THIS IS SHAKUNTALA

play

by Devi Dhvan Mesanfatsodoctor@yahoo.com

ACT ONE

Prologue

!A crash of finger cymbals.

A sitar. A nagaswaram. A didgeridoo.

A kazoo.

A television screen or video projection. Or a hologram, that’dbe nice."

SCHOLAR WITH A QUIRTWelcome to Kalidasa’s Abhijnanasakuntala!Shakuntala Remembering. This is the world’s story, though itcomes from India. Indeed, Kalidasa!who wrote this story, though he didn’t invent it, lived in India, thoughit was not India in his day, but rather a Gupta kingdom, though it is possible that Kalidasa lived some timebefore the Guptas, even a considerable amount of time by some accounts before the beginning of theCommon Era, though there’s no way to be certain of that fact for sure!is so beloved by Indians that he isknown throughout India as “The Indian Shakespeare.” But the evidence doesn’t suggest he’s that old.

This is a story of universal themes: love, betrayal, pride, repentance, and amnesia. In the play, which, forobvious reasons, is a translation, a young woman is seduced by a king. But this is no ordinary translation, andno ordinary seduction. The two really are in love. Their alliance is, indeed, an honorable marriage, much, wemay say, like the marriage of Aeneas and Dido, or like David and Bathsheba. A child is conceived. A promisemade. A ring given. An elephant goes mad. These common experiences are here woven together in anarrative weft of singular quality, richness, texture, intimacy, and sensation. Indeed, we may call this play atapestry. A tapestry of tastes.

In the play you will see the conflict of the classes, the battle of the sexes, the decadence of royalty, the plightof the poor, and the pristine quality of a priestly caste!all the characteristics of an India that is not onlyshrouded in the perfumed smoke of the age old ages, but of an India that is alive and glowing just the otherside of a world which is spinning counter"clockwise into a profound darkness so that we might look towardsthe sunrise in the East for the light.

But we might have questions, too. Is our delicate heroine a standard bearer for the displaced rights of India’sfifth caste? Just where did Kalidasa stand with respect to the Muslim question? And what of lepers? Is theabsence of the presence of Calcutta’s major minority proof indeed that the play was composed in Benares, orVaranasi, or Kashi?

Perhaps the play asks more questions than it answers. If so, it is just another of this play’s!this paragon ofplay’s!exquisite and uniquely Indian complications, the kind in which India, a land famed for the coexistenceof its extremes, so delights...

!Video image begins to fade. Or an OLD MAN in a dhotiwheels the TV out. Or R2D2 snaps off the hologram."

This Is Shakuntala

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… bordered as it is on the North and South by extremes of heat and cold, between blistering jungles andboiling deserts, situated beside mountains and seashore, by the sea, by the beautiful sea...

!KRISHNA, wearing a businessman’s glasses and a power tie,stands up among the audience."

KRISHNAWhere’s the antelope? Shakuntala opens with an antelope. Where is the antelope?

!SCHOLAR WITH A QUIRT comes back."

SCHOLAR WITH A QUIRTLet us keep in mind that India is very old, as is a considerable number of its artistic products, and that age canprove daunting. The Unternational Centre for Theatre Manthropology, which underwrites this performance,is committed to transmitting the cultural products of India, rather than translating them. To this end one maynotice if one plays close attention, that we have altered slightly the traditional rendering of the story in orderto make it more accessible to the average audience.

KRISHNAWhat is inaccessible about an antelope?

SCHOLAR WITH A QUIRTHence, this production imagines a Shakuntala which speaks to the contemporary Western mind...

!Video goes out again."

KRISHNATransmission? This is a cultural heritage you’re making an outwardly mockery of. I’m ringing the manager...

!KRISHNA makes his way to the aisle."

Oh, let’s see what I’ll do. I’ll stage a Midsummer Night’s Dream and make Quint and Bottom Abbot andCostello and trade all the lovers for the cast of Gilmore Girls. And the fairies!baap re!don’t get me started.So many possibilities. I will make them Indians of the Native American variety. Or maybe Mexicanimmigrants. Oh, I know, I know, I will set the entire thing in Arkansas with hillbilly mechanicals and thespace aliens as fairies!

!KRISHNA goes out.

Darkness."

Scene 1!ENGLISHMAN and DUHSHANTA in a red, radio#flyerwagon before a very large and noisy fan. DUHSHANTAstands in the back, chin up, sporting a peacock feather crown,MacArthur sunglasses and pipe, white scarf, billowing in thefan wind, and jodhpurs. ENGLISHMAN sits in the front,miserably."

DUHSHANTAROW!

ENGLISHMANI’m wet.

DUHSHANTAROW!

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ENGLISHMANThere’s more of the black sea rolling in the boat than out.The polar wind cuts through the bulwarks and my bonesAnd pries my organs open to the steel spray of the sea.Ice is fasting to my hair and chin.In three days I’ve not had a drinkBut passing ice more than not gagged with salt.I’ve slept only in delirium these past eight daysSince eyes left closed a moment stick tight shut.

DUHSHANTARow on, Smithers!I’ll tie you to a millstone and heave you overboard.

ENGLISHMANHah! I’m in this boat for the duration, Your Highness.The rowing blisters on my bottom have burst and worn away.My flesh is frozen straight to the bench beneath me.Not have I since we put out from blue Mumbai...

DUHSHANTACall it right!

ENGLISHMANWho calls it but who’s there, hm?We’ll call these gunwales Bombay by all rights,The crusted bow and damp, cold planks, our socks, perhaps,The slim solid ground we only occupyAnd yet our sad wake before it’s slipped back into seaThat’s Bombay but not beyond

DUHSHANTARow.

ENGLISHMANPulling, pulling, pulling Souther than I thought there wasInto field"sized fields of floating ice and shellacking weatherTo the Pole!

DUHSHANTATHE POLE!

ENGLISHMANTo the Pole, he cries. Lean into the waves.My bleeding gums are my one consolationSince they signal the onset of scurvy.With any luck I’ll be dead in a week,At least unable to bear movement in my jointsOr weight on my bones,Incapacitated by default.I’ll lie then in this boat with the black waves above meRoll in this boat over black waves and brine,Blasted by sleet and bleeding beneath my crackled coverUntil this boat and king hate my weight.

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Then he’ll probably eat me.

DUHSHANTAWe’ll dine at The Pole, Watson!Slake our churning yearningOn an ice throneAt the end of the meridiansWith a caper in one handCurd in the otherA mouthful of Apple Brown BettyAnd an eye unblinking north on the slinking scalliwags toasting their tight brotherhood

Row on!

ENGLISHMANBloody well said, sir!

DUHSHANTAOnward!

ENGLISHMANTallyho!

DUHSHANTAHold on there!

!ENGLISHMAN stops rowing. DUHSHANTA falls overin the wagon and points over the side."

What say you?

ENGLISHMANHard to mistake two hundred and fifty thousand square miles of floating ice. Looks like the Ross Ice Shelf tome.

DUHSHANTAI’m teary.Remove your hat for our national anthem.

ENGLISHMANLost my hat to a Weddell seal a thousand miles ago.

DUHSHANTA!Singing, à la “America the Beautiful” or “God Save theKing” or something.."

ANTARCTICA, ANTARCTICAOUR BLESS’D GONDWANALANDYOUR WHITE CLIFFS AND YOUR GLACIERSUNTOUCHED BY HUMAN HANDS

RECEIVE US AND DRY FREEZE USPRESERVE US IN YOUR SUNAND KEEP US ALWAYS NEW AS THEEOUR HOME PRECAMBRIAN

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ENGLISHMANFat lot of good it does us now that our teeth are falling out from scurvy.

DUHSHANTAThe sere state of the homeless, butThere’s a way through scurvy, Pancho.That affliction of the tissues,The crumbled capillaries and purple flesh,The lethargy of joint and limb,The hair, the mind, gone pale and dumb""This stagnation of spirit’s an old human faultWoven deep within our DNA.Man’s system, you see, though tuned to millions of cellular miraclesFails to manufacture sufficient vitamines,Organic plaster and molding, so to speak,Which when man misses in diet, he dies,Like a plate of ice drifted too farTowards the belt and withered by degrees to nothing.HOWEVER: How well do you know your Antarctic fauna?

ENGLISHMANI can tell a seal from a penguin. What else is down here?

DUHSHANTATurn your sights to about 2 o’clock on the shelf.

ENGLISHMANAh, yes. I see what you mean.

DUHSHANTAWhat is it?

ENGLISHMANWell, pretty plain, I’d say. Upright, though rather squat. Beak. Apparently flightless. Good chance it’s apenguin.

!DUHSHANTA jumps up."

Watson, we’ll have that bird!

ENGLISHMANIf you’ll pardon my saying so, sir...

DUHSHANTANo time for chit"chat. Getting food.

ENGLISHMANVery good, sir.

!ENGLISHMAN pulls the oars."

DUHSHANTA AND ENGLISHMAN!Singing in two#part harmony, à la “Praise to the Man” or“XXX Aberdeen” or something.."

PRAISE TO ANTARCTICATHE NEW LAND OF PROMISE

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GLASSY AND PRISTINE IT LIES ABOUT THE POLELONG MAY ITS GLACIERSAND ICE CAP BE SACREDEVER THE LANGUISHING PLANET’S WHITE STONE

HAIL TO ANTARCTICATHE LAST OF THE CONTINENTSNATIONS AND EMPIRESNOW SEEK THEE IN VAIN

BLESS’D TO ENGENDERTHE LAST DISPENSATIONHENCEFORTH, FOREVER,THE WORLD’S AVOWED THRONE

!The wagon strikes the ice shelf. DUHSHANTA stumbles."

DUHSHANTADo you have the camera?

ENGLISHMANLost at sea.

DUHSHANTABlast.

Well, break out the charcoals, then. I’m stepping onto the shelf and I want this moment recorded forposterity.

!DUHSHANTA steps onto the ice."

In nomine patri, et filii, et apne atman.

ENGLISHMANBlast the ceremonics""sieze the bird!

!DUHSHANTA grabs ENGLISHMAN and yanks himfrom the wagon."

DUHSHANTABlast your eyes, there’s time to eat, don’t you see?Hold this moment just one moment!We’re at the root of the world,The footing of the sphereFrom here form and emanate the several elementsThis smooth blank field sinks miles downAnd masses so its slick weightIce atoms bend warm beneath the strainTheir fine shells crack and into a vast sub"sea of matterSpill their particular guts, which churn and burn,Then flow together into unnamed combinationsEarth itself circulates the soupSpinning newformed atoms out into the sodden oceanOr belching the plasma skyward to drift northward in swollen cloudsLook, there’s a smokestack just there,Its sides cleared of ice and blackened by its warm vomitBlowing the stuff of things to the air

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This pitch wanders the atmosphere and seasUntil it settles, new soil and sod, stone and sand,Et cetera.Here are forged the several stones, the airs, the ethers,The coded molecules of you and me,All the disparate blocks of being which give differenceThis more than any northward land is mother earth

ENGLISHMANI’m still going to have to take a dump on it sometime.

DUHSHANTAWe will set our throne at the Pole and thereAt Earth’s one fixed point,Declare a universal amnesty, receive the tired and poor,The picked on, and worn and warped,Those glossed into hurdled massesAnd when the pressed upon have in their billions here assembledWe’ll shave away in shoveling mobs the layers of this polar plateau,Relieve the cap continent of its weight,Slow the mix and flow of matter,Slide the snow and ice into the southern seas,Then while we see the great white continent gleam greenWe’ll see the northern surface unrenewed submit to the creep of crystalIn a generation the face of the earth above will shine a sea of glass,And THEN! will there be below a fair worldWalked over by the small and simpleKnowing each by nameThe uncolored country will flicker with a thousand flames,Flags of every northward nationPitched on the very masts they drew leaping here before the wind

ENGLISHMANSweet Jeremy Toad. The little mister’s just standing there.

DUHSHANTAOf course he is!we’re not hunting antelope. Penguins have no land predators.

ENGLISHMANWe’re not on land. The Ross Shelf is floating.

DUHSHANTAOh, it’s all the same. I’m standing on it, ain’t I? We don’t fill this bird with any more anxiety than you’d feelat the approach of a block of cheese.

ENGLISHMANRight now a block of cheese would fill me with something quite different than anxiety, I can tell you.

!DUHSHANTA goes the the penguin."

DUHSHANTASuch a bird, the penguin. Such human weight and manner about it. Look at the girth, the sloped shoulders,the vacuous black eyes.

!DUHSHANTA takes the penguin by the wing and walkswith it."

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Hah. His head in the guillotine and he’s not even perplexed. We could do any number of things to this birdand he’d not bat an eye, eh? We could dance the Sugar Plum Fairy and he’d stand there like he’d bought aticket.

!DUHSHANTA stabs the penguin in the skull with a tentstake.."

ENGLISHMANMight even have applauded.

DUHSHANTAAwfully magnanimous of the bird, wouldn’t you say, Tonto?

Man’s a peculiar beast.What man can’t make himselfHe’ll darn well take from something else.You and I can’t make ascorbic acid,But it’s to be found in bucketsIn this old bird’s fresh carcass.A disciplined diet of fresh penguin guts will have your gums back to normal and a full weight of cartilege backin your joints in no time.

!ENGLISHMAN points down the shelf."

Oh, crap. Act natural.!DUHSHANTA puts a brotherly arm over the tent spike inthe penguin’s head as PARK RANGER walks out of theblowing ice."

Evening.

PARK RANGERAfternoon.

DUHSHANTAIs it?

PARK RANGERYou’re not eating that penguin, are you?

DUHSHANTAGood heavens, no.

PARK RANGER‘Cause you know this is an animal reserve.

DUHSHANTANo, I was well aware of that.

!PARK RANGER wands DUHSHANTA with a metaldetector. It beeps."

PARK RANGERThis is a universal animal habitat, meaning it is reserved for the habitat of universal animals. Theadministration is handled exclusively by Mother Theresa’s Nuns of the Holy Order of lilarasa.

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ENGLISHMANI don’t think Antarctic penguins are endangered.

PARK RANGERAn inciteful objection, smart guy, but it isn’t a question of endangerment. We might finally make a placewhere all those distinctions don’t matter. If we can forget which animals are vertebrates and which areinvertebrates, which are warm"blooded and cold"blooded, the fast and the slow, tall and short...

DUHSHANTAThe endangered and the overpopulous.

ENGLISHMANThe bond and the free.

PARK RANGER... and just give ‘em all habitat, the ice cap could be international cooperation’s crowning achievement. Andthink of the potential ecosystem. Lichens and lotuses, sarus cranes and wildebeasts, reindeer and refugees,freshwater and saltwater crocodiles... wouldn’t you love to see antelope loping across the ice? Or a pack ofwolf cubs frolicking in the snow?

ENGLISHMANThe wolves would eat the antelope.

PARK RANGERThank you for the civics lesson. Let’s see the stake.

!PARK RANGER moves to remove DUHSHANTA’s armfrom the penguin."

There you go, little guy...!DUHSHANTA keeps his arm in place."

DUHSHANTAAhh... he’s traveling with us. He’s like the son I never had. My wives won’t carry children.

PARK RANGERWives?

DUHSHANTANot any one of the four hundred. We’ve tried.

Twelve years of wives and othersOthers’ wives and bland acquaintancesHave not filled outTo fill my house

I’m afraid it might be me.

My rule collapsedBetween conspiracies internal and withoutAs armies moved and countries behind themAs policies and promises made wakeFor money to ride inAs channels of goods switched their banks with the moonOur needs were squeezing between others’ jostling

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So slimming down to afterthoughts

Narrowing means make narrower dreamsAnd fewer would live with the shrinkDemocracy and the shareholders invited my resignationWhich I gave and control to the boardBecause I had no heirNo pompous generation to carry the flag o’er the trenchesWherever the onslaught, whatever the arms,Draw the hungry country after to the plentiful dawn

Nah, it’s all done by consensus, now.

Smoky agreements over cards.

The only flowing springs there now are the people departingAnd the letters they send backWe’ll be nothing soonBut a dimly kept picture of grandma

PARK RANGERRefugees must register with the sisters within twenty"four hours of arriving in Antarctica.

DUHSHANTARefugees are fugitives. I’m a sovereign nation. I bear my citizenship in my bones.

PARK RANGERSir, you’ll have to register those bones within twenty"four hours of arriving in Antarctica.

DUHSHANTAWe’ll not be registrated under another banner!Keep the bleak camps if you will at the margin of the land mass,We’ll sit at the Pole ourselvesAt ruleCall the fugitives freeAnd set the icing of the worldTo preserve us all

The cold, chalk continent designs to beNewly raised the ensign of nations

PARK RANGERI’m afraid that’s impossible. Best I can give you is a weekend camping pass!no open fires. The U.N. hasreserved the whole continent for the reserve.

DUHSHANTA!Biting his pipe."

What does the U.N. know about reserves?

I have crossed the oceans in an open boatAnd stand in ice in Antarctica,With blood in my stool and one eye snow blindI am bitten leprous by wind and blanched,I am slow from ache and starving limbs

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I have waived my former status, left my throne and land,And they are there in New York CitySelling grape leaves on street cornersThis bare page is mine, and I will write my name on itI am King Duhshanta.

PARK RANGERSir, I’m going to have to ask you to step out of the continent.

!DUHSHANTA draws the stake from the penguin’s headand brandishes it as a knife. PARK RANGER backs off."

DUHSHANTAI AM KING DUHSHANTA!

!The penguin waddles away."

ENGLISHMANBugger!

!PARK RANGER pulls the radio transmitter from hisshoulder."

PARK RANGERThis is ake"adam"bareh reporting level orange, suspect with possible weapon of solitary destruction, andrequesting immediate back"up.

DUHSHANTA!Backing up to the wagon."

You won’t find me. I’m like the wind. And I’ll blend in the blasts which ever scrape this dome flat.!DUHSHANTA clambers backward into the wagon.

Watch. I am the wind!Pause as DUHSHANTA gathers strength."

MUSH!!ENGLISHMAN sighs, takes the handle, and pulls thewagon in a circle. PARK RANGER fades as he calls afterthem."

PARK RANGERThe whole U.N. will be after you!

DUHSHANTAPansies!

!PARK RANGER fades away."

Hold up!!ENGLISHMAN stops suddenly. DUHSHANTA fallsover in the wagon."

Shhh!!They listen."

Ah"hah! Just past that pressure ridge I seem to hear conversation. You stay here, I’ll check it out.!DUHSHANTA creeps across the ice. He stops, peering,turns and returns."

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Right. The nuns are here.

ENGLISHMANDo they have brains?

DUHSHANTAVery possibly.

!DUHSHANTA hands his crown and pipe toENGLISHMAN."

I’ll keep the glasses. Stay here...

ENGLISHMANSo you said.

DUHSHANTAGrease the runners of the sled while I’m busy intimidating the nuns. Shouldn’t take me five minutes.

ENGLISHMANIt’ll take me more than five minutes to grease the runners.

DUHSHANTAFine. I’ll take ten minutes.

!DUHSHANTA creeps again across the ice.ENGLISHMAN slumps against the sled and recedes into theblowing ice."

Brains, brains. I need brains.!DUHSHANTA holds his ears."

Now, let me see. All the blowing ice in the air will mask the sound of my approach.!DUHSHANTA sticks a finger in his mouth and holds it inthe air."

Hm. The wind is blowing toward me at about sixty miles an hour, so they won’t smell me coming.!A huge, dead tuna falls out of the sky. DUHSHANTA stopsdead."

Hold! If my understanding of English literature is correct, this albacore on the ice before me is an omensignifying either that I’ll soon tango with a beautiful woman or an enormous sea horse is about to drag meirretrievably out to sea. I hope it’s the former.

VOICES!Singing."

BAH BAH BLACK SHEEPHAVE YOU ANY WOOL?

DUHSHANTA!Listening."

Ah. I hear the sisters singing.!DUHSHANTA creeps closer. SHAKUNTALA,PRIYAMVADA, and ANUSUYA appear in nuns’ habits.PRIYAMVADA and ANUSUYA dance in a clockwise

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direction around SHAKUNTALA, who, in her habit, kneelsbefore a squat, three#feet high rock, hammering away with achisel and, obviously, a hammer. On the ground to the side is atray upon which are a variety of fruits, including a coconut,also an oil lamp, several small bowls, and a long#handledladle."

NUNS!Still singing."

YES SIR, YES SIR,THREE BAGS FULL

ONE FOR MY MASTERAND ONE FOR MY DAME,AND ONE FOR THE LITTLE BOYWHO LIVES DOWN THE LANE

BAH BAH BLACK SHEEPHAVE YOU ANY WOOL?YES, SIR, YES SIR,THREE BAGS FULL

!At the end of the song, PRIYAMVADA and ANUSUYArest as SHAKUNTALA hammers."

DUHSHANTAYes, either I’ve come across three nuns or a very small flock of jesuit penguins. They seem strangelyunburdened by refugees.

These cheeks blush brightly in delightNot the despair one expects of the chaste.Wise men sayOnly fools rush in.I may be better off sizing up the situation for a bit. We’ll see how nun these sisters are and find an opening ifthere is one.

!SHAKUNTALA rests the hammer, sags with someexhaustion, and prays."

SHAKUNTALAO god, father of mercy, satisfy this their ardent desire.Send them thy holy angel to announce to them that thou,Their father, are now reconciled with themThrough the suffering and death of JesusAnd that the moment of their deliverance has arrived.

PRIYAMVADA AND ANUSUYAAmen.

!Taking up the ladle, SHAKUNTALA dips some ghee anddribbles it out over the rock."

SHAKUNTALA!Singing."

TWINKLE, TWINKLE, LITTLE STAR!The other nuns join in, resuming their dance, habits flappingevery which way."

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NUNSHOW I WONDER WHAT YOU AREUP ABOVE THE WORLD SO HIGHLIKE A DIAMOND IN THE SKY

TWINKLE, TWINKLE, LITTLE STARHOW I WONDER WHAT YOU ARE

DUHSHANTAHey Bhagwan, look at that fruit. A single lime’s worth a bucket of brains.

SHAKUNTALAThe lord bless and keep youThrough his many varied formsThrough the creator’s first flowing water,Through the fire and priest who bear sacrifice,Through the time’s pieces, the sun and the moon,Through the unbound medium of voice,Through the fruitful earth, and through air.Amen.

NUNSAmen.

PRIYAMVADAPut down your tools and join us. The ice is cold without your feet on it.

SHAKUNTALAOh, Sister Priyamvada, I’m busy.

PRIYAMVADAYou can leave chiseling for a moment.

!Singing."

A, B, C, D,E, F, G,

!PRIYAMVADA takes SHAKUNTALA by the handsand raises her up from the ground. SHAKUNTALA andANUSUYA join the song and their dance resumes."

NUNSH, I, J, K,L, M, N, O, P,Q, R, S,T, U, V,W, X, Y, AND Z,

NOW I KNOW MY ABC’SNEXT TIME WON’T YOU SING WITH ME?

!The dancing stops. PRIYAMVADA and ANUSUYA fallto the ground. SHAKUNTALA goes to her knees before therock and genuflects."

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DUHSHANTASo, this is Shakuntala.

Hard to tell under all that material, but the visible part’s quite nice.

Sweat like stars glancesAs it freezes on her foreheadAnd her eyes flare dark below itTo melt and vaporize itRaising it in a halo wispyWith the smaze gasped from her panted lipsHer chin slips slightly with each stiff breathAnd hints at deeper heavings I would seeBut for the fabric.Mother Teresa’s got the wrong idea swaddling her up that way.Good gracious, what am I thinking? She’s a nun.

SHAKUNTALAOh, and I’m getting a terrible ache in my back from hunching over this. Sister Priyamvada, help me out of thisthing, would you? I can barely breathe.

!PRIYAMVADA gets up slowly and helpsSHAKUNTALA out of her habit."

DUHSHANTABlast. The dilemma of our times. Do I step out and warn her that her skin will freeze white and dead in aninstant without some covering or do I keep silent and find out if it’s true what they say about what nuns wearbeneath their habits?

!SHAKUNTALA’s habit comes off to reveal a thick, rubberwet#suit##complete with a hood##beneath."

Blimey. No dilemma after all. She’s not going to freeze and I’m not going to see any heaving, consecratedbosoms, neither. Indecisiveness wins the battle.

SHAKUNTALAThanks, Sister Priyamvada. Now the wet"suit. This thing’s so tight I think I’ve lost the circulation in mybosoms.

DUHSHANTADrat.

!PRIYAMVADA unzips SHAKUNTALA whileSHAKUNTALA pulls off her hood."

PRIYAMVADAI told you to buy a woman’s suit.

SHAKUNTALAI’m not a woman, okay? I’ve forsaken gender.

PRIYAMVADAIf you’ve forsaken gender, why do I have to keep popping open your clothes so you can breathe?

!SHAKUNTALA pulls her arms out of the wet#suit sleeveswith a snap and leans back against the rock to roll the suit offher legs. As it comes off, the wet#suit reveals a stylish, white#trimmed, black bikini."

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DUHSHANTAShe’ll be dead in a few seconds, but what a pair of bosoms.

!SHAKUNTALA stretches with relief."

PRIYAMVADAWait. Hold that pose. For a moment there you looked just like Ariel.

ANUSUYAYou’ll be stuck to that stone in a moment if you don’t get something between you.

!SHAKUNTALA stands up and picks up her habit."

ANUSUYASister Shakuntala, it’s a lichen!

SHAKUNTALALike what?

ANUSUYAA lichen has sprouted in the moisture your damp body has left on the rock.

SHAKUNTALAMy goodness. So it has. And it looks an awful lot like the Blessed Virgin.

!PRIYAMVADA falls on the rock, spreading her habit outover the lichen."

PRIYAMVADAIt’s a sign, don’t let it freeze!

SHAKUNTALAIt’s not a sign. It’s just a blue"green organism composed of phycobiont alga and mycobiont fungus.

DUHSHANTAWow. A life"spring, even in a wasteland, and smart, too. If she weren’t a nun this would be my lucky day.

PRIYAMVADANo, no, no. I’m telling you Mother Teresa said the Blessed Virgin would bring new life to Antarctica.

DUHSHANTAShe might even make the Pole itself blossom as the rose. Girls can leave the nunhood, can’t they? If theymeet the right guy? After all:

There once was a king from KashiWho balanced the world on his knee,When people perceived it,They forsook all commitment,And followed him wild and free.

SHAKUNTALAListen, Sister Priyamvada. A vision of the Blessed Virgin or not, I’ll admit a lichen is pretty extraordinaryhere. Stand up and we’ll cover it with my habit.

PRIYAMVADAIf you’re sure you won’t freeze solid and crack apart without it.

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SHAKUNTALAI’m not sure, but I’ve already grown attached to this lichen like to a sister. We ought to do what we can tohelp this bleak world blossom.

PRIYAMVADAJust let me know if your skin begins to splinter.

!PRIYAMVADA stands. SHAKUNTALA shakes out herhabit to lay over the lichen. The habit jumps out of her handsand swirls around the nuns’ heads."

SHAKUNTALAHit the deck! It’s loose again!

ANUSUYAAck! Your nasty habit will have us all!

!The nuns flatten out on the ice. The robe swoops and soarsover them."

SHAKUNTALAOh, it’s more interested in me than the two of you.

PRIYAMVADAIt’s only right""it’s your habit!

DUHSHANTANow how I wish I were iceAnd melting underneath this warm prone form.With each turn right and left to keep one eye on the mad robeShe shows the ice in jealous clumpsCling to skin and slip as quickly into dew.I, oh ice, am kept from her by covenant,But you, I see, know little oaths.

ANUSUYAHelp, help!

SHAKUNTALAGo on, scream! There’s no one to hear you!

!DUHSHANTA leaps over the pressure ridge, tent stakebrandished heroically. With stabbing and slashing andbellowing he tangles up in the wayward habit."

ANUSUYAOh, save us, there’s two of them!

!DUHSHANTA stumbles and falls to the ice fully wrappedin nun’s habit."

PRIYAMVADAWhatever it was it’s dead. Sister Shakuntala’s habit killed it.

!The three nuns push up from the ice and on hands and kneestentatively approach the rumpled habit."

ANUSUYA

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17

I’m told there are yeti in Antarctica.

SHAKUNTALAIt’s no yeti.

!With a roar, DUHSHANTA bursts through the habit,rending it in pieces with his contraband tent stake. The nunsshriek and backpedal."

DUHSHANTAWhat habit would so torment chaste girls in this pure land?

!DUHSHANTA stomps terribly on the habit. ANUSUYAcurls into a ball and weeps."

You are chaste, right?

SHAKUNTALAYes, yes. She’s a little delicate.

!DUHSHANTA genuflects."

DUHSHANTAHail Mary, mother of god.

PRIYAMVADAThanks for putting down that habit. Sister Anusuya’s and my own are pretty well trained, but SisterShakuntala’s had a bad habit from the beginning.

DUHSHANTA!Wiping off the tent spike on the ice."

My pleasure.

SHAKUNTALAHow did you know we were here?

!Suddenly losing strength, DUHSHANTA leans backagainst the rock."

PRIYAMVADANot on the rock!

!DUHSHANTA stands quickly."

Sorry. Don’t sit on the rock. Come sit over here on the ice while I try to take care of this serendipitouslichen.

!DUHSHANTA moves away from the rock.PRIYAMVADA gathers up the shreds of the fallen habitand arranges them over the lichen. DUHSHANTA edgestoward the offering tray."

DUHSHANTAIt’s quite the track you’ve worn around that rock. You must be tired.

PRIYAMVADAIt’s good exercise.

DUHSHANTAI confess that I’m delighted to discover such angels as yourselves here in no man’s land.

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18

!While the nuns are distracted, DUHSHANTA snatches alime from the tray. In a desperate rush he chomps a big bitefrom it."

PRIYAMVADAPsst. Sister Shakuntala, who is this guy?

SHAKUNTALA!Aside."

Gracious. That was such an entrance. This man makes me feel like a natural woman.!ANUSUYA’s head emerges from the ball she is.DUHSHANTA stuffs the lime in a pocket."

ANUSUYAAre you a yeti?

DUHSHANTA!Laughing like Santa Claus."

Oh, my goodness, no.

ANUSUYAYou sound a little like Casey Kasem. Are you Casey Kasem?

DUHSHANTA!Aside."

Hm. Here’s my present dilemma. Do I let on that I’m King Duhshanta come to claim their refugees or do Ipretend I’m Casey Kasem? Would they really prefer the refugees remain refugees?

!Reflecting."

Let it be the latter.!Aloud. Like Casey Kasem."

It’s a sub"zero vacation below the arctic circle for our hero, but he’s not alone. He’s got three devoted girls inhis posse, and the temperature’s risin’. I’m Casey Kasem.

PRIYAMVADANo you’re not. You don’t sound anything like him.

DUHSHANTAI’m a graduate student. I’m doing dissertation research. On Antarctic flora. That’s quite a lichen you havethere.

PRIYAMVADAThere’s more where that came from. Oh, sure. We had thirty different colonies here just last week.

!Pause."

Then we had a drought.

DUHSHANTAAnd you worship the divine child?

PRIYAMVADAThe divine child. That’s right. We’re of the Holy Order of lilarasa.

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19

DUHSHANTABut you have vows, right?

PRIYAMVADAOh, heavens, yes. Poverty, charity, irritability, equal opportunity...

DUHSHANTAChastity?

PRIYAMVADAWell... yeah...

!PRIYAMVADA looks at the other nuns. They look back."

... yes. Sure. Chastity. At least so far.

DUHSHANTA!Aside."

O, the magic of this frost to so slow a girl’s alarm!What you feared was a fire has cooled to a stone.Have at her. Her heart holds contrary concepts,So why should there not be room there beside the saints and sagesFor you, the Pole, and for heirs of the New Earth?

!DUHSHANTA roars, leaps into the air drawing his tentspike, and delivers an unearthly blow to the top of the rock ashe comes down. The rock splits apart and upsets the nativityscene."

DUHSHANTABE FREE OF YOUR GODS!

!SHAKUNTALA leaps to her feet and pummelsDUHSHANTA with her fists. He holds her at bay with onearm."

SHAKUNTALAYou’re no graduate student!

DUHSHANTA!To the air."

Dream no more salt gods and kneelings,Faiths and feelings, strained rites, or veils of constancy...

SHAKUNTALAYou big, fat jerk! Where am I going to find another rock on an ice shelf?!

DUHSHANTA...Nor tensed liturgies, nor pewed hollows, nor brassy cymbals,But that room remains for latter forms,Present saints and ford"finders,Chakravartins and brand"spankin’ new cosmic enterprises.

SHAKUNTALALet go of me!

DUHSHANTA

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20

This world passes pretty Shakuntala,Hie to the earth’s one fixed point!

!Elephants trumpet."

Hie, hie to the Pole!!DUHSHANTA pulls SHAKUNTALA close, suddenly."

We’ll South, Shakuntala.!EVERYTHING freezes. Pause."

ANUSUYASister Shakuntala, your vows!

SHAKUNTALAI’m crippled.

ANUSUYAThe refugees.

DUHSHANTASouth, Shakuntala.

!PRIYAMVADA retrieves the tent spike from the splitrock."

SHAKUNTALA!Singing."

THERE ISN’T AN OCEAN TOO DEEP,A MOUNTAIN SO HIGH IT CAN KEEP,KEEP ME AWAY!

!PRIYAMVADA strikes DUHSHANTA with the tentspike. DUHSHANTA pitches forward. ANUSUYA pullsSHAKUNTALA from him and into the blowing ice.SHAKUNTALA struggles, jerking almost to dislocate hershoulder."

SHAKUNTALAI’m cut and caught! Wait for me to loosen myself!

!DUHSHANTA lurches on his hands and knees and collapseson the ice.

PRIYAMVADA stands above and behind him with the tentspike. She looks at it. Something about it catches her eye. Shenearly drops it.

Crash of ice collapsing off the shelf.

Elephants."

Scene 2

!DUHSHANTA and ENGLISHMAN crouch below a ten#foot stockade fence. A sign is nailed to the fence which reads,“MERCY SISTERS.”

This Is Shakuntala

21

A second hand has drawn in a comma after “Mercy.”

DUHSHANTA has a green bandage around his head. Theoffering tray lies empty.

ENGLISHMAN chews on a coconut husk."

ENGLISHMANWhy didn’t you crack their heads open? I can feel my scurvy coming back.

DUHSHANTAThey didn’t give me a chance. The snow was blowing something fierce. I could hardly see.

ENGLISHMANIt doesn’t snow in Antarctica. There’s no real precipitation at all.

DUHSHANTAWell, the bloody blowing ice, then!

ENGLISHMANAlright. You couldn’t see.

DUHSHANTAI think she liked me.

ENGLISHMANWhat gave it away? The kicking and screaming?

DUHSHANTAOh, stop it. How would you act if you’d taken a vow of celibacy and then ran into a strapping young king likemyself in Antarctica?

ENGLISHMANIf I did?

DUHSHANTAPlay along!

ENGLISHMANShe doesn’t know you’re a king.

DUHSHANTAThat’s right. And we’re not going to tell her, either.

ENGLISHMANI’m sorry for saying it, but I don’t think I’d be very impressed at meeting a king I didn’t know was a kingwhether or not I was in Antarctica. And, if I may say so, her vows don’t seem to mean much to you.

DUHSHANTAThey’re her vows.

ENGLISHMANWhatever happened to the king’s sacred duty to procure security for the afflicted?

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DUHSHANTAWhat’s afflicting her?

ENGLISHMANWell... celibacy!

DUHSHANTADarn right. I’ll be her king, yet.

ENGLISHMANBy force.

DUHSHANTAI’m telling you she likes me.

Acid rain is not more plainOn timber than the burning flameAn undiscovered country fires in human souls.

We’ll take her South.

ENGLISHMANShe’s with nuns, Duhshanta. Nuns.

DUHSHANTAThink of something! Even nuns can be distracted.

ENGLISHMANJust kidnap her, for crying out loud. Break down the fence. You’re a strapping young king.

DUHSHANTAOh, be more clever than that.

ENGLISHMANSend her flowers.

!DUHSHANTA smacks ENGLISHMAN up side thehead."

DUHSHANTAAnd a pumpkin pie while I’m at it. She’s in there, fingers a"quiver, mouth dry, dusky eyes darting...

ENGLISHMANDig underneath.

DUHSHANTAThrough the ice with my fingernails.

ENGLISHMANYou could melt your way under.

DUHSHANTA!Singing."

DOWN IN THE VALLEY

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23

THE VALLEY SO LOWHANG YOUR HEAD OVERHEAR THE WIND BLOW

ENGLISHMANToo bad you lost that spike.

DUHSHANTAHEAR THE WIND BLOW, DEARHEAR THE WIND BLOWHANG YOUR HEAD OVERHEAR THE WIND BLOW

Give me a boost.

ENGLISHMANI don’t know. It hasn’t been all that long since my back surgery.

DUHSHANTAYou haven’t seen her.

ENGLISHMANI’d love to take a look. You give me a boost.

DUHSHANTALike a glacier flow her parts togetherBlue ice and snow fieldsSleek slopes, the fine gloss glinting.All this wondrous ice capGlows against her, reflects and finds her.Who would stand hereWould first kneel to her.

Boost me.!ENGLISHMAN interlaces his fingers. DUHSHANTAsteps into his hands and peeks over the top of the stockade."

ENGLISHMANIs she there?

DUHSHANTAI think so...

!The doors to the theatre smash in, splinters flying."

VOICEAh"hah! They’re still up to their monkeying around business!

!KRISHNA and several FIREFIGHTERS come throughthe audience."

KRISHNAOh, what is it now, it’s worse than before. Are you people besieging the Alamo, or what is it going on here?

!ENGLISHMAN holds up his hands in surrender.DUHSHANTA hangs from the top of the fence."

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24

DUHSHANTAHey! Go back to the suburbs, ya know"it"all"know"nothing.

KRISHNAAnd who are you now? Is this Duhshanta who breaks elephants and fights with demons?

DUHSHANTAHave you seen the park ranger about those axes?

KRISHNAYou go on back to Bohemia. That is it. Get it all down. Go on. It is all going now.

!KRISHNA directs the FIREFIGHTERS who hack at thestockade fence with their axes##some striking uncomfortablyclose to DUHSHANTA."

ENGLISHMANMy arms are tired.

KRISHNAWell, put them down, for goodness sake. Nobody asked you to put them up in the first place.

DUHSHANTAMy arms are tired, too.

!To the FIREFIGHTERS."

Not so close, I’m hanging here!

PRIYAMVADA!From Offstage."

I have a gun!

KRISHNANo you don’t.

PRIYAMVADA!From Offstage."

I do have a gun. And I’m calling the U.N.

SHAKUNTALA!From Offstage to PRIYAMVADA."

What’s going on? Are the refugees here?

DUHSHANTAHow did everybody but me get these weapons down here?

KRISHNAShe doesn’t have a gun.

SHAKUNTALA!From Offstage to KRISHNA."

What do you want?

KRISHNAShe doesn’t even have a phone.

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25

PRIYAMVADA!From Offstage."

I do have a phone. I ordered pizza last week.

ENGLISHMANPizza?

!ENGLISHMAN jumps on the stockade fence, but hasn’t thestrength to pull himself over. He hangs besideDUHSHANTA."

Let me in! Let me in!!ENGLISHMAN kicks weakly at the fence."

KRISHNA!To the FIREFIGHTERS."

I want all this cleared away. This preposterous fence, the ice, the actors, the... ice. Everything must go.!PRIYAMVADA’s head appears over the fence."

PRIYAMVADAWho are you? What do you want?

!To the FIREFIGHTERS."

Stop that! That’s an expensive fence. All this wood was shipped from Tierra del Fuego.

KRISHNAI’m putting an end to all this, this, this, fun.

ENGLISHMANOh, that’s rich. I’m not having any fun.

PRIYAMVADAWhat kind of a person would chop down a mission of mercy?

!KRISHNA brandishes a fistful of papers."

KRISHNAI have a court order.

PRIYAMVADAYou didn’t answer the question.

KRISHNAI should very well ask you what kind of person would perpetrate this kind of flummadiddle.

!The FIREFIGHTERS have become interested in theconversation."

What are you all turning your eyes on?!The FIREFIGHTERS return to chopping at the stockade."

PRIYAMVADA!To DUHSHANTA."

Do something!

DUHSHANTA

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26

Me?! He’s got a court order.

PRIYAMVADAYou’re a king!

DUHSHANTAWho says?

PRIYAMVADAWho else would monogram a tent spike?

DUHSHANTAIs Sister Shakuntala in there?

PRIYAMVADANo.

DUHSHANTAI heard her.

PRIYAMVADAShe has vows and you don’t have a kingdom.

DUHSHANTAI have a vow to found a kingdom.

PRIYAMVADAThey’re cutting down our fence!

DUHSHANTAMaybe it’s for the best.

Like gates are oaths,Thrown closed to frightful powers,Locked to the strange world and odd,But fast against all striking verveThey often slow whom they would serve.

PRIYAMVADAThink of the refugees!

!A large section of the fence collapses. PRIYAMVADA fallswith a shriek. DUHSHANTA falls on a FIREFIGHTER.ENGLISHMAN is left hanging."

KRISHNA!Reading from the court order."

In accordance with the statutes and ordinances...

ENGLISHMANWhat statues?

KRISHNASTATUTES! Unlicensed tampering with tradition. Unauthorized corruption of text. Unwarranted confusionof culture. Unearned disregard for time, place, and action. The list goes on.

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27

!Reading again."

In accordance with the statutes and ordinances of Kansas City, the bearer is hereby empowered to supervise inthe suspension and dismantling of said enterprise at his earliest convenience, and granted also the use of saidcity’s resources, namely the department of fire corrections, for said purpose. Furthermore, it is herebyproclaimed...

!SHAKUNTALA hops into the breach. She is bound handand foot with rope, but she manages to hold and level adouble#barrelled shotgun at KRISHNA. TheFIREFIGHTERS step back."

SHAKUNTALAYou’d better take two steps back, turn tail, and make a beeline for the horizon, you lily"livered, sulphur"breathing, cross"eyed, varmint eater.

KRISHNAAnd you’re going to tell me you’ve put bullets in that?

SHAKUNTALAYou’d better believe it, you mule"faced, side"windin’, doodie dropper.

KRISHNAThe first thing is that what’s the necessity for name calling? The second thing is you do not put bullets in ashotgun, you use cartridges. The third thing is I have a court order.

SHAKUNTALAThat’s all well and good, but the fine municipality of Kansas City takes a back seat to the U.N. HighCommission on Refugees.

KRISHNAI have a court order.

!SHAKUNTALA takes a hop forward."

SHAKUNTALAI’m only going to tell you one more time, stranger. Git.

KRISHNA!Waving his arms."

Just tell me where is Kalidasa?! There is ice and stockades and sunglasses and shotgun bullets""where is India?Where is Kalidasa?!

!SHAKUNTALA fires. The shotgun recoil spins her to theground. KRISHNA hits the deck A huge, ornate, crystalchandelier drops onto the ice, taking the remainingFIREFIGHTERS out of the game."

AUDIENCE MEMBER!Standing and shouting with horror."

That’s my grandmother’s chandelier!!KRISHNA scrambles over the chandelier towardSHAKUNTALA who screams and fires again. The shotgunjumps from SHAKUNTALA’s hands. A penguin falls intothe chandelier mess. KRISHNA grabs SHAKUNTALA bythe ankle."

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28

ENGLISHMAN!Still hanging on the fence."

Rape! Rape!!SHAKUNTALA tries to crawl free, but KRISHNA pullshimself over her and pins her down, pulling her head back byher hair."

SHAKUNTALAThe U.N.’ll bomb the crap out of Kansas City when they hear about this.

KRISHNAI have seen circus freaks better justified to perform.

SHAKUNTALAAnd Mother Theresa’s gonna go postal.

KRISHNADo your parents know you are doing this?

SHAKUNTALAMy parents are dead.

KRISHNAThat’s just as well. They’d probably have keeled over if they’d seen you in this situation.

!SHAKUNTALA struggles. KRISHNA speaks to theaudience."

My humblest apologies, ladies and gentlemen, for bringing a premature end to tonight’s performance.However, I am certain you will agree with me at this point that this production is going nowhere at aparticularly rapid pace, and surely you all have other, more significant matters to attend to. So, withoutfurther ado, let me thank you for coming and direct you to the box office which will be happy to refund yourmoney. If there are any questions...

!A ship’s horn sounds nearby."

ENGLISHMANI beg your pardon, but there’s a big boat out in the bay.

SHAKUNTALAThe refugees!

!SHAKUNTALA struggles with renewed vigor.KRISHNA jerks her violently."

KRISHNAStop it, you have no right to this! There is a tradition you have not entered.

SHAKUNTALAI’ve bought a tradition with my sacrifice, and God will strike you dead if you keep me from my vows.

KRISHNAWhose god? The refugees’ god? Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob’s god? Pashupati? Grace Slick’s son? To whomdo you appeal?

SHAKUNTALAWhoever’s on duty.

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29

!REFUGEES begin to wander onto the ice."

KRISHNA!To the refugees."

Go back. Go on home. This is all over, there’s nothing for you here.!The REFUGEES do not speak English."

ENGLISHMANTake me with you.

SHAKUNTALAThey’re refugees, they’ve got no place to go, you moron!

!DUHSHANTA erupts from the rubble of the stockade,chandelier, and assorted firefighters. He has one of the fireaxes."

DUHSHANTA!Operatically."

DEMON!!KRISHNA rolls out of the way as DUHSHANTA takes aswipe at him with the ax. KRISHNA gets to his feet butkeeps ahold of SHAKUNTALA and stands her up beforehim. KRISHNA moves to keep SHAKUNTALA betweenhimself and DUHSHANTA, who stalks him around the ice."

KRISHNAI will have you prosecuted for assault, for violation of my civil rights, for harrassment, for unlicensed use of anax...

DUHSHANTAAnd if I kill you?

!DUHSHANTA takes another swipe."

KRISHNAFor murder, then!

DUHSHANTAThis is the substance of kings,You must face, to wash themselves redAs defenders of faith,Staking the path of custom with unbelieving bones.

KRISHNABut you can’t do it here. The rules won’t allow!

DUHSHANTAYou’ve got to break some eggs.

!DUHSHANTA takes another swipe."

You’re a trouble maker...!Swipe."

...a busybody...!Swipe."

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30

...a misguided do"gooder...!Swipe."

...a buttinsky...!Swipe. SHAKUNTALA wrenches herself free and falls atDUHSHANTA’s feet. DUHSHANTA cornersKRISHNA against what remains of the fence."

...a Nosy Nettie...!DUHSHANTA pulls back the ax for the final, death#dealing blow. The shotgun blasts again. Everything freezes.ANUSUYA stands with the shotgun. There is silence assmoke drifts from one of the barrels. A mackrel falls onto theice."

ANUSUYAMother Theresa wouldn’t want you to kill that man.

DUHSHANTA!Losing some steam."

Blast.

KRISHNAI am going to walk away from here and straight to the police and from there straight to the newspapers andfrom there straight home to my wife who happens to be a Kansas City alderperson and THEN we’ll see whowill be destroying who.

DUHSHANTAI don’t think she’d actually shoot me.

ENGLISHMANI’d love to see Kansas City. I hear it’s beautiful in the... what season is this?

DUHSHANTAShoot him, Sister, paint the ice with his blood! And then, on, on to the Pole on gilded runners my love and Iwill go.

ANUSUYAOh, no. No. She has vows.

!PRIYAMVADA pushes up through the rubble."

PRIYAMVADAI heard a boat.

ANUSUYAPut down the ax.

DUHSHANTAShoot me.

ANUSUYASister Priyamvada and I can’t take care of all these refugees by ourselves.

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31

DUHSHANTAWe’ll all go SouthA host of dispossessedOn eager feet toward new trappings.Leave us all this effete worldAnd find a rich order in the very South.

PRIYAMVADA!Indicating DUHSHANTA."

Shoot him.

DUHSHANTAThe earth will not allow it. Gravity will pull the shot to the ground before it will permit my harm.

KRISHNAGive me the gun. I’ll shoot him.

PRIYAMVADASister Shakuntala...

KRISHNAYou are all coming with me. The police will be here soon and you will make a full accounting of this farcicaldebacle of yours to my wife and assorted alderpeople.

ANUSUYAMaybe you should wait until Mother Theresa arrives.

KRISHNAWould you stop with the Mother Theresa! She is dead half way on the other side of the world in Calcutta andshe knows nothing of this, and anyway she would be ashamed of it all if she did.

PRIYAMVADASister Shakuntala...

KRISHNAThe police will bring a warrant for all your papers and permits if you have them...

ANUSUYAThe refugees, too?

KRISHNAEveryone involved!

PRIYAMVADA!Pulling herself from the rubble."

Shakuntala...?

SHAKUNTALAI’ll go South.

!PRIYAMVADA grabs SHAKUNTALA by the shouldersand sits her up."

PRIYAMVADALet me ask the question, at least! What would you do? The refugees are pouring in by the boatload, the

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32

security of the mission perimeter has been compromised, a vagrant king thinks to lead us all into acockamamie plan, this second madman wants to put us all on a boat to Kansas City...

KRISHNATHERE IS NO BOAT!

PRIYAMVADA...and Mother Theresa is due back here any day now. What would you do?

SHAKUNTALASouth.

PRIYAMVADABugger.

DUHSHANTAI have heard what I needed to hear!

PRIYAMVADAShoot him!

!DUHSHANTA throws up his arms. Sudden and completeblackout. Beat. Light returns, brilliantly. DUHSHANTAstands in the red, radio#flyer wagon. SHAKUNTALA lies,still bound, scrunched up with the shotgun in the wagon at hisfeet. ANUSUYA still stands as though holding the shotgun.PRIYAMVADA still stands as though holdingSHAKUNTALA."

DUHSHANTA!Arms raised like a field goal."

We will a comet to the PoleRush red headlong, to the Pole,A gust of biting ice and glowing flesh,On a sled to the Pole!

!Pause. No one comes to pull the wagon. DUHSHANTAsteps out of the wagon, takes it by the handle, and runs with it.He makes a circle around the others before disappearing intothe blowing ice."

Jai, Jai, Sri Prthvirajya Ji! Ha ha ha ha ha!!DUHSHANTA, SHAKUNTALA, and the wagondisappear. PRIYAMVADA and ANUSUYA make asudden dash and disappear through the breach. TheREFUGEES have wandered away."

KRISHNAAlright, then. I’ll take you.

ENGLISHMANWill there be fruit?

KRISHNAYes.

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33

ENGLISHMANUm... could you help me down?

!Boat’s horn sounds again.

Police siren."

"""""""""""""""

ACT TWO

Scene 1

!The video projection."

SCHOLAR WITH A TOASTERAnd so, King Duhshanta escaped with Shakuntala, and his trusted sidekick left to deal with unrelated mattersin Kansas City. With the security of the mission restored, the refugees arrived in boatloads and many more ofMother Theresa’s Sisters of lilarasa necessarily came to the white continent to care for them. And, it wasthought there ought to be a man on hand in case there was any more trouble. So, Shakuntala’s Jesuit uncleGautama obtained the necessary permits from the park ranger and arrived with an impressive array ofweaponry including several stinger missile launchers and an M"1 tank salvaged from Afghanistan. In themeantime, King Duhshanta with Shakuntala in tow had made good time toward the Pole. Having ascendedthe Beardmore Glacier and leaving behind the Antarctic Mountains he was passing in good order over the vastpolar plateau. However, unbeknownst to him, Shakuntala’s good friends were in hot pursuit, concerned abouttheir friend who still lacked clothing appropriate to the climate. Let’s just see what they have to say, shall we?

!SCHOLAR WITH A TOASTER dials a cell phone andputs it to his ear."

One ringy"dingy...!SCHOLAR WITH A TOASTER chuckles."

Two ringy... oh, hello. Priyamvada? How’s it going out there? Uh"huh. Oh, you’ve reached the polar plateau,have you? That’s marvelous. How’s the weather? Right. Right. Uh"huh. Well, I guess that’s to be expecteddown there. What’s the news from Shakuntala? Oh really? Is that so? She’s burning up, is she? Yes, I find itquite remarkable. What would you... uh huh... right... what would you say is wrong with her? Goodness, Iguess it could be cancer, but... uh huh... yes... what’s that... wha"... no, I’m sorry... I’m sorry, I... Pri...

!SCHOLAR WITH A TOASTER closes up the phone."

I guess we lost the cell.!OLD MAN in a kurta and dhoti wheels out the TV/VCR.

Or the projection goes dark, or whatever.

Ice blows. Tablas rappity#rap."

SOMEONE!Offstage."

Shaddup!!Tablas stop. DUHSHANTA emerges from the ice pullingSHAKUNTALA in the red, radio flyer wagon.DUHSHANTA’s crown is on his head, but has lost the capeand his shirt. SHAKUNTALA is still bound at the wristsand ankles. She is also unconscious."

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34

DUHSHANTA!Singing."

CUPID, DRAW BACK YOUR BOW"OWAND LET YOUR ARROW GO"OSTRAIGHT TO MY LOVER’S HEARTFOR ME, NOBODY BUT ME

CUPID, PLEASE HEAR MY CRY"YAND LET YOUR ARROW FLY"YSTRAIGHT TO MY LOVER’S HEARTFOR ME"E"E

NOW, I DON’T MEAN TO BOTHER YOUBUT I’M IN DISTRESSMY SWEETHEART IS UNCONSCIOUSIN THE COLD WILDERNESSSHE DOESN’T GIVE ME LOVINGTHAT I THINK I HAVE EARNEDDON’T LET ME GET BURNED

SO""!YETIS harmonize the chorus."

CUPID, TAKE CAREFUL AI"AIMAND FREE ME FROM MY PAI"AINSHOOT UP MY LOVER DEARFOR ME, NOBODY BUT ME

CUPID, PLEASE LEND AN EA"EARWITH MISSILE ARROW OR SPEA"EARPUNCTURE MY LOVER’S HEARTFOR ME"E"E

!DUHSHANTA speaks to the YETIS."This is the vast polar plateau. A field of emptiness it spreads bare and flat till it runs flush against the horizonon every side. Six months of sun and six of its sister moon, this southern sling knows not grey, but lives eachday in black or white. The wind is filled stinging with shards of ice sheared up from from the ice below myfeet, and pressing in this reeling storm and force footed on this sleek shell I should be cold. But theguidebooks were wrong. I’m sweltering under this cruel antarctic sun. The ozone hole is supposed to bedirectly over me. I’ll probably get skin cancer. And this wind. This wind is a warm verse.

Oh, what a warm windBlows against meBlows a barrier to my progressBlows a wall...

Oh, that’s bloody awful. I’m much too stewed for poetry. My teeth are swimming in my jaw and my blood isflowing like a river without banks in my limbs. My face is flushed and pounding and there’s a roaring in myears. My eyes are red and stung from the sweat that runs with each step. And this wind. I can’t believe the icecap has lasted this long under this blast furnace. How do you guys stand it under all that fur? And ifcircumstances were not sharp enough, I’ve heard no word from my love for days. It’s not fair that she doesn’tknow what I’m going through hauling her body and soul over the ice. She’ll wake up at the Pole good as newfrom her long rest and not even know I almost died getting her there. And obviously, there’s been nosnuggling on this trip. And she seems to be getting heavier. If she doesn’t give me some sign soon, I’ll have to

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depot her here with the sled and retrieve her after I’ve got the kingdom set up and have the dispossessed ofthe world shaving the ice off the cap.

!Phone rings."

SHE’S UNCONSCIOUS!!SHAKUNTALA stirs and puts the cell phone to her earwith her bound hands."

SHAKUNTALAHello?

!DUHSHANTA trudges on."

DUHSHANTAGood gravy, she’s awake! Maybe I’ll finally figure out who keeps calling.

SHAKUNTALAIs that you, Priyamvada?

DUHSHANTAThat blasted nun. I hope she’s dialing 10"10"321 and then the number.

SHAKUNTALAI’m so glad you called.

PRIYAMVADA!From the ether."

How are you, dear? You sound so far away.

SHAKUNTALAI’m in a wagon. I guess it’s a sled. There are no trees.

!PRIYAMVADA and ANUSUYA enter with their cellphone. They trudge behind the wagon. ANUSUYA leafsenergetically through a hardcover book They yell because theconnection is not very good."

PRIYAMVADAIt’s the Antarctic, honey. Are you okay?

SHAKUNTALAIt’s very hot for the Antarctic. I feel like my blood is boiling. What’s the elevation of the Antarctic? Thingsboil easier at higher elevations, you know.

PRIYAMVADAWhat was that? You say you’re warm?

ANUSUYAHow warm?

PRIYAMVADAShh! This is long distance.

ANUSUYAI have to know how warm!

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SHAKUNTALAHow is it in Paris?

PRIYAMVADAWe’re not in Paris, Sister.

SHAKUNTALABut you’ve been there, right?

PRIYAMVADANo.

SHAKUNTALAOh.

DUHSHANTAThe same virus is swimming in her arteries. Is it a creature of the Pole or something we brought here? Did Igive it to her? Did she bring it from the swamps of Calcutta? Or perhaps it rode here from unknown habitatsin the knotted hair of refugees.

!DUHSHANTA looks over his shoulder discretely."

PRIYAMVADAAre you still there, Sister Shakuntala? Hello?

DUHSHANTANaught for desire so tunes a body as disease.For though her breasts once so sweetly roundNow are fallen slack at the straps,They quiver in fever,Channel streams of sweat toward her pale navelWith such fetching ache,I would her ill increase to tempt me.Sweat and shrink, Shakuntala.Sultry summer noon never sapped a body thus.

PRIYAMVADA!In a whisper to ANUSUYA."

That King Duhshanta’s got her all messed up. Maybe he’s got her drugged.

ANUSUYAWell, ask her.

PRIYAMVADAAre you on drugs, honey?

SHAKUNTALANo thank you.

ANUSUYA!To PRIYAMVADA."

Give me that.!ANUSUYA takes the phone."

Sister Shakuntala, dear! We’re awfully worried about you. You’re not making any sense.

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SHAKUNTALAThanks, Anusuya. Would you like an appetizer?

ANUSUYAHow warm are you?

SHAKUNTALAYou tell me. What am I looking for?

ANUSUYADo you have...

!Looking in the book."

... stomach pain?

SHAKUNTALADid you need some?

ANUSUYAHow are your joints?

SHAKUNTALAStrictly medicinal, dear. You know the law.

ANUSUYAWait...

!ANUSUYA turns a page."

... is your heart palpitating?

SHAKUNTALAOh, my, yes.

!DUHSHANTA stumbles to his knees, gets up painfully, andcontinues."

ANUSUYA!Slamming her finger onto a page."

I knew it, she’s in love!!PRIYAMVADA snatches the book."

PRIYAMVADAWe know that!

SHAKUNTALAI’m very tired, Anusuya. Really. My arms are as thin as pencilsand the rest of me is wasted, too. I’ve lost a year of pubertyoff my breasts. My shadow is becoming too heavy to draw along,and I fear it may tear away completely and be buried in theblowing ice.

ANUSUYAAnd she’s got scurvy.

!SHAKUNTALA weeps."

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SHAKUNTALAMy skin is so withered I think my soul may be showing through.

!DUHSHANTA staggers."

PRIYAMVADAWait. Sister Shakuntala. Everything’s going to be okay. Just listen to me. Okay? Listen. Do you haveTriple"A?

SHAKUNTALA!Sobbing."

No!

PRIYAMVADAWell, that’s bad. You really shouldn’t let that lapse. But don’t worry. It’s okay.

!DUHSHANTA collapses face down on the ice.ANUSUYA and PRIYAMVADA stop walking."

You’ll just have to rely on King Duhshanta.

SHAKUNTALAI think there are yetis here.

ANUSUYAYetis!?

PRIYAMVADAYou’re going to have to ask him for some relief.

SHAKUNTALANo, no, I really can’t. He might get the wrong impression. What if he expects favors?

PRIYAMVADASister Shakuntala, I’m not sure you’re in a situation which lends itself much to idealism.

ANUSUYAMaybe the yetis would eat him and carry her back to civilization. I’ve heard wild animals know instinctivelywhen people need help.

PRIYAMVADAIs he there?

SHAKUNTALAI don’t see him. King Duhshanta! King Duhshanta! Nothing. Oh, dear, I’m all light headed from thatshouting. Don’t hang up the phone, Sister Priyamvada.

PRIYAMVADAWhy would I do that?

SHAKUNTALAI can smell onions so I think I’m about to have a siezure. I may not be lucid for the next little while.

ANUSUYADon’t swallow your tongue!

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SHAKUNTALADon’t hang up, Priyamvada! Don’t hang up!

PRIYAMVADAI’m here, Sister. Just let it come.

!SHAKUNTALA has a siezure. DUHSHANTA lifts hisface from the ice."

DUHSHANTAThe ice is running, Shakuntala,A cold sweat on my faceAs blistered as yours.

!DUHSHANTA crawls."

PRIYAMVADAI’ll sing to you, Sister Shakuntala.

!The same tune as the PRAISE TO ANTARCTICA song."

GENESIS, EXODUSLEVITICUS AND NUMBERSDEUTERONOMY, JOSHUA"JUDGES"RUTH

DUHSHANTAThe ice is running, Shakuntala,A chill river through my limbsAnd hissing on my skin.

PRIYAMVADASAMUEL, SAMUEL,KINGS, KINGS, AND CHRONICLESCHRONICLES, EZRA, NEHEMIA"ESTHER"JOB

DUHSHANTAThe ice is running, Shakuntala,A dark arctic sea to the skyBut sere waves beneath me.

!DUHSHANTA crawls back around to the wagon."

PRIYAMVADAPSALMS, PROVERBS, ECCLESIASTESSONG OF SOLOMON, AND ISAIAH,JEREMIAH, LAMENTATIONS!

!PRIYAMVADA adds a cymbal crash."

EZEKIEL, DAN, HOSEA, JOEL, AMOS

DUHSHANTASo grips the ice your heart, I see,Fast. So slim girl, yours is the lucky partTo fall insensible in fitsWhile I suffer on, on my hands and my knees,I bear the rash clutch of ice,And bear us both in effort o’er the plate.

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PRIYAMVADAOBADIAH, JONAH, MICAH, NAHUM,

!Then rapidly..."

HABAKUK, ZEPHANIAH, HAGGAI, ZECHARIAH,AND MALACHI

!DUHSHANTA takes the phone."

DUHSHANTAHello?

PRIYAMVADAOh, you yellow breasted bustard!

DUHSHANTAWho is this?

PRIYAMVADAAre you going to skin her alive and boil her bones in carbonic acid for an encore?

DUHSHANTASister Priyamvada, I think Shakuntala is ill. Her teeth are slippery. I’m seeing yetis.

PRIYAMVADAYou did this to her.

DUHSHANTAMy bones are powder.

PRIYAMVADAListen, if you’re a goner, the least you can do is disembowel yourself and stuff Sister Shakuntala into the cavityto stay warm until we get there.

DUHSHANTADo you have food?

PRIYAMVADAIf we have any once we get there it won’t be for you.

DUHSHANTAThis is not Shakuntala’s own affliction. We burn together.

SHAKUNTALA!Reaching from her siezure."

Darlings!

PRIYAMVADAIs that Sister Shakuntala? Put her back on.

ANUSUYADid she swallow her tongue?

!DUHSHANTA loses track of the phone."

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DUHSHANTABeautiful girl.

SHAKUNTALADear friends, don’t draw tight your cords for this one.

PRIYAMVADAHello? Did you put down the phone?

SHAKUNTALA!To DUHSHANTA."

Give them room. They are not here.

PRIYAMVADAPick up the phone!

DUHSHANTALet them come and take space here. I may forfeit my own in a whiff of dust or drowned in a pool of my ownmelting.

SHAKUNTALANo, you’ll not lose your place. Your face by mine is cooling already.

PRIYAMVADA!To ANUSUYA."

I think he dropped the phone.

ANUSUYAReally?

PRIYAMVADAI can hear talking.

DUHSHANTAIf our cheeks can so cool beside each other, what chill may cool our breasts?

SHAKUNTALAWait. I think you’ll break the wagon.

DUHSHANTAOh, frisky"femured girl, let’s dissipate this heat together.

ANUSUYAWhat are they saying?

SHAKUNTALAOh, no. I’m not that kind of nun.

!SHAKUNTALA tips over the wagon. DUHSHANTAcatches her by the ankle."

PRIYAMVADASomething about femurs.

DUHSHANTA

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We may be lost, but we may make something which will live and find its way.

SHAKUNTALAYou’re mad. What baby would survive this?

DUHSHANTAIt’s the thigmatropic law, Shakuntala.

YETIThe sun will make him impervious to sun.

YETIThe wind will make him impervious to wind.

YETIThe ice will make him impervious to ice.

YETIThe storm will make him impervious to the storm.

YETIThe law will make him impervious to the law.

DUHSHANTAIt’ll be like he was five boys in one.

SHAKUNTALAOh, where is the providence in fate?

DUHSHANTADon’t blame fate for a happy ending.

SHAKUNTALAWhere’s the happiness? We’ve lost the Pole ourselves and you’ll try to satisfy yourself on me.

PRIYAMVADAI’m still on the phone! Somebody pick up!

!SHAKUNTALA squirms across the ice. DUHSHANTAgrabs the phone."

DUHSHANTAHER MOUTH SAYS NO BUT HER EYES SAY SUNNY"SIDE"UP!

!DUHSHANTA throws the phone and grabsSHAKUNTALA by the rope around her ankles."

SHAKUNTALARape! Rape!

DUHSHANTAGo on, scream. There’s none to hear you.

SHAKUNTALAThere are yetis about.

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DUHSHANTAYetis. They’re so passive"aggressive the worst they’ll do is refuse to watch.

PRIYAMAVADAThe line’s gone dead now.

ANUSUYA!Spying something."

Priyamvada. Is that...?

PRIYAMVADA!Seeing the same."

Oh, dear.!PRIYAMVADA and ANUSUYA dash out.SHAKUNTALA kicks her legs. Though his arm flops aboutfrom fatigue, DUHSHANTA keeps his hand clamped on therope."

DUHSHANTAI could let you free.

SHAKUNTALANot by cutting the ropes.

DUHSHANTAVows are as easily cut, Shifty Shakuntala. And as easily tied together again. Why would you go to the Pole,reject calling and comfort, friends and refugees, leave your former purpose for a sheet of ice and me, and nowscrape away from me, who would queen you?

SHAKUNTALAIt doesn’t matter what I thought. We’ll never make the Pole.

!DUHSHANTA undoes the knot at SHAKUNTALA’sankles with a jerk."

DUHSHANTAFly then. Be free.

SHAKUNTALA!Weeping, she drags herself."

I’m sorry I cannot relieve you. Do not forget me.

DUHSHANTAOh, there’s no forgetting.Your body will not moulder nor resolve,But join the ground in crystalAnd lie forever a crusty hedgerow on the heath.The sun will stumble dailyOn your cracked and crackled corpse,Stab it set in innocence into each night.Here, unused in life, unworn in death,Will ever keep this cinder flesh.

SHAKUNTALA!Wailing."

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I cannot move!!DUHSHANTA sags."

DUHSHANTAWhat a waste of an excursion. It’s not like I didn’t plan. I brought sun glasses. Who’d have thought food wasso crucial to an Antarctic expedition? And whatever happened to the fabled hardiness of nuns? I almost wishI had that English fop with me again, except that he’d be absolutely no good for child bearing. So now she’soff and I’m left sitting here with this rope to wear myself... hey, I brought rope, too. How could I fail?Bother. I may as well eat the rope. Give me something to do while I expire and if it chokes me, so much thebetter to go sooner.

SHAKUNTALAIt’s not enough to have my feet and not my hands.

DUHSHANTAWHINE AND COMPLAIN! I don’t have food, I’m too hot, I’m dying of scurvy, I won’t bear your child, Ineed my hands! Is that all you know to do?! I’ve sunk us both, and I can bear that weight, but it would be niceif you would keep your criticisms to yourself. To tell you the truth, you don’t have to do anything. If youcould just lie still and shut up I might blast this blazing heat of ours. But you’d rather I made it easier for youto abandon ship. Whatever happened to the hardiness of nuns?!

SHAKUNTALAI’m hardy, Mister. I’ve swabbed lepers.

DUHSHANTAThat’s not reassuring to the rejected. I’m not gangrenous in the least. Yet.

SHAKUNTALAYou can free my wrists.

DUHSHANTAC’mon Curly Q. You can free the world.

SHAKUNTALADon’t ask again. Please.

DUHSHANTAOh, it’s easy, Sister. Like falling off a log and then you’ve got your hands and your legs all four to scamperacross the ice as you wish.

SHAKUNTALAIt would leave no scampering in me.

DUHSHANTANah. You’d be surprised how invigorating it can be. Like a York Peppermint Patty.

!Teasing."

And I’ll cut your wrists.

SHAKUNTALA!Aside."

I’LL CUT MY WRISTS! WHAT WAY IS THERE OUT OF IT?!!SHAKUNTALA holds out her wrists."

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DUHSHANTA!Struggles to set the wagon upright."

Let’s try on the sled.!DUHSHANTA hasn’t the strength to get the wagon up."

Ah, forget it.!DUHSHANTA nudges the wagon out of the way and dragshimself to SHAKUNTALA. He takes SHAKUNTALA bythe wrists."

Gadfrey. I thought I was burning up. You’re like fresh poured tar.

SHAKUNTALA!Shocked by his touch."

That was not very poetic.

DUHSHANTAThese are not poetic times, Ma"dear"a.

SHAKUNTALADo it quickly.

DUHSHANTA!Aside."

There’s someone, somewhere, right now who’s thinking badly of me. But don’t tell me she doesn’t want it.She’s so shriveled on our trek that the cord hangs loose about her wrists and she could easily pull free all byherself. No, she’s as much in this as I. If you look closely you can see the sparkle in her eye that twinkles, “I’llbe the mother of the world.” She just wants to to have a convincing case that she only buckled under theconstraint of the moment.

!To SHAKUNTALA."

Oh, Marmoset Mouth, do not fear bad conduct on my part.

SHAKUNTALAYour conduct is bad.

DUHSHANTAYes, but don’t fear it.

SHAKUNTALAIt’s not fear. I have ice in my eye.

DUHSHANTAHold still, I’ll get it out.

!DUHSHANTA leans his mouth close toSHAKUNTALA’s eye. His lips quiver. Her eyelids tremble."

SHAKUNTALAGet on with it.

!DUHSHANTA puts his tongue in SHAKUNTALA’s eye.She recoils."

SHAKUNTALAGross!

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!SHAKUNTALA spits in DUHSHANTA’s eye."

DUHSHANTAOh, that is it.

!DUHSHANTA pins SHAKUNTALA’s head to theground and leans over her."

VOICE FROM THE ETHERHOW"DEE!

SHAKUNTALA!In a scurvy#sodden flurry."

Oh, dear. It’s Mother Theresa. Hide.

DUHSHANTAHide?

SHAKUNTALAYou don’t know Mother Theresa like I do. She’ll tear your arms off.

!DUHSHANTA turns the wagon over himself asPRIYAMVADA and ANUSUYA enter. Together theymanipulate a MOTHER THERESA marionette."

MOTHEROh, Sister Shakuntala, so glad I found you.

PRIYAMVADAWe ran into each other on the glacier.

MOTHERNow, I have a statue of St. Christopher for you and a small bag of Doritos. How are you feeling?

SHAKUNTALAI’m dying of scurvy.

MOTHERCan you walk?

SHAKUNTALANo.

MOTHERCan you crawl?

SHAKUNTALANot very far.

MOTHERCan you sing?

SHAKUNTALAWhat tune?

MOTHER

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Oh, any tune will do.!MOTHER THERESA sings."

MANY’S THE TIME I’VE BEEN MISTAKENAND MANY TIMES CONFUSEDYES, AND I’VE OFTEN FELT FORSAKENAND CERTAINLY MISUSED...

SHAKUNTALAI can’t sing.

MOTHEROh, dear.

!MOTHER THERESA, in the manner of a prestidigitator,produces a homing pigeon. She speaks to it in Morse Code."

BEEP BIP BEEP BEEP BIP BIP BEEP BEEP BEEP BIP BEEP BIP BIP BEEP BIP BIP BEEP BEEP BIPBIP BEEP.

!With a final nod from MOTHER THERESA, the pigeonflies off."

Dig in, Sisters of lilarasa. Help’s on the way, but it may be awhile.!ANUSUYA and PRIYAMVADA sling backpacks fromtheir backs and begin to set up camp around the overturnedwagon."

SHAKUNTALAYou’ll get us back to the ice shelf?

MOTHERYes, dear.

SHAKUNTALAI’ll never see the Pole.

MOTHERGoodness, it’s only a phallic symbol. If you want to see one that badly I’ll build one right here.

!MOTHER THERESA begins to fashion a phallic symbolfrom the ice."

This will be even better. There’s not really a pole at the South Pole.

SHAKUNTALABut you’ve never been there.

MOTHERSome things you just know, dear.

SHAKUNTALA!Aside."

Oh, where do duty and dharma cross? When I would have one the other foils me and back again. Can I notserve man and me?

!DUHSHANTA appears apart from the camp."

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DUHSHANTAOne step forward and two steps back. I’m a long way from the Pole, but I was this close to a new kingdom.Too much talk. I should have taken her right away. It would have given me the strength to go on, and the childwould have pretty much gestated by the time we reached the turning point.

!Raging."

I am no man!Those of the old world moveOn commodities and bonds,Futures and measures,The papers of plentyLike space sleds down avenues and across oceans in heartblinks.And here is the mouse on a wheel.

YETIWhat is swifter than the wind?

DUHSHANTASnow. It goes before the wind.

YETIWhat can cover the earth?

DUHSHANTACNN.

YETIAre there more living or dead?

DUHSHANTAWhere?

YETIWhat is space?

DUHSHANTAThe final frontier.

YETIWhat is grief?

DUHSHANTAInertia.

YETIPoison?

DUHSHANTAUmm... inertia?

YETIDefeat?

DUHSHANTA

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Inertia! Hey, how long is this going to go on?

YETIWhat is the greatest mystery?

DUHSHANTAEvery day children are born beside us and we live as though death rules the world.

!SHAKUNTALA sits on the wagon."

Scene 2!Darkness. Narrow light comes up on SHAKUNTALAsitting on the overturned wagon. Back in her habit. Eightmonths pregnant."

ANUSUYA’S VOICEPsst. Are you awake?

PRIYAMVADA’S VOICEYes.

ANUSUYA’S VOICEShe’s gone again.

PRIYAMVADA’S VOICENo kidding.

ANUSUYA’S VOICEShould we tell on her?

PRIYAMVADA’S VOICEWhat if she’s just going out to pee?

ANUSUYA’S VOICEI think something’s out there.

PRIYAMVADA’S VOICEHe’s dead. He’s dead and frozen into the plateau.

ANUSUYA’S VOICEMaybe yetis.

PRIYAMVADA’S VOICEYou think she’s sneaking out of camp with yetis? Go back to sleep. We’ll ask her about it in the morning.

!A match flares in the darkness apart fromSHAKUNTALA. ANUSUYA’s and PRIYAMVADA’sfaces appear in the light."

ANUSUYASo?

PRIYAMVADAShe said she goes out looking for rock samples.

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ANUSUYAYou believe her, don’t you.

PRIYAMVADANo, I don’t believe her.

ANUSUYAYes you do.

PRIYAMVADAI don’t believe she’s seeing yetis.

ANUSUYASo where are the samples? Huh?

PRIYAMVADAYou can’t expect her to find anything. She’s a nun, not a geologist.

ANUSUYA!Seeing something."

Shh.!PRIYAMVADA blows out the match. Pause. A matchflares and lights a lantern in the darkness apart fromSHAKUNTALA. PRIYAMVADA holds the lantern.ANUSUYA appears beside her."

ANUSUYASomething’s got to be done.

PRIYAMVADANo, I agree.

ANUSUYASo you’ll follow her?

PRIYAMVADAYou do it.

ANUSUYAI have terrible night vision.

PRIYAMVADAAlright, fine. But if I see her going to the bathroom I will never speak to you again.

ANUSUYAI won’t want to hear about it.

!PRIYAMVADA blows the lantern out.Pause. Narrow light appears on ANUSUYA standing apartfrom SHAKUNTALA.

PRIYAMVADA steps into the light. Silence. Blackout.

Light. ANUSUYA and PRIYAMVADA pick up rocksamples."

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ANUSUYAShe hasn’t been off by herself in days.

PRIYAMVADAModel prisoner.

ANUSUYAHow do you think he didn’t freeze to death?

PRIYAMVADAMaybe the yetis kept him warm.

ANUSUYAMaybe she wanted to stay.

PRIYAMVADAHe’s already forgotten her name. Another week and he’ll forget her face, too.

ANUSUYANo. I mean, you gotta admit, y’know, that’s a heckuva face. Who’s gonna forget the image of that bloomingface against a world of dry ice?

PRIYAMVADAWho’s gonna forget the sacred vows of a holy order?

ANUSUYAOh. Do you think she’s showing?

PRIYAMVADAA little.

ANUSUYADo you think Mother Theresa’s noticed?

PRIYAMVADAShe doesn’t notice things like open sores and plague"infected mucus. Pregnant nuns she notices.

ANUSUYAWell, she hasn’t said anything.

PRIYAMVADAGive us a chance to get off the plateau, then she’ll say something.

ANUSUYASo, what’s she off doing? Think she’s looking for him?

PRIYAMVADAPlease.

ANUSUYAWell, she didn’t take the bucket.

PRIYAMVADA

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You don’t always take the bucket, do you?

ANUSUYAYes. I can’t afford a ticket for dumping on the plateau. Anyway, how embarrassing.

PARK RANGER!From the ether."

HOLY FLAPJACKS! WHAT IN THE SAM HILL IS GOING ON HERE?

PRIYAMVADAOh, crap. It’s the Park Ranger.

PARK RANGER!From the ether."

Ma’am, you can’t leave this here! This is a fragile ecosystem. Do I leave this sort of thing in your living room?Weren’t you ever taught to leave a campsite cleaner than it was when you arrived? Ma’am, I don’t believe it’spossible to forget not to go to the bathroom on the ground. We’d be in a fine pickle if everyone forgot thingsso easily as you.

Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot not to park my Volvo on your cocker spaniel.

Somebody’s going to forget and dump on you one of these days, Ma’am. That’s what I predict. What goesaround comes around, you know. And it looks like plenty of you’s gone around.

ANUSUYAUh oh.

PARK RANGERNo, Ma’am, I’m afraid it’s not so simple as a ticket. I have no choice but to report you to the U.N. No,Ma’am. What with that revolutionary loose on the plateau they may shut you down. Yes, down, Ma’am. Youand your camp"mates and your team leader and your whole pottie"abrogating operation! Shut down, the wholething, end of story. It’s getting to be just too big a mess!the ecosystem can’t stand the strain. The refugeeswill just have to run wild and free like the antelope. When word of this gets out your name’s gonna be mud!no, worse than mud. You know what your name’s gonna be.

!PARK RANGER appears on his way to where he wasgoing."

PARK RANGERGood afternoon, ladies. And how’s the plateau today?

PRIYAMVADAWe heard what just, uh... happened.

PARK RANGERGive a hoot, don’t pollute.

PRIYAMVADA!Sidling."

Couldn’t she just get a ticket or something?

PARK RANGEROh, she’ll pay a fine, don’t think that she won’t. About seven billion dollars of a fine.

!PRIYAMVADA hands ANUSUYA a bucket filled withrock samples."

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PRIYAMVADAGo clean it up.

ANUSUYAThere are fossils in there. Antarctic fossils!

PARK RANGEROh, that’s very neighborly of you, Ma’am, but cleaning it up at this point won’t do much good. It’s impossibleto restore an ecosystem as pristine as the Polar Plateau once it’s been introduced to human feces. See, whatwe’re going to have to do now is the Parks Department will stretch an enormous plastic tarpaulin overAntarctica and using a colossal magnifying glass, we’ll shrink"wrap the continent to prevent any furthercontamination.

PRIYAMVADAWhat if we cleaned it up and sprayed the area with 409?

PARK RANGERARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?! There’s an ozone hole above us the size of Antarctica and you brought409 out here?

PRIYAMVADAWe can’t pay a fine like that. She’d have to sell a country or sue Philip Morris for that kind of money.

PARK RANGERShe should of thought of that before she voided herself on the Polar Plateau. Ma’am, the law is the law. It’s nouse complaining to me.

ANUSUYAIsn’t there any way to appeal?

PARK RANGERMa’am, you’re standing in a public park. The Parks Department can investigate a murder if it’s committed in apublic park. Now, crap is serious business and it’s bad no matter who it comes from. We’re not in a positionto grant exceptions even to nun poop, as pure as I’m sure it is. The Romans started granting poop pardons andthe Huns wiped them out. I don’t have to issue a citation, but there must be some penalty. How else will shelearn her lesson?

PRIYAMVADABut she’s not going to forget again!don’t you see the logic?

PARK RANGERAh, yes, I see where you’re going. Okay, okay, listen. You’re very nice nuns. But it’s an immutable law of theuniverse!the park ranger spoke it: someone will forget her. I am required to inform you that you may contestthis curse by producing a token at the appointed hour. But the fine is still there. That tarpaulin’s going tocost a pretty penny, and I don’t know why the UN should have to pay for it. They didn’t poop here. Now, ifyou’ll excuse me, I have some phytoplankton to classify. Have a good day on the plateau.

!PARK RANGER strides out.

Pause.

ANUSUYA hurls the tent stake offstage. There’s a cry and athud.

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Blackout."

Scene 3

!TV screen#projection#hologram lights up."

SCHOLAR WITH AN INNER TUBEAnd so Anusuya killed the Park Ranger with a tent stake, setting in motion a chain of events which were toalter her life forever. Furthermore, her fossils turned out to be an extraordinary scientific find, as she expected,and on the open market they would have fetched as much as seven hundred million dollars apiece. More thanenough to pay Shakuntala’s fine. Unfortunately, they were plastered with doodie. And Shakuntala was as big asa house. Their only hope was that Duhshanta had made it to the South Pole, had become King of the World,and could intervene for them with the U.N. At least, they thought, he could hide them. But, one thoughtnagged them all: would he remember?

PRIYAMVADA!On TV behind the SCHOLAR WITH THE INNERTUBE."

He had sex with her in a Radio Flyer wagon on the polar plateau!

SCHOLAR WITH AN INNER TUBEThey hoped for the best.

!Light elsewhere. ANUSUYA and PRIYAMVADA arechained together at the neck, left and right wrists, and left andright ankles. They wear orange habits."

ANUSUYAWell, it could be worse.

PRIYAMVADAYeah, it could be worse.

ANUSUYAHe could have been mad.

PRIYAMVADAYeah. Real mad.

ANUSUYAI was real surprised, actually. I figured when her dad found out he’d have gone hunting that Duhshanta.

PRIYAMVADAYeah. It’s surprising.

!SHAKUNTALA blasts by them, shrieking. She wears anelaborate, white wedding gown which gracefully brings outher eyes and emphasizes her pregnant belly, though over herhead is drawn her nun’s habit. She collapses in a fit and beatsthe ground with her bouquet. ANUSUYA andPRIYAMVADA speak without irony."

ANUSUYAShe looks nice, though.

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PRIYAMVADAYeah. She looks nice.

ANUSUYAHow’d her dad get here so fast?

PRIYAMVADAMagic flying machine.

ANUSUYAShe must have been glad to see him after so much time.

PRIYAMVADAOh, yeah. They’re very close.

ANUSUYAWhat did he say when he found out she was pregnant?

PRIYAMVADA“You have not proved an object of regret for me.”

ANUSUYAThat’s sweet.

!ANUSUYA weeps."

I always cry at weddings.!The marionette MOTHER THERESA enters manipulatedby several nuns."

MOTHERAh, here’s our little queen. Straight out of the story books.

NUNSPax tibi.

SHAKUNTALASHUT UP! I HATE YOU!

ANUSUYA!Pulling PRIYAMVADA toward SHAKUNTALA."

Here, your veil’s a little crooked.!SHAKUNTALA slaps ANUSUYA away."

SHAKUNTALASTOP IT!

MOTHERNow, Sister, it really is crooked. Anyway, she just wants to touch it.

SHAKUNTALAShe’s welcome to it. I’m leaving it behind. I don’t know why I’m wearing it.

MOTHERWell, for your wedding, of course.

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SHAKUNTALAI have a common law marriage.

MOTHERThat’s what all men say, honey.

SHAKUNTALAI wish I was dead.

MOTHERNow here, take these diamonds we found near Mount Erebus. They’ll emphasize the sparkle in your eyes.

PRIYAMVADA!To SHAKUNTALA."

You might not be happy about this, but somebody is.

MOTHEROf course she’s happy about this. First a baby and now diamonds. If she gets any luckier we’ll have nakedBalinese dancers down here next.

SHAKUNTALAWhy not? The rest of my vows don’t mean anything, why should my vow of poverty be any different?

PRIYAMVADAYou don’t have to keep them. Just wear them to the wedding.

SHAKUNTALAI’m not going to a wedding, I’m eight months pregnant.

!A roaring noise comes from the blowing ice."

MOTHERNow, put on a happy face, Sister Shakuntala. Here comes your father.

!HARLEQUINS dance across the stage strewing flowerpetals. The wind blows them all away.

SHAKUNTALA’s father KALIDASA roars into view ona 250cc four#wheeled ATV. He is a fine#looking Indiangentleman in sandals, a dhoti, a kurta, and a stiff, oversized,Spanish#ruff collar. He also wears a pointy goatee, and ismostly bald on top. He rolls to a stop and kills the engine."

KALIDASAThy beauty, maid, doth frigidairely glowIn purity t’ outwhite the very snow.

SHAKUNTALAThere is no snow in the Antarctic. Dad.

KALIDASAAlas, ‘t is blitheringly sorrowfulTo see one’s progeny about to go.To leave a"fluttering the nest they’ve knownSince youth to fly and weave a younger home.

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I’ll bear this while my mind, as though a ripeBanana newly laid beside a pileOf churnéd cream, when dress’d with choppéßd bitsOf nuts, a cherry, sugary sauce, may split.

MOTHERHello, Kalidasa, so good to see you again.

KALIDASAThou charitable dame, how now art thou?

MOTHERI’m lovely. So glad you could make it. Shakuntala, it’s your father.

SHAKUNTALAYes. Quite.

KALIDASAMy own, dost thou perceive the joy this dayPortends forst thou? Then hold thy head and shakeIt ‘til thou feelst the goodness rattle ‘roundLike BB’s. Then say if thou canst longer frown.

SHAKUNTALAI canst.

KALIDASA!Laughing."

Frevocious girl! 0 rocks and blinding ice,Cavorting wind and bellowing cloud, throw riceUpon our happy heads this happy day,For my own girl goes happily away!

SHAKUNTALAI’m going to have my baby right here all by myself and I’ll build an ice fort and we’ll live here forever.

MOTHERGoodness. An ice fort. And how will you eat?

SHAKUNTALAThe yetis will bring us food.

ANUSUYAThey do that. I heard they do that.

SHAKUNTALA!To ANUSUYA."

You’ll come with me, won’t you? Sister Priyamvada, it’s a new world. You always wanted to see a new world,right?

PRIYAMVADANo.

ANUSUYA

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Oh, Sister Shakuntala, it sounds fabulous and all, but we have to be here for the hearing. Sorry.

SHAKUNTALANo, come to the South Pole. Duhshanta will be king of the world soon. He’ll drop the charges.

PRIYAMVADACharges are filed.

SHAKUNTALAHe’ll acquit you. He’ll pardon you. He’ll commute your sentence.

PRIYAMVADAYeah, well, you let us know.

ANUSUYASend us some pictures of the baby.

MOTHERNow, you be tough and smile, dear. It’s time we left.

SHAKUNTALAYou know the way?

MOTHEROh, it’s easy. You just go South, and if you find yourself suddenly going North, you know you’ve gone too far.

KALIDASAForsooth! Thy elder brother’s fast arrivedTo guide you to your destiny alive.

SHAKUNTALAI’M NOT GOING ALL THE WAY TO THE SOUTH POLE IN MY CONDITION!

KALIDASANot so, my dear, your darling elder’s hereAnd will uprightly swallow all thy fear.

Avaunt, Sharngarava, avast and hark!!Silence. The sound of a cuckoo. Silence. Cuckoo again.Silence. SHARNGARAVA rises out of the ice. He’s astrapping young brute in WWII#issue winter camouflage andcross#country skis. He puts his fingers to his lips and cuckoos.Silence."

SHARNGARAVAPresent.

YETISStraight on and smoothAnd breezes blow behind youBut go briskly on the iceAnd love will find you.

MOTHER

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Ah, now hear those yetis. Isn’t that sweet.

SHAKUNTALA!Wrenching her arm."

I’ll go myself!

KALIDASAGive heed and hearken to these simple rules,And trust thy doting father. One, a foolAnd money soon are parted. Two, a bankAccount is wisely started. Three, give thanksEach day for what thou hast. The fourth, let sinsLie silent in the past. The fifth, who winsThe fight is never wrong, so, six, do allYou can to get along. This last one""eight"

SHAKUNTALASeven. You’re on seven.

KALIDASAThe eighth: in every circumstance, obey.

SHAKUNTALAYou almost had me going with those first few.

MOTHERThey should print that on marriage licenses.

KALIDASASharngarava, my son, ingest these wordsAnd in Duhshanta’s presence pitch them forthAgain: you got her. Can you keep preciseThis message as you travel o’er the ice?

SHARNGARAVAYes.

SHAKUNTALAMarvelous.

KALIDASAGive, daughter, arms to friends and to your dadWho will be evermore and after sad.

!SHAKUNTALA stands still a moment, then takesANUSUYA, PRIYAMVADA, and KALIDASA in anembrace and weeps."

SHAKUNTALAHow can I bring someone else into this family?

!PRIYAMVADA looks at her seriously."

PRIYAMVADASister Shakuntala, I’m sure everything’s going to be just fine. You’re going to reach the South Pole, and findDuhshanta sitting on a crystal throne in an ice palace, and he’ll welcome you in and make you an equal among

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all his wives.

SHAKUNTALAHis wives?

PRIYAMVADAJust hear me out. If ... I’m not saying anything’s going to happen... but if he should give you any kind ofrunaround...

SHAKUNTALAWhat kind of runaround? I’m eight months pregnant.

PRIYAMVADANo, everything will be fine. I’m sure.

!PRIYAMVADA holds out DUHSHANTA’s bloody tentstake with her free hand."

Just hold onto this. It’s monogrammed.

SHAKUNTALAOh, for crying out loud. I’m going already.

PRIYAMVADATake it!

!SHAKUNTALA walks away."

SHAKUNTALAI’m going!

PRIYAMVADAYou take this thing!

SHAKUNTALAYou’re trying to plant evidence on me!

PRIYAMVADALook at it!

SHAKUNTALAI’m not looking! I’m on my way!

PRIYAMVADALook at it! It’s got his initials on it!

SHAKUNTALAI’m taking my big fat belly to the South Pole!

!SHARNGARAVA takes the spike fromPRIYAMVADA. SHAKUNTALA bellows over hershoulder, drily."

I’m gonna be the queen of the world! See ya! I’m going!!SHAKUNTALA disappears in the blowing ice.SHARNGARAVA slides after her. MOTHERTHERESA and the NUNS go, too."

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PRIYAMVADAWell. Time to start mounting our defense.

ANUSUYAYep.

!KALIDASA starts up the four wheeler. He shouts over thenoise."

KALIDASAI knoweth some accomplished barristers.Perchance you’d like names and phone numbers.

PRIYAMVADA!Shouting."

Sure!

ANUSUYA!Shouting."

Yeah. That’d be great!

!Blackout."

ACT THREE

Scene 1

!Sound of enormous gears turning.

Train whistle.

Marching feet.

Wind.

Brilliant light. The South Pole.

Blowing ice swirls and whips. A Rolls Royce Silver Ghostshoots by.

CHAMBERLAIN slides out of the ice on a conveyor belt."

CHAMBERLAINSo I says to him, I says,MIND YOUR P’S AND Q’S, MISTER!There’s a good lad. I’ll give him what for, I’ll tell you.

The accounts at present tally thus: Refugees in total seven hundred and seventy million four hundred andforty"four thousand two hundred and twenty"eight. Refugee mothers currently expecting children in totaleleven million eight hundred thousand one hundred twenty"one. Refugee mothers expecting children before

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the end of the month in total three hundred and eighty"six thousand five hundred fifty. Refugee husbandsplanning to put refugee wives in the family way by week’s end in total fifty thousand ninety"three.

Refugees expected by boat from the various northern continents of the planet by week’s end in total onemillion nine hundred ninety thousand nine hundred ninety"nine. Refugees expected by courier service byweek’s end in total four hundred fifty"seven thousand one hundred and one. Refugees expected by their owninventive means by week’s end sixty some odd thousand.

Refugees presently at work shaving the ice off the polar ice cap in total two hundred forty"eight million ninehundred thirty"six thousand four hundred twelve. Refugees at work in various services in support of the polarice cap shaving in total two hundred seventy"two million eight hundred sixty"two thousand seven hundredfifty"two. Refugees on leave in total one hundred fifteen thousand six hundred seven.

Languages currently spoken among refugees in Antarctica in total eight hundred and three.Currencies currently accepted as legal tender among refugees in Antarctica in total two hundred and twelve.Flags forsaken by refugees in Antarctica in total two hundred and twelve.

Refugees purporting to assume the title KING OF THE WORLD in total one.

Surface area of Antarctic over which ice removal is currently taking place in total 8 million two hundred andforty"five thousand square miles. Mean depth of ice removed from the ice cap to date in total one thousandthree hundred and seventy"one feet continent"wide.

Number of penguins ingested raw by refugees in order to prevent the onset of scurvy in total...!Silver Ghost slides across the ice to a graceful stop $nothing torun into%. Flags of unbroken white fly from forward posts.DUHSHANTA stands in the driver’s seat.DUHSHANTA wears a white dhoti and kurta, sandals,white scarf, white driving goggles and cap."

DUHSHANTAChamberlain! How much ice is left to remove from the cap?

CHAMBERLAINCan’t say, Your Majesty. The number of refugee scientists currently estimating the amount is in total fifteenthousand two hundred and twenty"one.

DUHSHANTASplendid! Have your raw penguin today, did you?

CHAMBERLAINCertainly did! And I poured over it a sauce of my own device made from corn syrup, pulverized walnuts, andmelted ice.

DUHSHANTAHow was it?

CHAMBERLAINDelicious.

DUHSHANTADelightful! Who’s your pal?

CHAMBERLAIN

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You are.

DUHSHANTAWho’s your pal?

CHAMBERLAINYou are.

DUHSHANTAI’m your pal!

!DUHSHANTA steps out onto the hood of the automobile."

This Pole, its ice and molded stoneThe cut rocks by wind, this sharp air,All the light and darkness and the polar time they split,Penguins, seals, whales, terns,Did I mention the ice?

CHAMBERLAINOh, yes.

DUHSHANTAIt spins around my axis.Each particle and pieceDraws an orbit on my mark,Bent by my geometry in loyal circlesThough just last monthLate and lost to the Pole, on this plateauI pulled myself with hardly strength to push my blood through my veins.Between that time and thisHalf the ice cap’s disappearedBy my direction.The dust of all northern lands blows my wayAnd takes up shovels and picksIn service of this new, last nation.Holy Smoke! What old congress of countries can dispute me?

!A penguin wanders out of the blowing ice with a rolled uppiece of paper strapped to its neck."

CHAMBERLAINCarrier penguin, Your Highness.

!CHAMBERLAIN removes and unrolls the letter."

DUHSHANTAYes?

CHAMBERLAIN!Handing the letter to DUHSHANTA"

From the United Nations, sire.

DUHSHANTADon’t let that penguin get away.

!CHAMBERLAIN chases the penguin. DUHSHANTAreads."

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Joint resolution three seven four two eight one “R”, undersigned by the U.N. general secretary, counter"signedby representatives of all the nations on earth, and notarized three days ago by Ellen Green, notary public,Dane County, State of Wisconsin, U.S.A.

!Reading."

Dear Duhshy, We were so glad to hear from you last week. It sounds like you’ve got your hands full downthere. How is it going? Too cold for us! Winter’s coming on here in New York and that’s more than enough asfar as we’re concerned. Finland says we’re all a bunch of babies, but we told him he could spend a year with youand he said no. As for your inquiry: I’m afraid we’re full up with countries at the moment. Sorry. Anyway, allthat down there’s supposed to be a refugee camp. So, what we’d prefer is that you disappear in some SouthAmerican country""oh, wait, Honduras just offered you asylum; thanks, guys""and leave the refugees to thenuns. Thanks again for writing. We look forward to hearing from you again. Sincerely, The United Nations.

WHAT KIND OF CRAP IS THIS?!

P.S.: we’ve set up an embargo and the bombing will begin in fifteen minutes.

Bombing, my fat bottom!!CHAMBERLAIN comes up with the penguin."

CHAMBERLAINI got him.

DUHSHANTAWhat men are these who so pantTheir emptiness the asteroids of space can hear it?What dream have they that rightTakes residence in their catalogs of self"titles?What hope do they own that mightMore than theirs will not make room for itself,Build a city, name it capital, swell its bordersSwallow the smaller, splinter its rivals,Apportion the remains to the conquered and weaker,Border, deborder, and reborder them allWith the same strong badge their bombs and blockades blankly flash?I am the king of the world.What’s our military number?

CHAMBERLAINRefugees enlisted in the regular army in total three hundred and eight.Refugees enlisted in the volunteer reserves in total five hundred fifty"five million, five hundred fifty"fivethousand, five hundred fifty"four.

DUHSHANTACall up the reserves, and take a letter!

CHAMBERLAINWhat do I do with the penguin?

DUHSHANTAOh, let it go. We’ll chase down another.

!The penguin scuttles away as CHAMBERLAIN takes uppen and paper."

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Dear U.N., Thank you for your recent letter. I’ve been in New York in the winter, and, believe me, Isympathize. Everything here is well. The ice cap is nearly gone, and the numbers of refugees arriving at myshores from your countries nearly doubles daily. Go ahead and drop your bombs, I’ll soon flood the northwardearth with weak and simple things y’all will find unhappily familiar like the nicknames of people whose givennames you’ve forgotten. And we have plenty of food. Sincerely yours, Duhshanta, the King of the World.

Now go find a penguin and get that thing off.

CHAMBERLAINBother. Those things didn’t use to run so fast.

!CHAMBERLAIN dashes off into the swirling ice."

DUHSHANTAStrike up the band! A song for Mount Erebus!

!Music plays. DUHSHANTA sings."

ON TOP OF OLD SMOKYALL COVERED WITH SNOWI LEFT MY POOR SWEETHEARTFOR A"COURTIN’ TOO SLOW

SHE WANTED A PALACESHE WANTED A CROWNBUT WHEN I SAID “CHILDREN”SHE WAS TRUE TO HER VOW

!CHAMBERLAIN slides in on a conveyor belt."

CHAMBERLAINYour Highness, Mother Theresa’s at the palace accompanied by a pregnant nun in a wedding dress and aWorld War II vet in winter camouflage. Shall I let them in?

DUHSHANTAA vet? Really? Does he have one of those fold"up shovels?

CHAMBERLAINI’ll check. They say they have a message from Kalidasa.

DUHSHANTANo kidding? He’s certainly keeping strange company these days.

CHAMBERLAINPerhaps he’s representing the UN.

DUHSHANTAIf that’s the case, I’ll use him for a human shield!

!DUHSHANTA and ENGLISHMAN laugh."

I don’t really expect those U.N. boobies will actually hit anything as important as the palace, but you can neverbe sure that they really know where the important things are. Go ahead and let them in.

!CHAMBERLAIN stands aside."

CHAMBERLAINYour Highness, Mother Theresa, a pregnant nun, and a former G.I.

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DUHSHANTAExcellent.

!MOTHER THERESA marionette andSHARNGARAVA draw in SHAKUNTALA in a red,radio flyer wagon. SHAKUNTALA in her white weddingdress and nun’s habit seems worn out."

CHAMBERLAINHis Royal Highness King Duhshanta.

!DUHSHANTA clears his throat."

Oh. The king would like to know if you have one of those fold"up shovels.

SHARNGARAVASir, yes, sir.

!SHARNGARAVA unfolds his shovel."

DUHSHANTALet me see that.

!DUHSHANTA takes the shovel."

Ah. It’s beautiful. Well balanced. Durable. I see you’ve used it.

SHARNGARAVASir, yes, sir! I’d sooner dig myself a hole in a snow bank any day of the week than melt myself in a puffymattress like a pat of butter on a spud, sir!

DUHSHANTAOh, I’m with you there, son. No man’s got a problem when he can dig himself a hole.

SHAKUNTALA!To MOTHER."

I have a headache.

MOTHERShh, dear. Duhshanta’s shoveling.

!A bomb falls."

DUHSHANTAWow. First time they’ve been early for anything.

!DUHSHANTA returns the shovel, and refers toSHAKUNTALA and SHARNGARAVA."

Are you two getting married?!SHAKUNTALA swoons."

CHAMBERLAINThey have a message from the reverend Kalidasa.

DUHSHANTAOh, right. That’s what you said. How is everything back in the old country?

!A few more bombs."

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MOTHERHis message to you is:

Thou sovereign king...

DUHSHANTAAs opposed to what other kind of king?

MOTHERNo, he didn’t say.

DUHSHANTAGo on.

SHARNGARAVAThou sovereign king who sagely governs life,Who guards the world and frees its folks of strife,Who turns the day to night and night to day,Who brings the rains and drives the clouds away,Thou art most worthiest of men, the treatOf springtime... !

DUHSHANTABlah, blah, blah.

MOTHERUh, ensign of nations, vanguard of the downtrodden... ah!Shakuntala, resplendent as the sun,Whose belly baketh even now a bun,Was worthy choice on thy insightful part,

!More bombs."

So now receive her swollen to thy heart!Take thou she ever blameless to thy bed,And here before our witness her thee wed!

!Bombs."

DUHSHANTAPardon me?

MOTHERHow far should I back up?

DUHSHANTANo, I heard what you said.

MOTHERCan I say something?

!Bombs."

DUHSHANTACertainly.

MOTHER

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She never listened to me, so she’s hardly free of responsibility for this whole thing, but you didn’t exactly go inthe front door. What have you to say for yourself?

!Bombs."

SHAKUNTALAWell? What do you say?

!Bombs. DUHSHANTA jumps up."

DUHSHANTAAlright, that is enough!

!Bombs fall. DUHSHANTA draws an ivory handledrevolver. SHAKUNTALA and the rest gasp and shrink.DUHSHANTA runs away. Bombs. Six gunshots. Anairplane stalls and shrieks into an explosion. DUHSHANTAreturns, replacing cartridges in the cylinder."

Are you saying I knocked her up?!SHAKUNTALA tries to rise from the wagon, but cannot."

SHAKUNTALAI saved your life!

DUHSHANTAWhat? When?

MOTHERWell, look. of course he doesn’t recognize you. You’ve got that habit wrapped around your face.

!SHAKUNTALA keeps MOTHER from removing thehabit."

It’s time to take that off. It’s not big enough to hide all of you and not small enough to pass for hair.!SHAKUNTALA fends off MOTHER THERESA."

SHAKUNTALAThere isn’t going to be any wedding! I’m going to be a single"nun"mom.

DUHSHANTAThere’s not going to be any single"nun"moms in my Antarctica. Take that thing off and we’ll find you a niceEpiscopalian priest to marry.

SHAKUNTALAI came to the Pole to marry my child’s father.

DUHSHANTASo we’ll publish your picture to see if your face rings any bells. Chamberlain, get someone to restrain this nunand remove her habit.

CHAMBERLAINYeah, okay.

!YETIS appear."

SHAKUNTALAGo get your own veil. This one’s mine. If you don’t want to know me, leave it at that and I’ll stay a nun.

!The YETIS hold SHAKUNTALA."

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You’ll take one face and not replace it with another, and who will I be then?!The YETIS tear off SHAKUNTALA’s habit and send itfluttering through the air. Another habit is intact onSHAKUNTALA beneath it."

DUHSHANTASweet merciful crap!

!The YETIS tear off SHAKUNTALA’s second habit andsend it fluttering. Another habit is intact onSHAKUNTALA beneath it."

MOTHERAve Maria.

!The YETIS tear off habit after habit whileSHAKUNTALA sings."

SHAKUNTALAARE YOU HAPPY ARE YOU HAPPYBROTHER JOHN? BROTHER JOHN?IF YOU BREAK YOUR GUITARWILL YOU PLAY THE SITAR?DING DONG DINDING DONG DIN

ARE YOU SNAPPYARE YOU SNAPPYBROTHER JUAN?BROTHER JUAN?VERY PLEASED TO MEET YOUNEXT I THINK I’LL EAT YOUDING DONG DINDING DONG DIN

ARE YOU NAPPYTHIN AND SCRAPPYBROTHER TRAN?BROTHER TRAN?IF YOU AREN’T BIZARREYOU WON’T GO VERY FARDING DONG DINDING DONG DIN!The YETIS give up. There is a huge pile of habits."

DUHSHANTA!Looking SHAKUNTALA over."

Hm.!Aside."

Whether or no she’s mother by anotherI’ll own up I’m caught and fallingIn ellipsis to and from her.

!To SHAKUNTALA, et al."

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Listen, I’m as interested in progeny as the next guy, and now there’s a whole kingdom needing a successor.But I’m not going to jeopardize this whole operation by muddling the waters of legal succession withsomebody else’s baby. And this is somebody else’s baby.

SHAKUNTALAWho else’s? I’ve been living with nuns for fifteen years!

MOTHERWe’re not accusing you of anything seamy. Kalidasa’s pretty well convinced the whole thing was consensual.

DUHSHANTAIt’s not at all consensual. I haven’t agreed to anything.

SHAKUNTALA!Aside."

I saved him from scurvy with food and myself and hoped he’d reach the Pole and welcome me. Which gods arenow battling over the chance to strike him deaf and dead for this blank abuse?

#To DUHSHANTA.$

A few hundred miles back we burned ill together in desperate straights on the polar plateau. There was newlife between us in this radio flyer wagon. You took your portion and got better and got to the Pole. All thatwas left for me went to making a baby, and I’m just about finished. And I don’t have insurance.

DUHSHANTA!Covering his ears."

Now, now, now, enough! I feel like there’s a millstone around my neck.

SHAKUNTALAOh, that’s it.

!SHAKUNTALA overturns the wagon and throws herselfweakly at DUHSHANTA. DUHSHANTA catches her."

DUHSHANTAShe’s going to hurt herself.

!SHARNGARAVA pulls SHAKUNTALA back. Shesearches frantically in her dress and habit."

SHAKUNTALAWhen I find that tent stake I’m going to punch your eyes out.

DUHSHANTATent stake.

SHAKUNTALA!To MOTHER THERESA."

Where’s my tent stake?

MOTHERThe Park Ranger kept them all when we landed on the Ross Ice Shelf.

SHAKUNTALANo, no, no. I had one.

DUHSHANTA

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Chamberlain, maybe you’d better call in one of the doctors.

SHAKUNTALAIt was your own stake. You smuggled it into Antarctica somehow. You split my nativity scene with it. Youkilled my habit with it when it got out of control. There was a man from Kansas City with a shotgun.

DUHSHANTAThis just gets bigger and bigger, doesn’t it. Mao Zedong’s going to be crossing the continent in a clockworktank, next.

SHAKUNTALAYou are a whited sepulchre.

!More bombs fall."

DUHSHANTAWait just a moment while I go talk to myself.

!DUHSHANTA steps apart from the others."

I’m set abackNot by my guiltBut her anger.Were I not oddly bold to be rightShe’d convince me I’m wrong.And fetchingly too!I declare I’m quite spunBy her trembling mouth,Those eyes indignantly arched,Wrestling together at her noseRolling dark furrows in her browsAnd blazing red!Honest injun, she’s got red eyes.Blast, what a warm woman!I wonder if anyone would believe I did knock her up?

!DUHSHANTA returns to the group."

My life is public, and no one’s ever mentioned to me that I did this.

SHAKUNTALAOh, what’s the use? You got me. I’m a whore. I ignored the pit and the snake and the bees and trusted the vineand put out my finger for honey.

!SHARNGARAVA drops SHAKUNTALA and turns togo."

SHARNGARAVAGet it in writing, people! I can’t stress this enough! There are two kinds of people in the world, and the happyones get it in writing!

SHAKUNTALAYou can’t leave me! The world is broken. Living truly is nothing but trouble and the rats grow fat.

DUHSHANTAShe’s right. You can’t leave her.

SHAKUNTALA

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Just take me away.

SHARNGARAVAWhere’s left, miss?

SHAKUNTALAI don’t know! Where do the refugees of refugee camps go?!

SHARNGARAVAAh, that’s a policy issue, miss.

!YETIS appear with bombs. They circumambulate theperimeter of the shelter."

DUHSHANTAShe can’t stay here. I’ve got trouble enough with the U.N., I don’t need rumors flying about the world thatI’ve turned Antarctica into some kind of Osho compound.

CHAMBERLAINIf I might say so...

!YETIS throw bombs into the bomb shelter."

DUHSHANTABy all means, say so.

CHAMBERLAINWhy don’t we just keep her here secretly in the bomb shelter until the baby arrives? After that a simple DNAtest will officially disprove any connection to you.

!The bomb shelter rocks and rumbles from the bombs droppedin by the YETIS."

DUHSHANTACapital idea! And if it turns out that it is my child we can just keep them here secretly until they die!

CHAMBERLAINQuite so!

DUHSHANTAPerfect!

SHAKUNTALAO fart! Where is the providence in fate?

!A crevass opens up. SHAKUNTALA steps into it."

CHAMBERLAINOh, my.

MOTHEROh, dear.

DUHSHANTAI didn’t tell her she could do that!

!YETIS stop dropping bombs."

Chamberlain, how long before our ice shaving operation will uncover her?

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CHAMBERLAINIf it’s a superficial crevass, only a couple of days.

DUHSHANTABut she’ll be dead by then, right?

CHAMBERLAINIf it’s deeper than we think the ice cap itself is, we’ll probably never reach her.

DUHSHANTAI can’t decide whether to be relieved or consternated.

CHAMBERLAINApathy is my drug of choice, your highness.

Scene 2

!Man handcuffed."

MANDo you know your beaches?Are the ebbing lines where seas meet sandUnder your eye, or do lengths elude youSlipped into gray and shadow,wriggled not"to"be’s in boatsPassing under your unknowing noseTo scale the bluffs and sperse bootling inland?Do you staff the bunkers?Are the glint lines sighted on the ways easyStrangers might come by, or are there gapsUnguarded, paths left wideWhere the frank new might slip insideBuild cottages in the countrysideAnd blur simply into your unwalled towns?

!The BUTCHER, the BAKER, and the CANDLESTICKMAKER materialize with garbage cans."

!Pause."

!BUTCHER lifts his garbage can lid. BAGG sticks his headout."

BAGGNothing to be done.

!BAGG’s face contorts into a ferocious smile."

!Pause."

!BAGG’s face returns to normal. BAKER lifts his garbagecan lid. BAMM sticks her head out."

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!Pause."

BAMMNothing to be done.

!Pause."

!BAKER hits BAMM in the face with a pie."

!Pause."

!CANDLESTICK MAKER lifts his garbage can lid.LOLLIPOP TROLLOP sticks her head out."

LOLLIPOP TROLLOP!Breakneck speed."

We got the goods on ya ya pinko commie runt we’re in the know ‘cause your boyfriend yah you heard mesquealed like a stuck pig in a poke and spilled the beans that’s right out of the frying pan into the fire is whereyou are pal in the thick of things see ain’t no big daddy to pull no strings for ya this time uptown or downtown‘cause this is midtown fella and we ain’t playin it’s showtime and you’re the main attraction so start singingbirdie and maybe today won’t be the day you get plucked awright now I’ve rolled up the doors on my ears but Ihave yet to see any syllables from your mouth driving up and parking in my head you flaming hippie scum Ishaved this morning and drove down here special to hear your aria and the music’s started so let’s hear someyelping ya hear me I wanna know where you got this tent stake!

!CANDLESTICK MAKER holds up the tent spike."

!Pause."

MANI found it.

!BUTCHER strikes MAN."

BAGGNothing to be done.

BAMM!Like a dog."

Arf!!Pause."

LOLLIPOP TROLLOP!As before."

Are you rich I don’t care are you powerful I don’t care are you famous I don’t care you fat freak who do youknow huh who do you know ‘cause I don’t mind hauling them in here to watch you squirm like a worm on ahook you know the mayor I’ll haul him in here nothing says I can’t you know the satrap I got a chair in herewith the satrap’s name on it you know Emporer Ming screw Emporer Ming you’re mine baby until you fess upnow where you sack of flour did you get the tent stake?

!Pause."

MANI found it in a penguin’s brain.

!BUTCHER pulls down MAN’s pants."

!Pause."

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The penguin was dead.

BAMMDid I ever tell you the time I ate a penguin?

BAGGYes.

BAMMOh. okay.

!LOLLIPOP TROLLOP takes the spike. Smells it."

LOLLIPOP TROLLOP!Same as before."

So far your story checks out buddy but don’t go thinking you’re off the hook ‘cause the hook is sharp andpointy see it’s your lucky day ‘cause it’s my wife’s birthday and I don’t wanna go home just yet so I’m gonnacheck out your story you know what I’m saying you knobbly toad I’m gonna check it out and when I comeback your head’s gonna roll like a drum.

!CANDLESTICK MAKER disappears with the garbagecan and LOLLIPOP TROLLOP."

BAGGShe’s been gone long.

BAMMNot too long.

BAGGOh, no. Not too long.

!Pause."

But long.

BAMMShall we go find her?

BAGGYes.

!Pause. YETIS play pine trees in the back."

BAMMI meant today.

BAGGWell say so.

!Pause."

MAKE"UP!!BUTCHER strikes MAN with a giant powderpuff andkicks him in the butt."

BAMMHah. I could do that.

!Pause."

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Here she comes.

BAGGWho?

!CANDLESTICK MAKER reappears with garbage canand LOLLIPOP TROLLOP. He sets the can down."

MANI’m a dead man.

!Pause."

LOLLIPOP TROLLOPWell well well well well well if it isn’t the cat with nine lives seems the king had a sudden attack of compassionwhen he saw that spike he turned white as a sheet and nearly fell right off his throne which doesn’t mean we’resuddenly gonna be chummy you and me it just means that for now you’re off my top ten list down to numberthirtyfive or so of people to watch so watch it I’m not through with you yet ya big lug.

MANI’d like to see my lawyer.

!Pause."

BAMMNo.

!Wind whips up the blowing ice, obscuring everything."

Scene 3

!The ANGEL IN LITTLE AMERICA descends andhovers above the ground."

ANGELFear not. I am the Angel in Little America. My father was St. Peter and my mother was The Enlightenment.In spite of her faults I remain a friend to Shakuntala’s mother Antoinette who sometimes presumes to speakfor me at festivals and such. She gets me all wrong, of course, but publicity’s publicity, and few have gone so faron public ignorance as the divine Miss A. Shakuntala has become like my own self. Like a tolerant friend ofher mother. She asked me to check up on the tyrant.

!ANGEL IN LITTLE AMERICA looks around."

But it’s dark. This should be the Antarctic summer but it’s dark as dung. Where are the refugees? Why arethey not pulling to the sea blocks of ice cut from the plateau? I could read the newspaper, I suppose, but I’drather get my information by hearsay. I’ll just disguise myself as a snowman and hear what these girls have tosay.

!ANGEL IN LITTLE AMERICA descends to the ice andbecomes a snowman. Two GIRLS enter with flashlights.They wear smart suits. The first is reading a scroll."

FIRST GIRLWell, now, things seem to be going along quite smashingly.

SECOND GIRLIndubitably.

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FIRST GIRLThis U.N. resolution has right properly put King Duhshanta in his place.

SECOND GIRLUnquestionably. Oh, read it again.

FIRST GIRLOh, no. You read it to me. Your voice is ever so much more pleasant than mine.

SECOND GIRLOh, no, no, no. Yours is the better reading voice.

FIRST GIRLCertainly not, certainly not.

SECOND GIRLI’m afraid so.

FIRST GIRLDo you really mean it?

SECOND GIRLQuite.

FIRST GIRLThank you so much. You really are the cat’s meow.

SECOND GIRLOn the contrary. I believe you are the cat’s meow.

FIRST GIRLOh, let’s both be meows.

SECOND GIRLShall we?

FIRST GIRLLet’s.

!Reading."

U.N. resolution three fifty"seven point three article twelve underscore letter b dot html. So, uh, KingDuhshanta, like how are you? This is the U.N., how are you doing? We’re like so cold here right now we can’teven tell you. It’s bad enough that the weather sucks, but Portugal won’t shut up about it. It’s always going‘I’ve got goosebumps’ and ‘this blanket doesn’t do anything, you know,.’ We’re all about to kill it. So, we wereall sorta sittin’ around talking last night, and we kinda decided to annex you. That okay? If it’s not okay just sayso, ‘cause we can annex something else, but when we were all thinking about it last night we were all like ‘Yah,that’d be really cool. I just know King Duhshanta will be cool with that.’ So, you can just abdicate your titleand we’ll just send down a temporary peacekeeping force if it’s all cool with you, okay? Thanks so much.You’re the best. Love, the U.N.

SECOND GIRLA model of composition.

FIRST GIRL

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I certainly agree. But why isn’t it summer down here?

SECOND GIRLShould it be summer down here?

FIRST GIRLI’m quite sure it should. By my calculations January Seventeenth is well into the Antarctic Summer.

SECOND GIRLNo, but I do believe it is the Sixteenth.

FIRST GIRLNo, I’m sorry. It’s the Seventeenth today.

SECOND GIRLOn the contrary. The Sixteenth.

!First GIRL produces a day planner."

FIRST GIRLAccording to my Franklin Planner it is the Seventeenth.

SECOND GIRLOh, my, so it is. My mistake. Will you forgive me?

FIRST GIRLCertainly.

SECOND GIRLYou are so kind.

FIRST GIRLSo why isn’t the sun out, do you think? Is it haze?

SECOND GIRLGoodness me, I’m confounded. What do you think?

FIRST GIRLI asked you first.

SECOND GIRLI asked you second.

FIRST GIRLShall we be perplexed together?

SECOND GIRLLet’s.

!They act perplexity. CHAMBERLAIN slides into view ona conveyor belt. He points a pistol $not a revolver% at theGIRLS."

CHAMBERLAINTake dictation.

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FIRST GIRLExcuse me?

SECOND GIRLI’m afraid we have no stenographic training. If you can wait until the haze clears we can have a team air"dropped in.

FIRST GIRLIndubitably.

CHAMBERLAINI was speaking metaphorically.

SECOND GIRLWhatever you say.

FIRST GIRLYou’re the boss.

CHAMBERLAINDo you feel that wind?

SECOND GIRLYou mean the wind which seems to split our bones open?

FIRST GIRLAnd strip the marrow from inside?

CHAMBERLAINThere’s no haze. There’s no light. You thought an ozone hole was bad news. The whole of Antarctica’s under alight hole. No light comes in, no light goes out. Let’s see the U.N. annex that.

FIRST GIRLPreposterous.

SECOND GIRLI most heartily concur.

CHAMBERLAINGo ahead, try it. Call the U.N.

!First GIRL dials a cell phone and hands it to second GIRL."

SECOND GIRL!Taking the phone."

Thank you so much.!Second GIRL listens for a moment. She hands the phoneback to first GIRL."

SECOND GIRLToday partly cloudy with a chance of blowing ice in the afternoon.

FIRST GIRLMy goodness. I should have brought a coat.

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SECOND GIRL!As if catching on to the joke."

Did you hypnotize us? Come on, are we hypnotized?

CHAMBERLAINNo.

SECOND GIRLHey, make her act like a chicken.

FIRST GIRLOn the contrary, make her act like a chicken.

CHAMBERLAINThe king ordered the lights out and the lights are out.

SECOND GIRLShoot her first.

FIRST GIRLOh, no. After you.

SECOND GIRLI insist.

CHAMBERLAINOh, fer...

!CHAMBERLAIN pulls the trigger. A light shines out thebarrel."

FIRST GIRLOh, that’s very good.

SECOND GIRLOh, I agree completely. Quite good.

CHAMBERLAINThe refugees have been freeze"dried and vacuum packed, what remains of the plateau will remain of theplateau, the nuns on the shelf have been turned into penguins, and there will be no summer, no sun, no light.Only wind and ice. Antarctica will be like the dark side of the moon.

SECOND GIRLNo, excuse me, the moon has no wind.

FIRST GIRLThat’s true, that’s true. And no ice, either.

CHAMBERLAINWhen he saw the tent stake he remembered the wagon, the scurvy, the half"clad nun, and knew he hadn’tforgotten such warmth like a common fool.

No king, he thought, commands all things,Nor rules any men or taken spaceWith even slight certainty

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When the barest breeze so lifts his thoughtsAnd in whipping wider circles strews themPast his clutching clutching fingers.This king gives up effortTo the fast naught of living,Since his tightest thoughtUnravels of itself.

ANGELBut does he sorrow?

CHAMBERLAINHe sorrows like a normal man. So summer is cancelled.

FIRST GIRLI’m sure the U.N. will express its condolences. She slipped down a crevasse right?

SECOND GIRLIndubitably.

CHAMBERLAINGo tell the U.N. to do its worst. King Duhshanta won’t hardly notice.

FIRST GIRLAfter you.

SECOND GIRLOh, no, no, no. After you.

FIRST GIRLNo, I insist.

SECOND GIRLOh, you are too kind.

Scene 4

!DUHSHANTA appears on his throne. He is dressed in adark suit and sunglasses. A black sunshade stretches overhead.DUHSHANTA is contorted in sorrow over the throne andperfectly still.

Labels are affixed to parts of DUHSHANTA’s body. Hisforehead reads ‘ANGUISH.’ His left shoulder reads‘DESPAIR.’ His right breast reads ‘REGRET.’ His bellyreads ‘THE FLU.’ His right knee reads ‘SHAME.’ His leftbig toe reads ‘HARDWARE.’"

CHAMBERLAINBehold the wreck of royalty. Once master of a continent wrenched inert by cosmic forces. Still keeps thecrease in his slacks. What a man.

ANGEL

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Really. It’s no wonder Shakuntala wondered what he’s up to. If we weren’t physically incompatible I’d betempted to steal him out from under her. ‘Course, I guess she’s not really over him at this point.

DUHSHANTA!Singing."

WHY DO BIRDS SING SO GAYAND LOVERS AWAIT THE BREAK OF DAYWHY DO THEY FALL IN LO"OVE?

WHY ARE COWS ALWAYS CHEWING CUDWHY DO FOOLS FALL IN LOVEWHY DO THEY FALL IN LO"OVE?

LOVE’S A 1040"AYOU FILL IT OUT AND THEN YOU PAYWITH ALL THE IRS HAS KEPTWHY DON’T I GET A REFUND CHECK?

TELL ME WH"Y"YY"Y"Y"Y"Y"Y

FIRST GIRLWe should go.

SECOND GIRLIndubitably. Farewell, Your Highness.

!DUHSHANTA drools. The GIRLS fade into the ice.ENGLISHMAN comes running. He carries an umbrella."

ENGLISHMANYour Majesty, I’ve heard all about it and just let me say I don’t know what to say.

DUHSHANTAHow was Kansas City?

ENGLISHMANWhere?

DUHSHANTAWas the food okay?

ENGLISHMANI don’t know what you’re talking about.

DUHSHANTAWhere have you been for the last hundred years I’ve been suffering the pangs of a damned soul?

ENGLISHMANI’ve been chasing penguins in the Weddell. About eaten by a killer whale last week.

DUHSHANTAMy head is empty.

ENGLISHMAN

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The echo must be annoying.

DUHSHANTAMy heart is empty.

ENGLISHMANMust be playing heck with your blood sugar.

DUHSHANTAI wish the scurvy would come back so I could feel something.

!ENGLISHMAN strikes him viciously with the umbrella."

ENGLISHMANFeel that?

DUHSHANTAYes. May I have another?

ENGLISHMANNot until after dinner. Looks like you’ve been busy, after all. Come down here and tell me about this icesculpture of yours. Looks quite like that Shakuntala.

ANGELOops.

DUHSHANTAWhat’s that?

ENGLISHMANThis sculpture. I think you’ve quite captured her likeness here.

DUHSHANTAI remember. The bare rock, the bare shelf and the camp behind its bare wall. The bare plateau on the sled, thebare sun sprinkled about, her bare leg. I remember her bare teeth and her bare eyes, the fight they fought. Iremember my blank and bare mind, my bare face. The fight they fought against my bare denial, the armor theythrew up against my salvos, the bulwarks breaking the space between my lips and her. I remember my bare lifeover that crevasse blank and bored and tugged minute by minute by wishing I had made her child. Where wereyou?

ENGLISHMANIn the Weddell, Sire. Couldn’t be helped. Must have food, you know. Can’t always do what we must orshould for being out finding food.

ANGELSo far I’m with him. It’s a pain we have to eat so often.

DUHSHANTAWhere’s the providence in fate?

ENGLISHMANBuck up, now, Sire. The story’s not over yet. The tent stake came back in the brain of a penguin. You knowwhat that means.

DUHSHANTA

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The penguins are on my side?

ENGLISHMANExactly, and they’re in cahoots with fate.

DUHSHANTAFate and the penguins should make up their mind and ruin or save me.

!DUHSHANTA pulls the tent spike from his suit coat andrises a little."

I’ll put every penguin in dogfood tins.!Sagging."

Strengthen thy stakes and enlarge thy borders. And try not to step on the penguins.

ANGELHow’d she get that stake?

DUHSHANTAOh, I don’t know. Her friends told her to kill me with it or something.

ENGLISHMANWhy didn’t she?

DUHSHANTACouldn’t find it. Not quite finished penguin ran off with it.

!With sudden vigor."

I’ll kill myself with it!!DUHSHANTA raises the tent stake to plunge into his ownheart. With a cry ENGLISHMAN catches his arm. Theyfall together from the throne and struggle against each other."

ENGLISHMANNo, no, you’ve got so much to live for!

DUHSHANTAYou can be king of the world! I’d rather burn in hell than rule a frozen earth!

ENGLISHMANYou can’t make me king of the world""I can’t be trusted!

DUHSHANTAYou don’t need to be trusted, just well dressed!

ENGLISHMANNo, I won’t let you do it!

!DUHSHANTA overpowers ENGLISHMAN, pinninghim and raising the stake over him."

DUHSHANTAI’ll kill you and then kill myself!

!DUHSHANTA sees ANGEL IN LITTLE AMERICA.He freezes solid."

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Blimey.

ENGLISHMAN!Forced through DUHSHANTA’s chokehold."

You’ve done an excellent job there, Your Highness.

DUHSHANTABut for the color it’s my Shakuntala herself. I know her nose, the hairline which says, “comb me,” the lashes!that’s fine work to fashion lashes out of ice""the chin to make China weep, the neck and shoulders and thebulbous rest is all my love lost beneath the polar cap.

ENGLISHMAN!Croaking."

Quite the reproduction. You’ve endowed it with such life I’d almost say it breathes.!DUHSHANTA rises to look closely at ANGEL INLITTLE AMERICA. He gets very close but is careful not totouch."

DUHSHANTAIt does seem to swell and shrink with life. The hair seems almost naturally free. The eyelids nearly flutter.

!DUHSHANTA stops cold. ENGLISHMAN leans in for alook."

ENGLISHMAN!Whispering."

What is it?

DUHSHANTA!Awed whisper."

It’s perspiring.!ENGLISHMAN looks closer."

ENGLISHMANI’d recommend you back off a little, Sir. Seems your breath is slightly melting the piece.

DUHSHANTANo, no. It sweats and radiates.

!DUHSHANTA puts his nose to ANGEL IN LITTLEAMERICA’s cheek."

It’s warm.!DUHSHANTA licks ANGEL IN LITTLE AMERICA’sface."

It tastes like flesh.!ENGLISHMAN whirls DUHSHANTA about and slapshim twice."

ENGLISHMANSnap out of it, man!

ANGELHe would see her in penguin droppings.

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!DUHSHANTA takes ENGLISHMAN by the throat tostrangle him. CHAMBERLAIN slides in on a conveyorbelt."

CHAMBERLAINJust to let you know, Your Majesty, a boatload of Indonesian orphans was sunk by the U.N. blockade thismorning.

!DUHSHANTA hurls ENGLISHMAN away."

DUHSHANTAWHO IS IT PAINTS TARGETS ON SUCH THINGS?!

CHAMBERLAINNone of the children survived...

DUHSHANTAGood for them.

CHAMBERLAINBut we now have a few thousand refugee parents who on account of their own fertility deficiency had investedconsiderable hope in that boatload of children. They have collectively collapsed insensate on the shelf. Wefear the penguins could push them off.

DUHSHANTAI’ll be their children. They can adopt me. I’ll lie in their cradles and goo and burp. They can change my diapersand feed me strained peas. I’ll be the lost of every family. I’ll say momma in their languages and I’ll dress intheir dress and bus in the morning to their schools and sing their anthems and send money to their parents inthe old country. I’ll speak reverently of their causes and bow my head to their dead. Let no one now inAntarctica be without a mouth at the dinner table. I will eat at every dinner table.

ANGEL!Sniffling."

Oh, that got me.

DUHSHANTAThen there is nil.The torrent which cuts the desert deep,Miles of bright castles, gouted curves,Chasms with white blades and roar,Crawls sickly toward the sea,Sighs its last in dustAnd disappears without even a bed behind.

ANGEL!Weeping."

Stop it, you’re killing me.!ENGLISHMAN disappears."

ENGLISHMAN’S VOICEAAACH!

DUHSHANTA!Perking up, slightly."

Hm?

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!Looking around."

Where’s my California Kid?

ENGLISHMAN’S VOICEHelp!

DUHSHANTAWhere’d he go? Find out where he went.

!CHAMBERLAIN disappears on the conveyor belt andreappears almost immediately with a video projector and abag full of pool balls."

Did you really check on him?

CHAMBERLAINI most certainly did. I ran as fast as I could go to the Ice Cap Bar just a mile or two north of here.

DUHSHANTAEverything’s north of here.

CHAMBERLAINSo I knew I couldn’t miss it. Anyway, I went inside and sure enough they had a television mounted on the wall.

DUHSHANTAYes?

CHAMBERLAINUnfortunately, the bar crowd was watching pro wrestling.

DUHSHANTAWhat happened to my Englishman?

CHAMBERLAINWell, I asked if I could change the channel to CNN, but everyone said no.

DUHSHANTAYou don’t know where he is!

CHAMBERLAINNo, I do, I do. To make a long story short, I challenged the best of the bar to a game of pool, and, as youknow, before I was a refugee I was a marbles ace, and I correctly assumed the same principles applied. So, theylet me change the channel and keep all the balls I managed to knock off the table.

DUHSHANTAAnd?

CHAMBERLAINI recorded the report. Would you like to see it?

DUHSHANTAYes!

!CHAMBERLAIN fires the projection at anyone who mightbe watching."

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CNNthe local Englishman was hoisted today by an invisible force and borne off to destinations unknown. We havevideo of the scene. Brett? Yes, you can see here how this Englishman just sort of lifts off the ground as thoughby magic, and, indeed, our experts are at this point attributing this sudden takeoff to magic. Expert? Yes, Iwould call this an m2 magic event right now. Excuse me, Expert, for our viewers who are unfamiliar with suchthings would you just explain what you mean by “m2”? Certainly, an m2 is a magical event of the secondmagnitude. Ah, I see. Thank you, Expert. Here’s that video clip again of the said Englishman rising, almostjerking, right into the sky. And I think we’re going to go now to a person who wants to say something aboutthis. Yeah, I just think it’s magic, ‘cause...

DUHSHANTAAlright!

!CHAMBERLAIN switches off the video projector."

Which way did he go?

CHAMBERLAINUp.

DUHSHANTAAfter up, after up!

CHAMBERLAINI believe he went north.

!DUHSHANTA brandishes the tent stake."

DUHSHANTAThe U.N.’s behind this! Come and get me you lousy nations!

!GREEK YETI appears with a curtain. Her mouth movesbut is a moment behind the sound."

GREEK YETIIn case of emergency, take this enchanted curtain which soothes and relieves while it covers and protects.

!GREEK YETI hands curtain to DUSHANTA and mimesthe directions."

Fasten the curtain about your neck.!DUHSHANTA does so."

If any threat is imminent, real or perceived, place your hand over your mouth and refer to the curtain with afootnote. Remember to document your sources fully. Thank you.

!GREEK YETI disappears."

VOICESet your teeth, Duhshanta, and come off the Pole. I’ll bite through your Englishman’s neck and drink his blueblood.

ENGLISHMAN’S VOICEOh, now, really, I must protest. My blood is as red as anyone’s.

DUHSHANTAYou corpse"eating dryer sheet!

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ENGLISHMAN’S VOICEI’m not a corpse, either. Really.

DUHSHANTAChamberlain, from which direction comes that black voice?

CHAMBERLAINNorth, Sire.

DUHSHANTAEVERYTHING’S NORTH!

VOICEHa ha ha ha ha!

ENGLISHMAN’S VOICENow, that hurt. You can exude evil without yelling in my ear.

DUHSHANTAShow yourself, you nothing nations! Set aside your shield and set yourself against my thunderous weapon. I’mraising it now...

!DUHSHANTA raises the stake."

... and I’m aiming it north.

If all the land must pass awayThis stake will burn across the earth,Upturning plains and leveling peaksDrinking oceans, scourging forests and townsSwallowing clouds and air,Removing starsUntil it burning pierce your hide.

MEGAPHONE VOICEAttention, Dramatic Work, we have you surrounded. Lay down your lines and come out with your hands up.

VOICEuh oh.

!DUHSHANTA and CHAMBERLAIN exchangeignorant looks."

MEGAPHONE VOICEYou have to the count of three to surrender.

VOICEI think you should do as he says.

DUHSHANTAWeren’t you about to eat my Englishman?

MEGAPHONE VOICEOne...

DUHSHANTA

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I’m busy saving my Englishman. You’ll have to wait your turn.

MEGAPHONE VOICETwo...

VOICEHere’s your Englishman.

!ENGLISHMAN falls out of the sky."

ANGELThey’re not paying me enough for this crap.

!ANGEL IN LITTLE AMERICA ascends.DUHSHANTA catches her by the foot."

DUHSHANTAThat’s not north!

MEGAPHONE VOICETwo and a half ... there will be no two and three quarters ...

DUHSHANTAAll of you! Get off my continent!

!Dangling from the ANGEL IN LITTLE AMERICA,DUHSHANTA hurls the spike at the sky. Blinding flash.

Blackout."

Scene 5

!Machine gun fire. Shouts. Explosions.

Sounds of general mayhem. Silence.

Light returns.

DUHSHANTA, ENGLISHMAN, CHAMBERLAIN,SCHOLAR WITH A FAN stand on a bare stage.KRISHNA faces them over an open trap door. He hasSHAKUNTALA&no longer pregnant&by the arm. Shewears the ANGEL IN LITTLE AMERICA COSTUME."

KRISHNASo. We meet again.

DUHSHANTADo we?

KRISHNAIt has all come to a quiet end. There’s nothing left of all the prancing and posing. The stage is there. The lightsare there. The city has revoked your license. There is a warrant issued for your arrest. All this has come tonothing. Not even amusement remains. It’s drained out of all the people watching and left behind just crustedsmirks.

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DUHSHANTASo leave me Shakuntala.

KRISHNAWhat, like an heirloom?

DUHSHANTAShe’s all I’ve done this for.

ENGLISHMANYou rowed me here in a leaky boat for a new nation and to transform the world.

CHAMBERLAINAs of this moment there are seven hundred and seventy million four hundred and forty"four thousand twohundred and twenty"eight refugees who think the same thing.

KRISHNA!To SHAKUNTALA."

I’m going to go ahead and go. You can go to jail with him or take off now and disappear.

DUHSHANTAIt’s all yours, Shakuntala. My mind is full again.

SHAKUNTALAI’m not sure I know who you are.

!KRISHNA and SHAKUNTALA descend into the trap.CHAMBERLAIN and ENGLISHMAN wander away."

CHAMBERLAINWell, I guess that’s it then.

!DUHSHANTA siezes SCHOLAR WITH A FAN."

DUHSHANTASay something!

SCHOLAR WITH A FAN!Outward, with a flourish."

Thanks for coming! That’s all there is. Please obey local laws and practice courtesy as you’re driving home. Andremember, public television relies on your support.

!DUHSHANTA knocks SCHOLAR WITH A FANsenseless."

DUHSHANTA!Over the open trap."

I’M NOT THROUGH PLAYING!!DUHSHANTA drops through the trap."

Scene 6

!Footsteps."

DUHSHANTAHello?

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FAMILIAR VOICEWell, well. Whom do we have here?

DUHSHANTAWho’s that?

!Flashlight shines on DUHSHANTA."

Hey, give me one of those.

FAMILIAR VOICENo. You have to answer my question.

DUHSHANTAYes, you’re a jerk. Now give me a light.

FAMILIAR VOICEThe question is...

!Flashlight turns to reveal the face of PARK RANGER’SGHOST."

Did you forget something?!DUHSHANTA screams like a girl and falls to the ground."

DUHSHANTAYes, yes! I forgot my lover.

PARK RANGER’S GHOST!Dancing."

You forgot your lover, I was right, you forgot your lover, I was right...

DUHSHANTAShut up, shut up, shutup! It was only temporary.

PARK RANGER’S GHOSTNothing’s temporary down here, Pal.

DUHSHANTAWhat... under the polar ice cap?

PARK RANGER’S GHOSTHah.

!PARK RANGER’S GHOST swings the flashlight aroundto reveal an arch. On the arch is printed LASCIATEOGNE SPERANZA, VOI CH’INTRATE."

Yeah? What is that, Italian? I don’t read Italian.

PARK RANGER’S GHOSTDon’t read much at all, apparently. It says, “Abandon every hope, ye who enter here.”

DUHSHANTAMaybe it loses something in translation.

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PARK RANGER’S GHOSTThis is hell, Doofus.

DUHSHANTAWhy didn’t you just tell me? I’ve been conquering a continent, for goodness sake.

!Pause."

Hell’s under the polar ice cap, eh?

PARK RANGER’S GHOSTForget the ice cap. Come with me.

DUHSHANTA!Standing."

I get my own flashlight.

PARK RANGER’S GHOSTI’ve only got thirty"three more lines. You’ll survive.

!They walk."

This is home to life’s unkind,Merciless, the spiteful menWhose violent minds

Make their bodies pawns...

DUHSHANTAShow me one.

PARK RANGER’S GHOSTNow, you took a line. I’ve got only twenty"five left.

DUHSHANTAJust show me one.

PARK RANGER’S GHOSTKeep your pants on. Now I’m downEight or nine, and haven’t saidAnything about contempt,Sloth, or envy. And I’ve slippedOut of rhyme.

DUHSHANTAYou don’t have anything to show me.

PARK RANGER’S GHOSTJust shut up a minute! NowThese are dark dimensions wherePenitentless spirits go.

DUHSHANTAShow me just one peni...

PARK RANGER’S GHOST

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!Pointing."There!

DUHSHANTASaved a line...

PARK RANGER’S GHOSTBe quiet!

!Pause."

knowThis reducéd soul, in lifeReveled in great unearnéd goldHere, in hell he gnaws and bitesBurnished coins, his only food

DUHSHANTAHe’s bodiless, of course...

PARK RANGER’S GHOSTYou’re of ghosts to hell th’most rude...

DUHSHANTAHey! Slick! You gave me line twenty"four and picked up the rhyme.

PARK RANGER’S GHOST!To ether"

I am not responsible!He is uncooperative!

DUHSHANTAIs the tour over? Is there a chocolate bar or something at the end?

PARK RANGER’S GHOSTThat’s enough. Get out of hell.One would think that after soMany acts have fall’n on youYou would somehow come to know!

!PARK RANGER’S GHOST stalks off."

DUHSHANTAHey! I want a light.

!Flashlight flies in nearly striking DUHSHANTA."

Oh. Thanks.!DUHSHANTA picks up the light.

VYASA THE DOG wearing laurels sniffsDUHSHANTA."

DUHSHANTAHey, there, boy. Howya doin’ boy? Yeah, you’re a good dog, aren’t you. Yeah.

VYASA THE DOG

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ARF!

DUHSHANTASorry, no treats. Caught me at a bad time. I know where you can get a lot of penguins.

VYASA THE DOGARF!

DUHSHANTAHey, can you smell a trail, boy? Huh? Are you a smellin’ dog? I bet you are. Here boy.

!DUHSHANTA thrusts the tent stake at VYASA THEDOG’s face."

Go find her, boy. Go get her. Go on, boy, you know the way.!VYASA THE DOG turns a circle, yaps, and trots off.DUHSHANTA follows."

Hah"hah!We’ll go on, this dog and IBeneath our blue ice sky toward her.Her nunly smell and habitHer gaunt frame and skin worn wanIn antarctic wind and sun.We’ll go on. I behind this sure dogAnd he behind his sure nose,Up this right"hand turning roadToward her and toward our son.

It must be a son.

Sniff, boy! Sniff great loads of air.Let atmospheres inflate those bellowsSwirled with her fuming spores.We’ll on, boy, on to woman’sSecreting away, and blast the place apart.

VYASA THE DOGARF!

DUHSHANTASniff, boy, sniff! We’re so close I imagine I can near smell her myself.

VOICEStop.

DUHSHANTASweet merciful crap. People keep saying that to me.

VOICEYou cannot continue with that dog.

VYASA THE DOGWoof.

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DUHSHANTADon’t worry. I’ll handle this. I don’t see any sign!

VOICEThis is Kolob. Not all dogs go to Kolob.

DUHSHANTAThis dog brought me this far, and I am relying on him to find the rest of the way for me.

VOICEIf you want to enter the last world, you will have to leave the dog behind.

DUHSHANTAThis is the last world?I’ve oared an open boatOver Antarctic pitching seasTrudged foot"numb on Antarctic iceDried up and died in Antarctic scurvyAnd found and made the Antarctic Pole.Every other fell into that pathFrom cold places on native groundSo that so soon the planet’s underpantsWere boiling with the last people.AND! And all the upward eyes are downTurned to that last land below them.All are down turned.There’s no further to look than the Pole.How now is this the last world?

VYASA THE DOGARF!

VOICEWill you leave the dog!

DUHSHANTANo!

!Pause."

VOICEOh, come on.

DUHSHANTANo, that’s it. This dog has Shakuntala’s scent in its nose.

VOICEShe’s in here, okay?

DUHSHANTAReally? No foolin’?

VOICEScout’s honor.

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DUHSHANTA!To VYASA THE DOG."

Sorry boy.

VYASA THE DOGRuff.

!DUHSHANTA climbs the ladder.

Blackout.

Light returns. DUHSHANTA emerges through a trap doorinto the living room. SHAKUNTALA sits knitting in arocker. VYASA THE DOG curls up by the fireplace.DUHSHANTA, bewildered, sits in a recliner and picks up anewspaper. He looks around. He reads the paper.

Doorbell rings. DUHSHANTA gets up and opens it.ADAM and EVE stand there with fig leaves in appropriateplaces and a basket of flowers and toiletries."

ADAM AND EVEHi! Welcome to the neighborhood!

ADAMI’m Adam. I suppose you know my wife, Eve. Not in the Biblical sense, of course.

!ADAM and EVE laugh."

EVEWe’re so glad to meet you. We brought these for you. Just a little something.

!DUHSHANTA takes the basket."

SHAKUNTALAThank you for coming by. Do come in.

!DUHSHANTA takes the basket. ADAM and EVE stepin."

EVEOh, this is lovely. I love what you’ve done with the drapes.

SHAKUNTALAHave a seat. Can I get you anything? I have a bowl of cookie dough in the fridge.

EVEOh, that’d be wonderful. I’ll take a smidgeon.

ADAMDo you have any cheese?

SHAKUNTALAI’ll just check.

!SHAKUNTALA goes out."

ADAMSo, Duhshanta. Like the neighborhood?

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!Pause."

EVEWe just love it here. It’s very quiet. The lake is only a hop skip and a jump away. And there are fireflies inthe summer.

!Pause."

ADAMListen. Duhshanta. Don’t worry about the Pole. Everything’s taken care of.

DUHSHANTAThe Pole?

ADAMThat was good work down there. You almost stripped the cap clean.

DUHSHANTAYes. But.

ADAMDo you know how desperate menDescended on the South at your behest?How torn, how ripped from occupationWere the sighing masses on your ice?

DUHSHANTAWell, I have some idea.

ADAMDo you know how bowed the nations bentIn absence of their average frame?UN ministers are flummoxed, man!I know. I rent out the space.

!SHAKUNTALA returns with cookie dough, cheese, andgreen KoolAide."

SHAKUNTALAHere I am. Hope my husband hasn’t talked your ears off.

DUHSHANTAI’m confused. May I have some cheese?

SHAKUNTALAWhy of course. Help yourself.

!DUHSHANTA takes cheese."

EVEDid you recover this couch?

SHAKUNTALAYes, I did. How did you know?

DUHSHANTA!Leaping."

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No, no, no! I’m king of the world!

SHAKUNTALAYes, we know, dear. Sit down and eat your cheese.

ADAMJust sit back a moment, Duhshanta, and I’ll explain everything.

Antarctica symbolizes the millenial vision of mankind’s return to a golden age.

It also symbolizes the celestial orb of Mormonism.

The Ranger symbolizes Gandhian politics, and his death symbolizes the world’s inevitable return to divine"right monarchy.

The penguin symbolizes an antelope, which, in some tribal mythologies, is a symbol of penguins.

Scurvy symbolizes millenial angst, and the exhaustion of humanity. It also symbolizes the declining orincreasing threat of nuclear armageddon. It also symbolizes the stock market.

The U.N. symbolizes itself, but without the bunny costumes.

The tent stake symbolizes the World Trade Organization, The Peace Corps, NATO, the G8, the IOC, andthe AARP.

Kalidasa symbolizes Ben Johnson.

The Englishman symbolizes the produce aisle at Kohl’s.

And the dog. The dog symbolizes dharma!note the nice aspiration. And what is this dharma? In the crudestof translations one could say that it is doing what is right. But in the least crude of translations one could saythat it is doing what is RIGHT ON! And in the funniest of translations one could say that it is doing what istthhhhhbbbb. And in the commercialest of translations one could say that it is doing it your way.

Now then, Duhshanta forgot his lover because of the curse the Park Ranger put on Shakuntala when shepooped on the ice shelf.

DUHSHANTAIt wasn’t my fault.

ADAMExactly.

SHAKUNTALAAre you saying it was my fault?

EVEEveryone has to poop.

ADAMIt was the poop’s fault, which symbolizes colonialism. When Duhshanta saw the tent spike, he recalledeverything, and, to his credit, set out in search of his lost wife.

SHAKUNTALA

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I wasn’t lost.

ADAMNow that Duhshanta has found the heavenly realm, he has been reunited with Shakuntala, his soul mate, andas joint home"owners they can begin a new life of peace and harmony...

DUHSHANTAAnd ruling the world.

ADAMExactly.

DUHSHANTAWhere’s my son?

ADAMThanks for the cheese. Had a delightful time. Stop by whenever you’re free.

EVEYou must show me what you did with this couch.

ADAMWe’re at the end of the road.

DUHSHANTAWhich symbolizes time.

ADAMYou are fast, Duhshanta. Quick as a flash.

DUHSHANTAWhere’s my son?

ADAMGot a big day ahead of us tomorrow. Awfully nice meeting you.

!ADAM and EVE go out. DUHSHANTA stands still,looking about."

SHAKUNTALAThey’re very nice. I wonder if they’re vegetarian.

!DUHSHANTA eats cheese. Looks. Sits. Reads paper.

A child’s ball bounces in and rolls. DUHSHANTA looks up.KRISHNA enters. He wears a pair of baby#blue lederhosen,a ruffly white shirt, and a wide#brimmed, blue hat with apuffy white feather.

KRISHNA chases the ball. DUHSHANTA watches him.KRISHNA snatches up the ball, tosses it in the air with agiggle, misses it on the way down. Laughs. Grabs it andthrows it in the air again. DUHSHANTA watches.

Flower petals fall in abundance.

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KRISHNA plays with the ball. SHAKUNTALA knits.DUHSHANTA watches."

THE END

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