Show Don’t Tell:Show Don’t Tell:Painting Pictures Painting Pictures

with Words with Words

Demonstration LessonDemonstration Lesson

Terri BeelerTerri Beeler

July 7. 2003July 7. 2003

Objective:

Creating a Picture in the Reader’s

Mind – “Showing not telling” in our

writing

Rationale/Theory:It is common in classrooms to hear teachers talking to

children about their writing using such terms as

“elaboration” or “adding details.” We talk about making a

piece come to life or being able to picture the setting in our

mind’s eye. What is often interpreted by children is to add

more words, usually adjectives, to make the piece longer.

The pieces often grow long without becoming better pieces

of writing. Mark Twain put it best when he said, “Don’t say

the old lady screamed. Bring her on the stage and make

her scream.” The goal is that the reader can watch a story

happening in his mind. To do this writers learn to write

visually, involving more senses, so that the reader gets

involved as an observer of what is taking place.

“Writers love words. And while some

writers get excited over a particular pen or

a more powerful word processing program,

words remain the most important tool the

writer has to work with.” (Fletcher, What a

writer needs, p. 32)

“Donald Murray has pointed out that,

effective writing starts with ‘honest,

specific, accurate information’. When

students write from experience, they can

breathe those specifics into their writing –

dialect, odd smells, precise names of plants

– than can animate even the most tired and

tedious text.” (Fletcher, What a writer needs, p. 46)

“The writing becomes beautiful when it

becomes specific.”

(Fletcher, What a writer needs, p. 47)

Excerpt from Calkins, The Art of Teaching Writing

“Mini-lessons That Help Students Learn the Qualities of Good Writing”

Read and highlight points that Calkins makes about writing to create a picture in the reader’s mind.

LITERATURE MODELS:

Owl Moon (Jane Yolen)

My Momma Had A Dancing Heart (Libba M.

Gray)

In November (Cynthia Rylant)

When I Was Young in the Mountains (C. Rylant)

The Relatives Came (Cynthia Rylant)

When Twilight Comes (Ralph Fletcher)

Telling and Showing Examples

Telling:

The first memory I have is of picking

cotton with my mother. I would ride the

cotton sack she pulled behind her when she

picked. Those were wonderful times of

togetherness for us. We were poor then, but

my mother would do all sorts of things that

helped me feel important and loved. Thomason, T. (2002) Absolutely Write ! Teaching the Craft Elements of Writing. Christopher- Gordon Publishers, Norwood, MA.

Showing:

From Rick Bragg, All Over But the Shoutin’, pp. 23-24

Perfect Attendance

From

Rainbows, Head Lice and Pea-Green Tile

by

Brad Bagert

v

Helping Children Use Descriptive Language

Ask young children questions such as:

Which sentence helps you better understand: “I had a greatdessert last night.” OR “I had two scoops of Rocky Road ice cream in a waffle cone with chocolate sprinkles on top.””

Which is easier for you to picture inside your head: “My mom is nice to me.” OR “My mom always tucks me into bed, readsme two or three stories, kisses me good-night, leaves a glassOf water on my night table, and turns on my night light.””

Which would help the reader really appreciate what you are Trying to say: “ I like snow” OR “I like how snow gives Children a whole new way to play outdoors and covers every-Thing with a pretty white blanket.”:

Explain the difference in general and specific information.

Writing Experiences

in

Showing not Telling

Improving sentences:

Tells: Sarah awoke to a noise in her

kitchen. She was terrified out of her mind.

Shows: The sound of glass breaking in

Sarah’s kitchen woke her up. She froze

and listened. She could hear the sound of

footsteps on the broken glass. Blood

pounded in her head as her mind raced

through the possibilities of what she could

do about the intruder in her home. Sweat

washed over her body in waves.

Improving Sentences On Your Own:

Tells: Sarah wondered if her old boyfriend

would be at their 10-year class reunion. And

then she saw him standing there by the

punchbowl. All her old feelings for him came

flooding over her. She froze.

Shows:

Tells: The PTA president introduced Sarah to give the welcome. She was so afraid of public speaking and dreaded the 10-minute address she would have to give.

Shows:

Tells: Sarah loved the ocean. The sound of the waves made her feel at peace.

Shows:

Think about your childhood pet or some other

animal you have known well in your life. Write

down several behavioral characteristics of that

pet – like playful, mischievous, friendly, etc.

Now pick one of those characteristics and

describe your pet in such a way that the reader

will know your pet had that same

characteristic, but without using the name of

that characteristic. For example, if Fido was

playful tell a story or tell what Fido would

typically do in such a way that will help the

reader know Fido is playful, without ever

mentioning that word.

Literature Model for “Showing” a childhood

pet:

Henry Huggins’ dog Ribsy was a plain ordinary city

dog, the kind of dog that strangers usually called

Mutt or Pooch. They always called him this in a

friendly way, because Ribsy was a friendly dog. He

followed Henry and his friends to school. He kept

the mailman company. He wagged his tail at the

milkman, who always stopped to pet him. People

like Ribsy, and Ribsy liked people. Ribsy was what

you might call a well – adjusted dog.

Cleary, B. (1967) Ribsy, p. 7

List a few character qualities you think people

should have. Then go back, and beside each

quality, write the name of someone who has that

quality. Then pick one quality and name and

write how you know that person exemplifies that

quality. For example, if you say John has

patience, tell(show) about a time when John

showed patience. This will probably be a short

narrative. Include dialogue if appropriate. Don’t

use the name of the character quality in your

narrative. Paint the picture so that the reader

knows the quality of your character. (Show don’t

tell………)

Use pictures to produce visual writing.

Using postcard scenes or pictures from

magazines, assume you are writing a

story that happened in one of the

places pictured. Describe what you

want your reader to be able to see or

know about the picture or the story

behind the picture.

Think of an inanimate object such as in the

book Workshop by Andrew Clements.

Describe that object using both nouns and

verbs in a way that will bring it to life for the

reader.

Examples from Workshop by Clements:

Hammer – Hammer is a hitter, a beater, a

pounder, a nailer.

Hammer moves, whack by thump by thud.

Hammer keeps swinging.

Pliers pinch and pull.

Pliers grip – long, strong fingers.

Pliers hold tight.

Taking this to the Children:

Use a piece of student writing to think about how you would help that child show not tell.

One day I went to Adessa’s house. We walked to the park. We played on the swings. We fed the ducks. We fed some swans. We went to the wooden playground. We went down the slide together. We went to lunch before we went to the park. When we were done playing we went home. (Avery, And With a Light Touch, p. 132)

What would be some questions the reader might ask the writer to put more significance into this piece ?

Practice With Your Own Writing

In a piece you’ve been working on, find a

part where you analyze or tell a lot about a

particular action or object. See if you can

cut out the telling part and show what

happens by using dialogue, descriptive

writing, or combination of both.

Share changes with the whole group

Resources:

Avery, C. (2002). And with a light touch, Heinemann, Portsmouth, NH.

Calkins, L. (1994). The art of teaching writing. Heinemann, Portsmouth, NH.

Clements, Andrew, (1999). Workshop, Clarion Books, NY, NY.

Fletcher, R. (1993). What a writer needs. Heineman, Portsmouth, NH.

Harwayne, S. (2001). Writing through childhood: Rethinking process and product, Heinemann, Portsmouth, NH.

Thomason, T. (2002) Absolutely Write ! Teaching the Craft Elements of Writing. Christopher- Gordon Publishers, Norwood, MA.

Thomason, T. (1998) Writer to writer: How to conference young authors, Christopher-Gordon Publishers, Norwood, MA.