SHAMESHAME

Legitimate sin = Legitimate shameLegitimate sin = Legitimate shame

““Shame should bring us to humility, not to Shame should bring us to humility, not to humiliation. In its proper function, it serves humiliation. In its proper function, it serves to remind us that we are not self-sufficient, to remind us that we are not self-sufficient, that because of our weakness in the face that because of our weakness in the face of temptations, we need to rely on of temptations, we need to rely on Someone greater than ourselves to live Someone greater than ourselves to live well.” well.”

Chuck Swindoll Chuck Swindoll

Definition of ShameDefinition of Shame

Toxic unwantednessToxic unwantedness ((Shame: theory, therapy, theologyShame: theory, therapy, theology By Stephen Pattison ) By Stephen Pattison )

How does shame How does shame feel?feel?

Guilt is when we have done something wrong.

Vs.

Shame is when we are something wrong.

Shame flourishes Shame flourishes in the darkness in the darkness of secrets and of secrets and hidden places.hidden places.

The way out The way out of shame is of shame is

to come to come out of out of hiding.hiding.

Thoughts excessively shamed Thoughts excessively shamed people defend against:people defend against:

I am defective (damaged, broken, a I am defective (damaged, broken, a mistake, flawed)mistake, flawed)

I am dirty ( soiled, ugly, unclean, impure, I am dirty ( soiled, ugly, unclean, impure, filth, disgusting)filth, disgusting)

I am incompetent (not good enough, inept, I am incompetent (not good enough, inept, ineffectual)ineffectual)

I am useless (worthless)I am useless (worthless)

I am unwanted ( unloved, unappreciated, I am unwanted ( unloved, unappreciated, uncherished)uncherished)

I deserve to be abandoned (forgotten, I deserve to be abandoned (forgotten, unloved, left out)unloved, left out)

I am weak ( impotent, feeble)I am weak ( impotent, feeble) I am bad ( awful, dreadful, evil, I am bad ( awful, dreadful, evil,

despicable)despicable) I am nothing ( worthless, invisible, I am nothing ( worthless, invisible,

unnoticed, empty)unnoticed, empty)

SHAME SHAME BUSTERSBUSTERS

1. EXPLORE YOUR CURRENT 1. EXPLORE YOUR CURRENT STRATEGIES!STRATEGIES!

Excessively shamed people often use unhealthy survival strategies that lessen the pain of shame.

1.Denial2.Withdrawal3.Rage4.Perfectionism5.Arrogance6.Exhibitionism

2. CHALLENGE THE SHAME2. CHALLENGE THE SHAME

Set positive goals based on Set positive goals based on the following principles:the following principles:

Humanity: everyone belongs Humanity: everyone belongs to the human raceto the human race

Humility: all human beings Humility: all human beings are equal.are equal.

Autonomy: each has the Autonomy: each has the responsibility to decide how responsibility to decide how to live our lives.to live our lives.

Competence: every person Competence: every person can contribute something can contribute something valuable to the world.valuable to the world.

3. RETURN BORROWED SHAME3. RETURN BORROWED SHAME

Often our shame was given to us by someone in power or authority over us.

We did nothing to deserve the shame we received from someone else. It was not “our” sin, it was theirs.

We need to find a way to give it back to them and refuse to carry it any longer.

The Cloak of Shame has kept you:

1. Hidden

2. Afraid

3. Enslaved

4. Bitter

4. 4. REMOVE THE CLOAK OF REMOVE THE CLOAK OF SHAME AND PUT ON THE SHAME AND PUT ON THE

THINGS OF CHRIST.THINGS OF CHRIST.

““The night is nearly over; The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. the day is almost here. So let us put aside the So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and deeds of darkness and

put on the armor of put on the armor of light.”light.”

Romans 13:12Romans 13:12

““I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride

adorns herself with her jewels.”adorns herself with her jewels.”

Isaiah 61:10Isaiah 61:10

I am accepted...

John 1:12 I am God's child.

John 15:15 As a disciple, I am a friend of Jesus Christ.

Romans 5:1 I have been justified.

1 Corinthians 6:17 I am united with the Lord, and I am one with Him in spirit.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 I have been bought with a price and I belong to God.

1 Corinthians 12:27 I am a member of Christ's body.

Ephesians 1:3-8 I have been chosen by God and adopted as His child.

Colossians 1:13-14 I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins.

Colossians 2:9-10 I am complete in Christ.

Hebrews 4:14-16 I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ.

I am secure...Romans 8:1-2 I am free from condemnation.

Romans 8:28 I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances.

Romans 8:31-39 I am free from any condemnation brought against me and I cannot be separated from the love of God.

2 Corinthians 1:21-22 I have been established, anointed and sealed by God.

Colossians 3:1-4 I am hidden with Christ in God.

Philippians 1:6 I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me.

Philippians 3:20 I am a citizen of heaven.

2 Timothy 1:7 I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.

1 John 5:18 I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me

I am significant...

John 15:5 I am a branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of His life.

John 15:16 I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit.

1 Corinthians 3:16 I am God's temple.

2 Corinthians 5:17-21 I am a minister of reconciliation for God.

Ephesians 2:6 I am seated with Jesus Christ in the heavenly realm.

Ephesians 2:10 I am God's workmanship.

Ephesians 3:12 I may approach God with freedom and confidence.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

Content from

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1.1. Stop – being critical Stop – being critical of yourselfof yourself

2.2. Stop – comparing Stop – comparing yourself to othersyourself to others

3.3. Stop – relationships Stop – relationships that confirm your that confirm your shame shame

4.4. Stop – feeling guilt Stop – feeling guilt when you have when you have done nothing wrong.done nothing wrong.