

and making excuses for why you don’t get what you say you want in

life. When you harness the power of responsibility, you can affect

change and take action to accomplish your goals.

Does that mean you’re responsible for everything? No! You need to

differentiate between the things you’re responsible for from the things

that you’re not. You are responsible for your thoughts, words and

actions. Women seem particularly skilled at taking responsibility for

the feelings and actions of others, while ignoring their responsibility for

their own happiness and health.

Before I truly understood the principle of responsibility, I was a great

believer in being compassionate with other people by worrying about

them. I ended up ignoring my own needs to the point where I let

myself to become a ‘doormat’ in personal and business relationships.

Responsibility helps you set clear and healthy boundaries.



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I – Integrity

One of the most fundamental THRIVE Principles ™ is INTEGRITY.

Your word is incredibly powerful and sets the Universe in motion to

align with your word. It’s vital that you do what you say and say what

you do.

If you’re not willing to do something, declare that fact. Living in full

integrity helps you to live “in the zone” where you’ll find it effortless

and magical to accomplish your goals.

Do you like to be with people who break promises to you? Well, that’s

what we do to ourselves when we compromise our integrity. When

you’re not practicing integrity, a part of your vital life force gets

diverted and you drop out of the “zone” where things come to you

effortlessly. As you expand your horizons, you have to keep raising

the bar of your integrity. Make sure you surround yourself with people

who have strong integrity as well to create successful, lasting

relationships.

As a parent, I want my children to have integrity and to know the

importance of honoring their word. The best tool we have to instruct

them is to be living in integrity ourselves. For example, telling your

children that bad language is not acceptable and then using it yourself

is being out of integrity. Asking your children to respect others and

then they see you gossip about others or not take proper care of

yourself is another example where you would be out of integrity.

Integrity is a powerful lesson for our children and it’s one that we

teach more effectively when we model it for them.



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V – Vision

Whether you’re creating a business, a relationship, a trim body or a

new hobby, you must take the time to create an inspiring VISION for

yourself. Without a vision, you don’t have the big picture. Multi-

tasking, information overload, overcrowded schedules and a high level

of stress characterize life in the 21st century. It’s easy to get caught up

in battling daily brush fires, never feeling like you can get ahead.

Winston Churchill once said, “Never mistake the edge of your rut for

the horizon.” Articulating a vision defines your true horizon. Your

vision should empower you and light you up from the inside. Holding a

vision pulls you through the day-to-day challenges and keeps you in

action towards your goals. Creating a successful business will take

every ounce of energy, creativity and commitment that you have, so

having a vision is absolutely critical.

I find it especially powerful to think of the people who will be served

by my vision. There are tens of millions of divorced individuals in North

America, with over 1 million children a year affected by divorce. I hold

a vision that my Thrive After Divorce business will support those

people and help inspire them to live happy, successful lives.

Connecting to my vision of people thriving after divorce fuels me and

keeps me going, even when my day-to-day going gets tough.



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E – Expression

The final THRIVE Principle is EXPRESSION. Human beings have a

huge spectrum of emotional expression. There’s rage, sadness and

fear at one end, and ecstasy and love at the other. It’s living in our

fullest expression of ourselves that we can feel fully alive.

I realize now that one of the greatest gifts of my divorce has

been to live a more fully expressed life. Growing up I was very

uncomfortable with anger so I did everything I could to never feel that

way. I would avoid conflict at all costs or try to please other people.

But as I capped my risk of feeling those strong negative emotions, I

also limited my ability to fully feel the joyous positive emotions that

live at the other end of the spectrum.

It’s been said that emotion is simply energy in motion. Bottling up

your emotions is like putting psychic sludge into your system.

Eventually you either shut down or you get backed up and explode.

Expressing all of how I’m feeling is the best strategy I know for living

life full out and in the moment. You’ll want to bring that energy and

joy of life with you as you parent your children. That kind of vibrancy

is infectious! Plus, it makes life’s journey a lot more fun!

Put the THRIVE Principles ™ into action this week by writing them out

and posting them where you’ll see them often – by your computer, in

the kitchen or on your bedroom mirror. See if you can build the

muscle of consciously choosing to use the THRIVE Principles ™, rather

than fall back on any old patterns of feeling like a powerless victim.



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What’s Your Next Step?

I’ve shared many of the tools I’ve used to create my personal success

as a single parent with you in this special report. I work with these

tools and insights every day to create a life that’s taken me to places I

never thought possible for myself. These secrets have helped me to

create a relationship with my three children that feels like a blessing to

me each and every day.

So the question for you to consider is: Are you willing to put

some of these tools into action?

Each of us is here because we have a unique talent or gift we bring to

the world. Life is full of adversity and unexpected challenges along the

way. Use the THRIVE Principles ™ as the foundation for playing full out

and delivering what you have to offer with passion, joy and ease!

Some Further Resources for You

If you want even more tools and information about how to be the best

single parent you can be, I’ve written an award-winning book called

“The 7 Pitfalls of Single Parenting: What to Avoid So Your Children

Thrive After Divorce”. My award-winning Divorce Resource Kit is a

home learning system, that takes all the guesswork out of designing



26

your life after divorce, saving you years of struggle and potentially

thousands of dollars in the process.

You can learn more about the resources and services I offer at

www.ThriveafterDivorce.com

For ongoing practical tips, strategies and resources, I publish the bi-

weekly Thrive Guide ezine. The articles and resources off inspiration

for people who are ready to transform challenge into opportunity, and

includes articles about mindset, parenting, communication, divorce,

goal-setting and much more. Plus, I also answer reader questions

about separation and divorce in each issue. To subscribe, please visit

www.ThriveAfterDivorce.com. (You may, of course, cancel your

subscription at any time.)

I also host and produce an award-winning podcast, called The Divorce

101 Show. Each episode is designed to give you more winning

strategies for how to thrive after divorce in a way that’s to-the-point,

down-to-earth and practical. You can listen to it at

www.Divorce101Show.com.

A Final Word

The ultimate decision lies with you to put these tools into action. The 4

secrets are simple and practical, so please start using them in your life

RIGHT NOW to help you and your children THRIVE after divorce. I’ve

offered some easy action steps you can take to start implementing

them right away.



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I support you 100% to make the choice each and every day: Thrive

after divorce. Do it for yourself. Do it for your children. You deserve to

THRIVE!

Carolyn Ellis

Founder, Thrive After Divorce

PS – What are YOUR most pressing questions that you have about

being a single parent? To ask me a question, please email me at

[email protected]

PPS – If you’ve found this information useful or helpful to you, I would

love to hear your feedback. Please feel free to email us at

[email protected]



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About Carolyn B. Ellis

Carolyn B. Ellis is a Success Strategist and Founder of

ThriveAfterDIvorce.com. Her company offers training and educational

products and services to separated and divorced individuals to thrive

after divorce. She is the award-winning, best-selling author of “The 7

Pitfalls of Single Parenting: What To Avoid To Help Your Children

Thrive After Divorce” and the publisher of the award-winning Divorce

Resource Kit. The creator of the THRIVE Principles ™, Carolyn also

publishes a bi-monthly ezine called, The Thrive Guide, which offers

success strategies and principles for people desiring to transform

challenge into opportunity for amazing new possibilities. A single

mother of three amazing teenagers children based in Toronto, Canada,

Carolyn is a woman who ‘walks’ her talk. She is passionate about

empowering others to fearlessly create and reach their highest

potential.

Carolyn holds a Masters degree from Harvard University. Her coaching

and professional credentials include being a the first Canadian to be

certified as a Spiritual Divorce Coach, a Master Integrative Coach and

TeleClass Leader, a Certified Money, Marketing & Soul Coach, True

Purpose Coach, Voice Dialogue facilitator and an advanced PSYCH-K



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Facilitator. She is also the founder of BrillianceMastery.com, a program

that helps women entrepreneurs own their brilliance so the mission of

their business can be communicated clearly, powerfully and profitably.

Carolyn currently serves as Director of Advanced Programs and

Communications for world-renowned transformational teacher and

award-winning author, Dr. Barbara De Angelis.

For fun, Carolyn loves volleyball, hot yoga, musical theater and

reading. She is also a reformed Trekkie and is a huge dog lover. Of all

of her many teachers and mentors, Carolyn believes her three children

are her greatest and most wise teachers who have guided her along

her path.

THRIVE AFTER DIVORCE, INC.

660 Eglinton Ave East, Suite 149 – Level 119

Toronto ON M4G 2K2

Canada

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