Small Talk Autumn 2014

NCT Small Talk Autumn 2014 1

Autumn 2014

Salisbury and South Wiltshire Branch

Don’t throwme away,pass meonto afriend today!


Contents

Editorial and Branch Co-ordinators Report 7

Birth Story …Planned C Section 8

Useful Contacts 11

Welcome to the World, Baby! 14

Child and Childbirth Contacts 20

Mummy’s Letter to Santa 12

The Daddy’s Corner 17

Do we underestimate our toddlers when it comes to housework? 23

Size (A5) Per Issue (£) Annual (£)

Half page black and white 22 77Half page colour 33 97

Full page black and white 33 116Full page colour 44 154

2 page spread black and white 66 231

Advertising features/ inserts 33 116

Advertising revenue offsets the cost of printing and distribution. Approximately 250 copies are printedevery issue at a cost of approximately £1 per newsletter per issue. Readership is extensive with ourmember base (currently 200+) receiving a free issue and copies being placed at clinics, surgeries, librar-ies, toddler groups, and activity centres.

Small Talk Advertising Rates


Meet the Team..

[email protected].

[email protected]

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[email protected]

Small Talk

Jo Woodman

Branch & NNSCoordinator

Contact: 07790 542854

Lianne & SimonGlover

Newsletter Editors

Contact: 07738 983370

Catherine Bonner

Membership Coor-dinator

Contact: 07730 431800

Jess Lee

Treasurer

Contact: 07879632939

Breastfeeding Counsellor/ Breast Pump HireEmma Thomas01980 551383/ [email protected]


As the clocks go back, we find ourselves contemplating Halloweenand dare we say it, Christmas!! Yet more opportunity to discuss thetreats that we might enjoy! Pumpkin carving (not Simon’s speciality),snow (eek!) and of course the sweets, cake and puddings!!!

We also reflect on our fourth edition and are keen to keep lookingforwards with fresh ideas, providing you with information, advice andguidance on the issues that you want support with.

Change is on the horizon and this issue will be the first to be bothpublished digitally and in paper format. You will find the link on our

Facebook page (NCT Salisbury & South Wiltshire Branch).

Many thanks to all our contributors and advertisers, this really wouldn’t happen withoutyour support. Please do get in touch if you have any ideas/ suggestions for articles andfeatures.

Lianne, Simon and Phoebe

I’ll keep it brief & let my photo do the talking in this edition☺Heather arrived on 8th September & life has been pretty hectic ever since!

Many congratulations to Catherine our membership coordinator who also gave birth tolovely Cleo in August. We all hope to see you at one of our Thursday open house coffeemornings in the near future!

Jo WoodmanBranch Coordinator

Editorial

Message from the Branch Co-ordinator


Birth Story... Planned C-SectionWhen I found out I was expecting baby number two I was over the moon as we reallywanted Molly to have a little brother or sister, but I was filled with some trepidation aboutthe birth.

Molly by this time was three, but her birth (natural) had been complicated and I was con-cerned about the birth of this next baby. Luckily, I had a very understanding doctor who wasincredibly reassuring. He referred me to a Consultant at the hospital to talk through whatwould be best under the circumstances for the baby and I.

My husband Ian and I knew that a planned caesarean may be on the cards prior to havingthe meeting with the Consultant, so we talked to several friends who had undergone caesar-eans to understand what was involved and also researched the risks.

When we met the Consultant, he spent a long time with us talking through the options forthe birth this time, bearing in mind my previous history, and the risks involved with both anatural birth and a caesarean. We were able to ask lots of questions, and at the end of themeeting decided to go with the planned caesarean.

So, the date was set for 6 April, which at the beginning of a snowy February seemed a longway off. It was a very bizarre feeling knowing the exact date I would meet my little boy (wehad found out he was a boy as Molly only wanted a ‘pink’ baby and we thought we mayhave to manage her expectations – as it was, once we found out, she decided she didn’tmind what she got, so we didn’t tell her, otherwise everyone would have known!).

My midwife appointments all continued as normal, and then on the Friday before C-Day(caesarean day) on the Monday, Ian and I went to the hospital for some pre-checks andreviews beforehand. These involved some pre-op routine blood tests and a blood pressuretest, as well as being given some tablets to take the night and morning before the caesarean– together with an explanation of when I should stop eating and drinking in readiness forthe op.

The doctor and the anaesthetist also came and spent some time with us, going through ex-actly what would happen on the day and answering any questions we had. I felt as thoughwe were given all the information and details we needed and were kept fully informed atevery stage. Again, a very bizarre and surreal feeling leaving the hospital on Friday evening,knowing we would have our baby to hold on Monday.

After a fairly sleepless night on Sunday (I was going into this with my eyes open – a caesar-ean is a major operation with all the risks of a major operation attached to it, and not some-thing we had entered into lightly), we set off bright and early for the hospital – I must admitto getting very teary in the car after saying goodbye to Molly who was cheerily unaware ofexactly what was happening to Mummy, other than ‘she has gone to the hospital for thebaby to pop out’, and quite happy to spend some time with Granny and Granpa!

On arrival at the maternity suite we were assigned a midwife who again went through every-thing with us, and the medical team also came in to introduce themselves, and to explain


exactly what would happen, and who would be in theatre (a surprisingly largenumber of people to look after me, and more to look after the baby). After this, theanaesthetist team came in and went through how the spinal block would happen andwork – and how they would monitor me through the op.

I was prepped, and Ian changed into his blue scrubs (lots of George Clooney ERjokes) and we walked into theatre with the midwife. The anaesthetists then adminis-tered the spinal block – I had one of these when I had Molly and so knew what toexpect in terms of the cold of the anaesthetic to numb the area and then I knew Iwouldn’t feel anything after this. I lay down on the bed and they put up a screen sowe couldn’t see what was actually happening during the caesarean.

Once they had checked I couldn’t feel anything from the waist down (and I did makethem check several times), then the doctors started. I really couldn’t feel anything oth-er than a little bit of tugging and pulling, and then very quickly they announced wehad a lovely baby boy and held him up for us to see. We then heard the nursescomment ‘oh wee everywhere…and again’, whilst he was quickly checked over, andthen he was given to us to hold and snuggle whilst the doctor got on with stitchingme up.

The whole op took about 45 minutes from start to finish and then I was wheeledinto a recovery room with my lovely little boy, Toby. Ian and I had plenty of timewith him here while the doctors and nurses did final checks before I went onto theward about three hours later. Molly came in that afternoon to see Toby and fell inlove with him straightaway (as we all did).

By the following morning, the feeling had returned to my legs and I was able to getup and have a very short walk round the ward – by Wednesday lunchtime I was outand taking Toby home to see his very excited big sister.

Having the caesarean was a big operation, and as I said, something we did not un-dertake lightly – as well as all the risks of an operation there was the six week recov-ery time (including no driving – big thank you to all my very kind friends). However,under the circumstances, it was the right decision for us, and I hope by writing this,anyone who has to undergo a caesarean feels less daunted by the prospect as wewere incredibly well looked after by all the medical staff, and kept very well informedat all stages.

AuthorMichelle BettsHorsham Branch


Useful ContactsBreastfeeding Counsellor /Breast Pump Contact Emma Thomas: [email protected]/ 01980 551383

NCT Help line inc Breastfeeding 0300 330 0700

NCT Bra Agent 01373 865009Caesarean Birth Support 01747 852703

Parent Services Administrator Fiona Makin 0844 243 6949

Sarah Day 01980 863847Cally Edwards 01722 780079Charlotte Feest 01722 712749Rosheen Ryan 01980 625883


Dear Santa,

We have been good Mummies this year, once you have sorted out ourchildren’s toys please can you fix one or two things for us…

- a lie in every once in a while. When we say lie in, 7.30 on-wards would be fine

- a nice relaxing bubble bath without darling husband shoutingout silly things such as – where are the nappies/darling daugh-ter has just been sick/I need help/baby is crying

- time to do our hair and make-up – some of our children arenow getting to the age where they will start to get embarrassedat our frizzy locks etc – we cant have that

- breakfast in bed once in the year, either on our birthdays ormothers day – we really not that fussy

- to find a magical remedy for teething- some child free time, don’t get me wrong as much as we love

our children an hour of adult conversation at least once a weekwould be bliss, or alternatively a trip into town for a late lunchand browse round the shops or even a pamper session (fingersdoubly crossed for this one)

- an unprompted compliment from our darling husbands or bet-ter still the mother in law about being a good mummy (is that aflying pig I can spy)

- the loan of one of your fine elves to do the washing up – notall the time just maybe on Christmas Day or on Sundays orafter a kids birthday party

- for our babies to kindly tell us just how long they are going tonap for before falling asleep. 10mins, half an hour? 3 hours?We never want to start anything as we think they will wake upsoon then you find you've been watching daytime TV for 2hours! (please don’t let on to our husbands about the daytimeTV)

- shot in the dark but – we would like some romantic time withour partners including a lovely meal, overnight stay in a hoteland a lazy breakfast the next day.

Mummy’s Letter to Santa


- someone else to do all our usual things - thinking about what to cook,tidying and washing - so we can really just not have to think at all for afew days!Also, maybe a break from all those 'Muuuum, my brother/mysister/the baby/the dog did XYZ.did I mention an pamper session??everyone in the house to put their shoes away

- to be able to understand baby talk- to have a riotous night out but without a hangover when we get up to

small children in the morning- to have a photographic memory so that we can capture and remember

every precious moment our children give. That way we would neverforget each coo, gurgle or funny expression and every super-cute mo-ment would stay with us forever.

- a day without tantrums- nails which cut themselves- a full nights sleep- going to the toilet without accompaniment- a self cleaning house- a mute or volume control for children- that on Christmas day the kids, in-laws and husband will actually eat theChristmas lunch we will have spent ages making and then go and playquietly so we can have a snooze??

We understand that you are really busy, and this is a long list but even ifyou could just fix one or two things we would be very happy mummies.Thanks in advance

Mummies UK

Author

Ali Lippiett,

Petersfield and Liss Branch

The information in this newsletter is for the benefit of NCT (National Childbirth Trust) members and beneficiaries. It may be used only in connection with NCT ac-tivities and may not be used for any commercial purposes. The views and opinions expressed in this newsletter are not necessarily those of NCT. The informationcontained in this newsletter should not be reproduced without the editor's consent in writing. The appearance of an advertisement in this newsletter does not implyendorsement of the company or its products by NCT, nor does it constitute a recommendation. However, it is always worth mentioning when replying to an adver-tisement that you saw it in an NCT newsletter. NCT cannot be held liable for loss, damage or injury arising out of goods sold through any advertisements in thisnewsletter. Any discount offered to NCT members by any advertisement is done so entirely at the discretion of the advertiser.


Welcome to the World Baby!

Parents Newborns Date

Sam & Dave Emma Florence Jennifer (7lb 12.5oz) 08/7/14

Wendy & Philip Harry (7lb 12oz) 11/7/14

Carolyn & Henry Elsie (8lb 6oz) 12/7/14

Julia & William Bailey Isobel Ann (8lb 11oz) 18/7/14

Harriet & Oliver Theo Henry James (8lb 5oz) 18/7/14

Anna & Thomas Benjamin Patrick James (7lb 6.5oz) 20/7/14

Ruth and Rob Farrar Penny Angela (8lbs 7oz) 25/07/14

Amber and William Pople Henry William (6lb4oz). 04/08/14

Suzi & Phil Layla Katherine (6lb 10oz) 04/8/14

Nicky Shipp and Richard Love Isobel Jessica Katie. (6lbs 7oz) 05/08/14

Claire & Stewart Willow Rose Lillian (5lb 13oz) 07/8/14

Jason and Sarah Burgess Joshua John (7lb 9.5oz) 11/08/14

Laila and Duncan Housden Jules Duncan. (8lb 2oz) 17/08/14

Lizzie and Rob Fletcher Annabelle Amy (7lb 6oz) 21/08/14

Lindsay and Jonathan Nancarrow Evelyn Grace. (6lb 4oz) 28/08/14

Sophie and Lewis Ballard-Whyte Ottilie Jane. (7lb 12oz.) 28/08/14.


My son finally caved into relentless pressure the other day and afternearly ten and a half months of cajoling I returned home from work to amotoring crawler career towards me grinning toothlessly and shouting ‘Da-dadadada’.

For months now I have applied myself, using every tool at my dis-posal, to begin my child’s education through the utterance of this singlename. I have been thwarted at every turn. Initially I tried repeating myname, repeatedly and repetitively. I tried it when bathing him, changinghim, whilst we looked at ourselves and each other in the mirror. To noavail. The child had one to one tuition daily, but every time I would say‘dada’, he would just smile and bury his little head in my shoulder giggling.

Then one day he said… ‘Mama,’ or probably more accurately,‘mamaman’. Then to add insult to injury, he called everything ‘mama’, in-cluding his dear old dad.

When I told people at work that my son was saying his first word, theywere always very surprised that it was not ‘Dada’, rubbing in my failure. Ihad not been the first word he had said. I was crushed, my ego batteredby a baby that did not care, who rejected me, for what…home-made milk!That mommy got everything, time with him, the pleasure of witnessing thefirst of everything he did in life, his undivided attention. What did I get,only the leftovers.

I threw myself into my work and things became tense at home…myson would barely look at me. My wife, I was jealously and unreasonablysure, was gloating at me over her cups of fennel tea and decaf coffee. Fi-nally I decided I could not give up, not to let my wounded self-righteouspride take hold. I had another go, “after all,” I told self-pityingly myself, “fatherhood is all about coming second best.”

How hard could it be? ‘Mama’ to ‘Dada’ was merely the matter of asmall change in consonants. I redoubled my efforts, remembering all theadages that had stood me in good stead so far in life, ‘if at first you don’t


succeed…’ and ‘I will do it, I can do it, I will do it, I can do it”, not to men-tion the most spiritual of them all: ‘The force is with you, always.”

Nothing could stop me. No nappy change was complete without aselection name songs, the spitting of different blends of phonics and rasp-berries. We would stand and stare and point at photographs of me andonly read the stories that focussed on daddy. I was a man possessed. Hewould say my name.

So when I crossed the threshold that evening to witness my obsti-nate (don’t know where he gets it) son finally and gleefully say my name, Iwas thrilled. My son knew me I important after all. I picked him up andhugged him, taking in the moment. Then he turned away and reached outfor his mother calling her “Dada!”

It was a few days later, when started a very silly but convincing clapthat charmed the life out of us that we realised that sometimes words aren’tthe most important form of communication. I would clap, his mommywould clap, then he would clap and laugh. Still he would call the wrongthings “mama” and “dada”.

I guess we all expect things to get a little competitive from time totime with other parents, but I never thought that parenthood would bringout a competitive streak in me with my partner. However, like everythingelse in fatherhood, expect the unexpected, don’t take it personally and en-joy it while it lasts, because as soon as you get used to something, there isanother change around the corner. Oh and the last, but not least piece ofadvice, ‘mama’ always comes first.


NCT Baby Massage Courses Starting Jan 2015

Wilton Road, Salisbury

A wonderful way to spend time with your babyA five week course for babies and their parents or carers.

Suitable for babies from 8 weeks - approx. 6 months

Concessionary rates availableFor further details or to book a place, contact: Fiona Makin

[email protected] 0208 752 2491

or see www.nct.org.uk/courses


Child and Childbirth ContactsCounselling, information, training and Support

Groups. 9.30-10.30am daily) www.abm.me.uk

Information, encouragement and support to women who wish to breastfeed.www.laleche.org.uk

Support for mothers who feel depressed or isolated when their ba-by is born. (7-10pm Mon-Fri) www.mama.co.uk

Support group fro those with a crying/sleepless baby. Publications are available.(9am-10pm daily) www.cry-sis.org.uk

National charity that works for and with parents. Information and support,(Mon-Fri 9am-5pm) www parentlineplus.org.uk

for families with disabled children. (Mon-Fri 10am-4pm)www.cafamily.org.uk

A support organisation for lone parents and their children; with local support groups.(Mon-Fri 10-12am & 1-3pm) www.gingerbread.org.uk

Self-help group providing advice and support to separating and separated parents.(Mon-Fri 6-10pm) www.fnf.org.uk

Help & support for working parents/ carers. Info on employment rights, childcare &flexible working. www.workingfamilies.org.uk

www.realnappy.com

The only national charity offering non-directive support and infor-mation to parents throughout the antenatal testing process. Mon-Fri 10am5.30pm) www.arc-uk.org

www.miscarriageassociation.co.uk

(eves/ weekends)

[email protected]

Support for families whose babies have diedsuddenly and unexpectedly. www.sids.org.uk

(10am-4pm Mon-Fri)www.uk-sands.org

(12pm-9pm daily)

www.mothersathome.co.uk, local contact is Marie Peacock email:[email protected]


There’s a family who live a few doors down the road from us who have five children,and I’m so impressed with how responsible and caring the older ones are, much moreso than most children their age. One of the characteristics of their family life is thatchores are not taken for granted: they each have responsibility for a particular jobwhich they know needs to be done by a certain time in the day, and they just do it.The fact that I noticed this about their family made me wonder: do the rest of us havelower expectations for our children in terms of housework, and does that have animpact on their behaviour beyond the home?

So I did a bit of research amongst NCT people locally, asking how we involve ourchildren in housework, and found a wealth of ideas for getting small children used tohelping out, even from quite a young age. For instance, from aged one, Tina used toask Josh to tidy up his toys before he came to the table for mealtimes. “He is now 27months old and I don't have to ask him anymore. Also, when he has finished readinga book he puts it back on the shelf most of the time,” she says. Josh also enjoyshelping Tina to sweep the floors and clean the table, which Tina describes as ‘smallresponsibilities’. It seems that ingrained habits form if the same thing is done at thesame time everyday.

For the younger toddlers, Mums often said they encouraged their little ones to helpwith the laundry or washing up. Dolci has helped Toni hang out the washing fromaged one, and now she is two Toni says it is also good for counting. “Dolci likeshanding me the washing and the pegs; I say ‘I need two pegs’ and she hands me twopegs.” Dolci also helps out by doing the washing up, which is particularly good for‘safe’ loads, such as plastic cups at the end of toddler group.

Radmilla’s son Martin is nearly four, and he regularly helps her to cook by choppingvegetables, while his younger sister naps. “I think it’s safe for him to use a sharp knifeunder supervision, so he learns how to use it safely and it is less attractive as a plaything,” she says. He also helps his Dad by sawing wood, hammering nails and usingthe power drill. He tidies away his toys before getting out the next ones, does vacuumcleaning and washing up, which is sometimes clean enough not to need a second


wash. “He probably does these jobs less than once a week,” says Radmilla. “Idon’t expect him to do it but sometimes he asks to do them, and he receivespraise, not rewards, afterwards. I would like it if the jobs became a regular thingbut I’m not sure when this would happen,” she says. Radmilla thinks that thechores make Martin feel more adult, and that the jobs are important as lessons inhow to do things safely. By doing these jobs, Martin is saving Radmilla sometime, and there is the added bonus that he is not doing anything destructive whilehe is doing them!

Louise asks her 19-month-old son to put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket.Her three-year-old daughter is good at checking her clothes at the end of the dayand putting the dirty ones in the laundry basket and the clean ones back in thedrawer. “I also put her clean clothes on the bed and we put them away together,”she says. “She also clears her plate from the table and will occasionally get cutleryfrom the drawer for dinner. Getting them to tidy their toys seems to be a hardertask for some reason, but we’re persevering.”

There are lots of ways to make chores fun – lots of Mums find it helpful to puton some music or sing a clean up song. Claire uses the musical tidying up game:you put the music on for the kids to dance, then stop the music and shout out anumber. Each kid has to put away that number of things in the room. I havefound cleaning accessories helpful incentives: my daughter really enjoys wearingrubber gloves or an apron, and spraying cleaner spray or polish.

Beth says her children (aged 5, 3 and 2) seem to think that cleaning is great fun.“I let them loose once a week with a can of polish and a duster each. Theygenerally use the whole can of polish in one go but hey ho, they love it andalthough they don't actually clean anything very well, at least the house smellsnice!” Her three-year-old loves hoovering: “last week he hoovered the wholelounge using the attachment nozzle – he even did the skirting boards and underthe sofa cushions,” she says. She doesn’t offer any incentives but if they try to doa good job, she sometimes gives them a reward.


Other chores that our toddlers do: watering the houseplants, helping to makebeds, putting rubbish into the bin, putting dirty plates into the dishwasher and

unloading clean things from the dishwasher, feeding pets, opening curtains (if theycan reach), setting the table…the list goes on. So perhaps we’re not so bad atasking our children to help us around the house afterall, we just didn’t realise wewere doing it.

Author

Sophie Hebden

Gloucester and District Branch

Small Talk Autumn 2014

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Transcript of Small Talk Autumn 2014